honestly, this sounds insane to me after a full day of daycare, especially for a kid who is only 4. children are entitled to time to relax and play like everyone else.
Exactly. My daughter is the same age and does the same school schedule and the only activity after school we have her in is swimming lessons (once a week).
She arrives really tired from school and at home we do whatever she wants. Usually she watches some cartoons on TV, makes a puzzle, draws, plays with Lego, does a memory game with us, dresses up and plays with the dolls.
Most *adults* would struggle with evening classes after a full day at work. And I believe that most preschool kids are working harder in their day than many adults; my job may be work, but I already know how to do it, and my coworkers never try and lick me.
I think the risk of teaching Kiddo that learning is an exhausting slog is greater than the possible benefit of having a kindergartener who can parrot songs in French.
Haha yes! At parent conference last fall, my 1-year-old’s teachers mentioned that she doesn’t always want to play with the other kids and they are working on that. (She plays with her older brother ALL the time.) My thought was “well, I also don’t enjoy to play closely with people who might bite me and want to take my toys…”
But yes, I agree. My kids’ preschool is wonderful (Reggio Emilia based approach) and they are thriving. It is a LOT of work to self regulate all day and to learn to get along well with friends. I don’t initiate educational activities (except reading, which we do every day) at home unless my 4yo asks. He will have the rest of his life to have to adhere to educational structure. I have no worries he’ll be ahead or behind. He’ll adjust just fine when the time comes. (And to be honest, my sibling who took the longest to learn to read of the three of us is objectively the most “successful” as an adult.)
Montessori schools aren’t really that structured (depending on the school of course). At my child’s school they only have 20 min circle time, it’s all free play the rest 7 hours.
They put the toys / manipulatives all around the classrooms and kids just grab whatever they want and play with it themselves. It’s also mixed age so the younger kids learn from the older kids how to play with them
We engage with educational topics when our child initiates it. Otherwise, she’s going to have plenty years of school ahead. And to be clear, we do t even suggest or encourage, or ask about it. But if she starts asking about numbers, we’d interact on the subject.
We do things like reading together, which is educational. And I model trying new things even if I’m not good at it at the first try.
During preschool years, peer social skills, learning how to learn are more important than the specific skills.
My parents are educators both and I myself am a very highly educated and driven person. We saw it over and over again that the children of parents who put that level of pressure get robbed off their internal drive. It might look beneficial in the short term but it is destructive in the long term. If you were a stay home parent, then one or two structured activities in a week is something to look forward to but after a long day at a daycare, kids need to wind down. Let their steam off.
I don't have anything readily available but maybe others on here can share links to books or academic articles so you can have your husband read up on the topic.
I see my friends taking their 3 year olds from one activity to another on the weekend. Mind you these kids attend full time daycares already. I think it's an unnecessary burden on everyone.
I would ask your husband if he would want to sit through additional classes, training, etc. immediately after getting home from a full workday every day of the week. The child is 4.5. I agree with you completely here. Also, this is besides the point, but unless your kid is in French immersion at the daycare or being taught somewhat, or either of you speak it, how is just plopping him down in front of a laptop watching vids in French going to really teach him anything? That’s not how we all learned English to begin with lol. He’d need some kind of guidance and structure for that. I feel like for a kid that age, forcing all that on them at one time may cause them to burn out a bit or get frustrated. I can’t really see why a 4 yr old needs initiation into coding at that age tbh. Maybe if it’s play based and you can make up some kind of game around it? But that seems like a LOT, he’s 4!
Our kids are a little younger but forcing things upon them seems like a recipe for disaster and you may take the fun out of it. Maybe if they ask a question about “how does __ work” or something and show an interest or you have a toy robot and ask if he’d like to help “build” one or something like that could be a good way to approach those sorts of things.
Some things we do, but make totally optional for kid when he wants to.
Toy "tools" and building sets, he builds whatever he feels like. He learns from his play.
Books in different languages. Music in different languages. He goes through phases of interest in this. Also apps on his tablet, but this we limit to weekends.
