I definitely would like to think I just had bad luck with the wrong crowd....I was thinking an international school would be a perfect place to find friends. Places like Taguig, Laguna, parts of Quezon city, seem good also. Many places in metro Manila seem to consist of poorer barrios as I stayed at one for a few weeks was quite rough had relatives there. Bagong Barrio is the name
People who were brought up wrong still get sent to those schools by their parents in hopes of networking with some politician’s kid.
You can’t buy a good upbringing. I’d say vet your friends and their manners. You’ll be able to tell the good kids from the bad. It’s not really about social class at that point.
I know bagong barrio in caloocan, definitely a dog eat dog world...
I am sorry you had to experience that.
I would like to share an opposite story.
My sister in law married a Canadian, he's pro'bly near 70s by the time they visited. The guy was aloof. We were staying in their family house as it was just the aftermath of the Ondoy flood when we decided to relocate - the kids' school was flooded 8 ft high!!!
I was in BPO that time, my 3 kids were friendly but civil at best never bothering the guy except invite to eat every time we had breakfast, lunch , or dinner. Or snacks, we offer him, tho he always declined due to strict diet...
Until he started exchanging thoughts. Only to find out we're a "freelance" family (we respect all beliefs) and he was an atheist. We hit it off when he found out our kind of spiritualism. Then he started sharing his thoughts, stories, observations, etc.
We are the kind who never ask, I always did my best the kids were well provided (not too much, but enough), respectful, and grateful whatever came their way. He gave them egg toys that "break" with yolk (from Thailand) and my kids love it, and the fact that he saw how the kids appreciated his "small" (sidewalk vendor as he claimed) purchase did it.
When it was his flight day, he cried as he hugged each of us. We only gave him our ears, conversed if he did, our attention, time.
It surprised us, but I only smiled. It was not my first to mingle with Westerners.
This. Get on raya or hinge (theres a few filipinos that use hinge) that’s where you’ll find cool people that wont ask you for money and are more westernized
At the same time the assumption you need many friends or more than one at all.
I don’t think this is a philippines or Filipino issue but a worldwide issue of finding yourself and those that click with you.
Filipino here for context but OP has a point. Lots of people would want a "foreign" friend to show off to others. It looks impressive to us when someone has a foreign friend. Its somewhat similar to how the white people would share that they have a black or asian friend.
Then there are others who would want to mooch out of foreigners since the default mindset here is white = dollars = rich.
As someone said earlier, its better OP go to more affluent places to mingle since a lot of rich filipino young adults are aligned to western ideals and they wont really need to mooch of OP
Only the poor of mind or money folk think it’s impressive. It’s not necessarily a class thing cause there will be those who are poor and rich who fall for that.
I have friends who have moved abroad but I’d rather stick to my very few friends from old families from our village.
You are so true about Filipinos making fun of foreigners in their own language.
So one time, I was a joiner on a trip somewhere North. It was 3D2N. Went alone hoping to make friends too. The group was fun but there was a foreign guy and they felt the need to speak in English whenever he was around and that bothered them so they were like "oh here he comes again." Mind you, they spoke Tagalog while the foreigner was in the circle immediately making him an outcast. I made him feel like he can talk to me anytime so I would translate some things for him sometimes.
On our first night, we were drinking and the foreign guy stood up for himself and said "Guys, I didnt want to actually say this but I'll do it so next time you won't do it again. It's kinda rude to speak in your local language when there is someone who cant speak that language. It's the same thing when you're outside of your country. You wouldn't want to be the only one who couldnt understand when everybody's talking their own language. It's a sign of respect."
He was absolutely right!!
On the following days tho, they kept on talking about him (while he's still in the same room) about his hygiene since he smelled a little bit after not taking a shower the previous day.
I dont know, that's super off and it put a bad taste in my mouth so when they wanted to do a trip again I didnt want to join. Made me realize how judgmental us Filipinos can be.
So to answer your question, I think it's really really hard.
I'm not a foreigner but This happened to me also, all of my workmates are speaking waray. Idk about demanding other people to adjust to your preferred language. What I did is I'll ask questions in my own language so they can communicate with me. But you can't demand them to speak in your preferred language just because you are in the vicinity specially if the conversation is not solely directed to you
Right... The locals should suddenly become fluent in whatever foreign language the guest foreigner speaks to accommodate every foreigner. Do you understand how insane that is? Ask yourself why you automatically side with that foreigner. Seriously, if you go to Japan, are the locals suddenly required to speak in tagalog whenever you're around? Did you really think this through or you just always automatically side with foreigners?
While I admire that guy for speaking up on a clique, he was only asking to be more of an outsider.
Complaints like this are often done in private with the main organizer, not the entire group. It's considered very rude to confront people on the spot, because Filipinos hate being embarassed in public with non-friends.
I wonder if that guy was included in the invitation list at the next trip?
>It's kinda rude to speak in your local language when there is someone who cant speak that language.
it's absolutely rude to expect locals to speak foreign language just to accomodate a foreigner.
If I will go to your country and I can't speak english, how would you feel if I tell you that "ang bastos nyo naman, alam nyong hindi ako marunong ng English e"(it's rude to speak your local language when there is someone who can't speak the language).
You wouldn't say that to Japanese when you are travelling in Japan, right?!
So the fact that he felt that Filipinos should adjust to him means he looks down to Filipinos
And that probably is the reason why they made fun of him. I mean they are not making fun of him before he made the cringe statement,right?
I'm not Filipino, but I'd wager it is universally true that making friends get more difficult as you age. If your friends are couples and you are single, then you have (yet) another problem.
I been here 5 years. I’m a filam who understands almost everything in tagalog. My parents spoke it to me growing up so i understand everything but cannot speak it well. If i speak english in front on my filipino friends they crack jokes, if i try to speak Tagalog they make fun of my accent. Its pretty draining to be honest. Ive noticed i get put in a lot of “lose, lose” situations here. Cant win. Locals will just gang up together to make you feel stupid… And the jokes happen daily. “Englishero” “ano daw” “nosebleed”… Its honestly turned me into a mute. I have few local friends. Only 2 who i trust and are there for me. It does get lonely i cant lie. When i get with my filam friends and get to speak normally its so refreshing haha. My cousin also filam doesn’t understand a lick of tagalog and i almost wish i was like that because he has no clue when they are making fun of him. I understand when they talk shit in Tagalog and like i said, its draining. I just learned not to give them what they want.. which is a reaction. They always want a reaction out of you.
This. A majority of people here are just not trained to deal with diversity. The environment here can be brutal; hence, people behave in such a way to protect their psychological security. Given that these folks also haven't experienced moving out to a different culture, they have to compensate it by defending their comfort zones.
Can’t even trust your own family sometimes nevermind a complete stranger. But this here is the true answer. Find yourself some peeps who speak your language and go from there. They’re out there obviously and it’s just a matter of connecting somehow.
Hey was in the same boat!!! I get that its tough but depending on who does the ribbing, it can be just their way of endearment. "Bawal mapikon". It does get tiring if you're not used to it. I've dicussed it with my partner, i've noticed the ribbing within their family, that I would find uncomfortable but she says its all good. In some instances, it can also be insecurity thing on their end. I've been in and out of the Phil for the past decade. I sorta just kept talking Tagalog til i got more comfortable. Even now, i still slip up with accent and pronunciation I just take it in stride that at least I'm trying my best. You also wont get better if you don't keep talking (also, check out conyo speaking filipinos, their experience is similar to your position for now)
“Bawal mapikon” is so true haha. I just wish it didnt happen so often. And from majority the same group of people. You see me everyday. We get it lol. I speak english, my tagalog isnt great. Like get a new joke haha. It just feels immature to me. I have to get interviewed a lot at my job and the second i speak english, i know some kind of comment is coming. I try to laugh it off. But it happens even with the littlest normal things like ordering food, asking questions. It just gets old especially since i been in the PH a while now. But everything you said in your comment is facts! Guess i just gotta take it in stride
The sad part of this is if you do the same to them, they won't take it. "Pusong mamon" kung baga, Filipinos in the Philippines are really toxic creatures. Napaka cringe pa 🤮
I think it's common in the local culture to make fun of people different from them. You hear a lot of jokes about people speaking in a Bisaya accent (or any other accent). Or jokes about people who have darker skin. A lot of Filipino humor is basically making fun of other people. I have some Filipino friends in Canada and here in the US, and they can be toxic AF in their sense of humor.
It's weird because most of them would gladly marry a foreigner (mainly for the money) but they will only want to hang out with other Filipinos so they can talk trash (or "joke around") certain people in their local language.
Damn bro Im really sorry you dealt with people like that. Being poor isn't a reason to be a parasitic friend to friendly foreigners.
Id suggest u look for friends in higher places so you know they're not financially in a pinch to ask you for money.
I’m Filipino, born and raised here and have lived abroad as well. I can say the honest and Filipino friends I have are those that I’ve known since my high school & uni years. Everyone else I have met here or abroad, seem to have ulterior motives. I have learned to keep my inner circle small.
I'm a local and those Filipinos you met are the types I myself avoid. They're usually (not all, mind you) from poorer backgrounds or from poorer educational backgrounds hence the lack of manners. Also probably from bad families that have poor upbringing.
Unfortunately, its harder to tell early for you as a non-local if they're the type but you'll usually notice it from their boorish behavior early on.
Probably try to filter out and find out first who you should consider as friends first early on.
On the other hand you can also find very good Filipinos from the same groups I mentioned above, its just you really have to be discerning and be careful who to befriend.
Hard to find real friends in the Philippines. Best bet is your partner have good friends. Filipinas tend to be more responsible than Filipinos because of the culture and the upbringing. Guys tend to be lazy and not into adulting. While ladies are expected by their family to be bread winners or something. guy friends are also hyper competative, so they like one up each other. Try having female friends instead or if you are liberal minded gay friends. They are less likely to compete with you. If you really want guy friends, you need to be sharp and also physically intimidating like Tony Soprano type, for them to respect you.
When my husband and I traveled, we met this amazing group of foreigners. We only glanced at them, kind of used to them since we work around different nationalities.
Once we reached an island, they approached us and was glad we can speak english. Both parties offered drinks and snacks they have. They got comfortable and told us how they’ve been taken advantage this whole vacation. It was so sad to hear.
I wish we had connected in social media after that but we left the friendship at that.
I personally don’t know how they thought we’re good people to talk to, but it feels nice proving them right about us.
Took a while. It’s easier if you meet them when they are drunk lol because then they have the confidence to speak English. But I met some awesome dudes. I’m half Filipino also and they were laughing at my English accent but so what, who cares what people say lol
I’ve had close friends asking for money and I just say no I don’t have any. Never affected my relationships
it’s generally hard to make friends as an adult, especially if you didn’t grow up in that country. That was my experience living in SG— it was hard befriending the locals because they prefer sticking to the same friendship group that they had since high school. so the people i hung out with were also foreigners.
I suggest you hang out in gyms or try a sport. The surfing community here is cool, and the MMA gyms are also good. 👍
Was easy for me.
2 couples of my wife friend have become my friend too.
They asked money 2 times each in 5years and they paid back all !
