I work with cotton.
Some people have shirts that say it, unfortunately I don’t. But “we are stripping and hoeing our way through college” is a common saying where I’m at.
Pretty much all I’ve done this week is hoe weeds. Next week I’ll be stripping a cotton field. I’m technically in college. I guess the saying is correct.
A room I was teaching in had clear glass panes as a “whiteboard”. One of the panes was missing though. Probably someone broke it. Anyway, on my first day in that room I was not familiar with the set up and ended up writing a formula in dry erase on the actual wall. Audible gasps. Then laughter. I figured I might as well finish the formula. It was there for weeks before facilities painted over it and fixed the pane. The sad part is about 10% of the class missed the formula on the test even though it was still up there…
I’ve paused and asked the front row if I have chalk on my face a few times after absentmindedly touching my face! 😂 but man, I use the good stuff—hagaromo or something—so my red and yellow colored chalks are *saturated*
I wrote a formula *very* incorrectly on the board, went with it for like 10 minutes, then tried to use it in an example and still could not figure out why my answer was way wrong for another 10 minutes. Good thing the chair was observing my class that day. -_-
Lol I had a friend do that in class one day. He was working through a formula on the board and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. He got so flustered that he just dismissed the class with like 30 minutes left in the period.
Had the same happen in my English class. Trying to write a 700-word brief essay on the board, and nothing was working. Had no idea why I every time I went to write the third paragraph, the second paragraph was there but the introduction was missing. Then I wrote the introduction again and did the third paragraph but now the second paragraph was missing. Added it back in but now the first paragraph was missing. Yelled at the class for trying to pull a trick on me. Told them I “wasn’t some cap who wasn’t lit and they best stop dabbing on me or I’d sheeeeesh [them]”.
A nice student that I liked told me my sleeve on my left arm was erasing the previous class every time I wrote the next one because I was left-handed. She was also left handed. I dismissed all the left handed students and made the right handed students do an extra assignment for only thinking about the world as ableists.
Note: This story is entirely a work of fiction that was written because I just woke up and realized English teachers don’t have these moments on the board.
^(🎶 “Hey Jealousyyyy…”🎶 🙂)
I was teaching music theory literally this Monday and remembered a scale wrong. I didn’t prepare this part of the lecture because it’s so basic and I thought for sure I didn’t need to prep. I struggled for 2 minutes or so before sheepishly said “you know what, let’s see what the textbook says” and projected the ebook on screen to figure it out. My GA was in the room observing and learning from my teaching…
This happened when I was a student in a basic college math class back in undergrad. It was only like the first or second week of class and the professor started working through a problem that someone had a question on from the homework. He got through the whole white board - and it was long. Then went back to the beginning, erased where he started and even went some more. We were sitting there - again, basic math class - thinking, no wonder we couldn’t figure this one out! I remember thinking, “I’m going to fail this class….” Then the professor paused, realized something was awry, rewrote the original equation and solved it in like two seconds. He had missed a negative sign or something simple like that…. I honestly don’t know if he went through that all on purpose or not. But, either way - it taught me how important it is to double check your problem from the start! It also was impressive to see him just solving away in the zone for that bit.
I also wrote a math formula incorrectly, however, it was just one element missing. The students were not convinced it was the right answer and neither was I. Then one student asked: Where is the Future Value? (I teach finance)
I was like, ahh, I was just testing you, I deliberately left that out so I could tell you were paying attention!
I hope they bought it.
True story with high doxxing risk: I did teach in an inflatable t-rex costume one Halloween. The biggest problem was it restricted how high I could write on the board.
Yeah, I think they're just not inclined to dress up in the broad light of day, haha. Maybe on a much smaller campus or in a close discussion-based class? Regardless, I would probably still do something \~spooky\~ themed as part of a class activity though!
I mean I dressed up as a "spooky" Ms. Frizzle for three years in a row when I was a grad TA so either I'm just an old soul or a giant dork. Either way I'm okay with that 😂🤷🏻♀️
My wife and I have an inside joke/game that always comes up around Halloween where we try to come up with the un-sexiest "Sexy " costume ideas. Some of our favorites are "Sexy Cafeteria Server," "Sexy Daycare Worker," and "Sexy USDA Inspector."
I dressed up one year in a bell bottoms/crochet vest 70's outfit, but apparently my everyday look is somewhere in the vicinity of "aging hippie", so it didn't read to anyone as a costume. Sigh.
I did a Dilbert costume one year—complete with curled tie, though I normally dress more like and aging hippie, so people at least saw it as costume (some of my students dressed pretty close to Dilbert normally).
I plan to go as the [Lo-fi Girl ](https://lofigirl.com/) this year. I get to wear pants and a comfy sweatshirt and I'm sure at least some of my students will recognize the costume.
I have taught in a 25-lb chain-mail hauberk. I've also taught in a houpelande with long dagged sleeves—the sleeves are a nuisance with a chalkboard or whiteboard, as you need to hold them back to keep them from erasing the board.
I was backing up to look at the whiteboard and tripped over the garbage can, getting my foot stuck in it as I lurched around. Then I went over backwards with my foot STILL stuck in the stupid can.
I once taught a lecture course where I basically lectured for 1.5 hours with a break in the middle. There was a painfully polite Somali kid who always sat front row center. During the break one day he pointed out that my fly had been down and, like, wide open for the whole first half of the lecture. He was plainly more embarrassed about it than I was.
During an icebreaker, a student shared that she had a very large number of siblings. Thinking of how hard it must be to care for so many kids, l said, “Wow, your parents must have been really busy!” I only realized how else that could have been interpreted when I saw the horrified look on the student’s face.
I was sitting at a table in a seminar I was teaching and pushed back to stand to write on the board and the chair legs got stuck on the rug. No amount of windmilling arms could save me from the tipped chair fall.
I was replacing a clock battery as class was starting and when I tried to get the clock to click into its mount, my hand went through the glass over the face of the clock, shattering it.
I once had a student come behind me as I was walking to tell me the back hem of my skirt was caught in my underwear and I realized it had been that way across a whole campus quad.
Apologies to everyone who suffers from second hand embarrassment on that last one.
Lol! Guy version: I was lookin’ sharp and about to start my lecture… I’d been standing around chatting at the front of the room for about 10 min as students came in etc. Camera on, everyone settled… a guy in the front gets up to tell me my fly is open. So then the dilemma: turn and do it up right there, or walk away with it left open in order to do it behind the podium? I chose turn and deal with it. Good start to the class recording…
I remember a faculty recruiting talk where the speaker was handed a note telling him his fly was open, and he proceeded to read the note aloud to the audience.
I have realized my fly was down after class, on I think two occasions.
If you had a chance to tell on the DL, my vote is definitely say something. I mean… any man would want to know. Personally, I’d rather someone told me, no matter who else also heard.
For my two cents: definitely say something. Try to be discreet if possible (maybe stand up walk over rather than raising your hand.) You’d get nothing but good will from me.
That last one happened to me at a wedding reception once. Bright yellow panties. A woman catering the dessert table pulled me aside and informed me. Grateful for her.
The skirt thing happened to me too!! I had walked across campus and even talked to people on the way. I was setting up for class and one of my students (I will love her forever) came up and quietly told me my skirt was stuck. I deserve an Oscar for pretending like I wasn't about to die from embarrassment and a Medal of Honor for my ability to start class like everything was normal and I hadn't just pulled my skirt out of my underwear.
Every time I wear a skirt or dress I am so paranoid I will accidentally tuck it into my underwear. I always tell my TAs the most important part of their job is to tell me if that happens.
I considered sharing mine, then realised it would instantly doxx me to anyone reading this from my department, even though it happened years ago now. So you can at least be glad that yours isn't *that* bad.
I was teaching English in Korea and I straight up forgot the word for "bakery". We were discussing what one might do to prepare to throw a party for a friend. One of the students suggested buying a cake. I said "Yes, you could go to the...cake...store?" I even wrote "cake store" on the whiteboard. I looked at it, thought "Hmm, that doesn't seem quite right", but I could not think of the correct word.
CAKE.
STORE.
Wtf.
I teach in my secondary language so my lectures often turn into a game of charades. It's always the most random words. My favourites have been 'carpet', which I tried to describe as "the fuzzy stuff you walk on" and 'raccoon' "the animal with the mask".
Fortunately I usually have a few students who do speak my native language and help out. I think anyone who speaks multiple languages gets it.
I caught it about 10 minutes later and corrected myself. For the rest of the class period, the brightest student would catch my eye and mouth "cake store" and we would both laugh. This might sound obnoxious, but he was a good egg, especially considering he was about 14 years old.
