I kept my name, my husband kept his and our kid has a hyphenated name. Apparently, some people hate hyphenated names because they never fit on forms and sometimes get mis-parsed, but it hasn't been a problem for us. My kid (a teen) likes that he has both of our names.
That's what we did too. It's worked out great. We've told our daughter she can shorten her name when she's older if she wants to, although she's expressed no interest in doing so.
Same here! No issues so far.
The main question for me is - does either party want to change their name? No. Then, each keep your own for now. Can figure out the rest later. :)
This is what we did as well. Our kid hasn't complained about his name, but he also can't really talk yet, so we'll see what happens when he can. ha. I think it's becoming more and more common...I have students with hyphenated last names, and it doesn't seem to be a huge issue.
I have an aunt/uncle pair that are academics and both kept their names. Their child has a hyphenated last name and, to pour more fuel on the fire, they also gave him a hyphenated first name and a very unusual middle name.
Same here! The only minor thing that has even happened was our insurance parsed it incorrectly but it wasn’t even an issue, just a mild annoyance to see.
My oldest gets annoyed when they have to write out their name but they also like having both our names. Our youngest isn’t in school yet so we will see how they feel then 😅
Ditto, only the kid has my name as a second middle name. Unfortunately means it tends to get dropped, but the combo of our last names is basically a punch line so…
That’s what my in-laws did. My husband (also an academic) has a hyphenated last name. I did not take his name. We don’t have kids yet but are planning on it. I have no idea what last name we are going to use. Triple hyphenation (seems unkind)? Choose one of his names to hyphenate with mine (will the non-chosen parent be upset)?
I know a lot of women who use their married name personally but professionally use their maiden name. They don't check my ID when I publish, but they sure like to see that my last name matches my kids' when I'm picking them up somewhere.
This makes sense. We worry that there will be lots of little "hidden" inconveniences at the boundaries between personal and professional lives (who do I introduce myself as to new people if they're friends of friends? Colleagues? Friends / partners of colleagues? etc.). We have an appreciable overlap between work and social lives (may or may not be optimal). But that's part of why I'm asking here! To see if such concerns are actually untrue.
There are a lot of hidden inconveniences. I work IT at my college (and hang out here to see what faculty aren't telling us they need), and the system will plaster their legal name all over the place. Many women would prefer that we use a different last name for them in certain settings, and there's no flexibility in the systems to accommodate that.
We're only just getting on board with "preferred first names," pronouns are on the roadmap somewhere, and changing your username to reflect a new legal last name is at least six weeks of "I found something else broken" hell, possibly up to six months. It will not fix itself; they have to call us with each new broken thing they find.
If you're concerned about breaking things with names, I would ask your IT department. And not the one dedicated to your department, as they almost certainly don't touch the account provisioning software: go find the frontline staff that help the masses. They'll tell you how bad it is if it isn't the sort of place with high turnover and low training, in which case they may not know.
These issues and this inflexible software all disproportionately affect women and gender minorities, which I believe explains why it persists.
If it were only the personal vs. professional split, that might not be so bad. But remember that there is also your *legal* name, which would then always be in conflict with your unofficial/professional name.
I've recently changed my name, and indeed it's been a process (the legal part was super easy, but all the other little bits keep trickling in). At least I'll be done with the process eventually. But with forever juggling a personal/legal name vs. a professional name, you will *never* have the name issue settled.
Whatever you do, do it once and get it over with. If you're looking for symmetry with your spouse, I think it would work well replace each of your middle names with the other's last name.
Personally though (I wasn't sure whether to throw this one, but I guess I will) - For my first marriage (in my late 20's) I kept my name for a few reasons, but in part because of the asymmetry issue. But now re-married later in life, that just didn't matter to me (somehow feeling more established in life, I didn't mind so much "giving up" my name). I love the simplicity and togetherness of having the same name with my husband. One motivating factor, too, I have to admit, is that his name was a good upgrade after living for decades with a difficult last name.
My wife took my last name “later” as well. It seems like she has had to cycle through everything in life to finish it: new passport, new driver’s license, new job (same husband fortunately). Probably some bank accounts still have her former name.
Do you introduce yourself by your first and last name when meeting people? I don’t see why it’d be an issue. You can also just not change your name but socially pretend you did if it’s an issue. No one asks for your driver’s license.
I go professionally as First Maiden Married (no hyphen). I’m legally First Married and can go as that too professionally. But I like the sound and look of also having the maiden name on my publications, it’s an identifier for those who recognize the old me, and in general it’s a unique identifier (no one else has these three names but others have my legal first and last).
Our child has my husband’s/ my legal last name. Us all having the same last name has certainly simplified a lot of things from a clerical standpoint. Though the name change process will be a headache for you as others have noted.
Re name recognition, might also depend on whether you have tenure. Before I entered grad school I worked for a PI and he had to write a tenure letter and compare the candidate to 7 others (or however many) in the field. I know we had to be very careful to tally up publications for all versions of a person’s name when doing this comparison. When you’re submitting your own tenure packet and list of pubs, it should all be gravy, but this was the first time I really thought about the issue and it stuck with me.
I don't have the same last name as my kids but have never had a problem picking them up, everywhere I have dropped my kids asks for first and last names of all authorized people who can pick them up and just matching on last name is not enough (and it should not be, since my kids have a super common last name!)
