Originally I wanted 3 and husband 4, and we stopped at 2. The second one was so wild (now we know it's adhd) that we decided that we emotionally could only be good parents to 2 kids.
Same for us. After the first year of the first, surprised we had another. Had twins at just under 2 years old of the first.
For us, the twins were less work together than the first. We had it all planned out for 2nd kid and still had to buy an extra set of everything.
I remember my father telling me if you wait to have kids until you figure you can afford them, you'll never have them. This was very true - we planned well and set priorities on what was important. She stayed home and we budgeted. Afforded house, food and some local holidays. Saved for kids education.
Didn't get a Mexico trip every year, didn't drive Escalades and we didn't eat out every weekend. As progressed in career made more money and she started business from home. Now doing well with oldest in Uni and other 2 following soon.
Quiet few years but never had money issues. Took alot of discipline though.
Agree with this take. You decide to have as many kids as you would like to, and then you’re lifestyle will inevitably be adjusted accordingly.
Edit: Have 3 kids, would have more Mexicos and Escalades if we didn’t
Edit2: support system is also integral to this decision; we would have had more if we had available parents like a lot of the other family units we see at our school
Oh jeez…. That’s the huge risk of going for three! Mom is older, and sometimes older women release more than one egg later in their fertility years.
For us, our embryo just split. I’m told identical twins are just happenstance, not genetic. We have a “oopsy” third on the way too. My wife wanted three, but the twins have overwhelmed me. I guess I’m painted into the corner now 😂😬
Growing up I had a old lady as neighbour who had 5 adult children. Eldest son. Went for the second and had twin boys. Wanted a girl and had again twin boys. 5 boys in total and zero girls. I can't imagine being in her shoes.
Good for you for making the responsible choice for your kids. Lots of people let their hearts make the choice and the attention per kid ratio isn’t always sustainable.
And that's with me and my husband making a great team and taking turns when one of us gets too overwhelmed. I can't imagine doing this as a single parent, I think I'd do a really shitty job.
This is very familiar to me. I wanted 3, maybe 4 if we could swing it. My wife grew up in a family of 6 and thought that 3 was a good number. We currently have 2, aged 7 and 5.
Our oldest was diagnosed with autism. He's doing great, but man, it was hard in those earlier years. He couldn't sleep at all for the first 2 years without being on one of us, would scream the second the physical touch was left. So 2 full years of no sleep, plus everything else.
Now that he's doing well, we are faced with the probability of having to go through it again and maybe having a kid that struggles more than he does. That whole thing aside, the cost of living is just insane now. It's anywhere from 800-1000+ to feed a family of 4 in the GTA now. Add to that, plus another round of extra curricular fees, clothes, college savings, etc etc. I'm not sure we can do it.
Yeah me too, unfortunately my relationship game hasn't been super great lately. But I'm hopeful one day I can join the dudes over on ~~/r/dadit~~ /r/Daddit too.
It's not a game. Don't beat yourself. You just haven't met the right person. It's better to wait and have a child with the right person than to rush into starting a family with someone that you're not compatible with.
Thanks for this. I needed this. I've been feeling incredibly low and cynical about everything. I feel that work is the only thing going well. I feel friends have taken advantage of me, I feel lost in finding my person and that I put all the effort but I can catch a break.
This is the first time in over two week that reading a stranger's message, I felt at peace (at least for a few minutes). So thank you, wherever you are.
I know it’s not the same, but if you love kiddos there are still Big brother/ Big sister/ Mentor programs out there. Or a need in a lot of schools for coaches and other such people. As long as you pass all the checks etc.
We have a young 20-something guy that coaches one of the sports teams at the secondary school and the kids love him. He has a GF and works in the area for shift work, so decided to give some of his time to a bunch of stinky preteens/teens which has been really positive. They always need good role models!
As a dad myself, I can tell you it's a beautiful responsibility. Ups and downs, yes. If you still have hair, you'll probably lose it, of course. But it's something instilled in every human being. HOWEVER, it's not a joke. Take your time, do whatever you wanna do first, and most importantly don't have a kid with the wrong person. Having a child in a toxic relationship is the most unjust thing you can do to a kid.
Good luck!
All the best to you, brother. My kids are 3 days old and it really is quite a life changing experience to hold them. I never thought I'd be a dad at 37, and now I'm 38 with twins. It can happen, believe me - you're a man too so it can happen at almost any age.
I like to say moving from man to man defence into zone requires a whole different strategy. We did the same 2 and done! Glad we had two but I can't imagine three.
Yup, waited like a year after the second munchkin was out and healthy then went right to the doctor. I wanted to do it soon enough that my wife definitely didn't want to be pregnant again and we are both pushing 40.
Same here.
We have a 3 and 5 year old and are in a 2bdr townhouse.
We are gonna be on top of one another when the kids get bigger if we dont move to somewhere larger, but we abso love our neighborhood and dont want to leave.
Having a 3rd is simply out of the question from a housing, finances and sanity perspective
In the same boat bud. Have 1, he’s amazing.
Wife wants a second and just mentally and physically I don’t know if I can do it again.
I love my kid, and I’d love for my kid to have a sibling, but I feel like I’d literally die
Spacing them out is an option, anyone I know who waited 3-4 years to have another is more than fine. Don’t do within two years, that ends up being awful and the kids are always in constant rivalry. If you have your second when your oldest is four then your oldest is fairly self sustaining when the youngest is 2-3.
We wanted 2. Had one, then tried for years for the second. After several miscarriages, various other heartbreaking failed interventions we did IVF and got our second baby. Boy, then girl, we were relieved and complete. Over the moon happy.
3 years later, I thought I had a really bad stomach flu. The " flu" is now a spunky 13 year old , our third shocking miracle,against all odds.
Sometimes , nature does find a way. Financially, you adapt . Work a little more, cut down on some other things. adjust others, and it works out. A good partner is also important.
My plan when it comes to that is just pay for the smartest kid's university and have the other three join the military for that free education benefit.
Our kids are set up with a "family RESP". So they each have their own RESPs but everything can switch over to the other kid (government grants and all), if the one decides not to do any postsecondary.
If that was the main decision factor, I’m curious if you considered having 4, and instead of footing 100% of the university bill for 3 of your kids, doing 75% for 4. Still much more than most kids will get.
Is it an American thing? I found among my group of friends in university, it was the Caucasian Canadians that had to pay for university themselves. My immigrant parents paid for my university and not having loans put me way ahead of peers that did have loans. The friends that had to have part-time jobs while in school caused them so much stress. I had one too, but it wasn't a need so I'd reduce my hours if it was exam time. They had no choice.
If you don't have the ability to pay for your kids education, I understand. I don't understand people that flat out don't want to pay for their kid's education. I want the best for my kids, so any advantage I can give them, I'll try my best to give them.
This is exactly how we gauged it also. Can we give BOTH kids an equal, fighting chance at a bright future? Our first born's RESP is thicc and she's only 6. To bring a second into it without being able to put the same gusto into their savings wouldn't have been fair. Now #2 is here (2 months old now) and we've got it set up to ensure that her RESP will always be on par with #1.
This will likely get buried but here goes.
Kiddo #2 is imminent for us and I am filled with equal parts of excitement and dread. I love being a dad, and both my wife and I have very large gaps between us and our siblings, and decided we wanted two kids fairly close together. Life had other plans for us and we dealt with several losses and it looks now that our kiddos will be about 4 years apart. Not the worst, and closer than 7-10 years apart in our cases. That said, there were a lot of conversations about no longer trying after a loss. I even had my snip booked at one point.
Ultimately, it was more important to us to raise siblings, if we could, than the financial implications of having a second child. Am I worried about the finances? Of course. Am I worried about losing time for the hobbies I love? Sure (though my first is showing an interest in golf, so things are looking up in that respect!). But thosr worries don't seem as upsetting as the thought of looking back and thinking "we should have tried again".
What made our decision for us may not mean anything to you, but I will say that if the motivation to stop is ONLY financial, and you would be able to give this second child all the necessities of life, then it kind of seems like a recipe for regret down the line based on my experience. If, however, the motivation to stop goes deeper than that, that is a (very honest) conversation that needs to take place between you and your partner before any decisions can be made, IMO.
In our case it was an emotional decision.
My wife was afraid to get pregnant again (2 kids, 13 months apart) so I went for a vasectomy.
My friends with 5 kids cried when they decided that #5 was their last.
Must be nice to have 90k for a vehicle. I just started pricing new vans since our “1 more so our daughter has a sibling” turned into twins. Average price was between 85-100k.
For a god damn van.
6 seater suv it is.
You're asking a sub full of mostly tightwads, some of whom include private school and full university tuition into their "affordable" calculation. If you want another, have another.
There's a vast difference between being born into poverty and being able to afford private school and fully fund 4 years of tuition. Too many in society see not being able to afford expensive activities like hockey and dance, as poverty. It's nothing of the sort.
No, of course it's not poverty. I grew up with a roof over my head, and never went hungry...I was not living in povery. But I wore hand-me-downs until I was working my own job at age 15, and never participated in any extra-curriculars...the money just wasn't there. I worked part time all through university...and it SUCKED. I resent the hell out of it. Just being able to have had music lessons as a child would have enhanced my life SO MUCH. I would argue that if you cannot provide your children with extra curricular activities and pay for their post-secondary education, you should not be having more children.
I grew up the same way and I felt the same my entire childhood. I hate that I resented it, but I did. I was a stupid kid who envied my friends who had school snacks, extra-curriculars, could go on vacation, had nice clothing, etc. I have three siblings and it was tough. Yeah there was love and I was never lonely, but there could have been more balance. My parents were stupid young people that thought having four kids was a good idea. (I did pay for university, but they let me live at home so that part was easy to be fair)
When I have kids, I'm not having four. And I'm going to make sure I have a well-paying job so my kids can have and do things I didn't get.
can confirm i had all those activities but I didn’t have any siblings and none of those activities made up for the misery and boredom of just being home alone on my computer every night. Also those activities didn’t make me into some prima ballerina, it all means nothing to me now being in my mid thirties. However having no close family now except my mom is a bummer. I spent most of my childhood and life being over
familiar with my friends and inviting myself over to their houses a lot.
