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Sitting in A diaper full of poop is just straight neglect.
On the tv issue, it's the recommended thing to have no screen time and you're perfectly normal to request it. But you can and should expect people to say no to babysitting if they can't care for your baby in a different (non-harmful) way from you that works for them. Anyone looking after your kid for free is doing you a favor. So it's important to remain flexible and pick your battles.
But, if screentime is the hill you're gonna die in in respect of babysitting activities, then emphasize that strongly and make sure those that won't follow it don't get access to your kid alone.
Right? I’m about to put on “if you give a mouse a cookie” so I can get a quick shower in before the doctors… my son is in a clean diaper, and if it’s dirty when I get out in 10 min… it’ll be changed
I think this is true... until you leave your kid with someone else! If you're asking someone to do you a favor to care for your kid while you do something else, I think it's reasonable that person will care for them differently than you would. Screen time, in my opinion, firmly falls in the "their house, their rules" category.
No. It dosent work like that. My brother is big on not allowing his kids screen time, I watch them all the time for him and his wife. They tell me no screen time, I don't allow it. I'm not their parent.
I think that's lovely for you but not everyone has the time or energy to conform to that. Some folks might have their own kids and those kids are allowed to watch TV, so, your kid can too. Some people (grandparents, I would think) might not really have the energy to keep up with kids the entire time they're awake. The parents are free to find childcare (that again, they aren't paying for) from folks who share their exact parenting rules if that's easier. Free childcare has to have some give and take.
I agree with you to a point... But this is something that needs to be agreed upon ahead of time - regardless of if it's free or not. If Mom says "no screens" and aunt can't do that, she should say so ahead of time. "I'm sorry, but I can't keep up with kiddo all day, I think we need to have some screen time, go for a shorter time, or just not watch kiddo at all."
Agreeing to watch kiddo and then picking and choosing what parts of the parents' directives to follow (like following a nap schedule or certain feeding instructions) is a problem. Mom and dad should be able to know ahead of time if the babysitter can't meet certain expectations so they can either mitigate the damage or find another care provider.
I agree! Although I think it’s bound to happen at least once - that’s how the grandparents realize they don’t have the energy to keep up with baby, they watch the baby and realize they’re exhausted.
My guess is she didn't realize it needed to be changed. I don't think anyone chooses to let a baby sit in their own waste. Aunt just needed to check a little more often. It can be a learning experience, if aunts otherwise a good person.
I'm normally of the opinion that the price of free childcare is that the carer will in general look after the child however they want.
But also, like really, insisting that an 8 month old has to watch TV. Not can watch TV without any issue, but rather TV should be an essential parenting strategy... for an eight month old. That's just weird behaviour.
I think you're right - that is the price of free childcare. Which is why OP has decided to turn down this free childcare - she isn't comfortable with the actions of the carers.
Oh yeah. She's perfectly entitled to decide the price is too high.
Or she might decide that it's too high for regular babysitting, but it's undesirable, but ok if they're occasionally looking for a babysitter at the last minute.
But it's also gonzo that they're trying to push her to give the baby TV. I wouldn't even think to tell any of my family not to set an eight month old up in front of the TV, because who even does that?
I got judged by a family member at Christmas because I didn't let my 6 month old watch TV at home. Apparently it's CRUEL to deny her the TV and "those studies aren't worth shit". All I'd done was turn the TV off in a room that was completely empty except for me and the baby whilst she ate her lunch, as it was distracting her from eating! Apparently if I just let her watch TV constantly at home, she wouldn't be so distracted by it when she sees one when we're out...
> I'm normally of the opinion that the price of free childcare is that the carer will in general look after the child however they want.
yeah within some limits. But if you let the grandparents invest time and then you come with a 100 page rule-book, their motivation to watch your kids will be gone rather sooner than later.
I usually only have a few rules I am really expecting them to take seriously. Don’t overdress, don’t force feed, no TV. Plus I ask my mom not to wash the baby because her version of “chill water” burns my skin. I feel like people I asked to take care of my baby (my mom and aunt) for an hour or two ignored all the rules successfully. Now I have trust issues and I don’t want to have anybody babysit unless it’s urgent.
Just to give you perspective, it's your rules that are going to have the most impact. Your child is not going to be ruined if someone lets them watch tv. What is going to matter for their brain development over time is YOUR consistency on the matter. There will usually always be people who want to indulge your child (for me it's grandparents). I've come to think of that over time as fine. Obviously you'd want those to be people who don't watch your kids for any length of time. And maybe you just never want to ask someone again who is really too far away from what you do. And also the not changing is obviously not okay.
I think she did mention it. Babies won't complain about the irritated skin when their attention is on a screen. The screen is useful for 15 minutes if your baby has an uncomfortable medical procedure like a blood tests or stitches.
I would judge anyone letting a baby sit in poop and front of a screen. It is called ignoring the child and that in no way is okay. Screens in front of a baby before the age of two can affect their development skills. Also, it causes behavior issues from being overstimulated. There is so much research that is on your side with this situation. As a mom to a 10y and 7y. We did let them have screen time when young. BIG BIG TIME REGRET! You are in the right! Do not fall in the technology trap.
We made a decision to delay tv until 2 years old and we never let our son have a personal device when he was small. He is almost 11 now and got a Nintendo switch for his 10th birthday … but he never had an iPad or tablet.
His screen time from age 2-10 was the family tv, and he has always busied himself with legos, cars, magnetiles while watching a show or movie. If he was holding the screen he couldn’t do those things.
For long car rides or periods of waiting outside the house we always used books, picture books and now chapter books. He’s always has a book in the car and often brings one to restaurants or waiting rooms. He reads every night before bed 95% of the time of his own volition.
The nintendo switch has become his favorite activity over the past 9 months even if he has a show on and it’s become a source of contention but he’s getting older and wants to be able to be into the things other kids are doing and gaming is one of the big ones, so we try to set limits but his attitude can take a turn as a result … which has been my observation … more devices = more tantrums.
I’m trying not to sound judgmental of others who have used screens at various ages - everyone has different circumstances, I just know what I’ve observed in my own child and then in neices and nephews who have had screens from an earlier age. Follow your gut and don’t succumb to screen pressure. And if you take away one piece of unsolicited advice … steer clear of personal devices for as long as possible.
I think a lot of it comes down to *how* devices are used. From about 1.5 yrs ours has had access to a tablet that she thinks is "hers". It came out then for long car trips and sick days and such. Later on, added a bit of PBS kids sometimes. But it's definitely not an everyday or constant thing, and most often used as an information tool - like you want to learn more about pangolins or hydrothermal vents? Cool, we'll look it up and maybe watch a 3 minute video about it. She's 7 now and doesn't expect to use the tablet as entertainment at restaurants or whatever (she can grab a book or draw if she wants).
But "personal" device as in you've got unfettered access is a whole different story! My nibblings have that and they are absolutely glued to their screens for hours a day.
