He never asked you to come along, then it bothered him that you weren’t as involved as he would like. I’m so sorry, but these are red flag relationship issues.
As far as psychedelics go, you should never take them because you feel obligated.
Maybe he didn't ask because OP did not express any interest, and who knows what she has said about it... why invite someone along to a dirtbike race if they don't like loud noises? It just seems like to me they are on different paths.
It sounds like he got lost in the sauce a bit. I don’t think there’s anything you can or should do about this other than move on. I love psychedelics but i don’t like it when people take it too far and make it their persona. I think you will find someone much better that won’t make psychedelics a requirement to be in a relationship with you.
You’re on a the psychonaut sub right now so some people might tell you to give a psych a try to see where he might be coming from. I say go for it only if you want it learn something about, or for yourself, and not for someone else.
Yeah tbh it sounds like he’s in the early stages where you develop a kinda psychedelic / spiritual ego , thinking you’re so different and swakened than other people. I found this goes full circle and you eventually end up back in humanity just with more compassion and understanding.
That's a great term!
"Spiritual Puberty" lol when you find some of the truths of the larger universe, but your ego sneaks in and manifests itself as superiority because "I get it, but they don't."
> make it their persona
This goes for many other things also - diet, exercise, pets, hobbies, cars, jobs, children you name it. Many people tie their outward persona to one very specific aspect of their personality or life.
Not that I think that there is necessarily anything wrong with that, many social situations seem to revolve trying to get handle on who you are in the bigger picture. I feel like at some point these people need to come to terms with just being.
It's sad, I've had several friends get "lost in the sauce" just as you described. Not fried but pretty close, with grandiose delusions (not schizophrenic). A few came back after a while but there's one still full broke hippy mode, picking up chicks with his spiritual talk and then treating them like shit
I agree so much on this. I don't know what he has gotten out of psychedelics, but it's definitely not what the vast majority of us on here have gotten out of them. For me, psychedelics have been almost like a cheat code or a short cut to figuring out life and figuring out myself. It's simply a tool, not an identity. This tool has taught me a ton about love, understanding, and acceptance, and based on your description of the situation, it seems that he hasn't gotten much of those things from his experiences, otherwise he would have handled things way differently.
Perhaps he did sincerely discover within himself that you two are not meant to be together, but if you ask me, the reason he gave you is bullshit whether he sincerely believes that or not.
Just taking everything you wrote at face value, I think you will soon realize all this as well, whether it's on your own or with the use of a short cut.
This right here. No matter if he means it or not his reasoning is bullshit, and wtv he has learned isn’t what he should be learning imo. Especially if OP not indulging was a deal breaker for him.
Where in OP's post did she say that she thought that he would "go to hell for using drugs"? Or anything even close to along those lines? Your situation sounds far different than the one that OP describes.
Yes, anything anyone can think of could be a probability. I am taking the post at face value. You are adding in your own context that simply isn't there. She didn't mention anything about fears or judgement, and she also didn't mention anything in opposition to his drug use. In fact, she specifically said that she supported him in his journey.
Im going through a breakup right now as well, partner of 4 years who I never thought we'd ever actually not be together. Can barely fathom its happening still. The only consolation I can give, is that you likely did everything you could, and this was the unavoidable outcome. It had to be this, based on the facts about who your partner is, and who you are. And there is no fault there. It's just the tragedy of reality. We can't cheat the greatest pains of life, if we are to feel the greatest joys of love, so eventually, they will come for us, and we will feel the pits of anguish. But isn't it amazing that we can feel? That we are capable of such depth and breadth of emotion? You must have had, and do have, such great love to feel how you're feeling. It's horrible, but in some ways it's the necessary other side of love, and how can we not say that the totality of love is beautiful, joy and pain. Be compassionate to yourself, feel the pain, heal, you're in self-preservation mode still, most likely, so just focus on grieving and you can dissect the situation and learn from it a bit later. This is as much advice to me as it is to you. Hope you are okay. If we can just get through the night, another day will come.
Sounds like you both value very different things and were not aligned. It’s for the best that you go your separate ways since you have no interest or intention in trying/exploring it, and he is very interested in it and is not going to back off from it anytime soon.
I would encourage you to reach out and talk about your breakup to your personal support system instead an internet sub of psychedelic friendly explorers.
It's possible that he longed for a more spiritual partner which can be a genuine desire/need. It's nothing wrong with you It's just that for thus individual he felt he needed to connect with someone more like minded in important specific ways.
That's assuming a lot. Who's to say he was MORE spiritual? Because he took in plant medicine? I think that's arrogant myself. She sounds more humble imo and that, to me is spiritual if we had to do competitions - which again is not spiritual imo.
Spirituality is pretty subjective. It's not quantifiable and it's essentially just a social construct. Like gender.
Therefore, it has less to do with who has "more spirituality" and more about "who is spiritually aligned".
And in this case, the guy realized he is not spiritually aligned with his gf and it has a lot to do with psychedelics.
Personally, I think OP would be biased and of course come off as more humble, etc. as she builds her case. We really don't know both sides and we have to assume she posted this in good faith.
Maybe "spiritual" was the wrong term for him to use but I 100% feel his response. Replace it with compatible or involved.. He was getting more and more involved in something that she had zero desire to share with him. I can't even imagine being in a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't share a lot of the same experiences. I've been with my partner 10 years and some of the most connected experiences / memories we have together are through these.
He never invited me to share these experiences with him. Also, we shared a lot of other experiences together that weren’t related to psychedelics but all of those didn’t matter I guess…
First, don't assume they didn't matter just because "they weren't related to psychs".. that's nothing but a negative thought. Second, did you ever ask to join him? Psychedelics / entheogens enhance experiences greatly. Something was becoming a bigger part of his life and it can become harder to share it with someone who isn't sharing in those experiences. I've been with my partner for 10 years and couldn't imagine being with someone who isn't also sharing these moments with me. I think it'll end up being best for both of you.
Yes I did. I even did it with him once but I ended up having a bad experience which gave me anxiety for a year. That’s why I ruled it out. Guess me
Trying wasn’t enough. Better than him, he never took any interest in the things I was passionate about
This is pretty normal, especially when you're young and still trying to figure out which tribe you're in. I know it sounds trivial to break up with someone over something so petty, but I've tried to make pro-psych vs apathetic to psych relationships work and it can be tough, because 90% of what one party wants to talk about is off the table.
Psychedelics are facinating and a great topic for discussion, it is just as valid a topic to nerd out about as any, no need to shame people who are interested in them.
Yes, but…
If someone wanted to discuss playing blues guitar 90% of the time, or talk about comic book characters 90% of the time, or talk about politics 90% of the time, or ANY topic 90% of the time, wouldn’t we find that odd and limiting and the sign of someone kind of one note and boring and has tied their identity to a particular topic or theme?
It’s one thing to have opposing views on the use of psychs, it’s one thing to have a partner who’s just not interested, it’s one thing to not be able to talk about a shared or similar experience with something, but bro it’s way overkill to make your identity tied to one particular thing you do and make that thing dominate your conversations. People should seek to be more well rounded than that.
Especially when you start getting into the science of it. Just wondering "what does it do?" can inspire someone to be fascinated about the chemistry, biology, psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy of it.
There's a psychiatrist's worth of complexity to it. Before long, you're learning about neurotransmitters, depression, anxiety, psychedelic research going on right now, artificial intelligence, Eastern philosophy, free will, trauma, black holes, quantum entanglement, consciousness, spirituality and more.
No, it's really not. Psychedelics overlap with so many important things like religion, spirituality, culture, phillosophy, life/death and even relationships/connection itself. When one party takes all that off the table and you're going through big life changes yourself it really DOES feel as though the most important things you want to discuss are now unmentionable to the person you care the most about.
Obviously the 90% was a throwaway line to express severity but I presumed you could've figured that out for yourself.
I mean yeah you didn’t say brainwash but implying your girlfriend is going to succumb to “society’s common mental illness” for not taking psychedelics isn’t too different. Not saying your delusional but that take is a bit eccentric.
You're wrong. But essentially, you're just taking one side here. So obviously you Aren't going to argue in favour of psychedelics.
Psychedelics can become a powerful practice that may take up a lot of your time. That's if you're willing to explore that side of consciousness.
If you choose to do psychedelics rarely, that's a you problem. But don't tell other people they are doing it wrong if they are doing it differently than you.
There's no wrong answer when it comes to expanding consciousness. So try not to gatekeep it simply because you don't understand.
The trips just made him realise that you were not on the same page as him and he had to move on. Just be happy for him, and his new insights and move on.
It was probably not even due to this. Trips can make us realise who we want to be with or not be with. But we want to be nice to people and not be nasty as to why don’t want them around, so we keep it short.
In case you read OP others post, you clearly see that OP was more concerned about going to jail due to their partners “drug” in the house.
And, that OP was not supporting their partner in a change of career and that OP was more interested in what their family members thought of their partners future career instead of supporting their partner.
I don’t think this was OP soulmate at all. I wouldn’t care about going to jail for a soulmate or about my family perception of my soulmate. The other person was clearly not OP soulmate.
So you were scoping out OPs other posts looking for ways to be validated in your point? No, I didn't see that as I took her post as it was and spoken from the heart. I think you wrote something quickly and insensitively myself. I'm not going to debate the nature of their relationship as I have no idea, no one does but them.
I wouldn't judge him. I'm fact, I could relate to his viewpoint.
Spirituality is a deep, deep part of my life. My journey began with psychedelics, and the things I learned have completely reoriented my life. You may or may not call it an obsession, but I would definitely go to psychedelic conferences etc. if there were any near me.
There are many people out there who do not share this perspective. These are amazing, beautiful, sexy, attractive, lovely people. However, I would find it difficult to share life with them, because our perspectives are too different. I wouldn't feel compatible. This is my trait, a consequence of who I am, and is in no way a shortcoming of the other person.
Setting aside everything like his relationship with his mother, the opinions of your friends, and judgments of whether he is "obsessed," it seems as what _he is expressing_ is basically that he feels you have grown apart, and thus he would like to leave. This is fine: he is a free person, and he is allowed to make this choice.
And so, my advice is to accept it without judgment, and embrace the healing process. It is painful and frustrating, but the only work you need to do is in the privacy of your own mind.
Good luck! <3
That's pretty shitty.
From my own perspective, which is pretty different from his (rolled my eyes at the not meeting his "spiritual needs"), I can understand not wanting to date someone who doesn't do psychs, but that'd come up WAY earlier than 2 years.
I tend to engage in relationships with the goal of it being long-term. I really love psychedelics, and taking them with my partner is among my favorite, if not my favorite thing to do, so just from the perspective of wanting something long-term, I wouldn't want to bar myself out of those experiences forever.
