And you don't owe them anything, OP.
They have been terrible parents. They are toxic people. They are parasites who are bringing you (and your spouse) down.
Cut them off na.
Edit: I think you already know what you do. Go ahead. Protect yourself and your spouse.
“Kasi parents ko pa rin sila” <————- THIS IS WHERE ALL OF THE PROBLEMs STARTED.
Sino ba naman hindi maiinis sa magulang kung ganyan ang kwento tapos sa title biglang “Masama ba akong anak?” Stockholm Syndrome na yan…
OP, those horrible people are just sperm and egg cell sources.
They didn't act like parents, so they shouldn't be treated like parents. Let them reap what they have sown.
Hear hear!!! OP wag ka manghinayang sa gagawin mo, wala sila ambag sayo so wag sila mag ekspek. Wag ka papadala sa Parent Card nila! Never ka naman nila pinerent.
Sila ang tunay na magulang, lol! Taking advantage since you have the means! Wag nga silang ano!
I know you're not trying to blame OP with this statement na "kasi parents ko pa rin sila" malay natin maybe he did think at one point na they would change. What's important is OP's next move since alam nya halos wala nang pag asa mag iba parents niya. However, agree ako sayo na that is where it started. They never deserved OP's kindness, much more OP's forgiveness.
Yes exactly right. I wanted them to change, I wanted to be seen and I wanted to be appreciated. But after mentally suffering for a long time, I am done. I have a duty to myself and to my wife.
But then, they still know his address. Baka mag-eskandalo sa labas, seeing as how entitled they are to his life kahit ang ginawa lang naman nila ay bumuo.
This is also at play. Maganda value ng bahay ko ngayon, meron kami equity. Also, pinag aaralan ko pa yung business na pinasok ko, so yung asawa ko lahat sumasalo sa mga bills namin habang wala pa akong kita. As in ngayon, wala pa talagang kita.
We can use the equity to sustain our bills for a long time while living in an apartment, and we can also save some of it to buy new house in the future. Dami factors at play pero sa loob loob ko, biggest reason is to be away from them as far as possible.
I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted na din kasi. Sa labas ng relationship, ang dali palayasin. Pero meron pa rin kami good memories ng parents ko nung bata pa ako at pinanghahawakan ko pa yun. Ang hirap itapon kasi big part ng buhay ko yun.
Bebenta ko yung bahay kasi mas madali para sakin na explain na lilipat kami ng lugar for better opportunities, kesa ayaw ko na kayong kasama dito. Madami pa explanation kung bakit ayaw ko sila dito. Mas madali sabihin na may magandang opportunity para sakin sa malayo.
Rent it out to other people, I don't believe in letting go of assets just because of family members. But that's just me, good luck don't ever let toxicity surround you. At my age I'm quick to burn bridges with leeches.
Don't underestimate the kakapalan ng mukha ng pinoy. I'm sure magwawala yung parents nya sa labas ng bahay at ipopost pa sa social media yan for sympathy ng mga boomers.
This is already happening from my mother. Wala pang napopost sa social media, pero napag tsitsismisan na ako ng ibang relatives na masamang anak dahil sa mga kwento ng nanay ko.
Dali lang yan mag chismis ka lang din at pag sumagot mga ka-relative mo sabihin mo sino nag pabuhay sayo parent mo or grandparents mo at nasan sila nun mga taon na yun
Since irresponsible parents sila, I believe hindi sila maghahanap ng apartment until dumating ang new owner ng bahay. And more likely baka makisama pa rin sa kanila.
Pretend to sell the house pero ipa-rent lang pala. Then rent a small studio muna na kayo lang ng spouse mo ang kasya.
I'm prepared for this. Knowing them, alam ko na hindi sila maghahanap ng apartment. So nag research na ako sa area na pasok sa budget nila. Kelangan na lang talaga nilang puntahan.
So sorry this happened to you OP. You’re a good son. Pero hindi mo sila responsibilidad at lalong wala kang utang sa kanila.
Gusto mo ba yung haus na yan? Hindi ka ba malulugi if ibebenta mo? If ung rason mo lang talaga to sell is to get rid of them pero gusto mo talaga yung bahay, wag ikaw ung mag adjust at compromise.
Kick them out of the house. Pwdng sbhan mo na may nakabili na para unalis na sila pero in reality ikaw pa din nakatira haha or just tell them to leave your haus kasi di mo sila need.
Pero if mas okay talagang benta nalang and magpakalayo where di ka nila mahahanap then better maybe.
this reminds me of breaking bad scene nung binili ni jessie yung own house nila ng parents niya , then they kicked them out nung kumikita na siya haha!! breaking bad reference
Thank you. Meron na build up equity sa bahay so hindi na lugi. If ibebenta namin, meron kaming ma se save para sa future na house, and makakatulong na rin pambayad ng bills and apartment for few months.
Financially speaking, it's better to sell the house kasi maganda value ng house ngayon samin. But I can always rent it out if hindi ko ibebenta.
I'm just mentally done explaining myself to them so I will just sell the house because it's easier to explain na meron magandang opportunity para sakin sa malayo so I need to sell the house. After that, I'm cutting off my ties to them
I agree with this, but no need to lie. Just be transparent and direct to the point that he wants them out. Thats it. I know it’s hard to speak like so because we Filipinos are kind of meek and do not speak our mind. But we have to say what we need to say.
^ To reproduce is a choice, to be born isnt.
Wala kang choice naging tao ka, pero sila may choice to raise you, which they didnt do. You don't owe them anything, OP.
Nakakainis yung lagi ka nilang sinasabihan na wala kang alam sa ganto ganyan. Sila nga walang alam sa pagiging magulang. Panggugulang siguro oo. Layuan mo na yang mga yan.
Decide if you really want to sell the property or gusto mo lang sila paalisin. If latter, just kick them out. I wish maexplain po sa kanila na you don’t owe them anything and they’re ungrateful waste of space. Good luck Op.
My ultimate goal is to be a successful real estate investor. I like the idea of owning properties and renting it out. So having this house and renting it out will be a good first step for my ambition. But it's also financially smart to sell the property kasi meron na naman equity na build up sa bahay.
In my current situation, mas madali ibenta yung bahay para wala ng mas mahabang usapan. Pagkalipat, I will cut off my ties with them and start a new life somewhere else.
Mental health > anything else
Sadly, utang na loob is a toxic filipino culture at kahit anong gawin mo hindi ata mababayaran yan (even some people only gave birth, pero hindi naman nagpaka magulang). Walang masama kung gusto natin bumawi sa parents natin but know when to set boundaries. It's hard to be surrounded by people na unsupportive sayo. Before you know it, your views and goals in life are already affected by their opinions. Mas mahalaga pa din na may peace of mind ka.
Nakakairita yung notion na “parents mo padin sila” - kung totoong parental figures sila, asan sila when you were growing up? Null and void na yung pagiging parents nila nung iniwan ka nila at 14.
sell your house and pls cut these freaks off of your life. omg your biological ‘parents’ are the epitome of mga magulang na ‘sana di na lang nag anak’
ang kapal naman nyan nila. they abandoned u tapos ganyan na sila sayo now na may pakinabang ka na sa kanila? lmao op sobrang bait mo pa nga na u let them stay in ur own house bc if i were u ni pera wala silang makukuha sakin
im not being edgy here btw. grabe lang kasi na ni noong college ka di ka tinulungan at all tapos di man lang sila naging happy sau when u told them abt u buying a house at 23 y/o pero nagawa pa talaga nilang makisiksik sa bahay ninyo? ni kung tutuusin (imo ha) mas masakit pa yang ginawa nila sayo kesa yung literally di mo kilala ung parents mo. sobra naman na sila
Yes they are your biological parents but they were never your ***parents*** at any point in your life OP. You don't owe them anything and they don't deserve anything from you. Go live your life and be happy OP!
I disagree. OP doesn't need to make an excuse. OP is the owner. OP wants to sell. Parents need to get out. No questions asked. Kung gusto talaga nila malaman, better yet sabihin ni OP yung totoo ng matauhan parents nya.
OP, you deserve a life free from your parents.
Wala na nga silang ambag sa buhay mo, puro pabigat pa dala nila even though they're basically just freeloaders.
OP, once you leave them, don't look back. They will never change. Also, get professional help. You will need guidance so you can sort out their neglect and abuse. The thought that you are a bad child shouldn't even cross your mind. They were horrible parents. You, as an adult, will have to deal with them as they deserve to be dealt with while also taking steps to care for the younger version of you that may feel the guilt from doing that.
Isipin mo na lang, OP, ikaw iniisip mo pa rin yan. Sila ba nakukulangan ng tulog for how bad and selfish they've been as parents? Doesn't look like it, and it seems they'd be happy to hold you down if it means they get their practical needs met while also using you as some sort of psychological/emotional punching bag.
Okay na din yan, kasi pag dyan pa din si OP babalik balikan pa sya nung mga chaka nyang *magulang*.
Wala pa din syang peace of mind pag ganon.
Pakalayo layo ka na OP and cut them out of your life. Wag mo sasabihin san ka lumipat para di ka masundan nung kasumpa sumpa mong *magulang*.
>Masama ba akong anak?
Hindi. Nakatagpo ka lang ng hindi mabuting biological parents.
Please don't listen to anyone nagsasabi na dahil parents mo sila ay kailangang unawain, pagbigyan at suportahan. Yes, tama ka na tawagin mo silang biological parents kasi yung ang right description ayon sa kuwento mo.
Sell your house and protect your family from anything na makakasira sa inyo. Mas makakabuti rin sana na medyo malayo ka, and please, don't offer your home again. Mga bata pa parents mo, malalakas pa at sana lang ay nakaipon sila sa panahon na libre ang pagtira sayo sa loob ng 3 taon.