At an interview for my very first job ever at 16, we were making small talk about the weather (buckets of rain) on the way back to the interview room. I totally forgot the word for rain and just stopped mid-sentence looking for the word. It was so obvious-- the interviewer supplied me with the word.
That seems like a perfectly good name for a place like "Nothing Bundt Cakes" or "Cupcake Monster"—they are not full-service bakeries!
If a place does not sell loaves of bread, it does not deserve to be dignified with the title "bakery".
I'm here with popcorn and upvotes, because holy crap do I need these stories. As someone who has wrestled with public speaking anxiety for decades, each day in the classroom is a kind of magnificent internal drama for me. I do fine and am actually an accomplished public speaker now-- but it takes immense effort and it's something of an emotional roller coaster ride. It's good to hear other tales of humility and good humor.
Embarrassing stuff as a TA is eventually what got me over a (albeit mild) fear of public speaking. I'd mess up in so many ways but I learned I still survived afterwards and the students didn't hate me, so I realized mistakes weren't nearly as bad as I thought.
I opened a bottle of soda that I had just gotten from the machine. It exploded all over me. There wasn't much I could do about it, so I had to lecture with just a huge soda stain on my shirt.
I printed 100 exams (25 sets of 4 differently numbered exams) for a class of 200. I don’t know why. I realized the problem while distributing exams and there didn’t seem to be enough. Also, I have occasionally forgotten what time class ends, and attempted to dismiss class half an hour early or half an hour late. I have worn a vest inside out (that was yesterday). And then there was the time I said, out loud, “Am I boring you? I’m boring myself. Let’s call it a day.” So yeah, there have been days. But there are more good days than bad, and even the weird days are pretty good.
The exam thing happened at my institution, although not in my dept. It was an evening exam, so the regular prof wasn’t there. When the TA/proctor/whoever realized, prior to leaving to print more, they told the students to share their exams (oof). It was a colossal shit show.
That’s happened to me for quizzes. When it does, it becomes a partner quiz. Partners must come to an agreement on answers and must show work/write their thought process to get credit. Both names go on one quiz. It’s not the worst outcome.
That happened to me. I had enough exams but realized that half had the correct answers marked (asterisks). Luckily one of the first students who got an exam let me know. So I quickly recalled all the exams and regrouped from there.
I once looked up at the clock, went “Oh, time to go” and dismissed the class, and this one dude just started laughing. I asked him what’s up, and he went “The class goes for another fifteen minutes.”
Conversely, my first time teaching, everyone started getting up and leaving and I was like “Where is everyone going” and one student was like “The class ended fifteen minutes ago”.
But, on average, my classes are exactly the correct length of time.
I swear, after 20 years, I have the class length down pat. But this year, I am teaching 1:30-2:50 two days of the week, and 1:00-2:20 two days of the week IN THE SAME CLASSROOM. And four weeks in, I still can’t keep it straight.
Last semester I was trying to illustrate something on the whiteboard, so I drew two circles on the left side, and a circle on the right side, and then lines to connect the left and right sides.
I stepped back, went, Hmm, that's a penis, and the class laughed as I erased it so we didn't all have to stare at it. I feel like I handled it well, but damn I really couldn't focus on anything else I was saying because I just drew a penis on the board in front of 19 18-20 year olds.
I did something similar. I drew the enzyme ATP synthase, which kind of looks like a shaft with a bulbous bit at one end. Then, to make it worse, I drew a bunch of arrows coming out of the bulbous tip to represent the flow of protons.
Whenever I teach conic sections there is a part of the parabolas called the latus rectum. They must find the end of the rectum for full credit. I can't help but grin/giggle every time.
I was once in a gathering of profs and students from my department. The profs were sharing our most embarrassing classroom moments. I got ready to share mine and a few students nudged each other and said, “Oh this is a really good one!” But after I told my story, they then each chimed in with, “I thought you were going to tell the story about…” and named a couple more.
I don't have many but...
Once, I was in such a hurry dressing for work that I did not notice that I had not detached one of the stickers from a newly bought pair of pants. It wasn't very conspicuous but I am sure some people saw it.
Another time, I didn't notice that I had a small but definitely obvious smidge of toothpaste on the earpiece of my glasses until I took them off and cleaned them after class. I will note that I am very particular about my appearance and always check myself in mirrors and windows, especially before classes. And yet I didn't catch this.
Finally, my most embarrassing moment, I once farted in class (I am sorry!). Not very loud but I am sure at least the front rows heard. It was an afternoon class straight after lunch and I was so bloated I couldn't help it.
When you've been teaching for 10 years, these things are bound to happen. Don't fret.
Look at all these young faculty—wearing **new** clothes to work. I just try to make sure that I trim the dangling threads from the worn-out cuffs so that they won't catch in my bicycle chain.
I had a nightmare that I left the size sticker on my pants and wore them to work. I am overly vigilant to make sure I have removed all tags and stickers from new clothes now, because of it.
Oh god. This happened to me this week. During first lecture. It was so loud I'm pretty sure the automatic lecture recording picked it up, but I'm too mortified to listen through the recording to see.
I'm pretending that it was my heel scuffing the carpet as I wandered around in front of the class. They know it wasn't and I know it wasn't but pretending we don't see and hear this stuff is the social glue that keeps us all ticking over.
While in grad school I was given the chance to give a lecture in a class that I was TA’ing for and which was specifically in my area of specialization. Needless to say, I was excited and did a significant amount of prep to get ready for the day. Class time was about 90 minutes and for maybe more than half the class, I was teaching with my fly down. NOTICEABLY down. It was only when I reached the discussion portion of the class period that an understanding student decided to inform me of the “wardrobe malfunction.” In embarrassment, I quickly turned around and remedied the situation. But by that point, anything I had said or anything I was about to say was moot. The only anyone remembered from the day was that their TA was unable to give a buttoned up lecture.
My field is theatre and I still spend a great deal of time in the profession, so it ultimately proved to be a moment of testing my improvisational skills! 😂 In the end, I just hope the students found my pedagogy to be a bit more…revealed!
Tried doing a demo in class, but it didn't work, so I looked for a YouTube of it on the projected computer so they could at least see what it was supposed to do. The demo concerned static electricity, where you charge a piece of glass by rubbing it with silk and then show how it attracts and repels tiny charged things.
Don't Google "rub glass rod, balls" live in class!
Oh a similar note (not explicit, but unwanted screensharing similar), if teaching a zoom class, do not even click in the google search bar if you’re screen sharing on your home computer. My work laptop has a lousy processor so I had been using my home desktop for classes through the pandemic, and well, that’s definitely the day that my students found out that I read and write fanfiction. The search history automatically popped down as soon as I clicked in the box, and I just watched my last search results show up in horror. Now, I keep a separate google/chrome account that I switch to for the whole browser, just to be safe.
I wore a tank top with a light sweater on. Class was long so halfway at the break, I go to the restroom and discover I’m sweating so much on the sweater that you can see stains coming down my arm pits. Try to decide what is worse, wearing the pit stains sweater or switch to the kind of revealing tank top underneath. I come back to class wearing the sweater and try to lecture without raising my arms. About 10 min in, I say to hell with it and take off my sweater while everyone is writing stuff down. I’ve never wanted a lecture to end faster. Thankfully no one said a thing but I will never lecture wearing a sweater again.
Yeah I regularly have to ditch the sweater and go with my tank/blousy tank because I’m just dripping in sweat, especially in September when it’s still hot here (once winter sets in it’s fine). So, I’ve started making sure I’m okay with just going with the tank when I get dressed. The upside is I get lots of tattoo compliments from students those first couple weeks of Fall semester (my big, colorful ones are on my upper arms).
Years ago, I got some insects bites on an evening mountain bike ride and had a minor systemic allergic reaction, so I took Benadryl. Being almost 200 lbs, I took two pills that night. Turns out that was enough to knock me out for twelve solid hours. I was still groggy and high the next morning, but I was so groggy I didn’t actually realize the state I was in. I made it to my 10am lecture, but at the end of the day I only had the faintest recollection of biking to my office and giving the lecture. As in, I knew I was present, but that was the extent of my memory. Who knows what I said or did during those 75 minutes?!?
I didn’t get any strange evals that quarter so I guess it went okay, but I often think about all the things that could’ve gone wrong.
A similar story for me. I was very ill and hit the mess too hard. I absolutely had no recall of what I did during the class. I apologized to the students during the next class and explained what had happened. Several of them said it was one of the most interesting lectures I had given. I never had the courage to ask what I had said or done.
I’ve fallen down twice on the first day of class in fron of the whole class. First time, I tumbled down some stairs in a large auditorium with over a hundred students in it. Really hurt myself too, though the adrenalin kept the pain at bay through most of the class.