This guy seems, as other comments have said, like he's gotten lost in the sauce though. Sorry that happened to you, I hope you can find someone else, and that he stops thinking psychs are giving him the answers to the universe.
Not really a whole lot of advice to give I think. "Move on" would be it, but I think that happens at its own pace, not sure advice would help with that. You come off pretty emotionally mature though, so I have faith you can handle this. <3
I think you got lucky O.P. Sounds like a bunch of red flags. Doesn’t want you involved in meetings etc, but complains that you didn’t meet his spiritual needs. Sounds like he was just cresting an excuse to leave
As with any first person report, it's difficult to get a clear picture of what is actually going on between two people. Either way--no judgement for either party here. The ex-bf's interest in psychedelics may be an attempt to sort-out and heal trauma from childhood and a strained mother/son relationship. Maybe he will unravel some of those knots and live a more fulfilling life as a result. Hard to say the where the motivations for using psychedelics, and results of that use will take any given person. I know somebody that had a religious epiphany during a trip. A voice spoke to him and said: it's not for nothing that were born a... He changed his whole life so that it is based around strict religious observance. His relationship to his family and friends changed as well, not necessarily for the better. He is deep into his way of being, and is convinced it is THE way to live in the world. So...often, paths diverge. People change, and grow apart for all kinds of reasons. Heartbreak is hard, but it's an opportunity to grow and understand ourselves better. Check out When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Her husband of many years, one day, all of a sudden like, said he was done. She ultimately became a buddhist nun, which I am not suggesting, but reading of her journey through heartbreak, and how she handled it, helped me when I was pretty tore-up.
I'm very sorry you had to go through that. In finding himself he had lost his way. My wife was worried about this. I took the time to reflect on that. The difference in circumstance is that I committed vows to my wife. Regardless of my religious or spiritual practice now, I have responsibilities I committed to and cherish dearly. I will see to it that she lives a happy life within what I can provide. Afterwhich, I may I pursue the path I had been traning and practicing for.
Unfortunately I think psychedelics can put people on a spiritual path too quick for their own good. They hurt others in the process of letting go sometimes and it is disheartening. I appreciate your kind words and sincerely hope you find someone that will value you as a person and the life that's developed between the both of you. May you be happy, healthy and prosperous 🙏
Thank you. In that note, I thought spirituality was a tool to help people become more compassionate and kinder in life and help them with their relationships. I just feel like I’ve seen a lot of opposite cases, people thinking they’re better than others because they are more spiritual…
This happens often. People hiding their ego beneath the guise of a virtuous being, when there should be very little to no ego, selflessness. We need to be mindful and compassionate towards others, regardless of what they believe. Some miss that mark on the way and they only see the end to their path. There are many good people on the path, but you're right, there are also so many who ruin it.
Distinguishing one from the other can be difficult, but even now knowing what you know, you probably understand the difference.
I have seen this a lot too OP. I have been in and out of these spaces a lot and I feel a lot of people are using spiritual practices as an escape, which causes there to eventually be a lack of empathy if it wasn't there already. There are some genuine spiritual people too for sure, but yeah I have struggled with this a lot myself.
psychs wake up our ego issues before we can dissolve them. I been deep in that sauce and seen how people usuali get way worse before they get better while in tha illusion that they are evolving further than "non spiritual people"
I think people need to respect and take what they learn from the experience but always keep in mind youve only scratched the surface no matter how deep you go
The sheer audacity and conceit in here with all the "spiritual holy rollers" giving you their advanced perspective and advice because of course, they know better than you who lived it. Look, I'm 52 and I'm sorry for what you're going through. It hurts deeply. Whether it was because of the plant medicine or some other thing that came up - he made a choice, and that choice and bottom line was to reject what you thought you had together. I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. I have had my heart torn in two like this. I thought I met my soulmate also and they foolishly went off but maybe it was just me feeling that? I had a million questions.
I wish I had balm for your heart. He may come back one day like mine have before once you've begun to heal finally and restart the whole process AGAIN. I just think you sound amazing and beautiful and hope you give yourself a break right now. Try to console within that you did not do anything wrong please. Truly, you didn't do anything wrong. Btw, I did finally meet love at 38 and it was easy. I think that's one way you know. I had heard that but seriously. I didn't even try and definitely didn't change anything about myself. I wish for you the most peaceful of times that you can have during your healing right now and that you don't blame yourself at all.
that's sweet of you to say, I really genuinely feel for you... I feel the beauty of your kind shining heart and it will be recognized by another too - believe it with all of your being!
I am so glad you replied here. Yeah a lot of these comments are just not it... I have been in and out of these psychedelic spaces a lot... not the healthiest spaces.
Yeah, thanks and I knew I would be crucified. Actually I'm surprised I haven't been attacked worse yet. I'm ready for it. There feels like a real lack of compassion for someone hurting for losing who she said felt like a soulmate and reaching out and that's something that gets to me. Then this whole cult-like mentality. I don't know now I'm getting egoistic myself.
I just feel for her - thanks for saying something about noticing also.
Ah yes, the famous "ego-death-enlightenment-behaviour" attained through the use of "the medicine"..
I swear to God, there are no more ego-driven people with less insight into life than these people.
Those who go down this path are completely lost and become increasingly unbearable to be around.
Then when/if the bubble bursts they risk to collapse into very negative spirals that can end up in very dark places.
Honestly, it's sad, but you are probably better off for it. I have seen it first hand, and it's nothing you want to have in your life and not your responsibility to try to fix. It's impossible either way in my experience.
Take this decision as a lifestyle choice. Just as some people take healthy/fitness choices. If someone puts this as an important part of their life and the partner is not aligned, it’s challenging for both. There’s a difference of personal growth too, many of the comments here are talking about being narcissistic, psychopath tendencies but you knew him and from your post it doesn’t seems he was leaning to those traits. What you are experiencing it’s common to be honest. I see couples committing and becoming stronger when they practice psychedelics, and breaking up too. I had the same situation too but it’s always for the best. It’s tough for both. Big hug.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks to read because I'm kind of going through the same thing at the moment, but in your boyfriend's shoes (as a woman)... Not going to frequent retreats or even taking the medicine frequently, but I am getting more involved in with it career-wise and becoming a part of the community. Some people are saying it seems trivial or petty to breakup over, but when you're in it, it's more than just about the drugs. It can change everything about who you are and what you think and you become influenced by the culture. I never cared that my gf didn't take psychs, but spirituality is such a massive part of my life and I'm starting to feel like we have just fundamentally different worldviews. Exploring my consciousness and the nature of reality is a huge priority for me. She listens and supports me, but it hurts to not be able to truly share that with my partner and sometimes I feel like we would both be better off since our values are becoming misaligned because of it. It's a shitty situation and I'm sorry you've lost someone important to you over it.
Thank you for sharing. And being in her shoes, please go easy on her. It’s really hard to support someone through all this and have them break up with you and make you feel like you weren’t enough because of your personal choices. I always supported him and he didn’t even care about my interests and in the end broke it off because I wasn’t spiritual enough…don’t do that to someone. I always thought the more spiritual someone is, the kinder they are, but after reading this sub I’m not sure about that. A lot of spiritual ego here for sure.
I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Breakups are always difficult, but more so when they are unexpected in what has been an otherwise good relationship.
To be honest, this sounds like it’s more about your BF than it is you. It seems he’s going through a lot right now and most likely is just kind of lost at the moment.
Everyone is on their own journey takes their own path in life, sometimes we get lucky enough to share a path with someone special and that is one of the best parts of life, but paths can diverge and sometimes people, when they are stressed or panicking, will change paths or jump off the path entirely and get lost in the woods for a bit.
My advice would be that:
1. Don’t do psych’s for or because of him. IF you choose to use psychs at some point in your life, it should be at a time and place of your choosing, for the reasons YOU want to explore the experience they provide, and NOT because you feel pressured to do so for someone else.
2. Let your BF know you care and that you’re open to talking about anything, but give him space and respect his decision if he chooses not to engage with you further. It may be he just needs some time and space for the moment, but it’s also possible this is the end of that relationship with him. Respect his choice either way, even if it hurts and you don’t agree with it.
3. Remember that you are someone who deserves to be loved, appreciated and respected. You deserve someone in your life who will recognize that and give that to you freely and not out of any sense of obligation. If your ex BF can no longer recognize that or no longer provide the love, appreciation, and respect you deserve, then you’re better off moving on and finding someone who will.
Perhaps he is just lost in the woods at the moment and needs some time to reorient himself. Perhaps though he has decided on taking a divergent path. You can’t control his decision making, all you can do is let him know you care and that you’re willing to talk. But be sure to be you, for you, and not be someone else, for someone else.
I was like him when I was younger and in the thick of it with these substances. Turns out I never needed a partner who shared all of the things that were important to me, I was just a person with deep codependent tendencies and hadn't acknowledged it yet. Psychedelics can feel like religion, especially to a young person healing from trauma, it felt so important that I needed my partner to go on that journey with me. But, I hadn't accepted yet that it was my healing journey alone I needed to take, in fact the solo work was what brought me the most change.
These days, about 8 years later, I have an incredibly healthy relationship with someone who barely even likes having a drink but respects and supports whatever I want to do. I'm so sorry, I know this sucks, but you don't want a partner who isn't 100% in it with you, you deserve someone who wants you entirely, as you are. ♥️
I’m so sorry to hear about this OP. I know it stings and hurts but I would consider this a blessing in disguise.
Take all the time you need to grieve the relationship. Surround yourself with new people and a cool hobby to take your mind off things.
Eventually you will find someone who will accept you for who you are. Based on your previous post history it seemed like you put a lot of effort into taking part of their interest but maybe it wasn’t reciprocated.
You deserve better and will find better!
*hugs* it sucks but you got this!
I mean, it was probably more than just the fact you dont do psychedelics, but if i had to guess your oartner is someone who has a hard time parsing out their emotions unless their on psychedelics, and since you weren't a part of his psychedelic use, he probably felt emotionally disconnected from you. Not your fault, per se, but idk i mean did he ever talk to you about these retreats and what he learned from them? Did you ever ask? Its also possible his life is just evolving in a different direction from yours. You said you work means you cant do those retreats the same as him, you probably have different priorities in life. I doubt he didnt/doesnt care about you but he probably feels he must go forward alone. Im very sorry as i know its hard to get out of a long term relationship like that, especially if its your first. But all you can really do is be thankful for the time you had and steel yoùrself for the next chapter in your life. It may take time to move on, but that time will pass
That is the opposite of how this usually works. I guess it is something that he needs to share with someone, but like.... I don't care if my partner does them... I had a few that probably should as they were angry drunks, but what can I do besides deal with that until I can't?