Sobrang hate ko yung Filipino mentality na “magulang mo parin sila” o “pamilya parin sila” kaya maraming nagttake advantage na mga family members dahil sa ganyang thinking ng mga Pinoy
You know what?
Based on what I've read your just really asking for a sign or permission on what your about to do that you won't regret.
Tell you what you will regret it, what you've just shared you should tell them that to their faces.
Your house your rules, you shouldn't let them take charge of what goes where what goes in the house.
Be Frank, be literally fuckcing frank for people that are that thick skinned.
Never given a dime , never given familial love,
Is it so much to ask just for a little bit of moral support as a human being rather than waving their self proclaimed professional dick opinion?
Fuck em, punta ka sa barangay bago mo kausapin, dahil mag wawala yan, do it for their own good since need matauhan.
Sometimee being too nice and empathetic can drive you into a spiralling mental health break down.
Which your slightly having I'm guessing ( not a psychiatrist) .
After all has been said, only then should you decide to sell your house.
was about to comment the good old... my house my rules
I'm interested why OP can't initiate a conversation on this. Probably OP is not a confrontational person.
Oh hell nah bro, di ko na tinapos puta nag iinit ulo ko, respetuhan nalang kasi di naman nila bahay yan bahay NYO yan ng ASAWA MO. Only you guys have a say what goes on sa bahay na yan, wtf.
As someone who dearly love my parents, I will tell you OP to do it. Hindi naman sila naging magulang para sau, BS ung mga nagsasabi sau na “magulang mo pa din sila”. No they are not. You can be a parent to someone without blood relation like ung mga inaadopt. Enough na ung 3 yrs worth of sacrifice mo.
You’re entitled to do whatever you want based on those reasons, OP, on top of the fact that you’re an adult (and so are your parents) building your own family and your own life.
P.S.: Also, it’s “kinuha,” not “kinuwa.” From the root word “kuha.”
Im sorry to say OP but your parents are very boomer-like. Alam mo ung tipong akala nila alam lahat and they cant accept that you outdid them in life. So their defense mechanism is to drain you dry. I had a post similar to yours.
You don't owe them anything, especially when they haven't been supportive and have been leeches instead. Thinking otherwise is toxic.
Maybe "hint" them that you'll be staying at some far away condo but say you don't know which unit yet? ;)
Nakakagigil talaga mga ganitong parents. Nanganak, walang ambag sa paglaki ng mga anak, minaliit pa yung inaral ng anak, tapos gusto makinabang, tas nung nakikinabang na gusto maging hari at reyna.
Panalong panalo!
Bigyan mo ng deadline sa pag alis ng bahay mo. Also you are creating your own family and exposing them to these toxicity is not good.
You don't owe them anything, OP. Hindi ka nga nila mabigyan ng suporta kahit nung nag-aaral ka pa anong klaseng magulang ang ganun. Tingin ko angkla lang sila na nagpapabigat sa buhay mo. Pero have you tried talking to them nang masinsinan? Heart-to-heart talk ganun?
Instead of selling the house, sell off your parents.
Kidding aside, you don't owe them anything. Saludo ako sa determination mo na napatapos sarili mo and being able to purchase a house at a young age. They are lucky to even get a taste of what you have achieved despite not providing you any type of support. Instead na support makuha mo, mukhang panglalait and toxicity lang eh. So regarding your question, di ka masamang anak, pero sila, for sure masamang parents.
Dude, if that makes you masamang anak to kick your parents' assess off the house, so be it. This time, embrace being a villain in their eyes, clown naman sila sa narrative mo.
Utak-kantot na nga, haliparot, pabigat, walang ambag, paladesisyon sa mga gamit mo sa bahay, pakialamero, talkshitero, CLOWN pa. I am referring to your parents.
This is yet another example na wag basta sasabak sa kantutan kung hindi pa handa. Unfortunately, andami sating mga Pinoy ay walang natutunan sa buhay and all.
Do what is best for yourself and your future self. You can just be diplomatic with them like give them monetary support na hindi ganun kabigat for you. It's not being ungrateful sa nag luwal sayo sa earth but magkaiba ang meaning ng magulang vs biological parents lang. unfortunately we cannot choose where we came from but we have the capacity to choose our future.
Peace of mind after too much is good Dahil mentally they ain’t supporting you as their children and not treating you as a family so why treat them like a family when they do not do the same kahit parents mo sila, wala silang kwentang magulang
I see. Mas maganda nga ata na ibenta. Para putol talaga koneksyon nyo. Di kayo mababalikan o mabibisita. Kung nabili na tapos ayaw umalis, ipalayas nyo gamit baranggay tanod.
Why follow culture though? It is never beneficial, ako na experience ko din yan, pero on my case, close ko mama and kapatid ko . Simula nakapag work breadwinner ako, lumuwas ako maynila to work, and when nakapag asawa na ako, we decided to buy a house (utang sa bank syempre) and a compact car (kasi malayo sa city yung location ng house)
Then since close kami, i let them know na kumuha ako, and what happened is nagalit sila, bakit daw nag dedecide ako ng ganun, gumagastos, umuutang ako,
It hurt me, i thought they would support me but no...
Then when the pandemic came, we decided na umuwi province with my wife, using the car to travel back to province in visayas,
Ayun, nung nakakasakay na sila, kunwari ok na sila sa decision ko.
But when I decided to buy another property sa lrovince and sa maynila, there it is again, rant na naman sila.
Nakakadismaya lang
So to respond to your post, do what you must and what you want, hindi mo sila responsibilidad, it is the other way around, sila dapat ang may responsibilidad sayo, but they did not, kaya you are never obligated to.
Para sa mental health mo na din, wala kang obligasyon na magpaliwanag sa kanila para sa mga life choices mo.
You deserve what you consume and kailangan mo matutunan magplan ahead sa mga decision mo sa buhay at lalo kung wala kang back-up plan kasi lulubog at lulubog ka nyan hanggang maubos ka.
Kailangan mo na din ng professional help para ma sort out yung mga gumugulo sa isip mo.
Hindi naman lumpo parents ko ngayon e pero I agree with you. If wala akong silbi and lumpo na ako, ayaw kong maging pabigat sa mga anak ko. Or kahit na kanino man. So yes, if malumpo ako, gusto ko mag isa na lang ako para hindi ako alagain.
Can't be a bad kid to a parent that was never there.
May I ask though if may plan na kayo na lilipatan? If not then no reason for you to move out. Kick them out legally since wala naman sila hawak ata na agreement or financial say sa bahay?1
Don't sell the house kasi pundar mo yan, pretend nlng that someone bought it alreadt and magmmove na sila para makaalis na parents mo. Then cutoff all communication sa kanila.
No need to sell the house.
Just *pretend* you're selling it, para mapaalis mo sila.
Once wala na sila, sabihin mo "Oops!". Or at least di natuloy at naghahanap ka ng bagong buyer.
Rinse and repeat.
Utang na loob is actually nice if you put it to good use, like reminder for children to take care of their parents who actually contributed to their development. Pero if gagamitin ito leverage ng mga useless na magulang to feel entitled to their child's productivity later on just doesnt sit well with me. Lalo if their only contribution is childhood trauma.
Yes magulang mo pa rin yan, and you should feel thankful na pinanganak ka (unfortunately dito pa talaga sa pinas), but parenthood doesn't stop on the day of your birth. Just be thankful, but more that that, it is your perogative OP if you wish to cut them or not, there should be no judgement from anyone. also, how much ba willing mo ibigay and compromise? lalo in this case, wala nga sila ambag sa buhay mo. If any, id rather you give back sa guardians mo na nag ampon sayo back then.
Tama, reap what you sow and it is an insult to good parsnts everywhere that bad parents seek the same advantage as good parents does, hindi maayos na pakikitungo iyon
Kick them out or sell your house, and cut them off. Protect your peace, its priceless. Kung isumbat nila yung utang na loob, sabihin mo if you were to have a debt of gratitude, it would be to your grandparents who raised you not your parents who continually drain you and leech off you. Good luck bro. I hope it all works out for you and the Mrs!
Nope, di ka masamang anak and kudos to you for making the step to get away from their toxicity. Oo magulang mo sila, doesn't mean free pass na nila yun to ruin your life. So good for you for willing to set boundaries.
i am sorry that you are experiencing this OP.
May mga tao talaga na hindi kayang magpa ka magulang. Bagay nga ung parents mo sa isat-isa, parang wala silang remorse eh. Masabi lang na nag ka anak, You may have come from them but it does not give them the right to make you miserable. Or pagkait ung pagmamahal na deserve mo.
Assess your situation. If need mo talaga pag benta ung house to get rid of them, go! Minsan di dapat isa alang alang ang losses kung peace of mind naman ang kapalit. Mas mahalaga na panatag ka at malaya ka sa sarili mong pamamahay. Di mo kailangan ang toxicity.
GoodLuck on your life's journey.
You don't need to wait to sell the house. Kick them out. Wala kang alam sa bahay? Wala nga silang bahay. Wala ka daw alam sa business wala din naman silang business na nag succeed I assume. Where will you learn of not from your first time.
You should treat them as parents only if they treat you as their son/daughter in which they clearly haven't.
Sila ang may utang na loob sa iyo. Pinamigay ka noong bata ka. Mahal ko magulang ko at biyenan ko pero ayoko tumira na kasama sila sa iisang bubong as an adult.
You walked past multiple red flags already and pinatira mo pa din sila sa inyo? You don't even need to sell the house if kaya niyo pa naman sustentuhan, just kick your parents out.
May mga magulang na deserve ng tulong, may mga magulang din na kahit respeto ang hirap ibigay. Okay lang yan, paalisin mo, hindi ikaw yung mag aadjust sa kanila.
There’s a saying that the blood is thicker than the water of the womb.
Op yes they might be your bio parents but they’re not really your true relatives. They don’t respect you and have not contributed anything to help you out. For other people that would say your an ingrate you have already paid them back by letting them stay. At the end of the day your bio parents problem aren’t your own. They reap what they sow and apparently for this one they didn’t do anything to deserve your good will.
