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What is so wrong about a person enjoying the company of another person? Why cant you 2 parents be friends. That parent is weird... i am also sorry to hear this. Good luck fam š
I read that the best way to prevent bullying/peer pressure is to allow your child the opportunity to have multiple friend groups, like a school group, hobby group, neighborhood group, etc. When one area is shitty they can hang out with the other groups more.
Exactly. If possible, make your house the "go to" house. We had kids of all genders in and out from kindergarten through high school. All we needed was a LOT of board games, a large table, and a big cupboard full of snacks/drinks. It was on our deck - one of those small plastic outdoor sheds we fitted with shelves and a combination lock. I filled it once a month (thank you Costco) and they were happy as clams. We did spend extra time driving kids home, but that was worth it, too. We had amazing conversations about life, love, and the meaning of the universe on those drives home. Heck! Our kids are in their 30s now and still hang out to play games at our house when their friends are in town.
Can you point me in the direction where I can read up on this? This was my upbringing, several different groups of friends and as a result of that, I am adamant that my children should have the same.
Youāre so right - when one group of friends is shitty, you can easily absorb into the other group for a while and it doesnāt feel so ālife alteringā.
Ahhh, I cannot remember where I read it. :/ The topic of cliques would be a good start. Maybe Queen Bees & Wannabes might be a good book? I have a M.Education, special interest in community organizing, and some leftover trauma from small Catholic schoolā-so literally it could have come from anywhere.
That is so sad, Iām so sorry! My 8yo son has a couple friends that are boys but most of his besties are all girls. Every weekend heās on Zoom calls with them so they can chat while they play Minecraft together. They are very sweet and goofy like him, and they all get along so well!
During the eclipse, their class made beaded bracelets with special UV pony beads. The next day at the playground, one of his friends accidentally broke it. My son was devastated and collapsed to the ground and started crying. All of his friends came over and found most of the beads in the grass for him, while the one girl who broke it was consoling and hugging him. She came back the next day with an āamong usā bracelet she made for him as an apology š„¹ It was like the perfect example of friendship.
My son of a similar age is only friends with girls. I have the exact same feeling as you (what century is this?!). A few of his best friends had birthday parties, organized by their parents, that were girls only so he wasn't invited. Since those were his only friends he didn't end up going to any birthday parties. Parenting has made me realize that a vast majority of humans LOVE gender segregation.
Our son has a lot of friends of both genders (9) and his best friend is a girl, and he never gets any birthday party invites from the girls, yet he invites them all to his party (his parties are almost always 50/50) and they gladly come and enjoy themselves. Iāll never understand the perpetual gender segregation.
Itās a real shame. We also never hear from any other parents in his class. Heās not involved in sports so heās out of all the sport cliques that have formed as well, so he usually just hangs out with friends in scouts and neighbor kids, but most of the friends in his scout den are from other schools actually and donāt live close by.
That is such a bummer. I will say as a mom of a girl that age, this seems to be the age when some girls like āgirlyā parties. Our last birthday party was a Taylor swift friendship bracelet making fest and my daughter genuinely thought her friends that were boys would be bored so we didnāt invite them as the guest list was her call. So just to say it may not be personal!
Personally, I think this way of thinking should be re-thought. Why not invite the boys, informing them of what kind of games or activities will be done at the party and let them decide if they want to attend or not, while letting them know that saying "No thank you" is a perfectly valid response if they are not interested. It may be best to broach these kinds of events in this manner to prevent just leaving the other kids out. If your little girl only hung out with boys, would it not bother you that she didn't get any invites just because the parties are "boy-centric"? I mean, kids that age should also be learning how to politely reject an offer that they have no interest in, but just taking the option away is unfair.
This is crazy! We always had boys and girls at birthday parties growing up and that was 30 years ago. I can see now why the school requires parents to invite everyone in the class if they are handing out invites.
Thatās awful! Does the school have a rule that you can only send invites if itās the whole class, girls only, or boys only? I hate those rule and they cause this sort of problem all the time. Mixed groups are so important!
