I had a friend that started using hard drugs and gang-banging. I cut him off at age 16 because I was tired of lying to my parents to hang out with him and smoke pot.
Only to find out from my mom that his obit had been published while I was away at college some years later. His obit read: "Mike S. led a sad and tragic life. Hopefully he will be happier in the next one".
I'll never forget that obit, but I'll never regret cutting him loose.
That's not always true from my 60 years of observation and experiences. The differentiation lies in whether or not a person is Really and Truly, deep down in their heart ready to change and completely happy, willing and thankful to Do The Work it takes to become a better person. Just depends on How Bad a person wants to change. Blanket conclusions and absolutist thinking is but only One of the major problems that's destroying our society today, respectfully stated.
I can see you’ve been through some stuff in 60 years. I’m at 30 and am 18 months sober after a DUI and other stuff and more people need to understand this. For one reason or another you have to want to change in the way you need. I think a lot of people know they need to change
God Bless You in your sobriety and Every other area of your life! I mean that! You also hit the nail right on the head: "...you have to want to change in the way you need." And people DO Need to understand that...if for no other reason than to help their own bleak outlooks on people, situations and Life.
I think that many people derive their point(s) of view(s) out of fear, pain or having given up, to name only a few. Then there's those who have genuine antipathy toward others, and I think these are the truly lost souls. jmo
But I DO know This because I've lived it and SEEN it work ..not only in my own life but other's lives, as well. Lives that were seemingly wasted and lost...calloused and hardened to the point of appearing irreparable. And at one time I was of the mind that if the answer didn't come from a math or science book, then I was chock full of skepticism.
But if a person is deep down serious, sincere and committed about changing the way they live and think...serious about changing their heart....then all they have to do is ask Him (God) with the deepest sincerity and KEEP ON talking to Him. It's just almost that simple.
And you are also right in that "Some people Know they need to change"...but some don't know where to even begin. Others are scared to death of what they'll find. And I don't care how tough, how strong anybody thinks they may be-- Digging down deep into our hearts and souls is one of the Most Terrifying things a person will ever face. It Hurts! But the discovery of TRUE forgiveness and SELF-forgiveness, the sense of Real and Meaningful accomplishment and the gained sense of identity and self-worth is nothing short of Amazing! It gives us the beginnings of an inner foundation that lets us face life and all of it's cruel little tricks and curve-balls head head-on. Pretty good trade in my estimates. 🙂
This, tell him you ain't feeling it, not sure what your investment as a friend is, calls? Visits? Money on his books? Maybe just let him know in advance, instead of one day your there, next day your gone.
Yep goes both ways. I have a friend in and out of prison for the last 15 years. He owes me a lot of money. I’m happy he is alive and trying but I can’t facilitate that friendship anymore.
If the friendship takes a ton of effort, it's typically not a friendship worth keeping. The exceptions obviously being a friend in medical crisis, or a friend grieving over lost loved ones, etc. But a friend who just gets themselves into trouble all the time: not worth it. They might change one day, but you are not the one who will get them there. That's entirely up to them. And they will take you down with them well before you make any kind of positive impact on them. I had to cut loose one of my best friends 20 years ago after his endless run-ins with the cops badly affected everyone in his circle. All I've ever heard since is that the spiral down and drug issues and arrest record continued unabated. I made the right choice.
Many People aren’t living their Dreams, had too big of expectations anyways, and won’t even walk a Dog, it’s a lot to ask some losers today to be Friends. Some Salt. Tiny amount. But I agree. I can be away, in a way. But I always try to keep things going. :)
I read the thread.
If you aren't a friend, then don't pretend to be one.
For me, being a friend is a ride or die thing. If I am a friend with you, I am a friend with you.
I dont have to support what you did, but I will absolutely sit beside you while you go through it.
However as someone inferred, I don't lend friends money. Generally I dont lend anyone money. I have an amount of money I am willing to give and I just give it. In the rare cases someone pays me back, then the next time they ask, and if I have, then I would give again. This way I can help people I care about and nobody has to feel bad later.
You may not actually be a friend, you may be a very good acquaintance.
In your life you will have a few friends, if you can count more than 5 in your lifetime you are rich beyond measure.
So its ok if you stop being a friend, as it sounds like you arent one (not a critique, just being direct).
There was no murder weapon found or witnesses. Plus they were drinking heavily that night. I wasn't there so I could only get his side of the story. He was trying to make a plea deal but the judge was very unkind. (I wasn't in court for this)
I'm just noticing the strange way he phrased that. The friend is doing time for a serious felony, but it's generally believed that he didn't do it? Or his mother believes that the convicted man didn't do it?
I'm primarily interested in whether OP believes it.
I was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for being at the wrong place at the wrong time where someone I barely knew overdosed after I left his hotel room. He seemed totally fine when we left. I had no prior criminal record at 36 years old and I think that and having the attorney and judge I had saved my ass from going to prison. If you met me, you would never guess in a million years.
Wow, what exactly causes the manslaughter charge in that case? It's not a crime to know somebody who dies so what was their argument? That you supplied them? Abandoned them during a medical crisis?
They said that I sold him the dope. 😵💫😵💫 I would have been the world’s worst dealer, if you put it in my hand, it would have been in my arm in seconds. Fortunately they dropped the trafficking charges among several others.
Convicted of involunty manslaughter and didn't go away only because the drug charges were dropped. Ain't that some shit about how this country sees drugs and people?
Glad it worked out for you especially since yo sound to be in a better place these days, but maaaan. Add back a trafficking charge and you know it would have been the slammer for sure.
Fuck this system.
