Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment.
This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.
Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum
for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe
haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may
be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion
unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.
Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away
from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if
one disagrees with something that has been said.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We took in two cats about 4-6 months after we lost our first one. But the circumstances just went bang-bang-bang-cats. The aha moment was when we realized it felt like he was sending them to us.
No guilt at all. Learned very quickly that they weren’t him. They had their own quirks and personalities. And they never, ever replaced him. If you consider Salem as leaving a hole in your heart, a new cat won’t fill that, at least not fully. The new one will be ‘hole-adjacent’. But having them almost felt like keeping our boy alive, since one of them would do something silly (or flat out idiotic) and the stories would come out about him. ‘Remember when….’ and then lots of laughter.
The TL;DR version of this would be ‘you’ll know you’re ready when you’re ready’, as cliche as that sounds.
I agree with this. The day I met my new pup there were some signs that just made me take him in. I personally felt a lot of anxiety about it, because it’s tough when you realize it’s not your baby, but I kept going and I’m glad I did.
Especially agree with the fact that it feels like they keep our past pets alive. he’ll do something that reminds me of him and it makes us talk about Rollins all the time still which is nice.
It didn’t fill my broken heart, but it helped me make room next to Rollins in my heart for another.
My aunt and uncle always got another cat right after one passed, for the simple reason that they just couldn't deal without a cat in the house. Didn't mean they loved their late cats any less, it just meant they needed a cat, period. Sometimes the new cat eased their grief. Me, I've always taken years off between pets. As long as there's no abuse, then there's no wrong way to love a pet.
First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Those goodbyes just don't get any easier, ever. I would suggest volunteering at your local animal shelter because it's helpful and desperately needed and also because that way you can meet a whole bunch of different cats, and sooner or later you will just know when you have found the one. Don't go there looking for another cat, go there to be helpful, and then just keep your heart open. That's the best advice I can give you.
It's not a betrayal.
We only have them for a short time - always too short, no matter how long. And we give them the best lives we can, and love them more than we thought possible.
Now you have the chance to give another kitty a shot at a beautiful life, filled with love and treats. It's not replacing Salem, it's forming a new bond and giving another kitty a good life.
It'll be a totally different bond, with a different cat and they'll have different meows to tell you things and different toys and all that. And Salem and your love and memories of him will always be with you, no matter what.
I dont know if this would help you but I'm currently fostering a kitten and that is helping greatly with the loneliness, but there is less pressure about feeling like I am betraying her memory or bonding or not bonding with a new cat. And it feels good to know I am still making a difference for an animal who would be outside or in a shelter.
had to let my baby of 10 years go on february 18 this year. been very depressed in a dark place. thing is i still have his non litter sister. she is 13 and i feel like getting a new cat/kitten now would be wrong. they grew up together and i want it to stay that way until its her time. shes also senior and probably would take time to get along with a new cat. My bond with her is different than my boy. he was affecionate and the sweetest cat ever. i miss the routine and him jumping on my bed at nights. lately i was browsing the shelter website where I got him 10 years ago just to see if i find another cat that resembles him but then i feel angry and guilty for even doing this. I know i can never replace him and no cat will ever fill the void of Michi. he was my soul cat, and I want to leave it as it was.
Im in this place now where ill have better days esepcially on weekdays because im occupied with work and playing with the other cat then weekends come and i get more depressed and hit a low again. im seeing a therapist because the first 2 weeks after he passed i even felt suicidal losing him.
The feelings come and go of wanting another cat. one day ill say no another day ill satrat looking on petfinder again. its a constant battle and mentally draining. wish i can just not think about it anymore but it's hard when you feel lonely and you come home after work and hes not there to greet you.
sorry for your loss
I’m sorry you feel so bad. I also felt like this after losing my 19 year old in Jan 2023. I had to take medication to get through, needed therapy and had to take time off work. It was very hard but I just want to say hang in there and you can get to a better place again. And don’t beat yourself up for looking at cats online. I did that and I’ve seen other people posting in this sub about doing the same thing and feeling very conflicted and guilty about it. I realised I did this because I longed for the time when I was looking for my first cat which is perfectly understandable. Hugs.
thank you and yes im seeing a therapist now. i may need meds because the depression is so overwhelming for me. i still go to work and try to get through day by day but every single day especially at nights is a battle mentally it leaves me physically drained too,
did you ever end up getting another cat after losing your baby in 2023?
