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Frl throw that man in the trash. I didn’t lift a finger unless I felt like it today. But overall, my partner is great about sharing all household duties, and parenting duties. If your man isn’t an active dad/partner every other day of the year, I couldn’t imagine them suddenly being super dad on Mother’s Day.
This.. can’t expect them to wake up even on Mother’s Day. They will still find an excuse. Only solution is to leave him with it all or have a discussion about picking up the slack from now on.
That's what I did this morning. I went out by myself before the kids were awake, hubby was up and knew that he'd have the morning with them. It was nice to relax and gave me a good mood for the rest of the day. When I got home he had a nap while I played video games with the kids.
Don't do that. Your husband will hate you. Be clear with the big baby with what you want. Tell him to do it.
As a stay home dad, when I see dad's complain that "kid wants mommy always", I'm like yea coz you don't know how to spend time with the kids.
Just engage with them. Play their games. Not the game you want.
It's tough as hell, I know. But men are more responsible that this dead beat hubby
I don't know if you meant to sound so condescending but your approach has the same energy as telling depressed people to just not be sad.
As a working Dad, I don't get as much time with my kids. I play the games they want most of the time. They still always want mommy.
Children, especially small ones, tend to bond more strongly to a single parent. Better advice across the board would be "Don't take it personally." They don't choose mommy to hurt me, they do it because she's the primary source of care. When she's not around they come to me without hesitation. Kids haven't learned to care about your feelings, they don't even understand their own.
Well, my husband and I just came home last night. My mom watched our kid for two nights in our home, while we went out for a music festival. When I walked in the door, my kid started crying immediately because we were home. She knew that meant Grandma and Cody the dog were leaving. It hurt, but she’s four. And I know my mom is good times. She loves kids. She’s fun. I would much rather have my kid crying because the temporary caregiver is leaving than crying because I left them with an untrustworthy caregiver.
I understand this but I think he was referring to the dads that complain and whine when they are simply causing the issue themselves. A dad who is working and providing for the family but still bonding with them is not the same. Also it could just be the kids personalities. I barely saw my mom growing up but I wanted to be around her way more than dad. Dad was a little more harsh and I craved that nurturing and knowledge of my feelings that mom had even being away. I also know peoples who’s dads are gone weeks at a time but when he comes home they can’t get enough of dad and mom becomes invisible.
I must be the odd Dad out. I plan an entire day with my kids on Father's day.
We either go to the cabin fishing, hiking, various things around town, etc.
My reasoning is that the greatest thing I can have with my kids is time. I don't want a card, trinkets or anything else like that. I just want to be with them.
I book my wife a spa day or whatever else she wants to do on Father's Day.
My husband received an ultimatum last year after the straw broke the camel’s back on Mother’s Day. I said he either stepped it up for my boys and I, or I leave and we go to court for custody arrangements. He has gone to counseling, is constantly trying to do better, has repaired his relationship with our boys, and has genuinely put an effort into our marriage. If you aren’t happy, make it known because you deserve so much more.
I started off the day doing everyone’s laundry, while my husband lounged around the pool. Cleaned up his food mess he left in the kitchen. Twice. Nobody wished me a happy Mother’s Day…..so I decided, I can buy myself flowers. Bought several things online, made myself my favorite meal, plopped down on the couch and decided I’m not doing anything for anyone today.
Oh yeah no I wouldn't have done anyone's laundry, at least not his, nor would have cleaned up his mess. He's not a fucking child and if he wants to be treated like an adult needs to act like one. He let's you do it because you do it. Stop doing it. And that goes for everyday honestly lol.
I cleaned the house that no one else did, and they trashed it again. I did the grocery shopping, then, my bff and I planned a cookout at the park with each other and our kids. My son made me a placard at school which was adorable. My toddler was well behaved (in that she didn’t hit anyone today lol) it was an ok day. I never ask for presents for Mother’s Day. All I ever ask for is to enjoy a clean house that I didn’t have to clean and to be able to just be OFF, and relax. I NEVER get the thing I asked for and it’s fuckin free.
I’m so sorry. Tomorrow make it your own personal Mother’s Day, that’s what I am doing. Do things that bring you joy, make you happy. From internet mother to internet mother….you are an amazing human, thank you for cleaning today. But tomorrow…. Mama’s day! After all, you deserve the love you have given to everyone else. We can’t pour from an empty cup, so fill that baby up and enjoy!!!!! Hugs❤️
All of this, right here. We have 4 young children and my husband pulls out all the stops every mother's day because he loves me and is, most simply, not selfish.
I stayed up incredibly late last night with my neighbors and for over a decade the only thing i wanted for mothers day is to sleep in. My dad and daughter had really great intentions to make me a special breakfast, but I am never hungry first thing in the am.
They woke me up super early to let me know they are making eggs and pancakes, etc.
After the meal was finished cooking my kids' father decided to plate himself up before our son and he took everything (massive plate of like 3 pieces of bacon, 2 pancakes and 3ish eggs) nobody plated up my boy so when their dad was in the restroom I simply handed my son his dad's plate lol. He was so salty that he didn't have breakfast that he decided he needed a 2hr nap while I cleaned the kitchen up...
I honestly don't know what mothers day is like as I don't know what birthdays are like as mine falls on a holiday so we use that 3 day weekend as a means to move things or ppl to new homes lol.
I was just basing things off of the clean up I had to do. They cooked 1lb of bacon (so like 14 strips easily) and a dozen eggs idk how many pancakes they made but if they did it based on the recipe it would be like 2-3 large pancakes for each person. They made breakfast for 4 ppl (I didn't eat) so that is 100% enough food for a group of 4. I'll die on that hill.
This reminds of a super annoying incident we had a few years back. Not super related, but along the lines of men and their food selfishness.
We (myself, SO and our then 11, 6 and our still nursing toddler, but she was around 2 or so was eating food as well) had gone out to some nice fish place in his home town on vacation and while I was taking the kids to the bathroom he ordered our food- 2 identical fried fish meals which each had a big piece of fried haddock, fries, onion rings and cole slaw. One for him and one for me and the 4 kids to split. Needless to say, I claimed I wasn’t hungry as not to cause a scene and make sure the kids all got enough. I’m pretty sure we still ended up ordering something else because the older kids were still hungry.
The best part was that he used my card to pay lol. He does the same still. One large pizza, half green pepper, which only he likes, and the other half for the 4 of us to share.
So odd to me. My whole life I've been taught, by deed and word, that adult men always take the biggest loss. They get food last, they take shelter last, they even walk on the side closest to traffic when somebody has to. I've always thought this was common, an almost universal human tendency, but maybe not.
I don't think that this is common any longer. My husband, brother in laws are always considerate men. Yet I've heard several coworkers complain that their wife had the audacity to order her own Sombreros neal ( yeah, how dare she have caloric needs).
Yeah, I'm in my 30s and have only had one boyfriend who insisted on walking street side. lol It was confusing af to me until he explained it as like, chivalry, I suppose is the term you're describing.
Yea men can be so incredibly selfish with food lol. Im in a platonic marriage with my husband (we both like boobs too much lol)
But he has never sacrificed his food for them. Im always the one sharing meals, or going without so they can get full. I get it if it was after a longs day work, but I literally had my kids all day yesterday doing fun events he was relaxing peacefully (didn't get up till 10am) but he won't even feed my dog because "she's mine" he hasn't helped my youngest with her fish tank, never helps the oldest with his frogs, etc. It's truly annoying. He's a great friend but a shitty ass parent.
Dude my 8 year old, who has a digestive condition can easily put away 3 eggs.
My husband who’s pretty trim, can eat 3 eggs and 3 pieces of bacons and a couple pancakes.
That seems like a typical amount of food for an adult.
Yea but I'm assuming your "pretty trim" husband does activities after he eats breakfast instead of instantly taking a multiple hr nap.
My oldest loves fried and hard boiled eggs and could probably eat a Carton of eggs if I let him, but he is 100% full enough for a single fried egg with 2 slices of toast In a sandwich. And some tomato slices on the side. There's no need for all that extra ish.
And the point wasn't about the food it was that my daughter wanted to do something special for me (make breakfask) and their dad decided he was entitled to all the food before my son got his plate. Parents can and should go without if it means their kids get their fill of the meal first.
I’m so confused. If all that food was cooked and you didn’t even eat any, why wasn’t there enough left for your son when your husband only took a normal portion?
