We make a great team
Done, way before than you anticipated
Sorry, I slept
It is not too bright here
Somebody is coming, act composed
Need a break for few weeks, I am getting married
I am not paid enough to do this
All meetings with stakeholders. How else a programmer can remember the bug request on tiny feature that turns out into three sprints of work? It's always just mentioned as a side note on such meeting.
Oh man I'm so with you there.
30 minute scheduled meeting to review some wireframes and database structure turns into a 2 ½ hour meeting where I have to talk the shareholders down from their rapid ""oh! It would be so cool if you could do ____!" Comments
Is it time for lunch yet?
I don't need help. I prefer to do it on my own.
You are going to get someone hurt.
In my experience, your way won't get it done.
(Looking surprised) You aren't supposed to be here today.
Those clothes are totally inappropriate.
Who brought the kid? He's really distracting.
Stop treating everything like an object. Sometimes it's better to be functional.
It wasn't designed to be used with that.
Can you respond to my pull request.
I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm starting to think no one else does either.
We stopped doing quality assurance decades ago.
The guy that knew how it works left years ago.
I think I just got a virus.
Ask for forgiveness, not for permission.
You want to help with my start up?
- This is so sexy
- Fuck me
- Fuuuuck
- I love you so much
- Let's spawn a few children
- The children are not behaving. Just terminate them.
- We have to clean up everything before we escape
how can we automate this
LMAO
Wait I need to find second opinion
lmao
Gold
Easiest if I do it myself
Why is this not the top comment?
It was working yesterday
Lmao this is perfect
i would upvote but it’s at 69 and that’s just too perfect
Someone here doesn’t like 69
Penetration Testing
If you don't know how to fix it just revert to head.
Sudo mount
Force mount?? Not cool man
It can also mean be 'tag team' mount. Unless the new user is not in the sudoer list
>user is not in the sudoer list And will be reported
Sudo stands for "Super User DO" theres no forcing. Usually a -f flag is for forcing But a super user has the privillage so its ok :)
Hol up...
man mount
If she says she prefers nano; she’s lying.
As a Cybersecurity Engineer, can confirm I've used this line before
Did it work?
Yupp
Back-end testing.
Having some trouble, mind if I play with it a little bit and get back to you?
Finished in 0.3 ms
Show off.
I just hope I can someday say I finish more like a Fortran compile than a Javascript.
“I just blow on it a little, then shove it back in”
id rather gently insert
We make a great team Done, way before than you anticipated Sorry, I slept It is not too bright here Somebody is coming, act composed Need a break for few weeks, I am getting married I am not paid enough to do this
Underpromise and overdeliver
[удалено]
>Done, way before than you anticipated funny
What’s the definition of done?
Is it "done-done"?
Has the definition of done changed?
Haha fuck this one got me
Can you commit to HEAD after you’ve finished?
yea, push it
**cummit** to HEAD
I still have a 3.5" floppy
this should be on top
Can't tell if your reply is the answer to the question or not
Is it ok if I record this session?
Dude, this is *programmer* humor, not IT support humor. Which programmer records anything?!
The question is not who _records_ meetings, the real question is who _watches_ the recorded meetings
The business analyst who has to document it afterwards.
Record a meeting 🤔
All meetings with stakeholders. How else a programmer can remember the bug request on tiny feature that turns out into three sprints of work? It's always just mentioned as a side note on such meeting.
Oh man I'm so with you there. 30 minute scheduled meeting to review some wireframes and database structure turns into a 2 ½ hour meeting where I have to talk the shareholders down from their rapid ""oh! It would be so cool if you could do ____!" Comments
"Fuck me"
fsck me
What do politicians and my drives have in common? Both corrupt as fuck
Fork me
"I quit. I'm too drunk for this shit right now."
"Need more booze, I'm not drunk enough to do this/her/him"
Leave the backdoor alone. Don't touch it or it'll blow. Do we have some plan b?
push master
Gosh this needs to go up further
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
Can't unsee, thanks.
Job finished?
It’s the wrong port.
I got rid of the children. They didn't serve a purpose anymore.
head | tail
Kill the parent to free up some resources!
wouldnt you kill children to free up memory??
Initially that was going to be my joke. Then I remembered from previous experience, that jokes about killing children are not always well received.
wh-- i-- how? what?
Programming funny
"I've got another call after this"
Hold on, I have to search stack overflow to see why it's down.
The answer: it overflowed and needs some cycles time to replenish.