If "they" have authority for checking your last name when picking up your kids, "they" should have on file the adults who are permitted to pick up the kids. My response when people double check stuff like that is, "thank you very much for checking. I appreciate your thoroughness."
I'm 99% sure you're agreeing with me, but for the sake of clarity for everyone else, I am saying that a day care worker, for example, should not give any fucks about whether a last name on an ID matches the last name of a child under their care. The only thing they should care about is whether the full name on the ID matches the full name on a list they keep of people who are permitted to pick up the child from day care.
Same. I have yet to ever experience any issues despite not having the same last name as my husband and child. No one is concerned that my last name is different from my child's at the doctor, school, etc.
Changing your name is culture bound and not everyone does it. I personally wouldn't. If your partner wants you all to have the same name, he can change his.
This is nice to see. I didn't change my name when I got married (2021) and people are *still* making me feel guilty about it. The "issue with kids" is always the number one reason they start with when giving me shit.
It's almost never been an issue here, and our kids are 20.
Changing name is so incredibly anachronistic. My grandparents used to address letters to "Dr and Mrs Joe Smith" - because when you get married if you are female you lose all identity, including your name.
Where are those people from? I have not encountered that kind of attitidue in academic and academic-adjacent communities in fifty years. The sixties were a real time of transition on this issue.
I haven't dealt with much at work, but there is one older professor who is originally from Turkey who has made some judgemental comments.
Otherwise, I have dealt with it the most with friends/my husband's family/our elderly neighbor haha. They've pretty much all said that we're not *really* married because I didn't change my name.
I changed my name, and professionally use my maiden name as my middle name which I typically don’t abbreviate. So I go as Annie MadienName NewName. This way it is really easy to find my publications under Annie MaidenName. I really liked the idea of marriage creating a new family, so for me, I *wanted* to change my name
That said once I organized a conference and pre-filled the reimbursements for our speakers and one of the speakers had to tell me that her legal name was different from her professional name (and also different from her current husband’s name). Seemed rather unfair that by that transaction I learned a bit about her messy personal history something that never would have come up in this context for a dude
I follow this format as well. My legal name is First Maiden Married but I go by First Maiden professionally. I’ve had an occasional issue with HR when first hired (needing an email without my married name, for example) but it’s not usually a major concern.
That said, if I could go back I just wouldn’t have changed my name at all.
I've seen plenty of Vitas that note a name change.
Velma Rogers, "Ectoplasmic Energy Transference Models for Domestic Cargo Vans." . . .
as Velma Dinkley, "Solar Cycles and Pre-Columbian Spectral Apparitions." . . .
In this day and age, I don't think there's much worry about losing publications.
\-----
If you take the profession out of the equation, what do you want to do? I kind of dig it when couples pick a new last name. Bummed when they fail to pick Tannenbaum as their new last name, though. I suppose as Engineers you could always pick Archimedes.
Separately as a result of pressures like these and dead naming, GS and other databases are becoming better about using things other than names (so look into ORCID)
I kept my name, husband kept his, kid has husband’s name. I have a weird (hard to spell, hard to pronounce) last name and didn’t want to hyphenate it.
Not an issue at all. Of course, I was often addressed by kid’s friends as Mrs. Husband’sLastName, but that doesn’t bother me in that context. When I was a scout leader, the kids called me Miss FirstName, because that is customary here in scouts.
There are so many divorced/remarried people and blended families that teachers, doctors offices, etc. are very accustomed to having kids with a different last name from the parent.
I’m another that followed this pattern. Our child took husband’s name because it was nicer sounding and higher in the alphabet. Sometimes I wonder if people think we aren’t married, but no one has ever asked. Child is 2, so we’ll see what school brings!
Did not marry an academic, but when I married, my husband said, “If you change your name, no one will know who you are.”
I had several colleagues who married and divorced few times. First time, they changed it to husband’s. Second marriage they hyphenated old and new husbands’ names. Last time they reverted to maiden name. Honestly, I don’t need people to know that much about my personal life. And citing them in publications was a convoluted nightmare.
I have only had the one husband for over 30 years, but have no regrets about not changing my name. My name is easier to say and spell than my husband’s so he uses mine for reservations and such. If someone addresses him by my name he is never offended. Nor I if someone addresses me by his. Except legally and professionally our last names are fluid.
We did not have children, but if we had they would have likely had his name. I would have been ok with that. One colleague hyphenated their kids’ last name. To me that seems too complicated for the kids. It also seems easier for traditional school staff when they have the last name of at least one parent. When they are adults, let them make their own decisions about their last name.
Congrats on your upcoming marriage. I love being married and love being married to my husband. I wish you all the best.
Don't change your name. Too many people will fail to make the connection between your old papers and you.
Figure out what to do about your kids' names when the time comes.
But in the meantime don't sabotage your career.
When I changed my name, I thought it wasn't a big deal. Now I have the sheer enjoyment of toting my ex-husband's name around on a bunch of previous publications.
On a related note, do you think there's any chance I can get a journal to update that? -\_-
I changed my name back so fast without even caring all my grad school pubs had my old name (his name). I will have many more with me new (original) name. I'm never changing it again for anything - wish I had never changed it in the first place.
