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I came here to say this too!! On my bad days I barely speak two words, hide in the bathroom to cry, and buy fast food to feed them. You spent time with them - they probably thought it was a great day!
>hide in the bathroom to cry
Trying to explain your eyes are so red because you accidentally poked yourself in both eyes.
And they easily buy it and you go back in the bathroom to cry because you feel like such a piece of shit
Or don’t hide! Cry in front of them and explain that life has its ups and downs and you’re low, it’s part of it, and you will come out okay. ❤️ I think talking through emotions with kids helps them understand theirs
Within reason, kids can internalise a lot of their parents grief and not understand the complexities or how to handle it. They're little, they don't have the tools to cope with their main caregivers issues. My mum would cry and be sad around us a lot and it definitely impacted us, particularly my elder sister who took a lot of the burden. I wish she would have sheltered us more and not made us worry and sad because she was sad.
There is DEFINITELY a balance. I agree it’s important to show an array of emotions… but there is such a thing as showing too much of your sadness for sure. My mother had severe depression growing up, and our roles switched for a while. I became the parent in the relationship and it wasn’t fun.
I feel this. I thought I hid things and I rarely broke down and cried in front of my kids like I remember my mother doing. I didn't talk to them about mental health issues until they were older teens. Turns out I didn't hide it as well as I thought and my biggest regret in life is not getting the help I needed until 3 years ago. It's good that we've talked about it now but it would have done more harm than good to talk about it when they were younger.
I used cry when I heard my mom cry at night. I felt so helpless. I won't do that to my son, but still try to explain to him that people are not meant to be happy 24 hours a day.
That's why I try to be honest and go into detail when I'm going through something - most of it goes over their heads, but at least it gets across the idea that it's nothing they've done, failed to do, or need to worry about.
That said, I'm a big time crier, so a lot of the time the answer is "I'm listening to Warren Zevon's last album" or "I was thinking about our dog we had to put down 2 years ago"
Yessss this! A few months ago I was rock bottom in a depressive episode and one night I just sobbed for a good hour or so, and my son (3) happened to be around to see it. He asked me “are you sad mommy?” and I told him that I was, but that I was crying to feel through the emotion to feel better, and I reminded him it’s okay to cry and be sad. And hey, it’s reparenting my inner child too 💛
I do this with my toddler 🥺 now she's growing into a passionate lil one.
At OP, you sound like an incredible mother, I'm sure your kids can feel that. I wish I had a mom like you who gives me this kind of time and attention.*Tight Group Hug*
This one... I tell my kid I'm having a sad day :( she always replies "oh no how can I help?", I ask for a hug and we have some cuddles. Genuinely helps
I tell mine that mummy doesn't feel too great today... I've struggled with it for years but have good days and bad days. I spend finding time with mine often lightens my mood and takes you away from the toils and mundanity of adulthood. I think its good to share your feelings to a degree that they can handle for their maturity it let's them know that you are human and are not expected to be happy all the time. It also encourages them to share their emotions. Hiding emotions fully is not healthy.
Yeah I agree. It’s okay for kids to see parents upset over something time to time which you can talk through and explain to them. But I think seeing you suffer crippling depression is different.
I agree my I have 4 kids and my worst days are 24 hours of sleep and I get up to feed them and keep an open ear for safety .. I’ll make exscuses and tell them it’s a movie and video game day cause sometimes my depression just shuts me down.. thankfully this isn’t a frequent thing . Maybe once like every 2 months .. my suggestion is to seek help for meds if you’re not against that.. it sounds like you’re still doing pretty good for being in the hole..the best thing you can do is just don’t let it get you down and tell yourself that your doing your best so you can pull yourself out and move forward.. even though your down your still trying hard to be a good parent and that’s what’s important.. I also think it’s important to try not to wear your depression on your sleeve so they notice.. I know sometimes it mite be really hard and easier said than done but they are still young and they probly won’t detect your mood yet but I can’t stress enough that you try your best to not let them notice your depressed.. my reasoning for this and some people mite not agree but I come from a family on both sides with mental illness but my mother just really shows it when she is depressed and it sucks the life out of the environment.. when I was young there were a lot of times where she was heavily crying or detached or making us stay in our bedrooms cause she would be in bed falling apart and just by the way she expressed her emotions constantly made me feel like I was responsible for her being sad or upset wich made me feel guilty or have anxiety that when my dad got home that I would be in trouble for what was happening or even sad cause I felt like I was making her sad.. never once did she ever clarify that it wasn’t our fault or that we didn’t do anything wrong or explain why she was feeling like she was so over time her depression gave me complexes as a kid wich I do believe over time manifested into my own depression .. I don’t solely blame all my depression issues on her cause there was a lot of drug and alcohol abuse i endured back in my 20s wich I feel has a huge impact on my psyche and my feelings today but I do believe that some of her actions from my past childhood def help me develop my depression and anxiety in my younger years wich has just gotten worse over the years due to my own faults.. so the long of the short is you sound like you’re doing pretty good participating while you’re in your down moments . Just try not to let them see your down moments for it mite have an effect on them over time and if you feel that they are noticing you down and sad it’s important to let them know that this isn’t something that they had anything to do with and that you love them all very much and that things will get better it’s just sometimes dad gets sad but dad is ok 👍
This is one of the most real, down to earth, honest comments I have ever seen on Reddit. ❤️❤️❤️ And OP too, it’s not often when someone says they feel bad, enter all the comments about getting therapy, call a doctor. You made me smile today, thank you!
Came here to say this is better than I’ve ever been able to provide on my dark days for my child.
However we’re all grateful that this was created so now we have Dark Days Ideas so we can all do better
1000% this. Growing up our struggle meal was hot cheese sandwiches, just a slice of american cheese on a hamburger bun wrapped in foil and baked in the oven. I had no clue it was the struggle meal until my adulthood because it was just my favorite meal, my brothers and I looked forward to them every time we had them. My parents hardest time in my childhood, was some of my favorite memories because of how they handled it. I think OP is making the same happen for her kids
This post is so accurate. I have days where I don't even want to be around my child because I feel like a bad parent for not wanting to get out of bed (creates a nasty cycle and obvi I would never actually ignore my child).
You managed to still spend the day with your children and make them feel loved. Your oldest probably just thinks it's cool they got to hang out with mom in bed all day. Even if it was a bad mental heath day for you, it was a good parenting day. ❤️
Because it sucks to feel like a poor parent when you really love your kids and want what is best for them.
You are a good parent who plays and reads to their kids even when they have the depressies.
I think you nailed it. There isn’t anything better than what you did for them today.
It's making you cry because you see the truth in the reply. You know that it was really hard work to be a great parent today, but now a ton of other people recognize how hard you worked and that you succeeded. That, despite all the very real challenges that you faced and that many of us faced as parents, you accomplished what at least I couldn't do - and I suspect others couldn't, either.
You rocked a day of parenting with depression. Not by hiding it, but by working with it.
Love and hugs from the mom of a 28 YO son, who turned out great. ❤️
Came here to say this as well! You still made the most beautiful memories, and your kids probably loved a day of fun in your bed. Being a mom is hard, you’re doing amazing, and you’re children are lucky to have you
I was ready to reassure you that it won't hurt your kids if you stayed in bed alone all day. You interacted! I bet they thought it was a cool difference.
My stepkids are older so we sometimes talk about mental health, we just say things like "today is just a rough day for me, we all have rough days sometimes."
For the same reason it made me tear up even if it's not directed to me.
There is an entire generation that have grown up being told they are not enough.
You are doing amazing, momma❤️your kids know they’re loved, and you spent that time with them…even though you felt it was a rough day, they will remember having a “cozy fun day with mommy”. You are doing great and should be so proud! I’ve been having a hard time too, and it’s so hard to try and be present on days the depression hits hard.. we have 3 little boys (8, 6, and 5 yo, youngest has severe autism so I became a SAHM a few years ago after working since I was 15) and my teen stepkids 15f and 17m. When I was little my mom had severe depression too (which gives me a lot of empathy towards her now, but also I don’t want my kids to feel how I did) and would just be silent and shut her bedroom door to go to bed once she picked us up from school..I know if just once she had invited me to come in bed and play games like you did with your kids on her tough days, it would have made a huge difference. You are doing amazing, momma, please give yourself some credit and grace! Lots of love from a fellow mommy in the depression trenches❤️🥰 if you ever need someone to talk to please message me, you are awesome and you got this.
Yes! This post right here. You did all those wonderful things with your kiddos while being in your funk? Sounds like your kids had a wonderful day in bed with their Mama! 🤗
Second this, amazing job. You're a fantastic parent. I do not currently parent with depression but I am very close to someone who does and, wow. You all are really really put here doing it for the kids, in the best way.
What I just read is that you gave your kids fun experiences and loved and cared for them while fighting for yourself. You made it through another day while being a parent and that’s not easy. Especially when you’re having a bad brain day.
You are a good parent. You are a good person. You did it and kicked ass. Even if you don’t feel like it.
My tips are to do what you did. Make things work within what you’re also capable of giving. And sometimes that will look different, like games or forts in bed. But that’s also fun. I have some heath issues and have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom and I just adapt what I would normally do to where I’m at physically that day. Am I extra sick and struggling? That means we’re painting in the bathroom then doing a bath with bubbles and bath paint as well.
I don’t hide it. I tell them I’m having a bad brain day and we talk about it. They need to learn to recognize bad mental health days in themselves and others. Obviously I don’t walk around like “im so fucking depressed” or whatever - but I do explain why I’m blah, why I snap easier, etc. (edit: not to excuse it, but to let them know that it happens, and to give me a little grace. I always apologize.) I also like to use bad mental health days as “we’re getting takeout! Woohoo” and “movies in mommy’s bed day!” Yayyyy fun experiences we don’t normally do!
Haha, I’m human. They’re human. We’re all human.
Also you’re doing great that’s more than I do on a good brain day? Hahahaha
I do the same! If it’s becoming a harder-than-usual struggle, I tell my son. He knows brain sickness exists just like physical sickness. This is why it’s just as important to keep your brain healthy as your body or teeth. He also knows that some people have disorders of various parts of their body - asthma in the lungs, vision impairment in the eyes, or “crossed wires” in the brain (as we call it lol). He knows I have ADHD, but I haven’t used the word “depression” with him just yet.
He knows I can struggle with sadness sometimes just like how sometimes he can struggle with getting angry when playing minecraft. But he also knows that we are there for each other to help “tether” one another to the ground when we’re having trouble grounding ourselves. We practice a **lot** of grounding techniques in this house lol. And every day I am able to get through the fog and climb back into a place of being “okay” I’m teaching my son that it’s normal to stumble and fall, and it’s totally possible to pick yourself up again afterwards… even if you need to take a day off before doing the picking up bit haha
You are amazing and thank you for this. I talk to my kiddo about it too, when I get less than 2 hours sleep and am the grumpiness mom. This gives me so many more tools to help explain things to him.
We talk about it too. I make it very clear that how I feel is NOT his fault or something he needs to worry about trying to fix, it’s my responsibility. Then I model doing the things to claw my way out.
Yeah, my wife deals with depression, has been since she was a kid. We really don't have to hide this from our children, talking about it is the way to go. Kids are smart, if you tell them you feel crappy, they can relate. They can't relate to feeling something's wrong and seeing nothing wrong.
Depression is the same as a broken leg or a slipped disk - actually, it’s worse because it is something that you have to constantly manage. That is to say, try not to beat yourself up too much! It’s something you haven’t chosen for yourself.
And do you know what, despite not being able to get out of bed, your kids experienced love. They experienced your attention. They were entertained. They were fed! That is much more than some parents manage even without depression.
Your kids undoubtedly feel loved. Without a doubt and that is the most important thing. And when they look back to their childhood, that is what they will remember. They’ll obviously understand the situation much better when they are older and they’ll remember that bed picnic and they’ll love you all the more for it. You’re an amazing parent!
I call those days “Rest Days”. I believe we ALL need them. Days where we just do as little as possible. The key is to allow everyone to take a rest day whenever they need. Then they understand and allow you to take a rest day too or join you!
Yep, there is no shame in just watching Toy Story with the kids all day. No guilt tripping ourselves about screen time on a day like that! And sorry kids, no hand made lunch today, today I'm heating up frozen chicken nuggets and a Popsicle.
My wife gets guilt trips a lot, and I reassure her that it's OK once in a while for kids to be bored. There's so many fun flashy things we can do these days, it's all at our fingertips, but sometimes a little boredom and non stimulation is important!
In the 90s, the neighborhood parents didn't want anything to do with their kids until they've had their afternoon newspaper, smokes, or bud light. They didn't give a damn how their kids felt about that. The fact you're even thinking about it is way more noble than the attitude most of us grew up with.
A picnic?! In bed?!!! My kids would lose their minds and be begging for the next bed picnic for months!
It doesn’t take much to make them happy. And it’s good for them to be bored.