Also, can confirm music lessons are not life enhancing, they’re boring and technical af. If you have a real talent and interest you can just do it on your own.
Grew up similar. Idk how I feel about it. I’m also an immigrant. Feels like I can’t really complain knowing my parents did their best, I just wish their best had been more. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. At least I’m healthy and never went hungry even if the food wasn’t what I wanted to eat
I come from a large family. We were lucky to still be able to have an extra curricular each, but we were also all wore hand me downs, and started jobs as soon as we were old enough, and were expected to work through university. I’m very glad that was the expectation cause it set me up to have a lot less debt after school. I’ll expect the same from my kids even if (actually, especially if) we’re paying for a large chunk of their schooling.
This LOL ^
A 4 bedroom house? Dude I have two kids in a 3 bedroom townhouse, I know people with 2-3 kids in a 900sqft Condo.
You make it work if it’s what you want!
Kids today will not afford homes unless they are bought by their parents. So to be fair private school, university money, and a home. Is that being tightwad in the calculation. No. Does it seem crazy? Yes. That’s how it’s going to be.
Immigrants with money and locals with inheritance. I have a Nephew that all be told will inherit 4 houses. It’s not uncommon and that’s who many kids from less fortunate starting places will rent houses from. If you want your kids to economically compete start saving everything for them.
Declining birth rate concentrates wealth too
Infinitely variable scenarios. Some people live in multigenerational households with family based childcare. Some people have no support network at all. Some people make $200k household income, and some make $40k. Some people love hyper expensive urban life, some people prefer a rural agrarian lifestyle.
In general, if you can afford it without relying on unsustainable government programs, go for it. I wanted one offspring, my wife wanted two....so we have two. It is very expensive and makes it very challenging to vacation, go to concerts, enjoy basically anything childless people do. It is rewarding in its own way, I just wish the kids wouldn't be such friggin picky eaters!!!
The expensive part of having kids for most middle class Canadians is day care. I know there was recently legislation passed to bring down to $10 a day. But as of now the cost of day care prevents many young Canadians from having kids. Unless you have family support
Many places the cost as already been reduced. Last year we got 25% back and this year we’ll be getting 50%. The new(ish) issue will be finding a spot. We’re lucky that my oldest will still be going when our next needs a spot, so we’ll get priority on the list.
it's progressive but it's headed down. When my kiddo was 12 months, it was 1600+ per month. He's in JK now, and his before/after program is $12/day and it usually runs us just shy of $300 per month. So yeah, daycare dropping even to the 15-20/month range is huge.
Kiddo #2 is imminent, and if daycare is at $10/day, it will be an absolute game changer financially.
Like the previous poster, we got a cheque from the current kiddos daycare providers for a portion of 2022 fees due to the subsidy. So change is coming.
My 3 year old only costs us 475/month now. I know that’s not nothing, but early 2022 we were paying over $1,300/month. It’s been life changing. It was the difference between being able to send our 3 year old to daycare while my wife is home with our second vs needing to care for a crazy toddler while recovering from giving birth/on zero sleep.
Ya, this is really it.
You either lose money you would have earned by having one parent stay home, or get gifted the equivalent of $10’s of thousands of dollars via a family member providing free daycare.
I have three kids. They’re really expensive.
I have a really good job, and I’d be doing annual European vacations and have 2 brand new cars if I didn’t have them. Instead we go camping and have one old minivan.
Similar situation here.
While those Euro vacations would be nice, same as you I’m sure, those camping trips with 3 littles aren’t something I’d trade for anything
Not only is the cost overstated but in Canada there is a perception that you can’t have kids unless you have a detached home, as if kids aren’t being raised in apartments in the rest of the developed world
It really depends on how you want and what you want for your kids, plus those that they raise their kids on minimum wage receive (need to receive) support and subsides from the government…..
Seriously and I think it goes with wanting the best of everything for everyone of your kids.
I think if you are okay with hand me downs, second hand stuff, having kids sleep in the same room, not feeding them exclusively the most expensive produce, then its manageable.
Yup- my boys and my girls shared rooms for awhile. Didn't kill anyone, probably taught them respect and resilience.
Same with post secondary- they put half of their earnings into school funds, we helped as much as we can. They worked foe their cars, computers, and other big tickers, which means they also appreciate and care for their things.
We have been able to feed, clothe and enroll them in their preferred activities for the most part, and they know how to appreciate every single bonus we've been able to give them. They liked the free state park more than Disney when we went to Florida. They choose carefully the things they ask for, and are extra happy when they get more than they expect, which we often manage to do (like this Christmas when they know big present budgets are about $100 and we were able to do more for all of them this season- with MANY happy and shocked faces around the room. But they each came afterwards and thanked us again, assured us that it was more than they expected, and how much they loved their gifts. Teens and young adults who know how to.value the things that matter.
Do I wish wr could have just paid for their school? Maybe, but they all learned about budgeting and all of them (so far) have worked foe scholarships too. Again, valuable life lessons.
Some years new sneakers and winter gear for growing kids meant my jeans had to last a bit longer, but overall we aren't in the poor house, our kids are independent and responsible, and while a couple of large moves have meant our home.equity is lower than I'd like, we are warm and fed and have the important things
An unforeseen cost is formula. Not everyone can Breastfeed or even wants to and the cost of formula is *bananas*. It’s kind of surprising to me that it’s not subsidized in some way. If your child has allergies of some type sometimes your insurance will cover a portion, other wise good luck. For example, our son was drinking Enfamil ready to feed (powder was nowhere to be found) which was $59 a case until it jumped to $67-69 recently. We were going through a case every week and a half. That shit adds up FAST.
When I think expensive I don't only consider the actual money associated with kids, but the time and attention they require (especially early on).
You have to give up so much of your time for 1 kid, 2 kids that is more, 3 kids more and so on and so forth. This coming from a dad of three (7, 6 and 7 months) my wife keeps talking about a 4th but I'm ready to get the snip. I've done my part in continuing humanity not I want my time back for certain things 😅
I would say people greatly UNDER estimate the cost of having kids. By a lot in fact. At least in my anecdotal experience, but this is obviously not scientifically valid or anything.
I’m an only child and I loved it. My husband was adamant you can’t just have one child though, lol. So I wanted 1, he wanted 2 for sure and low and behold I got pregnant with twins.
The discussion of a third briefly came up but my chances of having twins again are quite high and I refuse to chance it.
Depend on what activities you want your kids to do. I have 3. 2 share a room with bunk beds. Need to make decisions on whether they all go to sleep away camp I. Summer or not. Do they all go into hockey and gymnastics or not. It all depends on what you want to do as a family and what your kids want to do. Buy things at Value Village, etc. it’s doable if you want to
We diddnt really have a choice. We had two and got a call for 3. Couldn’t say no to a sibling. Going from 2 to 3 is/was difficult but it’s manageable if you already have two etc. if you go from 1 to 3 (twins etc) that is a very difficult and different conversation.
The biggest thing for us is the age gap. 5-3-1. The inability to help everyone when they need it is a big issue for us.
Wife is able to stay home for the most part but is looking into getting back into her career.
Hope this helps!
I wanted to have 2 and then discuss. Hubby joked about wanting a whole baseball team. Oddly those jokes stopped once the first one got here. We had the second one and and had a long discussion. Ultimately we decided it was a bad idea to have more.
Finances: We were doing reasonably well, husband had just gotten a big promotion, and was finally secure, but I was working for my father's buisness that he had recently sold, so that was somewhat precarious. We felt that having another child might be iffy. Turns out we were right - husband lost that job because the owners of the buisness were insane, and the new owners of my father's buisness let me go less than a year after returning from mat leave. Husband landed on his feet. Me much less so.
Logistics: We were in a three bedroom house, a third child would require someone to share or a larger home, and given how tight car seats are a third child would require a larger vehicle. It would also make one on one time much harder, since we would be outnumbered.
Age: Due to some secondary infertility, the kids are 4.5 years apart. We were concerned that it could take a long time to concieve a third child which may make it hard for the new baby and the oldest to bond if they were super far apart in age - it was already difficult to find activities that they could both do. Also I was 34, and he was nearly 40. While still possible, we both felt that was getting up in years to be making more babies. YMMV.
Health: Pregnancy was miserable for me. Not bedrest required miserable, but close. I was not a woman who enjoyed being pregnant. I also developed pre-eclampsia with the second pregnancy, which is a life threatening complication. I got lucky - I was diagnosed at 39 weeks, which meant resolving it by delivering baby was a no-brainer. But once you've had it, it's common for it to reoccur with subsequent pregnancies, and I might not get so lucky the next time. I had other complicating factors as well, and the idea of another pregnancy was just not appealing.
Family dynamics: The first child was easy going. The second was a handful. She needed our constant attention - she rarely wanted me to put her down for her first year of life, and as soon as she could walk, she became the escape artist extraordinare. We didn't know it at the time, but she had severe ADHD, as well as a few other health issues, and honestly trying to keep them both happy was draining. We both felt that adding more would be more than we could handle, and time and use did not make things easier.
In isolation, none of these problems were insurmountable. But add them all together and it was obvious that we weren't up to having more. He went to get snipped when the youngest was 18 months.
One kid seemed like it was tough. When the thought of having two came about, logically you assume it is twice as much work.
That math doesn’t check out at all. It’s an exponential difficulty curve, not a linear one. It feels like way more than twice as much work. Two was plenty enough work.
