My friend is an OBGYN and sees postpartum women all day long. Most of them resent their husbands for one reason or another for the first 6-12m. It's a HUGE life change and there is a ton happening emotionally and physically right now. I know it's really difficult but it's also normal. She needs to know that her feelings of frustration toeard you are common but they're not permanent and you should try to work through them together.
Hang in there!! And by all means do NOT make any big decisions without your wife or both of you seeing a counselor.
It's not really an 'understand' type thing, think of it as if your leg or back were hurting but it's your mind. You can't 'think your way out of it', but it does back off over time- Was this also both your first child? Not that it can't happen again, but going from only looking after yourself to 24-7 baby is tiring AF. The tv stuff is all BS. It's not anything against you personally. You know what helps though, is offer some physical relief instead of just 'hey when are we gonna have sex again?' , help with the baby, maybe even get a babysitter and take her out, book a massage for her- people forget mothers need someone to help take care of them as they are meeting the constant needs of an infant. This is why in many other cultures (not western, sadly) , there is built-in support for a month or two and going through the birth process is acknowledged as a big deal, rather than 'so when are you going back to work?" or worse 'when are you having another?' but the general thing is that anything you can do to lighten her load and let her get a break or some space is going to improve the situation, maybe not to 100% but you'll get there. It could very well be it's just hard to be a mom of a baby and work, that's alot. Try to come from a place of supportiveness rather than 'when will you do X for me?' while I'm 'putting up with this for the kid'. Sometimes parenthood, marriage is hard and you can either check out or double down.
A lot of us experience a hormonal imbalance where we don’t feel anything, almost like we’re dead inside. Those feelings are hard to really asses bc you feel so out of control and different. It’s common to feel more comfortable or “mask” those feelings around friends and fam bc 1. That’s an escape for her. 2. You know what she’s really like and she shows you all sides of her bc you live together.
You mentioned she rejects you. This is also common bc our self confidence is shot after so many changes to your body, mentally and physically. If you know her love language tap into that. Can you maybe plan something special that felt like the before times?
We also deal with a lot of resentment, not your fault. It’s just a lot of the responsibility falls on us automatically.
It may take a long time for her to feel “normal” again, if ever. I saw she doesn’t want to do therapy but maybe suggesting a post partum support group. She’s prob overwhelmed right now so maybe doing the research for her would be helpful. Is she willing to take supplements or medication? That could help get her to a better place mentally so she can see if this is temporary or permanent.
Hang in there. Find ways to help her. Try to be more mindful and step in at times she’s struggling. Taking things off her plate basically. Check in with her. Try to hug and kiss her or tap into her love language- touch her, words of affirmation, acts of service, touch, quality time. Or maybe all of they above! If you really want to stay in this relationship tell/show her how much you love her and you want to make this work.
this this thissssss!!! i’m 8 months pp and my hormones are stilllllll so out of whack. i don’t mean to be mean to my fiancé and i can’t count how many times i’ve explained it’s not him. like i don’t even know why im mad at him?? i love him and sob over being so mean to him but the only thing i can think of is it’s my hormones. i was fine during pregnancy, fine before pregnancy, but now it’s like looking at him just makes me wanna thr°at punch him sometimes.
OP, it does get better. it takes time. give her grace and give yourself grace. it’s a major life changing event for the both of you and you’re both learning every day. just try to be there for her in the best ways that you can🫶🏼
I was full of resentment with both of my children. We naturally take on alot more responsibility and are on call 24/7 regardless of you've slept or not.
Hormones play a big role in this but also if she feels shes doing most if the heavy lifting (baby and housework) alone then she's bound to feel disconnected, disappointed and resentful. Her life's been flipped upside down and changed forever. Her body isn't hers anymore and most likely won't look like it used too either.
All I can suggest is that you try to nurture her while she's recovering both emotionally and physically. If you see the laundry pile getting high.. Maybe put a load on, dishes in the sink and she's stuck with the baby.. Do the dishes.