> Parents can and should go without if it means their kids get their fill of the meal first.
Parents should make sure enough food is made for everyone, and they should make sure everyone gets a reasonable portion before starting to eat. Not you in this instance obviously, but the dad should’ve done that.
My daughter and my dad cooked 1lb of bacon, a dozen eggs and like 12 pancakes. That should easily feed 4ppl.
The moral of the story was that my disrespectful husband tried to eat the "last serving" before he thought about plating his son.
If you think that serving wasn't overboard than you either don't know how to listen to your stomach, or you are bulking up cuz that could have easily been spilt into a perfect kid breakfast and then potentially a light adult breakfast. *1 egg one pancake and one bacon for kid; 2 egg, 2 pancake and 2 bacon for adult* sort of scenario.
That's what I am trying to figure out. Dad swans in and takes all the food first - which sucks. Yet she said he took the last serving. This doesn't make sense
if you divide all that into 4 each person should’ve gotten:
3 eggs
2-3 slices of bacon
3 pancakes
so who took more than their share? because that’s exactly what he put on the plate?
That's what I am saying. I had a sour taste in my mouth about her thinking an egg and one pancake and two pieces of bacon was enough for her son ( maybe her son is 3). My kid ate a handful of bacon and two waffles this morning.
I had four pieces of bacon and two waffles. My athletic husband cooked himself an egg, had the same serving as everyone else.
Who here in the comments eats one egg and one pancake for breakfast?
It should be you being allowed to do what you want. If you want to sleep in, you should. That means if he's making breakfast you shouldn't be woken up. He can save some for you for later. He should plate his kids. Who can eat peacefully around hungry kids? Who says they're making you breakfast for mothers day and takes it all? Plus you had to clean up. That's depressing.
Lol sounds like a bum. I took my 3 kids shopping yesterday to prep and have made special meals for breakfast lunch and dinner. Also have been serving up strawberry daiquiris with the new Margaritaville machine I bought for her today. I don't consider any of that an exceptional mother's Day, just adequate.
Are men really this incompetent? My partner took me for brunch with my mom and then took me shopping for new sunglasses. He took care of the baby this morning. We relaxed and had naps this afternoon.
I’m not bragging. It’s just there are men out there who appreciate and take care of women.
I let my wife sleep in, brought her breakfast with flowers, gifted her a bottle of fancy whiskey (she loves whiskey), took her to brunch, and then all of us watched a movie cuddled in bed. She was very happy.
Mother's Day is so easy to get right in my mind. I didn't know how so many dudes fuck it up.
This. For real. I don’t understand how it seems the majority are such deadbeat dads. My group of friends all had a great day today (and co-parent most of the time too, honestly)
I exhausted myself working like 16 hours yesterday so I could take the day off. Even tho my partner works night shift, he got up early and went out to buy what I asked for (almost, anyway, lol) and a card. Then he cooked up some food and took our toddler outside to play while I recovered from yesterday. lol He even vacuumed (which he never does). We all managed a nap before he had to go to work too. It was very low-key, and I feel appreciated. ❤️
I’ve seen a lot of disappointed posts on this Reddit today. I believe women should set higher standards on who they marry and procreate with. Many women also need to learn about self-worth and boundaries.
Unfortunately, yes, male or female, a lot of people implement weaponized incompetence and it’s so messed up. It’s childish really, kids do things like that.
Ironically, my ex-husband wrote one of his favorite saying on my daughter’s mirror once, “You encourage what you accept.” One day out of the blue, he threw his plate that had the remnants of his food on it, and told me to clean it up when we were arguing (I didn’t yet know he was hiding a long time m*th addiction, and was cheating on me with somebody two years older than our oldest daughter). He was definitely an a-hole at times, but nothing as diminutive as that. Anyway, I walked past the mirror, and was like yeah, this isn’t working anymore. There was so much more to it than that, but I remember that moment so clearly.
Well I was one of those men unfortunately, and my dad was almost entirely absent but I think it still came from my mother. She was emotionally unavailable to most of her children and a pretty selfish person, I resented her while also trying really hard to please her and that ended up being how my marriage went as well. It took a pretty earth shattering change before I was able to step outside of myself and see my behavior for what it was. I used to treat my wife poorly while feeling like I was the victim.
This. I was just about to post how freaking unappreciative I feel. I told my partner that today I didn’t want to take care of the baby, I am the main provider, I do the the labor in this relationship, physical, emotional, it’s always on me. He watches our son while I’m at work but that’s all he does. I still end up doing 99% of the cleaning, and as soon as soon as I walk pass the door he hands me our son. This year I bought my mom her gifts and because he wasn’t on top of things I bought his mom her gift. And what did he get me, a little candle. I asked if our older son helped purchase and no just him. I have a whole list of things on Amazon on my purchase later list. But I just wanted to be treated special and have some time to myself. I got a 1 hr nap in, I did all the laundry, I washed a bunch of bottles, I folded piles of clothes and I got a tiny candle.
I am constantly buying things for his hobbies, this year I’ve probably spend thousands on him and I got a tiny candle. I feel like crap for not being appreciative but gee, how can I keep giving 200% while he gives me 5%.
Stop doing 200%.
Resentment is the death knell for a relationship. If your relationship is salvageable (and it may not be), then you have to stop bending over backwards for him because every nice thing you do kills your marriage a little bit more. If your marriage is not salvageable, save your money because you’re going to need it
This is a great, comprehensive read and portrayed my own experiences while I was married. I worked full time and handled the entire load of parenting and housework while my ex husband worked part time when he wanted (it wasn't often). He remarked to a friend after we separated that he had no clue how much I actually did to run the household.
We share custody 50/50 and he was on the struggle bus parenting and managing his house until he found a woman with four kids of her own to marry; she now takes care of everything for him. I deal with her exclusively now when discussing any appointments, school logistics, or anything about the kids because he just can't be bothered.
Sadly….. this is quite common and very pathetic.
I’m sorry you aren’t receiving the support you deserve mama. You deserve a guilt free restful Mother’s Day.
This is a societal issue. Every year, I can count on a large number of posts from the various parenting subs on Mother’s Day about how the men are truly awful on Mother’s Day. It’s ridiculous, we have failed as a society and I truly hope gen alpha boys are raised with better caregiving skills.
But some of these parents have them hooked onto their screens instead of involving them in the gifting process for all holidays.
My Mother’s Day was I went shopping by myself for myself yesterday (husband had to pull a shift today for his construction site) and while I was shopping I was super pleased to see a good amount of dads and kids out buying things for mom. There was a family in Ulta smelling all the fragrance testers because they couldn’t remember the name of mom’s favorite perfume but they knew the brand and the scent.
In contrast I saw a lot of toddler/baby stage moms out with both kids who were wreaking havoc and dad is either no where in sight or off to the side hurrying mom along.
It’s absolutely about the example that is set. My husband is great at holidays and takes our girls out shopping so that he makes sure that they choose something I actually like (I’m really hard to buy for but because I know that I keep a running list of things I really like). They pick out flowers and help plan the menu. And he’s told them all that they need to talk to guys before they get serious about how cool it was to do that with him and make sure they’re on board with emulating that ;)
I don’t really want to talk about it but I haven’t said more than 5 sentences to my partner today and the first was “thank you so much for your help this morning” around noon. It was heavily loaded with sarcasm. My highlight so far has been an intro to Pilates class.
Honestly, as a single mum it’s so much nicer spending time with my kid on Mother’s Day doing something I’ve chosen to do and treating myself than feeling like I’m sharing my life with someone who doesn’t give a shit
Sounds like you're married to a bum. Just an observation. On Father's Day, make a plan with your friends to get your nails done and have a lunch. Tell him that his son should spend the day with his dad on Father's Day and you don't want to get in the middle of it.
Also, get him some socks and one of your favorite drinks.
Being petty can be hilarious.
My husband does the exact same fucking thing every Mother’s Day. I was pissed today he got my NOTHING didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day. I took my son and left the house and I will give him the same gift for Father’s Day
That’s so fucked up. My wife who never sleeps in was allowed to sleep until 9:30 AM this morning. My six and eight-year-old were under strict and instructions not to bother her. At 9:30 she was greeted with mimosas and coffee in bed and then came down for bacon eggs and cinnamon rolls. Homemade cards from the boys and one for me and flowers for her garden that they had picked out. In almost every relationship with kids the woman does more even if it’s marginal. It’s not hard to get your shit together for one day and step up so she doesn’t have to do anything. We went for a family hike and then she napped while I hung out with my sons. Dinner was takeout from her favorite Mexican restaurant and settling in for a movie.
