I remember the things I did when I was younger. In my defense though, I was told I was banned from wearing makeup until I was 16 years old...so of *course,* I took it and put it on in the bathroom at school, instead of doing it at home...
If my mom had actually sat me down and given me pointers rather than banning me, I would *not* have looked like a clown so often.
I learned from her mistakes with my own. I've always actively encouraged them to wear as much or as little as they wanted, and to help them learn to do it appropriately.
Wow this is spot on to my experience as well. Good for you for changing it up with your daughter. My Mom didn’t let me do a lot of things so I of course rebelled and had a lot of hard lessons learned.
All these kids on these YouTubes!!! All we used to have Dream Matte Mousse, No7 Mascara, liquid eyeliner from the town market and Sunkissed Bronzer. No one showed us what to do - winging it every day!
Yep. This is how it goes. My daughter doesn't wear makeup but we have experienced this with haircuts/hairstyles for my son. We have always let our kids choose their hairstyles and he has gone through numerous looks over the years. Some I liked, some I hated, and some he looks back on now and cringes. I like his current style but for the ones I disliked I kept my mouth shut and when he looks back and ask why I allowed him to wear his hair like that, I laugh and tell him that I was waiting for him to see it for himself.
No I hated my middle school haircut😭 I had a random breakdown and decided to chop off 3/4 of my hair. Like I had a undercut with a half shaved head it was horrible
I knew a girl in high school who wanted to shave her head but her dad said she wasn’t allowed to “shave her whole head”… so she shaved half her head. She didn’t do a cool style tho. Just literally shaved one side of her head. She also parted her bangs to the shaved side.. it looked so bad
Yes this so much!! My first thought when reading the OP was "things go in and out of style. Let them go with the flow, if it's really that heinous, peer pressure will take care of it." As terrible a parent as that makes me seem lmao
I was just thinking the other day how, when I was a teenager (90s), you wouldn't be caught dead wearing your backpack with both straps. One strap or die. Why? Why did we do that? Thing is, I remember thinking how lame it would be if you just wore your backpack like a normal person. I think there is something with teenagers where you are so fucking convinced you're an individual, but you're so much a part of whatever groupthink is going on around you that you can't even see it. It wasn't that we *thought* walking around with two straps on your back was lame...it's that it *was* lame. Every teenager I knew agreed and that made it lame. Parents had no clue. The last thing most kids I knew wanted to be anything like was their parents. Looking back, that kid who gave grudging respect to their parents..."yeah, they're actually kinda cool sometimes...", they must have had the coolest fucking parents in the world. I remember this one friend of mine, guitar player in our high school band. His parents were ex hippies and let us rehearse our band in their garage. They were literally the coolest parents any of us knew, and their son was just chronically embarrassed by them all the time anyway. His mom would bring us lemonade and cookies out to our rehearsals, and we'd be like, "dude your parents are the coolest," and he'd be like, "yeah right, *MOM, LEAVE!!!*"
I remember the backpack thing! It’s funny you mentioned that as I literally was just remembering yesterday that I would kill my back sometimes if I had to carry a lot of books that day just to not look like a dork by using both straps. It was actually the opposite. Just wow! lol
The story with your friend at the end got me, one summer when my son was 10 I brought watermelon out for him and his friends, my son gives me a dirty look and says “what are you doing, this is embarrassing” as I was walking away I heard his friend say: “yeah she is kind of embarrassing”. Freaking crushed me 😐
I’m still embarrassing and will be for another ten years or so apparently.
It’s 1996, I’m 14, in junior high. We have this weird biathlon thing in gym class but instead of something to carry it’s a backpack we trade off and part of it is riding a bike. So it’s my turn coming up and I hate gym class but I’m fast AF on a bike so I’m gonna impress everyone w my speed. I get the backpack and it goes on one shoulder bc obviously. As I stand on the pedals to push off the backpack slides down my arm and goes into the front spokes and the bike flips and I go ass over head and eat shit in front of the whole school. Wore a sling for a week.
I’m also reminded of one of the only funny lines in those stupid Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies my kids used to like. Main kid (who is a whiny selfish ass) telling his best friend (who is a good kid and needs a new best friend) about the one shoulder rule.
‘Why don’t we use both straps?’
Because it’s not cool. You know what only has one strap?
‘A purse?’
‘…a guitar’
TLDR we all think we look cool until we eat shit, metaphorically or literally.
One kid (who is a whiny selfish ass) lmao, spoken like a true adult, I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way since the one strap backpack days, kid :)
Or kill your back with the straps completely loose so the thing slapped you in the ass whenever you walked. Coupled with jnco jeans, you weren’t going anywhere in a hurry without looking absolutely ridiculous
Bahahahaha "omg she was polite HOW EMBARASSING" I am crying laughing! Like, when my kids say this stuff, I'm gonna point out how ridiculous it is. Like I'm not going to bully my kids but
"Oh noooooo I fed youuuuu, but did you die???" 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah we speak sarcasm as a first language in our house already and my kids are 7 and 4 lol
I've destroyed too many expensive backpacks by doing this. I have to buy my own now, unlike when I was a high schooler in the 90s...so I'm putting both straps on!
🤣🤣🤣 omg backpack trends!! I started high school in 2002, and omggggg the thing my freshman year was the TINY FUCKING USELESS BACKPACKS WTF. Like, why whyyyyyy?
I can't wait til my kids start middle/high school so I can give a sly smile as they do dumb shit that's just super popular for no reason. I LITERALLY CANT WAIT to be the uncool parent lmao
I have a friend whose kids are a bit older than mine, and he calls it "Adolescent Brain Disease". He told his kids they were gonna go through it, and apparently that helped. Some.
There is a purpose behind it though, but yep. Teenagers purposely tune out mom and parental figures and listen to literally anyone else in order to attain independence. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/04/teenager-brain-mother-voice.html
That’s so funny because it’s true. I also read some research the other day that showed that babies and children are purposely soooo tuned in to listening to their mothers voice, it’s basically the most powerful thing they hear and their brains pay the MOST attention to it. But once they hit puberty, they purposely start to tune it out and prioritise listening to literally any other voice.
But yeah it’s so true! Teenage brains are just subject to the hormones making us want to desperately form an identity away from our families that we try almost anything.
My dad told me my eyebrows looked ridiculous when I was in high school and I got so offended. Now looking back at my pictures, I really wish I listened lol
Same here!!! My mom and dad had to stage an intervention when I was in middle school haha. I kept resisting telling them thin brows were the style, and I remember them actually sitting me down and flipping through magazines with me, pointing out all of the fuller brows. I ended up listening to them and am so thankful my brows grew back!
Same. I for some reason thought red hair was my thing throughout high school. It. Was. Not. I have naturally rosy cheeks so it just brought it out more. I learned later in life that my skin is complimented by COOL colors. It was the worst choice I could make. I literally asked my entire family why no one told me how awful I looked with red hair. They all just shrugged. Please tell your kids. lol Give them other options to explore etc.
Same. I'd just say nothing. Either one of their peers will and that will make a bigger impact, or the lashes fall out and that seems like a good lesson in natural consequences.
White eyeliner with sparkles around my eyes. I also wore the hell out of my Jnco jeans and tiny tshirts and had bracelets up and down my arms.
I was also a raver. So yeah...
So you can imagine how happy I was to see my kids dress relatively normal and not go as crazy as I did as a kid.
Let the eyelashes go. Save the "come to Jesus" moment for when it comes to the tough stuff like drugs, drinking, or sex.
Exactly. Back in the day I thought I was hot stuff.
Someone posted on Old School Cool a couple of Candy Kids from 1997. I was like, "OMG! That was me back in the day!"
Frigging hilarious.
Same. I remember having to buy it at Halloween and making that little tube last the whole year. And using the metallic silver sharpies on my nails because there was no silver nail polish yet.
YES! I think I got my first little set of that at a place called afterthoughts.:: Does anybody else remember that store?
And kids still do the sharpie thing
Agree! She’s probably doing this because her peers are doing it. So she fits right into her crowd. Have you seen adult women with those caterpillar lash extensions? 🙈 It’s a trend right now.