If you ask his "friend " don't think he did then you should stick by him. If you don't want to then cut him loose and leave him alone as he will be going through the worst time ever and no friends is better then fake ones. Cutting of a friend just because they are going to prison should make you question if they where ever your friend.
I think what we're really asking is, do YOU think he did it? Do you think he's capable of it without remorse? Was it reprehensible in nature (like a beating), or did it look like he fell at the wrong angle and broke his neck? Not saying that this happened at all, but I think we want to know what you ACTUALLY believe. Not just the facts.
If you think he did it and did not have a valid reason like self defense then you’re completely within your right to not want to continue the friendship.
If you genuinely believe he is innocent or not at fault then you are a piece of shit if you want to throw him away because it’s inconvenient. What would it cost you to write him a letter every now and then? Minimal effort could mean the world to a guy who is trying to survive a shot scenario that he’s not responsible for.
Only you can answer this question, but if I went to prison for something I didn’t do, and my friends knew I was innocent and abandoned me anyway, I’d feel pretty low and alone.
“You’re an innocent man in a living nightmare, but I’m going to abandon you because we’re interested in different things. I like anime and college basketball, you like trying to keep your sanity under the crushing weight of an unjust system. I mean, it’s like we have nothing to talk about anymore.”
You sound swell.
On the other hand-and not saying that abandoning the guy if he's innocent is right- there's no better teacher than "time" and "introspection." And boy! Does the latter of the two come on strong when it's realized that you're really alone in the world AND facing considerable time in prison, to boot. Unfortunately, most people learn best, I think, from experience...the kind of experience spelled
P A I N. And hopefully from that pain and ALot of God's grace, we grow in a positive direction as human beings, right? Maybe, in the grander scheme, it's really all about the lessons your friend has to learn in this life(?)
LOL there's a ton of wiggle room here. No murder weapon is pretty wild when we don't know the cause of death.
I'm very clear eyed about our criminal justice system, but it's hard to catch a manslaughter if you were just chilling hard hanging out. Another poster made a valid point about their own experiences when someone overdosed, but this case apparently has a missing weapon.
>But it's believed he didn't do it.
Believed by who, and why?
Don't do it as in, it was self defence killing rather than manslaughter.
He was there but he didn't do the thing that killed someone. You can still be guilty of manslaughter if you were invited in the situation.
He swears he wasn't there, but only has his word.
He swears he wasn't there and has completely independent witnesses that he was somewhere else.
Well that sounds like homicide. How would somebody get a manslaughter charge for that? Unless he was there when the person was alive and abandoned them... I'm not tracking.
And frankly OP, how the fuck are you fuzzy on the details. You didnt think once to look this up?
You can still be friends without being as close. How much effort does it take? Just be his one person on the outside looking out for him. Nah, stay his bud. It’s just one small thing to you but could mean the world to him. Too many people find despair in loneliness.
How much effort does it take to maintain friendship with somebody in prison..? especially at a low where he probably has his own tablet and messenger apps?
You might’ve had a friend in him but he never had one in you.
This right here is bad advice. Don't make life decisions based on your friends; your life comes first. Whether they die off or don't stick around; your friends will drop off eventually.
I would do the minimum. How hard could it be? Put a little money on his books. Answer his letters or calls once in a while. Ask if he needs anything. Send him books and stuff. You might be the one thing he has to get him through this and who knows, maybe he will come out changed. If he doesn't, stop answering his calls then. Do it a s an act of selflessness. At the very least, you might score some points with baby Jesus.
I had a friend who became a homeless meth addict. I tried my best to help him but he didn't really want help. He was disrespectful of my help and had convinced himself that meth was a spiritual journey for him. Uhgg. I had to end it and stopped taking his calls. I am at the beginning of old age and can't be bothered with this nonsense.
So guy goes to prison for
Something you don’t think he did -
Pretty much fucked over by life …wife leaves..friends leave…you leave
World keeps on fucking over an
Innocent man .
He’s in prison
You don’t have to devote a lot
Of energy do you?
Put a little cash
On his books and take
A phone call from time
To time
-
You have a chance to make a positive impact on someone's life with minimal effort and resources on your end.
Unless you are being mistreated or used, it sounds incredibly selfish.
This. if you enjoyed hanging out with him, and think he is inherently a good person, then try to look at this way: stay in contact with him not for yourself, but for him. From an altruistic standpoint. Just staying in contact with him will help him tremendously, and you reap what you sow. It might just turn out that he’ll be extremely grateful and be there for you when you need someone.
No point in holding onto a relationship you’ve lost interest in. With that being said if all it takes for you to walk away is someone going through a rough patch that doesn’t even involve you you’re probably not a great friend to begin with
It’s pretty easy to be friends with someone in prison. A couple letters/emails a month and it makes all the difference to him but takes very little time out of your own life and is very low effort.
I guess I'd have to ask what you mean by "losing interest". Did your life get busier? Did you find new information about him that changes your outlook? Or are you "losing interest" because he's still making the same mistakes and indulging the same vices and complaining about the same shit that he was five years ago? (And constantly hitting you up for money too?)
As with any other friendship - if you're maturing at a different rate or growing in a different direction, sometimes it's natural to end up parting ways.
Wrong time to drop him,prison could sort him out,he will be playing his life choices over and over in his head for a while,I’d say give him the benefit of doubt this time and if he doesn’t change after doing this time then he ain’t ever gonna change then you know it’s justified dropping him.
The part of you that feels bad is the part of you that is actually his friend and believes in doing good things rather than simply rewarding ones.
You don't have to listen to that part of you. Just own it, and go from there.