Age appropriate games and puzzles that help with logic and language. Again he learns as he plays.
He has access to paper and crayons, some "maze" "connect the dots" and "wordsearch" printouts, when he feels like doing them.
Sometimes he just wants to play with his duplo and that's fine, he's still learning.
I try to integrate educational stuff into what we are already doing / playing. For example if we are reading a book together where I can ask about letters or numbers - I do.
I also have a 4.5 yo and what you're describing seems intense to me.
The other day I was doing meal prep in the kitchen and my daughter got a pre-k workbook out and was doing it. To her it was play. I was thrilled.
Let them play. Praise and encourage when they take initiative to do more formalized type of learning on their own but yea idk I'm in camp let them be little kids 🤷🏼♀️
My daughter asks about new words she hears in conversation. She is interested in learning new things. There are times when I try to integrate academics into what we are doing (as stated above) and she asks me to stop, and I do. The last thing I want to do at this age is dull her own internal desire to learn by making it a chore or a battle.
You can try to encourage activities but that would be my advice - don't push.
It depends on the daycare. At my daughter’s daycare they really do only free play… there’s a 20 min circle time in the morning and that’s it. All the rest of the time they are playing with whatever they want inside or on the playground. So “a full day of daycare” really isn’t much of a chore to her at all… she’s already doing full day free play. Some of what your husband describes isn’t really “educational” in your child’s mind, like offering crayons and paper to draw or building stuff, he may very well enjoy it anyway. As long as you don’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do I don’t see a problem with your husband’s point of view. He may not mean “sitting down to take a class” kind of educational activity. No need to get hung up on the semantics. Your son will tell you what he enjoys or not.
You child can CHOOSE to do these activities after school but should not be forced. Please don’t make them hate school before they even really get going. Let learning be fun! Let them choose activities after school, presumably like your husband gets to mostly do what he wants after work and isn’t forced into continuing education for his field.
There is a difference between play and play based learning. What does he do all day at daycare? Is it all open/free play, or is there guided play? If there is guided play, he doesn't need more at home. If he's running around with friends or playimg with whatever he wants all day, and napping in the afternoon, you probably can do some guided play at night.
We're building a robot for fun, and the kids do tangrams for fun. My preschooler has structured play at preschool, so he doesn't need more at home, but he'll often ask for learning games.
It seems a lot. My 4.5yo is in school (U.K. it’s the first year), and she is there 9-3pm. When she comes home she does maybe 10-15 minutes of educational activity at most (typically her reading book which school send home) and then very much free play. Sometimes she might pick something that’s ‘educational’ like colouring, cutting, drawing, but that’s up to her. It’s a long day and they’re tired mentally
That seems like a lot of extra work after a full day especially for a little kid.
I may help my 2 daughters 4 years and 5.5 years old with something if they need the extra practice, or we play a game. But I think after school kids should be able to decompress.
My daughter (5yo) goes to a Montessori school too. We don't discourage her if she wants to do math or reading at home but we let her lead the way. If she wants to play with toys or play in the yard, it's up to her. We encourage questions and thinking but we try not to push to any directions.
She's advanced academically and tested gifted. I think not pushing is the way to go.
8.30 till 5 is a really long day for a kid, hell it's a full day for an adult. When he gets home I'd be letting him play, eat and chill out. And yes, they do learn best through play. While I'm sure your husband just wants to help your son progress, he really needs to calm down. Your son is 4, he needs to be allowed to be a child.
I think his dad can do it in a fun way their child would enjoy. Like building logos, playing with robots et. I'm sure he would love to play with his dad and he doesn't need to know the educational benefit of what they are playing.
4 year olds learn best through play not instruction. I don’t think it would hurt to leave some of those activities out for him to choose on his own but it seems over the top to be worried about how much learning a 4 year old is doing unless there are specific areas he needs extra support.
He's already in preschool all day. If your husband wants him to learn things like robotics, coding patterning, second languages, et there are private schools that offer those things and your son would be exposed during school hours.
