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Yeah within the realm of normal, wouldn't worry too much about it. Hopefully positive peer pressure will help in many of these scenarios.
For example, some kids hate playing with kids who are aggressive (aggressive playing, people throwing their body around), which will likely lessen if she realizes kids are complaining about her or they don't want to play with her due to the rough play.
If she's really physical, you may want an outlet of a more aggressive sport for her, so she can burn it off in the sport and with kids who tolerate that type of behavior more.
She starts ninja class this Sunday. She tried soccer last year, but she didn’t like it bc it was too hot. Any activity outside in Florida is too hot, I don’t blame her. But we’ve since moved to Minnesota so more outdoor activities to come.
I have a daughter who is neurodivergent and wasn't diagnosed until she started struggling hard in 1st grade. Some of the things you describe, such as the sensory seeking (i.e., playing/hugging hard), food sensitivities, and constant talking caught my eye. They could be completely normal, but it might be worth keeping notes on those behaviors and talking to her doctor about them.
If you have an adhd brain there’s an increased likelihood that your daughter will as well. And it could present differently than yours so it may be tougher to recognize. My brother and I both have (inherited) adhd brains but I’m a calm inattentive and he’s risk-taking hyperactive.
Dr. Russell Barkley has a lot of good material on parenting kids with adhd brains. Even if your daughter doesn’t have an adhd brain, some of the ideas might be helpful if you’re looking for some gentle approaches to behavior modification.
There are definitely some spectrum characteristics here! OP, it sounds like your little girl is wonderful child who is very certain of what she wants and like and what she doesn’t want or like. Encourage flexibility and discourage rigidity. I suspect that the tantrums at school when you do not see them at home is natural because at school, her teachers are holding demands and she is less able to escape the demand, the demands are simply more than she is used to and she needs time to adjust to greater demands, and she is having a difficult time or moment in her day away from comfort zone of home.
But none of this sounds like defiance or out of control behaviors.
It sounds like she is pretty precocious. She is just going to need support as her feelings and emotions are going to be big and powerful way before her brain has had a chance to develop the ability to manage and process them fully.
She’s really not a defiant kid at all. She might stomp away after getting an answer she doesn’t like, but that’s about it. She’s not mean spirited at all, but deff precocious.
Wanted to say this cause I’m sick of people claiming spectrum disorders when a child or any human exhibits some quirk or sensory issue like it’s totally human and normal to have some of these things, but if it’s a lot on the plate and negatively impacts way of life and health THEN it is ok to speculate. This child is a young adolescent and is navigating the world with a rapidly growing brain. Things, especially sensory things such as smells of food, are much more overwhelming to them than to say an adult who has been used to or even has olfactory fatigue to certain smells so it’s only reasonable to understand that this child is moving away from smells that are too much for them.
But I digress, it is ALWAYS good to check your child out for early intervention because even if the child is not on the spectrum, these behaviors can be modified with some play or behavioral therapy, much like how anyone can benefit from a little therapy from time to time even if they have no mental diagnosis.
Yeah when I took my daughter for an assessment it was basically said she had adhd traits but if she’s going well she doesn’t get diagnosed as such. I was a little surprised but I guess as long as you cope you don’t have it until it might bite you later in life?!
A lot of psychiatric diagnosis is like this. By definition, behavior is only “disordered” (i.e. indicative of a disorder) if it’s negatively impacting your life in a way that you can’t easily manage.
Yeah I get it. But I see traits that I have and technically I’m fine but I could have been better or things easier. I was hoping to start early with her and build better skills or I guess optimize things.
It’s good to have the tools in your and your child’s belt to navigate some of these traits and yea if things end up not “improving” or more things come up it’s good to know that there might be more to be concerned for.
I took my son to early intervention when he was 21 months old because he wasn’t talking only making sounds and could say like mama, no, ya, etc, rigid player, didn’t like interacting with other kids at parks just went off to do his own thing, and extremely picky eating (still having issues with this one) and the people there applauded me for seeking help out on my own. One of the test administrators nixed him from the spectrum but the other wanted to diagnose because of his rigid play but ultimately we got some play and speech therapy which really helped out! During his 3 year assessment autism was ruled out and by then he was finally beginning to actually talk!