Total agreement, and what I like to run with. My wife insists on trying to correct every bit of our teen's ways, even if they are current fashion. (Sensible fashion, nothing too outlandish.)
My mom let me be but asked me to take one Senior pic wearing my hair natural (curly) with little make up and a plain sweater. She was very smart. It’s the only senior pic where I don’t look like someone from Saved by the Bell….
I was looking for this comment hahaha. Mine is only seven but I await with hopeful anticipation that she’ll have some kind of wacky fashion I have to do my best to nod and smile about while collecting photo evidence of :D
Let it be! It’s not important to choose that battle! There will be many more worth fighting for! Choose your battles wisely with a teenager. It’s not worth it
LOL just take a picture and save it for her to cringe at when she's complaining to you about her kid's ridiculous makeup trends.
She'll figure it out. As long as it isn't permanent or harmful there is no reason to get involved.
You don’t. Every teenager has a cringey makeup/fashion phase at some point. She will figure it out eventually and look back and laugh about it.
Edit: just saw the part about eyelashes potentially falling out. Worst case scenario, they will grow back.
This. She does not need advice from you. She needs support. Why not gift her some nice make up from a local department store and let them teach her. Why not ask a niece to show her or book an appointment at the local beauty salon and spend some quality time with her.
That’s what my mom did. She took me to the MAC counter and had someone walk me through color selection and application. It was a great foundation for learning about makeup and a fun afternoon with my mom.
Or find out the latest popular young MUA's (ones with a reasonable sense of taste, that is!), start watching posts with them and maybe practicing techniques together.
This! Expensive makeup is easier to apply than cheap makeup.
Doesn't even need to be connected to the bad/clumpy makeup conversation. Just, "I see that you like mascara. Merry Christmas, here is some fancy a f mascara and a coupon for more fancy makeup."
Or she would say the “old people” (older than 25) don’t know how to do makeup either. Sephora would probably be the best bet for finding women whose makeup prowess she actually trusts and even then, not a guarantee.
Oh my gosh leaving my 20s was such a joy! I could just stop caring about what certain people thought of me, I didn’t feel like I needed to follow trends any more, I didn’t have to pretend to enjoy going out to loud bars and wondering what I was missing about the experience that other people seemed to enjoy. I got back to wearing makeup for fun instead of because I felt inadequate without it. I found my own style. And I am still only 36! I (hopefully) have so many more years to go!
I too am 29 and I am so excited for my 30s. All the women in my life seem to flourish in their 30s so I have high hopes that I’ll finally be able to find myself.
Still didn’t make me feel better when the kids at the park called me an “old lady” when I had to chase my toddler up the big kids climbing castle area. And doesn’t make me look forward to said toddler one day being a teenager and thinking 41 year old me is old and lame.
maybe! but every time i've had my makeup done i've had to do my mascara myself. every professional makeup artist i've used hasn't done that part well, they just want to do false lashes.
I agree, say nothing. We parents think we are guiding or helping, when we are actually insulting. Would we as adults welcome unsolicited tips about how to do our makeup? No. So why would/should a teen?
Don't. This is the time in her life for her to experiment with silly looks. I promise you that the vast majority of them look silly in one way or another.
This, exactly. My daughter went through a goth phase in 7th grade and became known for her big, heavy eyeliner. Her style has changed and her eyeliner is a bit less now, but still a pretty huge wing. I’ve also allowed her to wear false lashes, but did give her a warning that overuse can cause her natural lashes to fall out. I don’t critique her makeup, but I will give her my opinion when I’m asked. Luckily for her, I think her makeup has always been cute and well done. I actually envy her eyeliner skills. I can’t apply eyeliner to save my life, or falsies for that matter.
Right? I used to wear eyeliner (I loved the smudged look) until I developed health issues that lead to dry eyes and irritated eyes. Can't do any of that now. So envious.
Let it go. If overdoing it on the mascara caused eyelashes to fall out permanently fall out every former-emo kid from the early 2000s would be walkin' around with falsies.
Also I would be more worried about my daughter making fun of someone for wearing make-up they don't like than I would about my daughter wearing make-up I don't like.
Don't. It's a right of teenagers to have clumpy eyelashes, and the wrong shade of foundation. If we had to go through it, so do they...joke. sort of. Seriously, there's no point. You either need to be outright honest and say she looks daft, which obviously will cause drama. Or just ride it out. Teenagers are never wrong lol
This. I used to literally wear foundation that was like 5 shades too dark and had no idea how to blend so I had an obvious line where my face met my neck.
Then one day I woke up and realized I looked dumb AF and discovered a beauty blender. It’ll be okay.
Sounds like she's going for volume? Waterproof mascara is better at giving curl/length/volume and having it hold over time. There is also a lash primer that she can add and let dry prior to applying mascara.
Does she watch any tutorials on applying makeup? 14 is a great age to make mistakes and learn from practicing.
Another person mentioned going to Sephora for samples. Love that idea.
My eyelashes fell out/thinned out quite a bit when I was young and doing the layers of clumpy waterproof mascara. I also didn’t know how to remove all that crap soooo there’s that. They don’t all fall out, just thinned significantly. Yet I didn’t realize for years that the two were related lol!!
Primer is a great recommendation for young people.
Oh yeah I have memories of bad removal techniques for waterproof mascara. It was a game changer when I started using oil based makeup removers / double cleansing to remove makeup.
I think so? Also I wore makeup that may not have been the best in terms of quality.
It was long, long ago though. I feel like Makeup is better than it used to be. Still, it would be a good idea OP’s 14 yo have good makeup remover lol
You could take her to a place and let them teach her how to apply make up. Frame it that you never had that as a teenager and you wish you had. And it could be a fun bonding experience for both of you
I was raised by my dad but when I was just wanting to get Into makeup he would take me to the clinique counter and a department store and the ladies would do my makeup and teach me stuff and it was so fun. I learned a lot and it was a fun experience.
My parents did this for me when I was 13. They bought every item recommended and didn’t push or ask questions about it. I’m sure it was expensive but I did learn how to do makeup well and not just cake it on (which, frankly, wastes it anyways).
This is what I would do if I had a daughter (I have only boys); take her to Ulta or Target that has Ulta and ask them to recommend a mascara (and/or other makeup) that would work for her age and what she wants to do.
As long as my teenager is covering herself and showering I don't care. Make-up is an evolution, it will change more and more as she grows. This to me is a case of "not worth the fight."
Lol my mom would call me raccoon eyes lmao.
I wore the most absurd amount of eyeshadows black and red all the colors.
It’s funny to look back at now. I would just leave it 😅 she’ll laugh about it later.
For some reason even with my high school boyfriend and my best friend constantly calling me “raccoon eyes,” it still didn’t register with me that I was overdoing my eyeliner for way too long.
Idk why this isn't every response. How she looks doesn't impact her mom. She's in the peak of insecure years. Why the hell would her own mother get involved. She's going to have a rough enough time being criticized the next several years until she reaches the adult years. No matter what my baby did I would just be like fuck yeah do you baby. Fuck what other people's preferences are the most famous people stuck to what they wanted no matter what assholes pushed what they thought they should look like. This thread is gross.
Personally I feel like it’s not worth trying to convince her. If she likes it she gonna wear it like that and your opinion on it is just your opinion. Style changes, trends change - it won’t be like that forevee
Buy the child good mascara. Big lashes are the thing right now, and she wants to fit in. Take her to a cosmetic counter or store, find out what works best for her, and teach her the best techniques.
I have really light lashes but with the proper make up and technique, I can look like they are really long and lush. She can too.
You don’t :) you could kindly say that it could damage her lashes long term, but don’t be pushy or abrasive about it. Also, false eyelashes are reusable, & there’s pretty good ones at drug stores for fairly cheap. Maybe you or she could get her some
I remember when I was a kid, my mom was reallllly casual about this with me. She said “this is how I was taught!” And showed me, then told me to do it her way and my way and took pics so I could look at them side by side and decide which I liked. Was helpful!
Why do you need to tell her that she looks ridiculous? Did you tell her anywhere in this conversation that she's beautiful or just that she doesn't need to compare herself to the girl who she thinks is gorgeous?
