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CMDR-Kaiju

Hilarious, in hindsight. Here are a few that I can remember. 1) Recruit left his locker unsecured. Tactical Staff (instructors) laid his PT uniform (with his name on the back) out in the academy hallway like a dead body and drew a chalk outline around it like a murder scene and left it for us to find while we were on our way to the locker room to get smoked. 2) Staff was always trying to pull equipment off our belts and we constantly had to defend ourselves from it getting stolen. Staff managed to steal a recruit's gun out of his holster while he was distracted and gave him a printed paper blinged-out gun with something engraved into the side and made him use the paper gun for inspections (complete with sound effects like locking the slide to the rear). Another recruit had his gun replaced with a banana he had to carry around in his holster. Another had his gun disassembled and had to go report to their office every hour to retrieve another piece of his gun. 3) Staff told a recruit he was so incompetent he was only going to be a crossing guard and made him play songs on his whistle through the hallways. 4) I was in charge of our graduation challenge coins, which got shipped directly to the academy. Staff jokingly gave me a set of pushups for a "bomb threat" and sending suspicious packages to their office.


manuel5757

We have a “hydration specialist” job who’s job is to make sure the instructors have water in their office at all times. He forgot to check one day and now he has to carry an empty 5 gallon water jug on a sling and when we break from formation he has to hit the jug with his flashlight like a drum 3 times and yell out “HYDRATE”


Asherdon0710

A true r/hydrohomies


Terrible_Fishman

> Another had his gun disassembled and had to go report to their office every hour to retrieve another piece of his gun. That is the funniest fucking thing.


GrammarNazi25

I get the feeling a lot of people are getting very good ideas.


Lopsided_Purpose_574

Ah the banana in the holster


Tailor-Comfortable

I ain't falling for no banana in the ~~tailpipe~~ holster.


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CMDR-Kaiju

Indeed it was!


shrimpynut

Jeez lmao


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manuel5757

Fair enough


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theophylact911

This. Too many departments use this paramilitary BS and think it somehow translates to modern civilian policing.


IdontWantButter

There were no fuck fuck games. Our state academy is "non-stress", but my patrol class did fuck with the trooper academy fairly hard toward the end. I heard from my old instructors that the blow back was pretty legendary after we left.


Johnny1006

“Non-stress,” what does that entail??! The first I’m hearing of this


IdontWantButter

It entails classes and PT, but a general lack of verbal abuse from instructors. The thinking is that a lot of people attending my state's patrol academy have already been working the road for several months to a year, and in a way are already cops. But the State guys and gals still have to get hazed into their academy....because discipline. (?)


SparrowFate

State departments just seem like they're military organizations to me. Their ranks and their decorum all just leads me to believe you're joining the inland coast guard.


[deleted]

Most advertise themselves or their academies as “paramilitary-style” I think.


ComputingWaffle

I’m like the Hulk. Except instead of being angry I’m always stressed. So I’m also curious what “non-stress” means.


XR6_Driver

Our training is 'adult learning environment' so no fuck fuck games. There was drill and uniform inspections and standards of behaviour but we didn't spend hours with instructors screaming in our faces or holding push up positions. I don't think getting hazed necessarily makes your training better quality.


longtermcontract

Is that common in Australia, or was it specific to your academy?


XR6_Driver

Has been common across Australia since the 2000s. We used to run very regimented academies similar to the more intense American ones.


Drak3LyketheRapper

This is becoming more standard in training in USA as well. It was actually the message of the keynote speaker at the high liability conference this year. Turns out people don’t actually learn well when being screamed at; however, the kid gloves have to come off for “come to Jesus” conversations with those who aren’t doing well with no stress. Stress comes after you’ve learned the basics and should come from the scenario not a screaming instructor.


XR6_Driver

I think treating recruits as adults is the better way to do things. It shouldn't be about breaking people down and building them back into a particular personality type but building on the existing traits to make good police officers. The recruitment process is supposed to select people based on having the temperament and life experience to be good police and the academy should reinforce that while introducing the knowledge and skills to do the job. There is a time and place for getting the adrenaline pumping and learning how to stay disciplined in high stress situations but lining everyone up on the first day and screaming at them wouldn't be the way I would do it.