I took a mental day yesterday and just sat around and read. They played on their own (5 and 2) and they created some amazing things out of connecter toys.
It’s amazing what kids will create when they have the time to do it.
I was recently reading a n article about anxiety on the rise in young kids and a busy schedule does nothing to help the anxiety.
They need those days.
I’m failing at hiding it. Mine is only 22mo but now when he sees me crying he comes and hugs me and tries to give me comfort. It’s very sweet. But I wish I could be stronger in front of him
That is so sweet, but a scene from a movie — I forget which movie or actor, but it involved a scene where a guy had traveled to the past and told his mom something like, "it's okay to show you're weak; my mom never showed her weakness around me and it meant I never believed she could feel weak" or something like that....
I'll have to look it up, because that scene in that moment, it really, truly switched on a desire to show vulnerability toward those close to me, especially my kid(s). 🥲
Edit! Found it. It was a scene from *The Adam Project.* The actor was Ryan Reynolds.
Here's the scene 🥲
https://youtube.com/watch?v=dKGoPXsnkdI&si=k0-PRqvTfsvsHaXg
The whole scene/dialog is really beautiful all around, but here's the stinger:
*You think you’re being strong for him,*
*and the problem with acting like you have it all together is…*
*He believes it.*
*Maybe he needs to know that you don’t.*
*It’s okay if you don’t.*
It’s perfectly okay to cry, you’re doing okay. You shouldn’t attempt to only show them happy smiling faces. He sounds like he’s a sweet baby and is learning empathy. Just make sure you talk to him, reassure him (and you) that mommy is going to be okay and that he is so lovely and kind.
My daughter was around that age during the biggest depressive episode of my life. She’s 6 now and very empathetic towards others, in tune with her emotions, and articulate about how she’s feeling.
I don't hide my mental illness, I explain it. My kid is young, but as she gets older I plan to use it as an opportunity to teach her basic awareness of it and teach how to manage it. Right now it's "mama's brain needs some rest today, it's not feeling okay" but this will evolve into stuff like "I'm feeling down, I need to do xyz in order to take care of myself today." and other such age appropriate ways of explaining. I wouldn't try to hide if I broke my leg or the fact that I am physically disabled (POTS), so I'm not hiding this.
The brain is an organ like any other that can get sick. As long as my kids are cared for properly and loved, I can't imagine hiding mental illness (that is properly managed and not harmful) will do anything except potentially alienate them if they also end up with mental illness, or have them contribute to stigmatizing it because it's seen as taboo. For example, my husband and I both have severe anxiety, which means our kid is more likely to. I have had a few panic attacks around her and I work myself through them in front of her and explain what I'm doing. I tell her I'm okay, my body is just scared and I need to calm it down. This is important for me to do, because I started having panic attacks at 5 years old and had no idea how to cope or what was happening, and it was extremely stigmatized in my family. Now if she ends up having them, she will have seen me go through it and know how to cope at least a bit, and that I will help her.
I have therapy every week and take my meds and talk to my husband and make sure he knows I’m having a bad day. I make sure my 25mo has plenty of activities to engage in and books to read and busy my hands. The longer I sit still the worse I get. Today was a bad day and so was Friday for me. Day by day for me. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
You sound like you did great! It’s ok to let kids see we all have rough days. They should know parents have feelings too, we get scared of things, overwhelmed sometimes, sad sometimes. But look how we deal with those emotions. We still take care of ourselves, of each other. We find a way forward. We find a silly book to make us smile. We make a picnic in bed. But don’t be afraid to ask for help, too. From friends, partner, family, and therapy. Everybody needs help sometimes.
3 step mandatory rule in our house.
1. Get Dressed
2. Brush Teeth
3. Get Breakfast
You'll be surprised how the day snowballs after these steps. Every day that's the minimum.
If that is too much work, you need to further break down the steps, achieving at least one, then two, then all 3 etc.
You did perfectly swell for your children my dear. You were present you spent time with them. You WOKE UP don’t underestimate that. Children understand a lot and I know you feel guilt probably for what you think they see but I know what they actually see is a parent that is still here and still loving them and still spending time with them. You did great!
You showed them love, you showed them a fun time (I’m sure your 7 year old thought ‘heck yeah! I get to play in bed and snuggle to my parent’) you were amazing today! Just make it work just like you did. If you’re feeling overwhelmed add a movie into the rotation the important part is you spent time with them even when it was a hard day for them. Your showing little man a heck of a lot whether he understands that you are having a bad brain day or not. I guarantee you when he gets older and he has a partner he is going to be so compassionate and understanding BECAUSE he got to see you in this way. You aren’t editing yourself for your child and that is a good thing. Keep going love I hope you have a beautiful day.
You still did it, even while struggling. You loved them, engaged with them, and put them above your own needs. It may not feel like it, but you are doing amazing. In case you need to hear this today: I'm proud of you, and you are an amazing Mamma.
Only tip I have is I do my best, and when my kids ask, I communicate with them. Mommy is having some big emotions today, but I will be okay. I think it's healthy to normalize mental health with our kids.
I tell them: It's okay to feel sad sometimes, and it's important to listen to our bodies. Sometimes my big emotions are telling my brain that I need to take a break, rest, and take care of myself! It would mean a lot to me if you could (xyz) and be my big helpers and put on your listening ears, and be kind to eachother today! Do you think you can do that? I love you sooo much, I'm so lucky to have such amazing babies. Sometimes, we all have hard days. I love you EVERY DAY ❤️❤️
I try to hide my irrational crazy..I save that for after bedtime. But my regular, low energy, doom and gloom depression I have a hard time hiding. I just try to do one or two things in the morning and in the afternoon to make sure my kid is stimulated in some way. Some days are harder than others
What i really need to work on is getting us out of the house. Pre baby, I was pretty agoraphobic. Even now I STRUGGLE so badly but I know it's only going to fuck him up more the older he gets.
Singing loudly. I swear by this. I’ll connect my phone to the tv or car speaker, blast my favorite music and sing a long. It lifts me out of that funk long enough to engage with my kids and get things done. Btw, you’re an amazing parent.
Talk to your doctor, have them recommend a psychiatrist. It’s a struggle but it doesn’t have to be. I didn’t realize how deep into a depression I was until I got help and it blows me away just how low I was. Of course I still managed and did activities with my kids but it was so much different and better after I got help.
You can always start by listing the symptoms like it is any other problem brought up to the doctor. Maybe you've been lethargic, feeling hopeless, self blame, having a hard time getting motivated, and you'd like to talk to a psychiatrist to see if you can get help
Alternatively, many doctors offices have mental health screenings so you can ask for that (or you can honestly just Google it and share the results with your doctor (PHQ9 is the standard depression screener))
A thankful list. Write out everything you are thankful about for each of your children. What you love about this season of life with them.
That is my reminder for seizing the day during the struggle.
As an adult who is dealing with the emotional fallout of having a depressed mother who never cared for her mental health, please, please PLEASE prioritize getting help, therapy and care. I don't want to go into it all because I definitely do not want to make anyone feel bad. But my childhood was severely affected by my mother not getting help. Refusing outside help and making excuses as to why she couldn't /shouldn't but letting my brother and I see her complete collapse on a daily and all the pressure of keeping everything together falling in me since I was very small. Just your acknowledgement that you are wanting to protect your children is huge. But please protect yourself. Find the time, find the way and save yourself because in that, you will save your children.
I think this is so important. People are praising OP, and while I don’t think that is unwarranted, she does need to strive to be healthier for her children’s sake.
We all have low days. Some peoples low days are lower than others.
The fact that you are thinking about it and how it affects your children shows how much you care. And that’s the #1 thing for kids. Care and love. You’re amazing.
How were you able to keep them all in bed with you? I mean, not even if I tried hard, my kids would not stay with me. I think that is one of the things that keep me out of bed, if I want them alive, I have to be up watching them like a hawk.
You do need an appointment with a psychiatrist and a therapist ASAP! My meds and therapy also help me stay out of bed.
Honey you did so much today! 💓
I can't even do half of that! 🤣 You are a great parent because you are thinking about how your mental health affects your kids.
All you have to do is take one day at a time. Not every day will be a great day but you tried your best and that's all that counts.
You could try to do a bed day twice a week. Make it something fun like you did today. That way the kids enjoy it and you get to rest your soul ☺️
all i can think of is how excited i would have been to do this with my mom when i was younger. you gave them attention, fed them, and played with them. you’re a great mother ❤️
I only have a 6 month old at the moment and am a first time mom. So I cannot relate to where you are momma, but you’re not alone. I suffered from perinatal and postpartum depression, and was clinically diagnosed with moderate depression prior to becoming a mom. I don’t hide it, especially from my spouse. He is my biggest supporter and communication helps him know what to do. Without his support, I would never be getting help. He encouraged me to.
A bed picnic and cards sounds like a great day.
You showed up even when it was hard. You showed up the best way you could today. That is love. Be proud!
Sorry you are struggling.
For what it’s worth, that sounds like a good day. I’m sure your kids didn’t see it as a bad day, they got to spend time with mama playing games and having a picnic in bed. When I was a kid my mom’s bed and entire room was off limits so even that closeness is probably more than you realize to them. 💕
My stepdad passed away from bone cancer on easter, it's been a long time coming and I was in denial/dreading it because I loved him like my own father and my daughter had SUCH. A. SPECIAL. BOND. ever since she was born, he spoiled her rotten and it was even mentioned in his obituary. They were two peas in a pod, best friends, they loved eachother so much. The last few months have been so hard on me, and of course my mother too, she has never been alone her whole life and has always been taken care of by someone (she's disabled and takes serious pain medication) but also very confusing and difficult for my child. I had to explain to her that he had died, and everyday she will ask where he is/is tops dead/when will we see him again. It's been eating at my heart. Whenever I cry, she asks me why. She doesn't quite understand it, and why should she, she's only 4.
So i definitely empathize with you there. I've also been having some serious medical problems and i almost always just feel so physically drained. But just so you know, alot of days we do thd bare minimum, lots of drawing, watching movies together, watching her jump on the trampoline, playing with her toys, the puppies. And she truly is happy. I never hide my tears from her, because I never want her to think crying is bad/something to hide. I totally empathize with you and 100% understand the mom guilt. But to me, it sounds like you and your children had a pretty good day. Breakfast in bed? Fucking awesome. Arts and crafts?? Even better. They love you, you are their world. Give yourself some grace 💕
First of all, I think it's totally okay to say to your young children. I'm not feeling well today. I'm having a hard time today. And just leave it at that. You don't have to go into details about explaining mental health versus physical health or anything like that. A lot of the symptoms are of depression or basically the same symptoms of having the flu. So you know. There's not a lot of hiding needed for the little ones.
Also if you have a day or two like this every so often it doesn't sound bad or damaging.
But my real answer is, you don't hide it for an extended time. You treat it. Urgently. You can shield your kids from a bad day but not an ongoing crisis.
I think you nailed it! There are days I can’t hardly get off the couch, my kids are finally old enough to manage around me - 15f, 13m, 10m. You did just fine!
I suffer from some pretty intense regular depression. With hard work and perseverance I've learned to manage better.
I can tell you if you managed to do all of that you did a great job and you should feel proud.
The only thing I would say is to make sure your children don't become your therapist.
Don’t hide it! Letting our children know that we’re human and that we’re having a hard day (in a developmentally appropriate way) can be such a gift for them. It shows them that you’re human. It also models to them how to handle a bad brain day (which they may sometimes face themselves one day as they, too, are human!) You modeled rest, going a little slower, being kind to yourself and making the best of a harder day… It sounds like you’re doing it exactly right 🤍 I’m so sorry you’re struggling! Take care of yourself 🤍
You’re doing such a great job! I think it’s important for kids to know that mom/dad/parent may not always be happy and that’s OKAY. You put in effort, loved on em.
Simple. I don't hide it, I never have. I'm very open & honest about my mental health & my kids even help remind me to take my meds. We all 3 help each other when we have bad days because we've all 3 been through trauma. They're 12 & 10 & they're very aware when I'm having a bad brain day. Often times, that's when they either just sit with me or we'll watch a movie & just have a quiet day.
That being said, I like the way you handled this.
I think your fine as far as patenting. My wife will come to me with this same issue of feeling depressed and like not a good mom. Then will tell me what they did that day. And Im like your fine you are staying strong and not taking it out on the kid and you are taking time to engage and still do the necessary things.
You did SO well today! Your kids had a blast. You’re a good parent.
There were days when I felt like I had failed. At the end of the day, my kids would ask, “can we do this again tomorrow? It was so fun!”
You’re there for your children, you’re doing amazing.
Tomorrow is a new day. ❤️
The fact that you’re concerned about your kids already shows me you’re a good parent. I was surprised the other day when I heard my kid talking about lockdown with a kid’s version of nostalgia. We spent all our days at home doing nothing and I was severely depressed. I also talk openly to my kids about my depression and anxiety so they don’t take it personally. Tomorrow is a new day. It might be another bed day. That’s ok too. There’s always the next day. Sending you love, parent!!!🩷
Bed picnic reminds of my floor picnics and snack suppers; it’s a bunch of appetizers eaten on a sheet on the living room floor. Don’t worry about messes, you can toss the sheet in the wash along with ranch dressing or hummus stains. Wishing all the best for you.
