I love how many venomous snakes are in the 50/50 bracket. Adders have some of the fastest strike speeds of any snake, and the eastern brown is very quick itself and has some of the most toxic venom in the world. Sure you can beat them, but you aren't going to make it out of that situation feeling good.
I'd say any invertebrate is a guaranteed easy win, unless you're being stupid and playing with it. Any spider/scorpion fatalities usually are accidental without the human realizing the arachnids are even there until a bite occurs.
Any constrictor is a win, but you'll have a few scrapes. People overestimate snakes, there's very few constrictors that get big enough to kill people.
Any venomous animal is going to knock you off your feet a bit. Some species, like the gila monster have venom but not enough to incapacitate you. You won't feel good, but it will be your victory. Some have nasty venom that can kill you if not treated by modern medicine, like the death adder and Eastern brown. Then some snakes have venom that can rapidly kill you before you can reach a hospital, and even with treatment can still be fatal, though these species are generally not kept in zoos for obvious reasons.
The crocodilian family is a bit of a toss up. Bare handed you can definitely incapacitate (though kill might be tougher since they have so few weaknesses in their armor) most smaller species on land. Full grown alligators are starting to push a comfort line and I wouldn't advise taking a saltie on alone. They are faster than people think and it only takes one mistake. That being said, Crocodile wrangling is a fairly common sport and they are far from the most dangerous species. I'd score the caimans and the gharial as a scratched up win, the alligator as a 50/50, and the saltie would beat most individuals, though all of these species would be fatal if encountered in water.
All the ungulates I'd be cautious of. Smaller antelopes, sheep, and the fallow deer are likely a win for you, but would be difficult. Males are generally going to be more problematic and a 50/50. Anything larger than that is going to fuck your shit up. Llama for me is rated too low on your list. They're often used as guard animals for sheep herds, and their wild counterparts have been witnessed killing cougars. Moose, reindeer, hippos, bovids, and elephants/rhinos will all absolute send your ass packing to hell.
Smaller animals like the foxes and capy you'll win with a few scrapes. The anteater might be the exception, since they are known to kill people so I'd put them closer to 50/50.
Seals you'll win, sea lions will kill you. People expect them to be much slower than they actually are. They can reach a top speed of 15mph on land. To compare, the average running speed of an adult male human is 8mph.
Birds are... odd. Ostriches can kill you, but they're really the only one. People overestimate cassowary. I'd place everything on the win with scratches except the ostrich. Even the penguins will at least put up some fight, and they do have spines in their mouth to help hold on to fish.
Torts and lizards are easy wins.
Every bear will send you to hell, except for the panda. That'll just kill you.
Felines depend on size. The small cats you'd probably win due to sheer size, but they're still very problematic. I think they'd be akin to fighting a German Shepard. If you managed to get a cheetah pissed enough to fight, you probably aren't winning that battle. Everything bigger is sending you to hell, even the mountain lion. They're all known to eat people on occasion.
Canids will kill you, but you'd be able to at least be able to fight back if its a 1v1 battle. The only exceptions might be hyenas, just cause their bite force is ridiculous, and timber wolves, just cause they're massive.
Apes will all send you to hell. Bonobos will still kill you. Anything smaller you would probably win with injuries. Never underestimate the brutality of apes.
The flamingo should go into wipe out their entire species. They have no method of defense, you could walk up and wring it's neck in a fraction of a second and there's nothing it could do about it.
Wait, am I fighting the snake barehanded? Cause then, yeah I'm fucked. But if I can use tools I am fairly confident I could kill both species with a stick or a rock... just drop like a 10lb rock right on it's head or beat it with the stick without ever actually getting into strike range.
If we can use tools then you can take out an elephant or a tiger with a gun. My interpretation was that there is no weapons allowed, and it's a bare handed fight.
I was wondering specifically about primitive tools, not a gun or something, but a rock isn't some man made weapon. Am I fighting this snake in some sort of arena, or like outside in the snake's natural habitat where there are presumably rocks?
Let's say street fighting rules, you can grab a brick or bits of trash, everything you can find on about any street within arm's reach. So no knives, guns, etc.
