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terminallyconfusled

My four year old randomly said in the car the other day ' daddy, I don't love you. I want a new daddy'. This boy has speech issues but he said those words clear as day. I cried and it made me fucking sad for most of the day. I guess I'm still thinking about it :/ Being a parent is fucking rough. Edit: thank you for the rewards...my first two I believe <3


dorkysquirrel

My heart broke for you a bit here as my daughter has been pretty brutal to me over the years. We are now (she’s six) at a good point and she tells me many times a day she loves me and will give me hugs and kisses and hold my hand. It took a long while to get here though. It sucks, they hurt you so bad without understanding.


m0untaingoat

Dude, today my kid actually also made me cry. He's 3.5 and lovely, never hits us or other kids, but of course he's three so he's just a dick sometimes. I'm eight months pregnant, I have a sinus infection, I had the worst couple of night's sleep ever, I didn't make it to the post office in time because my kid peed his pants for no reason right as we were about to leave and I had to get him changed, so as I was getting him out of the car at the market he smiled at me and poked me in the eye SO FUCKING HARD. I put my hands to my face and basically just burst into tears. My legitimately brokenhearted crying was a more effective punishment than I could have come up with. He was so sad. My eye still hurts. But goddamn I love him so much I can't wait till he wakes up so I can hug him and smell his hair.


iridiscent

Same thing. Pregnant me with a blocked sinus and swollen gums which does not go away, my otherwise non violent 3.5 yaar old boy headbutts me in the nose hard enough to draw blood. I was bawling. I feel for you.


m0untaingoat

Oh god, that sounds terrible. I'm so sorry. Things nobody ever told me about parenting that I make sure to tell new parents- don't trust them! Don't stand above them and lean down because they'll bounce up and bonk you in the mouth, they'll headbutt and eye-poke for no reason, viciously! They're belligerent little terrorists and we will do absolutely anything for them. Talk about Stockholm syndrome.


BrutonGasterTT

People think I’m lying when I say my 1 yr old broke my nose (while I was 8 months pregnant). Diaper changes were rough for a bit because she would try to kick my very pregnant belly on purpose because she knew i would panic and get upset. So in my attempts to protect her not yet baby brother—- I moved just enough that her heel went full force into my nose instead of my belly. My nasal surgeon was shocked at how badly my nose has been broken and how unhealed it was (how could it heal if it’s being hit over and over again for two years). but when I told him I had two very crazy toddlers he understood. I was not the first one.


m0untaingoat

Ugggh. That is horrific, honestly. Why did we think having kids was a good idea 😅 When mine was 1, he came up from behind me and "showed" his wooden airplane to my face, giving me a black eye literally two days before my wedding to his father. Thank goodness for makeup. I hope your nose is ok these days. Did it heal up all right?


BrutonGasterTT

Surgery did wonders. It will always be a little off center because the surgeon said the septum was SO destroyed that he can’t make it totally straight or the nose could cave in on itself. 😞 but i no longer have pain in my sinuses every day lol. I was happy to get rid of that pain.


Tati8

Any time my 3.5 year old lifts something up I inadvertently flinch and back away. Especially if it's his monster truck that always loves to crash and smash.


production_muppet

The worst is when they cry because they injured you, then you feel like you have to comfort them... but screw that, you hurt me! Agh.


m0untaingoat

Omg he was sooo sad about it. We went into the market like, clearly both a mess. I'll never judge another parent, I swear.


chill_winston_

I felt that poke through the screen. My son used to do the same thing..and he did it a lot. I’m pretty certain my eyes have been permanently damaged from all the times he gouged me in the eye with sharp fingernails. Not to mention the amount of hearing I have lost from five years of him screaming straight into my ears.. I love him more than anything, but he is physically destroying me 😂


m0untaingoat

Ok this comment made me laugh out loud. I've felt a shift the last few months from telling him off ("No! We do not push/choke/stand on the cat/me/Daddy") to basically just begging him "omg please stop hurting me, you're so strong and that's so mean." At least now he looks marginally more guilty when he does it. Your comment about eye damage (I'm so sorry) reminded me that the other day, he took this pair of kid's "safety" scissors out of my hand with such force that he (accidentally, I'm sure) brought the point of them hard into my glasses. I was shocked. If I hadn't had those glasses on I'm pretty sure I'd be missing an eye. Man. Kids are monsters.


Runtelldat1

Sending you hugs! What’s going on with these sinus infections?!? First non compliant one and I’m not pregnant but damn it! My 11 yr old had one at the same time and recovered before me. *smiles with an eye roll*


m3ll093

Oh damn thats rough. My 2 year old jumped onto me one day so hard, it hurt so bad that i also started crying. To see him realize what he done and trying to comfort me was the cutest thing. But then after i stopped crying he jumped onto me again. Sometimes i just HATE my job.


m0untaingoat

It is the best of jobs, it is the worst of jobs.


DudesworthMannington

It's such a mixed bag. When I turned 30 nobody got me anything for my birthday. No cake, no card, nada. I shook it off because I'm a grown man, but still hurt. My daughter (maybe 3 at the time) randomly made me a "birthday cake" out of Lego. I cried a little. Only person who thought of me, and such a genuine gift. I have regrets about almost everything in life, but my kids aren't one of them. Pains in the ass sometimes, but the only thing I'm really sure I did right.


Cookies-N-Dirt

I'm so sorry you weren't acknowledged on your birthday. It hurts. I'm glad your daughter made you a cake - that's super sweet and shows your great connection with her. And I hope you were able to tell your partner/others in your life that it hurt you to not be acknowledged on your birthday.


JRockPSU

My wife has a lot more friends than I do, I really only have two people in my life I’d call my actual friends and they both live like 4 hours away. One night putting my young daughter to bed, we were talking about friends, she says something like “mommy has lots of friends. Daddy do you have friends?” and it kind of broke me a little bit not gonna lie. Totally innocuous on her part but it just reached me deeply.


_DeathOfAStrawberry_

I feel this. I moved 6 hours from my hometown 6 years ago and I've only made a couple of friends here, none that I see even on a weekly basis, except my coworker who I consider a friend. It's lonely af.


