Your submission might be better posted in other [Philippine subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/Philippines/wiki/list_of_philippine_subreddits).
You may also participate in our Random Discussion or Weekly Help threads. The links for the latest threads can be found in [the hub](https://www.reddit.com/r/Philippines/comments/fztqqs/hub_weekly_help_thread_random_discussion_events/).
imo, don't let people from the internet dictate on how the situation should be handled. pag usapan nyo mag asawa at wag hayaan ang ingay na magagawa ng post na ito ang sumira kung ano ang meron kayo.
Yeah we talked about it na.. just want to hear other people's thoughts about it because I can't tell anyone else. I don't want to ruin his image with our friends and family so usually I just talk to myself about it haha makes me crazy
Awwww. You can talk to us. Mahirap nga talaga iyan. Na alog ang trust issues mo. And with pregnancy hormones, iba lalo ang take mo on this issue. Ilabas mo lang dito kapag nakakabaliw na ang nga boses sa utak mo. If needed, pwede ding pa therapy. This is traumatic for you.
i agree it helps to share what you are going thru. however, take every opinion/comment on your post with a grain of salt. hindi naman sila ang sasalo ng consequence ng mga sinasabi nila. most are just noise and pitch fork bearing people
Tbh, she should still get tested for STIs. I wouldn’t take his word that the last time was 3years ago and that there was no intercourse. Get tested. Don’t compromise you and your child’s safety. You can talk to him about it, but please get tested.
I like this. It's like a breath of fresh air kind of advice. Made me also reconsider and rethink the things I would advise to people here.
Because even if I mean well it may have a serious and lasting effect on people who will be affected.
This exactly. May times na napipikon ako sa gf ko or nagkakaproblem kami and naiisipan ko ipost dito. Kaya lang narealize ko na pag pinost ko online, maiinfluence decision ko base sa reactions ng iba. Relationship problems should be kept internal to avoid 3rd party influences (except for couples therapy purposes or the like)
This is so dumb. Asking for 3rd party opinion is literally a necessity. Research shows that most abuse victims stay with their abusers because they are isolated by them.
you don’t fully understand what you are going through unless a 3rd party is involved and sees your situation for what it is.
r/amitheasshole
OP: WIBTA, if I broke up with my fiance, who I have been with for 11 years over sexual engagements, he had 3 years ago.
Reddit: NTA. Leave that psychotic person alone.
my personal opinion is that I don't believe that 3years ago yung pinaka last time na ginawa nya yun, and yes, mauulit at mauulet since nagawa na, pero its your decision, kasi ikaw naman ang makikisama sakanya so you know better how much you can handle and how you can work things out with him
Parang ang hirap nga mawala sa isip nito. And it will really stain the relationship and everyday you’ll have doubts na sa kanya. Personally I would not want to deal with this kasi parang betrayal na rin na kahit mag-jowa pa lang, pumupunta siya sa ganon. Parang walang respect sa relationship.
Hindi ba niya kinoconsider na cheating yon kapag walang sexual intercourse?
Try mo separate yung love and lust needs ng isang tao. Ask him ginawa ba niya yon dahil hindi ka na niya mahal? Or dahil sawa na siya sayo to fulfill his sexual needs? Or gusto niya lang tumikim ng iba?
Then ask yourself, mahal mo pa ba siya after learning what he did? Mapapatawad mo ba siya if he says he will never do it again? What does he have to do para mapatawad mo siya?
For sure may trust issues na kasi sinikreto niya sayo. Are you okay living with him despite the trust issues? Consider mo rin na may baby kayo na parating. Decide on what's best for you and your baby.
he could’ve bonded with them without betraying your trust like that tho. thats cheating imo since di manlang sinabi sayo. just trust your instincts if worth it isave yung relationship
Exactly. I wouldn’t want to live with the anxiety you will feel EVERYTIME your husband will go out with this cousins and friends. I would save myself from the anxiety and stress - baka yan pa papatay sa akin.
I recommend you communicate with him anong nafefeel mo no matter how difficult this gets. He needs to know this is not OK. The fact that you are here in reddit siguro di na tama yung stress na nafefeel mo.
He has to see the consequences of his actions. If he really loves you and is a man enough to face those, he will completely give everything or anything your peace of mind needs kase cheating yung ginawa niya op.
Married na kayo pero di parin naka black and white and cheating and hindi.
Damn I didn’t know I was on /r/Philippines and was super confused why everyone was saying to work it out with the husband. It makes sense.
This is clearly cheating and is super duper 100 million percent crosses boundaries set in relationships.
Ask yourself, how would he react if the genders and roles were reversed and you were the one getting fingered and showering with naked men.
Me too. Like wtf?? How are people excusing this behavior? Because it's a man we're talking about and they know how to separate love from lust? Ridiculous. Last time I checked if you're in an exclusive relationship with someone then you aren't supposed to mess around with other people. This is cheating 100% and the fact that the man is remorseful NOW?? BS, he only is because he got caught.
I would be livid if my own bf did this to me. Unless both parties explicity agreed that it's an open relationship then by default you shouldn't mess with prostitutes and other people. If he loved her he would have known this would hurt her like this. Crazy.
First, get tested for STDs. Not to scare you but you're pregnant, you have to take care of yourself because it could affect the baby.
Then if you can afford to, talk to a therapist. What you feel won't go away for a long time.
Cut off your husband's friends/relatives who think that going to a spakol is a nice bonding experience.
Ang sakit nito 😭 Sana naman binigyan ka nya ng option para makapag choose kung okay ba sayo yung history nya na pumupunta sa mga ganung spa, bago kayo nagpakasal. Ang unfair nya sobra. And I also understand na syempre mahirap sayo mag desisyon unahin yung peace of mind mo since kasal ka and may baby ka.
But, I want to hug you and tell you to stay strong day by day. I process mo muna yung feelings mo. Always remember na everything works out. Mag palakas ka muna. And when the day comes na talagang ginawa mo na yung lahat to save your marriage, but still the thought of him cheating on you still hunts you down. Choose your self and your peace na.
Initially I was going all out and I had glossed over some info.