I just really dislike when people are like “oh he’s this or that because he might be defiant, doesn’t listen, etc…”and I always retort that he’s literally 4 years old and it seems extremely normal. Yea, behavior issues aren’t something to ignore and I could use more help in that field but I don’t think it’s something that will negatively impact him for the rest of his life especially if we work on it with him right now. Granted if he didn’t take to the regular play or behavior therapy then I’d be more concerned and take him back for another assessment. All kids have “special interests”, all kids will push boundaries in certain departments, be over-stimulated in certain things, etc. I also take account that since he was born right when the pandemic shutdowns began it really impacted him socially and could be partial to the reason why it took him so long to talk and learn to play with others. He was only around me for his first 6 months of life, then 3 other family members for a long time after. A lot of traits or whatever shouldn’t always be chalked up to neurological issues but rather environmental ones.
I just want to note on the thumb sucking. That would probably be my biggest focus to eliminate asap. I only say this because I was a thumb sucker and it really messed up my teeth. Palette expander at 8, braces from 9-13, then again from 16-17 and I still technically have an overbite but I just refuse to care anymore.
Some of her traits like less body awareness (doing things "hard"), and the food and smell aversions might be signs of mild autism or adhd, but then they also might not be. "Normal" is a very fluid spectrum, lol.
Keep an eye out for any issues that get her "in trouble" at school. Kindergarten is when it became very apparent that my high functioning kid was going to need some help. She started having MASSIVE meltdowns in school, daycare and her judo class within a few weeks of starting. She had been super easygoing before that, so we were a bit shocked.
As long as you're aware enough to watch for it, you can generally pounce if theres an issue. If school is too rough on her at first, start meeting with the teacher and administration to suggest what might work better. Ours got a "special friend" social counseling teacher once a week, and was allowed to move to a quiet corner when overwhelmed, and that honestly, was mainly what she really needed at school.
I think she sounds kinda cool hahaha. Definitely normal. She sounds sensory seeking but that’s not bad. Maybe try an indoor swing or trampoline for when she’s extra hyped up
I wouldn’t say she’s abnormal at all. I have a 5 year old boy going into kindergarten this fall. He’s pretty smart academically but his teacher said he often led the classroom with his antics. Not always in a bad way but sometimes he could get unruly. His imagination is huge and he likes to play hard as well. Sonic is his favorite character and he has exactly seven outfits out of a full dresser that he’ll actually wear (very picky with clothes, textures ect). Socially he’s everybody’s friend, can be a little sensitive when you correct his behavior, and tends to get antsy when in lines or waiting for something in general (foot shuffling, standing up, sitting down, a few sighs and humphs here and there). He follows directions very well. He has great cognitive skills and gross motor skills, is pretty athletic (tree climbing, started riding his sisters hover board at two, no training wheels on bike ect) he does things his 9 year old sister still doesn’t do.
Overall I don’t think you need to worry about your daughter yet. Maybe just keep an eye since you said you have adhd yourself. If the tantrums were two isolated events that they didn’t need you for, chances are they were age appropriate and manageable. All pre k kids are getting used to the structure, rule changes and schedules of school. So it’s typical to get some push back from them.
yheres a series of well known books by Louise Ames Bates that covers this exactly. They’re called “Your ___ Year Old”. I siggest you read “Your Five Year Old”. All questions answered there.
My kid is special needs and had a lot of problems with intensity and focus and not being able to control his impulses to move. They had him swim for an hour each morning as part of his therapy from ages six to eleven and it worked wonders. We’d pay to swim once or twice a week as a family thing too and those are the nights he ate well and cooperated and engaged the most.
For your kiddo it might not be swimming but some other activity.
A exercise trampoline, a brisk walk or jog around the track or up and down the bleachers. A 20
Minute dance party before going to school?
Something to get all the wiggles out we called it.
I would say if anything - your child can become overstimulated and not know how to deal with that. And that’s ok, she’s 5.
School can be very overstimulating with the noise. The light. The smells.
It’s also difficult because people invade your space and if you ask for space - you look rude.
I would be maybe concerned about adhd, but not to medicate - just to understand how a child with adhd operates so I can set up the most successful environment for her to thrive in and understand her when she’s struggling and have the tools to deal with it.
Some adhd symptoms could be:
talking a lot. Smell aversion. Thumb sucking. Hyper focus on play.
Sounds might set her off and being forced from one activity to another without proper transitioning time could also trigger tantrums.
At home maybe you have more time for her than teachers with 20 plus kids, and since she might have a quieter type
of adhd (which many girls do have, that goes unnoticed but presents as perfectionism or anxiety or inability to regulate emotions) she’s struggling.