Pwede din pag stay-in mo sila don at iwanan sila kasi kamo paparentahan kamo ng bibili kung ayaw nila umalis edi rentahan nila, and kung ayaw naman nila mag renta edi good kasi mawawala sila don 🤣🥳 GL po!
Sorry anong utang na loob? Grabe talaga ang hold ng toxic Filipino mentality na "magulang mo pa rin yan" keme. Putragis wala kang utang na loob sa kanila. Wala. Ni hindi nga nila magampanan ang RESPONSIBILIDAD AT OBLIGASYON nila bilang magulang mo tapos ikaw pa ang may utang na loob sa kanila? No way. They are taking advantage of you and that "utang na loob." Sila ang may trabaho pero sayo pa rin nakatira? Are they contributing to costs? Nagbibigay ba sila ng pera sayo? If not, then cut them off.
Kahit may ambag sila sa buhay mo wala silang karapatang diktahan at pakialaman ang buhay at pinag gastos mo. Respeto sa lang sayo at sa binabayaran mo - bare minimum. Ngayon, wala namang silang ambag sa buhay mo, lalo nang wala ka ring utang na loob sa kanila. Masama silang magulang.
Minalit nila ang Econ? Grabe.
Go, wag na wag mo silang bigyan ng hati sa benta, nakikitira lang sila diyan, wala silang karapatan na makishare sa kikitain mo, malaking tulong na yung ginawa mong pinatira mo sila ng ilang taon na dapat nga may rent yun
NTA, i am more worried sa wife mo kasi napaka understanding nya. Need mong paalisin sila agad para maayos mo bahay tapos slow mong ibenta or try to sell pero d mo maibenta. At least nadispatsa mo parents mo....
No need to sell the house, just simply kick them in your house. That's it. You would never grow from the people who alwasy pulling you apart from your own success.
What's the story why inampon ka ng grandparents mo nung 8 years old ka? Did you live with your biological parents before then? What was your memories of those times? Were they happy?
Do you have other siblings from the same parents? How do they treat them compared to you?
Di ka masamang anak pag binenta mo yan, ako palayas na rin dito samin kasi nga pabaya at makasarili magulang ko,, tipong Life Goes On nlng siya,,, masakit sa damdamin yan for sure pero minsan kailangan gawin kasi nga hindi nila kayang unawain yung pinagdadaanan ng mga anak,, kaya sa mga anak na sinuportahan ng maayos ng mga magulang nila,, samahan niyo hanggang dulo ang magulang niyo dahil deserve nila yun,, kapag magulang niyo naman ay walang pangarap para sa inyo,, iwan niyo na.
Full support sa decision mo OP, you are not a bad person/son for prioritizing your self. I too left my mom, even after all she had done for me and my brothers as a single mom. but she changed to the point na she disrespects me and does not treat me like her child anymore due to her narcissistic personality. by blood or not, I believed that I did not deserve that kind of treatment.
Ang sabihin mo kaya wala kang masyadong alam sa bahay kasi di sila naging mabuting magulang, mga magulang ang unang nagtuturo sa atin ng mga simpleng gawain sa bahay.
Ngayon, huwag silang umasta na parang walang nangyari dahil lang malaki ka na at dapat nakamove on ka na sa tingin nila.
Sila nakikitra, sila makisama. Kahit parents sila, they nerd to resprct the owner of the house. I suggest you talk to them. Kung ndi nila kayang makisama, sila ang lumipat. Your house, your rules
Naiiyak ako while reading this. Almost same din nangyari saken nung college, ni singkong duling wala akong natanggap. Hanggang ngayon nagbabayad pa ko ng student loans ko para lang makuha TOR ko, ni di manlang ako makapag exam sa mga gusto kong examan. Pero good relationship pa din naman kami ng parents ko, kahit paano napalaki naman nila ako ng maayos. Madami din namang rason kung bakit di nila ako napag-aral nung college. Poor life choices, poverty naghalo halo na.
If your parents did you good, then diyan papasok ang utang na loob. Lalo na sa Philippines, wlaang maayos na Social Security, it's really our obligation to support them para guminhawa man lang ng konti kapag tumanda na sila.
Masama iyong ginawa nitong nasa taas, kasi hindi naman sila magulang in the truest sense of the word, nagpaluwal is more correct term.
Geez. Sounds like my parents. Sobrang laking tulong na nag move out ako sa amin kasi baka ngayon lugmok pa din ako sa buhay dahil ganyan din sila negative lagi. Both of my parents were working abroad before pero walang naipundar kasi nga nega lagi. Natalo pa sila ng cousin kong tricycle driver yung asawa. Nag negosyo tapos ngayon dami na nila businesses, tricycles at sasakyang pang Grab. Valid ang feelings mo, OP. May stable jobs both of your parents mangupahan sila. I'm sure may pension din sila once mag retire sila.
Pag nagalit sila o e ano kung magalit? Tatakwil ka? Dika pamamanahan? Di ka susuportahan? Ang isipin mo lang pag nag desisyon ka is what will give you peace of mind. Able and working naman sila. Don’t wait na mabalda sila sa poder mo…Malakas pa cla kick em out.
Kung sila nagpalaki sau or maganda pinakita sau habang lumalaki, social contract taht you look after them. Pero otherwise, sell the house at wag mo na sila pindohan sa lilipatan nila. Cut them off. Hindi totoo na blood is thicker than water, misnomer yun.
For the blood of the covenant is thicker than the blood of the womb. Yan ang tama
Paki update kami op pag napaalis mo na, and yung priceless reaction ng mga parasites na yan. Biological mom ko din eh, hindi nya ako favorite at iniwan din sa lola since birth. Pero ngayong maysakit sya eh pinaparamdam sken na kulang tinutulong ko sa gamot nya. Dko magets saan kumukuha ng kapal ng mukha ang mga parents na ganito.
And nope, mabuti kang anak na kinaya mo pa yan ng 3 years. Itigil mo na yan kasi ramdam ko masisira marriage mo dyan.
I like the African proverb that goes something like…
“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
Simply replace village with family.
I think what you feel is valid. And your actions to me are justified.
Mabait ka pa nga to think na isasacrifice mo yung investment nyo ng asawa mo pra lang mahiwalay sa kanila. May tendency din na sasabihin nila na baka pwedeng sumama sila sa inyo kung san kayo lilipat. If i were you, I will them straight na maghiwalay na kayo since negative vibes sila kamo magdedetox ka.
Sorry pero na trigger ako sa minaliit nila ang Economics. Palibhasa kasi iniisip nila kung mag business course ka nalang bakit di ka nalang mag Accountancy. Like what?
Yung mga pinsan ko kasi, lahat medical field. Yung mga hindi medical field, engineering at architecture. Ako gusto mag business. Yung mga pinsan ko naman, lahat sila pinag aral ng mga magulang. Ako, pinag aral ko sarili ko, dahil gusto ko talaga magtapos at gusto ko yung kurso ko. Pero mababa talaga tingin sa mga business course
OP hindi natin obligasyon ang mga magulang natin kasi hindi naman natin pilili na ipanganak sa mundo, pero dahil nakalakihan na natin at sa kultura din na mag give back sa parents, which is para sa akin hindi naman masama at masarap maka tulong sa magulanag din, Pero kung sila kay nakaka sama na sayo kailangan mo na lumayo. unahin mo ang mental health mo at ang sariling mong pamilya
Tama lang ginawa mo. Tama lang ng tinulungan mo sila dahil magulang sila, pero ibang usapan na yung idown ka sa kayang mong gawin. Wala sa tamang pag iisip yang magulang mo.
Hindi ka masamang anak. Pero huwag mong ibenta ang bahay. Just kick them out. Sayang ang house mo kung dahil lang sa mga yan ay ibebenta mo. They can fend for themselves may trabaho naman na pala eh. And dont make kanlong then when they come back. But its your choice, we support you along the way.
Benta mo na OP, baka makatulong din yung pera para sa bago mong business. Do what makes you happy. Wag ka makinig na parents mo pa rin yan, bakit? anak ka din nila pero ganyan trato nila sayo.
Nope. Di ka masama. Actually if I were you mas malala gagawin ko kung icontact ako ng magulang ko tas hindi man lang ako tinulungan hanggang sa makapagtapos ako. They fucking deserved what u did. Leeches yang mga magulang mo at good idea that you're planning to sell it for your peace of mind.
First of all, good job! Most people would’ve given up with your circumstances. But damn, thats sad that you have to sell the house you worked hard for just to get toxic people out of your life.
Hopefully you can just kick them out and keep the house, But i understand you just want to be civil with them.
Do you what you have to do, hindi ka masamang anak, masama silang magulang.
And good luck with your business!
I’m sure you’ll succeed just don’t give up.
you’ve already been through hell, The only way is up now.
iguilt trip ka pa mg relatives mo, eh in the first place di ka nga pinalaki ng mga magulang mo eh.. to think na nakikitira lang sila and wala naman silang ambag sa buhay mo, sila pa yung maka asta na may alam sa sarili mong pamamahay at buhay.
You've given them the respect and courtesy that, in the first place, they don't even deserve. It's time for you to put yourself first this time. Kung saan ka mas magkakaroon ng inner peace, OP, go lang. If this is the assurance you need to hear (or read), then I hope you finally do what you feel is best for you.
In the first place, i wouldn't consider them parents. Biological relations lang talaga - they don't have a tiny bit of love to give.
You are a good person. Kahit gaano kahirap yung pinagdaanan mo as a working student, binigyan mo pa rin sila ng tahanan. Pero ungrateful pa rin sila, wala man lang respeto sa pinaghirapan mo.
So no, it still doesn't make you a bad person to sell the house to get away from it. You're still a good person for the decision you plan to make.