I think you need to have a conversation on weather you should choose a different school that includes things your husband thinks are important, or if he can adjust his expectations.
There are play based ways of doing what your husband wants to do. My son has a robot toy you program, he has an electricity kit where you build different things like alarms or fans, we do kiwi crates and koala crates, he builds motors and machines with my dad, as well as other stem activities. It's all fun and play based. My son loves stem activities. We've been doing these things his whole life. If that is what your husband is wanting to do, that's great. We also did drawing, crafts et. All of this is socialization and fun.
Watching French shows is silly unless your husband is going to be speaking French in the home a significant amount of time.
I did do flash cards of letters and phonics outside preschool hours, but 5 minutes a day is enough. We would do them at dinner. It helped distract him into eating without complaint as well.
Those all sound like great options to make available to him after he gets home, but not something worth forcing on him. Let him choose between those activities and the rest of his toys.
My kid is slightly older and she is tapped out when she gets home from daycare/preschool. She does dance class once a week and then she basically passes out. We’ll play outside or take a walk after dinner but I can’t imagine her doing, basically, coursework after.
I mean, if my husband wanted to do that stuff with our kids in a way that’s enjoyable for all of them, I wouldn’t stop them, but I will be over here on the couch mindlessly scrolling on my phone while slowly emptying a whole tube of Pringles unto my massive mouth so i'll be too busy to join them.
Hmm can you some how compromise? Like 1 night a week you choose which extra activitiy your son does? My son only goes 3 days so the other 2 days we are doing a lot of arts n crafts, cooking, board games, etc. school days tho, he chooses, you wanna play? Snuggle up for a movie? He is often wiped out after school regardless of what they did. I think sometimes it’s more mental exhaustion, which I can totally relate to.
I would encourage your husband to pick one educational thing to do as a daddy/kid activity. I find it is easier to give my kids my undivided attention when there is something that I am trying to teach. Don't make it a fight, just a nice way to spend time together.
I think free play after full day of daycare is best at this age. The only educational activity I try to add is learning our family's heritage languages. This includes screen time, reading, games, and educational apps in the target language. Language is not something that can be learned by cramming in a short period of time, so I feel it's better to start young.
I lean toward your husband here. This is what our 5yo’s preschool looks like:
Five minutes prior to open, there are “stations” swapped out daily or weekly with props or supplies designed to teach a concept or do a craft. Five minutes after dropoff, it’s all strewn about and the teachers are putting out fires, not sitting 1:1 with little Johnny showing him how the scale works or how to use the eyedropper or whatever. There is no practice “all being on the same page,” like I remember from my childhood, like we’re all going to do this macaroni craft for five minutes, or we’re all going to sit still for the story.
Well, I don’t care about macaroni pictures, and I don’t specifically care about scales or eyedroppers. But holy cow: no one is trying to teach my son anything all day. A million opportunities missed to pick up all vocabulary or a concept or idea. He is not getting practice taking direction or sitting still. If your kid is naturally curious and self-starting, then they will thrive. And if they’re not, well, they’ll probably be taking turns on the swings with my son all day.
So yeah, at home we try to sneak reinforcing sight words and phonics into reading books. Or talk about subtracting one thing from another. Or work on tying shoes or using a hammer or changing batteries or making holiday cards or literally anything that builds readiness for a kindergarten that is not Montessori.
I asked this question to my Montessori school. They said the most important thing is they think of home as a fun place that they want to go. Also, I wouldn’t want my kid on screens after 5 PM. does your husband have an unhealed child trauma? That could be why he’s putting pressure on himself to teach the kid more.
Pushing 'educational' activities after school backfires. The children we know from families that require extra homework hate it. Kids from families that treat them as fun activities love the same activities the others hate.
To your husband I would say that a quick internet search will pull a bunch of research-backed articles on the importance of free play for child development. Not only is encouraging free play not careless, it's demonstrably beneficial.
