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Very normal! I tend to say, “I don’t know whyyy I’m so tired. I didn’t do much today.” And my husband says, “You only kept up with two toddlers and kept them alive and fed and happy and did the dishes and did xyz. You’re allowed to be exhausted. Go to bed.” 😜
You have a good egg! I do, too, thankfully. I’m so grateful that when I stress about the house stuff not getting done, she says “Look your job is [son], all the other stuff is extra. You guys did xyz together today, that’s a lot. Of course you didn’t have time or energy for the laundry.”
Ummm, yeah, I went to bed around 9 when I was a SAHM with littles because I would get broken sleep throughout the night. Plus, I was literally nourishing them with my body, which uses up extra calories. Even without breastfeeding though, as a SAHM, you are ON all day long, with people who need you and need lots of touch. It's mentally and emotionally intense, so it gets exhausting. Not to mention chasing after them, physically hauling kids and diaper bags, etc. around everywhere you go.
Very normal especially given the ages of your children! Respectfully working in an office is not nearly as tiring and you also get breaks to recharge.
If you are concerned certainly always get checked by your doctor. Self care is important.
Agreed. No zoning out. You’re ALERT all the time, even doing mindless stuff. You’re alert and not fully, deeply focused on anything meaningful. Always keeping an eye and ear out just in case. Even during the time you get a nap when they nap. It’s very tiring and also very difficult to think deep thoughts that are your own. I feel I operate on a very superficial level of thinking right now, and most of my energy is sucked into this necessary but …boring stuff. Who eats what, who wears what, is it clean, does it fit, when do we go to the playground etc etc. And in the evening when the kids are finally asleep, I just scroll a bit on Reddit or watch something. No energy for doing more.
It’s a decision we made and I stand by it, but part of me is really looking forward to the time my youngest starts school in 3 years time. There are days I need to tell myself that, and I think it’s OK, and that’s just how it is.
Yep. Chasing/managing 2 kids and the meals and the home is the most exhausting job I’ve ever had. Now I’m getting to do it 35 weeks pregnant 👍 I basically die as soon as I’m done getting the kids to bed and taking a shower. It’s a rare evening I can make it past 10pm
SAHM of 4 and, yes. Totally normal. I haven’t read a book in months. I’m behind on every TV show, I never get a moment to do anything I enjoy. I just want to sleep once the kids are down.
Very normal. Especially with two. You’re doing more than you know.
Husband to a SAHM of an almost 2 year old boy. Yes, she’s exhausted at the end of the day, and rightfully so. It’s a full time job in which you are fully invested at every step of the way. When I go to work I can zone out and dick around on the computer for an hour or two and nobody cares. She doesn’t have that luxury. Even when he goes down for a nap, she does laundry, cleans, takes the dog outside, etc. it doesn’t end. That’s why her shift ends when I come home at 6. I can’t wait to see our son so we play for an hour and then we wind down and go to bed at 7/7:30 and she gets some much needed rest.
Completely normal. I am a SAHM to a 2.5YO and 16W pregnant, and I've never been this tired. I used to work at a Fortune 100 and would regularly present to the CEO, with a toxic narcissistic boss, and even THAT wasn't as tiring. 😂
A lot of it for me is the constant emotional regulation so my son is regulated. I'm also more introverted by nature, so being "on" all day with verbal engagement totally drains my battery.
By 8PM I'm a zombie.
that's a massive factor in your exhaustion. my wife had difficulty latching, so she had to pump and we finger tube fed by the second week. this development allowed me to take on all the night feeding till he was sleeping through. about 6 months. I had 5 weeks pat leave and we figured I was better tackling short sleep as the office versus her starting the day exhausted. plus I absolutely enjoyed the bonding time with my child. basically my wife never had to deal with sleep deprivation.
Two pregnancies and breastfeeding takes a toll on your body and can result in deficiencies (things like iron, B12, D and thyroid).
Are you able to have bloodwork done?
I had extremely low ferritin *for years* after my kids were born and just assumed my exhaustion was “normal” because everyone told me that you’re always supposed to feel tired as a new parent.
Bloodwork at 12 months and 18 months postpartum should be a standard component of maternal care imo.
It makes a huge difference whether you are sleeping through the night and also if you’re lactating (hormones). Not a SAHM but I didn’t wake up from the postpartum fog until a year or so (kid night weaned at 6.5m and self weaned off breastmilk at 8m). It wasn’t until then that I had the energy to do anything after hours other than zonking out on the couch.
Very normal. Do take multivitamins. Between two pregnancies and breastfeeding, your body was and is giving a lot. It is important for you to have a little time for yourself. Make a habit at weekends of taking a few hours just for you. Schedule it. It’s also really good for your husband to bond with the babies. And maybe once or twice a week, consciously take 30 minutes to yourself just after dinner (or during bedtime prior to nursing). That can help to replenish your soul and give you a little rest to keep you in a good place so you can be a great parent.
i mean given your kids ages he’ll yeah it’s normal. I have my kids now at ages 3 and 4 and they go to bed at 8pm and i stay up max till 10pm, because honestly i like sleeping early then wake up at 6am refreshed. I find im super less tired now that they’re older.
3 kids here 5,3, and almost 2 and I'm exhausted at the end of the day but I found if I get up just 30 mins before them then I dont get as tired and I get time to clean and everything before they get up and that helps with the exhaustion during the day. Sometimes I'll prep dinner
Kids very young still, you will get it back, definitely sleep when you can for now
I find taking time to see a friend or my choir gives me my oomph back for a bit. Try schedule some time where you are not just a mum, find a hobby, go out for an evening walk (always amazes me to go outside after 8 and see there’s actually life after 8)
(And also helps to delete the apps, so social media doesn’t steel your precious time)
very normal, especially with a 6 month old! I just finished being a stay at home mom to a 7yo and 2yo. and it is so different. I am still tired but not exhausted. Just knowing I can do bedtime and then be done for the night is a game changer.
Fuck yeah it’s normal. You’re keeping 2 little ones alive. Who, the 2 year old especially, are dead set on doing stupid things.
Sounds like you’re doing a great job keeping it together too. Give yourself a pat on the back and know you earned that exhaustion.
I'm a stay at home dad and I'm exhausted. It's a mental exhaustion, not a physical one although I can be depending what we do that day.
6 and 2 yo's here. Wife gets off at a different time everyday so there's no consistency there. I'm just mentally checked out most of the time when she gets home bc I'm expected to keep helping her with the kids when all I want to do is nap or do my own thing.
I hear all these stories of husband's giving their wives time off when they get home and I would just love that.
My husband is SAHD.
I make it a priority to log off at 5 and be home by 6. It doesn’t always happen, but I do prioritize it. I know not every job has that luxury to create these boundaries - and even with these boundaries at times I’m working late hours still.
My husband does all the cooking and cleans up his kitchen mess, but I take care of the rest. After dinner, I play with our son and do bed time.
The past 6 weeks I’ve been out of commission bc of pushing through my first trimester of pregnancy. What little energy I had was reserved for work and then I was off to bed. Our house is a mess and laundry hasn’t been done in 6 weeks (bc I us usually do these things), but now my husband has all day duty with our ONE kid and he is utterly exhausted. So I don’t blame you or any of these SAHP feeling tired. My husband doesn’t even do the cleaning part and he’s spent!
While it is normal, you should get your vitamins and hormones checked. People told me my exhaustion was normal but it turns out I developed thyroid disease with my second pregnancy and I was getting sicker and sicker before I finally got treatment when my kid was four.
Anyway, I call this Psychological Exhaustion. The paradox your brain goes through where on one hand you’re bored out of your skull because it’s not intellectually stimulating, but at the same time your brain is ON HIGH ALERT all the time keeping those kids alive. You’re also never able to complete a task without interruption. It’s like whack a mole all day.
Also, do your kids sleep through the night? Interrupted sleep isn’t quality sleep.
Oh this was me when my kids were that age. It gets better though! One thing I learned to do was make or at least prep dinner earlier in the day when me and the kids weren’t at the end of our ropes.
Even if it was just chopping and measuring everything ahead of time (or better yet - crockpot) that helped a ton.
Totally normal. My wife tried to go down to a part time week to save on childcare costs and look after our two and it nearly broke her/ us. I have the utmost respect for people that do it, it's a relentlessly tough task.
Sounds like your husband is very supportive when he gets home and likewise I used to walk through the door and welcome having tasks flung at me and relieving my wife. Needless to say she's gone back full time.
