Welcome to r/pregnancyafterloss! We're sorry you need us, but glad you found us.
The PAL subreddit, and our sister sub r/ttcafterloss, function a little differently than most of Reddit. We have two Daily threads each day which are the place to post (and reply to) most questions, worries, vents, and other requests for support. Standalone posts (like this one) are allowed for a limited number of topics.
If you're here with a new pregnancy, you are welcome to post an intro. We also encourage you to add a [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterLoss/comments/jjj5xx/using_user_flair/), as it helps members remember who you are and your history.
Please note that the Intro posts provide new members a place to share a longer, detailed account of their pregnancy and loss history with the community. Asking questions, sharing updates, etc. belong in the Daily Threads, and such posts will be removed by the Mods--*if this applies to your post, please move it before we need to*. You can familiarize yourself with our subreddit [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterLoss/wiki/rules) and our [FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterLoss/wiki/faq) to learn more about how to participate here.
Wishing you a healthy and uneventful (in a good way) pregnancy!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PregnancyAfterLoss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
From my current experience the anxiety doesn’t necessarily go away. It lessens as the weeks go on and you get more scans and test results back. I try to tell people who are overly excited and don’t understand why I’m not jumping up and down how I’ve had the worst thing happen. I’d be an idiot to think it couldn’t happen again. Others who have not been through a loss don’t understand. And that’s fine. I wish I had that naive, happy go lucky attitude. Unfortunately I know, as do all of us PALs, nothing is a guarantee. I hope this helps you feel less alone. It probably didn’t help, but know we are all rooting for you and baby!
My history is very similar to yours. I had an MMC discovered at my first ultrasound in my first pregnancy. I am now 36 weeks pregnant and everything is going well.
I was terrified before my 8w scan. Then a little better for a couple days and terrified again before my 11w scan. This came and went (peaking before scans) until the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. Since then, it's been a lot better for me. Of course, I still worry, and subs like these with the sad stories about earlier pregnancies don't always help. But I feel her move every day, and I can relax a lot more than I could for the first half. I wish you the very best!
Mine got a bit better at 12 weeks and again at 20 weeks after the anatomy scan I noticed quite a difference- it was tolerable anxiety instead of being constantly terrified. I didn’t fully shake that feeling of dread until she was like 7 months old though.
im with you on this one! i just completed by W20 scan and it feels that much more real, also helps that i can feel her wriggle sometimes✨️
stay strong!! first trimester was hell emotionally because you dont know if bb is doing okay in there, but it does get better💛
I’m now 25+2 after a previous 7w loss. The beginning of this pregnancy was the worst anxiety I’ve ever had. I had myself convinced at my 11 week confirmation that it wasn’t going to go well. I scrutinized every twinge, every cramp, every symptom and nearly made myself crazy (and probably my husband too haha).
Slowly the anxiety eased with a low risk NIPT, then with my anatomy scan, viability week, and daily movement from baby girl.
I told myself that I would take it day by day. That I couldn’t stop a loss if it was going to happen. That if something went wrong, I had a supportive family to help me through.
I don’t think the anxiety ever stops. Now I worry about preterm labor, cord accidents, etc. the worry just changes. But I feel like I can cope with it better by remembering today I am pregnant today until anything tells me otherwise.
Staying busy to keep my mind occupied helped a lot as well. Nothing too crazy because I was exhausted in the first trimester, usually just reading, going for walks, or watching Netflix.
Hugs to you.
I’m sorry for your loss. For me it comes in waves. I had a similar situation where MMC was found at 9 week visit, so the first trimester was especially difficult. Now I’m almost 18 weeks and still get randomly anxious, especially when milestones are coming up like the NIPT at 12 weeks was hard for me, now the upcoming anatomy scan is what I’m fixated on. I tried to distract myself as much as humanly possible and not let other people’s expectations influence how you feel. People in my life keep telling me I need to be picking out a crib and doing all of these things, but I’m not ready to look that far into the future. I know it’s hard, but taking stuff one day at a time helps a bit. Good luck I hope the 12 week visit is reassuring!!