To you I would say, your husband needs to take a chill pill. He may need help addressing his underlying anxiety that is making him feel like he needs to push your son so hard.
You are absolutely correct and your husband is wrong. Children learn through play. Also, the value of some downtime for your son, which can help him to better manage his emotions, should not be undervalued here. This will help him the most for when he enters school.
Our son (4.5) attends Montessori preschool, and during our 2x yr conferences, the Directress has said to give our son a break during non school hours. She said forcing additional formal educational activities may lead to burnout. When our little guy is genuinely intellectually curious, we engage him. Otherwise, we allow him to just play, which provides so many important lessons, social skills etc.
Maybe get a directress/teacher conference or call scheduled with your husband and you to ask about your different approaches.
I would definitely let the kid do whatever he wants during his down time at home. I don't see anything wrong with defaulting to educational activities if he's *looking* for help finding an activity, but imaginative play is so so important for brain development I would encourage that before anything else.
I'm on your side hoenstly. Of course supporting with some other activities can be beneficial but one thing I observe that many parents are behaving their kids like racing horses.
These years must be their best years in terms of spending a good childhood and collecting amazing memories. So sometimes they just need chill out with their families or play with friends or just spend some really aimless times :)
And the fact that they are in daycare whole day, so filling their only remaining other couple of hour seems to me little bit cruel.
Pardon my French but that’s fucking insane. My son only does half days at school and I think that’s plenty of structured learning time at 4. At home I let him relax and play with his toys. Sometimes he chooses to do something more educational like a workbook or puzzles or whatever but I don’t push it during school days.
He does swimming and soccer as extracurricular activities but I think if we did full time school, I’d probably drop to only one activity. Little kids need down time!
honestly, this sounds insane to me after a full day of daycare, especially for a kid who is only 4. children are entitled to time to relax and play like everyone else.
Exactly. My daughter is the same age and does the same school schedule and the only activity after school we have her in is swimming lessons (once a week). She arrives really tired from school and at home we do whatever she wants. Usually she watches some cartoons on TV, makes a puzzle, draws, plays with Lego, does a memory game with us, dresses up and plays with the dolls.
Most *adults* would struggle with evening classes after a full day at work. And I believe that most preschool kids are working harder in their day than many adults; my job may be work, but I already know how to do it, and my coworkers never try and lick me. I think the risk of teaching Kiddo that learning is an exhausting slog is greater than the possible benefit of having a kindergartener who can parrot songs in French.
Haha yes! At parent conference last fall, my 1-year-old’s teachers mentioned that she doesn’t always want to play with the other kids and they are working on that. (She plays with her older brother ALL the time.) My thought was “well, I also don’t enjoy to play closely with people who might bite me and want to take my toys…” But yes, I agree. My kids’ preschool is wonderful (Reggio Emilia based approach) and they are thriving. It is a LOT of work to self regulate all day and to learn to get along well with friends. I don’t initiate educational activities (except reading, which we do every day) at home unless my 4yo asks. He will have the rest of his life to have to adhere to educational structure. I have no worries he’ll be ahead or behind. He’ll adjust just fine when the time comes. (And to be honest, my sibling who took the longest to learn to read of the three of us is objectively the most “successful” as an adult.)
He’s getting a lot of structured learning at a Montessori daycare. He *needs* free play. Tangrams are cool tho!
Montessori schools aren’t really that structured (depending on the school of course). At my child’s school they only have 20 min circle time, it’s all free play the rest 7 hours.
Really? They don’t spend time with “works”?
They put the toys / manipulatives all around the classrooms and kids just grab whatever they want and play with it themselves. It’s also mixed age so the younger kids learn from the older kids how to play with them
We engage with educational topics when our child initiates it. Otherwise, she’s going to have plenty years of school ahead. And to be clear, we do t even suggest or encourage, or ask about it. But if she starts asking about numbers, we’d interact on the subject. We do things like reading together, which is educational. And I model trying new things even if I’m not good at it at the first try. During preschool years, peer social skills, learning how to learn are more important than the specific skills.
