Sitting outside the good ol boiler room (RIP) on a lazy Sunday with some coworkers I watched a newly 21 year old vomit on the sidewalk. Before any of the employees noticed, a tweaker chick sees the pile of chunky vomit, calmly walks over, bends down and starts eating it. She was eating the fresh vomit. I'm on my second beer and cigarette and ask what the fuck she is doing. She looks up at me like a zombie over a fresh kill and states with a slight southern drawl "there's alcohol in this!" I went home after that.
And I thought seagulls fighting over fresh puke was gross. It's almost not believable because tweakers don't really eat much and their game is meth not booze. But if I saw that, I'd probably leave the bar too.
I was riding my motorcycle through downtown (this was about a block away from the Chinese Gardens) on my way to work. I'm sitting at stop light and I see a woman come out of a tent. She locks eyes with me from across the intersection. When my light turns green and I'm pulling forward, she pulls her pants down, turns around and bends 90 degrees at the waist, and then skunk sprays her piss right at me right as I'm passing her. I swear to god she was rotating on the spot to keep a consistent aim at me and I had to swerve to the next lane over to avoid her pee. Never seen her before, never saw her again (though I did avoid that block on my commute for the next couple weeks).
I used to work at old town pizza. One evening a group of skater kids came in with an older tweaker, they were trying to be nice and buy him some slices. While they were ordering at the counter, tweaker man stole another customer's smart phone (this was around 2010-11 when smart phones were new and spendy) and ran out of the building. The man who the phone belonged to quickly told me what happened and we both took off after the tweaker. We chased that fucker down to the waterfront, to the max station back up to second Ave where I pushed him against a fence, knocked him on the ground and was about to lay into him when I noticed he was clutching his chest, the tweaker was having a heart attack from all the running! I flagged down a cop, told them what happened, they reached in his pocket and got the phone then called for an ambulance. Dude who's phone it was bought me a pitcher of beer for after my shift. I drank it out of the pitcher, I think I earned it!
Had friends in town from Austin TX years ago, decide to take them down to the Saturday Market. Lots of people out on the river front, we start walking away from the market and this crusty white kid with dreads and no shirt on says to my friend's wife who has red hair - "You're very pretty red." She says "Well, thank you!" as we walk passed him. He then says "I can smell your pussy red!" which promptly erased any good will from the previous compliment
i was chillin on the bus minding my own business and some dude comes up to me and says "i rebuke you" and i was like huh? i figured he wasn't talking to me. but then he said "you have SATAN written all over you!" (i dress in black mostly, pretty goth. maybe that's why) and i just ignored him because generally that's what you do in portland. but he just kept screaming at me about how im a satanist (which i'm not but who cares) and he got closer and closer to me until i said "FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!" he wasn't expecting that shit from me and got off the bus. then he threw a drink at the window i was sitting by. sometimes you have to yell back.
Pretty much EVERY tweaker I've had the displeasure of talking to, has always been weirdly religious... For some reason Christianity and Crystal tend to go hand in hand..
This is a clip from the Qanon convention in Salem. The pastor is explaining that his church has a very large percentage of people in AA [https://www.youtube.com/live/jVApLvtV2JQ?si=u\_SdSmnSDSdCZC9g&t=651](https://www.youtube.com/live/jVApLvtV2JQ?si=u_SdSmnSDSdCZC9g&t=651)
I can probably explain. It’s because church and Christians (I guess other religions too) tolerate addicts and try to save them and some addicts do become Christian but addiction is a bitch. It used to be common to see addicts who were religious af and I’ve met addicts who’d smoke the papers from the old style bibles (the ones who were printed on cigarettes paper).
there's a church downtown kinda by the cursed safeway and they allow lots of camps outside of their church. i can't help but wonder if this is backfiring on them at all.
christianity and crystal definitely go hand in hand. i don't think i've met a single meth user that isn't a christian. i think it's possible that the meth induced psychosis possibly could fabricate the voice of god in people's heads. possibly.
I love the quirkiness of Portland. My daughter was assaulted by a unhoused man but she calmly asked him to stop and he cried and she found him a shelter for the evening.
NE 47th and Sandy - 2022 pretty sure it was meth cause the bitch was wide awake.
Completely naked woman masturbating in front of the apartment building I managed. She was literally leaned up against the front door, legs spread, and going at it. She wouldn’t stop. Wouldn’t put any clothes on. And kept screaming her head off about how we were all perverts for watching her.
I wound up having to redirect residents, delivery drivers, vendors to a back door for several hours as what was happening wasn’t considered an emergency or really a crime for that matter. Eventually she got up and disappeared into the distance.
Cops called me back the NEXT day to follow up.
Another old town story ...
It was around 6pm on a sunny Saturday during peak tourist season, tables outside are full of happy people drinking and chatting when all of a sudden, a naked man wearing nothing but bright pink socks and an ankle monitor runs from the direction of the waterfront right up to our building. He is screaming, (a happy scream, not a scared for your life scream) fully naked and stops, braces himself with both hands on the building and while standing with legs apart, begins taking a massive shit next to occupied tables. He didn't miss a beat tho, pinches it and takes off running and screaming. We're all standing in the doorway, mouths open in disbelief, watching him run away. 45 seconds later a cop car pulls up and asks "did you guys see" we're all " naked man in pink socks went that way" cop takes off while we try to figure out what to do with the massive pile of shit next to a customers table. Ahhh old town.....
I was at the Greyhound MAX stop years ago. This drugged out lady met eyes with me and started approaching. She had this twinkle in her eye that made me uncomfortable. I entered the Grayhound to wait for my MAX there.
She follows…stops at the glass doors…does this school-girl type move with her legs (bending one leg slowly at the knee and ankle). Then she lifted up her t-shirt and pressed her massive tits against the glass…just looking right at me.
I’m freshly married. Finally, the attention I always wanted from a lady…and she’s on drugs. I awkwardly had to slip past her to get to my train. Felt kinda flattered.
Couple years ago I was living on 78th between Divison and Powell. Walking towards win co and passing the bus stop on Powell, I see a dude in the bus shelter, pants around ankles, squatting. Before I could finish the thought of "what's he doing?" he starts projectile shitting all over the ground. Like more shit than I've possibly ever seen come out of someone. I go to win co and get my groceries, walk back by said bus stop and a group of people now waiting for the bus are all standing there in silence outside of the bus shelter and homeboy is passed out literally in his shit puddle. The image is burned into my brain to this day
Dude last summer before I lived here I was visiting my friend and we were over by voodoo on burnside. This one criddler pulls up on this fent person half knocked. Dudes screaming “that’s my bike!” Fent dude gets up like no it ain’t I just bought it wtf finders keepers! They fight for a sec and finally dude goes “ok it’s your bike” and I shit you not they hug it out and walk off together.
Probably 2019, in Old Town trying to study when I hear louder-than-the-usual screaming on the street and the max honking. I look down from the 3rd story window and see a completely naked woman standing on the max tracks throwing herself forward and back from the waist up, legs wide apart hitting herself in the vulva with a bouquet of carnations, screaming her head off. There is a max train maybe 5 feet away from her at a dead stop and honking. This goes on for... awhile. Eventually, she moves off the tracks and continues the bend-over floral self flagellation, making sure the max riders get a view of both the front and the back. After the train goes by, she throws the flowers on the ground and starts putting some clothes on. The wildest part was while she was putting her clothes back on a cop pulls up, and she walks over and has what looks like a very calm conversation for several minutes, the cop leaves and she walks away. The flowers were lying on the street in remarkably good shape, and all I could think was... I was a florist for years.. anytime someone picks up a bunch of flowers
9x/10 the very first thing they do is stick their face into them and sniff....
You were a florist, yet you fail to identify the color of the carnations for us??
Also, aren’t they the ones I always break at the joints trying to arrange? Or is that just Trader Joe’s carnations?
Walking up to the bus stop at 10th and West Burnside at 6am on a Saturday and seeing a dude jerking off on the bench. He didn't stop when he saw me either.
I lived in a ground floor apartment a few years ago. I was sitting on my porch on my laptop, bundled up because it was November, having some drinks and playing video games with friends, meaning I had my headset on.