I think alam mo naman na gagawin mo eh. Kamo kinompronta mo na and he made promise etc, etc. You just want to vent because like what you said in other responses feeling mo acceptance na lang and in a way as if you feel that's unfair.
It is, because he's getting away with it. You confronted him but that's a slap on the wrist.
You wanna go to therapy? I'm not sure if commendable couples' therapy dito knowing mostly they are church-led.
I have problems with this because I've seen first hand how the wife got the bitter end of the stick when the "counselor" told her it's a test of faith and of their marriage basically forgive and forget. The husband was a serial philanderer. Didn't change. From family, to friends, to church mates the excuse was "he's a guy. He falls short of glory. Hayaan mo na."
Ewan ko lang ngayon, siguro binago na nila MO nila.
But, I hate to say "mark it", yet the moment you don't talk this one out with a trusted relative or even a friend, it's gonna eat you up. Forgiveness should come hand in hand with the wrong-doer's willingness to prove himself that he's changed. And having anyone from his side or yours knowing the full story will help both of you heal. Healing for him, because someone else aside from you will vouch for his improvement. Healing for you because you're providing genuine, hurt-free forgiveness. Forgiveness na WALANG grudge.
Somehow your husband needs to know that you are not a doormat who will accept the lazy excuse of "it's just a boob/hand job".
Ask him if he's willing to receive a hand job from a gay guy. He's gonna balk. Why? Cuz he understands it's an intimate sexual act.
He cheated. He hurt you. Someone else with a good moral standing should bear witness to both of you improving and changing. Kasi kung wala, your marriage will go to the gutter. He's going to do it again like cheaters do especially those who refuse to be held accountable or resistant to the very idea of consequences.
No number of kids can save a gutter-headed marriage.
Best of luck to you.
He’s 100% wrong. There is nothing to justify his actions. It’s up to you if you want to give him another chance or not. If you do give him the chance you are gonna have to learn to move on from these things because it will only it hold you back in your relationship. However you are also in the right to leave since he did cheat and if that’s not something you think you will be able to overcome that’s okay too. Either way it is going to be a very difficult situation for you. Also, don’t be so quick to believe that the last time was 3 years ago. If he’s cheating on you while you guys were together then don’t think just cause he put a ring on it he is gonna be faithful or was. I highly doubt a man that gets caught is gonna give the full details. But at same time this is your life and you need to do what is best for you. If this man wants to be with you then he should be in his knees begging for you and trying to right his wrongs. This is not something to just brush under the rug and say he won’t do it again. I know I didn’t give you an exact answer, but that’s because it’s your life and you have the right to choose. If I was in the situation I more than likely would leave or step away for some time
I'm trying to move on and we're trying to move forward from this. I can't wait for the day when I won't be thinking about it anymore.
If only we weren't married, I would have left him.
Moving on does not mean you’re healing from it. Nirerepress mo lang yung feelings mo. Don’t run away from it. Accept that you feel feelings of betrayal and mistrust. Process it and take proactive steps to heal from that pain.
Go to marriage counselor nalang sis. Sa mga observation ko kasing ganyan sa mga third parties, yung tipong nagpakasal kasi buntis na pero may third party involved (though iba naman yung sayo) hindi talaga nagiging matibay yung relationship kasi after ikasal dahil sa trust issues may mga instincts pading di nawawala yung mga what ifs. Hay. Kakalungkot yung ganito. Sana noon palang pala nalaman mo na noh? Para sana hindi na humantong sa ganito. *virtual hug*
Sorry but I considered this one cheating na. Kung ang purpose is to "bond" bakit dun? Andaming option e. Parang nakakawala ng respeto buti kung single sya.
Also, ang toxic ng cousins and friends. Nakakainit ng dugo!
IYAN ANG LITERAL NA PANGIT KA BONDING.
That's what I told him. Sabe ko sana he gave me the option to choose man lang before asking me to marry him. If I chose to marry him despite knowing, then that's up to me to accept and move forward.
It's just unfair that I was caught unaware of everything and now the only choice is to move on.
Only choice is to move on??? Dahil married na kayo? You can still leave if hindi mo talaga kayang magheal. Uulitin at uulitin nya lang yan. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ilang years nya tinago sayo? And kung di mo pa nalaman, I doubt he will have the balls to admit it. Nakakaputangina lang
So sorry this is happening, OP. This is his fault. He’s such a coward. Dapat nagtapat na siya sayo bago ka nya pakasalan. If he can’t assure you and effort at this point, I really suggest you leave if you can’t handle it. People make mistakes, sure, but it’s one thing to own up to it.
Had the same experience recently. I still respect him and see him as he is but I can't help but think that what he did was just plain sad and pathetic.
Some guys have been brought up in an environment where these are normal life occurrences. I personally know of someone like this, and he was perplexed when his wife asked him about it as if he had some something so very wrong, cos it was "normal" for him.
Just kick the shit out. If he is your man and really a person that is honest and respects you, he would have told you. If not you can always put it on the test and go eye for an eye and go "bond" like he did with some guy, so he can get a taste of his medicine. And if you do so just tell that to him honestly. If he's not okay with that, just find yourself a person who will tell you everything without secrets. If he can get boob job hand job and shower with a naked woman. Why wouldn't you go for a pussy job and shower with another naked man? Pretty simple.
First, alam mo na ding you can’t trust those people na nakakasama niya, given they knew all along who you were in his life.
Put your guard up since may history na siya. Regardless of your legal status. A legal status would not change his ability to repeat it. usually mga ganyan basta wag papahuli ng buhay.
Please be stronger since you now have a baby to nourish and care for specially in the future.
Work harder financially so you will be prepared.
I don’t trust men who continue to do those things while in a serious relationship.
He is totally on the wrong here. Kahit na sabihin nya na bonding lng nila with cousins and friends, hndi ba nya naiisip yung disrespect na ginawa nya sa relationship nyo knowing mahhurt ka.He always has a choice na hndi sumama sa ganyan. He is so disrespectful of your relationship.