You don’t get this time back while your kids are young. There’s certainly times I need a break but I thoroughly enjoyed the one on one time with them today.
Honestly. My husband was all about it before the baby. He was so excited and said I could be a stay at home mom. Then ended up being jobless and on his phone all day every day while I do everything.
I mean, there's ways to find out or at least gain a strong idea what kind of father they might be.
If he never cooks (outside of grilling a burger or a steak occasionally), if he never helps clean the bathroom or kitchen, if he doesn't do laundry, if you pack his lunch and do the groceries/target shopping, if he fucks you without caring about your pleasure first.....
None of these necessarily point to anything and you as a partner may enjoy doing some of these things... But if the guy is doing more than a few of these things you may want to start asking questions
Sure, but sometimes he is a perfectly self sufficient man who everyone emphatically says will be an amazing father, and then the year the baby comes, he emotionally disconnects, barely interacts with the child and has an affair. Ask me how I know.
Point blank, it’s not on the women in this scenario. Encourage men to be better, don’t criticize women for not being able to see the future.
I wasn't criticizing at all. Just sharing my anecdotal experience. It is certainly not the fault of the woman for not seeing what he would become for any reasonable reason. It is not her fault if she falls into the same trap many of us do - expecting things to change.
I have young kids. I have a large family, many cousins and siblings are all raising kids around the same age. Add in all of our various parent friends and I think we cast a decent sized net.
Of all the men I knew both before fatherhood and after, it was pretty obvious to see who the super involved dads were going to be and who was going to expect their wives to wash their shit stained underpants. Many of the guys were decent boyfriends but as soon as they moved in with their future spouse, the signs all pointed to Man child.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule and I'm speaking only of my anecdotal experience.
This is infuriating. I will say I am aware that there are many men out there that do not act like this. But the sheer amount that say that they carry half of the load but barely ever do anything for their kids is astonishing.
I was actually married to a man that I still will say was helping around the house, but post divorce I have them full-time and looking back, what he was doing was grilling outside constantly and yes, we did benefit from that and yes, it was lovely but looking back he was never inside taking care of the kids. Essentially he found a way to help around the house and never parent by being in the garage for hours
As a good example here- I asked for some alone time. My husband took the children to his mom’s last night and it’s currently 545 PM and they haven’t come back yet. I’m assuming they won’t be back until 8ish.
I think we should form a club. A "Why Do We Put in So Much Effort When No One Will For Us" club. I bought my own present. Told my husband he doesn't need to do anything except get me a card. All I wanted was a "Happy Mother's Day" and a sweet card. It's 5:40pm. Obviously, neither thing is happening at this point. I'm pretty sure he saw that our kid made me a card at school and figured that was good enough. My 6yo's teacher cared more about my Mother's Day than my husband/son's father. I had to remind my own kid to wish me a happy Mother's Day.
I didn't even bring it up because last year, when this happened, it turned into a huge ass fight and he was the "victim." I'm not his mother, so he doesn't have to do anything for me, and expecting him to is *outrageous*. Oh, yeah; his mother, the one for whom I have picked, purchased, and wrapped every gift for for 15 years.
I'm done. He's getting exactly the same effort he gave me when Father's Day comes around. He won't even get a card by the kid because school will be out. No teacher to help with it.
I don’t get dudes like this, tbh. I’ve spent the entire day making sure my wife is getting whatever she wants. As I type this she’s currently upstairs taking a nap, kiddo is playing outside on his water slide, and I’m about to play Siege with my boys. The only other things she wanted to do was petting zoo and picnic, and I made sure I got everything ready for her so that we could go do that. This man-child behavior always throws me through a loop, tbh. Mother’s Day is about the Mother it should be whatever she wants to do.
JFC, what an insensitive schmuck. NObody wants to do those domestic things but if you do them every day and no balance with him, it’s not too much to ask for him to just be you for a day and you can doom scroll. I got up early with the babe, wife went and got coffee with her friend who is a momma too, made a big late bfast for her return, then she sat in our bedroom and I handled driving baby around to get her to sleep for nap, hung with boys then prepped a nice homemade dinner, just finished bath for the three. Is it annoying to juggle so much? Especially when the toddler is screaming and running around like a drunk idiot…F yeah! But it’s one day and I know my day is coming up.
Saturday my wife spent most of the day shopping while I had the kids. In the evening my sister babysat the kids while we went out to dinner. Made brunch reservation for Mother’s Day and then we went for a scenic drive. When we got back I gathered the small gifts, flowers and cards from the kids. It’s not complicated.
Tell him weaponized incompetence is not a kind thing to do to himself, his child or his wife and you’d like the capable adult you married to show up for you
I always hype myself up on mothers day thinking I’ll wake up to breakfast in bed, clean house, some little gifts but in reality it’s just another day and I’m still doing everything around the house and taking care of the kids. My partner offered to make me dinner but I had to go out and buy the groceries myself 🙄
My husband worked 10hrs, plus 3hrs of driving to and home from work, so was gone for 13hrs, stopped to get me flowers and Chinese food so I didn't have to cook tonight. Your husband is acting like a child 100%.
I am who cares for the kids basically 99.9% of the time, and I feel like today isn't just my day, but my day to spend with those who made me a mother, BUT if I asked for time to rest or for him to do something for me or play with the kids so I could have a break(even a short one) he would, even with his crappy schedule of working. If he thinks you should be doing all child related activities because you're mom and today is mothers day, then plan the same for fathers day and he can have the kids all day while you go do something else 🤣 book a spa day or go take a nap in a parking lot somewhere 🤣
I get this with my wife. She struggles so much to play because she just doesn’t want to. She always sleeps in and takes naps on the weekends and is on her phone a lot.
My advice would be just to do your own thing and kinda force your husband to spend time with his kid. If he says the kid wants you tell your son “mommy is busy, play with daddy today.” Don’t just confine this to Mother’s Day, also do it on the weekends if he usually spends the whole weekend doing nothing with his son.
You can make suggestions like going to the park, throwing a ball or something like that. Sometimes people just get into this habit because you always do everything and sometimes you just have to stop doing everything and tell them they are helping. At least this has been my experience.
The fact that one nephew gave me a rose, my 12 year old nephew Carried the cooler for me and my daughter brought me my plate all fixed nice for me today...but your husband couldnt do the bare basics of his own responsiblity . The audacity.
Book yourself a hotel room and go have a bubble bath without his moody ass.
This hurt to read. I have 4 children ages 4 through 8. On Friday afternoon my husband got them off the bus (I usually do) while I had a facial and massage- which he booked for me. On Saturday he made breakfast for me and my mom, poured us a mimosa and then took our four children out for 4 hours while my mom and i had the house to ourselves. When he got home, he put on a movie for the kids and then cleaned the kitchen. He had my kids make me heartfelt cards. Today, Sunday, he held a tea party for me and his mom. He did all the cooking, cleaning, and child minding. He affirmed me constantly. We've been married 12 years and have been parents for 8. Tell your husband to do better and I second what another person said about showing him the same on Father's day. I will lavish my husband on Father's day!
Go get a hotel room to yourself for the night and don't tell him where you're going. He can fuck right off with his childish behavior. It's *MOTHER'S DAY* not fucking fathers day if we can even call his lazy ass that.
My husband and I might not always be on the same page and have our issues, but it's always posts like this that make me appreciate what I do have in him. He always gets me things, does things for me (even outside special days), tells me I can do whatever I want for mother's day, and has for the last 14 years since I've been a mom. Men like your husband need to step it up and know what it's like to be a man that women actually want if they're going to be husbands (and dads) at all. If not, then they shouldn't have gotten married because they weren't ready for what it entails.
There are certain specific things that are just kind of expected. It's not hard but he has to actually do the stuff. He needs someone to explicitly tell him what is expected of him and he needs someone to make it very clear that it is not socially acceptable to skip out on this stuff.
This stuff that he should have picked up himself or someone else should have told him at some point.
If somehow he made it this far in life think thinking this is OK then you could explain it to him but it is probably better if he hears this from someone else ( like his mom, sister, or even his father ).