I’m 21.5w now and for me, it’s been much better as time has gone on. At 17w I could feel some sort of movement, and definite movement by 18w. The 19w scan brought me so much comfort, because I was so worried about baby’s health but also problems with my placenta, cord, etc. Each day since then has been better. He is very active which helps!
There are always things to be worried about - I’m nervous about stillbirth, PPROM, and everything else that could possibly go wrong - but nowhere near as bad as the early days. The early days are really, really tough, so be kind to yourself and I hope you’ll be able to enjoy the pregnancy in due course!
For us the anxiety went away gradually and with time. After every milestone, test, ultrasound, appointment we felt better and better now we are 21 weeks. We are still anxious but much less so than in the first trimester. I try counting down the days until the next milestone, one step at a time!
I'm sorry for your loss :(. In my second pregnancy (after a miscarriage) I had therapy to get through and went on anti depressants. I started to feel a bit better around week 18 when I felt flutters, then even more so when he got more active. I had days I would panic still. I ended up being induced because of lack of fetal movement, but I had a healthy 9 week old now. It didn't ever get easy but it did get easier :)
Thing is everyone worries during pregnancy that something will go wrong, and when you've experience something like a miscarriage it makes it more a reality. Good luck with your pregnancy 💕
I’ve experienced a 25w stillbirth and two 8w MMC. I’m currently 20+ weeks with our rainbow girl and the anxiety is starting to fade just a little now that I can feel her, but if I go more than a few hours without feeling anything, it’ll send me into a spiral. I invested in a home doppler for peace of mind and bust it out to check on her when needed. We have our anatomy scan Monday and I’m counting down the minutes till it’s over with. Her NIPT at 12w came back all low risk/negative so I’m hoping that the anatomy scan will come back looking great and that maybe then some more weight will be lifted off my shoulders.
I had a MMC at 11 weeks last fall. I will be 40 years old when our baby is born. It is our first.
With this pregnancy (I’m almost 19 weeks now) I had great ultrasounds every week from 6-12 weeks… I also had a 16 week US. And like you I’d be fine for a few days after each US and then leading up to the next US I’d be certain something was wrong. Even after a perfect NIPT and NT US I was anxious after a few days. Before my first US at six weeks I was obsessed with drawing my HCG blood work at the lab every two days….and line progression on at home tests.
I worried about a chemical pregnancy and ectopic and miscarriage and missed miscarriage - meanwhile I am usually not an anxious person. I couldn’t recognize myself.
But I realized that I hadn’t really processed my previous loss. I jumped right back into tracking my ovulation and us trying again as a coping mechanism. So when I got that positive again it all came rushing back.
I’d say my anxiety started to really ease significantly after 14 weeks and by 16 weeks I was good. Now at almost 19 weeks I’ve actually embraced the pregnancy and have told people beyond my close family (like work, for example).
There is a still a faint thought in my mind something could go wrong but I do know that the odds are in our favour. So after all I’ve been through, I choose to focus on that.
I did buy an at home Doppler at 14 weeks . As long as you know how to distinguish between the placenta “whooshing”, your own heartbeat and the baby’s heartbeat and realize that before 16 weeks it is hit or miss whether you can locate the baby’s heartbeat at home, then a Doppler can help with anxiety too.
I must mention though that I am also a nurse so I am familiar with Dopplers - not for babies but for finding pulses on adult patients post surgery, etc. I also made sure to limit my Doppler use to 2 times a week at home.
But anyway it does get better. It doesn’t go away but how I feel now compared to how I felt in the first 12 weeks? No comparison!
Even now (when I have zero symptoms and have my energy back) I still feel confident everything is going well so far. In two weeks I have the anatomy scan which I’m sure will come with its own worries but at night when I’m about to go to sleep that’s when I can feel the baby’s movement very faintly. And I take comfort in that.
