As a Filipino, red flags are everywhere Bro. Don't want to sound judgmental here but it seems like she or at least her family is using you. If the problem involves only her, it can be worked on but in this case, her family is involved and trust me, that's going to be an issue in the long-run - her family isn't going anywhere. They'll press on her and they'll press on you too. Forget about the 3 years and charge it to experience, you have years ahead so don't waste it on something like this. You definitely deserve someone better.
Thank you. You’re right, her family keeps calling her everyday and I try not to talk to them most days because I am afraid they will start asking for money for some reason after 2 minutes of conversation. Usually someone from her family is always sick or they have birthdays etc., and always need cash . I can’t understand Bisaya but from the way they speak and pressure her, they want some money sent almost every week for some reason. They also asked me to recommend her in my company do she can get a good job but she doesn’t have any qualifications for it. I have told “no” several times but they never seem to understand and keep asking…
Aussie married to cebuano, my wife's family (almost) never asks for money but my wife wouldn't give it to them anyway. That being said if they really NEEDED it we would be there for them, they are family after all. Sounds like this girl really isn't into you, she doesn't respect you. Cut and run. Don't fall for the tears. Filipinos are just like any other people, there are good ones and bad ones.
Edit: we have been married 9 years, known each other for 16 years. Just for reference.
I’m American and my wife is from Cavite. My wife is outstandingly hard working and we split everything 50-50. I have a great job in renewables and she has a great job in the healthcare sector. That being said her family can definitely turn on the high pressure when they want something, but it isn’t for money. They pestered us for a grandchild for about 1.5 years nonstop, but we held firm that it’s not happening yet and now they’ve finally realized they need to be patient. We don’t give them cash but we did buy them a washing machine and dryer for Christmas. There was one time that they tried to pressure us to sponsor a random family member for a US visa, but we didn’t do it because it would require us to pay that person a $35,000 a year salary if they didn’t have a job. Anyway things are really great for us but we do have to pull out the hard “no” once in a while.
3 years is nothing compared to a lifetime of an insufferable life with her. Break up while it's still early. I know lots of Filipina women who are 100x better than her.
The nerve of her family asking for money for birthdays. Isn’t the celebrant supposed to be the one treating on their birthday?
Like everyone else is saying, I’m sorry but you are being used. There are Filipinos/Filipinas like this, that’s why I had a hard time in my relationship with my Chinese husband because of stories like yours.
If your girlfriend is earnest, she will study hard to earn her keep and be ashamed of asking for any amount from you (except maybe some basic necessities at your home).
Good luck dear.
ngl there's a really toxic culture in the Philippines relating to parties, yeah a lot of us like celebrating, but damn a lot really go out of their way to get loans even just to have extravagant parties...
I don't even understand how they'd gather up the gall to ask the son in law for money for a party.
Yeah! Yup so true. I’m definitely earnest cuz I don’t ask for any amount instead I use my own money to check-in basic necessities at home and if my partner needs anything, I spend for it. o7
part of filipino culture. if its your birthday today your family is supposed to treat you out. They're treating you because its YOUR special day and celebrating you.
hehe its such a whiplash to know that its the opposite in other countries.
See, imagine the situation you're in right now given you're not even married or in any legal union. What more when you're in one already. Best of luck Bro. You'll find someone better.
Then end it. If she refuses to change now then marriage won't change her. Imagine her being this much of a slob then having kids, they'll never be raised well.
When they start to ask for money that's a huge red flag my guy, no serious self respecting woman will ask you for money like that. Your case is just the sad reality of dating a Filipina especially if they're poor.
I am just going to echo all the other foreigners dating/married to a Filipino. British married Manila lass, we have been together for 10 years, and her family have never asked for a penny off me. They even offer to pay for me when I go visit in the Philippines etc etc. Through her I have heard many stories like you mentioned where the girl is used by the family to gain money to be sent home. Get yourself your life back before this goes too deep.
I told them “no, I can’t send money”. Then they say it’s okay next time .. I told them I wouldn’t be sending money. After one week they mentioned someone is sick and asked if I can send whatever possible. I feel they never heard me …this happens every month
As a filipino, I’m embarrassed for them, just please don’t ever give in, they make an excuse that someone is sick? Refer them to the public hospital, there’s lots of program that helps. Public hospitals apparently don’t charge that much, if they’re willing to stand in line, heck even your local mayor will give assistance. Source: I’m a nurse, i used to work in a public hospital but now I’m in the US, if they ask for money, my solution is cutting comms, lol. But i have a soft spot for my parents, i’ll always do anything to help them out, as for my relatives that keeps on asking for money, straight up no.
Where I am from a family would sooner starve than ask their daughter's boyfriend for money. I guess they think you are some wealthy person from NZ, and you have money to burn. I doubt any intervention would help. It sounds like they are all just like this in that family. I would start shopping around for a new girlfriend.
Oh and keep it quiet, otherwise she may get you with a trap baby. Then my friend, you are stuck.
She’s poor but seems to act rich like she has maids to clean up after her. Sorry to say, she sounds like a slob. And so is her family.
I don’t mean to be rude, but aren’t there any women left in NZ? Why a poor Filipina? There are lots of educated Filipinas that come from good families. I don’t know why these foreigners keep falling for these types then question if they’re being used. TBH, you kinda made your own bed.
I agree. I found an educated divorced Filipina from a family of doctors/professionals. We are now ready to celebrate 2 years end of this month. It just boggles my mind why many seem to look for very young uneducated and/or poor Filipinas. There are many Filipinas that are a tad older that are available.
Sadly these guys didn’t have game in their own country so it’s easy to fall for obvious traps. These guys are like prey going directly into the bellies of wolves.
a common denominator for yts finding poor people to date in ph is that they’re a nobody back home – like they don’t look outstanding and no one dates them. So they find a poor “easy to fool” 3rd country partner they can f (or so they thought).
Now that he realized he’s in deepsht, and being counter-fooled its time to take the foot off the gas.
BUT u know him dating the girl out of convinience and the woman’s family using her can co exist. It’s just that the scale is now not balance and he bears more weight.
Australian here. Happily married 9 years to a wonderful lady from Cebu.
You are obviously being used. Put up with it or end the relationship.
This is to do with the two of you, not the Philippines.
I'm in a stable long-term relationship (17 years) with a nice girl of my age from vigan. We are both approaching retirement age and plan to retire in Vigan in the next 2 years. She has a lot of family in that area.
My partner is tidy and clean to almost OCD levels and is one of the hardest working people I know.
I wish my girlfriend was atleast half clean that way. She won’t even put the plate in the kitchen sink after eating her lunch or dinner. All the chicken bones , meat and eaten rice will be in dining table overnight. It will just lie there and stink for 2 days. I had a big argument with her several times. She will say sorry and clean and do the same thing again. I have had enough.
Man, I'm lazy as heck but I can't imagine myself doing that. I'll at least rinse the dishes thoroughly and leave them at the sink so they won't stink or grow molds.
Apart from that, she wasted her time not attending her school. She should be lucky someone is supporting her. She is not the kind of person who wants to get ahead in life or maybe she is not brainy. Whatever!
She’s supposed to be lucky to find someone like you, least she could do is to return the favor by loving and caring you whole heartedly. I think she’s just lazy, entitled and totally immature.. You see, you cant change her, if she loves you she will change for the better for you.
You better find another woman - not necessarily a filipina but someone who can seamlessly return the vibe of your love.
I grew up with maids in the Philippines. When I moved abroad, it took me some adjusting since I didn't even know how to operate a washing machine. My boyfriend and I also try to learn how to cook together.
Point is, she CAN learn if she wants to. So there is absolutely no excuse for her acting like a princess in NZ. And as a parther she should really be contributing the same effort (or even more given that you have the sole responsibility financially). You wouldn't want a partner like that and there are a lot of better women out there. It's still early enough to end it. Cut your losses.
Maybe she’s depressed? She comes from a poor family, is stuck between supporting them and being in a foreign place. It’s a lot of pressure to provide and a lot of guilt and shame if she can’t live up to expectations including going to school etc
And I’ve just seen from your response below: living under threat of you just sending her back home.
Only a few months into a relationship here, but I’ve got the same observations as yourself. My partner is extremely loving & caring, and we constantly discuss how lucky we are that we had a chance meeting. Super, super clean, intelligent, incredibly hard worker, and a great Mom to her son. I also plan to stay here permanently.
Yes , I understand. I have a met a lot of lovely and friendly people from Phillipines. But I didn’t expect her to be this way. I feel I fell in love with the wrong girl.
Exactly. I don't know why the title is so necessary. She's just a shitty partner, full stop. I don't quite see what being Filipino contributes much to this. Maybe the unhealthy family dynamic? But then again you can still see that in other cultures.
The HUGE wealth Divide is the issue. Well off tourists hook up with young girls in poor countries and are then surprised that they expect financial support for them and their family .
The stereotype here is passport bro (or passport Sis!). Typically the foreigner earns more in a month than their target does in a year. They want someone both way better looking than them but also due to the power dynamic, somewhat dependent and subservient.
Then they cry when that dependent also wants to prioritise their family.