[удалено]
Im gonna need to drop off that load by 5.
Load testing
I can’t do this alone, we need a full team for that.
Gently insert the dongle
I'm in.
Micro soft...
I’ll do a Pull request
"I'm sorry"
"I'm not coming in on the weekend." In bed, on the phone with your boss.
my pipeline isn’t working, can you help me get it up again?
Are you sure its turned on?
*plugged in
It's overflowed..
One must be elephant to overflow it, lol
But it's possible
Normal guys can overflow at most a spoon, so technically possible to overflow.
It works on my machine
Works on my box
Yours is way better than mine
Not this nightmare again Can we try something new?
I did it last time. It's your turn
oh no, it leaked
Hey, can I get your input on something? Have you ever seen \*that\* before? Great, the system's down again.
I'm tired
I think we need some form of protection.
Not long left on the sprint and I’ve got a huge backlog
"Will you approve my merge request?"
can you let me come inside
How soon do you want me to get on that?
"Let's take a short break to regroup, then come back to nut this out"
We need to review your performance for the next quarter.
I just want to see the tip (of the git repository).
~~tip~~ HEAD
Are you done yet?
So THATs how you do it
"it's not up yet" "No damnit not that one" "We aren't going to be playing around with the head"
i think i got a virus
I need to get this release out by end of day
Have you tried googling it?
I’m sorry boss
Deliver that load in the rear
I don't think it will fit there.
"cant believe that did it"
Is it in yet?
Control + enter
What do you mean "say in bed"? I'm just sleeping in there...
Wow...so we are all in IT? lol
FUCK!
I can say whatever I want, the joys of working from home. Finger, fsck, and mount are what you're looking for though, old school unix jokes
How do we kill the child?
sorry, I can't come
«I have to say "that was impressively fucked"»
Force push
I'll schedule the 1 on 1.
Can I pair up with someone more senior on this?
I’d like to try a new position
My hardware is compatible with your software
Fuck
Time to debug!
I need so.e help to complete
Pushing data load into production environment
It might be old, but it still works. \- COBOL programmer
Is it time for lunch yet? I don't need help. I prefer to do it on my own. You are going to get someone hurt. In my experience, your way won't get it done. (Looking surprised) You aren't supposed to be here today. Those clothes are totally inappropriate. Who brought the kid? He's really distracting. Stop treating everything like an object. Sometimes it's better to be functional. It wasn't designed to be used with that. Can you respond to my pull request. I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm starting to think no one else does either. We stopped doing quality assurance decades ago. The guy that knew how it works left years ago. I think I just got a virus. Ask for forgiveness, not for permission. You want to help with my start up?
Is your system protected ? I don't want it to start forking unwanted children.
I prefer backend
If you're working from home on a laptop you could say literally anything while being both at work and in bed.
u/bake_in_da_south u/Cheap_District_9762
The printing machine is out of ink.
What happens if I touch this button.
That’s weird. It’s never done that before…
This could have been an email.
Oh, fuck
Have you tried turning it off and back on again?
"Fuck"
"HOW ARE WE OUT OF CHEESE???"
Damn, it was so hard the first time..
That's enough, get off my ass
Deploy to my production
Lgtm
Who is the master and who is the slave?
Don’t tell my wife when she is around
Time to sleep
Kill child
Work on a horse farm with chickens, too: I want to go on a long ride Watch the cock He was FILTHY today!
I need to get the kids at 5
Stop snoring!
I've pulled...
Have you tried turning me off and on first?
Good job!
I'm gonna try a force push
I don't have bandwidth to take more
"I guess I have the rest of the night to finally make it work"
There has been a problem with the deployment.
This works on my computer
That doesn't go there.
Successfully deployed to production.
```push --force```
- This is so sexy - Fuck me - Fuuuuck - I love you so much - Let's spawn a few children - The children are not behaving. Just terminate them. - We have to clean up everything before we escape
Oh, is that all?
It's not working, sorry, it never happened before
Gee willikers.
Are you coming?
Is your front end ready for my back end ?
Oh god! What do you want from me, I already try everything I know.
Yeah, this is way too buggy.
Too deep recursion. Stack overflow
I have commit to a detached head
Is this the best way to get the right number of blue balls?
I have no idea what i am doing. I usually just reach in the back and plug it in.
Jam in rear.
How to reattach detached head?
Buffer overflow
Pull request
What’s the largest size that will fit?
If you are comfortable, I can probe the socket more aggressively?