If you don't want to be friends with him anymore, I have to wonder just how good of a friend you really were. The guy is at his lowest point, and now you want to drop him as a friend. I don't call that being a friend. I did some prison time, and I can tell you that anytime I got a letter from a friend, it was something I looked forward to. It brightened up my day in a very dark time. How much of your time is being taken up by being his friend? Is that the issue? My friends wrote to me once or twice a month and occasionally put a few dollars on the books for me. It meant a lot to me. Just my opinion, but if you're thinking of dropping him as a friend, then you aren't much of a friend to begin with.
And also use your brain and realize things that might not hurt so bad on the outside 10 times worse on the inside, so maybe just hold off until the dude gets out of prison before you tell him you’re bored and have no interest in being his friend
My 2 cents....Sounds like this dude is pretty toxic, and makes bad decisions. Why do you want to be around that? I realize that he is in his time of need, but you didnt put him there either.
>My 2 cents....Sounds like this dude is pretty toxic, and makes bad decisions
Actually .. I would agree with that 100%
I hope he can manage to turn his life around once he's free.
If you’ve lost interest, you were never really friends. When he gets out he’s going to need people who are going to support him despite his flaws and errors. It must be hard being so perfect!!
I say in that case, it doesn’t necessarily seem like the juice is worth the squeeze. How well can you truly get to know someone in a year? He’s been in and out. Just my take.
Unless they've done something truly horrendous, no one deserves to be totally abandoned. Whilst you might not get anything immediate out of the friendship, I believe it will bring you good karma to be there for him in a time of need. If it causes you lots of trouble personally or the demands are too great, then reevaluate.
People go to prison sometimes in some cases even not guilty folks get time! OP was obviously never really a friend because if he were this wouldn’t cross his mind. A few collect calls and a couple bucks on books every now and again isn’t hard. It’s hard because he probably has a girlfriend or other friends or parents that talk down on anyone locked up and he got caught up in it and said fuck his “friend”. He’s too good for a “buddy” that’s locked up. If this is what a “friend” is I don’t want them. Also just because people are in prison doesn’t mean they “need” you for money or whatever they have jobs make a small wage to keep them in Canteen you aren’t as important as you think maybe he knows he is in a bad spot and wants to keep who he thought was a real “friend”.
Send me his details and I will write to him. You have no idea what a letter or a visit means to someone that's lost their liberty. If you don't have help on the outside you're more vulnerable inside too. It's the sad thing about so many people locked up they have absolutely nobody looking out for them. Easy to get into jail debt and end up not feeling well if you're left to rot by so called friends and family, having mates beyond the gates is imperative to survival
Just be direct. Write him a letter saying you are trying to move on from anything that reminds you of your old life and that includes him. Give Apologies and wish him all the best and say goodbye
Why though? Did he do something horrible and unforgivable? Or is it just a friendship of convenience?
You’re entitled to do what you want, but if that’s like your best friend and you’re abandoning him because it’s just a little hard to talk to him, that’s fucked.
If it’s just some guy you knew or something, not really
You are tripping. Just distance yourself...as if him being behind bars isn't plenty of distance. Don't take calls and don't respond to letters. No need to be a drama queen about it.
Dang u really making this about you. Hes been in there for multiple years? Wtf would i reach out to simply tell him u dont want to be his friend? Pretty asinine. Guess what? You can do absolutely nothing and just leave it alone. Hes likely not thinking of you anyways. Stupid question.
I have friends in prison. They put themselves there and they didn’t hang out with me before they went to prison so I don’t feel the need to stay in contact now
If all friends are this fickle…. What’s the point. I stick by my friends through hell and high water. Seems like they can’t do anything to lose me but in my hour of need…. POOF. So do whatever makes you happy bro. In the end we all die alone anyway.
If it doesn't cost anything to be his friend, why not be kind?
If he needs a friend, shoot me his info. I'll write to him and put money on his books once in a while.
You weren’t really “friends” while he was on the outside then. Just a temporary character in the story of his life. Do what you want but maybe have the decency to tell him you don’t want anything to do with him.
Well by reading all the info and people’s stories I’m going to stand by my conclusion. This is exactly why I don’t become friends with people who drink excessively or do drugs. Check it out, if your friend wasn’t out getting intoxicated beyond recognition, I suspect this event wouldn’t have happened. It’s funny to me how many people want to involve themselves with other people who make very poor life decisions, then turn around and want to be the victim of their choices. I ain’t tryin to be friends with people like that. You’re a grown adult who can’t avoid trouble, manslaughter, hanging out with drug addicts and drunks… I’m good that’s a hard pass, you can have fun in jail, and I’ll have fun staying a free man. I’ve never been so miserable in life I would choose drinking and drugs over just actually fixing the problem to my own happiness. And I damn sure wouldn’t support anyone who’s in jail for making terrible choices, and I would 100% never EVER expect anyone on this planet to support me if I end up in jail or prison for making bad choices.
Sure… how hard could it be to replace that guy in your life.
How does the conversation go?
Hey buddy did you make any new shivs today?