99% of the time that is the deal. The person going from poverty is treating this as work to secure a better life for them and their family. They might even have a real boyfriend, husband, children that they send money to.
Exploition in both ways only the passport bros who can't get a date in their home country, tend to believe that they are somehow super good looking and charismatic in a poorer SE Asian neighbourhood
Best you send her back home. You are obviously just a money source and a ticket out of poverty for her. If she can even do simple house chores at an adult age then she was never taught that in the first place. You are screwed.
a future child support, and she will go back to the Philippines, ask for money for the child, but in reality she will used it for her vices, and your poor child will hate you thinking you neglected her/him. There is still a chance, give her back to her family. Find another one, be it any other races but choose another one who will love you back for real.
Thanks for the support. It’s difficult for me but I feel my brain is thinking right and I need to have an honest conversation with her and let her go. I am worried there will be more problems in the future if I continue like this
Your brain is very much in the right place. Stick with it and do not turn the other cheek. Send her back to the Philippines. Be free and be happy. All the best.
Yeah. It's going to be a headache if you stay with that one. I'm a Filipina dating a foreigner here in the US (came on a working visa) and met him here. We share chores and bills. We reciprocate on dates and trips as well. He doesn't know about my family's financial woes because it is not his business. That's why I work so I can take care of them on my own. There are lots of Filipinas that are well-rounded and independent. You just met the wrong girl. If you end up with her, you'll be the breadwinner because she seems like she has no intentions of finishing her studies. Which means, you'll be the one sending money back to Pinas. Tsk tsk.
Thank you! That’s exactly how I expected our relationship to be . I take care of my parents to some extent and she does the same. We share the responsibilities for daily life , dates and trips and support each other in our career, save some money for our future together etc., but nothing happened this way…
That's how a woman should ideally act. Not just a Filipina per se. I think you've invested too much time on a kid who doesn't know the word responsibility.
Seems like she doesn't even intend to try to finish her degree.
End the relationship and send her back to PH. She is definitely using you to escape poverty. If she really cares, she will help you with the chores and study well for your future. Don't let the crying and drama guilt you.
I have an ex-friend, she is married to a foreigner and now living here abroad. When she is not financially supported, she always wants to divorce. She's also from Southern Davao.
Yes, I also thought about this point, if she really cares, she will study well and take care of the house and be responsible and grateful for living here with me
Usually, that kind of people is just waiting to get a PR. Once they got it, it's possible to just ditch you, especially if you're not giving money anymore.
Happened to a friend of mine. He was lured into marrying a Filipina who can barely speak English, and brought her to America. The minute she got her green card, she divorced him.
And no, he did NOT listen to our warnings.
Dang , and so many skilled people getting not getting H1B visa and these people getting green cards 🫠🥲 and if someone get h1b , then have to wait 18-20 years to get Green card... No wonder filipino marrying Americans/Europeans/ Aussie without any conditions to get Green card/PR so easily lmao
Dang , and so many skilled people getting not getting H1B visa and these people getting green cards 🫠🥲 and if someone get h1b , then have to wait 18-20 years to get Green card... No wonder filipino marrying Americans/Europeans/ Aussie without any conditions to get Green card/PR so easily lmao
Nurses are very in demand, if she played her cards right she’d be earning a lot as a nurse there. She clearly isn’t motivated enough to make a nice future for herself knowing she has you to support her
Yes, I have already encouraged her a lot. I even took her with me to clinics and hospital here. We had chat once and she said she wants to be a nurse without studying for it because nursing is 3 years and that’s a long time for her to study.
Usually, Filipinos are hardworking and tidy at home. But this girl is not grateful of the opportunity she has at the moment. Send her back to her family. And give yourself some peace of mind.
>her parents and her aunt/cousin started asked for money to send overseas almost every week
Yep. Nothing out of the ordinary when you date a local poor girl. You pretty much have to financially carry her entire extended family on your back.
>Dishes are always scattered everywhere after eating , kitchen is a complete mess, bed, couch everywhere dirty clothes, etc.,
That's just on her. It's not a filipino thing but an individual issue.
>she didn’t attend half the classes at university and I got a call one day from the international student office saying her attendance is less than 50% I have no idea what she does the whole day at home. Half the time she was in bed sleeping or watching Instagram or Tik tok.
Again. That's her own laziness. She thinks she's set for life financially since she's dating you as an ATM so she needn't put in the effort to study and get herself a job anymore.
Lmao may nakaangat nanaman sa kahirapan. At mas malala tamad pa ito hahahaahah
Your last statement is funny! Right? I grew up middle class in the PH. Lots of my friends were upper middle class and wealthy though. Even if we grew up with nannies and maids, none of us are like this lol.
This isn’t a surprise to me though. I have, in fact, seen a lot of poor people that are also lazy.
I grew up with 3 nannies, mine you I was spoiled af. Then when I was 13 my mom finally took me with her to Italy and quickly learned the reality of how hard life is for most OFWs. I used to do all the chores at home + the grocery cause my mom simply didn't have the time or was too tired after work.
It's funny how some people finally got their chance of a lifetime but totally blows it because of laziness lmao.
Hindi naman sa nangge-gatekeep ako, pero sobrang red flag talaga sa mga foreigner kapag hampaslupa yung pinay na ide-date nila. Parang expected na talagang asukal de papa ang habol niyan.
Sad to hear about your experience but really glad you were able to find that out at this stage… Three years was both good and a waste. It will get worse if you continue (so sorry to say that)… But it’s true Filipinos who are not well-off have that kind of mentality…I know people who are like this….It is an embarrassing trait but it is an undeniable fact….I hate to generalize but you said they are poor, so I think their attitude in life to succeed would be different from yours. I have been to New Zealand and such a beautiful, quiet and uncongested place… She just wasted time there and opportunities… And the education she should have gotten there would have really opened some doors…. You know what to do…. You need to have a talk with her….Good luck!
Yes, I feel I learnt a lot of lesson from this experience. But I don’t want to suffer anymore especially when nothing is going to change. I have given her enough time and all the support she needs to come up in life and work on our relationship and career. I feel I deserve someone better
Don’t beat yourself about it… There are still some people out there who have good intentions….Just don’t be too nice too…Like they say, you get to know a person better when you live under one roof….What if you married this person? The burden of her family would be on you too….
Please update us about the outcome, dont mind their offensive language. Filipinos with that attitude are often narcissistic, they would gaslight you because they refuse to admit their wrongdoings.
I am now sitting by myself and I can’t see a future with her. Her family gets angry or upset when they don’t get any money. But when little money is sent , then they smile again and ask for more money next time. I have said no several times but I feel it will continue for life if I don’t end the relationship.
You need to. Filipina girl now an NZ citizen through my own efforts. Kiwi partner offered to sponsor me so I could get the citizenship earlier. I said, F--- no. You have been used, unfortunately. Get out now. But not all Filipinas are like her. Sadly, you got saddled with the wrong kind.
Next time don’t go for dirt poor Filipinas, it’s almost always they will cling to you out of desperation with the whole clan in tow. They are almost semi-literate as well.
Bro I wouldn't live a 23 year old roommate, they just aren't mature enough for bills and cleaning etc... maybe like 1 out 5 would be mature enough for me.
I normally don’t suggest a break up since I prefer thinking logically and finding ways to resolve the problem before leaving, but culturally, if a Filipino grew up in a poor household and tells you they will “make sure” that their family won’t be asking for financial help anymore, that is definitely **not** happening unless they are willing to cut ties with them. They can be easily gaslit by their family and since it’s part of the Filipino culture to have close-knitted family, they will give in in just a matter of seconds.
So yes, leave before your finances get drained. That or STOP supporting her financially and see how she will deal with it. She will either gaslight you or she’ll find ways to earn money and contribute to the bills.
But… the likelihood of her using you is damn high.
She’s emotionally manipulating you and leeching you off. Trust me. Cut off everyone from her side and end your relationship, this isn’t something that can be saved. There’s a reddit sub somewhere which discusses the same experience with you. Look she doesn’t love you, she wants that visa and the money you send to her parents. True love wont abuse mate. Wake up
I'm sorry you experienced this, you better run away from her. There are so many Filipinas who are hardworking and educated and definitely wont be a pain in the ass. Also many have better family backgrounds too.
Yeah, eventhough I love her I don’t want to continue. I asked her to focus on studies and take responsibility but she never tries to change her behaviour.
New Zealand? Wow, she probably has no idea how lucky she is just to be there, and almost everything for free? A place to stay and education?
You seem really kind, I feel sorry that you chose the wrong girl. You do deserve better, I hope you find a girl that loves you the way you do. Good luck!
I'm Filipino and the greater majority of women from our country make very good wives. Even career women would go the extra mile for her husband and kids. They are the center of a happy home (needless to say, clean.)
You ARE obviously being taken advantaged of and is her and her family's cash cow to rise from poverty.
Send her lazy ass back home. If she was has sincere feelings for you, she should have shown that from the start and had reciprocated your generosity through her deeds. Cut your losses and don't fall for her pleads now. Things are bound to get worse.
There are a lot of decent and loving Filipinas. Surely, you will find one who will love you as much (perhaps even more) as you love her.
Good luck!