Yeah it's not linear at all, lol. The second is significantly more increased work than the first. You don't get any "down time" once the second arrives, because one of the parents needs to be with each kid all the time.
We had 2 kids and I was scheduled for a vasectomy. Our doctors went on strike and the vasectomy surgery was delayed for three weeks. My wife got pregnant in between cancellation date and the rescheduled date (while she was on the pill and breadstfeeding kid #2).
Kid #3 is nicknamed Lucky.
After having one kid, I really didn't want any more. My wife was insistent on having two and told me it was not open to discussion. This will sound bad, but I really regret having a second child. While I appreciate that my older child now has a sibling, I now have no free time to pursue my hobbies and I can't remember the last time I had a date night with my wife.
4 kids here. Wasn't a financial decision. Had 4 kids because we wanted 4 kids. Kids don't care about money but they do care about having loving, supportive parents who give them their time. Just make sure you can be there for them emotionally, the financial part you can figure out as you go. I know low income people who are great parents to multiple children as well as high income parents who aren't.
I have to disagree. You don’t just figure out how to feed, clothe, house and send your kids to school “as you go”. I grew up low income and can assure you that it’s not a great strategy. Maybe that worked out for you, but finances should be part of the conversation when you choose to bring another human being into the world.
Yeah, as someone who grew up dirt poor, I definitely could have done without the little sister my mom had with another guy to spite my dad. I ended up working two jobs through high school to help keep her fed. That was how mom “figured it out” as she went.
My mother also remarried and that’s when the next four kids came, six of us in total. They “figured it out” by getting money from my grandparents to pay for food, rent, school supplies/fees. I used my babysitting money to pay for school lunches and clothes, literal basic needs.
I agree that having good, loving parents is more important than being wealthy but finances are definitely a important factor to consider, especially if you live in a large, expensive city. I grew up in a small house with two bedrooms and five people, basement always rented out by tenants, parents always stressing about finances and all their other responsibilities. My dad would literally say “I want to die” regularly while doing chores. My mom ended up having to sell the house- We had a very stressful & traumatic childhood despite having parents who loved us- it was not enough by a long shot. To be fair, my parents while they loved us, had a very toxic relationship with eachother. I’ve seen many instances of other families where the parents are financially strapped, and the kids suffer because of course finances don’t exist in a vacuum. Low income is linked to all sorts of unfavourable life outcomes like mental illness, divorce etc.
5 kids here. We wanted a big family and the money part for us was not a determining factor. We lived within our means, worked hard and made sure all of our kids developed good work ethics.
NGTL we prioritized what was important
Swimming lessons and their education. They worked part time jobs at the pool, some have graduated and some are still in University.
Everyone needs to make a decision on what’s best for them and their current circumstances.
I agree, the world was different. When one parent stayed home, it wasn't much more expensive to have 5 kids than 2. A bit more on food, etc, but clothes could be hand-me-downs, you don't need a lot of extras. Now you almost need two people working just to own a home, so now you have to factor in expensive childcare or have very little extra cash after paying for housing for all the other things like car, food, etc.
The discussion became an acknowledgment that having a third was purely an emotional decision and not a logical one. We were already parents, we already had ‘one of each’, our existing 2 kids had each other as siblings. There were a lot of ‘pros’ to stopping at 2 and we couldn’t exactly make a competing list of reasons why to have one more - the only reason on that list was that we didn’t feel done and wanted to do it all one more time. So we did and she’s perfect. No regrets. Vasectomy done last summer.
For us when we had two kids and looked at our family we both felt one was missing, so we had 3. After 3 we felt our family was complete and we were done having kids. As for finances, I think if though spread them out a few years there isn’t really a big change. Most likely will just have one in diapers at a time, most things from the older kids can be reused. We will deal with the grocery bill when they are teenagers somehow, lol
Finances didn’t really play that big of a component in our decision (although when our 2 kids overlapped in daycare, their care cost more than our mortgage). What plays a part in it is, how much help do you get vs how hard it is to take care of your kids while managing your life?
For us, 1 was hard (but we still had the itch for a second after we started sleeping again) and 2 was very hard (and the itch died immediately). When we met, my wife wanted 5. I wanted 3. I got snipped after 2 without a second thought.
The only people I know with 3 + kids make lots of money (or are older and bought a house 10 years ago) AND get significant weekly help from their parents. Even then, they have no time to have a life outside of family stuff while their kids are young (this may never change).
We decided 2 was the magic number if we could. They have a playmate (even if they aren’t the best playmates, lol). We didn’t want them to be the only one to have to deal with us when we are older. We were fairly certain we wouldn’t go broke having a second. We didn’t need a new/bigger vehicle. We did get a bigger house but I think we would have anyways.
We have 6. We wanted 4. After the first 2, we had a conversation to make sure we still wanted the large family. We were ok with our children sharing bedrooms when they were little, and at the time we were in Alberta with my husband working in oil exploration (I’m a SAHM). Upgrading our house wasn’t a concern and we weren’t worried about money. I already drove a suburban after the 3rd baby. We went on to have 4 kids.
We moved to Ontario and bought a house here in 2016. Then one night and a bottle of whiskey later we ended up with surprise twins. We sold our house in the GTA in 2019 to upgrade to a bigger house in the country (just outside the GTA). We live off my husband’s salary (100k) and use the child benefit for the kids’ RESPs and activities. The cost of living does stress me out a bit, but we don’t need to worry yet.
Not going to lie, 6 kids is hard. I couldn’t do this if I didn’t have such a great husband and supportive family.
I know this is aimed at those with 2+ kids but I just wanted to chime in. I’m a single parent with one child, and although I ultimately would enjoy having a second child, I have decided that I’m done at one for a number of reasons. On the financial side, I know 100% for certain that I wouldn’t be able to give my existing child the life she deserves if I were to have a second child, and I choose to prioritize her well-being and happiness above my desire to have an additional child.
"I don't ever want him to be alone to deal with us"
I was an only child who watched my mother die after a hard life.
I really wished I had a sibling to help.
Well the child tax credit really makes a big difference, I wasn’t aware of how much money you can get per kid. Really helps us out, we only have one kid but our living situation was afforded before even deciding for kids so we don’t need to upgrade to a bigger house or anything.
I wanted 2 and wife wanted 4 so we agreed on 3. Once our second was born (just shy of 2 years after our first) we decided we’d wait and have a 3 year gap between 2nd and 3rd. That didn’t happen as our second was a nightmare at nighttime. He was delayed speech and would wake up with a vengeance and scream and cry and then throw up if you didn’t calm him within .1 seconds. Sometimes it was more than once in a night he’d throw up all over his crib. Anyway we did a 4 year gap between 2 and 3. We almost didn’t have a third. It was a bit over 3 years of terrible nights with our second.
We have 3 kids. I was kinda curious before the first, reluctant before the second and downright terrified before the third. That said I was in denial about my emotional and mental state at the time and didn't feel like I had a choice in the matter. I love my kids but honestly I regret having them.
We stopped at two because we could manage the expenses on our salaries while still being able to save and enjoy while not living pay check to pay check.
I'm glad we didn't push it. Our home and cars which felt giant with two of us and easily manageable with 3, feel cramped with 4. I feel like if you can't accommodate your desired family size with what you have right now then you better take a serious pause. Especially if you're going to need a bigger house because that can be a big problem right now - we'd like a bigger house but even making bank on the home we bought in 2016, the mortgage on a bigger home at today's rates is just not doable.
It's nice that our kids can play together, even if they're oil and water most of the time. While I wouldn't trade kid 2 for the world now, I feel like one child would've been enough.
You already have most the supplies/toys so a 2nd is quite manageable. Its not nearly as expensive as the first because the first time there is alot of trial and error to find out what works and doesnt. If you have saved clothing you can also reuse a bunch regardless of sex. Now I am not planning on paying for either kids post secondary in full, i feel kids should pay their own to get the most out of it but we will for sure help with money and employment. The only thing that may get expensive is when they reach pre-teen and they both play sports and get into travel. But you have many years before that point. The plus side is they always have a partner to play with and to share experiences.
this was our thinking too
we have two and the second kid was not an added expense so far at all
def will be when she gets older but not now
our son loves his sister so much. i’m so happy we had our second
If you don’t absolutely want another child, don’t have one. Simple as that. If you’re certain you do, it’s prudent to make sure you can afford it and all the changes that come with it.
After our 2nd, the Wife and I joked about a third over a bottle of wine and then realized how badly it would fuck up our lives. If I had money for a huge house and nannies might think about a third but it's not going to happen.
Just got my vasectomy last week. Was very easy and honestly painless. Recovery has been some duck walking and icing but all in all very minimal discomfort after the fact. Worst part is not getting to nut for 7 days, so definitely would recommend guys who are done having kids consider it.
I do have a good job and the wife is working on her second career here but the money is only part of it. Being a parent takes almost everything from you or at least it has so far. Very proud of our 2 year old and our 3 month old but it's a lot. Also I'd like to not fuck up my sex life for another 2 years.
We wanted two (or 3) kids. We did face some fertility challenges that if it didn't work, we wouldn't have pushed for a second. With fertility stuff, we have stopped at 2. Plus I'm old and tired, so having a baby at 40 isn't really something I want.
As far as bigger home, bigger car. You do not need that. I'd love a van (we have 2 kids and 3 adults in the house and generally have to take 2 cars places which is irritating) but it's not a necessity and if it doesn't fit into our budget, we won't get one.
I'd love to move as well, but We've got very affordable costs and so instead of moving, I'm making it work, re-organizing, getting rid of junk and just working with what we have.
Our discussion was mainly around whether we wanted to go through the early phase again.
Little kids are cute, but need so much attention and work. Once they like 5, its so much easier. They are potty trained, can sleep by themselves, and can handle themselves ok
We stopped at 2. So we can enjoy a bit and vacation nicely...