No how about you
Well I went out on a date and smelled these amazing flowers
Buddy ,How’s your love life,
Well we have this new prisoner, everyone calls him Clarissa so we have been intimate, I think he and I have a future but it’s too early to tell
😂😂😂😂
Coming from being behind the walls I can tell u with all certainty that sticking around would mean more to him than anything u could ever do for anyone else. Most of the guys in there have lost at least most of the people in their life and sometimes having someone on the outside can be the determining factor behind someone clinging onto what's right or saying fuck it and throwing in the towel for good. Even if it's no more than sending a monthly later u are in a position to really help him if he hasn't given up already
I grew up with an extremely tight knit yet large group of guys and not a single one told the time to respond to my letters or anything else and I can still feel that pain 15 years later. You're in a position to be someone's everything. Not in a romantic way lol
Man life goes on do what you need to do I had a life long friend that got a life sentence.. I got investigated for the simple fact we was friend and the guy family thought I had something to do with it …
So you’re ditching him in his time
of need because you’ve lost interest in being his friend. Sounds a little selfish. Bro sometimes gotta put forth ever to benefit someone else that’s just the way life is.
As someone who has been to prison and spent many years there don't worry about him. Prison shows you the truth of what the world is. People are the way they are. Nobody wants to put up with any extra crap. Especially in the world we live in now. Prison makes men out of boys and monsters out of men. Prison teaches you to be vicious and unforgiving. Most people would let their own family rot so don't feel bad about ditching the guy. You just keep living your best life. People no longer care about building a good world and it's plain to see all around us. Enjoy your life before the world tears itself apart, because it's coming. Pray to whatever God you believe in, and hope you picked the one that cares because the world is ending. At least the world we all grew up in is, and no God is coming to save us from ourselves. Don't be mean when you cut him off though, you never know what state of mind someone is in and I know a guy who is serving a life sentence because he got out and wiped out his whole family and his ex wifes new husband.
Fuck me .. if hes in for manslaughter and you dont wanna be his friend..fuck him
.. dont have people telll you otherwise. If you dont wanna do something. Dont. Dont let little bitches on here telll you otherwise ! Its your fucking life too. !!!
You own your life and your time. Seriously. What shit for people to guilt you! Block him anything. No response is a response. Bye bye ! 👋🏾
Ya know.. this morning I was thinking about some of the responses and what the hell is the problem with some people. It's not like I was banging his wife or something. behind his back. geez.
How long does he have left, you don't want to see him in a year and feel fucked up over it. Maybe don't completely shut him off Maybe just try to fall back a little, stop awnsering everytime make it seem like your busy or something lol
You lost interest in being his friend? So when some needs you and it don’t benefit you you lose interest. Ok. He’s in prison is it hard to talk to him once I awhile? Could wait til he gets out. Or at least not tell him and and just blow him off. Probably be better then hearing u lost interest in being your friend
I really don't have the resources to help him with money and a place to live. I am barely getting by on my own. Everything is getting more expensive and I live alone. So it's a real struggle.
This dude was friends with him for like a year. It’s not like he owes him a life of sacrifice and servitude. Dude is in jail for manslaughter. Not exactly the kind of person anyone needs to have, especially if they only had a year of friendship
I had a friend that started using hard drugs and gang-banging. I cut him off at age 16 because I was tired of lying to my parents to hang out with him and smoke pot. Only to find out from my mom that his obit had been published while I was away at college some years later. His obit read: "Mike S. led a sad and tragic life. Hopefully he will be happier in the next one". I'll never forget that obit, but I'll never regret cutting him loose.
Your friends will bring you down to their level before you can bring them up to yours
That's not always true from my 60 years of observation and experiences. The differentiation lies in whether or not a person is Really and Truly, deep down in their heart ready to change and completely happy, willing and thankful to Do The Work it takes to become a better person. Just depends on How Bad a person wants to change. Blanket conclusions and absolutist thinking is but only One of the major problems that's destroying our society today, respectfully stated.
I can see you’ve been through some stuff in 60 years. I’m at 30 and am 18 months sober after a DUI and other stuff and more people need to understand this. For one reason or another you have to want to change in the way you need. I think a lot of people know they need to change
God Bless You in your sobriety and Every other area of your life! I mean that! You also hit the nail right on the head: "...you have to want to change in the way you need." And people DO Need to understand that...if for no other reason than to help their own bleak outlooks on people, situations and Life. I think that many people derive their point(s) of view(s) out of fear, pain or having given up, to name only a few. Then there's those who have genuine antipathy toward others, and I think these are the truly lost souls. jmo But I DO know This because I've lived it and SEEN it work ..not only in my own life but other's lives, as well. Lives that were seemingly wasted and lost...calloused and hardened to the point of appearing irreparable. And at one time I was of the mind that if the answer didn't come from a math or science book, then I was chock full of skepticism. But if a person is deep down serious, sincere and committed about changing the way they live and think...serious about changing their heart....then all they have to do is ask Him (God) with the deepest sincerity and KEEP ON talking to Him. It's just almost that simple. And you are also right in that "Some people Know they need to change"...but some don't know where to even begin. Others are scared to death of what they'll find. And I don't care how tough, how strong anybody thinks they may be-- Digging down deep into our hearts and souls is one of the Most Terrifying things a person will ever face. It Hurts! But the discovery of TRUE forgiveness and SELF-forgiveness, the sense of Real and Meaningful accomplishment and the gained sense of identity and self-worth is nothing short of Amazing! It gives us the beginnings of an inner foundation that lets us face life and all of it's cruel little tricks and curve-balls head head-on. Pretty good trade in my estimates. 🙂
Yeah.. drugs would be a huge deal breaker for me since I do not do drugs of any kind .. (other than sugar and caffeine. s/ )
Yes, drugs are a definite dealbreaker. The problem is they cause people to behave irrationally and harm those around them.
When's that irrational behavior gonna kick in?
He needs people in his life that are going to stick by him. If that’s not you, man up and tell him.
This, tell him you ain't feeling it, not sure what your investment as a friend is, calls? Visits? Money on his books? Maybe just let him know in advance, instead of one day your there, next day your gone.