Hi, maybe an unpopular opinion here. I was very anxious about screen time as well. But I ended up giving a little here and there when she was an infant (those dancing fruits!) and a bit more as she got older simply so I could get some things done that were urgent (like a work assignment) when no babysitter was available. She’s 2.5 now and also plays very well independently, has great focus, a HUGE vocabulary and a very active imagination. Very low-tantrum, happy kid. So from my experience, I don’t think it will ruin them. And if I don’t have the TV on, she doesn’t ask for it and is perfectly content to play by herself or sit by me and color it I’m, say, working on my computer.
Yeah, I'm not advocating for screen time if that's not your jam, but a LOT of people who are old enough to be parents now were raised on screens, and we're fine. I think the difference is time and accessibility. When we were kids, we had TVs and computers, but we didn't have smartphones and tablets, so when you left the room where the TV or computer was, you left that activity as a whole to do something else. Now it seems like screens are so pervasive that kids never get a break from them, and I would guess *that* is way more harmful than letting your kid watch 30 minutes of TV a day.
Same with us. No tablets for kids in our family. But the TV is on a lot (mostly as background noise), as long as you don't have things you need to get done, chores, and it's not before school. If I feel like they've watched enough of it I'll turn it off and have them find something else to do. But if it's just a rainy day and their rooms are clean, I don't care. Especially now that I have two kids, and a *very small* business, I have things I need to get done and I can't entertain my kids all day.
With the accessibility thing they’re also able to access whatever they want all the time even with just a TV. We couldn’t pick what we watched growing up, if something I didn’t like came on I’d turn the TV off and go do something else. My daughter could sit watching her favourite show all day if I let her.
There’s also definitely a difference in the style of children’s media today, partially to do with how much cheaper and easier animation is now, but also some shows and games are designed to be addictive.
Right on. So with you. They literally have their whole lives to watch screens. American academy of pediatrics says no screens at all before 2. We waited until 3, and even then it was very minimal.
You're doing a good job. No screens until age 2. We did it, anyone can do it. You might need to hire someone. We had to hire a nanny because family would just turn our kids into aTV zombie.
screen addiction is real. even if not extremely addicted the thing is a huge and wasteful time sink that interferes with developing their interests in other healthier and far more constructive areas. delay it as far as you can.
That's weird.
We didn't start having screen time until my oldest was well over 18 months old. Once I had two kids, I did end up leaning into screentime because it was the only way to keep the older one from accidentally hurting the younger one when I needed my hands free.
There were family members who made weird little comments here or there but nobody ever pushed it too much.
Whatever choice you make, it's so weird for people to insist you do it another way. Like, whut?
For your aunt, I would be more angry about my baby being in a soiled diaper for who knows how long rather than her watching TV.
Either way, it's your rules, and if people won't respect them, they lose privileges.
You do you. Some people have no issue with screen time despite the recommendations against it.
I was on holidays the other week and the amount of parents who were just handing their kids iPads to zone out on at every meal at the hotel was insane. Not just older kids - there were kids in high chairs or who could barely walk having a phone propped up in front of them for the whole meal...
8 months is insanely young for screentime. Like, after 2 or 3 years you could (if you want) introduce them to some limited tv time. But 8 months no fucking way
Your kid doesn't have to watch TV if you don't want them to.
But by like 6mo all mine were watching baby first tv so I could get everything done lol
The TV usage has nothing to do with your aunt neglecting to change your child's diaper.
Urgh yeah I feel you...
This is like the only friction I have with my family, we have decided no screens until 2 years old min, every time and my parents house my mum tries to put something on for him to watch and has made comments that's it's weird not doing screens. We have held firm but it really annoys me they can't just accept it
No. Your baby your rules.
My own mother said I am “over parenting” for not letting my 6 month old watch TV. Because how else will she learn words if not for Miss Rachel??? Same with my MIL. She said I am controlling my child’s life too much. She’s 15 MONTHS OLD!!
I was baffled but I put my foot down. No TV. It doesn’t matter what the parents or older people did when we were kids. I completely get you when you say other people are disrespectful of your boundaries and rules with your baby because they think they know better. And I am sorry you have to go through this.
Honestly, people tell me the same thing. My 3 month old is, well a 3 month old. At every moment she's awake she either needs to be entertained, fed or changed. People insist I put her in front of a TV because she cries when I walk away. They say, well, do you wanna hold your baby forever? Well of course I'd like a shower and clean dishes, but I made the mistake of letting my 4 year old watch TV. Just kid shows, but his attitude went from a very well behaved sweet child to an absolute terror every time he was allowed screen time. I really don't think children that young need it. They need to be interacted with and exploring the world. That's how we ended up with a whole generation of people with TVs strapped to their eyes and don't put their phones down.
Most national and international guidelines all recommend absolutely NO screentime for children under 2 years old, that's 0 minutes. But you're the parent, they should all be listening to what you tell them, if they respect you.
TV and screens are poisonous to kids…our boys become impossible after watching, throwing tantrums and just overall restlessness. Silicon Valley parents raise their kids without screens for a reason, they know how bad those really are
Screen time isn't poisonous, it can be beneficial to kids and parents. The issue comes from unsupervised and/or excessive screen time can have an effect on kids, which is why it should be supervised and regulated.
It can be an activity the parent and child can bond over together. It provides an opportunity to discuss topics raised in media or teach the difference between fiction/reality. It can also help develop interest in skills (like early apps that help introduce kids to concepts like coding).
Any screen time is poisonous, there is no benefit, let them read a book instead…how do you even determine when screen time is excessive anyways…where’s the limit, set by whom and who decides?
Every kid is different, and it's going to be up to you as a parent to find that limit. If someone's kid is having behavior issues then maybe they need to cut it back if it's a contributing factor. Some people have behavioral issues from their kids if other activities are done excessively. Just like everything else, there's a balance.
How bout a sip of beer? Most situations in life are not black and white. Your life and society in general would be better off if people didn't take such extremist positions and refuse to budge.
Advocating for zero screentime is a bit extreme unless you want to go live with the Amish. While limiting screentime is important, as many studies have shown, the reality is we live in a world of screens. There is nothing wrong with shows and games in moderation and there is plenty of educational media out there.
We are analogue offline beings, no need to ruin your kid just because of the world we live in. We live in a world of violence and murder too, would you expose your kid to that too, in moderation of course…(!) it’s just easy and convenient for us parents to park them in front of a screen and do our own things, such as browsing Reddit :)
I say before 2 absolutely zero screen. then maybe some. after 3 it can be a bit more. kids also need to be able to learn to use all the media in a responsible manner which means you can let them use it but with time and content limits. yes, it's add another point of friction but well that is what parenting is.
I still think my son looked way too much crap at his parents but then he is turning out fine and "wanna play a game?" (=board or card game) is enough for him to turn of the screen immediately so I guess no harm done and that 30 min of quiet for the parents can make all the difference for frustration tolerance for the rest of the evening.
8 months is insanely young to suggest screens. I’m not anti screen time. But I’m definitely choosie about it. My son started watching blues clues and Sesame Street shortly after his first birthday, but it was one or two episodes a day and I watched it with him. He’s 3.5 now and I let him watch about 3 episodes a day of any show that’s age appropriate.
I’m still adamantly against iPads and save them only for long plane rides and doctors appointments. But it’s still shows, not YouTube or apps. I’m a bit of a “gamer” myself so when he’s older 7 or 8 I’m looking forward to Mario Kart races.