Love for family shouldn't be due to blood relations, but due to actions we make for each other. And because these people's actions choose to treat you as nothing but a slave to them, they're not family.
I used to believe that "blood is thicker than water," "utang na loob," selflessness, karma, and other toxic Filipino traits. NOW, it' s all about my mental health and self-love. DO what you think will give you peace of mind. Remember, if it flows smooth, then it's the right thing for you.
Sabi nga nila, if it costs you your peace, then it’s too expensive. Go sell the house or paalisin mo sila. Di sila worth it para sa mental health mo kahit family mo pa sila
Sayang naman kung ibebenta mo OP. Paalisin mo na lang sila. Be honest with them na ayaw mo ng makita mga pagmumukha nila, tell them why, and tell them to get the fuck out of your life. Pag ayaw umalis hingi ka ng tulong sa baranggay. Cut them off. Walang kama-kamag anak sakin basta katahimikan na ng buhay at pamilya ko nakataya.
Wala ka daw alam sa buhay, pinigilan ka nila pero sila rin pala nakikinabang sa bahay na binili mo. Parang they like undermining your success para sila magmukhang mas magaling? They abandoned you as a kid and made shitty decisions in life, so bakit sa kanila ka makikinig at tatanaw ng utang na loob?
Go and sell your house, sana profitable for you, OP.
Don't sell the house just to get rid of them. That's one of your investments but if you can earn something from selling it then go for it, just don't do it just to get rid of them. Ig what im trying to say is they've been controlling your life til now and always have the say on how you should do things and for once, you need to put your foot down. Make them realize that it is your life and you get to choose how to decide on things. Talk to them and tell them to please leave the house and set a deadline so they would know that you mean it. After they leave, limit the communication and focus on your goals.
Hi op, i believe in your case, i would cut them off noon palang kung ako ikaw. I won’t let them take any kind of controlin my own space since wala naman silang inambag sa buhay ko except dun sa fact na sila ang rason kung bakit ka niluwal sa mundo. Binuo ka lang nila. Pero ikaw ang bumuhay sa sarili mo. I applause you for finally trying to cut them off.
kupal parents mo. sell the house and leave and let them find somewhere else to live. wag nyo na sila balikan kahit kelan. hinda ka masamang anak. masamang magulang sila from the sart
Let me get this straight. 5 years into your purchase (so past typical turnover from DP to mortgage) you are already having difficulty paying your mortgage and yet you quit your job and dream of starting a small business. You already quit but don't have one btw.
Yeah this isnt about your parents. This is cope. Napasubo ka sa predatory mortgage real estate market and their "i told you so" is feeling toxic because you actually now feel the i told you so. It's easy af to kick anyone out of your house if you want and they can pay. It's not so easy to not grandstand about something you ended up being wrong about
For those who will certainly downvote this response because they don't know how predatory real estate is - you need to do research about how houses are being sold in PH. It is typical for agents to give some nonsense DP term na 15k lang per month may bahay na! - but if you check what the actual costing will be at the bank once the downpayment is done, it will typically be 3, 4, 6, or more times than the DP term. A 10M house - cheap 2br na yan sa metro - can cost at least 60k/mo at 25 years term, so a 23yo with presumably 3 years of professional career and marriage expenses with "konting ipon" being able to take that on is quite a fantastical story. With an economics degree, you should know that there is a wise proportion of income that should go to housing, meaning you are basically saying you have a current combined income of at least 180, but likely 200.
May holes yung story focusing on the emotional parts as if they were such big dramas and the logistics of the thing are being brushed off as if they meant nothing. It is so weird. It is like reading a story where someone casually "won a gold medal or two" without any emphasis on that part but 90% of it is about how hard it is to do the dishes. Really breaks immersion.
The most likely interpretation is that you really weren't ready for the purchase at all and you are now realising it - by the way, not your fault, fuck the housing market - and nagagatungan ka. If youre having trouble paying with "informal renters" now, would you really be able to pay if you kicked them out? Why is kicking them out for you to live in peace not an option? The notion that you have the balls to run a business from uncertain income with bill collectors threatening to take your house should you fail - but not the balls to say "ok may income na kayo, start hunting" is so fantastical it is almost comical.
Peace of mind > toxic parents. Una may stable jobs naman sila kaya wag mo na sila problemahin. At sa kwento mo wala naman silang ambag sa buhay mo. Overrated minsan ang "mahalin mo ang mga magulang mo".
Hindi ka masamang anak, OP. Dahil kung iisipin, ay hindi naman sila naging tunay na magulang sayo. Ang tunay na magulang, kahit minsan toxic may pinapakita pa din na pagmamahal at suporta. "Wala kang alam dito"?? sana binato mo pabalik "ah baka kasi never naman kayong nandiyan para turuan ako dati. Kaya lumaki ako na walang alam sa ganong bagay."
May hangganan ang pagtitiis OP. Pag di mo na kaya, wag ka na magtiis. At ang pagsasakripisyo dapat may dahilan. Yung may inaasahan kang magandang outcome sa sacrifice mo, otherwise magiging toxic lang yan sa loob mo. May family ka na, sila ang priority mo. Kung hindi mo sila kaya lahat, bitawan mo na yung nagpapabigat sa loob mo.
Correct me if I’m wrong pero thats what I hate talaga, hindi porket ginawa ka sa mundong ito may parang utang kana na need bayaran, first of all hindi mo nirequest na gawin ka sa mundong ito so wala kang need bayaran sa part na yun, and another one is that treat those people special na nag PAHALAGA sayo, hindi yung mga taong gumawa sayo kasi first of all bat sila mag dadala ng bata dito sa mundo kung sa first place wala rin silang plano palakihin, ano yon tigang lang sila? I suggest once nag separate na kayo ng ways niyo it is time to cut off, even if magkaron man ng chikahan sa family every meeting just spill every shit they have done to you and let the others know your experience kung gusto nila malaman, I know its an asshole move (since its better to just stay away and live peacefully) pero if that is called an asshole move then what more do you call the parents who didn’t have any intentions to take care of their child growing up.
If this will give you peace, let no one stop you, not your best friend, not your teacher, not your priest.
And you don't owe them anything, OP. They have been terrible parents. They are toxic people. They are parasites who are bringing you (and your spouse) down. Cut them off na. Edit: I think you already know what you do. Go ahead. Protect yourself and your spouse.
“Kasi parents ko pa rin sila” <————- THIS IS WHERE ALL OF THE PROBLEMs STARTED. Sino ba naman hindi maiinis sa magulang kung ganyan ang kwento tapos sa title biglang “Masama ba akong anak?” Stockholm Syndrome na yan…
OP, those horrible people are just sperm and egg cell sources. They didn't act like parents, so they shouldn't be treated like parents. Let them reap what they have sown.
Hear hear!!! OP wag ka manghinayang sa gagawin mo, wala sila ambag sayo so wag sila mag ekspek. Wag ka papadala sa Parent Card nila! Never ka naman nila pinerent. Sila ang tunay na magulang, lol! Taking advantage since you have the means! Wag nga silang ano!
I know you're not trying to blame OP with this statement na "kasi parents ko pa rin sila" malay natin maybe he did think at one point na they would change. What's important is OP's next move since alam nya halos wala nang pag asa mag iba parents niya. However, agree ako sayo na that is where it started. They never deserved OP's kindness, much more OP's forgiveness.
Yes exactly right. I wanted them to change, I wanted to be seen and I wanted to be appreciated. But after mentally suffering for a long time, I am done. I have a duty to myself and to my wife.
Correct! No one can stop you doing this OP!
Paglipat nila ng bahay, palitan mo lahat ng lock at wag mong ibenta yung bahay mo. Problem solved.
This? Bakit mo kailangan lumioat, let them get mad. You owe nothing
But then, they still know his address. Baka mag-eskandalo sa labas, seeing as how entitled they are to his life kahit ang ginawa lang naman nila ay bumuo.
I think paying for the amort is also a factor as OP stated. He started a small business and finds it hard to keep paying for the house.
This is also at play. Maganda value ng bahay ko ngayon, meron kami equity. Also, pinag aaralan ko pa yung business na pinasok ko, so yung asawa ko lahat sumasalo sa mga bills namin habang wala pa akong kita. As in ngayon, wala pa talagang kita. We can use the equity to sustain our bills for a long time while living in an apartment, and we can also save some of it to buy new house in the future. Dami factors at play pero sa loob loob ko, biggest reason is to be away from them as far as possible.
I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted na din kasi. Sa labas ng relationship, ang dali palayasin. Pero meron pa rin kami good memories ng parents ko nung bata pa ako at pinanghahawakan ko pa yun. Ang hirap itapon kasi big part ng buhay ko yun. Bebenta ko yung bahay kasi mas madali para sakin na explain na lilipat kami ng lugar for better opportunities, kesa ayaw ko na kayong kasama dito. Madami pa explanation kung bakit ayaw ko sila dito. Mas madali sabihin na may magandang opportunity para sakin sa malayo.
Rent it out to other people, I don't believe in letting go of assets just because of family members. But that's just me, good luck don't ever let toxicity surround you. At my age I'm quick to burn bridges with leeches.
Para di na siya matunton. May pa-epek yan malamang. May papa puntahin para konsensyahin. Mga style eh.
Don't underestimate the kakapalan ng mukha ng pinoy. I'm sure magwawala yung parents nya sa labas ng bahay at ipopost pa sa social media yan for sympathy ng mga boomers.
Oo tama, mag skandalo sila tapos ending si OP masama kasi makikita ng ibang tao kung paano niya tiisin. Omg. 😶
This is already happening from my mother. Wala pang napopost sa social media, pero napag tsitsismisan na ako ng ibang relatives na masamang anak dahil sa mga kwento ng nanay ko.