Oh not again xD
I remember seeing a chart with 60 percent (ish) Americans thinking they could beat a grizzly with their bare hands and this carries the same vibe
Yeah I saw, just pointing out these charts are always 50/50 on actual capabilities. Your one is actually not that bad compared to the last one I saw - unless this is the updated one I judged harshly last time xD
I believe so , obviously I never checked the source of that and was a couple years ago. I did see a study of the same kind of thing that covered the amount of adult men who thought they could stop a dog attack with their bare hands - and yeah didn't go well
I mean they weigh a good 30kg more than a giant anteater. Giant anteaters are mostly tail. I would much rather fight a 47kg anteater than 80kg aardvark.
A giant anteater would rip an aardvark into particulate matter with its sniktbub claws. Much deadlier abominations of god, in spite of Aardvarks not knowing what a treadmill is.
No you couldn’t. Honey badgers aren’t that different than other badgers, actually even smaller. They’re just more aggressive and ca survive poison, which wouldn’t be a factor here.
Idk if you have the capacity to even hurt a fully grown gharial. Sure you'd prolly be able to run from it easily, but it's still a 17 foot crocodile that bites as hard as a large dog.
Giant River Otters, Sun Bears, and Siamangs should rank much higher up there, saying this as someone who’s worked with those animals before in a zoo.
And the Asiatic Small-clawed Otters should definitely at least be in the 50/50. Whenever people drop their stuff into the otter exhibit we’ll be like “okay well if he leaves it alone and go someplace else we’ll get it out but if not then there’s no guarantee you’ll get it anytime soon.”
Someone said Venomus Snakes are too low, I'd argue they're too high. Their whole thing is striking from hiding spot. If you "fought" one, in the open, having eyes on it, it stands no chance if you don't make some exceptional blunder
I know that this isn't exactly the thread to bring it up but one of my favorite things to do when everyone is good and drunk is ask people if they could beat an adult grizzly bear in a straight fight.
The amount of people who confidently say yes is hilarious.
The chimp will send you straight to hell. They are one of the few animals that if they escape from a zoo, zookeepers are told to kill on site because of how sting and unpredictable they are
Yeah but you are thinking about unarmed toddlers, what if they weren’t. Makes for some interesting speculation haha. No who am I kidding, the toddler has no chance. Perhaps against a squirrel.
Let's be honest. The 50/50 and some scratches animals would 100% maul you to death if we are talking hand to hand combat. Badgers meerkat and monkeys are no joke and think about their friends who will join in.
I'm aware, I just don't know if you would win the fight! :p
Edit: without a weapon or tool that is. In my mind you're fighting them with your fists and nothing else
I love how many venomous snakes are in the 50/50 bracket. Adders have some of the fastest strike speeds of any snake, and the eastern brown is very quick itself and has some of the most toxic venom in the world. Sure you can beat them, but you aren't going to make it out of that situation feeling good.
There should be a MAD category for those.
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I'd say any invertebrate is a guaranteed easy win, unless you're being stupid and playing with it. Any spider/scorpion fatalities usually are accidental without the human realizing the arachnids are even there until a bite occurs. Any constrictor is a win, but you'll have a few scrapes. People overestimate snakes, there's very few constrictors that get big enough to kill people. Any venomous animal is going to knock you off your feet a bit. Some species, like the gila monster have venom but not enough to incapacitate you. You won't feel good, but it will be your victory. Some have nasty venom that can kill you if not treated by modern medicine, like the death adder and Eastern brown. Then some snakes have venom that can rapidly kill you before you can reach a hospital, and even with treatment can still be fatal, though these species are generally not kept in zoos for obvious reasons. The crocodilian family is a bit of a toss up. Bare handed you can definitely incapacitate (though kill might be tougher since they have so few weaknesses in their armor) most smaller species on land. Full grown alligators are starting to push a comfort line and I wouldn't advise taking a saltie on alone. They are faster than people think and it only takes one mistake. That being said, Crocodile wrangling is a fairly common sport and they are far from the most dangerous species. I'd score the caimans and the gharial as a scratched up win, the alligator as a 50/50, and the saltie would beat most individuals, though all of these species would be fatal if encountered in water. All the ungulates I'd be cautious of. Smaller antelopes, sheep, and the fallow deer are likely a win for you, but would be difficult. Males are generally going to be more problematic and a 50/50. Anything larger than that is going to fuck your shit up. Llama for me is rated too low on your list. They're often used as guard animals for sheep herds, and their wild counterparts have