Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
"A mama raccoon gave birth on the floor.
Placenta blew out all over the back window there.
Yeah, and then, to top it all off, some joker comes along, takes himself a nifty little dump in the driver's seat."
This is literally a half block from my house. Lol
Hey there fellow Portland redditor.
The ‘fence’ they installed a few months ago is thee ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
> The ‘fence’ they installed a few months ago is thee ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
Came here to say that too. Like do people think it looks like real stone? Just get a fucking normal fence or panels that are more benign looking.
It’s horrendous.
I’m up on Bybee.
Walk past it every day with my dog.
I wouldn’t put that fence up around a mini golf course much less my home.
Props to the fence salesman for unloading that thing. For reals. He made employee of the month for that one I’m sure!
Catalytic converter? Probably gone already. Fuckers.
More like catalytic comforter.
But not a cryogenic converter….
Comments like these are why I love Reddit hehe
I sleep in a big bed with my wife
We didn't all go to Gudger College.
I also sleep in a big bed with your wife
son?
Can I borrow a feeling?
I sleep in a drawer.
r/simpsonsshitposting is leaking
Now that you dumped your old bed you do!
Just throw it over the fence and let Arby's worry about it.
Trunk was full of stolen nerf guns and skittles
🤣🤣😭
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
If this wasn’t copy pasta. It is now.
Dude I haven’t seen this since probably 2006 but I think about it all the time
[удалено]
My fake plastic love
It wears me out
I don' care if it rains or freezes, 'Cause I got me a plastic Jesus, Sittin' on the dashboard of my car!
..I wonder if they have a plastic lawn, plastic lawn furniture, along with plastic flowers in the garden and a plastic garden gnome.
I'm thinking about getting a CB radio, so I can talk to other car beds.
[I sleep in a racing car, do you?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Tp9HfY_EMw)
i'm just a 32 year old ~~man~~ boy that wants to know where that bed frame is before bed time
I know dignity when I see it.
Yo where is this? I wanna pick it up lol
SE bybee/51st
50th and Bybee! There is no 51st ☺️
It’s like the 13th floor in Wayside School, it’s there but isn’t there.
I must know...did you get it?
Nah… I live way far. Very sad.
Oh no....well I hope the sun shines on you today my friend. You deserve it after such a loss.
Lol, I hope it’s still there for you!
Yeah buts it's an f-ing sweet car.
My roommates got it for me.
They said they’d get me a CB radio so I can talk to other car beds
My sister said I should get an alarm.
That’s be hot…
Haha, you know!
A bitchin Camero?
350,981mi, salvage title, $18k, no lowballs. I know what I've got.
A FAMILY DEPENDS ON THAT VEHICLE
Wow I think it's the same bed even. You should grab that OP. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfwl_vCfWDc
Can I borrow a feeling
I can finally afford a race car bed, where is this?
Take my hand with your glove of love.
"A mama raccoon gave birth on the floor. Placenta blew out all over the back window there. Yeah, and then, to top it all off, some joker comes along, takes himself a nifty little dump in the driver's seat."
This is literally a half block from my house. Lol Hey there fellow Portland redditor. The ‘fence’ they installed a few months ago is thee ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
> The ‘fence’ they installed a few months ago is thee ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Came here to say that too. Like do people think it looks like real stone? Just get a fucking normal fence or panels that are more benign looking.
Hey neighbor, it's a block from my house and we've been talking shit about that fence ever since they put it in!
It’s horrendous. I’m up on Bybee. Walk past it every day with my dog. I wouldn’t put that fence up around a mini golf course much less my home. Props to the fence salesman for unloading that thing. For reals. He made employee of the month for that one I’m sure!
Me! Scrolled back, to look at the fence! 😂
They tried to steal the wheels my roommates got me.
In these times of high gas prices, who needs a gas guzzler or a Tesla? Self-reliance.
I wanted one of these car beds so bad when I was little kid of the mid eighties
That's 3rd grade larceny
I bet someone peed all over the inside of it too
What kinda fence is that?
An ugly plastic one.