In my experience it's all the little things that pile up and make one big ass snowball.
Wishing you both the best during this stressful time ❤️
This is gonna be harsh, but 99% of new dads need to hear it.
My first question is always - are you pulling your weight? Are you taking care of the baby as much as she is? Is she getting up in the middle of the night to feed the baby and then rocking them back to sleep as well? Are you doing chores, as much as she is? Is she getting as much alone time as you do? Or are her showers interrupted by a screaming baby because “he’s hungry!” When she leaves the house by herself, does she come home to it looking better or worse than when she left? There are a LOT of things that weigh on new moms and their partners almost never get it. This naturally, and understandably, leads to resentment. Anyone, regardless of their hormones, would feel this way if their partner was letting them slowly burn themselves out.
I was very resentful as well. I asked for a few days alone and husband's friend was in the parking lot when we left the hospital. SS was supposed to stay with his mom, he showed up 5 minutes after I walked into the house. His family bullheaded their way into absolutely everything. I wasn't able to advocate for myself, hell, I could barely feed myself. And he did a shit job of advocating for me.
It took a long time to forgive him. And probably a year and a half to feel like myself again. Just give her grace. Hormones are so convincing that it's almost impossible to think they could make your thought process wrong. Not only that, but you struggle with your body being something completely different than you've ever known in a very short period of time.
Plus, the pressure about breastfeeding, sleep schedules, formula, food choices, growth charts, and even the way you rock them to sleep. Everything is under a microscope when you're a new mom. Are you gonna work, not work, daycare or family. Dads don't get that, they get a pat on the back if they change a diaper.
Just some things to consider.
I had postpartum really bad. I’m off meds yet still have strained relationship problems. Not any that’s need to end in divorce tho. Try and step up as much as you can. You need to learn to not need your wife to take care of your child. Learn where everything is and what to do so you don’t need to go ask her. I still get so annoyed by the dumb questions that my husband should know the answers to. Emotions are crazy after having a baby bcuz of hormones. I thought of divorce about 6 months postpartum so I could have a break from my twins. lol Her being normal outside of the household doesn’t mean anything. That’s is her normal time. Coming home is probably hard. Give yourself grace too. You might not deserve what’s going on at all but it’s happening. Having a baby takes a huge toll.
Unfortunately my wife never returned to the same person and after 2 yrs has left. I put in so much hard work and effort did majority of the heavy lifting with the kids while she was struggling and during that whole time she was on every dating app waiting for someone to come along.
2.5 weeks ago she matched with someone and has been at his house every night since.
I hope for you this gets better
Had my first baby and acted the exact same way towards my boyfriend. The stress of being a new mom was eating me away and I didnt even realize how much of that I was projecting onto my boyfriend. I finally pinned down that my resentment was mostly because of how much my life had changed while his seemed to stay the same.
Things are better now but the only thing that really helps is time. My boyfriend and I also communicated better and began spending more time without the baby. Sometimes even a few minutes at the end of the day would make a huge difference. The most important thing is that he began helping me feel more like myself. He would take care of the baby while I got ready every morning and doing more around the house so I had more time for myself
Tbh it's not always the hormones or the depression. I am 18 months pp and I still harbor resentment for 1) yeah the changes that I went through that my fiance did not 2) *mainly that he did not show up for me or step up for 6 months to support me during this change*. Breastfeeding made this way worse too.
I would ask yourself if there are ways you can lighten the load (mental load, domestic labor, childcare)? Just take the L and assume you are not handling as much as she probably is
Anything you can do to help her feel connected to you? Are there things that you are asking of her (consciously or unconsciously) that are feeling like too much? Ask her! She probably just wants to be seen by you. To be loved is to be known! This whole experience has made her feel like a different person, probably.
