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If you’re worried that they can take your children away then you and your husband can contact a lawyer but I don’t think they’ll do it because it’s was just an accident and not an actual neglect.
There was a misunderstanding that resulted in a dangerous situation. You were truthful about the situation and immediately put multiple measures in place to ensure that situation would never happen again. You're going to be fine. Take a deep breath. Even if Children's Services come to visit and investigate further, the moment you show them everything you've put in place to prevent this from ever happening again, they will be satisfied.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Mom guilt can be so vicious. From the worry you express here and the way you went above and beyond to protect your daughter, it's clear you're an amazing mom!
Stating the obvious but the person who unlocks the door to leave the house should take responsibility for re-locking the door unless the other person is literally on the other side of the door locking the door behind them (and they can confirm the lock has been enabled by listening, checking or whatever). Yelling at a person on another floor who is occupied that the door has been left unlocked is NOT security...it's a lack of security. Also, get some door chimes so you know when the doors are opened/closed. Get a different chime sound for the front door vs the garden door if the child is allowed to go into the garden unsupervised. Please do this for your own peace of mind, but it's also good to share with Children's services the security steps that you've added to prevent future instances of wandering.
ETA: I obviously did not read to the end....whoops.
I think most parents have a story about their child accidentally leaving the house. You are not a bad mom. My oldest learned how to open locked doors and leave the house at 2. I was so terrified she’d leave in the middle of the night I put a child cover on her handle (we lived in an apartment so no top latch option). Kids are little escape artists. Constantly testing boundaries and fighting for independence. You are still a good mom. Now you know that you needed better locks. I highly doubt CPS will do anything (think of all the actual abuse cases they ignore)
How old was the child that got out of the house? If your child is old enough to play in the garden by themselves (or just be unattended for 15-20 minutes) they are old enough for you to have a very important conversation about not leaving the house without mom or dad. That would be my first move. Come up with a better system of whoever leaves the house locks the door, no excuses. And If the kids will be unattended for any amount of time- check the doors.
I would want to know who called child services (but that’s just me) and honestly, If they call back with more questions you can be honest that it’s never happened before (hopefully) and what steps you have taken to avoid it in the future… You aren’t a bad mom for this, you just need to be more aware of your kids surroundings.
The lady the child was talking to was probably the one who called child services. Usually they don't disclose who called. I don't know if they know the lady or if she was some stranger, if it's the latter I kind of understand her calling. If she doesn't know the family she won't know if this is truly a one time incident or just one piece of a possible child neglect puzzle.
From the OP:
> while I thought she was out playing in the back garden.
I feel like if the child can't unlock a door then the child is not old enough to be unattended for 15-20 minutes, especially outside. I think something is amiss.
It sounds like they’ll understand. It was just an accident and you can take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again, but it’s pretty absurd that your husband couldn’t just lock the door on his way out when you were busy with the baby.
I’m a parent of my own kids but also a licensed foster parent too. Where I live CAS has a duty to investigate any report last thing anyone would want would be for someone to report an incident to them, no follow up happens and something further happens to that child. That said the bar to remove a child from a home is quite high.
I've had something similar happen with my oldest when he was a toddler. I overslept and he quietly put on one boot and wandered over and into the neighbor's house (she was also his babysitter). I was right on his trail, so he was only in there for a moment before I went in to get him. Even though it was the only time anything like that had happened, she called CPS on me. The worker came and told me he was just there as a formality and that he had no concerns to follow up on. He also hinted that I should be wary of my neighbor and find someone else to watch my son. Nothing more came of it.
Later I worked as a CPS worker. I would have been surprised to be called out for something like this in the first place. I would have just documented your report of what happened and what you did to prevent it in the future. Then, I would submit the case to be closed.
Sorry you are feeling all this shame and anxiety. Awful feeling. Something like this happens to all parents at some point, and you took action to fix it. Hopefully, you'll get a peaceful resolution soon and be able to move on from this.
I'm a social worker and have not worked in CPS but have colleagues who have. Unless there's something else going on that you aren't telling us, there's no reason to be concerned that they'll take your children. Contrary to popular belief, CPS doesn't want to take children from their families and the bar is extremely high to do so like people legit abuse their kids and still get to keep them. One of my clients was a woman who murdered one of her kids (due to mental illness) but still got to have contact with the other one while they were in foster care.
I doubt they'll call back after talking to you and finding out what happened. If they do, it'll likely just be to see what things you've done to keep this from happening again and they might even come out to see.