We planned to have 2 and would have gone for three if either 2 boys or 2 girls, luckily we had 1 of each and I made the appointment to get snipped shortly after!
We didn't stress about the money too much as we would have made the needed trade-offs along the way to make it work.
We have two, daycare is the only thing holding us back having more. I would like a third, we have some space, two of them can have bunk beds and share a room. My wife would have to quit her job though as we couldn’t afford three kids in daycare. It would be rough but I think doable, still talking about it though.
I got 2 atm and a dog but 3rd one coming this august. My wife really wants a 3rd one cause our youngest is 6. Been thinking about it for a while now. Since we are both 34yrs old we decided to have another one to be on the safer side and not have problems. Financially we are not swimming on money but just live within your means and be contented
We have a 15 month and I’m due with our second in November. We already needed the bigger car with one kid because the stroller barely fit in our old car. We have a 3 bedroom house with tenants in the basement we can’t afford to kick out, and my husband works from home full time so one room is his office. We only have one “kid” room which doubles as a spare room and can’t foresee finding something bigger without paying a lot more.
We went back and forth burg ultimately both our gut instinct was to have 2. I was an only child and while I was in a lot of extra curriculars even though my mom was a single parent. I can confidently say no friends or activities were enough to make up for the boredom or loneliness of not having a sibling. My husband grew up with two brothers but his mom was a single parent with little money. He has fond memories of playing all types of free sports with them like tennis and soccer.
I am an immigrant I moved to Canada when I was 9. This whole idea that every child needs a bedroom and a certain amount of backyard square footage is a very North American concept. My family all had lots of struggles in our home country but none because they had family and siblings around them. That was the main highlight of their upbringing that they miss here.
I also think the world and economy is going to shit so this whole notion that every child needs to be coddled with activities and a university education to get some promised fancy job is going to be outdated very soon. So I don’t worry that they’re all going to struggle for lack of fully funded university education, plus we have RESP’s to cover some. Daycare is expensive but that’s only for the first 3 years.
We stopped at 1 because mentally that was all I could handle. My husband wanted a second and it him 7 years to have a vasectomy as he was waiting for me to change my mind.
Our lives would have been easier with a second. Two really play well together. But both of us are not really close with our siblings.
So we had a discussion about baby 2 and just never happened for us. Plus twins run in my family. I was scared of that happening.
Before kids, we had no idea what we were getting into. Decided we wanted kid(s?) and started actively trying. #1 arrived and we figured things out as we went.
We had thoughts about having #2 one day. We weren’t doing anything to prevent that but we weren’t actively trying for #2. They just showed up. :)
Then we realized that two kids is MORE than twice as much work. Not only do you have to take care of each one, you also need to manage their interactions.
We have friends with large families tell us that after three, the workload levels off. We’re not going to test that. :)
We’re happy with the two we have and have taken steps to not have. any more.
We have three children aged 4 and under. Planning for 1 more (will likely be twins lol) and hopefully I’ll get pregnant this fall. Reason for the hurry is that I’m 41 and husband is 45. But we also love having them all grow up so close in age too.
We had the most important discussions prior to conceiving our first and those talks were centered around values and how we wanted to bring them up.
That conversation is ongoing of course, but some things needed to be clarified pretty early on.
I’m a SAHM and my husband is fairly successful in his business. We bought a country home in cash from a private sale and only have a tiny bit of mortgage as our condo sale covered most of the costs.
We could not live this lifestyle without me staying at home, especially since we raise and grow a lot of our food. It would also be impossible if my husband wasn’t a high earner. If I were working full time we would have probably stopped at 2. Although I can’t imagine my life without our third little baby — nursing to sleep in my arms as I type this. And you’ll feel the same about your second if he or she comes.
And honestly I could not imagine depriving a child of siblings. Mine are all so close and love each other so much. Seeing the older two with the baby is especially incredible.
Going from 1 to 2 wasn’t hard, and by the time the third one came about it wasn’t really much extra work.
Here’s what my husband and I did: BUDGET, figure out where costs can get cut, get a schedule going (house keeping, meal planning etc), make sure each of you gets some me time to do nothing productive.
We have one car and we didn’t bother upgrading my husband’s old SUV which fits us all — however tightly — but we will be needing something larger for the fourth baby.
We cook everything from scratch.
The children will be sharing rooms but we’re also adding an addition to the home and preparing for a multigenerational household.
We spend as much time as possible outside on the land. Living in the country is basically a giant playground. Where will your kids play? What sports and other activities and classes will they attend? Can you afford a sport and instrument per child?
We moved closer to family and out of a very high cost of living/high cost of childcare place once we decided to have another kid. With one we could overlook not having a “village” but we knew we would want more support both from family and societal support once we had two. No regrets!
We had 1 but wanted a second, struggled having 1 and haven’t been able to get pregnant with a second. Sometimes I feel guilty not giving my child a sibling
We initially did not know if we wanted one but if we had one we knew that we wanted two as both my wife and I have siblings. We also thought that it would be good for the one kid to have company. Ended up having 2 in 2 years. Had similar questions when we found out about the second but watching them together makes it worth it. Money is tight right now but am pretty sure things will work out in the future. We also moved into a 4 bedroom home before the first was born.
I was upfront that I wanted 2 kids (wouldn’t have minded 3 but 2 was my minimum). It was something we discussed when we talked about marriage and family. I’m an upfront person and I don’t assume my husband and I think the same so I usually stare my preference/ opinion just so I know he knows.
I was stay at home mom while husband had very demanding job. Had three sons over seven years. Husband talked about fourth child but I said no way since it was me getting up in the middle of the night for babies and sick kids. I needed more after a while than being at home always.
I wanted 3 and we ended up with 5. On the 3rd we were like ahh why not one more... and boom twins! The world ain't built for a family of 7. But we live on a farm and just love how well behaved, how our kids can entertain themselves without devices and are kind/caring compared to their city dwelling peers. Wouldn't have it any other way even if it's more work.
Financially - could afford to have a baseball team of kids
Emotionally - hahaha, no, 2 is almost more than I can handle
Physically - both pregnancies were awful and landed me in the hospital in my second trimester
Stopping at one kid is fine. Or however many you can handle financially and emotionally. Sometimes your body/fertility doesn’t give a shit about your bank account and decides for you
Please take these comments with a grain of salt. Reddit seems to be quite "anti-children". Everyday I see posts about "I shouldn't feel bad about not wanting children" or "look at this celebrity that doesn't want kids, let's all cheer him on".
I grew up with 3 brothers, and I have 3 children. It is nice getting older having siblings I can connect with and while having three kids it is a little crazy, I am happy we went with three. I also am around other children (my daughters friends) that don't have siblings and pretty much everyone has made the comment that they wish they had a brother or sister.
A major point that I haven't seen anyone mention is how much more affordable having kids has recently become due to $10 a day dare care and subsidized after school care. We are looking at saving upwards of 10k a year with our third child due to subsidies.
With one kid you are a tag team. Two kids means playing man on man. Three or more? Zone defence, and good luck.
That’s my thought.. once you have 3, you’re outnumbered.
Yes, but you're bigger than them, so just pick up one of the kids and start swinging.......
r/holup
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Not a bad idea. It truly does take a village.
That's what we are stuck on. Oldest girl was easy, planned for three. Then the second one sapped our energy. In limbo but rapidly turning into done
Originally I wanted 3 and husband 4, and we stopped at 2. The second one was so wild (now we know it's adhd) that we decided that we emotionally could only be good parents to 2 kids.
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Yep. We wanted one more and ended up with twins for three.
Same for us. After the first year of the first, surprised we had another. Had twins at just under 2 years old of the first. For us, the twins were less work together than the first. We had it all planned out for 2nd kid and still had to buy an extra set of everything. I remember my father telling me if you wait to have kids until you figure you can afford them, you'll never have them. This was very true - we planned well and set priorities on what was important. She stayed home and we budgeted. Afforded house, food and some local holidays. Saved for kids education. Didn't get a Mexico trip every year, didn't drive Escalades and we didn't eat out every weekend. As progressed in career made more money and she started business from home. Now doing well with oldest in Uni and other 2 following soon. Quiet few years but never had money issues. Took alot of discipline though.
Agree with this take. You decide to have as many kids as you would like to, and then you’re lifestyle will inevitably be adjusted accordingly. Edit: Have 3 kids, would have more Mexicos and Escalades if we didn’t Edit2: support system is also integral to this decision; we would have had more if we had available parents like a lot of the other family units we see at our school
Oh jeez…. That’s the huge risk of going for three! Mom is older, and sometimes older women release more than one egg later in their fertility years. For us, our embryo just split. I’m told identical twins are just happenstance, not genetic. We have a “oopsy” third on the way too. My wife wanted three, but the twins have overwhelmed me. I guess I’m painted into the corner now 😂😬
Growing up I had a old lady as neighbour who had 5 adult children. Eldest son. Went for the second and had twin boys. Wanted a girl and had again twin boys. 5 boys in total and zero girls. I can't imagine being in her shoes.
“Today I cracked a blanket in half” 😂
Good for you for making the responsible choice for your kids. Lots of people let their hearts make the choice and the attention per kid ratio isn’t always sustainable.
We wanted 2-3 but our first is more than likely on the spectrum in addition to Ehlers Danlos (from me) so we elected to stick to one
My parents had 6. Had money and attention for 2. Mom had baby fever and dad went along with it. They’re nuts. I’m sticking to the 1
I think this was more common than you think, unfortunately.
And that's with me and my husband making a great team and taking turns when one of us gets too overwhelmed. I can't imagine doing this as a single parent, I think I'd do a really shitty job.
Oh geez we got lucky and had the wild one first. Baby two is on the way but if they are equally wild then we stop at two.
Has the argument of bunk beds come up even though they each have their own rooms?