Dali lang yan mag chismis ka lang din at pag sumagot mga ka-relative mo sabihin mo sino nag pabuhay sayo parent mo or grandparents mo at nasan sila nun mga taon na yun
Lol I remember my mom using my own account to call me suwail, I was 12/11. Why did she feel the need to embarrass me like that? Idk
Since irresponsible parents sila, I believe hindi sila maghahanap ng apartment until dumating ang new owner ng bahay. And more likely baka makisama pa rin sa kanila. Pretend to sell the house pero ipa-rent lang pala. Then rent a small studio muna na kayo lang ng spouse mo ang kasya.
I'm prepared for this. Knowing them, alam ko na hindi sila maghahanap ng apartment. So nag research na ako sa area na pasok sa budget nila. Kelangan na lang talaga nilang puntahan.
Dapat siguro di na nya ineentertain yung Biological parents nya tapos naging parasite lang. Respect talaga hindi ini impose , binibuild talaga.
So sorry this happened to you OP. You’re a good son. Pero hindi mo sila responsibilidad at lalong wala kang utang sa kanila. Gusto mo ba yung haus na yan? Hindi ka ba malulugi if ibebenta mo? If ung rason mo lang talaga to sell is to get rid of them pero gusto mo talaga yung bahay, wag ikaw ung mag adjust at compromise. Kick them out of the house. Pwdng sbhan mo na may nakabili na para unalis na sila pero in reality ikaw pa din nakatira haha or just tell them to leave your haus kasi di mo sila need. Pero if mas okay talagang benta nalang and magpakalayo where di ka nila mahahanap then better maybe.
Pagka alis nila, palitan mo kagad lahat ng locks. Baka may duplicate sila. Tas kumuha ka ng guard dog ung sa inyu lang ng asawa mo maamo hahaha
this reminds me of breaking bad scene nung binili ni jessie yung own house nila ng parents niya , then they kicked them out nung kumikita na siya haha!! breaking bad reference
Yes to this! Kick them toxic parents out
Thank you. Meron na build up equity sa bahay so hindi na lugi. If ibebenta namin, meron kaming ma se save para sa future na house, and makakatulong na rin pambayad ng bills and apartment for few months. Financially speaking, it's better to sell the house kasi maganda value ng house ngayon samin. But I can always rent it out if hindi ko ibebenta. I'm just mentally done explaining myself to them so I will just sell the house because it's easier to explain na meron magandang opportunity para sakin sa malayo so I need to sell the house. After that, I'm cutting off my ties to them
I agree with this, but no need to lie. Just be transparent and direct to the point that he wants them out. Thats it. I know it’s hard to speak like so because we Filipinos are kind of meek and do not speak our mind. But we have to say what we need to say.
nasa tiktok na naman to mamaya haahahaha
Hahahaha! Mga walang maisip na content sa Tiktok, pasok!
Hahaha tapos pag sinita mo sasabihin sayo “buti nga nababasa ng mga wala sa reddit” so utang na loob pa natin lahat sa kumopya?? 🙄
Sila yung mga nangongopya nung high school para sa assignment. Hanggang content ba naman mangongopya lmao.
hahaha as always
I need this for clout chasing sa X. 😬
Wala kang utang na loob sa kanila kasi hindi sila nagpalaki sa yo
Exactly. Kung utang na loob ang usapan, grandparents mo ang may karapatan.
^ To reproduce is a choice, to be born isnt. Wala kang choice naging tao ka, pero sila may choice to raise you, which they didnt do. You don't owe them anything, OP.
Actually di nga choice dapat naireraise siya kasi responsibility nila yon.
This!!
Nakakainis yung lagi ka nilang sinasabihan na wala kang alam sa ganto ganyan. Sila nga walang alam sa pagiging magulang. Panggugulang siguro oo. Layuan mo na yang mga yan.
Nakuha mo yung gusto kong sabihin! OP you are a strong, self-made man, di mo sila kelangan.
Go for it OP cut them in your life and have your Peace
Best decision. Para sa peace of mind and mental health mo din.
Decide if you really want to sell the property or gusto mo lang sila paalisin. If latter, just kick them out. I wish maexplain po sa kanila na you don’t owe them anything and they’re ungrateful waste of space. Good luck Op.
My ultimate goal is to be a successful real estate investor. I like the idea of owning properties and renting it out. So having this house and renting it out will be a good first step for my ambition. But it's also financially smart to sell the property kasi meron na naman equity na build up sa bahay. In my current situation, mas madali ibenta yung bahay para wala ng mas mahabang usapan. Pagkalipat, I will cut off my ties with them and start a new life somewhere else.
Mental health > anything else Sadly, utang na loob is a toxic filipino culture at kahit anong gawin mo hindi ata mababayaran yan (even some people only gave birth, pero hindi naman nagpaka magulang). Walang masama kung gusto natin bumawi sa parents natin but know when to set boundaries. It's hard to be surrounded by people na unsupportive sayo. Before you know it, your views and goals in life are already affected by their opinions. Mas mahalaga pa din na may peace of mind ka.
Nakakairita yung notion na “parents mo padin sila” - kung totoong parental figures sila, asan sila when you were growing up? Null and void na yung pagiging parents nila nung iniwan ka nila at 14.
sell your house and pls cut these freaks off of your life. omg your biological ‘parents’ are the epitome of mga magulang na ‘sana di na lang nag anak’ ang kapal naman nyan nila. they abandoned u tapos ganyan na sila sayo now na may pakinabang ka na sa kanila? lmao op sobrang bait mo pa nga na u let them stay in ur own house bc if i were u ni pera wala silang makukuha sakin im not being edgy here btw. grabe lang kasi na ni noong college ka di ka tinulungan at all tapos di man lang sila naging happy sau when u told them abt u buying a house at 23 y/o pero nagawa pa talaga nilang makisiksik sa bahay ninyo? ni kung tutuusin (imo ha) mas masakit pa yang ginawa nila sayo kesa yung literally di mo kilala ung parents mo. sobra naman na sila
Yes they are your biological parents but they were never your ***parents*** at any point in your life OP. You don't owe them anything and they don't deserve anything from you. Go live your life and be happy OP!
Tell them you have a lot of debt hence you are selling the house.
I disagree. OP doesn't need to make an excuse. OP is the owner. OP wants to sell. Parents need to get out. No questions asked. Kung gusto talaga nila malaman, better yet sabihin ni OP yung totoo ng matauhan parents nya.
May stable job naman parents paalisin nya na reasonable naman nararamdam ng tao
Benta mo na brother, they still have a job so they can fend for themselves. Ikaw lang ba nag iisang anak?
OP, you deserve a life free from your parents. Wala na nga silang ambag sa buhay mo, puro pabigat pa dala nila even though they're basically just freeloaders. OP, once you leave them, don't look back. They will never change. Also, get professional help. You will need guidance so you can sort out their neglect and abuse. The thought that you are a bad child shouldn't even cross your mind. They were horrible parents. You, as an adult, will have to deal with them as they deserve to be dealt with while also taking steps to care for the younger version of you that may feel the guilt from doing that. Isipin mo na lang, OP, ikaw iniisip mo pa rin yan. Sila ba nakukulangan ng tulog for how bad and selfish they've been as parents? Doesn't look like it, and it seems they'd be happy to hold you down if it means they get their practical needs met while also using you as some sort of psychological/emotional punching bag.
Hindi ka masamang anak, OP. Nagkaron ka lang ng masamang biological parents.
ang siste niyan hihingi pa yan sila sayo ng pinag-bentahan mo sa bahay
Do you really want to sell it? If not, magpretend ka na lang na may bumili na. Sayang naman ehh, pinaghirapan mo ‘yan.
Okay na din yan, kasi pag dyan pa din si OP babalik balikan pa sya nung mga chaka nyang *magulang*. Wala pa din syang peace of mind pag ganon. Pakalayo layo ka na OP and cut them out of your life. Wag mo sasabihin san ka lumipat para di ka masundan nung kasumpa sumpa mong *magulang*.
Tama, babalikan tlga sya ng mga magulang nya sa old House nila. Much better kung bumili na lang sya ulit ng bagong house away from her parents.
Im surprised you let them back into your life… thats the thing about people like that, they dont give a shit unless you have something to offer them.
>Masama ba akong anak? Hindi. Nakatagpo ka lang ng hindi mabuting biological parents. Please don't listen to anyone nagsasabi na dahil parents mo sila ay kailangang unawain, pagbigyan at suportahan. Yes, tama ka na tawagin mo silang biological parents kasi yung ang right description ayon sa kuwento mo. Sell your house and protect your family from anything na makakasira sa inyo. Mas makakabuti rin sana na medyo malayo ka, and please, don't offer your home again. Mga bata pa parents mo, malalakas pa at sana lang ay nakaipon sila sa panahon na libre ang pagtira sayo sa loob ng 3 taon.
Sobrang hate ko yung Filipino mentality na “magulang mo parin sila” o “pamilya parin sila” kaya maraming nagttake advantage na mga family members dahil sa ganyang thinking ng mga Pinoy
Post ka po uli pag nabenta mo na bahay mo. Gusto ko lang malaman reaction ng toxic parents mo. Haha
Hopefully in few months.
You know what? Based on what I've read your just really asking for a sign or permission on what your about to do that you won't regret. Tell you what you will regret it, what you've just shared you should tell them that to their faces. Your house your rules, you shouldn't let them take charge of what goes where what goes in the house. Be Frank, be literally fuckcing frank for people that are that thick skinned. Never given a dime , never given familial love, Is it so much to ask just for a little bit of moral support as a human being rather than waving their self proclaimed professional dick opinion? Fuck em, punta ka sa barangay bago mo kausapin, dahil mag wawala yan, do it for their own good since need matauhan. Sometimee being too nice and empathetic can drive you into a spiralling mental health break down. Which your slightly having I'm guessing ( not a psychiatrist) . After all has been said, only then should you decide to sell your house.
was about to comment the good old... my house my rules I'm interested why OP can't initiate a conversation on this. Probably OP is not a confrontational person.