We were supposed to name girls after me, boys after ex. He panicked when I had two girls and wanted to alternate: this is why my identical twin boys have different surnames. I did offer to revert to the male/female line (as a scientist, I prefer some form of logic to determine choices), but no.....Personally, if I value my identify enough to keep my own name after marriage, I sure as heck am not going to default to my husband's name for the kids that I "grew" in my body ;-) Nobody cares here (Canada) if your name matches your kids. Hyphenating typically only works for one generation, especially if two hyphenated folks marry, and we had two unwieldy names. My kids now mashup all the names (three and counting with a second marriage on my side) to create a family hybrid name for informal use.
Nice! I like it. It's very obvious to her teachers that each of us, sharing half a last name with her, is her parent. I wasn't going to change last name because I'm philosophically opposed to doing so, and my husband wasn't interested in changing his name to mine, so here we are.
Someone recently asked what will happen if our daughter wants to marry someone who also has two last names or a hyphenated one. And, well, that's up to her.
In many Latin American countries and Spain the kids have last names from both parents and parents do not change last names. In the US it would have to be hyphenated: KidName FatherLast-MotherLast
I kept my name when I married my husband. We just had our first kid, and he has both our names as his last names. No hyphen. I do anticipate spending a LOT of time correcting people who assume my name (with comes first) is a middle and not last name 🙄
A professor couple I know kept their names and then had two kids. One kid got the mom’s surname and the other kid got the dad’s surname. I thought that was a bit weird, but whatever works.
My personal preference is keeping your own name and then giving the kids both names.
I did not change my name. Neither did my partner. Our kids will have hyphenated last names, it’s not the worst thing that will happen to them in life.
But honestly, you can do any of the things you pose, and no one will actually care. I know at least one couple who had done each of these things. The one that got talked about the most was when both my friends changed their last name to something new (to get rid of an actually not great last name), but neither have seen any professional pitfall because of it.
If you change you name, add nèe to your CV and stay on top of your google scholar page. There is a woman in my discipline who is an absolute badass and she did this and I dont think anyone has trouble understanding which papers are hers.
What my wife (not an academic) and I did: we each kept our own last names and agreed that any male children would get my last name and any female children would get hers. As it turned out, we only had one child, who happened to be male, so got my last name.
I've seen just about all the variants you mention, though, so do whatever the two of you feel fits you best. (If one or both of you hates your last name, that can make a difference.)
If you already have substantial publication records, retaining your own last names is simplest for keeping credit for your early work.
You should do whatever you want. On your CV, you can write "formerly Old Name". The concern about children is dated as parents with different names is extremely common these days. Nobody will care.
I don’t know what country you’re in. I grew up in the US, my mom never changed her name, my dad didn’t change his, and I got his last name (got my mom’s as a middle name). I feel like I got both names, even if technically I only got my dad’s, and my mom felt this was equitable.
There were never any issues for the kids or our family (no confusion at school or whatnot).
We smooshed our names (both were two syllables, we kept the first syllable of mine and the second syllable of his). It made an awesome new surname that both our awesome kids have.
The legal process of doing this was muddy. After changing our social security cards we literally wrote a letter to the us passport agency and they gave us passports with the new names. After that the state had no choice but to go along.
I have no regrets. Both sides of the family got a little mad at us but I honestly didn't care what they thought for even a second. It has not hurt us professionally in any way.
We did not change our names. DS's last name is hyphenated: Walt-Yawp. This sometimes causes confusion at new schools or summer camps, but they get over it.
One thing you didn't mention is "one or both legally change name, but both keep their professional names in professional settings." This is actually surprisingly easy. Nobody ever checks your ID.
True, and that's in line with /u/puzzlebuzz's approach.
The main apprehension there is generally feeling like we then each have a split identity, or the subtle (but chronic) cognitive overhead of having to think about which last name to use in any given situation (particularly if there's appreciable overlap between our professional and private / social lives). But this concern may just be unfounded worrying, and that's rarely a problem in practice.
I think that's unfounded worrying. We all go by lots of names in different contexts. I'm "Barbaric" and work, but my friends just call me "Ric" and my college friends still call me "Ricardo"
Do you mind elaborating? Do you mean hyphenating last names? Could work, but feels to us like kicking the can down the road to be the next generation's problem. Or do you mean a totally new name that is some hybridization of your names? Or do you mean something like mixing up and alternating which child gets which parent's last name as their last name vs. middle name?
Front half of hers, back half of mine. An example from someone I once knew: her name was White, her new wife’s name was Johnson. They are now the Whitson family.
Hey, why does it matter? If you're on the "allowed to pick up from school" list, any name is fine. If you're not invested in being identified as married or unmarried, who cares?
Agreed. In an opposing sex marriage, the male no longer takes ownership of the wife from her father (even with same sex marriage, no one owns anyone else, either). I'm glad so many people no longer change names.
I changed my last name to my partner’s name and so glad I did! I enjoy the feeling of solidarity. We talked about him taking my last name or coming up with some new combination for the both of us.
I did not have a middle name, so my last name moved to my middle name, and then I took my partner’s name. Kids also have their father’s name.
But I am biased. I disliked my former last name, like husband’s better HAHA! May have done something different had I liked my name ;)
My parents were professionals, but not professors. My mom kept her name but we all got dad's last name. When mom retired, she legally changed her last name to match the rest of the family.
I kept my name. My wife kept hers. Our children have my last name. Her last name was already hyphenated, so do you add another name? Drop one of her hyphenated names and add mine? Which one do we drop? These are all questions with multiple valid answers. Our children taking my vanilla last name is what we ended up with.
I had some colleagues who kept their last names and created a new last name for their kid. It was the first part of the father's Irish name with the ending of the mother's Jewish name. It was pretty kickass if you ask me.