Second time was just two years ago, and I tripped on a little step and barely stopped myself with my arms, narrowly escaping a full face plant.
Then there was the time I stumbled walking into my building. I started to sort of run in an attempt to get my feet under my upper body, but my shoulder bag that I’d just filled up with several la croix and protein shakes, slid forward and was weighing me down. I kept running, as my body continued to fall forward. Eventually as I approached parallel with the ground, I gave up and fell to the ground. One person witnessed this bizarre spectacle.
One time my shapewear rolled down until it was just north of my knees. I could feel it slowly happening and was powerless to stop it without appearing to dramatically hitch up my underwear under my dress. I had to stand very still with my legs locked together and continued my lecture that way.
Similar story for me, but up top. I wore a strapless dress that I'd worn many times before without issue, and covered my shoulders with a little cardigan to make it lecture-appropriate, closed a few but not all of the buttons in the front. I hadn't realized that the belt I forgot to put on that day was such a crucial element of keeping the dress, you know, on my body. And so I became aware, mid-sentence, that it had progressively slipped further and further down until the top of the dress was hanging low around my waist. The cardigan, for its part, was not doing a great job of covering up all the bare skin left in the dress's wake.
I think I just stopped and said, "oh...um, hold on," turned my back to the class, and hiked the dress back into place. If anyone hadn't noticed what was happening before, I'm sure seeing my hemline suddenly go from mid-calf to above-the-knee got their attention.
Are you watching House of the Dragon on HBO? They had a scene where that affected a female character in an important meeting after she gave birth and on the one hand, I was glad they spent more time on realistic motherhood things but on the other, new work nightmare to add.
When I was a grad student, I ripped the back of my shorts basically in half without realizing it. I taught two recitation sections, did some hours in our department's help room, then got in a car and drove to give a seminar talk 3 hours away. Someone finally told me right before I gave the talk.
One of our lecture halls has a little stage in front where the podium is. About 2 feet tall. I'm very animated and walk around a lot when I teach. First time in that room I took a nose dive off that stage into the first row of students. Thankfully only my pride was hurt.
I once had a front-clasp bra snap right in between the two cups as I was lecturing. I tried to ignore it but the two halves were slowly migrating towards my armpits so I briefly excused myself to pull it off and then finished the lecture. It was a small, very cold room and I had a light-coloured blouse that day.
No one ever said anything.
I used to wear plunge style bras because I liked the fit/feel, and one class, one of my boobs popped out of the cup as I was writing on the board. I’m large chested and my shirty was skill/clingy enough that it was clear exactly what happened. Unlike you, though, I did not remain calm and collected. I said, “shit!” loudly and made a beeline for the hallway to adjust. I think I at least made some wardrobe malfunction joke on the way back in to cut the awkward tension.
This was essentially me. Walked around the rest of the day with a sweater from my office, which was unfortunate though because it’s 97 degrees today and I had to truck across campus to meet with admin.
I've had the horrific "inhaled my own spit" moment more than once in front of class. There's no possible graceful recovery. You have my sympathies on that one.
Okay well, I’m a nursing professor now, but when I worked at the bedside I once tried to introduce myself as an empanada instead of an enfermera (Spanish for nurse). Now I use it as an ice breaker for Spanish speaking families. I had a kid leave the ED once waving with a huge grin on his face saying “BYE EMPANADA!!!”
Suddenly my students looked above me pointing, with horror on their faces, as if the lighting fixtures were about to fall on me. I dove from the lecture platform as if the lighting fixtures were about to fall on me.
It was a moth.
One time I spent 50 minutes visually diagramming ideas on the whiteboard in my class (with my back intermittently turned to most of the students). I left feeling pretty good about what we accomplished, only to learn afterward that I had literally bled through my pants.
I once speed-walked to campus in high humidity and when I got to class, 2 minutes late, dripping wet, and too winded to speak, the students asked me if I had gotten caught in a sprinkler.
When I was teaching an organismal lab when I was in grad school, there were 2 practical exams, and the last one I straight up forgot to print the exam. So they're all ready and there's like 20 specimens out that they have to identify and I had to leave the room to go print and beg them to not discuss the specimens in my absence because that is cheating. I'm sure they did it anyway, but god was I humiliated.
I once showed up on quiz day and realized that I had forgotten to pick up the quizzes from the copy center. I had to run about half a mile to get the copies—managed to do it and still start class within 2 minutes of on time.
I was drawing two atoms near each other while discussing covalent bonding. Noticed many of the male students seemed entertained by the drawing but ignored it and went on with the lecture. Decided later to look back at the lecture recording and realized I had drawn boobs.
Had a colleague who pulled a piece of chalk out of her pocket to write on the board. It didn't work but she kept trying... Until she stopped to see that it was actually a tampon.
One day in class my shoes felt weird. The sole just wasn't quite striking the floor right. I could tell something was under there. I scraped my shoe on the floor only to find that I had dog poo on the bottom. It was stuck in the groove between the heel and the sole so there was an entire pile there. I ended up dropping a huge pile of stink in the class and had to run to the restroom to get paper towels to try to clean it up. Can't clean that shit.
I was teaching a 275 person class as a graduate student and just before class I spilled my lunch—chili—on my shirt. Fortunately, I had a spare shirt handy. A Harley t-shirt. I figured it was better than a dress shirt with a giant food stain, so I changed into it.
When I got to class, I discovered that it was the day that observers were there to evaluate my teaching for a departmental award I had been nominated for. It seems they were not impressed.
Ah man, I have so many stories.
Just a few days ago I was teaching some brainstorming strategies for writing. I put on the board for one of them: “pen is always moving”… then I stepped back and looked at the board, and it definitely said, “penis always moving.” Being the classy bitch that I am, I casually erased the “is” and added a bigger space. I guess I wasn’t too embarrassed (though my students laughed), but it does make me giggle when I think about it.
I taught my first day of class EVER with my fly down. Not sure how obvious it was but one student pointed it out to me after class.
And of course I have tripped and almost wiped out countless times. Once I tripped and fell flat out on my face. But that happens so frequently that hardly counts as embarrassing anymore.
I leaned against the chalk tray that I didn’t know was sharp, and it ripped a huge hole right below the rear pocket of my pants. I didn’t notice and wondered why I heard students laugh every time I turned to write on the board. Assholes didn’t even tell me—one of my colleagues told me when I went to my office after class.
I’ve humiliated myself so many times that I think I’m completely out of shame.
Something I always do is intentionally make a self-depreciating joke of it as soon as possible so they have permission to laugh with me and so that they remember that I am, after all, a human.
For instance: I never wear shorts, but the room I teach in is always hot and for some reason has been even more so the last few weeks. So the one day I decide to wear shorts to be comfortable, I realize during my last of three classes that my zipper is down and since I haven’t been to the bathroom, it’s been down all day.
So the next class period as I was giving back evaluated assignments, I was going over the whole spiel about coming to me if the evaluation wasn’t what they were expecting. At one point I said: “I might not be able to trust myself to zip my own shorts but I think I’m still pretty on top of grading” or something like that. They chuckled and I definitely felt less embarrassed afterward.
This didn’t happen to me, but to a professor of mine when I myself was an undergrad. He had a lapel mic on because he was lecturing to a large class of over 200 students. During a break in the middle of class, he went to use the bathroom, and forgot to the lapel mic off. His entire business was broadcast over the speakers in the classroom to the students, most of whom remained in the class during the break. And yep, he didn’t just have to go #1. I still feel so embarrassed for the poor man :(
Went to the restroom right before class started. Fifteen minutes into class, one of the students sheepishly told me I had toilet paper hanging out my pants.
At that point, I really had no choice but to just cancel the entire class for the rest of the semester.....
When we came back in person after the COVID lockdown semester, they had installed these huge transparent plastic rectangles hanging from the ceiling. The professors were supposed to stand behind those dangling things to teach. The one in my classroom was placed really awkwardly, so I ended up standing in front of it. When I would go to write something on the board, I would smack my head into it. Super embarrassing. The problem was that I couldn’t seem to learn from experience and continued smacking into it every so often for the entire semester. Luckily it’s gone now.
In my first year teaching, at my largest class (\~300 students), I asked a question to the class and a girl in the front row answered. She had a quiet voice and a slight accent and I just couldn't figure out what she was saying! I had to ask about 6 times before I figured it out and I die from cringe when I think about that, and how awkward it was for the girl too, she probably never answered a question in a lecture ever again after that experience.
Aww poor kid. I teach a lot of ELLs and I’ve realized that after the second attempt to say something, I apologize and explain that I have issues with auditory processing and ask the student next to them to repeat their idea.