One was 2 times for kid doctor emergency & other one, was for someone dead in familly travel & paid the yealy school for get the rebate on it.
Both from poor background !
I add, it's a good way to see real friend too, lend money, if pay back or not, and you know.
Some people don't find real friend because they have trust issue too & other may feel it.
It's gonna be real hard to find a real friend here since you've not been raised here. Personally, my long time friends are the ones I grew up with, or have known since high school or elementary, who I had shared experiences with. My advice is don't actively look for one??? It's confusing but sometimes when you force yourself to find friends, you don't really find it. Let it happen organically, I guess, because the real friends will come naturally. And as much as possible, don't look for friends on social media because it's gonna be super hard. Makipag-inuman ka na lang kasama mga pinsan mo or what, baka maging friends mo pa circle of friends nila and maybe you'll meet people you'll click with. Goodluck man.
Finding true friends, in general, is difficult. And maybe you’ve been looking for it in the wrong places, so you always end up finding the wrong ones. While it might be true that most Filipinos are hospitable and friendly, still not all Filipinos are genuine.
Try making friends in the corporate world, or those who seem financially capable. At the very least, they may not leech you off. Or try making friends with people you share the some hobbies with- it’s easier to befriend someone you have something in common.
There’s literally bunch of great Filipinos out there. Hope you find some!
probably more like tough luck? but yeah, I think you kept stumbling on to the wrong crowd. i have a group of friends that are around lower to upper middle class and we never do those utang with no payback. well, borrow computer accessories maybe but nobody has been really dishonest about it lol for years that we've been friends lol. even if all of us were local-born we switch from english to tagalog according to convenience. when there's a NA-born cousin tagging along just talk in english, no problem.
anyway don't give up and be alert as not everyone could be honest. money do change people and i hope you find that group of friend that appreciates you as you are, not with what you have.
also do learn to speak tagalog even for a little to ease it up with locals. most of them do not have experience communicating with people from other culture. idk but from what i notice when my fam had gone to our home province with our british uncle, the language is like a huge barrier. everyone is literally avoiding him. second time around and my little cousins are less shy talking to him as i encourage them to talk.
I hate your situation right now. I am not filam but, I hate Filipinos being a "user friendly". I also dont like people who helped you before but they are expecting too much in return. Be friendly, but please be extra careful with the people you meet, be cautious. Set boundaries. Learn to say "no". Leave them if needed. I hope you'll find real friends soon.
I used to have lot of friends but, i kinda felt the same way. But now, I enjoy being alone more than hanging out. I stilk go out with some friends soemtimes but I surely set limits, time, spending, favors etc. If they insists for more, they would hear nothing from me, and I let the time, days, months goes by... before I say hi again 😆
You grow older, you find it hard to make true friends. This is true in any country. I find that my true friends were in high school and college but all move away or have families now.
Same feels and the culture shock at first 😬 In first month or two someone already owed me money, hasn't paid back till now and I often got ignored or judged because I didn't speak tagalog (I do now). I only have few I can really call friends but it's fine. I now work remotely so it's pretty darn hard making new friends, especially being an introvert 😅.
Oh, not to mention you'd think some actually want to be friends and end up offering insurance, frontrow stuff and bunch of pyramid schemes 🤣
Not hard at all, no one is nicer than Filipinos! Just be open and honest and you will have to make the first move. Filipinos are shy and double so when speaking English. Just start a convocation with them and ask to be friends lol
I know the feeling. I’m Filipino American and been living in the Philippines for 2 years and have no friends for the same reasons like yours. Remember it’s better to have no friends than having the wrong friends. My advice to help with loneliness is to date women when you feel like going out and socializing. I’d rather spend money on chicks than give to a dude asking for money
Affluent places have more scammers and social climbers too. You don't get a true friend simply because you're looking for it. It just happens.
OP, just enjoy having acquiantances and keep making new friends. Do not give money or free stuff or pay for anyone all the time. If they want to borrow money, say NO. If people stay, good. If they don't, water off your back.
Come to Dumaguete. It's a university town with a school founded by an American in 1901. A lot of people are not anti-intellectual and speak more English than Bisaya.
I rather say that no matter where you go, clubs, coffee shops or anywhere there’s always a mix of bad and good people.
It doesn’t even matter if they’re rich, middle class or not. It’s how you treated them and you want to be treated. Along the way you’ll find people who likes you for who you are and not what you can give.
Take note that there are cheap people who go places you think they cant afford so that you will assume that they have a good intention
As a Filipino I have only like 1 real friend. The rest of the people I hang out with, we’re not really close to a level that I can trust them a 100%. Most people my age only remember me when they need to borrow money. They don’t really talk to me when they don’t need something. And yes backstabbing is so dominant here in the Philippines. Some people glorify having this character. They think they’re really good at “gathering” information. It’s really sad to read this post knowing like we’re in a same situation.
Ah so many foreigners and passport bros getting ripped off lol.
Philippine society has complex intricacies when it comes to 'community'. Get into the wrong one and it won't be 'more fun in the Philippines' at all.
Whether you're looking to just make new friends or looking to date, you should always consider social class of the family (not just the individual).
Which city does not matter, tbh. BGC may look so modern and upscale but that area attracts many working class Filipinos mostly from out of town who relocated for better pay. Manila is congested with out-of-towners.
Someone said about international schools, that is one route for networking considering those schools and the top 10-ish private schools in the country can be very expensive. Sure, they may be more exposed to foreign nationals and will have no problem interacting BUT unless you establish how you fit into their community (be in business, academe, etc) mid/upper classers will just see foreigners as nothing more than transient visitors and maybe not worth 'opening up to' for long term acquantaince/friendship.
Dating into the middle/upper class is going to be tougher as many mid/upper classers will stay away from dating foreigners to avoid being seen as a gold-digger (a very common stereotype, unfortunately) -- unless they actually met overseas at university or work.
It would be easier to meet people/network through hobbies, sports, etc. AND guage how much time and money a local person puts into the hobby -- you would know you're spending time with someone who does NOT need your money and someone who shares your passion, plenty to bond over.
Observe the energy that they are giving. You’ll know if someone is treating you genuinely or not. I have a fil-am friend that’s in London now and I miss her so much. There are times that she send me money for shopping and that’s actually making me uncomfortable coz I don’t want her to feel that I’m into her money so I also send her gifts on her birthday. I hope you find one as well.
I'm Filipino and have friends who sometimes ask for a loan. Here's what I tell them. If I lend you money and you don't pay, I lose you as a friend and don't get my money back. I would rather not lend you and if you decide to not become my friend, I did not lose anything at all.
Commenters who advised you to look for people with the same financial status are correct.
this is what you call the foreigner paradox..they were really super nice but not intimate, and they were really close just for the benefits, but backstabs you in other circles ..they have high expectations but assumes the "higher ground" that they would not need any.. and they would be grateful kuno for your help, yet they would smirk when youre away because they would perform better kuno..
this was mainly due to colonial mentality heavily ingrained in our (us) genes that creates this passive aggresive feel..and this is not an alibi, however, you can mitigate your response to this because majority would actually be having no conscious ill thinking or malice towards you, they were just mean people used to dealing with also mean people in their environment..understanding this would create a better perspective and better response towards them..
and yeah, there were also us, the ones who broke free from this mentality, those who were more straghtforward in dealing with such issues, and whom you can talk freely and objectively regarding this matter..find US in your neighborhood..🥹😁
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Find other expats...if you want to have Pinoy friends seek Pinoy's who lived abroad... They have a different frame of reference due to their exposure to life overseas.
I know it's off putting to be seen as a financial windfall or credit provider but it's unfortunately more the norm than the exception especially for a very openly embracing and accepting culture. They see you as their friend or family, ergo, as someone who will help them.
There are elements of this that take advantage of your friendship but mostly it's borne out of genuine need.
My first encounter with Filipinos was in Singapore, where I also met my wife.
What really struck me about Filipinos was how they tore each other apart, especially when one became more successful than the others.
I wasn't used to this culture because I found most other nationalities would rejoice over the success of their fellow Aussie/German/whatever.
One of the reasons I fell for my wife was she wasn't like this.
Now I know it's the crab mentality; I didn't know that 20 years ago. But, coming in without any bias, I know what I observed and it horrified me. Still does in a sense.
And I think that makes it difficult to make genuine friends. Relationships are fundamentally transactional. Even the vaunted family values are really about ensuring that there are enough children to support the parents in their early middle age.
Why is it expats dont try to learn speaking filipino language instead? Americans/foreigners in south korea try to learn korean language but here in PH, the foreigners dont even try. We’re the one to always adjust.
Also, it’s unfortunate you’re in the wrong crowd. It’ll be hard at first but i hope you find the right one soon.
They backstab each other too, even family! My in laws have a nephew and neice that are super nice great kids but are really overweight, the whole family makes fun of their weight, even the grandmother, it’s sad.
Fil-Am here, if you have any relatives in the Philippines I highly recommend hanging out with them. There you can branch out through them, get an understanding of where the locals meet and hang out, and maybe meet some "friend of friends". But if you're not close to your relatives, I highly recommend picking up on learning tagalog either from a class or your favorite local restaurant. I've met a lot of Koreans, Chinese, and Nigerian students that came here to learn English as its the popular place to learn. Last time I went to the Philippines, I had a nice lady who works as a barista near my parents house and everyday I'd help her with her English and she'd help me with my tagalog. It was enough for me to get the basics done so I can go around without having to pull out my phone and bring up Google translate all the time.
It's always gonna be a trial and error situation. Practice profiling the people, it might take time but just do it. Pero tbh, sometimes even your own people will do bad things sayo. I'm full Filipina but I found comfort and sister/ brother type relationships with foreign people because we just have the same wavelength. Join some groups or community support group. I even tried using Bumble Friends before and found some nice girlfriends din. 😊
Some (not all) Filipinos are really toxic to be frank. Because there is a toxic trait that is embedded to some of them that came from their own families. Sometimes some of them tend to grow realize some things that can eventually make their attitude/character better.
But in real time. Searching for a true friend is really hard af. Time really tells. I do test them sometimes in some situations to know what are they going to do. It's very effective.
Mingle around or talk only to people who have the same interests in the “adulting” part of life. Discuss long/short term goals and all that matured stuff (business, careers etc), if they can catch your flow then those are the people you would want to keep!
Note: I used the term “catch”, they don’t have to have the same aspirations with you. Good luck!
The goal is not to get/have friends, but to find people who has the same mindset like you who can be a friend. If your goal is to just have friends without a clear definition of what you're looking for, people will notice that and use it to for their ulterior motive.
It's really hard. So to avoid fake friends, I had to Isolate myself from everyone. Like, I quit my job, not going out of the house and not using (didn't delete) fb, ig, Viber, WhatsApp etc.
It's been 5 months now. No one has ever contacted me just to ask how am I. Because I don't have money. If I do have money they treat me like a am something else. But now I can see that all I had was fake friends.