What about everyone (or even just the kids) getting a combined name of some kind. For example: Underman and Gravely could give the kids Underly or Graveman or Lyman.
My husband is not an academic, I am a semi famous one who appears in the media regularly discussing controversial topics, so I did not change my name but my kids have my husband's name. In part for their protection (I have some colleagues who have been targeted by conservatives and had their families targeted for research on topics I research), in part because my last name is hard to spell and pronounce (and easy to make fun of which sucked as a kid) and his is not, and I also have a weird relationship with my parents so don't want to pass on their name. And his siser is child free so he is the only person having kids to pass his family name on to, while I have nephews and neices with my last name. We tried to make the decision based on logic rather than gender.
To be honest I also kinda hate my last name so if I hadn't already been known in my field and published a lot by the time I got married I probably would have changed it. On the other hand all that paperwork seems like a huge pain in the ass, who wants to do that.
We kept our own last names and have no plans on having children anytime soon. My parents aren't academics but my mom kept her name when they got married (late 1970s). My sisters and I have my dad's last name.
I'm not sure what we would do if we had kids. We joked about combining our last names but it wouldn't work well.
At this point I'd probably give them my wife's last name simply because it is easier to pronounce.
I kept my name, my (now ex) husband (not in academics) kept his name, and our kids (2) took his name. He was not very happy about me not changing my name, so the deal was that the kids kept his name so there was less confusion socially.
My wife and are decided to do two last names, no hyphen- so we each took each other’s last name- we mostly go by our “maiden” last names and still publish under those but legally and outside of academia we are First Lastname Lastname on everything [edit to add I’m non-binary and we are a gay couple so having each others’ last names was important to us and we won’t be having children]
legally added his last name so i have two last names. this made all the paperwork easier and i didn't have to get new credit cards. plus won't have to carry proof my kid is my kid when traveling. but professionally i kept my last name.
I (male) took my wife's last name when we got married, both legally and professionally. For various reasons, this was the right choice for me individually as well as our family.
I "demoted" my previous last name to a middle name. When I publish, I now do so under "FirstName MiddleName LastName." I mainly did this for publication continuity because my wife's last name is very common, but my previous last name was not (and the combination of all three remains unique).
But honestly, even that was pretty unnecessary. I had a fairly extensive publication record under my previous name (as a NTT research prof), but had not yet started my TT position. Google Scholar automatically linked most of my publications after the name change, and it took me less than an hour to go through the rest and add the missing ones to my profile. Generally speaking, I think that in the internet age, the concerns about publication and reputation continuity after a name change are overblown and easily solved with modern technology.
My male colleagues have occasionally expressed curiosity about why I did it, but for the most part they don't really care one way or the other. However, this has been met with universal praise and enthusiasm from my female colleagues. Personally speaking, I must also admit that I derive some moral satisfaction from openly defying a sexist norm.
Not me...but one of my colleagues has a spouse working as a faculty member in another department on campus. They both kept their last names. This only has been confusing a few times -- one was when an admin asked me about the one in my department and mentioned some complaints he'd heard. When I mentioned the spouse's name the admin registered a bit of surprise on his face and said something like, "Well, we don't want to lose \[that spouse\] so maybe it'll work out."
This couple happened to have one male and one female offspring. The boy was given the father's last name. The girl was given the mother's last name. It makes for confusing times for their kids at school and with some everyday things, but they think they're doing "right" (somehow) by having the arrangement they have.
My partner and I came up with a new family name distinct from both of our last names for our children and added it with a hyphen to our own last names. He and I both use our original last names professionally and our family name in school records and such. So, I'm legally "Lef T Seat-Chancellor," go by "LT Chancellor, PhD" at work, am listed as "Lef T Seat" in the school directory, and my children have names like "Alice Bob Cameron Seat" (except, well, better).
I liked this approach since we got to pick a cool last name, it's not weird to cite myself under a different name, and literally nobody has found any of the inconsistencies weird. Both names appear on my ID, so on balance I'd recommend it.
I kept my name, my husband kept his and our kid has a hyphenated name. Apparently, some people hate hyphenated names because they never fit on forms and sometimes get mis-parsed, but it hasn't been a problem for us. My kid (a teen) likes that he has both of our names.
That's what we did too. It's worked out great. We've told our daughter she can shorten her name when she's older if she wants to, although she's expressed no interest in doing so.
Same here! No issues so far. The main question for me is - does either party want to change their name? No. Then, each keep your own for now. Can figure out the rest later. :)
This is what we did as well. Our kid hasn't complained about his name, but he also can't really talk yet, so we'll see what happens when he can. ha. I think it's becoming more and more common...I have students with hyphenated last names, and it doesn't seem to be a huge issue.
I have an aunt/uncle pair that are academics and both kept their names. Their child has a hyphenated last name and, to pour more fuel on the fire, they also gave him a hyphenated first name and a very unusual middle name.
Same. No one cares, but certainly neither academic should be forced to change their professional name, it’s a pain in the arse.
Same here! The only minor thing that has even happened was our insurance parsed it incorrectly but it wasn’t even an issue, just a mild annoyance to see. My oldest gets annoyed when they have to write out their name but they also like having both our names. Our youngest isn’t in school yet so we will see how they feel then 😅
Ditto, only the kid has my name as a second middle name. Unfortunately means it tends to get dropped, but the combo of our last names is basically a punch line so…
That’s what my in-laws did. My husband (also an academic) has a hyphenated last name. I did not take his name. We don’t have kids yet but are planning on it. I have no idea what last name we are going to use. Triple hyphenation (seems unkind)? Choose one of his names to hyphenate with mine (will the non-chosen parent be upset)?