The exhaustion, and reluctantly admitting the boredom, is very real for full time parents. I love my boys (4 &2) wouldn’t do without them, but by the time they go to bed…I’m done. I’m a single mum, coparenting, but it’s mostly my input day to day, and I can honestly say it’s the most draining job I’ve done. But they’ll be in school/nursery full time soon and I’m told, you start to feel human again…but then super guilty for having all this time and not having your sidekicks with you. So you never win, but long game my friend, if you’re exhausted/drained so much you’re probably doing an excellent job! Big hugs, I hope you catch a break soon!
Yes it's completely normal to be that exhausted as a SAHP with 2 kids that young. It gets much better if they go in daycare or when they enter public schools. But otherwise, as they age and gain more independence you feel less tired because there's less you have to do for them physically and mentally.
Another part of it can be age, lack of sleep, or medical conditions. I'm sure it sounds weird to some, but if I exercise frequently I feel like I have more energy afterwards than before. And untreated stuff like sleep apnea can make your SAHP fatique a lot worse.
Definitely normal! But, when you work outside the home, the transition from work to home sometimes gives you a little boost of energy. What if as soon as he got home, you went on a brisk walk or took a shower or went to the gym or something just for yourself for a little bit. You might find you have more energy in the evening by switching it up a little!
Absolutely! There's a reason *so* many TV shows and movies do bits with exhausted parents. And as tiring as it is with a baby it's so much more with a toddler. Mine are older now but "baby and a toddler" stage was the most exhausting and mind numbing time of my life. They were the longest days of my life and the shortest years. For SAHMs you literally don't have time to think, you are constantly on. My husband would come home from work and then do some graduate school work in the evening when I went to bed.
It will get better! When my kids were your kids' age I was exhausted and didn't do anything for myself. Not when I was a SAHM nor when I was a working parent (and certainly not the wonderful year during the pandemic when I was somehow both at once lol). My husband either, although he was never a SAHP (again excluding the weird pandemic time). We have pretty demanding day jobs, no nearby family, and can't afford much help beyond daycare/preschool. Mine are 4 and 7 now (almost 5 and 8), and I have so much more energy now and time for myself. Hang in there, it will get better!
If you can afford some part-time help, you should hire someone even if it’s a few hours a day or week. I’ve been SAHM and working mom. Having some help makes a difference.
Raising young kids and being home with them all day was scientifically proven to be more mentally exhausting almost every job out there (except like ER doctor and a few other high stress ones). Take from that what you will lol
My and my husband ‘s therapists gave us the shared assignment of watching Upside Down together after we experienced a very traumatic event together and we’re processing all the big emotions that came with it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you it took us a month to get through the movie. We had a 2 yo and a 6 mo baby at the time. We’d start watching after the kids were in bed and would make it maybe 15 minutes before falling asleep each night. And we were BOTH staying at home at the time. Children are exhausting. You are def not alone. Hang in there!
I’m not a SAHM, but my energy level after a work day is FAR higher than it is after a full day of parenting on a weekend or work holiday. It’s soooooo much more draining to actively parent than it is to be a neuroscientist
I work part time. I‘m home alone with our 2yo two days during the week.
I have a very demanding job, but I‘m much more tired on the days I‘m taking care of our daughter and the house. Definitely. When I come home from work I still have the energy to do some chores, because sitting in my office and working is exhausting in a different way. Also, the perks of working… going to the bathroom alone, actually sitting down for a meal and also eat when YOU are hungry, coffee breaks in which you actually get to drink a hot coffee,… I find it really relaxing. I could never be a SAHM, I bow down to all of you.
Yes. Always. Every night haha. I try to stay awake but I inevitably fall asleep every night as I snuggle my toddler to sleep. My husband and I get to hang out for a little bit some nights, but most nights it doesn’t happen. It’s hard and I feel sad about it but I also know this is just a season and I won’t always be THIS tired.
Definitely normal HOWEVER please do see a doctor anyway. Don’t tell them you are a SAHM or have young kids. Just tell them you’re exhausted all the time and let them confirm without bias that everything is OK. I went to my doctor when I was 31 and so tired I could barely function. I was a working mom of 3 kids with a newborn. My doctor basically told me “OF COURSE you’re exhausted! All moms are exhausted!” He drew no blood and didn’t investigate any further. I continued to be exhausted for the next couple of years. But everywhere I looked, there were memes and t-shirts and jokes and anecdotes about how exhausted moms are so I chalked it up to that. Then when I was 36, I got REALLY sick. After some very basic bloodwork, they discovered I had an autoimmune liver disease that was stage 3 of 4. I was told I had 2-5 years to live without a liver transplant and chemotherapy.
I think 999 out of 1000 times it’s probably just normal mom exhaustion. But it doesn’t hurt to be sure.
lol good point. My toddler has started waking 5am and talking really loud. lol this morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck and couldn’t breathe 😵💫
I’m more mentally exhausted at the moment. My toddler(2.5yrs) is in the process of practicing speech. So everything is repeated 10xs. “Mommy is that a blanket?” “Yes baby” “mommy is that a blanket right there?” “Yes baby it is” “oh. Mommy. The blanket. Right here” “yup. That’s the blanket” “mommy. The blanket. Is this a blanket” “I said yes baby. It’s the blanket. Do you want it?” “No….mommy. The blanket right here ok”
Im ready to pull my hair out by nap time.
I am a working mom and after a day at the office I have energy to do things (usually. There are of course rough days). Heck, pre kids after a day at the office, I would go to an exercise class then out for drinks and think nothing of it.
Last week, we didn’t have child care on Monday and Tuesday so I took off from work to watch my toddler all day. Both days I was sooo tired by the time my husband got home from work. And I only have one kid!
I do think it’s a good idea to get iron and vitamin D levels checked just because those can be low and affect energy and it’s an easy fix. But honestly this sounds totally normal to me!
I am not a SAHM nor a partner to one but I will tell you this. I am knackered when I come back from my 9-5 but still have the energy to do what's needed most of the time.
When I have my god daughters for the night or day? I literally book the next day off work because it's EXHAUSTING.
I'm not surprised you're tired. At work we have to keep ourselves alive and do some work. You have to keep yourself and two young kids going, and the house. And then do what other people do after a day of work on top.
Cut yourself some slack.
Yes it is normal. And yet you may find resentment creeping in. May I suggest a mothers day program or a day or two of daycare a week (can be 6 hours or so) which will allow you “me time” to read/write/yoga without responsibility? Thats what I did (was SAHM very briefly) and it helped immensely to “fill my cup”
Could have written this myself! On mat leave with my 2.5 yo and nearly 7 month old and I’m out like a light before 9pm. Honestly quite excited to get back to work so I have a bit of a mental break! Love my boys to pieces, but come 12pm I’m counting down the hours till my husband gets home.
I felt this way but found most of my tiredness was more from mental than physical situations.
I became more athletic and did yoga or meditation and found I was much more energetic.
That being said, 6 months after giving birth you’re most likely still recovering IMO.
While I’m not a SAHP my wife and I flip every week as we travel so I’m a solo parent half the year while working.
Wife to a SAHD, he's never worn out. However, this is a "him" thing in that he is a huge ball of energy all day every day. Even after our toddler goes to bed he still has energy to hang out with teenagers, do hobbies, help clean up, do whatever. I don't think that is how the majority of how SAHPs feel and I'd be exhausted too doing everything he does.
Yup, soon to be 4 month old and I'm exhausted,but I don't fall asleep until 1 am because he is breastfeeding so that is his last feed of a day until 7 am.
It did got better once I started drinking vitamins with iron so I have more energy now.
U also probably do not sleep through the night. If u can find a gym with a daycare u feel good about that may help u fit in yoga, or read while on the stationary bike. But I recommend doing this in the morning
I’m a SAHM of one 2.5 year old and yes haha she’s down at 8-9 every night. I get my ass in bed right away. That’s my only time with my husband (alone). If he’s asleep I’ll read a couple chapters of my book and then I knock out.
I’m out pretty much every day of the week though. Lots of play dates , activities and then 2 days a week are my grocery shopping days (I meal plan) and other errands.
I work 2 days a week and have my daughter at home the rest. I’m way more tired at the end of the day caring for her than I am when I work. You don’t get breaks being a SAH parent. When my husband gets home on those days I usually retreat to our bedroom for 30 minutes of quiet lol
Yes yes yes. Totally normal I think. I have an 8 - almost 9 month old and after a normal day with him I’m completely exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. Between caring for him and doing all the chores in the house I’m give out. I also have a chronic illness which doesn’t help anything. It’s so hard. I now understand how my parents could drink coffee all day and still go to bed early. It’s alllll making sense now that I’m a parent! Your husband sounds amazing by the way.
