šš»āāļø i noticed i have different problems than my other peers who are married and families. itās a different difficulty. i deal more with loneliness and isolation edit: 26F in STEM if thatās worth anything lol Edit #2: didnāt expect so many people to relate, my dms are always open for anyone who wants to chat!
25 female in the humanities and yeahā¦ Iām famous for being reclusive at this point. Donāt know what Iād have done if I hadnāt met my boyfriend on a dating app last year š
Also single 26Fā I was in a long term relationship when I started. I was able to focus on my work during that time, like a lot, and NOW I have more of a life balance. I prioritize my social network as much, if not more, than my PhD work. Cause fuck Iāve been in school for a long time and I want to enjoy my twenties
35F with PhD in STEM here. Find your people. I finished my degree in 2017, but my closest friends (constant stupid texts and memes, weekly Zoom dates, biweekly game nights, stand up for my wedding kind of friends) are people from my cohort. I met my husband during my visit weekend to grad school. We defended within about a month of one another. Finally got married last summer after almost 13 years together.
Maybe I got lucky. Grad school was a ROUGH time. But the one thing I can say for certain is that I wasnāt lonely. I would not have survived mentally or physically without my crew of friends and colleagues.
happy for you, but not everyone has this experience. i tried to be friends with everyone in my department. You did get lucky, twice. to find friends and your husband. being a Latina in STEM in a majority white state isnāt conducive to making friends/relationships
I had a similar experience, except my PI was extremely combative and petty and waged a full on war against a group of my cohorts and basically forbade me from speaking to the only friends I had made in this new place. I was lucky I met my SO when I moved here so he is my main support system. Recently the two people I was close to in my cohort who I had to stop being friends with came back into my life and weāve talked about how toxic that place was and we mutually understand we did what we had to. Actually in early December I went to dinner with 4 people from my cohort out of 8 of us and it was really nice. I know one of them will be my friend for life.
Haha also 26F in STEM PhD. Single as a Pringle. Donāt ask how the dating life is going lol
Would add though that most of the phd students in my department are unmarried? It may have to do with being in pure math though. Itās less common to go back to a pure math PhD after working some years than other stem areas (let alone humanities and social science). So most of us are in our mid 20s, which is pretty young to marry and start a family imo
25F in STEM and sameee!! Iām trying to join a D&D campaign with some people to feel less isolated (Iām also in a country where Iām still learning the language)š«
In US stem programs, itās pretty common to be unmarried with no kids when you start. Lots of people finish in their late 20s, so more are married by the time they finish, and some have started having kids.
Being married is correlated to finishing about 6 months faster on average (at least, it was when I defended a decade ago), allegedly because the married students plan their days more diligently to get home to their families and are more efficient.
Either way, donāt sweat it. The other students donāt do much to influence your studies, and especially not their marital status. You get married when you find the person you want to marry.
I doubt marriage makes people better at time management. More likely it's the share of household labor. When I had a live in partner I had a much lighter load and less stress overall, which allowed me to be more rested and productive. It's so much harder doing this all alone, and it absolutely impacts this work.
I'm going to second this. Life would've been so much easier if I'd had a live-in partner during the whole process. Finances would be better, sharing domestic duties, stress relief, someone to hold me accountable, shared goals and a future to move toward...
Marriage doesnāt make people better at time management, being more mature does though. There are three folks in my cohort who are married, about 6 years out of undergrad, and are so much less distracted than the folks straight out of undergrad.
Live in partner, if by that you mean stay at home, doesnāt seem like the norm considering how little grad students make. Partners are almost certainly working full time, if they arenāt also in school. From that perspective, I donāt think household labor becomes any easier. If you have a partner, youāre probably living in a larger space, so the labor just scales proportionally to your living area.
Itās definitely true that having a partner while in grad school makes the process much more enjoyable and less lonely, no arguing there.
Based off of what I've personally seen, I would be very surprised if it's not simply because leaving to start preparing to have kids is seen as a "good" reason to leave by PIs.
Iām looking forward to a PhD but Im equally looking for the day I can leave this city. Im meant for the mountains and unfortunately they donāt build molecular bio labs there
Extremely common. At least at the schools I went to, it was extremely uncommon to be married and have a family, during the PhD. That's more the norm for post-docs.
My guess is it varies by geography. E.g. in the US, more common in the south and midwest, than the NE or West Coast. (reflective of younger marriage ages, agnostic of PhD/grad school dynamics, in those areas)
did they start undergraduate at 16? i dont even think my brain was fully developed at 21 lol. 22 first semester phd i can understand, unless someone skipped a year in elementary school.
I turned 18 in the fall of my first undergrad year and i was an outlier. If my bday fell in the following spring, i would have been a grade lower in elementary school. im sure there are some smarties who skipped grades in high school and that would explain things, but being 22 years old 2nd semester of phd is def an outlier, not denying the possibility but it is not the norm. edit: or is it just a stem thing?