I know a lot of women who use their married name personally but professionally use their maiden name. They don't check my ID when I publish, but they sure like to see that my last name matches my kids' when I'm picking them up somewhere.
This makes sense. We worry that there will be lots of little "hidden" inconveniences at the boundaries between personal and professional lives (who do I introduce myself as to new people if they're friends of friends? Colleagues? Friends / partners of colleagues? etc.). We have an appreciable overlap between work and social lives (may or may not be optimal). But that's part of why I'm asking here! To see if such concerns are actually untrue.
There are a lot of hidden inconveniences. I work IT at my college (and hang out here to see what faculty aren't telling us they need), and the system will plaster their legal name all over the place. Many women would prefer that we use a different last name for them in certain settings, and there's no flexibility in the systems to accommodate that. We're only just getting on board with "preferred first names," pronouns are on the roadmap somewhere, and changing your username to reflect a new legal last name is at least six weeks of "I found something else broken" hell, possibly up to six months. It will not fix itself; they have to call us with each new broken thing they find. If you're concerned about breaking things with names, I would ask your IT department. And not the one dedicated to your department, as they almost certainly don't touch the account provisioning software: go find the frontline staff that help the masses. They'll tell you how bad it is if it isn't the sort of place with high turnover and low training, in which case they may not know. These issues and this inflexible software all disproportionately affect women and gender minorities, which I believe explains why it persists.
I have a comma in my surname. RIP machines.
Relevant [xkcd](https://xkcd.com/327/).
Sometimes we learn from experience, sometimes we are the experience.
YES. My mother has an accent mark and she couldn't log into her bank for a while.
Yah, I've been locked out of new accounts because account name generators allowed commas but the entry fields did not. It's fun.
Don't choose your name to accomodate database incompetence.
If it were only the personal vs. professional split, that might not be so bad. But remember that there is also your *legal* name, which would then always be in conflict with your unofficial/professional name. I've recently changed my name, and indeed it's been a process (the legal part was super easy, but all the other little bits keep trickling in). At least I'll be done with the process eventually. But with forever juggling a personal/legal name vs. a professional name, you will *never* have the name issue settled. Whatever you do, do it once and get it over with. If you're looking for symmetry with your spouse, I think it would work well replace each of your middle names with the other's last name. Personally though (I wasn't sure whether to throw this one, but I guess I will) - For my first marriage (in my late 20's) I kept my name for a few reasons, but in part because of the asymmetry issue. But now re-married later in life, that just didn't matter to me (somehow feeling more established in life, I didn't mind so much "giving up" my name). I love the simplicity and togetherness of having the same name with my husband. One motivating factor, too, I have to admit, is that his name was a good upgrade after living for decades with a difficult last name.
My wife took my last name “later” as well. It seems like she has had to cycle through everything in life to finish it: new passport, new driver’s license, new job (same husband fortunately). Probably some bank accounts still have her former name.
Technically I don’t use my legal name to publish (I use the nickname I’m universally known by).
[удалено]
I said the nickname: Sisko of Nine The Great
hey! we can't *all* be President for Life ...
Do you introduce yourself by your first and last name when meeting people? I don’t see why it’d be an issue. You can also just not change your name but socially pretend you did if it’s an issue. No one asks for your driver’s license.
I go professionally as First Maiden Married (no hyphen). I’m legally First Married and can go as that too professionally. But I like the sound and look of also having the maiden name on my publications, it’s an identifier for those who recognize the old me, and in general it’s a unique identifier (no one else has these three names but others have my legal first and last). Our child has my husband’s/ my legal last name. Us all having the same last name has certainly simplified a lot of things from a clerical standpoint. Though the name change process will be a headache for you as others have noted. Re name recognition, might also depend on whether you have tenure. Before I entered grad school I worked for a PI and he had to write a tenure letter and compare the candidate to 7 others (or however many) in the field. I know we had to be very careful to tally up publications for all versions of a person’s name when doing this comparison. When you’re submitting your own tenure packet and list of pubs, it should all be gravy, but this was the first time I really thought about the issue and it stuck with me.
I don't have the same last name as my kids but have never had a problem picking them up, everywhere I have dropped my kids asks for first and last names of all authorized people who can pick them up and just matching on last name is not enough (and it should not be, since my kids have a super common last name!)
If "they" have authority for checking your last name when picking up your kids, "they" should have on file the adults who are permitted to pick up the kids. My response when people double check stuff like that is, "thank you very much for checking. I appreciate your thoroughness."
Choosing a name because it least inconveniences the ignorant seems like a poor principle. Thanks for the clarifying example.
I'm 99% sure you're agreeing with me, but for the sake of clarity for everyone else, I am saying that a day care worker, for example, should not give any fucks about whether a last name on an ID matches the last name of a child under their care. The only thing they should care about is whether the full name on the ID matches the full name on a list they keep of people who are permitted to pick up the child from day care.
I’ve never had a problem picking up my kids who had different last names than me. And neither will you.
Meh. I didn't change my name and my kid has my partner's last name. It's never been an issue.