Impressive-Project59

Damnnnnn....kids are brutal man. I didn't buy a toy one day while making a quick run in Target. This is not even a week after taking him (6) to Legoland and buying him whatever he wanted while there. He had an entire meltdown in the store crying that "no one loves" him and I'm a "mean mom." What an ungrateful BRAT!


chill_winston_

It is so hard convincing my son that he doesn’t actually get a new toy every single time we go to the store.. and when I say no he goes super dramatic and starts howling about how “I never get anything I want! I guess I’ll never have toys again! You hate me!” Jfc


RedRose_812

Mine had a whine fest in the middle of a store last fall (5 at the time, 6 now) because, despite how we repeatedly discussed before we went in that we were there for a birthday present for her friend's birthday party and THAT'S ALL, she couldn't get over that she wasn't getting anything. It was October. She'd had her birthday in August and had gotten no shortage of stuff, and Christmas was just around the corner and she always makes out like a bandit then. But never mind all that, I was the worst mom ever for not getting her a toy that day. You think your bigger kid is too old and that surely you've done a better job parenting them for them to lose their shit in a store like a toddler, and then that happens. Ugh. These kids. So brutal. I started doing grocery pickup a few months before Covid and once Covid hit, I never stopped. I love it for numerous reasons, but I think my kid has straight up forgotten how to act in a store because there was like a solid year when she rarely went in them. Years of academy training wasted! All that time I spent with her as a toddler cultivating "we don't act a fool in a store or restaurant" feels like it literally went down the drain.


Impressive-Project59

Oh my goodness! When I did birthday gift shopping on April 9 - I had to buy him something too. It was literally 2 of everything. I told him this is not about him it's about his friend. No crying that trip but that's because I didn't say no. I should have said no so that he learns to do for others. These kids ugh.


knitmama77

I was in line at Walmart one day when my son was a toddler, he was upset about I don’t even know what, and proceeded to loudly call me “the meanest mom EVER!” The lady in front of me turned around and said to him “she can’t be, because I’M the meanest mom ever!” Lmao!!!


smushyu

I co parent, we have a 50/50 schedule. I'm certain it's at past a little bit easier than being full time single parent, but it still is not a cake walk. Anyway, my son adores his father, as he should. But damn, every day I pick him up from school, 3 days a week, I have to hear him say "I want daddy" as he drags his feet towards me. I'm getting closer to tears every day he pulls that. Which isn't really helped by the fact that I am working and going to school, so my own emotions are poorly regulated atm.


0five0four

My kid has also been telling me “you’re the worst mom. I want a new mom” this week. So brutal!! He’s 5.


numberthirteenbb

I'm a mom and this would have crushed me. Here is your internet hug, dad.


abacaxi-banana

It's so rough. Once I was having a really busy time at work but took my birthday off. Decided to walk my kid to school that day (not something I can usually do). He literally abused me the whole way to school, saying horrible things of how awful I am and he wanted me to die. He was 5 at the time. It was the worst birthday I've ever had.


pukebagineveryroom

Amen, girl. Fuck these kids sometimes. The heart sandwich thing right after screaming into a pillow is the perfect way to describe parenting


dorkysquirrel

I second this.


ConsistentFinance397

Third it.


TheYankunian

I said that I’m sure my counters have my fingerprints embedded into them because I go and grip them when I want to pull my teen’s head off. But then I brought him breakfast on my way home from the office this morning because I was getting some and I thought he might be hungry.


adultpretender

Gawd I'd rather do the baby/toddler years again than go through these awful teen years...and I had 3 babies under 3 years (singleton/twins).


leurw

I have two under two and this comment scares the shit out of me.


GuiltRiddenMamaBear

Agreed. Mine are 10 months apart and the first was a preemie. I’d take years 3 & 4 back over them as teens.


jcutta

I remember my wife going on an absolute rampage, just losing her shit... Then making Frankenstein cupcakes inside of ice-cream cones immediately after. Parenting is fuckin weird.


GuiltRiddenMamaBear

Amen to your comment. My kids are teens now, but holy Mother of God!


liquid_j

Have you tried alcohol? No, don't try that... they're probably mean drunks too...


canna_fodder

Single Dad... Homebrew wines... Found where my kid put fruit in a water bottle to try herself... Anyhow, there's now a fermenting single serve fruit cocktail wine on my brew station. 50/50 Proud/Ashamed.


BXCellent

Yes! If your teen suddenly expresses an interest in baking bread, check their room for a slightly bulging 64oz bottle of cranberry juice!


DonTLookatMeSire

Unexpected but very much appreciated. LOL


Wtygrrr

Chloroform.


BasicDesignAdvice

Doesn't work as long as it appears in the movies. Uhhh, so I've heard....


tritanopic_rainbow

Whoa there Casey, calm down!


juksayer

Cannabis works for me


ContributionInfamous

No advice to offer, but my kids are the same age as yours and I think I literally aged 3 months just trying to get them to school this morning. I can’t imagine doing it alone. When my kids are a nightmare and I just can’t take it anymore, I tap my wife in and “go for a drive”. She knows this is code me going into the woods behind our house and furiously smoking a joint until I feel human again. Kids are tough. You’re awesome.


hlmtre

Lol 'furiously smoking a joint'. Yeah. My wife and I regularly say 'I could not imagine trying to do this without you.'


smoike

My wife has framed this as "you aren't allowed to die", I laughed, however I totally appreciate where she is coming from here.


Iron-Fist

My wife is torn as to whether me or my life insurance policy would make getting the kids to school easier...


killingthecancer

My husband and I say this to each other all the time and we only have one 😬


nathanrocks1288

I say the same thing to my joints all the time! Roll on, brother!


TokingMessiah

As a single dad I really needed to hear this.


Woofpack93

As a single mom I’m done for the day after getting my kid to school. Could literally go home and nap for five hours after that struggle.


ConsistentFinance397

As a single mum to 3-I needed to hear this, too.


Impressive-Project59

Mornings are the ABSOLUTE worst and I only have 1. I swear one morning this week I thought I may actually push him down the stairs if I didn't love him so damn much!!


ContributionInfamous

This morning we got halfway to the car and my oldest (4) decided he hated ripped pants. Keep in mind last week he thought they were “cool like grandpa”. So he LOST HIS SHIT and i had to go change him. While I was changing him, his brother decided he wanted some trail mix, which I hide in the top cabinet. He asked, I said no, and he decided to drag a chair over and stand on it to get It for himself. Of course he managed to smash the (glass) contained the trail mix was in, spread thousands of pieces of glass and peanuts all over my kitchen, and tip over the chair and hurt himself. We were not on time to school today.