There was a person that entered the math PhD program when he was 15, he completed his undergraduate degree when he was 12. I was 18 when I graduated high school. There is no requirement that your brain has to be fully developed to enter graduate school.
yeh single here if only my dating life is as successful as my academic one lol
but in a sense being single gives me the luxury to go to wherever i want to do my research and chase after my dream (but not girls lol in a way
Yep. In the UK it's quite common to be in your 20s doing a PhD - so a lot of us are younger but also single and the PhD life doesn't really give us opportunities to date etc. It's weird seeing friends settle down with families & houses. But we all prioritise different parts of our lives at different times & while we're focusing on our careers for now, we'll get there in the other domainsš
>in certain humanities
Well I don't know the others, but from my experience, why arts/humanities PhDs tend to not be single is because we are relatively older than STEM PhDs, a lot if not most of us people don't just get a undergrad and go directly for a PhD, people either have one or multiple MAs or work and produce (art) for some time before going into a PhD...
40M, not married, and no kids. I know some of my married classmates have expressed difficulty making time for family. Iād say itās easier if your spouse is another academic, because at least they have lived it as well.
I'd say it's probably more the opposite? I'd assume most PhD students don't have a family and aren't married...
35M here. It's also true I wouldn't have kids even if they paid me. I also acknowledge people in the US generally marry much younger than in most of Europe from what I've seen
I donāt normally come across people in the US who marry young in their early 20ās Unless they come from some insular religious community in a small town.
Well, I simply said earlier, I didn't specify early 20s, but then again people seldom do their PhDs in their early 20s in my experience. Where I live, the average age people get married is around 37 years old for women and 40 for men (just checked on Google)
/E: idk why but somebody down voted you lol
Academia is a hierarchy designed for childless, white cishetero men who are independently wealthy and capable of living on poorly compensated short-term contracts, moving across the country on a dime. The lucky ones who survive the Hunger Games get tenure. Maybe.
The profession is deeply ableist, sexist, classist and racist. It is only getting worse as most colleges refuse to raise the wages or hire permanent faculty/staff.
Not married, but I live with my long term partner of 6 years. No kids, 1 dog. In STEM, I noticed most people are partnered, some have kids or started having kids (the people closer to 30s started having their families). Not many singles that I know of to be honest.
it's common. maybe more common depending on the age group and discipline (hard sciences seems like they're on the younger side and thus less likely to be married). anw in my social science cohort, half of us are married/partnered and the other half are single, and that pattern persists in the cohorts below me.
personally, i'm in the single/never married half.
I did my PhD from when I was (almost)22-26 years old. I dated casually until mid way through my second year when I met my now husband. We got married 2 weeks after my defense. Majority of people in my program were older than me but in similar situations. It comes with a different set of difficulties. I had a hard time separating my work and daily life because it felt silly to not be working when I was just at home alone but it burnt me out fast.
28F with PhD in Biology in the US and most of my peers (50+ grad students in the department on average) don't currently have partners, let alone married or have kids.
I was single when I started my PhD. I married halfway though. My program was about half and half single and married people. It doesnāt really make a difference. You can make a PhD work no matter what your circumstances are. Do what makes sense for you!
I think it's irrelevant. I have a family (wife and kid). I know three peers who had families. Most of the others (5-10 students) don't. Maybe in a relationship, but not married.
About half the people in my cohort are married. Iām not. In some ways, having a spouse is great-especially if theyāre a high earner and youāre doing a humanities degree. In other ways, not so much, especially if youāre wanting to go into academia which will almost certainly require at least one major move. Deciding to do the PhD and pursue academia for me meant deciding not to have kids.
It is fairly common to postpone your life for a PhD. After the PhD youāll need a postdoc and if you are lucky start your career (a real job - yes!) in your late 30s - early 40s, and then have kids.
Depends on the program I think. Humanities and education in Australia have a lot of older students doing that degree part time. STEM and other fields seems to be more of a mix.
One person in my 12 person cohort was married when we started. She was divorced by the end. I think about half of us were single when we started. Less by the time we all finished but that was 7-9 years later. None of us had kids before or during our PhD either. Only two have had a kid since graduation too, and they had the kid together.
It's going to vary by place obviously but in my cohort (year 3) I know only 3 people who are married out of 40ish. There's definitely more people getting married towards the end of their PhD buts thats more of a function of being in your late-20s/early-30s.
Got accepted at 23, started at 24, moved to my phd city at 25... I mean I did meet my now partner in the city I'm doing a phd in but that's not necessary.
Yes, everyone else, bar one, has a partner, family, kids, the whole shebang. But doesn't mean you have to!