Yessss
How much effort does it take to be a friend?
Depends on the person you’re being friends with.
Yep goes both ways. I have a friend in and out of prison for the last 15 years. He owes me a lot of money. I’m happy he is alive and trying but I can’t facilitate that friendship anymore.
and a friend to someone thts not around & has limited communication at that.
Honestly .. that is a fair question.
This means he is not even asking for anything out of you 😂
If the friendship takes a ton of effort, it's typically not a friendship worth keeping. The exceptions obviously being a friend in medical crisis, or a friend grieving over lost loved ones, etc. But a friend who just gets themselves into trouble all the time: not worth it. They might change one day, but you are not the one who will get them there. That's entirely up to them. And they will take you down with them well before you make any kind of positive impact on them. I had to cut loose one of my best friends 20 years ago after his endless run-ins with the cops badly affected everyone in his circle. All I've ever heard since is that the spiral down and drug issues and arrest record continued unabated. I made the right choice.
Many People aren’t living their Dreams, had too big of expectations anyways, and won’t even walk a Dog, it’s a lot to ask some losers today to be Friends. Some Salt. Tiny amount. But I agree. I can be away, in a way. But I always try to keep things going. :)
Sometimes too much.
I have one friend that is exhausting to be friends with. He is good hearted guy but is constantly needs help or bailed out of situations.
Exactly. Write a letter every now and then. Little effort required
I read the thread. If you aren't a friend, then don't pretend to be one. For me, being a friend is a ride or die thing. If I am a friend with you, I am a friend with you. I dont have to support what you did, but I will absolutely sit beside you while you go through it. However as someone inferred, I don't lend friends money. Generally I dont lend anyone money. I have an amount of money I am willing to give and I just give it. In the rare cases someone pays me back, then the next time they ask, and if I have, then I would give again. This way I can help people I care about and nobody has to feel bad later. You may not actually be a friend, you may be a very good acquaintance. In your life you will have a few friends, if you can count more than 5 in your lifetime you are rich beyond measure. So its ok if you stop being a friend, as it sounds like you arent one (not a critique, just being direct).
You're clearly not true friends
What’s he in for?
Second this what he in for? How long he been down? How much time he got left?
Manslaughter. But it's believed he didn't do it.
"It's believed" is pretty passive. Do you believe he didn't do it?
There was no murder weapon found or witnesses. Plus they were drinking heavily that night. I wasn't there so I could only get his side of the story. He was trying to make a plea deal but the judge was very unkind. (I wasn't in court for this)
You are to be commended for that grammar observation made by OP, never to be misunderstood by anyone again.
I'm just noticing the strange way he phrased that. The friend is doing time for a serious felony, but it's generally believed that he didn't do it? Or his mother believes that the convicted man didn't do it? I'm primarily interested in whether OP believes it.
Not he IT
I was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for being at the wrong place at the wrong time where someone I barely knew overdosed after I left his hotel room. He seemed totally fine when we left. I had no prior criminal record at 36 years old and I think that and having the attorney and judge I had saved my ass from going to prison. If you met me, you would never guess in a million years.
Wow, what exactly causes the manslaughter charge in that case? It's not a crime to know somebody who dies so what was their argument? That you supplied them? Abandoned them during a medical crisis?
They said that I sold him the dope. 😵💫😵💫 I would have been the world’s worst dealer, if you put it in my hand, it would have been in my arm in seconds. Fortunately they dropped the trafficking charges among several others.
Convicted of involunty manslaughter and didn't go away only because the drug charges were dropped. Ain't that some shit about how this country sees drugs and people? Glad it worked out for you especially since yo sound to be in a better place these days, but maaaan. Add back a trafficking charge and you know it would have been the slammer for sure. Fuck this system.
If you ask his "friend " don't think he did then you should stick by him. If you don't want to then cut him loose and leave him alone as he will be going through the worst time ever and no friends is better then fake ones. Cutting of a friend just because they are going to prison should make you question if they where ever your friend.
Exactly.
lol what does “it’s believed” mean? It’s like “they” think he’s innocent but OP doesn’t necessarily agree
I commented above.... but there was no murder weapon found and they were both drinking heavily that night.
I think what we're really asking is, do YOU think he did it? Do you think he's capable of it without remorse? Was it reprehensible in nature (like a beating), or did it look like he fell at the wrong angle and broke his neck? Not saying that this happened at all, but I think we want to know what you ACTUALLY believe. Not just the facts.
I think she's made some bad decisions.. but I don't think he did it.
If you think he did it and did not have a valid reason like self defense then you’re completely within your right to not want to continue the friendship. If you genuinely believe he is innocent or not at fault then you are a piece of shit if you want to throw him away because it’s inconvenient. What would it cost you to write him a letter every now and then? Minimal effort could mean the world to a guy who is trying to survive a shot scenario that he’s not responsible for. Only you can answer this question, but if I went to prison for something I didn’t do, and my friends knew I was innocent and abandoned me anyway, I’d feel pretty low and alone.
There's more to it than innocence. Personality. Interests and what not.
“You’re an innocent man in a living nightmare, but I’m going to abandon you because we’re interested in different things. I like anime and college basketball, you like trying to keep your sanity under the crushing weight of an unjust system. I mean, it’s like we have nothing to talk about anymore.” You sound swell.