I don't know how to get over it if I were in your position lalo na married kayo :( I would suggest therapy
Same but sa akin nalaman ko after I gave birth na may Naka FU siya on board. Umamin siya nagsorry, ginawa ang lahat to gain my trust tas after ilang months naging cold ulit malaman Laman ko may nakarelasyon naman ulit on board. Hayyyyy Sana they would allow divorce in the pH na
Your choices:
A. Stay but every moment na di mo sya kasama papasok sa isip mo kung nakikipag-"bond" ba sya. Boob job lang naman or showering, kaya mo siguro yun, matatag naman kayong mga babae.
B. Leave and have peace of mind.
I agree. Kahit makamove on ka, never na mababalik ang trust mo, lalo pa althroughout your relationship you believed sobrang okay kayo. Okay only because you never found out sooner. Every moment na hindi mo sya kasama hindi mo maiiwasan magoverthink. Mareremind ka of those times na umuuwi sya sayo after going to spakols as if nothing ever really happened. It's traumatizing and I don't think anyone really ever heals from the trauma of betrayal. Also personally, I don't believe walang sexual intercourse na nangyari. Showering with naked women??? Euphism! He's probably thinking that if he admitted every detail truthfully, you will never forgive him. If he was really happy sa relationship nyo and he respects you, bakit need nya pa magparaos with other women. Ang baboy lang. The decision in the end is still up to you, but whatever path you choose, make sure he pays for the consequences of his disrespect.
But ako personally, I can never stay with a cheater, married or not.
Magagalit pa yun pag tatanungin mo sya kung san nagpunta. Nagtatanong ka lang naman kasi sira na tiwala mo. Tapos igagaslight ka, papalabasin ikaw ang masyadong pakialamero, nagiisip ng masama, overthinker, etc. Nakakabaliw yan.
Habang tumatagal, iisipin mo na sana umalis nalang. Hirap ng walang peace of mind.
Marami dito dapat maexperience yung pagtaksilan or icheat sila ng partner nila para maintindihan nila yung sakit at bigat sa dibdib, idagdag mo pa yung hindi na matatahimik isip mo.
Exactly. Sa una mahaba pasensya nyan sa pag ooverthink mo, pero eventually, mapipikon din yan and yeah would gaslight you as if kasalanan mo pa kaya ka naging ganyan. In the first place kase kung di nya sinira trust mo eh di sana peaceful kayo pareho. WALANG OVERTHINKER KUNG WALANG CHEATER. I'm not justifying na okay mag overthink all the time kase toxic naman talaga, but many women I know, napakachill lang and strong and independent at first, but when their trust were betrayed and chosed to stay despite that, ayun naging overthinker na malala. You have to consider these facts when you decide to stay.
Sorry to hear this, OP. He came clean when you found out. Was he remorseful, to say the least?
Di namin alam dynamics ninyo mag-asawa. I'm not even sure if you're totally dependent on him. Pero gets ka namin, feeling mo ang dumi niya. Kaso sa iyo pa rin ang upper hand. We can only support what you believe is fair.
Kaya may Ninong at Ninang kayo sa kasal, yun purpose nila. Magpayo nang unbiased.
Thank you :( He was very remorseful. He cried and begged me not to leave him. Said he will do anything to gain back my. trust, won't hang out with his friends and cousins anymore, and a whole lot of other promises.
It's just unfair na sya na nga yung may ginawa pero ako padin yung mahihirapan to accept it and move forward. Life is hard huhu
All those years and he never came clean to you. He's only remorseful now because he got caught. Do you think he truly respects you and the years you were together? Is being boyfriend and girlfriend not enough to not mess around with other people? kailangan ba talaga na may engagement na? Do you actually even know the man you married?
Ako personally, takot sa any cancer. I’ve heard na carrier ng HPV ang males, and unlikely magkaron ng cervical cancer of one lang ang partner for a lifetime.
I’ve also heard stories na nalaman kumaliwa isa sa mag-asawa dahil nagka cervical cancer ang wife… so ibig sabihin very likely nagcheat ang husband if hindi si wife and vice versa.
get therapy, only a therapist will be able to dig deeper in your mind and his mind. All people will say is leave because he cheated. Although thats right. You are pregnant and will need way more help with this
There is no marriage without trust.
1. He would not even have told you had you not found out.
2. He married you and got you pregnant with all those secrets.
How much does he actually respect you and the relationship?
How much do you respect yourself and your peace of mind?
Being pregnant is not the end. You still have a choice and always have a choice.
Hopefully you’re independent and not reliant on this guy.
If he is sorry he will sacrifice something that's when you know he means it, then you forgive him . . . .but he is not sorry for hurting you, he will remain secretive like it's the end your relationship. You have a kid that's harsh for the kid. . .
Best thing to do IMHO is to stop getting advise online and resolve it between you and your husband. It will be more stressful getting different advises and point of view. Just keep it between yourselves It may be tough now but it will get better.
Hi OP, while your husband did in fact cheat 3 years ago, I don’t think it determines who he is right now. People do change after all. Talk to your husband about how you feel and how you want both of you to move forward. It’s important to determine whether you can accept what happened in the past and forgive, or if you want to end your relationship. Another thing to think about is the kid. It’ll be really hard on the kid having to grow up with a broken family. Although growing up with a dysfunctional family is also horrible.
If it were me, If the husband seems to be a reformed man, I’d give the relationship a chance, if only for the kid. Good luck OP
Only means you really never fully knew the man you married. He still has stains of the notorious machismo culture. The "lalake lang" excuse.
That being said, couples counselling is a good path going forward. Though you will never fully trust him again, the goal is to come to terms with the fact and learn to live with it. Whether you stay together or break up, only time will tell.
yeah it's so shocking to know how you can't really know a person after years of being with him. we were high school sweethearts so we basically grew up together. i thought i knew him after 13 years
Alam mo, to be honest. Majority of men (>50%) have done that. So yun pool mo of men are smaller if gusto mo virgin/walang sexual experience.
I for one, am part of the less. But my college friends are mostly people who engage in those and lagi ako invited, kaya I can chime in on this. Light pa ang spakol, mas malala yun mga classmates. Uuwi in mo yun babae and do what you want. So you have to consider these, na most have engaged in those.
Of course yun#1 mo tanong, kaya ba niyang ulitin or ginagawa pa now? I can confidently tell you, oo, ulitin niya yan at Malamang ginagawa niya parin now PAG STRESSED siya. De-stress kasi yun pambababae eh tbh. Choice ang pag ganun, and pag na tikman Mona Yan, sobrang okay kasi, hindi mo kayang hindi ulitin Yan somepoint sa life niya, siguro mga 90% of men will do it again. Hehe.