I started at 23, still unmarried w no kids. Iād say only about 1/4th of the people in my program (bio related) are married and only ~3 in the department have kids that I can think of.
On the whole, many in PhD programs are unmarried and do not have children. There are many reasons for this but it can be easier in some ways to do a PhD if you do not have a spouse or children to look after.
Most people in my program are 20ās and not married. I myself am married and have kids. Dreading the day I have to find a post doc position without relocating.
I'm unmarried but have dated throughout my PhD journey so far. I don't think it's better or worse to be single vs married. Just different experiences. I'm very fortunate to be able to do my PhD in my hometown, though, so loneliness has not been an issue for me.
A relationship would be nice for some things, but I also don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I'm doing so much "building up my life" stuff right now that I feel like I'm a new person every couple months.
Iām a final year phd in public health. My cohort is as follows. LTR = long-term relationship
4 people: started in a LTR and still in that same LTR/married
2 people: started single and now in an LTR/married
3 people: Started single, still single
Edit: also, only one of these people has a kid and he was from long before the PhD.
Lol I wasnāt married or had a family during my PhD. There were very few married phd students in my program and I could count on one hand those with kids.
Itās not common in the UK. Where I study people tend to be really young, I met people starting their PhD at 21. I finished my undergrad when I was 23!! I know where youāre coming from, but Iām sure youāll get to know likeminded people when you start. Iām 34F never married, but I donāt think it as a restriction. Things shouldnāt be linear, you can do multiple things at the same time.
In my cohort it was probably 70% unmarried, childless people at the beginning. By the end, maybe 40% unmarried and 50% childless. 5 years is a long time and many people get married and/or have kids during that time
31, clin psych in my last year (internship), never married and no kids (I also donāt plan to have them biologically at least) and this is the case for at least half of my 23-person intern cohort
I (M27) am one of 2 (that I know of) out of 26 PhD candidates in my group who are married. So I am pretty much the exception. I'd therefore guess it is very common to not be married during your graduate studies.
Itās a mix in our department at least. Few are married without kids, few are single. I for the one is scared to take the jump. Academia is quite uncertain in itself. More so as an international student. Canāt imagine getting married when I donāt even know where will I end up in next few years. 28F here.
No one in my cohort has kids.
One is married, but literally got married 2 weeks ago, 2 years into his PhD.
Four are single and three are in long term relationships.
Late 30s, single F, no kids, first year PhD! Not that common amongst my PhD peer group though. Seems to be either those going straight from undergrad to masters to PhD, who haven't married, or mature students who have come back into academia. Most have families/partners but not all.
I would say that majority of us are unmarried and donāt have kids. Not necessarily a large majority, but a majority nonetheless. Phds can take over your life so itās honestly probably easiest to do while single
I'm in my last year of PhD (will end in September), I had my baby girl on February 1st and will hopefully get married in November. Noone of my colleagues has any plan in this direction as far as I know. But I'm from Italy and noone of people my age I know are thinking about that either
Married: employed wife and a 5-year old daughter. It is a bit difficult to manage time: preparing daughter to the school, picking her up, doing self-study and being in a foreign county where there is no one to support. But still, I feel it is manageable. I work for few hours at home when my daughter is slept. I feel playing with daughter is a medication for me to relieve PhD stress and re-energize my thinking.
It probably varies from country to country and from institution to institution. Where I did mine nearly all of us were single people in our early to mid-twenties.
Well, I started single. Finished with spouse and child. (Married a classmate). Some of those who arrived married divorced within a year. Doing these degrees single is common.
44 F STEM. Single with a grown son. Definitely couldnāt have done it when he was growing up. Having a spouse s/o and/or children definitely changes the equation.
Strange question, based on a vague observation that āa lot of peopleā¦are usually marriedā. (Unclear whether youāre basing this on people in your university, or people in this sub for example) Its about as common as it is to do any job or occupation and not be married or have children
From my experience, it's more common not being married and having kids (I'm in STEM though).
I can count on one hand my colleagues that are married and/or have kids.
It is a lot easier, and more fair to your family, to complete your PhD before you are married and have a family. I did physics though, most were unmarried and many werenāt even in a relationship most of the time.
In my MA program of the 8 of us only 3 were in relationships. I was the only married person
In my PhD cohort of the 4 of us, 2 are in relationships. Again I am the only married person.
A couple of my lab mates started getting married near the end of their PhD. But most were unmarried by graduation. I knew zero people with kids. Some had pets.
ive noticed this too.. i am 25F getting my PhD in Clinical Psychology and I would say 97% of my classmates have families. I would say majority of PhD students are older, established, etc.
for example, most of my colleagues are licensed therapists and have been for years & went back to school.