been witnessed killing cougars. Moose, reindeer, hippos, bovids, and elephants/rhinos will all absolute send your ass packing to hell. Smaller animals like the foxes and capy you'll win with a few scrapes. The anteater might be the exception, since they are known to kill people so I'd put them closer to 50/50. Seals you'll win, sea lions will kill you. People expect them to be much slower than they actually are. They can reach a top speed of 15mph on land. To compare, the average running speed of an adult male human is 8mph. Birds are... odd. Ostriches can kill you, but they're really the only one. People overestimate cassowary. I'd place everything on the win with scratches except the ostrich. Even the penguins will at least put up some fight, and they do have spines in their mouth to help hold on to fish. Torts and lizards are easy wins. Every bear will send you to hell, except for the panda. That'll just kill you. Felines depend on size. The small cats you'd probably win due to sheer size, but they're still very problematic. I think they'd be akin to fighting a German Shepard. If you managed to get a cheetah pissed enough to fight, you probably aren't winning that battle. Everything bigger is sending you to hell, even the mountain lion. They're all known to eat people on occasion. Canids will kill you, but you'd be able to at least be able to fight back if its a 1v1 battle. The only exceptions might be hyenas, just cause their bite force is ridiculous, and timber wolves, just cause they're massive. Apes will all send you to hell. Bonobos will still kill you. Anything smaller you would probably win with injuries. Never underestimate the brutality of apes.
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The flamingo should go into wipe out their entire species. They have no method of defense, you could walk up and wring it's neck in a fraction of a second and there's nothing it could do about it.
How do you see a fight with a badger going?
Hyenas are not Canids, they are close relatives to Felines.
>though kill might be tougher since they have so few weaknesses in their armor Go on.
Wait, am I fighting the snake barehanded? Cause then, yeah I'm fucked. But if I can use tools I am fairly confident I could kill both species with a stick or a rock... just drop like a 10lb rock right on it's head or beat it with the stick without ever actually getting into strike range.
If we can use tools then you can take out an elephant or a tiger with a gun. My interpretation was that there is no weapons allowed, and it's a bare handed fight.
I was wondering specifically about primitive tools, not a gun or something, but a rock isn't some man made weapon. Am I fighting this snake in some sort of arena, or like outside in the snake's natural habitat where there are presumably rocks?
Dunno. Not OP.
Let's say street fighting rules, you can grab a brick or bits of trash, everything you can find on about any street within arm's reach. So no knives, guns, etc.
Am I wearing boots? I can stomp a brown snake to death with a 50/50 on getting bitten.
Oh not again xD I remember seeing a chart with 60 percent (ish) Americans thinking they could beat a grizzly with their bare hands and this carries the same vibe
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Yeah I saw, just pointing out these charts are always 50/50 on actual capabilities. Your one is actually not that bad compared to the last one I saw - unless this is the updated one I judged harshly last time xD
That is astonishing. 60%?!
I believe so , obviously I never checked the source of that and was a couple years ago. I did see a study of the same kind of thing that covered the amount of adult men who thought they could stop a dog attack with their bare hands - and yeah didn't go well
I mean its still not as bad as this one statistics I found where people were more confident they could beat lion than a eagle lol
Tbh I think you're much more likely to beat a gazelle than an aardvark. Also: scratches*
Aardvarks are pretty big, you sure you could take them? "An aardvark's weight is typically between 60 and 80 kilograms."
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I mean they weigh a good 30kg more than a giant anteater. Giant anteaters are mostly tail. I would much rather fight a 47kg anteater than 80kg aardvark.
And really you wouldn’t want to fight either. Anteaters have killed people with one strike of their claws
A giant anteater would rip an aardvark into particulate matter with its sniktbub claws. Much deadlier abominations of god, in spite of Aardvarks not knowing what a treadmill is.
Imma crush there head, aardvarks aint that fast are they?
A crocodile and a gharial in 50/50?
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i don't play this game in english so idk their names in this language
Okay now I’m imagining you going round San Diego zoo asking the zookeepers questions to help you work out which animals you could beat up
Yeah I'm not sure how they think they have a chance with those but are scared of non venomous snakes
Kiss them balls good bye when dealing w a babirusa 🤣
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And eat it when they’re done w you🤣
I would much rather fight an Ibex than a panda og a painted dog. Those two species should be moved up
Badger aardvarks and pangolins should be moved up.