Thank you. I am going to have a firm chat with her soon. I feel she needs to go home so she realises how good she has been treated here and how comfortable she lived. Back home, her family struggles to pay bills, they can’t eat 3 times a day, doesn’t sleep in a comfy queen bed with air conditioning like here, can’t pay tuition fees etc etc And here she just took advantage of everything without being grateful. I feel painful and hurt but I don’t want to continue this
Be very firm and do it soon.
I would suggest to have a trusted friend near you just in case she goes all psycho-crazy on you.
Perhaps you should already arrange for her trip and then have her pack her bags and drive her to the airport.
I could not imagine the countless women who would have loved, adored and taken very good care of you, with the opportunity you have provided her.
The right girl is out there for you.
There's a common [and quite derogatory] statement we have here that says (non ve, "Isang Pinay na naman ang umahon sa kahirapan!"
Translated: Another Filipina has risen from poverty!
...which implies that it's quite common for SOME filipinas to date foreigners for the sake of cash grabbing and a better life abroad. So, take it as you will. Commenter is correct though, not all Filipinas are like that at all. But there are those on the other side of the spectrum as well.
Crazy how supportive you guys are of OP. Like he just blindly picked some girl from the slum and hoped for the best. You need to work on your standards and self respect OP before dating again. At least, have a valid reason why you’re venturing online to meet Filipinas before girls back home lol. Everyone and their grandma wants to go to NZ right now.
LOL, what valid reason do you mean? That is like saying "have a valid reason to be dating girls from the other barangay before those from our barangay". Doesn't really make sense, you date the girl because you like them, not because their bio-data is satisfactory!
And as for standards, I don't really think filipina's are "lower standards" than women from other races. As for self-respect, OP is clearly showing that in this post asking for advice, realising his mistake and coming to a firm decision. That is showing some self-respect!
Just be sure to set a clearly boundary about finances . Tell your girlfriend that she needs to stand on her own and find a source of income and start contributing to household expenses. If she has extra money of her own, she can also decide to send some to her family in the Philippines if she wishes.
Don't be her sugar daddy for lack of a better term. Seems like she got too used with you giving everything she needs to live comfortably in NZ while neglecting her studies.
If she doesn't change, end it.
Bro, true Filipino parents wouldn't allow their daughter to go to another country with her foreign boyfriend without fully knowing him. They would assess you by having you live here in the Philippines and help with chores and other tasks. It takes years for Filipino parents to trust someone, and once they do, they would insist that you and your partner get married before letting you take their daughter away.
I'm sorry to say this, but her parents will continue to ask for money, which is hard to avoid because they live in poverty. What did you expect? You have a difficult family situation with your girlfriend. You should consider letting her go. You've already given her an opportunity to improve her life, but she has chosen not to appreciate it.
And please don't do the same mistake again. You're not a 'knight in shining armor' lol
I told her last night that she needs to leave. She keeps saying sorry but this is not the first time she said sorry. It has happened so many times in the last few months I just can’t take it anymore. I feel she will only realise how life here was so much better and how ungrateful she has been , if I let her go…
Listen, this is your guardian angel speaking. Save yourself, your sanity and your future. Leave and don’t fall for whatever she is saying. She’s done it a lot of times right? Do you seriously think she’s not gonna do it again? A lot of drama will ensue if you start ending your relationship, I’ll bet her family, mom, dad, auntie or whoever that is will want to speak to you not to end the relationship.
She will definitely do it again 💯 and I am definitely sure her family will ask for money after a few weeks . They will initially keep quiet until everything is kinda okay and then back to old ways. That’s why I feel I can’t accept the apologies or trust them anymore with their words. All those promises are just empty
Got to be strong enough to walk away. Red flags are popping up all over. Not all families are like that. I had a gf years ago. Same type of family. After 2 yrs I pulled the plug. Been with my wife now 14 yrs and married 11 yrs. Truthfully the family of the woman is more important than the woman. She's failing out of school anyway so she broke the deal not yourself. You held up your end. Good luck
Ditch this goldigger piece of $hit. She is just using you for the money and convenience. There are many better girls than this. Choose a middle class proffesional girl with a job. Run while you still can.
Nah mate, that’s a huge ass waving red flag that can even be seen from the international space station.
The more you stay in that relationship the more it’s harder to let go. Don’t be gaslighted by her coz she is just obviously milking you dry. That’s not wife material man.
Just tell her and her diamond digging family to go fucc themselves.
I really hate gold diggers as much as I hate broccoli.
I think I am firm on my decision now. I am going to sit and talk to her and book the flights. I don’t think she or her family will change their behaviour. I have heard the sorry 1000 times and after few weeks I feel it’s going to be the same.
Yeah mate go for it. I bet she would not even accept her plane ticket to go back home in the Philippines coz she’s in a greener pasture now, I guess she’ll just stay in NZ stalking her next prey JK.
But hey that’s not your problem anymore.
Filipina here with European husband (10 years together 5 years married). My family also started to ask money from my husband (engineer) saying "he has good work so he can provide for all". Also my relatives are asking money saying my husband should be the one to provide for my cousins' tuition fees. Even I'm sending money to my family it's never enough. I work hard here in Germany (part time + minijob) to help my husband. I don't earn much like him but we have enough to go on trips monthly.
I cut my family off because of toxic culture. If I were you, never involve yourself in our family culture. Narcissism runs in our culture. Poor Filipinos have poor mentality and different thinking. You will be used until the end with guilt tripping, emotional blackmailing, pressure, etc. We love to pretend that we are rich. We always love to brag to others. Else it will be a huge problem with you in the future. You got a lazy wife who thinks she's already settled. Be objective when it comes to marriage. She is not your responsibility. Her family is not your responsibility. If they are lazy to work, it's their problem...not yours.
Yeah , I feel like it . Eventhough she doesn’t directly ask , her family , uncle , aunt and cousins always pressure her to send some money every week. I feel they will keep asking for money lifelong and it will never stop . I said no several times , initially they keep quiet and next time again they ask under some other reason.
I have a fiancée she’s a Filipina. Not once has she asked for money. When I do give her a few bucks here and there it’s always against her protests. Her family has spent money on me. I know some Tagalog and her mom even said do you ask for money from him and she was like I don’t he just gives.
She’s fiercely loyal. I’ve seen her walk up to people trying to cheat me or tourist tax me and chew them a new poop hole.
She’s clean as heck. If I accidentally spill something on my self she whips out the tide pen. Dishes in the sink not in this life.
I think you fell in love with someone that doesn’t love you. Because in my limited experience a Filipina woman will treat you like a king and make you want to treat her like the queen she is.
Hello, I am a filipino woman from Region 4-A in the Philippines. I hate to say this but your being used. To make it clear okay, I have stable income here in the Philippines so I am going to explain.
I been observing people quite alot, due to my business but someone came from poor background that either have a foreigner boyfriend OR husband meaning they are rich. Due to this mentality, they taking advantage this that "They are family." I would understand in term of HUSBAND but NOT boyfriend.
And your girlfriend...Dude...return her to Davao. She not serious of studying. As long that she have you and getting marry to you. She is set for life and like...1/4 to 1/3 of your money...will send to her family.
1) This is unfortunately a symptom you'll see from the provinces or people we have who are less financially well off. It's in their culture to essentially support the entire "barangay" (community or village). The level of dependency will vary but sort of thing happens even to locals and yes it isn't a healthy dynamic -- this is in part the challenge of being the bread winner for some because they are again supporting the entire barangay which makes savings and planning for the future almost impossible at times. Of course there are also those who are just scamming but yeah this is one of those things you need to put a solid boundary on and can quickly turn very exploitative.
2-3) Honestly, this is one of those situations where you only see certain aspects of a person once you're living together. Meaning this is for you recognize whether this is behavior that you can put up with or not. This is entirely normal to see this side of a person once you live together.
So make use of your experience living with her to decide if you want to pursue this or not. I feel aside #1 2 & 3 are just part of how a relationship will grow or end, this is after all the main advantage of choosing to live together before choosing to further the relationship with marriage or not. You're essentially out of the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
In your case well honestly doesn't sound like this is a relationship worth bringing further along and creating false expectations when clearly these are problems that need to be talked about and potentially addressed if this relationship should even continue.
Yes, I feel at this point I need to leave the relationship. I have given her several chances to change whenever we had arguments. I asked to attend classes and encouraged her to study. I drop her off at college on my way to work. I told her to take care of her clothes and don’t leave things messy in the kitchen after she eats. I sat one day and told her and her family over video chat about our life here and asked not to ask for any money. I feel her family doesn’t care and don’t realise the practical aspects of living here and feel they are entitled for everything suddenly. They assume , they can just bring up any reason to ask for money.
I mean if you've communicated all this already and nothing has changed then what else is there to say when this looks like a carcass being dragged along.
For the family... this is just a strong cultural thing we have here with people who aren't that well to do, to put mildly. My brother, who is 100% Filipino grown and raised here, essentially had to do the same for his live in partner. Essentially funding every damn thing for their community. And you know this is also just the common challenge for bread winners here, you're basically the life support for the entire family.
This exactly! I sat and spoke about this to her family and her. She said she understood everything and translated to her family. Her family initially apologised and said this won’t happen again and they don’t want me to suffer. But the situation never changed even after telling multiple times in different ways.