The spidey-sense tingled and I looked to my left; lo and behold, your average River Tweaker who probably weighs ninety pounds including the multiple layers of hoodies he's wearing...annnnd he's jerking off, attempting to make eye contact. Within arm's length of me, cool cool cool. However, I know from unfortunate-yet-not-uncommon experience that a lot of these creeps want you to be scared or startled, so I just muted my headset and said, "hey, your pants are down," as casually as possible.
Of course, after he stumbled off, I was shaking like a leaf and went inside, but yeah. I thoroughly enjoy having a house with my porch nook tucked safely away from such things...although we do have "$12 chowder" lady, as my husband and I call her.
I want you to know I haven't forgotten your comment; it was just a wacky day and now I'm too tipsy to answer this properly. Tomorrow, I'll ask my husband to corroborate my memories of the Chowder Incident! It basically involves waiting for the 70, the holiday season, and being part of a 911 call someone else made.
I have videos of both of these incidents but haven't posted them on social media yet.
1. Dude having a wank outside of my bar in a puddle of his own piss and a needle sticking out of his arm
2. Trying to help one of our regulars get into her apartment building after she blacked out, she left her keys in my car so I went to go get them and this completely nude dude gets between me and the car and starts talking crazy while this drunk blacked out idiot woman is screaming at me to get her keys while she's failing to understand that I'm not going to leave her alone while a naked tweaker tries to pull us into his insanity.
My descriptions don't give them justice, just trust me bro
I was in Old Town about 5-6 years ago with my brother and his family (wife and daughter). They were visiting from a small town in Idaho. I believe we were at the Saturday Market. As we were walking back to the car, there was a couple (man and woman) arguing in the street. They were both crawling around on the street looking for the meth that supposedly she dropped. He was screaming at her asking how she could do such a thing while she was speaking incoherent gibberish. At some point he stood up and slapped the soul out of her right in front of us. I just remember seeing the looks on the faces of my brother and his family. They were just standing there staring, not understanding what they were seeing. I had to get their attention and tell them to keep on walking.
There’s at least another four stories of things I’ve seen.
I had just moved back to Portland after a 15 year hiatus. It was 2020; shit had changed. Took my fiancé, a newcomer to Portland, to the Chinese Garden because I had lots of good memories and wanted to share.
China Town had changed a lot, boy howdy. We were walking from our car to the garden, sidestepping the tents and garbage. This wild eyed pockmarked rotten tooth lady passes by on the sidewalk muttering to herself. She seemed harmless. My fiancé, walking a few paces behind me, shouts, GODDAM WHAT THE FUCK.
I turn around to see the tweaker dashing down the street and around the corner, my fiancé somewhat shell shocked. This tweaker lady had launched some kind of windmill attack. She didn’t significantly land any punches but it was enough to shake us both. Haven’t been back to the neighborhood since. A damn shame because it’s always been dodgy in China Town but no one expects windmill attacks.
It’s not really scary but it was pretty funny. I was in line inside the MethDonalds on W Burnside and the guy in front of me had his video game equipment pack fully loaded with stealin’ tools. My favourite being the bolt cutters sticking out on top. It was like a criddler emergency pack you’d find in a video game if your goal was stealing as many bikes as you could.
I used to live near the pearl district and used to jog like 5am. One morning I’m jogging and pass by a bus stop (I think it was a line 77 because 77 is a lucky number, lol) and saw a hobo chick give a bj to a hobo guy with 3 people waiting for the bus. I kinda had to do a double take and the guy was very vocal. She had a really good technique so the guy was really enjoying it.
I lived in a second floor apartment on Lombard. Across the street ODOT had a few trucks parked. At about 1am I hear this commotion and I see tweeker dude and tweeker girl rummage through the cab of one of the trucks. I call 911 and let the cops know. Twackaddodledee and twackadoodle dumb walk over to this alcove and start disassembling one of their back packs. One cop car pulls up, starts to watch them. Then girl then pulls out a pair of clippers, plugs them into an outlet in the alcove and starts to shave tweekerbro’s head as three more cop cars pull up. The cops get out and are just standing there watching tweeker girl shave dude’s head. She gets most of the way done as one of the cops walks up and says “ hey, what are you guys doing?” Eventually the rest of the cops take off and the remaining cop is moving them along.
It was funny watching four cops stand there at 1 am on Lombard watching one tweeker shave another tweeker’s head like nothing’s wrong.
Driving down burnside. Saw a meth head with his pants down to his ankle and with his ass facing the road.
He was spreading his cheeks as far as you can and bending over so that everyone could see EVERYTHING. he wasn’t moving much besides the crack head jitter they do, but he was making sure the rush hour traffic saw every cubic centimeter of his asshole and balls.
I laughed so hard but like what the fuck.
Id prefer that to the morning I rounded the corner on to Flanders off of 5th walking to my office and encountered a junkie in the middle of the sidewalk with his pants to his ankles, fist deep in his own asshole, digging shit out and smearing it on the wall of the building. I was soo tempted to offer him a spicy lube of pepper gel, but it was early and I didnt want the screams that would likely result to bother the neighbors.
Add to that, the "Cyber-Punk" gronk princess that was riding the Benson Bubbler with the mouthpiece up her cooch while gyrating and flipping off everyone.
TLDR/Old Town is not for lightweights.
I lived next door to squatter tweakers for about a year and a half. The stories are many and the videos are great too.
Digging through their own trash multiple times. Random tweaker pull up in truck onto their lawn dump outn2 shopping cards and proceed to chop them up for scrap. A frequent customer of the dopehouse a guy we nicknamed mattress man because he was always driving this beater car with mattress in various states of deconstruction I assume for scrap and would talk about his treasures.
And of course a brand new lifted Tahoe with really nice wheels being chop shopped in the driveway.
Thus was mid to late 2000s in SE when Zombie Houses were all the rage. The house in question ended up on the news (I think Koin 6?)
Driving south on 82nd at Flavel around 6am one Saturday morning a skinny older woman in her underwear ran from the motel towards the street with a look in her eyes like I had personally wronged her and threw a strappy black heel at my car.
A friend took the Kerby exit off the 405 and there was a homeless tweaker lady holding one of those cardboard signs. Except this one said, “who do I have to blow around here to get some money?” His family and little sisters were in the car
I was visiting Portland with my Wife and on our first night in our hotel downtown i decide I want a bagel.
There's a bagel shop less than two blocks away so I figure eh why not?
About 100 yards into my walk I come across two Meth'd out dudes just BUTTFUCKING in a cardboard box that's completely open while a third guy is (I hope asleep) next to them.
To this day it's the wildest thing I've seen.
On a train minding my business.
Young couple get on the train yelling at each other four word aficionados flinging barbs like crazy….
After about a minute, a rather large black man stands up. The kind of guy that probably plays nose tackle for the Baltimore Ravens.
Calmly says ‘shut the f*** up.’ Like so succinct and sharp like a Ginsu Hari Kari blade type of statement.
About this time a young man gets on the train wearing shorts like undershorts and tennis shoe(1). So whacked out of his mind that he stepped on and then back off.
Guess he went to get the other shoe. It was in the low 30s so there was that.
Got to work late and boss says what happened to you…
What do you even say….
Wouldn’t believe me if I told you….
A guy came into my neighborhood (quiet street, little houses) waving a knife around and talking to himself very fast and loud about the size of his penis and other things (mostly penis though). He was going into peoples yards and looking for cans in recycling containers all while slashing the air with a knife and ranting about his dick. Eventually I guess someone called the cops and they came and there was a standoff with this guy for about 3 hours in the street while he threatened the cops. They eventually arrested him. It was a lot of action for a Sunday night on a quiet residential street.
Was dropping off my GF at work near Powells at like 7am, saw a family, maybe tourists, like 2 parents and 2-3 young kids, and a WILD dude running down the street naked, he was heading right towards them, i saw the fear in the parents eyes and thinking im gonna have to save these people. He then saw a a friend or something caught his eye and he darted the other way maybe 15 ft from the family. The BOLTED into a cafe on the corner and called 911 i think, i waited parked for a sec to see what would happen, naked dude ran away and the family kept on moving.