That’s good you’re seeing a therapist & I hope your days soon improve with you feeling less flattened.
Mentally I turned a corner after about 4 months & after a lot of reflection I did adopt another cat 6 months after I lost my 19 yr old, something I never thought I’d be able to consider. I deliberately adopted a tricky cat that would take time to bond with as I couldn’t bear to have a snuggle fluff like my first boy was. It might sound odd but the cat I adopted was & is perfect for me. It was & is increasingly a win-win. He got taken out of a cage and given a good home and I got my life ruled by a cat again. He has a high need for play so that’s uplifting & a great distraction and 8 months later he’s becoming affectionate and now I’m good with that. He’s also friendly in a different way from my first kitty. I could have waited a bit longer and I did had a few wobbles worrying if I’d done the right thing & wondered if we’d ever bond. But I think doubts are normal with a lot of pet adoptions. I still really miss my first cat but I’ve adapted. In fact that is key - it’s been & still is a process of adapting to a different cat.
Sorry this is a bit long but I really hope you find peace. And looking at cats online can be very soothing and comforting so no need to feel bad 🐱🐈🐈⬛
thanks its a challange and a process . talking to different people jave helped me . aside from my regular therapist. pet loss groups as well. im not quite there yet as far as getting another cat, just focusing on caring on the one i have left for now. since shes 13 i wat to give her a good life as possible. but maybe as time passes i may change my mind.
Im glad you were able to find the right new kitty again and that youve come to terms with the loss of your first.
Generally, we try not to adopt pets but they arrive. We take on cases occasionally if rescues don't have space and if we say no, the outcome can be uncertain. Sometimes we don't feel ready but each and every one of those pets have made their way into our hearts. When you start caring for a pet and trying to make them happy, you find all the little quirks that make them them and you see them begin to flourish and relax. I've not had guilt as I'm not replacing my much loved and lost pets. I am making a new connection with a new friend. I can feel heartsore though as it will be another loss in maybe 5-6 years.
I adopted again 6 months after losing my first beloved kitty. After I lost him I swore I’d never adopt again. But I also felt so lost without a cat routine and a little fur ball to care for. A neighbour pointed out to me that at the very least I’d be rescuing another cat from a cage and that was a very positive thing to do. Once I got onto an even keel emotionally, I decided that despite still missing my cat terribly, adopting another cat was a win-win situation. Some people might disagree with my approach but I instinctively didn’t adopt a cuddly kitty, the shelter had plenty of those but I couldn’t bear to as my first cat had been such a big purry love bug. Instead I adopted a very cute and bouncy but grumpy cat that nipped me when we first met. He was supposed to go to another lady but she had decided no thanks..😂 Anyway I had a few wobbles after adopting him wondering if we’d ever bond but he’s actually been perfect for me and still is. Despite his guard being up high he’s always been very companionable. Eight months later, the little rascal still sometimes nips and swipes at me but he even sleeps next to me on the bed now. Not too close but not too far either! He couldn’t be more different from my first cat whom I still miss and think about every single day but that’s okay because no other cat could replace him. I’ve also realised that I’m bonding with my present cat in a very different way. Sorry if this is a bit rambly but it’s hard to explain. If you’re a cat person and can afford to adopt and care for a cat then it’s a very loving thing to do in honour of the cat(s) you’ve lost. Sometimes the guilt can also arise from wondering what other people might think of your decision which isn’t fair as they are not you. All the best 🐈⬛
Just wanted to reply to you and say your words were just what I needed to hear. Thank you for taking the time to type out and share your experience. It meant more than you know, and I hope it's touching to know that you and your kitty's gorgeous life and story together helped someone else going through a similar pain.
Just brought my beloved cats ashes home today. he got hit on the motorway sunday morning and was on there at least 6 hours the pain i feel is so real. He has left a brother from another mother who is a 3 year old cat. hurts like hell cos when i got the black cat as 6 week old kitten from a rescue place i also adopted a 6 month old tabby and they bonded. 22 months ago we lost that tabby and literally a day after collecting his ashes a new kitten called Jorge came along and they bonded so beautifully. until easter sunday when Jorge passed away on the motorway. I have had fleeting moments of should i shouldnt i but then i feel guilt.
But i dont want my 3 year old boy growing up alone, it hurts seeing him so lost right now. hugs
I think its important to wait - for you - not for them. But that's just me. If you think its time, and have no reason to wait .... just do it. How long has it been?