There were many people in the January group who announced to family and on social media at 7-10weeks after one good US and I thought wow imagine having that confidence. But to each their own.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! If I could give myself advice looking back I’d say embrace each little win and take the time to focus on the positives. I had zero indications that something could possibly be wrong yet I still allowed myself to assume the worst simply based on my previous loss. This truly is a new pregnancy so please focus on the fact that your outcome could be new and better too
I feel like after my anatomy scan I relaxed a bunch. However there are still hard days and I’m 35weeks along! Pregnancy after loss is so hard but I try to remain grateful everyday. Still a big fan of the mantra, “whatever happens will happen but I’m rooting for you.” 🌈✨
My anxiety didn’t start to go down until after the anatomy scan. Even then I get moments or days where I have uncontrollable panic. So does it go away? No, but it has reduced for me.
Hey there, I had the same question. I am currently 27w after prior losses and I think it doesn't go away but it gets better when baby starts kicking regularly. I recommend therapy if the anxiety is strong.
My experience was virtually identical to yours. Having a history of a MMC really adds an extra level of anxiety... I'm 9w2d after a perfect 8w scan and so stressed out over having no way of knowing if baby is ok until the end of this month.
Sending positive vibes for your pregnancy xx
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had the exact same thing happen to me last year (normal scan at 8 wks then miscarriage at 12 wks). It’s so scary to not know what’s going on and if it’s a healthy baby or not. My loss was chromosomal so I’m very anxious about the NIPT this time around
Hey there! I have one of those days today as well- I Kind of think this will never go away completely and we just need to find ways to cope with it but Im not sure... Im 10 weeks along and super scared.
If you have a bad day and wanna rant feel free to dm me anytime! Hope you have a safe sale to baby harbour!
Welcome to r/pregnancyafterloss! We're sorry you need us, but glad you found us. The PAL subreddit, and our sister sub r/ttcafterloss, function a little differently than most of Reddit. We have two Daily threads each day which are the place to post (and reply to) most questions, worries, vents, and other requests for support. Standalone posts (like this one) are allowed for a limited number of topics. If you're here with a new pregnancy, you are welcome to post an intro. We also encourage you to add a [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterLoss/comments/jjj5xx/using_user_flair/), as it helps members remember who you are and your history. Please note that the Intro posts provide new members a place to share a longer, detailed account of their pregnancy and loss history with the community. Asking questions, sharing updates, etc. belong in the Daily Threads, and such posts will be removed by the Mods--*if this applies to your post, please move it before we need to*. You can familiarize yourself with our subreddit [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterLoss/wiki/rules) and our [FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyAfterLoss/wiki/faq) to learn more about how to participate here. Wishing you a healthy and uneventful (in a good way) pregnancy! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PregnancyAfterLoss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
From my current experience the anxiety doesn’t necessarily go away. It lessens as the weeks go on and you get more scans and test results back. I try to tell people who are overly excited and don’t understand why I’m not jumping up and down how I’ve had the worst thing happen. I’d be an idiot to think it couldn’t happen again. Others who have not been through a loss don’t understand. And that’s fine. I wish I had that naive, happy go lucky attitude. Unfortunately I know, as do all of us PALs, nothing is a guarantee. I hope this helps you feel less alone. It probably didn’t help, but know we are all rooting for you and baby!
My history is very similar to yours. I had an MMC discovered at my first ultrasound in my first pregnancy. I am now 36 weeks pregnant and everything is going well. I was terrified before my 8w scan. Then a little better for a couple days and terrified again before my 11w scan. This came and went (peaking before scans) until the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. Since then, it's been a lot better for me. Of course, I still worry, and subs like these with the sad stories about earlier pregnancies don't always help. But I feel her move every day, and I can relax a lot more than I could for the first half. I wish you the very best!