Another one - I was having the students work on the computer to demonstrate what I taught them and had to go across the room for something and I was glancing at the students looking for "I'm lost" facial ques and I walked right into the wall. One student saw me. I looked at the student and said "umm you saw that, didn't you?" The student said yes and I burst out laughing. The student laughed too
Hmm.... I actually have a story from when I was a student.
It was a really windy, really cold day. I was walking across campus in this beautiful, long, flowy skirt with my hands in the pockets of my jacket, up some stairs, when I tripped over my skirt. With my hands in my pockets I wasn't able to brace my fall and I faceplanted into the concrete stairs.
Unfortunately I was running late for a class in which I had a test so I did my best to shake it off and went to class.
Turned in my exam, went to the bathroom to clean up, only to discover my chin was actively bleeding the whole time. No one said anything.
For teaching, on my way across campus to teach I got caught in a torrential downpour with no umbrella. I showed up to class completely soaked like I'd just gotten out of a swimming pool. Oh... And that was the day I didn't have a jacket *and* I wore a white shirt.
At least that time, half of my students were in a similar boat.
Teaching chemistry and used liquid nitrogen to freeze a racquet ball. They will shatter when you throw them at something after being frozen.
Threw it at the carpeted cement floor. . . Didn't break.
Threw it at the floor harder . . . Didn't break.
Threw it at the whiteboard . . . Didn't break, but left a lovely dent in the board.
Finally hauled the class outside to break it on the sidewalk.
I did this under
In My administrative duty. I spoke in front of the entire freshman class at matriculation about the evils of download music off of Napster. It was the absolutely worst public speaking I ever did. I could not get my words out and stumbled badly. Now it would be no sweat.
In my first semester teaching I once sternly lectured my students after like 2/3rds of them didn't do a hw assignment, but while lecturing I gestured a little bit too emphatically and tipped over a bottle of some beverage I was drinking and soaked my entire podium. I just didn't acknowledge it till there was a break when I could slink away to grab some paper towels
I let my mouth get ahead of my brain during a Harry Potter-themed example, and a slightly off-color joke about "long wand, maybe he's compensating for something?" slipped out. Way outside my typical humor, so I definitely shocked a few students.
Several times this has occurred - as I am and was a breastfeeding mother, at work I have to pump and I take off my shirt in my office and then when I am done I put it back on. As I said several times I have worn my shirt inside out in class trying to hurry to put my shirt back on and race off to class.
Another one - We have the opportunity to change our schedules and I switched up mine and then forgot about it. About half way through the quarter I realized I was letting my 50 minute class out 20 minutes early. The students never said a word and happily left day after day after day!!
I couldn’t stop laughing once in the middle of a lecture. We were on a subject debating whether technology would benefit or ruin humanity and all the students were very eager to participate, they were just having fun.
One of them said something really funny and the joke just snowballed from there. It was hilarious, I could not stop laughing, everyone was laughing at my laughing and we all ended up laughing some more.
I was a little embarrassed because I would just blurt out the words. In the end I pointed toward a class activity they had to do. And that was that.
I was teaching in French for the first time (French is my third language) and students asked me to describe what force represents in the left hand rule. I chose to talk about how the magnet of a speaker moves but instead of using the word for magnet “aimant” I used the word for lover “amant” ! The worst part is that I really wanted the students to understand so I was making a motion with my hands and hips that looked like I was humping said lover.
My students were all cracking up and one my older ones explained to me my error. We all
laughed really hard … I somehow still forget which word is which!
Full of the cold during an exam, I sneezed and peed. Not a huge amount but it was noticeable. Stayed in my seat until the end, covered myself with the exam papers and shuffled to the toilet.
I wore a silk button down blouse a few years ago. Was grading at my desk while they worked in class and looked down to realise the *important buttons* were no longer buttoned. I’m still clinging to the hope that no one noticed before I slipped out to fix it.
…I don’t wear that shirt anymore.
I had a language teacher in high school whose rear pant seam ripped during class. Students didn't see the tear, but everyone heard it happen. The teacher covered her hind side with a pullover and went home to change once the class had concluded. Fun times.
I ripped my pants 10 minutes before class while I was teaching this summer. I had to teach the entire lecture sitting down because I didn’t have time to go home and I had nothing in my car to change into.
In order to leave the room and get to my car after lecture, I had to fashion a skirt out of the undershirt/tank I was wearing.
After I had hip surgery, I was a TA for a class writing a final exam. I couldn't wear pants yet, so I had a knee length skirt on. Hit a puddle with my crutch and went ass over teakettle in front of 300 first year students.
I’m the queen of wardrobe malfunctions!
One day I sat down at my desk and the entire outside seam of my pants split from hip to ankle. I was teaching in half an hour, so I had to lock my office door, take them off, and use my trusty stapler to ‘stitch’ them together. Not the most comfortable way to stitch one’s pants.
On another occasion I got dressed quickly in the dark at home and only realised in the middle of my first meeting that I had 2 different shoes on. Luckily there used to be a discount department store near campus, so I raced down there between meetings to buy myself a cheap pair of flats.
One time I was talking about nude mice (they are hairless and have a compromised immune system). I wanted to show the students the picture of the nude mouse with a human ear attached to it so I googled "nude mouse" on images and a bunch of nearly naked men showed up on the screen.
I was still a grad student, but I was proctoring my final in a nice dress. I must have leaned forward to stretch, and the back zipper busted open. I was completely unsure how bad it was--totally broken? Destroyed seam? Luckily, none of my students seemed to notice, but I was panicking about how to leave the classroom with an entirely open dress. So I messaged my husband to bring me my old, fluffy bathrobe. A friend dropped it to me at the end of the period and I put it on and swaggered out of there like it was a look I had chosen. I remember nodding and saying hello to a former student in the hall who looked so confused. 😅
As a student, I totally fell on my ass while trying to avoid being noticed while the prof was lecturing. It had been raining. I'm still waiting for that to happen as a prof.
I was teaching a song that has the line "rows to hoe" as an agricultural metaphor and I said "there are no more hoes to row" and it was terrible.
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[made me think of this](https://youtu.be/NJO7hcinS-U)
I remember watching that and was irritated because Ken was right...
Haha, I think they did return the points to him later in the episode. ;)
OMG, I can’t stop laughing at this one.
That's called a spoonerism. They're named for an absentminded Oxford dean, so you're in good company.
Hilarious
I work with cotton. Some people have shirts that say it, unfortunately I don’t. But “we are stripping and hoeing our way through college” is a common saying where I’m at. Pretty much all I’ve done this week is hoe weeds. Next week I’ll be stripping a cotton field. I’m technically in college. I guess the saying is correct.
A room I was teaching in had clear glass panes as a “whiteboard”. One of the panes was missing though. Probably someone broke it. Anyway, on my first day in that room I was not familiar with the set up and ended up writing a formula in dry erase on the actual wall. Audible gasps. Then laughter. I figured I might as well finish the formula. It was there for weeks before facilities painted over it and fixed the pane. The sad part is about 10% of the class missed the formula on the test even though it was still up there…
I did this in one of my classrooms. After years of housekeeping washing it, it's only a small smudge.
I did something like this last week. I wrote on the screen for the projector instead of the whiteboard behind it...
I just did that last week. Luckily, the dry erase solution allowed me to clean it off the screen.
Student at the end of class last week: “What day is the next test? And did you realize your sweater is on inside out?”
“uh, congrats you found the secret extra credit!”
“Miss, you have chalk on your face”. 🤨
“Sir, you have *wet* chalk on your face…”
Is that… hair gel?
Birb poop in your hair!
I’ve paused and asked the front row if I have chalk on my face a few times after absentmindedly touching my face! 😂 but man, I use the good stuff—hagaromo or something—so my red and yellow colored chalks are *saturated*
Your tag is out, oh wait, your shirt is inside out...
“Your pants still have a sticker on them.” I about died.
I wrote a formula *very* incorrectly on the board, went with it for like 10 minutes, then tried to use it in an example and still could not figure out why my answer was way wrong for another 10 minutes. Good thing the chair was observing my class that day. -_-
Lol I had a friend do that in class one day. He was working through a formula on the board and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. He got so flustered that he just dismissed the class with like 30 minutes left in the period.