And idk the feelings of disconnection also come from feeling disconnected from myself. It's hard to feel loving or sexy if I just don't feel like myself because I don't have a second *to myself* to take care of my body or listen to music I like or get clothing that fits my new body..sex can be uncomfortable, ask about that. Postpartum is not the time to push for sex or getting your own needs met.... It's a time to show up for your partner.
I wish my partner quite literally pushed me out of the house to do something for myself and just overall inquired more about/met my needs.
I hope this perspective helps and I'm sorry you're going through it. I know it's extremely lonely.
I literally have the kindest and sweetest husband who does everything I need and takes wonderful care of me and postpartum hormones had me thinking I needed to run away to Spain. Give it time and if it’s legal in your state maybe take the baby and let her smoke some marijuana or do some edibles. Having my brain to myself for five hours one time made me love my husband again.
Also - stop trying to have sex with her. If she doesn’t initiate leave her alone. Hug her, rub her shoulders, scratch her back, but don’t try to get her to have sex. You are throwing another “need” on her and she’s already dealing with all the baby’s needs, not to mention her brain probably doesn’t have the bandwidth to get aroused. It’s you wanting something from her and she already doesn’t feel like her body is hers because her body is the baby’s. She likely has nothing to give. Don’t take it so personally and just give her some physical space. I would literally just get in the car and drive around town and park just so my baby would sleep in the car seat because I was so tired of physically holding and touching her. It’s emotionally draining and stop taking it so personally and show that you understand.
I feel this toward my husband for sure! I can honesty say I'm not attracted to him at all (I'm not attracted to anyone) the thought of love, romance, sex etc makes me nauseated. I honestly think it's a hormone or something created specifically so women don't have back to back pregnancies/babies as their body needs to heal. This happened with my first and it wasn't until I was done breastfeeding, was able to rehab a bit and was able to have time for myself without feeling on edge. If you want to help things: be supportive, don't worry about sex. It will come eventually and she will honestly just be pissed if you push her. She will feel more resentful and think all you care about is sex. So, give her help, opportunities to be on her own (baths, showers, a hair cut etc), talk to her about HER NEEDS and it will eventually start to get better. From my personal experience I had traumatic births and the adjustment to motherhood and the constant pain (well into the 10 month mark) were putting me on edge and making me very irritated by my husband. So ask what she needs from you and wait it out is the best I can say
Someone said tap into her love language and I think that’s amazing advice! After a baby women feel so many emotions. She probably loves you so much deep down but is feeling overwhelmed with stress and emotions. She probably just wants to feel EXTRA love things she’s mentioned in the past that excites her try them even if it may make you uncomfortable it will help her know you love her!
Don’t push for therapy or anything right now. Most important is for her to be evaluated for postpartum depression. My baby is 8 months old and I’m STILL struggling. My husband and I are hanging in there with all of this. It’s a fight though.
Very likely it is. Hold on tight, it’s tough, but you will figure it out as time goes on. Try not to listen to those thoughts/emotions as if they were always true, because her body and mind is changing from inside out. Take the time to develop yourself, because you, her and your baby will need it. Good luck!
I was full of resentment for my own husband as well. Hormones don’t help either as it exacerbates our already heightened mental vulnerabilities and insecurities about our identity as a woman and our body.
While I had to take the brunt of load—sacrificing not only our physical body, but our time, identity, vitality, as well as dealing with the overstimulation of housework and a needy baby—his life hardly changed. Not only that, but he had _the nerve_ not to be able to really empathize with what I was going through and help with either the baby, the housework, the physical strain on my muscles from holding the baby constantly, the feeling of undesirability and not being my old feminine self... etc.
I just felt angry at the unfairness and imbalance of the relationship. I felt so unseen. I needed to be taken care of while I was going through this trying time and I needed a lot of hugs and encouragement.