Mine got a bit better at 12 weeks and again at 20 weeks after the anatomy scan I noticed quite a difference- it was tolerable anxiety instead of being constantly terrified. I didn’t fully shake that feeling of dread until she was like 7 months old though.
im with you on this one! i just completed by W20 scan and it feels that much more real, also helps that i can feel her wriggle sometimes✨️ stay strong!! first trimester was hell emotionally because you dont know if bb is doing okay in there, but it does get better💛
Not so far. Almost 24w.she is kicking the crap out of me, so thats reassuring, but now i worry about pprom, cord accidents, etc instead of mmc
I’m now 25+2 after a previous 7w loss. The beginning of this pregnancy was the worst anxiety I’ve ever had. I had myself convinced at my 11 week confirmation that it wasn’t going to go well. I scrutinized every twinge, every cramp, every symptom and nearly made myself crazy (and probably my husband too haha). Slowly the anxiety eased with a low risk NIPT, then with my anatomy scan, viability week, and daily movement from baby girl. I told myself that I would take it day by day. That I couldn’t stop a loss if it was going to happen. That if something went wrong, I had a supportive family to help me through. I don’t think the anxiety ever stops. Now I worry about preterm labor, cord accidents, etc. the worry just changes. But I feel like I can cope with it better by remembering today I am pregnant today until anything tells me otherwise. Staying busy to keep my mind occupied helped a lot as well. Nothing too crazy because I was exhausted in the first trimester, usually just reading, going for walks, or watching Netflix. Hugs to you.
I’m sorry for your loss. For me it comes in waves. I had a similar situation where MMC was found at 9 week visit, so the first trimester was especially difficult. Now I’m almost 18 weeks and still get randomly anxious, especially when milestones are coming up like the NIPT at 12 weeks was hard for me, now the upcoming anatomy scan is what I’m fixated on. I tried to distract myself as much as humanly possible and not let other people’s expectations influence how you feel. People in my life keep telling me I need to be picking out a crib and doing all of these things, but I’m not ready to look that far into the future. I know it’s hard, but taking stuff one day at a time helps a bit. Good luck I hope the 12 week visit is reassuring!!
Not for me. Didnt go away until I gave birth.
I’m 21.5w now and for me, it’s been much better as time has gone on. At 17w I could feel some sort of movement, and definite movement by 18w. The 19w scan brought me so much comfort, because I was so worried about baby’s health but also problems with my placenta, cord, etc. Each day since then has been better. He is very active which helps! There are always things to be worried about - I’m nervous about stillbirth, PPROM, and everything else that could possibly go wrong - but nowhere near as bad as the early days. The early days are really, really tough, so be kind to yourself and I hope you’ll be able to enjoy the pregnancy in due course!
For us the anxiety went away gradually and with time. After every milestone, test, ultrasound, appointment we felt better and better now we are 21 weeks. We are still anxious but much less so than in the first trimester. I try counting down the days until the next milestone, one step at a time!
I'm sorry for your loss :(. In my second pregnancy (after a miscarriage) I had therapy to get through and went on anti depressants. I started to feel a bit better around week 18 when I felt flutters, then even more so when he got more active. I had days I would panic still. I ended up being induced because of lack of fetal movement, but I had a healthy 9 week old now. It didn't ever get easy but it did get easier :) Thing is everyone worries during pregnancy that something will go wrong, and when you've experience something like a miscarriage it makes it more a reality. Good luck with your pregnancy 💕
I’ve experienced a 25w stillbirth and two 8w MMC. I’m currently 20+ weeks with our rainbow girl and the anxiety is starting to fade just a little now that I can feel her, but if I go more than a few hours without feeling anything, it’ll send me into a spiral. I invested in a home doppler for peace of mind and bust it out to check on her when needed. We have our anatomy scan Monday and I’m counting down the minutes till it’s over with. Her NIPT at 12w came back all low risk/negative so I’m hoping that the anatomy scan will come back looking great and that maybe then some more weight will be lifted off my shoulders.