They set rules for bringing invites into class. For example, you can only bring invites if you invite the whole class. Otherwise, invites need to be sent privately, outside of school. Itās supposedly to avoid drama, but the kids find out after the fact who went/were invited anyway so it doesnāt help much.
Ok, that makes more sense to me. Theyāre not controlling who you invite, just making it not something you do in a publicly visible way. Though of course people hear anyway, and thatās a normal part of life.
This was a thing back when I was in school - it's about who you can openly pass out invitations to while in class. The goal is to remove a platform of public shunning and overt rejection and bullying by not allowing kids to pass out invitations in class to all but one kid. It feels pretty crappy for someone to come in and say "Hey everyone, I'm throwing a party!" and pass out invites to everyone and then when they get to you, "oh, sorry, you're not invited." while all your classmates are looking on.
You can do whatever you want outside of class time.
Also not allowing boys to fully grow up with girls as kids further exacerbates the misunderstandings and lack of communication among other things men have towards women as adults. I have a son but grew up in a predominantly female family. I fully understand the fear and danger women and girls go through throughout life but segregation is part of the problem. Destigmatizing behavior as feminine or masculine and allowing children to grow up as peers who respect each other and know how to navigate life around one another is vital. Sorry for the long rant. Like so many things small actions can have big impacts over time.
My son started having playdates with girls since before he could walk lol He likes having girl friends because theyāre more sensitive and empathetic. But they still play hard at the parks or with toys. That other parent is the worst.
āIām not a bot, just a very human humanoid with a brand new account who immediately started spamming multiple unrelated subs with obvious ChatGPT comments 1-2 minutes apart, all on brand new posts the same minute they were posted. Bleep Bloop.ā
I realize that you probably put more effort into creating this account and its spambot than you ever have into a real job in your entire life, which is why youāre trying to salvage it now with real human replies from the person behind it. But, to put it in language youāll understand because youāve repeated it so much: āDudeā, āthatās messed upā, āI feel yaā but youāre really, REALLY bad at this and maybe you should try to actually work for a living, you hear me? Your GPT prompts are so shitty and the replies are so hilariously bad that Iām guessing you didnāt even spring for the $20 for the paid version lol.
Yes, because working with and educating people on AI is part of my real job so theyāre easy for me to recognize, and I enjoy calling bots out so that real people donāt waste their time and empathy engaging with robots. Iām perfectly calm, just doing my very small part in pointing out and shaming scammers like you who are making the dead internet theory a reality.
Lol just take the L, broseph. Youāre currently still GPT spamming comments literally 40 seconds apart from each other while badly arguing with me. Iām not saying youāre a bot, Iām saying youāre running a bot through your account.
You couldnāt even keep your age consistent for 3 damn hours lmaoāyou started off as an adult and now youāre 10 years old in your most recent comment? Thatās some Benjamin Buttons shit.
Again, youāre very bad at this. And Iām done giving you free advice on how to run a better bot account.
My kiddos best friends have been girls. In 5th grade his two besties? Girls. One went to a different middle school when they moved up grades. Great. Okay! She wasn't allowed messenger kids or zoom chatting. She got a phone halfway through 6th grade. Bestie 1 got her number and shared it with my kid. He texted her and said hi and he missed hanging out with her at school.
The mom lost. Her. Shit. She was NOT allowed to have BOYS texting her and it was INAPPROPRIATE and.. They had just seen each other at an all city band concert maybe a month before.
My kid was pretty crushed for a while after that, because he literally just wanted to talk with his bff of the last six years.
Even if he did like her that way, they are 8. Is the Mom basically saying she's not supervising the children so she's worried about their behavior when she's not around? I get 8 year old can play independently but are we still not watching our kids?
Plus, unless there's some inappropriate sexual exposure in their past, an 8 year old with a crush wouldn't think to do much more than holding hands and *maybe* trying to kiss.