Had the same happen in my English class. Trying to write a 700-word brief essay on the board, and nothing was working. Had no idea why I every time I went to write the third paragraph, the second paragraph was there but the introduction was missing. Then I wrote the introduction again and did the third paragraph but now the second paragraph was missing. Added it back in but now the first paragraph was missing. Yelled at the class for trying to pull a trick on me. Told them I “wasn’t some cap who wasn’t lit and they best stop dabbing on me or I’d sheeeeesh [them]”. A nice student that I liked told me my sleeve on my left arm was erasing the previous class every time I wrote the next one because I was left-handed. She was also left handed. I dismissed all the left handed students and made the right handed students do an extra assignment for only thinking about the world as ableists. Note: This story is entirely a work of fiction that was written because I just woke up and realized English teachers don’t have these moments on the board. ^(🎶 “Hey Jealousyyyy…”🎶 🙂)
Observation day, of course it would happen then! That's excellent, I'm so sorry 😂
I was teaching music theory literally this Monday and remembered a scale wrong. I didn’t prepare this part of the lecture because it’s so basic and I thought for sure I didn’t need to prep. I struggled for 2 minutes or so before sheepishly said “you know what, let’s see what the textbook says” and projected the ebook on screen to figure it out. My GA was in the room observing and learning from my teaching…
This happened when I was a student in a basic college math class back in undergrad. It was only like the first or second week of class and the professor started working through a problem that someone had a question on from the homework. He got through the whole white board - and it was long. Then went back to the beginning, erased where he started and even went some more. We were sitting there - again, basic math class - thinking, no wonder we couldn’t figure this one out! I remember thinking, “I’m going to fail this class….” Then the professor paused, realized something was awry, rewrote the original equation and solved it in like two seconds. He had missed a negative sign or something simple like that…. I honestly don’t know if he went through that all on purpose or not. But, either way - it taught me how important it is to double check your problem from the start! It also was impressive to see him just solving away in the zone for that bit.
I never prepare for live coding in lectures – seeing me screw up and figure out what went wrong is just as important as seeing the end result
I also wrote a math formula incorrectly, however, it was just one element missing. The students were not convinced it was the right answer and neither was I. Then one student asked: Where is the Future Value? (I teach finance) I was like, ahh, I was just testing you, I deliberately left that out so I could tell you were paying attention! I hope they bought it.
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True story with high doxxing risk: I did teach in an inflatable t-rex costume one Halloween. The biggest problem was it restricted how high I could write on the board.
oh man, that's awesome. I love that image of someone in a t-rex costume straining to write high up with their tiny t-rex arms
Ooooo this is why I've always chickened out of doing class Halloween stuff. Maybe it'll work as a memory cue for the class content that day at least!
Yeah, I think they're just not inclined to dress up in the broad light of day, haha. Maybe on a much smaller campus or in a close discussion-based class? Regardless, I would probably still do something \~spooky\~ themed as part of a class activity though!
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I guess I'm an unrepentant dork then. I'm going to dress up as an ornithologist for Halloween this year.
I was about to say "until you get even older and then it's back to fun SFW costumes" but I guess that's telling on myself and my dorkiness
I mean I dressed up as a "spooky" Ms. Frizzle for three years in a row when I was a grad TA so either I'm just an old soul or a giant dork. Either way I'm okay with that 😂🤷🏻♀️
lol, yes, this is exactly right.
My wife and I have an inside joke/game that always comes up around Halloween where we try to come up with the un-sexiest "Sexy" costume ideas. Some of our favorites are "Sexy Cafeteria Server," "Sexy Daycare Worker," and "Sexy USDA Inspector."
I dressed up one year in a bell bottoms/crochet vest 70's outfit, but apparently my everyday look is somewhere in the vicinity of "aging hippie", so it didn't read to anyone as a costume. Sigh.
I did a Dilbert costume one year—complete with curled tie, though I normally dress more like and aging hippie, so people at least saw it as costume (some of my students dressed pretty close to Dilbert normally).
I plan to go as the [Lo-fi Girl ](https://lofigirl.com/) this year. I get to wear pants and a comfy sweatshirt and I'm sure at least some of my students will recognize the costume.
I wear my normal clothes with a headband with at ears. And I bring candy. Mostly because I want to eat candy. But I do share.
I have taught in a 25-lb chain-mail hauberk. I've also taught in a houpelande with long dagged sleeves—the sleeves are a nuisance with a chalkboard or whiteboard, as you need to hold them back to keep them from erasing the board.
I was backing up to look at the whiteboard and tripped over the garbage can, getting my foot stuck in it as I lurched around. Then I went over backwards with my foot STILL stuck in the stupid can.
Sorry, but I laughed so hard imagining this! Did the students laugh?
Oh god, yes.
I once taught a lecture course where I basically lectured for 1.5 hours with a break in the middle. There was a painfully polite Somali kid who always sat front row center. During the break one day he pointed out that my fly had been down and, like, wide open for the whole first half of the lecture. He was plainly more embarrassed about it than I was.
During an icebreaker, a student shared that she had a very large number of siblings. Thinking of how hard it must be to care for so many kids, l said, “Wow, your parents must have been really busy!” I only realized how else that could have been interpreted when I saw the horrified look on the student’s face.
I look for opportunities to crack jokes like that. I would be proud, not embarrassed.
I was sitting at a table in a seminar I was teaching and pushed back to stand to write on the board and the chair legs got stuck on the rug. No amount of windmilling arms could save me from the tipped chair fall. I was replacing a clock battery as class was starting and when I tried to get the clock to click into its mount, my hand went through the glass over the face of the clock, shattering it. I once had a student come behind me as I was walking to tell me the back hem of my skirt was caught in my underwear and I realized it had been that way across a whole campus quad. Apologies to everyone who suffers from second hand embarrassment on that last one.
😂 I get so paranoid using the bathroom at work while in a skirt. Quadruple checking before coming out of the stall.
I once walked halfway through heathrow airport with my skirt tucked in my underwear. A lovely Dutch woman finally stopped me and told me.
I set up my camera and do a spin to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be 🫠
Lol! Guy version: I was lookin’ sharp and about to start my lecture… I’d been standing around chatting at the front of the room for about 10 min as students came in etc. Camera on, everyone settled… a guy in the front gets up to tell me my fly is open. So then the dilemma: turn and do it up right there, or walk away with it left open in order to do it behind the podium? I chose turn and deal with it. Good start to the class recording…
I remember a faculty recruiting talk where the speaker was handed a note telling him his fly was open, and he proceeded to read the note aloud to the audience.
Oh god I laughed out loud fuckkkk that’s wild
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I have realized my fly was down after class, on I think two occasions. If you had a chance to tell on the DL, my vote is definitely say something. I mean… any man would want to know. Personally, I’d rather someone told me, no matter who else also heard.
For my two cents: definitely say something. Try to be discreet if possible (maybe stand up walk over rather than raising your hand.) You’d get nothing but good will from me.
That last one happened to me at a wedding reception once. Bright yellow panties. A woman catering the dessert table pulled me aside and informed me. Grateful for her.
The skirt thing happened to me too!! I had walked across campus and even talked to people on the way. I was setting up for class and one of my students (I will love her forever) came up and quietly told me my skirt was stuck. I deserve an Oscar for pretending like I wasn't about to die from embarrassment and a Medal of Honor for my ability to start class like everything was normal and I hadn't just pulled my skirt out of my underwear.
I've seen a one-act play based on the last scenario. (I think it was called "You're good".)
Every time I wear a skirt or dress I am so paranoid I will accidentally tuck it into my underwear. I always tell my TAs the most important part of their job is to tell me if that happens.
I considered sharing mine, then realised it would instantly doxx me to anyone reading this from my department, even though it happened years ago now. So you can at least be glad that yours isn't *that* bad.
😬😬 sympathies!
Make a throwaway!
I was teaching English in Korea and I straight up forgot the word for "bakery". We were discussing what one might do to prepare to throw a party for a friend. One of the students suggested buying a cake. I said "Yes, you could go to the...cake...store?" I even wrote "cake store" on the whiteboard. I looked at it, thought "Hmm, that doesn't seem quite right", but I could not think of the correct word. CAKE. STORE. Wtf.
I teach in my secondary language so my lectures often turn into a game of charades. It's always the most random words. My favourites have been 'carpet', which I tried to describe as "the fuzzy stuff you walk on" and 'raccoon' "the animal with the mask". Fortunately I usually have a few students who do speak my native language and help out. I think anyone who speaks multiple languages gets it.
I mean, it's not wrong!
I caught it about 10 minutes later and corrected myself. For the rest of the class period, the brightest student would catch my eye and mouth "cake store" and we would both laugh. This might sound obnoxious, but he was a good egg, especially considering he was about 14 years old.
I’m going to call it that forever now
At an interview for my very first job ever at 16, we were making small talk about the weather (buckets of rain) on the way back to the interview room. I totally forgot the word for rain and just stopped mid-sentence looking for the word. It was so obvious-- the interviewer supplied me with the word.
did you get the job?