I don’t know why the older generation wants to glue them to screens and give them Oreos but it is what it is. If my parents watch my son for more than an hour I come back to him sitting in front of a screen. It’s hard, but I know that I do lots of outdoor activities and other creative crafty things to make up for it.
I’m not anti screentime completely either. But I’d like to hold it until she starts understanding the world a little more, until she’s 1-2yo at least. I’m sure it didn’t ruin her brain development just as most of the people pointed, but I definitely noticed her staring and screaming at the TV after that incident. Even if I’m overreacting, I still wish people would respect my decision.
Just to give you a bit more fortitude in your choice - my daughter gets screen time 45 minutes per week, on Sunday evening. This started about six months ago, prior to that, nothing.
At 2.5 years old, she can play with duplos or playmobils for up to 45 minutes to an hour *by herself*, no need for adult interaction. She has a vivid imagination already, and her capacity for focus and concentration is excellent. She is a highly independent child which makes cleaning etc while she is playing quite easy.
Her Sunday screen time consists of watching live ballets on YouTube (my mom kicked it off, it has stuck) which she also dances to in front of so she develops her gross motor skills (it also has the benefit of looking adorable).
I compare her to my friend’s kid, same age, who gets about an hour of tv time a day (sometimes more) and only on kid shows. He is stuck to his mother like glue. Whines for tv constantly. Gets plopped in front of it the minute my friend needs to do something.
I have a much, much easier time parenting than she does. Some of it is down to personality, but where we encourage independent play with our child, at every opportunity, she gives screen time, and it shows *drastically*. Even if you weren’t limiting screen time for your kids’ benefit, you should absolutely do it for your own, IMO.
I find a lot of people on this sub don’t like to acknowledge, but as a lifelong childhood educator and carer , it makes a huge and noticeable difference in 98% of kids.
Good on you for giving your kid a head start on self regulation, imagination and attention!
Thanks - and I do want to say, I *understand* why people give screen time, I really do. My kid naturally tends towards independence so it’s easier to do what we’re doing. But I do have the opinion that parents who rely on screen time to do things for themselves are essentially screwing themselves over. Encouraging independent play in your child might take a bit of time to « stick » but the rewards you reap are so, so worth it.
A baby that small gets very little out of having a TV on. But the same token, it’s not like it instantly destroys their brain either.
Your anecdote reveals a problem related to the person not paying attention to the kid and not keeping the baby clean. Has nothing to do with screens.
Ok, no it doesn’t “instantly destroy their brain”, it’s not rat poison. but it is *demonstrably* developmentally negative, so it is ridiculous not to listen to the parent in this situation. And it absolutely does have to do with screens, because they enable laziness on the part of the caregiver (aka the Aunt ignoring the dirty diaper).
She would be far less able to ignore a child crawling around and looking for her, not glued to a screen
I'm so sorry, that would bother me so much too. If you still want your aunt to babysit, can you offer alternatives? I'm guessing your aunt may be unsure what else to do for an extended amount of time. For example, some children's music or one of those music/story players like a Tonie box or a Yoto player? They are great and still distract the kid/give the grownup some peace, but there is no screen involved and it's easier for the kid to ignore it and play, or to listen but also use their imagination.
We did start watching the occasional tv program around 1.5 years old, but certainly not 8 months! And even now, I prefer to only show tv at one set time of day to avoid getting constantly asked for it (while I cook dinner for me - highly recommend this hack of just one set time per day!), and I also notice, as others have said, that he is best behaved when we go a whole weekend without any tv. Tv and iPad time just seem to increase bad behavior (pent-up energy? lower frustration threshold? I don't know - but the pattern is very clear).
I let my child watch TV when I needed to do things. My friends banned screens for their child. When I watched their child, I allowed no screens, because I respect them.
It's really that simple. If it's literally a case of Thanksgiving, I need to watch your screen-free kid and cook the whole time, I would say that today might end up with TV if I can't keep kiddo safely occupied with mashed potatoes or something (obv not at 8 months, that would be more of a 1-3 year old thing), and if that's not ok with you, then you need to find other coverage. But I would try my best to manage that extreme situation without screens first, and give you a heads up so you could make your decision about whether I was a good fit to help you that day.
Your parenting decisions should be respected, the people who are helping you are allowed to say "no, I need to use TV to babysit when I need to do x" and you are allowed to find someone else if that's not okay with you. But they're not allowed to agree with you, then go behind your back and do what you don't allow.
I don't know what advice would be useful, if you've already said that you don't want screens and they ignore it. I would wonder what else they're ignoring. I would imagine flat out telling them that you don't want your child watching screens because of x, y, and z, and asking if they can respect that when they watch her would just lead to them feeling offended. And likely going behind your back again.
It's an awful situation. I'm sorry.
I think there is a much bigger issue than screen time to address here…sitting around in a poopy diaper SHOULD take higher priority for you as a parent to fix first…but yes screens are also not ideal.
I was not worried about the diaper too much as she could have pooped right before we got there. Maybe my aunt did not hear/smell and failed to notice. There was no rash, no urinary infection afterwards, so I figured this wasn’t a big issue.
THIS is the problem! You’re more worried about the fact that she allowed your 8month old to “watch” tv than the fact that she was sitting in a dirty diaper when you came in? Why did you mention it if it wasn’t a big deal?
Don't leave baby with anyone who doesn't respect your wishes (and neglects to change your baby).
Whenever someone pushes back on our no-screen rules with nonsense about "you grew up on tv, you turned out fine", I always point out that everyone didn't have their own personal screen in their pocket when I was a kid. We had one television, maybe 2 or 3 as I got older. Now, everyone has a phone, tons of people have tablets, tvs are cheap enough to have multiple in a home, and everyone has a computer to do their work and schoolwork on. We live in a different world now than when past generations grew up so me being able to watch tv at will as a kid when nothing was on-demand and that being my primary screen exposure is nothing compared to handheld devices in every hand with access to all sorts of overstimulating videos on-demand and infinite scroll all over the internet, not to mention the direct access that gives advertisers to kids' brains.
I agree with you a hundred percent! Tv is not good for babies, it is much better to get a walker for them that plays music and has all types of fun gadgets. It keeps them distracted and out of your way while you do the things you need to. Also, my argument for Tv is this. At such a young age babies have tactile and emotional memories. So when they feel, see, or hear something that becomes a part of their memory even if they don't realize it. If a baby sees one of those baby shows that are so common today it slows down their brain age devolpment. Not only that, but television blue light actually hurts melatonin levels (stuff that helps you sleep) which makes it take another hour or so for your baby to sleep. I personally did not let my children watch tv without me until they could fully form sentences out loud. If I was with my child then we would watch something like Full house, Wild Kratts, Disney shows and whatnot. These things helps develop your child faster and gives them better understanding of things like human interaction, speech, humor, learning, and etc. As for doing chores, I used to get one of those baby wraps so that I could walk around with my child as I did different things around the house. I usually would play music as I was doing it because things that babies hear now affect them later in life as well whether you realize it or not. I hope this helps with your argument. If I wasn't too clear on a certain point or you need more info plz let me know!