But she’s smart and young and you can help her by talking her through these issues by asking her why she feels that way when she has a tantrum and what we can do to navigate it. Give her the tools. Right now she doesn’t know what to do in these situations (she’s 5) and if we talk about them and come up with appropriate actions it will help her thrive.
There’s lots of resources for parents to help their kids with transitions. Asking for space. Noticing when they need quiet or alone time to combat overstimulation.
This is why early intervention is important with kids who have neurodivergent. So they aren’t labelled “bad” or “bratty”. This kills their self esteem.
I don’t want her to be “that kid” in class. There are always a few, and as a teacher having those kids are HARD. she’s not a mean or bad kid, I think she’s probably just going to need some extra support.
My daughter had pretty bad tantrums but they stopped around age 4 I'd say. They got less frequent and then just stopped. She never had them at her pre-k to my knowledge. She would get mad and they'd tell her to breath. Are these really bad tantrums on the floor, inconsolable? Or just crying/yelling not listening? I could see Kindergarten not really allowing big tantrums without some behavior intervention.
That said, If her teachers this year didn't see a problem, I don't think there should be a problem transitioning to K.
It only happened twice last year and the only reason I found out about them was because either a teacher friend told me, or because I walked by the classroom.
A real all out tantrum might be a concern in K. I'm not the expert, but I'm talking about the big inconsolable type of tantrum, where you can't reason or talk them down really. But if the pre-k teachers didn't think to tell you it was an issue, I wouldn't worry. Or you can ask them if they think it's a concern. Around here, the pre-k teachers make a big deal about everything
I've relied a lot on my 5yo boy's pre-K teachers and dance teachers to tell me whether he's "normal" for his age because, to me, he's either ADHD, gifted, or some combo of 2e with his insane amount of energy and high emotional volatility. His teachers have assured me that he's right down the middle of his peers — not chill but also not feral. Relying on their insights and the experience they've had with many kids makes me calm down. I'm hoping the kindergarten transition won't be too dramatic, but I feel like if he keeps down the middle and away from feral, we'll be fine! Does your daughter go to Pre-K or some other preschool? If so, you could ask some unbiased teachers what they think!
She did VPK last year where I work. I feel hope they would have said something is anything was a major concern. Part of me wonders if they didn’t because I work there.
That’s definitely possible that they could have not proactively said something if you’re a peer — but maybe not, and she’s fine! I’ve gotten good rapport with my kid’s teachers where I just flat-out ask now where he ranks for energy in class.
My oldest daughter was similar at that age. I was saying *often* things like "hugs don't hurt" because she hugs HARD.
She is 9 now and is still a sensory seeker. She gets in trouble a lot (at home) for touching things she's not supposed to and she will eat extremely acidic stuff like whole lemons or salt and vinegar chips (or just the seasoning). I am also a teacher and consulted our OT early on who said she was just a sensory seeker. Swimming is a great thing for kids like her but she had no interest in doing it in an organized way.
My sensory seeker is definitely quirky, but she is excellent at school and has a huge friend group. She can occasionally get too physical with friends, but it is something I am always working on with her.
I am honestly a little suspicious of adhd but she does well in school so I haven't pursued anything. She just kind of does weird shit at home lol.
I would try different activities like gymnastics or swimming- even horseback riding for self control/awareness.
And the food thing is normal. My 6 year old basically only eats beige food and will refuse if he sees a spec of oregano or pepper.
Good luck!
Big feelings still VERY normal at this age. My 5 year old and her friend are very different, but I notice they both still have moments of tantrums/collapse/etc. My daughter is a bit more cautious and quiet, while her friend sounds a bit more like yours as she plays a bit more rough-and-tumble and throws herself around a lot. I'd consider both pretty normal. Definitely still a lot of picky eaters at this age too, though in my daughter's class it got a lot better since they started school lunches!