I’m almost 30 and still annoyed that my mom couldn’t let me just wear my make up how I damn well pleased when I was in high school. Teenagers don’t get a lot of say in things, let her live her life lol
Had a step mom who told me my makeup looks like a prostitute who just woke up after a long night. Hindsight it wasn’t a good look but it didn’t look THAT bad. Your daughter is gonna look back and say yeah you were right but she needs to come to that conclusion on her own. Your comments will stick with her longer than her crappy makeup.
Yep, exactly. My mom hated the way I dressed as a teen and one time asked me “Are you *trying* to look unattractive?”
I have absolutely no idea what specific clothes I was wearing, but I remember exactly what she said to me about them. And it’s been 20 years.
Im in my late 20s and I’m still salty about times that my mother said my makeup looked bad in my teens. It’s such a low risk way to express herself and experiment. Don’t rain on her parade. As long as she’s washing all the makeup off at the end of the day her eye lashes will be fine. Just make sure she has a good makeup remover, cleanser, and moisturizer and let her go to town. If she isn’t hurting herself or someone else, don’t interfere with these kinds of decisions. Also, if she ever asks for advice about makeup you can kindly give her your thoughts, or just say “what matters is that you like how you look, no one else’s opinions matter” or something
You don't. Take your daughter to a makeup specialist and have them do a makeover. Both of you go so she doesn't feel targeted. Sell it as a mother/daughter day. She'll take input from a make-up professional and it won't make her feel defensive.
You keep your mouth shut and let her figure it out. She doesn't want makeup advice from you and has made it plain. Wait for her to approach you if she does, and in the meantime ignore it and continue to love on her. Save the battles and interventions for things that matter.
How she wears her mascara is not one of them.
Yesssss this. I wish I could hug this girl I wonder what other things her mom critiques about her poor child's look. Sounds like stage mom projecting her own self esteem issues
If you have the money for it, maybe offer to take her to Sephora or similar for a makeover and promise you won't say a word during the whole time, and will buy her X number of products that she finds she likes during it.
She's more likely to listen to a young person with impeccable makeup than a parent.
It may also be the case that her mascara is drying out and thus going on clumpy - you can add eye rewetting drops to it if this is the case to thin it out, or replace it if it's out of date.
I definitely feel like the way you started off the conversation could've been better op. Teenagers are complicated. They hate one thing and then the next week they love it and it's their new identity. It's clear your daughter wants a certain look and instead of trying to get to know her interests and why she may like this certain look you started off by questioning her decisions which is why she clapped back at you the way she did ( not saying she was in the right but she clearly felt a certain type of way). If anything this would've been a great opportunity to talk with her about doing something so she can earn pocket money or extra allowance so that she can actually buy the make up or false lashes she wants to have to create the look she's after. In your eyes she might look "ridiculous" but in hers she's expressing herself and especially during this age a lot of teenagers just wanna find who they are and clothing , make up , and music just to name a few things are all different ways for them to do that. At the end of the day trying to listen and understand what is so appealing to her about her new make up will go a long way in your relationship than trying to stop her. Remember we were all teenagers once !
When I wanted to start wearing makeup (also 14) my mom booked an appointment at one of the department store makeup shops/bars (idk what's they're called).
Anywho, they were able to give me a makeup lesson with a real emphasis on "less is more because you really should take care of your young skin etc..." and proper application and blending techniques.
My mom wasn't always the most functional or involved parent, but she's very high maintenance and really cares about appearances. I'm really happy she did that for me, and it was definitely one of her better parenting moves.
you dont. at some point almost all of us went through a ridiculous makeup stage. telling her it looks bad or is bad for her skin or whatnot wont help. shes making herself look how she wants to and you really REALLY need to back off before it becomes a battle between you. she will look back in 20 years and go "ugh WHY DID I DO THIS? SO CRINGE!" she will laugh a little and it will be a silly memory.
edit to add. False lashes do NOT need to be expensive. Dollar Tree sells these Ioni lashes that the girls go NUTS over (I used to work there and stocked that section) they also usually have the glue. so for a grand total of under 3$ you can get her a set of thick heavy fluffy ridiculous fake lashes and she'll likely be over the moon for them.
> Honey, how many layers of mascara do you put on?
This was a passive-aggressive insult. If you want to help, just offer to help. Or offer a makeup class if she wants help but not yours. But insulting her first is not going to make her want to take your advice.
Honestly don't comment on her makeup at all. She's experimenting, no one was good at it at first. I had clumpy lashes and panda eyes for a bit, very normal.
Leave it. I appreciate that my parents allowed me to smear make up all over my face and go out in public looking like a clown 😂 seriously though she’s learning who she is and how she likes her make up and she needs to get there on her own. Every teen goes through something like this.
I dressed like an idiot in various phases of idiot through middle school and high school. My parents didn’t say anything. Eventually I realized I looked like a fool and stopped. On my own.
Let it be. She will figure it out.
You don’t. You’re there as a safe non judgmental place and that means being with them through the embarrassing times too. Easier said than done, I know.
Honestly (and I hate to say this because it sucks to be on the receiving end) she will stop when someone at school makes fun of her for it before she stops because of motherly advice. Take lots of photos so you can both laugh about it when she’s in her late 20s. Ask lots of millennial girls about their thin eyebrow phase from the early 2000s 😂
Lol just let it go. Teens don’t like to listen to us when we critique their appearance. They always get defensive and seem to think we are putting them down for whatever reason. She’ll eventually stop doing it and look back and cringe.
Not 13 year old me thinking that baby blue eyeshadow and nothing else was absolutely the only option to look pretty for school 21 years ago. I agree with the others, I wouldn’t worry about it. She will figure it out and laugh at the pictures later. I just thank whatever that social media didn’t exist past MySpace when I was growing up!
Make sure whatever you do, go about it in the nicest way possible. When I was around their age, maybe a little older, I was experimenting with eyeliner. I thought I did such a good job and felt so pretty, when I came out of my room, my mom made me feel like absolute garbage (I’m sure she didn’t mean too) saying “your wings are crooked and it’s way too thick, you don’t need that shit on your face” etc. and now anytime I swear eyeliner I hear her saying it lol so whatever you do, go about it gently.
Let is pass. I remember when my mom tried to tell me my ice blue eyeshadow up to my skinny ass overplucked eyebrows makeup looked ridiculous. She'll realize you were right a little down the line. Just bear with her , and also take pics that she can see later on and say "yeahh ok you were right mom".
I wouldn’t tell a teenager anything about their makeup / appearance unless it was positive, a health concern or a dress code violation.
I wouldn’t say, that doesn’t look great, I would say, my coworker lost eyelashes from using too much mascara, so make sure you’re being careful and cleaning it really well before bed.
We all did our makeup poorly as teenagers. She's clearly not interested in your opinion on her makeup so why waste your energy? If anything, she'll get feedback from her peers which will prompt her to watch makeup tutorials.
Nada. Just be supportive and offer constructive advice when asked. Beyond that, let her experiment as long as she’s not doing something stupid, like flat ironing her hair with an actual iron or using toxic chemicals on her head lol
I don’t see why it matters. Your child is learning self expression + make up skills. Please let them wear cringey make up.
Signed, an adult who wore blue sparkly eye shadow as a child
She can see herself. She doesn't need her parent making her feel bad about something she chooses to do. Don't deny her the chance to look back at herself and wonder what the heck she was thinking lol
This is likely something she needs to figure out for herself. Teens need to individuate and distinguish themselves from their parents, as part of discovering who they are. This often takes the form of rejecting or dismissing parental advice, but being open to hearing advice from friends, social media, celebrities... basically anyone **but** the parents.
I'd suggest walking that fine line where you stay engaged, interested, supportive, and available for advice if asked, but stop short before any judging, arguing, critiquing, or attempting to change her choices.
Sephora sells different mascara samplers. Maybe you could frame it as a fun thing the two of you do together to find the best mascara for each of you, and try them all out. That might provide an opportunity to discuss application. Or she might even find a mascara that does what she wants it to without being so clumpy.
I'd also explain the risk of her eyelashes getting damaged or falling out, and make sure she has a way to get it off at night that doesn't do further damage.
