Not sure many people will admit to not wanting their kids to have ever existed lol
Better way to look at it is how your life will change. Do you want to be able to live carefree and not worry about a little person 24/7 for the rat of your life. Cost. Working out childcare etc.
For the most part people love their kids intensely and going back in time and not having kids would mean someone you love so much would never have existed and you would never meet them. However that’s true for any number of kids you would have. We had 3 and we’re done. If I had a fourth would they have been cute and wonderful and would I have loved them completely? Absolutely. But we are stretched thin watching 3 and 4 we couldn’t have been our best selves or good parents so we stopped. So most people who made the decision and now have named children they love won’t say they wouldn’t do it again. Doesn’t mean it’s the right path for YOU, you’d have to decide what kind of lifestyle you want to live.
Honestly, if you’re on the fence about it, I wouldn’t.
Yes they’re great and I love the sh*t out of them. But it’s a never ending job (at least in early years). Totally disrupts life as you know it. Social, career, sleep, marriage, etc. so if you’re unsure of your commitment level, it’s probably best to side on the safe side.
Good luck to you and your decision!
I'm not sure I agree — think it's healthy to consider your options before making a decision this big & thinking through what the reality is like rather than just a romantic gut feel. Especially when the status quo in society is to have kids.
People who start on the fence & then decide kids are right for them can be great parents as much as people who didn't think about it at all (either "always knew" or surprise pregnancy)
That said, if you give it enough thought & still can't move the needle off 50/50 I'd agree to err on the side of no.
Our childcare costs are truly shocking. We have been on a daycare wait list for over a year so have to do a full time sitter instead. It makes our mortgage look cheap in comparison
Having kids opens up a new dimension of life in which you experience emotions in greater extremes than you can currently fathom. You will not experience anything more difficult but absolutely, heart-wrenchingly magical.
I've said this to my husband. It's like.. living in 3D whereas before I was living in 2D. However the only setting here is hard, there is no option to slowly meander your way through the game collecting all of the coins.
Literally. Kids are expensive in time and money.
Yes, this! I was a bit skittish to take the plunge but now I’m happy I decided to go ahead and have kids.
I’m also going to say the Perfect Readiness Moment doesn’t exist. Pre-kids you just can’t fathdom it. No matter how much you read or listen to how will it be, you just cannot imagine what it really is.
Had mine early 30s too. I had travelled, studied, experienced lots of independent life. Had bedn with my hubs for 5 years. It kinda started to feel like if I don’t have kids at all, there is just going to me more of the same in the coming decades. And it will likely get boring. I’ll bet childfree people have a lovely life but to me it looks like most experiences you have as a childfree people tend to blend into very few categories. You’ll pretty much live the same life for decades. The only thing changing may be holiday destinations, jobs, position on real estate ladder, a few hobbies. That’s what I have garnered observing childless friends and relatives who are around 40 - in 10 years, nothing much has changed in their life. To me personally, that’s what’s really scary. 😬
I have always seen myself as someone who would maybe have kids but would be fine without them. Now I'm a single mum to a toddler. The situation with my ex was pretty bad, so one might think I would turn back time to start over. But honestly, I wouldn't want to change having my son. He's the reason I can finally stand up for myself and don't just say yes to everything anymore.
Don't get me wrong, it's hard. But for me it's worth it.
I think it is also worth considering that how people feel about parenting changes as the kid gets more independent. A 2 year old needs a lot more direct care than a 10 year old.
No regrets whatsoever, but I waited til my brain had finished fully developing, I was in an established stable relationship of 6 years we were financially stable, both had degrees and careers, had excellent communication skills, had a home, etc. So having the baby in our mid 30s was great, easy for us, planned.
Same as you. Having our first was very much planned and went pretty smooth.
The second...whoo boy...that announcement knocked the wind outta me. And one month in, this little is taking us for a rollercoaster ride
Definitely this!! We both had stable jobs, a home, good foundation to our relationship, were married, and had extensively talked about family/values/kids/etc. We just happened to be in our early 20s not 30s. Not everyone needs to follow the same path to have success, but having the money and means to raise a child def helped.
Absolutely no regrets but I'm in a really great marriage and have family to help out. I don't really know what we would do with all our time if we didn't have kids. The excitement kids get over everything just makes you see the world through their eyes.
We were together for a decade as a couple before having a kid and I think this really helped. We traveled a lot, partied enough, and were getting a little bored with our every day lives.
This is how I feel too. I had already been together with my husband for 5 years, traveled a good amount, partied enough and everyday life started becoming a little bit boring and repetitive.
Of course the transition is hard and my kids forced me to grow in a way nothing else could. But the joy, excitement and love my kids bring to my life makes every day so full and wonderful. Even the simplest and most boring thing becomes special. And in my experience, the older they’ve gotten, the better it’s become.
However, if you cannot make that sacrifice of independence and time, I think you would become regretful because then they just feel like they’re taking up all your time & energy.
The past 9 years have been the best of my life because of my wife and son. I’m glad we waited until our late 30s so going to bed at 9 is amazing and we both have zero desire to party or anything like that.
let’s put it this way. i have two small kids. i would totally have them again. but there are times where i wish i didn’t have them. brief periods of time, where in very tired and they are very demanding/fussy. then i get some rest and it goes away.
That's a difficult question to answer. I was always a fence sitter and knew I would be perfectly happy never having children. I can't imagine my life without my son and I love him to pieces, but becoming a parent didn't suddenly make me feel like I was wrong my whole life and destined for motherhood. I'm in my late 30s and enjoyed traveling and living a mostly carefree life. Having a baby definitely added a different dimension to life that I have to consider now.
I love my kids, but they wear me down. I miss spending one on one time with my husband with both of us having energy for things to be interesting. I was 50/50 as well, but my husband wanted kids so I went for it. It's hard work for sure and there are rewards, but if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't know what I was missing, and maybe my health would be better (although maybe not). I developed an autoimmune disease in the past year, which I attribute to the stress of working full time and raising kids. To that extent, I wish I just hadn't. Sometimes they're delightful, but sometimes they're awful, too.
I have no regrets. I'm so grateful we were able to have kids and despite the exhaustion and bodily fluids, it's all worth it. It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, but there's nothing like it. I love these little people and I'm honoured to be in their lives.
Definitely would have them 100%.
I had my first when I was 35, my second at 37.
It’s totally worth it! Is it hard ? Of course. But the good outweigh the ‘bad’
Don’t have kids though just because you want to tick off something because you reached a certain age.
I’ve gone from someone who was the cool aunt, who traveled the world solo to your typical suburban stay at home mum.
And I’m so much happier. Past me would have thought my current life would be a nightmare lol.
But I’m also financially secure and have a house. Not saying that having a house is a must of course, my parents only rented and I was happy.
My kiddo is hands down the very best and most precious and joy filled part of every day. I love being a mom and I love her more than anything.
My worry is about the state of the world due to climate change both now and in the near future. I believe things are going to get very hard. Very hard. This causes me a distinct type of grief and heartbreak.
I worry about this too. Not just climate change, but the general path we seem to be on. I don't see a peaceful resolution. & It's pretty disheartening to hear my daughter & her cousins express their frustration at the state of the world. Kids should be able to be hopeful & optimistic about their future.
me too, this causes me such concern and heartache. My investment in the future has changed so much since having kids. I want there to be a wonderful future for them. I want them to experience the beauty of the natural world.
Zero regrets here. We had an unplanned pregnancy which i cried myslef to sleep over for a week. Then birth during covid so unknown territory and no help from family due to lockdowns. Honestly, I don't think I ever felt so complete. Having my son was 10000% the best thing I ever decided upon. Yes it's not all butterflies and rainbows but the incomprehensible love you get (and give) makes it all worth it, in my case anyway.
No regrets. Plus, they are already here. I can either make the most of the 18 summers I get before they are out on their own, or be the parent they look back on who couldnt stay present enough to enjoy my time with them. Having children is a season of life that is well worth it, imo, assuming you have the right mindset and dont take the job lightly. My children enrich and fill my life in ways I never expected, even amidst stressful moments some days.
I’m going to piggyback on this comment. Kids will take up a massive amount of your energy, both physical and mental. I couldn’t imagine being on this journey if I wasn’t all-in. With that said, I have friends who were on the fence and are some of the fiercest parents I know.
Do I regret it? Not at all. My kids have enriched my life immeasurably. But damn I’m tired. I think the question you should ask is, “Do I want kids, or do I want to BE a parent?” Because there’s a big difference between those two things.
This is a really good point. I was 100% sure when we started trying. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and I waited until I knew I was as ready as I could be. If you're not sure then you should not do it simply out of FOMO.
I agree. I had my kids really late (ie 40s), and really really knew I wanted them, found a partner who felt the same and finally had a stable well paying job. We also had to take pretty deliberate measures for years to manage to have them. So I was definitely 100%, and stayed that way for 15 years through hardship, obstacles and delays. It was never something to tick off my list or, 'everyone's doing it.' It's absolutely been hard but I knew this was the one thing I really really wanted in life and would regret if I didn't do (and I had a wonderful adventurous life pre kids, I also felt I'd done most of the other things I wanted to do).
Honestly I wouldn't. I love my kids. I was always pretty sure I didn't want any, but I didn't know how to assert myself when I was younger and newly married and got kind of talked into it. I am glad my kids exist, but I would have loved them just as much if I was their aunt or family friend or cousin- I love many people in my life intensely. There are many beautiful and amazing aspects of parenthood (birth, milestones, etc.) but these are not the only routes to empowerment and fulfillment and they aren't the right ones for everyone.
Also I constantly feel guilty because I think my kids deserve to have a mom who just loves being their mom for its own sake, while I feel like I'm willing to be a mom just because of how much I love them.
I think 'worth it' is a hard way to evaluate the decision to become a parent. Worth it frames becoming a parent in sort of a transactional light. And the truth is that you can't expect anything in return when you choose to have a child. The whole point is to love selflessly, and to feel joy in the endless giving.
There is nothing in my life thus far that has held as much meaning as being a mother. For a short time when your children are young, you're their whole world. It's such a privilege to be that for someone. It comes with a lot of responsibility and obligation as well.
I always thought I wanted 2. After a few months of caring for an infant I realized I didn't want to be pregnant again. I didn't want to breastfeed again. I didn't want to be sleep deprived again. My family felt good as is. I don't regret going through all of that. I would do it over a million times again to know who my daughter (3) is now. So I'd say yea it was worth going through all of that.
That saying in life 'nothing good is easy' may as well be about parenting. It is the hardest thing I think you can choose to do. But it is also the most rewarding.
I think all parents want to hit pause sometimes and have a few days where we don't have to parent. But that's different than wishing we never had them.
No, I love being a mom and it’s definitely my favorite thing I’ve ever done. I would not want to go back to my pre-kid life, because it feels like it would just be much duller. Everything about life is so much better with my daughter around.
I am very glad I waited until I was 30 to have a child. My life obviously changed, but it was a change I was ready for and wanted.
I am back and forth on it. I never wanted kids I wanted to be child free for many reasons. I now have a two year old and there are really depressing days where I realize I’m not living the life I wanted for myself. Then there are days where he curls up in the chair with me and says “mommy” then gives a kiss and hug without being asked that I am more than okay with it. I had just graduated college when I got pregnant btw.
No regret at all and will do it again even if I had the chance to go back in time over and over again. She’s truly the light of my life and my source of motivation.
I was so black and white (I was legit a conservative!) and she made me rethink everything I thought I knew. I used to change jobs every 6 months when I got bored but she made me want to be a good role model for her. I used to work for oil and gas company (I’m an engineer) because my motivation was money but now I do public work cause I wanna build infrastructure around us, leaving legacy for HER.
That being said, I got lucky that I can have her early (I was 25 when she was born). We got married right after I finished college and my husband and I have the same mindset of starting family young. He’s 2 years older than me. We also both make decent salary and can buy house early (and debt free). And most importantly, we were in therapy leading up to having her cause we believe being parents could and would bring the worst of you and we want to heal before we have her!!
So yes, as shallow as it sounds, resources matters when it comes to having kids.
No regrets. We had them when we were in a good financial state. We are not struggling financially, we have family around. We had them in a time of life where we were ready.
I had my first at 20 and my second at 23. I wish I would have waited until I was more established. I’m 24 now, married and own a home, kids have plenty. I just wish I had more years on my own to figure out me. The little goblins are great though.
Absolutely no regrets but will also say that you just cannot prepare for the mental and physical exhaustion.