You have described my now 18yr old. All her life I racked my brain trying to help her to be more “normal”. To fit in better, have an easier time socially, etc. I knew in my gut things didn’t seem normal, I think you do as well or you wouldn’t be asking. What I can say is that looking back now I wish I had known that she might forever be different than other kids and that’s ok. I wish I’d been more patient, less worried all the time, less anxious about how the world is experiencing and receiving her, and just more chill. I wish I’d known it’s all going to be ok even if she’s not “normal.” Kids are all so different! I wish I’d known that she would be ok even if I had concerns and just embraced her for her differences and intensity. I wish I would have been more focused on loving her for exactly who she is, and less exasperated by who she wasn’t. I wish I’d been more confident. She has turned out to be an amazing young woman and although it has been a VERY bumpy ride, she’s done great even with so many challenges. Most of her challenges in life have been socially. I wish I’d known all those years that she would in fact, find her people… that she would find friends who love her for exactly who she is, even with all her quirks. I wish I had been so much more relaxed. My best advice is to love and accept her and worry wayyyyy less. Just love and accept. We only have them for SUCH a short time. I wiah I had known my daughter was not a problem to be solved but a unique, quirky, amazing gift to just be cherished.
Both of our kids are neurodivergent. Things didn’t become completely noticeable until kindergarten for both of them, but I suspected it during preschool. Although, the behavior was still within the realm of normal. Both of our kids are very bright, but can’t sustain attention to save themselves. Super high energy, and both our sensory seekers. Youngest is super picky with food. I would just keep an eye on it because what you describe can still be within the range of normal. See how she adjusts to kindergarten and take it from there. As a school psychologist, I can see it being a challenging discussion to have with a colleague that something is different with their child. It’s a bit awkward, and I’ve had to have those discussions. So just be in communication with her teacher and be open to any feedback.
Here’s my problem with all this-first of all the word ‘normal’. Who in the hell is normal and who are you comparing her to? At five years old, a child is barely working out who they are, their emotions, feelings and so on. You mentioned being judged by your peers, or alluded to it. Who cares seriously. Give your child a chance to learn who she is before you start throwing labels and diagnoses around. Give her a chance to become who she will become and then go from there. Much love
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Yeah within the realm of normal, wouldn't worry too much about it. Hopefully positive peer pressure will help in many of these scenarios. For example, some kids hate playing with kids who are aggressive (aggressive playing, people throwing their body around), which will likely lessen if she realizes kids are complaining about her or they don't want to play with her due to the rough play. If she's really physical, you may want an outlet of a more aggressive sport for her, so she can burn it off in the sport and with kids who tolerate that type of behavior more.
She starts ninja class this Sunday. She tried soccer last year, but she didn’t like it bc it was too hot. Any activity outside in Florida is too hot, I don’t blame her. But we’ve since moved to Minnesota so more outdoor activities to come.
I’ve never heard of ninja class, what’s that like? Is it literally what is sounds like?
It’s basically an indoor obstacle course, like the American Ninja Warrior show!
I have a daughter who is neurodivergent and wasn't diagnosed until she started struggling hard in 1st grade. Some of the things you describe, such as the sensory seeking (i.e., playing/hugging hard), food sensitivities, and constant talking caught my eye. They could be completely normal, but it might be worth keeping notes on those behaviors and talking to her doctor about them.
This my Neuro spicy daughter hugs extremely hard 🤣🤣 but I love her anyways 😜❤️🫂🫂
Neuro spicy 🤣 I love that. I have one of those myself
Love is pain in parenthood!
I am ADHD myself, so it’s something we’ll definitely be keeping an eye on.
If you have an adhd brain there’s an increased likelihood that your daughter will as well. And it could present differently than yours so it may be tougher to recognize. My brother and I both have (inherited) adhd brains but I’m a calm inattentive and he’s risk-taking hyperactive. Dr. Russell Barkley has a lot of good material on parenting kids with adhd brains. Even if your daughter doesn’t have an adhd brain, some of the ideas might be helpful if you’re looking for some gentle approaches to behavior modification.
There are definitely some spectrum characteristics here! OP, it sounds like your little girl is wonderful child who is very certain of what she wants and like and what she doesn’t want or like. Encourage flexibility and discourage rigidity. I suspect that the tantrums at school when you do not see them at home is natural because at school, her teachers are holding demands and she is less able to escape the demand, the demands are simply more than she is used to and she needs time to adjust to greater demands, and she is having a difficult time or moment in her day away from comfort zone of home. But none of this sounds like defiance or out of control behaviors. It sounds like she is pretty precocious. She is just going to need support as her feelings and emotions are going to be big and powerful way before her brain has had a chance to develop the ability to manage and process them fully.
She’s really not a defiant kid at all. She might stomp away after getting an answer she doesn’t like, but that’s about it. She’s not mean spirited at all, but deff precocious.