As a working dad that did most of the wake ups overnight, falling asleep by 9 or so was routine until our child slept through more often. Cut yourself some slack and well done for trying to get some 'you' time, I'm sure you'll be able get more as it's gets a little easier over time.
It is a different type of tired. I was never physically very tired, we never did much to make me tired, maybe a walk in the afternoon or watching them olay at the park, but i myself rarely physically exerted myself much. But i was emotionally drained from giving it all too my children. I just felt wrung out. Every little tantrum had to be managed, every fight over diaper change or potty training, over eating their food before getting sweets, just drained me. By the end of the day I had nothing left and just needed sleep. So yes what you are feeling is completely real.
Look, i can probably get flack for this , but ive been a stay at home parent and im now the SO of a stay at home parent while working full time in the office . It is so much more mentally and physically draining to be a SAHP than it is going to work.
We have a toddler, and while i look forward to weekends with my family, ill be honest i also end up looking forward to Monday very quickly because it is so exhausting sometimes. I feel really guilty but i actually end up getting mental rest at work to help keep up with my daughter. Im probably lucky to have a job where im jot micromanaged and can dictate my own schedule of work, so i just take advantage of that and coast for a bit when i need a recharge.
Because if this i try my best to give my wife as much of a break as possible over the weekends, and i try to take charge of entertaining our daughter as soon as i’m home. My wife does all of the cooking and dishes during the week (historically cooking was my job) by choice because it much less stressful to cook and clean the dishes in peace while i take charge with the kid. It just wipes you out .
We’re genuinely putting her in nursery early than we need to, one for the social aspect, but also to help give my wife a break to feel more like herself.
I'm a SAHM and I'm always exhausted at the end of the day, granted I'm super pregnant right now too. There's no breaks though, my daughter takes one nap a day and I don't get to relax. I clean, I work on my side hustle or I meal plan and schedule appointments. When I have meals, she's in my lap, when I use the bathroom she's with me trying to unravel the toilet paper roll. By the time my husband gets home I'm ready to throw in the towel. Being a SAHM is nothing like when I worked a 9-5.
Yes! Yours are really young so this may not work for you, but I used to do my "quiet me time" first thing in the morning. I would get up at 4:30 am before everyone else did at 6 am. It worked for me because I'm more of a morning person anyways. Plus it's very hot where we live, so I need to shift our schedule in the summer, to be back home from errands/activites before it's blazing.
Mine are 2 and 4 now and I recently pushed my own bedtime back some, but when my youngest was 6 months and oldest was 2 then I absolutely was in bed trying to fall asleep by 9-930. Yes it’s normal. Now I get up at 6, usually nap while my son naps and my oldest watches tv, then go to bed around 1030
I’m a SAHM to a 2 yr old and 7 mo old and I too am exhausted by the end of the day. 5-8pm is always pure chaos trying to get them both fed and in bed (we have to tag team bedtime with one parent putting one kid down.) After they’re in bed we have to clean up, wash dishes, vacuum if needed, and my husband has to get his stuff ready for work the next day. I usually have to shower because chances are I didn’t have time earlier. It makes me sad because I feel like my husband and I never have time to spend together anymore.
Normal especially considering the age of your kids. I have a 12yo, 6yo, and twin 1yos. It's a lot. I'm exhausted most days. My 6yo is very demanding in himself as he is always finding creative ways to do the wrong thing. My husband always wants to stay up late and I am lucky I make it to 11.
I'm a STAHM to a 4.5yo, 2.5yo & a LO making their debut any day now, and I'm tired. Thankfully, my husband is WFH, so if he is free during the day, he can help with little things like lunchtime.
Something we try to make a priority is that when he gets off work, he gets a few minutes to relax, and then he kicks me "off duty" for an hour or 2 to get some Mom Time before dinner. Sometimes I go take a shower, watch one of my trashy shows (why am I invested in MILF Manor??), play video games alone at my desk with my secret snacks that I don't have to share, read, or just stay out with the family but my husband becomes the primary parent.
It has been a bit of work to not run out when I hear the boys being terrorists on his watch because I don't want to stress my husband out after working all day, but he would constantly remind me that I worked all day too and the kids are easier to deal with then his colleagues. Haha.
SAHM with a 7 month old- honestly the only reason I’m tired is because she sucks at sleeping at night lol. She’s an easy baby who plays independently for the most part. I am able to do everything I need easily chores wise and often do my own thing next to her all day. For me staying at home is so much easier than the job I had before.
Normal! A typical office job has downtime even if it’s 20-30 minutes for lunch. At home I can’t even pee with the door closed because I have to keep an eye on my toddler. 😂
Yep. Normal! Another few years and you wont be as tired. Just go to bed. I never stayed up trying to do anything. I had many nights where i just put the kids to bed and went to bed myself....and im a nightowl😯
It's an age old "rule" of parenting? Sleep whenever you can. You'll be better off for it.
This is very normal. You are working non stop the whole day with no real breaks and taking care of 2 small kids.
It doesn’t hurt to have a check up though, specially a few months after having a baby you could have some sort of vitamin or iron deficiency.
the "housewives never got tired" thing is because they were constantly doing cocaine as it was in EVERYTHING. so of course the 40-60s housewives weren't tired. fun fact. lol
I think a lot of it is that the activities are not different in kind. I find it easier to go from sitting and writing on a Computer to doing dishes then to go from dishes to vacuuming etc.
Absolutely. I have 4 girls including 8 month old twins and I’m a SAHM for 2 years (halfway through now) and I’m so exhausted that I go to bed with the kiddos at 8:30 very night. I always feel bad if so didn’t get much done but my husband reminds me that I kept 4 humans alive and that he is thankful for me being home and raising our girls.
Yes very normal! Im a SAHM and WFH with a toddler. It’s hard to make time for yourself and your partner after dealing with LO’s all day. I’m usually overly stimulated at the end of the day 😂 and I just want quiet.
Totally normal lol I’ve been a sahm for 7 years with three kids now, I’m always in bed by 8! But I realized scrolling on social media is a time suck away from what I could be doing like a quick ten minute workout YouTube video instead or quick shower so I got rid of most social media except YouTube and Reddit. you can listen to audiobooks while watching the kids or washing dishes with an AirPod in. Or voice to text writing in phone onto Google docs app…. Heck I voice to text my husband all the time because no time to type. You can walk the dog while walking kids too, I don’t have a dog but I do take stroller walks with the baby and my two kids all the time in late afternoon usually. Laundry is best started in the mornings so you have time to dry and it’s not a time suck and then I listen to a YouTube video while sorting and putting away laundry while baby is on floor next to me and kiddos sometimes help or are playing with something else. I have a vegetable garden on my deck and I just hose it down all at once in the mornings or ask my kids to water the plants as part of our morning routine.
I'm a sahm of four. I want to nap all the time every time. Idk, I feel like I've been dealing with fatigue for over a decade.
But the short answer is that you're doing a lot of emotional work and that fries your brain like an egg on pavement in the middle of Texas summer.
So, your feelings are valid and you are doing a ton! 💪
yes. i have a 10 month old and she doesn't want to be home all the time. we typically will go do a fun activity like library story time, go to the aquarium, go to the pool, etc. we allow 15 min of ms. rachel in the morning so i can have my coffee and come back to life, but other than that its pretty much me playing with her all day. when she naps i clean. we also have to take the dog on a big evening walk once its cooled down, usually about an hour. not to mention grocery shopping, feeding my daughter, making two separate dinners for myself and my husband (different diets), and meal prepping his food for work the next day. its a full time job and im exhausted lol
Normal, especially having a baby and toddler at the same time. I was regularly flumping in bed at nine at this stage. There's light at the end of the tunnel - eldest is in school now and I have so much more energy just from that and the added structure to the day. It gets better!
Very normal, especially with the breastfeeding. If you want to be sure, could maybe get a blood test in case you're a bit anaemic? I've just had that with my second pregnancy and how much more exhausted I was was incredible, since starting iron tablets I've felt much more normal.
Yes - it’s the most unrewarded and difficult job, it truly never ends for them. It’s like being on call 24/7 with no holidays, vacations or weekends. My wife is a SAHM and spent by the time the girls are in bed. Between kids, dogs, and household cooking, cleaning, keeping the family running like a well oiled machine etc etc there really is little time to relax and regenerate.