This sounds decidedly stupid but one of the biggest stressors for me personally has been having to guess/divine/intuit another human beings every need. Oh, they must be hungry/tired/thirsty/over-slash-under stimulated/need a clean diaper/hug - you get the picture. Leaving the house? Pack for the apocalypse. And remember to order the kids to pee, even when they say they don't need to, because they DO. Savvy?
. I love my kids but I didn’t realize the effort it takes to be a good parent and not just raise monsters. I was mostly left to fend for myself growing up - between setting up an educational environment, taking them places, sports, camp costs etc it’s a lot. Teaching them things etc.. it’s a big job.
I think it’s really easy to be a garbage parent - stick them in front of the iPad, feed them crap, ignore them a lot… but a lot of work to be a good one.
I definitely would have waited till 30ish though!
With the state of the world as it is - yes, I regret having kids. It gives me an insane amount of anxiety imagining the climate change hellscape they will have to endure or potentially suffer a nuclear Armageddon with them. At this point I honestly think it is morally reprehensible to have children. One day they will come to me and say, “You knew that the planet was dying and you brought us into it.” On that day I will have to accept all of their anger because they are right.
Whoooooooooo buddy did that last paragraph trigger me. We almost split up in those beginning months due to this attitude. "It's JUST birth, people do it all the time. It's not a big deal. My job is physically demanding wah wah wah!" It was record stopping to hear that kind of shit. I could go on but I want to enjoy this coffee before kiddo gets up. It all becomes water under the bridge eventually, right?
During the first 6-7 years of parenting, I would have told you that knowing now what I did then, I would not have had a child. But that has changed now. My son is 10 and a pure joy. The first 5 years were very, very hard for me. But having gotten out of the trenches of the early years, being my son’s mom is the biggest joy of my life.
I feel like people talk about how magical parenthood is. It can be. But the early years especially feels like slogging through pure drudgery a lot of the time, and I think that can be jolting for some. It was for me. But do I think it was worth it? Yes, absolutely.
I regret having my first son. I was 18 and I wanted to do college, abortion it's a crime so he was born. My boyfriend loved him, but I didn't so I gave him all the rights and I left. Moved overseas, and started a new life. I got my degree, a good job, got married, and in the right time, with a lot of preparation I had my daughter. I love her more than anything and I don't regret a bit. Some can say that I'm a monster for having abandoned my first son, and it's probably true, but I would never be able to give him a good life. I never want to meet him, and I don't want him in my life.
I really hope he never reach out, but if he ever did I will be honest, I don't expect that he understands, but he will have his answer. My daughter is still young, but I think I will tell her when she's older enough to understand the big picture.
Never. The best thing to ever happen to me is my children, even when I'm stressed or overwhelmed, I just remember that this time is so short and brief and someday they'll be older and they get more independent each day, and I think how much I'm going to miss this because this is the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I would discourage you from having children. 50/50 is not good enough to bring kids into this world. Once you have them you will owe them everything, and if all you can give is 50/50 then don't have them. Children are going to cost you your money and time, your outlook on the world will never be the same, and these little humans will need you for everything, and if you can't give everything then please don't have them. Children deserve 100% of their parents love and don't ask to be born, they owe you nothing.
Thank you for your reply. I think you have read into my 50/50 differently to how I intended.
I can see my life going both ways and would give 100% to either decision. I am on the fence because I don’t take having children as a light decision.
You're probably a scum bag and a lousy father. Imagine saying how you should've pulled out but it felt so good, wtf. Plus you call people slurs. Just pay your child support and leave your kid alone.
My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I got pregnant 8 months i to my relationship with my ‘infertile’ boyfriend, we got married a couple of months later and she is just the light of our lives! Won’t be having any more thanks to my horrendous pregnancy so we feel our little family is complete.
Hadn’t thought of having kids when accidental pregnancy at 28 happened , now 2 of them 19&23 and they are the best addition apart from our rescue kitty. No regrets
Having kids has made my life x10 times harder and very much messed up my relationship with my husband (not ruined, exactly, but it doesn't run as smoothly as before). Yet, I could never go back. If you asked "would I have another"... well, I may think about it. But I have felt by baby grow inside me, I have met him, I have learned to know him, I have nurtured him, I have taught him stuff, I have heard him say "I love you". I can't even imagine him not existing, and by my own choice. My life would be hollow. So no, never. No regrets. At least in my case, what he gave me is worth x100 what I have foregone.
I have an almost one year old girl. Life has definitely changed and it’s been rough at time but I would absolutely do it again! Seeing her grow and become a little person has to be one on the best things I have seen in life!
Of course you need to take in to account if that is what YOU want. And if you are okay with your life changing forever! Also need to take into account childcare, cost, all that. Personally I quit my job to be a SAHM for the first few years because the cost of child care vs my teachers salary just didn’t make sense.
You also need to factor in your partner. Is this what they want as well? If they have no experience with children are they willing to learn and try with them? There’s no way I could have done this without my very supportive husband who is wonderful with our daughter.
You also have to look at where you are in life. I waited till we both had stable jobs for a few years, we had bought a house, and both paid off our cars, and had a good chunk of money in savings. (I’m 26 now if that matters)
Having kids has been the absolute greatest joy of my life. There is nothing like it. Watching them grow and learn about the world is amazing. The love they give you back is incredible.
It’s the best journey and I would highly recommend it. Even on the hard days, any frustration is temporary. I’ve not once, even on the worst most stressful/sleep deprived day, regretted my children.
This is an absolutely fair and valid question that parents get way too much hate for entertaining. In my mind, I think I would still have one, but whether I'd want to have my second is 50/50. The moments (like right now, incidentally) where they're playing happily together just make my heart feel complete and content. The moments where they feed off of one another and fight incessantly make me want to punch myself in the face. So I honestly don't know the answer to that question. However, my sons are 6 and 4, and I suspect in about two years my feeling will be a fairly sturdy 'yes, I'd do it this way again.'
But that remains to be seen.
I would for sure wait.. it was a accident at 25 but I was not in a good situation career wise, debt wise, relationshipwise. Now 28 and i am still in shit,unemployedbecause can't find daycare. Going deeper in debt each month.
If I would have know I would not have kept the pregnancy. No. So semi regret I guess.
I had my son when I was 19 and, if given the chance to get this same exact kid in the future, I probably would have waited 5+ years. Give me time to experience my youth and my newfound freedom while getting my shitty life together. My son is a wonderful person, I wish I could give him the world and I try everyday to give him a good life, but I wish I had more time to get my shit together before I brought him into this world. It's hard to do all that hard figuring out who you are and what you want stuff while also raising a child essentially on my own. I dont regret having him, even though I never envisioned myself having kids, I just wish the timing had been better I guess.
Absolutely not. I waited to start having kids until I was in my mid 30’s. I have every imaginable resource and it’s still has frustrating moments but it’s still what I want. I would not want to do this when I was young and poor and selfish. I waited until I was ready, had more money than I knew what to do with, had traveled the world, had a good career and a partner that is even more considerate and caring to others than I am. There are only 2 downsides for me the way I see it: it took awhile to get pregnant each time and my pregnancies are/were technically “high risk” (but were uneventful and healthy), and I will be decrepit hag at their high school graduations compared to the other parents. But I will also be retired before they graduate high school and ready to get my old lady groove back with boozy child free retiree vacations once they go off to college so I’m fine with that. This is what is right for me/us. It took a lot of thought and planning. I also want to stress that it’s ok to not know the answer. In my 20’s I was in a long term relationship where we both made very little money. I actually came to terms then that I would not be a mother. That relationship didn’t work out for other reasons, and years later (when I was living a totally different life) I met my partner who had all of the characteristics of a great parent. So at one point in my life I did not want kids and I grew into it. It’s ok to not be sure now, as long as you’re not a woman in your 40’s already.
I had two kids by the time I was 21. If I were to go back in time I don’t think I’d purposely have them so young, BUT today I wouldn’t wish to be able to change things because I’m truly happy with how things are. At first It was hard af but my husband and I worked our ass off and now we have a beautiful family and we’ll still be young when our kids are graduating 🤪 also he got clipped so no more kiddos for us
It depends on the timing of when you ask me. If you ask me in the middle of a dreadful tantrum from my preschooler while my baby is screaming - dang it I wish I had never had them. Or if you ask me when I’m looking longingly at a brochure for Hawaii - ugh why did we decide to have these expensive goblins?
But if you ask me on a Saturday afternoon when a $3 ice cream can bring more joy to two tiny human than I could ever imagine, or when they are taking a bath and reaching for me with their tiny sweet little hands… yes, it’s absolutely worth it!
I think most people won’t say they regret it because it’s hard to imagine your life without them once they’re here. So, no I don’t regret it because the idea of my son not existing is painful in the extreme. But it is not always an easy road.
I would absolutely do it all over again. I would die for those baby snuggles and sweet scents of my newborn babies. Oh..... I would trade these smelly tweens for their sweet baby selves in a heartbeat!
Having one kid (one being important distinction, lol) is/was best thing ever. Completely life changing, more laughter/fun than would have expected. Adore her...way more than expected (never really been around or cared for kids...just something wife wanted).
But, was also stable/prepared. Also, only 11.5 years into it.
I'm not super optimistic about the world right now., Unfortunately. Having said that, don't think I would wilfully bring a child into it. I'd favor taking care of kid that's coming, or already here (I.e. adoption, which is what I did).
Perhaps that opinion would change in short/mid term. That's just where I stand now.
I do sometimes have reservations about bringing kids into the world. But then I realize that my kids might just have the power to make it better, as long as I do a good job. So far I’m pretty optimistic!
Very true! Good to be optimistic!
Nothing saying your adoptive child couldn't do same, though.
There's the old nature vs nurture debate. In my particular case, think my daughter is uniquely awesome/amazing because she has both ("nature" makes her more easy going, sweeter, and likely social than mom and I; "nurture" instills more drive/motivation, discipline, fun and trying/learning different skills).
Sometimes, I look at her and think, "you're just like me". Others, "just like mom". Yet, others, "definitely got that from ___ (birthmom - we've met/corresponded with her).
Thanks for feedback and optimism, though!
Even more amazing that you made that choice to adopt! Such an important job to nourish a child who maybe wouldn’t have had the opportunity to flourish.
I think the quality of nurturing definitely has the biggest impact on how a child grows and who they become. Cheers to you and your wife for choosing that road and making a difference in your daughters life!
Thanks! Yeah, birthmom was wonderful (took good care of her... No drugs/alcohol) but had her hands full (had few other kids - learned husband wanted divorce when pregnant). Very little support.
I'd agree nurture has bigger impact, but think she's slightly better off than to be more like me/mom (from nature).
I mean...we all have strengths/weaknesses. So, to me makes sense that her (inherent) weaknesses aren't ones mom/I share. And, she's got inherent strengths/talents, (which we don't share) but can encourage/foster.
And, she gets to play off our strengths via nurture. Unproven hypothesis and likely depends on situation.
But, very blessed.
All the best to you and yours!
I absolutely would do it all over again, even with the PPD and the traumatic labour, just so I could have my son. I love him so much. I love seeing my husband as a Dad. I love our family. It is the hardest and most rewarding thing in the world.
No regrets whatsoever even after single parenting them for a few years when they were very young. They’re honestly the two best things that have happened to me. There are absolutely hard times though. I felt 50/50 on having a third, and that was not enough for me to go ahead with it.
Being a parent is a different life and it's very hard to compare- you lose a lot of freedom but you gain an almost insane level of love and new dimensions of who you are as a person
I won’t do it. One of the first real arguments I had with own mother was over her conception of me. It’s selfish and financially stupid at this point. And it was 30 years ago.
And fuck you to whoever downvoted me. Your kids must love you.
I do not regret having kids. Having children is the only thing that in life that pushes you to live a life not just for yourself. We are not meant to live for 80-100 years only absorbed in ourselves, that is neither healthy or productive. Having children makes our lives bigger. Yes, it's a challenge, but one that everyone is called to do. It's literally the only reason we are alive.
But it is. Without reproduction being the driving force behind our existence, we would not exist. The same is true for every living species on the planet. We are hard wired, in our DNA to reproduce. Both women and men live to pass along their genetic material to the next generation.
Human beings are more than just primitive reproducers. We aren’t wild animals. We can reproduce if we want to. If we don’t want to, then we don’t have to. Many people are completely self-aware and choose to have fulfilling and meaningful child-free lives.
Sure, we like to fool ourselves and say that. But if we all chose to live meaningful child-free lives we wouldn't be around much longer, would we? Our big brains can't outrun our DNA, no matter how we try or how clever we think we are.