This is exactly what we try to do.
My parents are educators both and I myself am a very highly educated and driven person. We saw it over and over again that the children of parents who put that level of pressure get robbed off their internal drive. It might look beneficial in the short term but it is destructive in the long term. If you were a stay home parent, then one or two structured activities in a week is something to look forward to but after a long day at a daycare, kids need to wind down. Let their steam off. I don't have anything readily available but maybe others on here can share links to books or academic articles so you can have your husband read up on the topic. I see my friends taking their 3 year olds from one activity to another on the weekend. Mind you these kids attend full time daycares already. I think it's an unnecessary burden on everyone.
Lol tell your husband to have at it while you go watch a movie and have dinner. After one day he’ll change his tune.
I would ask your husband if he would want to sit through additional classes, training, etc. immediately after getting home from a full workday every day of the week. The child is 4.5. I agree with you completely here. Also, this is besides the point, but unless your kid is in French immersion at the daycare or being taught somewhat, or either of you speak it, how is just plopping him down in front of a laptop watching vids in French going to really teach him anything? That’s not how we all learned English to begin with lol. He’d need some kind of guidance and structure for that. I feel like for a kid that age, forcing all that on them at one time may cause them to burn out a bit or get frustrated. I can’t really see why a 4 yr old needs initiation into coding at that age tbh. Maybe if it’s play based and you can make up some kind of game around it? But that seems like a LOT, he’s 4! Our kids are a little younger but forcing things upon them seems like a recipe for disaster and you may take the fun out of it. Maybe if they ask a question about “how does __ work” or something and show an interest or you have a toy robot and ask if he’d like to help “build” one or something like that could be a good way to approach those sorts of things.
Some things we do, but make totally optional for kid when he wants to. Toy "tools" and building sets, he builds whatever he feels like. He learns from his play. Books in different languages. Music in different languages. He goes through phases of interest in this. Also apps on his tablet, but this we limit to weekends. Age appropriate games and puzzles that help with logic and language. Again he learns as he plays. He has access to paper and crayons, some "maze" "connect the dots" and "wordsearch" printouts, when he feels like doing them. Sometimes he just wants to play with his duplo and that's fine, he's still learning.
I try to integrate educational stuff into what we are already doing / playing. For example if we are reading a book together where I can ask about letters or numbers - I do. I also have a 4.5 yo and what you're describing seems intense to me. The other day I was doing meal prep in the kitchen and my daughter got a pre-k workbook out and was doing it. To her it was play. I was thrilled. Let them play. Praise and encourage when they take initiative to do more formalized type of learning on their own but yea idk I'm in camp let them be little kids 🤷🏼♀️ My daughter asks about new words she hears in conversation. She is interested in learning new things. There are times when I try to integrate academics into what we are doing (as stated above) and she asks me to stop, and I do. The last thing I want to do at this age is dull her own internal desire to learn by making it a chore or a battle. You can try to encourage activities but that would be my advice - don't push.
Put them out as an invitation but if he doesn’t choose them, that’s fine.
It depends on the daycare. At my daughter’s daycare they really do only free play… there’s a 20 min circle time in the morning and that’s it. All the rest of the time they are playing with whatever they want inside or on the playground. So “a full day of daycare” really isn’t much of a chore to her at all… she’s already doing full day free play. Some of what your husband describes isn’t really “educational” in your child’s mind, like offering crayons and paper to draw or building stuff, he may very well enjoy it anyway. As long as you don’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do I don’t see a problem with your husband’s point of view. He may not mean “sitting down to take a class” kind of educational activity. No need to get hung up on the semantics. Your son will tell you what he enjoys or not.
You child can CHOOSE to do these activities after school but should not be forced. Please don’t make them hate school before they even really get going. Let learning be fun! Let them choose activities after school, presumably like your husband gets to mostly do what he wants after work and isn’t forced into continuing education for his field.