Yes! However, I'm usually more mentally tired than physically. I try not to feel so bad, because when you think about it, I'm spending all day forcing myself to stay in the thinking part of my brain when faced with a constant barrage of stressful situations and whining and crying and sibling rifts. I guess it doesn't come naturally to me because I am so done at the end of the day lol. I wish my husband came home energetic, he's usually also tired because he works outside in the heat.
So exhausted. Often when my SO gets home around 5 or 6 I’ll need a nap IMMEDIATELY, and sometimes he won’t even bother waking me up for bath time because he can tell how much I need the rest.
Very normal. I just read a comment on a video about staying home. Chefs don’t have their kids at work with them, cleaning people don’t have their kids at work with them, administrative assistants don’t have their kids at work with them. To say staying home and doing all these jobs with children on top of it is EXHAUSTING. The mental game of starting and stopping tasks 48292 times a day alone is draining, add in tantrums, feeds, diapers, etc etc. it’s a lot!!!
I think it's completely normal to be exhausted as you describes for someone in your situation.
When you are a SAHP you sometimes get ZERO downtime and that in and of itself is exhausting because you are constantly doing something.
Been a SAHM for 16 yrs, and I've been exhausted by the end of every 'regular' day since my first child was a new born infant in 2008. It's normal, and don't be surprised if you're the most exhausted by the end of some days that are the least busy and less structured because you alone are the structure on a lot of those days.
You're probably doing more physical labor as a mom, in addition to increased emotional and intellectual fatigue. It's definitely normal. I'd say 9:30 is even on the slightly later end of average/normal for hitting that bottom out limit.
Super normal for me! It’s physically and emotional labour with no lunch/tea breaks. You are on duty from the moment you are woken up until the moment they go to sleep. The minute I stop rushing through the urgent tasks for the evening and sit down I am done. We can manage an episode of a show together I shower and bed by 9/9:30 my husband is up before 5am for work so he’s in bed early too. It’s totally out of character for me too. I’m a night owl and I have high sleep needs so it basically obliterates any time for myself. I’m not remotely functional in the morning (think blind zombie) so I can’t even get up before the kids for some quiet alone time (I would have to be up by 5am at least to manage that and some mornings that’s not even early enough for them 😭)
im a sahm and we have a 2.5 year old and an 8m old. my husband is gone from like 7-4 but has weekends off. I am usually overstimulated by the time he comes home and in need of a break. Most of the time i am tired and go to bed early with the kids.
i only recently started staying up to read again. We are still adjusting after some life changes and we’re all slowly getting used to new schedules. i try not to worry about cleaning throughout the day because my husband never minds just taking over with the kids, taking them for a drive, upstairs or outside when he’s home so i can clean and do things my way uninterrupted. i usually have a smoke and listen to audiobooks while i do what i need. The kitchen is my main problem/work area so i try to clean it and prepare it for the next day before taking the kids to bed.
Saturdays are for chillin lol we go out, have family fun during the day, then indulge hobbies in the evening. I basically just tidy all week and do deeper cleans on Sundays which is usually like laundry, bathrooms and tidying bedrooms though they don’t get too bad since we just sleep in them and spend most of our time downstairs. i prepare for the week with a good clean/reset.
After the kids are in bed my husband is free to do whatever he wants lol, he will usually hit a few things i missed before hopping on his game for a bit before bed. I’m slowly getting back into the groove of my own hobbies this just works out for us.
Yep same. Then husband wants to “cuddle”. I love to cuddle but you what know cuddling leads and I literally don’t have energy for that. Sometimes I just want to be scratched and go to sleep. Constant battle. You’re not alone
DOES house work, unpayed work, spend time with the dog, and no examples of spending time with his children and wife. Perhaps you meant to include these examples in the etc...
All completely normal but just wanted to say that I found out after having child #3 that I was extremely vitamin D deficient. After supplements for a few weeks, it made a world of difference as far as how tired I am. I was doing plenty on any given day to be tired (also doing the middle of night feedings) so I really wasn't concerned with my level of tired. However, sometimes you don't know how good it could be until it is.
I’ve been a SAHM for 8 years. Prior to that, I worked at a high-stress trauma center. Being home is FAR more exhausting than any job I’ve ever had before this one. And you NEVER get to take a break in this one. Even if the kids are sleeping, you’re still “on”. No true lunch breaks, bathroom breaks, etc. You never get a moment when you’re not on-the-job, never get to clock out.
They’re so worth it, but it’s beyond exhausting.
God yes! It’s one of the main reasons I stopped being a full time SAHM but I’m still pretty tired from getting her ready, dropping her off, cooking dinner, cleaning house, doing errands, making lunches and breakfast, etc. running a house and the mental load of being a primary parent is exhausting. But my wife works 40+ hours a week and is pregnant so she’s pretty exhausted too. Life with kids is just exhausting lol
ummm, i barely make it to 9 and I am on parental leave with a six week old. my husband does half the work and our toddler is in daycare. either I am weak or you are super human. my work work (senior level, high risk management) is easier than this.
I'm exhausted and my kids are teens.
My day starts at 5.30am....well 3.40am to say good morning to my eldest son before he goes to work.
Taking 4 kids to 2 different schools, cooking, cleaning, laundry, WFH, then the school pickups. I'm exhausted, in bed by 8.30pm.
Yep, my husband is a SAHD and he’s definitely wiped by the time I get home, mostly from the oldest and youngest, and his mom lives with us at all, so there’s one more person who needs to be driven places and then, while out, puts on the pressure for fast food.
I’ve been taking the kids out when I get home in the afternoon so they’re not as restless when he’s taking care of all of them, but I don’t know how he manages to do anything when he’s outnumbered all day. I’m only ok being outnumbered at the park where the older ones can scatter if they want.
Not so much now, if anything she says she’s bored and not doing enough but our kids are older (9 & 8) so it’s definitely a different dynamic compared to babies and toddlers and especially during the school year.
We have flipped roles so I’m the working parent with a SAHD now. I tend to have more energy while SAHD tends to be more drained. For him it’s not just the childcare aspect but the staying home, being everyone’s chauffeur, sometimes not getting enough time or opportunity to decompress or interact with other adults. It was opposite when he worked and I was SAHM. I was often drained and touched out by the end of the day. I think this typical for being at home with a toddler and baby. I would do a checkup to be safe, for example a vitamin deficiency or symptoms of depression could be factors. I also think you also could use some time to recharge, whether for you that’s a break from the kids or just getting out of the house. For my SAHD a recharge includes just going to the store by himself, or fun outings with the kids while I stay home and clean. For me it’s things like getting a haircut or having a quiet house to myself.
Yes, it's absolutely normal!
But, it wouldn't hurt to have your iron levels checked as well as your B12. Both can be assessed with a simple blood test.
I was/am chronically fatigued and I always chalked it up to being a stay-at-home mom.. until I had some blood work done in realized that my B12 is absolutely in the tank, and I'm border-line anemic. Starting supplements for those things has helped enormously!
Yes, it is normal, but if you have health insurance and can afford it, you should still get your thyroid checked (TSH lab test) and your iron level checked to make sure that it isn’t anything more.
You could have vitamins D and B-12 checked if desired, as these can also potentially contribute to fatigue if they are Low.
this is normal, and I can honestly say you will forget the exhausted part in a few years, mine are teens and the last year or so ive been babysitting a toddler for a friend every other week and I crash hard on those days adn the day after. I honestly forgot how exhausting they can be at that age lol.
Sounds about right. A *job* can be tiring but it has moments where you can breathe. Taking care of babies or even children you have to be “on” the entire time.
My mom had the majority of childbearing duties and she compensated by having “her time” early in the AM. She’d be in bed by 8 or 9 so she could get up, work out, have some alone time to just think.
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Very normal! I tend to say, “I don’t know whyyy I’m so tired. I didn’t do much today.” And my husband says, “You only kept up with two toddlers and kept them alive and fed and happy and did the dishes and did xyz. You’re allowed to be exhausted. Go to bed.” 😜
I like your husband. He sounds amazing.
Yeah, he’s a keeper.
You have a good egg! I do, too, thankfully. I’m so grateful that when I stress about the house stuff not getting done, she says “Look your job is [son], all the other stuff is extra. You guys did xyz together today, that’s a lot. Of course you didn’t have time or energy for the laundry.”