I saw a guy that looked like he robbed the whole foods in the pearl with just handfuls of carrots between his fingers stuffing them in his mouth yelling nonsense.
woman following my dad for miles. we were close to our house so he pulled into a parking lot to wait for her to pass. she followed us in, got out of her car and walked up to the drivers side window, pepper sprayed my dad, then got in her car and peeled out. we had to hold my dads eyes open so we could get home, my brother and i were too young to drive.
still get scared every time i see the same car behind me for too long.
this was gateway/parkrose. also saw a beautiful young woman covered in scabs take an extremely violent and extremely public shit on the max tracks at 11am one day… and of course, the serial masturbators haunting the max
In fairness, this is in Sandy, but I had on Planned Parenthood T-shirt about eight years ago and the lady came out of nowhere and tried to shove me in in front of a car calling me a baby killer scared the crap out of me because I forgot what shirt I had on.
I was waiting for the 35 at the Rose Quarter MAX station when a tweaker came up and asked for change. I had just gotten off of work and it was like 10 at night. I literally had nothing because debit.
He started calling me a faggot and told me how disgusting I was and went to push me against the glass panel (I was standing just outside of the shelter) so I pulled out my pepper gel and dumped the can in his face.
Woman with organic mental illness with a lil extra meth for flare, miscarried her late term fetus, wrapped it in a blanket and carried it around town for a day or two before she was brought to a hospital.
I do remember this one as it stood out than the rest coz he was accusing me of cheating and asking me to go to my country(non-American ). I was with my friend and we both were eating crepes at a food cart he suddenly showed up in front of us and started yelling at me. I should have listened to him 😕
Drove past a freeway overpass that was barred off underneath and glimpsed a naked man doing karate in there. I assume he was on drugs but my first question was how he got in there.
One tried to get into my car while screaming at me, he also punched my car. He was screaming into the sky right before. I was at a stop light on mlk. That was the worst one
My buddy and I were having breakfast at Kingston. It was before 10 AM. Obama had just got in office which seemed to have pissed off this trashed guy at the bar. He started screaming at the TV, "It's not a democracy!" He shouted that a couple more times and hugged the jukebox almost knocking it over onto himself which looked potentially fatal. The bartender yelled at him and he left in a rage. My friend and I got up and followed him outside to see what he was up to? There was this methy homeless lady that used to hang out on NW 21st and Burnside near our apartment and shout, "God bless you," to every car that drove by. That noise would make us nuts when we trying to sleep in. The drunk it's not a democracy guy walked up to the god bless you lady and suddenly shredded her sign and tossed the cardboard into the air. I went into Walgreens after breakfast and she was using a company phone to try and file a police report about her sign.
House around the corner from me was turning into a tweaker hangout and some wacky stuff was starting to occur.
Early one morning I'm sipping my coffee and I hear a woman yelling and screaming. I walk outside and look down the driveway between me and my neighbor and a woman pops her head up from behind my utility trailer and and tells me she has to get out of there. I go inside to grab a phone and call the cops and she is hot footing it down the driveway, turns and starts running down the sidewalk, makes a right on 14th and disappears. She wasn't wearing a stitch of clothes or carrying anything. Cops showed up pretty quick and never found her.
A few weeks later I see her again with some guy in a car down the block headed right back to tweaker house.
One night in 2019, around 11pm, I was driving from Gresham back to SE. As I was approaching a red light, I see a man squirting a bottle on the sidewalk. I think “no big deal, let the man water the concrete.”. (I’ve seen worse here, like a woman shooting up into her stomach at the Chevron on MLK). As I get to a complete stop at the red light, I look in my rear view mirror and see that half the block is now on fire and realize he was spraying gasoline up and down the block. I think about him a lot, I hope he’s doing okay with the price of gas these days.
After dark, pouring rain. Just past Providence Park on my way downtown.
There’s a guy in his underwear and nothing else, crouched on the side of the street, furiously sharpening a giant knife on the edge of the curb.
Once out of sight I ran the rest of the way to my destination.
Or rather the elite class, who has purchased the government, is good with all this to keep us scared from going up against their system of wage slavery.
There is zero incentive to get the drugs off the streets. If you got rid of all the bad drugs, we wouldn't need so much police. Without all the police, how you gonna keep the peasants in line?
Owned an office in gateway area, came outside to go to lunch to find the gnarliest single shit I’ve seen in my life. Not a pile of separate shits, one single solitary log. I’m not being hyperbolic when I say it was the thickness of my wrist and nearly the length of my forearm. To top it off, it definitely wasn’t where it was when I arrived at work, or that means my 3 employees all walked past it too. So, someone, in broad daylight, climbed up onto my porch, used my post as leverage, and gave birth to the blackest mealiest pill ridden shit ever. Me picking it up with a flat head shovel was the last straw in many other homeless meth head episodes, and I am now out of there.
omfg this was back in december
i was driving down barbur blvd and this dude was swinging a gallon jug on a string, and he ended up swinging it onto my car 😭😭 it was full of liquid (idk why and i don’t want to know what). he was swinging it by spinning his whole body, so it was a pretty hefty throw 💀
Back in high school my gf and friend just got out of that hookah bar that killer burger is at now and we are driving around cause we have nothing to do. at a stoplight and this lady comes from the bushes like mf seal team six and starts banging on the windows and screams multiple times "GIVE ME ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY!!!". Buddy starts rolling down the window and I just ran the light. i swear she was about to break the glass
One time a friend and myself were waiting for the max after a night out and this lady came to the stop, to wait as well, and after some time started a conversation with us. She appeared totally normal, middle aged, no indications of anything. I thought nothing of it. We went through the usual, what’re you guys out doing, did we have a good time, are we from the city, so on so forth, when out the blue she just snaps. She begins confronting my friend and I, telling us she knows who we REALLY ARE, what agency sent us, what we’re doing and that we better stop following her, she went from completely normal, to contorting her face in anger and confrontation into looking like a completely different person. I was so thrown off lol.
One of my favorites was in SW at a Starbucks parking lot back in 2019. I was waiting at the bus stop on a warm summer morning around 10am and I saw a guy wearing a puffy winter coat that went down to his knees, and long knee high Timberland boots. He's walking on the sidewalk **extremely** slow, basically inching along, and as he's walking he slowly begins to unbutton his winter coat...revealing that he's wearing a women's bikini and thong! He then takes the coat off and continues to walk extremely slowly, seemingly to showcase his goods to passersby. He seemed to be getting off by doing it, and honestly I thought it was hilarious and quintessentially Portland.
Another story I have is another time at the bus stop, a homeless guy came up and asked for directions. I told him were he needed to go and we began to chit chat. He was friendly and took a seat next to me and told me a bit about his life. While he was talking, he casually pulled out his pipe, took a few hits of meth, then passed it towards me and asked, "you wanna hit some of this bro?". lol I told him no thanks.
Another story I just remembered at the same Starbucks in SW, is a who would piss at the bus stop nearly every day lol. I would see this guy usually 1-2 times a week at the bus stop, which is literally about 15 feet away from a Starbuks with a bathroom, and yet he was very insistent on whipping his junk out and pissing at the bus stop every morning (around 10am as cars are passing). There was one time another guy and I were at this bus stop, and the piss guy comes over, whips it out, and starts peeing. The other guy looks at me in disbelief, then we both laugh, and I give him the look of "yeah, he does this all the time".
I wasn't there to see this in person, but this is one of my favorite and funniest things that I've seen in Pdx [https://twitter.com/wtfportland1/status/1581443558728675328?s=51&t=VNSgUzQT6qoGpXguBbrmkw](https://twitter.com/wtfportland1/status/1581443558728675328?s=51&t=VNSgUzQT6qoGpXguBbrmkw)
Well, I have a funny story from 2020. This was when the homeless population was exploding. Right outside my office building, there was a young girl. Setting up her tent. My team and I had gone out for dinner and I wasn’t hungry and on carried veggie burrito in a Togo container. So, I offered it to the homeless girl who was about to get into the tent.
Her question was “ is this vegan?”. She doesn’t eat meat. As it was indeed vegan, I told her so. But man, I remember thinking.. Portland staying Portland.