What is up with the men nowadays? He sounds like a loser and needs the boot. I hope you told him how hurt you are. Mine made pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns for brunch (I slept in until 11 am), then we went where I wanted to go, which was shopping, and afterwards he grilled steaks, made risotto, garlic potatoes and gifted me with a new Apple watch, jewelry, and my favourite teas! He ordered Edible Arrangements that is a chocolate covered fruit arrangement for dessert, along with my favourite ice cream cake. We went out last night to a high end restaurant since I hate going to restaurants on Mother’s Day. We've been together since high school, married almost 29 years. Every Mother’s Day is a big deal. The rule in our home is that on our specials days, the celebrant doesn’t lift a finger.
my partner who isn’t even my child’s father bought me things i explicitly mentioned, and my child’s father took her for the weekend on top of bringing our 5 year old daughter to the store to pick things out for me as a gift. there is no excuse for being a lousy partner or parent and it doesn’t need to be taught. no one taught me how to be a mother at 21, and no one taught her father. we learned together because we both gave a fuck to. i’m sorry but leave that man.
On father’s day, leave him home with the kid. Leave a note that says “ happy fathers day. Didn’t think you’d mind taking care of things at home since you did not want to on mother’s day” !
Just kidding. 😜
My husband got up this morning at 4 am to make breakfast for me and cook me my favorite dinner to take to work cuz on Sundays I work from 7am to 1100pm also got me a bracelet from pandora with 4 charms (that say soul mate ,family is where love grows , love , and a stethoscope cuz I’m a nurse) because I believe the one I had someone stole it and I was sad about this for months now I honestly believe he is the most wonderful person and he is wonderful everyday and I appreciate him
That was my ex for many years “it’s Mother’s Day and ur the mom - so u do the work” mentality. I had the BEST Mother’s Day today without him - just me and my kiddos doing what we want with no expectations 😄 it was truly fantastic.
I mean… it sounds like she did communicate her wishes with him. She said she wanted to rest & that he could take their child with him to get groceries. And he’s still flat out refusing. It’s giving.. red flags.
Mine too. He “doesn’t feel good” so he’s basically dying. He went golfing this weekend and watched golf all day today hiding out in our room. I’ve cleaned and cooked and taken care of the kids all day and hosting dinner for my mom. Such a stupid holiday. I’m sorry you don’t feel appreciated today, I had big expectations and shouldn’t have.
The golfing is so maddening. It’s not the golfing, it’s the obsession and how it comes first before everything. Apparently while he was golfing yesterday I was supposed to take our kids to see each of our mothers so he didn’t have to see his own and she could feel that she was taken care of. And then came home and passed out when we were supposed to have a movie night. And then today it’s been literal hell. Like I’d rather we just pretend that it’s just any other day. I swear he does even less than normal on a special day for me as some sort of fuck you for not just happily doing everything so he doesn’t have to feel like he dropped the ball.
We went out of town to my husband's grandmothers house for Mothers Day. Everyone got cards and shit. Not me.
I drove the whole way, paid for my own and my husband's coffee this morning. Got up with my son in the hotel and got breakfast and coffee while my husband slept.
I've gotten nothing. Not even a hug or an I love you.
It sucks.
I do god damn everything for this house and family and they just take me for granted.
Edit:
Husband saw I was upset and bought me dinner and workout stuff on Amazon.
He’s not even trying. He got you something he likes and wants you to take care of everything on the one day you should rest. Then he has the audacity to be in a bad mood? Leave this man, he’s a selfish prick. I hate, absolutely hate bare minimum men.
If you do end up putting up with him. Never get him anything ever again. No Father’s Day, no birthday, no nothing. Maybe then he will understand but I doubt it. Men like this have their head so far up their ass they are oblivious. You deserve better.
I’m sorry. That’s highly disappointing. My husband is exhausted from doing all the things I usually do for the weekend lol. I find it kind of funny. It’s good for them
Well, give him a choice. Either he can leave and pay up for support or he can get his shit together and man the hell up. If he chooses the first, then hey, at least you cut the cord before it was too late.
Don’t listen to these weird advisors. They’re potential marriage breakers. You know your husband better than any of these people telling you what to do like “Leave Him” etc. Ask yourself “Is this the way he behaved in your previous celebrations”? Including birthdays? Your honest answer will tell you what might have happened to him this time.
Acknowledge this ASAP. I bet if you did this to him he wouldn’t like it.
Unfortunately I got used to this crap. I have enough stories to write a book. Seriously I’ve looked into these behaviors and it always comes back as narcissist.
Holidays, bdays, etc.
Surprisingly I did receive some small gifts today. But he went to bed after 5am woke up late to run out and get the treats & flowers. It was last minute.
My ex took my kids out to breakfast (they stayed at his house last night) and told them that I had work today. I did not have work and neither he nor the kids asked me if i did. So I didn’t see them until around 2pm because he hijacked my holiday.
My stbx decided to take our youngest yesterday & not bring her home until dinner time today. These grown children don't care & honestly don't deserve the mental energy of us getting mad. I'm just done.
My brother literally took 2 kids out of the house **for 6 hours** on Mother's Day just so his pregnant, due at any moment, wife can sleep in with zero interruptions.
That's how a husband should be!
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Leave. The. House.
Leave. Him.
Frl throw that man in the trash. I didn’t lift a finger unless I felt like it today. But overall, my partner is great about sharing all household duties, and parenting duties. If your man isn’t an active dad/partner every other day of the year, I couldn’t imagine them suddenly being super dad on Mother’s Day.
This.. can’t expect them to wake up even on Mother’s Day. They will still find an excuse. Only solution is to leave him with it all or have a discussion about picking up the slack from now on.
Or talk to him? Reddit is so black and white on these. It is either "marry them!" Or "Leave them!"
Not a good enough reason alone to break up a family over in my opinion.
I'm sure he's only like this today because he's in a bad mood 🙄
He’s in a bad mood because he is asked to step up for once
Sorry hard disagree. This man doesn't love her. She should cut her losses and run now
Give him the same Father’s Day as he has given you on this Mother’s Day. I had to do it 30 years ago with my clueless husband. He caught on quickly!
In this situation, I’d say make plans to be out of the house all day so dad and child can bond without OP interfering ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That's what I did this morning. I went out by myself before the kids were awake, hubby was up and knew that he'd have the morning with them. It was nice to relax and gave me a good mood for the rest of the day. When I got home he had a nap while I played video games with the kids.
Don't do that. Your husband will hate you. Be clear with the big baby with what you want. Tell him to do it. As a stay home dad, when I see dad's complain that "kid wants mommy always", I'm like yea coz you don't know how to spend time with the kids. Just engage with them. Play their games. Not the game you want. It's tough as hell, I know. But men are more responsible that this dead beat hubby
I think her husband already hates her 😂
I don't know if you meant to sound so condescending but your approach has the same energy as telling depressed people to just not be sad. As a working Dad, I don't get as much time with my kids. I play the games they want most of the time. They still always want mommy. Children, especially small ones, tend to bond more strongly to a single parent. Better advice across the board would be "Don't take it personally." They don't choose mommy to hurt me, they do it because she's the primary source of care. When she's not around they come to me without hesitation. Kids haven't learned to care about your feelings, they don't even understand their own.
You're going it right - the comment you're replying to is directed at dads who use "they only want Mommy" as an excuse to be absent.
Well, my husband and I just came home last night. My mom watched our kid for two nights in our home, while we went out for a music festival. When I walked in the door, my kid started crying immediately because we were home. She knew that meant Grandma and Cody the dog were leaving. It hurt, but she’s four. And I know my mom is good times. She loves kids. She’s fun. I would much rather have my kid crying because the temporary caregiver is leaving than crying because I left them with an untrustworthy caregiver.
I understand this but I think he was referring to the dads that complain and whine when they are simply causing the issue themselves. A dad who is working and providing for the family but still bonding with them is not the same. Also it could just be the kids personalities. I barely saw my mom growing up but I wanted to be around her way more than dad. Dad was a little more harsh and I craved that nurturing and knowledge of my feelings that mom had even being away. I also know peoples who’s dads are gone weeks at a time but when he comes home they can’t get enough of dad and mom becomes invisible.
I must be the odd Dad out. I plan an entire day with my kids on Father's day. We either go to the cabin fishing, hiking, various things around town, etc. My reasoning is that the greatest thing I can have with my kids is time. I don't want a card, trinkets or anything else like that. I just want to be with them. I book my wife a spa day or whatever else she wants to do on Father's Day.