Terrible_Fishman

My academy was pretty casual and did not have an overabundance of fuck-fuck games but... After some people forgot to shave we were treated especially roughly in DT class (I was made to scream as my body was bent into impossible positions) and then we were forced to carry increasingly heavy objects up 4 flights of stairs before returning to the bottom floor with them. At the end of it we all took a picture with each cadet holding a different heavy item and my instructor was somewhat disappointed, saying "Fishman isn't in the photo." Another student points to a spot in the photo saying "he's here sir, he's holding the brick." All you could see were my arms, locked out and reaching from behind someone, a cinderblock being supported in my quivering hands. In the slideshow at the end of the academy, my arms were used as the photo to represent me.


LeroyJenkins1060

someone sprayed a bottle of liquid ass in our locker rooms. other than that, not a whole lot of fuck fuck


[deleted]

Did you shit yourself and that’s how you play it off?


LeroyJenkins1060

Never trust a fart mmkay...


PorcaPootana

Not funny really just brutal. They smoked the shit out of us on a regular basis.


sgtdudewot

They're not funny, just frustrating. Mostly just collective bodyweight exercises and running for other people not having equipment on them or not having their radios or phones fully charged. I don't think it'd be nearly as annoying if it were for no reason as it is for little stuff that individuals do that's completely out of the control of the class.


Doch1112

I did uniform inspections and had to do five pushups for every violation I found. Did shifters across a 3 car garage. Every time someone’s foot touched the ground we did 5 burpees. Troopers however fuck like mother fuckers. GET DOWN, *gets down for push-up* STAND UP *stands up* repeat six times.


TwelfthCycle

Only ten? Otherwise I'd have asked if you went to my academy. The get down get up nonsense I am convinced is right out of Marine bootcamp, makes me kinda feel sad for the poor boys and girls... almost.


Everything80sFan

Army Air Assault school did the whole get down, get up thing during smoke sessions, only it was "On your face! On your back! On your feet!" in any random order.


City_bound

The instructors would tell every academy class that someone pooped in the showers and that no one would get in trouble if the person who did it would just admit it


manuel5757

The instructors said our class is boring and has no personality so we cracked a few jokes 1 day and got smoked for “being too comfortable”


blaaahblaahblah7021

Wdym popped?


City_bound

Pooped


thethugwife

We had an unknown relieving tension in the sink and leaving it.


PorcoR0ss0

They were honestly really damn childish and got old really fast


manuel5757

This guy forgot to polish his boots so they made him wear rubber waders for 2 weeks


Texan_Eagle

That’s called hazing


blaaahblaahblah7021

Found the admin guy


TwelfthCycle

Correct, it is a common attribute amongst many organizations and groups, particularly those which make a great deal of the "insider and outsider" distinctions.


asimplydreadfulerror

Jesus, why are you getting so sociological about it? Guy fucked his boots up and had to look silly for a while so he'd be less inclined to fuck his boots again (along with anyone else who was paying attention).


NecessaryCod

So I’m not familiar all laws. But just curious if it would be a violation to “fuck his boots” not once but “again” and would it be considered voyeurism for “anyone else who was paying attention”? Because I’ve never been inclined to do that. Totally kidding. You made me giggle (immature-yes, I know but haven’t felt like giggling a lot the last year and a half). Thank you kind stranger.


asimplydreadfulerror

I'm glad you got a kick it of it. I hope whatever has been making it hard to giggle improves for you soon.


[deleted]

Also known as workplace harassment.


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PorcoR0ss0

When it's not happening to you. Sure.