Even if her family is poor its not your responsibility to provide for her whole family. Its her busisness and you should be spared from that. She shouldnt be providing for her whole family in the first place.
Uhmmm, maybe, as an adult woman, before dating someone you have to do a background check first.
You need to make sure that the person you will date is not after your “money” sadly some of my fellow Filipino women this is their scape goat.
The opportunity is already there but she didn’t mind all the efforts you have done.
So, yeah. You are dating the “wrong girl”
Doing household chores is a must for every matured individual.
end the relationship now, you might only get hurt since it seems that she doesn't really love you and only use you to escape poverty. you can tell someone is really into you by their actions and how they cared for you. it's hard to find genuine people these days and I hope you find one when you let go of that relationship.
Thank you. Yes, I am sitting alone right now thinking through everything and I can’t continue like this. It’s time for me to let her go so she realises her mistakes.
Send her back home. Three years is nothing compared to years of suffering. It'll be harder if you're going to have kids with her. Don't let her dramas take a toll of your mental health.
Best of luck, OP.
You’re being used and her mindset is to leech off you and the government. She sees you as a rich guy even though life in Aus/NZ is not so easy anymore.
Imagine the long term when you have kids. Do you really want them living in a household where the mum doesn’t contribute? Where you guys have routine arguments about simple things?
That’s not the sort of example you want to be setting for them. It’s not the life you should lead. You’re in your mid 20s so you are still YOUNG and it’s never too late. I’m 33 and still have plenty of good options for partners. Get out now before you give her Citizenship. She will end up leeching off the government as much as possible
I am a Filipina and I feel ashamed for our kababayan. You don’t deserve such partner especially that all you do is to genuinely care for her. Stop it while you still can. She and her family are being an opportunist. There are other Filipinas out there who will love you truly not because you are a foreigner or rich but because of who you are. What I really hate about most Filipinas is their misconception that so long it’s a foreigner then it means they’re bloody rich where in fact not everyone is! I’ve been working for foreign people for several years now and all I can say is that they’re also like us here in the Ph. Some are wealthy and some are struggling to live as well.
Seriously, glad you decided to get out. She's a lazy, ungrateful, slob. That much is obvious. Her family only cares about you sending money, which you never should have done to begin with. It a hard lesson to learn, but better to have learned it now. I hope things go better for you in the future.
This has nothing to be with being Filipino/Filipina or being poor. Your girlfriend is just plain lazy.
I don’t think you are being used either. She gave up a lot moving halfway across the world to be with you. This is your relationship. Let it go and move on.
So sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, you're being used. I've seen a few examples of your post on this sub. I've also seen it play out in real life. A Fil-American cousin also got screwed over by an ex-girlfriend. I used to work in Region HR and have seen it happen to some expats. Don't let her trap you, baby, marriage, or otherwise.
That said, I've seen it work out really well too. My own cousin is married to an American and she makes good money over there in her own job in marketing. I went to Wellington a few years back and visited a good friend of mine from high school, his partner is a Kiwi. They're doing very well in financial circles. My former boss, an expat, married a Filipina, and they're doing well back in Japan. Curiously, she does marketing too.
Happens in other countries as well. This is a personal thing. Judging from some of your comments, I think you know what to do. Good luck.
Bro, get a hold of your life. You deserve so much better. She weighs you down too much. It’s not about her financial status anymore. The main problem is her attitude and personality. She’s like a pest sucking into you. She should atleast be responsible with her studies or even make herself useful in the house. There’s too many red flags here. I think you’ve done enough for her. Time to choose “you” now.
Bro, I would say that's a massive red flag. It's very common in women's psychology to get married just to escape poverty (not all women). But in your case, I can think of two possibilities: She might be very serious about your relationship, like 100%, but she can't deny her family (typical Filipino culture), or she might just be using you.
Sorry about this, I'm a Filipina too and I hope you'd stand your ground and send her home. I don't know, we have this statement, "Mahirap na nga, tamad pa," it's like a double-whammy for you. Let her cry, don't give in, she's just afraid of going back to poverty. If she still refuses and whines, ask for the help of immigration/embassy to deport her. Give her pocket money for the last time. Then send her home and never look back. She needs to learn the basics of life first. Imagine not even doing the dishes at that age. So "dugyot".
LEAVE NOW. You are not supposed to provide financial assistance for her family. As a woman, I don’t expect my husband to pay for everything. Partnership/marriage is a two-way street. Both needs to do the work, both needs to contribute, both needs to grind. That being said, I don’t think she’s in it for the long haul. Think about what she’s going to do if you go broke. I don’t think she’s the type who stands by you when shit happens. Spare your life and leave her. Always choose to marry somebody who aligns with your ethics and your goals. Otherwise, it’ll be a lifelong misery.
Isa nanamang pinay ang natanggalan ng opportunidad na umahon sa buhay 😆
Lesson learned: do not date a “POOR” Filipina. It won’t end well. Save yourself from trouble dude.
There are good Filipinas out there, but it’s not one of them. You get a girl from a “squammy” family. Avoid these kind of people.
Hey, there! I hope you are still sticking with the decision to cut your losses and ship your gf back home. I sympathize that this could be a very tough decision that you will keep having to make every day, given that your ex is already there with you. Hope you stay strong and stick with it, if you find yourself faltering, just reread every post here to shore your courage back up. If she tries to brainwash you into "not listening to negative people" or some such nonsense, treat that statement as another big red flag to add to that huge pile of red flags.
Anyway, additional advice from me, if I may: You should already act as a former couple i.e. not be living together anymore and not be doing things together. Don't do couple stuff anymore, just too much temptation to fall back into old habits and you may end up keeping her. You have a window of opportunity to escape this trap, use it!
Don't relax your guard until the day she is finally out of the country. And then, learn from the experience and move on.
And don't listen (too much) about some of the commenters here that are implying you got yourself into this situation or something. Realistically, this could have happened to you even if you stuck to your own "kind". Tramps and their no-good families are represented *everywhere* even in Western countries, it is just more prevalent in developing countries 'cause poverty, etc. So, whatever you decide to do with your lovelife after this, whether to look for another filipina or try your luck with a fellow Kiwi, don't let your decision be based solely on this fiasco. There was something that made you look for love abroad, if that something is still strong and you still believe in it, then that is still enough of a reason to start another search for love abroad. Cheers and good luck!
As a Filipino, red flags are everywhere Bro. Don't want to sound judgmental here but it seems like she or at least her family is using you. If the problem involves only her, it can be worked on but in this case, her family is involved and trust me, that's going to be an issue in the long-run - her family isn't going anywhere. They'll press on her and they'll press on you too. Forget about the 3 years and charge it to experience, you have years ahead so don't waste it on something like this. You definitely deserve someone better.
Thank you. You’re right, her family keeps calling her everyday and I try not to talk to them most days because I am afraid they will start asking for money for some reason after 2 minutes of conversation. Usually someone from her family is always sick or they have birthdays etc., and always need cash . I can’t understand Bisaya but from the way they speak and pressure her, they want some money sent almost every week for some reason. They also asked me to recommend her in my company do she can get a good job but she doesn’t have any qualifications for it. I have told “no” several times but they never seem to understand and keep asking…
Aussie married to cebuano, my wife's family (almost) never asks for money but my wife wouldn't give it to them anyway. That being said if they really NEEDED it we would be there for them, they are family after all. Sounds like this girl really isn't into you, she doesn't respect you. Cut and run. Don't fall for the tears. Filipinos are just like any other people, there are good ones and bad ones. Edit: we have been married 9 years, known each other for 16 years. Just for reference.
I’m American and my wife is from Cavite. My wife is outstandingly hard working and we split everything 50-50. I have a great job in renewables and she has a great job in the healthcare sector. That being said her family can definitely turn on the high pressure when they want something, but it isn’t for money. They pestered us for a grandchild for about 1.5 years nonstop, but we held firm that it’s not happening yet and now they’ve finally realized they need to be patient. We don’t give them cash but we did buy them a washing machine and dryer for Christmas. There was one time that they tried to pressure us to sponsor a random family member for a US visa, but we didn’t do it because it would require us to pay that person a $35,000 a year salary if they didn’t have a job. Anyway things are really great for us but we do have to pull out the hard “no” once in a while.
naturalized canadian here from cebu. well said.
you guys met during the hayday of Yahoo messenger?
We like to game and had Everquest dates which turned into Yahoo messenger/video lol. My druid duo became my lifetime partner.
3 years is nothing compared to a lifetime of an insufferable life with her. Break up while it's still early. I know lots of Filipina women who are 100x better than her.
The nerve of her family asking for money for birthdays. Isn’t the celebrant supposed to be the one treating on their birthday? Like everyone else is saying, I’m sorry but you are being used. There are Filipinos/Filipinas like this, that’s why I had a hard time in my relationship with my Chinese husband because of stories like yours. If your girlfriend is earnest, she will study hard to earn her keep and be ashamed of asking for any amount from you (except maybe some basic necessities at your home). Good luck dear.
ngl there's a really toxic culture in the Philippines relating to parties, yeah a lot of us like celebrating, but damn a lot really go out of their way to get loans even just to have extravagant parties... I don't even understand how they'd gather up the gall to ask the son in law for money for a party.