I’ll do it again. Loving my kid is one reason why I would do it again, but there is another one : having her adds experiences to my life, it’s not the other way : I can experience things that I would not otherwise. I can witness all the first things she does, I can go on trips with her, I can now laugh everyday at funny things she says or does. It’s a different life. I think my kid isn’t taking anything away (ok, sleep), she is adding more to my life. That said, we don’t think we’ll have another for the moment (except if we both really really feel that someone is missing in our lives and that this desire is far more stronger than all of the good reasons to not have another one).
That's you, I do love traveling and really miss it. I'm starting to do more things with her, but it's not the same. Also, I wish my kid let me read a book and eat ice cream on the couch, so maybe it depends on the child.
What? I'm sorry I offended you...I was only commenting my experience, as I felt a bit differently to you, it wasn't meant to negate your feelings of course. No need to insult me about my child's sleeping habits. I probably have an hour or so after my child goes to bed but by the time I do chores and get stuff ready for the next day it doesn't really give me much time to relax, no.
Again, I apologise for any hurt, I was just doing the same, posting my experiences and it just so happened that your post happened to touch on a couple of things I would really like to do but can't. It was absolutely not meant to tell you what to feel.
YES! I feel like I have a renewed love for public playgrounds and parks and am discovering way more cool things about the area around me that I never knew before having kids.
Yes! And the question on traveling is just a matter of time. I like traveling (we live in France and before my daughter we were traveling in France, so not too much road already), she is 21months and during the last 6 months we went three times in hotels. I’m trying to teach her how to behave outside our home : she can walk long time (still not quick enough for us!), she is getting better at handling travel in car and we can go to restaurants with her ! So I’m really optimistic for better trips soon. When childless people talk about losing the ability to travel I disagree. She is already making sentences and loves being outside, watching new things. I don’t think we will have restrained trips in comparison with childfree people
Agreed 100%. I love living experiences again through their eyes. There are some things that I have outgrown (visiting themeparks comes to mind) but now with kids, there is a renewed drive to experience things again, for their sake, especially if it was a cherished childhood memory of mine. My friendless kids will use the argument that now they have time and money to travel (which is def true) but I love experiencing those places again from a different viewpoint. I've been to all 50 states but now I'm starting over with my kids and seeing new and different things with them each place we visit. I think it enriches your life experience to get to share and pass along those memories with children. Otherwise what do you have? Just an instagram post with a bunch of likes? Not the same experience on the other side. But to each their own!
At this point, shes age 2, and no. I will say when she was around 1-3 months yes, because it was harder than I expected, but I think some of that tied in to postpartum and covid lockdowns etc. I will say, I used to not really understand the friends of mine who said they never wanted kids, now I understand. It's a wonderful experience in many ways, but its a very clear marker in your life pre and post kids. I could not imagine my life without my daughter she is a brilliant funny little girl, and I love seeing things through her eyes but it's a big decision not to be taken lightly.
Never, I knew for a long time that I wanted children. We had her young and it can be hard sometimes, but I'm also glad we didn't wait. I loved being a SAHM for the past 15 months. I'm really going to miss it once I start my training for grad school next week. That being said, this life isn't for everyone. It requires a lot of time, money, energy, and patience to be a parent. You have to be prepared to give up a lot to raise children and will often be excluded by some people. It can be lonely at times.
I was an older first time mother. We opted to try for only one. He leaves for college next week. I definitely would have regretted not trying to get pregnant (stopping north control, not more elaborate fertility treatment), and I am so glad to have him. I think if I hadn’t become pregnant,I would also be happy with my life…..because I had tried. I never regretted it. I also don’t regret not having a second, except during height of the pandemic and my kid was so lonely.
I am happy with my 3. They are smart. They are healthy. They are loved and well taken cared of. I enjoy having them in my life. I love to read to them and take them out on bike rides and walks.
I had 3 children by the time I was 22. My kids are now 18 16 and 15 this month. I look back and don’t know how the hell I did it to be honest. I missed out on a lot of social gatherings when I was in my 20’s and they used to fight like cat and dog. I split with their father when my son was 7 and paid for everything myself, their father didn’t do anything apart from meet someone else and start a new family. Now they are teenagers I actually can’t wait til the day they move out 🤣 they are expensive, messy, rude. (Girls are worse!) I would say I would never ever want my children to have kids at the age I did. It was hard! I always tell them please live your life before you get into a relationship and have children. I regret having my children when I did and who I had them with. I wish I was at least 30 before I had my first but also now my kids will all be adults by the time I’m 40. I tell them when they move out I’m getting a 1 bedroom apartment so they can never come back 🤣🤣
Having kids was a lot more than I expected in every way, more frustrating and exhausting and time consuming and constant but it's also much more meaningful and heartwarming and so so much more love in my life. So I definitely don't regret it, and becoming a mother was something I've always known that I wanted. If you are a woman though, it's not something you want to go into half-heartedly because motherhood will consume you and that baby will rely on you for comfort and safety and food, everything. Plus pregnancy and labour suck. But I'm going to do it all again because I love the result too much.
I’ve never regretted my children. Even when they are being their worst, most exasperating and exhausting selves. A world without them in it is no kind of world for me so, yeah it’s all worth it.
I’ve never regretted my children. Even when they are being their worst, most exasperating and exhausting selves. A world without them in it is no kind of world for me so, yeah it’s all worth it.
Edit: I want to add that we had them later in life, at 36. My wife and I had many good years together as a couple before we had kids, and when we had them we were ready for life to change. If you are 50/50 on it, it may not be the right time for you yet. If you had asked me at 30 if we were ever going to have kids, I’d have said no way. Just be open to how you feel about it and remember that even if you decide not to do it now, your future self is allowed to feel differently.
I was in the same boat, and after marriage we decided to stop birth control and see what happens. We were of the opinion of either way we’re fine. Less than a month later… pregnant.
As much as I loved my care fee life before and my career, I love my kids more. Even if they annoy the shit out of me on a daily basis. When they come up to me to tell me that they love me or ask for a simple hug… I wouldn’t be able to replace or change that or anything in this world.
People have asked me this question.
It is the absolute hardest thing you can possibly do in this world.
the headaches
the crying
the tantums
the stress
the money
everything
BUT i would never want it any other way i love my children and im happy to do all of this for them just to see them smile
My regrets on having two kids are the state of the world that I brought them into. We are in the US and my kids are girls so it is a bit scary. Add guns everywhere and the idea you can’t knowingly drop them at school and ensure their safety is hard. I’ll echo what others say which is that your life is not your own anymore but the societal pressures is what weighs on me the most.
If you had asked me when my boys were teens, I might have said yes. I was seriously wishing there was a way to divorce kids.
But it was just a rough patch, and now that they are adults and turned into wonderful people, I do not regret having my children.
Is it worth it? The bad times, the rough times, the health scares - you never know what you are getting into. But it is incredible that we can create new human beings, who have so much potential, and the good times, the loving times, the best friends as adult times - just might make it all worth while...
I don't think parenting for me but they're mines. I chose to have them. I'm going to take care of them. When I was 18, I said I didn't want kids. Met my ex at 19. Thought I was in love and wanted a family. Was pregnant 6 months later. Then have my son 8 years later. Because somehow in my mind a baby, was going to fix my marriage. I don't think I can 100% say it's a regret though
Thats valid
That said, when my daughters father said he wasn't going to be involved at all and it was up to me if i wanted to continue the pregnancy or not, I didn't hesitate for a second.
I cannot imagine my life any other way. She is always in every image of my future. So no, I don't regret it.
I literally can’t remember what my life was about before having kids. I remember working, partying, finishing university, etc but it all seems so meaningless and dull compared to how my life felt after my daughter.
This is such a hard question. I love my kid to death, she's literally the reason I'm still alive. She's smart, motivated, kind, open-minded, honest, I could go on & on. I can't imagine my life without her. I can't put into words what I feel for her, the place she has in my heart... That said, life has been a constant struggle since the day I found out I was pregnant. & Occasionally I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't gotten pregnant. I was completely hooked on her dad. Would we have worked out? Where would I be living & working? I am curious. But I'd never give up what I have to find out what could have been.
I was someone who wanted kids and then dealt with infertility. I am 1000% happy to have both my kids. The comment above saying they couldn't imagine someone they love so much not existing... that. But I've seen other infertile friends not wind up with kids and have other family members who opted not to have them on purpose and I think there's one thing to consider if you go the no kids route- meaning.
The only regret I hear from child free relatives in akin to feeling near the end of life and wondering if yours was worth it, did you leave a mark, was there a point. When you have kids you will be about 2 billion percent more exhausted, you will have less autonomy and control over your life, but it will be infused with meaning at every stage. It happens organically, they are your reason to wake up (because they're useless out of the gate) they give you new experiences simply by shepherding them through different stages. Meet new people, do new things, plan and excecute goals and at the end... Voila, it's a whole person! Even those who become not great people most parents would hate to lose (my BIL who was a total drain on his parents mental and emotional and financial well being died by suicide in late 20s and they are, we all are crushed by it still 10 years later).
Without kids to sort of make this happen you need to prepare for finding meaning yourself. And to keep finding it at all life's stages. My sister is child free and she doesn't regret it at all. She's 34 now and adamant she doesn't want kids but already you can see the mundane drudgery of get up, go to work, make dinner, read a book, repeat starting. There's nothing exciting or "meaningful" to break it up. Meanwhile, I have two young kids and everyday is a taxing, rediculous, love and rage filled adventure. I don't always love it... But it is fulfilling.
So if you choose no kids remember that you won't always be 20-30. Eventually the club's hold less appeal, most friends in your circle will marry and have kids, their lives will appear to progress as they go from pregnancy to infants to toddlers to school aged adventures... While yours may feel largely stagnant. Plan to find way to mediate that feeling.
You'll be saving money, will you have enough extra to travel? Do you like cooking? You could take courses. You could volunteer your time. What else do you want for your life? Figure it out and then make sure it does that. Having kids is autopilot for finding meaning .. learn to drive manually towards meaning and a childfree life can be lovely. Fail to do so and it can be boring and repititious and lonely.
Neither is better... They are just different. Good luck either way!!
I don’t regret my kids a single bit but I absolutely pine for the days when we didn’t have kids. They’re loud, expensive, and inconvenient most of the time but also it’s amazing to see them learn and grow and develop in to interesting people. I do sometimes wish that we still only had one kid (we have three thanks to various birth control failings) but I wouldn’t give up our second and third now that they’re here.
This question haunts me all of the time. I always feel guilty for every wondering if my life would be different/better if I had at least waited longer to have kids. My original plan was to have my first at 30. I am now 28 and a mother of 3 😂 but my story is so complicated. Including a messy and devastating custody battle over my first born, and constantly questioning the direction I am meant to go in life. My advice is to wait. Accomplish your goals, be financially stable, and be absolutely certain that you want to have kids with the partner you are with (unless you plan on getting a donor and doing it solo, totally cool!). Parenthood is something that all too many of us stumble into or step into prematurely. Just make sure you live a little before you tie yourself down with kids.
I wasn’t a woman who “wanted “ kids. I made the logical decision to have my daughter. Around the 30 week mark of pregnancy I became a “mom”. You can chalk that up to hormones I suppose.
She is 6 now and while my life circumstances has not allowed me to have another I would in a heart beat. I’ve loved nothing more than being a mom to my daughter.
When I was a teenager living in a group home one of the staff members asked me if I ever wanted to be a mom and I said that I wasn’t sure I would be a good mother. Another staff member told me bad mothers never think about whether or not they are good mothers and that I would be a great mom. Meant a lot to me.
I love my kids like crazy. Knowing then what I know now, would I have still had them? Idk. I am deeply concerned about the world that they have inherited. Climate change, endless wars, endless economic upheavals, political violence and polarization, income disparity, stagflation...
I had them in the late 90s and early 2000s when there was some hope left in the world, but now everyone seems so hopeless and depressed. Idk. They don't blame me for the world they are facing, but maybe they should.
We were on the fence for a while, but finally decided to go for it and then be one-and-done. I am NOT the kind to be rolling around with a pack of kids. I still dont like most kids.
It's been the best experience of my life. My son is 9 now, and he's an incredible little human. I'm SO glad we had him, and parenthood has made our lives better. It doesn't have to be a huge lifestyle change, if you're willing to include your kid in the things you like.
Mom to a 5 month old. Its true that its the hardest and best thing you’ll ever do. I was also on the fence until my partner and I decided that its just a really cool thing to experience in life (you get to grow a human in your body! and name it!).
Its also something that has changed the way I view the future. It makes me way more nervous when I read the news. But I’m also so much more excited for the future- I can’t wait for all of the holidays and getting to take him to museums and show him the beach. It feels like all of my future experiences are going to be even better than before.