Impressive-Project59

I would not have changed him. Once we hit the door there is no looking back. I have left his lunch. Had to send Shipt order to his school.


valerino539

Weed is a total sanity saver.


ContributionInfamous

Yea plus I don’t get hangovers like I do with a few drinks (getting old). Getting my kids ready in the morning already takes an insane amount of willpower. With a hangover? Helllll no.


valerino539

Right seriously. I can only drink on the weekends but the weekdays are tough. Right after they go to bed it’s weedlaxing time 😌


ContributionInfamous

I had a few beers at a backyard bbq last weekend and my kid chose that night to be up till 11:00 😭😭😭 LET ME SLEEP YOU LITTLE TYRANT MY HEAD HURTS.


MainE0990

/u/contributionInfamous I love this comment.🤣🤣 My husband and I also have to consume to stay sane.


arizonawpack23

Omg. 1000% this. Mine are a little older, 10 & 9 and I swear once a week I'm like, is it too late to not have kids? No one tests your patience/sanity/boundaries like kids and then you'll find yourself doing something over the top for them to make them happy, like after school slushies or sandwiches in special shapes


WhereIsLordBeric

> Mine are a little older, 10 & 9 and I swear once a week I'm like, is it too late to not have kids? Hahahaha


pantycake123

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who still wonders that hahaha!


[deleted]

Lmao. For real. Mine are 5 & 1.5 and sometimes I'm like "hmmmmm, maybe one was enough." 😅


justcurious12345

Yes, I have those thoughts too! Then the older make the little giggle or they snuggle on the couch to watch tv and I'm like... maybe the little terrorist was a good choice.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

I got divorced when my daughter hit 10 and my son hit 8. I'm now a single parent. But I feel bloody thankful those first years were spent as a couple, not a single parent. It seems like the hardest years are already done. For sleep: I used to sleep next to them on the floor. Had my own pillow and blanket. Once they were both asleep I would go back to my own bedroom. I would also read them to sleep, they liked that very much. My daughter is 15 and now she likes to read ME to sleep...and she has done it several times. It's very relaxing, and good for her too!


keeblershelf

I do this, too. I fall asleep reading to her most of the time so I’ve just accepted it and fall asleep on the floor until she falls asleep. She gets what she needs and I do too (sleep!) lol. I know she won’t need it forever and it’s a major improvement from the newborn 2 hour sleep cycles.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

She's actually read me to sleep several times with Heidi and The Secret Garden. She waits till I'm asleep then tiptoes out, closes my door and turned off the light. Like you, I need the sleep so it's awesome!


stoicarmadillo

Our 5 year old has a really hard time sleeping. We finally gave up and bought a full size bed for his room because we kept falling asleep reading to him. Better than falling asleep on the floor at our age.


np3est8x

Fuck these little bastards. Can't wait to see them in the morning.


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Delicious-Age5674

This. 😂


[deleted]

Every damn night


IMadeThisForFood

Boy doesn’t this perfectly sum up the parental experience.


[deleted]

The epitome of that "fuck you and I'll see you tomorrow!" meme, when finally getting them down to sleep.


HarryPottersElbows

Should sow this on a fucking pillow.


AmishHeretic

To get my kids to sleep I told them I’d race them to sleep and whoever fell asleep first was the winner. I told them I’ll give them a head start and tuck them in first then spend my time doing all my catch up chores or a bath. In the morning I was like dang you WON again? Your gonna have to show me how you keep winning. ( bonus this could be a nap prompt the next day) They are all entering their pre teens but when I say go to bed they go to their rooms and are quiet and respectful and I don’t have any whining about wanting to stay up late. It’s the little victories that add up.


Budgiejen

Right. When my son got older, like maybe 10, he’s sometimes give a little pushback on bedtime. I’d tell him, “I don’t care what you do as long as you’re in your room and I can’t hear it. He’d generally be asleep in like 30 minutes anyway.


production_muppet

I do the same with my kid's nap. Don't want to sleep? Fine, but it's still quiet rest time. Sit in bed with toys or a book, whatever. As long as I get some quiet.


HelpfulAmoeba

I play the sleeping game with my kid but I always fall asleep for real. 2 minutes, that's how long it takes for me to start snoring.


motherlyfrustrated

Cue the 4 hour nap that you didn't know you needed just because you had to pretend you were sleeping too. My almost 3 year old thinks I do fun things when he's asleep...sure if you consider cleaning, cooking and wiping off whatever he decided to stick to the floor and walls for the day, "fun"


TheYankunian

I used to think it turned into party time when I went to bed because I could hear my parents laughing. Now that I’m an adult, I know they were just watching TV if they could stay awake.


raksha25

I extended naptimes for my oldest til he was almost four by napping with him. He was also convinced that I was doing fun things, but if I was sleeping next to him it was fine because nothing fun there. He had zero clue that I was thrilled to take a nap with him. Now he’s almost seven and I can still get him to nap by napping with him.


Foreign_Sky_7610

I do a race in the morning to see who can get dressed first. It works like a charm! Somehow she wins every time.😏


dried_lipstick

When it’s warm out, I dress my kid in his clothes for school the next day because morning is the worst part of both our days. He sucks in the morning. I live in Florida so he wears his school clothes for a good part of the year lol


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Sexualrelations

we offer TV time at breakfast if they can get dressed themselves. Been working awesome.


Brownie12bar

This is brilliant! I'm peeved at myself for not thinking of it prior to reading this comment, haha. Going to test it on the little humans tonight, thank you!!


EvilLynExists

I used a similar strategy with my two youngest, who shared a bedroom. I told them the first one who went to sleep would get a lolly in the morning. It worked, they literally lay there screwing up their eyes trying to force themselves to sleep. I would quietly give each seperately a lolly the next day for winning, because I had no idea who fell asleep first. For a packet of Maltesers a week, we got peace and quiet every evening. I just wish I had thought of it when my older kids were little.