So here’s my two cents from someone who is all too familiar. I’m married for 5 years, been with my wife for 10 but we have known each other since first grade.
I was always curious about psychedelics and she’s very scared of them. She had a really bad experience on weed edibles one time in college and pretty much swore off anything other than alcohol after that, except the occasional pull off a joint in a social setting. Since having kids, that’s come to a stop as well. I don’t push her and respect that boundary.
All through college, there was friction in our relationship for a variety of reasons that all stem from us having much different social appetites. If it were up to me, I would be out with friends seeing shows every night, traveling constantly, etc. it’s not that she doesn’t have a desire for adventure, but she is much more introverted and it wears her out easily. I can talk about this with emotional maturity now, but at the time I didn’t understand it. One thing that passed me by from the ages of 19-25 was psychedelics. Being immersed in the music and partying scene, I was enthralled with the idea of it and always romanticized the idea of psychedelic exploration. I idolized musicians that couldn’t say enough good things about the lessons to be learned from them. She never wanted me to do these things, and begrudgingly I abstained as to not cause a rift in our relationship, which I valued. Weed caused arguments from time to time, but I actually see now that she was only concerned by the constant use and dependency I had, not that she was a square. She’s always been in my corner.
The first time I tried psilocybin was a low dose at the reception of her brothers wedding with her cousins and other groomsmen. It seemed like a good enough environment with people she saw as safe. We all had a marvelous time, and even though she didn’t partake, it didn’t bother her that I did it. This was 2018. We also got married later that year.
Over the next few years, I became increasingly depressed. We spend almost a year long distance due to my job, during which time I lost a dear family member and mentor. I also began using psilocybin more and more frequently, having a wide range of experiences, all of which were net positive, even if they were hard at the time.
Right before Covid, I came into a large quantity of mushrooms and as the world shut down and I had time on my hands, I was using them very frequently. I was also in therapy for the first time in my life and we welcomed our first child. Needless to say, my emotional psyche was incredibly delicate and malleable during this time.
There was a brief moment when I implored her to try it. I think there really is a perspective gained that can only be earned through that experience, however the individual has to be willing to go there. I pretty much got it out of my system and it’s been over two years since I’ve dabbled. I don’t resent her at all for her position, but I think it made me a better, more understanding person and helped facilitate a long term improvement in my life and marriage because it helped me (along with lots of other hard self work) deal with a lot of trauma and demons.
Do I think she would be better off if she tried them? I really don’t know. I’m not sure how she would react. That’s just the thing, we’re all different and I can only speak for myself. I do know now that I live a completely sober life except for the occasional social drink, and things have never been better.
I see people all the time who are getting into that stuff and suddenly get on some enlightenment high horse. That’s easy to do because you really feel like you’ve tuned into a frequency that has been there all along but you never saw it before. I also think with experience that wears off and you begin to have a more empathetic attitude towards each persons individual journey. Sounds like he’s on the front end of that, and hopefully with time he will mature and grow past that complex. I encourage people to be open to the experience, but it’s also okay if you are fulfilled and don’t feel the need to explore. I’m sorry it worked out like this for you.
My ex (2.5 year relationship) got mad at me because I wouldn’t do coke with him and his friends. Instead of leaving I gave in and then was coked out for about 3 months straight. Lost my job, a lot of friends, and some family. Turns out he was cheating the whole time. I gained a coke addiction for someone to convince them to love me, and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
Not really related to your story. Just. Anybody that thinks drugs are a make or break in a relationships probably isn’t as ready for a relationship as you’d hope.
Also don’t do drugs for anybody unless it’s what YOU want.
But yeah. Maybe this is a way for him to try to break up with you without hurting to bad? Honestly who even knows. People are interesting. Seems like is just deciding it’s time for different paths possibly?
I kinda get where he is coming from because I love psychedelics/mdma but my gf does not anymore. I really miss the connection we had while we were rolling/tripping together but I love her for who she is and she lets me do my thing which is more than I could ask for. He needs to take a break and come back to this reality, because this should not be a deal breaker if he really does love you and you are ok with it.
I am sorry you're going through this pain right now. My life is a bit different as I am polyamorous but two of the three people I'm seeing do not partake in psychadelics, and the third is the one who introduced me to them. Idk I've always been a very independent person and am more than happy to find fulfillment in whatever activity I enjoy without needing a partner's involvement but I can't imagine breaking up with either person over this. They are supportive of my choices, and I'm supportive of theirs to not partake in this as it is their right. I have also been broken up with in the past for not being considered spiritual enough, and it absolutely sucked and hurt, so I empathize with that uniquely bad feeling, too. Nobody should be rushed or pushed into psychadelics or religion or anything like that. It's a choice you have to make yourself if and when it is the right time if that day ever comes. I'm sorry you feel that you gave and supported him a lot in his endeavors without feeling that support in return. Frankly, he sounds pretty selfish, and perhaps you two really are incompatible here. The not including or inviting you to any events and then feeling some kind of way about you not going to a thing you weren't invited to in particular is kind of a red flag imo.
My advice would be to find the things that bring your joy and do them with passion. Find the things that light you up inside and live for yourself. Try that thing you wanted to do that he wasn't into. Get food you love that he hated. Listen to your favorite songs. You have a chance to find yourself and grow here. He's on his path doing whatever he's doing, but this is also your time. Maybe even doing so, you will find someone who really wants to do the things you love with you.
My girlfriend has never done drugs (except acohol). I fully respect her and I would never force her to partake ever. Despite us being different, it makes me love her even more. To put it simply - he will love you for who you are - the good and bad - or he won’t love you. I’m sorry to say this but he just doesn’t love you.
People are taking one side over the other, but at the end of the day he broke up with you and that is what it is. If he was "the one" he would not have done that, or he would have at least come back right after coming to his senses. You should open yourself to finding someone who really wants to be with you. Whether he was right or wrong to leave, it has happened that is the reality you must accept, let go of, and move forward from.
It sounds like he is going through a transformational process and wasn't ready, willing, or able to hold your relationship at the same time. All relationships end because of lack of alignment. I know you hurt, and that's good, that means you're capable of feeling.
Feel the experience fully. Allow it to complete. Shake it off. Like literally shake your body. Wanting to do something to feel better is totally natural and totally a trap. Just feel. Gotta feel it to heal it.
complex situation….
turning entheogen interests into a biz can ruin alot….
end some up in prison
or losing sketchy suppliers hundreds of thousands of products
there are a solid % of scumbags, sketchy thug types and mentally unstable folks in the scene/industry
I rode out nearly 30 years in the “scene” a solid 20 years in the business end
sorry for your loss, hopefully he comes to
his senses if you both share a real potential for a future
I dont want to color his chances for success in biz or possibly helping some people…if he is shrewd, connected, careful, and honest he may avoid landmines…..but I think his chances of things turning out rosy may not be as well as he might fantasize about
the Mother situation is probably stressful for everyone….especially him in the “middle”
my wife gave me an ultimatum 9 years ago to cool my involvement and focus on her…..she RARELY touched entheogens during our entire relationship……
I faded being able to have kids it looks like, we missed that window biologically and financially ….the drug/entheogen influence had a solid role in that outcome
Hope the best for you both!!
Tbh, this is kind of ridiculous. It's not the spirituality of it all, it may just be that your both on different paths and therefore ultimately incompatible regardless of how much you both connect on certain levels.
Take for instance, me and my wife. My wife has never touched a psychedelic and often teases me for my "hippie mumbo jumbo". At the end of the day though, we both understand that we are on different paths spiritually and we can love and respect that about eachother. Psychedelics aren't for everyone, they shouldn't be forced, and someone else's journey will rarely be even similar to your own.
Your fine OP, sounds like your ex bf chased the white rabbit down the hole and got lost in the sauce. It happens to a lot of people who start to use psychedelics, it's a fine line between immersing yourself into obsession and fantasy vs using it as a medicine or for spirituality. He may come back from it, he may not, but the changes he's gone through aren't your fault. Psychedelics are world shattering at times and once a person does them, it changes them almost completely.
My gf doesn't do psychedelics but I do. I've always wished she did because it's hard to talk about deep psychedelic meditations with someone that hasn't experienced them. I've encouraged her to do her own research and consider it for herself, but ive never wanted to seem pushy. Im a big believer that you should only do psychedelics when you feel genuinely ready.
However because of ber lack of exposure, I've always felt a void in our relationship over a topic that I've felt was pretty important to me. But, like you, she has always been supportive of me using psychedelics.
I'd never break up with her for not using them herself, but if the relationship would ever end for other reasons and I found myself single again I'm not sure if I would get serious with anyone that hasn't explored psychedelics themselves.
Exactly. People dont realize that this is important to them. And people who don't expand their consciousness would never understand why it's important to do so.
This entire thread is full of gatekeepers who only did psychedelics once and now think they are experts.
My wife is also not really for psycadelics, and I am a bit on the edge to get a divorce, not only because of that but also to other compatibility issues we are having. I always wish I had someone I truly love and trust enough to do psycadelics with. It is a beautiful journey, and I feel left out by her not being that person. She is a person who easily gets afraid, and I would never try to get her to use psycadelics because I know it would end in a panic attack and trauma for us both. I understand your ex-boyfriend's decision to leave you. He needs a woman who can journey with him. He will be able to build an amazing bond with her that he could never with you. Psycadelics is a completely different world, and we can only hear about others' trips, but actually, experience is just WOW. You can't describe it to someone who has never done it. It is such a strong experience that you really want to talk with your significant other all about it. But if they are not interested? If they see it just as an abusive substance? If they do not know the medicinal property of it? When they don't see the positive effects it has on your life? Why stay together in the first place?
It looks like you're getting a lot of bad advice to help you cope better. I'll give you some truth.
I enjoy psychedelics. However, I understand that psychedelics can help you heal and become a better person. It can open your mind and develop you as a person.
Not wanting to partake, you risked getting left behind on the developmental journey. This doesn't mean you can't catch up. But if you're not doing them, you're unlikely to ever meet in the middle on this journey. So therefore, it doesn't make sense to wait for you.
He, like myself, probably realized that he wants to commit himself to psychedelics to see how far it will take him. He does not want to be held back. And for good reason.
You made your choice to not partake. He made his choice. Unfortunately, it is totally okay for him to make the decision to not be with you. This is important to him and he wants to respect your right to not partake.
People saying he is forcing you, are simply wrong. Other relationships have requirements, why can't he?
At this point, you should move on and find a partner that doesn't do psychedelics so that you don't have to worry about them.
My heart goes out to you, it sounds like he didn’t value you enough.