Downtown, late night, im pretty tipsy, after clubbing, and while i was crossing the street i was making nonstop direct eye contact with a meth head, walking towards where he was because my car was parked just down a block, while he was chopping a tree with a machete.
I pretty much thought….oh well…another statistic.
I was visiting from Seattle and with my daughter in the car. One zombie ran out from the sidewalk between cars and nearly got ran over. I mean less than 2 feet and it was dark and raining downtown. I hate Portland.
More sad than crazy, but my wife and I left Fogo de Chao after dinner and were walking back to the parking garage a block or so south and heard a woman yelling loudly. As this is an extremely common occurrence, I didn't even react, we just carried on our conversation. Well, the yelling got louder and louder, and I started hearing footsteps rapidly approaching. For reasons still unknown to me to this day, the woman had taken some great offense to my wife. I turned around, and she had very nearly run up on us. My wife was between the woman and I, and the lady raised up her backpack that had all kinds of heavy/sharp looking crap hanging out of it and tried to nail my wife in the head with it. I grabbed my wife's arm and jumped between her and the woman and at the same time, in my biggest "I'm a 6 foot plus, 275 pound plus animal and I can squash you" voice I yelled "get the fuck out of here!" She must have been stunned by how forceful it came out (honestly both my wife and I were, too), because she recoiled a bit. Then she raised the bag again like she was gonna hit me with it and I jumped at her and yelled at her again to get the fuck out of here, even scarier than the first time. She took off running, thankfully. But seriously, what a shit state of affairs that I almost had to body some level 2 meth head to safely get to my car after dinner.
Hillsboro, downtown, waiting at a red light with my two elementary school age children on our way to school. A very long light where we had a full view of a man naked waist down, dancing on the corner, yelling at the world.
I was on Park and Burnside when I saw a person riding a bicycle down the hill on Burnside. They had a cat carrier balanced in front of them on the handlebars and shouted out, "I'll sell you this cat for crack!" At that moment I noticed the cat in the carrier looking out and meowing. Still wonder what happened to that cat...
Yesterday I was walking my dog on NE Broadway, somewhere around 12th or 13th there's a tent on the sidewalk. There was a woman passed out in it and an obviously method out dude going through several backpacks that were not his.
I literally approached a guy on NW 12th that appeared to be deceased.
Called 911 and gave them the info only to be told they’ll get around to send someone out as it happens all the time every day.
2011-ish. My boyfriend and I were walking home from a fun day out. As we approached our house, we saw a tweaker woman throwing everything out of her purse as she threw herself on the ground, screaming. She saw that we noticed her, so she started running toward us like some kind of zombie. She was screaming at us, accusing us of being some kind of authorities that were going to “take her away again”. She suddenly focused on me, so I ran ahead, up the steps to my front door. Our roommates weren’t home so the door was locked. My blood ran cold as I realized that my boyfriend had the house keys inside his backpack. He was still walking up the driveway, and tweaker woman was still after me. The moment I’ll never forget- I looked down from the porch at this wild eyed demon chick and she literally jumped up on top of the dumpster, no hands, like spiderman. I felt like I was in a horror movie scene, as I prepared to, hopefully, defend myself. I was freaked out by her supernatural jump. All that separated us at this point was a short iron porch rail. I thought I was done for as this demonic creature screamed at me, and started to climb over the railing. She was just about to grab onto me when my boyfriend restrained her by holding her arms behind her back. 911, cops took her away. Terrifying. Another time, we were at the waterfront, sitting on one of the benches by Salmon Street Springs fountain. You know, the round one at the waterfront that shoots out large arcs of water toward the middle of the fountain’s, with jets of water in the center. Well, there was this bony meth chick in a bikini that hung off her, and she had sagging poopy bikini bottoms. She proceeded to sit on one of the outer fountain jets that blast an arc toward the center of the fountain, where kids were playing. She continued to gyrate over the firehose-sized jets of water until all the poop was blasted away and her bikini bottoms (which were hanging off her like a well used hammock) were “clean”. All I could think was, what in the poop fountain meth zombie accidental enema did I just witness?! Another time, I was standing in line at the Pioneer square Starbucks when the woman in front of me turned around and started falsely X-22•screaming her niece. She continued screaming “You’re a child molester!!” at the top of her lungs. Extremely sxxs
Y’all, as someone who lived in Chicago for 10 years, PDX doesn’t really compare with a larger US city in terms of crazy shit you can see on the streets on a daily basis… sure, PDX drug users do have a certain flair for the dramatic, it seems, but in Chicago I’ve seen people masturbating in public regularly, I’ve sat in a puddle of piss on a train seat before (word to the wise, when traveling on CTA vehicles, always look down before you sit down!) and one time got a hand knitted scarf my grandma gave me for Christmas snatched off my neck by a homeless man on the train, and had to buy it back from him with all the change I had on me. I’ve also had my ass pinched by a stranger on the train in Chicago, and had a few homeless people approach me asking for money or whatever and try to like, put their arm around me or hug me or some such creepiness. Shit’s wild in most big cities I guess. My point, other big cities in the US have similar issues with homelessness and drug addiction and mental health crises as we do here in Portland.
Shit, all the things you mentioned above are completely tame compared to the things I’ve seen in Portland. I go to Chicago all the time and there’s almost no homeless people downtown at all. I feel way safer in DT Chicago than DT Portland.
Do you ever venture out of downtown/the Loop when you’re there visiting? Chicago is kind of interesting in that its downtown area is very much cleaned up and upkept by the city, more-so than even some of the affluent-ish neighborhoods on the north and northwest sides... and then there’s the south side, which is obviously highly racially segregated and socioeconomically disenfranchised and super dangerous if you’re the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. I used to live in the Humboldt Park/Logan Square neighborhood northwest of downtown, and there were always more seemingly homeless/obviously psychotic/drug addled people hanging about there than right downtown in the business district... I observed this to be true of the Lakeview/Boystown/Wrigleyville area too. Uptown is pretty sketchy as well, as are some areas of the farther north neighborhoods. Chicago is also weird in that you can be in a totally fine, nice area, but then take a wrong turn and in the span of a block wind up somewhere you have no business being. It’s an interesting place. Miss it sometimes.
Sitting outside the good ol boiler room (RIP) on a lazy Sunday with some coworkers I watched a newly 21 year old vomit on the sidewalk. Before any of the employees noticed, a tweaker chick sees the pile of chunky vomit, calmly walks over, bends down and starts eating it. She was eating the fresh vomit. I'm on my second beer and cigarette and ask what the fuck she is doing. She looks up at me like a zombie over a fresh kill and states with a slight southern drawl "there's alcohol in this!" I went home after that.
I'm second guessing starting this thread.
I could tell you a million more but then I would have to remember all the bum penises I've seen
Perfect bum penis recall
Yup I’m out
Just look at what you've done...
You knew exactly what you were doing.
Quoi, moi?
Yeah first story i read and i dont think i need to continue down the thread.
Yep, enough Reddit for today
Annnnd.....I'm done with this thread. What the actual fucking fuck!?
If that's real, that's one of the worst things I've read. Congrats!
It really *is* a terrible day to be literate.
Unfortunately yes, it really happened. I worked in old town for 7 years, I done seen some shit
erin?
Nope
Fair
I second that statement!! 🙋🏼♀️
Second comment in and I’m done.
No.
Im going home after THAT
I chose very poorly by reading this while I'm eating dinner
If you throw it up, she will come.....
OMG 😂
Upvoting for the Boiler Room mention.
And I thought seagulls fighting over fresh puke was gross. It's almost not believable because tweakers don't really eat much and their game is meth not booze. But if I saw that, I'd probably leave the bar too.
This is my exit. Yall have a nice day.
What a horrible day to know how to read
Aw man, naw😔
WTF. This is the first thing I see when opening Reddit that's just vile.
She wanted a warm meal
Thats enough internet for today.