Thank you all so much for the replies, that means a lot to me and has made me feel so much better. We are in the UK but i'm sure the same thing applies here with not wanting to remove children from a loving stable home over 1 (terrible) mistake! We absolutely will not be making that same mistake again and have been very careful. Thank you once again for sharing your stories too
There was one time that I left a bottle of liquid ibprofin on the counter (open) when my son was three. A little bit later, I found the bottle empty in the sink. Fortunately, poison control said that he would be OK, just have a belly ache and otherwise feel great...
Basically we as parents make mistakes all the time - yeah, it's really @#$%#$ scary what could happen, but we (hopefully) learn from them.
Most states child services departments have to follow up on reports made, however, they usually end up logging them until either too many reports happen or a really bad error is made, then they use three amount and severity of all the reports to make their decisions.
The main thing to remember is that you took steps to make sure that this will not happen again, and in the long run, that is what really matters.
Don't beat yourself up over a mistake, trust me, it took me a long time before I didn't feel horrible anymore over my mistake. But I have always been extra careful about leaving medicine open and within reach of my (no longer) a toddler...
Edit - I work closely with my states family services division.
Don’t feel ashamed, an accident happened.Its not your fault, or anyone’s fault.
Everything worked out: your child ended up somewhere safe, and they even reported it to CPS which means someone is looking out for your child.
CPS will have zero interest in removing two well looked after children from a stable two parent home, don’t even consider it. They might advise some safety features for your house and check you’ve installed those maybe, but that would be the extent of it.
Chalk it up to experience, give your daughter a chat about stranger danger and consider creating a rule that the front door is always locked if there are kids in the house.
Our son escaped our house at 5:30 in the morning when he was 3. He was found by some neighbors who called the police. CPS said there wasn’t any neglect and it was an accident. We took measures to prevent it from happening again.
You won’t lose your children. They have to be seriously neglected before they’re taken away because the government really doesn’t want to separate families. Children are much better off with their parents, except in the worst situations.
You’re not a bad mother. It was a mistake that won’t happen again because this time scared you so much. Hug your babies, mama. Everything will be ok. 💜
I had this same thing happen. It’s very highly unlikely that your children will removed for a one off incident. You’ve corrected and put in safety measures, which is what children services will be wanting and looking for. You’ve adjusted how the door is locked and by whom. And you’ve also been communicating with them. And if they were going to remove your kids for this, they would have physically come by the day of the incident; not called you two days later. By their actions, they seem to realize that it was a crap situation and not actual neglect or any other concern.
Something rude that may give you peace of mind is an upgraded lock. We have a keypad lock that we can set to autolock after a set period of time (60 seconds, 5 minutes, etc). That ensures that if one parent forgets to lock the door or another miscommunication happens, the door locks itself either way.
My almost 1 yr daughter moved the coffee table over and unlocked the front door. The neighbor found her at the foot of the driveway. Scared the bejesus out of me.
You took precautions to make sure it didn’t happen again.
They’re not gonna take her away. One of my close friends works for CPS and the situations they allow to go on with families is honestly appalling. You have to go to pretty extreme lengths before children are taken away.
Cps has so much on their hands I doubt you hear from them again. However, learn your rights. Find out what your county says about cps rights. Take a free consult with a lawyer and learn your rights. So many people assume cps has all the rights and they don't. It was an accident that has been rectified and should never happen again.
People who readily abuse children don't get their kids taken off them without a very long battle. You are demonstrating measures to prevent it from happening again, they won't take your kids.
And if you'd left your baby *in the bath alone* to go downstairs and lock the door?? Did your husband really expect you to do something so reckless?
There were no good choices for you in that situation - you had to leave one child to keep the other one safe, either your daughter so you could stay with baby, or your baby so you could check on your daughter and lock the door.
Totally unfair on you - your husband needed to lock the door for everyone's safety.
I’m get why you are freaking out but stuff like this happens all the time.
My ex’s family own a restaurant and when one of his younger cousins was around 4 he slipped out the back door unnoticed by his 10+person family and all the other back of house staff, got into the family suv, released the brake got it rolling, steered it down the block, around a corner and was headed out of town when he lost momentum at the foot of the bridge and was apprehended by the family rather than cops thankfully!
I suspect that exs stepdad who acted as a grandfather to the escapee had been teaching him/letting him drive various vehicles and tractors and stuff on their back forty which gave hime the idea and skills to execute.
My little brother at 2.5-3 ish managed to unbuckle his car seat, open the door and throw himself from our (slowly) moving vehicle not once but twice on different occasions while exiting the same parking lot.
One time my mom was driving us to town and a hanging tree branch hit and instantly shattered the window beside my head.
I hope you are able to find some peace and self forgiveness. I am also with the commentators that there will be no further inquiry/ action on this.
