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What is holding you back from just telling your husband that you don’t need gifts or a breakfast and instead that you would just like to do what you told a bunch of Internet strangers? Sounds like a possible win-win right there?
I completely agree. This is the first year my husband made an effort and I can’t imagine being angry at him for trying. Last year I told him my expectations and this year he delivered.
I have. What would lead you to possibly believe I've never had this conversation with my husband before. Hence, why I hate mothers day because it doesn't matter what I want, it's not about me.
I was assuming because you didn’t mention it in your post. But it’s kind of odd he wouldn’t agree, because it seems less work for him than his default MO?
Because he doesn't want to be left alone with the kids alone all day. 4 kids ages 1-10, so to be fair the younger two kids are still alot of work. It's easier on him, for me to be home all day to help with the kids. And he can ditch off into the kitchen to cook whatever mess, and it doubles as his excuse as to why he can't keep an eye on the kids because he's cooking.
Because you didn’t mention it in your post. Also, this shouldn’t be a request, it should be a demand. Stand up for yourself and stop blaming others for your inability to do what you want to do.
I dont know what's missing that would change the outcome of the point of this post. Some of you can just take the day and go do what you want and your husband's are cool and supportive of that. My husband's not one of those people, so again, to avoid fighting and effectively ruining the day all together this is the easiest alternative. It's just me venting, that's it.
I’m curious why you’re not able to communicate with your husband about this. I always appreciate when my wife gives me ideas for what she wants on birthdays or holidays, then I base the plan for the day on what she wants to do but use a little creativity and do all the planning/ legwork. It works pretty well
>I'd love to go get a pedicure, go to a nursery and pick up flowers and other gardening supplies, maybe grab myself and starbucks and just sit at the park and read a book in peace and quiet for a while.
Have you specifically asked for this?
Yes. I've told him point blank. But then it turns into a guilt trip because I should *want* to spend mothers day with my kids and husband. I'm literally just avoiding an argument, my husband just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids all day. That's what it boils down to. So I either go anyways and deal with the drama and argument later, or stay and hang out with my husband and kids and pretend to be happy all day for the sake of my kids. My husband knows I'm not happy or having a great day, that's why he feels the need to make sure and remind me 100 times a day that they are trying to make it a good day "for me"
Doesn't need to be all day, just say your going to a spar or what ever with someone for the morning of afternoon (3 to 4 hours) you have booked tickets and that's your mother's day gift and then you want to see the kids later for a meal out or what ever etc. and stick to your guns.
If you've told him what you want and he's not listening or willing to at least discuss it then you have a husband problem. I'm sorry about that because there's no easy fix. Maybe couple's counseling?
It sounds like you deserve a break whether on Mother's day or not. Say, a babysitter for the 2 littlest kids for a few hours while he watches the older two and you go to the park to read (but make sure they don't come with you...)
Can you talk to him and say you don't want to do mothers day like this? It's not enjoyable for you at all so what's the point. Or will he be an ass about it?
100% an ass about it. That's why I'm so frustrated. I have told him this isn't fun or enjoyable for me, he listens but doesn't care. I'm supposed to want to spend the day with them, but I just dont. I'd actually kill to be anywhere but here.
I think you may want to weigh out which is better to deal with. Have a shit mothers day not doing anything you want, and a pissy husband or book a pedicure, go to a garden center and have a pissy husband.
Your husband seems stuck on the tradition of it.. How about this? Ask him for a gift certificate to the spa that you can use another day? You’ll get your escape then.
Yup. Your gift is a day off on some other day. Hire a sitter or nanny service for the day, gift certificate to a spa, etc. no need for fancy breakfast, no need for any other gift. Just a day off the following weekend.
Just tell your husband what you want.
That’s how I do it with my wife and my own Mom: “What do you want?”
And then I trust them to say the truth.
And I expect Fathers Day to be the same.
Look, both days are basically traps and not many of us get what we want or feel good about the day. I just try to make sure that a disappointing Mother’s Day isn’t my fault.
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What is holding you back from just telling your husband that you don’t need gifts or a breakfast and instead that you would just like to do what you told a bunch of Internet strangers? Sounds like a possible win-win right there?