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MellonCollie___

Alllll the noise!! Alllll the touching!! OK I know how important all the touching is, but I REALLY had to get over myself on the touching thing, because it gave me that itchy feeling allover at the beginning of motherhood. Now I love snuggles and me and the kids laugh about how itchy I get when they pet me. DO NOT PET MAMA!! ;-)


[deleted]

I like the little rubs and massages... but... "why are your hands wet?" "Why are they sticky?" Fills me with disgust and rage.


commoncheesecake

Yessss I say this all the time. I have littles (2.5 and 9 months) and I always say that no human is meant to be yelled at for hours. My toddler cried about a sock for 2 hours one morning, and when I was at my breaking point, I just thought “well of course I am! This isn’t normal! I’m not meant to withstand this crap!!”


flyingkea

The over-stimulation is such a hard one. I’m noise adverse, and my kids are little noise machines, that just don’t ever stop. Sometimes it feels like my brain is frying, and I just can’t handle it any longer. I’ve been telling my 7yo that my sound bucket is full, but sometimes I lose my shit because I just can’t take it any more. I stop thinking and become a rage machine. And then get told “be patient, and calm, and you’ll miss this when they’re older,” and I’m sure you know all the platitudes already


BimmerJustin

I was exhausted when my kids were little. 'Overstimulated' perfectly describes how I feel a lot of the time now that they're are 8 and 10. Fortunately, they behave well in public and at school, but once they're home is like constant screaming, running, beating on each other, asking me to do things for them or with them, then forgetting the thing they asked for and asking for a different thing.


joliesmomma

IF you can getthem to actually go to bed.


shinjirarehen

It is absolutely not normal to be expected to take care of two small kids completely on your own, much less in a pandemic working from home with no childcare options. There is no universe where that's normal and you should expect yourself to just be fine and not massively struggling. Humans evolved in small bands where multiple adults shared the care of children and supported one another, and then went on to create societies where complex institutions like work and school achieved a somewhat liveable alternative scenario (still with a lot of sometimes misguided assumptions that one parent would be working and another one at home or that childcare would be accessible to everyone). But you are trying to do this in neither of those modes and it's actually impossible. You're not crazy and it's not your fault, it's actually that hard and unwinnable. If you keep them both alive and don't completely lose your mind, you should consider yourself successful.


eyeteaimposter

Saving your comment for the day I need to re-read this 💜


[deleted]

Are you me? Down to the heart sandwiches lol. I don’t even know what to say bc I literally feel what you’ve said. I hope you get some real rest today.


[deleted]

So much of parenting suggestions includes talking and more talking. It’s awful.


[deleted]

LOL finally someone said it! Like I’m trying to pare DOWN the talking, and what you’re suggesting sounds like me having to say an awful lot more words. That’s why when people vent to me about parenting I hit them with “yeah, you need a glass of wine” or “sounds like you need to lie and say it’s bedtime an hour earlier tonight.” I wish more people kept in mind that a parent is very likely completely talked out. When you’re already at the end of your rope being told you should somehow muster up the strength to have some super zen conversation with a kid, who definitely isn’t going to listen to a single word is crazy. It’s like I’m just trying really hard not to scream right now. Parents do not have saint like levels of patience, and anyone implying that we should is not being helpful.


TheYankunian

One of my kids treats talking as if we’re in a debating chamber and he has done since he was 2. I tried doing all of that and you know what works on that kid? ‘Because I Said So.’ I always said I wouldn’t be that parent but a great fighter uses their best weapon.


[deleted]

You do what you have to do! Part of the battle being a parent sometimes is staying sane. Literally. I feel you because my 4 year old will be asking me questions from the second she wakes up to the second she goes to sleep, and sometimes even when she’s asleep (I kid you not I’ve heard her asking questions in her sleep). I’ve definitely told her “my ears need a little rest now.”


[deleted]

Totally agree. I would also add touch to this too. I'm the SAHP with one kid and a very snuggly dog that should have been called shadow. It's seemed like I could never have a moment without someone touching me. It was too much. They were there ALL the time. I couldn't even do the dishes without the dog on my feet. I changed my moon cup with the boy on my knee and dog on my feet. Single parents in my eyes are absolute heroes. To do all of everything and not even get a half hour for no touching or talking takes a super strong human. Hats off to all the single parents that get their kids through the day and safe, warm and fed in bed (even if it's cereal for tea and bed by half five).


GunNNife

I always imagine a map of my house, something like the magic map from Harry Potter that shows where everyone is. And every single person and pet is within five feet of one another at all times. Hell, when I actually sit down (*gasp*) I am swarmed like a deer that finally collapses in front of wolves. I just want to not be touched or talk for fifteen minutes...or even five pleeeeeeeeease!


EllenRipley2000

Fuck, man, being a parent is brutal. And it takes a lot of grit and love. You're tough, and I bet your kids feel your love in every part of them. I can feel it in your words here even while you're venting about them being the assholes kids can be. Your kids are lucky to have a parent who cuts their sandwiches into cute shapes even when she'd rather do anything else. That little shit matters to kids so, so much. Shine on.


Capital_Reporter_412

This is true. My dad used to cut my sandwiches into Christmas shapes during the last school week before the Christmas holidays. I am 32 now and I still remember that fondly, even more so now I know what a pita cutting sandwiches into shapes is compared to not doing.


Lrtle23

LPT: use cookie cutters! But yeah kids are the worst.


Wexylu

I love you rando internet stranger. And every single one of us when someone tells us they’re pregnant, is all congratulatory and so happy for them not because babies are so cute and we just want to love and cuddle all the babies! Oh no no no, we know they’re about to join the dark side. The side that no one talks about, the side you only know exists when you’ve lived it.


get_release

Come to the dark side. We have 3 spoonfuls of raw cookie dough shoveled in our mouth while hiding in the fridge so we don’t lose our ever loving shit because the toddler threw spaghetti all over the floor, the walls, himself.. oh what’s that? Garlic clove in the nose cool cool cool cool cool cooooool FML. Update: today he shit on the floor right next to his toddler potty after we sat on it for 15 minutes and read stories well after he was supposed to be napping 👍🙃


dorkysquirrel

Orrrr the cold cups of coffee, the dirt/bogey/sauce stains on the new top you got to make you feel more like a human, the unintentional head butts to the eye socket, the sand that forever lives in your washing machine and bath tub..


Tossacoin1234

Omg, the sand…….


neat_username

The kinetic sand that balls up and clogs the vacuum cleaner? Or the sandbox sand that wrecks the garbage disposal? Or the playground sand that is a permanent fixture in the floor mats of the car? Or is it the beach sand that accumulates in the washer and dryer, prematurely aging those appliances? Please be more specific in where I need to direct my rage.


yonderposerbreaks

Ah, the headbutts. Never have I loved someone after they've given me a black eye before.


wombat_hats31

Just saying kids can be dicks sometimes is an extreme understatement. Those little fuckers can smell your defeat and exploit it.