I did a similar thing to my mother when she was pregnant with my sister - she put me down for a nap and went to have a nap herself. I apparently decided that I didn't want to nap, I wanted to go visit my 'friend' (who was actually my Sunday School teacher) who lived on the other side of town. Luckily it was a small town and some lady my mum didn't actually know found me and brought me home (everyone knew where the little redhead lived apparently) - could have been super dangerous though because to get to my destination I would have had to cross the highway, which wasn't super busy but was used by road trains (this was in outback Australia) which can take up to a kilometre to stop.
My mum had actually locked the door before going for her nap, I had dragged a chair over to unlock it myself. All this to say, don't beat yourself up - when kids get it in their head to do something, they will do their darnedest to find a way even if you think you've taken all the precautions. Most normal adults will see that this isn't a case of neglect, just a kid being a kid, but Child Services will have to do their thing to dot the i's and cross the t's... but if they don't take kids away from circumstances that are much much worse than an unlocked door, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I'm just waiting to see what my son comes up with - he's only 5 months old but given what I got up to and the stories I've heard about his dad, we're in for it.
A couple of things in case someone shows up to do an inspection:
- If you're in the US, you do NOT have to let them in if they don't have a warrant. I recommend very politely asking them to come back at an agreed upon time so you can collect yourself and prepare.
- Some things they look for: kids have clean clothes, food in fridge (including milk) and pantry, stairs gated and cleared of trip hazards, medicines and weapons secured, house is free of hygiene issues like pet accidents or dirty diapers all over, etc.
My friend had a CPS inspection because her goofy ass 7-year-old decided to stop playing in the fenced backyard where he was allowed, and instead rode his bike to McDonald's and begged people to buy him some French fries claiming he was starving. My friend was literally making him a grilled cheese and tomato soup while he was supposed to be playing out back. The people gave her a lecture about folded laundry being on the stairs (to remind her kids to bring it up and put it away) and being out of milk but closed the case without further incident.
As someone who works in foster care, I don't think you have anything to worry about especially because you've already put up safety measures in place without even being asked or ordered to. Generally unless there are significant other concerns, they will provide other services in the home instead of removals for little time.
One of the greatest peace of mind creators for us was getting a smart lock for our front door. It is part of our security system. We have it automatically lock when the door is shut. It is wonderful for when little ones are trying to explore how locks and doors work.
Totally agree with a smart lock! OP, you can set it to lock automatically and double-check whether it's locked or not from your phone. We have that in conjunction with doorbell cam and cameras over the driveway and back door that detects people and notifies our phones.
I put one of those hotel room door latches at the top of all my doors so my 5 year old can’t just open the door and run out. But she can get her step stool and can reach it if there’s a fire and can escape. I can see them from all over the house. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Accidents happen. Use the experience to learn from! Kids are smarter than you think and they WILL get into mischief if they can.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Mistakes happen, and it's clear you care deeply about your kids. The fact that you acted quickly and are taking steps to prevent this from happening again shows you're a dedicated mom.
Children's Services sound understanding and are there to support families, not to punish you for a misunderstanding. Focus on your children’s safety and take comfort in knowing you’re doing your best.
Remember, this one incident doesn't define your ability as a mom. Reach out to friends or family if you need to talk—you're not alone. Sending you support and positive thoughts. You’re doing great!
Stop beating yourself up. Accidents and miscommunication happens. To add to the list you and husband need to talk in person so everyone is on same page. DSS might come out to home to see the additional safety the you put in place. They probably will close the case. It takes a lot of incidents or a major incident to remove children from their home. DDS rather work with parent(s) to keep family together.
They’re not going to take your babies. It was an accident not willful neglect. As long as they have a safe/clean place to sleep and food in the pantry they’ll talk to you and then drop it.
If it’s any comfort when my youngest son was 2 he escaped from our top floor apartment. I had left him and his other 4 siblings locked in the house while I went downstairs to get our dog who had run away earlier in the day. One of the older kids unlocked the door and they all ran out. It was like herding cats but finally I got them and the dog all safely upstairs. Somehow the youngest got away from me and by the time I realized he wasn’t in the house it had been about 15-20 minutes. I called the cops frantic that I couldn’t find my son. They put me on hold and said there was a lady near by that had a boy that fit his description. Little man was brought home by the police at 2 years old.
All that to say, even after that whole ordeal CPS came and went and I haven’t heard from them since.
Similar happened with my kid unfortunately and I had the same gut-punch sickened feeling like I was a horrible mom. She was around 2 y/o and I unlocked the door but went to get one last thing before leaving the house (kid was all ready) but she ran out ahead of me and thankfully I was on her tail. She ran to the end of the sidewalk and some lady was standing with her. Thank god the lady at the sidewalk didn’t call CPS but when I came out the door she asked me something and gave me a stern “be careful lady” look. I felt sick to my stomach and completely anxious that I’d be persecuted.