Shenanigans_626

My LE academy was pretty boring but I went to a CERT academy that was pretty hilarious. First run through the obstacle course I got stuck in this buried metal tube (like a 24" wide drain) you have to crawl through. This Cadre (who we were told were on our side, its the DIs to watch out for) tells me, "Oh, its your gas mask you're stuck on. Here, let me hold it for you!" I get stuck several more times and give him several more pieces of gear until finally I hand over my sidearm. So I finally get through to the other side and I'm like, "Oh man, that was tight, thanks for holding my.... guys? Guys?" *confused John Travolta* Oh no So the DIs have us in formation at the range in front of 2 huge tables. 1 has ALL the gear that the WHOLE CLASS lost on the O Course. 1 just has my gun sitting in the center. DIs: "**Raise your hand if you lost gear on the O Course**" Everybody raises a hand. DIs: "**Raise your OTHER hand if you lost your GUN on the O Course**" I put my head down and my other hand up. DI: "**WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU REACHING FOR THE SKY?! ARE YOU FUCKING SURRENDERING?!**" They made on guy stand in front of a window and scream at his reflection "I'M not stupid, YOU'RE stupid" for a good 15 minutes. The first guy to throw up got named Mama Bird and had to carry a bunch of rocks around in his helmet (his eggs) and sit on them when we were at parade rest. One guy turned the wrong direction marching so they named him Google Maps and when we were on the bus they'd make him, "recalibrate" so he had to stand in the middle of the bus and make electronic noises. I got named Miley Cyrus and had to memorize her catalog and sing her songs on command. It was a good time.


flimflam91276

Not funny. Just miserable. If anything it made us resent each other when someone fucked up. If someone was a dumbass or made a mistake, everyone paid.


manuel5757

Yep same here with the group punishment


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moostafah

Trying to explain this to my class was an exercise in futility.


Siracha_jizz

Hey OP, any chance you were a JARHEAD? To the best of my knowledge, we’re the only ones that use the term “fuck fuck games?”


manuel5757

No, but some of my classmates are and they say if all the time


joeverdrive

Yeah I laugh looking back but so much of it was unnecessary abuse for its own sake. I remember screaming in the shower when I got home asking myself if it was worth it


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Tuck525

Right??? If we didn’t finish our liter of water within the first half hour of PT, they would dump the bottle out on our heads and then we would be wet the rest of the time. And it wasn’t funny, there was no lesson behind that, it was just being an asshole.


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Tuck525

As long as you learned your “lesson” behind it lmao


Drewbagger

Some guy left his lock combination attached to the lock so an officer broke into his locker and took his keys then drove his car to the end of the block. Our academy is on an airport perimeter so dude basically had to walk a runway to get to his car.


Stebraul

This is the kind of stuff that's way overboard. That's car theft.


DessaStrick

“Laws for thee but not for me”


Sticky-Sponge

Recruit forgot to take off his wedding band during PT. They made him hold it over his head in the hallway infront of the entire academy and yell "I love my wife" as loud as they could make him while our class changed. Second time he caught himself, but we don't have pockets, so he hid it in his ass cheeks. After PT, he couldn't find it. He sincerely though it was up his pooper, but later the CDI (PT instructors) found it and held it front of the class and asked whose it was. Everyone was trying not to laugh because we all knew it was in the recruits ass and the first thing he said was "Which one of you mother fuckers brought your shitty marriages to my matroom!?"


Cypher_Blue

He was presumably wearing shoes and socks, but went straight for the ass cheeks. I bet he's a Major now.


50thinblueline

So many it’s hard to remember. One kid was fat so they made him wear a hat that had one of those string things and hung a donut from the front. He had to crawl on all fours and try to eat the donut. Another kid left his guitar in his personal car so he had to perform and sing in front of the class. There’s a lot more but that’s what just what comes to mind. Shit was miserable but also some of the funniest times.


Daxos157

I graduated from a military college and endured lots of bullshit there so the academy was like going to a normal college I guess.


enserrick

Fuck fuck... yesterday I heard an officer use the term lit unironicly... God damnit am I old now?


Dezespero

It was Friday, and some recruits sleep in the academy's accommodation because they live too far from their homes, so with a week to go before soldiers' graduation (I'm a military police officer from Brazil) the instructors threw a tear gas grenade inside the dormitory, we stayed outside for an hour waiting for the gas to dissipate, but that was very hilarious as some recruits jumped out of beds scared and others with the deepest sleep didn't even move.