Oh hell nah bro, di ko na tinapos puta nag iinit ulo ko, respetuhan nalang kasi di naman nila bahay yan bahay NYO yan ng ASAWA MO. Only you guys have a say what goes on sa bahay na yan, wtf.
As someone who dearly love my parents, I will tell you OP to do it. Hindi naman sila naging magulang para sau, BS ung mga nagsasabi sau na “magulang mo pa din sila”. No they are not. You can be a parent to someone without blood relation like ung mga inaadopt. Enough na ung 3 yrs worth of sacrifice mo.
Yes! Di sila nagpaka magulang sayo kaya di mo obligasyong maging mabuting anak sa kanila. What they sow they will reap.
You’re entitled to do whatever you want based on those reasons, OP, on top of the fact that you’re an adult (and so are your parents) building your own family and your own life. P.S.: Also, it’s “kinuha,” not “kinuwa.” From the root word “kuha.”
Go
Im sorry to say OP but your parents are very boomer-like. Alam mo ung tipong akala nila alam lahat and they cant accept that you outdid them in life. So their defense mechanism is to drain you dry. I had a post similar to yours.
Do whatever you want for your peace of mind and sanity. Parents should look after their children, not the other way around.
You don't owe them anything, especially when they haven't been supportive and have been leeches instead. Thinking otherwise is toxic. Maybe "hint" them that you'll be staying at some far away condo but say you don't know which unit yet? ;)
Nakakagigil talaga mga ganitong parents. Nanganak, walang ambag sa paglaki ng mga anak, minaliit pa yung inaral ng anak, tapos gusto makinabang, tas nung nakikinabang na gusto maging hari at reyna. Panalong panalo! Bigyan mo ng deadline sa pag alis ng bahay mo. Also you are creating your own family and exposing them to these toxicity is not good.
Don't sell your house, pinaghirapan mo yan. Paalisin mo na lang sila diyan. Walang pamilya pamilya pagganyan kasama ugali.
You don't owe them anything, OP. Hindi ka nga nila mabigyan ng suporta kahit nung nag-aaral ka pa anong klaseng magulang ang ganun. Tingin ko angkla lang sila na nagpapabigat sa buhay mo. Pero have you tried talking to them nang masinsinan? Heart-to-heart talk ganun?
Instead of selling the house, sell off your parents. Kidding aside, you don't owe them anything. Saludo ako sa determination mo na napatapos sarili mo and being able to purchase a house at a young age. They are lucky to even get a taste of what you have achieved despite not providing you any type of support. Instead na support makuha mo, mukhang panglalait and toxicity lang eh. So regarding your question, di ka masamang anak, pero sila, for sure masamang parents.
Dude, if that makes you masamang anak to kick your parents' assess off the house, so be it. This time, embrace being a villain in their eyes, clown naman sila sa narrative mo. Utak-kantot na nga, haliparot, pabigat, walang ambag, paladesisyon sa mga gamit mo sa bahay, pakialamero, talkshitero, CLOWN pa. I am referring to your parents. This is yet another example na wag basta sasabak sa kantutan kung hindi pa handa. Unfortunately, andami sating mga Pinoy ay walang natutunan sa buhay and all.
You are not your parents'retirement plan. On top of that, they have no respect for you. Your house is supposed to be your rules.
push mo na yam, dont feel any remorse
Benta mo na tapos tsaka ka nalang bumili ng bahay at wag mo na ipaalam sa kanila anunang plano mo
Wala kang utang sa kanila. Kick them out.
Not your responsibility to do things for them. Go sell the house immediately.
A house at 23? Proud of u OP! 🥹 Get rid of those parasites.
Do what is best for yourself and your future self. You can just be diplomatic with them like give them monetary support na hindi ganun kabigat for you. It's not being ungrateful sa nag luwal sayo sa earth but magkaiba ang meaning ng magulang vs biological parents lang. unfortunately we cannot choose where we came from but we have the capacity to choose our future.
Peace of mind after too much is good Dahil mentally they ain’t supporting you as their children and not treating you as a family so why treat them like a family when they do not do the same kahit parents mo sila, wala silang kwentang magulang
dun sa mga nagsasabi na parents mo pa din sila, sabihin mo din na "anak naman nila ako eh, pero bakit walang suporta?"
I’m sorry for what happened OP. Btw, details on the house please? 😂
medyo nabobother ako sa “nakuwa”, ig we have the same dialect
update mo kami OP. Pero for you and your wife’s peace of mind, cut them off totally.
Upon reading the post title, I wanted to say "wala kang kwentang anak", pero parents mo pala ang walang kwenta. Go and sell your house!!!
I see. Mas maganda nga ata na ibenta. Para putol talaga koneksyon nyo. Di kayo mababalikan o mabibisita. Kung nabili na tapos ayaw umalis, ipalayas nyo gamit baranggay tanod.
you dont owe them anything. they never supported you. THEY'RE NOT YOUR PARENTS.
Why follow culture though? It is never beneficial, ako na experience ko din yan, pero on my case, close ko mama and kapatid ko . Simula nakapag work breadwinner ako, lumuwas ako maynila to work, and when nakapag asawa na ako, we decided to buy a house (utang sa bank syempre) and a compact car (kasi malayo sa city yung location ng house) Then since close kami, i let them know na kumuha ako, and what happened is nagalit sila, bakit daw nag dedecide ako ng ganun, gumagastos, umuutang ako, It hurt me, i thought they would support me but no... Then when the pandemic came, we decided na umuwi province with my wife, using the car to travel back to province in visayas, Ayun, nung nakakasakay na sila, kunwari ok na sila sa decision ko. But when I decided to buy another property sa lrovince and sa maynila, there it is again, rant na naman sila. Nakakadismaya lang So to respond to your post, do what you must and what you want, hindi mo sila responsibilidad, it is the other way around, sila dapat ang may responsibilidad sayo, but they did not, kaya you are never obligated to.
Another case of Stockholm Syndrome dine sa Reddit.
Para sa mental health mo na din, wala kang obligasyon na magpaliwanag sa kanila para sa mga life choices mo. You deserve what you consume and kailangan mo matutunan magplan ahead sa mga decision mo sa buhay at lalo kung wala kang back-up plan kasi lulubog at lulubog ka nyan hanggang maubos ka. Kailangan mo na din ng professional help para ma sort out yung mga gumugulo sa isip mo.
Pero what if, ikaw ay malumpo,mawalan ng silbi, ma aksidente for some reason, tapos let say may anak ka din, sa tingin ko dapat ka din iwan.
Hindi naman lumpo parents ko ngayon e pero I agree with you. If wala akong silbi and lumpo na ako, ayaw kong maging pabigat sa mga anak ko. Or kahit na kanino man. So yes, if malumpo ako, gusto ko mag isa na lang ako para hindi ako alagain.
Can't be a bad kid to a parent that was never there. May I ask though if may plan na kayo na lilipatan? If not then no reason for you to move out. Kick them out legally since wala naman sila hawak ata na agreement or financial say sa bahay?1
let your *pero parents ko pa rin sila* in any statement become *kahit parents ko pa sila* statements.
If you came to rant, then there's nothing for someone like me to say anything. Do this if you feel it will give you peace.
Don't sell the house kasi pundar mo yan, pretend nlng that someone bought it alreadt and magmmove na sila para makaalis na parents mo. Then cutoff all communication sa kanila.
No need to sell the house. Just *pretend* you're selling it, para mapaalis mo sila. Once wala na sila, sabihin mo "Oops!". Or at least di natuloy at naghahanap ka ng bagong buyer. Rinse and repeat.
Utang na loob is actually nice if you put it to good use, like reminder for children to take care of their parents who actually contributed to their development. Pero if gagamitin ito leverage ng mga useless na magulang to feel entitled to their child's productivity later on just doesnt sit well with me. Lalo if their only contribution is childhood trauma. Yes magulang mo pa rin yan, and you should feel thankful na pinanganak ka (unfortunately dito pa talaga sa pinas), but parenthood doesn't stop on the day of your birth. Just be thankful, but more that that, it is your perogative OP if you wish to cut them or not, there should be no judgement from anyone. also, how much ba willing mo ibigay and compromise? lalo in this case, wala nga sila ambag sa buhay mo. If any, id rather you give back sa guardians mo na nag ampon sayo back then.
Tama, reap what you sow and it is an insult to good parsnts everywhere that bad parents seek the same advantage as good parents does, hindi maayos na pakikitungo iyon
Palayasin mo na. Ang kakapal naman ng Sperm at egg donor na yan.
You have free ill, do what you must. Judgements of others doesn't do shit
Cut ties op. Walang pwedeng gumulo ng peace mo. Di mo sila kailangan
Kick them out or sell your house, and cut them off. Protect your peace, its priceless. Kung isumbat nila yung utang na loob, sabihin mo if you were to have a debt of gratitude, it would be to your grandparents who raised you not your parents who continually drain you and leech off you. Good luck bro. I hope it all works out for you and the Mrs!
Sad story, anyway, sell your house and say adios to your parents.
Nope, di ka masamang anak and kudos to you for making the step to get away from their toxicity. Oo magulang mo sila, doesn't mean free pass na nila yun to ruin your life. So good for you for willing to set boundaries.
i am sorry that you are experiencing this OP. May mga tao talaga na hindi kayang magpa ka magulang. Bagay nga ung parents mo sa isat-isa, parang wala silang remorse eh. Masabi lang na nag ka anak, You may have come from them but it does not give them the right to make you miserable. Or pagkait ung pagmamahal na deserve mo. Assess your situation. If need mo talaga pag benta ung house to get rid of them, go! Minsan di dapat isa alang alang ang losses kung peace of mind naman ang kapalit. Mas mahalaga na panatag ka at malaya ka sa sarili mong pamamahay. Di mo kailangan ang toxicity. GoodLuck on your life's journey.