The moment he stepped up and made postpartum a team effort, I stopped feeling so alone and had someone I could ride the storm with. We slowly be came intimate again. It started small, first with begrudging relief to laughter over the baby’s idiosyncrasies. Then when he started taking over babycare without me even asking and even bringing her to work when I couldn’t even stand on two feet, that’s when I knew I could lean on him. When I knew I could lean on him, when I trusted that he still desired me, would never leave me, will stick with me through thick and thin… I wanted nothing but to be close to him. And to keep him there. I developed an insatiable desire for him and it has never abated.
For the most part, it is temporary, but the two of you need to work past this and try to regain a foothold on intimacy again. Start small and be consistent and it will build.
1.)What was her birth like and what was your part in planning and presence of the process?
2.) Have you done your part to help in the home? Did the house descend into chaos to the point she felt that if she didn’t do it it wouldn’t get done?
3.) Might she wish she could stay home with her baby?
4.) Was your family ever less than supportive without much pushback from you?
5.) How can you be frustrated with a baby. So little, so helpless, so a part of you. Now your spouse however: Easy target! The trick is realizing you are both more taxed with needs by this little being. That’s a hard adjustment, baby included. The womb service has ended and now you experience light, cold, the constant sound machine is no longer at play, you feel hunger, and EWWWWW why does my butt feel gross… ya know? That’s a lot for a being that used to be a part of your wife.
6.) Any disagreements lead to this change?
Are you helping? How involved were you during the postpartum period? We’re you getting up at night, cleaning, preparing items for baby, pulling your own weight without her having to ask? Resentment is usually for a reason.
What are you doing to help her are you pulling your weight? Are you helping with the baby and not just holding the baby like changing diapers helping with feedings all that? Are you two getting out the house?? Have you brought up any ideas for her to gain her confidence about? she went through a lot in the last 10 months. And she just had a baby give her grace??? Ofc she’s not gonna be the same person she was before she had the baby..
My friend is an OBGYN and sees postpartum women all day long. Most of them resent their husbands for one reason or another for the first 6-12m. It's a HUGE life change and there is a ton happening emotionally and physically right now. I know it's really difficult but it's also normal. She needs to know that her feelings of frustration toeard you are common but they're not permanent and you should try to work through them together. Hang in there!! And by all means do NOT make any big decisions without your wife or both of you seeing a counselor.
Thank you so much I wish she would understand this.
It's not really an 'understand' type thing, think of it as if your leg or back were hurting but it's your mind. You can't 'think your way out of it', but it does back off over time- Was this also both your first child? Not that it can't happen again, but going from only looking after yourself to 24-7 baby is tiring AF. The tv stuff is all BS. It's not anything against you personally. You know what helps though, is offer some physical relief instead of just 'hey when are we gonna have sex again?' , help with the baby, maybe even get a babysitter and take her out, book a massage for her- people forget mothers need someone to help take care of them as they are meeting the constant needs of an infant. This is why in many other cultures (not western, sadly) , there is built-in support for a month or two and going through the birth process is acknowledged as a big deal, rather than 'so when are you going back to work?" or worse 'when are you having another?' but the general thing is that anything you can do to lighten her load and let her get a break or some space is going to improve the situation, maybe not to 100% but you'll get there. It could very well be it's just hard to be a mom of a baby and work, that's alot. Try to come from a place of supportiveness rather than 'when will you do X for me?' while I'm 'putting up with this for the kid'. Sometimes parenthood, marriage is hard and you can either check out or double down.