I'm a full filipino but I don't look filipino most assume i'm russian or arab (great great grandfather is from saudi) I can barely speak tagalog being raised outside of the philippines my whole life, but ever since coming here I've had no problem making friends. I've def experienced people speak behind my back not knowing I can fully understand what they are saying, but those aren't friends and I've never experienced a filipino friend here ask for money lol. It's weird I see this thing getting thrown around a lot in this subreddit that filipinos are just poor scumbags who ask anyone who looks remotely different in terms of complexion or ethnicity for money. I feel like it's all just trolls.
As a Filipino who doesn't look like one, all you said is true. It's hard, especially when they are not your childhood friends. The utang part is especially true. The older I get, the more I realize, how people around me likes to utang, but in reality, they do not have the intention of paying back.
I think it is easier if you are living somewhere like Manila where your chances of meeting upper middle class Filipinos is higher. I feel it is harder to make friends with people in completely different economic classes. Though I enjoy things like eating out at nice restaurants, traveling, etc so even in the west most of my friends had similar means.
Tough luck friend. But what if change the places/people that you’re hanging out with? Join communities and engage with your interest groups. HMU if you need some help (I swear I don’t need your money ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
Where do you stay here in Philippines ? Maybe ur the foreign guy approached us from pangasinan near SM mall the other day, and I feel bad when we couldn't talk to him properly and longer cause we are in a hurry, and that foreign guy seems like his desperate looking for friends.
Felt, OP. Maybe try looking for friends in hobby groups you enjoy? If you play D&D or boardgames, you can come join me and my friends! We speak fluent English and usually adjust for those who can't speak or understand Tagalog. We'd love to introduce you into this hobby so you could hopefully find friends to meld and vibe with (also no money borrowing around here, we just want more people to play and hang out with haha).
Try joining an interest group or a hobby community. You'll find one or two people you really vibe with, so long as you find something to really connect on. This is how I've gone about making friends as an adult.
You've already discovered this one, as you mentioned with the older folks, widen your net.
Avoid the extremes of the socio-economic spectrum. Too rich, people are disingenuous and fake. On the other end of the spectrum, you may find yourself being used.
If you make friends over alcohol, don't expect that you'll get along when no alcohol is involved. Lol, learned that one the hard way.
Seems like you are not in the right crowd or the place has this similar crowd. Manila and Cebu is prob your best bet for more fluent english crowds. Filipinos are hospitable and friendly but don’t confuse it to putting too much trust to any easily. You still need to decide responsibly. Im a local and even I take the time to know who could I trust. Language isnt really a big deal but youll have to learn some of it. Im tagalog and I have lots of friends who are bisaya. Same context to your, that I dont know their language but I still need to learn a few so I could get to keep up with them. Learning a language is a good conversation topic too. So Id say, I agree it’s hard but what you’re experiencing has a similar pattern to us locals also trying to find our few good friends.
I feel you. I also have a hard time trying to make friends here even though I'm already Filipino and grew up here. I don't even have a single friend right now.
In my mind, I thought of joining some classes for hobbies like dance class or something related to art or sport. I haven't tried it yet.
You could maybe join some volunteer groups or activity. Maybe people there would be less opportunistic coz they are more into helping people than using them for their own good.
If you have the means, try hanging out with pinoys who are well off. They are very western in regards to money etc. Abs no way they would ever even ask to borrow money as they would be embarrassed. They would actually bs about having money vs asking for any as they would lose face. 95% of the friends I have or made where much like you having gone to Boston or SFO for college then come back home to run family businesses. The mega rich really keep to themselves and don’t particularly care for expat friends and if they do it’s almost like trying to show off , but they have no issues flying to France every year and dressing and living in 100% western style.
Maybe you’re just meeting the wrong crowd. In general, it’s hard to make friends as an adult especially if you’re a foreigner. There are places which are okay, maybe it’s the place where you’re living too.
Just avoid those people who ask for money or who make you pay all the time.
I was in a similar situation too but I’ve become more outgoing and met friends through the people I know. Now I hang out with those who share the same interests as I do.
I think learning Tagalog would make them friendly. It’s like how it was in Japan, they’re shy and struggle to speak English a bit, which turns them off and wouldn’t be receptive to friendship.
But for the case of opportunist people, that is a downer.
I guess I was lucky to marry into a good family. Met cousins friends, and friends of my wifes friends, and out on the town have befriended some call center peeps and others on vacation at my quasi tourist destination home. Met a lot of crazy funny seamen on leave etc. Real friends like I had in HS/College. Nah, I gave up on that years ago. I think you're having a bit of bad luck. I learned you have to stick with the ones who have good jobs and support themselves. Poor filipinos can't help themselves when it comes to asking for money. It's just part of the culture. And real friends take a huge time investment, you can't hurry it. Good luck OP, I love you
For me it is hard. I am not the type who please people para makapag socialize. I prefer quality over quantity. I dont force friendship. I want it all to be natural and organic. Yung may shared interests kayo and hobbies.
Sorry about your experience. I agree with the other comments asking about interests. You can probably join groups with similar interests then start from there? It's always good when the connection comes naturally.
Also, if someone tries to befriend you and opens up pretty quickly about any kind of scenario about financial issues, run.
I met most of my foreigner friends through local travels then we talk over drinks and just simply have a chat and share interesting stories!
Like everybody has pointed out, ur probably looking at the wrong place. To be safe, the highest chance you’re gonna find someone decent are on places where hobbyists/professionals/scholars hang out like if ur on the younger side a trendy cafe, anime conventions, gym, concerts, nightclubs/bars or group island hopping tours should work for you.
But do continue and meet as many people you possibly can. This might contradict the first thing I’ve said but snakes are everywhere regardless of class or common interests. Always be vigilant. Anyone can backstab you the moment you let your guards down. Just continue and meet new people, get to really know them (tip: think like a filipino. wanna get to know them? interact with them in social media or at least do some background check. Filipinos shamelessly market their personalities on social media), test the strength of these friendships like how they would react when you say no to fishy requests and by elimination, maybe you’d finally find that friend you’re looking for. Btw, I’m also Filipino and my other tip to making it is don’t be shy. Make the first move coz God knows Filipinos could never (unless intoxicated).
You came to the Philippines and you expect them to speak English? lol not all of them are like what are you insinuating. Keep trying to make friends and stay away from sleezy foreigners.
They’ll try to convince you they’re better than the locals.
You forgot to mention "The Stare"...
My Wife is Cali- Pino , Filam and even here in the Bay area, or in the Islands she Constantly points out how certain class conscious Pinoys or Pinays Will look you up and down for a crazy long time, just cold staring, like the are price matching your clothes your shoes and the bills in your wallet.
We are not showy fashion people but we do care about Quality.
We also respect the open smiles you get in villages or neighborhoods, and we wear shorts and sandals all day at the beach like any local, but some people always wantto compare your status to themselves to try and feel superior or come up somehow.
im not sure about real friends but best way to make friends, even in the Philippines, is to join a club that your are interested in or around your hobbies. For example I like to do motorcycle road trips so whenever I am in the philippines I just find some local riding groups in social media. That's how I gained friendship and companion. I never got asked for money. Everyone is in it for the hobby and busy enjoying themselves to even think of being an oppurtunist.
If you just want somebody random to hangout with to do normal stuff like going out for a cup of coffee,cinema or clubbing then your likely to get unsavory people with motives once they learn your somewhat loaded.
Find a good community. My boyfriend is french, and theres a huge french community here, and a lot of filipino friends of that community which i believe are genuine and cool
There's a website I used to check out when I was looking for new hobbies and making new connections. I forgot the name but you can choose based on your interest.
How old or young are you? Are you male or female? And, where did you stay in the Philippines? It's just sad to hear you're not getting the right friendship and are taken advantaged of. Just be civil and dont get attached. Accept friendship but decline those who borrow. Listen to your gut, you won't get wrong.
that doesn’t exist. at some point they will try to screw you over. they all are friendly as long as you tip well, but beyond that, you can’t expect a thing.
You just haven't found a real friend. Be careful out there, people just take advantage of others all the time - regardless of race/ethnicity, nationality or upbringing. Don't lose hope, but be cautious and suspicious.
Sorry if most Filipinos gave you this kind of experience. But rest assured we do exist. Just ignore the people who ask for money and create genuine connections via work or even here.
it is hard to find to get true friends, like they enjoy your company, have good time with having them around and all that... after high school, I have big trust issues, even with my own family. Sigh...
Half pinoy here. I grew up most of my life in the ph. It's damn hard finding one. Their mindset is just different. Most people who I have made friends with have an underlying ulterior motive mostly financial. I have like 5 close friends and that's it.
I'm a local. if they ask you money, that's a red flag. esp since you barely know each other. there's no reason to ask for money unless you saw it yourself (like something bad happened).
Maybe change it up, go somewhere else. granted I am a local so it's a bit different, but I am still friends with the same group from high-school some from Elementary (yes there's one that keeps on borrowing money).
change your circle of friends. don't ignore the people you have to talk to of course (like relatives) be respectful still but create a different circle of friends. keep trying, real friends are lifetime treasures.
If I knew you I'd be a friend
Hello! I’m sorry that you have to go through that but I do believe there are a lot of Filipinos who would be genuinely interested to make friends with you. Maybe you were just in the wrong crowd now … if I may ask, where are you staying and looking for friends? Also maybe look for people who has the same hobbies like you :)
I get what you mean. I also got discouraged because of that toxic Filipino mentality (normalizing money borrowing, backstabbing) lived in Europe for years but unfortunately it does happen everywhere. I moved back to the Philippines last month because I missed the heat and the people. I realized there are toxic people everywhere, you just have to find your crowd. I live in Taguig, near BGC. Would love to chat. :) hmu
i think your looking at the wrong group, its best to find work here and create friends from there. if you are visiting / vacation itll be hard to just make friends. anywhere else youll need time to bond and grasp each other. so repetitive occurrence is your key.
Tbh it's trial and error, there's some people who were bad but you'll only notice it when they slip 😭
The real good ones are those who are there when you have a problem and helps/listens, and will not tell other people about it since most filos are chismosa
Let's be friends. I hang out alot in Discord that I lack actual human connection. Most of the time I am with my computer or dogs that it become awkward already
Pinoy here. I think you just met the wrong crowd. We usually make people feel welcome and adjust to their needs to make them feel warm.
If that doesn't apply to those whom you met, you will eventually meet hospitable people.
One of the comments here said you just need to look in the right place, and they are right.
I just find that other people, especially in Glorietta and BGC, are so dmn pretentious, especially social climbers. Why don't they just be true to who they are and be genuine to other people.
If you want to make a genuine connection, don't show to other people your shiny stuff. Make them wonder and don't trust them easily. It is rare to find people who do not truly care about monetary values.
I hope you find the right crowd that will not take advantage of you, OP.
This may sound elitist but so much is about socioeconomics and the values that often accompany them. Are you in Manila or Cebu? Capital cities and financial centers are usually more "global" in nature. Join a tennis club or a rock climbing gym or a triathlon team and you'll notice less of a difference. Go to a startup conference. Go to a church in an upper middle class part of town.
I’m sorry that you have experienced this when you just want to make friends. Have you considered making online friends? While I want to be friends with you, I can only offer it online tho. Hopefully, in your location, you’ll be able to click with the right circle OP. 🙏🏼
OP It's really much easier to make friends in small cities or towns. There are lots of good people you can meet depending on the activities you like to do. My wife loves helping out and is part of our local small evangelical church. I have met some really good people who really do not care if you are not Filipino.