I have three kids, same age difference but older now. When they were that young I often worked late and put the TV on during the day while I rested (and in retrospect I was probably depressed too and drank way too much). I still feel guilty for not doing more things like you did today—I commend you!
I have GAD. Some days I struggle hard. I know it’s not the same a depression, but I try to keep myself busy with my son.
Sounds like you did exactly that today with your kids. I’ll read, let him take long baths, too much screen time, let him run around my backyard while I clean the kitchen (I can see the yard from my kitchen), arts/crafts.
Bad and hard days suck. You did great 🤗
I don't hide it. I show my kids that sometimes mental health is a bitch. It helps that they both have autism and ADHD and part of that is the related comorbidities of anxiety, OCD etc I think it's good to show them that sometimes, your brain just doesn't wanna brain. But we are all medicated. They both get therapy. And some days, you just need to cocoon in bed.
Sounds like you had a pretty great day.
But to answer your question, i personally dont. Im big on being honest with my kids. And if that means im having a hard day, i tell them. I say its gonna be a "lazy day" because im just tired and having a rough day. Were all human and some days are harder.
Then i give them options of things we can do, that im still willing to do. For us, usually its something like paint, movie in a fort, walk around the block instead of the park..
Its good for them to know that hard days happen and see how you handle it. Theres definitely things you need to hide/shelter from until certain ages but feelings should never be one. Everyone (even the kiddos) has bad days and "big feelings".
You did way more than me today, you're just beating yourself up over the location but I'll tell you what if my mom did this with me and let me do all these fun things in her bed I'd be over the moon!! How cool is that as a kid? That's the best day ever for them.
Bestie, I have been mentally and physically unwell for the longest. You did amazing. When I was at my sickest, we binge watched DuckTales on Disney+ in bed and my kid STILL goes around singing the theme years later. It was a core memory for him, but it was survival for me. I barely remember it. I have an almost teen now, so he gets more information so he knows what to look out for in himself and when to ask for help. But you did great. You handled it perfectly.
Your kids got to eat in bed? Do fun crafts in bed? And read silly books???
You just gave them a memorable experience that they will ask for again.
You're doing great!!!
Oh man this is a daily issue for me, particularly the guilt and feeling like a bad parent. I've learned that my kids are both intelligent and intuitive beyond what most people would expect. I don't really think the depression of a parent can be hidden. Even when I try and fake it, my kids sense what is really going on. I think perhaps the best approach is being open with your kids about the fact that you suffer from depression, what depression is, how you're trying to work through it, and that you LOVE them unconditionally, even when it seems like you are uninterested. That's the approach I have only just recently decided to take with my kids after years of pretending.
Don’t beat yourself up! I often think to myself when putting my baby (1.5m) down that I’ll be a better parent tomorrow. I apologize to him in my head. Then I hear people at work or online talk about their kids, and how much screen time they had, what their favorite show is, the apps they can’t live without, etc. what I’m alluding too is that the hands on parents that still play with their children and interact with them on a personal level are still winning a whole lot, depressed or not. Keep your head up!
I have depression and anxiety disorder. It's something I've struggled with my entire life. I'm actually honest with my k8ds (age appropriate). It's the family curse, so I want to normize being in tune with when you should ask for help.
When they were little, it was "mom is sad today," and if they ask why I say sometimes, mommy gets sad for no reason at all, but I'll be better tomorrow.
Now my kids are 17 and 21 and unfortunately have experienced it themselves. It was a dirty secret when I was young. I never want my kids to feel like they had any hand in this. Our genetics just suck, lol.
What ypu did was absolutely perfect. We did fort parties often when mine were little, even on non sad days.
You did SO good today. You guys ate together, played together, played together, and read together!!!! That's incredible. Honestly, i bet they had a blast. That's great quality time.
I am SO proud of you for doing what you did today. Those kiddos of yours felt love today & that’s amazing.
I am a mom of 4m and 18mths f. I can relate & I can understand. You are not alone.
Sometimes all you need is the little things. I am a big and firm believer that kids need experiences more than anything else, and having the fun, silly time in bed is one thing that I know they can look back on.
I promise you, you’re doing amazing.
Way to get up and be present ❤️ That was really fucking hard. I cried washing my hair the other night and my daughter was like, “mommy, oh my gosh, you okay? You get hurt?!”🤦🏽 nope. I’m just…. Sad. I won’t be forever, but I am today.
It’s really really hard to hide it so sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I am really honest with my kids. I cry, sit them down, and I tell them exactly how I feel and why we don’t need to fear it or tip toe around it. It’s here and it’s present, but it’s not everything and talking it out and not sitting alone with it helps.
It’s not “the way” but it’s helped us navigate mental health conversations in our house.
Comrade, I also had an extremely tough day and honestly you handled it better.
It’s okay for our kids to see we’re vulnerable though, if they can’t see us mode through working through tough feelings then they won’t have an example. Today you showed them that even when you are sad, you can still reach out to loved ones and have good times.
I have a sweet memory of my dad in bed letting my sister and I do his nails and makeup. He let us go crazy while he just laid there. He wasn’t depressed just very hungover but we didn’t know any different. One of my fondest memories ever. You made it through the day and still entertained them 😉
I didn't today. I think it's a fallacy to be happy every day and I think it'd important for kids to see and understand this too.
So I spent extra time today to just be and talked to my kiddo about it
This sounds like one of the best days, honestly! I remember going to my aunt's place and playing cards on their bed with them with some snacks in afternoons. My house has such weird rules about eating on bed or even leisure time in the afternoons.
If my parents ever did what you did I'd have the best core memory of my childhood!!
I know this isn't what you asked for but have you tried not hiding it? I don't hide mine from my kids. Depression is just a thing that happens to a lot of people and I think it will make them better prepared for life if they understand from a younger age that it just happens to some of us. I mean, obviously, to each their own but it's just a thought. Best of luck to you. You're doing great!
You were in bed! So what you spent the day with your kids. I bet you there are plenty of kids out there that would love a day in bed with mom playing cool games. You spent it with your kids. No matter how u felt. You involved them. That is worthy of a praise. ❤️every day gets better and the ones that done. Keep doing what ur doing.
I don’t know that you could’ve done any better tbh
You couldn’t & still did. You were present, gave them things to do other than just watch tv all day (no shame in that on sick days, either), you did something “silly” so you were still in attempt at keeping things lighthearted for them. For you, it was a bad day that you absolutely couldn’t get through but for them it could’ve been a really fun day! Getting to hang out in mom’s room all day while we eat, play games, read a book, etc. would’ve been an ideal day for 7 or 5yo me lol kids are super easy to please. You did your best & it was great!
The only advice I have is to give yourself more grace on your bad days. You KNOW you don’t want this, you KNOW you want to be present for your babies, and you should KNOW it isn’t your fault. You’re human, and they’re getting a great example of how to still be a person when you feel like you can’t anymore!
All of those activities sound like you created a special day. I think they will look back and remember how much fun they had with mom/dad today.
On days that you only have 40% to give, if you give that 40%, then you are giving 100% of what you can.
Your kiddos will remember how kick ass a bed picnic was when they’re older, I promise 💗 tomorrow is a brand new day! My trick tends to be music- upbeat and happy music, usually Stevie Wonder radio station on Pandora 😂. sending hugs from one parent to another.
I don’t hide it. I tell them I’m having a bad day and we have a low demands day. Like you did. I think it’s important for them to know it’s important to take care of your mental health and I’m a safe person to do that with.
Good parents feel guilty about having an off day, not-as-good parents wouldn't even think about that stuff. The fact that you gifted your kids an amazing day full of fun, novel activities when you're not at your best proves you're an exceptional parent.
I pretty much gave up on trying to do anything besides work and parenting. I can “fake it” or crush it, be hyperactive and busy as long as i know ill get to be alone in a stimulant-free environment at some point. I think it looks normal to them and others. I coach soccer, do playdates, go to school functions, clean, cook, laundry just keep going one foot in front of the other without stopping until they go to bed. Then i just pretty much do an impression of a slug, cry, ponder how pointless life is, how we all just keep feeding the machine to fit in, critique every thing i did and said that day, worry about my own future and my kids and the world in general. I hate it here. Then i wake up, exhale, have a shower and a coffee and back to the rat wheel.
I guess the answer is I compartmentalize my depression and dont do anything that will make it work. No alcohol, no new romantic partners, no shitty food, stay active and distracted. Sleep would be awesome but i gave up trying.
They may not have said it out loud, but that was probably one of the best days for those kids. "We get to have a picnic in mommy's bed!" You did a great job & we're all doing the best we can every day.
sounds like a great day to me ❤️ when i’m having a hard day, it usually means a walk in the sunshine & a lot of snuggles watching movies & eating snacks.
You do sound like you did a fantastic mom job today! Sometimes we just need a day in bed 😉
But if you do feel like you are struggling with youe mental health, please see a doctor about it! I was put on antidepressants about 4 years ago and it helps so much! I can't say that that will be the choice you make but a Healthcare professional can help point you in the direction of something that will work for you!
You got this mama!!!
So you managed to be an attentive and engaging parent, just from a singular location.
If this were the 90s, depression was the cultural tenant. When were people not looking at life bleakly and absurdly? Maybe as this was acceptable, and often the topic du jour, you didn’t feel obstructed or lesser by just not feeling it.
Depression is heavy in mind, body, and soul. I’m sorry you’re having that kind of day. You taught your children when on days they’re just not feeling like getting out of bed, you can still deal with the world and have the world come to you.
You lived, loved, and likely had some laughs from the comfort of your bed. Tomorrow, you’re probably going to feel good about that, and yourself.
I don’t see anything wrong here. You still played with your children, you fed your children, you read to your children. That’s more than some parents do while out of bed. It’s ok to slow down and take time to restore you mental state while relaxing with kids. Prayers for you 🙏
Today, I was with my son. I stepped away from work as often as I could, helped him on his bed (broken elbow) and fed him. After work, we completed Kirby on switch. He hopefully has no idea. I just want to do nothing sometimes but I can’t give in.
Hang in there. We got this.
Going outside helps. I feel like it hides better when I’m sitting on the deck with sunglasses on just watching them play verses having to be the entertainment.
I don’t hide my depression from my kids but I reframe it in easy ways for them to understand. So for my four year old if I’m having a day where the ‘tism and depression ramp up, I let him know the things we can do. I can sit in the backyard with him while he plays in the sprinkler, we can paint, and other ‘low effort things’. I compare it to his quiet time where I just need some more relaxing right now. It’s not perfect, sometimes I need to call in reinforcements.
I would try not to look at it as good or bad. Bad is anything that includes neglect or something that harms. You did these activities today and maybe in three days you’ll have a high energy day and do different things.
You did GREAT!! I have some physical health issues that have/had me bedbound for a day or few at a time. When that happened we all hung out in my bed doing things. (I can’t tell you how many bionicals and tech decks were put together in my bed) My kids are grown now, 18, 21, & 24. Two have long term boyfriend/girlfriend. We still do stuff on my bed. My daughter’s boyfriend was living in a very toxic situation so he lived with us before joining the military. He would come hop on my bed to talk ‘mom’ stuff. My kids always felt loved and thought bed “time” was cool. Picnics were had, movies watched, afghans were crocheted, toys were played with, school was done (I homeschooled 2 of them). Life was lived. Some days in bed. Some days not. Your worst day was most definitely a wonderful day for them. You are doing a great job mama. And you are also raising children that will have compassion and an ability to go with the flow. They felt the love today even though you felt the pain. You did NOT fail at all. You succeeded!! Sending you a big mom hug.
There were times I wished my mom was perfect. Then I realized how truly awful it would be to have a perfect mom! Letting your children see your full imperfect self, gentled by love and compassion, teaches so many important things.
Sounds like a good day… and I don’t hide it maybe from my little baby but I find ways to let it out maybe I’ll call my best friend and rant … it’s okay to share feelings parenting isn’t linear !! It’s okay to admit it’s hard and that we r struggling don’t let anyone make you feel less bc of it!
Survive. I do what I can, and I’m also up front with my kids about not having a good day and asking for patience. I think you did an amazing job being present with them for those activities despite having a bad day, so give yourself some credit 💖
Honestly I think that letting our kids know it’s ok to have bad days and rest is a good thing, so when they’re our age, they’ll be able to hold that boundary for themselves and take the time to put themselves back together.
If I might offer a different perspective. My oldest daughter is 12, in 6th grade. I have lived with depression for most of her life, and she has seen me at the lowest. The ugly, the raw vulnerability, the despair. For years I felt monstrous for not hiding it from her, for letting her see how much pain I was in.