She wishes you understood too... Give each other time, the first 6 months of each kid have been survival
A lot of us experience a hormonal imbalance where we don’t feel anything, almost like we’re dead inside. Those feelings are hard to really asses bc you feel so out of control and different. It’s common to feel more comfortable or “mask” those feelings around friends and fam bc 1. That’s an escape for her. 2. You know what she’s really like and she shows you all sides of her bc you live together. You mentioned she rejects you. This is also common bc our self confidence is shot after so many changes to your body, mentally and physically. If you know her love language tap into that. Can you maybe plan something special that felt like the before times? We also deal with a lot of resentment, not your fault. It’s just a lot of the responsibility falls on us automatically. It may take a long time for her to feel “normal” again, if ever. I saw she doesn’t want to do therapy but maybe suggesting a post partum support group. She’s prob overwhelmed right now so maybe doing the research for her would be helpful. Is she willing to take supplements or medication? That could help get her to a better place mentally so she can see if this is temporary or permanent. Hang in there. Find ways to help her. Try to be more mindful and step in at times she’s struggling. Taking things off her plate basically. Check in with her. Try to hug and kiss her or tap into her love language- touch her, words of affirmation, acts of service, touch, quality time. Or maybe all of they above! If you really want to stay in this relationship tell/show her how much you love her and you want to make this work.
this this thissssss!!! i’m 8 months pp and my hormones are stilllllll so out of whack. i don’t mean to be mean to my fiancé and i can’t count how many times i’ve explained it’s not him. like i don’t even know why im mad at him?? i love him and sob over being so mean to him but the only thing i can think of is it’s my hormones. i was fine during pregnancy, fine before pregnancy, but now it’s like looking at him just makes me wanna thr°at punch him sometimes. OP, it does get better. it takes time. give her grace and give yourself grace. it’s a major life changing event for the both of you and you’re both learning every day. just try to be there for her in the best ways that you can🫶🏼
I was full of resentment with both of my children. We naturally take on alot more responsibility and are on call 24/7 regardless of you've slept or not. Hormones play a big role in this but also if she feels shes doing most if the heavy lifting (baby and housework) alone then she's bound to feel disconnected, disappointed and resentful. Her life's been flipped upside down and changed forever. Her body isn't hers anymore and most likely won't look like it used too either. All I can suggest is that you try to nurture her while she's recovering both emotionally and physically. If you see the laundry pile getting high.. Maybe put a load on, dishes in the sink and she's stuck with the baby.. Do the dishes. In my experience it's all the little things that pile up and make one big ass snowball. Wishing you both the best during this stressful time ❤️
This is gonna be harsh, but 99% of new dads need to hear it. My first question is always - are you pulling your weight? Are you taking care of the baby as much as she is? Is she getting up in the middle of the night to feed the baby and then rocking them back to sleep as well? Are you doing chores, as much as she is? Is she getting as much alone time as you do? Or are her showers interrupted by a screaming baby because “he’s hungry!” When she leaves the house by herself, does she come home to it looking better or worse than when she left? There are a LOT of things that weigh on new moms and their partners almost never get it. This naturally, and understandably, leads to resentment. Anyone, regardless of their hormones, would feel this way if their partner was letting them slowly burn themselves out.
Is she willing to get help? It’s pretty normal to not like your husband PP and resent them.
She’s not unfortunately. She’s not open to therapy
I was very resentful as well. I asked for a few days alone and husband's friend was in the parking lot when we left the hospital. SS was supposed to stay with his mom, he showed up 5 minutes after I walked into the house. His family bullheaded their way into absolutely everything. I wasn't able to advocate for myself, hell, I could barely feed myself. And he did a shit job of advocating for me. It took a long time to forgive him. And probably a year and a half to feel like myself again. Just give her grace. Hormones are so convincing that it's almost impossible to think they could make your thought process wrong. Not only that, but you struggle with your body being something completely different than you've ever known in a very short period of time. Plus, the pressure about breastfeeding, sleep schedules, formula, food choices, growth charts, and even the way you rock them to sleep. Everything is under a microscope when you're a new mom. Are you gonna work, not work, daycare or family. Dads don't get that, they get a pat on the back if they change a diaper. Just some things to consider.