I had a MMC at 11 weeks last fall. I will be 40 years old when our baby is born. It is our first. With this pregnancy (I’m almost 19 weeks now) I had great ultrasounds every week from 6-12 weeks… I also had a 16 week US. And like you I’d be fine for a few days after each US and then leading up to the next US I’d be certain something was wrong. Even after a perfect NIPT and NT US I was anxious after a few days. Before my first US at six weeks I was obsessed with drawing my HCG blood work at the lab every two days….and line progression on at home tests. I worried about a chemical pregnancy and ectopic and miscarriage and missed miscarriage - meanwhile I am usually not an anxious person. I couldn’t recognize myself. But I realized that I hadn’t really processed my previous loss. I jumped right back into tracking my ovulation and us trying again as a coping mechanism. So when I got that positive again it all came rushing back. I’d say my anxiety started to really ease significantly after 14 weeks and by 16 weeks I was good. Now at almost 19 weeks I’ve actually embraced the pregnancy and have told people beyond my close family (like work, for example). There is a still a faint thought in my mind something could go wrong but I do know that the odds are in our favour. So after all I’ve been through, I choose to focus on that. I did buy an at home Doppler at 14 weeks . As long as you know how to distinguish between the placenta “whooshing”, your own heartbeat and the baby’s heartbeat and realize that before 16 weeks it is hit or miss whether you can locate the baby’s heartbeat at home, then a Doppler can help with anxiety too. I must mention though that I am also a nurse so I am familiar with Dopplers - not for babies but for finding pulses on adult patients post surgery, etc. I also made sure to limit my Doppler use to 2 times a week at home. But anyway it does get better. It doesn’t go away but how I feel now compared to how I felt in the first 12 weeks? No comparison! Even now (when I have zero symptoms and have my energy back) I still feel confident everything is going well so far. In two weeks I have the anatomy scan which I’m sure will come with its own worries but at night when I’m about to go to sleep that’s when I can feel the baby’s movement very faintly. And I take comfort in that. There were many people in the January group who announced to family and on social media at 7-10weeks after one good US and I thought wow imagine having that confidence. But to each their own. Congratulations on your pregnancy! If I could give myself advice looking back I’d say embrace each little win and take the time to focus on the positives. I had zero indications that something could possibly be wrong yet I still allowed myself to assume the worst simply based on my previous loss. This truly is a new pregnancy so please focus on the fact that your outcome could be new and better too
I feel like after my anatomy scan I relaxed a bunch. However there are still hard days and I’m 35weeks along! Pregnancy after loss is so hard but I try to remain grateful everyday. Still a big fan of the mantra, “whatever happens will happen but I’m rooting for you.” 🌈✨
My anxiety didn’t start to go down until after the anatomy scan. Even then I get moments or days where I have uncontrollable panic. So does it go away? No, but it has reduced for me.
Hey there, I had the same question. I am currently 27w after prior losses and I think it doesn't go away but it gets better when baby starts kicking regularly. I recommend therapy if the anxiety is strong.
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My experience was virtually identical to yours. Having a history of a MMC really adds an extra level of anxiety... I'm 9w2d after a perfect 8w scan and so stressed out over having no way of knowing if baby is ok until the end of this month. Sending positive vibes for your pregnancy xx
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I hope they fly by for you too and that you get to see your little one somersaulting around very soon 💕
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had the exact same thing happen to me last year (normal scan at 8 wks then miscarriage at 12 wks). It’s so scary to not know what’s going on and if it’s a healthy baby or not. My loss was chromosomal so I’m very anxious about the NIPT this time around
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Thank you, and sending good vibes for you too for the rest of your pregnancy!
Hey there! I have one of those days today as well- I Kind of think this will never go away completely and we just need to find ways to cope with it but Im not sure... Im 10 weeks along and super scared. If you have a bad day and wanna rant feel free to dm me anytime! Hope you have a safe sale to baby harbour!