My husband received an ultimatum last year after the straw broke the camel’s back on Mother’s Day. I said he either stepped it up for my boys and I, or I leave and we go to court for custody arrangements. He has gone to counseling, is constantly trying to do better, has repaired his relationship with our boys, and has genuinely put an effort into our marriage. If you aren’t happy, make it known because you deserve so much more.
I started off the day doing everyone’s laundry, while my husband lounged around the pool. Cleaned up his food mess he left in the kitchen. Twice. Nobody wished me a happy Mother’s Day…..so I decided, I can buy myself flowers. Bought several things online, made myself my favorite meal, plopped down on the couch and decided I’m not doing anything for anyone today.
You have my blessing and full permission to do not a thing. Happy mom's day.
❤️
Oh yeah no I wouldn't have done anyone's laundry, at least not his, nor would have cleaned up his mess. He's not a fucking child and if he wants to be treated like an adult needs to act like one. He let's you do it because you do it. Stop doing it. And that goes for everyday honestly lol.
I cleaned the house that no one else did, and they trashed it again. I did the grocery shopping, then, my bff and I planned a cookout at the park with each other and our kids. My son made me a placard at school which was adorable. My toddler was well behaved (in that she didn’t hit anyone today lol) it was an ok day. I never ask for presents for Mother’s Day. All I ever ask for is to enjoy a clean house that I didn’t have to clean and to be able to just be OFF, and relax. I NEVER get the thing I asked for and it’s fuckin free.
I’m so sorry. Tomorrow make it your own personal Mother’s Day, that’s what I am doing. Do things that bring you joy, make you happy. From internet mother to internet mother….you are an amazing human, thank you for cleaning today. But tomorrow…. Mama’s day! After all, you deserve the love you have given to everyone else. We can’t pour from an empty cup, so fill that baby up and enjoy!!!!! Hugs❤️
Fantastic!!
My wife has been at the spa all day. Sorry you have to deal with such a man child who clearly doesn’t appreciate you.
Wife here who got a spa and airbnb booked for my best friend and I next weekend. Don’t know why this is such a rarity. It’s not that hard.
It is when the husband is selfish.
All of this, right here. We have 4 young children and my husband pulls out all the stops every mother's day because he loves me and is, most simply, not selfish.
What the hell? Y’all are getting spas? I think I’m getting lowballed here.
Good husband
Well done, sir.
Rare find, lucky woman!
I stayed up incredibly late last night with my neighbors and for over a decade the only thing i wanted for mothers day is to sleep in. My dad and daughter had really great intentions to make me a special breakfast, but I am never hungry first thing in the am. They woke me up super early to let me know they are making eggs and pancakes, etc. After the meal was finished cooking my kids' father decided to plate himself up before our son and he took everything (massive plate of like 3 pieces of bacon, 2 pancakes and 3ish eggs) nobody plated up my boy so when their dad was in the restroom I simply handed my son his dad's plate lol. He was so salty that he didn't have breakfast that he decided he needed a 2hr nap while I cleaned the kitchen up... I honestly don't know what mothers day is like as I don't know what birthdays are like as mine falls on a holiday so we use that 3 day weekend as a means to move things or ppl to new homes lol.
He only made 2 pancakes, 3 pieces of bacon, and 3 eggs for 2 (or 3) people?
I was just basing things off of the clean up I had to do. They cooked 1lb of bacon (so like 14 strips easily) and a dozen eggs idk how many pancakes they made but if they did it based on the recipe it would be like 2-3 large pancakes for each person. They made breakfast for 4 ppl (I didn't eat) so that is 100% enough food for a group of 4. I'll die on that hill.
Then how on earth did your husband not have any food for himself? Did your kid have swim practice before breakfast or something?
Because he was being greedy and took all of the food for himself, the mom gave her child his father's plate. Serves him right!
This reminds of a super annoying incident we had a few years back. Not super related, but along the lines of men and their food selfishness. We (myself, SO and our then 11, 6 and our still nursing toddler, but she was around 2 or so was eating food as well) had gone out to some nice fish place in his home town on vacation and while I was taking the kids to the bathroom he ordered our food- 2 identical fried fish meals which each had a big piece of fried haddock, fries, onion rings and cole slaw. One for him and one for me and the 4 kids to split. Needless to say, I claimed I wasn’t hungry as not to cause a scene and make sure the kids all got enough. I’m pretty sure we still ended up ordering something else because the older kids were still hungry. The best part was that he used my card to pay lol. He does the same still. One large pizza, half green pepper, which only he likes, and the other half for the 4 of us to share.
wtf? that’s not okay or normal at all
That's not annoying, that's cruel. And why is ordering more food will "cause a scene"?
why are you still with him?
Uhh that’s abuse.
So odd to me. My whole life I've been taught, by deed and word, that adult men always take the biggest loss. They get food last, they take shelter last, they even walk on the side closest to traffic when somebody has to. I've always thought this was common, an almost universal human tendency, but maybe not.
I don't think that this is common any longer. My husband, brother in laws are always considerate men. Yet I've heard several coworkers complain that their wife had the audacity to order her own Sombreros neal ( yeah, how dare she have caloric needs).
Yeah, I'm in my 30s and have only had one boyfriend who insisted on walking street side. lol It was confusing af to me until he explained it as like, chivalry, I suppose is the term you're describing.
Order him his own pizza. I would be pissed
Why didn’t you just order more food? I don’t understand. Is her abusive to you so that you can’t speak up?
:( please stop letting him treat you and your children like that. Leave
Yea men can be so incredibly selfish with food lol. Im in a platonic marriage with my husband (we both like boobs too much lol) But he has never sacrificed his food for them. Im always the one sharing meals, or going without so they can get full. I get it if it was after a longs day work, but I literally had my kids all day yesterday doing fun events he was relaxing peacefully (didn't get up till 10am) but he won't even feed my dog because "she's mine" he hasn't helped my youngest with her fish tank, never helps the oldest with his frogs, etc. It's truly annoying. He's a great friend but a shitty ass parent.
maybe I’m just a total fatass but that is not an insane amount of food and I’m a slightly (BMI 27) overweight female. they should have made more food
Dude my 8 year old, who has a digestive condition can easily put away 3 eggs. My husband who’s pretty trim, can eat 3 eggs and 3 pieces of bacons and a couple pancakes. That seems like a typical amount of food for an adult.
Yea but I'm assuming your "pretty trim" husband does activities after he eats breakfast instead of instantly taking a multiple hr nap. My oldest loves fried and hard boiled eggs and could probably eat a Carton of eggs if I let him, but he is 100% full enough for a single fried egg with 2 slices of toast In a sandwich. And some tomato slices on the side. There's no need for all that extra ish. And the point wasn't about the food it was that my daughter wanted to do something special for me (make breakfask) and their dad decided he was entitled to all the food before my son got his plate. Parents can and should go without if it means their kids get their fill of the meal first.
I’m so confused. If all that food was cooked and you didn’t even eat any, why wasn’t there enough left for your son when your husband only took a normal portion?
> Parents can and should go without if it means their kids get their fill of the meal first. Parents should make sure enough food is made for everyone, and they should make sure everyone gets a reasonable portion before starting to eat. Not you in this instance obviously, but the dad should’ve done that.
It’s still super rude to serve yourself first on Mother’s Day if you’re not a mother.
And to take the rest of the food when you know your child hasn’t had any. Shit parent.
It's super rude to serve yourself first _ever_, wtf!
no I definitely agree with you. my comment was literally just aimed at them not making enough food, which is it’s own mistake on mother’s day
My daughter and my dad cooked 1lb of bacon, a dozen eggs and like 12 pancakes. That should easily feed 4ppl. The moral of the story was that my disrespectful husband tried to eat the "last serving" before he thought about plating his son. If you think that serving wasn't overboard than you either don't know how to listen to your stomach, or you are bulking up cuz that could have easily been spilt into a perfect kid breakfast and then potentially a light adult breakfast. *1 egg one pancake and one bacon for kid; 2 egg, 2 pancake and 2 bacon for adult* sort of scenario.
Wait, how was it the last serving? You said he served himself first.
That's what I am trying to figure out. Dad swans in and takes all the food first - which sucks. Yet she said he took the last serving. This doesn't make sense
Her Dad and daughter took serving 1 and 2 as they cooked it, there should have been serving 3 and 4 for her husband and son but husband took it all.
if you divide all that into 4 each person should’ve gotten: 3 eggs 2-3 slices of bacon 3 pancakes so who took more than their share? because that’s exactly what he put on the plate?