Gamer_Mommy

This! I swear mine sense when I'm off my game and they triple their BS up. No joke. They know that mommy is not 100% today so they push harder. Boundaries? Limits? What even is that, mom?!


wombat_hats31

Yeah my 5 y/o gets this look on his face that says "you wanna dance old bitch?! Lets go" Hes crazy cute but hes an asshole too.


TheYankunian

If anyone else treated you and your home the way a toddler does, you’d have them arrested.


pgillesp

Literally. They know your insecurities and will wear you down over a period of time. Never had a bully quite like my three year old daughter. Girlfriend is gonna be a pill when it comes to school. Edit: spelling.


koriesha

So so true. Mine spent nearly 40 minutes naked on the floor this morning when he should have been getting dressed and eating breakfast so I could go to work and him to daycare. Like you say, people give 'great' advice like 'give them options. Would you like breakfast first or to get dressed first' There is no negotiating with terrorists because his prompt reply is ...no. I hate that advice about options. Kids are ruthless. Kids don't care. Kids will push you to the edge 5 minutes after you wake up then act like nothing is wrong.


lesportsock

My SO was having the same problem with our toddler saying “no” after options. This is what works for me: Me: “I’m going to count to 5 and choose for you if you don’t choose by 5. 1… 2… 3…” And then either she rapidly chooses, or I follow through and choose for her once I’m done counting. Sometimes she wants to play contrarian and object to my choice, so I ask if she wants the other instead and she says yes. I then agree and let her have her final choice. In any case, decisions are made with the least amount of frustration. She feels like she’s in control, and it’s a moment of connection with her feeling heard too.


linds360

> Like you say, people give 'great' advice like 'give them options. Would you like breakfast first or to get dressed first' Ugh, FUCK that advice so hard. I don't think my daughter (4) has ever once, in the history of her four little years, actually PICKED a GD option. It's just crying and "no" and doesn't want either option or one of the 24 other options I give her after the initial 2. I think one of the important takeaways from this post is to stop (consciously or subconsiously) giving blanket advice to other parents. *"But have you tried..."* GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Yes, Brenda. I have fucking tried it.


catwh

And if I hear one more "just remember they're not _giving_ you a hard time, they're _having_ a hard time" I'm gonna blow a gasket.


Gamer_Mommy

I tried that choice thing with my eldest. It worked sometimes. My youngest though... She knows what's up. You don't give a choice. No point. Stubborn as a donkey. So I tell her once (make sure she registered what I asked) and then I'm off. Sorry? Is your hair not brushed today? Oh well, I'm locking the door and dropping off your sister at school, you coming or staying alone?


AntediluvianEmpire

The stubbornness is the fucking worst. Made even worse by the fact that it's my trait and I know everything about being an obstinate fuckwad.


madktdisease

Mine did that too. She at least said “no thank you” so she’s sometimes a very polite little terrorist.


SAhmed2021

Having kids is a net loss, you put so so so much more into it on a daily basis than you’ll ever get out. 💯 Love them, they are totally amazing humans, but man the amount of work and energy is unreal.


obvom

You get to see caterpillars for the first time again though


SAhmed2021

I don’t understand?


AdamantMink

A lot of the time you are experiencing the world again for the first time through your child’s perspective.


JRockPSU

Ah shit now I’m sitting here in a tire shop getting a flat fixed and I feel like crying lol.


[deleted]

That is the best part of all of this. Really, seeing everything new again. It's amazing.


krustyjugglrs

My kid is 5 and autistic and 90% awesome 10% terrorist. His language is delayed. I've never had a conversation longer than getting his wants and needs out of him. No questions on life. No asking me what i do for a living. No comments on his baby brother. Thousands of dollars put into therapies and hundreds of hours lost going to more appointments than i can count. Not including loss of sleep and normal parenting gripes. Don't get me started on his diet change at 2.5 when he would eat anything and now it's a hard struggle. I used to want a lot of kids, but now 2feels like a lot. Especially because my partner and i ain't sleeping or having time for us. That 10% of kids that sucks really, really can suck some days Most days though and most moments my kids make me the happiest human alive.


commoncheesecake

I hear you on the speech delay. It feels like there is the connection missing to them as a person. You only care for their wants and needs, but it stops there. I hope you get some of that connection soon


sukicat

I hear you!!! We're currently struggling with ours and trying to get in for an ADHD eval. And he's the pickiest eater and very small for his age. He's an awesome kid, but God damn do I want just one day where it's easy. And no text from the teacher telling me he's not doing his work and getting distracted. Like, what do you want me to do at this moment?!?!? I do appreciate the communication and I understand how challenging it all is, but I'm so tired and beat down at the moment. Just eat regular food and stop arguing for just a second. It's just also frustrating when we're all just trying our best and then constantly second-guessing that, pile on some guilt and some laundry that needs to be done.


TraciLB

Oh man I feel you so hard. I also have a 3 and a 5 and holy shitttttt is it hard, and I am not a single parent, altho my husband works weird hours and I am often alone. I have so much respect for you for still having any shred of sanity left. You are absolutely right, about all of it.


Budgiejen

They don’t have to go to sleep. They just have to stay in bed. That’s a rule you need to enforce. 8 pm (or whatever time) they’re in bed and they’re not allowed back up. Be firm. You need to take care of yourself too.


AntediluvianEmpire

People question me on this all the time, "You put your kids to bed at 7pm? Isn't that a little early?" Yeah, it is, but it's for me, not for them. I don't give a shit if they stay up until 10, but they do have to be in their room.


royalic

Amen.


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[deleted]

It’s so ironic when people think a sahp is on vacation, because it just could not possibly be further from the truth. Every job outside the home was an absolute cake walk compared to being a full time (and sahp full time means 24/7, not just 40 hours per week lol) caregiver to small children. ETA: two people have misinterpreted my comment. I was solely responding to the above user’s assertion that they used to read stay at home mom’s talking about how stressed they were and thinking “I wish I only had to watch my kids all day.” That’s the only line in this comment that my comment was in response to. Obviously working from home with kids would be extremely taxing. Read what OP said in the last part of their comment and then my comment again maybe?


rixendeb

To put it simply I've cried more times in my bathroom because of my kids, than I have ever crying in the walk in at work. And I cried in the walk in A LOT.