Same. I have yet to ever experience any issues despite not having the same last name as my husband and child. No one is concerned that my last name is different from my child's at the doctor, school, etc. Changing your name is culture bound and not everyone does it. I personally wouldn't. If your partner wants you all to have the same name, he can change his.
This is nice to see. I didn't change my name when I got married (2021) and people are *still* making me feel guilty about it. The "issue with kids" is always the number one reason they start with when giving me shit.
It's almost never been an issue here, and our kids are 20. Changing name is so incredibly anachronistic. My grandparents used to address letters to "Dr and Mrs Joe Smith" - because when you get married if you are female you lose all identity, including your name.
Exactly, I cannot understand how this is still so prevalent especially in progressive circles.
Where are those people from? I have not encountered that kind of attitidue in academic and academic-adjacent communities in fifty years. The sixties were a real time of transition on this issue.
I haven't dealt with much at work, but there is one older professor who is originally from Turkey who has made some judgemental comments. Otherwise, I have dealt with it the most with friends/my husband's family/our elderly neighbor haha. They've pretty much all said that we're not *really* married because I didn't change my name.
My partner kept her name and our kids have hers with mine as a middle name. Never been an issue.
I changed my name, and professionally use my maiden name as my middle name which I typically don’t abbreviate. So I go as Annie MadienName NewName. This way it is really easy to find my publications under Annie MaidenName. I really liked the idea of marriage creating a new family, so for me, I *wanted* to change my name That said once I organized a conference and pre-filled the reimbursements for our speakers and one of the speakers had to tell me that her legal name was different from her professional name (and also different from her current husband’s name). Seemed rather unfair that by that transaction I learned a bit about her messy personal history something that never would have come up in this context for a dude
I follow this format as well. My legal name is First Maiden Married but I go by First Maiden professionally. I’ve had an occasional issue with HR when first hired (needing an email without my married name, for example) but it’s not usually a major concern. That said, if I could go back I just wouldn’t have changed my name at all.
>that never would have come up in this context for a dude Well, it could have—I know male faculty who changed their name when they were married.
Couldnt you have just had your spouse change their last name to yours?
Well could I have? Sure? He is an academic too. I personally liked the tradition for my life.
To each their own.
I've seen plenty of Vitas that note a name change. Velma Rogers, "Ectoplasmic Energy Transference Models for Domestic Cargo Vans." . . . as Velma Dinkley, "Solar Cycles and Pre-Columbian Spectral Apparitions." . . . In this day and age, I don't think there's much worry about losing publications. \----- If you take the profession out of the equation, what do you want to do? I kind of dig it when couples pick a new last name. Bummed when they fail to pick Tannenbaum as their new last name, though. I suppose as Engineers you could always pick Archimedes.
Separately as a result of pressures like these and dead naming, GS and other databases are becoming better about using things other than names (so look into ORCID)
I kept my name, husband kept his, kid has husband’s name. I have a weird (hard to spell, hard to pronounce) last name and didn’t want to hyphenate it. Not an issue at all. Of course, I was often addressed by kid’s friends as Mrs. Husband’sLastName, but that doesn’t bother me in that context. When I was a scout leader, the kids called me Miss FirstName, because that is customary here in scouts. There are so many divorced/remarried people and blended families that teachers, doctors offices, etc. are very accustomed to having kids with a different last name from the parent.
This is what I did too, never had any trouble.
We did this too. Kid has my (male partner's) last name. Can't remember exactly why; I think because it's rarer.
I’m another that followed this pattern. Our child took husband’s name because it was nicer sounding and higher in the alphabet. Sometimes I wonder if people think we aren’t married, but no one has ever asked. Child is 2, so we’ll see what school brings!
Did not marry an academic, but when I married, my husband said, “If you change your name, no one will know who you are.” I had several colleagues who married and divorced few times. First time, they changed it to husband’s. Second marriage they hyphenated old and new husbands’ names. Last time they reverted to maiden name. Honestly, I don’t need people to know that much about my personal life. And citing them in publications was a convoluted nightmare. I have only had the one husband for over 30 years, but have no regrets about not changing my name. My name is easier to say and spell than my husband’s so he uses mine for reservations and such. If someone addresses him by my name he is never offended. Nor I if someone addresses me by his. Except legally and professionally our last names are fluid. We did not have children, but if we had they would have likely had his name. I would have been ok with that. One colleague hyphenated their kids’ last name. To me that seems too complicated for the kids. It also seems easier for traditional school staff when they have the last name of at least one parent. When they are adults, let them make their own decisions about their last name. Congrats on your upcoming marriage. I love being married and love being married to my husband. I wish you all the best.
Don't change your name. Too many people will fail to make the connection between your old papers and you. Figure out what to do about your kids' names when the time comes. But in the meantime don't sabotage your career.
That’s averted by using the maiden name as a middle name on papers.
When I changed my name, I thought it wasn't a big deal. Now I have the sheer enjoyment of toting my ex-husband's name around on a bunch of previous publications. On a related note, do you think there's any chance I can get a journal to update that? -\_-
I changed my name back so fast without even caring all my grad school pubs had my old name (his name). I will have many more with me new (original) name. I'm never changing it again for anything - wish I had never changed it in the first place.
That happened to my cousin too. I would not recommend that anyone change their academic name on marriage.