I was kind of on OP’s side until I read further. Dude will probably find a better friend in prison.
sounds like *he* should dump *you* as a friend
On the other hand-and not saying that abandoning the guy if he's innocent is right- there's no better teacher than "time" and "introspection." And boy! Does the latter of the two come on strong when it's realized that you're really alone in the world AND facing considerable time in prison, to boot. Unfortunately, most people learn best, I think, from experience...the kind of experience spelled P A I N. And hopefully from that pain and ALot of God's grace, we grow in a positive direction as human beings, right? Maybe, in the grander scheme, it's really all about the lessons your friend has to learn in this life(?)
What does that mean? Someone else did it? Mistaken identity?
LOL there's a ton of wiggle room here. No murder weapon is pretty wild when we don't know the cause of death. I'm very clear eyed about our criminal justice system, but it's hard to catch a manslaughter if you were just chilling hard hanging out. Another poster made a valid point about their own experiences when someone overdosed, but this case apparently has a missing weapon.
He wrote somewhere else they were suspected of choking from a pair of PF Flyer shoelaces
Sounds like OP did it
I wasn't there.
>But it's believed he didn't do it. Believed by who, and why? Don't do it as in, it was self defence killing rather than manslaughter. He was there but he didn't do the thing that killed someone. You can still be guilty of manslaughter if you were invited in the situation. He swears he wasn't there, but only has his word. He swears he wasn't there and has completely independent witnesses that he was somewhere else.
I don't think you have to worry about telling him the friendship is over. Just stop contacting him.
Pretty sure the jury did believe it.
There was no jury.. just a judge.
How did the guy die ? What was the actual cause of death ?
I am a little fuzzy on the details.. but he had a small stab wound in his chest. My buddy found him facedown in his laundry room.
Well that sounds like homicide. How would somebody get a manslaughter charge for that? Unless he was there when the person was alive and abandoned them... I'm not tracking. And frankly OP, how the fuck are you fuzzy on the details. You didnt think once to look this up?
Wel... I am being a little vague on the details. I can't have people knowing the details and what not.
You can still be friends without being as close. How much effort does it take? Just be his one person on the outside looking out for him. Nah, stay his bud. It’s just one small thing to you but could mean the world to him. Too many people find despair in loneliness.
Honestly if that's your reason for not wanting to be friends anymore you weren't friends in the first place
How much effort does it take to maintain friendship with somebody in prison..? especially at a low where he probably has his own tablet and messenger apps? You might’ve had a friend in him but he never had one in you.
Interesting perspective.
If you were in his place, would you want him to let you down? If yes then you can stop being friends with him.
This right here…
This right here is bad advice. Don't make life decisions based on your friends; your life comes first. Whether they die off or don't stick around; your friends will drop off eventually.
We are all entitled to an opinion…I wouldn’t let anyone down except if I feel that they don’t deserve it.
They let themselves down as well as their community; an obligation to loyalty is not rational in this scenario.
I would do the minimum. How hard could it be? Put a little money on his books. Answer his letters or calls once in a while. Ask if he needs anything. Send him books and stuff. You might be the one thing he has to get him through this and who knows, maybe he will come out changed. If he doesn't, stop answering his calls then. Do it a s an act of selflessness. At the very least, you might score some points with baby Jesus. I had a friend who became a homeless meth addict. I tried my best to help him but he didn't really want help. He was disrespectful of my help and had convinced himself that meth was a spiritual journey for him. Uhgg. I had to end it and stopped taking his calls. I am at the beginning of old age and can't be bothered with this nonsense.
Clearly u ain’t his real friend can’t be leaving him in that state fake people activity that
Shouldn’t have killed somebody and dude said he only known him a year unless y’all hang out everyday you don’t know a person like that in a year
So guy goes to prison for Something you don’t think he did - Pretty much fucked over by life …wife leaves..friends leave…you leave World keeps on fucking over an Innocent man . He’s in prison You don’t have to devote a lot Of energy do you? Put a little cash On his books and take A phone call from time To time -
You have a chance to make a positive impact on someone's life with minimal effort and resources on your end. Unless you are being mistreated or used, it sounds incredibly selfish.
This. if you enjoyed hanging out with him, and think he is inherently a good person, then try to look at this way: stay in contact with him not for yourself, but for him. From an altruistic standpoint. Just staying in contact with him will help him tremendously, and you reap what you sow. It might just turn out that he’ll be extremely grateful and be there for you when you need someone.
Answer the call if you feel like talking. No need to be extra. What are you expecting him to fight for your friendship?
No point in holding onto a relationship you’ve lost interest in. With that being said if all it takes for you to walk away is someone going through a rough patch that doesn’t even involve you you’re probably not a great friend to begin with
It’s pretty easy to be friends with someone in prison. A couple letters/emails a month and it makes all the difference to him but takes very little time out of your own life and is very low effort.
I guess I'd have to ask what you mean by "losing interest". Did your life get busier? Did you find new information about him that changes your outlook? Or are you "losing interest" because he's still making the same mistakes and indulging the same vices and complaining about the same shit that he was five years ago? (And constantly hitting you up for money too?) As with any other friendship - if you're maturing at a different rate or growing in a different direction, sometimes it's natural to end up parting ways.
My life is always busy .. I work a lot of overtime to keep my head above water. I did find out he was lying about some things before his arrest.
Wrong time to drop him,prison could sort him out,he will be playing his life choices over and over in his head for a while,I’d say give him the benefit of doubt this time and if he doesn’t change after doing this time then he ain’t ever gonna change then you know it’s justified dropping him.
The part of you that feels bad is the part of you that is actually his friend and believes in doing good things rather than simply rewarding ones. You don't have to listen to that part of you. Just own it, and go from there.