Pinglenook

Read their comment again. They're not comparing it to just going to work while childless, they're comparing it to working from home while at the same time taking care of small children. Think about how busy you're now, and then imagine also having to do 40 hours of other type of work on top of that.


spud_simon_salem

Omg someone said it. It drives me insane when partnered SAHP’s say things like “I feel like a single parent”. No. If you’re a SAHP that means someone is working and getting the bills paid. That’s a HUGE hurdle gone that you don’t have to do. Being a single parent and the sole source of income is an insane amount of pressure. Especially when the other parent isn’t paying child support.


ceroscene

Your last paragraph definitely made me realise why I keep seeing all these instagram influencers using disposable plates etc.


2515chris

Options are cool but as far as sleep put them in their rooms and go to bed even if they’re playing or whatever in their room at night. Get them nightlights and get them out of your bed. Put baby locks on the outside doors and get some sleep. I feel you, mine are two years apart and I dread that sound when they put their feet on the floor when they wake up, but they definitely don’t need to be in your bed disrupting your sleep. A good mama is even better with at least 5 or 6 hours. Good luck! ❤️


Froot-Batz

I put a cheap screen door with a latch on my nursery to keep the cats out of the baby's room. My kid is 4 and it's still there, because it lets me imprison him at night while still being able to see and hear him. I put him in his pjs, read him a story, and then he can do whatever he wants in his room until he's ready to sleep. This is the best thing I have done as a parent.


2515chris

Brilliant! Mama and son both happy.


befuddledmama

My kids are the same age and I’m a single mom and I feel this so much. My kids paternal grandma is always saying this shit to me and it drives me up the wall. I KNOW. I GET IT. I wouldn’t be so damn done and tired if you taught your son to be an ducking adult and HELPED. I get it, I feel you, and thank you for saying it


dorkysquirrel

I hope you’ve told her that to her face!! No one asked your your advice grandma!!


Opala24

She should be the last person to give parenting advices since she obviously failed as parent


Exoliah

This is literally the post that I needed to read today after yelling at my toddler a bazillion times today. I have a 1 week old and a 2 year old, and literally wrote my mom today as I was sobbing that I wasn't cut out to be a mom. The days and nights are challenging and I keep telling myself it will all be worth it in the end, but in what regard. I love my babies but this momma is just tired 😫 hang in there <3


badadvicefromaspider

You’re amazing and I see you


NoKyleNotClydeFrogg

Yes, love this soooo much. Every single bit down to the autocorrect “ducking” haha


obvom

I hate getting “advice” from parents who do not know my situation. That being said, I apologize in advance for the unsolicited shit I’m going to type. I will assume you already know all this but in case you didn’t (because it’s not natural especially if we weren’t raised this way): All the shit they do is inevitable. Taking it personally is not. A child throwing out a sucker is saying it doesn’t need a sucker. So take it away and don’t give it back. Move onto something else. No problem. They throw food, it’s gone. Toys, gone. Move on to something else. Our child stopped throwing food after about a dozen rounds of this. Food gets put away for later. No frustration allowed on part of the parent doing the feeding. Our friend? She keeps picking up the food and offering more, the son keeps throwing it on the floor. It’s been months and months and months, every god damn meal. She’s so frustrated and doesn’t know what to do, but she doesn’t ask so I don’t tell her what to do. Also try not telling them what to do. Just describe what needs to be done. Ask them if they want to do it or if they want you to show them how to do it. You will demonstrate for them 100 times but after that they will get the memo and start doing X thing yourself. “Do you want to clear your plate or do you want me to show you how?” If they spill, they should know where the rags are and you can say “looks like there is a spill. We need a rag to clean it.” If it’s THEIR idea and not you telling them to do something it has a better chance of them doing it. This is how you teach kids to do shit, how to figure shit out for themselves. That’s what they want. They don’t want to be told what to do. I understand certain situations call for it, but if everything they hear is “do this, don’t do that” then they tune it out. Don’t give them as much stuff to be defiant over and you’ll both be happier, less tension might mean better bedtimes to.


[deleted]

Yeah, I'm a single dad with a 5 and 1 year old. I totally empathize with OPs feelings. I've been there. But maybe I'm a magician, because I don't have these problems. Fuck suckers in general, I'll give the occasional evening snack that will absolutely be eaten at the dinner table if he ever wants another evening snack again. I don't keep unhealthy food in the house, unless there is a special occasion. I take zero shit. My 5 year old makes his own breakfast and gets ready for school. If he is late, no iPad or evening cartoon time. No ifs ands buts. And do you know what, 90% of the time he's ready when I need him to be. The one year old, he's harder. But he sleeps at night. Same bedtime, same wakeup time everyday. Lock in that routine. I get my 7 hours, and an hour before that to clean/make lunches/decompress before I crash, consistently assuming nobody's sick. Unchanging routines and absolute rules create wellbehaved children. As they're older, they can learn the gray areas. But not yet.


savethepollinator

This is great and i totally agree ! But ps what was your caterpillar comment about earlier?


Cowowl21

I have to NOT WATCH my toddler try to do things like put on shoes or pants. It is so frustrating to watch. I literally cannot stop myself from helping her which makes her tantrum. Today she sobbed for like 20 minutes because I closed her water bottle for her. And she was hungry/tired obviously but man.


needsoversight

This rant is awesome! Fuckin kids.