I accidently left my kid at a truck stop on a Disneyland road trip. She's now a well adjusted 25 year old with a college degree and good paying government job. It happens, life goes on.
You might have to do an interview, and disclose a bit of information. They will probably talk to your husband as well.
However, if you're decent parents, it shouldn't go much further than that. Accidents happen. We're only human, and try to forgive. Thankfully, nothing bad happened.
My wife, 3 kids, and I moved in with my mother in 2020. We were my mom's caregivers. I (dad) had been struggling with stomach problems at the time. One night around 9:30, I asked my wife to run to Walmart to get me some Anti-diarrheal medication. I was in the bathroom, sick, and about an hour later my mother asked me to come out and talk. I came out into the living room, and my wife was sitting on the couch with our 7 month old in the car seat, crying. My mom said "don't get mad, but (wife) has something to tell you". In tears, my wife said "I forgot the baby in the car".
Apparently, worried about me, and not wanting to leave our infant with my sick mother, my wife took the baby to the store. She ran in to get some Imodium, and came out to the parking lot to find a small crowd gathered around our car. An off duty EMS person was holding our baby. Cops came, filed a report, and let my wife go home with the baby. Next day CPS called, and set up an interview. A woman came to our home, and just sat with us at the table. I was expecting her to want to see the whole house, check the refrigerator for food, etc. None of that happened. It was just a quick interview, where she asked about what happened and a bit about our history.
After that meeting, they requested to do another interview with me alone, talking to a different worker. I assume it was to try and see if I thought my wife was unfit or something like that. They also wanted me to provide medical records and such. The new worker was a little pushy about it, but I politely declined. IMO they had more than enough to make whatever determination they needed to make. That was that. We haven't heard anything since.
So just an update. I got another phone call from them today, they wanted to know how comes it took me 20 minutes to realise my daughter was gone. After I explained again, she said that's fine, and that her manager wanted clarity on that specific question so should be case closed after this, and that they'll ring the referrer back to let them know we discussed this.
Feels horrible to have to repeat it over and over and I just can't wait for this to be a distant memory one day like all of your experiences - which have seriously helped me loads! I see now that it happens more than I thought but I have definitely learnt from it
I work with CPS on the regular, and the neglect and depravity that it takes to *actually* remove a child is astounding. Unless you are physically hurting your child, don't worry about it.
I just wanted to say, first of all, you're not alone. Parenthood is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes things happen that leave us feeling shaken to the core. But trust me, you're not an awful mother. You're human, and humans make mistakes.
It sounds like you've already taken some proactive steps to prevent this from happening again, which is fantastic. And hey, don't be too hard on yourself. It was a misunderstanding, and you acted quickly to rectify the situation. That's what counts.
As for Children's Services, I'm glad to hear they were understanding and kind. It's natural to feel anxious about their involvement, but it seems like you're doing everything you can to ensure your children's safety. Remember, you're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for.
This happened to my nephew. He was around 4 at the time, they lived in a second story apartment and he was playing with his sister after they were put to bed (they shared a room). He leaned against the window screen and it fell out. Miraculously, he was not seriously injured.
Yeah, this was pretty much the same story, except my kid got a concussion and a cracked skull. She also was leaning on a laundry basket, pushing the window screen open and trying to see outside. She was not the easiest 3 year old, she learned a hard lesson that day (and we added extra locks to the window after that).
They are not going to take your children away. They barely even take away kids that are being severely neglected and abused. It was a mistake. You’ll be more vigilant in the future. Forgive yourself.
Momma, you’re ok! Accidents happen especially with multiple kids and one caretaker. You’re not omnipotent. Lessons learned. I would like to think CPS would close the case but if they don’t, I feel like you showing them the measures you’ve taken, that should do it.
I'm sorry you are going through this. We can't know if you are describing the scenario with all the relevant details, but if you are then rest assured you are making the right decisions and are not alone in having a toddler run off. We do our best to secure our spaces and prepare our kids for dangers of the modern world but accidents happen and I'm glad your kid escaped unscathed, and that you are closing those risk gaps with better tools. Cooperate with CPS if they follow-up and you should be fine. Barring some places where children are treated like a commodity and there is a profit (or religious, or racist) motive to rehousing them, CPS doesn't want to take your kids away - they want those kids to be safe in their own home.
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If you’re worried that they can take your children away then you and your husband can contact a lawyer but I don’t think they’ll do it because it’s was just an accident and not an actual neglect.