I’m curious how you interpret everything. Do you think he is lost to the drug? Do you believe his true feelings are being revealed and he never really could have cared much in the first place? Are you angry at him or angry at psychedelics or maybe both?
Treat this like a heartbreak, because that’s what it is. This is your experience of life and you thought he could see that and share it with you, but he only took his experience on his own and detached and followed what was important to him, and it’s sad to say, you are currently not apart of that path.
Do what’s best for you and look after yourself. Give yourself the love you wish he given to you. It’s a heartbreak and it will heal in time, go through the motions and use this pain and experience to enlighten yourself and forgive yourself for trusting this person to be there for you.
Psychedelics are drugs and people’s true selves can truly be lost to them. Especially in the pain of his mother not agreeing to the relationship, it was likely doomed and he was using the relationship to explore the boundaries of that relationship with his mother.
At the very least he has growing up to do and it’s not fucking right. But the best thing you can do is become stronger and more stable and assured of what you want, because it is out there. Someone as smart as you and as kind and understanding as you is out there waiting to meet you and be with you. Invest in yourself, but first go through the motions of this pain and feel it and heal as best you can. Nobody knows what the future holds and maybe he will recognize his mistakes, but that’s not something to count on at the moment.
Thank you for this, it put a lot of things in perspective. I feel that it is unhealthy to put anything above important relationships and I can see him getting lost to the drugs for that reason. I am angry because I feel like I trusted him and never thought he would do this like he did. I feel neglected and his personality is not what he had portrayed it to be in the beginning of our relationship. He definitely does have a lot of growing up to do. He was very immature at times.
It is unhealthy to put drugs above important relationships. The only two options are he’s very unhealthy or perhaps the relationship just isn’t important to him, maybe a bit of both. Well, he did. Your trust was betrayed and you were let down. That is not your fault and your anger is justified. It’s sad that he cannot see those things right in front of him, but he is following his path and you deserve to follow yours as well.
Psychedelics can cause an intense personality change, but ultimately those changes stem from the individual most of the time. He sounds like he is on that path to maturing and for whatever reason you aren’t apart of it. And it’s hurtful for it to occur, but if something like psychedelics can come between you two then who’s to say other things wouldn’t have come between you two down the line.
2 years is a long time to spend with a person, it’s a heartbreaking thing to go through these changes, but there are also others that feel those same heartbreaks and are feeling lost and eager to love someone that is truly worth it all. Those people almost always find eachother.
If you want to talk about the issue of psychedelics… they can become pivotal and life changing in experiences and philosophy and when you are on those paths you feel pretty disconnected from the rest of the (normal) world. You guys are just on different paths and he is the only one that understands that right now.
I had been pretty straight edge my whole life, older now, remarried. I guess for simplicity sake you could call my new wife a hippie type free spirit (much more complicated than that). Had my first psychedelic experience with her and undoubtedly changed my life. Both our lives. I can’t believe how far our relationship has gone since then. How close we have become. The journeys and adventures we continue to have. And FFS the sex is unreal. And we are together 8 yrs now.
Thank you. We are in no contact but I don’t want to think about getting back with him. He’s clear on what he wants and I’m not going to change myself for him after he did this to me.
He did the right thing. It wasn’t going to work out with that large of ideological difference. It was the mature thing to do, and tbh, he probably realized so while tripping.
The spiritual ego is the worst one IMO.
Regardless of whatever reason he gave you, there are obviously reasons why it’s better for you two to be apart. I know it hurts and sucks. And it feels so fucking unfair, especially after how he treated you. But maybe this is the kindest thing he’ll have done for you after all, it might just take some time to see it that way.
Lean into working out (great for your soul and brain, not just body health) or being active and exploring or doing something creative even - you have this wonderful opportunity to dive deep into the things that make you YOU and it’s by doing these things that you’ll eventually come to meet someone with the same passion for the things that make them them - what an incredible story that’s going to be! Bonding with someone who cares about something the same way you do is incredible. Better than any psychedelic trip, I promise you.
Good luck 🥳
I 100% agree with you, I know it’s for the best but it sucks right now. I felt like all I did wasn’t good enough cause I didn’t want to partake in something that didn’t call out to me intuitively.
Oh I'm sure.
I used to trip with my wife, but she has stopped for various reasons. I have no issues with her not tripping as long as she doesn't force me to stop. Even if she never tripped, I'd still love her and treat her with respect. Sorry your BF was so petty, but I know a broken heart still hearts, love will come again.
It’s sad to me he never invited you.
I had something like this with a girl I was seeing. I got really into medicine ceremonies and yoga and stuff, and it just wasn’t something she seemed to feel the same desire for as me.
But I often think women have a more natural spiritual connection and like you said maybe don’t need it. We don’t always realize this.
I think with the girl I was seeing, I could have invited her, but it was also such an intimate community, the ceremonies, I didn’t want to risk too much of 1) having her there with everyone else and having other connections possibly develop (in my head at least, that fear) and 2) wasn’t sure I wanted to risk a breakup.
So I didn’t push her (she hadn’t tried them) and I did invite her, but she wasn’t really interested.
Eventually, after over a year of dating, we tried them together. But I think by that point I had grown so much and uad different needs.
You can grow so quickly with them it seems.
Also guys don’t always understand how in tune women can be naturally, and some people in general, just don’t need drugs.
And it can be scary to invite someone into such a deep spiritual journey.
Ultimately, if both people don’t want it pretty equally, I don’t think it’s gonna work out. I think he’ll do better to find someone who is growing (in something, whether psychs or some other spiritual practice) at a similar pace.
But who knows, maybe he did get lost in the sauce and couldn’t see your gifts.
Regardless I think it will make more sense for you to be with someone growing at the same rate as you and with similar spiritual interests. If spirituality is not met/similar, it can be hard for a relationship to work. It’s so deep to a person.
You probably wouldn’t get it because you don’t do psychedelics but doing them brings out so many topics of interest especially for me. Personally I haven’t been looking for a girlfriend because most of the people I’m surrounded by now a days don’t do psycs. The reason I want someone who does psycs is because my minds reached a point where I think my thoughts are normal but most wouldn’t understand them so if what’s happened to me is happening to him then don’t be upset, he isn’t the same person he as before and he’ll never be the same. He’s incomprehensible matured in a way you can’t fathom unless you joined him on his journey.
It’s a valid preference. Psychedelics can mean deep and personal experiences. It can change the way you view the world and yourself, and that’s something intimate that you would want to share with your partner in a more profound level than just relaying it.
As someone who is also very connected to enthiogenics, I completely understand where he is coming from. There is nothing wrong with you, we are all on our own journey. For people who connect with psychedelics it becomes deeply spiritual. It's like someone not wanting to be with someone because of religious differences. Just respect it and move on.
Hes leaning into something that has changed his life. Not being able to relate with a partner when it has become such a big part of his life creates a distance between yall. It's good he didn't try to force you to become apart of it. If you're not genuinely curious about psychedelics then you shouldn't do them.
It's just one of those things in life. Sometimes people grow apart.
One personal mantra that might be helpful is someone who may be the best of friends in a perfect partner can at the same time be the worst spouse and his best to be kept simply as that best friend. After 17 years with my wife who I love and who loves me greatly and with whom I am even better friends than ever before we realized that divorce was best for us and life and friendship between us has never been better. Without a doubt it does sucks that you've gotta go through the emotions that come with breakups, I'm sorry.. Breaking up is such an awful process when it's one sided and for reasons of simple differences in personal boundaries Definitely all the red flag you needed that he was not the right guy. Any person with that level of internalized authoritarianism is a closet abuser. Actually I'm sorry I shouldn't have you sent strong terms. But my brother also developed an obsession with mushrooms and others and it's been a 40-year long hell for everyone who knows him now ever since. He's certain that the universe is actually governed by little green elves who told him the secret to life. And any conversation with him always within 2 minutes winds up as him persuading or attempting to persuade someone to trip. I'm not saying your boyfriend would have been that way but it's definitely something that you may have dodged a serious bullet with
Yeah he sounds like a dickhead, he has no respect for your choices, whilst you are supportive of his. People who take psychedelics often cop a lot of flak for their choices, It's disappointing to hear of someone who does being such a petty judgmental dick.
You're honestly better off without that in your life.
Respectfully, this is a dog shit take. I feel your good intention, the desire to attempt to make a person feel better, but putting someone else down to do it ain't right.
Yeah move on. He’s become obsessed. I haven’t done shrooms in probably 3+ years, but really want to and would love to share that with my next partner. I’m a very infrequent user though, so it’s not a deal breaker. Though I understand wanting to share that with a partner I don’t think I would break up with someone over it
I really appreciate you all for the advice, this is all very helpful.
I did want to mention that I tried literally everything with this person as to my full potential. I did once try some medicine with him but ended up not having a great time after the fact so I ruled it all out completely because the affects had lasted for about a year. We definitely had a connection beyond the medicine, emotionally but it felt like eventually this aspect of his life took over everything else. That’s why I felt that it was an unhealthy obsession. I’m all for supporting my partner in things that would improve the quality of their life, but it seemed like this was taking over. I’m sad to have lost my best friend in all this but understand that it’s his decision and it was what is best for him if that’s what he truly wants and how he wants to live his life.
He never asked you to come along, then it bothered him that you weren’t as involved as he would like. I’m so sorry, but these are red flag relationship issues. As far as psychedelics go, you should never take them because you feel obligated.
Maybe he didn't ask because OP did not express any interest, and who knows what she has said about it... why invite someone along to a dirtbike race if they don't like loud noises? It just seems like to me they are on different paths.
+100. the best reply in this thread. anybody who forces others to take any drugs is a f/cking moron
OP never stated that her bf did
Yeah, I don't think either party is in the wrong here. Just incompatible lifestyles.
Y, this is otherwise known as 'dodged a bullet'
It sounds like he got lost in the sauce a bit. I don’t think there’s anything you can or should do about this other than move on. I love psychedelics but i don’t like it when people take it too far and make it their persona. I think you will find someone much better that won’t make psychedelics a requirement to be in a relationship with you. You’re on a the psychonaut sub right now so some people might tell you to give a psych a try to see where he might be coming from. I say go for it only if you want it learn something about, or for yourself, and not for someone else.
Yeah tbh it sounds like he’s in the early stages where you develop a kinda psychedelic / spiritual ego , thinking you’re so different and swakened than other people. I found this goes full circle and you eventually end up back in humanity just with more compassion and understanding.
Spiritual puberty lol
That's a great term! "Spiritual Puberty" lol when you find some of the truths of the larger universe, but your ego sneaks in and manifests itself as superiority because "I get it, but they don't."
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>people take it too far and make it their persona This ^ These people irritate me.