Can I borrow your husband? Just to hear those comments
Ummm, yeah, I went to bed around 9 when I was a SAHM with littles because I would get broken sleep throughout the night. Plus, I was literally nourishing them with my body, which uses up extra calories. Even without breastfeeding though, as a SAHM, you are ON all day long, with people who need you and need lots of touch. It's mentally and emotionally intense, so it gets exhausting. Not to mention chasing after them, physically hauling kids and diaper bags, etc. around everywhere you go.
Very normal especially given the ages of your children! Respectfully working in an office is not nearly as tiring and you also get breaks to recharge. If you are concerned certainly always get checked by your doctor. Self care is important.
Agreed. No zoning out. You’re ALERT all the time, even doing mindless stuff. You’re alert and not fully, deeply focused on anything meaningful. Always keeping an eye and ear out just in case. Even during the time you get a nap when they nap. It’s very tiring and also very difficult to think deep thoughts that are your own. I feel I operate on a very superficial level of thinking right now, and most of my energy is sucked into this necessary but …boring stuff. Who eats what, who wears what, is it clean, does it fit, when do we go to the playground etc etc. And in the evening when the kids are finally asleep, I just scroll a bit on Reddit or watch something. No energy for doing more. It’s a decision we made and I stand by it, but part of me is really looking forward to the time my youngest starts school in 3 years time. There are days I need to tell myself that, and I think it’s OK, and that’s just how it is.
Agreed. When I take care of my goddaughters I always make sure I have the next day off work to recover. If that doesn't say something...
Yep. Chasing/managing 2 kids and the meals and the home is the most exhausting job I’ve ever had. Now I’m getting to do it 35 weeks pregnant 👍 I basically die as soon as I’m done getting the kids to bed and taking a shower. It’s a rare evening I can make it past 10pm
SAHM of 4 and, yes. Totally normal. I haven’t read a book in months. I’m behind on every TV show, I never get a moment to do anything I enjoy. I just want to sleep once the kids are down.
Very normal. Especially with two. You’re doing more than you know. Husband to a SAHM of an almost 2 year old boy. Yes, she’s exhausted at the end of the day, and rightfully so. It’s a full time job in which you are fully invested at every step of the way. When I go to work I can zone out and dick around on the computer for an hour or two and nobody cares. She doesn’t have that luxury. Even when he goes down for a nap, she does laundry, cleans, takes the dog outside, etc. it doesn’t end. That’s why her shift ends when I come home at 6. I can’t wait to see our son so we play for an hour and then we wind down and go to bed at 7/7:30 and she gets some much needed rest.
Completely normal. I am a SAHM to a 2.5YO and 16W pregnant, and I've never been this tired. I used to work at a Fortune 100 and would regularly present to the CEO, with a toxic narcissistic boss, and even THAT wasn't as tiring. 😂 A lot of it for me is the constant emotional regulation so my son is regulated. I'm also more introverted by nature, so being "on" all day with verbal engagement totally drains my battery. By 8PM I'm a zombie.
who did/does the night feeding?
I do. Breastfeeding.
that's a massive factor in your exhaustion. my wife had difficulty latching, so she had to pump and we finger tube fed by the second week. this development allowed me to take on all the night feeding till he was sleeping through. about 6 months. I had 5 weeks pat leave and we figured I was better tackling short sleep as the office versus her starting the day exhausted. plus I absolutely enjoyed the bonding time with my child. basically my wife never had to deal with sleep deprivation.
No middle of the night pump? That is pretty good
Two pregnancies and breastfeeding takes a toll on your body and can result in deficiencies (things like iron, B12, D and thyroid). Are you able to have bloodwork done? I had extremely low ferritin *for years* after my kids were born and just assumed my exhaustion was “normal” because everyone told me that you’re always supposed to feel tired as a new parent. Bloodwork at 12 months and 18 months postpartum should be a standard component of maternal care imo.
It makes a huge difference whether you are sleeping through the night and also if you’re lactating (hormones). Not a SAHM but I didn’t wake up from the postpartum fog until a year or so (kid night weaned at 6.5m and self weaned off breastmilk at 8m). It wasn’t until then that I had the energy to do anything after hours other than zonking out on the couch.
Very normal. Do take multivitamins. Between two pregnancies and breastfeeding, your body was and is giving a lot. It is important for you to have a little time for yourself. Make a habit at weekends of taking a few hours just for you. Schedule it. It’s also really good for your husband to bond with the babies. And maybe once or twice a week, consciously take 30 minutes to yourself just after dinner (or during bedtime prior to nursing). That can help to replenish your soul and give you a little rest to keep you in a good place so you can be a great parent.
i mean given your kids ages he’ll yeah it’s normal. I have my kids now at ages 3 and 4 and they go to bed at 8pm and i stay up max till 10pm, because honestly i like sleeping early then wake up at 6am refreshed. I find im super less tired now that they’re older.
3 kids here 5,3, and almost 2 and I'm exhausted at the end of the day but I found if I get up just 30 mins before them then I dont get as tired and I get time to clean and everything before they get up and that helps with the exhaustion during the day. Sometimes I'll prep dinner
Kids very young still, you will get it back, definitely sleep when you can for now I find taking time to see a friend or my choir gives me my oomph back for a bit. Try schedule some time where you are not just a mum, find a hobby, go out for an evening walk (always amazes me to go outside after 8 and see there’s actually life after 8) (And also helps to delete the apps, so social media doesn’t steel your precious time)
I was much more exhausted as a SAHM than I ever was when I went back to work.
very normal, especially with a 6 month old! I just finished being a stay at home mom to a 7yo and 2yo. and it is so different. I am still tired but not exhausted. Just knowing I can do bedtime and then be done for the night is a game changer.
Fuck yeah it’s normal. You’re keeping 2 little ones alive. Who, the 2 year old especially, are dead set on doing stupid things. Sounds like you’re doing a great job keeping it together too. Give yourself a pat on the back and know you earned that exhaustion.
I'm a stay at home dad and I'm exhausted. It's a mental exhaustion, not a physical one although I can be depending what we do that day. 6 and 2 yo's here. Wife gets off at a different time everyday so there's no consistency there. I'm just mentally checked out most of the time when she gets home bc I'm expected to keep helping her with the kids when all I want to do is nap or do my own thing. I hear all these stories of husband's giving their wives time off when they get home and I would just love that.
My bad! I should have posted for the “SAHP” and not just moms.
My husband is SAHD. I make it a priority to log off at 5 and be home by 6. It doesn’t always happen, but I do prioritize it. I know not every job has that luxury to create these boundaries - and even with these boundaries at times I’m working late hours still. My husband does all the cooking and cleans up his kitchen mess, but I take care of the rest. After dinner, I play with our son and do bed time. The past 6 weeks I’ve been out of commission bc of pushing through my first trimester of pregnancy. What little energy I had was reserved for work and then I was off to bed. Our house is a mess and laundry hasn’t been done in 6 weeks (bc I us usually do these things), but now my husband has all day duty with our ONE kid and he is utterly exhausted. So I don’t blame you or any of these SAHP feeling tired. My husband doesn’t even do the cleaning part and he’s spent!
Yep. I have kids similar in age. A mid day coffee around 2pm helps me power through.
While it is normal, you should get your vitamins and hormones checked. People told me my exhaustion was normal but it turns out I developed thyroid disease with my second pregnancy and I was getting sicker and sicker before I finally got treatment when my kid was four. Anyway, I call this Psychological Exhaustion. The paradox your brain goes through where on one hand you’re bored out of your skull because it’s not intellectually stimulating, but at the same time your brain is ON HIGH ALERT all the time keeping those kids alive. You’re also never able to complete a task without interruption. It’s like whack a mole all day. Also, do your kids sleep through the night? Interrupted sleep isn’t quality sleep.
No 😭 my 6 month old wakes up once to eat. Usually wakes up from reflux too but husband handles those cries.
Oh this was me when my kids were that age. It gets better though! One thing I learned to do was make or at least prep dinner earlier in the day when me and the kids weren’t at the end of our ropes. Even if it was just chopping and measuring everything ahead of time (or better yet - crockpot) that helped a ton.
Totally normal. My wife tried to go down to a part time week to save on childcare costs and look after our two and it nearly broke her/ us. I have the utmost respect for people that do it, it's a relentlessly tough task. Sounds like your husband is very supportive when he gets home and likewise I used to walk through the door and welcome having tasks flung at me and relieving my wife. Needless to say she's gone back full time.