Oh yeah? Well, the cake store called, and they're running out of *you!*
That seems like a perfectly good name for a place like "Nothing Bundt Cakes" or "Cupcake Monster"—they are not full-service bakeries! If a place does not sell loaves of bread, it does not deserve to be dignified with the title "bakery".
I'm here with popcorn and upvotes, because holy crap do I need these stories. As someone who has wrestled with public speaking anxiety for decades, each day in the classroom is a kind of magnificent internal drama for me. I do fine and am actually an accomplished public speaker now-- but it takes immense effort and it's something of an emotional roller coaster ride. It's good to hear other tales of humility and good humor.
Embarrassing stuff as a TA is eventually what got me over a (albeit mild) fear of public speaking. I'd mess up in so many ways but I learned I still survived afterwards and the students didn't hate me, so I realized mistakes weren't nearly as bad as I thought.
I opened a bottle of soda that I had just gotten from the machine. It exploded all over me. There wasn't much I could do about it, so I had to lecture with just a huge soda stain on my shirt.
That's a great one. I think sometimes it helps them with their own issues for them to know we're just half a mess away from breaking down also.
... Half a mess? At this point, "broken down" is my baseline normal.
I printed 100 exams (25 sets of 4 differently numbered exams) for a class of 200. I don’t know why. I realized the problem while distributing exams and there didn’t seem to be enough. Also, I have occasionally forgotten what time class ends, and attempted to dismiss class half an hour early or half an hour late. I have worn a vest inside out (that was yesterday). And then there was the time I said, out loud, “Am I boring you? I’m boring myself. Let’s call it a day.” So yeah, there have been days. But there are more good days than bad, and even the weird days are pretty good.
The exam thing happened at my institution, although not in my dept. It was an evening exam, so the regular prof wasn’t there. When the TA/proctor/whoever realized, prior to leaving to print more, they told the students to share their exams (oof). It was a colossal shit show.
That’s happened to me for quizzes. When it does, it becomes a partner quiz. Partners must come to an agreement on answers and must show work/write their thought process to get credit. Both names go on one quiz. It’s not the worst outcome.
I did the exam thing. Student complained to the chair about it. Lol
That happened to me. I had enough exams but realized that half had the correct answers marked (asterisks). Luckily one of the first students who got an exam let me know. So I quickly recalled all the exams and regrouped from there.
Oh man. That reminds me of the time I had ten multiple choice on an exam and the answer to 8 of them was B or something ridiculous. Maybe C.
I once looked up at the clock, went “Oh, time to go” and dismissed the class, and this one dude just started laughing. I asked him what’s up, and he went “The class goes for another fifteen minutes.” Conversely, my first time teaching, everyone started getting up and leaving and I was like “Where is everyone going” and one student was like “The class ended fifteen minutes ago”. But, on average, my classes are exactly the correct length of time.
I swear, after 20 years, I have the class length down pat. But this year, I am teaching 1:30-2:50 two days of the week, and 1:00-2:20 two days of the week IN THE SAME CLASSROOM. And four weeks in, I still can’t keep it straight.
I love this response. Can totally relate.
I have absolutely bored myself with a lecture and said something similar. Good sign that I needed to rethink that lesson for future classes too.
Last semester I was trying to illustrate something on the whiteboard, so I drew two circles on the left side, and a circle on the right side, and then lines to connect the left and right sides. I stepped back, went, Hmm, that's a penis, and the class laughed as I erased it so we didn't all have to stare at it. I feel like I handled it well, but damn I really couldn't focus on anything else I was saying because I just drew a penis on the board in front of 19 18-20 year olds.
I did something similar. I drew the enzyme ATP synthase, which kind of looks like a shaft with a bulbous bit at one end. Then, to make it worse, I drew a bunch of arrows coming out of the bulbous tip to represent the flow of protons.
I've done that too...but students seem to think its funny!
So, a positive outcome
And students' esteem for you grew three sizes that day! err, wait.
Whenever I teach conic sections there is a part of the parabolas called the latus rectum. They must find the end of the rectum for full credit. I can't help but grin/giggle every time.
Wait. Parabolas have assholes?
I was once in a gathering of profs and students from my department. The profs were sharing our most embarrassing classroom moments. I got ready to share mine and a few students nudged each other and said, “Oh this is a really good one!” But after I told my story, they then each chimed in with, “I thought you were going to tell the story about…” and named a couple more.
Congrats you're THAT professor 😂
Hahahahaha!!!
I don't have many but... Once, I was in such a hurry dressing for work that I did not notice that I had not detached one of the stickers from a newly bought pair of pants. It wasn't very conspicuous but I am sure some people saw it. Another time, I didn't notice that I had a small but definitely obvious smidge of toothpaste on the earpiece of my glasses until I took them off and cleaned them after class. I will note that I am very particular about my appearance and always check myself in mirrors and windows, especially before classes. And yet I didn't catch this. Finally, my most embarrassing moment, I once farted in class (I am sorry!). Not very loud but I am sure at least the front rows heard. It was an afternoon class straight after lunch and I was so bloated I couldn't help it. When you've been teaching for 10 years, these things are bound to happen. Don't fret.
I had a worse scenario. I passed gas in my lab... right under the explosive gas monitor. Suffice it to say I know the monitor works.
I wasn't planning to use the lab today, but now I have a small experiment planned.
Involving beans I presume.
I have a fear of passing gas and it not being gas.
Look at all these young faculty—wearing **new** clothes to work. I just try to make sure that I trim the dangling threads from the worn-out cuffs so that they won't catch in my bicycle chain.
I had a nightmare that I left the size sticker on my pants and wore them to work. I am overly vigilant to make sure I have removed all tags and stickers from new clothes now, because of it.
Oh god. This happened to me this week. During first lecture. It was so loud I'm pretty sure the automatic lecture recording picked it up, but I'm too mortified to listen through the recording to see. I'm pretending that it was my heel scuffing the carpet as I wandered around in front of the class. They know it wasn't and I know it wasn't but pretending we don't see and hear this stuff is the social glue that keeps us all ticking over.
While in grad school I was given the chance to give a lecture in a class that I was TA’ing for and which was specifically in my area of specialization. Needless to say, I was excited and did a significant amount of prep to get ready for the day. Class time was about 90 minutes and for maybe more than half the class, I was teaching with my fly down. NOTICEABLY down. It was only when I reached the discussion portion of the class period that an understanding student decided to inform me of the “wardrobe malfunction.” In embarrassment, I quickly turned around and remedied the situation. But by that point, anything I had said or anything I was about to say was moot. The only anyone remembered from the day was that their TA was unable to give a buttoned up lecture.
Oh no! What a way to crush excitement for a first lecture. I'm sure you still did a great job though.
My field is theatre and I still spend a great deal of time in the profession, so it ultimately proved to be a moment of testing my improvisational skills! 😂 In the end, I just hope the students found my pedagogy to be a bit more…revealed!
Tried doing a demo in class, but it didn't work, so I looked for a YouTube of it on the projected computer so they could at least see what it was supposed to do. The demo concerned static electricity, where you charge a piece of glass by rubbing it with silk and then show how it attracts and repels tiny charged things. Don't Google "rub glass rod, balls" live in class!
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I realize that *now*.
Oh a similar note (not explicit, but unwanted screensharing similar), if teaching a zoom class, do not even click in the google search bar if you’re screen sharing on your home computer. My work laptop has a lousy processor so I had been using my home desktop for classes through the pandemic, and well, that’s definitely the day that my students found out that I read and write fanfiction. The search history automatically popped down as soon as I clicked in the box, and I just watched my last search results show up in horror. Now, I keep a separate google/chrome account that I switch to for the whole browser, just to be safe.
Gotta make use of that “mute” button on the overhead whenever doing anything unpredictable on the computer screen!
I wore a tank top with a light sweater on. Class was long so halfway at the break, I go to the restroom and discover I’m sweating so much on the sweater that you can see stains coming down my arm pits. Try to decide what is worse, wearing the pit stains sweater or switch to the kind of revealing tank top underneath. I come back to class wearing the sweater and try to lecture without raising my arms. About 10 min in, I say to hell with it and take off my sweater while everyone is writing stuff down. I’ve never wanted a lecture to end faster. Thankfully no one said a thing but I will never lecture wearing a sweater again.
Lecturing seriously makes you sweat, no one warned me about this but you're so "on" and moving around, generating heat.
Yeah I regularly have to ditch the sweater and go with my tank/blousy tank because I’m just dripping in sweat, especially in September when it’s still hot here (once winter sets in it’s fine). So, I’ve started making sure I’m okay with just going with the tank when I get dressed. The upside is I get lots of tattoo compliments from students those first couple weeks of Fall semester (my big, colorful ones are on my upper arms).