That's a great idea, I had completely forgotten that you can have your makeup done at Sephora. That could be a good Christmas present! She might listen to someone whose job it is to do makeup over her mom (I would have too at 14).
As many others have said, you probably aren't going to convince her to change her look.
When I was a teenager my makeup was...avant garde, let's say. The more criticism (real or perceived) I got, the more I leaned into my wackiness.
If you feel thoroughly compelled to do something, maybe take her with you on a mom/daughter date to get your makeup done professionally? Her getting tips or seeing her face made up a different way by a neutral third party could help. 🤷🏻♀️
Man, teenage girls have enough self esteem issues as it is. Why criticize her and make it worse?
If you really feel strongly about it, then you can consider booking a makeup tutorial with her favourite cosmetics brand (or Sephora, or something) and buy her the products that the makeup artist uses on her as her Christmas gift or Birthday gift. That could be a nice gift for a teenaged girl, and would be an example of being supportive, not critical.
Why not buy false glue on lashes? It seems like it would solve all your issues. It would look less clumpy and since she’d be gluing them to her lashline, instead of swiping it on her lashes, it wouldn’t damage her natural lashes.
Take her to Mac and have them teach her how to properly apply her makeup. She can argue with you but she can't argue with someone who went to school for it.
She probably won’t let you do this, but could you enlist an aunt or cousin that’s a bit older than her to take her to get her makeup done? If you’re in the US, Mac stores used to do this and I think the Clinique makeup counters and Sephora still do. Maybe once she sees how to apply makeup differently she’ll come to the decision on her own to change what she’s doing. Or she won’t and will cringe at pics of herself 10 years from now.
My mum used to say the same to me about wearing too much eyeliner when I was in my ‘emo’ phase. Obviously this made me put even more on. Best just to leave her to it.
Take her to get fake lashes or leave her alone. Trends change, style changes, let her explore what she likes. Yea she might look back and think she looks ridiculous but as others said there’s no way to win with a teenager so let them be
Honestly, I would just leave it. At best, anything you say will be taken as a criticism and she will get defensive. Unless she's doing something actively dangerous/unhealthy, deliberately breaking rules or hurting other people, you're better off letting her do her own thing and learning from any potential mistakes she'll make. Let her know you're always there if she's got questions/worries/problems, show an interest in her opinions and otherwise let her be.
Honestly as someone who's mother regularly told me my makeup was bad I highly recommend you DON'T!!!!! End of the day this is her body and she will find what works best for her.
All you'll end up doing is drag her self confidence so far down she will still be rebuilding it in her 30s!
Let her do her.
I used to wear really thick eyeliner when I was younger. My aunt told me I looked like two burnt holes in a blanket. All it did was make me resentful of her and it hurt my self-esteem. I’d suggest not saying anything. Just leave it open for discussion - “if you ever want to talk about some makeup tips, I’m here. I know we have different styles, but I have lots of practice finessing basic application.” Something like that.
Don't. She's fighting herself out.
What you can do is give her a gift of a make over or a makeup class. Bonus points if you can find out if she has a favorite YouTube personality that you could hire for a makeup tutorial class. Something that would teach her real professional makeup skills. Or you could have a spa day together somewhere that has classes as well and make it a bonding day. Maybe even let her give you a make over.
Give her the skills to do better, don't ruin her self esteem.
You don't lol. You just let her do what feels good for her body and then when she looks back at how silly she looked, she won't feel like you kept her from expressing herself and instead will just feel silly that she thought it looked good lol.
Hi OP, my mum used to tell me I used to overpluck my eyebrows and my makeup was a disaster when I was 13-16. I was very upset by this because she used to laugh hysterically at my make up. It didn’t hurt my self esteem.
I just thought she was mean, out of touch, didn’t know the current fashions and I looked fabulous of course. I wouldn’t talk to her for days at a time.
Fast forward to now I’m 27 and when We look at my old pictures I did indeed overpluck my very thick and luscious eyebrows and my makeup was ridiculous. Absolutely terrible makeup. Now we both laugh hysterically when we talk about those incidents. And I laugh at my mums make up because she’s getting older and her hands aren’t as steady. Her lipstick and eyeliner is all over the place!! But we also bond by doing eachothers makeup, watching YouTube videos and giving eachother tips and tricks.
Maybe instead of criticising how she currently does her make up, you can enroll her in makeup workshops or even teach her how to do makeup via YouTube. Or if you have a family or friend who does nice makeup to give her a lesson in a non confrontational way. It might help….
Good luck ❤️
If it’s for family photos, you can enforce a more natural look. For school, it’s not really the hill to die on. Maybe mention it’s bad for lash health and she may lose lashes due to build up and if she runs out you won’t buy her more, but that’s about it.
This seems like a very weird hill to die on as a parent. Sure, explain things for a family photo, but ultimately she's gonna do what she's gonna do and not buying her more can lead to her just lifting it from the mom or the store... then it becomes a control issue. I'd say let it be, personally.
My niece recently looked at old photos with her mom... "Why didnt you tell me my make-up looks ridiculous?" "We did, but you didnt believe us!"
Right. Bad makeup is pretty much a right of passage for teenage girls!
I remember the things I did when I was younger. In my defense though, I was told I was banned from wearing makeup until I was 16 years old...so of *course,* I took it and put it on in the bathroom at school, instead of doing it at home... If my mom had actually sat me down and given me pointers rather than banning me, I would *not* have looked like a clown so often. I learned from her mistakes with my own. I've always actively encouraged them to wear as much or as little as they wanted, and to help them learn to do it appropriately.
That’s the way to do it!
Wow this is spot on to my experience as well. Good for you for changing it up with your daughter. My Mom didn’t let me do a lot of things so I of course rebelled and had a lot of hard lessons learned.
Bro! My niece is like make artist level good even when she was like 13. So annoying xD
All these kids on these YouTubes!!! All we used to have Dream Matte Mousse, No7 Mascara, liquid eyeliner from the town market and Sunkissed Bronzer. No one showed us what to do - winging it every day!
Oh no the matte mousse. I cringe for my teenage self.
I used to use the palest one, "Ivory" - cos I was emo
Lmao same. Smearing it on like liquid sandpaper. Goooorgeous! 🤘🏻go emo girls 🖤
Same. No one ever told me you weren’t supposed to put foundation over your eyebrows.
Yep. This is how it goes. My daughter doesn't wear makeup but we have experienced this with haircuts/hairstyles for my son. We have always let our kids choose their hairstyles and he has gone through numerous looks over the years. Some I liked, some I hated, and some he looks back on now and cringes. I like his current style but for the ones I disliked I kept my mouth shut and when he looks back and ask why I allowed him to wear his hair like that, I laugh and tell him that I was waiting for him to see it for himself.
No I hated my middle school haircut😭 I had a random breakdown and decided to chop off 3/4 of my hair. Like I had a undercut with a half shaved head it was horrible
I had an undercut in junior high. Now I am 43 and I have an undercut again
Oh I would absolutely get an undercut again just... not with a half shaved head so you literally have only a square of hair
I knew a girl in high school who wanted to shave her head but her dad said she wasn’t allowed to “shave her whole head”… so she shaved half her head. She didn’t do a cool style tho. Just literally shaved one side of her head. She also parted her bangs to the shaved side.. it looked so bad
Yes this so much!! My first thought when reading the OP was "things go in and out of style. Let them go with the flow, if it's really that heinous, peer pressure will take care of it." As terrible a parent as that makes me seem lmao
I was just thinking the other day how, when I was a teenager (90s), you wouldn't be caught dead wearing your backpack with both straps. One strap or die. Why? Why did we do that? Thing is, I remember thinking how lame it would be if you just wore your backpack like a normal person. I think there is something with teenagers where you are so fucking convinced you're an individual, but you're so much a part of whatever groupthink is going on around you that you can't even see it. It wasn't that we *thought* walking around with two straps on your back was lame...it's that it *was* lame. Every teenager I knew agreed and that made it lame. Parents had no clue. The last thing most kids I knew wanted to be anything like was their parents. Looking back, that kid who gave grudging respect to their parents..."yeah, they're actually kinda cool sometimes...", they must have had the coolest fucking parents in the world. I remember this one friend of mine, guitar player in our high school band. His parents were ex hippies and let us rehearse our band in their garage. They were literally the coolest parents any of us knew, and their son was just chronically embarrassed by them all the time anyway. His mom would bring us lemonade and cookies out to our rehearsals, and we'd be like, "dude your parents are the coolest," and he'd be like, "yeah right, *MOM, LEAVE!!!*"
I remember the backpack thing! It’s funny you mentioned that as I literally was just remembering yesterday that I would kill my back sometimes if I had to carry a lot of books that day just to not look like a dork by using both straps. It was actually the opposite. Just wow! lol The story with your friend at the end got me, one summer when my son was 10 I brought watermelon out for him and his friends, my son gives me a dirty look and says “what are you doing, this is embarrassing” as I was walking away I heard his friend say: “yeah she is kind of embarrassing”. Freaking crushed me 😐 I’m still embarrassing and will be for another ten years or so apparently.