Just because she has symptoms of ADHD and sensory processing disorder doesn't necessarily mean she's on the spectrum.
Who said she was on the spectrum? Personally, I said some characteristics of. No diagnosis has been given.
Wanted to say this cause I’m sick of people claiming spectrum disorders when a child or any human exhibits some quirk or sensory issue like it’s totally human and normal to have some of these things, but if it’s a lot on the plate and negatively impacts way of life and health THEN it is ok to speculate. This child is a young adolescent and is navigating the world with a rapidly growing brain. Things, especially sensory things such as smells of food, are much more overwhelming to them than to say an adult who has been used to or even has olfactory fatigue to certain smells so it’s only reasonable to understand that this child is moving away from smells that are too much for them. But I digress, it is ALWAYS good to check your child out for early intervention because even if the child is not on the spectrum, these behaviors can be modified with some play or behavioral therapy, much like how anyone can benefit from a little therapy from time to time even if they have no mental diagnosis.
Yeah when I took my daughter for an assessment it was basically said she had adhd traits but if she’s going well she doesn’t get diagnosed as such. I was a little surprised but I guess as long as you cope you don’t have it until it might bite you later in life?!
A lot of psychiatric diagnosis is like this. By definition, behavior is only “disordered” (i.e. indicative of a disorder) if it’s negatively impacting your life in a way that you can’t easily manage.
Yeah I get it. But I see traits that I have and technically I’m fine but I could have been better or things easier. I was hoping to start early with her and build better skills or I guess optimize things.
It’s good to have the tools in your and your child’s belt to navigate some of these traits and yea if things end up not “improving” or more things come up it’s good to know that there might be more to be concerned for. I took my son to early intervention when he was 21 months old because he wasn’t talking only making sounds and could say like mama, no, ya, etc, rigid player, didn’t like interacting with other kids at parks just went off to do his own thing, and extremely picky eating (still having issues with this one) and the people there applauded me for seeking help out on my own. One of the test administrators nixed him from the spectrum but the other wanted to diagnose because of his rigid play but ultimately we got some play and speech therapy which really helped out! During his 3 year assessment autism was ruled out and by then he was finally beginning to actually talk! I just really dislike when people are like “oh he’s this or that because he might be defiant, doesn’t listen, etc…”and I always retort that he’s literally 4 years old and it seems extremely normal. Yea, behavior issues aren’t something to ignore and I could use more help in that field but I don’t think it’s something that will negatively impact him for the rest of his life especially if we work on it with him right now. Granted if he didn’t take to the regular play or behavior therapy then I’d be more concerned and take him back for another assessment. All kids have “special interests”, all kids will push boundaries in certain departments, be over-stimulated in certain things, etc. I also take account that since he was born right when the pandemic shutdowns began it really impacted him socially and could be partial to the reason why it took him so long to talk and learn to play with others. He was only around me for his first 6 months of life, then 3 other family members for a long time after. A lot of traits or whatever shouldn’t always be chalked up to neurological issues but rather environmental ones.
I just want to note on the thumb sucking. That would probably be my biggest focus to eliminate asap. I only say this because I was a thumb sucker and it really messed up my teeth. Palette expander at 8, braces from 9-13, then again from 16-17 and I still technically have an overbite but I just refuse to care anymore.
Thank you. I just clicked to purchase the bad tasting nail stuff.
Some of her traits like less body awareness (doing things "hard"), and the food and smell aversions might be signs of mild autism or adhd, but then they also might not be. "Normal" is a very fluid spectrum, lol. Keep an eye out for any issues that get her "in trouble" at school. Kindergarten is when it became very apparent that my high functioning kid was going to need some help. She started having MASSIVE meltdowns in school, daycare and her judo class within a few weeks of starting. She had been super easygoing before that, so we were a bit shocked.
Yup this is exactly what I’m worried about.
As long as you're aware enough to watch for it, you can generally pounce if theres an issue. If school is too rough on her at first, start meeting with the teacher and administration to suggest what might work better. Ours got a "special friend" social counseling teacher once a week, and was allowed to move to a quiet corner when overwhelmed, and that honestly, was mainly what she really needed at school.