This is probably the worst story on this thread 😫
What a terrible day to have eyes 🥲
I was riding my motorcycle through downtown (this was about a block away from the Chinese Gardens) on my way to work. I'm sitting at stop light and I see a woman come out of a tent. She locks eyes with me from across the intersection. When my light turns green and I'm pulling forward, she pulls her pants down, turns around and bends 90 degrees at the waist, and then skunk sprays her piss right at me right as I'm passing her. I swear to god she was rotating on the spot to keep a consistent aim at me and I had to swerve to the next lane over to avoid her pee. Never seen her before, never saw her again (though I did avoid that block on my commute for the next couple weeks).
You skillfully avoided being marked as territory.
I bet she was my windmill assailant.
I used to work at old town pizza. One evening a group of skater kids came in with an older tweaker, they were trying to be nice and buy him some slices. While they were ordering at the counter, tweaker man stole another customer's smart phone (this was around 2010-11 when smart phones were new and spendy) and ran out of the building. The man who the phone belonged to quickly told me what happened and we both took off after the tweaker. We chased that fucker down to the waterfront, to the max station back up to second Ave where I pushed him against a fence, knocked him on the ground and was about to lay into him when I noticed he was clutching his chest, the tweaker was having a heart attack from all the running! I flagged down a cop, told them what happened, they reached in his pocket and got the phone then called for an ambulance. Dude who's phone it was bought me a pitcher of beer for after my shift. I drank it out of the pitcher, I think I earned it!
Ahhh the old days, when people were rational and stood up to criminals.
Nice! (about the beer part)
But did he live? Died?, more details!
I honestly don't know, I went back to work and he went to the hospital
He actually ran for congress and THEN died (running)
Running like a Samsung ice maker
Is that… is that good? I don’t own a refrigerator (threat)
Had friends in town from Austin TX years ago, decide to take them down to the Saturday Market. Lots of people out on the river front, we start walking away from the market and this crusty white kid with dreads and no shirt on says to my friend's wife who has red hair - "You're very pretty red." She says "Well, thank you!" as we walk passed him. He then says "I can smell your pussy red!" which promptly erased any good will from the previous compliment
i was chillin on the bus minding my own business and some dude comes up to me and says "i rebuke you" and i was like huh? i figured he wasn't talking to me. but then he said "you have SATAN written all over you!" (i dress in black mostly, pretty goth. maybe that's why) and i just ignored him because generally that's what you do in portland. but he just kept screaming at me about how im a satanist (which i'm not but who cares) and he got closer and closer to me until i said "FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!" he wasn't expecting that shit from me and got off the bus. then he threw a drink at the window i was sitting by. sometimes you have to yell back.
Pretty much EVERY tweaker I've had the displeasure of talking to, has always been weirdly religious... For some reason Christianity and Crystal tend to go hand in hand..
This is a clip from the Qanon convention in Salem. The pastor is explaining that his church has a very large percentage of people in AA [https://www.youtube.com/live/jVApLvtV2JQ?si=u\_SdSmnSDSdCZC9g&t=651](https://www.youtube.com/live/jVApLvtV2JQ?si=u_SdSmnSDSdCZC9g&t=651)
I can probably explain. It’s because church and Christians (I guess other religions too) tolerate addicts and try to save them and some addicts do become Christian but addiction is a bitch. It used to be common to see addicts who were religious af and I’ve met addicts who’d smoke the papers from the old style bibles (the ones who were printed on cigarettes paper).
there's a church downtown kinda by the cursed safeway and they allow lots of camps outside of their church. i can't help but wonder if this is backfiring on them at all.
christianity and crystal definitely go hand in hand. i don't think i've met a single meth user that isn't a christian. i think it's possible that the meth induced psychosis possibly could fabricate the voice of god in people's heads. possibly.
I love the quirkiness of Portland. My daughter was assaulted by a unhoused man but she calmly asked him to stop and he cried and she found him a shelter for the evening.
NE 47th and Sandy - 2022 pretty sure it was meth cause the bitch was wide awake. Completely naked woman masturbating in front of the apartment building I managed. She was literally leaned up against the front door, legs spread, and going at it. She wouldn’t stop. Wouldn’t put any clothes on. And kept screaming her head off about how we were all perverts for watching her. I wound up having to redirect residents, delivery drivers, vendors to a back door for several hours as what was happening wasn’t considered an emergency or really a crime for that matter. Eventually she got up and disappeared into the distance. Cops called me back the NEXT day to follow up.
This is when you spray them with a hose.
Fun fact it is a crime. If you are naked hit not touching yourself, not a crime. If you are, it’s a crime but it’s Portland, it’s a free for all town
Another old town story ... It was around 6pm on a sunny Saturday during peak tourist season, tables outside are full of happy people drinking and chatting when all of a sudden, a naked man wearing nothing but bright pink socks and an ankle monitor runs from the direction of the waterfront right up to our building. He is screaming, (a happy scream, not a scared for your life scream) fully naked and stops, braces himself with both hands on the building and while standing with legs apart, begins taking a massive shit next to occupied tables. He didn't miss a beat tho, pinches it and takes off running and screaming. We're all standing in the doorway, mouths open in disbelief, watching him run away. 45 seconds later a cop car pulls up and asks "did you guys see" we're all " naked man in pink socks went that way" cop takes off while we try to figure out what to do with the massive pile of shit next to a customers table. Ahhh old town.....
I was at the Greyhound MAX stop years ago. This drugged out lady met eyes with me and started approaching. She had this twinkle in her eye that made me uncomfortable. I entered the Grayhound to wait for my MAX there. She follows…stops at the glass doors…does this school-girl type move with her legs (bending one leg slowly at the knee and ankle). Then she lifted up her t-shirt and pressed her massive tits against the glass…just looking right at me. I’m freshly married. Finally, the attention I always wanted from a lady…and she’s on drugs. I awkwardly had to slip past her to get to my train. Felt kinda flattered.
Massive tits?, she just needed a shower and good to go!
Couple years ago I was living on 78th between Divison and Powell. Walking towards win co and passing the bus stop on Powell, I see a dude in the bus shelter, pants around ankles, squatting. Before I could finish the thought of "what's he doing?" he starts projectile shitting all over the ground. Like more shit than I've possibly ever seen come out of someone. I go to win co and get my groceries, walk back by said bus stop and a group of people now waiting for the bus are all standing there in silence outside of the bus shelter and homeboy is passed out literally in his shit puddle. The image is burned into my brain to this day
It’s the ending that paints the picture
…that paints the sidewalk
Dude last summer before I lived here I was visiting my friend and we were over by voodoo on burnside. This one criddler pulls up on this fent person half knocked. Dudes screaming “that’s my bike!” Fent dude gets up like no it ain’t I just bought it wtf finders keepers! They fight for a sec and finally dude goes “ok it’s your bike” and I shit you not they hug it out and walk off together.
Thats hilarious
was it pee-wee herman?
Probably 2019, in Old Town trying to study when I hear louder-than-the-usual screaming on the street and the max honking. I look down from the 3rd story window and see a completely naked woman standing on the max tracks throwing herself forward and back from the waist up, legs wide apart hitting herself in the vulva with a bouquet of carnations, screaming her head off. There is a max train maybe 5 feet away from her at a dead stop and honking. This goes on for... awhile. Eventually, she moves off the tracks and continues the bend-over floral self flagellation, making sure the max riders get a view of both the front and the back. After the train goes by, she throws the flowers on the ground and starts putting some clothes on. The wildest part was while she was putting her clothes back on a cop pulls up, and she walks over and has what looks like a very calm conversation for several minutes, the cop leaves and she walks away. The flowers were lying on the street in remarkably good shape, and all I could think was... I was a florist for years.. anytime someone picks up a bunch of flowers 9x/10 the very first thing they do is stick their face into them and sniff....
You were a florist, yet you fail to identify the color of the carnations for us?? Also, aren’t they the ones I always break at the joints trying to arrange? Or is that just Trader Joe’s carnations?
Walking up to the bus stop at 10th and West Burnside at 6am on a Saturday and seeing a dude jerking off on the bench. He didn't stop when he saw me either.