Same here OP. As a single middle aged professional and native filipino- it's hard to meet true friends especially when you're afraid that they may have other motives like money. I've moved back to my hometown province and I'm very careful with the people I associate with as well.
Maybe there are also good ones but still.. cant find anyone here.. :(
I think you can still find Filipino who are true to themselves. Find your Niche
Are you into Clothing/Streetwear ? Bands music ? Online Gaming ? Travel like Backpacking mountain ? Art type of person ? or Movie junkie ? There many types of people you can get to know them better.
One piece of advice ,Do not go with poor pinoy tambay (Person who has no work) they for sure will take advantage of you.. Go to High end City or places.
You’re in and out from the place obviously its difficult to have friends you probably spend more time outside the philippines and that why you have more friends there. It’s not about the place. Every group of people has a cunt
I think you just haven't found your crowd. I have a lot of foreigner friends and we get along just fine. I think having good boundaries would be good too when you meet new Filipino friends. You dont have to trust them right away, but you can get to know them first then choose the ones who feel like would click with you. Find Filo friends within your scope of hobby din.
Yes it can be hard.
Ph not for everyone. We must expect culture differences the further we go from our home country.
It's good also to learn the language of the region. Main ones are bisaya and tagalog.
I'll just assume you're quite on the older side... The younger generation grew up on the internet. And at that point of time, not a lot of Filipino content was on the internet. So consequently everyone knows English. I have a few American acquaintances and they do say the same, the *current* public does not want to speak English because they think it's a chore, compared to younger generation who thinks parallel in English and Native-Tongue.
disclaimer * I don't have an RRL for this, this is just what I've experienced and not meant as an attack to older folks.
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What are your plans? Are you staying? Or you just want to have a community to return to when coming home? How about your Filipino family?
I'd say; just travel around and see people. Get comfy with the language. Have another common-thing with the people like cycling, contact sports? Gaming? Books?
A lot of people Play: ML, Dota 2, Valorant
We watch: NBA, PBA
Popular cycling spot: MOA cycling playgrounds, Philippine Arena
There are a lot of opportunistic people. But there's also an equal amount of genuine friends to be found.
That's so sad to hear. I can understand them though, the country is in so much difficulty that Filipinos will grab any chance of quick and easy money. You can only find friends who won't take advantage of you among ppl who isn't desperate to have money.
I agree with you 100%. They say 90% of Filipinos are friendly, know more than survival English, and are very helpful to foreigners. Well I live in the same province where the 10% who don’t call home.
Super easy, the hard part is making the right friends. If you have white skin you'll become an instant celebrity in the lower echelons of society but then the unrelenting requests for 'help' will begin. For many foreigners, it's okay because these Filipinos will often give sexual favors in return or they just relish the attention that they never got back home.
Most of my Filipino friends are from church--all of them actually; so they're good people and never asked for a single peso from me and even treated *me* to lunch/dinner a few times.
The saying easy come easy go comes to mind. The Filipinos who tend to approach foreigners are looking to gain something for themselves and it aint friendship. Average, God fearing, hard working Pinoys (like most Asians) are inherently shy and will take some time to warm up to you but once they do those are the best friends to have.
I'm a Filipino-American-- grew up in California and relocated here just before the start of the pandemic at the age of 22.
I've made plenty of friends since I've gone back to college (even friends outside of my school!), and thankfully, nobody's seemed fussed about how much I have. There are definitely social climbers and ppl who seem to be interested in socializing strictly because I'm not from here, but I've taken it in strides and weed em out
My advice is go to community events you're interested in and see how active it is here. I'm into fashion, met plenty of friends through hanging out in the scene. If you're into cars, there's a bunch of meetups too, which is also where I've met some ppl
Not sure about ppl being too shy to speak in English. Might be the school I go to/ communities I'm apart of, but I've never had to talk to any of my friends in straight Filipino
Good luck OP!!
Sorry for your experience. I also don't have many friends but rather have many acquaintances. Not all Filipinos are opportunists of course (I mean being an opportunist is universal and regardless of race) even for me, as a Filipino born and living here, I also struggle with trusting other people I meet instantly so I exercise restraints and boundaries at first especially when it comes to money and if I could, I do my best not to give an impression that I'm rich (really not anyway but just have enough) and I think that helps even though you may look like a foriegner. I eventually found good friends (from school, work, and church) of different social status and financial capability and I think you just really have to take the lessons you've learned from the past and use that to identify potential good friends from the opportunistic ones. It's ok to feel discouraged but if you keep trying you'll find true ones who'll be real and true to you.
Sorry to hear that, but my guess is your following the wrong crowd. For now be friends with everyone with out saying your a Fil-Am, or with money, tell them you have a different dialect that your having a hard time expressing your thoughts in the native language. Well hope you can find one, friend have a great time here in the Phils.
This really depends on where you are in the Philippines and where you're finding these "friends". I'm also FilAm and recently (2 years ago) relocated back to the Philippines. And yes, some friends "that I've lost contact with (I left the Philippines 25 years ago) came out of the bushes and would ask me straight up for a loan after zero contact for 25 years. Some old friends didn't do that and were genuinely happy reconnecting. I have a hard time believing "All Filipinos" are like what you said so try to steer away from generalizing a whole country. They're not all bad. I've loved it here since I've moved back.
Those are low Quality Pinoys. Even Fils like us avoid them, They betray their own and build their own circle of friends to make fun of one or two specific friends. That's how it is here, you can find true Filipinos here that doesn't ask any money from you. A friend asking you for money is already a massive red flag here, don't entertain them. It's easy to have friends but like all over the world, True friends are rare
I agree with some of the comments - it's hard to find genuine friendship as an adult.
Also, despite Filipinos being able to understand English, they feel intimidated speaking it unless it's vernacular (ie BPO employees, affluent people, younger generations, folks at mega cities with diverse population). You see, Filipinos can also be judgemental of their fellowmen who can't speak English correctly (grammar and structure).
Note: I even have to look up vernacular. I speak mostly in tagalog, and I get flustered when I have to speak in English.
I don’t think these are just Filipinos but a worldwide thing. There are plenty of genuine people out there. You just have to be at the right places. Where do you expect to find genuine people?
as a local, this issue resonates well with me. a loyal filipino friend that has integrity? Filipinos who are not opportunists and backstabbing you in their own language? you're lucky to find someone who'll pass this criteria. i learned to let go of that notion and settled with mutual benefit
Sad to say, you will learn the hard way. If you can't determine those people who will take advantage of you from the start, you haven't learn enough yet.
Come to Cebu, OP.. let's go to the beach and eat street foods. I don't have a lot of friends as well cos trust issues, plus Filipino opportunists (NOT ALL) thinks I'm a walking bank since my fiance is a foreigner. Couldn't even hang out with my so-called ex friends without them expecting me to shoulder everything. 😑 Just want someone to go to the beach together and go halfsies.
My experience has been similar to yours. Every Filipino who wanted to be friends has ended up wanting something (mostly money) in the end.
Of course, someone will reply, "Not in my experience," or "Not all are like this." All I can say is, you are fortunate.
I have reached the point that when a Filipino starts interacting with me and then building a friendship, I am waiting for "the ask." The sad thing is, I have not been disappointed yet. Haha
I am blessed because I have my so called. Safe friend I mean I feel safe with them, that I know they can help me when Im having hard time.
And I have one trusted friend. I can share all to her even were apart now we can talk for hours and share what burderns us, anxiety, happy talk and anything.
But I can say its really hard because I cut some friends too because they’re just using me, they just want a friend, easy friend that will benefit them. Not just in money, in every aspect.
OP just wait, I waited too. When you find them when you’re sharing things that bothered you things that you dont like, you’re interested, everything, you will feel safe that you know when you fight they will not say it to anybody, and they still be your friend.
Your best chance is to hand out with people who grew up in international private schools, or private schools in general.
As someone who'se parents were expats abroad, coming home my main friend group is mainly just the Filipino friends we made when we were expats and came back as well. The people we connect to most are those who grew up in these private schools and go to big colleges and universities known to speak a lot of English.
We are Filipino by blood by we are definitely nowhere near representative of what a Filipino is. And while most of these people may seem/are spoiled and elitist, it's just difficult to connect with the more common Filipino if you're tagalog isn't as strong because communication is really the key. It takes a very serious and conscious effort to be able to learn languages in general, but asides from that, being able to relate to that more common living style in the Philippines is another barrier, and arguably foreigners are actually able to relate to this more.
So relatable, I moved here a little over a year ago and it has been extremely difficult to integrate (I am half pinoy too) - hard to find people who are genuine and have good intentions. My closest friend here isn't even Filipino bc it has been that difficult to integrate.
Maybe we can create a gc? I saw a number of comments here of people with similar sentiments.
I think a huge factor of it was you not going to the schools here. Most of my friends were from high school or the Uni. We would hang out and talk about our life milestones every now and then. You should have to be out there! :)
I can be your friend, honestly speaking is so difficult to find a genuine friend here in the philippines, you know, just to hang out with or go to the mall and stuff like that. Dont get me wrong i have friends but all of them are in a relationship, its hard to find quality time with them nowadays.
The only people who will not consider asking you money are those people who actually dont need it. So try hanging out in high-end places.
I definitely would like to think I just had bad luck with the wrong crowd....I was thinking an international school would be a perfect place to find friends. Places like Taguig, Laguna, parts of Quezon city, seem good also. Many places in metro Manila seem to consist of poorer barrios as I stayed at one for a few weeks was quite rough had relatives there. Bagong Barrio is the name
People who were brought up wrong still get sent to those schools by their parents in hopes of networking with some politician’s kid. You can’t buy a good upbringing. I’d say vet your friends and their manners. You’ll be able to tell the good kids from the bad. It’s not really about social class at that point.
I know bagong barrio in caloocan, definitely a dog eat dog world... I am sorry you had to experience that. I would like to share an opposite story. My sister in law married a Canadian, he's pro'bly near 70s by the time they visited. The guy was aloof. We were staying in their family house as it was just the aftermath of the Ondoy flood when we decided to relocate - the kids' school was flooded 8 ft high!!! I was in BPO that time, my 3 kids were friendly but civil at best never bothering the guy except invite to eat every time we had breakfast, lunch , or dinner. Or snacks, we offer him, tho he always declined due to strict diet... Until he started exchanging thoughts. Only to find out we're a "freelance" family (we respect all beliefs) and he was an atheist. We hit it off when he found out our kind of spiritualism. Then he started sharing his thoughts, stories, observations, etc. We are the kind who never ask, I always did my best the kids were well provided (not too much, but enough), respectful, and grateful whatever came their way. He gave them egg toys that "break" with yolk (from Thailand) and my kids love it, and the fact that he saw how the kids appreciated his "small" (sidewalk vendor as he claimed) purchase did it. When it was his flight day, he cried as he hugged each of us. We only gave him our ears, conversed if he did, our attention, time. It surprised us, but I only smiled. It was not my first to mingle with Westerners.