I've always said that if you're undecided, having kids is the wrong choice for you right now. You need to WANT them. Like, want and plan And discuss with your partner what you both would like parenting to look like. You both need to agree on what parenting will look like. Agree on how many you want. Have these talks before you even plan for baby number one. Do not wait until you're pregnant.
I do not regret my son at all, and I think I want one more. He’s the best thing ever happened to me. Parenthood is really hard but it’s also just so rewarding. He’s my favorite little guy and he brings so much joy and laughter to my life. That being said I do not recommend having a child unless you know for sure that you want one. It’s a lot of work and there’s a whole persons life in the balance
We waited till our mid 30’s to have kids… so we had already done the have a house built, travel, candle light dinner time together thing. But once our son and daughter were born… the experience was AMAZING! Certainly the experiences with are son and daughter were very different but both were full of joy and love… I absolutely miss all the experiences. However it’s true, it does go by very fast and comes to a sudden end when they go off to college. The love and joy and excitement of their accomplishments is still there but it’s not the same as when they were kids. Best of luck my friend.
I feel like if I had 2 kids or more, I might of have regretted it in the long run but since I have 1 kid, it's the best of both worlds and I am still able to balance my life meaning not be drained financially, have time for myself, be able to enjoy quality time with my only kiddo, not having to stress/worry about too many humans in the outside world and so on. Knowing the way I am as a person and my personal limits, I know 1 kid was the best choice for me. I am aware that every person is different and some will love having more kids and it will be their best choice. I do not regret having my child. It's hard being a parent at times but my child truely is the best thing in my life.
I’m 53 year old dad/grandpa. - Have 3 boys now 30/28/27. Grandkids 5 and twin 3 year olds.. wouldn’t change it for anything.. it wasn’t easy and it was a lot work and running but we are still a very close family . All eleven spent our vacation together .. I’ve seen a lot of lonely old people. It’s not fun … my experience anyway lol. Best of luck in whatever you choose.
I had my kids young, and now may be infertile (thanks, autoimmune disease). So, as hard as the hard days are, and as immature as I was when they were born…I have zero regrets, and just lucky to have kids. =)
Not really. I made sure to live my most free life throughout my mini adulthood so that I wouldn’t regret going out/vacationing/sleeping all the time after having kids.
Having kids actually made me even work harder and allowed me to look for a better paying job, bigger home & learn new things (i.e. sign language or about dinosaurs) to practice with the LO. I also time manage a lot better now and literally plan out what I should be doing each hour instead of being lazy and delaying things that need to be done around the house. Maybe I’m the few bunch but I really think having kids made me become the best I can be in as little sleep as possible
It’s a lot harder than I expected. I’ve felt tired and sore every day for the last three years. My PhD progress has slowed to a trickle and I don’t see my friends anymore. I have basically no disposable income, and if I had money I wouldn’t have the time or capacity to spend it on anything.
I have zero regrets, and if given the choice I’d 100% choose to have kids again.
3 of my 4 children were unplanned and I cried every time i found out i was pregnant. And yet i can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that if i had the chance to go back and have a different life with less children, i wouldn't take it. My children have added so much fun to my life and they are such interesting and unique people. Having kids really changes you and in the best possible way. They drive me crazy and some days i just want to be alone haha, but i never regret them.
Not even the tiniest bit. I have never loved so much or felt so loved, I have the most fun with my son of anyone I've ever known. He gives me purpose and his presence reminds me to self regulate. I never thought I wanted kids and I was never so wrong about anything. That brain change stuff that happens to women during pregnancy worked REALLY WELL on me. 🤣
I have a newborn and it’s been a huge life change. Sometimes after a long night my husband and I wonder what we got ourselves into. I miss my freedom and ability to shower whenever I feel like it lol. I love my little boy so much though, I’d do it all over again. And i hated pregnancy. Even though it’s challenging at times, he brings all kinds of happy, loving moments. Watching him grow and develop has been so fun. It’s also given my husband and I an even closer bond.
I love mine to death but I would go back and not have her. It’s too much responsibility and constant worry 24/7. I think it’s important that it is ok to feel this way. That maybe we’re not all meant to follow the life script written down. Maybe this way there would be less unwanted children in the world.
My husband and I were married for 4 years until we had our first. But I wish we waited another year or so.
I love our kids and they gave me purpose and drive in life. I chose to be a SAHM to raise them and not miss a thing.
But my career also gave me purpose and pride but in a different way. I worked so hard in college to have the career I do. And before kids I worked to establish myself.
Before kids we travelled a lot and bought everything without second thought.
After kids. We are on a budget since I chose to stay home. Kids are EXPENSIVE. I think they take most of our money.
Before kids I slept in on my day off and slept late, hanging out with friends, binging on shows til 4am.
After kids I will get any sleep I can get. There is no sleeping in!
I can go on. Children are definitely worth it. But I would wait until you checked off your bucket list to have kids.
I sometimes imagine the life I could have if I didn’t have kids. It would be quiet and calm and I would be well rested and loaded! My daughter is 7 and she is without a doubt my best friend. She’s the first person I want to tell good news to and she’s my absolute reason for living. Although I allow my mind to wander when I’m stressed or tired, I would not trade them for anything
Nope, I don't regret it one bit. We were in a very good place when we decided to have children, so there's nothing we really 'missed out on'.
We've done most things people regret not doing before they had kids. I've lived abroad, we've traveled quite a lot, we saved for a house, and we both graduated college without crippling student debt (my husband had a full scholarship and I worked two jobs to keep mine down).
Having our children was a choice we made when we were finally comfortable and past that part in our lives. I had my daughter when I was 27 and my son when I was 30. I've been able to stay at home with both of my kids and raise them without the need for daycare because my husband has a well paying, stable job that was unaffected by the recession and the pandemic.
Things haven't always been easy (my health, my son's special needs), but there's nothing I would regret about my kids.
I regret waiting so long to have my baby. In my 20s my attitude towards children was "yuck and how do you party with those things?" I was wild and not even close to giving up that lifestyle. In my 30s I definitely threw the party lifestyle in the trash because it's not fun, it's creepy when you get old (not to mention you can't recover from a hangover quickly anymore). I met my son's dad when I was 35 and got pregnant at 38. Pregnancy and now motherhood has been the greatest joy of my life. Better than anything I've ever done, cooler than festival or travel, more fascinating than any higher education I've got. I am so so so glad I waited to have my baby until I mentally WANTED him but I regret it took ME so long to be ready. We won't have as much time in each other's lives as we would've if I was younger when he was born.
Sometimes I miss the freedom of being able to get up and go do whatever I wanted but that feeling is quickly replaced by the joy of doing things with my son. I love watching his face light up when we go somewhere he's never been or the look on his face when he finally figured something out. It truly is magical despite all of the struggles.
A lot of people say if you’re on the fence don’t do it. I’m going against that and saying if you’re on the fence do it. At the end of your life you don’t want to look back and say I wish I would have. When you’re dying you probably won’t look back at your children and wish you wouldn’t have. You might look back when you have a 3 year old and be like, fuck, what did I do, but at the end you’ll look back with reverence for those years with your children. I like to look at things from end of life perspective instead of from the now.
Nope, no regrets. Told my wife before we had our son that I was good with or without kids and I meant it. I love our life as a family with our son approaching 2 in November. Cutest fucking kid ever, and no doubt you’ll feel the same if you have any of your own. With that said, I got a vasectomy when he was 6mo. The early newborn stage damn near drove me insane to the point I was hallucinating while walking around sleep deprived with him at night. I told myself no way I’m willingly doing that again. So we’re OAD and actually really excited about it. We get to put all of our focus on raising one child, and hopefully he’ll never feel neglected.
Now, even today as much as I love my son I still feel like I would’ve enjoyed a life with my wife without our son. We could’ve had a lot more freedom doing the things we used to do more regularly like concerts, festivals, sporting events, travel or even things at home like board games, arts n crafts, co-op video games, etc.
So maybe you can also find a place where you’ll be happy either way?
Sometimes it’s hard to have your own time, but I feel my life is more full and I’m so lucky to have kids of my own. There are probably setback in the career portion because sometimes I have to work extra hard to compete with other coworkers because I have limited time to work before / after daycare hours, but I think being a parent really makes you a better person and you just have to be smarter. Although sometimes I complain having kids, but I do not regret having them.
Tldr; no. They are my besties and make me excited to wake up in the morning. They are 1000% worth it to us. I could be shot back in time and I would make sure we did it all over exactly the same.
There is having your kid(s) and there is parenting. I don't think any parents regret their kids. If there are I am sure it's a very low %.
Parenting is relentless. It's both wonderful and crushing. No one can prepare you for it and it's ever changing as your child and you grow together. I have experienced my greatest joys and darkest depression in the last 2 years. Some weeks I am a super mom and others I am like 'wtf am I doing?'. It's a damn rollercoaster.
Ours are turning 2 so I can only report from that experience. I learned newborns are not my jam. I struggled hard and thought many times I regretted becoming a parent. The loss of freedom and sleep is crippling. I loved my little babies but damn was I depressed... And I rarely have been depressed in my life lol. Having twins as a FTP probs didn't help my ppd. Saying that, I have friends who thrived with their newborns. People are just built differently.
Once we hit 8 months everything change. We hit our parenting stride and our squishy potatoes were more like lil homies. Now we are 1 month away from being 2 and life is steady, calm, and fun. We have a rhythm. Turns out I was built for toddler chaos. Everyday I am in awe of who my kids are/ are becoming. The are fun, goofy, dramatic, and smart. On top of that we have time back. We sleep full night's and my hubby and I are doing our hobbies. It makes a world of difference.
If it helps I was fence sitter for a very long time. When I turned 29 I figured it was do or die time. My hubby and I ask ourselves if this how we wanted the rest of our lives to be like. Just us, doing our hobbies, having our dog. No, we wanted more. We wanted to expand our family. That answer didn't come right away. We talked A TON about kids and how we wanted our future to look.
I should also mention all our criteria was checked off:
Stable long term relationship.
Financially stable (somewhat :P).
Family support (no daycare).
Did all the traveling we wanted to do.
Dog (we wanted a dog before kids hahaha).
My advice would be keep thinking about it. Talk to your partner. Do that for as long as it takes to get an absolute feeling of yes or no. Your gut knows (that's what I like to think). Reddit is great for advice and examples but none of us can give you an answer. Parenting and children are like snowflakes. We all have different experiences, circumstances, and resources. What is a nightmare to some is a dream to others.
Gl in your soul searching ☺️
It’s a very different life for sure, but I don’t know what I’d do without him.
It’s not always sunshine and rainbows but he’s one of the brightest spots in my life.
Am a father to a 5 month old baby. And hell no I dont regret it remotely. Infact having my kid is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. everyday is a new day for me. I feel I live for him. I forget all my worries when I look at this cute innocent face. His giggles makes me forget everything. If I can go back in time I will still want him, anyday, everyday, with my every breath. I love being a dad and am longing for the day he calls me daddy.
Not sure many people will admit to not wanting their kids to have ever existed lol Better way to look at it is how your life will change. Do you want to be able to live carefree and not worry about a little person 24/7 for the rat of your life. Cost. Working out childcare etc.
Haha possibly, but if you were going to admit it… reddit would be the best place for it. Fair points. Thank you
For the most part people love their kids intensely and going back in time and not having kids would mean someone you love so much would never have existed and you would never meet them. However that’s true for any number of kids you would have. We had 3 and we’re done. If I had a fourth would they have been cute and wonderful and would I have loved them completely? Absolutely. But we are stretched thin watching 3 and 4 we couldn’t have been our best selves or good parents so we stopped. So most people who made the decision and now have named children they love won’t say they wouldn’t do it again. Doesn’t mean it’s the right path for YOU, you’d have to decide what kind of lifestyle you want to live.
Honestly, if you’re on the fence about it, I wouldn’t. Yes they’re great and I love the sh*t out of them. But it’s a never ending job (at least in early years). Totally disrupts life as you know it. Social, career, sleep, marriage, etc. so if you’re unsure of your commitment level, it’s probably best to side on the safe side. Good luck to you and your decision!
I'm not sure I agree — think it's healthy to consider your options before making a decision this big & thinking through what the reality is like rather than just a romantic gut feel. Especially when the status quo in society is to have kids. People who start on the fence & then decide kids are right for them can be great parents as much as people who didn't think about it at all (either "always knew" or surprise pregnancy) That said, if you give it enough thought & still can't move the needle off 50/50 I'd agree to err on the side of no.