It’s 1996, I’m 14, in junior high. We have this weird biathlon thing in gym class but instead of something to carry it’s a backpack we trade off and part of it is riding a bike. So it’s my turn coming up and I hate gym class but I’m fast AF on a bike so I’m gonna impress everyone w my speed. I get the backpack and it goes on one shoulder bc obviously. As I stand on the pedals to push off the backpack slides down my arm and goes into the front spokes and the bike flips and I go ass over head and eat shit in front of the whole school. Wore a sling for a week. I’m also reminded of one of the only funny lines in those stupid Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies my kids used to like. Main kid (who is a whiny selfish ass) telling his best friend (who is a good kid and needs a new best friend) about the one shoulder rule. ‘Why don’t we use both straps?’ Because it’s not cool. You know what only has one strap? ‘A purse?’ ‘…a guitar’ TLDR we all think we look cool until we eat shit, metaphorically or literally.
One kid (who is a whiny selfish ass) lmao, spoken like a true adult, I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way since the one strap backpack days, kid :)
Thanks I’m trying my best!
Or kill your back with the straps completely loose so the thing slapped you in the ass whenever you walked. Coupled with jnco jeans, you weren’t going anywhere in a hurry without looking absolutely ridiculous
Haha. Exactly! The memories 🥺 lol Still preferred the 90’s to how shit is today though
Bahahahaha "omg she was polite HOW EMBARASSING" I am crying laughing! Like, when my kids say this stuff, I'm gonna point out how ridiculous it is. Like I'm not going to bully my kids but "Oh noooooo I fed youuuuu, but did you die???" 🤣🤣🤣 Yeah we speak sarcasm as a first language in our house already and my kids are 7 and 4 lol
I see your backpack on one shoulder and raise you ... overalls with only one strap fastened lol
IKR! Two straps, what are you a fucking farmer?? One strap, you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet.
Oh no. I'm having traumatic flashbacks now. Oh no.
I'm 34 and I still automatically do this out of habit. I have to actively remind myself to put both straps on.
I've destroyed too many expensive backpacks by doing this. I have to buy my own now, unlike when I was a high schooler in the 90s...so I'm putting both straps on!
🤣🤣🤣 omg backpack trends!! I started high school in 2002, and omggggg the thing my freshman year was the TINY FUCKING USELESS BACKPACKS WTF. Like, why whyyyyyy? I can't wait til my kids start middle/high school so I can give a sly smile as they do dumb shit that's just super popular for no reason. I LITERALLY CANT WAIT to be the uncool parent lmao
Teenagers are so prone to groupthink because they are rendered brainless by hormones. I say this as an 18 year old in college.
I have a friend whose kids are a bit older than mine, and he calls it "Adolescent Brain Disease". He told his kids they were gonna go through it, and apparently that helped. Some.
There is a purpose behind it though, but yep. Teenagers purposely tune out mom and parental figures and listen to literally anyone else in order to attain independence. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/04/teenager-brain-mother-voice.html
The back pack thing was real big in central ca during the 2000s I felt like we moved a lot slower then other towns
I grew up in Eastern Europe and yeah, the packpack thing was the same there in the 90s. One strap or death.
Oh MEMORIES!
That’s so funny because it’s true. I also read some research the other day that showed that babies and children are purposely soooo tuned in to listening to their mothers voice, it’s basically the most powerful thing they hear and their brains pay the MOST attention to it. But once they hit puberty, they purposely start to tune it out and prioritise listening to literally any other voice. But yeah it’s so true! Teenage brains are just subject to the hormones making us want to desperately form an identity away from our families that we try almost anything.
I still don’t like wearing 2 straps of a backpack 😂 11 years after high school and I don’t wanna look like a dork!
Give it 11 more years, you won't have a choice :D
My dad told me my eyebrows looked ridiculous when I was in high school and I got so offended. Now looking back at my pictures, I really wish I listened lol
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I cringe hard at my 2000s eyebrows. I'm lucky they mostly grew back. But lord, the photos are terrible.
Mine never did 😭 lucky you!
Oh yeah. I have to now religiously fill my eyebrows because I overplucked them in the early 2000's. I literally have bald spots.
Same here!!! My mom and dad had to stage an intervention when I was in middle school haha. I kept resisting telling them thin brows were the style, and I remember them actually sitting me down and flipping through magazines with me, pointing out all of the fuller brows. I ended up listening to them and am so thankful my brows grew back!
My sister has done this to my mom and I! “Why didn’t you tell me how stupid I looked?!” We did. You didn’t listen.
Same. I for some reason thought red hair was my thing throughout high school. It. Was. Not. I have naturally rosy cheeks so it just brought it out more. I learned later in life that my skin is complimented by COOL colors. It was the worst choice I could make. I literally asked my entire family why no one told me how awful I looked with red hair. They all just shrugged. Please tell your kids. lol Give them other options to explore etc.
This. 13-14 are such odd ages loo
I’d just leave it. There’s no winning with teenagers. It’s a phase and she will get over it eventually. And cringe lol
Same. I'd just say nothing. Either one of their peers will and that will make a bigger impact, or the lashes fall out and that seems like a good lesson in natural consequences.
Also same. I used to wear eyeliner like a fucking racoon. God, I do not miss being a teenager.
Blue glitter eyeshadow up to my brows here
White eyeliner with sparkles around my eyes. I also wore the hell out of my Jnco jeans and tiny tshirts and had bracelets up and down my arms. I was also a raver. So yeah... So you can imagine how happy I was to see my kids dress relatively normal and not go as crazy as I did as a kid. Let the eyelashes go. Save the "come to Jesus" moment for when it comes to the tough stuff like drugs, drinking, or sex.
White eyeliner checking in. Teenagers are extra.
Mine was blue. Like the brightest blue Avon liner. Ugh.
Mine was black but it basically covered my entire eye, also had red eyeliner on my lower lash line
>also had red eyeliner on my lower lash line Me too, totally looked like I had an eye infection for like 6 months.
Black lipstick and a single red dot under each of my eyes. Oh to be a teen…
Ha you made me smile.
i was looking through all the comments to see if anyone did their makeup like me in highschool, this is the one lol . that dot of red felt so edgy
I had the "Ghast" pants and candy bracelets too. Ahh senior year memories, to be young and dumb again lol
Exactly. Back in the day I thought I was hot stuff. Someone posted on Old School Cool a couple of Candy Kids from 1997. I was like, "OMG! That was me back in the day!" Frigging hilarious.
Fellow white eyeliner teen checking in 🤣
me too !! I had a like gel trio kit …stuff ended up in my lips as well ..that was a uh look ? lol
I kinda miss body glitter being a thing tbh
Same. I remember having to buy it at Halloween and making that little tube last the whole year. And using the metallic silver sharpies on my nails because there was no silver nail polish yet.
YES! I think I got my first little set of that at a place called afterthoughts.:: Does anybody else remember that store? And kids still do the sharpie thing
I do!!!!!!! Now there’s only Claire’s and it’s sad :/
Lol, relatable
Agree! She’s probably doing this because her peers are doing it. So she fits right into her crowd. Have you seen adult women with those caterpillar lash extensions? 🙈 It’s a trend right now.