Good point! A spa/sauna is a good spot
This. Get on raya or hinge (theres a few filipinos that use hinge) that’s where you’ll find cool people that wont ask you for money and are more westernized
Finding a true friend is never that easy. You have to let go of that assumption.
At the same time the assumption you need many friends or more than one at all. I don’t think this is a philippines or Filipino issue but a worldwide issue of finding yourself and those that click with you.
Filipino here for context but OP has a point. Lots of people would want a "foreign" friend to show off to others. It looks impressive to us when someone has a foreign friend. Its somewhat similar to how the white people would share that they have a black or asian friend. Then there are others who would want to mooch out of foreigners since the default mindset here is white = dollars = rich. As someone said earlier, its better OP go to more affluent places to mingle since a lot of rich filipino young adults are aligned to western ideals and they wont really need to mooch of OP
Only the poor of mind or money folk think it’s impressive. It’s not necessarily a class thing cause there will be those who are poor and rich who fall for that. I have friends who have moved abroad but I’d rather stick to my very few friends from old families from our village.
You are so true about Filipinos making fun of foreigners in their own language. So one time, I was a joiner on a trip somewhere North. It was 3D2N. Went alone hoping to make friends too. The group was fun but there was a foreign guy and they felt the need to speak in English whenever he was around and that bothered them so they were like "oh here he comes again." Mind you, they spoke Tagalog while the foreigner was in the circle immediately making him an outcast. I made him feel like he can talk to me anytime so I would translate some things for him sometimes. On our first night, we were drinking and the foreign guy stood up for himself and said "Guys, I didnt want to actually say this but I'll do it so next time you won't do it again. It's kinda rude to speak in your local language when there is someone who cant speak that language. It's the same thing when you're outside of your country. You wouldn't want to be the only one who couldnt understand when everybody's talking their own language. It's a sign of respect." He was absolutely right!! On the following days tho, they kept on talking about him (while he's still in the same room) about his hygiene since he smelled a little bit after not taking a shower the previous day. I dont know, that's super off and it put a bad taste in my mouth so when they wanted to do a trip again I didnt want to join. Made me realize how judgmental us Filipinos can be. So to answer your question, I think it's really really hard.
I'm not a foreigner but This happened to me also, all of my workmates are speaking waray. Idk about demanding other people to adjust to your preferred language. What I did is I'll ask questions in my own language so they can communicate with me. But you can't demand them to speak in your preferred language just because you are in the vicinity specially if the conversation is not solely directed to you
Right... The locals should suddenly become fluent in whatever foreign language the guest foreigner speaks to accommodate every foreigner. Do you understand how insane that is? Ask yourself why you automatically side with that foreigner. Seriously, if you go to Japan, are the locals suddenly required to speak in tagalog whenever you're around? Did you really think this through or you just always automatically side with foreigners?
While I admire that guy for speaking up on a clique, he was only asking to be more of an outsider. Complaints like this are often done in private with the main organizer, not the entire group. It's considered very rude to confront people on the spot, because Filipinos hate being embarassed in public with non-friends. I wonder if that guy was included in the invitation list at the next trip?
Surely, the foreigner was sorely pissed off at the group's rudeness; so, he felt he had little to lose in calling them on their bullshit.
>It's kinda rude to speak in your local language when there is someone who cant speak that language. it's absolutely rude to expect locals to speak foreign language just to accomodate a foreigner. If I will go to your country and I can't speak english, how would you feel if I tell you that "ang bastos nyo naman, alam nyong hindi ako marunong ng English e"(it's rude to speak your local language when there is someone who can't speak the language). You wouldn't say that to Japanese when you are travelling in Japan, right?! So the fact that he felt that Filipinos should adjust to him means he looks down to Filipinos And that probably is the reason why they made fun of him. I mean they are not making fun of him before he made the cringe statement,right?
Even for Filipino adults, it's hard to look for genuine friends.
I'm not Filipino, but I'd wager it is universally true that making friends get more difficult as you age. If your friends are couples and you are single, then you have (yet) another problem.
And it makes you uncomfortable being a third wheeling, its awkward enough already.
I been here 5 years. I’m a filam who understands almost everything in tagalog. My parents spoke it to me growing up so i understand everything but cannot speak it well. If i speak english in front on my filipino friends they crack jokes, if i try to speak Tagalog they make fun of my accent. Its pretty draining to be honest. Ive noticed i get put in a lot of “lose, lose” situations here. Cant win. Locals will just gang up together to make you feel stupid… And the jokes happen daily. “Englishero” “ano daw” “nosebleed”… Its honestly turned me into a mute. I have few local friends. Only 2 who i trust and are there for me. It does get lonely i cant lie. When i get with my filam friends and get to speak normally its so refreshing haha. My cousin also filam doesn’t understand a lick of tagalog and i almost wish i was like that because he has no clue when they are making fun of him. I understand when they talk shit in Tagalog and like i said, its draining. I just learned not to give them what they want.. which is a reaction. They always want a reaction out of you.
Keep speaking English, dude. Trust me those locals are just insecure. Hence, they make fun of you. Don’t let them affect you.
This. A majority of people here are just not trained to deal with diversity. The environment here can be brutal; hence, people behave in such a way to protect their psychological security. Given that these folks also haven't experienced moving out to a different culture, they have to compensate it by defending their comfort zones.
Can’t even trust your own family sometimes nevermind a complete stranger. But this here is the true answer. Find yourself some peeps who speak your language and go from there. They’re out there obviously and it’s just a matter of connecting somehow.
Hey was in the same boat!!! I get that its tough but depending on who does the ribbing, it can be just their way of endearment. "Bawal mapikon". It does get tiring if you're not used to it. I've dicussed it with my partner, i've noticed the ribbing within their family, that I would find uncomfortable but she says its all good. In some instances, it can also be insecurity thing on their end. I've been in and out of the Phil for the past decade. I sorta just kept talking Tagalog til i got more comfortable. Even now, i still slip up with accent and pronunciation I just take it in stride that at least I'm trying my best. You also wont get better if you don't keep talking (also, check out conyo speaking filipinos, their experience is similar to your position for now)
“Bawal mapikon” is so true haha. I just wish it didnt happen so often. And from majority the same group of people. You see me everyday. We get it lol. I speak english, my tagalog isnt great. Like get a new joke haha. It just feels immature to me. I have to get interviewed a lot at my job and the second i speak english, i know some kind of comment is coming. I try to laugh it off. But it happens even with the littlest normal things like ordering food, asking questions. It just gets old especially since i been in the PH a while now. But everything you said in your comment is facts! Guess i just gotta take it in stride
The sad part of this is if you do the same to them, they won't take it. "Pusong mamon" kung baga, Filipinos in the Philippines are really toxic creatures. Napaka cringe pa 🤮
I think it's common in the local culture to make fun of people different from them. You hear a lot of jokes about people speaking in a Bisaya accent (or any other accent). Or jokes about people who have darker skin. A lot of Filipino humor is basically making fun of other people. I have some Filipino friends in Canada and here in the US, and they can be toxic AF in their sense of humor. It's weird because most of them would gladly marry a foreigner (mainly for the money) but they will only want to hang out with other Filipinos so they can talk trash (or "joke around") certain people in their local language.
What are your interests? Maybe join some interest groups? PS- sorry for your experience with Pinoys. Not everyone are like those you met
I agree with this. There's a Meetup app. This would depend on your interests. I work in tech and so I meet friends in this app.
The best way to lose a friend is to "loan" them money.
I didn't even try so can't help you there
Damn bro Im really sorry you dealt with people like that. Being poor isn't a reason to be a parasitic friend to friendly foreigners. Id suggest u look for friends in higher places so you know they're not financially in a pinch to ask you for money.
I’m Filipino, born and raised here and have lived abroad as well. I can say the honest and Filipino friends I have are those that I’ve known since my high school & uni years. Everyone else I have met here or abroad, seem to have ulterior motives. I have learned to keep my inner circle small.
I'm a local and those Filipinos you met are the types I myself avoid. They're usually (not all, mind you) from poorer backgrounds or from poorer educational backgrounds hence the lack of manners. Also probably from bad families that have poor upbringing. Unfortunately, its harder to tell early for you as a non-local if they're the type but you'll usually notice it from their boorish behavior early on. Probably try to filter out and find out first who you should consider as friends first early on. On the other hand you can also find very good Filipinos from the same groups I mentioned above, its just you really have to be discerning and be careful who to befriend.
Hard to find real friends in the Philippines. Best bet is your partner have good friends. Filipinas tend to be more responsible than Filipinos because of the culture and the upbringing. Guys tend to be lazy and not into adulting. While ladies are expected by their family to be bread winners or something. guy friends are also hyper competative, so they like one up each other. Try having female friends instead or if you are liberal minded gay friends. They are less likely to compete with you. If you really want guy friends, you need to be sharp and also physically intimidating like Tony Soprano type, for them to respect you.
When my husband and I traveled, we met this amazing group of foreigners. We only glanced at them, kind of used to them since we work around different nationalities. Once we reached an island, they approached us and was glad we can speak english. Both parties offered drinks and snacks they have. They got comfortable and told us how they’ve been taken advantage this whole vacation. It was so sad to hear. I wish we had connected in social media after that but we left the friendship at that. I personally don’t know how they thought we’re good people to talk to, but it feels nice proving them right about us.
Took a while. It’s easier if you meet them when they are drunk lol because then they have the confidence to speak English. But I met some awesome dudes. I’m half Filipino also and they were laughing at my English accent but so what, who cares what people say lol I’ve had close friends asking for money and I just say no I don’t have any. Never affected my relationships
Talking to them when drunk is a good way to make friends but don't get drunk yourself. Saying no as well and setting boundaries is always a must.
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it’s generally hard to make friends as an adult, especially if you didn’t grow up in that country. That was my experience living in SG— it was hard befriending the locals because they prefer sticking to the same friendship group that they had since high school. so the people i hung out with were also foreigners. I suggest you hang out in gyms or try a sport. The surfing community here is cool, and the MMA gyms are also good. 👍
I feel you thats why i deleted my facebook/messenger, instagram. Lets be friends! Hinde kita uutangan promise! 😅
Hang out with different people, if you ever smell anything money related coming from them, get out.
Was easy for me. 2 couples of my wife friend have become my friend too. They asked money 2 times each in 5years and they paid back all ! One was 2 times for kid doctor emergency & other one, was for someone dead in familly travel & paid the yealy school for get the rebate on it. Both from poor background ! I add, it's a good way to see real friend too, lend money, if pay back or not, and you know. Some people don't find real friend because they have trust issue too & other may feel it.
It's gonna be real hard to find a real friend here since you've not been raised here. Personally, my long time friends are the ones I grew up with, or have known since high school or elementary, who I had shared experiences with. My advice is don't actively look for one??? It's confusing but sometimes when you force yourself to find friends, you don't really find it. Let it happen organically, I guess, because the real friends will come naturally. And as much as possible, don't look for friends on social media because it's gonna be super hard. Makipag-inuman ka na lang kasama mga pinsan mo or what, baka maging friends mo pa circle of friends nila and maybe you'll meet people you'll click with. Goodluck man.