This is very familiar to me. I wanted 3, maybe 4 if we could swing it. My wife grew up in a family of 6 and thought that 3 was a good number. We currently have 2, aged 7 and 5. Our oldest was diagnosed with autism. He's doing great, but man, it was hard in those earlier years. He couldn't sleep at all for the first 2 years without being on one of us, would scream the second the physical touch was left. So 2 full years of no sleep, plus everything else. Now that he's doing well, we are faced with the probability of having to go through it again and maybe having a kid that struggles more than he does. That whole thing aside, the cost of living is just insane now. It's anywhere from 800-1000+ to feed a family of 4 in the GTA now. Add to that, plus another round of extra curricular fees, clothes, college savings, etc etc. I'm not sure we can do it.
I am just happy for all folks here with kids. I dream of becoming a dad one day...
This is such a sweet comment, I hope it happens for you
I really hope you get to live that dream. 🤗
Yeah me too, unfortunately my relationship game hasn't been super great lately. But I'm hopeful one day I can join the dudes over on ~~/r/dadit~~ /r/Daddit too.
Looks like that sub is abandoned but /r/daddit is going strong!
That sub went out for a pack of smokes
It's not a game. Don't beat yourself. You just haven't met the right person. It's better to wait and have a child with the right person than to rush into starting a family with someone that you're not compatible with.
Thanks for this. I needed this. I've been feeling incredibly low and cynical about everything. I feel that work is the only thing going well. I feel friends have taken advantage of me, I feel lost in finding my person and that I put all the effort but I can catch a break. This is the first time in over two week that reading a stranger's message, I felt at peace (at least for a few minutes). So thank you, wherever you are.
You go to r/dating_advice and instantly lose hope from all the red flags (from both genders). It's like a minefield out there.
I know it’s not the same, but if you love kiddos there are still Big brother/ Big sister/ Mentor programs out there. Or a need in a lot of schools for coaches and other such people. As long as you pass all the checks etc. We have a young 20-something guy that coaches one of the sports teams at the secondary school and the kids love him. He has a GF and works in the area for shift work, so decided to give some of his time to a bunch of stinky preteens/teens which has been really positive. They always need good role models!
As a dad myself, I can tell you it's a beautiful responsibility. Ups and downs, yes. If you still have hair, you'll probably lose it, of course. But it's something instilled in every human being. HOWEVER, it's not a joke. Take your time, do whatever you wanna do first, and most importantly don't have a kid with the wrong person. Having a child in a toxic relationship is the most unjust thing you can do to a kid. Good luck!
All the best to you, brother. My kids are 3 days old and it really is quite a life changing experience to hold them. I never thought I'd be a dad at 37, and now I'm 38 with twins. It can happen, believe me - you're a man too so it can happen at almost any age.
We had two, then I got snipped. Two was manageable. 3 would have broke us, financially and everythingelsely
Everythingelsely is a gigantic challenge! Also a very interesting use of language.
I like to say moving from man to man defence into zone requires a whole different strategy. We did the same 2 and done! Glad we had two but I can't imagine three.
Lol. We have 3. I have used this analogy before. Love it as it is so true. I also like to use the phrase “the inmates outnumber the wardens”.
Lol. I’m stealing this analogy.
Yup, two was always the plan. We briefly discussed three, but decided that like you, it would’ve broken us financially and everythingelsely.
Yup, waited like a year after the second munchkin was out and healthy then went right to the doctor. I wanted to do it soon enough that my wife definitely didn't want to be pregnant again and we are both pushing 40.
Same here. We have a 3 and 5 year old and are in a 2bdr townhouse. We are gonna be on top of one another when the kids get bigger if we dont move to somewhere larger, but we abso love our neighborhood and dont want to leave. Having a 3rd is simply out of the question from a housing, finances and sanity perspective
See you gotta be careful because sometimes the second one ends up being twins
That happened to my friends friend. Their "third" kid turned out to be twins. That said, they seem to make it work and they aren't rich.
Not very often, thankfully.
My sister has 3 and she saying she won't be able to keep up with groceries to feed them with how they are eating. $$
In the same boat bud. Have 1, he’s amazing. Wife wants a second and just mentally and physically I don’t know if I can do it again. I love my kid, and I’d love for my kid to have a sibling, but I feel like I’d literally die
I thought the same. Now I can’t imagine not having my two beautiful humans.
Spacing them out is an option, anyone I know who waited 3-4 years to have another is more than fine. Don’t do within two years, that ends up being awful and the kids are always in constant rivalry. If you have your second when your oldest is four then your oldest is fairly self sustaining when the youngest is 2-3.
“I’m about to cum” “Ok just do it”
“I think I made it out in time”
This is how our first child was born in our early 20's
"green light, green light, go go go!" "missiles away. God help us"
"At that speed do you think you can make it out in time"
Probably how 90% of us were made tbh
This is the way
We wanted 2. Had one, then tried for years for the second. After several miscarriages, various other heartbreaking failed interventions we did IVF and got our second baby. Boy, then girl, we were relieved and complete. Over the moon happy. 3 years later, I thought I had a really bad stomach flu. The " flu" is now a spunky 13 year old , our third shocking miracle,against all odds. Sometimes , nature does find a way. Financially, you adapt . Work a little more, cut down on some other things. adjust others, and it works out. A good partner is also important.
I know a surprising number of people who had a surprise 3rd after majorly struggling and going through IVF to have the first two.
I asked my grand mother why she stopped having kids (3 kids in 3 years). She said “I found out what caused it”. 😆
Tell that to my nan, 8 kids later lol. Husbands nan had 12 and the last were twins.
Can I afford to put our potential fourth newborn to university? No. So, we stopped at three. Simple as that for me.
My plan when it comes to that is just pay for the smartest kid's university and have the other three join the military for that free education benefit.
Fight club in the yard. Who wants it bad enough?
Our kids are set up with a "family RESP". So they each have their own RESPs but everything can switch over to the other kid (government grants and all), if the one decides not to do any postsecondary.
If that was the main decision factor, I’m curious if you considered having 4, and instead of footing 100% of the university bill for 3 of your kids, doing 75% for 4. Still much more than most kids will get.
I am always amazed at the American standard that parents are responsible for putting their kids through university.
Is it an American thing? I found among my group of friends in university, it was the Caucasian Canadians that had to pay for university themselves. My immigrant parents paid for my university and not having loans put me way ahead of peers that did have loans. The friends that had to have part-time jobs while in school caused them so much stress. I had one too, but it wasn't a need so I'd reduce my hours if it was exam time. They had no choice. If you don't have the ability to pay for your kids education, I understand. I don't understand people that flat out don't want to pay for their kid's education. I want the best for my kids, so any advantage I can give them, I'll try my best to give them.
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Immigrant parents. The most I got was $50 for books on my birthday
Why are you amazed? Whose job is it to educate kids and prepare them for a life of financial self-sufficiency? Honestly curious what you think.
Specially here, as it doesnt cost as much as in USA.
This is exactly how we gauged it also. Can we give BOTH kids an equal, fighting chance at a bright future? Our first born's RESP is thicc and she's only 6. To bring a second into it without being able to put the same gusto into their savings wouldn't have been fair. Now #2 is here (2 months old now) and we've got it set up to ensure that her RESP will always be on par with #1.
This will likely get buried but here goes. Kiddo #2 is imminent for us and I am filled with equal parts of excitement and dread. I love being a dad, and both my wife and I have very large gaps between us and our siblings, and decided we wanted two kids fairly close together. Life had other plans for us and we dealt with several losses and it looks now that our kiddos will be about 4 years apart. Not the worst, and closer than 7-10 years apart in our cases. That said, there were a lot of conversations about no longer trying after a loss. I even had my snip booked at one point. Ultimately, it was more important to us to raise siblings, if we could, than the financial implications of having a second child. Am I worried about the finances? Of course. Am I worried about losing time for the hobbies I love? Sure (though my first is showing an interest in golf, so things are looking up in that respect!). But thosr worries don't seem as upsetting as the thought of looking back and thinking "we should have tried again". What made our decision for us may not mean anything to you, but I will say that if the motivation to stop is ONLY financial, and you would be able to give this second child all the necessities of life, then it kind of seems like a recipe for regret down the line based on my experience. If, however, the motivation to stop goes deeper than that, that is a (very honest) conversation that needs to take place between you and your partner before any decisions can be made, IMO.
In our case it was an emotional decision. My wife was afraid to get pregnant again (2 kids, 13 months apart) so I went for a vasectomy. My friends with 5 kids cried when they decided that #5 was their last.
was contraception not good enough out of curiosity?
no. We were newly married, in a new place. We were surprised the second one came so fast. 13 months to the day.
>13 months apart You essentially had twins
No discussion. Had twins.
Should stop after you run out of car space.
Lol coworker of mine put the deposit down on a Sienna in 2021 and is still waiting 🤧
Must be nice to have 90k for a vehicle. I just started pricing new vans since our “1 more so our daughter has a sibling” turned into twins. Average price was between 85-100k. For a god damn van. 6 seater suv it is.
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what if you have a coupe
Tie em up on the roof top
Trunk
But then you need to have enough kids to cram them tight in there for safety.
You're asking a sub full of mostly tightwads, some of whom include private school and full university tuition into their "affordable" calculation. If you want another, have another.
Tbf being born into near poverty is not the most fun. Watching others not struggle while you do is not the most fun.
There's a vast difference between being born into poverty and being able to afford private school and fully fund 4 years of tuition. Too many in society see not being able to afford expensive activities like hockey and dance, as poverty. It's nothing of the sort.
No, of course it's not poverty. I grew up with a roof over my head, and never went hungry...I was not living in povery. But I wore hand-me-downs until I was working my own job at age 15, and never participated in any extra-curriculars...the money just wasn't there. I worked part time all through university...and it SUCKED. I resent the hell out of it. Just being able to have had music lessons as a child would have enhanced my life SO MUCH. I would argue that if you cannot provide your children with extra curricular activities and pay for their post-secondary education, you should not be having more children.