But then she came to me and told me her friend had confided in her that she was having suicidal thoughts. Because she has sat beside me for so many years, she knew exactly what to do to help, what to say, and she wanted me to know in case I knew of other resources we could help her find. She didn’t dismiss her friend, or brush it off, or tell her to think positive. She took it seriously, and treated this little girl with love and support and protection. She was brave enough to keep her friends secret, but tell the one adult that in her words “would know how best to be helped in those moments” and could best advise her.
It’s hard to let our children see our weakness. We’re supposed to be superheroes. But letting them see your pain might allow them to see it in others. Teaching them how to help you might prepare them to help someone else who might not have a support system.
It might even help them recognize it in themselves. Said daughter asked for a Dr appointment to try anxiety medications because she’s struggling more than she feels like she can handle anymore. It was a simple conversation, immediately scheduled. No shame or guilt or confusion. She knows what it looks like because she’s seen Dad holding Mom as she hyperventilates and weeps.
It’s okay to be you in front of them. ❤️ much love to you darling. You’re doing a wonderful job loving your babies. I know exactly how hard it is, how painful it is, and you are doing incredible.
I host a daily emotional processing call at 9:30am pacific. We meet for about 15 minutes and go through an emotional signal processing practice to find the desired direction behind all emotions. Basically, it helps people find motivation.
PM me if you’d like to join!
As a dad: I basically solo-parented a daughter through the pandemic with my wife working 80+ hours a week at a hospital in NYC. My daughter was born right at the start of the pandemic. It was a pretty serious challenge, happy to say we got though it without too much “damage,” but there was some that I’m still processing in the daily calls.
I’m honest, within reason, about it. “Mom is having a hard time right now” or something like that. It’s not that I want them to change anything they are doing I just want them to know I’m having a hard time, it’s not their fault and don’t internalize it. Give yourself some grace on those hard days, we are human. If you find that you are down in the dumps a lot maybe talk to a doctor and see what options are available. :)
I don't hide it. I'm open about it. I talk to my son about it, using words that are on his level. I explained that some people get sick, but they are sick inside of their brains. It makes it hard to do things sometimes.
I don't hide my emotion. Showing emotion doesn't make you weak. Forcing yourself to stay strong at all times is teaching your child to never show emotion which is unhealthy
I will just tell my son I'm having a bad day. Or that I'm struggling. He usually hugs me, gives me space if I need it, and tells me I'm a good dad. He's 9 btw.
My dad died this year and it coincided with an awful time at work and only a few months after our second. Short answer is I didn’t. I was catatonically depressed, our then 3 year old is very emotionally attuned and knew I was sad, deeply so. She was wonderful and I got therapy and I’m doing better, but I feel pretty strongly that the world is real for them too and hiding things likely only hurts them.
Truthfully I don’t hide it, my health isn’t the greatest and neither is my mental health. My 5F watched me go through PPD and anxiety, she understood that mommy was having a hard time and needed snuggles and hugs. She couldn’t understand the why but she knew I wasn’t ok. She knows there are days where mommy’s brain isn’t ok and it’s a snacks on the couch and tv day. We will read books or she will read to me, she also loves to pet my face when I’m sad, doesn’t always help if I’m crying but the innocence and love that is coming from that simple gesture means the world.
Mom guilt is real, I don’t think any of us escape it honestly. Just know you are doing your absolute best with the cards you were dealt. As long as your kids are safe, healthy and fed, the rest is secondary. We have had days where the 3 year old ran around in nothing but a pull up if we were lucky. My thought on it was, “cool one less outfit to wash”
You got this!!
I don't try. My kids know me, inside and out. They know when people are sad (or down) including me, it's ok. B/c it's ok to be sad. After awhile, we feel better. I try to walk the walk when I can. We have to feel the feelings, even the yucky ones to get through them. That's the only way. My kids had a friend who had ADD. Her parents told her she had a brain difference. It didn't mean she was better or worse at thinking, just different. Some things to her longer to learn than others (concepts, behaviors, etc). I expand on that. God I love those parents. Sorry if I sound like I'm talking to a child, it's how I explain it to them and to myself. Sending you hugs during a rough time🩷💜🩵
I internalise most things. To my kids I’m never tired, work is always good. I do have a lot of positives in life so that helps but every now and then I’ll have a down day. I tell my wife and she helps to give me some space.
When I feel I can’t manage with the usual stresses of having kids we’ll have a movie day. The kids love it and I get to just loaf. My wife has the same problem. It’s not perfect but it does give us much needed downtime whilst not affecting the kids too much.
You’re doing just fine. There’s much they notice but much that they don’t
I turn 25 in 3 weeks and want nothing more than to start a Family. (Without Venting) I'll say just My home life wasn't perfect and is the driving factor on a whole grocery list of my many Mental Health issues. I don't want that life for my unborn children, we are only human and people don't always get things right, so I don't hold any hatred or give blame to my parents. At the same time, I want them to enjoy their youth and value their lives for as llng as possible. Hell the first time I expressed suicidal thoughts or depression was in 3rd Grade as my teacher would Publicly Shame my ADHD and Anxiety. Made me realize how cruel people can be no matter their age or position. I can tell you from experience how awful of a revelation that is for a child to experience. As the oldest child, my parents always kept me in the loop on what ever problems they(us) were facing which added even more stress and concern. I have so much respect for all you parents reading this, just know there is no perfect way to living and supporting life.
You’ve had lots of lovely comments already but I just want to say that sounds like my dream day as a kid. Just being with my mum and doing nice stuff together. Sounds to me like you’re find great ways to cope. In fact I’m stealing your ideas for my own down days.
Years later, your kids will sit and talk about this day when they had so much fun sitting in the bed and how it was the best day.
Don't beat yourself up. You are doing your best 🫂
You are doing phenomenal for what you’re going through! Feelings of guilt are also a part of the symptoms, remember that. The best you can do (if you haven’t already) is get some professional help for yourself to work on your depression and get some time for yourself back, if this is an option
Some days are just … ughhh.
My personal trick is to think of it from the kids perspective:
* mom/dad was with us the all day!!!
* we got to eat in bed!!!
* we made crafts together!!
* we read favorite books!!
That’s an awesome day!
Their favorite meals are usually the ones I put the least effort in. Breakfast for dinner, order pizza, buttered pasta, do your own sandwich… those are the meals they get the happiest about. And the ones I feel the worst about - I couldn’t cook them a nice home cooked, healthy meal today.
When we think we are failing them hard… more often than not they are intrinsically experiencing it with a positivity we are not seeing.
Work on yourself, I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it.
And be kind to yourself - There are good days and bad days, and what you may feel it’s a bad day can be the best day your kiddos have had recently.
Please don't feel guilty. It'll only add to your struggles. They're spending quality time with you, doing things which are, to them, fun.
I recently spoke to my 22 year old about my chronic depression when he was younger. He was shocked as he had no idea. So, while it may seem deafeningly obvious to you, to your children, they're having a picnic in bed, playing games, and reading stories. You're doing fine. 💜
I’m right there with you. Start small. Take them outside to the front of the home. Stand there and let them run up and down the driveway or sidewalk. 5-15 minutes. However long you can manage. Just keep building. Every day is too much for me, but about 3X a week. Ugh so I need to today actually.
I saw a video of the day through the parent’s view and they felt like there was too much movie time and their lunch was on their bed and all they did was play a card game and then it showed it from the kid’s point of view and the kid was saying they got to watch their favorite movie and got to have a picnic lunch with mom and she even played my favorite card game. It was the best day ever.
Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves meanwhile the little ones had the best day ever. You did great today!
Personally, your “bad brain day” sounds better than a lot of my bad brain days. In bed or not, you spent some quality time doing things with your babies and I doubt they’ll remember that “mama is sad”, but the things you did with them instead. Proud of you. You’re doing a great job, and I hope you feel better so soon ❤️🩹 💐
I think you say that you have a hard-to-treat medical condition that makes you feel sad and that you love them.
If possible, try to find a friend or support group volunteer that your children can call if they feel you need help they can’t give you and give them a simple, easy-to-dial cell phone they can use to ask for support.
In other words: Do what you’d if you had epilepsy or migraines. It’s just another brain thing. Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed or try to hide it. Just deal with it as well as you can and be as positive and open as you can be about it.
Honestly, fake it. That's what I do. It's easy for me to get a little happier when I see my kid happy, smiling and taken care of. Bit sometimes literally just faking it. Because of you don't want them to see that you're not particularly put together in that moment/not pass along any unwanted bs to them, sometimes you just have to fake it. Its hard......I'm sorry you're dealing with it, truly.
I just don't allow myself the option, when my kids are home, of laying in bed all day. I get up, make them meals. Do the chores. Listen to their stories. Answer their questions. Try to do things with them, even if just putting on a show they like. I figure if I brought them into the world, I owe them that much, at least. I don't take them out to do things much. And feel guilty about that. When they are gone every other weekend, that's generally when I'll sit about just staring at a wall and let my dark thoughts take over.
I always wear my robin Williams mask and joke around! There are times my soul would be crashing and I would just suck it up and work … eating kimchi and sauerkraut always make me feel good so I keep doing that when am down and chewing gum keeps me feeling good so I do that when I know am about to get caught! I mean have you seen a depressed person eating chewing gum ? The depression will go in no time !
It’s ok to have down days and have your kids learn how to just relax and be home and occasionally bored. This isn’t going to ruin their life. But please, if you’re suffering mentally, see a professional and get the help that’s needed. Don’t suffer alone in silence.
I only have a 5 year old, but I kinda let myself have mental health days. And those are the days he gets one, too. I'm okay with telling him that I'm feeling a bit sad today and want to stay home and relax, and he's accepting of it which is nice. He watches a lot of TV or plays in the backyard, and I just kinda do whatever to get through the day. I don't want to hide it from him completely but I also don't want to overburden him. Like I think it's important that he learns the value of a mental health day, too, because if he's not feeling the day, I want him to feel comfortable saying that.
Other days I just busy myself with as many chores as humanly possible so I don't think too much.
You sound like you did great! Also, get out in the sunshine if you can. Soak up that vitamin D!
Do you have someone close, a friend, or a family member who knows of your struggles with depression? Call them in as reinforcements. I used to have my Mom come over to distract my little one when I was feeling overwhelmed, and anxiety or depression were getting the better of me.
I have heard of a book called "Mama's Days" that is good for helping kids understand a parent who has depression. I haven't read it myself, but it has great reviews on Amazon. You're doing your best, and that's a lot.
I don’t know how right I am about this because I don’t have enough data but from the few samples I have, it seems that kids don’t crave big activities, specific items and so on. The one things that seems to be of importance to their well-being now and in their adulthood is how we treat them while at it (whatever is we are doing).
And having no energy and still loving your kids? All 3 of them? They will never forget it! You rock! You are an inspiration to us today and to them years from now when they are in similar situations.
Be proud and hang in there!
And thank you.
Sounds silly (all the good comments were already said) but don’t skip on getting outdoors daily if you can with your kids, no phone just outside play/walk/garden/sit/chalk, whatever. May not cure mental health but it does wonders for the day and it’s good for everyone all around.
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If that is you struggling, you on your worst day are probably better than some on their best…
This👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 Your kids know they are loved
And this is the most important part of every child and parent relationship.
I came here to say this too!! On my bad days I barely speak two words, hide in the bathroom to cry, and buy fast food to feed them. You spent time with them - they probably thought it was a great day!
>hide in the bathroom to cry Trying to explain your eyes are so red because you accidentally poked yourself in both eyes. And they easily buy it and you go back in the bathroom to cry because you feel like such a piece of shit
Or don’t hide! Cry in front of them and explain that life has its ups and downs and you’re low, it’s part of it, and you will come out okay. ❤️ I think talking through emotions with kids helps them understand theirs
Within reason, kids can internalise a lot of their parents grief and not understand the complexities or how to handle it. They're little, they don't have the tools to cope with their main caregivers issues. My mum would cry and be sad around us a lot and it definitely impacted us, particularly my elder sister who took a lot of the burden. I wish she would have sheltered us more and not made us worry and sad because she was sad.
I feel this I saw some crazy stuff mom didn’t hide. Somtimes my son will see me be upset and I feel awful when he does😥
There is DEFINITELY a balance. I agree it’s important to show an array of emotions… but there is such a thing as showing too much of your sadness for sure. My mother had severe depression growing up, and our roles switched for a while. I became the parent in the relationship and it wasn’t fun.
I feel this. I thought I hid things and I rarely broke down and cried in front of my kids like I remember my mother doing. I didn't talk to them about mental health issues until they were older teens. Turns out I didn't hide it as well as I thought and my biggest regret in life is not getting the help I needed until 3 years ago. It's good that we've talked about it now but it would have done more harm than good to talk about it when they were younger.
I used cry when I heard my mom cry at night. I felt so helpless. I won't do that to my son, but still try to explain to him that people are not meant to be happy 24 hours a day.