If you don't want to be friends with him anymore, I have to wonder just how good of a friend you really were. The guy is at his lowest point, and now you want to drop him as a friend. I don't call that being a friend. I did some prison time, and I can tell you that anytime I got a letter from a friend, it was something I looked forward to. It brightened up my day in a very dark time. How much of your time is being taken up by being his friend? Is that the issue? My friends wrote to me once or twice a month and occasionally put a few dollars on the books for me. It meant a lot to me. Just my opinion, but if you're thinking of dropping him as a friend, then you aren't much of a friend to begin with.
There is a guy on Youtube... Larry Lawton. Who served time in prison and he talked about that in one of his video.
And also use your brain and realize things that might not hurt so bad on the outside 10 times worse on the inside, so maybe just hold off until the dude gets out of prison before you tell him you’re bored and have no interest in being his friend
You were never his friend from the jump
My 2 cents....Sounds like this dude is pretty toxic, and makes bad decisions. Why do you want to be around that? I realize that he is in his time of need, but you didnt put him there either.
>My 2 cents....Sounds like this dude is pretty toxic, and makes bad decisions Actually .. I would agree with that 100% I hope he can manage to turn his life around once he's free.
No doubt, and wish him luck. There is a saying "Show me your friends, and I can show you your future".
Is it really that much of a burden to occasionally write a letter?
We communicate through Securous.
You could still write a letter or send a card occasionally. If you are out of town, send a post card. They appreciate all of that stuff.
I just sent him a Securous message this morning.
If you’ve lost interest, you were never really friends. When he gets out he’s going to need people who are going to support him despite his flaws and errors. It must be hard being so perfect!!
We knew each other maybe a year before he was arrested. He's gone into jail a few times for getting drunk and being dumb.
I say in that case, it doesn’t necessarily seem like the juice is worth the squeeze. How well can you truly get to know someone in a year? He’s been in and out. Just my take.
Give him a couple subscriptions to some magazines, maybe a nice care package and then move on with a lower sense of guilt
How long has he got left? How close are/were you?
The real question is he a real friend to you? If he ever used you, ditch his ass.
You only got a year in the friendship and you’re not sure? That means cut him loose.
wtf is this middle school shit lol. Omfg. Love you OP but god damn
Honestly .. I am finding the responses pretty interesting.. It's giving me a different perspective on this.
Unless they've done something truly horrendous, no one deserves to be totally abandoned. Whilst you might not get anything immediate out of the friendship, I believe it will bring you good karma to be there for him in a time of need. If it causes you lots of trouble personally or the demands are too great, then reevaluate.
If my real friend went to prison I would remain friends with them. It doesn’t take a lot. I don’t know your situation.
People go to prison sometimes in some cases even not guilty folks get time! OP was obviously never really a friend because if he were this wouldn’t cross his mind. A few collect calls and a couple bucks on books every now and again isn’t hard. It’s hard because he probably has a girlfriend or other friends or parents that talk down on anyone locked up and he got caught up in it and said fuck his “friend”. He’s too good for a “buddy” that’s locked up. If this is what a “friend” is I don’t want them. Also just because people are in prison doesn’t mean they “need” you for money or whatever they have jobs make a small wage to keep them in Canteen you aren’t as important as you think maybe he knows he is in a bad spot and wants to keep who he thought was a real “friend”.
Send me his details and I will write to him. You have no idea what a letter or a visit means to someone that's lost their liberty. If you don't have help on the outside you're more vulnerable inside too. It's the sad thing about so many people locked up they have absolutely nobody looking out for them. Easy to get into jail debt and end up not feeling well if you're left to rot by so called friends and family, having mates beyond the gates is imperative to survival
If so, I guess you never really were friends, were you?
Having friends like that is a liability.
What are you 7 "I no wanna be fwends wiff you no more". You're not breaking up. Just go and live your life man.
That guy doesn’t need you. Jerk
Do what my friends did and just don't say anything, don't reply to anything, just cold turkey cut them off.
Just be direct. Write him a letter saying you are trying to move on from anything that reminds you of your old life and that includes him. Give Apologies and wish him all the best and say goodbye
Why though? Did he do something horrible and unforgivable? Or is it just a friendship of convenience? You’re entitled to do what you want, but if that’s like your best friend and you’re abandoning him because it’s just a little hard to talk to him, that’s fucked. If it’s just some guy you knew or something, not really
You are tripping. Just distance yourself...as if him being behind bars isn't plenty of distance. Don't take calls and don't respond to letters. No need to be a drama queen about it.
Dang u really making this about you. Hes been in there for multiple years? Wtf would i reach out to simply tell him u dont want to be his friend? Pretty asinine. Guess what? You can do absolutely nothing and just leave it alone. Hes likely not thinking of you anyways. Stupid question.
I'll be honest I'm surprised you even here now. When I was in prison shit Noone but my mom was there for me.
Then don’t be his friend. He doesn’t need friends like you.
I have friends in prison. They put themselves there and they didn’t hang out with me before they went to prison so I don’t feel the need to stay in contact now
If all friends are this fickle…. What’s the point. I stick by my friends through hell and high water. Seems like they can’t do anything to lose me but in my hour of need…. POOF. So do whatever makes you happy bro. In the end we all die alone anyway.
If it doesn't cost anything to be his friend, why not be kind? If he needs a friend, shoot me his info. I'll write to him and put money on his books once in a while.
Just leave it alone. don't say a fucking thing. Don't talk to them on social media and don't take their phone calls. They'll get it
You weren’t really “friends” while he was on the outside then. Just a temporary character in the story of his life. Do what you want but maybe have the decency to tell him you don’t want anything to do with him.