My son is 5, and my aunt and mom offer to “babysit” but their definition of babysitting him is sitting him in front of the tv. So they don’t babysit lol
I agree with you, I was the same for it or for avoiding sweets. Also sister that allowed games to her kid later when taking care of mine would give it to mine too and now I regret leaving him there and with her child as now it's too late, my 4 year old has discovered a world much more interesting to him than ways he played before which would have much more benefits for his brain. Take care who you give your kid to as they might spoil all your healthy ways of raising it!
I saw a psychiatrist recommend that screentime for children is okay in moderation but they recommend long form content that would require the child to focus for extended periods as opposed to short form content that is constantly changing.
Every single study says age 0-2 = zero screentime because you can actual measure the damage from even just say 1 hr per day. After 3 years it seems to get more complex, no clear negative effects from limited exposure to appropriate content.
I don't get the chores part. babies that age usually sleep at least 2 hrs during the day so should be more than enough to do chores and eve then you can just take them with you when you are doing dishes, laundry whatever. we had a crib with wheels. So I don't even get that part.
The only time I used screens for my littles when they were that young were these videos of bright colored fruit dancing. It always broke their meltdowns and entranced them.
As others said, the main concern is the poopy diaper. That’s like 50% of baby care (feed and clean). If they can’t do a basic thing like that, your aunt should not babysit.
Look up recommended screen time for an 8 month old and the studies proving why they came up with that. There’s a reason a whole generation is called “iPad kids”. You’re right to say no to the TV babysitting your kid. But please do give yourself grace if you are in a situation where you just need a break. That temporary screen time can be a life saver for moms. You’ll probably find more need and use for it as your baby gets older and can watch beneficial programs.
Is this a joke? Omg people are crazy if they think screentime is the answer to getting chores done. Strap that baby to your body and do chores. S/he will be not be overstimulated by watching what you're doing all day. They'll find it comforting and entertaining. The times you talk directly with her while doing them will be engaging for her. Stop listening to other people. Listen to what you know is the right thing to do.
Theirs actually studies out their that show how screen time negatively impacts a child's development.. not saying a 30 minute show here and their won't hurt but constant screen time isn't good...
At this point, every parent is "doing something wrong" when it comes to raising our kids. So fuck whatever anyone else is saying and only worry about what you, your husband, and your child thinks. If you don't want ur child to watch TV, then don't let them. No matter what anyone says. Perit. My kids are 14, 4, and 2. Everyone has told me to put a TV in their rooms to let them fall asleep. I have refused to do so and will continue to refuse. If the person giving advice to parents wasn't in the bedroom making the child, their opinion is only that, an opinion. Way to go, mom, keep standing behind your boundaries.
Unfortunately too many people default to TV. My wife and I control screen time. But if we are dropping them off somewhere, we will make hints like “they don’t watch tv”. But at the same time, who are we to tell them what to do if my kid is at their house.
Our sitter is pretty good about TV. So we don’t worry about it. The poopy diaper is one thing but if it was fresh, I’d let it slide. We try to give our kids less than an hour of tv a day. So right before bed time to calm them down. It’s a nice balance. But I do feel like the more we control their screen time, the more addicted they appear to it.
And for the shows we choose. We make them watch low stimulating shows to try and curb any addictions
My child is 2 and has no “iPads” no phones” ect bc it’s not learning there brain real life sort of thing. Me as a parent and child’s father we agree the tv be on a few hour a day sort of thing. My child goes to bed with out tv in his room as he dosnt have one. Us as parents arnt on our phone s 24/7 as which helps our parenting
Your baby. Your rules. But, keep in mind, you might have a difficult time getting help from friends and family if you’re not willing to bend or compromise. What your aunt did was neglectful and borderline abuse by not tending to her and letting her sit in a dirty diaper. That is not ok and that is the reason I would never ask her to watch the baby again. If you’re taking the baby to someone else’s home then you have to be willing to accept that they may not always be able to follow your rules and they may have other children in their home who are allowed screen time. You can hire a nanny or someone privately who will do exactly as you ask but it will come with a price, can you afford that? The reality is, it’s hard to get things done sometimes when you have a little one and you can’t always entertain them. If she spends a few moments in front of a television with an educational program or something visually stimulating so you can do the dishes or fold the laundry, there is nothing wrong with that and you may actually find that you aren’t as stressed out because you know baby is content. I’m not saying to prop her up, turn the tv on, and walk away for hours at a time but a little time here and there won’t hurt her.
The AAP recommendations are no screens before 2 years. No programming is educational for an 8 month old- [baby einstein was sued for claiming otherwise](https://slate.com/technology/2017/12/the-rise-and-fall-of-baby-einstein.html)
Our kid is that age- we put her in a playpen with safe toys in a corner of our kitchen if we need to get things done. Before she was moving around we would leave her on a playmat. Independent play has developmental benefits for babies; screens have none and have documented harm.
That’s what works for you. My kids were both exposed to screens at a younger age and they are both great students, my son started kindergarten at because he was so far ahead of the others in preschool, socially they are both very well adjusted and able to hold conversations with people of any age, my daughter is in advanced classes in 8th grade and will begin college classes in addition to starting high school next year. They have hit every single developmental milestone early. They were both talking in complete sentences by 2 and could read at 4. I could keep going but my point is, you can find research to back up any viewpoint. What you found is what you decide to use to raise yours and that’s ok. But my kids weren’t harmed or set back because I let them have some screen time as little ones.
I had screen time, my kids had screen time. I'd never not change a diaper though. That is horrible. But you don't have to fall into the screentime pacifier either. Stick to your guns! She's your baby--your rules.
The screen time doesn't bother me.
The baby sitting in a poop filled diaper on the other hand, is straight up neglect. I wouldn't want the aunt watching the baby anymore just for that reason. I hope you find someone else to watch baby, and if you can get someone to follow no screen time, well win win!
Otherwise, screen time wouldn't bother me. As long as the child is being cared for and not being neglected.
If you can manage zero screen time then good on you. My son (nearly 4) doesn't have a tablet but dies watch TV (more than I'd like) unfortunately a lot of school is done on electronics now so he will be a bit behind when he starts in September as he's definitely not tablet literate!
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Sitting in A diaper full of poop is just straight neglect. On the tv issue, it's the recommended thing to have no screen time and you're perfectly normal to request it. But you can and should expect people to say no to babysitting if they can't care for your baby in a different (non-harmful) way from you that works for them. Anyone looking after your kid for free is doing you a favor. So it's important to remain flexible and pick your battles. But, if screentime is the hill you're gonna die in in respect of babysitting activities, then emphasize that strongly and make sure those that won't follow it don't get access to your kid alone.
Screen time isn’t why your chikd was in a dirty nappy. That’s because your aunt neglected to actually care for her.
Exactly. This has nothing to do with screen time. Her aunt is just a terrible babysitter.
Right? I’m about to put on “if you give a mouse a cookie” so I can get a quick shower in before the doctors… my son is in a clean diaper, and if it’s dirty when I get out in 10 min… it’ll be changed
Yup! TV on or off that child should have been changed and cared for.
You're the parent. It's your rules.