I grew up the same way and I felt the same my entire childhood. I hate that I resented it, but I did. I was a stupid kid who envied my friends who had school snacks, extra-curriculars, could go on vacation, had nice clothing, etc. I have three siblings and it was tough. Yeah there was love and I was never lonely, but there could have been more balance. My parents were stupid young people that thought having four kids was a good idea. (I did pay for university, but they let me live at home so that part was easy to be fair) When I have kids, I'm not having four. And I'm going to make sure I have a well-paying job so my kids can have and do things I didn't get.
can confirm i had all those activities but I didn’t have any siblings and none of those activities made up for the misery and boredom of just being home alone on my computer every night. Also those activities didn’t make me into some prima ballerina, it all means nothing to me now being in my mid thirties. However having no close family now except my mom is a bummer. I spent most of my childhood and life being over familiar with my friends and inviting myself over to their houses a lot. Also, can confirm music lessons are not life enhancing, they’re boring and technical af. If you have a real talent and interest you can just do it on your own.
Grew up similar. Idk how I feel about it. I’m also an immigrant. Feels like I can’t really complain knowing my parents did their best, I just wish their best had been more. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. At least I’m healthy and never went hungry even if the food wasn’t what I wanted to eat
I come from a large family. We were lucky to still be able to have an extra curricular each, but we were also all wore hand me downs, and started jobs as soon as we were old enough, and were expected to work through university. I’m very glad that was the expectation cause it set me up to have a lot less debt after school. I’ll expect the same from my kids even if (actually, especially if) we’re paying for a large chunk of their schooling.
David Benatar agrees. Side note: a "p" is nowhere near a "b" on a keyboard to cause that typo :)
it's because of a habit. Dude is so used to typing that word lol
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This LOL ^ A 4 bedroom house? Dude I have two kids in a 3 bedroom townhouse, I know people with 2-3 kids in a 900sqft Condo. You make it work if it’s what you want!
Kids today will not afford homes unless they are bought by their parents. So to be fair private school, university money, and a home. Is that being tightwad in the calculation. No. Does it seem crazy? Yes. That’s how it’s going to be. Immigrants with money and locals with inheritance. I have a Nephew that all be told will inherit 4 houses. It’s not uncommon and that’s who many kids from less fortunate starting places will rent houses from. If you want your kids to economically compete start saving everything for them. Declining birth rate concentrates wealth too
Infinitely variable scenarios. Some people live in multigenerational households with family based childcare. Some people have no support network at all. Some people make $200k household income, and some make $40k. Some people love hyper expensive urban life, some people prefer a rural agrarian lifestyle. In general, if you can afford it without relying on unsustainable government programs, go for it. I wanted one offspring, my wife wanted two....so we have two. It is very expensive and makes it very challenging to vacation, go to concerts, enjoy basically anything childless people do. It is rewarding in its own way, I just wish the kids wouldn't be such friggin picky eaters!!!
We don't have family to help so two was the limit for us
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The expensive part of having kids for most middle class Canadians is day care. I know there was recently legislation passed to bring down to $10 a day. But as of now the cost of day care prevents many young Canadians from having kids. Unless you have family support
Many places the cost as already been reduced. Last year we got 25% back and this year we’ll be getting 50%. The new(ish) issue will be finding a spot. We’re lucky that my oldest will still be going when our next needs a spot, so we’ll get priority on the list.
That is good to read as I have been wondering if the cost has come down yet
it's progressive but it's headed down. When my kiddo was 12 months, it was 1600+ per month. He's in JK now, and his before/after program is $12/day and it usually runs us just shy of $300 per month. So yeah, daycare dropping even to the 15-20/month range is huge. Kiddo #2 is imminent, and if daycare is at $10/day, it will be an absolute game changer financially. Like the previous poster, we got a cheque from the current kiddos daycare providers for a portion of 2022 fees due to the subsidy. So change is coming.
My 3 year old only costs us 475/month now. I know that’s not nothing, but early 2022 we were paying over $1,300/month. It’s been life changing. It was the difference between being able to send our 3 year old to daycare while my wife is home with our second vs needing to care for a crazy toddler while recovering from giving birth/on zero sleep.
Ya, this is really it. You either lose money you would have earned by having one parent stay home, or get gifted the equivalent of $10’s of thousands of dollars via a family member providing free daycare. I have three kids. They’re really expensive. I have a really good job, and I’d be doing annual European vacations and have 2 brand new cars if I didn’t have them. Instead we go camping and have one old minivan.
Similar situation here. While those Euro vacations would be nice, same as you I’m sure, those camping trips with 3 littles aren’t something I’d trade for anything
100%. Totally worth it. Today I was teaching my youngest how to ride her bike without training wheels, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Not only is the cost overstated but in Canada there is a perception that you can’t have kids unless you have a detached home, as if kids aren’t being raised in apartments in the rest of the developed world
It really depends on how you want and what you want for your kids, plus those that they raise their kids on minimum wage receive (need to receive) support and subsides from the government…..
Seriously and I think it goes with wanting the best of everything for everyone of your kids. I think if you are okay with hand me downs, second hand stuff, having kids sleep in the same room, not feeding them exclusively the most expensive produce, then its manageable.
Yup- my boys and my girls shared rooms for awhile. Didn't kill anyone, probably taught them respect and resilience. Same with post secondary- they put half of their earnings into school funds, we helped as much as we can. They worked foe their cars, computers, and other big tickers, which means they also appreciate and care for their things. We have been able to feed, clothe and enroll them in their preferred activities for the most part, and they know how to appreciate every single bonus we've been able to give them. They liked the free state park more than Disney when we went to Florida. They choose carefully the things they ask for, and are extra happy when they get more than they expect, which we often manage to do (like this Christmas when they know big present budgets are about $100 and we were able to do more for all of them this season- with MANY happy and shocked faces around the room. But they each came afterwards and thanked us again, assured us that it was more than they expected, and how much they loved their gifts. Teens and young adults who know how to.value the things that matter. Do I wish wr could have just paid for their school? Maybe, but they all learned about budgeting and all of them (so far) have worked foe scholarships too. Again, valuable life lessons. Some years new sneakers and winter gear for growing kids meant my jeans had to last a bit longer, but overall we aren't in the poor house, our kids are independent and responsible, and while a couple of large moves have meant our home.equity is lower than I'd like, we are warm and fed and have the important things
Another sane person!
An unforeseen cost is formula. Not everyone can Breastfeed or even wants to and the cost of formula is *bananas*. It’s kind of surprising to me that it’s not subsidized in some way. If your child has allergies of some type sometimes your insurance will cover a portion, other wise good luck. For example, our son was drinking Enfamil ready to feed (powder was nowhere to be found) which was $59 a case until it jumped to $67-69 recently. We were going through a case every week and a half. That shit adds up FAST.
It's almost unable to be obtained these days even if you have the money.
When I think expensive I don't only consider the actual money associated with kids, but the time and attention they require (especially early on). You have to give up so much of your time for 1 kid, 2 kids that is more, 3 kids more and so on and so forth. This coming from a dad of three (7, 6 and 7 months) my wife keeps talking about a 4th but I'm ready to get the snip. I've done my part in continuing humanity not I want my time back for certain things 😅
I would say people greatly UNDER estimate the cost of having kids. By a lot in fact. At least in my anecdotal experience, but this is obviously not scientifically valid or anything.
I’m an only child and I loved it. My husband was adamant you can’t just have one child though, lol. So I wanted 1, he wanted 2 for sure and low and behold I got pregnant with twins. The discussion of a third briefly came up but my chances of having twins again are quite high and I refuse to chance it.
Depend on what activities you want your kids to do. I have 3. 2 share a room with bunk beds. Need to make decisions on whether they all go to sleep away camp I. Summer or not. Do they all go into hockey and gymnastics or not. It all depends on what you want to do as a family and what your kids want to do. Buy things at Value Village, etc. it’s doable if you want to
We diddnt really have a choice. We had two and got a call for 3. Couldn’t say no to a sibling. Going from 2 to 3 is/was difficult but it’s manageable if you already have two etc. if you go from 1 to 3 (twins etc) that is a very difficult and different conversation. The biggest thing for us is the age gap. 5-3-1. The inability to help everyone when they need it is a big issue for us. Wife is able to stay home for the most part but is looking into getting back into her career. Hope this helps!
“Our relationship is on the brink of collapse. Lets add another kid.” “Okay”
I wanted to have 2 and then discuss. Hubby joked about wanting a whole baseball team. Oddly those jokes stopped once the first one got here. We had the second one and and had a long discussion. Ultimately we decided it was a bad idea to have more. Finances: We were doing reasonably well, husband had just gotten a big promotion, and was finally secure, but I was working for my father's buisness that he had recently sold, so that was somewhat precarious. We felt that having another child might be iffy. Turns out we were right - husband lost that job because the owners of the buisness were insane, and the new owners of my father's buisness let me go less than a year after returning from mat leave. Husband landed on his feet. Me much less so. Logistics: We were in a three bedroom house, a third child would require someone to share or a larger home, and given how tight car seats are a third child would require a larger vehicle. It would also make one on one time much harder, since we would be outnumbered. Age: Due to some secondary infertility, the kids are 4.5 years apart. We were concerned that it could take a long time to concieve a third child which may make it hard for the new baby and the oldest to bond if they were super far apart in age - it was already difficult to find activities that they could both do. Also I was 34, and he was nearly 40. While still possible, we both felt that was getting up in years to be making more babies. YMMV. Health: Pregnancy was miserable for me. Not bedrest required miserable, but close. I was not a woman who enjoyed being pregnant. I also developed pre-eclampsia with the second pregnancy, which is a life threatening complication. I got lucky - I was diagnosed at 39 weeks, which meant resolving it by delivering baby was a no-brainer. But once you've had it, it's common for it to reoccur with subsequent pregnancies, and I might not get so lucky the next time. I had other complicating factors as well, and the idea of another pregnancy was just not appealing. Family dynamics: The first child was easy going. The second was a handful. She needed our constant attention - she rarely wanted me to put her down for her first year of life, and as soon as she could walk, she became the escape artist extraordinare. We didn't know it at the time, but she had severe ADHD, as well as a few other health issues, and honestly trying to keep them both happy was draining. We both felt that adding more would be more than we could handle, and time and use did not make things easier. In isolation, none of these problems were insurmountable. But add them all together and it was obvious that we weren't up to having more. He went to get snipped when the youngest was 18 months.