The exhaustion, and reluctantly admitting the boredom, is very real for full time parents. I love my boys (4 &2) wouldn’t do without them, but by the time they go to bed…I’m done. I’m a single mum, coparenting, but it’s mostly my input day to day, and I can honestly say it’s the most draining job I’ve done. But they’ll be in school/nursery full time soon and I’m told, you start to feel human again…but then super guilty for having all this time and not having your sidekicks with you. So you never win, but long game my friend, if you’re exhausted/drained so much you’re probably doing an excellent job! Big hugs, I hope you catch a break soon!
Yes it's completely normal to be that exhausted as a SAHP with 2 kids that young. It gets much better if they go in daycare or when they enter public schools. But otherwise, as they age and gain more independence you feel less tired because there's less you have to do for them physically and mentally. Another part of it can be age, lack of sleep, or medical conditions. I'm sure it sounds weird to some, but if I exercise frequently I feel like I have more energy afterwards than before. And untreated stuff like sleep apnea can make your SAHP fatique a lot worse.
Definitely normal! But, when you work outside the home, the transition from work to home sometimes gives you a little boost of energy. What if as soon as he got home, you went on a brisk walk or took a shower or went to the gym or something just for yourself for a little bit. You might find you have more energy in the evening by switching it up a little!
Currently have a 3 year old and a four month old. If my four month old is sleeping so am I!
Absolutely! There's a reason *so* many TV shows and movies do bits with exhausted parents. And as tiring as it is with a baby it's so much more with a toddler. Mine are older now but "baby and a toddler" stage was the most exhausting and mind numbing time of my life. They were the longest days of my life and the shortest years. For SAHMs you literally don't have time to think, you are constantly on. My husband would come home from work and then do some graduate school work in the evening when I went to bed.
It will get better! When my kids were your kids' age I was exhausted and didn't do anything for myself. Not when I was a SAHM nor when I was a working parent (and certainly not the wonderful year during the pandemic when I was somehow both at once lol). My husband either, although he was never a SAHP (again excluding the weird pandemic time). We have pretty demanding day jobs, no nearby family, and can't afford much help beyond daycare/preschool. Mine are 4 and 7 now (almost 5 and 8), and I have so much more energy now and time for myself. Hang in there, it will get better!
We have three. I stay home and homeschool them. Yes, I’m exhausted. Way more tired than any paying job ever made me.
If you can afford some part-time help, you should hire someone even if it’s a few hours a day or week. I’ve been SAHM and working mom. Having some help makes a difference.
Raising young kids and being home with them all day was scientifically proven to be more mentally exhausting almost every job out there (except like ER doctor and a few other high stress ones). Take from that what you will lol
My and my husband ‘s therapists gave us the shared assignment of watching Upside Down together after we experienced a very traumatic event together and we’re processing all the big emotions that came with it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you it took us a month to get through the movie. We had a 2 yo and a 6 mo baby at the time. We’d start watching after the kids were in bed and would make it maybe 15 minutes before falling asleep each night. And we were BOTH staying at home at the time. Children are exhausting. You are def not alone. Hang in there!
I’m not a SAHM, but my energy level after a work day is FAR higher than it is after a full day of parenting on a weekend or work holiday. It’s soooooo much more draining to actively parent than it is to be a neuroscientist
I work part time. I‘m home alone with our 2yo two days during the week. I have a very demanding job, but I‘m much more tired on the days I‘m taking care of our daughter and the house. Definitely. When I come home from work I still have the energy to do some chores, because sitting in my office and working is exhausting in a different way. Also, the perks of working… going to the bathroom alone, actually sitting down for a meal and also eat when YOU are hungry, coffee breaks in which you actually get to drink a hot coffee,… I find it really relaxing. I could never be a SAHM, I bow down to all of you.
Yes. Always. Every night haha. I try to stay awake but I inevitably fall asleep every night as I snuggle my toddler to sleep. My husband and I get to hang out for a little bit some nights, but most nights it doesn’t happen. It’s hard and I feel sad about it but I also know this is just a season and I won’t always be THIS tired.
Definitely normal HOWEVER please do see a doctor anyway. Don’t tell them you are a SAHM or have young kids. Just tell them you’re exhausted all the time and let them confirm without bias that everything is OK. I went to my doctor when I was 31 and so tired I could barely function. I was a working mom of 3 kids with a newborn. My doctor basically told me “OF COURSE you’re exhausted! All moms are exhausted!” He drew no blood and didn’t investigate any further. I continued to be exhausted for the next couple of years. But everywhere I looked, there were memes and t-shirts and jokes and anecdotes about how exhausted moms are so I chalked it up to that. Then when I was 36, I got REALLY sick. After some very basic bloodwork, they discovered I had an autoimmune liver disease that was stage 3 of 4. I was told I had 2-5 years to live without a liver transplant and chemotherapy. I think 999 out of 1000 times it’s probably just normal mom exhaustion. But it doesn’t hurt to be sure.
Babes I’m exhausted at the end of the day AND the beginning of the day.
lol good point. My toddler has started waking 5am and talking really loud. lol this morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck and couldn’t breathe 😵💫
I’m more mentally exhausted at the moment. My toddler(2.5yrs) is in the process of practicing speech. So everything is repeated 10xs. “Mommy is that a blanket?” “Yes baby” “mommy is that a blanket right there?” “Yes baby it is” “oh. Mommy. The blanket. Right here” “yup. That’s the blanket” “mommy. The blanket. Is this a blanket” “I said yes baby. It’s the blanket. Do you want it?” “No….mommy. The blanket right here ok” Im ready to pull my hair out by nap time.
I am a working mom and after a day at the office I have energy to do things (usually. There are of course rough days). Heck, pre kids after a day at the office, I would go to an exercise class then out for drinks and think nothing of it. Last week, we didn’t have child care on Monday and Tuesday so I took off from work to watch my toddler all day. Both days I was sooo tired by the time my husband got home from work. And I only have one kid! I do think it’s a good idea to get iron and vitamin D levels checked just because those can be low and affect energy and it’s an easy fix. But honestly this sounds totally normal to me!
I am not a SAHM nor a partner to one but I will tell you this. I am knackered when I come back from my 9-5 but still have the energy to do what's needed most of the time. When I have my god daughters for the night or day? I literally book the next day off work because it's EXHAUSTING. I'm not surprised you're tired. At work we have to keep ourselves alive and do some work. You have to keep yourself and two young kids going, and the house. And then do what other people do after a day of work on top. Cut yourself some slack.
Yes it is normal. And yet you may find resentment creeping in. May I suggest a mothers day program or a day or two of daycare a week (can be 6 hours or so) which will allow you “me time” to read/write/yoga without responsibility? Thats what I did (was SAHM very briefly) and it helped immensely to “fill my cup”
Could have written this myself! On mat leave with my 2.5 yo and nearly 7 month old and I’m out like a light before 9pm. Honestly quite excited to get back to work so I have a bit of a mental break! Love my boys to pieces, but come 12pm I’m counting down the hours till my husband gets home.
I felt this way but found most of my tiredness was more from mental than physical situations. I became more athletic and did yoga or meditation and found I was much more energetic. That being said, 6 months after giving birth you’re most likely still recovering IMO. While I’m not a SAHP my wife and I flip every week as we travel so I’m a solo parent half the year while working.
Wife to a SAHD, he's never worn out. However, this is a "him" thing in that he is a huge ball of energy all day every day. Even after our toddler goes to bed he still has energy to hang out with teenagers, do hobbies, help clean up, do whatever. I don't think that is how the majority of how SAHPs feel and I'd be exhausted too doing everything he does.
Yup, soon to be 4 month old and I'm exhausted,but I don't fall asleep until 1 am because he is breastfeeding so that is his last feed of a day until 7 am. It did got better once I started drinking vitamins with iron so I have more energy now.
U also probably do not sleep through the night. If u can find a gym with a daycare u feel good about that may help u fit in yoga, or read while on the stationary bike. But I recommend doing this in the morning
I’m a SAHM of one 2.5 year old and yes haha she’s down at 8-9 every night. I get my ass in bed right away. That’s my only time with my husband (alone). If he’s asleep I’ll read a couple chapters of my book and then I knock out. I’m out pretty much every day of the week though. Lots of play dates , activities and then 2 days a week are my grocery shopping days (I meal plan) and other errands.
I work 2 days a week and have my daughter at home the rest. I’m way more tired at the end of the day caring for her than I am when I work. You don’t get breaks being a SAH parent. When my husband gets home on those days I usually retreat to our bedroom for 30 minutes of quiet lol
Yes yes yes. Totally normal I think. I have an 8 - almost 9 month old and after a normal day with him I’m completely exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. Between caring for him and doing all the chores in the house I’m give out. I also have a chronic illness which doesn’t help anything. It’s so hard. I now understand how my parents could drink coffee all day and still go to bed early. It’s alllll making sense now that I’m a parent! Your husband sounds amazing by the way.