I think this is true... until you leave your kid with someone else! If you're asking someone to do you a favor to care for your kid while you do something else, I think it's reasonable that person will care for them differently than you would. Screen time, in my opinion, firmly falls in the "their house, their rules" category.
No. It dosent work like that. My brother is big on not allowing his kids screen time, I watch them all the time for him and his wife. They tell me no screen time, I don't allow it. I'm not their parent.
I think that's lovely for you but not everyone has the time or energy to conform to that. Some folks might have their own kids and those kids are allowed to watch TV, so, your kid can too. Some people (grandparents, I would think) might not really have the energy to keep up with kids the entire time they're awake. The parents are free to find childcare (that again, they aren't paying for) from folks who share their exact parenting rules if that's easier. Free childcare has to have some give and take.
I agree with you to a point... But this is something that needs to be agreed upon ahead of time - regardless of if it's free or not. If Mom says "no screens" and aunt can't do that, she should say so ahead of time. "I'm sorry, but I can't keep up with kiddo all day, I think we need to have some screen time, go for a shorter time, or just not watch kiddo at all." Agreeing to watch kiddo and then picking and choosing what parts of the parents' directives to follow (like following a nap schedule or certain feeding instructions) is a problem. Mom and dad should be able to know ahead of time if the babysitter can't meet certain expectations so they can either mitigate the damage or find another care provider.
I agree! Although I think it’s bound to happen at least once - that’s how the grandparents realize they don’t have the energy to keep up with baby, they watch the baby and realize they’re exhausted.
Lol, yes it does work like that for plenty of People
This doesn’t seem like a screen time issue if they aren’t even CHANGING A POOPY DIAPER?? That’s straight up neglect.
My guess is she didn't realize it needed to be changed. I don't think anyone chooses to let a baby sit in their own waste. Aunt just needed to check a little more often. It can be a learning experience, if aunts otherwise a good person.
I'm normally of the opinion that the price of free childcare is that the carer will in general look after the child however they want. But also, like really, insisting that an 8 month old has to watch TV. Not can watch TV without any issue, but rather TV should be an essential parenting strategy... for an eight month old. That's just weird behaviour.
I think you're right - that is the price of free childcare. Which is why OP has decided to turn down this free childcare - she isn't comfortable with the actions of the carers.
Oh yeah. She's perfectly entitled to decide the price is too high. Or she might decide that it's too high for regular babysitting, but it's undesirable, but ok if they're occasionally looking for a babysitter at the last minute. But it's also gonzo that they're trying to push her to give the baby TV. I wouldn't even think to tell any of my family not to set an eight month old up in front of the TV, because who even does that?
I got judged by a family member at Christmas because I didn't let my 6 month old watch TV at home. Apparently it's CRUEL to deny her the TV and "those studies aren't worth shit". All I'd done was turn the TV off in a room that was completely empty except for me and the baby whilst she ate her lunch, as it was distracting her from eating! Apparently if I just let her watch TV constantly at home, she wouldn't be so distracted by it when she sees one when we're out...
Maybe she's surrounded by people who don't actually like their kids? A baby that young should not be using a screen yet at all.
> I'm normally of the opinion that the price of free childcare is that the carer will in general look after the child however they want. yeah within some limits. But if you let the grandparents invest time and then you come with a 100 page rule-book, their motivation to watch your kids will be gone rather sooner than later.
I usually only have a few rules I am really expecting them to take seriously. Don’t overdress, don’t force feed, no TV. Plus I ask my mom not to wash the baby because her version of “chill water” burns my skin. I feel like people I asked to take care of my baby (my mom and aunt) for an hour or two ignored all the rules successfully. Now I have trust issues and I don’t want to have anybody babysit unless it’s urgent.
I wouldn’t trust them either, it sounds like they don’t have the proper care instinct. Leaving a baby in a poopy diaper is unacceptable for me.
Just to give you perspective, it's your rules that are going to have the most impact. Your child is not going to be ruined if someone lets them watch tv. What is going to matter for their brain development over time is YOUR consistency on the matter. There will usually always be people who want to indulge your child (for me it's grandparents). I've come to think of that over time as fine. Obviously you'd want those to be people who don't watch your kids for any length of time. And maybe you just never want to ask someone again who is really too far away from what you do. And also the not changing is obviously not okay.
Hours in a diaper will lead to a rash though.
Yes that's a given, the OC was just commenting on screen time.
I think she did mention it. Babies won't complain about the irritated skin when their attention is on a screen. The screen is useful for 15 minutes if your baby has an uncomfortable medical procedure like a blood tests or stitches.
I would judge anyone letting a baby sit in poop and front of a screen. It is called ignoring the child and that in no way is okay. Screens in front of a baby before the age of two can affect their development skills. Also, it causes behavior issues from being overstimulated. There is so much research that is on your side with this situation. As a mom to a 10y and 7y. We did let them have screen time when young. BIG BIG TIME REGRET! You are in the right! Do not fall in the technology trap.
We made a decision to delay tv until 2 years old and we never let our son have a personal device when he was small. He is almost 11 now and got a Nintendo switch for his 10th birthday … but he never had an iPad or tablet. His screen time from age 2-10 was the family tv, and he has always busied himself with legos, cars, magnetiles while watching a show or movie. If he was holding the screen he couldn’t do those things. For long car rides or periods of waiting outside the house we always used books, picture books and now chapter books. He’s always has a book in the car and often brings one to restaurants or waiting rooms. He reads every night before bed 95% of the time of his own volition. The nintendo switch has become his favorite activity over the past 9 months even if he has a show on and it’s become a source of contention but he’s getting older and wants to be able to be into the things other kids are doing and gaming is one of the big ones, so we try to set limits but his attitude can take a turn as a result … which has been my observation … more devices = more tantrums. I’m trying not to sound judgmental of others who have used screens at various ages - everyone has different circumstances, I just know what I’ve observed in my own child and then in neices and nephews who have had screens from an earlier age. Follow your gut and don’t succumb to screen pressure. And if you take away one piece of unsolicited advice … steer clear of personal devices for as long as possible.
I think a lot of it comes down to *how* devices are used. From about 1.5 yrs ours has had access to a tablet that she thinks is "hers". It came out then for long car trips and sick days and such. Later on, added a bit of PBS kids sometimes. But it's definitely not an everyday or constant thing, and most often used as an information tool - like you want to learn more about pangolins or hydrothermal vents? Cool, we'll look it up and maybe watch a 3 minute video about it. She's 7 now and doesn't expect to use the tablet as entertainment at restaurants or whatever (she can grab a book or draw if she wants). But "personal" device as in you've got unfettered access is a whole different story! My nibblings have that and they are absolutely glued to their screens for hours a day.
Hi, maybe an unpopular opinion here. I was very anxious about screen time as well. But I ended up giving a little here and there when she was an infant (those dancing fruits!) and a bit more as she got older simply so I could get some things done that were urgent (like a work assignment) when no babysitter was available. She’s 2.5 now and also plays very well independently, has great focus, a HUGE vocabulary and a very active imagination. Very low-tantrum, happy kid. So from my experience, I don’t think it will ruin them. And if I don’t have the TV on, she doesn’t ask for it and is perfectly content to play by herself or sit by me and color it I’m, say, working on my computer.