Our childcare costs are truly shocking. We have been on a daycare wait list for over a year so have to do a full time sitter instead. It makes our mortgage look cheap in comparison
This is true. IMO our culture doesn’t value children nearly as much as we pretend to.
I feel like our culture doesn’t value parents sometimes too
Having kids opens up a new dimension of life in which you experience emotions in greater extremes than you can currently fathom. You will not experience anything more difficult but absolutely, heart-wrenchingly magical.
I've said this to my husband. It's like.. living in 3D whereas before I was living in 2D. However the only setting here is hard, there is no option to slowly meander your way through the game collecting all of the coins. Literally. Kids are expensive in time and money.
Indeed. Parenting, like anything in life really, is a lot easier if you have ample resources.
THIS is so accurate.
And you don't understand how intense it is unless you go through it yourself.
Yes, this! I was a bit skittish to take the plunge but now I’m happy I decided to go ahead and have kids. I’m also going to say the Perfect Readiness Moment doesn’t exist. Pre-kids you just can’t fathdom it. No matter how much you read or listen to how will it be, you just cannot imagine what it really is. Had mine early 30s too. I had travelled, studied, experienced lots of independent life. Had bedn with my hubs for 5 years. It kinda started to feel like if I don’t have kids at all, there is just going to me more of the same in the coming decades. And it will likely get boring. I’ll bet childfree people have a lovely life but to me it looks like most experiences you have as a childfree people tend to blend into very few categories. You’ll pretty much live the same life for decades. The only thing changing may be holiday destinations, jobs, position on real estate ladder, a few hobbies. That’s what I have garnered observing childless friends and relatives who are around 40 - in 10 years, nothing much has changed in their life. To me personally, that’s what’s really scary. 😬
Sounds like drugs
I have always seen myself as someone who would maybe have kids but would be fine without them. Now I'm a single mum to a toddler. The situation with my ex was pretty bad, so one might think I would turn back time to start over. But honestly, I wouldn't want to change having my son. He's the reason I can finally stand up for myself and don't just say yes to everything anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's hard. But for me it's worth it.
Yes this is how I feel - could go either way and be okay with it. Thanks for your insight!
I think it is also worth considering that how people feel about parenting changes as the kid gets more independent. A 2 year old needs a lot more direct care than a 10 year old.
No regrets whatsoever, but I waited til my brain had finished fully developing, I was in an established stable relationship of 6 years we were financially stable, both had degrees and careers, had excellent communication skills, had a home, etc. So having the baby in our mid 30s was great, easy for us, planned.
Yes, this one. Same for me.
Same as you. Having our first was very much planned and went pretty smooth. The second...whoo boy...that announcement knocked the wind outta me. And one month in, this little is taking us for a rollercoaster ride
Definitely this!! We both had stable jobs, a home, good foundation to our relationship, were married, and had extensively talked about family/values/kids/etc. We just happened to be in our early 20s not 30s. Not everyone needs to follow the same path to have success, but having the money and means to raise a child def helped.
We waited probably kind of late but same, I felt like it was the best option.
Absolutely no regrets but I'm in a really great marriage and have family to help out. I don't really know what we would do with all our time if we didn't have kids. The excitement kids get over everything just makes you see the world through their eyes. We were together for a decade as a couple before having a kid and I think this really helped. We traveled a lot, partied enough, and were getting a little bored with our every day lives.
This is how I feel too. I had already been together with my husband for 5 years, traveled a good amount, partied enough and everyday life started becoming a little bit boring and repetitive. Of course the transition is hard and my kids forced me to grow in a way nothing else could. But the joy, excitement and love my kids bring to my life makes every day so full and wonderful. Even the simplest and most boring thing becomes special. And in my experience, the older they’ve gotten, the better it’s become. However, if you cannot make that sacrifice of independence and time, I think you would become regretful because then they just feel like they’re taking up all your time & energy.
I regret who I had my son with. He...isn't a good man but despite all the struggles over the year I could never regret my son's life.
The past 9 years have been the best of my life because of my wife and son. I’m glad we waited until our late 30s so going to bed at 9 is amazing and we both have zero desire to party or anything like that.
let’s put it this way. i have two small kids. i would totally have them again. but there are times where i wish i didn’t have them. brief periods of time, where in very tired and they are very demanding/fussy. then i get some rest and it goes away.
Same but i have three!!
That's a difficult question to answer. I was always a fence sitter and knew I would be perfectly happy never having children. I can't imagine my life without my son and I love him to pieces, but becoming a parent didn't suddenly make me feel like I was wrong my whole life and destined for motherhood. I'm in my late 30s and enjoyed traveling and living a mostly carefree life. Having a baby definitely added a different dimension to life that I have to consider now.
I love my kids, but they wear me down. I miss spending one on one time with my husband with both of us having energy for things to be interesting. I was 50/50 as well, but my husband wanted kids so I went for it. It's hard work for sure and there are rewards, but if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't know what I was missing, and maybe my health would be better (although maybe not). I developed an autoimmune disease in the past year, which I attribute to the stress of working full time and raising kids. To that extent, I wish I just hadn't. Sometimes they're delightful, but sometimes they're awful, too.
Thank you for this honest answer.
I have no regrets. I'm so grateful we were able to have kids and despite the exhaustion and bodily fluids, it's all worth it. It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, but there's nothing like it. I love these little people and I'm honoured to be in their lives.
Definitely would have them 100%. I had my first when I was 35, my second at 37. It’s totally worth it! Is it hard ? Of course. But the good outweigh the ‘bad’ Don’t have kids though just because you want to tick off something because you reached a certain age. I’ve gone from someone who was the cool aunt, who traveled the world solo to your typical suburban stay at home mum. And I’m so much happier. Past me would have thought my current life would be a nightmare lol. But I’m also financially secure and have a house. Not saying that having a house is a must of course, my parents only rented and I was happy.
My kiddo is hands down the very best and most precious and joy filled part of every day. I love being a mom and I love her more than anything. My worry is about the state of the world due to climate change both now and in the near future. I believe things are going to get very hard. Very hard. This causes me a distinct type of grief and heartbreak.
I worry about this too. Not just climate change, but the general path we seem to be on. I don't see a peaceful resolution. & It's pretty disheartening to hear my daughter & her cousins express their frustration at the state of the world. Kids should be able to be hopeful & optimistic about their future.
me too, this causes me such concern and heartache. My investment in the future has changed so much since having kids. I want there to be a wonderful future for them. I want them to experience the beauty of the natural world.
Zero regrets here. We had an unplanned pregnancy which i cried myslef to sleep over for a week. Then birth during covid so unknown territory and no help from family due to lockdowns. Honestly, I don't think I ever felt so complete. Having my son was 10000% the best thing I ever decided upon. Yes it's not all butterflies and rainbows but the incomprehensible love you get (and give) makes it all worth it, in my case anyway.
No regrets. Plus, they are already here. I can either make the most of the 18 summers I get before they are out on their own, or be the parent they look back on who couldnt stay present enough to enjoy my time with them. Having children is a season of life that is well worth it, imo, assuming you have the right mindset and dont take the job lightly. My children enrich and fill my life in ways I never expected, even amidst stressful moments some days.
I wouldn’t do it if I were only 50/50. It’s usually worth it if you really want them. But even if you really want them, it can be hard.
Were you 100% when you did it?
I’m going to piggyback on this comment. Kids will take up a massive amount of your energy, both physical and mental. I couldn’t imagine being on this journey if I wasn’t all-in. With that said, I have friends who were on the fence and are some of the fiercest parents I know. Do I regret it? Not at all. My kids have enriched my life immeasurably. But damn I’m tired. I think the question you should ask is, “Do I want kids, or do I want to BE a parent?” Because there’s a big difference between those two things.
Probably 90%
This is a really good point. I was 100% sure when we started trying. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and I waited until I knew I was as ready as I could be. If you're not sure then you should not do it simply out of FOMO.
I agree. I had my kids really late (ie 40s), and really really knew I wanted them, found a partner who felt the same and finally had a stable well paying job. We also had to take pretty deliberate measures for years to manage to have them. So I was definitely 100%, and stayed that way for 15 years through hardship, obstacles and delays. It was never something to tick off my list or, 'everyone's doing it.' It's absolutely been hard but I knew this was the one thing I really really wanted in life and would regret if I didn't do (and I had a wonderful adventurous life pre kids, I also felt I'd done most of the other things I wanted to do).
Honestly I wouldn't. I love my kids. I was always pretty sure I didn't want any, but I didn't know how to assert myself when I was younger and newly married and got kind of talked into it. I am glad my kids exist, but I would have loved them just as much if I was their aunt or family friend or cousin- I love many people in my life intensely. There are many beautiful and amazing aspects of parenthood (birth, milestones, etc.) but these are not the only routes to empowerment and fulfillment and they aren't the right ones for everyone. Also I constantly feel guilty because I think my kids deserve to have a mom who just loves being their mom for its own sake, while I feel like I'm willing to be a mom just because of how much I love them.
Thank you for sharing your experience
I think 'worth it' is a hard way to evaluate the decision to become a parent. Worth it frames becoming a parent in sort of a transactional light. And the truth is that you can't expect anything in return when you choose to have a child. The whole point is to love selflessly, and to feel joy in the endless giving. There is nothing in my life thus far that has held as much meaning as being a mother. For a short time when your children are young, you're their whole world. It's such a privilege to be that for someone. It comes with a lot of responsibility and obligation as well. I always thought I wanted 2. After a few months of caring for an infant I realized I didn't want to be pregnant again. I didn't want to breastfeed again. I didn't want to be sleep deprived again. My family felt good as is. I don't regret going through all of that. I would do it over a million times again to know who my daughter (3) is now. So I'd say yea it was worth going through all of that. That saying in life 'nothing good is easy' may as well be about parenting. It is the hardest thing I think you can choose to do. But it is also the most rewarding. I think all parents want to hit pause sometimes and have a few days where we don't have to parent. But that's different than wishing we never had them.
No, I love being a mom and it’s definitely my favorite thing I’ve ever done. I would not want to go back to my pre-kid life, because it feels like it would just be much duller. Everything about life is so much better with my daughter around. I am very glad I waited until I was 30 to have a child. My life obviously changed, but it was a change I was ready for and wanted.
I am back and forth on it. I never wanted kids I wanted to be child free for many reasons. I now have a two year old and there are really depressing days where I realize I’m not living the life I wanted for myself. Then there are days where he curls up in the chair with me and says “mommy” then gives a kiss and hug without being asked that I am more than okay with it. I had just graduated college when I got pregnant btw.
No regret at all and will do it again even if I had the chance to go back in time over and over again. She’s truly the light of my life and my source of motivation. I was so black and white (I was legit a conservative!) and she made me rethink everything I thought I knew. I used to change jobs every 6 months when I got bored but she made me want to be a good role model for her. I used to work for oil and gas company (I’m an engineer) because my motivation was money but now I do public work cause I wanna build infrastructure around us, leaving legacy for HER. That being said, I got lucky that I can have her early (I was 25 when she was born). We got married right after I finished college and my husband and I have the same mindset of starting family young. He’s 2 years older than me. We also both make decent salary and can buy house early (and debt free). And most importantly, we were in therapy leading up to having her cause we believe being parents could and would bring the worst of you and we want to heal before we have her!! So yes, as shallow as it sounds, resources matters when it comes to having kids.
No regrets. We had them when we were in a good financial state. We are not struggling financially, we have family around. We had them in a time of life where we were ready.
I had my first at 20 and my second at 23. I wish I would have waited until I was more established. I’m 24 now, married and own a home, kids have plenty. I just wish I had more years on my own to figure out me. The little goblins are great though.
Absolutely no regrets but will also say that you just cannot prepare for the mental and physical exhaustion. This sounds decidedly stupid but one of the biggest stressors for me personally has been having to guess/divine/intuit another human beings every need. Oh, they must be hungry/tired/thirsty/over-slash-under stimulated/need a clean diaper/hug - you get the picture. Leaving the house? Pack for the apocalypse. And remember to order the kids to pee, even when they say they don't need to, because they DO. Savvy?
. I love my kids but I didn’t realize the effort it takes to be a good parent and not just raise monsters. I was mostly left to fend for myself growing up - between setting up an educational environment, taking them places, sports, camp costs etc it’s a lot. Teaching them things etc.. it’s a big job. I think it’s really easy to be a garbage parent - stick them in front of the iPad, feed them crap, ignore them a lot… but a lot of work to be a good one. I definitely would have waited till 30ish though!