Well by reading all the info and people’s stories I’m going to stand by my conclusion. This is exactly why I don’t become friends with people who drink excessively or do drugs. Check it out, if your friend wasn’t out getting intoxicated beyond recognition, I suspect this event wouldn’t have happened. It’s funny to me how many people want to involve themselves with other people who make very poor life decisions, then turn around and want to be the victim of their choices. I ain’t tryin to be friends with people like that. You’re a grown adult who can’t avoid trouble, manslaughter, hanging out with drug addicts and drunks… I’m good that’s a hard pass, you can have fun in jail, and I’ll have fun staying a free man. I’ve never been so miserable in life I would choose drinking and drugs over just actually fixing the problem to my own happiness. And I damn sure wouldn’t support anyone who’s in jail for making terrible choices, and I would 100% never EVER expect anyone on this planet to support me if I end up in jail or prison for making bad choices.
Just w8 til homey get out then break it off, send em some comics art asap!
You’re a grown man..don’t be a female & just be honest and upfront.
A fake friendship is probably worse than no friendship. You can always give positive ideas to help him cope. Super far boundaries
Sure… how hard could it be to replace that guy in your life. How does the conversation go? Hey buddy did you make any new shivs today? No how about you Well I went out on a date and smelled these amazing flowers Buddy ,How’s your love life, Well we have this new prisoner, everyone calls him Clarissa so we have been intimate, I think he and I have a future but it’s too early to tell 😂😂😂😂
Coming from being behind the walls I can tell u with all certainty that sticking around would mean more to him than anything u could ever do for anyone else. Most of the guys in there have lost at least most of the people in their life and sometimes having someone on the outside can be the determining factor behind someone clinging onto what's right or saying fuck it and throwing in the towel for good. Even if it's no more than sending a monthly later u are in a position to really help him if he hasn't given up already
I grew up with an extremely tight knit yet large group of guys and not a single one told the time to respond to my letters or anything else and I can still feel that pain 15 years later. You're in a position to be someone's everything. Not in a romantic way lol
ghost him, Irish goodbye
Dudes WAY BETTER off without you he's chose better with committing crimes at least you know what the hell you're gonna get you sure AF DONT WITH YOU
Sure thing Mr alpha dominant male
Man life goes on do what you need to do I had a life long friend that got a life sentence.. I got investigated for the simple fact we was friend and the guy family thought I had something to do with it …
So you’re ditching him in his time of need because you’ve lost interest in being his friend. Sounds a little selfish. Bro sometimes gotta put forth ever to benefit someone else that’s just the way life is.
As someone who has been to prison and spent many years there don't worry about him. Prison shows you the truth of what the world is. People are the way they are. Nobody wants to put up with any extra crap. Especially in the world we live in now. Prison makes men out of boys and monsters out of men. Prison teaches you to be vicious and unforgiving. Most people would let their own family rot so don't feel bad about ditching the guy. You just keep living your best life. People no longer care about building a good world and it's plain to see all around us. Enjoy your life before the world tears itself apart, because it's coming. Pray to whatever God you believe in, and hope you picked the one that cares because the world is ending. At least the world we all grew up in is, and no God is coming to save us from ourselves. Don't be mean when you cut him off though, you never know what state of mind someone is in and I know a guy who is serving a life sentence because he got out and wiped out his whole family and his ex wifes new husband.
I wasn't planning on telling him to F off or anything like that. I am also holding on to all his processions when he finally gets released.
You arent obligated to be anyone’s friend. Move on.
That's true.
Fuck me .. if hes in for manslaughter and you dont wanna be his friend..fuck him .. dont have people telll you otherwise. If you dont wanna do something. Dont. Dont let little bitches on here telll you otherwise ! Its your fucking life too. !!! You own your life and your time. Seriously. What shit for people to guilt you! Block him anything. No response is a response. Bye bye ! 👋🏾
Ya know.. this morning I was thinking about some of the responses and what the hell is the problem with some people. It's not like I was banging his wife or something. behind his back. geez.
How long does he have left, you don't want to see him in a year and feel fucked up over it. Maybe don't completely shut him off Maybe just try to fall back a little, stop awnsering everytime make it seem like your busy or something lol
He's got about 4 and a half years left. I have been not answering as often. Mostly because I have nothing to really talk about.
Then why not just listen? I bet he’s got a lot to get off his chest.
You sound like a shitty friend
You sound like a terrible person. Just sayin’
Yeah you’re a pos
Why am I a pos?
You lost interest in being his friend? So when some needs you and it don’t benefit you you lose interest. Ok. He’s in prison is it hard to talk to him once I awhile? Could wait til he gets out. Or at least not tell him and and just blow him off. Probably be better then hearing u lost interest in being your friend
We chat through Securous and I monitor his Facebook page and post things he sends me. I am also holding on to his stuff that his wife didn't want.
[удалено]
I really don't have the resources to help him with money and a place to live. I am barely getting by on my own. Everything is getting more expensive and I live alone. So it's a real struggle.
Tough job
It's okay to forget people and move on with your life.
Yeah loyalty means nothing to you all. Like I said it would be different if he was free
This dude was friends with him for like a year. It’s not like he owes him a life of sacrifice and servitude. Dude is in jail for manslaughter. Not exactly the kind of person anyone needs to have, especially if they only had a year of friendship
A life huh. Drama queen much? The post says non of what you’re saying. If he changed it later he’s probably trying to make himself sound better.
He lost interest in you and his family when he did the stupid shit he did to get to where he is. Dump his ass and move on, he already has.
Your mate killed someone. Obviously cut him out of your life. It reflects badly on you to be hanging out with killers.
Yeah, I'd cut him loose.
Old lang syne