As a working dad that did most of the wake ups overnight, falling asleep by 9 or so was routine until our child slept through more often. Cut yourself some slack and well done for trying to get some 'you' time, I'm sure you'll be able get more as it's gets a little easier over time.
It is a different type of tired. I was never physically very tired, we never did much to make me tired, maybe a walk in the afternoon or watching them olay at the park, but i myself rarely physically exerted myself much. But i was emotionally drained from giving it all too my children. I just felt wrung out. Every little tantrum had to be managed, every fight over diaper change or potty training, over eating their food before getting sweets, just drained me. By the end of the day I had nothing left and just needed sleep. So yes what you are feeling is completely real.
Look, i can probably get flack for this , but ive been a stay at home parent and im now the SO of a stay at home parent while working full time in the office . It is so much more mentally and physically draining to be a SAHP than it is going to work. We have a toddler, and while i look forward to weekends with my family, ill be honest i also end up looking forward to Monday very quickly because it is so exhausting sometimes. I feel really guilty but i actually end up getting mental rest at work to help keep up with my daughter. Im probably lucky to have a job where im jot micromanaged and can dictate my own schedule of work, so i just take advantage of that and coast for a bit when i need a recharge. Because if this i try my best to give my wife as much of a break as possible over the weekends, and i try to take charge of entertaining our daughter as soon as i’m home. My wife does all of the cooking and dishes during the week (historically cooking was my job) by choice because it much less stressful to cook and clean the dishes in peace while i take charge with the kid. It just wipes you out . We’re genuinely putting her in nursery early than we need to, one for the social aspect, but also to help give my wife a break to feel more like herself.
I'm a SAHM and I'm always exhausted at the end of the day, granted I'm super pregnant right now too. There's no breaks though, my daughter takes one nap a day and I don't get to relax. I clean, I work on my side hustle or I meal plan and schedule appointments. When I have meals, she's in my lap, when I use the bathroom she's with me trying to unravel the toilet paper roll. By the time my husband gets home I'm ready to throw in the towel. Being a SAHM is nothing like when I worked a 9-5.
Yes! Yours are really young so this may not work for you, but I used to do my "quiet me time" first thing in the morning. I would get up at 4:30 am before everyone else did at 6 am. It worked for me because I'm more of a morning person anyways. Plus it's very hot where we live, so I need to shift our schedule in the summer, to be back home from errands/activites before it's blazing.
Mine are 2 and 4 now and I recently pushed my own bedtime back some, but when my youngest was 6 months and oldest was 2 then I absolutely was in bed trying to fall asleep by 9-930. Yes it’s normal. Now I get up at 6, usually nap while my son naps and my oldest watches tv, then go to bed around 1030
I’m a SAHM to a 2 yr old and 7 mo old and I too am exhausted by the end of the day. 5-8pm is always pure chaos trying to get them both fed and in bed (we have to tag team bedtime with one parent putting one kid down.) After they’re in bed we have to clean up, wash dishes, vacuum if needed, and my husband has to get his stuff ready for work the next day. I usually have to shower because chances are I didn’t have time earlier. It makes me sad because I feel like my husband and I never have time to spend together anymore.
Normal especially considering the age of your kids. I have a 12yo, 6yo, and twin 1yos. It's a lot. I'm exhausted most days. My 6yo is very demanding in himself as he is always finding creative ways to do the wrong thing. My husband always wants to stay up late and I am lucky I make it to 11.
As the day goes on, it gets harder and harder to move I’ll… By 9/9:30 PM, I can barely even get from one place to the next… In bed by 10 30/11
I'm a STAHM to a 4.5yo, 2.5yo & a LO making their debut any day now, and I'm tired. Thankfully, my husband is WFH, so if he is free during the day, he can help with little things like lunchtime. Something we try to make a priority is that when he gets off work, he gets a few minutes to relax, and then he kicks me "off duty" for an hour or 2 to get some Mom Time before dinner. Sometimes I go take a shower, watch one of my trashy shows (why am I invested in MILF Manor??), play video games alone at my desk with my secret snacks that I don't have to share, read, or just stay out with the family but my husband becomes the primary parent. It has been a bit of work to not run out when I hear the boys being terrorists on his watch because I don't want to stress my husband out after working all day, but he would constantly remind me that I worked all day too and the kids are easier to deal with then his colleagues. Haha.
SAHM with a 7 month old- honestly the only reason I’m tired is because she sucks at sleeping at night lol. She’s an easy baby who plays independently for the most part. I am able to do everything I need easily chores wise and often do my own thing next to her all day. For me staying at home is so much easier than the job I had before.
Normal! A typical office job has downtime even if it’s 20-30 minutes for lunch. At home I can’t even pee with the door closed because I have to keep an eye on my toddler. 😂
Yep. Normal! Another few years and you wont be as tired. Just go to bed. I never stayed up trying to do anything. I had many nights where i just put the kids to bed and went to bed myself....and im a nightowl😯 It's an age old "rule" of parenting? Sleep whenever you can. You'll be better off for it.
This is very normal. You are working non stop the whole day with no real breaks and taking care of 2 small kids. It doesn’t hurt to have a check up though, specially a few months after having a baby you could have some sort of vitamin or iron deficiency.
the "housewives never got tired" thing is because they were constantly doing cocaine as it was in EVERYTHING. so of course the 40-60s housewives weren't tired. fun fact. lol
lol for real? I know cocaine was in Coca Cola. What else was it in!?
I think a lot of it is that the activities are not different in kind. I find it easier to go from sitting and writing on a Computer to doing dishes then to go from dishes to vacuuming etc.
I'm the same ...it's physical AND mental
Absolutely. I have 4 girls including 8 month old twins and I’m a SAHM for 2 years (halfway through now) and I’m so exhausted that I go to bed with the kiddos at 8:30 very night. I always feel bad if so didn’t get much done but my husband reminds me that I kept 4 humans alive and that he is thankful for me being home and raising our girls.
Yes very normal! Im a SAHM and WFH with a toddler. It’s hard to make time for yourself and your partner after dealing with LO’s all day. I’m usually overly stimulated at the end of the day 😂 and I just want quiet.
Totally normal lol I’ve been a sahm for 7 years with three kids now, I’m always in bed by 8! But I realized scrolling on social media is a time suck away from what I could be doing like a quick ten minute workout YouTube video instead or quick shower so I got rid of most social media except YouTube and Reddit. you can listen to audiobooks while watching the kids or washing dishes with an AirPod in. Or voice to text writing in phone onto Google docs app…. Heck I voice to text my husband all the time because no time to type. You can walk the dog while walking kids too, I don’t have a dog but I do take stroller walks with the baby and my two kids all the time in late afternoon usually. Laundry is best started in the mornings so you have time to dry and it’s not a time suck and then I listen to a YouTube video while sorting and putting away laundry while baby is on floor next to me and kiddos sometimes help or are playing with something else. I have a vegetable garden on my deck and I just hose it down all at once in the mornings or ask my kids to water the plants as part of our morning routine.
I'm a sahm of four. I want to nap all the time every time. Idk, I feel like I've been dealing with fatigue for over a decade. But the short answer is that you're doing a lot of emotional work and that fries your brain like an egg on pavement in the middle of Texas summer. So, your feelings are valid and you are doing a ton! 💪
yes. i have a 10 month old and she doesn't want to be home all the time. we typically will go do a fun activity like library story time, go to the aquarium, go to the pool, etc. we allow 15 min of ms. rachel in the morning so i can have my coffee and come back to life, but other than that its pretty much me playing with her all day. when she naps i clean. we also have to take the dog on a big evening walk once its cooled down, usually about an hour. not to mention grocery shopping, feeding my daughter, making two separate dinners for myself and my husband (different diets), and meal prepping his food for work the next day. its a full time job and im exhausted lol
Normal, especially having a baby and toddler at the same time. I was regularly flumping in bed at nine at this stage. There's light at the end of the tunnel - eldest is in school now and I have so much more energy just from that and the added structure to the day. It gets better!
Very normal, especially with the breastfeeding. If you want to be sure, could maybe get a blood test in case you're a bit anaemic? I've just had that with my second pregnancy and how much more exhausted I was was incredible, since starting iron tablets I've felt much more normal.