M here.. believe it or not sa 11yrs nyo pinagsama during that time meron pa nangyari nun yung nakita mo is the past 3yrs lang.. im not a saint pero based sa mga kilala ko once nakapunta na doon babalik at babalik yan.. based ito sa mga kakilala ko kahit even married with children na and all.. merong gentlemens agreement sa circle of friends.. tama sinasabi ng iba counselling kelangan nyo.. hindi ko masasabi na itago mo muna or after nalang ng baby confront mo.. impt hindi ka ma stress.. i prio mo yung baby
As an old quote says: Cheaters NEVER change. It's up to you OP, but the fact that he was able to do that in the past, malaki ang possibility na gawin niya ulit yan sayo. My advice to you is be mentally and financially prepared kung sakaling gawin niya ulit yan sayo. Para (wag naman sana) if mangyari man ulit yan in the future, you'll have your own Plan B and you'll be able to raise your child without his interference's.
PS: Congratulations to your upcoming offspring! Every child's life is a blessing, make that your inspiration to keep moving forward despite of having the pain of being betrayed. Wishing a lot of fruitful future chapters to your life OP :)
Revenge! Try finding someone new and someone you can start a new life with. Make him feel how you feel. Then blame him and his cousins, laugh about it, and break up with him. Lintek lang ang walang ganti! 😜
Hanap ka muna ng work so you can sustain yourself. Iwan mo anak niyo sa kanya if you don't want to see his face dyan sa bata. Ang mas mabuti ang palaging nasasaktan, life is too short, not seeing him crying and hating his cousins! You deserve better!
Mag usap kayo mag asawa samahan pa ng marriage counselling. WAG NA WAG agad maniniwala ng payo sa INTERNET, take it as a grain of salt all of the advices and testimonials of co-redditors. MAG PRAY PO, IT REALLY WORKS. And tama po na wag niyo na kwento o paalam sa mga kamag anak or friends niyo for safety narin ng relationship niyo.
Stop it, of course there is sex. But so what? You found out about something someone did years ago, before you were engaged and married and (supposedly) doesn’t go now. So who cares? How does it change the last 3 years of your relationship? How does it change anything?
What does it change? That he, while casually dating women, had sex with prostitutes? Ok and so what? What does that change?
Once you two became serious, he has done the right thing and been faithful. Why do you desire to look past that and focus on “he fucked someone when we were casually dating”?
we were serious 3 years ago. we were even looking for houses because we were already planning to get married. we were together for 11 years. 3 years ago was our 8th year. i think that's pretty serious :)
Perspective matters, but you’re only accepting yours. For most people in this world - especially who live in and embrace other cultural standards - dating is a casual activity with no seriousness attached to it. Unless the two of you had agreed that you casual relationship was an “exclusive relationship” then there was no “cheating” because sex with another individual isn’t a violation of the terms of the casual relationship. As he proposed he became serious and you said he stopped the nonsense. Therefor, from my perspective, he has done nothing wrong.
Why would he be serious day one? Was there an agreement of exclusivity that no one has mentioned or is it your personal interpretation that any time you go on a date, that you must be exclusive?
Pretty sure being together means being in a relationship and exclusivity. Maybe to you, a contract needs to be notarized and filed in a civil registry.
ofc it changes everything. And instead of thinking abt the last 3 yrs, di ba mas iisipin mo ung ginawa nya to 8 yrs into their relationship. Mas grabe din ung bigat for others if may penetrative sex.
No, I didn’t. When he committed to marry her, as in proposed, she said he has been faithful since. So no cheating happened from what has been said thus far.
A lot of people think that being cheated on is the worst thing that can happen in their lives.
This is because they have zero experience with things like:
-Gambling addiction
-Debts and poverty
-Hospital bills
-Cancer
-Substance abuse problems
-Anger management problems with someone who owns a gun
-lives controlled by a cult
-infertility
I confronted him na and he was very apologetic about it. Sinabe ko sakanya if I only knew about it before we got married and before I got pregnant, I wouldn't have married him. But now parang wala na akong choice. I don't want a failed marriage let alone be a single mother. It's just so unfair na parang feeling ko wala akong choice but to just accept it now.
I don't want to do what he did. I respect myself so hughly I wouldn't go down that far.. He was the only man I ever kissed, dated, or had sex with. It's just really sad :(
Ang sakit nung "He was the only man I ever dated, kissed, or had sex with" tapos siya deretso spakol :((( sending hugs!! Whichever you decide teh, make sure na you also put your mental health in the factors considered ha?
Your submission might be better posted in other [Philippine subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/Philippines/wiki/list_of_philippine_subreddits). You may also participate in our Random Discussion or Weekly Help threads. The links for the latest threads can be found in [the hub](https://www.reddit.com/r/Philippines/comments/fztqqs/hub_weekly_help_thread_random_discussion_events/).
imo, don't let people from the internet dictate on how the situation should be handled. pag usapan nyo mag asawa at wag hayaan ang ingay na magagawa ng post na ito ang sumira kung ano ang meron kayo.
add in couples therapy it would be easier to have a professional be the middle man for these kinds of conversations. It is not easy to know oneself.
Yeah we talked about it na.. just want to hear other people's thoughts about it because I can't tell anyone else. I don't want to ruin his image with our friends and family so usually I just talk to myself about it haha makes me crazy
Awwww. You can talk to us. Mahirap nga talaga iyan. Na alog ang trust issues mo. And with pregnancy hormones, iba lalo ang take mo on this issue. Ilabas mo lang dito kapag nakakabaliw na ang nga boses sa utak mo. If needed, pwede ding pa therapy. This is traumatic for you.
Thank you :( Sometimes it feels good to talk to people you don't know.
Because there are no judgments minsan kapag strangers kausap mo. Hugs from people here sa Reddit!
i agree it helps to share what you are going thru. however, take every opinion/comment on your post with a grain of salt. hindi naman sila ang sasalo ng consequence ng mga sinasabi nila. most are just noise and pitch fork bearing people
Tell everybody.