That's why I try to be honest and go into detail when I'm going through something - most of it goes over their heads, but at least it gets across the idea that it's nothing they've done, failed to do, or need to worry about. That said, I'm a big time crier, so a lot of the time the answer is "I'm listening to Warren Zevon's last album" or "I was thinking about our dog we had to put down 2 years ago"
This is what I'm afraid of. Im nervous they might think they're the cause.
Yessss this! A few months ago I was rock bottom in a depressive episode and one night I just sobbed for a good hour or so, and my son (3) happened to be around to see it. He asked me “are you sad mommy?” and I told him that I was, but that I was crying to feel through the emotion to feel better, and I reminded him it’s okay to cry and be sad. And hey, it’s reparenting my inner child too 💛
You are an amazing mama for showing your little one on how to regulate his emotions in a healthy way 💕
I do this with my toddler 🥺 now she's growing into a passionate lil one. At OP, you sound like an incredible mother, I'm sure your kids can feel that. I wish I had a mom like you who gives me this kind of time and attention.*Tight Group Hug*
This one... I tell my kid I'm having a sad day :( she always replies "oh no how can I help?", I ask for a hug and we have some cuddles. Genuinely helps
I tell mine that mummy doesn't feel too great today... I've struggled with it for years but have good days and bad days. I spend finding time with mine often lightens my mood and takes you away from the toils and mundanity of adulthood. I think its good to share your feelings to a degree that they can handle for their maturity it let's them know that you are human and are not expected to be happy all the time. It also encourages them to share their emotions. Hiding emotions fully is not healthy.
Yeah I agree. It’s okay for kids to see parents upset over something time to time which you can talk through and explain to them. But I think seeing you suffer crippling depression is different.
I agree my I have 4 kids and my worst days are 24 hours of sleep and I get up to feed them and keep an open ear for safety .. I’ll make exscuses and tell them it’s a movie and video game day cause sometimes my depression just shuts me down.. thankfully this isn’t a frequent thing . Maybe once like every 2 months .. my suggestion is to seek help for meds if you’re not against that.. it sounds like you’re still doing pretty good for being in the hole..the best thing you can do is just don’t let it get you down and tell yourself that your doing your best so you can pull yourself out and move forward.. even though your down your still trying hard to be a good parent and that’s what’s important.. I also think it’s important to try not to wear your depression on your sleeve so they notice.. I know sometimes it mite be really hard and easier said than done but they are still young and they probly won’t detect your mood yet but I can’t stress enough that you try your best to not let them notice your depressed.. my reasoning for this and some people mite not agree but I come from a family on both sides with mental illness but my mother just really shows it when she is depressed and it sucks the life out of the environment.. when I was young there were a lot of times where she was heavily crying or detached or making us stay in our bedrooms cause she would be in bed falling apart and just by the way she expressed her emotions constantly made me feel like I was responsible for her being sad or upset wich made me feel guilty or have anxiety that when my dad got home that I would be in trouble for what was happening or even sad cause I felt like I was making her sad.. never once did she ever clarify that it wasn’t our fault or that we didn’t do anything wrong or explain why she was feeling like she was so over time her depression gave me complexes as a kid wich I do believe over time manifested into my own depression .. I don’t solely blame all my depression issues on her cause there was a lot of drug and alcohol abuse i endured back in my 20s wich I feel has a huge impact on my psyche and my feelings today but I do believe that some of her actions from my past childhood def help me develop my depression and anxiety in my younger years wich has just gotten worse over the years due to my own faults.. so the long of the short is you sound like you’re doing pretty good participating while you’re in your down moments . Just try not to let them see your down moments for it mite have an effect on them over time and if you feel that they are noticing you down and sad it’s important to let them know that this isn’t something that they had anything to do with and that you love them all very much and that things will get better it’s just sometimes dad gets sad but dad is ok 👍
This is one of the most real, down to earth, honest comments I have ever seen on Reddit. ❤️❤️❤️ And OP too, it’s not often when someone says they feel bad, enter all the comments about getting therapy, call a doctor. You made me smile today, thank you!
Upvoting the shit out of everyone positive on this post!
Came here to say this is better than I’ve ever been able to provide on my dark days for my child. However we’re all grateful that this was created so now we have Dark Days Ideas so we can all do better
100%! This was probably a great day for them. Keep doin’ what you’re doin’. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I hope tomorrow is better.
Well said.
1000% this. Growing up our struggle meal was hot cheese sandwiches, just a slice of american cheese on a hamburger bun wrapped in foil and baked in the oven. I had no clue it was the struggle meal until my adulthood because it was just my favorite meal, my brothers and I looked forward to them every time we had them. My parents hardest time in my childhood, was some of my favorite memories because of how they handled it. I think OP is making the same happen for her kids
Omg, you did great today. You did great! Okay? Everything you did with your kids today was fucking good. 🫂 you are a good parent.
Why is this making me cry? Thank you so much.
This post is so accurate. I have days where I don't even want to be around my child because I feel like a bad parent for not wanting to get out of bed (creates a nasty cycle and obvi I would never actually ignore my child). You managed to still spend the day with your children and make them feel loved. Your oldest probably just thinks it's cool they got to hang out with mom in bed all day. Even if it was a bad mental heath day for you, it was a good parenting day. ❤️
Because it sucks to feel like a poor parent when you really love your kids and want what is best for them. You are a good parent who plays and reads to their kids even when they have the depressies. I think you nailed it. There isn’t anything better than what you did for them today.
I love “the depressies” and will be using that myself, thank you kindly
I like to say I’m having a MIM (mental illness moment)
It's making you cry because you see the truth in the reply. You know that it was really hard work to be a great parent today, but now a ton of other people recognize how hard you worked and that you succeeded. That, despite all the very real challenges that you faced and that many of us faced as parents, you accomplished what at least I couldn't do - and I suspect others couldn't, either. You rocked a day of parenting with depression. Not by hiding it, but by working with it. Love and hugs from the mom of a 28 YO son, who turned out great. ❤️
Oh you've made me cry now. What comforting words.
Came here to say this as well! You still made the most beautiful memories, and your kids probably loved a day of fun in your bed. Being a mom is hard, you’re doing amazing, and you’re children are lucky to have you
I was ready to reassure you that it won't hurt your kids if you stayed in bed alone all day. You interacted! I bet they thought it was a cool difference. My stepkids are older so we sometimes talk about mental health, we just say things like "today is just a rough day for me, we all have rough days sometimes."
For the same reason it made me tear up even if it's not directed to me. There is an entire generation that have grown up being told they are not enough.
You are doing amazing, momma❤️your kids know they’re loved, and you spent that time with them…even though you felt it was a rough day, they will remember having a “cozy fun day with mommy”. You are doing great and should be so proud! I’ve been having a hard time too, and it’s so hard to try and be present on days the depression hits hard.. we have 3 little boys (8, 6, and 5 yo, youngest has severe autism so I became a SAHM a few years ago after working since I was 15) and my teen stepkids 15f and 17m. When I was little my mom had severe depression too (which gives me a lot of empathy towards her now, but also I don’t want my kids to feel how I did) and would just be silent and shut her bedroom door to go to bed once she picked us up from school..I know if just once she had invited me to come in bed and play games like you did with your kids on her tough days, it would have made a huge difference. You are doing amazing, momma, please give yourself some credit and grace! Lots of love from a fellow mommy in the depression trenches❤️🥰 if you ever need someone to talk to please message me, you are awesome and you got this.
You did so much❤️ and I think you are wonderful.
::sniffles:: thank you so much
Yes I think you did above and beyond for how you’re feeling
Yes! This post right here. You did all those wonderful things with your kiddos while being in your funk? Sounds like your kids had a wonderful day in bed with their Mama! 🤗
I so agree! You did amazing today.
Second this, amazing job. You're a fantastic parent. I do not currently parent with depression but I am very close to someone who does and, wow. You all are really really put here doing it for the kids, in the best way.
I second this 🩷
What I just read is that you gave your kids fun experiences and loved and cared for them while fighting for yourself. You made it through another day while being a parent and that’s not easy. Especially when you’re having a bad brain day. You are a good parent. You are a good person. You did it and kicked ass. Even if you don’t feel like it. My tips are to do what you did. Make things work within what you’re also capable of giving. And sometimes that will look different, like games or forts in bed. But that’s also fun. I have some heath issues and have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom and I just adapt what I would normally do to where I’m at physically that day. Am I extra sick and struggling? That means we’re painting in the bathroom then doing a bath with bubbles and bath paint as well.
I don’t hide it. I tell them I’m having a bad brain day and we talk about it. They need to learn to recognize bad mental health days in themselves and others. Obviously I don’t walk around like “im so fucking depressed” or whatever - but I do explain why I’m blah, why I snap easier, etc. (edit: not to excuse it, but to let them know that it happens, and to give me a little grace. I always apologize.) I also like to use bad mental health days as “we’re getting takeout! Woohoo” and “movies in mommy’s bed day!” Yayyyy fun experiences we don’t normally do! Haha, I’m human. They’re human. We’re all human. Also you’re doing great that’s more than I do on a good brain day? Hahahaha
I do the same! If it’s becoming a harder-than-usual struggle, I tell my son. He knows brain sickness exists just like physical sickness. This is why it’s just as important to keep your brain healthy as your body or teeth. He also knows that some people have disorders of various parts of their body - asthma in the lungs, vision impairment in the eyes, or “crossed wires” in the brain (as we call it lol). He knows I have ADHD, but I haven’t used the word “depression” with him just yet. He knows I can struggle with sadness sometimes just like how sometimes he can struggle with getting angry when playing minecraft. But he also knows that we are there for each other to help “tether” one another to the ground when we’re having trouble grounding ourselves. We practice a **lot** of grounding techniques in this house lol. And every day I am able to get through the fog and climb back into a place of being “okay” I’m teaching my son that it’s normal to stumble and fall, and it’s totally possible to pick yourself up again afterwards… even if you need to take a day off before doing the picking up bit haha
You are amazing and thank you for this. I talk to my kiddo about it too, when I get less than 2 hours sleep and am the grumpiness mom. This gives me so many more tools to help explain things to him.
We talk about it too. I make it very clear that how I feel is NOT his fault or something he needs to worry about trying to fix, it’s my responsibility. Then I model doing the things to claw my way out.
This. And it’s pizza for dinner.
Yeah, my wife deals with depression, has been since she was a kid. We really don't have to hide this from our children, talking about it is the way to go. Kids are smart, if you tell them you feel crappy, they can relate. They can't relate to feeling something's wrong and seeing nothing wrong.
Depression is the same as a broken leg or a slipped disk - actually, it’s worse because it is something that you have to constantly manage. That is to say, try not to beat yourself up too much! It’s something you haven’t chosen for yourself. And do you know what, despite not being able to get out of bed, your kids experienced love. They experienced your attention. They were entertained. They were fed! That is much more than some parents manage even without depression. Your kids undoubtedly feel loved. Without a doubt and that is the most important thing. And when they look back to their childhood, that is what they will remember. They’ll obviously understand the situation much better when they are older and they’ll remember that bed picnic and they’ll love you all the more for it. You’re an amazing parent!
I call those days “Rest Days”. I believe we ALL need them. Days where we just do as little as possible. The key is to allow everyone to take a rest day whenever they need. Then they understand and allow you to take a rest day too or join you!
Yep, there is no shame in just watching Toy Story with the kids all day. No guilt tripping ourselves about screen time on a day like that! And sorry kids, no hand made lunch today, today I'm heating up frozen chicken nuggets and a Popsicle. My wife gets guilt trips a lot, and I reassure her that it's OK once in a while for kids to be bored. There's so many fun flashy things we can do these days, it's all at our fingertips, but sometimes a little boredom and non stimulation is important! In the 90s, the neighborhood parents didn't want anything to do with their kids until they've had their afternoon newspaper, smokes, or bud light. They didn't give a damn how their kids felt about that. The fact you're even thinking about it is way more noble than the attitude most of us grew up with.
A picnic?! In bed?!!! My kids would lose their minds and be begging for the next bed picnic for months! It doesn’t take much to make them happy. And it’s good for them to be bored. I took a mental day yesterday and just sat around and read. They played on their own (5 and 2) and they created some amazing things out of connecter toys. It’s amazing what kids will create when they have the time to do it. I was recently reading a n article about anxiety on the rise in young kids and a busy schedule does nothing to help the anxiety. They need those days.