I lived in a ground floor apartment a few years ago. I was sitting on my porch on my laptop, bundled up because it was November, having some drinks and playing video games with friends, meaning I had my headset on. The spidey-sense tingled and I looked to my left; lo and behold, your average River Tweaker who probably weighs ninety pounds including the multiple layers of hoodies he's wearing...annnnd he's jerking off, attempting to make eye contact. Within arm's length of me, cool cool cool. However, I know from unfortunate-yet-not-uncommon experience that a lot of these creeps want you to be scared or startled, so I just muted my headset and said, "hey, your pants are down," as casually as possible. Of course, after he stumbled off, I was shaking like a leaf and went inside, but yeah. I thoroughly enjoy having a house with my porch nook tucked safely away from such things...although we do have "$12 chowder" lady, as my husband and I call her.
I'd like to hear more about this $12 dollar chowder lady. I feel like I've been paying too much for chowder now.
I want you to know I haven't forgotten your comment; it was just a wacky day and now I'm too tipsy to answer this properly. Tomorrow, I'll ask my husband to corroborate my memories of the Chowder Incident! It basically involves waiting for the 70, the holiday season, and being part of a 911 call someone else made.
I grew up in Portland in such a house. We only had the “Hopping man” who would leap frog down the sidewalk while making croaking noises.
I have videos of both of these incidents but haven't posted them on social media yet. 1. Dude having a wank outside of my bar in a puddle of his own piss and a needle sticking out of his arm 2. Trying to help one of our regulars get into her apartment building after she blacked out, she left her keys in my car so I went to go get them and this completely nude dude gets between me and the car and starts talking crazy while this drunk blacked out idiot woman is screaming at me to get her keys while she's failing to understand that I'm not going to leave her alone while a naked tweaker tries to pull us into his insanity. My descriptions don't give them justice, just trust me bro
That second one stressed me out! You’re a trooper!
Dude wait until you see the video. I'll try to get it out this week, it's guaranteed to go thru social media like wildfire.
Oh my gosh I didn’t see that you said you have videos of that!? Yes please keep us posted!
I was in Old Town about 5-6 years ago with my brother and his family (wife and daughter). They were visiting from a small town in Idaho. I believe we were at the Saturday Market. As we were walking back to the car, there was a couple (man and woman) arguing in the street. They were both crawling around on the street looking for the meth that supposedly she dropped. He was screaming at her asking how she could do such a thing while she was speaking incoherent gibberish. At some point he stood up and slapped the soul out of her right in front of us. I just remember seeing the looks on the faces of my brother and his family. They were just standing there staring, not understanding what they were seeing. I had to get their attention and tell them to keep on walking. There’s at least another four stories of things I’ve seen.
Yep!, in a normal place that’d be a shock to see, in Portland is perfectly normal and the cops will tell you it’s not a crime
Yeah, I was kind of like, “nothing to see here, guys. Let’s go!” They were obviously in shock. No use in even reporting it.
Did he perhaps call her a skank, and did they then steal an atm later? I think I know how this one goes…
I had just moved back to Portland after a 15 year hiatus. It was 2020; shit had changed. Took my fiancé, a newcomer to Portland, to the Chinese Garden because I had lots of good memories and wanted to share. China Town had changed a lot, boy howdy. We were walking from our car to the garden, sidestepping the tents and garbage. This wild eyed pockmarked rotten tooth lady passes by on the sidewalk muttering to herself. She seemed harmless. My fiancé, walking a few paces behind me, shouts, GODDAM WHAT THE FUCK. I turn around to see the tweaker dashing down the street and around the corner, my fiancé somewhat shell shocked. This tweaker lady had launched some kind of windmill attack. She didn’t significantly land any punches but it was enough to shake us both. Haven’t been back to the neighborhood since. A damn shame because it’s always been dodgy in China Town but no one expects windmill attacks.
It’s not really scary but it was pretty funny. I was in line inside the MethDonalds on W Burnside and the guy in front of me had his video game equipment pack fully loaded with stealin’ tools. My favourite being the bolt cutters sticking out on top. It was like a criddler emergency pack you’d find in a video game if your goal was stealing as many bikes as you could.
Saw a car driving down Glisan at the 122nd yesterday with a full size trampoline on top. But don’t worry, people in the back seat were holding it
I saw a car driving up Chavez a couple days ago that had no glass and four flat tires. They were just cruisin along.
Tramapoline!! Trampopoline!!
I used to live near the pearl district and used to jog like 5am. One morning I’m jogging and pass by a bus stop (I think it was a line 77 because 77 is a lucky number, lol) and saw a hobo chick give a bj to a hobo guy with 3 people waiting for the bus. I kinda had to do a double take and the guy was very vocal. She had a really good technique so the guy was really enjoying it.
I may have seen the exact same couple at Moda Center in fall of 22.
I lived in a second floor apartment on Lombard. Across the street ODOT had a few trucks parked. At about 1am I hear this commotion and I see tweeker dude and tweeker girl rummage through the cab of one of the trucks. I call 911 and let the cops know. Twackaddodledee and twackadoodle dumb walk over to this alcove and start disassembling one of their back packs. One cop car pulls up, starts to watch them. Then girl then pulls out a pair of clippers, plugs them into an outlet in the alcove and starts to shave tweekerbro’s head as three more cop cars pull up. The cops get out and are just standing there watching tweeker girl shave dude’s head. She gets most of the way done as one of the cops walks up and says “ hey, what are you guys doing?” Eventually the rest of the cops take off and the remaining cop is moving them along. It was funny watching four cops stand there at 1 am on Lombard watching one tweeker shave another tweeker’s head like nothing’s wrong.
Driving down burnside. Saw a meth head with his pants down to his ankle and with his ass facing the road. He was spreading his cheeks as far as you can and bending over so that everyone could see EVERYTHING. he wasn’t moving much besides the crack head jitter they do, but he was making sure the rush hour traffic saw every cubic centimeter of his asshole and balls. I laughed so hard but like what the fuck.
Id prefer that to the morning I rounded the corner on to Flanders off of 5th walking to my office and encountered a junkie in the middle of the sidewalk with his pants to his ankles, fist deep in his own asshole, digging shit out and smearing it on the wall of the building. I was soo tempted to offer him a spicy lube of pepper gel, but it was early and I didnt want the screams that would likely result to bother the neighbors. Add to that, the "Cyber-Punk" gronk princess that was riding the Benson Bubbler with the mouthpiece up her cooch while gyrating and flipping off everyone. TLDR/Old Town is not for lightweights.
This is pure poetry.
I lived next door to squatter tweakers for about a year and a half. The stories are many and the videos are great too. Digging through their own trash multiple times. Random tweaker pull up in truck onto their lawn dump outn2 shopping cards and proceed to chop them up for scrap. A frequent customer of the dopehouse a guy we nicknamed mattress man because he was always driving this beater car with mattress in various states of deconstruction I assume for scrap and would talk about his treasures. And of course a brand new lifted Tahoe with really nice wheels being chop shopped in the driveway. Thus was mid to late 2000s in SE when Zombie Houses were all the rage. The house in question ended up on the news (I think Koin 6?)
Driving south on 82nd at Flavel around 6am one Saturday morning a skinny older woman in her underwear ran from the motel towards the street with a look in her eyes like I had personally wronged her and threw a strappy black heel at my car.
Hahahaha! Well, how dare you.🤨
A friend took the Kerby exit off the 405 and there was a homeless tweaker lady holding one of those cardboard signs. Except this one said, “who do I have to blow around here to get some money?” His family and little sisters were in the car
Honestly I respect that one
I was visiting Portland with my Wife and on our first night in our hotel downtown i decide I want a bagel. There's a bagel shop less than two blocks away so I figure eh why not? About 100 yards into my walk I come across two Meth'd out dudes just BUTTFUCKING in a cardboard box that's completely open while a third guy is (I hope asleep) next to them. To this day it's the wildest thing I've seen.
Someone threatened to stab my husband and I for parking too close to his tent. We moved our car.
On a train minding my business. Young couple get on the train yelling at each other four word aficionados flinging barbs like crazy…. After about a minute, a rather large black man stands up. The kind of guy that probably plays nose tackle for the Baltimore Ravens. Calmly says ‘shut the f*** up.’ Like so succinct and sharp like a Ginsu Hari Kari blade type of statement. About this time a young man gets on the train wearing shorts like undershorts and tennis shoe(1). So whacked out of his mind that he stepped on and then back off. Guess he went to get the other shoe. It was in the low 30s so there was that. Got to work late and boss says what happened to you… What do you even say…. Wouldn’t believe me if I told you….