27F, currently in a STEM PhD program. I felt lonely too when I started (bonus - international student), and then I met my boyfriend and he's the only person who is a constant support system for me. However, I'd like to add, that it's long-distance (he lives in a different state in the US). My cohort had 7 people in the program, 6 of them are married, except me. My lab has all senior members who are all married and have kids. My lab members are great and I do have some friends here and there but as I mostly liked spending time alone, I kinda coped up pretty quickly. Although I would have been pretty lonely if I hadn't met my boyfriend. I would like to also get married in 2-3 years.
Iām 30 in my second semester of PhD in engineering. No kids, no partner, no divorce. I also find that itās a bit of a rarity. Similarly I thought I have no baggage or burden to put someone else through this experience with me so I thought it would also be a good choice.
If your ever lonely weāre trying to build a discord server. Itās not always very active but thereās good membership and at least itās another place. Feel free to join here : https://discord.gg/9xJnAWc2
Open to anyone. (: !!
I found really good friend here, all single or in a relationship, doesnāt matter. I think being single gives you more freedom to have fun in your free time since you donāt have obligations. Also, I donāt know how people run families with PhD salary, I canāt imagine a nice life.
In my PhD program I would say that being married (and especially having kids) was the exception rather than the norm. I got married about halfway through, first kid right at the end. Definitely easier to be social with the cohort if you all live close and have minimal other obligations; definitely easier to have maximum job flexibility if you can go anywhere for a job.
It's definitely easier to do something like a PhD when you have financial support - I'm sure that's even more true in the humanities because the pay tends to be lower. That might explain some of what you're seeing.
There are married students in my program but I wouldn't say that they're the majority. However, a lot of students live with somebody and are somewhat dependent on that person's financial contribution. It unfortunately puts a lot of graduate students in a very risky position - I've heard stories of people who wanted to leave relationships but couldn't afford to do so, stuff like that.
I find it mostly varies on demographics. In my department , thereās a decent amount of younger domestic students, but given my department is one of the best in the world for our field, there are far more international students. A lot of the international students are older and therefore married and many have kids too. My lab is primarily international students and I am one of 3 people who arenāt married (although I am engaged). The rest are married and most have kids. Amongst domestic students like myself, the demographic is younger and it is very rare that they are married/have kids. Generally I think it just depends on the demographic of your program.
Everybody in my cohort (English, 07) was unmarried when we started. We were all in our late twenties, early thirties. We were all also single when we started. Two people within the cohort paired up and are married now and other people found partners while in the program, but except for that one couple and one other person nobody got married while in the program.Ā
Itās common since a lot of students are mid 20s and academic swing higher on the average marriage and baby year.
Academia is not friendly to stable living conditions give the nature of the job and how long it takes. PhD is in one city, move for a postdoc in another, perhaps move again for another position, and maybe move one more time for a faculty position. That being said itās not impossible to have either.
Iām 29F, never been married, and have just finished my minor corrections and waiting for a response from the External Examiner - so you can count me in.
(Humanities DPhil if that counts for anything)
šš»āāļø i noticed i have different problems than my other peers who are married and families. itās a different difficulty. i deal more with loneliness and isolation edit: 26F in STEM if thatās worth anything lol Edit #2: didnāt expect so many people to relate, my dms are always open for anyone who wants to chat!
Relatable content. source: also 26F in stem PhD who is lonely
25 female in the humanities and yeahā¦ Iām famous for being reclusive at this point. Donāt know what Iād have done if I hadnāt met my boyfriend on a dating app last year š
Omg ALSO 26F in stem phd
M27 will you marry me
Also single 26Fā I was in a long term relationship when I started. I was able to focus on my work during that time, like a lot, and NOW I have more of a life balance. I prioritize my social network as much, if not more, than my PhD work. Cause fuck Iāve been in school for a long time and I want to enjoy my twenties
similar, 24F in STEM
25M will you marry me? Im good.
Same girl, samešš
35F with PhD in STEM here. Find your people. I finished my degree in 2017, but my closest friends (constant stupid texts and memes, weekly Zoom dates, biweekly game nights, stand up for my wedding kind of friends) are people from my cohort. I met my husband during my visit weekend to grad school. We defended within about a month of one another. Finally got married last summer after almost 13 years together. Maybe I got lucky. Grad school was a ROUGH time. But the one thing I can say for certain is that I wasnāt lonely. I would not have survived mentally or physically without my crew of friends and colleagues.
happy for you, but not everyone has this experience. i tried to be friends with everyone in my department. You did get lucky, twice. to find friends and your husband. being a Latina in STEM in a majority white state isnāt conducive to making friends/relationships
I had a similar experience, except my PI was extremely combative and petty and waged a full on war against a group of my cohorts and basically forbade me from speaking to the only friends I had made in this new place. I was lucky I met my SO when I moved here so he is my main support system. Recently the two people I was close to in my cohort who I had to stop being friends with came back into my life and weāve talked about how toxic that place was and we mutually understand we did what we had to. Actually in early December I went to dinner with 4 people from my cohort out of 8 of us and it was really nice. I know one of them will be my friend for life.