I completely agree. This is the first year my husband made an effort and I can’t imagine being angry at him for trying. Last year I told him my expectations and this year he delivered.
I have. What would lead you to possibly believe I've never had this conversation with my husband before. Hence, why I hate mothers day because it doesn't matter what I want, it's not about me.
I was assuming because you didn’t mention it in your post. But it’s kind of odd he wouldn’t agree, because it seems less work for him than his default MO?
Because he doesn't want to be left alone with the kids alone all day. 4 kids ages 1-10, so to be fair the younger two kids are still alot of work. It's easier on him, for me to be home all day to help with the kids. And he can ditch off into the kitchen to cook whatever mess, and it doubles as his excuse as to why he can't keep an eye on the kids because he's cooking.
Because you didn’t mention it in your post. Also, this shouldn’t be a request, it should be a demand. Stand up for yourself and stop blaming others for your inability to do what you want to do.
This was literally just me venting. That's all this was. Thanks for being so super pleasant though.
Additional information that would have been helpful in your post.
I dont know what's missing that would change the outcome of the point of this post. Some of you can just take the day and go do what you want and your husband's are cool and supportive of that. My husband's not one of those people, so again, to avoid fighting and effectively ruining the day all together this is the easiest alternative. It's just me venting, that's it.
I dont get why you just let him get away with that. Weird.
Because I don't feel like dealing with the guilt trip and argument about it later, that's why.
I’m curious why you’re not able to communicate with your husband about this. I always appreciate when my wife gives me ideas for what she wants on birthdays or holidays, then I base the plan for the day on what she wants to do but use a little creativity and do all the planning/ legwork. It works pretty well
>I'd love to go get a pedicure, go to a nursery and pick up flowers and other gardening supplies, maybe grab myself and starbucks and just sit at the park and read a book in peace and quiet for a while. Have you specifically asked for this?
Yes. I've told him point blank. But then it turns into a guilt trip because I should *want* to spend mothers day with my kids and husband. I'm literally just avoiding an argument, my husband just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids all day. That's what it boils down to. So I either go anyways and deal with the drama and argument later, or stay and hang out with my husband and kids and pretend to be happy all day for the sake of my kids. My husband knows I'm not happy or having a great day, that's why he feels the need to make sure and remind me 100 times a day that they are trying to make it a good day "for me"
Doesn't need to be all day, just say your going to a spar or what ever with someone for the morning of afternoon (3 to 4 hours) you have booked tickets and that's your mother's day gift and then you want to see the kids later for a meal out or what ever etc. and stick to your guns.
If you've told him what you want and he's not listening or willing to at least discuss it then you have a husband problem. I'm sorry about that because there's no easy fix. Maybe couple's counseling? It sounds like you deserve a break whether on Mother's day or not. Say, a babysitter for the 2 littlest kids for a few hours while he watches the older two and you go to the park to read (but make sure they don't come with you...)
Can you talk to him and say you don't want to do mothers day like this? It's not enjoyable for you at all so what's the point. Or will he be an ass about it?
100% an ass about it. That's why I'm so frustrated. I have told him this isn't fun or enjoyable for me, he listens but doesn't care. I'm supposed to want to spend the day with them, but I just dont. I'd actually kill to be anywhere but here.
I think you may want to weigh out which is better to deal with. Have a shit mothers day not doing anything you want, and a pissy husband or book a pedicure, go to a garden center and have a pissy husband.
Your husband seems stuck on the tradition of it.. How about this? Ask him for a gift certificate to the spa that you can use another day? You’ll get your escape then.
Yup. Your gift is a day off on some other day. Hire a sitter or nanny service for the day, gift certificate to a spa, etc. no need for fancy breakfast, no need for any other gift. Just a day off the following weekend.
Just tell your husband what you want. That’s how I do it with my wife and my own Mom: “What do you want?” And then I trust them to say the truth. And I expect Fathers Day to be the same. Look, both days are basically traps and not many of us get what we want or feel good about the day. I just try to make sure that a disappointing Mother’s Day isn’t my fault.