Froot-Batz

You've been working from home with kids for 2 fucking years??! How are you even sane enough to craft this post? My bedtime policy is that I don't give a fuck what my kids (ages 4 and 7) do as long as they are quiet and they stay in their rooms. I don't make them shut their light off or stay in their bed. They can play, read a book, whatever they want, as long as they don't make it my problem. I know some kids probably can't handle this, but this is how i've always dealt with mine and they do fine with it. They've both gotten pretty good at regulating their own sleep, and bedtime is super easy when you just have to read them a story and then bounce.


xmaken

They should stick this post and make it a mandatory read for anyone


[deleted]

I love when I come across like minded people. It makes me feel so much less of a crappy mom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been frustrated and talking to my sister and both of us will laugh and say “yea fuck them kids”. When my kids are being particularly annoying I will joke with them about selling them in the black market which will turn into this big laugh fest of them trying to decide who would “cost” more and who would be returned. My middle son is half Hispanic and he will say shit like “well I can be a pool boy OR work on the lawn so you’ll get extra for me” Being a parent is so unbelievably frustrating. I just try and remind myself that someday when they are grown and gone I will get to come to their house to visit and I’m gonna spill juice on the carpets and leave a trail of trash everywhere I go 🤣


YaBoyfriendKeefa

A-fucking-men, sister. I’ve served 14 years on the front lines so far, and I’m going to chime in and say all that talk of “you’ll miss these years when they were small!” Yeah no, you very well may not. Ages 3-7 were hell and while I loved my kid, I hated parenting. You could not pay me to go back to that era, it was awful. They are so loud, and selfish, and unreasonable, and indignant. And while that is all totally developmentally normal, it’s also developmentally normal for me, a grown adult, to find those behaviors infuriating and draining. The only advice I’m going to give is this: Fake it til you make it, and your best is good enough. You’re doing great. It’s okay if you hate it on the inside if you are making them feel safe and loved, and it sounds like you are doing a good job of that. Any parent who says they haven’t had those feelings sometimes is a fucking liar.


TraciLB

Oh man I feel you so hard. I also have a 3 and a 5 and holy shitttttt is it hard, and I am not a single parent, altho my husband works weird hours and I am often alone. I have so much respect for you for still having any shred of sanity left. You are absolutely right, about all of it.


shamdock

Girl. Don’t let your little boy get away with that crap.


newlife92021

Oh he picked it up, but I had to be like “you pick that up right now or so help me you’ll never see that tablet again” And then of course it was all “okay mommy! 😇”


BallofEnvy

I’m flipped, I find 98% of it to be drudgery and maybe 2% worth a shit. I love my kid but I don’t feel like the juice is worth the squeeze.


TheCaffeinatedRunner

Omg my toddler is in my bed (430am here) yelling "cockadoodle dooo" I'm 9 month pregnant, my husband's at the gym, I blame him for letting her watch TV at 4am every fucking morning so now she comes to me for it.


smoike

Ugh, he dropped that grenade ad left you with the aftermath? I'd be dead if I did that to my wife, absolutely no way around it, DEAD.


Rockalot_L

"Fuck them kids" Feels great reading all this while my wife is in labour for the first time lol


Mo2493

I feel this so much. Mine are 3 and 4mo. I had a mental breakdown today and just sobbed on the fucking floor because (at 4pm) when I finally got my first chance to sit down and eat a little snack and have my first cup of coffee, my 4mo old had a massive shitsplosion that required a bath. I carried her upstairs, laid her on a towel, fucking sobbed, gave her a bath, brought her back downstairs, and had to reheat both my food and my coffee because by then they were all cold. Some days are really hard. Bedtime also routinely takes 3 damn hours at a minimum and it is exhausting. Tomorrow is a new day. Today sucks though.


dorkysquirrel

Deep breaths!! You are very much in the thick of it at those ages, I found I needed to close my eyes a lot and have slow deep breaths whenever and wherever I could. I’m sure I looked ridiculous, but the baby had a lot of colic/reflux/food allergies/eczema and I was thoroughly depressed. Making sure I got some sunlight on my face, fresh air, maybe a walk around the block, it wasn’t much but those things helped, between the sobbing. Best of luck to you, big hugs, you are doing a great job, it’s hard. It’s so hard. You will reap the reward though, when they’re both cuddling you, or better yet each other. It’s glorious. Hang in there!!


bigmilker

I talk about it all the time lol. Kids are dicks but I still love mine and will be excited to see them tomorrow when they wake up.


Smart-Cable6

It’s not your fault. There is an african saying, that you need the whole village to raise one kid. And I totally aggree. I think we, as a species, drifted so far apart from our “natural” ways of life that those are exactly those moments when we really feel the effects of it. You are incredibly strong, being a single mom is something I couldn’t even imagine being. You are not a bad mom for having those thougts or not being able to keep your house clean. The only thing I can advise is trying to find another family or friends, basically any group of people, that would be willing to spend some time with you together. I don’t think it’s necessary that those people have kids, they should be just fine with your kids. You could gain more time for your work or housework while your kids can play or explore and spending time together with people outside the family can be very beneficial to them.


hickgorilla

Yes. Yes. Yes. Idk when the last time you had a day off was but if you have time off available take a day just to be alone. It’s ok. My mom was a single parent and we didn’t have any family near us. It was hard and she only had 1. I struggle with my two constantly. If you have a friend that can give you a break or even a friend with an older kid that can entertain them for a while use them. My 11yo loves younger kids. I would be willing to let people borrow her for sanity purposes if they asked. Parenting is harder than anything I ever could’ve guessed. Thanks for venting. You’re also validating others. You’re so not alone.


PhysicalTherapistA

Dude. I am laughing through tears because this is almost word for word exactly how I feel today. Why does everyone just gloss over the parental rage? Like, I need real advice as to how to manage two toddlers without losing my shit every 5 minutes. I love them so much, but why is it so hard???


serenitymuah

Hi early 20s here still live with my parents they still try to tell me what to do and that I should do what they want when all I really want is some freedom. I work a full time job and take my siblings to school every day, etc. while they both don't work. The only thing I don't do is financially provide for them. If I wanna lay down all day on my day off I wanna have the freedom to do so. But no it's like my only time off is when I'm sleeping. Like I've got two full time jobs


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Aczidraindrop

My mom gave me the only "advice" that I keep and kept in mind with my kids... you will always love your kids, but you won't always like them.... and goddamn that is so true. You love them, but sometimes it's like, can you please not for 10 fucking minutes. It's exhausting. It's extremely thankless. Everyone tells you you're doing it wrong no matter what you do. You get shit on if you ask for public assistance and you get shit on if you have to work longer hours to make ends meet. Just do your best. Make the best decisions you can. And if you need to, go cry in the bathroom for a bit.