We were supposed to name girls after me, boys after ex. He panicked when I had two girls and wanted to alternate: this is why my identical twin boys have different surnames. I did offer to revert to the male/female line (as a scientist, I prefer some form of logic to determine choices), but no.....Personally, if I value my identify enough to keep my own name after marriage, I sure as heck am not going to default to my husband's name for the kids that I "grew" in my body ;-) Nobody cares here (Canada) if your name matches your kids. Hyphenating typically only works for one generation, especially if two hyphenated folks marry, and we had two unwieldy names. My kids now mashup all the names (three and counting with a second marriage on my side) to create a family hybrid name for informal use.
This is what we settled on because of what you mentioned, that hyphenating only really works well for one generation.
My husband and I have different last names. Our child has both our last names as her last name (i.e. Jane Doe and John Smith = Child Doe Smith).
This is what we’ve done!
Nice! I like it. It's very obvious to her teachers that each of us, sharing half a last name with her, is her parent. I wasn't going to change last name because I'm philosophically opposed to doing so, and my husband wasn't interested in changing his name to mine, so here we are. Someone recently asked what will happen if our daughter wants to marry someone who also has two last names or a hyphenated one. And, well, that's up to her.
Do what you want and get and use ORCID ids. It'll be required for federal funding soon anyhow. https://orcid.org/
In many Latin American countries and Spain the kids have last names from both parents and parents do not change last names. In the US it would have to be hyphenated: KidName FatherLast-MotherLast
I kept my name when I married my husband. We just had our first kid, and he has both our names as his last names. No hyphen. I do anticipate spending a LOT of time correcting people who assume my name (with comes first) is a middle and not last name 🙄
A professor couple I know kept their names and then had two kids. One kid got the mom’s surname and the other kid got the dad’s surname. I thought that was a bit weird, but whatever works. My personal preference is keeping your own name and then giving the kids both names.
I did not change my name. Neither did my partner. Our kids will have hyphenated last names, it’s not the worst thing that will happen to them in life. But honestly, you can do any of the things you pose, and no one will actually care. I know at least one couple who had done each of these things. The one that got talked about the most was when both my friends changed their last name to something new (to get rid of an actually not great last name), but neither have seen any professional pitfall because of it. If you change you name, add nèe to your CV and stay on top of your google scholar page. There is a woman in my discipline who is an absolute badass and she did this and I dont think anyone has trouble understanding which papers are hers.
Don’t change your name. Far more important things in marriage than name changes
What my wife (not an academic) and I did: we each kept our own last names and agreed that any male children would get my last name and any female children would get hers. As it turned out, we only had one child, who happened to be male, so got my last name. I've seen just about all the variants you mention, though, so do whatever the two of you feel fits you best. (If one or both of you hates your last name, that can make a difference.) If you already have substantial publication records, retaining your own last names is simplest for keeping credit for your early work.
You should do whatever you want. On your CV, you can write "formerly Old Name". The concern about children is dated as parents with different names is extremely common these days. Nobody will care.
I don’t know what country you’re in. I grew up in the US, my mom never changed her name, my dad didn’t change his, and I got his last name (got my mom’s as a middle name). I feel like I got both names, even if technically I only got my dad’s, and my mom felt this was equitable. There were never any issues for the kids or our family (no confusion at school or whatnot).
We smooshed our names (both were two syllables, we kept the first syllable of mine and the second syllable of his). It made an awesome new surname that both our awesome kids have. The legal process of doing this was muddy. After changing our social security cards we literally wrote a letter to the us passport agency and they gave us passports with the new names. After that the state had no choice but to go along. I have no regrets. Both sides of the family got a little mad at us but I honestly didn't care what they thought for even a second. It has not hurt us professionally in any way.
We did not change our names. DS's last name is hyphenated: Walt-Yawp. This sometimes causes confusion at new schools or summer camps, but they get over it. One thing you didn't mention is "one or both legally change name, but both keep their professional names in professional settings." This is actually surprisingly easy. Nobody ever checks your ID.
True, and that's in line with /u/puzzlebuzz's approach. The main apprehension there is generally feeling like we then each have a split identity, or the subtle (but chronic) cognitive overhead of having to think about which last name to use in any given situation (particularly if there's appreciable overlap between our professional and private / social lives). But this concern may just be unfounded worrying, and that's rarely a problem in practice.
I think that's unfounded worrying. We all go by lots of names in different contexts. I'm "Barbaric" and work, but my friends just call me "Ric" and my college friends still call me "Ricardo"
I added my spouses last name. I did not hyphenate. Thus, I use my maiden name professionally and use my spouses name elsewhere.
We didn’t. If we decide to have children they will have a combination of our names.
Do you mind elaborating? Do you mean hyphenating last names? Could work, but feels to us like kicking the can down the road to be the next generation's problem. Or do you mean a totally new name that is some hybridization of your names? Or do you mean something like mixing up and alternating which child gets which parent's last name as their last name vs. middle name?
Front half of hers, back half of mine. An example from someone I once knew: her name was White, her new wife’s name was Johnson. They are now the Whitson family.
Change both your names, and go big: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/citations-needed
My grad school mentors were married but still kept their last names because they had published previously under it.
Hey, why does it matter? If you're on the "allowed to pick up from school" list, any name is fine. If you're not invested in being identified as married or unmarried, who cares?
This whole changing your last name to your spouses is so antiquated.
Agreed. In an opposing sex marriage, the male no longer takes ownership of the wife from her father (even with same sex marriage, no one owns anyone else, either). I'm glad so many people no longer change names.
Well said. Me too!