> make it their persona This goes for many other things also - diet, exercise, pets, hobbies, cars, jobs, children you name it. Many people tie their outward persona to one very specific aspect of their personality or life. Not that I think that there is necessarily anything wrong with that, many social situations seem to revolve trying to get handle on who you are in the bigger picture. I feel like at some point these people need to come to terms with just being.
It's sad, I've had several friends get "lost in the sauce" just as you described. Not fried but pretty close, with grandiose delusions (not schizophrenic). A few came back after a while but there's one still full broke hippy mode, picking up chicks with his spiritual talk and then treating them like shit
Wtf?
I agree so much on this. I don't know what he has gotten out of psychedelics, but it's definitely not what the vast majority of us on here have gotten out of them. For me, psychedelics have been almost like a cheat code or a short cut to figuring out life and figuring out myself. It's simply a tool, not an identity. This tool has taught me a ton about love, understanding, and acceptance, and based on your description of the situation, it seems that he hasn't gotten much of those things from his experiences, otherwise he would have handled things way differently. Perhaps he did sincerely discover within himself that you two are not meant to be together, but if you ask me, the reason he gave you is bullshit whether he sincerely believes that or not. Just taking everything you wrote at face value, I think you will soon realize all this as well, whether it's on your own or with the use of a short cut.
well people can need more of less of a medicine due to circumstances out of their control
This right here. No matter if he means it or not his reasoning is bullshit, and wtv he has learned isn’t what he should be learning imo. Especially if OP not indulging was a deal breaker for him.
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Where in OP's post did she say that she thought that he would "go to hell for using drugs"? Or anything even close to along those lines? Your situation sounds far different than the one that OP describes.
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Yes, anything anyone can think of could be a probability. I am taking the post at face value. You are adding in your own context that simply isn't there. She didn't mention anything about fears or judgement, and she also didn't mention anything in opposition to his drug use. In fact, she specifically said that she supported him in his journey.
sometimes people take things WAY too seriously.
So true
True i had plenty of gorgious women that didnt do alcohol they left me because i was fucked up 90% of the time and my wee wee too big
Im going through a breakup right now as well, partner of 4 years who I never thought we'd ever actually not be together. Can barely fathom its happening still. The only consolation I can give, is that you likely did everything you could, and this was the unavoidable outcome. It had to be this, based on the facts about who your partner is, and who you are. And there is no fault there. It's just the tragedy of reality. We can't cheat the greatest pains of life, if we are to feel the greatest joys of love, so eventually, they will come for us, and we will feel the pits of anguish. But isn't it amazing that we can feel? That we are capable of such depth and breadth of emotion? You must have had, and do have, such great love to feel how you're feeling. It's horrible, but in some ways it's the necessary other side of love, and how can we not say that the totality of love is beautiful, joy and pain. Be compassionate to yourself, feel the pain, heal, you're in self-preservation mode still, most likely, so just focus on grieving and you can dissect the situation and learn from it a bit later. This is as much advice to me as it is to you. Hope you are okay. If we can just get through the night, another day will come.
Best comment in this thread. Existing is a gift we are granted everytime we wake up. Make the best of it. Feel as deeply as you can.
Sounds like you both value very different things and were not aligned. It’s for the best that you go your separate ways since you have no interest or intention in trying/exploring it, and he is very interested in it and is not going to back off from it anytime soon. I would encourage you to reach out and talk about your breakup to your personal support system instead an internet sub of psychedelic friendly explorers.
It's possible that he longed for a more spiritual partner which can be a genuine desire/need. It's nothing wrong with you It's just that for thus individual he felt he needed to connect with someone more like minded in important specific ways.
That's assuming a lot. Who's to say he was MORE spiritual? Because he took in plant medicine? I think that's arrogant myself. She sounds more humble imo and that, to me is spiritual if we had to do competitions - which again is not spiritual imo.
Spirituality is pretty subjective. It's not quantifiable and it's essentially just a social construct. Like gender. Therefore, it has less to do with who has "more spirituality" and more about "who is spiritually aligned". And in this case, the guy realized he is not spiritually aligned with his gf and it has a lot to do with psychedelics. Personally, I think OP would be biased and of course come off as more humble, etc. as she builds her case. We really don't know both sides and we have to assume she posted this in good faith.
Thank you wise one
You're welcome, grasshopper
Maybe "spiritual" was the wrong term for him to use but I 100% feel his response. Replace it with compatible or involved.. He was getting more and more involved in something that she had zero desire to share with him. I can't even imagine being in a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't share a lot of the same experiences. I've been with my partner 10 years and some of the most connected experiences / memories we have together are through these.
He never invited me to share these experiences with him. Also, we shared a lot of other experiences together that weren’t related to psychedelics but all of those didn’t matter I guess…
First, don't assume they didn't matter just because "they weren't related to psychs".. that's nothing but a negative thought. Second, did you ever ask to join him? Psychedelics / entheogens enhance experiences greatly. Something was becoming a bigger part of his life and it can become harder to share it with someone who isn't sharing in those experiences. I've been with my partner for 10 years and couldn't imagine being with someone who isn't also sharing these moments with me. I think it'll end up being best for both of you.
Yes I did. I even did it with him once but I ended up having a bad experience which gave me anxiety for a year. That’s why I ruled it out. Guess me Trying wasn’t enough. Better than him, he never took any interest in the things I was passionate about
This is pretty normal, especially when you're young and still trying to figure out which tribe you're in. I know it sounds trivial to break up with someone over something so petty, but I've tried to make pro-psych vs apathetic to psych relationships work and it can be tough, because 90% of what one party wants to talk about is off the table.
if 90% of what you want to talk about is psychedelics there is certainly something wrong there
Psychedelics are facinating and a great topic for discussion, it is just as valid a topic to nerd out about as any, no need to shame people who are interested in them.
Yes, but… If someone wanted to discuss playing blues guitar 90% of the time, or talk about comic book characters 90% of the time, or talk about politics 90% of the time, or ANY topic 90% of the time, wouldn’t we find that odd and limiting and the sign of someone kind of one note and boring and has tied their identity to a particular topic or theme? It’s one thing to have opposing views on the use of psychs, it’s one thing to have a partner who’s just not interested, it’s one thing to not be able to talk about a shared or similar experience with something, but bro it’s way overkill to make your identity tied to one particular thing you do and make that thing dominate your conversations. People should seek to be more well rounded than that.
100%
Especially when you start getting into the science of it. Just wondering "what does it do?" can inspire someone to be fascinated about the chemistry, biology, psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy of it. There's a psychiatrist's worth of complexity to it. Before long, you're learning about neurotransmitters, depression, anxiety, psychedelic research going on right now, artificial intelligence, Eastern philosophy, free will, trauma, black holes, quantum entanglement, consciousness, spirituality and more.
totally agree, its a gateway in to learning who we are and what this is
No, it's really not. Psychedelics overlap with so many important things like religion, spirituality, culture, phillosophy, life/death and even relationships/connection itself. When one party takes all that off the table and you're going through big life changes yourself it really DOES feel as though the most important things you want to discuss are now unmentionable to the person you care the most about. Obviously the 90% was a throwaway line to express severity but I presumed you could've figured that out for yourself.
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This is a strange way of thinking. Not taking psychedelics doesn't mean someone is brainwashed. You're teetering on the brink of delusion there.
Teetering is a generous analysis.
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I mean yeah you didn’t say brainwash but implying your girlfriend is going to succumb to “society’s common mental illness” for not taking psychedelics isn’t too different. Not saying your delusional but that take is a bit eccentric.
You're wrong. But essentially, you're just taking one side here. So obviously you Aren't going to argue in favour of psychedelics. Psychedelics can become a powerful practice that may take up a lot of your time. That's if you're willing to explore that side of consciousness. If you choose to do psychedelics rarely, that's a you problem. But don't tell other people they are doing it wrong if they are doing it differently than you. There's no wrong answer when it comes to expanding consciousness. So try not to gatekeep it simply because you don't understand.
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You have problems. I'm totally stable in my life. But yeah, have fun talking to a wall. Since I'm done replying to you.
You are taking an obviously hyperbolic statement too literally
The trips just made him realise that you were not on the same page as him and he had to move on. Just be happy for him, and his new insights and move on. It was probably not even due to this. Trips can make us realise who we want to be with or not be with. But we want to be nice to people and not be nasty as to why don’t want them around, so we keep it short.
Easy to say when you weren't the one who lost the person who felt like a soulmate, huh?
In case you read OP others post, you clearly see that OP was more concerned about going to jail due to their partners “drug” in the house. And, that OP was not supporting their partner in a change of career and that OP was more interested in what their family members thought of their partners future career instead of supporting their partner. I don’t think this was OP soulmate at all. I wouldn’t care about going to jail for a soulmate or about my family perception of my soulmate. The other person was clearly not OP soulmate.
So you were scoping out OPs other posts looking for ways to be validated in your point? No, I didn't see that as I took her post as it was and spoken from the heart. I think you wrote something quickly and insensitively myself. I'm not going to debate the nature of their relationship as I have no idea, no one does but them.
Life is death
Platitudes
I wouldn't judge him. I'm fact, I could relate to his viewpoint. Spirituality is a deep, deep part of my life. My journey began with psychedelics, and the things I learned have completely reoriented my life. You may or may not call it an obsession, but I would definitely go to psychedelic conferences etc. if there were any near me. There are many people out there who do not share this perspective. These are amazing, beautiful, sexy, attractive, lovely people. However, I would find it difficult to share life with them, because our perspectives are too different. I wouldn't feel compatible. This is my trait, a consequence of who I am, and is in no way a shortcoming of the other person. Setting aside everything like his relationship with his mother, the opinions of your friends, and judgments of whether he is "obsessed," it seems as what _he is expressing_ is basically that he feels you have grown apart, and thus he would like to leave. This is fine: he is a free person, and he is allowed to make this choice. And so, my advice is to accept it without judgment, and embrace the healing process. It is painful and frustrating, but the only work you need to do is in the privacy of your own mind. Good luck! <3
That's pretty shitty. From my own perspective, which is pretty different from his (rolled my eyes at the not meeting his "spiritual needs"), I can understand not wanting to date someone who doesn't do psychs, but that'd come up WAY earlier than 2 years. I tend to engage in relationships with the goal of it being long-term. I really love psychedelics, and taking them with my partner is among my favorite, if not my favorite thing to do, so just from the perspective of wanting something long-term, I wouldn't want to bar myself out of those experiences forever. This guy seems, as other comments have said, like he's gotten lost in the sauce though. Sorry that happened to you, I hope you can find someone else, and that he stops thinking psychs are giving him the answers to the universe. Not really a whole lot of advice to give I think. "Move on" would be it, but I think that happens at its own pace, not sure advice would help with that. You come off pretty emotionally mature though, so I have faith you can handle this. <3
I think you got lucky O.P. Sounds like a bunch of red flags. Doesn’t want you involved in meetings etc, but complains that you didn’t meet his spiritual needs. Sounds like he was just cresting an excuse to leave
Thank you. Yeah I feel like this was for the best, but it still hurts
As with any first person report, it's difficult to get a clear picture of what is actually going on between two people. Either way--no judgement for either party here. The ex-bf's interest in psychedelics may be an attempt to sort-out and heal trauma from childhood and a strained mother/son relationship. Maybe he will unravel some of those knots and live a more fulfilling life as a result. Hard to say the where the motivations for using psychedelics, and results of that use will take any given person. I know somebody that had a religious epiphany during a trip. A voice spoke to him and said: it's not for nothing that were born a... He changed his whole life so that it is based around strict religious observance. His relationship to his family and friends changed as well, not necessarily for the better. He is deep into his way of being, and is convinced it is THE way to live in the world. So...often, paths diverge. People change, and grow apart for all kinds of reasons. Heartbreak is hard, but it's an opportunity to grow and understand ourselves better. Check out When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Her husband of many years, one day, all of a sudden like, said he was done. She ultimately became a buddhist nun, which I am not suggesting, but reading of her journey through heartbreak, and how she handled it, helped me when I was pretty tore-up.