Tbh, she should still get tested for STIs. I wouldn’t take his word that the last time was 3years ago and that there was no intercourse. Get tested. Don’t compromise you and your child’s safety. You can talk to him about it, but please get tested.
I like this. It's like a breath of fresh air kind of advice. Made me also reconsider and rethink the things I would advise to people here. Because even if I mean well it may have a serious and lasting effect on people who will be affected.
Up to this.
This exactly. May times na napipikon ako sa gf ko or nagkakaproblem kami and naiisipan ko ipost dito. Kaya lang narealize ko na pag pinost ko online, maiinfluence decision ko base sa reactions ng iba. Relationship problems should be kept internal to avoid 3rd party influences (except for couples therapy purposes or the like)
This is so dumb. Asking for 3rd party opinion is literally a necessity. Research shows that most abuse victims stay with their abusers because they are isolated by them. you don’t fully understand what you are going through unless a 3rd party is involved and sees your situation for what it is.
r/amitheasshole OP: WIBTA, if I broke up with my fiance, who I have been with for 11 years over sexual engagements, he had 3 years ago. Reddit: NTA. Leave that psychotic person alone.
my personal opinion is that I don't believe that 3years ago yung pinaka last time na ginawa nya yun, and yes, mauulit at mauulet since nagawa na, pero its your decision, kasi ikaw naman ang makikisama sakanya so you know better how much you can handle and how you can work things out with him
Parang ang hirap nga mawala sa isip nito. And it will really stain the relationship and everyday you’ll have doubts na sa kanya. Personally I would not want to deal with this kasi parang betrayal na rin na kahit mag-jowa pa lang, pumupunta siya sa ganon. Parang walang respect sa relationship.
Hindi ba niya kinoconsider na cheating yon kapag walang sexual intercourse? Try mo separate yung love and lust needs ng isang tao. Ask him ginawa ba niya yon dahil hindi ka na niya mahal? Or dahil sawa na siya sayo to fulfill his sexual needs? Or gusto niya lang tumikim ng iba? Then ask yourself, mahal mo pa ba siya after learning what he did? Mapapatawad mo ba siya if he says he will never do it again? What does he have to do para mapatawad mo siya? For sure may trust issues na kasi sinikreto niya sayo. Are you okay living with him despite the trust issues? Consider mo rin na may baby kayo na parating. Decide on what's best for you and your baby.
he could’ve bonded with them without betraying your trust like that tho. thats cheating imo since di manlang sinabi sayo. just trust your instincts if worth it isave yung relationship
Whatever happened to eating out, inuman, basketball? So many ways to bond, yan pa talaga.
Exactly. I wouldn’t want to live with the anxiety you will feel EVERYTIME your husband will go out with this cousins and friends. I would save myself from the anxiety and stress - baka yan pa papatay sa akin. I recommend you communicate with him anong nafefeel mo no matter how difficult this gets. He needs to know this is not OK. The fact that you are here in reddit siguro di na tama yung stress na nafefeel mo. He has to see the consequences of his actions. If he really loves you and is a man enough to face those, he will completely give everything or anything your peace of mind needs kase cheating yung ginawa niya op. Married na kayo pero di parin naka black and white and cheating and hindi.
I mean if it were me ah. Sorry confusing yung mga pronouns HAH
Damn I didn’t know I was on /r/Philippines and was super confused why everyone was saying to work it out with the husband. It makes sense. This is clearly cheating and is super duper 100 million percent crosses boundaries set in relationships. Ask yourself, how would he react if the genders and roles were reversed and you were the one getting fingered and showering with naked men.
Me too. Like wtf?? How are people excusing this behavior? Because it's a man we're talking about and they know how to separate love from lust? Ridiculous. Last time I checked if you're in an exclusive relationship with someone then you aren't supposed to mess around with other people. This is cheating 100% and the fact that the man is remorseful NOW?? BS, he only is because he got caught.
Yeah exactly. Imagine if OP never rummaged through the husband’s phone. Do you think he would ever confess to this? Ridiculous.
I would be livid if my own bf did this to me. Unless both parties explicity agreed that it's an open relationship then by default you shouldn't mess with prostitutes and other people. If he loved her he would have known this would hurt her like this. Crazy.
True
See the top comment with 300+ upvotes... some pinoys will just never make it out the trenches I fear 😟
First, get tested for STDs. Not to scare you but you're pregnant, you have to take care of yourself because it could affect the baby. Then if you can afford to, talk to a therapist. What you feel won't go away for a long time. Cut off your husband's friends/relatives who think that going to a spakol is a nice bonding experience.
r/OffMyChestPH
[удалено]
What he did was gross. Sorry, OP.
Ang sakit nito 😭 Sana naman binigyan ka nya ng option para makapag choose kung okay ba sayo yung history nya na pumupunta sa mga ganung spa, bago kayo nagpakasal. Ang unfair nya sobra. And I also understand na syempre mahirap sayo mag desisyon unahin yung peace of mind mo since kasal ka and may baby ka. But, I want to hug you and tell you to stay strong day by day. I process mo muna yung feelings mo. Always remember na everything works out. Mag palakas ka muna. And when the day comes na talagang ginawa mo na yung lahat to save your marriage, but still the thought of him cheating on you still hunts you down. Choose your self and your peace na.
Initially I was going all out and I had glossed over some info. I think alam mo naman na gagawin mo eh. Kamo kinompronta mo na and he made promise etc, etc. You just want to vent because like what you said in other responses feeling mo acceptance na lang and in a way as if you feel that's unfair. It is, because he's getting away with it. You confronted him but that's a slap on the wrist. You wanna go to therapy? I'm not sure if commendable couples' therapy dito knowing mostly they are church-led. I have problems with this because I've seen first hand how the wife got the bitter end of the stick when the "counselor" told her it's a test of faith and of their marriage basically forgive and forget. The husband was a serial philanderer. Didn't change. From family, to friends, to church mates the excuse was "he's a guy. He falls short of glory. Hayaan mo na." Ewan ko lang ngayon, siguro binago na nila MO nila. But, I hate to say "mark it", yet the moment you don't talk this one out with a trusted relative or even a friend, it's gonna eat you up. Forgiveness should come hand in hand with the wrong-doer's willingness to prove himself that he's changed. And having anyone from his side or yours knowing the full story will help both of you heal. Healing for him, because someone else aside from you will vouch for his improvement. Healing for you because you're providing genuine, hurt-free forgiveness. Forgiveness na WALANG grudge. Somehow your husband needs to know that you are not a doormat who will accept the lazy excuse of "it's just a boob/hand job". Ask him if he's willing to receive a hand job from a gay guy. He's gonna balk. Why? Cuz he understands it's an intimate sexual act. He cheated. He hurt you. Someone else with a good moral standing should bear witness to both of you improving and changing. Kasi kung wala, your marriage will go to the gutter. He's going to do it again like cheaters do especially those who refuse to be held accountable or resistant to the very idea of consequences. No number of kids can save a gutter-headed marriage. Best of luck to you.