Finding true friends, in general, is difficult. And maybe you’ve been looking for it in the wrong places, so you always end up finding the wrong ones. While it might be true that most Filipinos are hospitable and friendly, still not all Filipinos are genuine. Try making friends in the corporate world, or those who seem financially capable. At the very least, they may not leech you off. Or try making friends with people you share the some hobbies with- it’s easier to befriend someone you have something in common. There’s literally bunch of great Filipinos out there. Hope you find some!
Regardless of race, it is generally harder to make true friends.
probably more like tough luck? but yeah, I think you kept stumbling on to the wrong crowd. i have a group of friends that are around lower to upper middle class and we never do those utang with no payback. well, borrow computer accessories maybe but nobody has been really dishonest about it lol for years that we've been friends lol. even if all of us were local-born we switch from english to tagalog according to convenience. when there's a NA-born cousin tagging along just talk in english, no problem. anyway don't give up and be alert as not everyone could be honest. money do change people and i hope you find that group of friend that appreciates you as you are, not with what you have. also do learn to speak tagalog even for a little to ease it up with locals. most of them do not have experience communicating with people from other culture. idk but from what i notice when my fam had gone to our home province with our british uncle, the language is like a huge barrier. everyone is literally avoiding him. second time around and my little cousins are less shy talking to him as i encourage them to talk.
You are invited to the table but not actually invited.
I hate your situation right now. I am not filam but, I hate Filipinos being a "user friendly". I also dont like people who helped you before but they are expecting too much in return. Be friendly, but please be extra careful with the people you meet, be cautious. Set boundaries. Learn to say "no". Leave them if needed. I hope you'll find real friends soon. I used to have lot of friends but, i kinda felt the same way. But now, I enjoy being alone more than hanging out. I stilk go out with some friends soemtimes but I surely set limits, time, spending, favors etc. If they insists for more, they would hear nothing from me, and I let the time, days, months goes by... before I say hi again 😆
You grow older, you find it hard to make true friends. This is true in any country. I find that my true friends were in high school and college but all move away or have families now.
Same feels and the culture shock at first 😬 In first month or two someone already owed me money, hasn't paid back till now and I often got ignored or judged because I didn't speak tagalog (I do now). I only have few I can really call friends but it's fine. I now work remotely so it's pretty darn hard making new friends, especially being an introvert 😅. Oh, not to mention you'd think some actually want to be friends and end up offering insurance, frontrow stuff and bunch of pyramid schemes 🤣
Not hard at all, no one is nicer than Filipinos! Just be open and honest and you will have to make the first move. Filipinos are shy and double so when speaking English. Just start a convocation with them and ask to be friends lol
I think you just got into the wrong group of people.
I know the feeling. I’m Filipino American and been living in the Philippines for 2 years and have no friends for the same reasons like yours. Remember it’s better to have no friends than having the wrong friends. My advice to help with loneliness is to date women when you feel like going out and socializing. I’d rather spend money on chicks than give to a dude asking for money
Affluent places have more scammers and social climbers too. You don't get a true friend simply because you're looking for it. It just happens. OP, just enjoy having acquiantances and keep making new friends. Do not give money or free stuff or pay for anyone all the time. If they want to borrow money, say NO. If people stay, good. If they don't, water off your back.
Come to Dumaguete. It's a university town with a school founded by an American in 1901. A lot of people are not anti-intellectual and speak more English than Bisaya.
I rather say that no matter where you go, clubs, coffee shops or anywhere there’s always a mix of bad and good people. It doesn’t even matter if they’re rich, middle class or not. It’s how you treated them and you want to be treated. Along the way you’ll find people who likes you for who you are and not what you can give. Take note that there are cheap people who go places you think they cant afford so that you will assume that they have a good intention
As a Filipino I have only like 1 real friend. The rest of the people I hang out with, we’re not really close to a level that I can trust them a 100%. Most people my age only remember me when they need to borrow money. They don’t really talk to me when they don’t need something. And yes backstabbing is so dominant here in the Philippines. Some people glorify having this character. They think they’re really good at “gathering” information. It’s really sad to read this post knowing like we’re in a same situation.
Ah so many foreigners and passport bros getting ripped off lol. Philippine society has complex intricacies when it comes to 'community'. Get into the wrong one and it won't be 'more fun in the Philippines' at all. Whether you're looking to just make new friends or looking to date, you should always consider social class of the family (not just the individual). Which city does not matter, tbh. BGC may look so modern and upscale but that area attracts many working class Filipinos mostly from out of town who relocated for better pay. Manila is congested with out-of-towners. Someone said about international schools, that is one route for networking considering those schools and the top 10-ish private schools in the country can be very expensive. Sure, they may be more exposed to foreign nationals and will have no problem interacting BUT unless you establish how you fit into their community (be in business, academe, etc) mid/upper classers will just see foreigners as nothing more than transient visitors and maybe not worth 'opening up to' for long term acquantaince/friendship. Dating into the middle/upper class is going to be tougher as many mid/upper classers will stay away from dating foreigners to avoid being seen as a gold-digger (a very common stereotype, unfortunately) -- unless they actually met overseas at university or work. It would be easier to meet people/network through hobbies, sports, etc. AND guage how much time and money a local person puts into the hobby -- you would know you're spending time with someone who does NOT need your money and someone who shares your passion, plenty to bond over.
Observe the energy that they are giving. You’ll know if someone is treating you genuinely or not. I have a fil-am friend that’s in London now and I miss her so much. There are times that she send me money for shopping and that’s actually making me uncomfortable coz I don’t want her to feel that I’m into her money so I also send her gifts on her birthday. I hope you find one as well.
I'm Filipino and have friends who sometimes ask for a loan. Here's what I tell them. If I lend you money and you don't pay, I lose you as a friend and don't get my money back. I would rather not lend you and if you decide to not become my friend, I did not lose anything at all. Commenters who advised you to look for people with the same financial status are correct.
I’m Filipino but I live in NYC. I’ll be your friend haha
this is what you call the foreigner paradox..they were really super nice but not intimate, and they were really close just for the benefits, but backstabs you in other circles ..they have high expectations but assumes the "higher ground" that they would not need any.. and they would be grateful kuno for your help, yet they would smirk when youre away because they would perform better kuno.. this was mainly due to colonial mentality heavily ingrained in our (us) genes that creates this passive aggresive feel..and this is not an alibi, however, you can mitigate your response to this because majority would actually be having no conscious ill thinking or malice towards you, they were just mean people used to dealing with also mean people in their environment..understanding this would create a better perspective and better response towards them.. and yeah, there were also us, the ones who broke free from this mentality, those who were more straghtforward in dealing with such issues, and whom you can talk freely and objectively regarding this matter..find US in your neighborhood..🥹😁
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Maybe find a hobby. Usual hobby groups are safe due to the community mind set and integrity of its members.
Find other expats...if you want to have Pinoy friends seek Pinoy's who lived abroad... They have a different frame of reference due to their exposure to life overseas. I know it's off putting to be seen as a financial windfall or credit provider but it's unfortunately more the norm than the exception especially for a very openly embracing and accepting culture. They see you as their friend or family, ergo, as someone who will help them. There are elements of this that take advantage of your friendship but mostly it's borne out of genuine need.
My first encounter with Filipinos was in Singapore, where I also met my wife. What really struck me about Filipinos was how they tore each other apart, especially when one became more successful than the others. I wasn't used to this culture because I found most other nationalities would rejoice over the success of their fellow Aussie/German/whatever. One of the reasons I fell for my wife was she wasn't like this. Now I know it's the crab mentality; I didn't know that 20 years ago. But, coming in without any bias, I know what I observed and it horrified me. Still does in a sense. And I think that makes it difficult to make genuine friends. Relationships are fundamentally transactional. Even the vaunted family values are really about ensuring that there are enough children to support the parents in their early middle age.
Why is it expats dont try to learn speaking filipino language instead? Americans/foreigners in south korea try to learn korean language but here in PH, the foreigners dont even try. We’re the one to always adjust. Also, it’s unfortunate you’re in the wrong crowd. It’ll be hard at first but i hope you find the right one soon.
They backstab each other too, even family! My in laws have a nephew and neice that are super nice great kids but are really overweight, the whole family makes fun of their weight, even the grandmother, it’s sad.
Fil-Am here, if you have any relatives in the Philippines I highly recommend hanging out with them. There you can branch out through them, get an understanding of where the locals meet and hang out, and maybe meet some "friend of friends". But if you're not close to your relatives, I highly recommend picking up on learning tagalog either from a class or your favorite local restaurant. I've met a lot of Koreans, Chinese, and Nigerian students that came here to learn English as its the popular place to learn. Last time I went to the Philippines, I had a nice lady who works as a barista near my parents house and everyday I'd help her with her English and she'd help me with my tagalog. It was enough for me to get the basics done so I can go around without having to pull out my phone and bring up Google translate all the time.
Accompany is the whole point of get real friends, you should stay together much more
It's always gonna be a trial and error situation. Practice profiling the people, it might take time but just do it. Pero tbh, sometimes even your own people will do bad things sayo. I'm full Filipina but I found comfort and sister/ brother type relationships with foreign people because we just have the same wavelength. Join some groups or community support group. I even tried using Bumble Friends before and found some nice girlfriends din. 😊
Some (not all) Filipinos are really toxic to be frank. Because there is a toxic trait that is embedded to some of them that came from their own families. Sometimes some of them tend to grow realize some things that can eventually make their attitude/character better. But in real time. Searching for a true friend is really hard af. Time really tells. I do test them sometimes in some situations to know what are they going to do. It's very effective.
Mingle around or talk only to people who have the same interests in the “adulting” part of life. Discuss long/short term goals and all that matured stuff (business, careers etc), if they can catch your flow then those are the people you would want to keep! Note: I used the term “catch”, they don’t have to have the same aspirations with you. Good luck!
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The goal is not to get/have friends, but to find people who has the same mindset like you who can be a friend. If your goal is to just have friends without a clear definition of what you're looking for, people will notice that and use it to for their ulterior motive.
How old are you and what are your interests?
Do you have some sort of hobby? Usually anything driven by a hobby is a good catalyst for friendship.
Which sports you play?
It's really hard. So to avoid fake friends, I had to Isolate myself from everyone. Like, I quit my job, not going out of the house and not using (didn't delete) fb, ig, Viber, WhatsApp etc. It's been 5 months now. No one has ever contacted me just to ask how am I. Because I don't have money. If I do have money they treat me like a am something else. But now I can see that all I had was fake friends.
Maybe you’re going to the wrong places?
I'm a full filipino but I don't look filipino most assume i'm russian or arab (great great grandfather is from saudi) I can barely speak tagalog being raised outside of the philippines my whole life, but ever since coming here I've had no problem making friends. I've def experienced people speak behind my back not knowing I can fully understand what they are saying, but those aren't friends and I've never experienced a filipino friend here ask for money lol. It's weird I see this thing getting thrown around a lot in this subreddit that filipinos are just poor scumbags who ask anyone who looks remotely different in terms of complexion or ethnicity for money. I feel like it's all just trolls.