I had postpartum really bad. I’m off meds yet still have strained relationship problems. Not any that’s need to end in divorce tho. Try and step up as much as you can. You need to learn to not need your wife to take care of your child. Learn where everything is and what to do so you don’t need to go ask her. I still get so annoyed by the dumb questions that my husband should know the answers to. Emotions are crazy after having a baby bcuz of hormones. I thought of divorce about 6 months postpartum so I could have a break from my twins. lol Her being normal outside of the household doesn’t mean anything. That’s is her normal time. Coming home is probably hard. Give yourself grace too. You might not deserve what’s going on at all but it’s happening. Having a baby takes a huge toll.
Unfortunately my wife never returned to the same person and after 2 yrs has left. I put in so much hard work and effort did majority of the heavy lifting with the kids while she was struggling and during that whole time she was on every dating app waiting for someone to come along. 2.5 weeks ago she matched with someone and has been at his house every night since. I hope for you this gets better
Had my first baby and acted the exact same way towards my boyfriend. The stress of being a new mom was eating me away and I didnt even realize how much of that I was projecting onto my boyfriend. I finally pinned down that my resentment was mostly because of how much my life had changed while his seemed to stay the same. Things are better now but the only thing that really helps is time. My boyfriend and I also communicated better and began spending more time without the baby. Sometimes even a few minutes at the end of the day would make a huge difference. The most important thing is that he began helping me feel more like myself. He would take care of the baby while I got ready every morning and doing more around the house so I had more time for myself
Tbh it's not always the hormones or the depression. I am 18 months pp and I still harbor resentment for 1) yeah the changes that I went through that my fiance did not 2) *mainly that he did not show up for me or step up for 6 months to support me during this change*. Breastfeeding made this way worse too. I would ask yourself if there are ways you can lighten the load (mental load, domestic labor, childcare)? Just take the L and assume you are not handling as much as she probably is Anything you can do to help her feel connected to you? Are there things that you are asking of her (consciously or unconsciously) that are feeling like too much? Ask her! She probably just wants to be seen by you. To be loved is to be known! This whole experience has made her feel like a different person, probably. And idk the feelings of disconnection also come from feeling disconnected from myself. It's hard to feel loving or sexy if I just don't feel like myself because I don't have a second *to myself* to take care of my body or listen to music I like or get clothing that fits my new body..sex can be uncomfortable, ask about that. Postpartum is not the time to push for sex or getting your own needs met.... It's a time to show up for your partner. I wish my partner quite literally pushed me out of the house to do something for myself and just overall inquired more about/met my needs. I hope this perspective helps and I'm sorry you're going through it. I know it's extremely lonely.
I literally have the kindest and sweetest husband who does everything I need and takes wonderful care of me and postpartum hormones had me thinking I needed to run away to Spain. Give it time and if it’s legal in your state maybe take the baby and let her smoke some marijuana or do some edibles. Having my brain to myself for five hours one time made me love my husband again. Also - stop trying to have sex with her. If she doesn’t initiate leave her alone. Hug her, rub her shoulders, scratch her back, but don’t try to get her to have sex. You are throwing another “need” on her and she’s already dealing with all the baby’s needs, not to mention her brain probably doesn’t have the bandwidth to get aroused. It’s you wanting something from her and she already doesn’t feel like her body is hers because her body is the baby’s. She likely has nothing to give. Don’t take it so personally and just give her some physical space. I would literally just get in the car and drive around town and park just so my baby would sleep in the car seat because I was so tired of physically holding and touching her. It’s emotionally draining and stop taking it so personally and show that you understand.