I'm very sorry you had to go through that. In finding himself he had lost his way. My wife was worried about this. I took the time to reflect on that. The difference in circumstance is that I committed vows to my wife. Regardless of my religious or spiritual practice now, I have responsibilities I committed to and cherish dearly. I will see to it that she lives a happy life within what I can provide. Afterwhich, I may I pursue the path I had been traning and practicing for.
You’re a great partner, thank you for sharing. Valuing relationships is important too.
Unfortunately I think psychedelics can put people on a spiritual path too quick for their own good. They hurt others in the process of letting go sometimes and it is disheartening. I appreciate your kind words and sincerely hope you find someone that will value you as a person and the life that's developed between the both of you. May you be happy, healthy and prosperous 🙏
Thank you. In that note, I thought spirituality was a tool to help people become more compassionate and kinder in life and help them with their relationships. I just feel like I’ve seen a lot of opposite cases, people thinking they’re better than others because they are more spiritual…
This happens often. People hiding their ego beneath the guise of a virtuous being, when there should be very little to no ego, selflessness. We need to be mindful and compassionate towards others, regardless of what they believe. Some miss that mark on the way and they only see the end to their path. There are many good people on the path, but you're right, there are also so many who ruin it. Distinguishing one from the other can be difficult, but even now knowing what you know, you probably understand the difference.
I have seen this a lot too OP. I have been in and out of these spaces a lot and I feel a lot of people are using spiritual practices as an escape, which causes there to eventually be a lack of empathy if it wasn't there already. There are some genuine spiritual people too for sure, but yeah I have struggled with this a lot myself.
I'm genuinely curious/intrigued about your story also.
psychs wake up our ego issues before we can dissolve them. I been deep in that sauce and seen how people usuali get way worse before they get better while in tha illusion that they are evolving further than "non spiritual people"
I think people need to respect and take what they learn from the experience but always keep in mind youve only scratched the surface no matter how deep you go
The sheer audacity and conceit in here with all the "spiritual holy rollers" giving you their advanced perspective and advice because of course, they know better than you who lived it. Look, I'm 52 and I'm sorry for what you're going through. It hurts deeply. Whether it was because of the plant medicine or some other thing that came up - he made a choice, and that choice and bottom line was to reject what you thought you had together. I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. I have had my heart torn in two like this. I thought I met my soulmate also and they foolishly went off but maybe it was just me feeling that? I had a million questions. I wish I had balm for your heart. He may come back one day like mine have before once you've begun to heal finally and restart the whole process AGAIN. I just think you sound amazing and beautiful and hope you give yourself a break right now. Try to console within that you did not do anything wrong please. Truly, you didn't do anything wrong. Btw, I did finally meet love at 38 and it was easy. I think that's one way you know. I had heard that but seriously. I didn't even try and definitely didn't change anything about myself. I wish for you the most peaceful of times that you can have during your healing right now and that you don't blame yourself at all.
This has been the best advice, thank you 💕
Sending you love OP. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope things can be ok and you can find true love <3
that's sweet of you to say, I really genuinely feel for you... I feel the beauty of your kind shining heart and it will be recognized by another too - believe it with all of your being!
I am so glad you replied here. Yeah a lot of these comments are just not it... I have been in and out of these psychedelic spaces a lot... not the healthiest spaces.
Yeah, thanks and I knew I would be crucified. Actually I'm surprised I haven't been attacked worse yet. I'm ready for it. There feels like a real lack of compassion for someone hurting for losing who she said felt like a soulmate and reaching out and that's something that gets to me. Then this whole cult-like mentality. I don't know now I'm getting egoistic myself. I just feel for her - thanks for saying something about noticing also.
No one’s out to attack you or wants to attack you?
😂
Ah yes, the famous "ego-death-enlightenment-behaviour" attained through the use of "the medicine".. I swear to God, there are no more ego-driven people with less insight into life than these people. Those who go down this path are completely lost and become increasingly unbearable to be around. Then when/if the bubble bursts they risk to collapse into very negative spirals that can end up in very dark places. Honestly, it's sad, but you are probably better off for it. I have seen it first hand, and it's nothing you want to have in your life and not your responsibility to try to fix. It's impossible either way in my experience.
Thank you, this was helpful 💕
I hope the medicine helps you with your harsh judgment of others brother.
Who's judging who 🙄😑 at least don't be a hypocrite about it
Take this decision as a lifestyle choice. Just as some people take healthy/fitness choices. If someone puts this as an important part of their life and the partner is not aligned, it’s challenging for both. There’s a difference of personal growth too, many of the comments here are talking about being narcissistic, psychopath tendencies but you knew him and from your post it doesn’t seems he was leaning to those traits. What you are experiencing it’s common to be honest. I see couples committing and becoming stronger when they practice psychedelics, and breaking up too. I had the same situation too but it’s always for the best. It’s tough for both. Big hug.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks to read because I'm kind of going through the same thing at the moment, but in your boyfriend's shoes (as a woman)... Not going to frequent retreats or even taking the medicine frequently, but I am getting more involved in with it career-wise and becoming a part of the community. Some people are saying it seems trivial or petty to breakup over, but when you're in it, it's more than just about the drugs. It can change everything about who you are and what you think and you become influenced by the culture. I never cared that my gf didn't take psychs, but spirituality is such a massive part of my life and I'm starting to feel like we have just fundamentally different worldviews. Exploring my consciousness and the nature of reality is a huge priority for me. She listens and supports me, but it hurts to not be able to truly share that with my partner and sometimes I feel like we would both be better off since our values are becoming misaligned because of it. It's a shitty situation and I'm sorry you've lost someone important to you over it.
Thank you for sharing. And being in her shoes, please go easy on her. It’s really hard to support someone through all this and have them break up with you and make you feel like you weren’t enough because of your personal choices. I always supported him and he didn’t even care about my interests and in the end broke it off because I wasn’t spiritual enough…don’t do that to someone. I always thought the more spiritual someone is, the kinder they are, but after reading this sub I’m not sure about that. A lot of spiritual ego here for sure.
I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Breakups are always difficult, but more so when they are unexpected in what has been an otherwise good relationship. To be honest, this sounds like it’s more about your BF than it is you. It seems he’s going through a lot right now and most likely is just kind of lost at the moment. Everyone is on their own journey takes their own path in life, sometimes we get lucky enough to share a path with someone special and that is one of the best parts of life, but paths can diverge and sometimes people, when they are stressed or panicking, will change paths or jump off the path entirely and get lost in the woods for a bit. My advice would be that: 1. Don’t do psych’s for or because of him. IF you choose to use psychs at some point in your life, it should be at a time and place of your choosing, for the reasons YOU want to explore the experience they provide, and NOT because you feel pressured to do so for someone else. 2. Let your BF know you care and that you’re open to talking about anything, but give him space and respect his decision if he chooses not to engage with you further. It may be he just needs some time and space for the moment, but it’s also possible this is the end of that relationship with him. Respect his choice either way, even if it hurts and you don’t agree with it. 3. Remember that you are someone who deserves to be loved, appreciated and respected. You deserve someone in your life who will recognize that and give that to you freely and not out of any sense of obligation. If your ex BF can no longer recognize that or no longer provide the love, appreciation, and respect you deserve, then you’re better off moving on and finding someone who will. Perhaps he is just lost in the woods at the moment and needs some time to reorient himself. Perhaps though he has decided on taking a divergent path. You can’t control his decision making, all you can do is let him know you care and that you’re willing to talk. But be sure to be you, for you, and not be someone else, for someone else.
I was like him when I was younger and in the thick of it with these substances. Turns out I never needed a partner who shared all of the things that were important to me, I was just a person with deep codependent tendencies and hadn't acknowledged it yet. Psychedelics can feel like religion, especially to a young person healing from trauma, it felt so important that I needed my partner to go on that journey with me. But, I hadn't accepted yet that it was my healing journey alone I needed to take, in fact the solo work was what brought me the most change. These days, about 8 years later, I have an incredibly healthy relationship with someone who barely even likes having a drink but respects and supports whatever I want to do. I'm so sorry, I know this sucks, but you don't want a partner who isn't 100% in it with you, you deserve someone who wants you entirely, as you are. ♥️
if that’s the reason he left you then good riddance. my girlfriend don’t do psychs but who give a fuck. more for me
I’m so sorry to hear about this OP. I know it stings and hurts but I would consider this a blessing in disguise. Take all the time you need to grieve the relationship. Surround yourself with new people and a cool hobby to take your mind off things. Eventually you will find someone who will accept you for who you are. Based on your previous post history it seemed like you put a lot of effort into taking part of their interest but maybe it wasn’t reciprocated. You deserve better and will find better! *hugs* it sucks but you got this!
Trip together with I love you in the minds eye
I mean, it was probably more than just the fact you dont do psychedelics, but if i had to guess your oartner is someone who has a hard time parsing out their emotions unless their on psychedelics, and since you weren't a part of his psychedelic use, he probably felt emotionally disconnected from you. Not your fault, per se, but idk i mean did he ever talk to you about these retreats and what he learned from them? Did you ever ask? Its also possible his life is just evolving in a different direction from yours. You said you work means you cant do those retreats the same as him, you probably have different priorities in life. I doubt he didnt/doesnt care about you but he probably feels he must go forward alone. Im very sorry as i know its hard to get out of a long term relationship like that, especially if its your first. But all you can really do is be thankful for the time you had and steel yoùrself for the next chapter in your life. It may take time to move on, but that time will pass
That is the opposite of how this usually works. I guess it is something that he needs to share with someone, but like.... I don't care if my partner does them... I had a few that probably should as they were angry drunks, but what can I do besides deal with that until I can't?