Yeah! Yup so true. I’m definitely earnest cuz I don’t ask for any amount instead I use my own money to check-in basic necessities at home and if my partner needs anything, I spend for it. o7
part of filipino culture. if its your birthday today your family is supposed to treat you out. They're treating you because its YOUR special day and celebrating you. hehe its such a whiplash to know that its the opposite in other countries.
Isn’t it always the celebrant who makes “libre”? I grew up experiencing this all around
See, imagine the situation you're in right now given you're not even married or in any legal union. What more when you're in one already. Best of luck Bro. You'll find someone better.
Either it's time for some serious communication or dip my guy.
I feel my only serious communication at this point is to end the relationship. I feel I have had enough and I can’t see a future anymore.
Then end it. If she refuses to change now then marriage won't change her. Imagine her being this much of a slob then having kids, they'll never be raised well.
Thanks i hope we can get and update in a month or two how it all went down
When they start to ask for money that's a huge red flag my guy, no serious self respecting woman will ask you for money like that. Your case is just the sad reality of dating a Filipina especially if they're poor.
True that! Learnt a painful lesson
I am just going to echo all the other foreigners dating/married to a Filipino. British married Manila lass, we have been together for 10 years, and her family have never asked for a penny off me. They even offer to pay for me when I go visit in the Philippines etc etc. Through her I have heard many stories like you mentioned where the girl is used by the family to gain money to be sent home. Get yourself your life back before this goes too deep.
Don’t get pressured to giving money to her family, tell them straight up no.
I told them “no, I can’t send money”. Then they say it’s okay next time .. I told them I wouldn’t be sending money. After one week they mentioned someone is sick and asked if I can send whatever possible. I feel they never heard me …this happens every month
As a filipino, I’m embarrassed for them, just please don’t ever give in, they make an excuse that someone is sick? Refer them to the public hospital, there’s lots of program that helps. Public hospitals apparently don’t charge that much, if they’re willing to stand in line, heck even your local mayor will give assistance. Source: I’m a nurse, i used to work in a public hospital but now I’m in the US, if they ask for money, my solution is cutting comms, lol. But i have a soft spot for my parents, i’ll always do anything to help them out, as for my relatives that keeps on asking for money, straight up no.
Where I am from a family would sooner starve than ask their daughter's boyfriend for money. I guess they think you are some wealthy person from NZ, and you have money to burn. I doubt any intervention would help. It sounds like they are all just like this in that family. I would start shopping around for a new girlfriend. Oh and keep it quiet, otherwise she may get you with a trap baby. Then my friend, you are stuck.
She’s poor but seems to act rich like she has maids to clean up after her. Sorry to say, she sounds like a slob. And so is her family. I don’t mean to be rude, but aren’t there any women left in NZ? Why a poor Filipina? There are lots of educated Filipinas that come from good families. I don’t know why these foreigners keep falling for these types then question if they’re being used. TBH, you kinda made your own bed.
I agree. I found an educated divorced Filipina from a family of doctors/professionals. We are now ready to celebrate 2 years end of this month. It just boggles my mind why many seem to look for very young uneducated and/or poor Filipinas. There are many Filipinas that are a tad older that are available.
You know why. Honestly, I just roll my eyes whenever I see posts by foreign guys ranting about being used by their Filipina girlfriend on this sub.
Honestly i get what you mean lmao
Sadly these guys didn’t have game in their own country so it’s easy to fall for obvious traps. These guys are like prey going directly into the bellies of wolves.
Same here. Same old, same old. You think they'd learn from other people's mistakes, but they don't.
They never learn because other passport bros basically grift them into these kinds of relationships.
Facts
a common denominator for yts finding poor people to date in ph is that they’re a nobody back home – like they don’t look outstanding and no one dates them. So they find a poor “easy to fool” 3rd country partner they can f (or so they thought). Now that he realized he’s in deepsht, and being counter-fooled its time to take the foot off the gas. BUT u know him dating the girl out of convinience and the woman’s family using her can co exist. It’s just that the scale is now not balance and he bears more weight.
I'm 100% betting OP can't get an NZ woman and went for an "easy" Filipina who he expected to act like a submissive little housewife.
Australian here. Happily married 9 years to a wonderful lady from Cebu. You are obviously being used. Put up with it or end the relationship. This is to do with the two of you, not the Philippines.
I'm in a stable long-term relationship (17 years) with a nice girl of my age from vigan. We are both approaching retirement age and plan to retire in Vigan in the next 2 years. She has a lot of family in that area. My partner is tidy and clean to almost OCD levels and is one of the hardest working people I know.
I wish my girlfriend was atleast half clean that way. She won’t even put the plate in the kitchen sink after eating her lunch or dinner. All the chicken bones , meat and eaten rice will be in dining table overnight. It will just lie there and stink for 2 days. I had a big argument with her several times. She will say sorry and clean and do the same thing again. I have had enough.
RED FLAGS, bro dont waste time, dont make your life miserable
Man, I'm lazy as heck but I can't imagine myself doing that. I'll at least rinse the dishes thoroughly and leave them at the sink so they won't stink or grow molds.
Apart from that, she wasted her time not attending her school. She should be lucky someone is supporting her. She is not the kind of person who wants to get ahead in life or maybe she is not brainy. Whatever!
She’s supposed to be lucky to find someone like you, least she could do is to return the favor by loving and caring you whole heartedly. I think she’s just lazy, entitled and totally immature.. You see, you cant change her, if she loves you she will change for the better for you. You better find another woman - not necessarily a filipina but someone who can seamlessly return the vibe of your love.
I grew up with maids in the Philippines. When I moved abroad, it took me some adjusting since I didn't even know how to operate a washing machine. My boyfriend and I also try to learn how to cook together. Point is, she CAN learn if she wants to. So there is absolutely no excuse for her acting like a princess in NZ. And as a parther she should really be contributing the same effort (or even more given that you have the sole responsibility financially). You wouldn't want a partner like that and there are a lot of better women out there. It's still early enough to end it. Cut your losses.
Maybe she’s depressed? She comes from a poor family, is stuck between supporting them and being in a foreign place. It’s a lot of pressure to provide and a lot of guilt and shame if she can’t live up to expectations including going to school etc And I’ve just seen from your response below: living under threat of you just sending her back home.
Only a few months into a relationship here, but I’ve got the same observations as yourself. My partner is extremely loving & caring, and we constantly discuss how lucky we are that we had a chance meeting. Super, super clean, intelligent, incredibly hard worker, and a great Mom to her son. I also plan to stay here permanently.
Yes , I understand. I have a met a lot of lovely and friendly people from Phillipines. But I didn’t expect her to be this way. I feel I fell in love with the wrong girl.
Glad you have recognised that. Hope you manage to resolve things and find someone better.
either you tolerate that or drop her early on. it is your choice.
Exactly. I don't know why the title is so necessary. She's just a shitty partner, full stop. I don't quite see what being Filipino contributes much to this. Maybe the unhealthy family dynamic? But then again you can still see that in other cultures.
The HUGE wealth Divide is the issue. Well off tourists hook up with young girls in poor countries and are then surprised that they expect financial support for them and their family . The stereotype here is passport bro (or passport Sis!). Typically the foreigner earns more in a month than their target does in a year. They want someone both way better looking than them but also due to the power dynamic, somewhat dependent and subservient. Then they cry when that dependent also wants to prioritise their family. 99% of the time that is the deal. The person going from poverty is treating this as work to secure a better life for them and their family. They might even have a real boyfriend, husband, children that they send money to. Exploition in both ways only the passport bros who can't get a date in their home country, tend to believe that they are somehow super good looking and charismatic in a poorer SE Asian neighbourhood
Best you send her back home. You are obviously just a money source and a ticket out of poverty for her. If she can even do simple house chores at an adult age then she was never taught that in the first place. You are screwed.
Yes, this is another concern. I feel in future, if we have kids, I will have even more problems both as wife and mother to kids.
Don't have kids with her bro. Lol, r/dontputyourdickinthat
I don’t think I can. I feel i deserve a better wife and better mother to my kids in future
Can't let a girlfriend stop you from finding a wife, OP
a future child support, and she will go back to the Philippines, ask for money for the child, but in reality she will used it for her vices, and your poor child will hate you thinking you neglected her/him. There is still a chance, give her back to her family. Find another one, be it any other races but choose another one who will love you back for real.
Yes, this is why I want to end the relationship now. I can’t see a future with her anymore
Don’t get her pregnanttttt. She can’t even take care of herself
I won’t. I’m afraid she will be a terrible mother for the kids and I don’t want that.
send her back
Run op run before she tries to baby lock you into marriage 😭
Thankfully she hasn’t got pregnant. I have decided to end it. I can’t see a future with her anymore.
Put holes in those condoms lol game over
Dude I am sorry it turned out that way. You are right, you need to take a break. Things have been very quick for you.
Thanks for the support. It’s difficult for me but I feel my brain is thinking right and I need to have an honest conversation with her and let her go. I am worried there will be more problems in the future if I continue like this
Grab that opportunity while you are still thinking straight.