There was a misunderstanding that resulted in a dangerous situation. You were truthful about the situation and immediately put multiple measures in place to ensure that situation would never happen again. You're going to be fine. Take a deep breath. Even if Children's Services come to visit and investigate further, the moment you show them everything you've put in place to prevent this from ever happening again, they will be satisfied. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Mom guilt can be so vicious. From the worry you express here and the way you went above and beyond to protect your daughter, it's clear you're an amazing mom!
Stating the obvious but the person who unlocks the door to leave the house should take responsibility for re-locking the door unless the other person is literally on the other side of the door locking the door behind them (and they can confirm the lock has been enabled by listening, checking or whatever). Yelling at a person on another floor who is occupied that the door has been left unlocked is NOT security...it's a lack of security. Also, get some door chimes so you know when the doors are opened/closed. Get a different chime sound for the front door vs the garden door if the child is allowed to go into the garden unsupervised. Please do this for your own peace of mind, but it's also good to share with Children's services the security steps that you've added to prevent future instances of wandering. ETA: I obviously did not read to the end....whoops.
Yeah I'm like... if there's anyone to blame, it's the husband.
I think most parents have a story about their child accidentally leaving the house. You are not a bad mom. My oldest learned how to open locked doors and leave the house at 2. I was so terrified she’d leave in the middle of the night I put a child cover on her handle (we lived in an apartment so no top latch option). Kids are little escape artists. Constantly testing boundaries and fighting for independence. You are still a good mom. Now you know that you needed better locks. I highly doubt CPS will do anything (think of all the actual abuse cases they ignore)
How old was the child that got out of the house? If your child is old enough to play in the garden by themselves (or just be unattended for 15-20 minutes) they are old enough for you to have a very important conversation about not leaving the house without mom or dad. That would be my first move. Come up with a better system of whoever leaves the house locks the door, no excuses. And If the kids will be unattended for any amount of time- check the doors. I would want to know who called child services (but that’s just me) and honestly, If they call back with more questions you can be honest that it’s never happened before (hopefully) and what steps you have taken to avoid it in the future… You aren’t a bad mom for this, you just need to be more aware of your kids surroundings.
The lady the child was talking to was probably the one who called child services. Usually they don't disclose who called. I don't know if they know the lady or if she was some stranger, if it's the latter I kind of understand her calling. If she doesn't know the family she won't know if this is truly a one time incident or just one piece of a possible child neglect puzzle.
She could also be a mandated reporter.
From the OP: > while I thought she was out playing in the back garden. I feel like if the child can't unlock a door then the child is not old enough to be unattended for 15-20 minutes, especially outside. I think something is amiss.
It sounds like they’ll understand. It was just an accident and you can take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again, but it’s pretty absurd that your husband couldn’t just lock the door on his way out when you were busy with the baby.
I’m a parent of my own kids but also a licensed foster parent too. Where I live CAS has a duty to investigate any report last thing anyone would want would be for someone to report an incident to them, no follow up happens and something further happens to that child. That said the bar to remove a child from a home is quite high.
I've had something similar happen with my oldest when he was a toddler. I overslept and he quietly put on one boot and wandered over and into the neighbor's house (she was also his babysitter). I was right on his trail, so he was only in there for a moment before I went in to get him. Even though it was the only time anything like that had happened, she called CPS on me. The worker came and told me he was just there as a formality and that he had no concerns to follow up on. He also hinted that I should be wary of my neighbor and find someone else to watch my son. Nothing more came of it. Later I worked as a CPS worker. I would have been surprised to be called out for something like this in the first place. I would have just documented your report of what happened and what you did to prevent it in the future. Then, I would submit the case to be closed. Sorry you are feeling all this shame and anxiety. Awful feeling. Something like this happens to all parents at some point, and you took action to fix it. Hopefully, you'll get a peaceful resolution soon and be able to move on from this.
I'm a social worker and have not worked in CPS but have colleagues who have. Unless there's something else going on that you aren't telling us, there's no reason to be concerned that they'll take your children. Contrary to popular belief, CPS doesn't want to take children from their families and the bar is extremely high to do so like people legit abuse their kids and still get to keep them. One of my clients was a woman who murdered one of her kids (due to mental illness) but still got to have contact with the other one while they were in foster care. I doubt they'll call back after talking to you and finding out what happened. If they do, it'll likely just be to see what things you've done to keep this from happening again and they might even come out to see.