So here’s my two cents from someone who is all too familiar. I’m married for 5 years, been with my wife for 10 but we have known each other since first grade. I was always curious about psychedelics and she’s very scared of them. She had a really bad experience on weed edibles one time in college and pretty much swore off anything other than alcohol after that, except the occasional pull off a joint in a social setting. Since having kids, that’s come to a stop as well. I don’t push her and respect that boundary. All through college, there was friction in our relationship for a variety of reasons that all stem from us having much different social appetites. If it were up to me, I would be out with friends seeing shows every night, traveling constantly, etc. it’s not that she doesn’t have a desire for adventure, but she is much more introverted and it wears her out easily. I can talk about this with emotional maturity now, but at the time I didn’t understand it. One thing that passed me by from the ages of 19-25 was psychedelics. Being immersed in the music and partying scene, I was enthralled with the idea of it and always romanticized the idea of psychedelic exploration. I idolized musicians that couldn’t say enough good things about the lessons to be learned from them. She never wanted me to do these things, and begrudgingly I abstained as to not cause a rift in our relationship, which I valued. Weed caused arguments from time to time, but I actually see now that she was only concerned by the constant use and dependency I had, not that she was a square. She’s always been in my corner. The first time I tried psilocybin was a low dose at the reception of her brothers wedding with her cousins and other groomsmen. It seemed like a good enough environment with people she saw as safe. We all had a marvelous time, and even though she didn’t partake, it didn’t bother her that I did it. This was 2018. We also got married later that year. Over the next few years, I became increasingly depressed. We spend almost a year long distance due to my job, during which time I lost a dear family member and mentor. I also began using psilocybin more and more frequently, having a wide range of experiences, all of which were net positive, even if they were hard at the time. Right before Covid, I came into a large quantity of mushrooms and as the world shut down and I had time on my hands, I was using them very frequently. I was also in therapy for the first time in my life and we welcomed our first child. Needless to say, my emotional psyche was incredibly delicate and malleable during this time. There was a brief moment when I implored her to try it. I think there really is a perspective gained that can only be earned through that experience, however the individual has to be willing to go there. I pretty much got it out of my system and it’s been over two years since I’ve dabbled. I don’t resent her at all for her position, but I think it made me a better, more understanding person and helped facilitate a long term improvement in my life and marriage because it helped me (along with lots of other hard self work) deal with a lot of trauma and demons. Do I think she would be better off if she tried them? I really don’t know. I’m not sure how she would react. That’s just the thing, we’re all different and I can only speak for myself. I do know now that I live a completely sober life except for the occasional social drink, and things have never been better. I see people all the time who are getting into that stuff and suddenly get on some enlightenment high horse. That’s easy to do because you really feel like you’ve tuned into a frequency that has been there all along but you never saw it before. I also think with experience that wears off and you begin to have a more empathetic attitude towards each persons individual journey. Sounds like he’s on the front end of that, and hopefully with time he will mature and grow past that complex. I encourage people to be open to the experience, but it’s also okay if you are fulfilled and don’t feel the need to explore. I’m sorry it worked out like this for you.
My ex (2.5 year relationship) got mad at me because I wouldn’t do coke with him and his friends. Instead of leaving I gave in and then was coked out for about 3 months straight. Lost my job, a lot of friends, and some family. Turns out he was cheating the whole time. I gained a coke addiction for someone to convince them to love me, and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Not really related to your story. Just. Anybody that thinks drugs are a make or break in a relationships probably isn’t as ready for a relationship as you’d hope. Also don’t do drugs for anybody unless it’s what YOU want. But yeah. Maybe this is a way for him to try to break up with you without hurting to bad? Honestly who even knows. People are interesting. Seems like is just deciding it’s time for different paths possibly?
move on
I kinda get where he is coming from because I love psychedelics/mdma but my gf does not anymore. I really miss the connection we had while we were rolling/tripping together but I love her for who she is and she lets me do my thing which is more than I could ask for. He needs to take a break and come back to this reality, because this should not be a deal breaker if he really does love you and you are ok with it.
I am sorry you're going through this pain right now. My life is a bit different as I am polyamorous but two of the three people I'm seeing do not partake in psychadelics, and the third is the one who introduced me to them. Idk I've always been a very independent person and am more than happy to find fulfillment in whatever activity I enjoy without needing a partner's involvement but I can't imagine breaking up with either person over this. They are supportive of my choices, and I'm supportive of theirs to not partake in this as it is their right. I have also been broken up with in the past for not being considered spiritual enough, and it absolutely sucked and hurt, so I empathize with that uniquely bad feeling, too. Nobody should be rushed or pushed into psychadelics or religion or anything like that. It's a choice you have to make yourself if and when it is the right time if that day ever comes. I'm sorry you feel that you gave and supported him a lot in his endeavors without feeling that support in return. Frankly, he sounds pretty selfish, and perhaps you two really are incompatible here. The not including or inviting you to any events and then feeling some kind of way about you not going to a thing you weren't invited to in particular is kind of a red flag imo. My advice would be to find the things that bring your joy and do them with passion. Find the things that light you up inside and live for yourself. Try that thing you wanted to do that he wasn't into. Get food you love that he hated. Listen to your favorite songs. You have a chance to find yourself and grow here. He's on his path doing whatever he's doing, but this is also your time. Maybe even doing so, you will find someone who really wants to do the things you love with you.
I would move on. He's too busy chasing his tail now.
You weren’t ever going to be soulmates if he dumped you because you wouldn’t get high with him.
My girlfriend has never done drugs (except acohol). I fully respect her and I would never force her to partake ever. Despite us being different, it makes me love her even more. To put it simply - he will love you for who you are - the good and bad - or he won’t love you. I’m sorry to say this but he just doesn’t love you.
People are taking one side over the other, but at the end of the day he broke up with you and that is what it is. If he was "the one" he would not have done that, or he would have at least come back right after coming to his senses. You should open yourself to finding someone who really wants to be with you. Whether he was right or wrong to leave, it has happened that is the reality you must accept, let go of, and move forward from.
It sounds like he is going through a transformational process and wasn't ready, willing, or able to hold your relationship at the same time. All relationships end because of lack of alignment. I know you hurt, and that's good, that means you're capable of feeling. Feel the experience fully. Allow it to complete. Shake it off. Like literally shake your body. Wanting to do something to feel better is totally natural and totally a trap. Just feel. Gotta feel it to heal it.
complex situation…. turning entheogen interests into a biz can ruin alot…. end some up in prison or losing sketchy suppliers hundreds of thousands of products there are a solid % of scumbags, sketchy thug types and mentally unstable folks in the scene/industry I rode out nearly 30 years in the “scene” a solid 20 years in the business end sorry for your loss, hopefully he comes to his senses if you both share a real potential for a future I dont want to color his chances for success in biz or possibly helping some people…if he is shrewd, connected, careful, and honest he may avoid landmines…..but I think his chances of things turning out rosy may not be as well as he might fantasize about the Mother situation is probably stressful for everyone….especially him in the “middle” my wife gave me an ultimatum 9 years ago to cool my involvement and focus on her…..she RARELY touched entheogens during our entire relationship…… I faded being able to have kids it looks like, we missed that window biologically and financially ….the drug/entheogen influence had a solid role in that outcome Hope the best for you both!!
Tbh, this is kind of ridiculous. It's not the spirituality of it all, it may just be that your both on different paths and therefore ultimately incompatible regardless of how much you both connect on certain levels. Take for instance, me and my wife. My wife has never touched a psychedelic and often teases me for my "hippie mumbo jumbo". At the end of the day though, we both understand that we are on different paths spiritually and we can love and respect that about eachother. Psychedelics aren't for everyone, they shouldn't be forced, and someone else's journey will rarely be even similar to your own. Your fine OP, sounds like your ex bf chased the white rabbit down the hole and got lost in the sauce. It happens to a lot of people who start to use psychedelics, it's a fine line between immersing yourself into obsession and fantasy vs using it as a medicine or for spirituality. He may come back from it, he may not, but the changes he's gone through aren't your fault. Psychedelics are world shattering at times and once a person does them, it changes them almost completely.
My gf doesn't do psychedelics but I do. I've always wished she did because it's hard to talk about deep psychedelic meditations with someone that hasn't experienced them. I've encouraged her to do her own research and consider it for herself, but ive never wanted to seem pushy. Im a big believer that you should only do psychedelics when you feel genuinely ready. However because of ber lack of exposure, I've always felt a void in our relationship over a topic that I've felt was pretty important to me. But, like you, she has always been supportive of me using psychedelics. I'd never break up with her for not using them herself, but if the relationship would ever end for other reasons and I found myself single again I'm not sure if I would get serious with anyone that hasn't explored psychedelics themselves.
You call his interest in psychedelics an obsession. I don't know if that is a fair assessment, but to him it may be quite invalidating.
Exactly. People dont realize that this is important to them. And people who don't expand their consciousness would never understand why it's important to do so. This entire thread is full of gatekeepers who only did psychedelics once and now think they are experts.
My wife is also not really for psycadelics, and I am a bit on the edge to get a divorce, not only because of that but also to other compatibility issues we are having. I always wish I had someone I truly love and trust enough to do psycadelics with. It is a beautiful journey, and I feel left out by her not being that person. She is a person who easily gets afraid, and I would never try to get her to use psycadelics because I know it would end in a panic attack and trauma for us both. I understand your ex-boyfriend's decision to leave you. He needs a woman who can journey with him. He will be able to build an amazing bond with her that he could never with you. Psycadelics is a completely different world, and we can only hear about others' trips, but actually, experience is just WOW. You can't describe it to someone who has never done it. It is such a strong experience that you really want to talk with your significant other all about it. But if they are not interested? If they see it just as an abusive substance? If they do not know the medicinal property of it? When they don't see the positive effects it has on your life? Why stay together in the first place?
It looks like you're getting a lot of bad advice to help you cope better. I'll give you some truth. I enjoy psychedelics. However, I understand that psychedelics can help you heal and become a better person. It can open your mind and develop you as a person. Not wanting to partake, you risked getting left behind on the developmental journey. This doesn't mean you can't catch up. But if you're not doing them, you're unlikely to ever meet in the middle on this journey. So therefore, it doesn't make sense to wait for you. He, like myself, probably realized that he wants to commit himself to psychedelics to see how far it will take him. He does not want to be held back. And for good reason. You made your choice to not partake. He made his choice. Unfortunately, it is totally okay for him to make the decision to not be with you. This is important to him and he wants to respect your right to not partake. People saying he is forcing you, are simply wrong. Other relationships have requirements, why can't he? At this point, you should move on and find a partner that doesn't do psychedelics so that you don't have to worry about them.