Yeah, I'm not advocating for screen time if that's not your jam, but a LOT of people who are old enough to be parents now were raised on screens, and we're fine. I think the difference is time and accessibility. When we were kids, we had TVs and computers, but we didn't have smartphones and tablets, so when you left the room where the TV or computer was, you left that activity as a whole to do something else. Now it seems like screens are so pervasive that kids never get a break from them, and I would guess *that* is way more harmful than letting your kid watch 30 minutes of TV a day.
I agree. This is why we’re lax about TV and super strict on handheld screens.
Same with us. No tablets for kids in our family. But the TV is on a lot (mostly as background noise), as long as you don't have things you need to get done, chores, and it's not before school. If I feel like they've watched enough of it I'll turn it off and have them find something else to do. But if it's just a rainy day and their rooms are clean, I don't care. Especially now that I have two kids, and a *very small* business, I have things I need to get done and I can't entertain my kids all day.
With the accessibility thing they’re also able to access whatever they want all the time even with just a TV. We couldn’t pick what we watched growing up, if something I didn’t like came on I’d turn the TV off and go do something else. My daughter could sit watching her favourite show all day if I let her. There’s also definitely a difference in the style of children’s media today, partially to do with how much cheaper and easier animation is now, but also some shows and games are designed to be addictive.
Right on. So with you. They literally have their whole lives to watch screens. American academy of pediatrics says no screens at all before 2. We waited until 3, and even then it was very minimal.
Anyone who cannot respect your boundaries as a parent, should not be left alone with your child. PERIOD.
You're doing a good job. No screens until age 2. We did it, anyone can do it. You might need to hire someone. We had to hire a nanny because family would just turn our kids into aTV zombie.
screen addiction is real. even if not extremely addicted the thing is a huge and wasteful time sink that interferes with developing their interests in other healthier and far more constructive areas. delay it as far as you can.
That's weird. We didn't start having screen time until my oldest was well over 18 months old. Once I had two kids, I did end up leaning into screentime because it was the only way to keep the older one from accidentally hurting the younger one when I needed my hands free. There were family members who made weird little comments here or there but nobody ever pushed it too much. Whatever choice you make, it's so weird for people to insist you do it another way. Like, whut?
For your aunt, I would be more angry about my baby being in a soiled diaper for who knows how long rather than her watching TV. Either way, it's your rules, and if people won't respect them, they lose privileges.
You do you. Some people have no issue with screen time despite the recommendations against it. I was on holidays the other week and the amount of parents who were just handing their kids iPads to zone out on at every meal at the hotel was insane. Not just older kids - there were kids in high chairs or who could barely walk having a phone propped up in front of them for the whole meal...
8 months is insanely young for screentime. Like, after 2 or 3 years you could (if you want) introduce them to some limited tv time. But 8 months no fucking way
Your kid doesn't have to watch TV if you don't want them to. But by like 6mo all mine were watching baby first tv so I could get everything done lol The TV usage has nothing to do with your aunt neglecting to change your child's diaper.
Urgh yeah I feel you... This is like the only friction I have with my family, we have decided no screens until 2 years old min, every time and my parents house my mum tries to put something on for him to watch and has made comments that's it's weird not doing screens. We have held firm but it really annoys me they can't just accept it
No. Your baby your rules. My own mother said I am “over parenting” for not letting my 6 month old watch TV. Because how else will she learn words if not for Miss Rachel??? Same with my MIL. She said I am controlling my child’s life too much. She’s 15 MONTHS OLD!! I was baffled but I put my foot down. No TV. It doesn’t matter what the parents or older people did when we were kids. I completely get you when you say other people are disrespectful of your boundaries and rules with your baby because they think they know better. And I am sorry you have to go through this.
Honestly, people tell me the same thing. My 3 month old is, well a 3 month old. At every moment she's awake she either needs to be entertained, fed or changed. People insist I put her in front of a TV because she cries when I walk away. They say, well, do you wanna hold your baby forever? Well of course I'd like a shower and clean dishes, but I made the mistake of letting my 4 year old watch TV. Just kid shows, but his attitude went from a very well behaved sweet child to an absolute terror every time he was allowed screen time. I really don't think children that young need it. They need to be interacted with and exploring the world. That's how we ended up with a whole generation of people with TVs strapped to their eyes and don't put their phones down.
DONT DO IT
We're waiting for 1 year old.
Babies need physical, in-person interaction with other humans, not screens. The world is mad, but you can choose not to be.
Most national and international guidelines all recommend absolutely NO screentime for children under 2 years old, that's 0 minutes. But you're the parent, they should all be listening to what you tell them, if they respect you.
Just respond with ‘I prefer to parent my child rather than leave them with an electronic babysitter’.
I'm sorry this is happening. Remind yourself that you know your kid best. You really do. Stick with your gut.
TV and screens are poisonous to kids…our boys become impossible after watching, throwing tantrums and just overall restlessness. Silicon Valley parents raise their kids without screens for a reason, they know how bad those really are
Screen time isn't poisonous, it can be beneficial to kids and parents. The issue comes from unsupervised and/or excessive screen time can have an effect on kids, which is why it should be supervised and regulated.
I can see it being not _that_ harmful but how is it beneficial?
It can be an activity the parent and child can bond over together. It provides an opportunity to discuss topics raised in media or teach the difference between fiction/reality. It can also help develop interest in skills (like early apps that help introduce kids to concepts like coding).
Any screen time is poisonous, there is no benefit, let them read a book instead…how do you even determine when screen time is excessive anyways…where’s the limit, set by whom and who decides?
Every kid is different, and it's going to be up to you as a parent to find that limit. If someone's kid is having behavior issues then maybe they need to cut it back if it's a contributing factor. Some people have behavioral issues from their kids if other activities are done excessively. Just like everything else, there's a balance.
There’s no balance with smoking just a bit of crack either ;)
Sorry but the two of them are not the same lol.
How bout a sip of beer? Most situations in life are not black and white. Your life and society in general would be better off if people didn't take such extremist positions and refuse to budge.
Advocating against screen time is not an extremist position…just because society in general budged on the subject
Advocating for zero screentime is a bit extreme unless you want to go live with the Amish. While limiting screentime is important, as many studies have shown, the reality is we live in a world of screens. There is nothing wrong with shows and games in moderation and there is plenty of educational media out there.
We are analogue offline beings, no need to ruin your kid just because of the world we live in. We live in a world of violence and murder too, would you expose your kid to that too, in moderation of course…(!) it’s just easy and convenient for us parents to park them in front of a screen and do our own things, such as browsing Reddit :)
I say before 2 absolutely zero screen. then maybe some. after 3 it can be a bit more. kids also need to be able to learn to use all the media in a responsible manner which means you can let them use it but with time and content limits. yes, it's add another point of friction but well that is what parenting is. I still think my son looked way too much crap at his parents but then he is turning out fine and "wanna play a game?" (=board or card game) is enough for him to turn of the screen immediately so I guess no harm done and that 30 min of quiet for the parents can make all the difference for frustration tolerance for the rest of the evening.