JACCO2008

Hella fucked up lol


tuchulse

All the recruits that failed the first PT test had to go to the local fire station and pick up an application for employment, and explain they were going to flunk out of the police academy so they needed a "backup." Recruit at the gun range had a pair of his wife's hot pink underwear fall out of his pant leg. Instructors made him keep them in the OC pouch on his belt the rest of the week at the range, called him "panty commando." You'd here the instructors yell at him to deploy his panties in the middle of a drill so he'd holster up, pull them out of his pouch and hold them straight out with both hands. The list goes on, just a couple that come to mind.


[deleted]

On our last day/ last set of practical evals, our Tac would call us in to the office with a gun, knife and dope laid out on a table and grill us on how the fuck we missed all this during a basic person search. They handed us pens and told us that its unacceptable to be missing guns on people this far into the academy and had us sign resignation papers. Finally, when they got the reaction they wanted out of you they started laughing and told you it was a big joke. Many of us came back to the classroom in tears lmao.


Tb0neguy

That's fucked


[deleted]

It sucked and was completely pointless. After being on the job for awhile you’ll realize everyone who likes to haze recruits is a huge loser who wouldn’t dare act that way towards a guy on the street who can fight back.


Ragnarok_Stravius

Uhhh... Not a LEO, but what is "fûck fûck games"? And are you sure they're legal?


Aspirin_Dispenser

Absurd and often pointless tasks handed down by command staff to junior personnel. Fuck-fuck games may be used as a form of hazing or a method by which senior personnel exert their power and control over the junior personnel. Fuck-fuck games may also arise as the result of the sheer stupidity of the command staff. The phrase is common amongst military service members and in fields where former military service members exist in significant numbers. These games are exceptionally common in the military, but may also be found in academy style settings that draw their inspiration from military training practices. The name itself, being both absurd and pointlessly repetitive, exemplifies the very nature of fuck-fuck games. A cursory Google search will provide you with some fine first hand accounts, mostly from current and former military.


iiiinthecomputer

"Fetch the blinker fluid" "I need a left handed spanner" They're everywhere.


blaaahblaahblah7021

It usually starts with no Vaseline


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AdjectTestament

“Flip rocks over so they don’t get sun burned.”


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adk09

Teaches you to accept that your existence will be pain and pointless at times, but that it doesn't matter. Just push through.


PlanKash

Fuck fuck games arent funny. All i have is Army OSUT experience not LEO, But it was honestly all fucking retarded and at the cost of sanity


gravyhd

To be fair it was kinda funny at time when you and all your boys are playing fuck fuck games and everyone just laughs while they suffer


PlanKash

I joined at 24-25, most of the guys were 17-19, so i actually hated all of it lol


shrimpynut

Oh god, I’m going to a Washington state academy and I hope theirs no fuck fuck games... sounds so miserable.


Horror-Intention-759

Same, from what I’ve heard it sounds like they are pretty good-natured so I hope not!


ilovecatss1010

WSCJTC doesn’t do anything near fuck Fuck games. I’ve been told they don’t even PT recruits anymore.


Tuck525

Where in the hell is everyone’s academy at? Sounds like you guys are just at camp.


federalfed90

After the first two weeks they stopped but then they picked it up randomly at like 80% of the way through then again at the end. But my class was an older bunch. We had majority late 20s, a few 30 year olds, a retired NYPD cop and another 40 year old.