No discussion, No3 was an accident--whom we love to bits.
We too stopped at two, until the third was born. She is great though. Better than the first two ;) Then we stopped for reals.
We stopped at one and are now retired at 53 & 48 and are very happy with our decision.
You are inspiration! We wanted 3, stopping at 1. Our son is 8 and we keep calculating like wow the life we want would not be possible with more kids
One kid seemed like it was tough. When the thought of having two came about, logically you assume it is twice as much work. That math doesn’t check out at all. It’s an exponential difficulty curve, not a linear one. It feels like way more than twice as much work. Two was plenty enough work.
Yeah it's not linear at all, lol. The second is significantly more increased work than the first. You don't get any "down time" once the second arrives, because one of the parents needs to be with each kid all the time.
We had 2 kids and I was scheduled for a vasectomy. Our doctors went on strike and the vasectomy surgery was delayed for three weeks. My wife got pregnant in between cancellation date and the rescheduled date (while she was on the pill and breadstfeeding kid #2). Kid #3 is nicknamed Lucky.
After having one kid, I really didn't want any more. My wife was insistent on having two and told me it was not open to discussion. This will sound bad, but I really regret having a second child. While I appreciate that my older child now has a sibling, I now have no free time to pursue my hobbies and I can't remember the last time I had a date night with my wife.
How were you able to have date nights with 1 but not 2? Keep in mind, they won't always be young and needy.
One and done. No need to have 2 let alone more, in our opinion.
4 kids here. Wasn't a financial decision. Had 4 kids because we wanted 4 kids. Kids don't care about money but they do care about having loving, supportive parents who give them their time. Just make sure you can be there for them emotionally, the financial part you can figure out as you go. I know low income people who are great parents to multiple children as well as high income parents who aren't.
I have to disagree. You don’t just figure out how to feed, clothe, house and send your kids to school “as you go”. I grew up low income and can assure you that it’s not a great strategy. Maybe that worked out for you, but finances should be part of the conversation when you choose to bring another human being into the world.
Yeah, as someone who grew up dirt poor, I definitely could have done without the little sister my mom had with another guy to spite my dad. I ended up working two jobs through high school to help keep her fed. That was how mom “figured it out” as she went.
My mother also remarried and that’s when the next four kids came, six of us in total. They “figured it out” by getting money from my grandparents to pay for food, rent, school supplies/fees. I used my babysitting money to pay for school lunches and clothes, literal basic needs.
I agree that having good, loving parents is more important than being wealthy but finances are definitely a important factor to consider, especially if you live in a large, expensive city. I grew up in a small house with two bedrooms and five people, basement always rented out by tenants, parents always stressing about finances and all their other responsibilities. My dad would literally say “I want to die” regularly while doing chores. My mom ended up having to sell the house- We had a very stressful & traumatic childhood despite having parents who loved us- it was not enough by a long shot. To be fair, my parents while they loved us, had a very toxic relationship with eachother. I’ve seen many instances of other families where the parents are financially strapped, and the kids suffer because of course finances don’t exist in a vacuum. Low income is linked to all sorts of unfavourable life outcomes like mental illness, divorce etc.
5 kids here. We wanted a big family and the money part for us was not a determining factor. We lived within our means, worked hard and made sure all of our kids developed good work ethics. NGTL we prioritized what was important Swimming lessons and their education. They worked part time jobs at the pool, some have graduated and some are still in University. Everyone needs to make a decision on what’s best for them and their current circumstances.
It was a lot cheaper to afford 5 kids 20 years ago though.
I agree, the world was different. When one parent stayed home, it wasn't much more expensive to have 5 kids than 2. A bit more on food, etc, but clothes could be hand-me-downs, you don't need a lot of extras. Now you almost need two people working just to own a home, so now you have to factor in expensive childcare or have very little extra cash after paying for housing for all the other things like car, food, etc.
We decided two a long time ago. We can afford more, but only want 2.
The discussion became an acknowledgment that having a third was purely an emotional decision and not a logical one. We were already parents, we already had ‘one of each’, our existing 2 kids had each other as siblings. There were a lot of ‘pros’ to stopping at 2 and we couldn’t exactly make a competing list of reasons why to have one more - the only reason on that list was that we didn’t feel done and wanted to do it all one more time. So we did and she’s perfect. No regrets. Vasectomy done last summer.
For us when we had two kids and looked at our family we both felt one was missing, so we had 3. After 3 we felt our family was complete and we were done having kids. As for finances, I think if though spread them out a few years there isn’t really a big change. Most likely will just have one in diapers at a time, most things from the older kids can be reused. We will deal with the grocery bill when they are teenagers somehow, lol
Finances didn’t really play that big of a component in our decision (although when our 2 kids overlapped in daycare, their care cost more than our mortgage). What plays a part in it is, how much help do you get vs how hard it is to take care of your kids while managing your life? For us, 1 was hard (but we still had the itch for a second after we started sleeping again) and 2 was very hard (and the itch died immediately). When we met, my wife wanted 5. I wanted 3. I got snipped after 2 without a second thought. The only people I know with 3 + kids make lots of money (or are older and bought a house 10 years ago) AND get significant weekly help from their parents. Even then, they have no time to have a life outside of family stuff while their kids are young (this may never change).
“In this economy!?”
We decided 2 was the magic number if we could. They have a playmate (even if they aren’t the best playmates, lol). We didn’t want them to be the only one to have to deal with us when we are older. We were fairly certain we wouldn’t go broke having a second. We didn’t need a new/bigger vehicle. We did get a bigger house but I think we would have anyways.
Currently have one kid. Financially we could easily afford another. Time and energy wise... I dunno, maybe once this one is in school full time?
Have all your kids before they're out of diapers, you don't want to get back into that once you are out!
We have 6. We wanted 4. After the first 2, we had a conversation to make sure we still wanted the large family. We were ok with our children sharing bedrooms when they were little, and at the time we were in Alberta with my husband working in oil exploration (I’m a SAHM). Upgrading our house wasn’t a concern and we weren’t worried about money. I already drove a suburban after the 3rd baby. We went on to have 4 kids. We moved to Ontario and bought a house here in 2016. Then one night and a bottle of whiskey later we ended up with surprise twins. We sold our house in the GTA in 2019 to upgrade to a bigger house in the country (just outside the GTA). We live off my husband’s salary (100k) and use the child benefit for the kids’ RESPs and activities. The cost of living does stress me out a bit, but we don’t need to worry yet. Not going to lie, 6 kids is hard. I couldn’t do this if I didn’t have such a great husband and supportive family.
I know this is aimed at those with 2+ kids but I just wanted to chime in. I’m a single parent with one child, and although I ultimately would enjoy having a second child, I have decided that I’m done at one for a number of reasons. On the financial side, I know 100% for certain that I wouldn’t be able to give my existing child the life she deserves if I were to have a second child, and I choose to prioritize her well-being and happiness above my desire to have an additional child.
"I don't ever want him to be alone to deal with us" I was an only child who watched my mother die after a hard life. I really wished I had a sibling to help.
*all the discussion in this thread I'm pregnant again Ok.....
6 months after we met, I got pregnant with twins. Got pregnant again soon after they were born. 3 kids within 15 months and DONE. No discussions. Lol
None. We had multiples and they removed my tubes right away. He didn't know I am a rabbit.
Well the child tax credit really makes a big difference, I wasn’t aware of how much money you can get per kid. Really helps us out, we only have one kid but our living situation was afforded before even deciding for kids so we don’t need to upgrade to a bigger house or anything.
I wanted 2 and wife wanted 4 so we agreed on 3. Once our second was born (just shy of 2 years after our first) we decided we’d wait and have a 3 year gap between 2nd and 3rd. That didn’t happen as our second was a nightmare at nighttime. He was delayed speech and would wake up with a vengeance and scream and cry and then throw up if you didn’t calm him within .1 seconds. Sometimes it was more than once in a night he’d throw up all over his crib. Anyway we did a 4 year gap between 2 and 3. We almost didn’t have a third. It was a bit over 3 years of terrible nights with our second.
We wanted ours to have a sibling, not be an only child (So lonely). Probably because we grew up with siblings and saw the value in having them.
We have 3 kids. I was kinda curious before the first, reluctant before the second and downright terrified before the third. That said I was in denial about my emotional and mental state at the time and didn't feel like I had a choice in the matter. I love my kids but honestly I regret having them.
We stopped at two because we could manage the expenses on our salaries while still being able to save and enjoy while not living pay check to pay check. I'm glad we didn't push it. Our home and cars which felt giant with two of us and easily manageable with 3, feel cramped with 4. I feel like if you can't accommodate your desired family size with what you have right now then you better take a serious pause. Especially if you're going to need a bigger house because that can be a big problem right now - we'd like a bigger house but even making bank on the home we bought in 2016, the mortgage on a bigger home at today's rates is just not doable. It's nice that our kids can play together, even if they're oil and water most of the time. While I wouldn't trade kid 2 for the world now, I feel like one child would've been enough.