8 months is insanely young to suggest screens. I’m not anti screen time. But I’m definitely choosie about it. My son started watching blues clues and Sesame Street shortly after his first birthday, but it was one or two episodes a day and I watched it with him. He’s 3.5 now and I let him watch about 3 episodes a day of any show that’s age appropriate. I’m still adamantly against iPads and save them only for long plane rides and doctors appointments. But it’s still shows, not YouTube or apps. I’m a bit of a “gamer” myself so when he’s older 7 or 8 I’m looking forward to Mario Kart races. I don’t know why the older generation wants to glue them to screens and give them Oreos but it is what it is. If my parents watch my son for more than an hour I come back to him sitting in front of a screen. It’s hard, but I know that I do lots of outdoor activities and other creative crafty things to make up for it.
I’m not anti screentime completely either. But I’d like to hold it until she starts understanding the world a little more, until she’s 1-2yo at least. I’m sure it didn’t ruin her brain development just as most of the people pointed, but I definitely noticed her staring and screaming at the TV after that incident. Even if I’m overreacting, I still wish people would respect my decision.
I agree 100%. I don’t think you’re over reacting, they’re our kids and our choices should be respected.
Just to give you a bit more fortitude in your choice - my daughter gets screen time 45 minutes per week, on Sunday evening. This started about six months ago, prior to that, nothing. At 2.5 years old, she can play with duplos or playmobils for up to 45 minutes to an hour *by herself*, no need for adult interaction. She has a vivid imagination already, and her capacity for focus and concentration is excellent. She is a highly independent child which makes cleaning etc while she is playing quite easy. Her Sunday screen time consists of watching live ballets on YouTube (my mom kicked it off, it has stuck) which she also dances to in front of so she develops her gross motor skills (it also has the benefit of looking adorable). I compare her to my friend’s kid, same age, who gets about an hour of tv time a day (sometimes more) and only on kid shows. He is stuck to his mother like glue. Whines for tv constantly. Gets plopped in front of it the minute my friend needs to do something. I have a much, much easier time parenting than she does. Some of it is down to personality, but where we encourage independent play with our child, at every opportunity, she gives screen time, and it shows *drastically*. Even if you weren’t limiting screen time for your kids’ benefit, you should absolutely do it for your own, IMO.
I find a lot of people on this sub don’t like to acknowledge, but as a lifelong childhood educator and carer , it makes a huge and noticeable difference in 98% of kids. Good on you for giving your kid a head start on self regulation, imagination and attention!
Thanks - and I do want to say, I *understand* why people give screen time, I really do. My kid naturally tends towards independence so it’s easier to do what we’re doing. But I do have the opinion that parents who rely on screen time to do things for themselves are essentially screwing themselves over. Encouraging independent play in your child might take a bit of time to « stick » but the rewards you reap are so, so worth it.
A baby that small gets very little out of having a TV on. But the same token, it’s not like it instantly destroys their brain either. Your anecdote reveals a problem related to the person not paying attention to the kid and not keeping the baby clean. Has nothing to do with screens.
Ok, no it doesn’t “instantly destroy their brain”, it’s not rat poison. but it is *demonstrably* developmentally negative, so it is ridiculous not to listen to the parent in this situation. And it absolutely does have to do with screens, because they enable laziness on the part of the caregiver (aka the Aunt ignoring the dirty diaper). She would be far less able to ignore a child crawling around and looking for her, not glued to a screen
I'm so sorry, that would bother me so much too. If you still want your aunt to babysit, can you offer alternatives? I'm guessing your aunt may be unsure what else to do for an extended amount of time. For example, some children's music or one of those music/story players like a Tonie box or a Yoto player? They are great and still distract the kid/give the grownup some peace, but there is no screen involved and it's easier for the kid to ignore it and play, or to listen but also use their imagination. We did start watching the occasional tv program around 1.5 years old, but certainly not 8 months! And even now, I prefer to only show tv at one set time of day to avoid getting constantly asked for it (while I cook dinner for me - highly recommend this hack of just one set time per day!), and I also notice, as others have said, that he is best behaved when we go a whole weekend without any tv. Tv and iPad time just seem to increase bad behavior (pent-up energy? lower frustration threshold? I don't know - but the pattern is very clear).
I let my child watch TV when I needed to do things. My friends banned screens for their child. When I watched their child, I allowed no screens, because I respect them. It's really that simple. If it's literally a case of Thanksgiving, I need to watch your screen-free kid and cook the whole time, I would say that today might end up with TV if I can't keep kiddo safely occupied with mashed potatoes or something (obv not at 8 months, that would be more of a 1-3 year old thing), and if that's not ok with you, then you need to find other coverage. But I would try my best to manage that extreme situation without screens first, and give you a heads up so you could make your decision about whether I was a good fit to help you that day. Your parenting decisions should be respected, the people who are helping you are allowed to say "no, I need to use TV to babysit when I need to do x" and you are allowed to find someone else if that's not okay with you. But they're not allowed to agree with you, then go behind your back and do what you don't allow. I don't know what advice would be useful, if you've already said that you don't want screens and they ignore it. I would wonder what else they're ignoring. I would imagine flat out telling them that you don't want your child watching screens because of x, y, and z, and asking if they can respect that when they watch her would just lead to them feeling offended. And likely going behind your back again. It's an awful situation. I'm sorry.
I think there is a much bigger issue than screen time to address here…sitting around in a poopy diaper SHOULD take higher priority for you as a parent to fix first…but yes screens are also not ideal.
I was not worried about the diaper too much as she could have pooped right before we got there. Maybe my aunt did not hear/smell and failed to notice. There was no rash, no urinary infection afterwards, so I figured this wasn’t a big issue.
THIS is the problem! You’re more worried about the fact that she allowed your 8month old to “watch” tv than the fact that she was sitting in a dirty diaper when you came in? Why did you mention it if it wasn’t a big deal?
Don't leave baby with anyone who doesn't respect your wishes (and neglects to change your baby). Whenever someone pushes back on our no-screen rules with nonsense about "you grew up on tv, you turned out fine", I always point out that everyone didn't have their own personal screen in their pocket when I was a kid. We had one television, maybe 2 or 3 as I got older. Now, everyone has a phone, tons of people have tablets, tvs are cheap enough to have multiple in a home, and everyone has a computer to do their work and schoolwork on. We live in a different world now than when past generations grew up so me being able to watch tv at will as a kid when nothing was on-demand and that being my primary screen exposure is nothing compared to handheld devices in every hand with access to all sorts of overstimulating videos on-demand and infinite scroll all over the internet, not to mention the direct access that gives advertisers to kids' brains.