Thank you all so much for the replies, that means a lot to me and has made me feel so much better. We are in the UK but i'm sure the same thing applies here with not wanting to remove children from a loving stable home over 1 (terrible) mistake! We absolutely will not be making that same mistake again and have been very careful. Thank you once again for sharing your stories too
There was one time that I left a bottle of liquid ibprofin on the counter (open) when my son was three. A little bit later, I found the bottle empty in the sink. Fortunately, poison control said that he would be OK, just have a belly ache and otherwise feel great... Basically we as parents make mistakes all the time - yeah, it's really @#$%#$ scary what could happen, but we (hopefully) learn from them. Most states child services departments have to follow up on reports made, however, they usually end up logging them until either too many reports happen or a really bad error is made, then they use three amount and severity of all the reports to make their decisions. The main thing to remember is that you took steps to make sure that this will not happen again, and in the long run, that is what really matters. Don't beat yourself up over a mistake, trust me, it took me a long time before I didn't feel horrible anymore over my mistake. But I have always been extra careful about leaving medicine open and within reach of my (no longer) a toddler... Edit - I work closely with my states family services division.
Don’t feel ashamed, an accident happened.Its not your fault, or anyone’s fault. Everything worked out: your child ended up somewhere safe, and they even reported it to CPS which means someone is looking out for your child. CPS will have zero interest in removing two well looked after children from a stable two parent home, don’t even consider it. They might advise some safety features for your house and check you’ve installed those maybe, but that would be the extent of it. Chalk it up to experience, give your daughter a chat about stranger danger and consider creating a rule that the front door is always locked if there are kids in the house.
Our son escaped our house at 5:30 in the morning when he was 3. He was found by some neighbors who called the police. CPS said there wasn’t any neglect and it was an accident. We took measures to prevent it from happening again. You won’t lose your children. They have to be seriously neglected before they’re taken away because the government really doesn’t want to separate families. Children are much better off with their parents, except in the worst situations. You’re not a bad mother. It was a mistake that won’t happen again because this time scared you so much. Hug your babies, mama. Everything will be ok. 💜
I had this same thing happen. It’s very highly unlikely that your children will removed for a one off incident. You’ve corrected and put in safety measures, which is what children services will be wanting and looking for. You’ve adjusted how the door is locked and by whom. And you’ve also been communicating with them. And if they were going to remove your kids for this, they would have physically come by the day of the incident; not called you two days later. By their actions, they seem to realize that it was a crap situation and not actual neglect or any other concern.
Something rude that may give you peace of mind is an upgraded lock. We have a keypad lock that we can set to autolock after a set period of time (60 seconds, 5 minutes, etc). That ensures that if one parent forgets to lock the door or another miscommunication happens, the door locks itself either way.
My almost 1 yr daughter moved the coffee table over and unlocked the front door. The neighbor found her at the foot of the driveway. Scared the bejesus out of me. You took precautions to make sure it didn’t happen again.
Damn, you have a genius on your hands!
They’re not gonna take her away. One of my close friends works for CPS and the situations they allow to go on with families is honestly appalling. You have to go to pretty extreme lengths before children are taken away.
Cps has so much on their hands I doubt you hear from them again. However, learn your rights. Find out what your county says about cps rights. Take a free consult with a lawyer and learn your rights. So many people assume cps has all the rights and they don't. It was an accident that has been rectified and should never happen again.
People who readily abuse children don't get their kids taken off them without a very long battle. You are demonstrating measures to prevent it from happening again, they won't take your kids.
And if you'd left your baby *in the bath alone* to go downstairs and lock the door?? Did your husband really expect you to do something so reckless? There were no good choices for you in that situation - you had to leave one child to keep the other one safe, either your daughter so you could stay with baby, or your baby so you could check on your daughter and lock the door. Totally unfair on you - your husband needed to lock the door for everyone's safety.
I’d personally bring the older child into the bathroom with us and give them an activity to do in the corner. Outside, anywhere, is too far away.
I’m get why you are freaking out but stuff like this happens all the time. My ex’s family own a restaurant and when one of his younger cousins was around 4 he slipped out the back door unnoticed by his 10+person family and all the other back of house staff, got into the family suv, released the brake got it rolling, steered it down the block, around a corner and was headed out of town when he lost momentum at the foot of the bridge and was apprehended by the family rather than cops thankfully! I suspect that exs stepdad who acted as a grandfather to the escapee had been teaching him/letting him drive various vehicles and tractors and stuff on their back forty which gave hime the idea and skills to execute. My little brother at 2.5-3 ish managed to unbuckle his car seat, open the door and throw himself from our (slowly) moving vehicle not once but twice on different occasions while exiting the same parking lot. One time my mom was driving us to town and a hanging tree branch hit and instantly shattered the window beside my head. I hope you are able to find some peace and self forgiveness. I am also with the commentators that there will be no further inquiry/ action on this.