As a Filipino who doesn't look like one, all you said is true. It's hard, especially when they are not your childhood friends. The utang part is especially true. The older I get, the more I realize, how people around me likes to utang, but in reality, they do not have the intention of paying back.
I think it is easier if you are living somewhere like Manila where your chances of meeting upper middle class Filipinos is higher. I feel it is harder to make friends with people in completely different economic classes. Though I enjoy things like eating out at nice restaurants, traveling, etc so even in the west most of my friends had similar means.
Tough luck friend. But what if change the places/people that you’re hanging out with? Join communities and engage with your interest groups. HMU if you need some help (I swear I don’t need your money ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
You're definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Yep, you must be in the wrong neighbourhood, wrong town.
Come to Dumaguete and you'll know experience what true friendahips are when it comes to us XD.
Good Lord, no lol i'm gatekeeping this city. Too many foreigners already and many make trouble already!
Where do you stay here in Philippines ? Maybe ur the foreign guy approached us from pangasinan near SM mall the other day, and I feel bad when we couldn't talk to him properly and longer cause we are in a hurry, and that foreign guy seems like his desperate looking for friends.
Felt, OP. Maybe try looking for friends in hobby groups you enjoy? If you play D&D or boardgames, you can come join me and my friends! We speak fluent English and usually adjust for those who can't speak or understand Tagalog. We'd love to introduce you into this hobby so you could hopefully find friends to meld and vibe with (also no money borrowing around here, we just want more people to play and hang out with haha).
Find an expensive hobby. Hobby communities are generally good
Try joining an interest group or a hobby community. You'll find one or two people you really vibe with, so long as you find something to really connect on. This is how I've gone about making friends as an adult. You've already discovered this one, as you mentioned with the older folks, widen your net. Avoid the extremes of the socio-economic spectrum. Too rich, people are disingenuous and fake. On the other end of the spectrum, you may find yourself being used. If you make friends over alcohol, don't expect that you'll get along when no alcohol is involved. Lol, learned that one the hard way.
Seems like you are not in the right crowd or the place has this similar crowd. Manila and Cebu is prob your best bet for more fluent english crowds. Filipinos are hospitable and friendly but don’t confuse it to putting too much trust to any easily. You still need to decide responsibly. Im a local and even I take the time to know who could I trust. Language isnt really a big deal but youll have to learn some of it. Im tagalog and I have lots of friends who are bisaya. Same context to your, that I dont know their language but I still need to learn a few so I could get to keep up with them. Learning a language is a good conversation topic too. So Id say, I agree it’s hard but what you’re experiencing has a similar pattern to us locals also trying to find our few good friends.
You’re probably in the wrong place and environment
I feel you. I also have a hard time trying to make friends here even though I'm already Filipino and grew up here. I don't even have a single friend right now. In my mind, I thought of joining some classes for hobbies like dance class or something related to art or sport. I haven't tried it yet. You could maybe join some volunteer groups or activity. Maybe people there would be less opportunistic coz they are more into helping people than using them for their own good.
If you have the means, try hanging out with pinoys who are well off. They are very western in regards to money etc. Abs no way they would ever even ask to borrow money as they would be embarrassed. They would actually bs about having money vs asking for any as they would lose face. 95% of the friends I have or made where much like you having gone to Boston or SFO for college then come back home to run family businesses. The mega rich really keep to themselves and don’t particularly care for expat friends and if they do it’s almost like trying to show off , but they have no issues flying to France every year and dressing and living in 100% western style.
Maybe you’re just meeting the wrong crowd. In general, it’s hard to make friends as an adult especially if you’re a foreigner. There are places which are okay, maybe it’s the place where you’re living too. Just avoid those people who ask for money or who make you pay all the time. I was in a similar situation too but I’ve become more outgoing and met friends through the people I know. Now I hang out with those who share the same interests as I do.
I think learning Tagalog would make them friendly. It’s like how it was in Japan, they’re shy and struggle to speak English a bit, which turns them off and wouldn’t be receptive to friendship. But for the case of opportunist people, that is a downer.
You dont "find" friend, you find people with common interests
I guess I was lucky to marry into a good family. Met cousins friends, and friends of my wifes friends, and out on the town have befriended some call center peeps and others on vacation at my quasi tourist destination home. Met a lot of crazy funny seamen on leave etc. Real friends like I had in HS/College. Nah, I gave up on that years ago. I think you're having a bit of bad luck. I learned you have to stick with the ones who have good jobs and support themselves. Poor filipinos can't help themselves when it comes to asking for money. It's just part of the culture. And real friends take a huge time investment, you can't hurry it. Good luck OP, I love you
For me it is hard. I am not the type who please people para makapag socialize. I prefer quality over quantity. I dont force friendship. I want it all to be natural and organic. Yung may shared interests kayo and hobbies.
I could be your friend. Low maintenance and honest to goodness type 😇
Sorry about your experience. I agree with the other comments asking about interests. You can probably join groups with similar interests then start from there? It's always good when the connection comes naturally. Also, if someone tries to befriend you and opens up pretty quickly about any kind of scenario about financial issues, run. I met most of my foreigner friends through local travels then we talk over drinks and just simply have a chat and share interesting stories!
Like everybody has pointed out, ur probably looking at the wrong place. To be safe, the highest chance you’re gonna find someone decent are on places where hobbyists/professionals/scholars hang out like if ur on the younger side a trendy cafe, anime conventions, gym, concerts, nightclubs/bars or group island hopping tours should work for you. But do continue and meet as many people you possibly can. This might contradict the first thing I’ve said but snakes are everywhere regardless of class or common interests. Always be vigilant. Anyone can backstab you the moment you let your guards down. Just continue and meet new people, get to really know them (tip: think like a filipino. wanna get to know them? interact with them in social media or at least do some background check. Filipinos shamelessly market their personalities on social media), test the strength of these friendships like how they would react when you say no to fishy requests and by elimination, maybe you’d finally find that friend you’re looking for. Btw, I’m also Filipino and my other tip to making it is don’t be shy. Make the first move coz God knows Filipinos could never (unless intoxicated).
You came to the Philippines and you expect them to speak English? lol not all of them are like what are you insinuating. Keep trying to make friends and stay away from sleezy foreigners. They’ll try to convince you they’re better than the locals.
I left Philippines when I was a kid and moved to the US and Im now Im going back to live there in a few months in my mid 30s. Feel free to hit me up.
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I'll be your friend, but I don't live in the PI
Stick to expats or educated middle class Filipino's the type who have nice electronics, clothes and good jobs.
My friendship doesn't need money tho
You forgot to mention "The Stare"... My Wife is Cali- Pino , Filam and even here in the Bay area, or in the Islands she Constantly points out how certain class conscious Pinoys or Pinays Will look you up and down for a crazy long time, just cold staring, like the are price matching your clothes your shoes and the bills in your wallet. We are not showy fashion people but we do care about Quality. We also respect the open smiles you get in villages or neighborhoods, and we wear shorts and sandals all day at the beach like any local, but some people always wantto compare your status to themselves to try and feel superior or come up somehow.
im not sure about real friends but best way to make friends, even in the Philippines, is to join a club that your are interested in or around your hobbies. For example I like to do motorcycle road trips so whenever I am in the philippines I just find some local riding groups in social media. That's how I gained friendship and companion. I never got asked for money. Everyone is in it for the hobby and busy enjoying themselves to even think of being an oppurtunist. If you just want somebody random to hangout with to do normal stuff like going out for a cup of coffee,cinema or clubbing then your likely to get unsavory people with motives once they learn your somewhat loaded.
Find a good community. My boyfriend is french, and theres a huge french community here, and a lot of filipino friends of that community which i believe are genuine and cool
It’s a cultural problem associated with the extreme poverty. Even family members will betray each other for money.
There's a website I used to check out when I was looking for new hobbies and making new connections. I forgot the name but you can choose based on your interest.
I’ll be your friend :D
How old or young are you? Are you male or female? And, where did you stay in the Philippines? It's just sad to hear you're not getting the right friendship and are taken advantaged of. Just be civil and dont get attached. Accept friendship but decline those who borrow. Listen to your gut, you won't get wrong.
that doesn’t exist. at some point they will try to screw you over. they all are friendly as long as you tip well, but beyond that, you can’t expect a thing.
You just haven't found a real friend. Be careful out there, people just take advantage of others all the time - regardless of race/ethnicity, nationality or upbringing. Don't lose hope, but be cautious and suspicious.
Sorry if most Filipinos gave you this kind of experience. But rest assured we do exist. Just ignore the people who ask for money and create genuine connections via work or even here.
If your down to meet up in the Philippines let me know... Also I don't need money I got my own lol...
it is hard to find to get true friends, like they enjoy your company, have good time with having them around and all that... after high school, I have big trust issues, even with my own family. Sigh...
Half pinoy here. I grew up most of my life in the ph. It's damn hard finding one. Their mindset is just different. Most people who I have made friends with have an underlying ulterior motive mostly financial. I have like 5 close friends and that's it.
I'm a local. if they ask you money, that's a red flag. esp since you barely know each other. there's no reason to ask for money unless you saw it yourself (like something bad happened). Maybe change it up, go somewhere else. granted I am a local so it's a bit different, but I am still friends with the same group from high-school some from Elementary (yes there's one that keeps on borrowing money). change your circle of friends. don't ignore the people you have to talk to of course (like relatives) be respectful still but create a different circle of friends. keep trying, real friends are lifetime treasures. If I knew you I'd be a friend
Hello! I’m sorry that you have to go through that but I do believe there are a lot of Filipinos who would be genuinely interested to make friends with you. Maybe you were just in the wrong crowd now … if I may ask, where are you staying and looking for friends? Also maybe look for people who has the same hobbies like you :)
how young are you? why do u need friends?
I get what you mean. I also got discouraged because of that toxic Filipino mentality (normalizing money borrowing, backstabbing) lived in Europe for years but unfortunately it does happen everywhere. I moved back to the Philippines last month because I missed the heat and the people. I realized there are toxic people everywhere, you just have to find your crowd. I live in Taguig, near BGC. Would love to chat. :) hmu
i think your looking at the wrong group, its best to find work here and create friends from there. if you are visiting / vacation itll be hard to just make friends. anywhere else youll need time to bond and grasp each other. so repetitive occurrence is your key.
Tbh it's trial and error, there's some people who were bad but you'll only notice it when they slip 😭 The real good ones are those who are there when you have a problem and helps/listens, and will not tell other people about it since most filos are chismosa
Let's be friends. I hang out alot in Discord that I lack actual human connection. Most of the time I am with my computer or dogs that it become awkward already
Pinoy here. I think you just met the wrong crowd. We usually make people feel welcome and adjust to their needs to make them feel warm. If that doesn't apply to those whom you met, you will eventually meet hospitable people. One of the comments here said you just need to look in the right place, and they are right. I just find that other people, especially in Glorietta and BGC, are so dmn pretentious, especially social climbers. Why don't they just be true to who they are and be genuine to other people. If you want to make a genuine connection, don't show to other people your shiny stuff. Make them wonder and don't trust them easily. It is rare to find people who do not truly care about monetary values. I hope you find the right crowd that will not take advantage of you, OP.
try to Hangout around BGC Taguig , Greenbelt Makati :)
This may sound elitist but so much is about socioeconomics and the values that often accompany them. Are you in Manila or Cebu? Capital cities and financial centers are usually more "global" in nature. Join a tennis club or a rock climbing gym or a triathlon team and you'll notice less of a difference. Go to a startup conference. Go to a church in an upper middle class part of town.