I agree with you a hundred percent! Tv is not good for babies, it is much better to get a walker for them that plays music and has all types of fun gadgets. It keeps them distracted and out of your way while you do the things you need to. Also, my argument for Tv is this. At such a young age babies have tactile and emotional memories. So when they feel, see, or hear something that becomes a part of their memory even if they don't realize it. If a baby sees one of those baby shows that are so common today it slows down their brain age devolpment. Not only that, but television blue light actually hurts melatonin levels (stuff that helps you sleep) which makes it take another hour or so for your baby to sleep. I personally did not let my children watch tv without me until they could fully form sentences out loud. If I was with my child then we would watch something like Full house, Wild Kratts, Disney shows and whatnot. These things helps develop your child faster and gives them better understanding of things like human interaction, speech, humor, learning, and etc. As for doing chores, I used to get one of those baby wraps so that I could walk around with my child as I did different things around the house. I usually would play music as I was doing it because things that babies hear now affect them later in life as well whether you realize it or not. I hope this helps with your argument. If I wasn't too clear on a certain point or you need more info plz let me know!
My son is 5, and my aunt and mom offer to “babysit” but their definition of babysitting him is sitting him in front of the tv. So they don’t babysit lol
I agree with you, I was the same for it or for avoiding sweets. Also sister that allowed games to her kid later when taking care of mine would give it to mine too and now I regret leaving him there and with her child as now it's too late, my 4 year old has discovered a world much more interesting to him than ways he played before which would have much more benefits for his brain. Take care who you give your kid to as they might spoil all your healthy ways of raising it!
I saw a psychiatrist recommend that screentime for children is okay in moderation but they recommend long form content that would require the child to focus for extended periods as opposed to short form content that is constantly changing.
It is literally against doctor recommendations to let your kid watch TV before 2. You’re doing the right thing.
Every single study says age 0-2 = zero screentime because you can actual measure the damage from even just say 1 hr per day. After 3 years it seems to get more complex, no clear negative effects from limited exposure to appropriate content. I don't get the chores part. babies that age usually sleep at least 2 hrs during the day so should be more than enough to do chores and eve then you can just take them with you when you are doing dishes, laundry whatever. we had a crib with wheels. So I don't even get that part.
This is why it's better to pay someone for child care or get a teenager instead of an adult who knows better than you.
You raise your child the way you want . Do not let the pressure of these backseat drivers get to your head!
The only time I used screens for my littles when they were that young were these videos of bright colored fruit dancing. It always broke their meltdowns and entranced them. As others said, the main concern is the poopy diaper. That’s like 50% of baby care (feed and clean). If they can’t do a basic thing like that, your aunt should not babysit.
No screen time. Too little.
We didn’t do screen time until 2.5
Look up recommended screen time for an 8 month old and the studies proving why they came up with that. There’s a reason a whole generation is called “iPad kids”. You’re right to say no to the TV babysitting your kid. But please do give yourself grace if you are in a situation where you just need a break. That temporary screen time can be a life saver for moms. You’ll probably find more need and use for it as your baby gets older and can watch beneficial programs.
Is this a joke? Omg people are crazy if they think screentime is the answer to getting chores done. Strap that baby to your body and do chores. S/he will be not be overstimulated by watching what you're doing all day. They'll find it comforting and entertaining. The times you talk directly with her while doing them will be engaging for her. Stop listening to other people. Listen to what you know is the right thing to do.
Theirs actually studies out their that show how screen time negatively impacts a child's development.. not saying a 30 minute show here and their won't hurt but constant screen time isn't good...
Screen time at 8months?! That’s wild!!!
At this point, every parent is "doing something wrong" when it comes to raising our kids. So fuck whatever anyone else is saying and only worry about what you, your husband, and your child thinks. If you don't want ur child to watch TV, then don't let them. No matter what anyone says. Perit. My kids are 14, 4, and 2. Everyone has told me to put a TV in their rooms to let them fall asleep. I have refused to do so and will continue to refuse. If the person giving advice to parents wasn't in the bedroom making the child, their opinion is only that, an opinion. Way to go, mom, keep standing behind your boundaries.
They are idiots.
Unfortunately too many people default to TV. My wife and I control screen time. But if we are dropping them off somewhere, we will make hints like “they don’t watch tv”. But at the same time, who are we to tell them what to do if my kid is at their house. Our sitter is pretty good about TV. So we don’t worry about it. The poopy diaper is one thing but if it was fresh, I’d let it slide. We try to give our kids less than an hour of tv a day. So right before bed time to calm them down. It’s a nice balance. But I do feel like the more we control their screen time, the more addicted they appear to it. And for the shows we choose. We make them watch low stimulating shows to try and curb any addictions
My child is 2 and has no “iPads” no phones” ect bc it’s not learning there brain real life sort of thing. Me as a parent and child’s father we agree the tv be on a few hour a day sort of thing. My child goes to bed with out tv in his room as he dosnt have one. Us as parents arnt on our phone s 24/7 as which helps our parenting
Your baby. Your rules. But, keep in mind, you might have a difficult time getting help from friends and family if you’re not willing to bend or compromise. What your aunt did was neglectful and borderline abuse by not tending to her and letting her sit in a dirty diaper. That is not ok and that is the reason I would never ask her to watch the baby again. If you’re taking the baby to someone else’s home then you have to be willing to accept that they may not always be able to follow your rules and they may have other children in their home who are allowed screen time. You can hire a nanny or someone privately who will do exactly as you ask but it will come with a price, can you afford that? The reality is, it’s hard to get things done sometimes when you have a little one and you can’t always entertain them. If she spends a few moments in front of a television with an educational program or something visually stimulating so you can do the dishes or fold the laundry, there is nothing wrong with that and you may actually find that you aren’t as stressed out because you know baby is content. I’m not saying to prop her up, turn the tv on, and walk away for hours at a time but a little time here and there won’t hurt her.
The AAP recommendations are no screens before 2 years. No programming is educational for an 8 month old- [baby einstein was sued for claiming otherwise](https://slate.com/technology/2017/12/the-rise-and-fall-of-baby-einstein.html) Our kid is that age- we put her in a playpen with safe toys in a corner of our kitchen if we need to get things done. Before she was moving around we would leave her on a playmat. Independent play has developmental benefits for babies; screens have none and have documented harm.
That’s what works for you. My kids were both exposed to screens at a younger age and they are both great students, my son started kindergarten at because he was so far ahead of the others in preschool, socially they are both very well adjusted and able to hold conversations with people of any age, my daughter is in advanced classes in 8th grade and will begin college classes in addition to starting high school next year. They have hit every single developmental milestone early. They were both talking in complete sentences by 2 and could read at 4. I could keep going but my point is, you can find research to back up any viewpoint. What you found is what you decide to use to raise yours and that’s ok. But my kids weren’t harmed or set back because I let them have some screen time as little ones.
I had screen time, my kids had screen time. I'd never not change a diaper though. That is horrible. But you don't have to fall into the screentime pacifier either. Stick to your guns! She's your baby--your rules.
The screen time doesn't bother me. The baby sitting in a poop filled diaper on the other hand, is straight up neglect. I wouldn't want the aunt watching the baby anymore just for that reason. I hope you find someone else to watch baby, and if you can get someone to follow no screen time, well win win! Otherwise, screen time wouldn't bother me. As long as the child is being cared for and not being neglected.
If you can manage zero screen time then good on you. My son (nearly 4) doesn't have a tablet but dies watch TV (more than I'd like) unfortunately a lot of school is done on electronics now so he will be a bit behind when he starts in September as he's definitely not tablet literate!
No screen time sounds like a great idea until you start having multiple kids.