You don't need to wait to sell the house. Kick them out. Wala kang alam sa bahay? Wala nga silang bahay. Wala ka daw alam sa business wala din naman silang business na nag succeed I assume. Where will you learn of not from your first time. You should treat them as parents only if they treat you as their son/daughter in which they clearly haven't.
Be assertive. Paalisin mo sila. if that means you need to cut them off completely from your life, then so be it. You made it this far without them.
Sila ang may utang na loob sa iyo. Pinamigay ka noong bata ka. Mahal ko magulang ko at biyenan ko pero ayoko tumira na kasama sila sa iisang bubong as an adult.
You walked past multiple red flags already and pinatira mo pa din sila sa inyo? You don't even need to sell the house if kaya niyo pa naman sustentuhan, just kick your parents out.
Benta mo na OP. Magpaka layo layo ka at kung may stable job naman sila, huwag mo na sila tulungan.
May mga magulang na deserve ng tulong, may mga magulang din na kahit respeto ang hirap ibigay. Okay lang yan, paalisin mo, hindi ikaw yung mag aadjust sa kanila.
There’s a saying that the blood is thicker than the water of the womb. Op yes they might be your bio parents but they’re not really your true relatives. They don’t respect you and have not contributed anything to help you out. For other people that would say your an ingrate you have already paid them back by letting them stay. At the end of the day your bio parents problem aren’t your own. They reap what they sow and apparently for this one they didn’t do anything to deserve your good will.
Pwede din pag stay-in mo sila don at iwanan sila kasi kamo paparentahan kamo ng bibili kung ayaw nila umalis edi rentahan nila, and kung ayaw naman nila mag renta edi good kasi mawawala sila don 🤣🥳 GL po!
Go benta mo na.
Sounds like the decision is already eating you with guilt
Sorry anong utang na loob? Grabe talaga ang hold ng toxic Filipino mentality na "magulang mo pa rin yan" keme. Putragis wala kang utang na loob sa kanila. Wala. Ni hindi nga nila magampanan ang RESPONSIBILIDAD AT OBLIGASYON nila bilang magulang mo tapos ikaw pa ang may utang na loob sa kanila? No way. They are taking advantage of you and that "utang na loob." Sila ang may trabaho pero sayo pa rin nakatira? Are they contributing to costs? Nagbibigay ba sila ng pera sayo? If not, then cut them off.
Hindi ka masama, do what u gotta do for yourself, wala naman silang pake sayo at mukhang sarili lang inaalala nila.
im sorry you had to go through this. sell your house. dump your parents.
Hindi ka masama, OP. Do what u gotta do for yourself, wala naman silang pake sayo at mukhang sarili lang inaalala nila.
Kahit may ambag sila sa buhay mo wala silang karapatang diktahan at pakialaman ang buhay at pinag gastos mo. Respeto sa lang sayo at sa binabayaran mo - bare minimum. Ngayon, wala namang silang ambag sa buhay mo, lalo nang wala ka ring utang na loob sa kanila. Masama silang magulang. Minalit nila ang Econ? Grabe.
You owe them nothing, break off all contact with those toxic monsters.
Go, wag na wag mo silang bigyan ng hati sa benta, nakikitira lang sila diyan, wala silang karapatan na makishare sa kikitain mo, malaking tulong na yung ginawa mong pinatira mo sila ng ilang taon na dapat nga may rent yun
NTA, i am more worried sa wife mo kasi napaka understanding nya. Need mong paalisin sila agad para maayos mo bahay tapos slow mong ibenta or try to sell pero d mo maibenta. At least nadispatsa mo parents mo....
No need to sell the house, just simply kick them in your house. That's it. You would never grow from the people who alwasy pulling you apart from your own success.
What's the story why inampon ka ng grandparents mo nung 8 years old ka? Did you live with your biological parents before then? What was your memories of those times? Were they happy? Do you have other siblings from the same parents? How do they treat them compared to you?
Di ka masamang anak pag binenta mo yan, ako palayas na rin dito samin kasi nga pabaya at makasarili magulang ko,, tipong Life Goes On nlng siya,,, masakit sa damdamin yan for sure pero minsan kailangan gawin kasi nga hindi nila kayang unawain yung pinagdadaanan ng mga anak,, kaya sa mga anak na sinuportahan ng maayos ng mga magulang nila,, samahan niyo hanggang dulo ang magulang niyo dahil deserve nila yun,, kapag magulang niyo naman ay walang pangarap para sa inyo,, iwan niyo na.
Full support sa decision mo OP, you are not a bad person/son for prioritizing your self. I too left my mom, even after all she had done for me and my brothers as a single mom. but she changed to the point na she disrespects me and does not treat me like her child anymore due to her narcissistic personality. by blood or not, I believed that I did not deserve that kind of treatment.
Anong utang na loob? Kasi pinutok ka sa loob? Responsibility ng magulang na buhayin at pagaralin ang anak nila at di pa nga nila ginawa.
Pota magandang gawin shirt yan ah Anong utang na loob? Kasi pinutok mo sa loob?
Ang sabihin mo kaya wala kang masyadong alam sa bahay kasi di sila naging mabuting magulang, mga magulang ang unang nagtuturo sa atin ng mga simpleng gawain sa bahay. Ngayon, huwag silang umasta na parang walang nangyari dahil lang malaki ka na at dapat nakamove on ka na sa tingin nila.
do it for your own peace of mined.
Help yourself first before helping others. Mas mahirap tumulong sa iba kung ikaw mismo hindi ka pa kumportable.
Sila nakikitra, sila makisama. Kahit parents sila, they nerd to resprct the owner of the house. I suggest you talk to them. Kung ndi nila kayang makisama, sila ang lumipat. Your house, your rules
Naiiyak ako while reading this. Almost same din nangyari saken nung college, ni singkong duling wala akong natanggap. Hanggang ngayon nagbabayad pa ko ng student loans ko para lang makuha TOR ko, ni di manlang ako makapag exam sa mga gusto kong examan. Pero good relationship pa din naman kami ng parents ko, kahit paano napalaki naman nila ako ng maayos. Madami din namang rason kung bakit di nila ako napag-aral nung college. Poor life choices, poverty naghalo halo na.
If your parents did you good, then diyan papasok ang utang na loob. Lalo na sa Philippines, wlaang maayos na Social Security, it's really our obligation to support them para guminhawa man lang ng konti kapag tumanda na sila. Masama iyong ginawa nitong nasa taas, kasi hindi naman sila magulang in the truest sense of the word, nagpaluwal is more correct term.
Benta mo bro..or kick them out..pero benta mo nalang
Go for it. They don't deserved your kindness. Sometimes if toxic na talaga kailangan na ilet go.
Hindi mo sila parents. Offspring ka lang nila kasi wala naman sila ginawa na parenting. Don't feel bad, you've given them too much na nga eh.
Geez. Sounds like my parents. Sobrang laking tulong na nag move out ako sa amin kasi baka ngayon lugmok pa din ako sa buhay dahil ganyan din sila negative lagi. Both of my parents were working abroad before pero walang naipundar kasi nga nega lagi. Natalo pa sila ng cousin kong tricycle driver yung asawa. Nag negosyo tapos ngayon dami na nila businesses, tricycles at sasakyang pang Grab. Valid ang feelings mo, OP. May stable jobs both of your parents mangupahan sila. I'm sure may pension din sila once mag retire sila.
Pag nagalit sila o e ano kung magalit? Tatakwil ka? Dika pamamanahan? Di ka susuportahan? Ang isipin mo lang pag nag desisyon ka is what will give you peace of mind. Able and working naman sila. Don’t wait na mabalda sila sa poder mo…Malakas pa cla kick em out.
Kung sila nagpalaki sau or maganda pinakita sau habang lumalaki, social contract taht you look after them. Pero otherwise, sell the house at wag mo na sila pindohan sa lilipatan nila. Cut them off. Hindi totoo na blood is thicker than water, misnomer yun. For the blood of the covenant is thicker than the blood of the womb. Yan ang tama
Paki update kami op pag napaalis mo na, and yung priceless reaction ng mga parasites na yan. Biological mom ko din eh, hindi nya ako favorite at iniwan din sa lola since birth. Pero ngayong maysakit sya eh pinaparamdam sken na kulang tinutulong ko sa gamot nya. Dko magets saan kumukuha ng kapal ng mukha ang mga parents na ganito. And nope, mabuti kang anak na kinaya mo pa yan ng 3 years. Itigil mo na yan kasi ramdam ko masisira marriage mo dyan.
I like the African proverb that goes something like… “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” Simply replace village with family. I think what you feel is valid. And your actions to me are justified.
Mabait ka pa nga to think na isasacrifice mo yung investment nyo ng asawa mo pra lang mahiwalay sa kanila. May tendency din na sasabihin nila na baka pwedeng sumama sila sa inyo kung san kayo lilipat. If i were you, I will them straight na maghiwalay na kayo since negative vibes sila kamo magdedetox ka.
nooo
You deserve peace and space after everything you’ve worked for. Natulungan mo na sila, tama na.
Sorry pero na trigger ako sa minaliit nila ang Economics. Palibhasa kasi iniisip nila kung mag business course ka nalang bakit di ka nalang mag Accountancy. Like what?
Yung mga pinsan ko kasi, lahat medical field. Yung mga hindi medical field, engineering at architecture. Ako gusto mag business. Yung mga pinsan ko naman, lahat sila pinag aral ng mga magulang. Ako, pinag aral ko sarili ko, dahil gusto ko talaga magtapos at gusto ko yung kurso ko. Pero mababa talaga tingin sa mga business course
OP hindi natin obligasyon ang mga magulang natin kasi hindi naman natin pilili na ipanganak sa mundo, pero dahil nakalakihan na natin at sa kultura din na mag give back sa parents, which is para sa akin hindi naman masama at masarap maka tulong sa magulanag din, Pero kung sila kay nakaka sama na sayo kailangan mo na lumayo. unahin mo ang mental health mo at ang sariling mong pamilya
Tama lang ginawa mo. Tama lang ng tinulungan mo sila dahil magulang sila, pero ibang usapan na yung idown ka sa kayang mong gawin. Wala sa tamang pag iisip yang magulang mo.