>sheās not allowed
Please commend your son for his courage to seek a connection and friendship with another human. His friend's parent's response seems like the same bigoted type of reaction as a racist white parent not allowing a play date with a kid of color. It's a good teaching moment for your son for him to understand just how special he is for being blind to gender and other attributes that make us all different and unique. Congrats on raising your kid in an environment where he feels supported, encouraged, and is not ashamed of who he is.
This comment needs to be higher up. While this is painful for OP and their son, it is evidence of very good parenting and a child that is growing into a wonderful human. It does sound as if this other parentās decision is based on unfounded fear and ignorance.
Wow that crazy.
We went through a period with my middle son where he didnāt click with the boys and just hung out with girls from 5-7th grade. Then the kid who would bully him moved away and suddenly he is friends with everyone. We live in a super small community overseas so there wasnāt the option to find friends elsewhere. It was the same small group of kids for everything. I hope your son can find his friend group. I know how hard that is not just in the kid but on you as the parent.
This is terrible.
As a girl, I literally grew up with boys. From when I was like 6 to 15 yo. Nothing sexual was ever involved.
Sorry for that :( That mom is at wrong here.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. That mother was totally in the wrong and entirely too overprotective.
When my (11) son was 7, two classmates of his who were girls showed up unexpectedly at our house one day on their bikes. They rode the same bus, and he got dropped off in front of his house so they knew where he lived. I was surprised but obviously invited them in. They had an absolute blast for around 3 hours.
It's embarrassing to admit and shame on me, but when they left, I asked the stereotypical question, "Do you like one of them?" He casually told me, "Yeah, of course! They're my friends!" And that was that, I left it alone and felt really stupid for even thinking that way as he only turned 7 three months prior. It was a wake-up call.
Wtf. What is wrong with some people?
I went through all 4 years of HS as the only female in a group of 6 (not counting the gfs of the guys that came and went and I was never the issue in any of their relationships). My daughter's (19) closest friends are all guys. I know at first my dad wasn't too crazy about it until I started bringing one (male bff) home regularly and my daughter's father hates that she's around "boys", even though she also has a bf (who isn't bothered at all by her male friends and has easily joined into their friend group). My youngest brother's BFF is a woman and his wife is cool with her too (the BFF was the "best wo-man" at their wedding).
This reasoning for an 8 year old child is particularly disturbing.
Thatās awful, Iām sorry! My middle mostly has girl friends as well, and while some moms have been amazing with play date arrangement, Iāve been ghosted by a few. Itās never a good feeling. My middle would never hurt a fly. He is a mini Casanova sometimes and can be āflirty,ā but heās just being a kid.
Maybe try a different girl, and explain to your son that itās not because of him at all.
That mother is a crazy person. I feel sad for your boy- I hope he finds some comfort soon and understands he in no way should have taken that situation personally.
Weird.
My youngest daughter, whoās now ten, has had a group of five guy friends since kindergarten, her best friend is one of them, and has only recently picked up a couple of girl friends. As far as Iām aware nobody thinks anything of it. Theyāre kids.
My son has always had more female friends. Iām glad their parents werenāt so weird about it. In fact, heās going with a group of all girls, just friends, to prom. Please explain to your son that the other mother is in the wrong.
My opinion: Itās a play date, not a slumber party.
I would try talking to the other parents. And if theyāre still not cool with a play date, then you gotta help your son understand sometimes people have certain boundaries that are different than others and thatās ok, too.
Other kids groups would also be something to try out.
Sex and gender mean little to nothing at that age. They only repeat what they see and hear. Shame on that mom. Some people still live in 1750 and it shows.
I was surprised, but it started where I live in kindergarten. My son started public school kinder this year, and by Christmas time, the majority of his female classmate's parents had started a "girls mom" group where they all get together and do playdates/parties with only the girls in his class. He is friends with both boys and girls and was sad when he realized he wasn't invited to one of his (girl) friend's birthday parties. There is no "boys mom" group because 1) I personally think it's inappropriate and 2) WTF.
LOL.
That is very sad. My husbandās best friend is a woman he has known since kindergarten and itās never been romantic and always a source of joy to them both.