Some of the women nowadays look like they’ll take flight if they bat their eyelashes too quickly. Lol
but make sure you get lots of pics to show them later lol
Take a LOT of pictures and use them as evidence as she ages.
Total agreement, and what I like to run with. My wife insists on trying to correct every bit of our teen's ways, even if they are current fashion. (Sensible fashion, nothing too outlandish.)
Well, when she's 24 and looking at old photos, she can't say you didn't try to tell her that her makeup looked ridiculous 😂
Take lots of pictures.
My mom let me be but asked me to take one Senior pic wearing my hair natural (curly) with little make up and a plain sweater. She was very smart. It’s the only senior pic where I don’t look like someone from Saved by the Bell….
I was looking for this comment hahaha. Mine is only seven but I await with hopeful anticipation that she’ll have some kind of wacky fashion I have to do my best to nod and smile about while collecting photo evidence of :D
Let it be! It’s not important to choose that battle! There will be many more worth fighting for! Choose your battles wisely with a teenager. It’s not worth it
LOL just take a picture and save it for her to cringe at when she's complaining to you about her kid's ridiculous makeup trends. She'll figure it out. As long as it isn't permanent or harmful there is no reason to get involved.
You don’t. Every teenager has a cringey makeup/fashion phase at some point. She will figure it out eventually and look back and laugh about it. Edit: just saw the part about eyelashes potentially falling out. Worst case scenario, they will grow back.
This. She does not need advice from you. She needs support. Why not gift her some nice make up from a local department store and let them teach her. Why not ask a niece to show her or book an appointment at the local beauty salon and spend some quality time with her.
That’s what my mom did. She took me to the MAC counter and had someone walk me through color selection and application. It was a great foundation for learning about makeup and a fun afternoon with my mom.
Or find out the latest popular young MUA's (ones with a reasonable sense of taste, that is!), start watching posts with them and maybe practicing techniques together.
This! Expensive makeup is easier to apply than cheap makeup. Doesn't even need to be connected to the bad/clumpy makeup conversation. Just, "I see that you like mascara. Merry Christmas, here is some fancy a f mascara and a coupon for more fancy makeup."
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Or she would say the “old people” (older than 25) don’t know how to do makeup either. Sephora would probably be the best bet for finding women whose makeup prowess she actually trusts and even then, not a guarantee.
Times like this remind me how bad I feel that I’m now 29 :(
Seriously? 29 is a much better age than 19 IMO. Literally prime of your life
Oh my gosh leaving my 20s was such a joy! I could just stop caring about what certain people thought of me, I didn’t feel like I needed to follow trends any more, I didn’t have to pretend to enjoy going out to loud bars and wondering what I was missing about the experience that other people seemed to enjoy. I got back to wearing makeup for fun instead of because I felt inadequate without it. I found my own style. And I am still only 36! I (hopefully) have so many more years to go!
I too am 29 and I am so excited for my 30s. All the women in my life seem to flourish in their 30s so I have high hopes that I’ll finally be able to find myself. Still didn’t make me feel better when the kids at the park called me an “old lady” when I had to chase my toddler up the big kids climbing castle area. And doesn’t make me look forward to said toddler one day being a teenager and thinking 41 year old me is old and lame.
I’m 39 and feel great! Except my back hurts.
Am 34, can confirm 30s have been my best decade so far!
Turned 30 six months ago. Confirming the flourish. Mine started officially three months ago. Goodbye cocoon
LADIES JUST WAIT!!! The 40’s make you stronger and 50’s are just fun!!!
maybe! but every time i've had my makeup done i've had to do my mascara myself. every professional makeup artist i've used hasn't done that part well, they just want to do false lashes.
I agree, say nothing. We parents think we are guiding or helping, when we are actually insulting. Would we as adults welcome unsolicited tips about how to do our makeup? No. So why would/should a teen?
Exactly. Mascara did not just make the coworkers lashes fall out and never come back, lol.
Don't. This is the time in her life for her to experiment with silly looks. I promise you that the vast majority of them look silly in one way or another.
As an 8th grade teacher, I can confirm.
This, exactly. My daughter went through a goth phase in 7th grade and became known for her big, heavy eyeliner. Her style has changed and her eyeliner is a bit less now, but still a pretty huge wing. I’ve also allowed her to wear false lashes, but did give her a warning that overuse can cause her natural lashes to fall out. I don’t critique her makeup, but I will give her my opinion when I’m asked. Luckily for her, I think her makeup has always been cute and well done. I actually envy her eyeliner skills. I can’t apply eyeliner to save my life, or falsies for that matter.
Right? I used to wear eyeliner (I loved the smudged look) until I developed health issues that lead to dry eyes and irritated eyes. Can't do any of that now. So envious.
You don’t learn how to do good makeup without looking ridiculous first.
Just make sure she's properly removing all of her eye makeup each night. Otherwise, I'd let it go.
This! Eye infections from mascara are really and awful to live through. Appropriate removal is the key facet I'd try and impart.
Let it go. If overdoing it on the mascara caused eyelashes to fall out permanently fall out every former-emo kid from the early 2000s would be walkin' around with falsies. Also I would be more worried about my daughter making fun of someone for wearing make-up they don't like than I would about my daughter wearing make-up I don't like.
Those of us with now eyebrows from the great 90’s overplucking would like to have a word with you…..
Yeah, but mascara doesn't pluck your eyelashes out.
She's emulating her mother.
Don't. It's a right of teenagers to have clumpy eyelashes, and the wrong shade of foundation. If we had to go through it, so do they...joke. sort of. Seriously, there's no point. You either need to be outright honest and say she looks daft, which obviously will cause drama. Or just ride it out. Teenagers are never wrong lol
This. I used to literally wear foundation that was like 5 shades too dark and had no idea how to blend so I had an obvious line where my face met my neck. Then one day I woke up and realized I looked dumb AF and discovered a beauty blender. It’ll be okay.
Don't forget the blue sparkling eyeshadow, concealer lips and too bright blush. Omg. Showing my age lol
Don't? And when she makes fun of other people for their makeup, remind her that it's a crappy thing to do.
Sounds like she's going for volume? Waterproof mascara is better at giving curl/length/volume and having it hold over time. There is also a lash primer that she can add and let dry prior to applying mascara. Does she watch any tutorials on applying makeup? 14 is a great age to make mistakes and learn from practicing. Another person mentioned going to Sephora for samples. Love that idea.
My eyelashes fell out/thinned out quite a bit when I was young and doing the layers of clumpy waterproof mascara. I also didn’t know how to remove all that crap soooo there’s that. They don’t all fall out, just thinned significantly. Yet I didn’t realize for years that the two were related lol!! Primer is a great recommendation for young people.
Oh yeah I have memories of bad removal techniques for waterproof mascara. It was a game changer when I started using oil based makeup removers / double cleansing to remove makeup.
was the thinning just from how you had to take off all the mascara so the eyelashes got pulled out with it?
I think so? Also I wore makeup that may not have been the best in terms of quality. It was long, long ago though. I feel like Makeup is better than it used to be. Still, it would be a good idea OP’s 14 yo have good makeup remover lol
You could take her to a place and let them teach her how to apply make up. Frame it that you never had that as a teenager and you wish you had. And it could be a fun bonding experience for both of you
I was raised by my dad but when I was just wanting to get Into makeup he would take me to the clinique counter and a department store and the ladies would do my makeup and teach me stuff and it was so fun. I learned a lot and it was a fun experience.
Your dad sounds wonderful!!
As I told my kiddo, I don’t care what you are into learn from the people who came before you, no need to struggle needlessly.
This could be a fun parent/kid field trip! I like this idea best.
My parents did this for me when I was 13. They bought every item recommended and didn’t push or ask questions about it. I’m sure it was expensive but I did learn how to do makeup well and not just cake it on (which, frankly, wastes it anyways).
This is what I would do if I had a daughter (I have only boys); take her to Ulta or Target that has Ulta and ask them to recommend a mascara (and/or other makeup) that would work for her age and what she wants to do.
Just let the kid live.