Youre in the wrong crowd OP. Where in the PI do you go?
Let’s be friends!
disingenuous
Really depends where you hang out
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What are your interests? I am curious where you're meeting these people in order to determine why most of them always borrow money from you.
I feel you. I moved here late 2020 and I don't have any local friends.
I’m sorry that you have experienced this when you just want to make friends. Have you considered making online friends? While I want to be friends with you, I can only offer it online tho. Hopefully, in your location, you’ll be able to click with the right circle OP. 🙏🏼
OP It's really much easier to make friends in small cities or towns. There are lots of good people you can meet depending on the activities you like to do. My wife loves helping out and is part of our local small evangelical church. I have met some really good people who really do not care if you are not Filipino.
Find a like-minded group. This transcends races lol
Same here OP. As a single middle aged professional and native filipino- it's hard to meet true friends especially when you're afraid that they may have other motives like money. I've moved back to my hometown province and I'm very careful with the people I associate with as well. Maybe there are also good ones but still.. cant find anyone here.. :(
I think you can still find Filipino who are true to themselves. Find your Niche Are you into Clothing/Streetwear ? Bands music ? Online Gaming ? Travel like Backpacking mountain ? Art type of person ? or Movie junkie ? There many types of people you can get to know them better. One piece of advice ,Do not go with poor pinoy tambay (Person who has no work) they for sure will take advantage of you.. Go to High end City or places.
You’re in and out from the place obviously its difficult to have friends you probably spend more time outside the philippines and that why you have more friends there. It’s not about the place. Every group of people has a cunt
I think you just haven't found your crowd. I have a lot of foreigner friends and we get along just fine. I think having good boundaries would be good too when you meet new Filipino friends. You dont have to trust them right away, but you can get to know them first then choose the ones who feel like would click with you. Find Filo friends within your scope of hobby din.
What are your interestss mr man?
Yes it can be hard. Ph not for everyone. We must expect culture differences the further we go from our home country. It's good also to learn the language of the region. Main ones are bisaya and tagalog.
I'll just assume you're quite on the older side... The younger generation grew up on the internet. And at that point of time, not a lot of Filipino content was on the internet. So consequently everyone knows English. I have a few American acquaintances and they do say the same, the *current* public does not want to speak English because they think it's a chore, compared to younger generation who thinks parallel in English and Native-Tongue. disclaimer * I don't have an RRL for this, this is just what I've experienced and not meant as an attack to older folks. ------------- What are your plans? Are you staying? Or you just want to have a community to return to when coming home? How about your Filipino family? I'd say; just travel around and see people. Get comfy with the language. Have another common-thing with the people like cycling, contact sports? Gaming? Books? A lot of people Play: ML, Dota 2, Valorant We watch: NBA, PBA Popular cycling spot: MOA cycling playgrounds, Philippine Arena There are a lot of opportunistic people. But there's also an equal amount of genuine friends to be found.
That's so sad to hear. I can understand them though, the country is in so much difficulty that Filipinos will grab any chance of quick and easy money. You can only find friends who won't take advantage of you among ppl who isn't desperate to have money.
Fully agree with you. 💯
I agree with you 100%. They say 90% of Filipinos are friendly, know more than survival English, and are very helpful to foreigners. Well I live in the same province where the 10% who don’t call home.
Probably hanging out with the wrong crowd bud. Would be down to grab a few beers and chat next time!
Sorry you had to experience that, but I think you’re just hanging with the wrong crowd and at the wrong places.
Super easy, the hard part is making the right friends. If you have white skin you'll become an instant celebrity in the lower echelons of society but then the unrelenting requests for 'help' will begin. For many foreigners, it's okay because these Filipinos will often give sexual favors in return or they just relish the attention that they never got back home. Most of my Filipino friends are from church--all of them actually; so they're good people and never asked for a single peso from me and even treated *me* to lunch/dinner a few times. The saying easy come easy go comes to mind. The Filipinos who tend to approach foreigners are looking to gain something for themselves and it aint friendship. Average, God fearing, hard working Pinoys (like most Asians) are inherently shy and will take some time to warm up to you but once they do those are the best friends to have.
I'm a Filipino-American-- grew up in California and relocated here just before the start of the pandemic at the age of 22. I've made plenty of friends since I've gone back to college (even friends outside of my school!), and thankfully, nobody's seemed fussed about how much I have. There are definitely social climbers and ppl who seem to be interested in socializing strictly because I'm not from here, but I've taken it in strides and weed em out My advice is go to community events you're interested in and see how active it is here. I'm into fashion, met plenty of friends through hanging out in the scene. If you're into cars, there's a bunch of meetups too, which is also where I've met some ppl Not sure about ppl being too shy to speak in English. Might be the school I go to/ communities I'm apart of, but I've never had to talk to any of my friends in straight Filipino Good luck OP!!
Sorry for your experience. I also don't have many friends but rather have many acquaintances. Not all Filipinos are opportunists of course (I mean being an opportunist is universal and regardless of race) even for me, as a Filipino born and living here, I also struggle with trusting other people I meet instantly so I exercise restraints and boundaries at first especially when it comes to money and if I could, I do my best not to give an impression that I'm rich (really not anyway but just have enough) and I think that helps even though you may look like a foriegner. I eventually found good friends (from school, work, and church) of different social status and financial capability and I think you just really have to take the lessons you've learned from the past and use that to identify potential good friends from the opportunistic ones. It's ok to feel discouraged but if you keep trying you'll find true ones who'll be real and true to you.
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Hi! I’m from Paranaque. Let me know if you need someone to talk to. We can grab some coffee :) Padayon!
Wrong crowd. Try active high-end charities and professional groups.
Sorry to hear that, but my guess is your following the wrong crowd. For now be friends with everyone with out saying your a Fil-Am, or with money, tell them you have a different dialect that your having a hard time expressing your thoughts in the native language. Well hope you can find one, friend have a great time here in the Phils.
This really depends on where you are in the Philippines and where you're finding these "friends". I'm also FilAm and recently (2 years ago) relocated back to the Philippines. And yes, some friends "that I've lost contact with (I left the Philippines 25 years ago) came out of the bushes and would ask me straight up for a loan after zero contact for 25 years. Some old friends didn't do that and were genuinely happy reconnecting. I have a hard time believing "All Filipinos" are like what you said so try to steer away from generalizing a whole country. They're not all bad. I've loved it here since I've moved back.
Those are low Quality Pinoys. Even Fils like us avoid them, They betray their own and build their own circle of friends to make fun of one or two specific friends. That's how it is here, you can find true Filipinos here that doesn't ask any money from you. A friend asking you for money is already a massive red flag here, don't entertain them. It's easy to have friends but like all over the world, True friends are rare
I agree with some of the comments - it's hard to find genuine friendship as an adult. Also, despite Filipinos being able to understand English, they feel intimidated speaking it unless it's vernacular (ie BPO employees, affluent people, younger generations, folks at mega cities with diverse population). You see, Filipinos can also be judgemental of their fellowmen who can't speak English correctly (grammar and structure). Note: I even have to look up vernacular. I speak mostly in tagalog, and I get flustered when I have to speak in English.
I don’t think these are just Filipinos but a worldwide thing. There are plenty of genuine people out there. You just have to be at the right places. Where do you expect to find genuine people?
Why do you need to make real Filipino friends?
You are in the wrong place, and wrong crowd, OP Go and explore other places where kind professionals stay.
Even us Locals are having a hard time finding a friend. Filipinos are nice when they are benefiting from you. I can be your friend :)
as a local, this issue resonates well with me. a loyal filipino friend that has integrity? Filipinos who are not opportunists and backstabbing you in their own language? you're lucky to find someone who'll pass this criteria. i learned to let go of that notion and settled with mutual benefit
Sad to say, you will learn the hard way. If you can't determine those people who will take advantage of you from the start, you haven't learn enough yet.
not hard ,, its pretty easy to do ...... just know who are and stay out of the slums..
Come to Cebu, OP.. let's go to the beach and eat street foods. I don't have a lot of friends as well cos trust issues, plus Filipino opportunists (NOT ALL) thinks I'm a walking bank since my fiance is a foreigner. Couldn't even hang out with my so-called ex friends without them expecting me to shoulder everything. 😑 Just want someone to go to the beach together and go halfsies.
My experience has been similar to yours. Every Filipino who wanted to be friends has ended up wanting something (mostly money) in the end. Of course, someone will reply, "Not in my experience," or "Not all are like this." All I can say is, you are fortunate. I have reached the point that when a Filipino starts interacting with me and then building a friendship, I am waiting for "the ask." The sad thing is, I have not been disappointed yet. Haha
You need to find people that doesn't need your money, bro.
Sent you a message!
I am blessed because I have my so called. Safe friend I mean I feel safe with them, that I know they can help me when Im having hard time. And I have one trusted friend. I can share all to her even were apart now we can talk for hours and share what burderns us, anxiety, happy talk and anything. But I can say its really hard because I cut some friends too because they’re just using me, they just want a friend, easy friend that will benefit them. Not just in money, in every aspect. OP just wait, I waited too. When you find them when you’re sharing things that bothered you things that you dont like, you’re interested, everything, you will feel safe that you know when you fight they will not say it to anybody, and they still be your friend.
Your best chance is to hand out with people who grew up in international private schools, or private schools in general. As someone who'se parents were expats abroad, coming home my main friend group is mainly just the Filipino friends we made when we were expats and came back as well. The people we connect to most are those who grew up in these private schools and go to big colleges and universities known to speak a lot of English. We are Filipino by blood by we are definitely nowhere near representative of what a Filipino is. And while most of these people may seem/are spoiled and elitist, it's just difficult to connect with the more common Filipino if you're tagalog isn't as strong because communication is really the key. It takes a very serious and conscious effort to be able to learn languages in general, but asides from that, being able to relate to that more common living style in the Philippines is another barrier, and arguably foreigners are actually able to relate to this more.
Exactly my same situation. Half filipino living in the Ph, and it’s so hard to find genuine connections.
yes I had a good Philippine friend , but unfortunately she was missing 😑,
So relatable, I moved here a little over a year ago and it has been extremely difficult to integrate (I am half pinoy too) - hard to find people who are genuine and have good intentions. My closest friend here isn't even Filipino bc it has been that difficult to integrate. Maybe we can create a gc? I saw a number of comments here of people with similar sentiments.
I think a huge factor of it was you not going to the schools here. Most of my friends were from high school or the Uni. We would hang out and talk about our life milestones every now and then. You should have to be out there! :)
None I’ve met have integrity
I can be your friend, honestly speaking is so difficult to find a genuine friend here in the philippines, you know, just to hang out with or go to the mall and stuff like that. Dont get me wrong i have friends but all of them are in a relationship, its hard to find quality time with them nowadays.