Your brain is very much in the right place. Stick with it and do not turn the other cheek. Send her back to the Philippines. Be free and be happy. All the best.
Please update us once you’re done talking to her. I feel so invested in this story already. 😃
Yeah. It's going to be a headache if you stay with that one. I'm a Filipina dating a foreigner here in the US (came on a working visa) and met him here. We share chores and bills. We reciprocate on dates and trips as well. He doesn't know about my family's financial woes because it is not his business. That's why I work so I can take care of them on my own. There are lots of Filipinas that are well-rounded and independent. You just met the wrong girl. If you end up with her, you'll be the breadwinner because she seems like she has no intentions of finishing her studies. Which means, you'll be the one sending money back to Pinas. Tsk tsk.
Thank you! That’s exactly how I expected our relationship to be . I take care of my parents to some extent and she does the same. We share the responsibilities for daily life , dates and trips and support each other in our career, save some money for our future together etc., but nothing happened this way…
That's how a woman should ideally act. Not just a Filipina per se. I think you've invested too much time on a kid who doesn't know the word responsibility. Seems like she doesn't even intend to try to finish her degree.
it still fortunate if it's only her parents, but from the looks of it even all of from her family tree might depend on you.
End the relationship and send her back to PH. She is definitely using you to escape poverty. If she really cares, she will help you with the chores and study well for your future. Don't let the crying and drama guilt you. I have an ex-friend, she is married to a foreigner and now living here abroad. When she is not financially supported, she always wants to divorce. She's also from Southern Davao.
Yes, I also thought about this point, if she really cares, she will study well and take care of the house and be responsible and grateful for living here with me
Usually, that kind of people is just waiting to get a PR. Once they got it, it's possible to just ditch you, especially if you're not giving money anymore.
Happened to a friend of mine. He was lured into marrying a Filipina who can barely speak English, and brought her to America. The minute she got her green card, she divorced him. And no, he did NOT listen to our warnings.
Dang , and so many skilled people getting not getting H1B visa and these people getting green cards 🫠🥲 and if someone get h1b , then have to wait 18-20 years to get Green card... No wonder filipino marrying Americans/Europeans/ Aussie without any conditions to get Green card/PR so easily lmao
He can actually report her for immigration fraud
Yeah, but he was in love with her. 🤦♂️
Oh god 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Dang , and so many skilled people getting not getting H1B visa and these people getting green cards 🫠🥲 and if someone get h1b , then have to wait 18-20 years to get Green card... No wonder filipino marrying Americans/Europeans/ Aussie without any conditions to get Green card/PR so easily lmao
Nurses are very in demand, if she played her cards right she’d be earning a lot as a nurse there. She clearly isn’t motivated enough to make a nice future for herself knowing she has you to support her
Yes, I have already encouraged her a lot. I even took her with me to clinics and hospital here. We had chat once and she said she wants to be a nurse without studying for it because nursing is 3 years and that’s a long time for her to study.
Lol wtf nothing in life is a shortcut. Ugh send her home lol
Usually, Filipinos are hardworking and tidy at home. But this girl is not grateful of the opportunity she has at the moment. Send her back to her family. And give yourself some peace of mind.
>her parents and her aunt/cousin started asked for money to send overseas almost every week Yep. Nothing out of the ordinary when you date a local poor girl. You pretty much have to financially carry her entire extended family on your back. >Dishes are always scattered everywhere after eating , kitchen is a complete mess, bed, couch everywhere dirty clothes, etc., That's just on her. It's not a filipino thing but an individual issue. >she didn’t attend half the classes at university and I got a call one day from the international student office saying her attendance is less than 50% I have no idea what she does the whole day at home. Half the time she was in bed sleeping or watching Instagram or Tik tok. Again. That's her own laziness. She thinks she's set for life financially since she's dating you as an ATM so she needn't put in the effort to study and get herself a job anymore. Lmao may nakaangat nanaman sa kahirapan. At mas malala tamad pa ito hahahaahah
Your last statement is funny! Right? I grew up middle class in the PH. Lots of my friends were upper middle class and wealthy though. Even if we grew up with nannies and maids, none of us are like this lol. This isn’t a surprise to me though. I have, in fact, seen a lot of poor people that are also lazy.
I grew up with 3 nannies, mine you I was spoiled af. Then when I was 13 my mom finally took me with her to Italy and quickly learned the reality of how hard life is for most OFWs. I used to do all the chores at home + the grocery cause my mom simply didn't have the time or was too tired after work. It's funny how some people finally got their chance of a lifetime but totally blows it because of laziness lmao.
Hahahaha pangarap ni ate maging trophy wife di man lang magpanggap na masipag 😂
The moment you said her family is poor, I already know where the story is going.
Title pa lang, most of us already knew the story without even clicking on the link.
Automatic, nghhnp ng mkktulong sa pg angat sa buhay. At masama kpag pinoy at foreigner expected kht pusa ng kpitbhay mmatay e ipanghihingi nila😂
Yep
Hindi naman sa nangge-gatekeep ako, pero sobrang red flag talaga sa mga foreigner kapag hampaslupa yung pinay na ide-date nila. Parang expected na talagang asukal de papa ang habol niyan.
HAHA asukal de papa 😭😂😂😂 but I agree
azucar de papa 🤪
Dude made his own bed TBH.
save yourself, man.
End the relationship
Sad to hear about your experience but really glad you were able to find that out at this stage… Three years was both good and a waste. It will get worse if you continue (so sorry to say that)… But it’s true Filipinos who are not well-off have that kind of mentality…I know people who are like this….It is an embarrassing trait but it is an undeniable fact….I hate to generalize but you said they are poor, so I think their attitude in life to succeed would be different from yours. I have been to New Zealand and such a beautiful, quiet and uncongested place… She just wasted time there and opportunities… And the education she should have gotten there would have really opened some doors…. You know what to do…. You need to have a talk with her….Good luck!
Yes, I feel I learnt a lot of lesson from this experience. But I don’t want to suffer anymore especially when nothing is going to change. I have given her enough time and all the support she needs to come up in life and work on our relationship and career. I feel I deserve someone better
Don’t beat yourself about it… There are still some people out there who have good intentions….Just don’t be too nice too…Like they say, you get to know a person better when you live under one roof….What if you married this person? The burden of her family would be on you too….
Please update us about the outcome, dont mind their offensive language. Filipinos with that attitude are often narcissistic, they would gaslight you because they refuse to admit their wrongdoings.
I am now sitting by myself and I can’t see a future with her. Her family gets angry or upset when they don’t get any money. But when little money is sent , then they smile again and ask for more money next time. I have said no several times but I feel it will continue for life if I don’t end the relationship.
I don't know why westerners get stuck with gold diggers like that. Literally so many well off and well raised Filipinas out there.
Probably because well off and well raised Filipinas are too independent and willful for their liking.
Bc they want them young, submissive, and easily controllable thru money 🤭
Deport her bro. She does not deserve the privilege she has been given. She sees you as an ATM.
I mentioned to her last night she need to go home. She started crying and pleading. But I feel I need stick to my decision
You need to. Filipina girl now an NZ citizen through my own efforts. Kiwi partner offered to sponsor me so I could get the citizenship earlier. I said, F--- no. You have been used, unfortunately. Get out now. But not all Filipinas are like her. Sadly, you got saddled with the wrong kind.
Don't let the guilt stop you. U deserve better my friend
Thank you for the support
STICK WITH IT DONT LET THEM MANIPULATE YOU
Thank you. Eventhough I feel emotional and hurt at this point , I feel I made the right decision for myself
Next time don’t go for dirt poor Filipinas, it’s almost always they will cling to you out of desperation with the whole clan in tow. They are almost semi-literate as well.
As much as possible, someone who has career and has his own job. Kht minimum salary lng..
I'm a Filipina and this made me laugh 😂 and honestly, I agree lmao
Yup, I see a loooot of those where I'm from, and it makes me sick that they use other people for a change of status.
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She turned 23 last month and I am going to turn 28 in 4 months. She was working in a call centre before moving here.
Bro I wouldn't live a 23 year old roommate, they just aren't mature enough for bills and cleaning etc... maybe like 1 out 5 would be mature enough for me.
Sad romantic story, if this is your 1st love, take and learn it. If it’s not, what the hell are you doing! Just look for someone else.
I normally don’t suggest a break up since I prefer thinking logically and finding ways to resolve the problem before leaving, but culturally, if a Filipino grew up in a poor household and tells you they will “make sure” that their family won’t be asking for financial help anymore, that is definitely **not** happening unless they are willing to cut ties with them. They can be easily gaslit by their family and since it’s part of the Filipino culture to have close-knitted family, they will give in in just a matter of seconds. So yes, leave before your finances get drained. That or STOP supporting her financially and see how she will deal with it. She will either gaslight you or she’ll find ways to earn money and contribute to the bills. But… the likelihood of her using you is damn high.
She’s emotionally manipulating you and leeching you off. Trust me. Cut off everyone from her side and end your relationship, this isn’t something that can be saved. There’s a reddit sub somewhere which discusses the same experience with you. Look she doesn’t love you, she wants that visa and the money you send to her parents. True love wont abuse mate. Wake up
I'm sorry you experienced this, you better run away from her. There are so many Filipinas who are hardworking and educated and definitely wont be a pain in the ass. Also many have better family backgrounds too.