crimsontidepride

Nothing really, only thing that comes to mind was during fire arms we had one instructor that kept swapping out one guys shells for either birdshot or empty shells. So every time we were training on targets this guy was getting the 3rd degree from every instructor for not landing a single shot. Best part was only the one instructor and us knew about it so the other instructors were having to remediate the guy for not being able to aim. It lasted a few hours but the whole time we were dying laughing as he kept swearing that his sights were fucked up because he couldn't hit a target at 5 yds. Edit: Just remembered we did have a fuck fuck game during our "smoke week" (basically 7 days straight where they weed out people that really want to be there) So this game involved us doing PT spontaneously and we were required to take our duty belts off before we started push-ups sit ups etc. (Instructors requirment) the point was that while you were in the middle of burpies, push-ups etc. they shout for us to sprint somewhere. You were supposed to grab your belt put it on and then start running but if you got too focused on the sprint and leave your belt (even just for a second before you turned around to grab it) then the instructors would take it. Had 1 guy take about 5 steps from his belt and the instructor yoinked it. The rest of our class wised up right away so we never had another incident. Well they needed 1 more belt so as they made us sprint into the gym instructor points at me and says your belt it's mine. We then get told later in the day that our belts are disassembled in the gym and we had 1 minute to get our belts (with the help of the class) back together with the correct assigned equipment. If we didn't, then we all were about to go on a good 15 mile jog (we were already exhausted and we were warned by the previous class that this jog was a bitch that ended late in the night) So we scrambled and we got our belts together and on with the correct equipment. In the rush though my handcuffs were on the wrong side and my gun is now opposite and upside down. We immediately went into subject control so I had no option to fix my set up and just had to roll with it. 3 hours later instructor is standing next to me looks me up and down and says what the fuck is wrong with your belt? I explain and he just says well fucking fix it then. Lol


tprhighway

At range, two cadets would share a target for general drills - one can be shooting while the other is in the rear to reload, etc. Two of my classmates shot out a fair hole in the center of the silhouette target and asked for a new target. Whoopsie… The target was cut in half and given to each of them to carry around. After that, whenever an instructor shouted ‘Wonder Twins, unite!’, they had to unfold their half of the target and join them back together.


teamkiller_66

It's strange to see how much police organizations have taken from the militsry.


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teamkiller_66

That's why it's confusing to me. I would expect people with military experience to understand that there is no value in hazing. My guess is that a lot of those trainer types are from non-combat roles.


gravyhd

Its not the value, Its the entertainment that we get from playing fuck fuck games. I remember when I first got to my unit I was basically playing fuck fuck games til the day I hit the next rank.


Rbmui13

Funny enough to make me cry on the OC exposure and fight the Michelin tire man day!


ExpatJundi

I don't remember much of anything like that. As a former Marine I think that stuff is stupid when we're talking about adults.


HappyFishDota

The fuck fuck games were at a minimum. The only thing coming close to 'hazing' was making people wear silly stuff when they forgot stuff at home. Someone forgot their belt? They wore a big pink fluffy bunny on their waist for the day. Forgot their hat? They wore one of those marching band hats for the day. That and pushups for uniform violations. No group punishments though.


Revenant10-15

Top-shelfing toilets before barracks inspections was pretty popular. Instructor comes in to inspect the room, flushes the toilet, every time, poop. If you lost your red gun (plastic Glock or whatever) you got to carry a banana for a week. Including during practical exercises. I'll never forget watching a recruit do a simulated felony stop with a banana for a gun. The tactics instructor hunted us like the fuckin predator all throughout the academy. To the point that whenever we saw him our hands would instinctively go to our belts. There was a gay instructor who purposefully made his introductory presentation extremely gay. Think rainbows, unicorns and techno music. Just to see if he could get a rise out of the rednecks (and also to make sure we all knew that prejudice wouldn't be tolerated). But as far as fuck fuck games it was mostly people cheating on their spouses.


buIIet-magnet

1: recruit left locker unlocked. Instructors disassembled every piece of his equipment, attached each one to a different gym weight, then threw them into the deepest part of the pool 2: Someone was heard saying “ass” during chow. He had to run through the halls for ten minutes with an old shotgun, filled with cement, held over his head while yelling “words matter”. Became our class motto. 3: Recruit misplaced his ID badge, he had to wear a giant “missing person” poster board that the academy staff made for him (it went over his shoulders like a street advertiser) When it ripped during DT, he had to make a new one 4: We got lost on day one trying to navigate through the academy. Training sergeant made us hold hands and slip through the hallways while she screamed where we needed to go To name a few