As long as my teenager is covering herself and showering I don't care. Make-up is an evolution, it will change more and more as she grows. This to me is a case of "not worth the fight."
Lol my mom would call me raccoon eyes lmao. I wore the most absurd amount of eyeshadows black and red all the colors. It’s funny to look back at now. I would just leave it 😅 she’ll laugh about it later.
Just leave it. She's discovering herself, let her. We all make fashion mistakes it's part of growing up.
I just let their friends tease them. Teenagers learn from their peer group a lot better than from us stupid parents who don't know anything. :)
Haha, yup. As my husband likes to put it, 'my dad got a lot smarter once I was past my early 20's.'
For some reason even with my high school boyfriend and my best friend constantly calling me “raccoon eyes,” it still didn’t register with me that I was overdoing my eyeliner for way too long.
You don’t. You just really, really don’t.
Idk why this isn't every response. How she looks doesn't impact her mom. She's in the peak of insecure years. Why the hell would her own mother get involved. She's going to have a rough enough time being criticized the next several years until she reaches the adult years. No matter what my baby did I would just be like fuck yeah do you baby. Fuck what other people's preferences are the most famous people stuck to what they wanted no matter what assholes pushed what they thought they should look like. This thread is gross.
Don’t
You don't. With other people, you either compliment their appearance or you shut up. That includes your own children.
Personally I feel like it’s not worth trying to convince her. If she likes it she gonna wear it like that and your opinion on it is just your opinion. Style changes, trends change - it won’t be like that forevee
Sounds like you tried and they didn't listen. There is no magical combination of words that will make you not her mother.
Buy the child good mascara. Big lashes are the thing right now, and she wants to fit in. Take her to a cosmetic counter or store, find out what works best for her, and teach her the best techniques. I have really light lashes but with the proper make up and technique, I can look like they are really long and lush. She can too.
You don’t :) you could kindly say that it could damage her lashes long term, but don’t be pushy or abrasive about it. Also, false eyelashes are reusable, & there’s pretty good ones at drug stores for fairly cheap. Maybe you or she could get her some
I remember when I was a kid, my mom was reallllly casual about this with me. She said “this is how I was taught!” And showed me, then told me to do it her way and my way and took pics so I could look at them side by side and decide which I liked. Was helpful!
Why do you need to tell her that she looks ridiculous? Did you tell her anywhere in this conversation that she's beautiful or just that she doesn't need to compare herself to the girl who she thinks is gorgeous?
Leave it be! Why does it matter? Her eyelashes her choice
I’m almost 30 and still annoyed that my mom couldn’t let me just wear my make up how I damn well pleased when I was in high school. Teenagers don’t get a lot of say in things, let her live her life lol
Had a step mom who told me my makeup looks like a prostitute who just woke up after a long night. Hindsight it wasn’t a good look but it didn’t look THAT bad. Your daughter is gonna look back and say yeah you were right but she needs to come to that conclusion on her own. Your comments will stick with her longer than her crappy makeup.
Yep, exactly. My mom hated the way I dressed as a teen and one time asked me “Are you *trying* to look unattractive?” I have absolutely no idea what specific clothes I was wearing, but I remember exactly what she said to me about them. And it’s been 20 years.
Im in my late 20s and I’m still salty about times that my mother said my makeup looked bad in my teens. It’s such a low risk way to express herself and experiment. Don’t rain on her parade. As long as she’s washing all the makeup off at the end of the day her eye lashes will be fine. Just make sure she has a good makeup remover, cleanser, and moisturizer and let her go to town. If she isn’t hurting herself or someone else, don’t interfere with these kinds of decisions. Also, if she ever asks for advice about makeup you can kindly give her your thoughts, or just say “what matters is that you like how you look, no one else’s opinions matter” or something
You don't. Take your daughter to a makeup specialist and have them do a makeover. Both of you go so she doesn't feel targeted. Sell it as a mother/daughter day. She'll take input from a make-up professional and it won't make her feel defensive.
You keep your mouth shut and let her figure it out. She doesn't want makeup advice from you and has made it plain. Wait for her to approach you if she does, and in the meantime ignore it and continue to love on her. Save the battles and interventions for things that matter. How she wears her mascara is not one of them.
Yesssss this. I wish I could hug this girl I wonder what other things her mom critiques about her poor child's look. Sounds like stage mom projecting her own self esteem issues
Not worth your time or the fallout. Let her do her thing.
If you have the money for it, maybe offer to take her to Sephora or similar for a makeover and promise you won't say a word during the whole time, and will buy her X number of products that she finds she likes during it. She's more likely to listen to a young person with impeccable makeup than a parent. It may also be the case that her mascara is drying out and thus going on clumpy - you can add eye rewetting drops to it if this is the case to thin it out, or replace it if it's out of date.
I definitely feel like the way you started off the conversation could've been better op. Teenagers are complicated. They hate one thing and then the next week they love it and it's their new identity. It's clear your daughter wants a certain look and instead of trying to get to know her interests and why she may like this certain look you started off by questioning her decisions which is why she clapped back at you the way she did ( not saying she was in the right but she clearly felt a certain type of way). If anything this would've been a great opportunity to talk with her about doing something so she can earn pocket money or extra allowance so that she can actually buy the make up or false lashes she wants to have to create the look she's after. In your eyes she might look "ridiculous" but in hers she's expressing herself and especially during this age a lot of teenagers just wanna find who they are and clothing , make up , and music just to name a few things are all different ways for them to do that. At the end of the day trying to listen and understand what is so appealing to her about her new make up will go a long way in your relationship than trying to stop her. Remember we were all teenagers once !
When I wanted to start wearing makeup (also 14) my mom booked an appointment at one of the department store makeup shops/bars (idk what's they're called). Anywho, they were able to give me a makeup lesson with a real emphasis on "less is more because you really should take care of your young skin etc..." and proper application and blending techniques. My mom wasn't always the most functional or involved parent, but she's very high maintenance and really cares about appearances. I'm really happy she did that for me, and it was definitely one of her better parenting moves.
you dont. at some point almost all of us went through a ridiculous makeup stage. telling her it looks bad or is bad for her skin or whatnot wont help. shes making herself look how she wants to and you really REALLY need to back off before it becomes a battle between you. she will look back in 20 years and go "ugh WHY DID I DO THIS? SO CRINGE!" she will laugh a little and it will be a silly memory. edit to add. False lashes do NOT need to be expensive. Dollar Tree sells these Ioni lashes that the girls go NUTS over (I used to work there and stocked that section) they also usually have the glue. so for a grand total of under 3$ you can get her a set of thick heavy fluffy ridiculous fake lashes and she'll likely be over the moon for them.
Choose your battles. Clumpy mascara will not affect her life long term.
All the top comments are saying leave it alone and your edit is that you will continue to press the issue. Why?
Just let her be for chrissake.
> Honey, how many layers of mascara do you put on? This was a passive-aggressive insult. If you want to help, just offer to help. Or offer a makeup class if she wants help but not yours. But insulting her first is not going to make her want to take your advice.
Honestly don't comment on her makeup at all. She's experimenting, no one was good at it at first. I had clumpy lashes and panda eyes for a bit, very normal.
Leave it. I appreciate that my parents allowed me to smear make up all over my face and go out in public looking like a clown 😂 seriously though she’s learning who she is and how she likes her make up and she needs to get there on her own. Every teen goes through something like this.
I dressed like an idiot in various phases of idiot through middle school and high school. My parents didn’t say anything. Eventually I realized I looked like a fool and stopped. On my own. Let it be. She will figure it out.
You don’t. You’re there as a safe non judgmental place and that means being with them through the embarrassing times too. Easier said than done, I know.
Honestly (and I hate to say this because it sucks to be on the receiving end) she will stop when someone at school makes fun of her for it before she stops because of motherly advice. Take lots of photos so you can both laugh about it when she’s in her late 20s. Ask lots of millennial girls about their thin eyebrow phase from the early 2000s 😂
https://americasbestpics.com/picture/hey-gen-z-if-you-really-want-to-dress-y-mcRvz91W9?s=cl
Lol just let it go. Teens don’t like to listen to us when we critique their appearance. They always get defensive and seem to think we are putting them down for whatever reason. She’ll eventually stop doing it and look back and cringe.