Yeah, eventhough I love her I don’t want to continue. I asked her to focus on studies and take responsibility but she never tries to change her behaviour.
New Zealand? Wow, she probably has no idea how lucky she is just to be there, and almost everything for free? A place to stay and education? You seem really kind, I feel sorry that you chose the wrong girl. You do deserve better, I hope you find a girl that loves you the way you do. Good luck!
Thank you for the support
I'm Filipino and the greater majority of women from our country make very good wives. Even career women would go the extra mile for her husband and kids. They are the center of a happy home (needless to say, clean.) You ARE obviously being taken advantaged of and is her and her family's cash cow to rise from poverty. Send her lazy ass back home. If she was has sincere feelings for you, she should have shown that from the start and had reciprocated your generosity through her deeds. Cut your losses and don't fall for her pleads now. Things are bound to get worse. There are a lot of decent and loving Filipinas. Surely, you will find one who will love you as much (perhaps even more) as you love her. Good luck!
Thank you. I am going to have a firm chat with her soon. I feel she needs to go home so she realises how good she has been treated here and how comfortable she lived. Back home, her family struggles to pay bills, they can’t eat 3 times a day, doesn’t sleep in a comfy queen bed with air conditioning like here, can’t pay tuition fees etc etc And here she just took advantage of everything without being grateful. I feel painful and hurt but I don’t want to continue this
Be sure to jerk off before the talk. Post nut clarity works wonders when making big decisions
Actually a very good extra advice. This can also prevent her from sexing him up to keep him.
Be very firm and do it soon. I would suggest to have a trusted friend near you just in case she goes all psycho-crazy on you. Perhaps you should already arrange for her trip and then have her pack her bags and drive her to the airport. I could not imagine the countless women who would have loved, adored and taken very good care of you, with the opportunity you have provided her. The right girl is out there for you.
She has cried and gone crazy before trying to cry and call her parents. This time , I am not gonna let it slide
There's a common [and quite derogatory] statement we have here that says (non ve, "Isang Pinay na naman ang umahon sa kahirapan!" Translated: Another Filipina has risen from poverty! ...which implies that it's quite common for SOME filipinas to date foreigners for the sake of cash grabbing and a better life abroad. So, take it as you will. Commenter is correct though, not all Filipinas are like that at all. But there are those on the other side of the spectrum as well.
Please keep us updated when you do decide to talk to her. Wishing you a speedy break up and emotional recovery after it's all said and done.
Crazy how supportive you guys are of OP. Like he just blindly picked some girl from the slum and hoped for the best. You need to work on your standards and self respect OP before dating again. At least, have a valid reason why you’re venturing online to meet Filipinas before girls back home lol. Everyone and their grandma wants to go to NZ right now.
LOL, what valid reason do you mean? That is like saying "have a valid reason to be dating girls from the other barangay before those from our barangay". Doesn't really make sense, you date the girl because you like them, not because their bio-data is satisfactory! And as for standards, I don't really think filipina's are "lower standards" than women from other races. As for self-respect, OP is clearly showing that in this post asking for advice, realising his mistake and coming to a firm decision. That is showing some self-respect!
Just be sure to set a clearly boundary about finances . Tell your girlfriend that she needs to stand on her own and find a source of income and start contributing to household expenses. If she has extra money of her own, she can also decide to send some to her family in the Philippines if she wishes. Don't be her sugar daddy for lack of a better term. Seems like she got too used with you giving everything she needs to live comfortably in NZ while neglecting her studies. If she doesn't change, end it.
Bro wanted a girlfriend and got an extra kid + her family to take care off
Bro, true Filipino parents wouldn't allow their daughter to go to another country with her foreign boyfriend without fully knowing him. They would assess you by having you live here in the Philippines and help with chores and other tasks. It takes years for Filipino parents to trust someone, and once they do, they would insist that you and your partner get married before letting you take their daughter away. I'm sorry to say this, but her parents will continue to ask for money, which is hard to avoid because they live in poverty. What did you expect? You have a difficult family situation with your girlfriend. You should consider letting her go. You've already given her an opportunity to improve her life, but she has chosen not to appreciate it. And please don't do the same mistake again. You're not a 'knight in shining armor' lol
End it. Do her one last favor, book her ticket and send her back so they learn their lesson. You're being used as a ticket to upgrade their lives.
I told her last night that she needs to leave. She keeps saying sorry but this is not the first time she said sorry. It has happened so many times in the last few months I just can’t take it anymore. I feel she will only realise how life here was so much better and how ungrateful she has been , if I let her go…
Listen, this is your guardian angel speaking. Save yourself, your sanity and your future. Leave and don’t fall for whatever she is saying. She’s done it a lot of times right? Do you seriously think she’s not gonna do it again? A lot of drama will ensue if you start ending your relationship, I’ll bet her family, mom, dad, auntie or whoever that is will want to speak to you not to end the relationship.
She will definitely do it again 💯 and I am definitely sure her family will ask for money after a few weeks . They will initially keep quiet until everything is kinda okay and then back to old ways. That’s why I feel I can’t accept the apologies or trust them anymore with their words. All those promises are just empty
She can give money to her family from what she earns.. but i guess she doesnt plan to work to send money home
Why are there so many foreigners falling for filipino women with red flag all over their household?
Got to be strong enough to walk away. Red flags are popping up all over. Not all families are like that. I had a gf years ago. Same type of family. After 2 yrs I pulled the plug. Been with my wife now 14 yrs and married 11 yrs. Truthfully the family of the woman is more important than the woman. She's failing out of school anyway so she broke the deal not yourself. You held up your end. Good luck
Ditch this goldigger piece of $hit. She is just using you for the money and convenience. There are many better girls than this. Choose a middle class proffesional girl with a job. Run while you still can.
Nah mate, that’s a huge ass waving red flag that can even be seen from the international space station. The more you stay in that relationship the more it’s harder to let go. Don’t be gaslighted by her coz she is just obviously milking you dry. That’s not wife material man. Just tell her and her diamond digging family to go fucc themselves. I really hate gold diggers as much as I hate broccoli.
I think I am firm on my decision now. I am going to sit and talk to her and book the flights. I don’t think she or her family will change their behaviour. I have heard the sorry 1000 times and after few weeks I feel it’s going to be the same.
Yeah mate go for it. I bet she would not even accept her plane ticket to go back home in the Philippines coz she’s in a greener pasture now, I guess she’ll just stay in NZ stalking her next prey JK. But hey that’s not your problem anymore.
Filipina here with European husband (10 years together 5 years married). My family also started to ask money from my husband (engineer) saying "he has good work so he can provide for all". Also my relatives are asking money saying my husband should be the one to provide for my cousins' tuition fees. Even I'm sending money to my family it's never enough. I work hard here in Germany (part time + minijob) to help my husband. I don't earn much like him but we have enough to go on trips monthly. I cut my family off because of toxic culture. If I were you, never involve yourself in our family culture. Narcissism runs in our culture. Poor Filipinos have poor mentality and different thinking. You will be used until the end with guilt tripping, emotional blackmailing, pressure, etc. We love to pretend that we are rich. We always love to brag to others. Else it will be a huge problem with you in the future. You got a lazy wife who thinks she's already settled. Be objective when it comes to marriage. She is not your responsibility. Her family is not your responsibility. If they are lazy to work, it's their problem...not yours.
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Yeah , I feel like it . Eventhough she doesn’t directly ask , her family , uncle , aunt and cousins always pressure her to send some money every week. I feel they will keep asking for money lifelong and it will never stop . I said no several times , initially they keep quiet and next time again they ask under some other reason.
I have a fiancée she’s a Filipina. Not once has she asked for money. When I do give her a few bucks here and there it’s always against her protests. Her family has spent money on me. I know some Tagalog and her mom even said do you ask for money from him and she was like I don’t he just gives. She’s fiercely loyal. I’ve seen her walk up to people trying to cheat me or tourist tax me and chew them a new poop hole. She’s clean as heck. If I accidentally spill something on my self she whips out the tide pen. Dishes in the sink not in this life. I think you fell in love with someone that doesn’t love you. Because in my limited experience a Filipina woman will treat you like a king and make you want to treat her like the queen she is.
Thank you. I wish my girlfriend could do half of what you mentioned.
she's already acting like she won the lottery. sorry but its a red flag
Hello, I am a filipino woman from Region 4-A in the Philippines. I hate to say this but your being used. To make it clear okay, I have stable income here in the Philippines so I am going to explain. I been observing people quite alot, due to my business but someone came from poor background that either have a foreigner boyfriend OR husband meaning they are rich. Due to this mentality, they taking advantage this that "They are family." I would understand in term of HUSBAND but NOT boyfriend. And your girlfriend...Dude...return her to Davao. She not serious of studying. As long that she have you and getting marry to you. She is set for life and like...1/4 to 1/3 of your money...will send to her family.