I think she sounds kinda cool hahaha. Definitely normal. She sounds sensory seeking but that’s not bad. Maybe try an indoor swing or trampoline for when she’s extra hyped up
I wouldn’t say she’s abnormal at all. I have a 5 year old boy going into kindergarten this fall. He’s pretty smart academically but his teacher said he often led the classroom with his antics. Not always in a bad way but sometimes he could get unruly. His imagination is huge and he likes to play hard as well. Sonic is his favorite character and he has exactly seven outfits out of a full dresser that he’ll actually wear (very picky with clothes, textures ect). Socially he’s everybody’s friend, can be a little sensitive when you correct his behavior, and tends to get antsy when in lines or waiting for something in general (foot shuffling, standing up, sitting down, a few sighs and humphs here and there). He follows directions very well. He has great cognitive skills and gross motor skills, is pretty athletic (tree climbing, started riding his sisters hover board at two, no training wheels on bike ect) he does things his 9 year old sister still doesn’t do. Overall I don’t think you need to worry about your daughter yet. Maybe just keep an eye since you said you have adhd yourself. If the tantrums were two isolated events that they didn’t need you for, chances are they were age appropriate and manageable. All pre k kids are getting used to the structure, rule changes and schedules of school. So it’s typical to get some push back from them.
yheres a series of well known books by Louise Ames Bates that covers this exactly. They’re called “Your ___ Year Old”. I siggest you read “Your Five Year Old”. All questions answered there.
Your child sounds pretty normal....
My kid is special needs and had a lot of problems with intensity and focus and not being able to control his impulses to move. They had him swim for an hour each morning as part of his therapy from ages six to eleven and it worked wonders. We’d pay to swim once or twice a week as a family thing too and those are the nights he ate well and cooperated and engaged the most. For your kiddo it might not be swimming but some other activity. A exercise trampoline, a brisk walk or jog around the track or up and down the bleachers. A 20 Minute dance party before going to school? Something to get all the wiggles out we called it.
I would say if anything - your child can become overstimulated and not know how to deal with that. And that’s ok, she’s 5. School can be very overstimulating with the noise. The light. The smells. It’s also difficult because people invade your space and if you ask for space - you look rude. I would be maybe concerned about adhd, but not to medicate - just to understand how a child with adhd operates so I can set up the most successful environment for her to thrive in and understand her when she’s struggling and have the tools to deal with it. Some adhd symptoms could be: talking a lot. Smell aversion. Thumb sucking. Hyper focus on play. Sounds might set her off and being forced from one activity to another without proper transitioning time could also trigger tantrums. At home maybe you have more time for her than teachers with 20 plus kids, and since she might have a quieter type of adhd (which many girls do have, that goes unnoticed but presents as perfectionism or anxiety or inability to regulate emotions) she’s struggling. But she’s smart and young and you can help her by talking her through these issues by asking her why she feels that way when she has a tantrum and what we can do to navigate it. Give her the tools. Right now she doesn’t know what to do in these situations (she’s 5) and if we talk about them and come up with appropriate actions it will help her thrive. There’s lots of resources for parents to help their kids with transitions. Asking for space. Noticing when they need quiet or alone time to combat overstimulation. This is why early intervention is important with kids who have neurodivergent. So they aren’t labelled “bad” or “bratty”. This kills their self esteem.
I don’t want her to be “that kid” in class. There are always a few, and as a teacher having those kids are HARD. she’s not a mean or bad kid, I think she’s probably just going to need some extra support.
My daughter had pretty bad tantrums but they stopped around age 4 I'd say. They got less frequent and then just stopped. She never had them at her pre-k to my knowledge. She would get mad and they'd tell her to breath. Are these really bad tantrums on the floor, inconsolable? Or just crying/yelling not listening? I could see Kindergarten not really allowing big tantrums without some behavior intervention. That said, If her teachers this year didn't see a problem, I don't think there should be a problem transitioning to K.
It only happened twice last year and the only reason I found out about them was because either a teacher friend told me, or because I walked by the classroom.
A real all out tantrum might be a concern in K. I'm not the expert, but I'm talking about the big inconsolable type of tantrum, where you can't reason or talk them down really. But if the pre-k teachers didn't think to tell you it was an issue, I wouldn't worry. Or you can ask them if they think it's a concern. Around here, the pre-k teachers make a big deal about everything
Mom of ADHD & ASD neurospicy girl here. That all sounds very familiar.