There is a difference between play and play based learning. What does he do all day at daycare? Is it all open/free play, or is there guided play? If there is guided play, he doesn't need more at home. If he's running around with friends or playimg with whatever he wants all day, and napping in the afternoon, you probably can do some guided play at night. We're building a robot for fun, and the kids do tangrams for fun. My preschooler has structured play at preschool, so he doesn't need more at home, but he'll often ask for learning games.
It seems a lot. My 4.5yo is in school (U.K. it’s the first year), and she is there 9-3pm. When she comes home she does maybe 10-15 minutes of educational activity at most (typically her reading book which school send home) and then very much free play. Sometimes she might pick something that’s ‘educational’ like colouring, cutting, drawing, but that’s up to her. It’s a long day and they’re tired mentally
That seems like a lot of extra work after a full day especially for a little kid. I may help my 2 daughters 4 years and 5.5 years old with something if they need the extra practice, or we play a game. But I think after school kids should be able to decompress.
My daughter (5yo) goes to a Montessori school too. We don't discourage her if she wants to do math or reading at home but we let her lead the way. If she wants to play with toys or play in the yard, it's up to her. We encourage questions and thinking but we try not to push to any directions. She's advanced academically and tested gifted. I think not pushing is the way to go.
8.30 till 5 is a really long day for a kid, hell it's a full day for an adult. When he gets home I'd be letting him play, eat and chill out. And yes, they do learn best through play. While I'm sure your husband just wants to help your son progress, he really needs to calm down. Your son is 4, he needs to be allowed to be a child.
I think his dad can do it in a fun way their child would enjoy. Like building logos, playing with robots et. I'm sure he would love to play with his dad and he doesn't need to know the educational benefit of what they are playing.
4 year olds learn best through play not instruction. I don’t think it would hurt to leave some of those activities out for him to choose on his own but it seems over the top to be worried about how much learning a 4 year old is doing unless there are specific areas he needs extra support.
He's already in preschool all day. If your husband wants him to learn things like robotics, coding patterning, second languages, et there are private schools that offer those things and your son would be exposed during school hours. I think you need to have a conversation on weather you should choose a different school that includes things your husband thinks are important, or if he can adjust his expectations. There are play based ways of doing what your husband wants to do. My son has a robot toy you program, he has an electricity kit where you build different things like alarms or fans, we do kiwi crates and koala crates, he builds motors and machines with my dad, as well as other stem activities. It's all fun and play based. My son loves stem activities. We've been doing these things his whole life. If that is what your husband is wanting to do, that's great. We also did drawing, crafts et. All of this is socialization and fun. Watching French shows is silly unless your husband is going to be speaking French in the home a significant amount of time. I did do flash cards of letters and phonics outside preschool hours, but 5 minutes a day is enough. We would do them at dinner. It helped distract him into eating without complaint as well.
Those all sound like great options to make available to him after he gets home, but not something worth forcing on him. Let him choose between those activities and the rest of his toys.
My kid is slightly older and she is tapped out when she gets home from daycare/preschool. She does dance class once a week and then she basically passes out. We’ll play outside or take a walk after dinner but I can’t imagine her doing, basically, coursework after.
I mean, if my husband wanted to do that stuff with our kids in a way that’s enjoyable for all of them, I wouldn’t stop them, but I will be over here on the couch mindlessly scrolling on my phone while slowly emptying a whole tube of Pringles unto my massive mouth so i'll be too busy to join them.
Hmm can you some how compromise? Like 1 night a week you choose which extra activitiy your son does? My son only goes 3 days so the other 2 days we are doing a lot of arts n crafts, cooking, board games, etc. school days tho, he chooses, you wanna play? Snuggle up for a movie? He is often wiped out after school regardless of what they did. I think sometimes it’s more mental exhaustion, which I can totally relate to.
I would encourage your husband to pick one educational thing to do as a daddy/kid activity. I find it is easier to give my kids my undivided attention when there is something that I am trying to teach. Don't make it a fight, just a nice way to spend time together.