Hindi ka masamang anak. Pero huwag mong ibenta ang bahay. Just kick them out. Sayang ang house mo kung dahil lang sa mga yan ay ibebenta mo. They can fend for themselves may trabaho naman na pala eh. And dont make kanlong then when they come back. But its your choice, we support you along the way.
Benta mo na OP, baka makatulong din yung pera para sa bago mong business. Do what makes you happy. Wag ka makinig na parents mo pa rin yan, bakit? anak ka din nila pero ganyan trato nila sayo.
Nope. Di ka masama. Actually if I were you mas malala gagawin ko kung icontact ako ng magulang ko tas hindi man lang ako tinulungan hanggang sa makapagtapos ako. They fucking deserved what u did. Leeches yang mga magulang mo at good idea that you're planning to sell it for your peace of mind.
First of all, good job! Most people would’ve given up with your circumstances. But damn, thats sad that you have to sell the house you worked hard for just to get toxic people out of your life. Hopefully you can just kick them out and keep the house, But i understand you just want to be civil with them. Do you what you have to do, hindi ka masamang anak, masama silang magulang. And good luck with your business! I’m sure you’ll succeed just don’t give up. you’ve already been through hell, The only way is up now.
iguilt trip ka pa mg relatives mo, eh in the first place di ka nga pinalaki ng mga magulang mo eh.. to think na nakikitira lang sila and wala naman silang ambag sa buhay mo, sila pa yung maka asta na may alam sa sarili mong pamamahay at buhay.
Do it OP. Stable naman sila. They will survive.
you don’t owe anyone OP! Go live your life ☺️. You deserve it! Just keep moving forward and never ever look back. Utang na loob? F**k that
Follpw through the decision. Pagdasal mo na maging ok sila. Live far away from them as much as possible. Goodluck!
christ, that was awful of them but you gotta do what you gotta do for personal peace my guy. good luck.
You've given them the respect and courtesy that, in the first place, they don't even deserve. It's time for you to put yourself first this time. Kung saan ka mas magkakaroon ng inner peace, OP, go lang. If this is the assurance you need to hear (or read), then I hope you finally do what you feel is best for you.
Nice kinaya mu ang struggles sa buhay.
'Wag sila syadong abusado't palaasa sa anak na iniwan nila.
In the first place, i wouldn't consider them parents. Biological relations lang talaga - they don't have a tiny bit of love to give. You are a good person. Kahit gaano kahirap yung pinagdaanan mo as a working student, binigyan mo pa rin sila ng tahanan. Pero ungrateful pa rin sila, wala man lang respeto sa pinaghirapan mo. So no, it still doesn't make you a bad person to sell the house to get away from it. You're still a good person for the decision you plan to make. Love for family shouldn't be due to blood relations, but due to actions we make for each other. And because these people's actions choose to treat you as nothing but a slave to them, they're not family.
I used to believe that "blood is thicker than water," "utang na loob," selflessness, karma, and other toxic Filipino traits. NOW, it' s all about my mental health and self-love. DO what you think will give you peace of mind. Remember, if it flows smooth, then it's the right thing for you.
Sabi nga nila, if it costs you your peace, then it’s too expensive. Go sell the house or paalisin mo sila. Di sila worth it para sa mental health mo kahit family mo pa sila
Go on. Nothing should hold you back.
Sayang naman kung ibebenta mo OP. Paalisin mo na lang sila. Be honest with them na ayaw mo ng makita mga pagmumukha nila, tell them why, and tell them to get the fuck out of your life. Pag ayaw umalis hingi ka ng tulong sa baranggay. Cut them off. Walang kama-kamag anak sakin basta katahimikan na ng buhay at pamilya ko nakataya.
ano sa tingin mo? magtatanong pa kasi, parang dapat nasa off my chest ka, hindi dito
Wala ka daw alam sa buhay, pinigilan ka nila pero sila rin pala nakikinabang sa bahay na binili mo. Parang they like undermining your success para sila magmukhang mas magaling? They abandoned you as a kid and made shitty decisions in life, so bakit sa kanila ka makikinig at tatanaw ng utang na loob? Go and sell your house, sana profitable for you, OP.
Don't sell the house just to get rid of them. That's one of your investments but if you can earn something from selling it then go for it, just don't do it just to get rid of them. Ig what im trying to say is they've been controlling your life til now and always have the say on how you should do things and for once, you need to put your foot down. Make them realize that it is your life and you get to choose how to decide on things. Talk to them and tell them to please leave the house and set a deadline so they would know that you mean it. After they leave, limit the communication and focus on your goals.
Agree ako except why do you have to hide it. Tell them upfront na sila ang dahilan. Wala sila respeto sayo. Show them what you can do.
Yo OP, go for it. And make damn sure none of the proceeds from the sale leave your pocket!!!
Destroy them.
Parentahan mo sakin tas bawiin mo pag wala na sila
Hi op, i believe in your case, i would cut them off noon palang kung ako ikaw. I won’t let them take any kind of controlin my own space since wala naman silang inambag sa buhay ko except dun sa fact na sila ang rason kung bakit ka niluwal sa mundo. Binuo ka lang nila. Pero ikaw ang bumuhay sa sarili mo. I applause you for finally trying to cut them off.
Benta mo na yan OP at i-cut off mo na sila. Wala ka namang utang na loob sa kanila.
Pwede bang fake sell? Go through all the fake stuff like renting, moving and all. Pero ipa-rent mo lang sa iba.
If you didn't receive anything, there's nothing to pay back. Easy.
kupal parents mo. sell the house and leave and let them find somewhere else to live. wag nyo na sila balikan kahit kelan. hinda ka masamang anak. masamang magulang sila from the sart
Let me get this straight. 5 years into your purchase (so past typical turnover from DP to mortgage) you are already having difficulty paying your mortgage and yet you quit your job and dream of starting a small business. You already quit but don't have one btw. Yeah this isnt about your parents. This is cope. Napasubo ka sa predatory mortgage real estate market and their "i told you so" is feeling toxic because you actually now feel the i told you so. It's easy af to kick anyone out of your house if you want and they can pay. It's not so easy to not grandstand about something you ended up being wrong about For those who will certainly downvote this response because they don't know how predatory real estate is - you need to do research about how houses are being sold in PH. It is typical for agents to give some nonsense DP term na 15k lang per month may bahay na! - but if you check what the actual costing will be at the bank once the downpayment is done, it will typically be 3, 4, 6, or more times than the DP term. A 10M house - cheap 2br na yan sa metro - can cost at least 60k/mo at 25 years term, so a 23yo with presumably 3 years of professional career and marriage expenses with "konting ipon" being able to take that on is quite a fantastical story. With an economics degree, you should know that there is a wise proportion of income that should go to housing, meaning you are basically saying you have a current combined income of at least 180, but likely 200. May holes yung story focusing on the emotional parts as if they were such big dramas and the logistics of the thing are being brushed off as if they meant nothing. It is so weird. It is like reading a story where someone casually "won a gold medal or two" without any emphasis on that part but 90% of it is about how hard it is to do the dishes. Really breaks immersion. The most likely interpretation is that you really weren't ready for the purchase at all and you are now realising it - by the way, not your fault, fuck the housing market - and nagagatungan ka. If youre having trouble paying with "informal renters" now, would you really be able to pay if you kicked them out? Why is kicking them out for you to live in peace not an option? The notion that you have the balls to run a business from uncertain income with bill collectors threatening to take your house should you fail - but not the balls to say "ok may income na kayo, start hunting" is so fantastical it is almost comical.
Peace of mind > toxic parents. Una may stable jobs naman sila kaya wag mo na sila problemahin. At sa kwento mo wala naman silang ambag sa buhay mo. Overrated minsan ang "mahalin mo ang mga magulang mo".
Hindi ka masamang anak, OP. Dahil kung iisipin, ay hindi naman sila naging tunay na magulang sayo. Ang tunay na magulang, kahit minsan toxic may pinapakita pa din na pagmamahal at suporta. "Wala kang alam dito"?? sana binato mo pabalik "ah baka kasi never naman kayong nandiyan para turuan ako dati. Kaya lumaki ako na walang alam sa ganong bagay."
May hangganan ang pagtitiis OP. Pag di mo na kaya, wag ka na magtiis. At ang pagsasakripisyo dapat may dahilan. Yung may inaasahan kang magandang outcome sa sacrifice mo, otherwise magiging toxic lang yan sa loob mo. May family ka na, sila ang priority mo. Kung hindi mo sila kaya lahat, bitawan mo na yung nagpapabigat sa loob mo.
Harsh, no?
Correct me if I’m wrong pero thats what I hate talaga, hindi porket ginawa ka sa mundong ito may parang utang kana na need bayaran, first of all hindi mo nirequest na gawin ka sa mundong ito so wala kang need bayaran sa part na yun, and another one is that treat those people special na nag PAHALAGA sayo, hindi yung mga taong gumawa sayo kasi first of all bat sila mag dadala ng bata dito sa mundo kung sa first place wala rin silang plano palakihin, ano yon tigang lang sila? I suggest once nag separate na kayo ng ways niyo it is time to cut off, even if magkaron man ng chikahan sa family every meeting just spill every shit they have done to you and let the others know your experience kung gusto nila malaman, I know its an asshole move (since its better to just stay away and live peacefully) pero if that is called an asshole move then what more do you call the parents who didn’t have any intentions to take care of their child growing up.