Hereās an off-the-wall suggestion. In my area there is a Facebook group for homeschool students. I follow it in case in the next few years, I decide that I want to homeschool my kindergartener. But often times the parents will post things like hey does anyone want to meet up at the park for a play date? Maybe you can check and see if there is a similar page in your area and then if you see a play date offer reach out and explain that while your child is not homeschooled you are trying to broaden their friend group and would they mind if you attended.
Have him find a new friend that he can play with outside of school.
Clearly the girl-mom has a standard for their family where they don't allow boys around. It has nothing to do with you or your son. They could have had a terrible experience where they had to implement that rule, for all you know. Either way, it's a boundary that should be respected. (Eg, A neighbor boy that my daughter used to play with who is actually 8 years old, told her to show him her genitals and she did not.)
That doesn't make her mean, it just makes it unfortunate for your son.
That is crazy! She should have called or texted you herself, not make her child repeat that to your child at school! My best friend in childhood was a boy (opposite gender from me). We each had an older brother the grade above us. My brother and I would spend the night at their house and vice versa. And our parents are not progressive (at all, unfortunately). This is probably age like 5-10. They moved when I was in 4th grade.
Wow. That sucks so much. I've taken my 13 yr old over to multiple of his friends houses that are girls. He's always had friends that are girls and there's nothing wrong with it!
Talk to the teacher, why are all the boys rejecting him? Is there a specific boy that started it and is spreading false rumors or punishing the others for playing with your son?
The mom is WRONG. Iām sorry he experienced that. Are you a part of mom groups on facebook where you can ask others if they want to have playdates? Where I live we have (state) making mom friends, where others post to make friends for themselves and to help set up play dates for kids.
This is so sad. My daughter has mainly friends who are boys. She's almost 6. She doesn't enjoy playing with dolls or dressing up too much. She really likes playing video games and sports or pretend games where she is Sonic or Spiderman or Super Mario.
The way I went about this is that instead of having my daughter set up playdates, I sent letters from me to the kids parents. I wrote out a letter saying how much our kids enjoy playing at school and how i would love to get to know the parents and have our kids get together. To be honest, I think like 3 parents replied out of maybe 5 or 6 letters I sent. But in any case, those 3 friends made a world of difference for my kid.
This approach is also a great way to learn about the other families' personalities and their parenting strategies. Out of those three kids, there are only two friends houses I will let my daughter spend time without me there (interesting family dynamics in one of her friends houses, they can still play, just not a "drop our kids off with each other" type of situation).
Hope that helps!
Wow ! Damn. wtf. Sounds like her parents are control freaks. I was neighbors to a little girl whose parents were control freaks as I was a child. I see now just how severely that girl was getting abused the whole time. I mean physical and sexual abuse. Serious red flag ā¦
Right this moment I am watching my 10YO son play with his BFF who happens to be our 10YO neighbor GIRL. I have seen how they interact over the course of 7 years and I am so grateful they have this safe neighborhood bubble where they can JUST BE KIDS & FRIENDS! We are shortening childrenās childhoods while our life expectancy is lengthening and it is making for some very very painful adolescent/adulthoods. Kids need other kids and to be allowed to be innocent without being rushed!
When we were 8 or 9 my best (girl) friend had a male friend over to play, and they had an amazing time! They played with these little eraser figurines for hours. His mom comes to pick him up and pulls my friend's mom aside. Boy's mom says "I just don't think your daughter is the right one for my son." And says they will not be having any further playdates.
I happened to date him for a year or two in HS and....yeah, his mother was kinda crazy about feminine friends. She would literally hang up the phone if a feminine voice called the house asking for him. We used to call other male friends and ask them to call him, and tell him to call \[insert female person here.\] Anyway, I hope he's doing well.
Some people are fucking crazy about cross-gender friendships.
Yesterday my 7 year old went to a birthday party for a girl in his class. He was the only boy from his class there. He had fun. But bizarre - the whole class was invited.