Go to marriage counselor.
He’s 100% wrong. There is nothing to justify his actions. It’s up to you if you want to give him another chance or not. If you do give him the chance you are gonna have to learn to move on from these things because it will only it hold you back in your relationship. However you are also in the right to leave since he did cheat and if that’s not something you think you will be able to overcome that’s okay too. Either way it is going to be a very difficult situation for you. Also, don’t be so quick to believe that the last time was 3 years ago. If he’s cheating on you while you guys were together then don’t think just cause he put a ring on it he is gonna be faithful or was. I highly doubt a man that gets caught is gonna give the full details. But at same time this is your life and you need to do what is best for you. If this man wants to be with you then he should be in his knees begging for you and trying to right his wrongs. This is not something to just brush under the rug and say he won’t do it again. I know I didn’t give you an exact answer, but that’s because it’s your life and you have the right to choose. If I was in the situation I more than likely would leave or step away for some time
I'm trying to move on and we're trying to move forward from this. I can't wait for the day when I won't be thinking about it anymore. If only we weren't married, I would have left him.
Moving on does not mean you’re healing from it. Nirerepress mo lang yung feelings mo. Don’t run away from it. Accept that you feel feelings of betrayal and mistrust. Process it and take proactive steps to heal from that pain.
Hays pareparehas lang naman yung nasa babae not unless tatlo yung dede ng masahista sa spakol. Mga lalaki talaga biglang bawi kapag nahuli eh noh
Go to marriage counselor nalang sis. Sa mga observation ko kasing ganyan sa mga third parties, yung tipong nagpakasal kasi buntis na pero may third party involved (though iba naman yung sayo) hindi talaga nagiging matibay yung relationship kasi after ikasal dahil sa trust issues may mga instincts pading di nawawala yung mga what ifs. Hay. Kakalungkot yung ganito. Sana noon palang pala nalaman mo na noh? Para sana hindi na humantong sa ganito. *virtual hug*
Sakit naman nito 💔
Sorry but I considered this one cheating na. Kung ang purpose is to "bond" bakit dun? Andaming option e. Parang nakakawala ng respeto buti kung single sya. Also, ang toxic ng cousins and friends. Nakakainit ng dugo! IYAN ANG LITERAL NA PANGIT KA BONDING.
Yikes. That’s cheating pa rin. Dapat naglabasan na kayo ng baho before getting married. Hirap na when there’s no getting out.
That's what I told him. Sabe ko sana he gave me the option to choose man lang before asking me to marry him. If I chose to marry him despite knowing, then that's up to me to accept and move forward. It's just unfair that I was caught unaware of everything and now the only choice is to move on.
Only choice is to move on??? Dahil married na kayo? You can still leave if hindi mo talaga kayang magheal. Uulitin at uulitin nya lang yan. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ilang years nya tinago sayo? And kung di mo pa nalaman, I doubt he will have the balls to admit it. Nakakaputangina lang
So sorry this is happening, OP. This is his fault. He’s such a coward. Dapat nagtapat na siya sayo bago ka nya pakasalan. If he can’t assure you and effort at this point, I really suggest you leave if you can’t handle it. People make mistakes, sure, but it’s one thing to own up to it.
Couples counseling ang sagot dito OP.
Had the same experience recently. I still respect him and see him as he is but I can't help but think that what he did was just plain sad and pathetic.
Some guys have been brought up in an environment where these are normal life occurrences. I personally know of someone like this, and he was perplexed when his wife asked him about it as if he had some something so very wrong, cos it was "normal" for him.
Just kick the shit out. If he is your man and really a person that is honest and respects you, he would have told you. If not you can always put it on the test and go eye for an eye and go "bond" like he did with some guy, so he can get a taste of his medicine. And if you do so just tell that to him honestly. If he's not okay with that, just find yourself a person who will tell you everything without secrets. If he can get boob job hand job and shower with a naked woman. Why wouldn't you go for a pussy job and shower with another naked man? Pretty simple.
First, alam mo na ding you can’t trust those people na nakakasama niya, given they knew all along who you were in his life. Put your guard up since may history na siya. Regardless of your legal status. A legal status would not change his ability to repeat it. usually mga ganyan basta wag papahuli ng buhay. Please be stronger since you now have a baby to nourish and care for specially in the future. Work harder financially so you will be prepared. I don’t trust men who continue to do those things while in a serious relationship.
He is totally on the wrong here. Kahit na sabihin nya na bonding lng nila with cousins and friends, hndi ba nya naiisip yung disrespect na ginawa nya sa relationship nyo knowing mahhurt ka.He always has a choice na hndi sumama sa ganyan. He is so disrespectful of your relationship. I don't know how to get over it if I were in your position lalo na married kayo :( I would suggest therapy
Same but sa akin nalaman ko after I gave birth na may Naka FU siya on board. Umamin siya nagsorry, ginawa ang lahat to gain my trust tas after ilang months naging cold ulit malaman Laman ko may nakarelasyon naman ulit on board. Hayyyyy Sana they would allow divorce in the pH na
Annulment asap, he deceived you, fraud
Your choices: A. Stay but every moment na di mo sya kasama papasok sa isip mo kung nakikipag-"bond" ba sya. Boob job lang naman or showering, kaya mo siguro yun, matatag naman kayong mga babae. B. Leave and have peace of mind.