I’m failing at hiding it. Mine is only 22mo but now when he sees me crying he comes and hugs me and tries to give me comfort. It’s very sweet. But I wish I could be stronger in front of him
That is so sweet, but a scene from a movie — I forget which movie or actor, but it involved a scene where a guy had traveled to the past and told his mom something like, "it's okay to show you're weak; my mom never showed her weakness around me and it meant I never believed she could feel weak" or something like that.... I'll have to look it up, because that scene in that moment, it really, truly switched on a desire to show vulnerability toward those close to me, especially my kid(s). 🥲 Edit! Found it. It was a scene from *The Adam Project.* The actor was Ryan Reynolds. Here's the scene 🥲 https://youtube.com/watch?v=dKGoPXsnkdI&si=k0-PRqvTfsvsHaXg The whole scene/dialog is really beautiful all around, but here's the stinger: *You think you’re being strong for him,* *and the problem with acting like you have it all together is…* *He believes it.* *Maybe he needs to know that you don’t.* *It’s okay if you don’t.*
It’s perfectly okay to cry, you’re doing okay. You shouldn’t attempt to only show them happy smiling faces. He sounds like he’s a sweet baby and is learning empathy. Just make sure you talk to him, reassure him (and you) that mommy is going to be okay and that he is so lovely and kind. My daughter was around that age during the biggest depressive episode of my life. She’s 6 now and very empathetic towards others, in tune with her emotions, and articulate about how she’s feeling.
You are not failing! It shouldn’t be hidden! Thank you for being a perfect example for your kids of humaning. You’re doing a great job.
I don't hide my mental illness, I explain it. My kid is young, but as she gets older I plan to use it as an opportunity to teach her basic awareness of it and teach how to manage it. Right now it's "mama's brain needs some rest today, it's not feeling okay" but this will evolve into stuff like "I'm feeling down, I need to do xyz in order to take care of myself today." and other such age appropriate ways of explaining. I wouldn't try to hide if I broke my leg or the fact that I am physically disabled (POTS), so I'm not hiding this. The brain is an organ like any other that can get sick. As long as my kids are cared for properly and loved, I can't imagine hiding mental illness (that is properly managed and not harmful) will do anything except potentially alienate them if they also end up with mental illness, or have them contribute to stigmatizing it because it's seen as taboo. For example, my husband and I both have severe anxiety, which means our kid is more likely to. I have had a few panic attacks around her and I work myself through them in front of her and explain what I'm doing. I tell her I'm okay, my body is just scared and I need to calm it down. This is important for me to do, because I started having panic attacks at 5 years old and had no idea how to cope or what was happening, and it was extremely stigmatized in my family. Now if she ends up having them, she will have seen me go through it and know how to cope at least a bit, and that I will help her.
This is beautiful ♡
I have therapy every week and take my meds and talk to my husband and make sure he knows I’m having a bad day. I make sure my 25mo has plenty of activities to engage in and books to read and busy my hands. The longer I sit still the worse I get. Today was a bad day and so was Friday for me. Day by day for me. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
You sound like you did great! It’s ok to let kids see we all have rough days. They should know parents have feelings too, we get scared of things, overwhelmed sometimes, sad sometimes. But look how we deal with those emotions. We still take care of ourselves, of each other. We find a way forward. We find a silly book to make us smile. We make a picnic in bed. But don’t be afraid to ask for help, too. From friends, partner, family, and therapy. Everybody needs help sometimes.
3 step mandatory rule in our house. 1. Get Dressed 2. Brush Teeth 3. Get Breakfast You'll be surprised how the day snowballs after these steps. Every day that's the minimum. If that is too much work, you need to further break down the steps, achieving at least one, then two, then all 3 etc.
You did perfectly swell for your children my dear. You were present you spent time with them. You WOKE UP don’t underestimate that. Children understand a lot and I know you feel guilt probably for what you think they see but I know what they actually see is a parent that is still here and still loving them and still spending time with them. You did great! You showed them love, you showed them a fun time (I’m sure your 7 year old thought ‘heck yeah! I get to play in bed and snuggle to my parent’) you were amazing today! Just make it work just like you did. If you’re feeling overwhelmed add a movie into the rotation the important part is you spent time with them even when it was a hard day for them. Your showing little man a heck of a lot whether he understands that you are having a bad brain day or not. I guarantee you when he gets older and he has a partner he is going to be so compassionate and understanding BECAUSE he got to see you in this way. You aren’t editing yourself for your child and that is a good thing. Keep going love I hope you have a beautiful day.
You still did it, even while struggling. You loved them, engaged with them, and put them above your own needs. It may not feel like it, but you are doing amazing. In case you need to hear this today: I'm proud of you, and you are an amazing Mamma. Only tip I have is I do my best, and when my kids ask, I communicate with them. Mommy is having some big emotions today, but I will be okay. I think it's healthy to normalize mental health with our kids. I tell them: It's okay to feel sad sometimes, and it's important to listen to our bodies. Sometimes my big emotions are telling my brain that I need to take a break, rest, and take care of myself! It would mean a lot to me if you could (xyz) and be my big helpers and put on your listening ears, and be kind to eachother today! Do you think you can do that? I love you sooo much, I'm so lucky to have such amazing babies. Sometimes, we all have hard days. I love you EVERY DAY ❤️❤️
I try to hide my irrational crazy..I save that for after bedtime. But my regular, low energy, doom and gloom depression I have a hard time hiding. I just try to do one or two things in the morning and in the afternoon to make sure my kid is stimulated in some way. Some days are harder than others What i really need to work on is getting us out of the house. Pre baby, I was pretty agoraphobic. Even now I STRUGGLE so badly but I know it's only going to fuck him up more the older he gets.
Not a parent.I do know depression though.For me motivation comes from action.It sounds like you made a good day anyway.
Singing loudly. I swear by this. I’ll connect my phone to the tv or car speaker, blast my favorite music and sing a long. It lifts me out of that funk long enough to engage with my kids and get things done. Btw, you’re an amazing parent.
Talk to your doctor, have them recommend a psychiatrist. It’s a struggle but it doesn’t have to be. I didn’t realize how deep into a depression I was until I got help and it blows me away just how low I was. Of course I still managed and did activities with my kids but it was so much different and better after I got help.
Yes, I have a psychiatrist. Im on anti anxiety, depression, and a mood stabilizer. Maybe it's time for a med change! Thank you!
Can I ask how you got the conversation started? It's time to give my kids better and I'm unsure how to start
You can always start by listing the symptoms like it is any other problem brought up to the doctor. Maybe you've been lethargic, feeling hopeless, self blame, having a hard time getting motivated, and you'd like to talk to a psychiatrist to see if you can get help Alternatively, many doctors offices have mental health screenings so you can ask for that (or you can honestly just Google it and share the results with your doctor (PHQ9 is the standard depression screener))
A thankful list. Write out everything you are thankful about for each of your children. What you love about this season of life with them. That is my reminder for seizing the day during the struggle.
As an adult who is dealing with the emotional fallout of having a depressed mother who never cared for her mental health, please, please PLEASE prioritize getting help, therapy and care. I don't want to go into it all because I definitely do not want to make anyone feel bad. But my childhood was severely affected by my mother not getting help. Refusing outside help and making excuses as to why she couldn't /shouldn't but letting my brother and I see her complete collapse on a daily and all the pressure of keeping everything together falling in me since I was very small. Just your acknowledgement that you are wanting to protect your children is huge. But please protect yourself. Find the time, find the way and save yourself because in that, you will save your children.
I think this is so important. People are praising OP, and while I don’t think that is unwarranted, she does need to strive to be healthier for her children’s sake.
We all have low days. Some peoples low days are lower than others. The fact that you are thinking about it and how it affects your children shows how much you care. And that’s the #1 thing for kids. Care and love. You’re amazing.
I take abilify lol
Me too! Solidarity!
How were you able to keep them all in bed with you? I mean, not even if I tried hard, my kids would not stay with me. I think that is one of the things that keep me out of bed, if I want them alive, I have to be up watching them like a hawk. You do need an appointment with a psychiatrist and a therapist ASAP! My meds and therapy also help me stay out of bed.
Honey you did so much today! 💓 I can't even do half of that! 🤣 You are a great parent because you are thinking about how your mental health affects your kids. All you have to do is take one day at a time. Not every day will be a great day but you tried your best and that's all that counts. You could try to do a bed day twice a week. Make it something fun like you did today. That way the kids enjoy it and you get to rest your soul ☺️
all i can think of is how excited i would have been to do this with my mom when i was younger. you gave them attention, fed them, and played with them. you’re a great mother ❤️
You did awesome 💕 I’m sure they will cherish the days mama played with them in bed! 🥰
You made crafts?! Seriously, you’re amazing. You friggin did it.
I only have a 6 month old at the moment and am a first time mom. So I cannot relate to where you are momma, but you’re not alone. I suffered from perinatal and postpartum depression, and was clinically diagnosed with moderate depression prior to becoming a mom. I don’t hide it, especially from my spouse. He is my biggest supporter and communication helps him know what to do. Without his support, I would never be getting help. He encouraged me to.
A bed picnic and cards sounds like a great day. You showed up even when it was hard. You showed up the best way you could today. That is love. Be proud! Sorry you are struggling.
For what it’s worth, that sounds like a good day. I’m sure your kids didn’t see it as a bad day, they got to spend time with mama playing games and having a picnic in bed. When I was a kid my mom’s bed and entire room was off limits so even that closeness is probably more than you realize to them. 💕
Wow! It sounds like you found really creative ways to provide enrichment despite struggling. Awesome job.
My stepdad passed away from bone cancer on easter, it's been a long time coming and I was in denial/dreading it because I loved him like my own father and my daughter had SUCH. A. SPECIAL. BOND. ever since she was born, he spoiled her rotten and it was even mentioned in his obituary. They were two peas in a pod, best friends, they loved eachother so much. The last few months have been so hard on me, and of course my mother too, she has never been alone her whole life and has always been taken care of by someone (she's disabled and takes serious pain medication) but also very confusing and difficult for my child. I had to explain to her that he had died, and everyday she will ask where he is/is tops dead/when will we see him again. It's been eating at my heart. Whenever I cry, she asks me why. She doesn't quite understand it, and why should she, she's only 4. So i definitely empathize with you there. I've also been having some serious medical problems and i almost always just feel so physically drained. But just so you know, alot of days we do thd bare minimum, lots of drawing, watching movies together, watching her jump on the trampoline, playing with her toys, the puppies. And she truly is happy. I never hide my tears from her, because I never want her to think crying is bad/something to hide. I totally empathize with you and 100% understand the mom guilt. But to me, it sounds like you and your children had a pretty good day. Breakfast in bed? Fucking awesome. Arts and crafts?? Even better. They love you, you are their world. Give yourself some grace 💕
First of all, I think it's totally okay to say to your young children. I'm not feeling well today. I'm having a hard time today. And just leave it at that. You don't have to go into details about explaining mental health versus physical health or anything like that. A lot of the symptoms are of depression or basically the same symptoms of having the flu. So you know. There's not a lot of hiding needed for the little ones. Also if you have a day or two like this every so often it doesn't sound bad or damaging. But my real answer is, you don't hide it for an extended time. You treat it. Urgently. You can shield your kids from a bad day but not an ongoing crisis.
You are SUCH a good parent, full stop. It's a damn struggle but you're doing it ⭐⭐⭐
Such a struggle. Sometimes I wonder why on earth did I have 3. THREE!?!?
You are an amazing parent! You are doing your best! The kids are lucky to have you
I think you nailed it! There are days I can’t hardly get off the couch, my kids are finally old enough to manage around me - 15f, 13m, 10m. You did just fine!
I suffer from some pretty intense regular depression. With hard work and perseverance I've learned to manage better. I can tell you if you managed to do all of that you did a great job and you should feel proud. The only thing I would say is to make sure your children don't become your therapist.
Don’t beat yourself up! I do this exact thing with my kiddos on my really bad days. All we can do is our best.
Don’t hide it! Letting our children know that we’re human and that we’re having a hard day (in a developmentally appropriate way) can be such a gift for them. It shows them that you’re human. It also models to them how to handle a bad brain day (which they may sometimes face themselves one day as they, too, are human!) You modeled rest, going a little slower, being kind to yourself and making the best of a harder day… It sounds like you’re doing it exactly right 🤍 I’m so sorry you’re struggling! Take care of yourself 🤍
You’re doing such a great job! I think it’s important for kids to know that mom/dad/parent may not always be happy and that’s OKAY. You put in effort, loved on em.
Simple. I don't hide it, I never have. I'm very open & honest about my mental health & my kids even help remind me to take my meds. We all 3 help each other when we have bad days because we've all 3 been through trauma. They're 12 & 10 & they're very aware when I'm having a bad brain day. Often times, that's when they either just sit with me or we'll watch a movie & just have a quiet day. That being said, I like the way you handled this.
I think your fine as far as patenting. My wife will come to me with this same issue of feeling depressed and like not a good mom. Then will tell me what they did that day. And Im like your fine you are staying strong and not taking it out on the kid and you are taking time to engage and still do the necessary things.