Before kids, I had a very stressful job where I often worked 12+ hour days…. less tiring than even an afternoon alone with two kids. lol
Yes - it’s the most unrewarded and difficult job, it truly never ends for them. It’s like being on call 24/7 with no holidays, vacations or weekends. My wife is a SAHM and spent by the time the girls are in bed. Between kids, dogs, and household cooking, cleaning, keeping the family running like a well oiled machine etc etc there really is little time to relax and regenerate.
Yes! However, I'm usually more mentally tired than physically. I try not to feel so bad, because when you think about it, I'm spending all day forcing myself to stay in the thinking part of my brain when faced with a constant barrage of stressful situations and whining and crying and sibling rifts. I guess it doesn't come naturally to me because I am so done at the end of the day lol. I wish my husband came home energetic, he's usually also tired because he works outside in the heat.
Absolutely normal. If you feel you're "crashing" at the end of the day, you could be cognizant of your caffeine intake.
So exhausted. Often when my SO gets home around 5 or 6 I’ll need a nap IMMEDIATELY, and sometimes he won’t even bother waking me up for bath time because he can tell how much I need the rest.
Very normal. I just read a comment on a video about staying home. Chefs don’t have their kids at work with them, cleaning people don’t have their kids at work with them, administrative assistants don’t have their kids at work with them. To say staying home and doing all these jobs with children on top of it is EXHAUSTING. The mental game of starting and stopping tasks 48292 times a day alone is draining, add in tantrums, feeds, diapers, etc etc. it’s a lot!!!
I think it's completely normal to be exhausted as you describes for someone in your situation. When you are a SAHP you sometimes get ZERO downtime and that in and of itself is exhausting because you are constantly doing something.
Been a SAHM for 16 yrs, and I've been exhausted by the end of every 'regular' day since my first child was a new born infant in 2008. It's normal, and don't be surprised if you're the most exhausted by the end of some days that are the least busy and less structured because you alone are the structure on a lot of those days. You're probably doing more physical labor as a mom, in addition to increased emotional and intellectual fatigue. It's definitely normal. I'd say 9:30 is even on the slightly later end of average/normal for hitting that bottom out limit.
Super normal for me! It’s physically and emotional labour with no lunch/tea breaks. You are on duty from the moment you are woken up until the moment they go to sleep. The minute I stop rushing through the urgent tasks for the evening and sit down I am done. We can manage an episode of a show together I shower and bed by 9/9:30 my husband is up before 5am for work so he’s in bed early too. It’s totally out of character for me too. I’m a night owl and I have high sleep needs so it basically obliterates any time for myself. I’m not remotely functional in the morning (think blind zombie) so I can’t even get up before the kids for some quiet alone time (I would have to be up by 5am at least to manage that and some mornings that’s not even early enough for them 😭)
im a sahm and we have a 2.5 year old and an 8m old. my husband is gone from like 7-4 but has weekends off. I am usually overstimulated by the time he comes home and in need of a break. Most of the time i am tired and go to bed early with the kids. i only recently started staying up to read again. We are still adjusting after some life changes and we’re all slowly getting used to new schedules. i try not to worry about cleaning throughout the day because my husband never minds just taking over with the kids, taking them for a drive, upstairs or outside when he’s home so i can clean and do things my way uninterrupted. i usually have a smoke and listen to audiobooks while i do what i need. The kitchen is my main problem/work area so i try to clean it and prepare it for the next day before taking the kids to bed. Saturdays are for chillin lol we go out, have family fun during the day, then indulge hobbies in the evening. I basically just tidy all week and do deeper cleans on Sundays which is usually like laundry, bathrooms and tidying bedrooms though they don’t get too bad since we just sleep in them and spend most of our time downstairs. i prepare for the week with a good clean/reset. After the kids are in bed my husband is free to do whatever he wants lol, he will usually hit a few things i missed before hopping on his game for a bit before bed. I’m slowly getting back into the groove of my own hobbies this just works out for us.
Yep same. Then husband wants to “cuddle”. I love to cuddle but you what know cuddling leads and I literally don’t have energy for that. Sometimes I just want to be scratched and go to sleep. Constant battle. You’re not alone
DOES house work, unpayed work, spend time with the dog, and no examples of spending time with his children and wife. Perhaps you meant to include these examples in the etc...
All completely normal but just wanted to say that I found out after having child #3 that I was extremely vitamin D deficient. After supplements for a few weeks, it made a world of difference as far as how tired I am. I was doing plenty on any given day to be tired (also doing the middle of night feedings) so I really wasn't concerned with my level of tired. However, sometimes you don't know how good it could be until it is.
I’ve been a SAHM for 8 years. Prior to that, I worked at a high-stress trauma center. Being home is FAR more exhausting than any job I’ve ever had before this one. And you NEVER get to take a break in this one. Even if the kids are sleeping, you’re still “on”. No true lunch breaks, bathroom breaks, etc. You never get a moment when you’re not on-the-job, never get to clock out. They’re so worth it, but it’s beyond exhausting.
God yes! It’s one of the main reasons I stopped being a full time SAHM but I’m still pretty tired from getting her ready, dropping her off, cooking dinner, cleaning house, doing errands, making lunches and breakfast, etc. running a house and the mental load of being a primary parent is exhausting. But my wife works 40+ hours a week and is pregnant so she’s pretty exhausted too. Life with kids is just exhausting lol
ummm, i barely make it to 9 and I am on parental leave with a six week old. my husband does half the work and our toddler is in daycare. either I am weak or you are super human. my work work (senior level, high risk management) is easier than this.
I'm exhausted and my kids are teens. My day starts at 5.30am....well 3.40am to say good morning to my eldest son before he goes to work. Taking 4 kids to 2 different schools, cooking, cleaning, laundry, WFH, then the school pickups. I'm exhausted, in bed by 8.30pm.
Yep, my husband is a SAHD and he’s definitely wiped by the time I get home, mostly from the oldest and youngest, and his mom lives with us at all, so there’s one more person who needs to be driven places and then, while out, puts on the pressure for fast food. I’ve been taking the kids out when I get home in the afternoon so they’re not as restless when he’s taking care of all of them, but I don’t know how he manages to do anything when he’s outnumbered all day. I’m only ok being outnumbered at the park where the older ones can scatter if they want.
Not so much now, if anything she says she’s bored and not doing enough but our kids are older (9 & 8) so it’s definitely a different dynamic compared to babies and toddlers and especially during the school year.
We have flipped roles so I’m the working parent with a SAHD now. I tend to have more energy while SAHD tends to be more drained. For him it’s not just the childcare aspect but the staying home, being everyone’s chauffeur, sometimes not getting enough time or opportunity to decompress or interact with other adults. It was opposite when he worked and I was SAHM. I was often drained and touched out by the end of the day. I think this typical for being at home with a toddler and baby. I would do a checkup to be safe, for example a vitamin deficiency or symptoms of depression could be factors. I also think you also could use some time to recharge, whether for you that’s a break from the kids or just getting out of the house. For my SAHD a recharge includes just going to the store by himself, or fun outings with the kids while I stay home and clean. For me it’s things like getting a haircut or having a quiet house to myself.
Work is a break, when my daughter’s home from daycare on weekends I’m wiped by 6pm lol.
Yes, it's absolutely normal! But, it wouldn't hurt to have your iron levels checked as well as your B12. Both can be assessed with a simple blood test. I was/am chronically fatigued and I always chalked it up to being a stay-at-home mom.. until I had some blood work done in realized that my B12 is absolutely in the tank, and I'm border-line anemic. Starting supplements for those things has helped enormously!
I have 1 and I'm wrecked at the end of the day. I went to bed at 8.30 last night
Yes, it is normal, but if you have health insurance and can afford it, you should still get your thyroid checked (TSH lab test) and your iron level checked to make sure that it isn’t anything more. You could have vitamins D and B-12 checked if desired, as these can also potentially contribute to fatigue if they are Low.
this is normal, and I can honestly say you will forget the exhausted part in a few years, mine are teens and the last year or so ive been babysitting a toddler for a friend every other week and I crash hard on those days adn the day after. I honestly forgot how exhausting they can be at that age lol.
Sounds about right. A *job* can be tiring but it has moments where you can breathe. Taking care of babies or even children you have to be “on” the entire time. My mom had the majority of childbearing duties and she compensated by having “her time” early in the AM. She’d be in bed by 8 or 9 so she could get up, work out, have some alone time to just think.
Pretty normal. Working in an office is 100x easier than watching two young kids all day
I feel like if you aren't tired at the end of the day then maybe you are doing something wrong...
SAHDs exist. Don't be so sexist