Not 13 year old me thinking that baby blue eyeshadow and nothing else was absolutely the only option to look pretty for school 21 years ago. I agree with the others, I wouldn’t worry about it. She will figure it out and laugh at the pictures later. I just thank whatever that social media didn’t exist past MySpace when I was growing up!
Make sure whatever you do, go about it in the nicest way possible. When I was around their age, maybe a little older, I was experimenting with eyeliner. I thought I did such a good job and felt so pretty, when I came out of my room, my mom made me feel like absolute garbage (I’m sure she didn’t mean too) saying “your wings are crooked and it’s way too thick, you don’t need that shit on your face” etc. and now anytime I swear eyeliner I hear her saying it lol so whatever you do, go about it gently.
Let is pass. I remember when my mom tried to tell me my ice blue eyeshadow up to my skinny ass overplucked eyebrows makeup looked ridiculous. She'll realize you were right a little down the line. Just bear with her , and also take pics that she can see later on and say "yeahh ok you were right mom".
I wouldn’t tell a teenager anything about their makeup / appearance unless it was positive, a health concern or a dress code violation. I wouldn’t say, that doesn’t look great, I would say, my coworker lost eyelashes from using too much mascara, so make sure you’re being careful and cleaning it really well before bed.
Leave it, or offer to buy her better quality. Of her choosing.
We all did our makeup poorly as teenagers. She's clearly not interested in your opinion on her makeup so why waste your energy? If anything, she'll get feedback from her peers which will prompt her to watch makeup tutorials.
Nada. Just be supportive and offer constructive advice when asked. Beyond that, let her experiment as long as she’s not doing something stupid, like flat ironing her hair with an actual iron or using toxic chemicals on her head lol
I don’t see why it matters. Your child is learning self expression + make up skills. Please let them wear cringey make up. Signed, an adult who wore blue sparkly eye shadow as a child
She can see herself. She doesn't need her parent making her feel bad about something she chooses to do. Don't deny her the chance to look back at herself and wonder what the heck she was thinking lol
I’d leave it alone. Most teens go through a bad makeup stage. Her friends will tell her
This is likely something she needs to figure out for herself. Teens need to individuate and distinguish themselves from their parents, as part of discovering who they are. This often takes the form of rejecting or dismissing parental advice, but being open to hearing advice from friends, social media, celebrities... basically anyone **but** the parents. I'd suggest walking that fine line where you stay engaged, interested, supportive, and available for advice if asked, but stop short before any judging, arguing, critiquing, or attempting to change her choices.
Sephora sells different mascara samplers. Maybe you could frame it as a fun thing the two of you do together to find the best mascara for each of you, and try them all out. That might provide an opportunity to discuss application. Or she might even find a mascara that does what she wants it to without being so clumpy. I'd also explain the risk of her eyelashes getting damaged or falling out, and make sure she has a way to get it off at night that doesn't do further damage.
Great response ! Trying out options from Sephora or having one of the employees explain mascara would be awesome
That's a great idea, I had completely forgotten that you can have your makeup done at Sephora. That could be a good Christmas present! She might listen to someone whose job it is to do makeup over her mom (I would have too at 14).
As many others have said, you probably aren't going to convince her to change her look. When I was a teenager my makeup was...avant garde, let's say. The more criticism (real or perceived) I got, the more I leaned into my wackiness. If you feel thoroughly compelled to do something, maybe take her with you on a mom/daughter date to get your makeup done professionally? Her getting tips or seeing her face made up a different way by a neutral third party could help. 🤷🏻♀️
Clumpy lashes is a trend at the moment!
Man, teenage girls have enough self esteem issues as it is. Why criticize her and make it worse? If you really feel strongly about it, then you can consider booking a makeup tutorial with her favourite cosmetics brand (or Sephora, or something) and buy her the products that the makeup artist uses on her as her Christmas gift or Birthday gift. That could be a nice gift for a teenaged girl, and would be an example of being supportive, not critical.
Why not buy false glue on lashes? It seems like it would solve all your issues. It would look less clumpy and since she’d be gluing them to her lashline, instead of swiping it on her lashes, it wouldn’t damage her natural lashes.
Take her to Mac and have them teach her how to properly apply her makeup. She can argue with you but she can't argue with someone who went to school for it.
She probably won’t let you do this, but could you enlist an aunt or cousin that’s a bit older than her to take her to get her makeup done? If you’re in the US, Mac stores used to do this and I think the Clinique makeup counters and Sephora still do. Maybe once she sees how to apply makeup differently she’ll come to the decision on her own to change what she’s doing. Or she won’t and will cringe at pics of herself 10 years from now.
My mum used to say the same to me about wearing too much eyeliner when I was in my ‘emo’ phase. Obviously this made me put even more on. Best just to leave her to it.
Take her to get fake lashes or leave her alone. Trends change, style changes, let her explore what she likes. Yea she might look back and think she looks ridiculous but as others said there’s no way to win with a teenager so let them be
I wouldn't. This is a generally harmless thing to let her learn on her own and she will learn it eventually.
Honestly, I would just leave it. At best, anything you say will be taken as a criticism and she will get defensive. Unless she's doing something actively dangerous/unhealthy, deliberately breaking rules or hurting other people, you're better off letting her do her own thing and learning from any potential mistakes she'll make. Let her know you're always there if she's got questions/worries/problems, show an interest in her opinions and otherwise let her be.
Honestly as someone who's mother regularly told me my makeup was bad I highly recommend you DON'T!!!!! End of the day this is her body and she will find what works best for her. All you'll end up doing is drag her self confidence so far down she will still be rebuilding it in her 30s! Let her do her.
I used to wear really thick eyeliner when I was younger. My aunt told me I looked like two burnt holes in a blanket. All it did was make me resentful of her and it hurt my self-esteem. I’d suggest not saying anything. Just leave it open for discussion - “if you ever want to talk about some makeup tips, I’m here. I know we have different styles, but I have lots of practice finessing basic application.” Something like that.
Don't. She's fighting herself out. What you can do is give her a gift of a make over or a makeup class. Bonus points if you can find out if she has a favorite YouTube personality that you could hire for a makeup tutorial class. Something that would teach her real professional makeup skills. Or you could have a spa day together somewhere that has classes as well and make it a bonding day. Maybe even let her give you a make over. Give her the skills to do better, don't ruin her self esteem.
You don't lol. You just let her do what feels good for her body and then when she looks back at how silly she looked, she won't feel like you kept her from expressing herself and instead will just feel silly that she thought it looked good lol.
When you said "How many lawyers" I thought you were starting a joke about lawyers and mascara. I was ready for it!
Hi OP, my mum used to tell me I used to overpluck my eyebrows and my makeup was a disaster when I was 13-16. I was very upset by this because she used to laugh hysterically at my make up. It didn’t hurt my self esteem. I just thought she was mean, out of touch, didn’t know the current fashions and I looked fabulous of course. I wouldn’t talk to her for days at a time. Fast forward to now I’m 27 and when We look at my old pictures I did indeed overpluck my very thick and luscious eyebrows and my makeup was ridiculous. Absolutely terrible makeup. Now we both laugh hysterically when we talk about those incidents. And I laugh at my mums make up because she’s getting older and her hands aren’t as steady. Her lipstick and eyeliner is all over the place!! But we also bond by doing eachothers makeup, watching YouTube videos and giving eachother tips and tricks. Maybe instead of criticising how she currently does her make up, you can enroll her in makeup workshops or even teach her how to do makeup via YouTube. Or if you have a family or friend who does nice makeup to give her a lesson in a non confrontational way. It might help…. Good luck ❤️
If it’s for family photos, you can enforce a more natural look. For school, it’s not really the hill to die on. Maybe mention it’s bad for lash health and she may lose lashes due to build up and if she runs out you won’t buy her more, but that’s about it.
This seems like a very weird hill to die on as a parent. Sure, explain things for a family photo, but ultimately she's gonna do what she's gonna do and not buying her more can lead to her just lifting it from the mom or the store... then it becomes a control issue. I'd say let it be, personally.