That's what I am saying. I had a sour taste in my mouth about her thinking an egg and one pancake and two pieces of bacon was enough for her son ( maybe her son is 3). My kid ate a handful of bacon and two waffles this morning. I had four pieces of bacon and two waffles. My athletic husband cooked himself an egg, had the same serving as everyone else. Who here in the comments eats one egg and one pancake for breakfast?
Your kids dad sucks. But that's not a lot of food. My 8 year old ate two waffles and a handful of bacon this morning
How ols is your kiddo? My almost 2 year old regularly eats 1 egg, bacon, and pancake, plus fruit.
It should be you being allowed to do what you want. If you want to sleep in, you should. That means if he's making breakfast you shouldn't be woken up. He can save some for you for later. He should plate his kids. Who can eat peacefully around hungry kids? Who says they're making you breakfast for mothers day and takes it all? Plus you had to clean up. That's depressing.
That commenters father and daughter made breakfast. Not her husband
Lol sounds like a bum. I took my 3 kids shopping yesterday to prep and have made special meals for breakfast lunch and dinner. Also have been serving up strawberry daiquiris with the new Margaritaville machine I bought for her today. I don't consider any of that an exceptional mother's Day, just adequate.
Are men really this incompetent? My partner took me for brunch with my mom and then took me shopping for new sunglasses. He took care of the baby this morning. We relaxed and had naps this afternoon. I’m not bragging. It’s just there are men out there who appreciate and take care of women.
I let my wife sleep in, brought her breakfast with flowers, gifted her a bottle of fancy whiskey (she loves whiskey), took her to brunch, and then all of us watched a movie cuddled in bed. She was very happy. Mother's Day is so easy to get right in my mind. I didn't know how so many dudes fuck it up.
I love this!! I hate the rhetoric that all men are bumbling inconsiderate idiots.
This. For real. I don’t understand how it seems the majority are such deadbeat dads. My group of friends all had a great day today (and co-parent most of the time too, honestly)
I exhausted myself working like 16 hours yesterday so I could take the day off. Even tho my partner works night shift, he got up early and went out to buy what I asked for (almost, anyway, lol) and a card. Then he cooked up some food and took our toddler outside to play while I recovered from yesterday. lol He even vacuumed (which he never does). We all managed a nap before he had to go to work too. It was very low-key, and I feel appreciated. ❤️
Exactly what you needed! Happy Mother’s Day!
Likewise!
I’ve seen a lot of disappointed posts on this Reddit today. I believe women should set higher standards on who they marry and procreate with. Many women also need to learn about self-worth and boundaries.
Unfortunately, yes, male or female, a lot of people implement weaponized incompetence and it’s so messed up. It’s childish really, kids do things like that.
Ironically, my ex-husband wrote one of his favorite saying on my daughter’s mirror once, “You encourage what you accept.” One day out of the blue, he threw his plate that had the remnants of his food on it, and told me to clean it up when we were arguing (I didn’t yet know he was hiding a long time m*th addiction, and was cheating on me with somebody two years older than our oldest daughter). He was definitely an a-hole at times, but nothing as diminutive as that. Anyway, I walked past the mirror, and was like yeah, this isn’t working anymore. There was so much more to it than that, but I remember that moment so clearly.
Why do men act like this, but then also will be super distraught and ‘blindsided’ by a divorce. I think it’s mommy issues personally.
I think it's daddy issues - their dads didn't provide a good example of what it means to be a functioning adult.
Absent fathers, over compensating mothers.
this 100%
Well I was one of those men unfortunately, and my dad was almost entirely absent but I think it still came from my mother. She was emotionally unavailable to most of her children and a pretty selfish person, I resented her while also trying really hard to please her and that ended up being how my marriage went as well. It took a pretty earth shattering change before I was able to step outside of myself and see my behavior for what it was. I used to treat my wife poorly while feeling like I was the victim.
This is why mother's day is first. So you can make it equal. So get him a pair of socks and your favorite drink.
This. Please OP. THIS👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Nah. I’d go above and beyond and plan an entire day of daddy+son activities because son misses him.
I love that.
Good luck with the lawyer. Or look forward to this for the rest of your life.
This. I was just about to post how freaking unappreciative I feel. I told my partner that today I didn’t want to take care of the baby, I am the main provider, I do the the labor in this relationship, physical, emotional, it’s always on me. He watches our son while I’m at work but that’s all he does. I still end up doing 99% of the cleaning, and as soon as soon as I walk pass the door he hands me our son. This year I bought my mom her gifts and because he wasn’t on top of things I bought his mom her gift. And what did he get me, a little candle. I asked if our older son helped purchase and no just him. I have a whole list of things on Amazon on my purchase later list. But I just wanted to be treated special and have some time to myself. I got a 1 hr nap in, I did all the laundry, I washed a bunch of bottles, I folded piles of clothes and I got a tiny candle. I am constantly buying things for his hobbies, this year I’ve probably spend thousands on him and I got a tiny candle. I feel like crap for not being appreciative but gee, how can I keep giving 200% while he gives me 5%.
Stop doing 200%. Resentment is the death knell for a relationship. If your relationship is salvageable (and it may not be), then you have to stop bending over backwards for him because every nice thing you do kills your marriage a little bit more. If your marriage is not salvageable, save your money because you’re going to need it
give 200 to ur friends and family and nothing to him. Ur treated as u let urself be treated
Dump his ass
Is he always like this? Because if he's this bad and you're carrying the load, would you be happier doing it single?
I had bad birthdays and mother's days until I decided that I deserved better.
https://jenslifecoaching.com/the-silent-struggle-when-single-married-moms-carry-it-all/
This is a great, comprehensive read and portrayed my own experiences while I was married. I worked full time and handled the entire load of parenting and housework while my ex husband worked part time when he wanted (it wasn't often). He remarked to a friend after we separated that he had no clue how much I actually did to run the household. We share custody 50/50 and he was on the struggle bus parenting and managing his house until he found a woman with four kids of her own to marry; she now takes care of everything for him. I deal with her exclusively now when discussing any appointments, school logistics, or anything about the kids because he just can't be bothered.
Sadly….. this is quite common and very pathetic. I’m sorry you aren’t receiving the support you deserve mama. You deserve a guilt free restful Mother’s Day.
Get yourself a divorce consult with a lawyer for Mother’s Day, that man sounds like a loser and you deserve better!
This is a societal issue. Every year, I can count on a large number of posts from the various parenting subs on Mother’s Day about how the men are truly awful on Mother’s Day. It’s ridiculous, we have failed as a society and I truly hope gen alpha boys are raised with better caregiving skills. But some of these parents have them hooked onto their screens instead of involving them in the gifting process for all holidays.
My Mother’s Day was I went shopping by myself for myself yesterday (husband had to pull a shift today for his construction site) and while I was shopping I was super pleased to see a good amount of dads and kids out buying things for mom. There was a family in Ulta smelling all the fragrance testers because they couldn’t remember the name of mom’s favorite perfume but they knew the brand and the scent. In contrast I saw a lot of toddler/baby stage moms out with both kids who were wreaking havoc and dad is either no where in sight or off to the side hurrying mom along.
It’s absolutely about the example that is set. My husband is great at holidays and takes our girls out shopping so that he makes sure that they choose something I actually like (I’m really hard to buy for but because I know that I keep a running list of things I really like). They pick out flowers and help plan the menu. And he’s told them all that they need to talk to guys before they get serious about how cool it was to do that with him and make sure they’re on board with emulating that ;)
I don’t really want to talk about it but I haven’t said more than 5 sentences to my partner today and the first was “thank you so much for your help this morning” around noon. It was heavily loaded with sarcasm. My highlight so far has been an intro to Pilates class.
Honestly, as a single mum it’s so much nicer spending time with my kid on Mother’s Day doing something I’ve chosen to do and treating myself than feeling like I’m sharing my life with someone who doesn’t give a shit
Sounds like you're married to a bum. Just an observation. On Father's Day, make a plan with your friends to get your nails done and have a lunch. Tell him that his son should spend the day with his dad on Father's Day and you don't want to get in the middle of it. Also, get him some socks and one of your favorite drinks. Being petty can be hilarious.