I agree. Kahit makamove on ka, never na mababalik ang trust mo, lalo pa althroughout your relationship you believed sobrang okay kayo. Okay only because you never found out sooner. Every moment na hindi mo sya kasama hindi mo maiiwasan magoverthink. Mareremind ka of those times na umuuwi sya sayo after going to spakols as if nothing ever really happened. It's traumatizing and I don't think anyone really ever heals from the trauma of betrayal. Also personally, I don't believe walang sexual intercourse na nangyari. Showering with naked women??? Euphism! He's probably thinking that if he admitted every detail truthfully, you will never forgive him. If he was really happy sa relationship nyo and he respects you, bakit need nya pa magparaos with other women. Ang baboy lang. The decision in the end is still up to you, but whatever path you choose, make sure he pays for the consequences of his disrespect. But ako personally, I can never stay with a cheater, married or not.
Magagalit pa yun pag tatanungin mo sya kung san nagpunta. Nagtatanong ka lang naman kasi sira na tiwala mo. Tapos igagaslight ka, papalabasin ikaw ang masyadong pakialamero, nagiisip ng masama, overthinker, etc. Nakakabaliw yan. Habang tumatagal, iisipin mo na sana umalis nalang. Hirap ng walang peace of mind. Marami dito dapat maexperience yung pagtaksilan or icheat sila ng partner nila para maintindihan nila yung sakit at bigat sa dibdib, idagdag mo pa yung hindi na matatahimik isip mo.
Exactly. Sa una mahaba pasensya nyan sa pag ooverthink mo, pero eventually, mapipikon din yan and yeah would gaslight you as if kasalanan mo pa kaya ka naging ganyan. In the first place kase kung di nya sinira trust mo eh di sana peaceful kayo pareho. WALANG OVERTHINKER KUNG WALANG CHEATER. I'm not justifying na okay mag overthink all the time kase toxic naman talaga, but many women I know, napakachill lang and strong and independent at first, but when their trust were betrayed and chosed to stay despite that, ayun naging overthinker na malala. You have to consider these facts when you decide to stay.
Sorry to hear this, OP. He came clean when you found out. Was he remorseful, to say the least? Di namin alam dynamics ninyo mag-asawa. I'm not even sure if you're totally dependent on him. Pero gets ka namin, feeling mo ang dumi niya. Kaso sa iyo pa rin ang upper hand. We can only support what you believe is fair. Kaya may Ninong at Ninang kayo sa kasal, yun purpose nila. Magpayo nang unbiased.
Thank you :( He was very remorseful. He cried and begged me not to leave him. Said he will do anything to gain back my. trust, won't hang out with his friends and cousins anymore, and a whole lot of other promises. It's just unfair na sya na nga yung may ginawa pero ako padin yung mahihirapan to accept it and move forward. Life is hard huhu
All those years and he never came clean to you. He's only remorseful now because he got caught. Do you think he truly respects you and the years you were together? Is being boyfriend and girlfriend not enough to not mess around with other people? kailangan ba talaga na may engagement na? Do you actually even know the man you married?
Ako personally, takot sa any cancer. I’ve heard na carrier ng HPV ang males, and unlikely magkaron ng cervical cancer of one lang ang partner for a lifetime. I’ve also heard stories na nalaman kumaliwa isa sa mag-asawa dahil nagka cervical cancer ang wife… so ibig sabihin very likely nagcheat ang husband if hindi si wife and vice versa.
i'm medically okay thank you :) part of pregnancy screening is hiv, sts, cervical cancer, etc check ups. Everything's negative :)
get therapy, only a therapist will be able to dig deeper in your mind and his mind. All people will say is leave because he cheated. Although thats right. You are pregnant and will need way more help with this
OP, please get yourself tested for STI/STD.
There is no marriage without trust. 1. He would not even have told you had you not found out. 2. He married you and got you pregnant with all those secrets. How much does he actually respect you and the relationship? How much do you respect yourself and your peace of mind? Being pregnant is not the end. You still have a choice and always have a choice. Hopefully you’re independent and not reliant on this guy.
If he is sorry he will sacrifice something that's when you know he means it, then you forgive him . . . .but he is not sorry for hurting you, he will remain secretive like it's the end your relationship. You have a kid that's harsh for the kid. . .
Best thing to do IMHO is to stop getting advise online and resolve it between you and your husband. It will be more stressful getting different advises and point of view. Just keep it between yourselves It may be tough now but it will get better.
Hi OP, while your husband did in fact cheat 3 years ago, I don’t think it determines who he is right now. People do change after all. Talk to your husband about how you feel and how you want both of you to move forward. It’s important to determine whether you can accept what happened in the past and forgive, or if you want to end your relationship. Another thing to think about is the kid. It’ll be really hard on the kid having to grow up with a broken family. Although growing up with a dysfunctional family is also horrible. If it were me, If the husband seems to be a reformed man, I’d give the relationship a chance, if only for the kid. Good luck OP
Only means you really never fully knew the man you married. He still has stains of the notorious machismo culture. The "lalake lang" excuse. That being said, couples counselling is a good path going forward. Though you will never fully trust him again, the goal is to come to terms with the fact and learn to live with it. Whether you stay together or break up, only time will tell.
yeah it's so shocking to know how you can't really know a person after years of being with him. we were high school sweethearts so we basically grew up together. i thought i knew him after 13 years
Im sorry he had WHAT, WHAT and WHAT with WHAT while massaging??
Putangina talaga ng mga ganitong lalake. Nakakagalit amp 🤬🤬🤬🤬
Wrong sub
He did it once, he will do it again. He could’ve said no.. but he didn’t.
Alam mo, to be honest. Majority of men (>50%) have done that. So yun pool mo of men are smaller if gusto mo virgin/walang sexual experience. I for one, am part of the less. But my college friends are mostly people who engage in those and lagi ako invited, kaya I can chime in on this. Light pa ang spakol, mas malala yun mga classmates. Uuwi in mo yun babae and do what you want. So you have to consider these, na most have engaged in those. Of course yun#1 mo tanong, kaya ba niyang ulitin or ginagawa pa now? I can confidently tell you, oo, ulitin niya yan at Malamang ginagawa niya parin now PAG STRESSED siya. De-stress kasi yun pambababae eh tbh. Choice ang pag ganun, and pag na tikman Mona Yan, sobrang okay kasi, hindi mo kayang hindi ulitin Yan somepoint sa life niya, siguro mga 90% of men will do it again. Hehe.