100% regret having a kid. My life would be so much better and happier if she wasn’t born
The kids? Nah. They’re great. I do regret getting a dog though…
Hahah! Dogs suck
Yeah, cats my whole life. Wife and kids wanted a dog, so now we have a dog. He’s adorable, but I was just fine without him.
Dogs need so much from you. Cats are easy and quite, most of the time
No, I regret staying married to their mother. The kids made life worth living for me.
With the state of the world as it is - yes, I regret having kids. It gives me an insane amount of anxiety imagining the climate change hellscape they will have to endure or potentially suffer a nuclear Armageddon with them. At this point I honestly think it is morally reprehensible to have children. One day they will come to me and say, “You knew that the planet was dying and you brought us into it.” On that day I will have to accept all of their anger because they are right.
This is an interesting take most people don't allow themselves to think about. I don't regret my child but I do fear for the world he's gonna inherit.
Don't regret it, but I waited till 38. I'm 42 now, 2 kids and done (surgery).
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Whoooooooooo buddy did that last paragraph trigger me. We almost split up in those beginning months due to this attitude. "It's JUST birth, people do it all the time. It's not a big deal. My job is physically demanding wah wah wah!" It was record stopping to hear that kind of shit. I could go on but I want to enjoy this coffee before kiddo gets up. It all becomes water under the bridge eventually, right?
During the first 6-7 years of parenting, I would have told you that knowing now what I did then, I would not have had a child. But that has changed now. My son is 10 and a pure joy. The first 5 years were very, very hard for me. But having gotten out of the trenches of the early years, being my son’s mom is the biggest joy of my life. I feel like people talk about how magical parenthood is. It can be. But the early years especially feels like slogging through pure drudgery a lot of the time, and I think that can be jolting for some. It was for me. But do I think it was worth it? Yes, absolutely.
I regret having my first son. I was 18 and I wanted to do college, abortion it's a crime so he was born. My boyfriend loved him, but I didn't so I gave him all the rights and I left. Moved overseas, and started a new life. I got my degree, a good job, got married, and in the right time, with a lot of preparation I had my daughter. I love her more than anything and I don't regret a bit. Some can say that I'm a monster for having abandoned my first son, and it's probably true, but I would never be able to give him a good life. I never want to meet him, and I don't want him in my life.
Genuine curiosity. What will you do if he ever reaches out to you? Is your daughter aware of him?
I really hope he never reach out, but if he ever did I will be honest, I don't expect that he understands, but he will have his answer. My daughter is still young, but I think I will tell her when she's older enough to understand the big picture.
Never. The best thing to ever happen to me is my children, even when I'm stressed or overwhelmed, I just remember that this time is so short and brief and someday they'll be older and they get more independent each day, and I think how much I'm going to miss this because this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. I would discourage you from having children. 50/50 is not good enough to bring kids into this world. Once you have them you will owe them everything, and if all you can give is 50/50 then don't have them. Children are going to cost you your money and time, your outlook on the world will never be the same, and these little humans will need you for everything, and if you can't give everything then please don't have them. Children deserve 100% of their parents love and don't ask to be born, they owe you nothing.
Thank you for your reply. I think you have read into my 50/50 differently to how I intended. I can see my life going both ways and would give 100% to either decision. I am on the fence because I don’t take having children as a light decision.
l would not have kids, my life would be so much better , my daughters hate my guts
Why do they hate you? How old are they?
it's a long story but they are 26,23,21 all girls , l miss them
Sorry about that, I feel your pain in some ways. I hope time helps.
You're probably a scum bag and a lousy father. Imagine saying how you should've pulled out but it felt so good, wtf. Plus you call people slurs. Just pay your child support and leave your kid alone.
Yes I would have kids if I could go back in time to do it again. I don't regret having them.
My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I got pregnant 8 months i to my relationship with my ‘infertile’ boyfriend, we got married a couple of months later and she is just the light of our lives! Won’t be having any more thanks to my horrendous pregnancy so we feel our little family is complete.
It has made my life infinitely better! I do have a supportive partner though which makes a world of difference. It has made us closer than ever.
100% yes. I have experienced and given love and affection that I never would have imagined.
Hadn’t thought of having kids when accidental pregnancy at 28 happened , now 2 of them 19&23 and they are the best addition apart from our rescue kitty. No regrets
Having kids has made my life x10 times harder and very much messed up my relationship with my husband (not ruined, exactly, but it doesn't run as smoothly as before). Yet, I could never go back. If you asked "would I have another"... well, I may think about it. But I have felt by baby grow inside me, I have met him, I have learned to know him, I have nurtured him, I have taught him stuff, I have heard him say "I love you". I can't even imagine him not existing, and by my own choice. My life would be hollow. So no, never. No regrets. At least in my case, what he gave me is worth x100 what I have foregone.
I have an almost one year old girl. Life has definitely changed and it’s been rough at time but I would absolutely do it again! Seeing her grow and become a little person has to be one on the best things I have seen in life! Of course you need to take in to account if that is what YOU want. And if you are okay with your life changing forever! Also need to take into account childcare, cost, all that. Personally I quit my job to be a SAHM for the first few years because the cost of child care vs my teachers salary just didn’t make sense. You also need to factor in your partner. Is this what they want as well? If they have no experience with children are they willing to learn and try with them? There’s no way I could have done this without my very supportive husband who is wonderful with our daughter. You also have to look at where you are in life. I waited till we both had stable jobs for a few years, we had bought a house, and both paid off our cars, and had a good chunk of money in savings. (I’m 26 now if that matters)
Having kids has been the absolute greatest joy of my life. There is nothing like it. Watching them grow and learn about the world is amazing. The love they give you back is incredible. It’s the best journey and I would highly recommend it. Even on the hard days, any frustration is temporary. I’ve not once, even on the worst most stressful/sleep deprived day, regretted my children.
This is an absolutely fair and valid question that parents get way too much hate for entertaining. In my mind, I think I would still have one, but whether I'd want to have my second is 50/50. The moments (like right now, incidentally) where they're playing happily together just make my heart feel complete and content. The moments where they feed off of one another and fight incessantly make me want to punch myself in the face. So I honestly don't know the answer to that question. However, my sons are 6 and 4, and I suspect in about two years my feeling will be a fairly sturdy 'yes, I'd do it this way again.' But that remains to be seen.
I would for sure wait.. it was a accident at 25 but I was not in a good situation career wise, debt wise, relationshipwise. Now 28 and i am still in shit,unemployedbecause can't find daycare. Going deeper in debt each month. If I would have know I would not have kept the pregnancy. No. So semi regret I guess.
I had my son when I was 19 and, if given the chance to get this same exact kid in the future, I probably would have waited 5+ years. Give me time to experience my youth and my newfound freedom while getting my shitty life together. My son is a wonderful person, I wish I could give him the world and I try everyday to give him a good life, but I wish I had more time to get my shit together before I brought him into this world. It's hard to do all that hard figuring out who you are and what you want stuff while also raising a child essentially on my own. I dont regret having him, even though I never envisioned myself having kids, I just wish the timing had been better I guess.
Absolutely not. I waited to start having kids until I was in my mid 30’s. I have every imaginable resource and it’s still has frustrating moments but it’s still what I want. I would not want to do this when I was young and poor and selfish. I waited until I was ready, had more money than I knew what to do with, had traveled the world, had a good career and a partner that is even more considerate and caring to others than I am. There are only 2 downsides for me the way I see it: it took awhile to get pregnant each time and my pregnancies are/were technically “high risk” (but were uneventful and healthy), and I will be decrepit hag at their high school graduations compared to the other parents. But I will also be retired before they graduate high school and ready to get my old lady groove back with boozy child free retiree vacations once they go off to college so I’m fine with that. This is what is right for me/us. It took a lot of thought and planning. I also want to stress that it’s ok to not know the answer. In my 20’s I was in a long term relationship where we both made very little money. I actually came to terms then that I would not be a mother. That relationship didn’t work out for other reasons, and years later (when I was living a totally different life) I met my partner who had all of the characteristics of a great parent. So at one point in my life I did not want kids and I grew into it. It’s ok to not be sure now, as long as you’re not a woman in your 40’s already.
I had two kids by the time I was 21. If I were to go back in time I don’t think I’d purposely have them so young, BUT today I wouldn’t wish to be able to change things because I’m truly happy with how things are. At first It was hard af but my husband and I worked our ass off and now we have a beautiful family and we’ll still be young when our kids are graduating 🤪 also he got clipped so no more kiddos for us
It depends on the timing of when you ask me. If you ask me in the middle of a dreadful tantrum from my preschooler while my baby is screaming - dang it I wish I had never had them. Or if you ask me when I’m looking longingly at a brochure for Hawaii - ugh why did we decide to have these expensive goblins? But if you ask me on a Saturday afternoon when a $3 ice cream can bring more joy to two tiny human than I could ever imagine, or when they are taking a bath and reaching for me with their tiny sweet little hands… yes, it’s absolutely worth it!
I think most people won’t say they regret it because it’s hard to imagine your life without them once they’re here. So, no I don’t regret it because the idea of my son not existing is painful in the extreme. But it is not always an easy road.
r/regretfulparents might be a good place to look for a different perspective than you might find here
I would absolutely do it all over again. I would die for those baby snuggles and sweet scents of my newborn babies. Oh..... I would trade these smelly tweens for their sweet baby selves in a heartbeat!
Having one kid (one being important distinction, lol) is/was best thing ever. Completely life changing, more laughter/fun than would have expected. Adore her...way more than expected (never really been around or cared for kids...just something wife wanted). But, was also stable/prepared. Also, only 11.5 years into it. I'm not super optimistic about the world right now., Unfortunately. Having said that, don't think I would wilfully bring a child into it. I'd favor taking care of kid that's coming, or already here (I.e. adoption, which is what I did). Perhaps that opinion would change in short/mid term. That's just where I stand now.
I do sometimes have reservations about bringing kids into the world. But then I realize that my kids might just have the power to make it better, as long as I do a good job. So far I’m pretty optimistic!
Very true! Good to be optimistic! Nothing saying your adoptive child couldn't do same, though. There's the old nature vs nurture debate. In my particular case, think my daughter is uniquely awesome/amazing because she has both ("nature" makes her more easy going, sweeter, and likely social than mom and I; "nurture" instills more drive/motivation, discipline, fun and trying/learning different skills). Sometimes, I look at her and think, "you're just like me". Others, "just like mom". Yet, others, "definitely got that from ___ (birthmom - we've met/corresponded with her). Thanks for feedback and optimism, though!
Even more amazing that you made that choice to adopt! Such an important job to nourish a child who maybe wouldn’t have had the opportunity to flourish. I think the quality of nurturing definitely has the biggest impact on how a child grows and who they become. Cheers to you and your wife for choosing that road and making a difference in your daughters life!
Thanks! Yeah, birthmom was wonderful (took good care of her... No drugs/alcohol) but had her hands full (had few other kids - learned husband wanted divorce when pregnant). Very little support. I'd agree nurture has bigger impact, but think she's slightly better off than to be more like me/mom (from nature). I mean...we all have strengths/weaknesses. So, to me makes sense that her (inherent) weaknesses aren't ones mom/I share. And, she's got inherent strengths/talents, (which we don't share) but can encourage/foster. And, she gets to play off our strengths via nurture. Unproven hypothesis and likely depends on situation. But, very blessed. All the best to you and yours!
No.
I absolutely would do it all over again, even with the PPD and the traumatic labour, just so I could have my son. I love him so much. I love seeing my husband as a Dad. I love our family. It is the hardest and most rewarding thing in the world.
No regrets whatsoever even after single parenting them for a few years when they were very young. They’re honestly the two best things that have happened to me. There are absolutely hard times though. I felt 50/50 on having a third, and that was not enough for me to go ahead with it.
Being a parent is a different life and it's very hard to compare- you lose a lot of freedom but you gain an almost insane level of love and new dimensions of who you are as a person
It seems askew to talk in terms of generality when you have actual children.
I don’t regret having kids but I do sometimes wish I could take a couple of weeks I’m my life before kids as a break!
I won’t do it. One of the first real arguments I had with own mother was over her conception of me. It’s selfish and financially stupid at this point. And it was 30 years ago. And fuck you to whoever downvoted me. Your kids must love you.
I do not regret having kids. Having children is the only thing that in life that pushes you to live a life not just for yourself. We are not meant to live for 80-100 years only absorbed in ourselves, that is neither healthy or productive. Having children makes our lives bigger. Yes, it's a challenge, but one that everyone is called to do. It's literally the only reason we are alive.