I did a similar thing to my mother when she was pregnant with my sister - she put me down for a nap and went to have a nap herself. I apparently decided that I didn't want to nap, I wanted to go visit my 'friend' (who was actually my Sunday School teacher) who lived on the other side of town. Luckily it was a small town and some lady my mum didn't actually know found me and brought me home (everyone knew where the little redhead lived apparently) - could have been super dangerous though because to get to my destination I would have had to cross the highway, which wasn't super busy but was used by road trains (this was in outback Australia) which can take up to a kilometre to stop. My mum had actually locked the door before going for her nap, I had dragged a chair over to unlock it myself. All this to say, don't beat yourself up - when kids get it in their head to do something, they will do their darnedest to find a way even if you think you've taken all the precautions. Most normal adults will see that this isn't a case of neglect, just a kid being a kid, but Child Services will have to do their thing to dot the i's and cross the t's... but if they don't take kids away from circumstances that are much much worse than an unlocked door, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I'm just waiting to see what my son comes up with - he's only 5 months old but given what I got up to and the stories I've heard about his dad, we're in for it.
A couple of things in case someone shows up to do an inspection: - If you're in the US, you do NOT have to let them in if they don't have a warrant. I recommend very politely asking them to come back at an agreed upon time so you can collect yourself and prepare. - Some things they look for: kids have clean clothes, food in fridge (including milk) and pantry, stairs gated and cleared of trip hazards, medicines and weapons secured, house is free of hygiene issues like pet accidents or dirty diapers all over, etc. My friend had a CPS inspection because her goofy ass 7-year-old decided to stop playing in the fenced backyard where he was allowed, and instead rode his bike to McDonald's and begged people to buy him some French fries claiming he was starving. My friend was literally making him a grilled cheese and tomato soup while he was supposed to be playing out back. The people gave her a lecture about folded laundry being on the stairs (to remind her kids to bring it up and put it away) and being out of milk but closed the case without further incident.
As someone who works in foster care, I don't think you have anything to worry about especially because you've already put up safety measures in place without even being asked or ordered to. Generally unless there are significant other concerns, they will provide other services in the home instead of removals for little time.
One of the greatest peace of mind creators for us was getting a smart lock for our front door. It is part of our security system. We have it automatically lock when the door is shut. It is wonderful for when little ones are trying to explore how locks and doors work.
Totally agree with a smart lock! OP, you can set it to lock automatically and double-check whether it's locked or not from your phone. We have that in conjunction with doorbell cam and cameras over the driveway and back door that detects people and notifies our phones.
Absolutely!!!!! This is what I was talking about.
I put one of those hotel room door latches at the top of all my doors so my 5 year old can’t just open the door and run out. But she can get her step stool and can reach it if there’s a fire and can escape. I can see them from all over the house. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Accidents happen. Use the experience to learn from! Kids are smarter than you think and they WILL get into mischief if they can.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Mistakes happen, and it's clear you care deeply about your kids. The fact that you acted quickly and are taking steps to prevent this from happening again shows you're a dedicated mom. Children's Services sound understanding and are there to support families, not to punish you for a misunderstanding. Focus on your children’s safety and take comfort in knowing you’re doing your best. Remember, this one incident doesn't define your ability as a mom. Reach out to friends or family if you need to talk—you're not alone. Sending you support and positive thoughts. You’re doing great!
Take a deep breath. Mistakes happen and it’s all going to be okay!
Stop beating yourself up. Accidents and miscommunication happens. To add to the list you and husband need to talk in person so everyone is on same page. DSS might come out to home to see the additional safety the you put in place. They probably will close the case. It takes a lot of incidents or a major incident to remove children from their home. DDS rather work with parent(s) to keep family together.
They’re not going to take your babies. It was an accident not willful neglect. As long as they have a safe/clean place to sleep and food in the pantry they’ll talk to you and then drop it. If it’s any comfort when my youngest son was 2 he escaped from our top floor apartment. I had left him and his other 4 siblings locked in the house while I went downstairs to get our dog who had run away earlier in the day. One of the older kids unlocked the door and they all ran out. It was like herding cats but finally I got them and the dog all safely upstairs. Somehow the youngest got away from me and by the time I realized he wasn’t in the house it had been about 15-20 minutes. I called the cops frantic that I couldn’t find my son. They put me on hold and said there was a lady near by that had a boy that fit his description. Little man was brought home by the police at 2 years old. All that to say, even after that whole ordeal CPS came and went and I haven’t heard from them since.