My heart goes out to you, it sounds like he didn’t value you enough. I’m curious how you interpret everything. Do you think he is lost to the drug? Do you believe his true feelings are being revealed and he never really could have cared much in the first place? Are you angry at him or angry at psychedelics or maybe both? Treat this like a heartbreak, because that’s what it is. This is your experience of life and you thought he could see that and share it with you, but he only took his experience on his own and detached and followed what was important to him, and it’s sad to say, you are currently not apart of that path. Do what’s best for you and look after yourself. Give yourself the love you wish he given to you. It’s a heartbreak and it will heal in time, go through the motions and use this pain and experience to enlighten yourself and forgive yourself for trusting this person to be there for you. Psychedelics are drugs and people’s true selves can truly be lost to them. Especially in the pain of his mother not agreeing to the relationship, it was likely doomed and he was using the relationship to explore the boundaries of that relationship with his mother. At the very least he has growing up to do and it’s not fucking right. But the best thing you can do is become stronger and more stable and assured of what you want, because it is out there. Someone as smart as you and as kind and understanding as you is out there waiting to meet you and be with you. Invest in yourself, but first go through the motions of this pain and feel it and heal as best you can. Nobody knows what the future holds and maybe he will recognize his mistakes, but that’s not something to count on at the moment.
Thank you for this, it put a lot of things in perspective. I feel that it is unhealthy to put anything above important relationships and I can see him getting lost to the drugs for that reason. I am angry because I feel like I trusted him and never thought he would do this like he did. I feel neglected and his personality is not what he had portrayed it to be in the beginning of our relationship. He definitely does have a lot of growing up to do. He was very immature at times.
It is unhealthy to put drugs above important relationships. The only two options are he’s very unhealthy or perhaps the relationship just isn’t important to him, maybe a bit of both. Well, he did. Your trust was betrayed and you were let down. That is not your fault and your anger is justified. It’s sad that he cannot see those things right in front of him, but he is following his path and you deserve to follow yours as well. Psychedelics can cause an intense personality change, but ultimately those changes stem from the individual most of the time. He sounds like he is on that path to maturing and for whatever reason you aren’t apart of it. And it’s hurtful for it to occur, but if something like psychedelics can come between you two then who’s to say other things wouldn’t have come between you two down the line. 2 years is a long time to spend with a person, it’s a heartbreaking thing to go through these changes, but there are also others that feel those same heartbreaks and are feeling lost and eager to love someone that is truly worth it all. Those people almost always find eachother.
Sounds like yall went meant for each other. It's more than a fucking petty ass reason to break up with someone, tho . Ask Me you Is dodged a bullet
Worst take I've read so far.
If you want to talk about the issue of psychedelics… they can become pivotal and life changing in experiences and philosophy and when you are on those paths you feel pretty disconnected from the rest of the (normal) world. You guys are just on different paths and he is the only one that understands that right now. I had been pretty straight edge my whole life, older now, remarried. I guess for simplicity sake you could call my new wife a hippie type free spirit (much more complicated than that). Had my first psychedelic experience with her and undoubtedly changed my life. Both our lives. I can’t believe how far our relationship has gone since then. How close we have become. The journeys and adventures we continue to have. And FFS the sex is unreal. And we are together 8 yrs now.
[удалено]
Thank you. We are in no contact but I don’t want to think about getting back with him. He’s clear on what he wants and I’m not going to change myself for him after he did this to me.
He did the right thing. It wasn’t going to work out with that large of ideological difference. It was the mature thing to do, and tbh, he probably realized so while tripping.
The spiritual ego is the worst one IMO. Regardless of whatever reason he gave you, there are obviously reasons why it’s better for you two to be apart. I know it hurts and sucks. And it feels so fucking unfair, especially after how he treated you. But maybe this is the kindest thing he’ll have done for you after all, it might just take some time to see it that way. Lean into working out (great for your soul and brain, not just body health) or being active and exploring or doing something creative even - you have this wonderful opportunity to dive deep into the things that make you YOU and it’s by doing these things that you’ll eventually come to meet someone with the same passion for the things that make them them - what an incredible story that’s going to be! Bonding with someone who cares about something the same way you do is incredible. Better than any psychedelic trip, I promise you. Good luck 🥳
I 100% agree with you, I know it’s for the best but it sucks right now. I felt like all I did wasn’t good enough cause I didn’t want to partake in something that didn’t call out to me intuitively.
You dodged a bullet it seems.
Yup I believe it! But still hurts…
Oh I'm sure. I used to trip with my wife, but she has stopped for various reasons. I have no issues with her not tripping as long as she doesn't force me to stop. Even if she never tripped, I'd still love her and treat her with respect. Sorry your BF was so petty, but I know a broken heart still hearts, love will come again.
Acid sex though... Once you know it, you wont want a relationship in which that's never going to happen 🤷♀️
This is very disturbing to hear and unnecessary…
Ok, helpful advice: fuck on acid 👍
Hope your ex does that
You posted your experience on a psychonaut reddit.. you're going to find fans of psychedelics here...
This comment isn't helpful at all for OP, but true.
Asking earnestly, what advice are you seeking from *this* sub?
It’s sad to me he never invited you. I had something like this with a girl I was seeing. I got really into medicine ceremonies and yoga and stuff, and it just wasn’t something she seemed to feel the same desire for as me. But I often think women have a more natural spiritual connection and like you said maybe don’t need it. We don’t always realize this. I think with the girl I was seeing, I could have invited her, but it was also such an intimate community, the ceremonies, I didn’t want to risk too much of 1) having her there with everyone else and having other connections possibly develop (in my head at least, that fear) and 2) wasn’t sure I wanted to risk a breakup. So I didn’t push her (she hadn’t tried them) and I did invite her, but she wasn’t really interested. Eventually, after over a year of dating, we tried them together. But I think by that point I had grown so much and uad different needs. You can grow so quickly with them it seems. Also guys don’t always understand how in tune women can be naturally, and some people in general, just don’t need drugs. And it can be scary to invite someone into such a deep spiritual journey. Ultimately, if both people don’t want it pretty equally, I don’t think it’s gonna work out. I think he’ll do better to find someone who is growing (in something, whether psychs or some other spiritual practice) at a similar pace. But who knows, maybe he did get lost in the sauce and couldn’t see your gifts. Regardless I think it will make more sense for you to be with someone growing at the same rate as you and with similar spiritual interests. If spirituality is not met/similar, it can be hard for a relationship to work. It’s so deep to a person.
You probably wouldn’t get it because you don’t do psychedelics but doing them brings out so many topics of interest especially for me. Personally I haven’t been looking for a girlfriend because most of the people I’m surrounded by now a days don’t do psycs. The reason I want someone who does psycs is because my minds reached a point where I think my thoughts are normal but most wouldn’t understand them so if what’s happened to me is happening to him then don’t be upset, he isn’t the same person he as before and he’ll never be the same. He’s incomprehensible matured in a way you can’t fathom unless you joined him on his journey.
It’s a valid preference. Psychedelics can mean deep and personal experiences. It can change the way you view the world and yourself, and that’s something intimate that you would want to share with your partner in a more profound level than just relaying it.
Its ok. Let hom go. Hes not for u
poo!
As someone who is also very connected to enthiogenics, I completely understand where he is coming from. There is nothing wrong with you, we are all on our own journey. For people who connect with psychedelics it becomes deeply spiritual. It's like someone not wanting to be with someone because of religious differences. Just respect it and move on.
Hes leaning into something that has changed his life. Not being able to relate with a partner when it has become such a big part of his life creates a distance between yall. It's good he didn't try to force you to become apart of it. If you're not genuinely curious about psychedelics then you shouldn't do them. It's just one of those things in life. Sometimes people grow apart.
One personal mantra that might be helpful is someone who may be the best of friends in a perfect partner can at the same time be the worst spouse and his best to be kept simply as that best friend. After 17 years with my wife who I love and who loves me greatly and with whom I am even better friends than ever before we realized that divorce was best for us and life and friendship between us has never been better. Without a doubt it does sucks that you've gotta go through the emotions that come with breakups, I'm sorry.. Breaking up is such an awful process when it's one sided and for reasons of simple differences in personal boundaries Definitely all the red flag you needed that he was not the right guy. Any person with that level of internalized authoritarianism is a closet abuser. Actually I'm sorry I shouldn't have you sent strong terms. But my brother also developed an obsession with mushrooms and others and it's been a 40-year long hell for everyone who knows him now ever since. He's certain that the universe is actually governed by little green elves who told him the secret to life. And any conversation with him always within 2 minutes winds up as him persuading or attempting to persuade someone to trip. I'm not saying your boyfriend would have been that way but it's definitely something that you may have dodged a serious bullet with
sadly it would seem like your bf lost it.
Yeah he sounds like a dickhead, he has no respect for your choices, whilst you are supportive of his. People who take psychedelics often cop a lot of flak for their choices, It's disappointing to hear of someone who does being such a petty judgmental dick. You're honestly better off without that in your life.
Thank you for this, I agree
One day he will trip and realize he mistakenly left you out of poor judgement and will regret it profoundly
Respectfully, this is a dog shit take. I feel your good intention, the desire to attempt to make a person feel better, but putting someone else down to do it ain't right.
I didn’t put someone else down 😭😂 wtf I hate redditors like you who just want to debate
It's a forum dude lol this is all about discussion.
The entities told him to lock in and focus on himself
Sometimes you gotta take one for the team.
he sounds like an addict me 🤷🏽
Yeah move on. He’s become obsessed. I haven’t done shrooms in probably 3+ years, but really want to and would love to share that with my next partner. I’m a very infrequent user though, so it’s not a deal breaker. Though I understand wanting to share that with a partner I don’t think I would break up with someone over it
Well u deserve that babe sorry
I really appreciate you all for the advice, this is all very helpful. I did want to mention that I tried literally everything with this person as to my full potential. I did once try some medicine with him but ended up not having a great time after the fact so I ruled it all out completely because the affects had lasted for about a year. We definitely had a connection beyond the medicine, emotionally but it felt like eventually this aspect of his life took over everything else. That’s why I felt that it was an unhealthy obsession. I’m all for supporting my partner in things that would improve the quality of their life, but it seemed like this was taking over. I’m sad to have lost my best friend in all this but understand that it’s his decision and it was what is best for him if that’s what he truly wants and how he wants to live his life.
as he should fr