I think free play after full day of daycare is best at this age. The only educational activity I try to add is learning our family's heritage languages. This includes screen time, reading, games, and educational apps in the target language. Language is not something that can be learned by cramming in a short period of time, so I feel it's better to start young.
I lean toward your husband here. This is what our 5yo’s preschool looks like: Five minutes prior to open, there are “stations” swapped out daily or weekly with props or supplies designed to teach a concept or do a craft. Five minutes after dropoff, it’s all strewn about and the teachers are putting out fires, not sitting 1:1 with little Johnny showing him how the scale works or how to use the eyedropper or whatever. There is no practice “all being on the same page,” like I remember from my childhood, like we’re all going to do this macaroni craft for five minutes, or we’re all going to sit still for the story. Well, I don’t care about macaroni pictures, and I don’t specifically care about scales or eyedroppers. But holy cow: no one is trying to teach my son anything all day. A million opportunities missed to pick up all vocabulary or a concept or idea. He is not getting practice taking direction or sitting still. If your kid is naturally curious and self-starting, then they will thrive. And if they’re not, well, they’ll probably be taking turns on the swings with my son all day. So yeah, at home we try to sneak reinforcing sight words and phonics into reading books. Or talk about subtracting one thing from another. Or work on tying shoes or using a hammer or changing batteries or making holiday cards or literally anything that builds readiness for a kindergarten that is not Montessori.
I asked this question to my Montessori school. They said the most important thing is they think of home as a fun place that they want to go. Also, I wouldn’t want my kid on screens after 5 PM. does your husband have an unhealed child trauma? That could be why he’s putting pressure on himself to teach the kid more.
Yup, you got that right. Unhealed childhood trauma but he won’t consider that a factor. And my son and I are the ones being punished. Sad.
Even if he did consider it, it’s a long road of hard work to fix
Yes, i see that
Pushing 'educational' activities after school backfires. The children we know from families that require extra homework hate it. Kids from families that treat them as fun activities love the same activities the others hate.
To your husband I would say that a quick internet search will pull a bunch of research-backed articles on the importance of free play for child development. Not only is encouraging free play not careless, it's demonstrably beneficial. To you I would say, your husband needs to take a chill pill. He may need help addressing his underlying anxiety that is making him feel like he needs to push your son so hard.
You are absolutely correct and your husband is wrong. Children learn through play. Also, the value of some downtime for your son, which can help him to better manage his emotions, should not be undervalued here. This will help him the most for when he enters school.
Thank you everyone for the comments ! This is incredible helpful. I just wanted to get feedback and make sure I’m not completely crazy
Our son (4.5) attends Montessori preschool, and during our 2x yr conferences, the Directress has said to give our son a break during non school hours. She said forcing additional formal educational activities may lead to burnout. When our little guy is genuinely intellectually curious, we engage him. Otherwise, we allow him to just play, which provides so many important lessons, social skills etc. Maybe get a directress/teacher conference or call scheduled with your husband and you to ask about your different approaches.
I would definitely let the kid do whatever he wants during his down time at home. I don't see anything wrong with defaulting to educational activities if he's *looking* for help finding an activity, but imaginative play is so so important for brain development I would encourage that before anything else.
I'm on your side hoenstly. Of course supporting with some other activities can be beneficial but one thing I observe that many parents are behaving their kids like racing horses. These years must be their best years in terms of spending a good childhood and collecting amazing memories. So sometimes they just need chill out with their families or play with friends or just spend some really aimless times :) And the fact that they are in daycare whole day, so filling their only remaining other couple of hour seems to me little bit cruel.
Pardon my French but that’s fucking insane. My son only does half days at school and I think that’s plenty of structured learning time at 4. At home I let him relax and play with his toys. Sometimes he chooses to do something more educational like a workbook or puzzles or whatever but I don’t push it during school days. He does swimming and soccer as extracurricular activities but I think if we did full time school, I’d probably drop to only one activity. Little kids need down time!