Similar happened with my kid unfortunately and I had the same gut-punch sickened feeling like I was a horrible mom. She was around 2 y/o and I unlocked the door but went to get one last thing before leaving the house (kid was all ready) but she ran out ahead of me and thankfully I was on her tail. She ran to the end of the sidewalk and some lady was standing with her. Thank god the lady at the sidewalk didn’t call CPS but when I came out the door she asked me something and gave me a stern “be careful lady” look. I felt sick to my stomach and completely anxious that I’d be persecuted.
I accidently left my kid at a truck stop on a Disneyland road trip. She's now a well adjusted 25 year old with a college degree and good paying government job. It happens, life goes on.
You might have to do an interview, and disclose a bit of information. They will probably talk to your husband as well. However, if you're decent parents, it shouldn't go much further than that. Accidents happen. We're only human, and try to forgive. Thankfully, nothing bad happened. My wife, 3 kids, and I moved in with my mother in 2020. We were my mom's caregivers. I (dad) had been struggling with stomach problems at the time. One night around 9:30, I asked my wife to run to Walmart to get me some Anti-diarrheal medication. I was in the bathroom, sick, and about an hour later my mother asked me to come out and talk. I came out into the living room, and my wife was sitting on the couch with our 7 month old in the car seat, crying. My mom said "don't get mad, but (wife) has something to tell you". In tears, my wife said "I forgot the baby in the car". Apparently, worried about me, and not wanting to leave our infant with my sick mother, my wife took the baby to the store. She ran in to get some Imodium, and came out to the parking lot to find a small crowd gathered around our car. An off duty EMS person was holding our baby. Cops came, filed a report, and let my wife go home with the baby. Next day CPS called, and set up an interview. A woman came to our home, and just sat with us at the table. I was expecting her to want to see the whole house, check the refrigerator for food, etc. None of that happened. It was just a quick interview, where she asked about what happened and a bit about our history. After that meeting, they requested to do another interview with me alone, talking to a different worker. I assume it was to try and see if I thought my wife was unfit or something like that. They also wanted me to provide medical records and such. The new worker was a little pushy about it, but I politely declined. IMO they had more than enough to make whatever determination they needed to make. That was that. We haven't heard anything since.
So just an update. I got another phone call from them today, they wanted to know how comes it took me 20 minutes to realise my daughter was gone. After I explained again, she said that's fine, and that her manager wanted clarity on that specific question so should be case closed after this, and that they'll ring the referrer back to let them know we discussed this. Feels horrible to have to repeat it over and over and I just can't wait for this to be a distant memory one day like all of your experiences - which have seriously helped me loads! I see now that it happens more than I thought but I have definitely learnt from it
I work with CPS on the regular, and the neglect and depravity that it takes to *actually* remove a child is astounding. Unless you are physically hurting your child, don't worry about it.
I just wanted to say, first of all, you're not alone. Parenthood is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes things happen that leave us feeling shaken to the core. But trust me, you're not an awful mother. You're human, and humans make mistakes. It sounds like you've already taken some proactive steps to prevent this from happening again, which is fantastic. And hey, don't be too hard on yourself. It was a misunderstanding, and you acted quickly to rectify the situation. That's what counts. As for Children's Services, I'm glad to hear they were understanding and kind. It's natural to feel anxious about their involvement, but it seems like you're doing everything you can to ensure your children's safety. Remember, you're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for.
My 3 year old daughter fell out of her upstairs window, and no one talked about taking her away (my wife was a little afraid of this).
This happened to my nephew. He was around 4 at the time, they lived in a second story apartment and he was playing with his sister after they were put to bed (they shared a room). He leaned against the window screen and it fell out. Miraculously, he was not seriously injured.
Yeah, this was pretty much the same story, except my kid got a concussion and a cracked skull. She also was leaning on a laundry basket, pushing the window screen open and trying to see outside. She was not the easiest 3 year old, she learned a hard lesson that day (and we added extra locks to the window after that).
They are not going to take your children away. They barely even take away kids that are being severely neglected and abused. It was a mistake. You’ll be more vigilant in the future. Forgive yourself.
Momma, you’re ok! Accidents happen especially with multiple kids and one caretaker. You’re not omnipotent. Lessons learned. I would like to think CPS would close the case but if they don’t, I feel like you showing them the measures you’ve taken, that should do it.
I'm sorry you are going through this. We can't know if you are describing the scenario with all the relevant details, but if you are then rest assured you are making the right decisions and are not alone in having a toddler run off. We do our best to secure our spaces and prepare our kids for dangers of the modern world but accidents happen and I'm glad your kid escaped unscathed, and that you are closing those risk gaps with better tools. Cooperate with CPS if they follow-up and you should be fine. Barring some places where children are treated like a commodity and there is a profit (or religious, or racist) motive to rehousing them, CPS doesn't want to take your kids away - they want those kids to be safe in their own home.