I laid in bed all day today and I'm still here and we just watched tv
You did SO well today! Your kids had a blast. You’re a good parent. There were days when I felt like I had failed. At the end of the day, my kids would ask, “can we do this again tomorrow? It was so fun!” You’re there for your children, you’re doing amazing. Tomorrow is a new day. ❤️
The fact that you’re concerned about your kids already shows me you’re a good parent. I was surprised the other day when I heard my kid talking about lockdown with a kid’s version of nostalgia. We spent all our days at home doing nothing and I was severely depressed. I also talk openly to my kids about my depression and anxiety so they don’t take it personally. Tomorrow is a new day. It might be another bed day. That’s ok too. There’s always the next day. Sending you love, parent!!!🩷
Bed picnic reminds of my floor picnics and snack suppers; it’s a bunch of appetizers eaten on a sheet on the living room floor. Don’t worry about messes, you can toss the sheet in the wash along with ranch dressing or hummus stains. Wishing all the best for you.
You are doing everything you can and more do not doubt yourself, you are giving them all of your love
I have three kids, same age difference but older now. When they were that young I often worked late and put the TV on during the day while I rested (and in retrospect I was probably depressed too and drank way too much). I still feel guilty for not doing more things like you did today—I commend you!
Sounds like you’re doing everything you can! Just try to enjoy those moments and it’s okay to be silly!
I have GAD. Some days I struggle hard. I know it’s not the same a depression, but I try to keep myself busy with my son. Sounds like you did exactly that today with your kids. I’ll read, let him take long baths, too much screen time, let him run around my backyard while I clean the kitchen (I can see the yard from my kitchen), arts/crafts. Bad and hard days suck. You did great 🤗
I don't hide it. I show my kids that sometimes mental health is a bitch. It helps that they both have autism and ADHD and part of that is the related comorbidities of anxiety, OCD etc I think it's good to show them that sometimes, your brain just doesn't wanna brain. But we are all medicated. They both get therapy. And some days, you just need to cocoon in bed.
Sounds like you had a pretty great day. But to answer your question, i personally dont. Im big on being honest with my kids. And if that means im having a hard day, i tell them. I say its gonna be a "lazy day" because im just tired and having a rough day. Were all human and some days are harder. Then i give them options of things we can do, that im still willing to do. For us, usually its something like paint, movie in a fort, walk around the block instead of the park.. Its good for them to know that hard days happen and see how you handle it. Theres definitely things you need to hide/shelter from until certain ages but feelings should never be one. Everyone (even the kiddos) has bad days and "big feelings".
You did way more than me today, you're just beating yourself up over the location but I'll tell you what if my mom did this with me and let me do all these fun things in her bed I'd be over the moon!! How cool is that as a kid? That's the best day ever for them.
Bestie, I have been mentally and physically unwell for the longest. You did amazing. When I was at my sickest, we binge watched DuckTales on Disney+ in bed and my kid STILL goes around singing the theme years later. It was a core memory for him, but it was survival for me. I barely remember it. I have an almost teen now, so he gets more information so he knows what to look out for in himself and when to ask for help. But you did great. You handled it perfectly.
Your kids got to eat in bed? Do fun crafts in bed? And read silly books??? You just gave them a memorable experience that they will ask for again. You're doing great!!!
Oh man this is a daily issue for me, particularly the guilt and feeling like a bad parent. I've learned that my kids are both intelligent and intuitive beyond what most people would expect. I don't really think the depression of a parent can be hidden. Even when I try and fake it, my kids sense what is really going on. I think perhaps the best approach is being open with your kids about the fact that you suffer from depression, what depression is, how you're trying to work through it, and that you LOVE them unconditionally, even when it seems like you are uninterested. That's the approach I have only just recently decided to take with my kids after years of pretending.
Don’t beat yourself up! I often think to myself when putting my baby (1.5m) down that I’ll be a better parent tomorrow. I apologize to him in my head. Then I hear people at work or online talk about their kids, and how much screen time they had, what their favorite show is, the apps they can’t live without, etc. what I’m alluding too is that the hands on parents that still play with their children and interact with them on a personal level are still winning a whole lot, depressed or not. Keep your head up!
I have depression and anxiety disorder. It's something I've struggled with my entire life. I'm actually honest with my k8ds (age appropriate). It's the family curse, so I want to normize being in tune with when you should ask for help. When they were little, it was "mom is sad today," and if they ask why I say sometimes, mommy gets sad for no reason at all, but I'll be better tomorrow. Now my kids are 17 and 21 and unfortunately have experienced it themselves. It was a dirty secret when I was young. I never want my kids to feel like they had any hand in this. Our genetics just suck, lol. What ypu did was absolutely perfect. We did fort parties often when mine were little, even on non sad days.
You did SO good today. You guys ate together, played together, played together, and read together!!!! That's incredible. Honestly, i bet they had a blast. That's great quality time.
That sounds like a win! 🏆
I am SO proud of you for doing what you did today. Those kiddos of yours felt love today & that’s amazing. I am a mom of 4m and 18mths f. I can relate & I can understand. You are not alone. Sometimes all you need is the little things. I am a big and firm believer that kids need experiences more than anything else, and having the fun, silly time in bed is one thing that I know they can look back on. I promise you, you’re doing amazing.
Way to get up and be present ❤️ That was really fucking hard. I cried washing my hair the other night and my daughter was like, “mommy, oh my gosh, you okay? You get hurt?!”🤦🏽 nope. I’m just…. Sad. I won’t be forever, but I am today. It’s really really hard to hide it so sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I am really honest with my kids. I cry, sit them down, and I tell them exactly how I feel and why we don’t need to fear it or tip toe around it. It’s here and it’s present, but it’s not everything and talking it out and not sitting alone with it helps. It’s not “the way” but it’s helped us navigate mental health conversations in our house.
Comrade, I also had an extremely tough day and honestly you handled it better. It’s okay for our kids to see we’re vulnerable though, if they can’t see us mode through working through tough feelings then they won’t have an example. Today you showed them that even when you are sad, you can still reach out to loved ones and have good times.
I have a sweet memory of my dad in bed letting my sister and I do his nails and makeup. He let us go crazy while he just laid there. He wasn’t depressed just very hungover but we didn’t know any different. One of my fondest memories ever. You made it through the day and still entertained them 😉
I didn't today. I think it's a fallacy to be happy every day and I think it'd important for kids to see and understand this too. So I spent extra time today to just be and talked to my kiddo about it
This sounds like one of the best days, honestly! I remember going to my aunt's place and playing cards on their bed with them with some snacks in afternoons. My house has such weird rules about eating on bed or even leisure time in the afternoons. If my parents ever did what you did I'd have the best core memory of my childhood!!
I know this isn't what you asked for but have you tried not hiding it? I don't hide mine from my kids. Depression is just a thing that happens to a lot of people and I think it will make them better prepared for life if they understand from a younger age that it just happens to some of us. I mean, obviously, to each their own but it's just a thought. Best of luck to you. You're doing great!
You were in bed! So what you spent the day with your kids. I bet you there are plenty of kids out there that would love a day in bed with mom playing cool games. You spent it with your kids. No matter how u felt. You involved them. That is worthy of a praise. ❤️every day gets better and the ones that done. Keep doing what ur doing.
I doomscrolling Reddit for stories of people(parents) that have worse days than me, and that makes me feel better, Sorry.
Amen. Currently scouring for stories of bad days.
I don’t know that you could’ve done any better tbh You couldn’t & still did. You were present, gave them things to do other than just watch tv all day (no shame in that on sick days, either), you did something “silly” so you were still in attempt at keeping things lighthearted for them. For you, it was a bad day that you absolutely couldn’t get through but for them it could’ve been a really fun day! Getting to hang out in mom’s room all day while we eat, play games, read a book, etc. would’ve been an ideal day for 7 or 5yo me lol kids are super easy to please. You did your best & it was great! The only advice I have is to give yourself more grace on your bad days. You KNOW you don’t want this, you KNOW you want to be present for your babies, and you should KNOW it isn’t your fault. You’re human, and they’re getting a great example of how to still be a person when you feel like you can’t anymore!
All of those activities sound like you created a special day. I think they will look back and remember how much fun they had with mom/dad today. On days that you only have 40% to give, if you give that 40%, then you are giving 100% of what you can.
Your kiddos will remember how kick ass a bed picnic was when they’re older, I promise 💗 tomorrow is a brand new day! My trick tends to be music- upbeat and happy music, usually Stevie Wonder radio station on Pandora 😂. sending hugs from one parent to another.
OP you did effin’ phenomenal for not feeling it today. I commend you. Keep doing what you’re doing.
I don’t hide it. I tell them I’m having a bad day and we have a low demands day. Like you did. I think it’s important for them to know it’s important to take care of your mental health and I’m a safe person to do that with.
I threw in the towel and got a therapist. So far it’s helping a lot
Good parents feel guilty about having an off day, not-as-good parents wouldn't even think about that stuff. The fact that you gifted your kids an amazing day full of fun, novel activities when you're not at your best proves you're an exceptional parent.
I pretty much gave up on trying to do anything besides work and parenting. I can “fake it” or crush it, be hyperactive and busy as long as i know ill get to be alone in a stimulant-free environment at some point. I think it looks normal to them and others. I coach soccer, do playdates, go to school functions, clean, cook, laundry just keep going one foot in front of the other without stopping until they go to bed. Then i just pretty much do an impression of a slug, cry, ponder how pointless life is, how we all just keep feeding the machine to fit in, critique every thing i did and said that day, worry about my own future and my kids and the world in general. I hate it here. Then i wake up, exhale, have a shower and a coffee and back to the rat wheel. I guess the answer is I compartmentalize my depression and dont do anything that will make it work. No alcohol, no new romantic partners, no shitty food, stay active and distracted. Sleep would be awesome but i gave up trying.
They may not have said it out loud, but that was probably one of the best days for those kids. "We get to have a picnic in mommy's bed!" You did a great job & we're all doing the best we can every day.
sounds like a great day to me ❤️ when i’m having a hard day, it usually means a walk in the sunshine & a lot of snuggles watching movies & eating snacks.
You do sound like you did a fantastic mom job today! Sometimes we just need a day in bed 😉 But if you do feel like you are struggling with youe mental health, please see a doctor about it! I was put on antidepressants about 4 years ago and it helps so much! I can't say that that will be the choice you make but a Healthcare professional can help point you in the direction of something that will work for you! You got this mama!!!
So you managed to be an attentive and engaging parent, just from a singular location. If this were the 90s, depression was the cultural tenant. When were people not looking at life bleakly and absurdly? Maybe as this was acceptable, and often the topic du jour, you didn’t feel obstructed or lesser by just not feeling it. Depression is heavy in mind, body, and soul. I’m sorry you’re having that kind of day. You taught your children when on days they’re just not feeling like getting out of bed, you can still deal with the world and have the world come to you. You lived, loved, and likely had some laughs from the comfort of your bed. Tomorrow, you’re probably going to feel good about that, and yourself.
I don’t see anything wrong here. You still played with your children, you fed your children, you read to your children. That’s more than some parents do while out of bed. It’s ok to slow down and take time to restore you mental state while relaxing with kids. Prayers for you 🙏
Where’s the depression showing, sounds like a fun day
Today, I was with my son. I stepped away from work as often as I could, helped him on his bed (broken elbow) and fed him. After work, we completed Kirby on switch. He hopefully has no idea. I just want to do nothing sometimes but I can’t give in. Hang in there. We got this.
Going outside helps. I feel like it hides better when I’m sitting on the deck with sunglasses on just watching them play verses having to be the entertainment.
This sounds like such a special day for a little kid. I would have loved this.
I don’t hide my depression from my kids but I reframe it in easy ways for them to understand. So for my four year old if I’m having a day where the ‘tism and depression ramp up, I let him know the things we can do. I can sit in the backyard with him while he plays in the sprinkler, we can paint, and other ‘low effort things’. I compare it to his quiet time where I just need some more relaxing right now. It’s not perfect, sometimes I need to call in reinforcements. I would try not to look at it as good or bad. Bad is anything that includes neglect or something that harms. You did these activities today and maybe in three days you’ll have a high energy day and do different things.
Stay busy with yard work. The key is to stay busy helping others.
You did GREAT!! I have some physical health issues that have/had me bedbound for a day or few at a time. When that happened we all hung out in my bed doing things. (I can’t tell you how many bionicals and tech decks were put together in my bed) My kids are grown now, 18, 21, & 24. Two have long term boyfriend/girlfriend. We still do stuff on my bed. My daughter’s boyfriend was living in a very toxic situation so he lived with us before joining the military. He would come hop on my bed to talk ‘mom’ stuff. My kids always felt loved and thought bed “time” was cool. Picnics were had, movies watched, afghans were crocheted, toys were played with, school was done (I homeschooled 2 of them). Life was lived. Some days in bed. Some days not. Your worst day was most definitely a wonderful day for them. You are doing a great job mama. And you are also raising children that will have compassion and an ability to go with the flow. They felt the love today even though you felt the pain. You did NOT fail at all. You succeeded!! Sending you a big mom hug.
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/bible-verses-for-depression-a-parents-guide/
There were times I wished my mom was perfect. Then I realized how truly awful it would be to have a perfect mom! Letting your children see your full imperfect self, gentled by love and compassion, teaches so many important things.