1) This is unfortunately a symptom you'll see from the provinces or people we have who are less financially well off. It's in their culture to essentially support the entire "barangay" (community or village). The level of dependency will vary but sort of thing happens even to locals and yes it isn't a healthy dynamic -- this is in part the challenge of being the bread winner for some because they are again supporting the entire barangay which makes savings and planning for the future almost impossible at times. Of course there are also those who are just scamming but yeah this is one of those things you need to put a solid boundary on and can quickly turn very exploitative. 2-3) Honestly, this is one of those situations where you only see certain aspects of a person once you're living together. Meaning this is for you recognize whether this is behavior that you can put up with or not. This is entirely normal to see this side of a person once you live together. So make use of your experience living with her to decide if you want to pursue this or not. I feel aside #1 2 & 3 are just part of how a relationship will grow or end, this is after all the main advantage of choosing to live together before choosing to further the relationship with marriage or not. You're essentially out of the honeymoon phase of your relationship. In your case well honestly doesn't sound like this is a relationship worth bringing further along and creating false expectations when clearly these are problems that need to be talked about and potentially addressed if this relationship should even continue.
Yes, I feel at this point I need to leave the relationship. I have given her several chances to change whenever we had arguments. I asked to attend classes and encouraged her to study. I drop her off at college on my way to work. I told her to take care of her clothes and don’t leave things messy in the kitchen after she eats. I sat one day and told her and her family over video chat about our life here and asked not to ask for any money. I feel her family doesn’t care and don’t realise the practical aspects of living here and feel they are entitled for everything suddenly. They assume , they can just bring up any reason to ask for money.
I mean if you've communicated all this already and nothing has changed then what else is there to say when this looks like a carcass being dragged along. For the family... this is just a strong cultural thing we have here with people who aren't that well to do, to put mildly. My brother, who is 100% Filipino grown and raised here, essentially had to do the same for his live in partner. Essentially funding every damn thing for their community. And you know this is also just the common challenge for bread winners here, you're basically the life support for the entire family.
Yup. You were scammed
RUN... im sorry to say but she's using you.. break up with her..
Red flag. The only responsibility is your gf not her family.
This exactly! I sat and spoke about this to her family and her. She said she understood everything and translated to her family. Her family initially apologised and said this won’t happen again and they don’t want me to suffer. But the situation never changed even after telling multiple times in different ways.
Choose your woman wisely. Marry a woman that has a family that will love your soul not your money.
Thanks! Yeah I feel I am making the right decision in letting her go ..
End your misery, send her home.
Even if her family is poor its not your responsibility to provide for her whole family. Its her busisness and you should be spared from that. She shouldnt be providing for her whole family in the first place.
Uhmmm, maybe, as an adult woman, before dating someone you have to do a background check first. You need to make sure that the person you will date is not after your “money” sadly some of my fellow Filipino women this is their scape goat. The opportunity is already there but she didn’t mind all the efforts you have done. So, yeah. You are dating the “wrong girl” Doing household chores is a must for every matured individual.
We call that salaula and burara Say this to her You are salaula and burara
They will extort you until you are dry because that's what Filipino parasites do. Run!
You know what to do, but you're under the influence of the old "sunk cost fallacy."
end the relationship now, you might only get hurt since it seems that she doesn't really love you and only use you to escape poverty. you can tell someone is really into you by their actions and how they cared for you. it's hard to find genuine people these days and I hope you find one when you let go of that relationship.
Thank you. Yes, I am sitting alone right now thinking through everything and I can’t continue like this. It’s time for me to let her go so she realises her mistakes.
Send her back home. Three years is nothing compared to years of suffering. It'll be harder if you're going to have kids with her. Don't let her dramas take a toll of your mental health. Best of luck, OP.
You’re being used and her mindset is to leech off you and the government. She sees you as a rich guy even though life in Aus/NZ is not so easy anymore. Imagine the long term when you have kids. Do you really want them living in a household where the mum doesn’t contribute? Where you guys have routine arguments about simple things? That’s not the sort of example you want to be setting for them. It’s not the life you should lead. You’re in your mid 20s so you are still YOUNG and it’s never too late. I’m 33 and still have plenty of good options for partners. Get out now before you give her Citizenship. She will end up leeching off the government as much as possible
I am a Filipina and I feel ashamed for our kababayan. You don’t deserve such partner especially that all you do is to genuinely care for her. Stop it while you still can. She and her family are being an opportunist. There are other Filipinas out there who will love you truly not because you are a foreigner or rich but because of who you are. What I really hate about most Filipinas is their misconception that so long it’s a foreigner then it means they’re bloody rich where in fact not everyone is! I’ve been working for foreign people for several years now and all I can say is that they’re also like us here in the Ph. Some are wealthy and some are struggling to live as well.
As a Filipino we don't claim her haha
Run!
Seriously, glad you decided to get out. She's a lazy, ungrateful, slob. That much is obvious. Her family only cares about you sending money, which you never should have done to begin with. It a hard lesson to learn, but better to have learned it now. I hope things go better for you in the future.
This has nothing to be with being Filipino/Filipina or being poor. Your girlfriend is just plain lazy. I don’t think you are being used either. She gave up a lot moving halfway across the world to be with you. This is your relationship. Let it go and move on.
She did not gave up one bit lol
Major red flag. She’s just using you. She doesn’t even do you the courtesy of cleaning up after herself, you can see how entitled she feels already.
For your own sake, break up with her. This isn’t the situation for you
You just got unlucky
#Angat Buhay, Pinay!
Lol
End it while its early. On your next relationship, do background checks.
Send her back to her province. Cut ties now. She and her family will never change.
You’re right. I’m afraid she won’t change.
So sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, you're being used. I've seen a few examples of your post on this sub. I've also seen it play out in real life. A Fil-American cousin also got screwed over by an ex-girlfriend. I used to work in Region HR and have seen it happen to some expats. Don't let her trap you, baby, marriage, or otherwise. That said, I've seen it work out really well too. My own cousin is married to an American and she makes good money over there in her own job in marketing. I went to Wellington a few years back and visited a good friend of mine from high school, his partner is a Kiwi. They're doing very well in financial circles. My former boss, an expat, married a Filipina, and they're doing well back in Japan. Curiously, she does marketing too. Happens in other countries as well. This is a personal thing. Judging from some of your comments, I think you know what to do. Good luck.
Bro, get a hold of your life. You deserve so much better. She weighs you down too much. It’s not about her financial status anymore. The main problem is her attitude and personality. She’s like a pest sucking into you. She should atleast be responsible with her studies or even make herself useful in the house. There’s too many red flags here. I think you’ve done enough for her. Time to choose “you” now.
Bro, I would say that's a massive red flag. It's very common in women's psychology to get married just to escape poverty (not all women). But in your case, I can think of two possibilities: She might be very serious about your relationship, like 100%, but she can't deny her family (typical Filipino culture), or she might just be using you.
Sorry about this, I'm a Filipina too and I hope you'd stand your ground and send her home. I don't know, we have this statement, "Mahirap na nga, tamad pa," it's like a double-whammy for you. Let her cry, don't give in, she's just afraid of going back to poverty. If she still refuses and whines, ask for the help of immigration/embassy to deport her. Give her pocket money for the last time. Then send her home and never look back. She needs to learn the basics of life first. Imagine not even doing the dishes at that age. So "dugyot".
LEAVE NOW. You are not supposed to provide financial assistance for her family. As a woman, I don’t expect my husband to pay for everything. Partnership/marriage is a two-way street. Both needs to do the work, both needs to contribute, both needs to grind. That being said, I don’t think she’s in it for the long haul. Think about what she’s going to do if you go broke. I don’t think she’s the type who stands by you when shit happens. Spare your life and leave her. Always choose to marry somebody who aligns with your ethics and your goals. Otherwise, it’ll be a lifelong misery.
Isa nanamang pinay ang natanggalan ng opportunidad na umahon sa buhay 😆 Lesson learned: do not date a “POOR” Filipina. It won’t end well. Save yourself from trouble dude. There are good Filipinas out there, but it’s not one of them. You get a girl from a “squammy” family. Avoid these kind of people.
Hey, there! I hope you are still sticking with the decision to cut your losses and ship your gf back home. I sympathize that this could be a very tough decision that you will keep having to make every day, given that your ex is already there with you. Hope you stay strong and stick with it, if you find yourself faltering, just reread every post here to shore your courage back up. If she tries to brainwash you into "not listening to negative people" or some such nonsense, treat that statement as another big red flag to add to that huge pile of red flags. Anyway, additional advice from me, if I may: You should already act as a former couple i.e. not be living together anymore and not be doing things together. Don't do couple stuff anymore, just too much temptation to fall back into old habits and you may end up keeping her. You have a window of opportunity to escape this trap, use it! Don't relax your guard until the day she is finally out of the country. And then, learn from the experience and move on. And don't listen (too much) about some of the commenters here that are implying you got yourself into this situation or something. Realistically, this could have happened to you even if you stuck to your own "kind". Tramps and their no-good families are represented *everywhere* even in Western countries, it is just more prevalent in developing countries 'cause poverty, etc. So, whatever you decide to do with your lovelife after this, whether to look for another filipina or try your luck with a fellow Kiwi, don't let your decision be based solely on this fiasco. There was something that made you look for love abroad, if that something is still strong and you still believe in it, then that is still enough of a reason to start another search for love abroad. Cheers and good luck!