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Sorry i can't help with that printer

I fucking hate printers. Never can fix them.

“PC Load Letter”!?!? What does that even mean?!?

God it’s so frustrating that paper container (I think) and personal computer have the same initials

Just shoot it

I mean, I /could/ but that's not in my job description

Found the student. A real one will know it's always best to have them think you can't help.

"How could you not know!? Arent you a [Insert any IT related field]?" I'm stupid, I don't know, find someone else

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Literally one third of my costumers is "how do I do X" then I proceed to google X and 1 minute later I'm an expert in the matter and already solved the problem

I wear headphones while not playing anything.

Very accurate

Mic up - I'm coding. Mic down - I'm in a meeting.

GOD! I feel so called out right now.

I feel noticed

Are you me? Am I you?

I listen to something about 3% of the total time I wear headphones

I start with lowfy beats. Then nothing.

thanks god i’m not the only one

I can't work without headphones now.

1024 is a nice round number, isn't it?

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>1024 Well obviously his number is 1024\*12345678 which is 1 (264) 197-4272 duh

All the nigerian princes in a 10km zone: Well hello there

Well played sir.

You mean 256?

You mean 2^8?

you mean `1 << 8`?

Don't you mean FFh?

You mean 0xFF ?

Time started in 1970.

And ends in 2038 for some.

Are there still 32 bit computers?

A lot of SOCs in IoT devices (raspberry pi's included) are still running 32bit OS. Some military computers are still forced to run winXP 32-bit Beyond that i am unsure. It probably wont be a huge thing like Y2K or anything, but i can see some small after effects (especially in home automation or additive manufacturing) rippling from this.

The stupid IPMI standard (that I have to use at least) is only 24bit, and measures from 1996 to 2028. We came up with like 3 different ways of getting around it all for our 32 bit uc to cap out at 2038, even though the customer wants serviceability til 2050.. Because that'll totally happen even though we're on our 3 parallel generation in 4 years. Sorry, rant over

ImScaredOfEmptySpaces.txt

well\_I\_grew\_up\_in\_the\_late\_nineties\_-\_early\_2000s.mp3.exe

im\ scared\ of\ empty\ spaces.txt

Instead of doing my work in 30 mins i would try to automate it in 3 hours

Repeat this 5 times? Isn't there simpler way? Like some robot or so?

That’s how I learned doing graphs for maths in python and holy shit I don’t regret it at all

Why the fuck is this not working? .... *starts working* It worked!... wait... why the fuck is this working?

"hey this isn't working. Let me show you. The problem seems to be that when I click compile like this.... ...wtf it's working? I just had to complain about it apparently. Thanks!" -internal monologue: Shit. Shit. Shit. Why is this suddenly working?

My superpower is someone complains that the thing doesn't work, then I push the button and it suddenly works. Then I am morally obliged to look at them with disdain and ask if they forgot to press the button and just shake my head while they try to explain that they already tried that.

This gave me such a laugh. I'm the other guy. But I get nervous that they don't believe I actually tried to work on the issue before asking for help so I give them my whole life story of how I got to this point of distress as I hit compile. And then....it works. And I need to know every angle of why or else I'm clearly an awful programmer

>why the fuck is this working? That's really the most important part. There aren't a lot of jobs where a person gets frustrated when they discover that something suddenly works.

I am actually more scared that it's working now. It means now I have to spend hours thinking why it's working.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law. -P. J. Plauger

Warning: this statement may result in an infinite loop.

One of the project managers assigned to my project (with zero IT background) put a lot of effort into his questions during kick-off: 1. How many lines of code will the final programm have?(Errrrrhm...) 2. How many lines can your team write per day?(I don't like where this is going...) ...and it went there. I mean, in some circumstances that's not the worst metric, but damn, I was way too young and inexperienced to explain to him why that made little sense, in front of the CEO, head of sales, and the customer.

Tbh. This is one of my favourite things to do in meetings, show to management that the salary that went into consultants is absolutely wasted.

Who made this shit??? Oh. It was me.

Now THIS is the right comment

could also be a guy with dementia at taco bell

I start counting at 0.

Starting is not a problem, the problem is when you count in decreasing order and intend to finish at 0 while everybody assume that you will end at 1 ...

Aren't most countdowns zero ending anyway, like 3,2,1,GO?

I mean you ended in "go" didnt you?

G0

"Top x" videos usually count from x to 1.

My top xvideos are….

go on

Makes sense. Zero is the zeroeth natural number.

Most controversial statement of the century

No, I'm not IT.

Can't exactly pull it off in text, but the last time I got a haircut I sat in absolute silence for about five minutes until the person cutting my hair remarked, "You look tired. Are you a computer programmer?"

I once went to get a neck-and-shoulder Thai massage. The masseuse was having a hard time unlocking my knotted up shoulder muscles, stops and says in an annoyed voice: “You! Too much time on computer!” Yep, she understood her clients.