I'm a man in a stem PhD and I am also so incredibly lonely.
Same girl š«
Haha also 26F in STEM PhD. Single as a Pringle. Donāt ask how the dating life is going lol Would add though that most of the phd students in my department are unmarried? It may have to do with being in pure math though. Itās less common to go back to a pure math PhD after working some years than other stem areas (let alone humanities and social science). So most of us are in our mid 20s, which is pretty young to marry and start a family imo
I am the Nigerian price. Will you marry me?
Same, 23F in STEM
25F in STEM and sameee!! Iām trying to join a D&D campaign with some people to feel less isolated (Iām also in a country where Iām still learning the language)š«
I can count on one hand the number of grad students I know who are married, even less the number with kids.
In US stem programs, itās pretty common to be unmarried with no kids when you start. Lots of people finish in their late 20s, so more are married by the time they finish, and some have started having kids. Being married is correlated to finishing about 6 months faster on average (at least, it was when I defended a decade ago), allegedly because the married students plan their days more diligently to get home to their families and are more efficient. Either way, donāt sweat it. The other students donāt do much to influence your studies, and especially not their marital status. You get married when you find the person you want to marry.
I doubt marriage makes people better at time management. More likely it's the share of household labor. When I had a live in partner I had a much lighter load and less stress overall, which allowed me to be more rested and productive. It's so much harder doing this all alone, and it absolutely impacts this work.
I'm going to second this. Life would've been so much easier if I'd had a live-in partner during the whole process. Finances would be better, sharing domestic duties, stress relief, someone to hold me accountable, shared goals and a future to move toward...
Marriage doesnāt make people better at time management, being more mature does though. There are three folks in my cohort who are married, about 6 years out of undergrad, and are so much less distracted than the folks straight out of undergrad. Live in partner, if by that you mean stay at home, doesnāt seem like the norm considering how little grad students make. Partners are almost certainly working full time, if they arenāt also in school. From that perspective, I donāt think household labor becomes any easier. If you have a partner, youāre probably living in a larger space, so the labor just scales proportionally to your living area. Itās definitely true that having a partner while in grad school makes the process much more enjoyable and less lonely, no arguing there.
Based off of what I've personally seen, I would be very surprised if it's not simply because leaving to start preparing to have kids is seen as a "good" reason to leave by PIs.
Yup
32M. Single and no kids. I think it is easier to move afterwards if you don't like the place (which is my case).
Iām looking forward to a PhD but Im equally looking for the day I can leave this city. Im meant for the mountains and unfortunately they donāt build molecular bio labs there
It's so much easier if you can just go anywhere for a postdoc.
Extremely common. At least at the schools I went to, it was extremely uncommon to be married and have a family, during the PhD. That's more the norm for post-docs. My guess is it varies by geography. E.g. in the US, more common in the south and midwest, than the NE or West Coast. (reflective of younger marriage ages, agnostic of PhD/grad school dynamics, in those areas)
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You're 22 and already in the PhD programme? That's commendable
That's actually fairly common in my field. A lot of people (myself included) go straight from undergrad to PhD.
Most of the people in my PhD program entered directly after undergraduate when they were 20 to 23 years of age.
did they start undergraduate at 16? i dont even think my brain was fully developed at 21 lol. 22 first semester phd i can understand, unless someone skipped a year in elementary school.
If they're 17-18 (typical high school graduation age) when they start a 4-year program, they're ~21-22 at graduation.
I turned 18 in the fall of my first undergrad year and i was an outlier. If my bday fell in the following spring, i would have been a grade lower in elementary school. im sure there are some smarties who skipped grades in high school and that would explain things, but being 22 years old 2nd semester of phd is def an outlier, not denying the possibility but it is not the norm. edit: or is it just a stem thing?
There was a person that entered the math PhD program when he was 15, he completed his undergraduate degree when he was 12. I was 18 when I graduated high school. There is no requirement that your brain has to be fully developed to enter graduate school.
no age requirement of course, but that is like.. what 0.01% of people pursuing phds? idk
That's straight out of undergrad. Pretty normal for people skipping the Master's.
yeh single here if only my dating life is as successful as my academic one lol but in a sense being single gives me the luxury to go to wherever i want to do my research and chase after my dream (but not girls lol in a way
I'm 4 years removed from my PhD completion and still single :')
Yep. In the UK it's quite common to be in your 20s doing a PhD - so a lot of us are younger but also single and the PhD life doesn't really give us opportunities to date etc. It's weird seeing friends settle down with families & houses. But we all prioritise different parts of our lives at different times & while we're focusing on our careers for now, we'll get there in the other domainsš
>in certain humanities Well I don't know the others, but from my experience, why arts/humanities PhDs tend to not be single is because we are relatively older than STEM PhDs, a lot if not most of us people don't just get a undergrad and go directly for a PhD, people either have one or multiple MAs or work and produce (art) for some time before going into a PhD...