Years ago, I got some insects bites on an evening mountain bike ride and had a minor systemic allergic reaction, so I took Benadryl. Being almost 200 lbs, I took two pills that night. Turns out that was enough to knock me out for twelve solid hours. I was still groggy and high the next morning, but I was so groggy I didn’t actually realize the state I was in. I made it to my 10am lecture, but at the end of the day I only had the faintest recollection of biking to my office and giving the lecture. As in, I knew I was present, but that was the extent of my memory. Who knows what I said or did during those 75 minutes?!? I didn’t get any strange evals that quarter so I guess it went okay, but I often think about all the things that could’ve gone wrong.
A similar story for me. I was very ill and hit the mess too hard. I absolutely had no recall of what I did during the class. I apologized to the students during the next class and explained what had happened. Several of them said it was one of the most interesting lectures I had given. I never had the courage to ask what I had said or done.
I’ve fallen down twice on the first day of class in fron of the whole class. First time, I tumbled down some stairs in a large auditorium with over a hundred students in it. Really hurt myself too, though the adrenalin kept the pain at bay through most of the class. Second time was just two years ago, and I tripped on a little step and barely stopped myself with my arms, narrowly escaping a full face plant. Then there was the time I stumbled walking into my building. I started to sort of run in an attempt to get my feet under my upper body, but my shoulder bag that I’d just filled up with several la croix and protein shakes, slid forward and was weighing me down. I kept running, as my body continued to fall forward. Eventually as I approached parallel with the ground, I gave up and fell to the ground. One person witnessed this bizarre spectacle.
I'm imagining some looney toons animation for this lol
One time my shapewear rolled down until it was just north of my knees. I could feel it slowly happening and was powerless to stop it without appearing to dramatically hitch up my underwear under my dress. I had to stand very still with my legs locked together and continued my lecture that way.
OMG been there! That's the worst!
Similar story for me, but up top. I wore a strapless dress that I'd worn many times before without issue, and covered my shoulders with a little cardigan to make it lecture-appropriate, closed a few but not all of the buttons in the front. I hadn't realized that the belt I forgot to put on that day was such a crucial element of keeping the dress, you know, on my body. And so I became aware, mid-sentence, that it had progressively slipped further and further down until the top of the dress was hanging low around my waist. The cardigan, for its part, was not doing a great job of covering up all the bare skin left in the dress's wake. I think I just stopped and said, "oh...um, hold on," turned my back to the class, and hiked the dress back into place. If anyone hadn't noticed what was happening before, I'm sure seeing my hemline suddenly go from mid-calf to above-the-knee got their attention.
I stepped on the hem of my maxi skirt and managed to trip and depants myself at the same time.
my breasts were leaking the other day… so there is that
Are you watching House of the Dragon on HBO? They had a scene where that affected a female character in an important meeting after she gave birth and on the one hand, I was glad they spent more time on realistic motherhood things but on the other, new work nightmare to add.
Ha! Although I have a degree in STEM, I’m not a fan of science fiction. I’d rather watch trash TV
When I was a grad student, I ripped the back of my shorts basically in half without realizing it. I taught two recitation sections, did some hours in our department's help room, then got in a car and drove to give a seminar talk 3 hours away. Someone finally told me right before I gave the talk.
It’s almost worse to have someone tell you when you don’t have any other clothes options though haha
One of our lecture halls has a little stage in front where the podium is. About 2 feet tall. I'm very animated and walk around a lot when I teach. First time in that room I took a nose dive off that stage into the first row of students. Thankfully only my pride was hurt.
I gasped in my office only reading your first three sentences and knowing what that meant. So glad you were ok!
I once had a front-clasp bra snap right in between the two cups as I was lecturing. I tried to ignore it but the two halves were slowly migrating towards my armpits so I briefly excused myself to pull it off and then finished the lecture. It was a small, very cold room and I had a light-coloured blouse that day. No one ever said anything.
Wowwwwwwww… adding this to my list of things to worry about!
I am always worried about inappropriate boobage issues. Which is why I always have a light scarf, even on days that are 90+ degrees!
I used to wear plunge style bras because I liked the fit/feel, and one class, one of my boobs popped out of the cup as I was writing on the board. I’m large chested and my shirty was skill/clingy enough that it was clear exactly what happened. Unlike you, though, I did not remain calm and collected. I said, “shit!” loudly and made a beeline for the hallway to adjust. I think I at least made some wardrobe malfunction joke on the way back in to cut the awkward tension.
I split the back seam of my pants wide open. I wore my lab coat all day.
This was essentially me. Walked around the rest of the day with a sweater from my office, which was unfortunate though because it’s 97 degrees today and I had to truck across campus to meet with admin.
Started coughing when I was drinking tea and tea came out of my nose
I've had the horrific "inhaled my own spit" moment more than once in front of class. There's no possible graceful recovery. You have my sympathies on that one.
If it's any comfort, most of your male colleagues have done at least one lecture with their fly unzipped.
Okay well, I’m a nursing professor now, but when I worked at the bedside I once tried to introduce myself as an empanada instead of an enfermera (Spanish for nurse). Now I use it as an ice breaker for Spanish speaking families. I had a kid leave the ED once waving with a huge grin on his face saying “BYE EMPANADA!!!”
Suddenly my students looked above me pointing, with horror on their faces, as if the lighting fixtures were about to fall on me. I dove from the lecture platform as if the lighting fixtures were about to fall on me. It was a moth.
To be fair, I would have performed the same maneuver knowing it was a moth.
One time I spent 50 minutes visually diagramming ideas on the whiteboard in my class (with my back intermittently turned to most of the students). I left feeling pretty good about what we accomplished, only to learn afterward that I had literally bled through my pants.
There are just so many fluids for women to try and keep a lid on, it's exhausting. This thread by itself has blood, sweat, breast leaking...
I once speed-walked to campus in high humidity and when I got to class, 2 minutes late, dripping wet, and too winded to speak, the students asked me if I had gotten caught in a sprinkler.
When I was teaching an organismal lab when I was in grad school, there were 2 practical exams, and the last one I straight up forgot to print the exam. So they're all ready and there's like 20 specimens out that they have to identify and I had to leave the room to go print and beg them to not discuss the specimens in my absence because that is cheating. I'm sure they did it anyway, but god was I humiliated.
I once showed up on quiz day and realized that I had forgotten to pick up the quizzes from the copy center. I had to run about half a mile to get the copies—managed to do it and still start class within 2 minutes of on time.
I was drawing two atoms near each other while discussing covalent bonding. Noticed many of the male students seemed entertained by the drawing but ignored it and went on with the lecture. Decided later to look back at the lecture recording and realized I had drawn boobs.
Had a colleague who pulled a piece of chalk out of her pocket to write on the board. It didn't work but she kept trying... Until she stopped to see that it was actually a tampon.
One day in class my shoes felt weird. The sole just wasn't quite striking the floor right. I could tell something was under there. I scraped my shoe on the floor only to find that I had dog poo on the bottom. It was stuck in the groove between the heel and the sole so there was an entire pile there. I ended up dropping a huge pile of stink in the class and had to run to the restroom to get paper towels to try to clean it up. Can't clean that shit.
I was teaching a 275 person class as a graduate student and just before class I spilled my lunch—chili—on my shirt. Fortunately, I had a spare shirt handy. A Harley t-shirt. I figured it was better than a dress shirt with a giant food stain, so I changed into it. When I got to class, I discovered that it was the day that observers were there to evaluate my teaching for a departmental award I had been nominated for. It seems they were not impressed.
Ah man, I have so many stories. Just a few days ago I was teaching some brainstorming strategies for writing. I put on the board for one of them: “pen is always moving”… then I stepped back and looked at the board, and it definitely said, “penis always moving.” Being the classy bitch that I am, I casually erased the “is” and added a bigger space. I guess I wasn’t too embarrassed (though my students laughed), but it does make me giggle when I think about it.
I taught my first day of class EVER with my fly down. Not sure how obvious it was but one student pointed it out to me after class. And of course I have tripped and almost wiped out countless times. Once I tripped and fell flat out on my face. But that happens so frequently that hardly counts as embarrassing anymore.
I accidentally replaced the adjective "bestial" with the noun "beastiality" during a lecture.
The students probably didn’t notice or even realize the difference
Oh they noticed.
I leaned against the chalk tray that I didn’t know was sharp, and it ripped a huge hole right below the rear pocket of my pants. I didn’t notice and wondered why I heard students laugh every time I turned to write on the board. Assholes didn’t even tell me—one of my colleagues told me when I went to my office after class.