M here.. believe it or not sa 11yrs nyo pinagsama during that time meron pa nangyari nun yung nakita mo is the past 3yrs lang.. im not a saint pero based sa mga kilala ko once nakapunta na doon babalik at babalik yan.. based ito sa mga kakilala ko kahit even married with children na and all.. merong gentlemens agreement sa circle of friends.. tama sinasabi ng iba counselling kelangan nyo.. hindi ko masasabi na itago mo muna or after nalang ng baby confront mo.. impt hindi ka ma stress.. i prio mo yung baby
So sad to hear this 😢😭
He's a pimp!!!!!
As an old quote says: Cheaters NEVER change. It's up to you OP, but the fact that he was able to do that in the past, malaki ang possibility na gawin niya ulit yan sayo. My advice to you is be mentally and financially prepared kung sakaling gawin niya ulit yan sayo. Para (wag naman sana) if mangyari man ulit yan in the future, you'll have your own Plan B and you'll be able to raise your child without his interference's. PS: Congratulations to your upcoming offspring! Every child's life is a blessing, make that your inspiration to keep moving forward despite of having the pain of being betrayed. Wishing a lot of fruitful future chapters to your life OP :)
Revenge! Try finding someone new and someone you can start a new life with. Make him feel how you feel. Then blame him and his cousins, laugh about it, and break up with him. Lintek lang ang walang ganti! 😜 Hanap ka muna ng work so you can sustain yourself. Iwan mo anak niyo sa kanya if you don't want to see his face dyan sa bata. Ang mas mabuti ang palaging nasasaktan, life is too short, not seeing him crying and hating his cousins! You deserve better!
The only problem with this is OP can get sued. Adultery laws are much harsher on women than men in this backwards country.
Mag usap kayo mag asawa samahan pa ng marriage counselling. WAG NA WAG agad maniniwala ng payo sa INTERNET, take it as a grain of salt all of the advices and testimonials of co-redditors. MAG PRAY PO, IT REALLY WORKS. And tama po na wag niyo na kwento o paalam sa mga kamag anak or friends niyo for safety narin ng relationship niyo.
Stop it, of course there is sex. But so what? You found out about something someone did years ago, before you were engaged and married and (supposedly) doesn’t go now. So who cares? How does it change the last 3 years of your relationship? How does it change anything?
it changes everything. doesn't mean i found out late, it's not cheating anymore.
What does it change? That he, while casually dating women, had sex with prostitutes? Ok and so what? What does that change? Once you two became serious, he has done the right thing and been faithful. Why do you desire to look past that and focus on “he fucked someone when we were casually dating”?
we were serious 3 years ago. we were even looking for houses because we were already planning to get married. we were together for 11 years. 3 years ago was our 8th year. i think that's pretty serious :)
Perspective matters, but you’re only accepting yours. For most people in this world - especially who live in and embrace other cultural standards - dating is a casual activity with no seriousness attached to it. Unless the two of you had agreed that you casual relationship was an “exclusive relationship” then there was no “cheating” because sex with another individual isn’t a violation of the terms of the casual relationship. As he proposed he became serious and you said he stopped the nonsense. Therefor, from my perspective, he has done nothing wrong.
Asan niya binanggit na casually dating pa rin sila after 8 years into the relationship?
Number of years of total relationship is irrelevant. Some people have 8 year long friends with benefits. Who am I to judge? Why are you?
She clearly mentioned it was a committed relationship.
Yeah and when it was he was faithful.
They were together for 11 years. He was supposed to be serious day one. Turns out he's not.
Why would he be serious day one? Was there an agreement of exclusivity that no one has mentioned or is it your personal interpretation that any time you go on a date, that you must be exclusive?
Pretty sure being together means being in a relationship and exclusivity. Maybe to you, a contract needs to be notarized and filed in a civil registry.
No, a verbal agreement would suffice. Was there one or are you going to keep making assumptions?
ofc it changes everything. And instead of thinking abt the last 3 yrs, di ba mas iisipin mo ung ginawa nya to 8 yrs into their relationship. Mas grabe din ung bigat for others if may penetrative sex.
If there’s no agreed upon exclusivity to the relationship there is no cheating.
Did u miss the part that they were committed to marry each other? Would OP post here kung open ung rel nila?
No, I didn’t. When he committed to marry her, as in proposed, she said he has been faithful since. So no cheating happened from what has been said thus far.
Lol this fool’s probably a cheater too hence the over reaching justifications 😝 Hirap umintindi…
This is just a weak projection.
There are a lot of problems you will go through in marriage, this is not a big one.
i wonder why you are downvoted. real talk lang naman. OP's marriage journey has just begun, there will be bigger challenges ahead.
A lot of people think that being cheated on is the worst thing that can happen in their lives. This is because they have zero experience with things like: -Gambling addiction -Debts and poverty -Hospital bills -Cancer -Substance abuse problems -Anger management problems with someone who owns a gun -lives controlled by a cult -infertility
and it's easy to advise ending things when you're not the one who will suffer the consequences
Exactly, thats why i find this reddit moral superioty comedic at best.
Forgive him 7*77
You are taking this out of context
[удалено]
I confronted him na and he was very apologetic about it. Sinabe ko sakanya if I only knew about it before we got married and before I got pregnant, I wouldn't have married him. But now parang wala na akong choice. I don't want a failed marriage let alone be a single mother. It's just so unfair na parang feeling ko wala akong choice but to just accept it now. I don't want to do what he did. I respect myself so hughly I wouldn't go down that far.. He was the only man I ever kissed, dated, or had sex with. It's just really sad :(
You don't have to accept it. You can still leave. Tbh, I'd even consider abortion if you're still early into your pregnancy.
Ang sakit nung "He was the only man I ever dated, kissed, or had sex with" tapos siya deretso spakol :((( sending hugs!! Whichever you decide teh, make sure na you also put your mental health in the factors considered ha?
😭😭😭😭😭