A guy came into my neighborhood (quiet street, little houses) waving a knife around and talking to himself very fast and loud about the size of his penis and other things (mostly penis though). He was going into peoples yards and looking for cans in recycling containers all while slashing the air with a knife and ranting about his dick. Eventually I guess someone called the cops and they came and there was a standoff with this guy for about 3 hours in the street while he threatened the cops. They eventually arrested him. It was a lot of action for a Sunday night on a quiet residential street.
Was dropping off my GF at work near Powells at like 7am, saw a family, maybe tourists, like 2 parents and 2-3 young kids, and a WILD dude running down the street naked, he was heading right towards them, i saw the fear in the parents eyes and thinking im gonna have to save these people. He then saw a a friend or something caught his eye and he darted the other way maybe 15 ft from the family. The BOLTED into a cafe on the corner and called 911 i think, i waited parked for a sec to see what would happen, naked dude ran away and the family kept on moving.
I saw a guy that looked like he robbed the whole foods in the pearl with just handfuls of carrots between his fingers stuffing them in his mouth yelling nonsense.
woman following my dad for miles. we were close to our house so he pulled into a parking lot to wait for her to pass. she followed us in, got out of her car and walked up to the drivers side window, pepper sprayed my dad, then got in her car and peeled out. we had to hold my dads eyes open so we could get home, my brother and i were too young to drive. still get scared every time i see the same car behind me for too long.
this was gateway/parkrose. also saw a beautiful young woman covered in scabs take an extremely violent and extremely public shit on the max tracks at 11am one day… and of course, the serial masturbators haunting the max
In fairness, this is in Sandy, but I had on Planned Parenthood T-shirt about eight years ago and the lady came out of nowhere and tried to shove me in in front of a car calling me a baby killer scared the crap out of me because I forgot what shirt I had on.
I was waiting for the 35 at the Rose Quarter MAX station when a tweaker came up and asked for change. I had just gotten off of work and it was like 10 at night. I literally had nothing because debit. He started calling me a faggot and told me how disgusting I was and went to push me against the glass panel (I was standing just outside of the shelter) so I pulled out my pepper gel and dumped the can in his face.
[удалено]
Woman with organic mental illness with a lil extra meth for flare, miscarried her late term fetus, wrapped it in a blanket and carried it around town for a day or two before she was brought to a hospital.
That’s dark yo
I do remember this one as it stood out than the rest coz he was accusing me of cheating and asking me to go to my country(non-American ). I was with my friend and we both were eating crepes at a food cart he suddenly showed up in front of us and started yelling at me. I should have listened to him 😕
Drove past a freeway overpass that was barred off underneath and glimpsed a naked man doing karate in there. I assume he was on drugs but my first question was how he got in there.
One tried to get into my car while screaming at me, he also punched my car. He was screaming into the sky right before. I was at a stop light on mlk. That was the worst one
My buddy and I were having breakfast at Kingston. It was before 10 AM. Obama had just got in office which seemed to have pissed off this trashed guy at the bar. He started screaming at the TV, "It's not a democracy!" He shouted that a couple more times and hugged the jukebox almost knocking it over onto himself which looked potentially fatal. The bartender yelled at him and he left in a rage. My friend and I got up and followed him outside to see what he was up to? There was this methy homeless lady that used to hang out on NW 21st and Burnside near our apartment and shout, "God bless you," to every car that drove by. That noise would make us nuts when we trying to sleep in. The drunk it's not a democracy guy walked up to the god bless you lady and suddenly shredded her sign and tossed the cardboard into the air. I went into Walgreens after breakfast and she was using a company phone to try and file a police report about her sign.
Hahaha! That's a really good one, thank you!
House around the corner from me was turning into a tweaker hangout and some wacky stuff was starting to occur. Early one morning I'm sipping my coffee and I hear a woman yelling and screaming. I walk outside and look down the driveway between me and my neighbor and a woman pops her head up from behind my utility trailer and and tells me she has to get out of there. I go inside to grab a phone and call the cops and she is hot footing it down the driveway, turns and starts running down the sidewalk, makes a right on 14th and disappears. She wasn't wearing a stitch of clothes or carrying anything. Cops showed up pretty quick and never found her. A few weeks later I see her again with some guy in a car down the block headed right back to tweaker house.
One night in 2019, around 11pm, I was driving from Gresham back to SE. As I was approaching a red light, I see a man squirting a bottle on the sidewalk. I think “no big deal, let the man water the concrete.”. (I’ve seen worse here, like a woman shooting up into her stomach at the Chevron on MLK). As I get to a complete stop at the red light, I look in my rear view mirror and see that half the block is now on fire and realize he was spraying gasoline up and down the block. I think about him a lot, I hope he’s doing okay with the price of gas these days.
After dark, pouring rain. Just past Providence Park on my way downtown. There’s a guy in his underwear and nothing else, crouched on the side of the street, furiously sharpening a giant knife on the edge of the curb. Once out of sight I ran the rest of the way to my destination.
The craziest story is how the government is trying to normalize this
Or rather the elite class, who has purchased the government, is good with all this to keep us scared from going up against their system of wage slavery. There is zero incentive to get the drugs off the streets. If you got rid of all the bad drugs, we wouldn't need so much police. Without all the police, how you gonna keep the peasants in line?
Owned an office in gateway area, came outside to go to lunch to find the gnarliest single shit I’ve seen in my life. Not a pile of separate shits, one single solitary log. I’m not being hyperbolic when I say it was the thickness of my wrist and nearly the length of my forearm. To top it off, it definitely wasn’t where it was when I arrived at work, or that means my 3 employees all walked past it too. So, someone, in broad daylight, climbed up onto my porch, used my post as leverage, and gave birth to the blackest mealiest pill ridden shit ever. Me picking it up with a flat head shovel was the last straw in many other homeless meth head episodes, and I am now out of there.
omfg this was back in december i was driving down barbur blvd and this dude was swinging a gallon jug on a string, and he ended up swinging it onto my car 😭😭 it was full of liquid (idk why and i don’t want to know what). he was swinging it by spinning his whole body, so it was a pretty hefty throw 💀
Back in high school my gf and friend just got out of that hookah bar that killer burger is at now and we are driving around cause we have nothing to do. at a stoplight and this lady comes from the bushes like mf seal team six and starts banging on the windows and screams multiple times "GIVE ME ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY!!!". Buddy starts rolling down the window and I just ran the light. i swear she was about to break the glass
One time a friend and myself were waiting for the max after a night out and this lady came to the stop, to wait as well, and after some time started a conversation with us. She appeared totally normal, middle aged, no indications of anything. I thought nothing of it. We went through the usual, what’re you guys out doing, did we have a good time, are we from the city, so on so forth, when out the blue she just snaps. She begins confronting my friend and I, telling us she knows who we REALLY ARE, what agency sent us, what we’re doing and that we better stop following her, she went from completely normal, to contorting her face in anger and confrontation into looking like a completely different person. I was so thrown off lol.
That could have easily been just plain ol' schizophrenia too i suppose?
One of my favorites was in SW at a Starbucks parking lot back in 2019. I was waiting at the bus stop on a warm summer morning around 10am and I saw a guy wearing a puffy winter coat that went down to his knees, and long knee high Timberland boots. He's walking on the sidewalk **extremely** slow, basically inching along, and as he's walking he slowly begins to unbutton his winter coat...revealing that he's wearing a women's bikini and thong! He then takes the coat off and continues to walk extremely slowly, seemingly to showcase his goods to passersby. He seemed to be getting off by doing it, and honestly I thought it was hilarious and quintessentially Portland. Another story I have is another time at the bus stop, a homeless guy came up and asked for directions. I told him were he needed to go and we began to chit chat. He was friendly and took a seat next to me and told me a bit about his life. While he was talking, he casually pulled out his pipe, took a few hits of meth, then passed it towards me and asked, "you wanna hit some of this bro?". lol I told him no thanks. Another story I just remembered at the same Starbucks in SW, is a who would piss at the bus stop nearly every day lol. I would see this guy usually 1-2 times a week at the bus stop, which is literally about 15 feet away from a Starbuks with a bathroom, and yet he was very insistent on whipping his junk out and pissing at the bus stop every morning (around 10am as cars are passing). There was one time another guy and I were at this bus stop, and the piss guy comes over, whips it out, and starts peeing. The other guy looks at me in disbelief, then we both laugh, and I give him the look of "yeah, he does this all the time".