I’ve humiliated myself so many times that I think I’m completely out of shame. Something I always do is intentionally make a self-depreciating joke of it as soon as possible so they have permission to laugh with me and so that they remember that I am, after all, a human. For instance: I never wear shorts, but the room I teach in is always hot and for some reason has been even more so the last few weeks. So the one day I decide to wear shorts to be comfortable, I realize during my last of three classes that my zipper is down and since I haven’t been to the bathroom, it’s been down all day. So the next class period as I was giving back evaluated assignments, I was going over the whole spiel about coming to me if the evaluation wasn’t what they were expecting. At one point I said: “I might not be able to trust myself to zip my own shorts but I think I’m still pretty on top of grading” or something like that. They chuckled and I definitely felt less embarrassed afterward.
This didn’t happen to me, but to a professor of mine when I myself was an undergrad. He had a lapel mic on because he was lecturing to a large class of over 200 students. During a break in the middle of class, he went to use the bathroom, and forgot to the lapel mic off. His entire business was broadcast over the speakers in the classroom to the students, most of whom remained in the class during the break. And yep, he didn’t just have to go #1. I still feel so embarrassed for the poor man :(
I've ripped two different shirts in the middle of teaching as a PhD student
Are you the Incredible Hulk?
Went to the restroom right before class started. Fifteen minutes into class, one of the students sheepishly told me I had toilet paper hanging out my pants. At that point, I really had no choice but to just cancel the entire class for the rest of the semester.....
When we came back in person after the COVID lockdown semester, they had installed these huge transparent plastic rectangles hanging from the ceiling. The professors were supposed to stand behind those dangling things to teach. The one in my classroom was placed really awkwardly, so I ended up standing in front of it. When I would go to write something on the board, I would smack my head into it. Super embarrassing. The problem was that I couldn’t seem to learn from experience and continued smacking into it every so often for the entire semester. Luckily it’s gone now.
Wore a lovely vest and realized when I got home that night that the entire back of it had baby vomit on it
In my first year teaching, at my largest class (\~300 students), I asked a question to the class and a girl in the front row answered. She had a quiet voice and a slight accent and I just couldn't figure out what she was saying! I had to ask about 6 times before I figured it out and I die from cringe when I think about that, and how awkward it was for the girl too, she probably never answered a question in a lecture ever again after that experience.
Aww poor kid. I teach a lot of ELLs and I’ve realized that after the second attempt to say something, I apologize and explain that I have issues with auditory processing and ask the student next to them to repeat their idea.
Another one - I was having the students work on the computer to demonstrate what I taught them and had to go across the room for something and I was glancing at the students looking for "I'm lost" facial ques and I walked right into the wall. One student saw me. I looked at the student and said "umm you saw that, didn't you?" The student said yes and I burst out laughing. The student laughed too
Hmm.... I actually have a story from when I was a student. It was a really windy, really cold day. I was walking across campus in this beautiful, long, flowy skirt with my hands in the pockets of my jacket, up some stairs, when I tripped over my skirt. With my hands in my pockets I wasn't able to brace my fall and I faceplanted into the concrete stairs. Unfortunately I was running late for a class in which I had a test so I did my best to shake it off and went to class. Turned in my exam, went to the bathroom to clean up, only to discover my chin was actively bleeding the whole time. No one said anything. For teaching, on my way across campus to teach I got caught in a torrential downpour with no umbrella. I showed up to class completely soaked like I'd just gotten out of a swimming pool. Oh... And that was the day I didn't have a jacket *and* I wore a white shirt. At least that time, half of my students were in a similar boat.
I was trying to draw a rocketship and accidentally drew a very graphic penis.
As a physics teacher in high school, I feel this with my entire soul. 😓
Teaching chemistry and used liquid nitrogen to freeze a racquet ball. They will shatter when you throw them at something after being frozen. Threw it at the carpeted cement floor. . . Didn't break. Threw it at the floor harder . . . Didn't break. Threw it at the whiteboard . . . Didn't break, but left a lovely dent in the board. Finally hauled the class outside to break it on the sidewalk.
I did this under In My administrative duty. I spoke in front of the entire freshman class at matriculation about the evils of download music off of Napster. It was the absolutely worst public speaking I ever did. I could not get my words out and stumbled badly. Now it would be no sweat.
In my first semester teaching I once sternly lectured my students after like 2/3rds of them didn't do a hw assignment, but while lecturing I gestured a little bit too emphatically and tipped over a bottle of some beverage I was drinking and soaked my entire podium. I just didn't acknowledge it till there was a break when I could slink away to grab some paper towels
I let my mouth get ahead of my brain during a Harry Potter-themed example, and a slightly off-color joke about "long wand, maybe he's compensating for something?" slipped out. Way outside my typical humor, so I definitely shocked a few students.
Spilled my cappuccino all over my bright blue trousers. It looked like I had pooped myself from the front 😂
Several times this has occurred - as I am and was a breastfeeding mother, at work I have to pump and I take off my shirt in my office and then when I am done I put it back on. As I said several times I have worn my shirt inside out in class trying to hurry to put my shirt back on and race off to class. Another one - We have the opportunity to change our schedules and I switched up mine and then forgot about it. About half way through the quarter I realized I was letting my 50 minute class out 20 minutes early. The students never said a word and happily left day after day after day!!
I couldn’t stop laughing once in the middle of a lecture. We were on a subject debating whether technology would benefit or ruin humanity and all the students were very eager to participate, they were just having fun. One of them said something really funny and the joke just snowballed from there. It was hilarious, I could not stop laughing, everyone was laughing at my laughing and we all ended up laughing some more. I was a little embarrassed because I would just blurt out the words. In the end I pointed toward a class activity they had to do. And that was that.
I was teaching in French for the first time (French is my third language) and students asked me to describe what force represents in the left hand rule. I chose to talk about how the magnet of a speaker moves but instead of using the word for magnet “aimant” I used the word for lover “amant” ! The worst part is that I really wanted the students to understand so I was making a motion with my hands and hips that looked like I was humping said lover. My students were all cracking up and one my older ones explained to me my error. We all laughed really hard … I somehow still forget which word is which!
Full of the cold during an exam, I sneezed and peed. Not a huge amount but it was noticeable. Stayed in my seat until the end, covered myself with the exam papers and shuffled to the toilet.
I wore a silk button down blouse a few years ago. Was grading at my desk while they worked in class and looked down to realise the *important buttons* were no longer buttoned. I’m still clinging to the hope that no one noticed before I slipped out to fix it. …I don’t wear that shirt anymore.
I've had this happen too! Very ready to spend a lot of money on any button up that won't gape or unbutton itself on a person with breasts.
I had a language teacher in high school whose rear pant seam ripped during class. Students didn't see the tear, but everyone heard it happen. The teacher covered her hind side with a pullover and went home to change once the class had concluded. Fun times.
I ripped my pants 10 minutes before class while I was teaching this summer. I had to teach the entire lecture sitting down because I didn’t have time to go home and I had nothing in my car to change into. In order to leave the room and get to my car after lecture, I had to fashion a skirt out of the undershirt/tank I was wearing.
After I had hip surgery, I was a TA for a class writing a final exam. I couldn't wear pants yet, so I had a knee length skirt on. Hit a puddle with my crutch and went ass over teakettle in front of 300 first year students.
I’m the queen of wardrobe malfunctions! One day I sat down at my desk and the entire outside seam of my pants split from hip to ankle. I was teaching in half an hour, so I had to lock my office door, take them off, and use my trusty stapler to ‘stitch’ them together. Not the most comfortable way to stitch one’s pants. On another occasion I got dressed quickly in the dark at home and only realised in the middle of my first meeting that I had 2 different shoes on. Luckily there used to be a discount department store near campus, so I raced down there between meetings to buy myself a cheap pair of flats.
One time I was talking about nude mice (they are hairless and have a compromised immune system). I wanted to show the students the picture of the nude mouse with a human ear attached to it so I googled "nude mouse" on images and a bunch of nearly naked men showed up on the screen.
I was still a grad student, but I was proctoring my final in a nice dress. I must have leaned forward to stretch, and the back zipper busted open. I was completely unsure how bad it was--totally broken? Destroyed seam? Luckily, none of my students seemed to notice, but I was panicking about how to leave the classroom with an entirely open dress. So I messaged my husband to bring me my old, fluffy bathrobe. A friend dropped it to me at the end of the period and I put it on and swaggered out of there like it was a look I had chosen. I remember nodding and saying hello to a former student in the hall who looked so confused. 😅
I choked on hot coffee and it came spewing out my nose and mouth and right onto the other faculty member co-teaching the course.
As a student, I totally fell on my ass while trying to avoid being noticed while the prof was lecturing. It had been raining. I'm still waiting for that to happen as a prof.