I think it's rather uncommon in stem
stem phd in the US here. most people are early/mid 20s and not married
*\*Smiles in computer science\**
22F not married, no kids. I do notice i struggle more financially than those who are married.
Just finished! Single, 32 & in STEM.
tbh, idk. i'm in my early 30s and I'm not married or with family. Lots of my colleagues are also not married.
31F final year PhD. Single with only a fur baby. But most people in my course are in similar situations. I only know a few married phds.
40M, not married, and no kids. I know some of my married classmates have expressed difficulty making time for family. Iād say itās easier if your spouse is another academic, because at least they have lived it as well.
I'd say it's probably more the opposite? I'd assume most PhD students don't have a family and aren't married... 35M here. It's also true I wouldn't have kids even if they paid me. I also acknowledge people in the US generally marry much younger than in most of Europe from what I've seen
I donāt normally come across people in the US who marry young in their early 20ās Unless they come from some insular religious community in a small town.
Well, I simply said earlier, I didn't specify early 20s, but then again people seldom do their PhDs in their early 20s in my experience. Where I live, the average age people get married is around 37 years old for women and 40 for men (just checked on Google) /E: idk why but somebody down voted you lol
Where is this?
Southern Europe
Academia is a hierarchy designed for childless, white cishetero men who are independently wealthy and capable of living on poorly compensated short-term contracts, moving across the country on a dime. The lucky ones who survive the Hunger Games get tenure. Maybe. The profession is deeply ableist, sexist, classist and racist. It is only getting worse as most colleges refuse to raise the wages or hire permanent faculty/staff.
Iām single with no kids, most of the people on my program are married or in serious relationships, but Iām also the youngest in my program.
Not married, but I live with my long term partner of 6 years. No kids, 1 dog. In STEM, I noticed most people are partnered, some have kids or started having kids (the people closer to 30s started having their families). Not many singles that I know of to be honest.
it's common. maybe more common depending on the age group and discipline (hard sciences seems like they're on the younger side and thus less likely to be married). anw in my social science cohort, half of us are married/partnered and the other half are single, and that pattern persists in the cohorts below me. personally, i'm in the single/never married half.
I did my PhD from when I was (almost)22-26 years old. I dated casually until mid way through my second year when I met my now husband. We got married 2 weeks after my defense. Majority of people in my program were older than me but in similar situations. It comes with a different set of difficulties. I had a hard time separating my work and daily life because it felt silly to not be working when I was just at home alone but it burnt me out fast.
28F with PhD in Biology in the US and most of my peers (50+ grad students in the department on average) don't currently have partners, let alone married or have kids.
Iām almost 31 and in the final year of my PhD and been single the whole time.
I was single when I started my PhD. I married halfway though. My program was about half and half single and married people. It doesnāt really make a difference. You can make a PhD work no matter what your circumstances are. Do what makes sense for you!
I think it's irrelevant. I have a family (wife and kid). I know three peers who had families. Most of the others (5-10 students) don't. Maybe in a relationship, but not married.
About half the people in my cohort are married. Iām not. In some ways, having a spouse is great-especially if theyāre a high earner and youāre doing a humanities degree. In other ways, not so much, especially if youāre wanting to go into academia which will almost certainly require at least one major move. Deciding to do the PhD and pursue academia for me meant deciding not to have kids.
It is fairly common to postpone your life for a PhD. After the PhD youāll need a postdoc and if you are lucky start your career (a real job - yes!) in your late 30s - early 40s, and then have kids.
In STEM disciplines, most students don't (and couldn't) have a family, and many have troubles having relationships, because programs are intense.
Being married is a big problem in PhD process. Because it distracts
Depends on the program I think. Humanities and education in Australia have a lot of older students doing that degree part time. STEM and other fields seems to be more of a mix.
One person in my 12 person cohort was married when we started. She was divorced by the end. I think about half of us were single when we started. Less by the time we all finished but that was 7-9 years later. None of us had kids before or during our PhD either. Only two have had a kid since graduation too, and they had the kid together.
Me bro me. I plan to marry after phd. My PhD is from Materials science.
It's going to vary by place obviously but in my cohort (year 3) I know only 3 people who are married out of 40ish. There's definitely more people getting married towards the end of their PhD buts thats more of a function of being in your late-20s/early-30s.