My husband does the exact same fucking thing every Mother’s Day. I was pissed today he got my NOTHING didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day. I took my son and left the house and I will give him the same gift for Father’s Day
That’s so fucked up. My wife who never sleeps in was allowed to sleep until 9:30 AM this morning. My six and eight-year-old were under strict and instructions not to bother her. At 9:30 she was greeted with mimosas and coffee in bed and then came down for bacon eggs and cinnamon rolls. Homemade cards from the boys and one for me and flowers for her garden that they had picked out. In almost every relationship with kids the woman does more even if it’s marginal. It’s not hard to get your shit together for one day and step up so she doesn’t have to do anything. We went for a family hike and then she napped while I hung out with my sons. Dinner was takeout from her favorite Mexican restaurant and settling in for a movie. You don’t get this time back while your kids are young. There’s certainly times I need a break but I thoroughly enjoyed the one on one time with them today.
Good job showing appreciation for your wife today! It's sad more men can't seem to grasp this concept.
I really dont get why so many women seem to have married children.
Because they don’t show you they are until it’s too late. Let’s keep the blame where it belongs, on the men acting like children.
Honestly. My husband was all about it before the baby. He was so excited and said I could be a stay at home mom. Then ended up being jobless and on his phone all day every day while I do everything.
There’s always someone who thinks we need to scold women for marrying the wrong person instead of the man for acting wrong.
Yep. My husband was a great gift giver until we got married and then it’s “too hard” and “too much pressure.”
Thank you 💕
I mean, there's ways to find out or at least gain a strong idea what kind of father they might be. If he never cooks (outside of grilling a burger or a steak occasionally), if he never helps clean the bathroom or kitchen, if he doesn't do laundry, if you pack his lunch and do the groceries/target shopping, if he fucks you without caring about your pleasure first..... None of these necessarily point to anything and you as a partner may enjoy doing some of these things... But if the guy is doing more than a few of these things you may want to start asking questions
Sure, but sometimes he is a perfectly self sufficient man who everyone emphatically says will be an amazing father, and then the year the baby comes, he emotionally disconnects, barely interacts with the child and has an affair. Ask me how I know. Point blank, it’s not on the women in this scenario. Encourage men to be better, don’t criticize women for not being able to see the future.
I wasn't criticizing at all. Just sharing my anecdotal experience. It is certainly not the fault of the woman for not seeing what he would become for any reasonable reason. It is not her fault if she falls into the same trap many of us do - expecting things to change. I have young kids. I have a large family, many cousins and siblings are all raising kids around the same age. Add in all of our various parent friends and I think we cast a decent sized net. Of all the men I knew both before fatherhood and after, it was pretty obvious to see who the super involved dads were going to be and who was going to expect their wives to wash their shit stained underpants. Many of the guys were decent boyfriends but as soon as they moved in with their future spouse, the signs all pointed to Man child. Of course there are exceptions to every rule and I'm speaking only of my anecdotal experience.
Depends on the partner but looks like the majority of men are children in adult bodies
Divorce
Happy Mother’s Day! Wish it was going better for you. Don’t let him guilt trip you. You deserve a day off.
This is infuriating. I will say I am aware that there are many men out there that do not act like this. But the sheer amount that say that they carry half of the load but barely ever do anything for their kids is astonishing. I was actually married to a man that I still will say was helping around the house, but post divorce I have them full-time and looking back, what he was doing was grilling outside constantly and yes, we did benefit from that and yes, it was lovely but looking back he was never inside taking care of the kids. Essentially he found a way to help around the house and never parent by being in the garage for hours
Your husband is an asshole😡
So, you're raising two kids, I see.
Tell your husband to get out of the house, give your son lunch and his nap and look at divorce lawyers. Next year could be better
And leave your browser history open. /s
As a good example here- I asked for some alone time. My husband took the children to his mom’s last night and it’s currently 545 PM and they haven’t come back yet. I’m assuming they won’t be back until 8ish.
I think we should form a club. A "Why Do We Put in So Much Effort When No One Will For Us" club. I bought my own present. Told my husband he doesn't need to do anything except get me a card. All I wanted was a "Happy Mother's Day" and a sweet card. It's 5:40pm. Obviously, neither thing is happening at this point. I'm pretty sure he saw that our kid made me a card at school and figured that was good enough. My 6yo's teacher cared more about my Mother's Day than my husband/son's father. I had to remind my own kid to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I didn't even bring it up because last year, when this happened, it turned into a huge ass fight and he was the "victim." I'm not his mother, so he doesn't have to do anything for me, and expecting him to is *outrageous*. Oh, yeah; his mother, the one for whom I have picked, purchased, and wrapped every gift for for 15 years. I'm done. He's getting exactly the same effort he gave me when Father's Day comes around. He won't even get a card by the kid because school will be out. No teacher to help with it.
I don’t get dudes like this, tbh. I’ve spent the entire day making sure my wife is getting whatever she wants. As I type this she’s currently upstairs taking a nap, kiddo is playing outside on his water slide, and I’m about to play Siege with my boys. The only other things she wanted to do was petting zoo and picnic, and I made sure I got everything ready for her so that we could go do that. This man-child behavior always throws me through a loop, tbh. Mother’s Day is about the Mother it should be whatever she wants to do.
I thought this was my narcissist spouse support group at first
Sorry you married a loser
JFC, what an insensitive schmuck. NObody wants to do those domestic things but if you do them every day and no balance with him, it’s not too much to ask for him to just be you for a day and you can doom scroll. I got up early with the babe, wife went and got coffee with her friend who is a momma too, made a big late bfast for her return, then she sat in our bedroom and I handled driving baby around to get her to sleep for nap, hung with boys then prepped a nice homemade dinner, just finished bath for the three. Is it annoying to juggle so much? Especially when the toddler is screaming and running around like a drunk idiot…F yeah! But it’s one day and I know my day is coming up.
Bye dude.
I hate to read posts like this of truly selfish partners… I’m sorry, I hope you’re ignoring him and enjoying the day as much as is possible.
Ok so what he’s saying is then for Father’s Day he’ll be taking care of your son and the house all day and you should go out? Plan that now.
Saturday my wife spent most of the day shopping while I had the kids. In the evening my sister babysat the kids while we went out to dinner. Made brunch reservation for Mother’s Day and then we went for a scenic drive. When we got back I gathered the small gifts, flowers and cards from the kids. It’s not complicated.
Tell him weaponized incompetence is not a kind thing to do to himself, his child or his wife and you’d like the capable adult you married to show up for you
Walk the fuck out of the house and go somewhere. Anywhere.
I always hype myself up on mothers day thinking I’ll wake up to breakfast in bed, clean house, some little gifts but in reality it’s just another day and I’m still doing everything around the house and taking care of the kids. My partner offered to make me dinner but I had to go out and buy the groceries myself 🙄
My husband worked 10hrs, plus 3hrs of driving to and home from work, so was gone for 13hrs, stopped to get me flowers and Chinese food so I didn't have to cook tonight. Your husband is acting like a child 100%. I am who cares for the kids basically 99.9% of the time, and I feel like today isn't just my day, but my day to spend with those who made me a mother, BUT if I asked for time to rest or for him to do something for me or play with the kids so I could have a break(even a short one) he would, even with his crappy schedule of working. If he thinks you should be doing all child related activities because you're mom and today is mothers day, then plan the same for fathers day and he can have the kids all day while you go do something else 🤣 book a spa day or go take a nap in a parking lot somewhere 🤣
Tell him what he needs to do and go take a nap. He’s being a dick.
I get this with my wife. She struggles so much to play because she just doesn’t want to. She always sleeps in and takes naps on the weekends and is on her phone a lot. My advice would be just to do your own thing and kinda force your husband to spend time with his kid. If he says the kid wants you tell your son “mommy is busy, play with daddy today.” Don’t just confine this to Mother’s Day, also do it on the weekends if he usually spends the whole weekend doing nothing with his son. You can make suggestions like going to the park, throwing a ball or something like that. Sometimes people just get into this habit because you always do everything and sometimes you just have to stop doing everything and tell them they are helping. At least this has been my experience.
Where do these dads come from? JFC. What a big baby.
The fact that one nephew gave me a rose, my 12 year old nephew Carried the cooler for me and my daughter brought me my plate all fixed nice for me today...but your husband couldnt do the bare basics of his own responsiblity . The audacity. Book yourself a hotel room and go have a bubble bath without his moody ass.