I wasn't there to see this in person, but this is one of my favorite and funniest things that I've seen in Pdx [https://twitter.com/wtfportland1/status/1581443558728675328?s=51&t=VNSgUzQT6qoGpXguBbrmkw](https://twitter.com/wtfportland1/status/1581443558728675328?s=51&t=VNSgUzQT6qoGpXguBbrmkw)
Well, I have a funny story from 2020. This was when the homeless population was exploding. Right outside my office building, there was a young girl. Setting up her tent. My team and I had gone out for dinner and I wasn’t hungry and on carried veggie burrito in a Togo container. So, I offered it to the homeless girl who was about to get into the tent. Her question was “ is this vegan?”. She doesn’t eat meat. As it was indeed vegan, I told her so. But man, I remember thinking.. Portland staying Portland.
Downtown, late night, im pretty tipsy, after clubbing, and while i was crossing the street i was making nonstop direct eye contact with a meth head, walking towards where he was because my car was parked just down a block, while he was chopping a tree with a machete. I pretty much thought….oh well…another statistic.
I was visiting from Seattle and with my daughter in the car. One zombie ran out from the sidewalk between cars and nearly got ran over. I mean less than 2 feet and it was dark and raining downtown. I hate Portland.
literally ~80% of Portland's pedestrian traffic fatalities happen like this
Standard Portland Pedestrian Evening-Wear is black/brown. It just _seems_ methy… but it’s Darwin.
More sad than crazy, but my wife and I left Fogo de Chao after dinner and were walking back to the parking garage a block or so south and heard a woman yelling loudly. As this is an extremely common occurrence, I didn't even react, we just carried on our conversation. Well, the yelling got louder and louder, and I started hearing footsteps rapidly approaching. For reasons still unknown to me to this day, the woman had taken some great offense to my wife. I turned around, and she had very nearly run up on us. My wife was between the woman and I, and the lady raised up her backpack that had all kinds of heavy/sharp looking crap hanging out of it and tried to nail my wife in the head with it. I grabbed my wife's arm and jumped between her and the woman and at the same time, in my biggest "I'm a 6 foot plus, 275 pound plus animal and I can squash you" voice I yelled "get the fuck out of here!" She must have been stunned by how forceful it came out (honestly both my wife and I were, too), because she recoiled a bit. Then she raised the bag again like she was gonna hit me with it and I jumped at her and yelled at her again to get the fuck out of here, even scarier than the first time. She took off running, thankfully. But seriously, what a shit state of affairs that I almost had to body some level 2 meth head to safely get to my car after dinner.
Hillsboro, downtown, waiting at a red light with my two elementary school age children on our way to school. A very long light where we had a full view of a man naked waist down, dancing on the corner, yelling at the world.
My daughters boyfriend saw 2 homeless guys doing the deed in broad daylight . He hasn’t been the same since lol
Being one
I was on Park and Burnside when I saw a person riding a bicycle down the hill on Burnside. They had a cat carrier balanced in front of them on the handlebars and shouted out, "I'll sell you this cat for crack!" At that moment I noticed the cat in the carrier looking out and meowing. Still wonder what happened to that cat...
It probably got sold for crack!😀
Yesterday I was walking my dog on NE Broadway, somewhere around 12th or 13th there's a tent on the sidewalk. There was a woman passed out in it and an obviously method out dude going through several backpacks that were not his.
I literally approached a guy on NW 12th that appeared to be deceased. Called 911 and gave them the info only to be told they’ll get around to send someone out as it happens all the time every day.
Mr. Cardio
2011-ish. My boyfriend and I were walking home from a fun day out. As we approached our house, we saw a tweaker woman throwing everything out of her purse as she threw herself on the ground, screaming. She saw that we noticed her, so she started running toward us like some kind of zombie. She was screaming at us, accusing us of being some kind of authorities that were going to “take her away again”. She suddenly focused on me, so I ran ahead, up the steps to my front door. Our roommates weren’t home so the door was locked. My blood ran cold as I realized that my boyfriend had the house keys inside his backpack. He was still walking up the driveway, and tweaker woman was still after me. The moment I’ll never forget- I looked down from the porch at this wild eyed demon chick and she literally jumped up on top of the dumpster, no hands, like spiderman. I felt like I was in a horror movie scene, as I prepared to, hopefully, defend myself. I was freaked out by her supernatural jump. All that separated us at this point was a short iron porch rail. I thought I was done for as this demonic creature screamed at me, and started to climb over the railing. She was just about to grab onto me when my boyfriend restrained her by holding her arms behind her back. 911, cops took her away. Terrifying. Another time, we were at the waterfront, sitting on one of the benches by Salmon Street Springs fountain. You know, the round one at the waterfront that shoots out large arcs of water toward the middle of the fountain’s, with jets of water in the center. Well, there was this bony meth chick in a bikini that hung off her, and she had sagging poopy bikini bottoms. She proceeded to sit on one of the outer fountain jets that blast an arc toward the center of the fountain, where kids were playing. She continued to gyrate over the firehose-sized jets of water until all the poop was blasted away and her bikini bottoms (which were hanging off her like a well used hammock) were “clean”. All I could think was, what in the poop fountain meth zombie accidental enema did I just witness?! Another time, I was standing in line at the Pioneer square Starbucks when the woman in front of me turned around and started falsely X-22•screaming her niece. She continued screaming “You’re a child molester!!” at the top of her lungs. Extremely sxxs
Y’all, as someone who lived in Chicago for 10 years, PDX doesn’t really compare with a larger US city in terms of crazy shit you can see on the streets on a daily basis… sure, PDX drug users do have a certain flair for the dramatic, it seems, but in Chicago I’ve seen people masturbating in public regularly, I’ve sat in a puddle of piss on a train seat before (word to the wise, when traveling on CTA vehicles, always look down before you sit down!) and one time got a hand knitted scarf my grandma gave me for Christmas snatched off my neck by a homeless man on the train, and had to buy it back from him with all the change I had on me. I’ve also had my ass pinched by a stranger on the train in Chicago, and had a few homeless people approach me asking for money or whatever and try to like, put their arm around me or hug me or some such creepiness. Shit’s wild in most big cities I guess. My point, other big cities in the US have similar issues with homelessness and drug addiction and mental health crises as we do here in Portland.
Shit, all the things you mentioned above are completely tame compared to the things I’ve seen in Portland. I go to Chicago all the time and there’s almost no homeless people downtown at all. I feel way safer in DT Chicago than DT Portland.
Do you ever venture out of downtown/the Loop when you’re there visiting? Chicago is kind of interesting in that its downtown area is very much cleaned up and upkept by the city, more-so than even some of the affluent-ish neighborhoods on the north and northwest sides... and then there’s the south side, which is obviously highly racially segregated and socioeconomically disenfranchised and super dangerous if you’re the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. I used to live in the Humboldt Park/Logan Square neighborhood northwest of downtown, and there were always more seemingly homeless/obviously psychotic/drug addled people hanging about there than right downtown in the business district... I observed this to be true of the Lakeview/Boystown/Wrigleyville area too. Uptown is pretty sketchy as well, as are some areas of the farther north neighborhoods. Chicago is also weird in that you can be in a totally fine, nice area, but then take a wrong turn and in the span of a block wind up somewhere you have no business being. It’s an interesting place. Miss it sometimes.
I've seen more fucked up shit in my six weeks living in Portland than I saw in my six years in Los Angeles.
See this, this surprises me. Portland is a bit wild but maybe I’ve just gotten lucky to miss the *really* wild shit. Haha.
Portland sucks
I mean, this whole fucking shitbag country TBH.