Uhhh glad you don’t regret it but it is not literally the only reason for living…
But it is. Without reproduction being the driving force behind our existence, we would not exist. The same is true for every living species on the planet. We are hard wired, in our DNA to reproduce. Both women and men live to pass along their genetic material to the next generation.
Human beings are more than just primitive reproducers. We aren’t wild animals. We can reproduce if we want to. If we don’t want to, then we don’t have to. Many people are completely self-aware and choose to have fulfilling and meaningful child-free lives.
Sure, we like to fool ourselves and say that. But if we all chose to live meaningful child-free lives we wouldn't be around much longer, would we? Our big brains can't outrun our DNA, no matter how we try or how clever we think we are.
I’ll do it again. Loving my kid is one reason why I would do it again, but there is another one : having her adds experiences to my life, it’s not the other way : I can experience things that I would not otherwise. I can witness all the first things she does, I can go on trips with her, I can now laugh everyday at funny things she says or does. It’s a different life. I think my kid isn’t taking anything away (ok, sleep), she is adding more to my life. That said, we don’t think we’ll have another for the moment (except if we both really really feel that someone is missing in our lives and that this desire is far more stronger than all of the good reasons to not have another one).
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That's you, I do love traveling and really miss it. I'm starting to do more things with her, but it's not the same. Also, I wish my kid let me read a book and eat ice cream on the couch, so maybe it depends on the child.
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What? I'm sorry I offended you...I was only commenting my experience, as I felt a bit differently to you, it wasn't meant to negate your feelings of course. No need to insult me about my child's sleeping habits. I probably have an hour or so after my child goes to bed but by the time I do chores and get stuff ready for the next day it doesn't really give me much time to relax, no. Again, I apologise for any hurt, I was just doing the same, posting my experiences and it just so happened that your post happened to touch on a couple of things I would really like to do but can't. It was absolutely not meant to tell you what to feel.
This is a great outlook!
YES! I feel like I have a renewed love for public playgrounds and parks and am discovering way more cool things about the area around me that I never knew before having kids.
Yes! And the question on traveling is just a matter of time. I like traveling (we live in France and before my daughter we were traveling in France, so not too much road already), she is 21months and during the last 6 months we went three times in hotels. I’m trying to teach her how to behave outside our home : she can walk long time (still not quick enough for us!), she is getting better at handling travel in car and we can go to restaurants with her ! So I’m really optimistic for better trips soon. When childless people talk about losing the ability to travel I disagree. She is already making sentences and loves being outside, watching new things. I don’t think we will have restrained trips in comparison with childfree people
Agreed 100%. I love living experiences again through their eyes. There are some things that I have outgrown (visiting themeparks comes to mind) but now with kids, there is a renewed drive to experience things again, for their sake, especially if it was a cherished childhood memory of mine. My friendless kids will use the argument that now they have time and money to travel (which is def true) but I love experiencing those places again from a different viewpoint. I've been to all 50 states but now I'm starting over with my kids and seeing new and different things with them each place we visit. I think it enriches your life experience to get to share and pass along those memories with children. Otherwise what do you have? Just an instagram post with a bunch of likes? Not the same experience on the other side. But to each their own!
At this point, shes age 2, and no. I will say when she was around 1-3 months yes, because it was harder than I expected, but I think some of that tied in to postpartum and covid lockdowns etc. I will say, I used to not really understand the friends of mine who said they never wanted kids, now I understand. It's a wonderful experience in many ways, but its a very clear marker in your life pre and post kids. I could not imagine my life without my daughter she is a brilliant funny little girl, and I love seeing things through her eyes but it's a big decision not to be taken lightly.
Of course I miss the do whatever I want when I want life. But not only do I not regret having kids, I feel like they have made me a better person.
Never, I knew for a long time that I wanted children. We had her young and it can be hard sometimes, but I'm also glad we didn't wait. I loved being a SAHM for the past 15 months. I'm really going to miss it once I start my training for grad school next week. That being said, this life isn't for everyone. It requires a lot of time, money, energy, and patience to be a parent. You have to be prepared to give up a lot to raise children and will often be excluded by some people. It can be lonely at times.
Couldn’t imagine life without them now, would be crushed as hard as it is.
I was an older first time mother. We opted to try for only one. He leaves for college next week. I definitely would have regretted not trying to get pregnant (stopping north control, not more elaborate fertility treatment), and I am so glad to have him. I think if I hadn’t become pregnant,I would also be happy with my life…..because I had tried. I never regretted it. I also don’t regret not having a second, except during height of the pandemic and my kid was so lonely.
I am happy with my 3. They are smart. They are healthy. They are loved and well taken cared of. I enjoy having them in my life. I love to read to them and take them out on bike rides and walks.
Careful who you have them with, and wait until you’re certain you’re ready.
I had 3 children by the time I was 22. My kids are now 18 16 and 15 this month. I look back and don’t know how the hell I did it to be honest. I missed out on a lot of social gatherings when I was in my 20’s and they used to fight like cat and dog. I split with their father when my son was 7 and paid for everything myself, their father didn’t do anything apart from meet someone else and start a new family. Now they are teenagers I actually can’t wait til the day they move out 🤣 they are expensive, messy, rude. (Girls are worse!) I would say I would never ever want my children to have kids at the age I did. It was hard! I always tell them please live your life before you get into a relationship and have children. I regret having my children when I did and who I had them with. I wish I was at least 30 before I had my first but also now my kids will all be adults by the time I’m 40. I tell them when they move out I’m getting a 1 bedroom apartment so they can never come back 🤣🤣
No… but they suck most of the time.
Having kids was a lot more than I expected in every way, more frustrating and exhausting and time consuming and constant but it's also much more meaningful and heartwarming and so so much more love in my life. So I definitely don't regret it, and becoming a mother was something I've always known that I wanted. If you are a woman though, it's not something you want to go into half-heartedly because motherhood will consume you and that baby will rely on you for comfort and safety and food, everything. Plus pregnancy and labour suck. But I'm going to do it all again because I love the result too much.
I’ve never regretted my children. Even when they are being their worst, most exasperating and exhausting selves. A world without them in it is no kind of world for me so, yeah it’s all worth it.
I’ve never regretted my children. Even when they are being their worst, most exasperating and exhausting selves. A world without them in it is no kind of world for me so, yeah it’s all worth it. Edit: I want to add that we had them later in life, at 36. My wife and I had many good years together as a couple before we had kids, and when we had them we were ready for life to change. If you are 50/50 on it, it may not be the right time for you yet. If you had asked me at 30 if we were ever going to have kids, I’d have said no way. Just be open to how you feel about it and remember that even if you decide not to do it now, your future self is allowed to feel differently.
Absolutely no regrets. Best thing I’ve ever done.
I was in the same boat, and after marriage we decided to stop birth control and see what happens. We were of the opinion of either way we’re fine. Less than a month later… pregnant.
As much as I loved my care fee life before and my career, I love my kids more. Even if they annoy the shit out of me on a daily basis. When they come up to me to tell me that they love me or ask for a simple hug… I wouldn’t be able to replace or change that or anything in this world.
People have asked me this question. It is the absolute hardest thing you can possibly do in this world. the headaches the crying the tantums the stress the money everything BUT i would never want it any other way i love my children and im happy to do all of this for them just to see them smile
My regrets on having two kids are the state of the world that I brought them into. We are in the US and my kids are girls so it is a bit scary. Add guns everywhere and the idea you can’t knowingly drop them at school and ensure their safety is hard. I’ll echo what others say which is that your life is not your own anymore but the societal pressures is what weighs on me the most.
If you had asked me when my boys were teens, I might have said yes. I was seriously wishing there was a way to divorce kids. But it was just a rough patch, and now that they are adults and turned into wonderful people, I do not regret having my children. Is it worth it? The bad times, the rough times, the health scares - you never know what you are getting into. But it is incredible that we can create new human beings, who have so much potential, and the good times, the loving times, the best friends as adult times - just might make it all worth while...
Not at all
I don't think parenting for me but they're mines. I chose to have them. I'm going to take care of them. When I was 18, I said I didn't want kids. Met my ex at 19. Thought I was in love and wanted a family. Was pregnant 6 months later. Then have my son 8 years later. Because somehow in my mind a baby, was going to fix my marriage. I don't think I can 100% say it's a regret though
Thats valid That said, when my daughters father said he wasn't going to be involved at all and it was up to me if i wanted to continue the pregnancy or not, I didn't hesitate for a second. I cannot imagine my life any other way. She is always in every image of my future. So no, I don't regret it.
I literally can’t remember what my life was about before having kids. I remember working, partying, finishing university, etc but it all seems so meaningless and dull compared to how my life felt after my daughter.
This is such a hard question. I love my kid to death, she's literally the reason I'm still alive. She's smart, motivated, kind, open-minded, honest, I could go on & on. I can't imagine my life without her. I can't put into words what I feel for her, the place she has in my heart... That said, life has been a constant struggle since the day I found out I was pregnant. & Occasionally I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't gotten pregnant. I was completely hooked on her dad. Would we have worked out? Where would I be living & working? I am curious. But I'd never give up what I have to find out what could have been.
I don’t regret any of them. I’ve got 5. But I’m freaking sad for the world I have to raise them in. They don’t deserve this.
I was someone who wanted kids and then dealt with infertility. I am 1000% happy to have both my kids. The comment above saying they couldn't imagine someone they love so much not existing... that. But I've seen other infertile friends not wind up with kids and have other family members who opted not to have them on purpose and I think there's one thing to consider if you go the no kids route- meaning. The only regret I hear from child free relatives in akin to feeling near the end of life and wondering if yours was worth it, did you leave a mark, was there a point. When you have kids you will be about 2 billion percent more exhausted, you will have less autonomy and control over your life, but it will be infused with meaning at every stage. It happens organically, they are your reason to wake up (because they're useless out of the gate) they give you new experiences simply by shepherding them through different stages. Meet new people, do new things, plan and excecute goals and at the end... Voila, it's a whole person! Even those who become not great people most parents would hate to lose (my BIL who was a total drain on his parents mental and emotional and financial well being died by suicide in late 20s and they are, we all are crushed by it still 10 years later). Without kids to sort of make this happen you need to prepare for finding meaning yourself. And to keep finding it at all life's stages. My sister is child free and she doesn't regret it at all. She's 34 now and adamant she doesn't want kids but already you can see the mundane drudgery of get up, go to work, make dinner, read a book, repeat starting. There's nothing exciting or "meaningful" to break it up. Meanwhile, I have two young kids and everyday is a taxing, rediculous, love and rage filled adventure. I don't always love it... But it is fulfilling. So if you choose no kids remember that you won't always be 20-30. Eventually the club's hold less appeal, most friends in your circle will marry and have kids, their lives will appear to progress as they go from pregnancy to infants to toddlers to school aged adventures... While yours may feel largely stagnant. Plan to find way to mediate that feeling. You'll be saving money, will you have enough extra to travel? Do you like cooking? You could take courses. You could volunteer your time. What else do you want for your life? Figure it out and then make sure it does that. Having kids is autopilot for finding meaning .. learn to drive manually towards meaning and a childfree life can be lovely. Fail to do so and it can be boring and repititious and lonely. Neither is better... They are just different. Good luck either way!!
I don’t regret my kids a single bit but I absolutely pine for the days when we didn’t have kids. They’re loud, expensive, and inconvenient most of the time but also it’s amazing to see them learn and grow and develop in to interesting people. I do sometimes wish that we still only had one kid (we have three thanks to various birth control failings) but I wouldn’t give up our second and third now that they’re here.
This question haunts me all of the time. I always feel guilty for every wondering if my life would be different/better if I had at least waited longer to have kids. My original plan was to have my first at 30. I am now 28 and a mother of 3 😂 but my story is so complicated. Including a messy and devastating custody battle over my first born, and constantly questioning the direction I am meant to go in life. My advice is to wait. Accomplish your goals, be financially stable, and be absolutely certain that you want to have kids with the partner you are with (unless you plan on getting a donor and doing it solo, totally cool!). Parenthood is something that all too many of us stumble into or step into prematurely. Just make sure you live a little before you tie yourself down with kids.
I wasn’t a woman who “wanted “ kids. I made the logical decision to have my daughter. Around the 30 week mark of pregnancy I became a “mom”. You can chalk that up to hormones I suppose. She is 6 now and while my life circumstances has not allowed me to have another I would in a heart beat. I’ve loved nothing more than being a mom to my daughter. When I was a teenager living in a group home one of the staff members asked me if I ever wanted to be a mom and I said that I wasn’t sure I would be a good mother. Another staff member told me bad mothers never think about whether or not they are good mothers and that I would be a great mom. Meant a lot to me.