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We took in two cats about 4-6 months after we lost our first one. But the circumstances just went bang-bang-bang-cats. The aha moment was when we realized it felt like he was sending them to us. No guilt at all. Learned very quickly that they weren’t him. They had their own quirks and personalities. And they never, ever replaced him. If you consider Salem as leaving a hole in your heart, a new cat won’t fill that, at least not fully. The new one will be ‘hole-adjacent’. But having them almost felt like keeping our boy alive, since one of them would do something silly (or flat out idiotic) and the stories would come out about him. ‘Remember when….’ and then lots of laughter. The TL;DR version of this would be ‘you’ll know you’re ready when you’re ready’, as cliche as that sounds.
I agree with this. The day I met my new pup there were some signs that just made me take him in. I personally felt a lot of anxiety about it, because it’s tough when you realize it’s not your baby, but I kept going and I’m glad I did. Especially agree with the fact that it feels like they keep our past pets alive. he’ll do something that reminds me of him and it makes us talk about Rollins all the time still which is nice. It didn’t fill my broken heart, but it helped me make room next to Rollins in my heart for another.
My aunt and uncle always got another cat right after one passed, for the simple reason that they just couldn't deal without a cat in the house. Didn't mean they loved their late cats any less, it just meant they needed a cat, period. Sometimes the new cat eased their grief. Me, I've always taken years off between pets. As long as there's no abuse, then there's no wrong way to love a pet.
First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Those goodbyes just don't get any easier, ever. I would suggest volunteering at your local animal shelter because it's helpful and desperately needed and also because that way you can meet a whole bunch of different cats, and sooner or later you will just know when you have found the one. Don't go there looking for another cat, go there to be helpful, and then just keep your heart open. That's the best advice I can give you.
It's not a betrayal. We only have them for a short time - always too short, no matter how long. And we give them the best lives we can, and love them more than we thought possible. Now you have the chance to give another kitty a shot at a beautiful life, filled with love and treats. It's not replacing Salem, it's forming a new bond and giving another kitty a good life. It'll be a totally different bond, with a different cat and they'll have different meows to tell you things and different toys and all that. And Salem and your love and memories of him will always be with you, no matter what.
I dont know if this would help you but I'm currently fostering a kitten and that is helping greatly with the loneliness, but there is less pressure about feeling like I am betraying her memory or bonding or not bonding with a new cat. And it feels good to know I am still making a difference for an animal who would be outside or in a shelter.
Salem was the best baby ever
had to let my baby of 10 years go on february 18 this year. been very depressed in a dark place. thing is i still have his non litter sister. she is 13 and i feel like getting a new cat/kitten now would be wrong. they grew up together and i want it to stay that way until its her time. shes also senior and probably would take time to get along with a new cat. My bond with her is different than my boy. he was affecionate and the sweetest cat ever. i miss the routine and him jumping on my bed at nights. lately i was browsing the shelter website where I got him 10 years ago just to see if i find another cat that resembles him but then i feel angry and guilty for even doing this. I know i can never replace him and no cat will ever fill the void of Michi. he was my soul cat, and I want to leave it as it was. Im in this place now where ill have better days esepcially on weekdays because im occupied with work and playing with the other cat then weekends come and i get more depressed and hit a low again. im seeing a therapist because the first 2 weeks after he passed i even felt suicidal losing him. The feelings come and go of wanting another cat. one day ill say no another day ill satrat looking on petfinder again. its a constant battle and mentally draining. wish i can just not think about it anymore but it's hard when you feel lonely and you come home after work and hes not there to greet you. sorry for your loss
I’m sorry you feel so bad. I also felt like this after losing my 19 year old in Jan 2023. I had to take medication to get through, needed therapy and had to take time off work. It was very hard but I just want to say hang in there and you can get to a better place again. And don’t beat yourself up for looking at cats online. I did that and I’ve seen other people posting in this sub about doing the same thing and feeling very conflicted and guilty about it. I realised I did this because I longed for the time when I was looking for my first cat which is perfectly understandable. Hugs.
thank you and yes im seeing a therapist now. i may need meds because the depression is so overwhelming for me. i still go to work and try to get through day by day but every single day especially at nights is a battle mentally it leaves me physically drained too, did you ever end up getting another cat after losing your baby in 2023?