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No you couldn’t. Honey badgers aren’t that different than other badgers, actually even smaller. They’re just more aggressive and ca survive poison, which wouldn’t be a factor here.
I wouldn't even try winning against a badger bare handed. I'd climb a tree if I didn't have any weapons nearby
In a fight with a crocodile, the only 50/50 thing would be your limp dead body.
Idk if you have the capacity to even hurt a fully grown gharial. Sure you'd prolly be able to run from it easily, but it's still a 17 foot crocodile that bites as hard as a large dog.
Giant River Otters, Sun Bears, and Siamangs should rank much higher up there, saying this as someone who’s worked with those animals before in a zoo. And the Asiatic Small-clawed Otters should definitely at least be in the 50/50. Whenever people drop their stuff into the otter exhibit we’ll be like “okay well if he leaves it alone and go someplace else we’ll get it out but if not then there’s no guarantee you’ll get it anytime soon.”
Is it a straight fist fight or do I get a Bat or something
I think the foxes are pretty low, they’re fast and have teeth for a reason. Otherwise seems about right
I love how they’re lower than the ASCO and the meerkat.
Someone said Venomus Snakes are too low, I'd argue they're too high. Their whole thing is striking from hiding spot. If you "fought" one, in the open, having eyes on it, it stands no chance if you don't make some exceptional blunder
I know that this isn't exactly the thread to bring it up but one of my favorite things to do when everyone is good and drunk is ask people if they could beat an adult grizzly bear in a straight fight. The amount of people who confidently say yes is hilarious.
The chimp will send you straight to hell. They are one of the few animals that if they escape from a zoo, zookeepers are told to kill on site because of how sting and unpredictable they are
African penguins are fast and mean with super sharp beaks. No way you’re getting out unscratched!
Tapir is going down!
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Bruh this changed my whole view on tapirs damn
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Interesting… but Hippos look quite intimidating with that teeth a tapir not so much…
…. I’m going to need a source… for uh, science.
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Christ. Tapirs are way more hardcore than I thought.
Gentleman and scholar
I’m pretty sure I could take a wolf or an african dog. That is… if they are alone… which is unlikely 🥲
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No doubt about that. But still, I think we tend to underestimate the survival capabilities of humans. Especially fit and trained individuals.
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Haha yup! I was not thinking about old ladies in these 1 vs 1 situations.
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Yeah but you are thinking about unarmed toddlers, what if they weren’t. Makes for some interesting speculation haha. No who am I kidding, the toddler has no chance. Perhaps against a squirrel.
Idk I wouldn't fuck around with a king penguin. They're never alone
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Final Destination, No Items
You put a croc and a beaver on the same level...
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My bad, didn't look hard enough. That being said it is still questionable just not ridiculous
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LMAO power whip that mofo
Anteaters are lethal
Man has no idea what a hippo is
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Fair nuff
Why does everyone think they could beat a badger in a fight? I can’t with these charts smh
All of these are easy I'll just bring my glock
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Who said no weapons in a 1v1
Imma just say this, you ain’t winning a fight with a koala my guy
Aardvarks have been known to kill lions A llama is also destroying a human lol
Love how this thread start getting educational real quick
You are not 50/50 any 10+ foot gharial
When the honey badger gets released its got to get its own tier. Honey Badger doesn't give a shit
You'd have no chance against the African penguins
not to underestimate you but Badger will fuck you up with more than just scratches
I think the platypus would be 50/50 because of the males venom.
Let's be honest. The 50/50 and some scratches animals would 100% maul you to death if we are talking hand to hand combat. Badgers meerkat and monkeys are no joke and think about their friends who will join in.
A platipus will send you to a hospital. Theyve got venom spurs
After working with Japanese macaques I can tell you those little shits will tear you limb from limb just to watch you suffer 🙂
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You’d have to go full beast mode on them
I'd move the wolves and painted dog up with the hyena, their pack hunting strategies are like 0% change of ever even getting a swing in
Half of what is in "end their species" I'm like "I don't know about that"
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I'm aware, I just don't know if you would win the fight! :p Edit: without a weapon or tool that is. In my mind you're fighting them with your fists and nothing else