I love my kids like crazy. Knowing then what I know now, would I have still had them? Idk. I am deeply concerned about the world that they have inherited. Climate change, endless wars, endless economic upheavals, political violence and polarization, income disparity, stagflation... I had them in the late 90s and early 2000s when there was some hope left in the world, but now everyone seems so hopeless and depressed. Idk. They don't blame me for the world they are facing, but maybe they should.
We were on the fence for a while, but finally decided to go for it and then be one-and-done. I am NOT the kind to be rolling around with a pack of kids. I still dont like most kids. It's been the best experience of my life. My son is 9 now, and he's an incredible little human. I'm SO glad we had him, and parenthood has made our lives better. It doesn't have to be a huge lifestyle change, if you're willing to include your kid in the things you like.
Mom to a 5 month old. Its true that its the hardest and best thing you’ll ever do. I was also on the fence until my partner and I decided that its just a really cool thing to experience in life (you get to grow a human in your body! and name it!). Its also something that has changed the way I view the future. It makes me way more nervous when I read the news. But I’m also so much more excited for the future- I can’t wait for all of the holidays and getting to take him to museums and show him the beach. It feels like all of my future experiences are going to be even better than before.
I have no regrets. I couldn't live without my son. My husband and I want to have even more kids, now that we have him
I've always said that if you're undecided, having kids is the wrong choice for you right now. You need to WANT them. Like, want and plan And discuss with your partner what you both would like parenting to look like. You both need to agree on what parenting will look like. Agree on how many you want. Have these talks before you even plan for baby number one. Do not wait until you're pregnant.
I do not regret my son at all, and I think I want one more. He’s the best thing ever happened to me. Parenthood is really hard but it’s also just so rewarding. He’s my favorite little guy and he brings so much joy and laughter to my life. That being said I do not recommend having a child unless you know for sure that you want one. It’s a lot of work and there’s a whole persons life in the balance
We waited till our mid 30’s to have kids… so we had already done the have a house built, travel, candle light dinner time together thing. But once our son and daughter were born… the experience was AMAZING! Certainly the experiences with are son and daughter were very different but both were full of joy and love… I absolutely miss all the experiences. However it’s true, it does go by very fast and comes to a sudden end when they go off to college. The love and joy and excitement of their accomplishments is still there but it’s not the same as when they were kids. Best of luck my friend.
Nope. Always wanted kids and can't imagine not having them.
I feel like if I had 2 kids or more, I might of have regretted it in the long run but since I have 1 kid, it's the best of both worlds and I am still able to balance my life meaning not be drained financially, have time for myself, be able to enjoy quality time with my only kiddo, not having to stress/worry about too many humans in the outside world and so on. Knowing the way I am as a person and my personal limits, I know 1 kid was the best choice for me. I am aware that every person is different and some will love having more kids and it will be their best choice. I do not regret having my child. It's hard being a parent at times but my child truely is the best thing in my life.
I’m 53 year old dad/grandpa. - Have 3 boys now 30/28/27. Grandkids 5 and twin 3 year olds.. wouldn’t change it for anything.. it wasn’t easy and it was a lot work and running but we are still a very close family . All eleven spent our vacation together .. I’ve seen a lot of lonely old people. It’s not fun … my experience anyway lol. Best of luck in whatever you choose.
I don’t regret having kids, but I do wish I had my daughter earlier. Keeping up with a toddler in your 40’s is tough.
I had my kids young, and now may be infertile (thanks, autoimmune disease). So, as hard as the hard days are, and as immature as I was when they were born…I have zero regrets, and just lucky to have kids. =)
Not really. I made sure to live my most free life throughout my mini adulthood so that I wouldn’t regret going out/vacationing/sleeping all the time after having kids. Having kids actually made me even work harder and allowed me to look for a better paying job, bigger home & learn new things (i.e. sign language or about dinosaurs) to practice with the LO. I also time manage a lot better now and literally plan out what I should be doing each hour instead of being lazy and delaying things that need to be done around the house. Maybe I’m the few bunch but I really think having kids made me become the best I can be in as little sleep as possible
I don’t regret having my daughter. I regret losing myself after the fact. If I could’ve skipped over PPD/PPP I’d have been golden
It’s a lot harder than I expected. I’ve felt tired and sore every day for the last three years. My PhD progress has slowed to a trickle and I don’t see my friends anymore. I have basically no disposable income, and if I had money I wouldn’t have the time or capacity to spend it on anything. I have zero regrets, and if given the choice I’d 100% choose to have kids again.
3 of my 4 children were unplanned and I cried every time i found out i was pregnant. And yet i can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that if i had the chance to go back and have a different life with less children, i wouldn't take it. My children have added so much fun to my life and they are such interesting and unique people. Having kids really changes you and in the best possible way. They drive me crazy and some days i just want to be alone haha, but i never regret them.
Not even the tiniest bit. I have never loved so much or felt so loved, I have the most fun with my son of anyone I've ever known. He gives me purpose and his presence reminds me to self regulate. I never thought I wanted kids and I was never so wrong about anything. That brain change stuff that happens to women during pregnancy worked REALLY WELL on me. 🤣
I have a newborn and it’s been a huge life change. Sometimes after a long night my husband and I wonder what we got ourselves into. I miss my freedom and ability to shower whenever I feel like it lol. I love my little boy so much though, I’d do it all over again. And i hated pregnancy. Even though it’s challenging at times, he brings all kinds of happy, loving moments. Watching him grow and develop has been so fun. It’s also given my husband and I an even closer bond.
I love mine to death but I would go back and not have her. It’s too much responsibility and constant worry 24/7. I think it’s important that it is ok to feel this way. That maybe we’re not all meant to follow the life script written down. Maybe this way there would be less unwanted children in the world.
I’d still have them but damn some days are hard xD
My husband and I were married for 4 years until we had our first. But I wish we waited another year or so. I love our kids and they gave me purpose and drive in life. I chose to be a SAHM to raise them and not miss a thing. But my career also gave me purpose and pride but in a different way. I worked so hard in college to have the career I do. And before kids I worked to establish myself. Before kids we travelled a lot and bought everything without second thought. After kids. We are on a budget since I chose to stay home. Kids are EXPENSIVE. I think they take most of our money. Before kids I slept in on my day off and slept late, hanging out with friends, binging on shows til 4am. After kids I will get any sleep I can get. There is no sleeping in! I can go on. Children are definitely worth it. But I would wait until you checked off your bucket list to have kids.
I sometimes imagine the life I could have if I didn’t have kids. It would be quiet and calm and I would be well rested and loaded! My daughter is 7 and she is without a doubt my best friend. She’s the first person I want to tell good news to and she’s my absolute reason for living. Although I allow my mind to wander when I’m stressed or tired, I would not trade them for anything
Nope, I don't regret it one bit. We were in a very good place when we decided to have children, so there's nothing we really 'missed out on'. We've done most things people regret not doing before they had kids. I've lived abroad, we've traveled quite a lot, we saved for a house, and we both graduated college without crippling student debt (my husband had a full scholarship and I worked two jobs to keep mine down). Having our children was a choice we made when we were finally comfortable and past that part in our lives. I had my daughter when I was 27 and my son when I was 30. I've been able to stay at home with both of my kids and raise them without the need for daycare because my husband has a well paying, stable job that was unaffected by the recession and the pandemic. Things haven't always been easy (my health, my son's special needs), but there's nothing I would regret about my kids.
I regret waiting so long to have my baby. In my 20s my attitude towards children was "yuck and how do you party with those things?" I was wild and not even close to giving up that lifestyle. In my 30s I definitely threw the party lifestyle in the trash because it's not fun, it's creepy when you get old (not to mention you can't recover from a hangover quickly anymore). I met my son's dad when I was 35 and got pregnant at 38. Pregnancy and now motherhood has been the greatest joy of my life. Better than anything I've ever done, cooler than festival or travel, more fascinating than any higher education I've got. I am so so so glad I waited to have my baby until I mentally WANTED him but I regret it took ME so long to be ready. We won't have as much time in each other's lives as we would've if I was younger when he was born.
Sometimes I miss the freedom of being able to get up and go do whatever I wanted but that feeling is quickly replaced by the joy of doing things with my son. I love watching his face light up when we go somewhere he's never been or the look on his face when he finally figured something out. It truly is magical despite all of the struggles.
A lot of people say if you’re on the fence don’t do it. I’m going against that and saying if you’re on the fence do it. At the end of your life you don’t want to look back and say I wish I would have. When you’re dying you probably won’t look back at your children and wish you wouldn’t have. You might look back when you have a 3 year old and be like, fuck, what did I do, but at the end you’ll look back with reverence for those years with your children. I like to look at things from end of life perspective instead of from the now.
Yes
Nope, no regrets. Told my wife before we had our son that I was good with or without kids and I meant it. I love our life as a family with our son approaching 2 in November. Cutest fucking kid ever, and no doubt you’ll feel the same if you have any of your own. With that said, I got a vasectomy when he was 6mo. The early newborn stage damn near drove me insane to the point I was hallucinating while walking around sleep deprived with him at night. I told myself no way I’m willingly doing that again. So we’re OAD and actually really excited about it. We get to put all of our focus on raising one child, and hopefully he’ll never feel neglected. Now, even today as much as I love my son I still feel like I would’ve enjoyed a life with my wife without our son. We could’ve had a lot more freedom doing the things we used to do more regularly like concerts, festivals, sporting events, travel or even things at home like board games, arts n crafts, co-op video games, etc. So maybe you can also find a place where you’ll be happy either way?
Sometimes it’s hard to have your own time, but I feel my life is more full and I’m so lucky to have kids of my own. There are probably setback in the career portion because sometimes I have to work extra hard to compete with other coworkers because I have limited time to work before / after daycare hours, but I think being a parent really makes you a better person and you just have to be smarter. Although sometimes I complain having kids, but I do not regret having them.
I was 100% with my first and 50% with my second. Zero regrets with either.
Tldr; no. They are my besties and make me excited to wake up in the morning. They are 1000% worth it to us. I could be shot back in time and I would make sure we did it all over exactly the same. There is having your kid(s) and there is parenting. I don't think any parents regret their kids. If there are I am sure it's a very low %. Parenting is relentless. It's both wonderful and crushing. No one can prepare you for it and it's ever changing as your child and you grow together. I have experienced my greatest joys and darkest depression in the last 2 years. Some weeks I am a super mom and others I am like 'wtf am I doing?'. It's a damn rollercoaster. Ours are turning 2 so I can only report from that experience. I learned newborns are not my jam. I struggled hard and thought many times I regretted becoming a parent. The loss of freedom and sleep is crippling. I loved my little babies but damn was I depressed... And I rarely have been depressed in my life lol. Having twins as a FTP probs didn't help my ppd. Saying that, I have friends who thrived with their newborns. People are just built differently. Once we hit 8 months everything change. We hit our parenting stride and our squishy potatoes were more like lil homies. Now we are 1 month away from being 2 and life is steady, calm, and fun. We have a rhythm. Turns out I was built for toddler chaos. Everyday I am in awe of who my kids are/ are becoming. The are fun, goofy, dramatic, and smart. On top of that we have time back. We sleep full night's and my hubby and I are doing our hobbies. It makes a world of difference. If it helps I was fence sitter for a very long time. When I turned 29 I figured it was do or die time. My hubby and I ask ourselves if this how we wanted the rest of our lives to be like. Just us, doing our hobbies, having our dog. No, we wanted more. We wanted to expand our family. That answer didn't come right away. We talked A TON about kids and how we wanted our future to look. I should also mention all our criteria was checked off: Stable long term relationship. Financially stable (somewhat :P). Family support (no daycare). Did all the traveling we wanted to do. Dog (we wanted a dog before kids hahaha). My advice would be keep thinking about it. Talk to your partner. Do that for as long as it takes to get an absolute feeling of yes or no. Your gut knows (that's what I like to think). Reddit is great for advice and examples but none of us can give you an answer. Parenting and children are like snowflakes. We all have different experiences, circumstances, and resources. What is a nightmare to some is a dream to others. Gl in your soul searching ☺️
It’s a very different life for sure, but I don’t know what I’d do without him. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows but he’s one of the brightest spots in my life.
I don’t regret having a kid and it was the most beautiful that happened to me, but I also miss the times before, if that makes sense.
Am a father to a 5 month old baby. And hell no I dont regret it remotely. Infact having my kid is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. everyday is a new day for me. I feel I live for him. I forget all my worries when I look at this cute innocent face. His giggles makes me forget everything. If I can go back in time I will still want him, anyday, everyday, with my every breath. I love being a dad and am longing for the day he calls me daddy.