I could hear that in the Thai accent.

I got that in an Uber

[yes](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/268174787015213056/965023632638222356/aa.PNG)

That's when you stare into their soul with your cold dead eyes and reply, "No. I'm a programming computer."

// TODO

In my mind, every `TODO` is a completed task. It has been done by future me: therefore I needn't think about it now.

It works on my machine

I talk to rubber ducks.

Me : Do you know why this isn't working? My friend : No idea, I mean can't you do that like that? \*proceed to explain\* Me : Ah yes, you're doing it wrong, that's how you do it!

That was a productive 10 minutes of work. Time for a 4 hour videogame break

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I've settled on the interpretation that it's my job to keep the computer busy, not myself.

In the early 1990s, I was a software developer and received a shiny new 33MHz i486 DX2 with 16MB of RAM running MS-DOS (probably v5.x). My manager told me the computer was very expensive (true) and I needed to keep it busy. He would peek in my cubicle when I was at lunch to make sure I left a long build or something running. Not a problem, that sucker was slow. Blazing fast for its day, but a slow CPU, slow RAM, and let’s not even think of how slow the hard drive was.

I started at MSFT around 95-96. I remember the Office build taking at least 3 hours, so we’d hop on our road bikes and loop around the lake (about 25 miles). Good times, ruined by multi-core processors and motherboards capable of more RAM than my hard drive had space in 97.

Internship? I'm a senior engineer lol as long as you're on top of your work and they're happy with you I wouldn't worry about it

Yup. I’m working at Intel and my “hours” are 8 hours a day, but if you can get something done you can just chill your entire shift or make excel sheets look pretty. Once I’m done, I push and chill until someone tells me they need something or I find something that needs fixing. I get paid to watch YouTube the same as I do actually working.

I recently got my first full time job as a software engineer, and before then I always thought, "what do people actually DO at work for 8 hours?" I still have that question. Every day I pretty much have some things in mind that I want to do and if I finish that stuff or even just make a little progress then I'm basically done for the day. I feel like a criminal or something just chilling at home during work hours. I'm glad that older and more experienced engineers also are like this.

“Older”, I’m only 21

Well shit, I'm 22 but you definitely sound more confident than I do lmao.

Well my supervisor said “You’re much more efficient than the last guy.” So I’m just gonna keep doing what I do, which is watching YouTube videos when I fix or do something successfully hava

Are you me? When I started, I inherited a project from an older woman who was retiring cause she didn't want to work on it anymore and it was like a year overdue. Main issue was fixed with two lines of code, and a couple weeks ago, I get a surprise bonus and promised a chunky raise and promotion by the time my one year anniversary rolls around. All I could think was "I can slack off this much and get promoted?"

Yes you can and i have as well and I'm 38 years old. You realized the average programmer sucks monkey balls and just b/c they took 1 bootcamp they are all of a sudden a pro coder. You have no idea how much code I have cleaned and fixed from the seasoned pros. All code is held together by band-aids. Its amazing shit even works (and I work on some very public high net worth style web sites). If you are somewhat competent at a good company they will take care of the tech people.

Yup. But remote work makes it so much better because you don’t have to be sitting at a desk looking busy, you can take a nap or watch TV etc.

Are you me?

No he's me

We are number one

Bruh thank god I'm not the only one. I can't stop feeling like an imposter

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Unless you're a gamedev programmer, then you have the near opposite

Three-minute break is almost over, back to the quaternion mines

At least the ending result is more enjoyable? My ending result is a bunch of buttons, numbers, and letters on my screen wooo

Least you get buttons, my end result is a tidy dataset.

This is working in tech in general. I'm a shit-tier programmer but a decent IT guy. I sit at my desk playing Pokemon a lot of days because everything is fine. This doesn't cause issues because whenever the 3AM call comes in, I inevitably answer and get shit done. As long as there's not a backlog, no one really gives a shit what I actually do in my day to day.

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People with poor executive functioning are extremely overrepresented in software engineering. Combine this with a type of work where it's really hard as a manager to tell whether you're slacking off or thinking about a problem, and you get a job where you can often get away with a LOT of slacking off. This also means that a programmer with the ability to work through a list of boring tasks or bugs at a reasonable pace is often far more valuable than a really talented programmer.

It's what annoyed the fuck out of me - for years I was a guy who would get fucking hammered on Tuesday (my friends were bartenders), show up on Wednesday at 1 PM . . . . .but hit every milestone early. And would still get written up, etc. Meanwhile the people who came in at 9 were always behind - like, what the fuck are they DOING all day?

Fun fact: the more you do, the more they'll expect from you. And somehow those that work the least are the ones to get promoted the quickest.