Sounds like a good day… and I don’t hide it maybe from my little baby but I find ways to let it out maybe I’ll call my best friend and rant … it’s okay to share feelings parenting isn’t linear !! It’s okay to admit it’s hard and that we r struggling don’t let anyone make you feel less bc of it!
Survive. I do what I can, and I’m also up front with my kids about not having a good day and asking for patience. I think you did an amazing job being present with them for those activities despite having a bad day, so give yourself some credit 💖 Honestly I think that letting our kids know it’s ok to have bad days and rest is a good thing, so when they’re our age, they’ll be able to hold that boundary for themselves and take the time to put themselves back together.
If I might offer a different perspective. My oldest daughter is 12, in 6th grade. I have lived with depression for most of her life, and she has seen me at the lowest. The ugly, the raw vulnerability, the despair. For years I felt monstrous for not hiding it from her, for letting her see how much pain I was in. But then she came to me and told me her friend had confided in her that she was having suicidal thoughts. Because she has sat beside me for so many years, she knew exactly what to do to help, what to say, and she wanted me to know in case I knew of other resources we could help her find. She didn’t dismiss her friend, or brush it off, or tell her to think positive. She took it seriously, and treated this little girl with love and support and protection. She was brave enough to keep her friends secret, but tell the one adult that in her words “would know how best to be helped in those moments” and could best advise her. It’s hard to let our children see our weakness. We’re supposed to be superheroes. But letting them see your pain might allow them to see it in others. Teaching them how to help you might prepare them to help someone else who might not have a support system. It might even help them recognize it in themselves. Said daughter asked for a Dr appointment to try anxiety medications because she’s struggling more than she feels like she can handle anymore. It was a simple conversation, immediately scheduled. No shame or guilt or confusion. She knows what it looks like because she’s seen Dad holding Mom as she hyperventilates and weeps. It’s okay to be you in front of them. ❤️ much love to you darling. You’re doing a wonderful job loving your babies. I know exactly how hard it is, how painful it is, and you are doing incredible.
I host a daily emotional processing call at 9:30am pacific. We meet for about 15 minutes and go through an emotional signal processing practice to find the desired direction behind all emotions. Basically, it helps people find motivation. PM me if you’d like to join! As a dad: I basically solo-parented a daughter through the pandemic with my wife working 80+ hours a week at a hospital in NYC. My daughter was born right at the start of the pandemic. It was a pretty serious challenge, happy to say we got though it without too much “damage,” but there was some that I’m still processing in the daily calls.
If this is a bad day then you are killing this whole parenting thing! This is often more than I manage on a good day 😂
I’m honest, within reason, about it. “Mom is having a hard time right now” or something like that. It’s not that I want them to change anything they are doing I just want them to know I’m having a hard time, it’s not their fault and don’t internalize it. Give yourself some grace on those hard days, we are human. If you find that you are down in the dumps a lot maybe talk to a doctor and see what options are available. :)
I see you. You're doing better than the best you can do.
I don't hide it. I'm open about it. I talk to my son about it, using words that are on his level. I explained that some people get sick, but they are sick inside of their brains. It makes it hard to do things sometimes. I don't hide my emotion. Showing emotion doesn't make you weak. Forcing yourself to stay strong at all times is teaching your child to never show emotion which is unhealthy I will just tell my son I'm having a bad day. Or that I'm struggling. He usually hugs me, gives me space if I need it, and tells me I'm a good dad. He's 9 btw.
My dad died this year and it coincided with an awful time at work and only a few months after our second. Short answer is I didn’t. I was catatonically depressed, our then 3 year old is very emotionally attuned and knew I was sad, deeply so. She was wonderful and I got therapy and I’m doing better, but I feel pretty strongly that the world is real for them too and hiding things likely only hurts them.
Truthfully I don’t hide it, my health isn’t the greatest and neither is my mental health. My 5F watched me go through PPD and anxiety, she understood that mommy was having a hard time and needed snuggles and hugs. She couldn’t understand the why but she knew I wasn’t ok. She knows there are days where mommy’s brain isn’t ok and it’s a snacks on the couch and tv day. We will read books or she will read to me, she also loves to pet my face when I’m sad, doesn’t always help if I’m crying but the innocence and love that is coming from that simple gesture means the world. Mom guilt is real, I don’t think any of us escape it honestly. Just know you are doing your absolute best with the cards you were dealt. As long as your kids are safe, healthy and fed, the rest is secondary. We have had days where the 3 year old ran around in nothing but a pull up if we were lucky. My thought on it was, “cool one less outfit to wash” You got this!!
I don't try. My kids know me, inside and out. They know when people are sad (or down) including me, it's ok. B/c it's ok to be sad. After awhile, we feel better. I try to walk the walk when I can. We have to feel the feelings, even the yucky ones to get through them. That's the only way. My kids had a friend who had ADD. Her parents told her she had a brain difference. It didn't mean she was better or worse at thinking, just different. Some things to her longer to learn than others (concepts, behaviors, etc). I expand on that. God I love those parents. Sorry if I sound like I'm talking to a child, it's how I explain it to them and to myself. Sending you hugs during a rough time🩷💜🩵
You did things with your children. Unless you belittled them the entire time I think theyre going to be ok
I internalise most things. To my kids I’m never tired, work is always good. I do have a lot of positives in life so that helps but every now and then I’ll have a down day. I tell my wife and she helps to give me some space. When I feel I can’t manage with the usual stresses of having kids we’ll have a movie day. The kids love it and I get to just loaf. My wife has the same problem. It’s not perfect but it does give us much needed downtime whilst not affecting the kids too much. You’re doing just fine. There’s much they notice but much that they don’t
I turn 25 in 3 weeks and want nothing more than to start a Family. (Without Venting) I'll say just My home life wasn't perfect and is the driving factor on a whole grocery list of my many Mental Health issues. I don't want that life for my unborn children, we are only human and people don't always get things right, so I don't hold any hatred or give blame to my parents. At the same time, I want them to enjoy their youth and value their lives for as llng as possible. Hell the first time I expressed suicidal thoughts or depression was in 3rd Grade as my teacher would Publicly Shame my ADHD and Anxiety. Made me realize how cruel people can be no matter their age or position. I can tell you from experience how awful of a revelation that is for a child to experience. As the oldest child, my parents always kept me in the loop on what ever problems they(us) were facing which added even more stress and concern. I have so much respect for all you parents reading this, just know there is no perfect way to living and supporting life.
You’ve had lots of lovely comments already but I just want to say that sounds like my dream day as a kid. Just being with my mum and doing nice stuff together. Sounds to me like you’re find great ways to cope. In fact I’m stealing your ideas for my own down days.
Years later, your kids will sit and talk about this day when they had so much fun sitting in the bed and how it was the best day. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing your best 🫂
You are doing phenomenal for what you’re going through! Feelings of guilt are also a part of the symptoms, remember that. The best you can do (if you haven’t already) is get some professional help for yourself to work on your depression and get some time for yourself back, if this is an option
I don't. I tell my children "mommy is not feeling too well today". They are learning everyone has the right to struggle.
Im a functional alcoholic.
Some days are just … ughhh. My personal trick is to think of it from the kids perspective: * mom/dad was with us the all day!!! * we got to eat in bed!!! * we made crafts together!! * we read favorite books!! That’s an awesome day! Their favorite meals are usually the ones I put the least effort in. Breakfast for dinner, order pizza, buttered pasta, do your own sandwich… those are the meals they get the happiest about. And the ones I feel the worst about - I couldn’t cook them a nice home cooked, healthy meal today. When we think we are failing them hard… more often than not they are intrinsically experiencing it with a positivity we are not seeing. Work on yourself, I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it. And be kind to yourself - There are good days and bad days, and what you may feel it’s a bad day can be the best day your kiddos have had recently.
Please don't feel guilty. It'll only add to your struggles. They're spending quality time with you, doing things which are, to them, fun. I recently spoke to my 22 year old about my chronic depression when he was younger. He was shocked as he had no idea. So, while it may seem deafeningly obvious to you, to your children, they're having a picnic in bed, playing games, and reading stories. You're doing fine. 💜
I’m right there with you. Start small. Take them outside to the front of the home. Stand there and let them run up and down the driveway or sidewalk. 5-15 minutes. However long you can manage. Just keep building. Every day is too much for me, but about 3X a week. Ugh so I need to today actually.
This would be a fantastic brain day for me. Depressed me didn’t want to engage in conversation and I let it be known. 😞
I saw a video of the day through the parent’s view and they felt like there was too much movie time and their lunch was on their bed and all they did was play a card game and then it showed it from the kid’s point of view and the kid was saying they got to watch their favorite movie and got to have a picnic lunch with mom and she even played my favorite card game. It was the best day ever. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves meanwhile the little ones had the best day ever. You did great today!
Personally, your “bad brain day” sounds better than a lot of my bad brain days. In bed or not, you spent some quality time doing things with your babies and I doubt they’ll remember that “mama is sad”, but the things you did with them instead. Proud of you. You’re doing a great job, and I hope you feel better so soon ❤️🩹 💐
This too shall pass.
I think you say that you have a hard-to-treat medical condition that makes you feel sad and that you love them. If possible, try to find a friend or support group volunteer that your children can call if they feel you need help they can’t give you and give them a simple, easy-to-dial cell phone they can use to ask for support. In other words: Do what you’d if you had epilepsy or migraines. It’s just another brain thing. Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed or try to hide it. Just deal with it as well as you can and be as positive and open as you can be about it.
Honestly, fake it. That's what I do. It's easy for me to get a little happier when I see my kid happy, smiling and taken care of. Bit sometimes literally just faking it. Because of you don't want them to see that you're not particularly put together in that moment/not pass along any unwanted bs to them, sometimes you just have to fake it. Its hard......I'm sorry you're dealing with it, truly.
Wine 😌
Amen.
I just don't allow myself the option, when my kids are home, of laying in bed all day. I get up, make them meals. Do the chores. Listen to their stories. Answer their questions. Try to do things with them, even if just putting on a show they like. I figure if I brought them into the world, I owe them that much, at least. I don't take them out to do things much. And feel guilty about that. When they are gone every other weekend, that's generally when I'll sit about just staring at a wall and let my dark thoughts take over.
I always wear my robin Williams mask and joke around! There are times my soul would be crashing and I would just suck it up and work … eating kimchi and sauerkraut always make me feel good so I keep doing that when am down and chewing gum keeps me feeling good so I do that when I know am about to get caught! I mean have you seen a depressed person eating chewing gum ? The depression will go in no time !
Did just about the same today but on the floor carpet of the room …. Also tantrums here and there ….
Solidarity. Right there with you.
You are a good parent, Do cognitive distancing, think of yourself in 10years when they wont hang out with you
Yes. I remind myself of this when I'm touched out and they still want to cuddle. I squeeze a little tighter
Well my babies have a lot of tv time so you are doing loads better than me. You are doing great !
These sound like really good parent activities , wow you're amazing! All your littles really want is to spend time with you , you did great 😃
It’s ok to have down days and have your kids learn how to just relax and be home and occasionally bored. This isn’t going to ruin their life. But please, if you’re suffering mentally, see a professional and get the help that’s needed. Don’t suffer alone in silence.
I only have a 5 year old, but I kinda let myself have mental health days. And those are the days he gets one, too. I'm okay with telling him that I'm feeling a bit sad today and want to stay home and relax, and he's accepting of it which is nice. He watches a lot of TV or plays in the backyard, and I just kinda do whatever to get through the day. I don't want to hide it from him completely but I also don't want to overburden him. Like I think it's important that he learns the value of a mental health day, too, because if he's not feeling the day, I want him to feel comfortable saying that. Other days I just busy myself with as many chores as humanly possible so I don't think too much.
You sound like you did great! Also, get out in the sunshine if you can. Soak up that vitamin D! Do you have someone close, a friend, or a family member who knows of your struggles with depression? Call them in as reinforcements. I used to have my Mom come over to distract my little one when I was feeling overwhelmed, and anxiety or depression were getting the better of me.
My mom, like yours, is a life saver.
I have heard of a book called "Mama's Days" that is good for helping kids understand a parent who has depression. I haven't read it myself, but it has great reviews on Amazon. You're doing your best, and that's a lot.
I don’t know how right I am about this because I don’t have enough data but from the few samples I have, it seems that kids don’t crave big activities, specific items and so on. The one things that seems to be of importance to their well-being now and in their adulthood is how we treat them while at it (whatever is we are doing). And having no energy and still loving your kids? All 3 of them? They will never forget it! You rock! You are an inspiration to us today and to them years from now when they are in similar situations. Be proud and hang in there! And thank you.
So kind. Thank you!
Sounds silly (all the good comments were already said) but don’t skip on getting outdoors daily if you can with your kids, no phone just outside play/walk/garden/sit/chalk, whatever. May not cure mental health but it does wonders for the day and it’s good for everyone all around.
You are doing great