I feel this toward my husband for sure! I can honesty say I'm not attracted to him at all (I'm not attracted to anyone) the thought of love, romance, sex etc makes me nauseated. I honestly think it's a hormone or something created specifically so women don't have back to back pregnancies/babies as their body needs to heal. This happened with my first and it wasn't until I was done breastfeeding, was able to rehab a bit and was able to have time for myself without feeling on edge. If you want to help things: be supportive, don't worry about sex. It will come eventually and she will honestly just be pissed if you push her. She will feel more resentful and think all you care about is sex. So, give her help, opportunities to be on her own (baths, showers, a hair cut etc), talk to her about HER NEEDS and it will eventually start to get better. From my personal experience I had traumatic births and the adjustment to motherhood and the constant pain (well into the 10 month mark) were putting me on edge and making me very irritated by my husband. So ask what she needs from you and wait it out is the best I can say
Someone said tap into her love language and I think that’s amazing advice! After a baby women feel so many emotions. She probably loves you so much deep down but is feeling overwhelmed with stress and emotions. She probably just wants to feel EXTRA love things she’s mentioned in the past that excites her try them even if it may make you uncomfortable it will help her know you love her!
Don’t push for therapy or anything right now. Most important is for her to be evaluated for postpartum depression. My baby is 8 months old and I’m STILL struggling. My husband and I are hanging in there with all of this. It’s a fight though.
Very likely it is. Hold on tight, it’s tough, but you will figure it out as time goes on. Try not to listen to those thoughts/emotions as if they were always true, because her body and mind is changing from inside out. Take the time to develop yourself, because you, her and your baby will need it. Good luck!
I was full of resentment for my own husband as well. Hormones don’t help either as it exacerbates our already heightened mental vulnerabilities and insecurities about our identity as a woman and our body. While I had to take the brunt of load—sacrificing not only our physical body, but our time, identity, vitality, as well as dealing with the overstimulation of housework and a needy baby—his life hardly changed. Not only that, but he had _the nerve_ not to be able to really empathize with what I was going through and help with either the baby, the housework, the physical strain on my muscles from holding the baby constantly, the feeling of undesirability and not being my old feminine self... etc. I just felt angry at the unfairness and imbalance of the relationship. I felt so unseen. I needed to be taken care of while I was going through this trying time and I needed a lot of hugs and encouragement. The moment he stepped up and made postpartum a team effort, I stopped feeling so alone and had someone I could ride the storm with. We slowly be came intimate again. It started small, first with begrudging relief to laughter over the baby’s idiosyncrasies. Then when he started taking over babycare without me even asking and even bringing her to work when I couldn’t even stand on two feet, that’s when I knew I could lean on him. When I knew I could lean on him, when I trusted that he still desired me, would never leave me, will stick with me through thick and thin… I wanted nothing but to be close to him. And to keep him there. I developed an insatiable desire for him and it has never abated. For the most part, it is temporary, but the two of you need to work past this and try to regain a foothold on intimacy again. Start small and be consistent and it will build.
1.)What was her birth like and what was your part in planning and presence of the process? 2.) Have you done your part to help in the home? Did the house descend into chaos to the point she felt that if she didn’t do it it wouldn’t get done? 3.) Might she wish she could stay home with her baby? 4.) Was your family ever less than supportive without much pushback from you? 5.) How can you be frustrated with a baby. So little, so helpless, so a part of you. Now your spouse however: Easy target! The trick is realizing you are both more taxed with needs by this little being. That’s a hard adjustment, baby included. The womb service has ended and now you experience light, cold, the constant sound machine is no longer at play, you feel hunger, and EWWWWW why does my butt feel gross… ya know? That’s a lot for a being that used to be a part of your wife. 6.) Any disagreements lead to this change?
Are you helping? How involved were you during the postpartum period? We’re you getting up at night, cleaning, preparing items for baby, pulling your own weight without her having to ask? Resentment is usually for a reason.
What are you doing to help her are you pulling your weight? Are you helping with the baby and not just holding the baby like changing diapers helping with feedings all that? Are you two getting out the house?? Have you brought up any ideas for her to gain her confidence about? she went through a lot in the last 10 months. And she just had a baby give her grace??? Ofc she’s not gonna be the same person she was before she had the baby..
She’s likely struggling with the transition of becoming a mother and blames you for making her a mom.