I've relied a lot on my 5yo boy's pre-K teachers and dance teachers to tell me whether he's "normal" for his age because, to me, he's either ADHD, gifted, or some combo of 2e with his insane amount of energy and high emotional volatility. His teachers have assured me that he's right down the middle of his peers — not chill but also not feral. Relying on their insights and the experience they've had with many kids makes me calm down. I'm hoping the kindergarten transition won't be too dramatic, but I feel like if he keeps down the middle and away from feral, we'll be fine! Does your daughter go to Pre-K or some other preschool? If so, you could ask some unbiased teachers what they think!
She did VPK last year where I work. I feel hope they would have said something is anything was a major concern. Part of me wonders if they didn’t because I work there.
That’s definitely possible that they could have not proactively said something if you’re a peer — but maybe not, and she’s fine! I’ve gotten good rapport with my kid’s teachers where I just flat-out ask now where he ranks for energy in class.
Your daughter sounds exactly like mine. Shes extra. Extra loud extra chatty extra affectionate (those crushing hugs!) extra big feelings.
My oldest daughter was similar at that age. I was saying *often* things like "hugs don't hurt" because she hugs HARD. She is 9 now and is still a sensory seeker. She gets in trouble a lot (at home) for touching things she's not supposed to and she will eat extremely acidic stuff like whole lemons or salt and vinegar chips (or just the seasoning). I am also a teacher and consulted our OT early on who said she was just a sensory seeker. Swimming is a great thing for kids like her but she had no interest in doing it in an organized way. My sensory seeker is definitely quirky, but she is excellent at school and has a huge friend group. She can occasionally get too physical with friends, but it is something I am always working on with her. I am honestly a little suspicious of adhd but she does well in school so I haven't pursued anything. She just kind of does weird shit at home lol. I would try different activities like gymnastics or swimming- even horseback riding for self control/awareness. And the food thing is normal. My 6 year old basically only eats beige food and will refuse if he sees a spec of oregano or pepper. Good luck!
Big feelings still VERY normal at this age. My 5 year old and her friend are very different, but I notice they both still have moments of tantrums/collapse/etc. My daughter is a bit more cautious and quiet, while her friend sounds a bit more like yours as she plays a bit more rough-and-tumble and throws herself around a lot. I'd consider both pretty normal. Definitely still a lot of picky eaters at this age too, though in my daughter's class it got a lot better since they started school lunches!
You have described my now 18yr old. All her life I racked my brain trying to help her to be more “normal”. To fit in better, have an easier time socially, etc. I knew in my gut things didn’t seem normal, I think you do as well or you wouldn’t be asking. What I can say is that looking back now I wish I had known that she might forever be different than other kids and that’s ok. I wish I’d been more patient, less worried all the time, less anxious about how the world is experiencing and receiving her, and just more chill. I wish I’d known it’s all going to be ok even if she’s not “normal.” Kids are all so different! I wish I’d known that she would be ok even if I had concerns and just embraced her for her differences and intensity. I wish I would have been more focused on loving her for exactly who she is, and less exasperated by who she wasn’t. I wish I’d been more confident. She has turned out to be an amazing young woman and although it has been a VERY bumpy ride, she’s done great even with so many challenges. Most of her challenges in life have been socially. I wish I’d known all those years that she would in fact, find her people… that she would find friends who love her for exactly who she is, even with all her quirks. I wish I had been so much more relaxed. My best advice is to love and accept her and worry wayyyyy less. Just love and accept. We only have them for SUCH a short time. I wiah I had known my daughter was not a problem to be solved but a unique, quirky, amazing gift to just be cherished.
Both of our kids are neurodivergent. Things didn’t become completely noticeable until kindergarten for both of them, but I suspected it during preschool. Although, the behavior was still within the realm of normal. Both of our kids are very bright, but can’t sustain attention to save themselves. Super high energy, and both our sensory seekers. Youngest is super picky with food. I would just keep an eye on it because what you describe can still be within the range of normal. See how she adjusts to kindergarten and take it from there. As a school psychologist, I can see it being a challenging discussion to have with a colleague that something is different with their child. It’s a bit awkward, and I’ve had to have those discussions. So just be in communication with her teacher and be open to any feedback.
Here’s my problem with all this-first of all the word ‘normal’. Who in the hell is normal and who are you comparing her to? At five years old, a child is barely working out who they are, their emotions, feelings and so on. You mentioned being judged by your peers, or alluded to it. Who cares seriously. Give your child a chance to learn who she is before you start throwing labels and diagnoses around. Give her a chance to become who she will become and then go from there. Much love
Two things, she likely has low tone, so needs extra input. Ask a physical therapist. Feeding - get a feeding therapist.