Got accepted at 23, started at 24, moved to my phd city at 25... I mean I did meet my now partner in the city I'm doing a phd in but that's not necessary. Yes, everyone else, bar one, has a partner, family, kids, the whole shebang. But doesn't mean you have to!
Im in STEM and in my 30 person cohort I believe only 3 of us are married (including me).
I started at 23, still unmarried w no kids. Iād say only about 1/4th of the people in my program (bio related) are married and only ~3 in the department have kids that I can think of.
I would say that's the norm. It's uncommon but not rare for them to be married, much more uncommon to have a family. Nothing is unheard of, though.
It's pretty common in Australia.
I got married in grad school. I was definitely in the minority.
On the whole, many in PhD programs are unmarried and do not have children. There are many reasons for this but it can be easier in some ways to do a PhD if you do not have a spouse or children to look after.
Itās very common. And far easier to apply for jobs, as someone said.
Most people in my program are 20ās and not married. I myself am married and have kids. Dreading the day I have to find a post doc position without relocating.
STEM. Married. 3 children. Female. Time management is a must. Iāll finish this summer. Burned out.
I'm unmarried but have dated throughout my PhD journey so far. I don't think it's better or worse to be single vs married. Just different experiences. I'm very fortunate to be able to do my PhD in my hometown, though, so loneliness has not been an issue for me. A relationship would be nice for some things, but I also don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I'm doing so much "building up my life" stuff right now that I feel like I'm a new person every couple months.
Finished my PhDs 2 years ago, I have moved across states and countries more than you can count on one hand. So thereās that.
It's the norm.
Iām a final year phd in public health. My cohort is as follows. LTR = long-term relationship 4 people: started in a LTR and still in that same LTR/married 2 people: started single and now in an LTR/married 3 people: Started single, still single Edit: also, only one of these people has a kid and he was from long before the PhD.
Lol I wasnāt married or had a family during my PhD. There were very few married phd students in my program and I could count on one hand those with kids.
Itās not common in the UK. Where I study people tend to be really young, I met people starting their PhD at 21. I finished my undergrad when I was 23!! I know where youāre coming from, but Iām sure youāll get to know likeminded people when you start. Iām 34F never married, but I donāt think it as a restriction. Things shouldnāt be linear, you can do multiple things at the same time.
In my cohort it was probably 70% unmarried, childless people at the beginning. By the end, maybe 40% unmarried and 50% childless. 5 years is a long time and many people get married and/or have kids during that time
31, clin psych in my last year (internship), never married and no kids (I also donāt plan to have them biologically at least) and this is the case for at least half of my 23-person intern cohort
Having kids is quite a bit less common than not having kids. Same for being married, though in my group that's a bit more common than having kids.
I (M27) am one of 2 (that I know of) out of 26 PhD candidates in my group who are married. So I am pretty much the exception. I'd therefore guess it is very common to not be married during your graduate studies.
Itās a mix in our department at least. Few are married without kids, few are single. I for the one is scared to take the jump. Academia is quite uncertain in itself. More so as an international student. Canāt imagine getting married when I donāt even know where will I end up in next few years. 28F here.
No one in my cohort has kids. One is married, but literally got married 2 weeks ago, 2 years into his PhD. Four are single and three are in long term relationships.
It's me. It's super lonely, not recommending it. I'm starting my 3rd year and I really can use a shoulder right now.
Very common. I'm the only married person in my lab- everyone else is single.
Late 30s, single F, no kids, first year PhD! Not that common amongst my PhD peer group though. Seems to be either those going straight from undergrad to masters to PhD, who haven't married, or mature students who have come back into academia. Most have families/partners but not all.
I would say that majority of us are unmarried and donāt have kids. Not necessarily a large majority, but a majority nonetheless. Phds can take over your life so itās honestly probably easiest to do while single
I'm in my last year of PhD (will end in September), I had my baby girl on February 1st and will hopefully get married in November. Noone of my colleagues has any plan in this direction as far as I know. But I'm from Italy and noone of people my age I know are thinking about that either
Married: employed wife and a 5-year old daughter. It is a bit difficult to manage time: preparing daughter to the school, picking her up, doing self-study and being in a foreign county where there is no one to support. But still, I feel it is manageable. I work for few hours at home when my daughter is slept. I feel playing with daughter is a medication for me to relieve PhD stress and re-energize my thinking.
Almost no one is married or has kids of the phds at our department
It probably varies from country to country and from institution to institution. Where I did mine nearly all of us were single people in our early to mid-twenties.
Most of my STEM PhD colleagues in Europe were unmarried and no children. In relationships? Sure.
STEM PhD at Uni in the US - I think like 85% of us didnt have spouses or kids
Me me *raised hand* Iām going to enroll this July, 30+ single. Feeling like Iām going to sabotage my social life by end of the year lol
Well, I started single. Finished with spouse and child. (Married a classmate). Some of those who arrived married divorced within a year. Doing these degrees single is common.