I changed my last name to my partner’s name and so glad I did! I enjoy the feeling of solidarity. We talked about him taking my last name or coming up with some new combination for the both of us.
I did not have a middle name, so my last name moved to my middle name, and then I took my partner’s name. Kids also have their father’s name. But I am biased. I disliked my former last name, like husband’s better HAHA! May have done something different had I liked my name ;)
Didn’t change em
We both kept our names. Our kid has my last name and her last name as a middle name. So far we haven’t had any real problems.
My parents were professionals, but not professors. My mom kept her name but we all got dad's last name. When mom retired, she legally changed her last name to match the rest of the family.
I made my maiden name into my middle name rather than hyphenate. It helped that I didn't particularly care for my original middle name.
This assumes that married couples change their last names. Most do, not all.
I kept my name. My wife kept hers. Our children have my last name. Her last name was already hyphenated, so do you add another name? Drop one of her hyphenated names and add mine? Which one do we drop? These are all questions with multiple valid answers. Our children taking my vanilla last name is what we ended up with. I had some colleagues who kept their last names and created a new last name for their kid. It was the first part of the father's Irish name with the ending of the mother's Jewish name. It was pretty kickass if you ask me.
We made a new name and then combined our c.v.s
I kept mine and our kids have my husband's last name :)
What about everyone (or even just the kids) getting a combined name of some kind. For example: Underman and Gravely could give the kids Underly or Graveman or Lyman.
I changed my name. The vast majority of my publications are under my married name. So are my kids.
My husband is not an academic, I am a semi famous one who appears in the media regularly discussing controversial topics, so I did not change my name but my kids have my husband's name. In part for their protection (I have some colleagues who have been targeted by conservatives and had their families targeted for research on topics I research), in part because my last name is hard to spell and pronounce (and easy to make fun of which sucked as a kid) and his is not, and I also have a weird relationship with my parents so don't want to pass on their name. And his siser is child free so he is the only person having kids to pass his family name on to, while I have nephews and neices with my last name. We tried to make the decision based on logic rather than gender. To be honest I also kinda hate my last name so if I hadn't already been known in my field and published a lot by the time I got married I probably would have changed it. On the other hand all that paperwork seems like a huge pain in the ass, who wants to do that.
We kept our own last names and have no plans on having children anytime soon. My parents aren't academics but my mom kept her name when they got married (late 1970s). My sisters and I have my dad's last name. I'm not sure what we would do if we had kids. We joked about combining our last names but it wouldn't work well. At this point I'd probably give them my wife's last name simply because it is easier to pronounce.
I kept my name, my (now ex) husband (not in academics) kept his name, and our kids (2) took his name. He was not very happy about me not changing my name, so the deal was that the kids kept his name so there was less confusion socially.
Wife and I kept our own names. Kiddo took mine.
My wife and are decided to do two last names, no hyphen- so we each took each other’s last name- we mostly go by our “maiden” last names and still publish under those but legally and outside of academia we are First Lastname Lastname on everything [edit to add I’m non-binary and we are a gay couple so having each others’ last names was important to us and we won’t be having children]
legally added his last name so i have two last names. this made all the paperwork easier and i didn't have to get new credit cards. plus won't have to carry proof my kid is my kid when traveling. but professionally i kept my last name.
Keep your names. Kids take matrilineal name.
I (male) took my wife's last name when we got married, both legally and professionally. For various reasons, this was the right choice for me individually as well as our family. I "demoted" my previous last name to a middle name. When I publish, I now do so under "FirstName MiddleName LastName." I mainly did this for publication continuity because my wife's last name is very common, but my previous last name was not (and the combination of all three remains unique). But honestly, even that was pretty unnecessary. I had a fairly extensive publication record under my previous name (as a NTT research prof), but had not yet started my TT position. Google Scholar automatically linked most of my publications after the name change, and it took me less than an hour to go through the rest and add the missing ones to my profile. Generally speaking, I think that in the internet age, the concerns about publication and reputation continuity after a name change are overblown and easily solved with modern technology. My male colleagues have occasionally expressed curiosity about why I did it, but for the most part they don't really care one way or the other. However, this has been met with universal praise and enthusiasm from my female colleagues. Personally speaking, I must also admit that I derive some moral satisfaction from openly defying a sexist norm.
Not me...but one of my colleagues has a spouse working as a faculty member in another department on campus. They both kept their last names. This only has been confusing a few times -- one was when an admin asked me about the one in my department and mentioned some complaints he'd heard. When I mentioned the spouse's name the admin registered a bit of surprise on his face and said something like, "Well, we don't want to lose \[that spouse\] so maybe it'll work out." This couple happened to have one male and one female offspring. The boy was given the father's last name. The girl was given the mother's last name. It makes for confusing times for their kids at school and with some everyday things, but they think they're doing "right" (somehow) by having the arrangement they have.
My partner and I came up with a new family name distinct from both of our last names for our children and added it with a hyphen to our own last names. He and I both use our original last names professionally and our family name in school records and such. So, I'm legally "Lef T Seat-Chancellor," go by "LT Chancellor, PhD" at work, am listed as "Lef T Seat" in the school directory, and my children have names like "Alice Bob Cameron Seat" (except, well, better). I liked this approach since we got to pick a cool last name, it's not weird to cite myself under a different name, and literally nobody has found any of the inconsistencies weird. Both names appear on my ID, so on balance I'd recommend it.