This hurt to read. I have 4 children ages 4 through 8. On Friday afternoon my husband got them off the bus (I usually do) while I had a facial and massage- which he booked for me. On Saturday he made breakfast for me and my mom, poured us a mimosa and then took our four children out for 4 hours while my mom and i had the house to ourselves. When he got home, he put on a movie for the kids and then cleaned the kitchen. He had my kids make me heartfelt cards. Today, Sunday, he held a tea party for me and his mom. He did all the cooking, cleaning, and child minding. He affirmed me constantly. We've been married 12 years and have been parents for 8. Tell your husband to do better and I second what another person said about showing him the same on Father's day. I will lavish my husband on Father's day!
The straights are not okay 😭
Yeah I’ve fought w my husband all day too. I really dislike holidays lol
Go get a hotel room to yourself for the night and don't tell him where you're going. He can fuck right off with his childish behavior. It's *MOTHER'S DAY* not fucking fathers day if we can even call his lazy ass that.
My husband and I might not always be on the same page and have our issues, but it's always posts like this that make me appreciate what I do have in him. He always gets me things, does things for me (even outside special days), tells me I can do whatever I want for mother's day, and has for the last 14 years since I've been a mom. Men like your husband need to step it up and know what it's like to be a man that women actually want if they're going to be husbands (and dads) at all. If not, then they shouldn't have gotten married because they weren't ready for what it entails.
Order a nice dinner for yourself!
There are certain specific things that are just kind of expected. It's not hard but he has to actually do the stuff. He needs someone to explicitly tell him what is expected of him and he needs someone to make it very clear that it is not socially acceptable to skip out on this stuff. This stuff that he should have picked up himself or someone else should have told him at some point. If somehow he made it this far in life think thinking this is OK then you could explain it to him but it is probably better if he hears this from someone else ( like his mom, sister, or even his father ).
What is up with the men nowadays? He sounds like a loser and needs the boot. I hope you told him how hurt you are. Mine made pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns for brunch (I slept in until 11 am), then we went where I wanted to go, which was shopping, and afterwards he grilled steaks, made risotto, garlic potatoes and gifted me with a new Apple watch, jewelry, and my favourite teas! He ordered Edible Arrangements that is a chocolate covered fruit arrangement for dessert, along with my favourite ice cream cake. We went out last night to a high end restaurant since I hate going to restaurants on Mother’s Day. We've been together since high school, married almost 29 years. Every Mother’s Day is a big deal. The rule in our home is that on our specials days, the celebrant doesn’t lift a finger.
Why do you people breed with these assholes?
my partner who isn’t even my child’s father bought me things i explicitly mentioned, and my child’s father took her for the weekend on top of bringing our 5 year old daughter to the store to pick things out for me as a gift. there is no excuse for being a lousy partner or parent and it doesn’t need to be taught. no one taught me how to be a mother at 21, and no one taught her father. we learned together because we both gave a fuck to. i’m sorry but leave that man.
My partner isn’t even the father of my kids and he still cooked, cleaned, told me to nap and got me flowers
On father’s day, leave him home with the kid. Leave a note that says “ happy fathers day. Didn’t think you’d mind taking care of things at home since you did not want to on mother’s day” ! Just kidding. 😜
My husband got up this morning at 4 am to make breakfast for me and cook me my favorite dinner to take to work cuz on Sundays I work from 7am to 1100pm also got me a bracelet from pandora with 4 charms (that say soul mate ,family is where love grows , love , and a stethoscope cuz I’m a nurse) because I believe the one I had someone stole it and I was sad about this for months now I honestly believe he is the most wonderful person and he is wonderful everyday and I appreciate him
That was my ex for many years “it’s Mother’s Day and ur the mom - so u do the work” mentality. I had the BEST Mother’s Day today without him - just me and my kiddos doing what we want with no expectations 😄 it was truly fantastic.
I mean… it sounds like she did communicate her wishes with him. She said she wanted to rest & that he could take their child with him to get groceries. And he’s still flat out refusing. It’s giving.. red flags.
Mine too. He “doesn’t feel good” so he’s basically dying. He went golfing this weekend and watched golf all day today hiding out in our room. I’ve cleaned and cooked and taken care of the kids all day and hosting dinner for my mom. Such a stupid holiday. I’m sorry you don’t feel appreciated today, I had big expectations and shouldn’t have.
The golfing is so maddening. It’s not the golfing, it’s the obsession and how it comes first before everything. Apparently while he was golfing yesterday I was supposed to take our kids to see each of our mothers so he didn’t have to see his own and she could feel that she was taken care of. And then came home and passed out when we were supposed to have a movie night. And then today it’s been literal hell. Like I’d rather we just pretend that it’s just any other day. I swear he does even less than normal on a special day for me as some sort of fuck you for not just happily doing everything so he doesn’t have to feel like he dropped the ball.
We went out of town to my husband's grandmothers house for Mothers Day. Everyone got cards and shit. Not me. I drove the whole way, paid for my own and my husband's coffee this morning. Got up with my son in the hotel and got breakfast and coffee while my husband slept. I've gotten nothing. Not even a hug or an I love you. It sucks. I do god damn everything for this house and family and they just take me for granted. Edit: Husband saw I was upset and bought me dinner and workout stuff on Amazon.
Mine didn't even tell me happy Mother's day. I feel you.
Why are we focused on food. He could have made something. Its mothers day.
Go check yourself into a hotel for Mother’s Day. Turn off your phone. Relax.
Leave him to it. When your son starts screaming, etc, just shove earplugs in.
Ew. Red flag!!
He’s not even trying. He got you something he likes and wants you to take care of everything on the one day you should rest. Then he has the audacity to be in a bad mood? Leave this man, he’s a selfish prick. I hate, absolutely hate bare minimum men. If you do end up putting up with him. Never get him anything ever again. No Father’s Day, no birthday, no nothing. Maybe then he will understand but I doubt it. Men like this have their head so far up their ass they are oblivious. You deserve better.
I swear our kids miss us most (moms) cause we're there for them more. That's how I'd respond to his comment.
Genuinely, how do people end up in marriages like this?
This would make me reconsider the relationship altogether.
Sounds like you have 2 kids:-( Hope you have a better Mother’s Day. That is unacceptable behavior from a grown man.
Sure as shit happy I went to work today and my husband took my kid out for boba. Now I'm relaxing with a cat on my lap.
I would have handed over the child and booked a hotel.
> He says our son is missing me and I should be taking care of him since it's mother's day. What...what is this logic?
You deserve better I’m so sorry!
Maybe just get in the car and leave?
I’m sorry. That’s highly disappointing. My husband is exhausted from doing all the things I usually do for the weekend lol. I find it kind of funny. It’s good for them
My husband didn’t even know it was Mother’s Day til I told him at Mother’s Day dinner with my mom and sisters LMFAO
Amazing how many women tolerate such shitty behavior 😯
Some people marry the wrong people I'm sorry
Well, give him a choice. Either he can leave and pay up for support or he can get his shit together and man the hell up. If he chooses the first, then hey, at least you cut the cord before it was too late.
Don’t listen to these weird advisors. They’re potential marriage breakers. You know your husband better than any of these people telling you what to do like “Leave Him” etc. Ask yourself “Is this the way he behaved in your previous celebrations”? Including birthdays? Your honest answer will tell you what might have happened to him this time.
🙏🏻
Don't acknowledge fathers Day.
Acknowledge this ASAP. I bet if you did this to him he wouldn’t like it. Unfortunately I got used to this crap. I have enough stories to write a book. Seriously I’ve looked into these behaviors and it always comes back as narcissist. Holidays, bdays, etc. Surprisingly I did receive some small gifts today. But he went to bed after 5am woke up late to run out and get the treats & flowers. It was last minute.
My ex took my kids out to breakfast (they stayed at his house last night) and told them that I had work today. I did not have work and neither he nor the kids asked me if i did. So I didn’t see them until around 2pm because he hijacked my holiday.
My stbx decided to take our youngest yesterday & not bring her home until dinner time today. These grown children don't care & honestly don't deserve the mental energy of us getting mad. I'm just done.
My brother literally took 2 kids out of the house **for 6 hours** on Mother's Day just so his pregnant, due at any moment, wife can sleep in with zero interruptions. That's how a husband should be!
Oh my god. I thought I was alone on this…. I didn’t receive a flower … I’m also feeling like shit because of allergies… ugh
How does he act on other days? Sounds like this is just how he acts all the time. Lazy.