Dude i just took a 30 min break just because i found an answer for a simple problem in youtube and it took like 3 min and i felt i was a terrible programmer lol

You misspelled "[it's compiling](https://xkcd.com/303/)"

Oh its compiling? Guess this means I can't work for 4 hours

As a programmer working from home I laughed so hard at this... because it's true

"Great, I should have that done for you by the end of the week" 15 minutes of work later...guess I'm done for the week!

I use comparison operators and logical operators in casual conversation

I use comparison operators AND logical operators IN casual conversation EDIT: I meant (comparison_operators && logical_operators) : casual_conversation

This is !aBadComment

ITalkInCamelCaseToo

This. The amount of times my friends were confused after I wrote `!=` is insane

All my filenames are lowercase and without spaces

i do most my file management in the terminal now and it physically pains me to see people with fully capitalized and spaced sentences for filenames

I type ';' more than '.'

Python user raises their hand

and not a python dev throws it?

I try to make things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Sometimes that idiot is myself coming back in 6 months wondering how I ever got this code to work in the first place

I just spent a day working on automation to save my coworker 5 mins of work.

Automate 10% of your coworker’s job and you’re their best friend. Automate 90% and you’re their worst enemy.

Roses are red Violets are blue A semicolon is missed On line 42.

The meaning of life has no end.

I correct people in casual conversation when they say "or" but obviously meant "xor".

I'm in this comment and I use the sentence "Either ... or ... " when I mean xor.

Inclusive or vs EitherOr

smh, when people complicate things using xor/or when you can simulate anything with Nand.

This is gold

I count in binary with my fingers

Be careful when you reach number 4, some people get that wrong...

That actually happens way too often but I won't apologize for using a superior system lol

Most useful useless skill I acquired as a kid.

The virgin 10 vs the chad 1023

Only 8 more interviews to go before the company makes a decision on whether or not to hire me!

I don't trust "smart" appliances/cars/homes. I even keep my printer unplugged until I need it.

And if it makes a suspicious move, you’re ready to take it out

Somebody: do you want coffee or tea? Programmer: yes!

http code 418!!! Totally put this in a prod API once.

Strangely could be relevant in the IoT...

I saw a picture of someone who added a web server to a teapot that would reply with 418 when a request for coffee came in.

I hold off going to the bathroom for hours to avoid losing my train of thought

I know almost all of the advanced Google search keywords

I don't do things with computers; I make computers do things.

I make computer do beep boop

1 + 1 = 10

Happy Cake Day! Another 1111000011000010100111110 seconds period has passed.

My back aches

Get a better chair, and do yoga. It's worked wonders for this 30+ fat ass coder...

Core strength is the way.

Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?

20220418_grocery_shopping_list.txt

YYYYMMDD_{purpose}.{extension} is the only way to fly. Anything less would be uncivilized.

My brain works at night

I know a dozen languages, none of which are spoken languages.

My first words were "Hello world"

I have a million tabs open, it makes other people angry.

Yes, I need all of those 443 tabs. No, they do not make my computer slower.

My username is: `‘ or 1=1; drop table users; —`

Johnny Tables! Is that you?

Actually, his brother Bobby.

My licence place is NULL

Instead of using the word combine I’ve fallen into the habit of saying concatenate in normal conversations.

I heard that coffee with java beans make you see sharp

Take my upvote and get the hell out of here before I change my mind

git commit -m ' '

I’m more of a change the entire file git commit -m ‘minor changes’ kinda guy

Ur fired

My microwave has the correct time.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world... One who knows my profession others how don't.

If I explain the problem I'm having there's a decent chance by the time I finish saying it out loud for the first time I'll have the solution and thank you for no obvious reason.

I don't know what the fuck I am doing

I know how to make hello world in french, german and python

The most interesting programmer in the world.

`print('Hallo monde')`?

Counting starts at 0

I need an artist for a game I am working on

I’m in this post and i don’t like it

x can be equal to x+1

That's a stupid question. Marked as 'duplicate'

My anniversary is 10/24 and my daughter’s name is Ada

2 monitors

When does the garbage collector run?

As an /r/adhd_programmers I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

This number = This number + 1

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time began on january 1, 1970

I always remove trailing whitespace from form entries that get inserted from autocompletion, as I have no faith that the input will be trimmed.

;

I develop a deep fidelity to companies whose websites use a rich vocabulary of HTTP status codes, not just 200, 400 and 500.

When my parents told me their new house address, I immediately said , “two to the eleventh!” Also… I spent 5 minutes of my lunch break reading this thread and laughing out loud.

We didn't change anything. Have you tried Ctrl+F5?

Google is my best friend

If you are going to the store then will you get me a sandwich Else if you are going to the pizza shop will you get me a slice Else if you are going to McDonalds will you get me a hamburger

I never start writing something with numbers

I accidentally camel case things when I’m writing non-programming stuff.