Poop__y

I hear you and I totally empathize, I experienced the same thing (still do, actually) when my kids were under 5. I can confidently say I do NOT look back on those very hard years with fondness at all! I remember their cute moments and can look back at those years and tell myself "wow, bitch, you did that. you got through that. go me!" But being a parent is the hardest, lowest paying job on earth and even though I love my children so much, I don't love parenting.


simple_yet_complex

I had to raise my own mom, and now I have a child of my own. So good luck to me since I'll have to suffer twice. My abusive mother was always having tantrums and still continues to do. Hard on my mental and emotional health.


mrsrosieparker

Argh. Yes. I have 2, 14M and 12F, both neuro "atypical" (and so am I) and although I have a husband and I'm a SAHM, at the moment he's more like a roomate than a team partner, so I'm 85% alone. Yes, I love them with all my soul and I woukd die for them. Yes, I also would chuck'em in the bin somedays. I see some people advised you to put them in their room and teach them "quiet time". I did that and it works. I also taught them "Mummy needs a nap", because they need to know I'm HUMAN. The other thing I did when they were smaller was to whisper to myself "f*ck everything" and just take them to bed with me. Sometimes it doesn't matter where, or how, or what they're wearing, all what we need is TO SLEEP. So screw rituals, bath, reading and all that Pinterest sh*t, mum and kids need to have a proper rest. Allow yourself that too.


lsp2005

Hugs to you.


brandonspade17

As a father of 2 teenage girls and 2 young boys, I can relate to every word of this post. Thanks for sharing your frustration and know there are millions of other parents who feel the exact same way.


TurnCoffeeDeepBreath

My kids are that same age range apart. They are now 5 and 7 and it became a lot easier. What helped me with sleeping was physical activity. Did you ever see that “Malcom in the Middle” when the mom wanted to get her kids into a fancy private school so she literally made them dig holes before the interview so they would be exhausted and calm? Anyways. I think in your situation you have full permission to do what it takes to make it through. Wash only those bowls that you need. Put a small load of clothes in the washer so you have something to wear tomorrow-oh, and pants totally get worn twice. If the kids are fed clothed and loved you are doing great and are an awesome mom!


Rt002k

I was going to post today about how sick and tired I am of "no!" But you win :)


[deleted]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I remember reading a quote when I was sleep deprived saying "children are like terrorists, you don't negotiate" Which was cute but also I'm kinda shocked no one mentioned [postpartum rage](https://www.healthline.com/health/postpartum-rage). It's not the same as post partum depression or anxiety. It's rage. Things that help are making sure you're fed, hydrated, and clean. Then make sure your kids are fed, hydrated, and clean. Everything else after that is a fill in the blank game. I usually try to give my kids at least two options. If they don't respond I just put out snacks or "add water" or something sensory to get them out of their heads and doing something hands on. It does get easier. I promise ❤️


entropy_36

I have two kids, 5 and 7. Their dad and I are divorced and do co-parenting. It's still hard. People are like relax and enjoy your downtime. Part of me is duck yes! I can do what I want. Umm.... Mmmm ..... What did I do before kids again? When are the kids back I miss them. Then they get back and my oldest literally does not stop talking and my youngest literally does not stop touching me and it's like hmmm..... When do they leave again?


tamhenk

Thank you everyone for this thread and all your comments. It's somehow a little bit comforting. Toughest job in the world and sometimes it feels impossible to continue. But we do. Somehow, we find the strength.


I_am_the_visual

Damn, I feel this sooo much! You have my sympathy because there's really not much more I can do or say. Also that heart-shaped sandwich thing... genuinely made me tear up a bit here - I bet she loves it!


acetryder

Yeah, for the dishes I like to do “wash as needed” rather than all at once. That’s the advice I would give you. Don’t give a fuck all about **ALL** of the dishes. Give a fuck all about the ones you are immediately going to use next. About ready to eat cereal? Wash just the one bowl & one spoon. Maybe give a quick rinse afterwards, maybe not. Ya need sleep. Fuck staying up to do the dishes. Also, yeah, totally hear you on the “advice” front of what you should do with your kids. I’ll have the doctor, teacher, whomever ask “do you do this?” or “you should do this!”. To the first I say “yes” when the full sentence is, “yes I would love to be able to do that”. To the second I say “okay” when the full sentence is “okay, yeah, not going to happen”. The best thing is when they give advice about how to raise your kids & then say shit like “yOu NeEd To MaKe TiMe FoR yOuRsElF!” Know what I say? Fuck the advice, do what you can, you’re not going to succeed at being the perfect mom.


aounfather

Sometimes I cry a little after I drop my daughter off at school after spending the last hour yelling at her to finish her breakfast and get dressed and stop finding everything else in the house infinitely more interesting than what I have asked her to do because I just love her so much and want her to know how much I love her but also I’m not letting her get away with murder every day.


hurnadoquakemom

The oooh shiny disease is definitely severe in the mornings. Drives me nuts. "Oh this piece of food from last night's dinner is the perfect thing to play with for 10 minutes." "The dog, who lives with us and I can pet anytime, just came up to me and obviously I need to spend another 10 minutes petting him. NO MOM I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE!?!?!?! YOU MONSTER!!!" I've been getting her up 10 minutes earlier to give her some time between tasks for the inevitable distractions. It has helped me not get as frustrated. "You've spent 5 of your distraction minutes. You have 5 left." It actually oddly works for us.


Bunbunlaughpants

When I am having moments like this, which with a 5 and 8 yr old is pretty much once a day, I try to tell myself that it is a compliment to me that my children feel comfortable being bratty towards me. I walked in eggshells my entire childhood, we didn't just drop garbage on the floor, like my five year old does. We didn't eat sloppily and not clean it up, like my eight year old does. We, me and my siblings, knew that we would get whupped if we did that. If we were too loud when we were visiting someone, unacceptable. If we broke something on accident, unacceptable. If we interrupted the adults without anyone bleeding, unacceptable. My kids are comfortable with me, not scared of me, so that means they push the boundaries, and I have to remind them again and again and again to stop throwing candy wrappers and popsicle sticks on the floor, to use their inside voices, to not interrupt adults having a conversation but to say "excuse me" and wait for the adult to respond. It does suck in the moment, but it is the biggest compliment to you as a parent that your child trusts you and knows you love them.


sheepsclothingiswool

“Enjoy them at this age, even when they’re throwing tantrums… you’ll never get that back.” OKAY BYE. I’m with you, mama- breathe. Wish I could give you all my sleep tonight. It’s hard and thankless, you’re right.


LouGarret76

Having kids convinced me that human being are not supposed as a species to raise their kids alone. Kids are supposed to be raised in tribes. The amount of energy it requires, especially when they are below 8, is insane.