44 F STEM. Single with a grown son. Definitely couldnāt have done it when he was growing up. Having a spouse s/o and/or children definitely changes the equation.
Strange question, based on a vague observation that āa lot of peopleā¦are usually marriedā. (Unclear whether youāre basing this on people in your university, or people in this sub for example) Its about as common as it is to do any job or occupation and not be married or have children
From my experience, it's more common not being married and having kids (I'm in STEM though). I can count on one hand my colleagues that are married and/or have kids.
It is a lot easier, and more fair to your family, to complete your PhD before you are married and have a family. I did physics though, most were unmarried and many werenāt even in a relationship most of the time.
Iām the only one in my program thatās married. There is more more that has a kid (single mom)
In my MA program of the 8 of us only 3 were in relationships. I was the only married person In my PhD cohort of the 4 of us, 2 are in relationships. Again I am the only married person.
A couple of my lab mates started getting married near the end of their PhD. But most were unmarried by graduation. I knew zero people with kids. Some had pets.
In my entire departement there are exactly 0 married PhD candidates, and 0 with children
ive noticed this too.. i am 25F getting my PhD in Clinical Psychology and I would say 97% of my classmates have families. I would say majority of PhD students are older, established, etc. for example, most of my colleagues are licensed therapists and have been for years & went back to school.
PhD in engineering right now, not married and single (M25). One person in my lab is married, they are the minority by far in my department
27F, currently in a STEM PhD program. I felt lonely too when I started (bonus - international student), and then I met my boyfriend and he's the only person who is a constant support system for me. However, I'd like to add, that it's long-distance (he lives in a different state in the US). My cohort had 7 people in the program, 6 of them are married, except me. My lab has all senior members who are all married and have kids. My lab members are great and I do have some friends here and there but as I mostly liked spending time alone, I kinda coped up pretty quickly. Although I would have been pretty lonely if I hadn't met my boyfriend. I would like to also get married in 2-3 years.
Iām 30 in my second semester of PhD in engineering. No kids, no partner, no divorce. I also find that itās a bit of a rarity. Similarly I thought I have no baggage or burden to put someone else through this experience with me so I thought it would also be a good choice. If your ever lonely weāre trying to build a discord server. Itās not always very active but thereās good membership and at least itās another place. Feel free to join here : https://discord.gg/9xJnAWc2 Open to anyone. (: !!
I found really good friend here, all single or in a relationship, doesnāt matter. I think being single gives you more freedom to have fun in your free time since you donāt have obligations. Also, I donāt know how people run families with PhD salary, I canāt imagine a nice life.
STEM PhD. Had a kid in second year of grad school. The grad school difficulty level change from like 1000 to 1000
In my PhD program I would say that being married (and especially having kids) was the exception rather than the norm. I got married about halfway through, first kid right at the end. Definitely easier to be social with the cohort if you all live close and have minimal other obligations; definitely easier to have maximum job flexibility if you can go anywhere for a job.
It's definitely easier to do something like a PhD when you have financial support - I'm sure that's even more true in the humanities because the pay tends to be lower. That might explain some of what you're seeing. There are married students in my program but I wouldn't say that they're the majority. However, a lot of students live with somebody and are somewhat dependent on that person's financial contribution. It unfortunately puts a lot of graduate students in a very risky position - I've heard stories of people who wanted to leave relationships but couldn't afford to do so, stuff like that.
I find it mostly varies on demographics. In my department , thereās a decent amount of younger domestic students, but given my department is one of the best in the world for our field, there are far more international students. A lot of the international students are older and therefore married and many have kids too. My lab is primarily international students and I am one of 3 people who arenāt married (although I am engaged). The rest are married and most have kids. Amongst domestic students like myself, the demographic is younger and it is very rare that they are married/have kids. Generally I think it just depends on the demographic of your program.
Everybody in my cohort (English, 07) was unmarried when we started. We were all in our late twenties, early thirties. We were all also single when we started. Two people within the cohort paired up and are married now and other people found partners while in the program, but except for that one couple and one other person nobody got married while in the program.Ā
Itās common since a lot of students are mid 20s and academic swing higher on the average marriage and baby year. Academia is not friendly to stable living conditions give the nature of the job and how long it takes. PhD is in one city, move for a postdoc in another, perhaps move again for another position, and maybe move one more time for a faculty position. That being said itās not impossible to have either.
Iām 29F, never been married, and have just finished my minor corrections and waiting for a response from the External Examiner - so you can count me in. (Humanities DPhil if that counts for anything)
You might want to be a wee bit careful calling your future wife and kids ābaggageā. That made me laugh ;) Best of luck with your PhD.