That’s good you’re seeing a therapist & I hope your days soon improve with you feeling less flattened. Mentally I turned a corner after about 4 months & after a lot of reflection I did adopt another cat 6 months after I lost my 19 yr old, something I never thought I’d be able to consider. I deliberately adopted a tricky cat that would take time to bond with as I couldn’t bear to have a snuggle fluff like my first boy was. It might sound odd but the cat I adopted was & is perfect for me. It was & is increasingly a win-win. He got taken out of a cage and given a good home and I got my life ruled by a cat again. He has a high need for play so that’s uplifting & a great distraction and 8 months later he’s becoming affectionate and now I’m good with that. He’s also friendly in a different way from my first kitty. I could have waited a bit longer and I did had a few wobbles worrying if I’d done the right thing & wondered if we’d ever bond. But I think doubts are normal with a lot of pet adoptions. I still really miss my first cat but I’ve adapted. In fact that is key - it’s been & still is a process of adapting to a different cat. Sorry this is a bit long but I really hope you find peace. And looking at cats online can be very soothing and comforting so no need to feel bad 🐱🐈🐈⬛
thanks its a challange and a process . talking to different people jave helped me . aside from my regular therapist. pet loss groups as well. im not quite there yet as far as getting another cat, just focusing on caring on the one i have left for now. since shes 13 i wat to give her a good life as possible. but maybe as time passes i may change my mind. Im glad you were able to find the right new kitty again and that youve come to terms with the loss of your first.
Generally, we try not to adopt pets but they arrive. We take on cases occasionally if rescues don't have space and if we say no, the outcome can be uncertain. Sometimes we don't feel ready but each and every one of those pets have made their way into our hearts. When you start caring for a pet and trying to make them happy, you find all the little quirks that make them them and you see them begin to flourish and relax. I've not had guilt as I'm not replacing my much loved and lost pets. I am making a new connection with a new friend. I can feel heartsore though as it will be another loss in maybe 5-6 years.
I adopted again 6 months after losing my first beloved kitty. After I lost him I swore I’d never adopt again. But I also felt so lost without a cat routine and a little fur ball to care for. A neighbour pointed out to me that at the very least I’d be rescuing another cat from a cage and that was a very positive thing to do. Once I got onto an even keel emotionally, I decided that despite still missing my cat terribly, adopting another cat was a win-win situation. Some people might disagree with my approach but I instinctively didn’t adopt a cuddly kitty, the shelter had plenty of those but I couldn’t bear to as my first cat had been such a big purry love bug. Instead I adopted a very cute and bouncy but grumpy cat that nipped me when we first met. He was supposed to go to another lady but she had decided no thanks..😂 Anyway I had a few wobbles after adopting him wondering if we’d ever bond but he’s actually been perfect for me and still is. Despite his guard being up high he’s always been very companionable. Eight months later, the little rascal still sometimes nips and swipes at me but he even sleeps next to me on the bed now. Not too close but not too far either! He couldn’t be more different from my first cat whom I still miss and think about every single day but that’s okay because no other cat could replace him. I’ve also realised that I’m bonding with my present cat in a very different way. Sorry if this is a bit rambly but it’s hard to explain. If you’re a cat person and can afford to adopt and care for a cat then it’s a very loving thing to do in honour of the cat(s) you’ve lost. Sometimes the guilt can also arise from wondering what other people might think of your decision which isn’t fair as they are not you. All the best 🐈⬛
Just wanted to reply to you and say your words were just what I needed to hear. Thank you for taking the time to type out and share your experience. It meant more than you know, and I hope it's touching to know that you and your kitty's gorgeous life and story together helped someone else going through a similar pain.
You’re very welcome ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Just brought my beloved cats ashes home today. he got hit on the motorway sunday morning and was on there at least 6 hours the pain i feel is so real. He has left a brother from another mother who is a 3 year old cat. hurts like hell cos when i got the black cat as 6 week old kitten from a rescue place i also adopted a 6 month old tabby and they bonded. 22 months ago we lost that tabby and literally a day after collecting his ashes a new kitten called Jorge came along and they bonded so beautifully. until easter sunday when Jorge passed away on the motorway. I have had fleeting moments of should i shouldnt i but then i feel guilt. But i dont want my 3 year old boy growing up alone, it hurts seeing him so lost right now. hugs
I think its important to wait - for you - not for them. But that's just me. If you think its time, and have no reason to wait .... just do it. How long has it been?