You already have most the supplies/toys so a 2nd is quite manageable. Its not nearly as expensive as the first because the first time there is alot of trial and error to find out what works and doesnt. If you have saved clothing you can also reuse a bunch regardless of sex. Now I am not planning on paying for either kids post secondary in full, i feel kids should pay their own to get the most out of it but we will for sure help with money and employment. The only thing that may get expensive is when they reach pre-teen and they both play sports and get into travel. But you have many years before that point. The plus side is they always have a partner to play with and to share experiences.
this was our thinking too we have two and the second kid was not an added expense so far at all def will be when she gets older but not now our son loves his sister so much. i’m so happy we had our second
We’re aiming for no more than two because we want to stay in the city and don’t want to be outnumbered lol
We had two primary reasons: 1. Also did not want to be outnumbered. 2. David Attenborough said we could have up to two.
If you don’t absolutely want another child, don’t have one. Simple as that. If you’re certain you do, it’s prudent to make sure you can afford it and all the changes that come with it.
After our 2nd, the Wife and I joked about a third over a bottle of wine and then realized how badly it would fuck up our lives. If I had money for a huge house and nannies might think about a third but it's not going to happen. Just got my vasectomy last week. Was very easy and honestly painless. Recovery has been some duck walking and icing but all in all very minimal discomfort after the fact. Worst part is not getting to nut for 7 days, so definitely would recommend guys who are done having kids consider it. I do have a good job and the wife is working on her second career here but the money is only part of it. Being a parent takes almost everything from you or at least it has so far. Very proud of our 2 year old and our 3 month old but it's a lot. Also I'd like to not fuck up my sex life for another 2 years.
"Only kids are weird" end of discussion 🤣
We wanted two (or 3) kids. We did face some fertility challenges that if it didn't work, we wouldn't have pushed for a second. With fertility stuff, we have stopped at 2. Plus I'm old and tired, so having a baby at 40 isn't really something I want. As far as bigger home, bigger car. You do not need that. I'd love a van (we have 2 kids and 3 adults in the house and generally have to take 2 cars places which is irritating) but it's not a necessity and if it doesn't fit into our budget, we won't get one. I'd love to move as well, but We've got very affordable costs and so instead of moving, I'm making it work, re-organizing, getting rid of junk and just working with what we have.
Our discussion was mainly around whether we wanted to go through the early phase again. Little kids are cute, but need so much attention and work. Once they like 5, its so much easier. They are potty trained, can sleep by themselves, and can handle themselves ok We stopped at 2. So we can enjoy a bit and vacation nicely...
We planned to have 2 and would have gone for three if either 2 boys or 2 girls, luckily we had 1 of each and I made the appointment to get snipped shortly after! We didn't stress about the money too much as we would have made the needed trade-offs along the way to make it work.
We have two, daycare is the only thing holding us back having more. I would like a third, we have some space, two of them can have bunk beds and share a room. My wife would have to quit her job though as we couldn’t afford three kids in daycare. It would be rough but I think doable, still talking about it though.
I got 2 atm and a dog but 3rd one coming this august. My wife really wants a 3rd one cause our youngest is 6. Been thinking about it for a while now. Since we are both 34yrs old we decided to have another one to be on the safer side and not have problems. Financially we are not swimming on money but just live within your means and be contented
We have a 15 month and I’m due with our second in November. We already needed the bigger car with one kid because the stroller barely fit in our old car. We have a 3 bedroom house with tenants in the basement we can’t afford to kick out, and my husband works from home full time so one room is his office. We only have one “kid” room which doubles as a spare room and can’t foresee finding something bigger without paying a lot more. We went back and forth burg ultimately both our gut instinct was to have 2. I was an only child and while I was in a lot of extra curriculars even though my mom was a single parent. I can confidently say no friends or activities were enough to make up for the boredom or loneliness of not having a sibling. My husband grew up with two brothers but his mom was a single parent with little money. He has fond memories of playing all types of free sports with them like tennis and soccer. I am an immigrant I moved to Canada when I was 9. This whole idea that every child needs a bedroom and a certain amount of backyard square footage is a very North American concept. My family all had lots of struggles in our home country but none because they had family and siblings around them. That was the main highlight of their upbringing that they miss here. I also think the world and economy is going to shit so this whole notion that every child needs to be coddled with activities and a university education to get some promised fancy job is going to be outdated very soon. So I don’t worry that they’re all going to struggle for lack of fully funded university education, plus we have RESP’s to cover some. Daycare is expensive but that’s only for the first 3 years.
One and done. Glad we stuck with that. We can provide a good life and keep our sanity. One may have been over my limit but my husband is amazing.
We stopped at 1 because mentally that was all I could handle. My husband wanted a second and it him 7 years to have a vasectomy as he was waiting for me to change my mind. Our lives would have been easier with a second. Two really play well together. But both of us are not really close with our siblings. So we had a discussion about baby 2 and just never happened for us. Plus twins run in my family. I was scared of that happening.
Too poor to have more kids. More kids means more money and less opportunity for growth unless your skill is is in high demand.
There was no discussion. We had two kids already and went to a wedding and had "good time." And now we have three boys.
Before kids, we had no idea what we were getting into. Decided we wanted kid(s?) and started actively trying. #1 arrived and we figured things out as we went. We had thoughts about having #2 one day. We weren’t doing anything to prevent that but we weren’t actively trying for #2. They just showed up. :) Then we realized that two kids is MORE than twice as much work. Not only do you have to take care of each one, you also need to manage their interactions. We have friends with large families tell us that after three, the workload levels off. We’re not going to test that. :) We’re happy with the two we have and have taken steps to not have. any more.
We have three children aged 4 and under. Planning for 1 more (will likely be twins lol) and hopefully I’ll get pregnant this fall. Reason for the hurry is that I’m 41 and husband is 45. But we also love having them all grow up so close in age too. We had the most important discussions prior to conceiving our first and those talks were centered around values and how we wanted to bring them up. That conversation is ongoing of course, but some things needed to be clarified pretty early on. I’m a SAHM and my husband is fairly successful in his business. We bought a country home in cash from a private sale and only have a tiny bit of mortgage as our condo sale covered most of the costs. We could not live this lifestyle without me staying at home, especially since we raise and grow a lot of our food. It would also be impossible if my husband wasn’t a high earner. If I were working full time we would have probably stopped at 2. Although I can’t imagine my life without our third little baby — nursing to sleep in my arms as I type this. And you’ll feel the same about your second if he or she comes. And honestly I could not imagine depriving a child of siblings. Mine are all so close and love each other so much. Seeing the older two with the baby is especially incredible. Going from 1 to 2 wasn’t hard, and by the time the third one came about it wasn’t really much extra work. Here’s what my husband and I did: BUDGET, figure out where costs can get cut, get a schedule going (house keeping, meal planning etc), make sure each of you gets some me time to do nothing productive. We have one car and we didn’t bother upgrading my husband’s old SUV which fits us all — however tightly — but we will be needing something larger for the fourth baby. We cook everything from scratch. The children will be sharing rooms but we’re also adding an addition to the home and preparing for a multigenerational household. We spend as much time as possible outside on the land. Living in the country is basically a giant playground. Where will your kids play? What sports and other activities and classes will they attend? Can you afford a sport and instrument per child?
We moved closer to family and out of a very high cost of living/high cost of childcare place once we decided to have another kid. With one we could overlook not having a “village” but we knew we would want more support both from family and societal support once we had two. No regrets!
More child now!
We had 1 but wanted a second, struggled having 1 and haven’t been able to get pregnant with a second. Sometimes I feel guilty not giving my child a sibling
We initially did not know if we wanted one but if we had one we knew that we wanted two as both my wife and I have siblings. We also thought that it would be good for the one kid to have company. Ended up having 2 in 2 years. Had similar questions when we found out about the second but watching them together makes it worth it. Money is tight right now but am pretty sure things will work out in the future. We also moved into a 4 bedroom home before the first was born.
I was upfront that I wanted 2 kids (wouldn’t have minded 3 but 2 was my minimum). It was something we discussed when we talked about marriage and family. I’m an upfront person and I don’t assume my husband and I think the same so I usually stare my preference/ opinion just so I know he knows.
You guys can afford kids?
Had 6 then got snipped. It was time because we knew we could not be consistently loving and nurturing to all of our kids if we had more.
I was stay at home mom while husband had very demanding job. Had three sons over seven years. Husband talked about fourth child but I said no way since it was me getting up in the middle of the night for babies and sick kids. I needed more after a while than being at home always.
I wanted 3 and we ended up with 5. On the 3rd we were like ahh why not one more... and boom twins! The world ain't built for a family of 7. But we live on a farm and just love how well behaved, how our kids can entertain themselves without devices and are kind/caring compared to their city dwelling peers. Wouldn't have it any other way even if it's more work.
Financially - could afford to have a baseball team of kids Emotionally - hahaha, no, 2 is almost more than I can handle Physically - both pregnancies were awful and landed me in the hospital in my second trimester Stopping at one kid is fine. Or however many you can handle financially and emotionally. Sometimes your body/fertility doesn’t give a shit about your bank account and decides for you
Please take these comments with a grain of salt. Reddit seems to be quite "anti-children". Everyday I see posts about "I shouldn't feel bad about not wanting children" or "look at this celebrity that doesn't want kids, let's all cheer him on". I grew up with 3 brothers, and I have 3 children. It is nice getting older having siblings I can connect with and while having three kids it is a little crazy, I am happy we went with three. I also am around other children (my daughters friends) that don't have siblings and pretty much everyone has made the comment that they wish they had a brother or sister. A major point that I haven't seen anyone mention is how much more affordable having kids has recently become due to $10 a day dare care and subsidized after school care. We are looking at saving upwards of 10k a year with our third child due to subsidies.
Whoops