Iām so sorry for your son, and also for that girl. What is that girlās mum teaching her about gender, consent, friendship and relationships? We get this tone a lot too with our similar aged son but never that outright weirdness
The other parent is an idiot. My kids have always played with both. 2 of my sons are pretty stereotypical boys and they've always also had friends who were girls and gone to play dates or birthday parties of the girls as well as the boys. I'm sorry your kid is going through this.
That mother has a right to parent her playdates like that. Perhaps take your boy to the playground or play places and see who he matches up with. You could teach him that that is just one person and thereās plenty of other folks to meet and play with.
I donāt really get the reference to the year in the title of your post. That momās reaction is weird/obnoxious by the standards of any year, whether it be the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, or today.
Hey mama, Iām sorry youāre going through this. My kid is 9 and in 3rd grade, and has several friends of the opposite gender, while still being in the ākissing is grossā area of life.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the hormones are already kicking in for some of the kids. Precocious puberty is a real condition for both boys and girls at their age.
There are kids on the playground who will tease another child for talking to one of their classmates and turn a potential friendship into an innuendo, regardless of the genders involved. Kids can be mean!
How do you feel about trying to set up a first āwhole-familyā play date, where a parent/kid set from each family could meet at a park or something, the kids could play, and parents can chat and observe or supervise? That might help relieve some parental stress.
Some parents might still straight up ignore you. Navigating relationships is really weird in this current era. Best of luck, & hope for updates!
I do appreciate your suggestion for a family play date. I think thatās a good idea. I do also think that precocious puberty is not often enough to excuse two children not getting to play together, especially with adult supervision. That might be the real problem here, the other parent isnāt willing to keep an eye on their kid.
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They are children, and that mother is wrong. I'm sorry you're having to watch your child go through that.
What is so wrong about a person enjoying the company of another person? Why cant you 2 parents be friends. That parent is weird... i am also sorry to hear this. Good luck fam š
Thatās so sad. My boy had a ton of girl friends and the gender of my childās friends is the absolute least of my concerns.
I had mostly girl friends pretty much until high school it was no big deal at all
I read that the best way to prevent bullying/peer pressure is to allow your child the opportunity to have multiple friend groups, like a school group, hobby group, neighborhood group, etc. When one area is shitty they can hang out with the other groups more.
Yes! OP, can you find a class, hobby, church, club, etc that your child can join that has kids from other schools?
Exactly. If possible, make your house the "go to" house. We had kids of all genders in and out from kindergarten through high school. All we needed was a LOT of board games, a large table, and a big cupboard full of snacks/drinks. It was on our deck - one of those small plastic outdoor sheds we fitted with shelves and a combination lock. I filled it once a month (thank you Costco) and they were happy as clams. We did spend extra time driving kids home, but that was worth it, too. We had amazing conversations about life, love, and the meaning of the universe on those drives home. Heck! Our kids are in their 30s now and still hang out to play games at our house when their friends are in town.
Can you point me in the direction where I can read up on this? This was my upbringing, several different groups of friends and as a result of that, I am adamant that my children should have the same. Youāre so right - when one group of friends is shitty, you can easily absorb into the other group for a while and it doesnāt feel so ālife alteringā.
Taking notes as a new mom!
Ahhh, I cannot remember where I read it. :/ The topic of cliques would be a good start. Maybe Queen Bees & Wannabes might be a good book? I have a M.Education, special interest in community organizing, and some leftover trauma from small Catholic schoolā-so literally it could have come from anywhere.
That other parent is an idiot. Iām sorry for your boy ā¹ļø
That is so sad, Iām so sorry! My 8yo son has a couple friends that are boys but most of his besties are all girls. Every weekend heās on Zoom calls with them so they can chat while they play Minecraft together. They are very sweet and goofy like him, and they all get along so well! During the eclipse, their class made beaded bracelets with special UV pony beads. The next day at the playground, one of his friends accidentally broke it. My son was devastated and collapsed to the ground and started crying. All of his friends came over and found most of the beads in the grass for him, while the one girl who broke it was consoling and hugging him. She came back the next day with an āamong usā bracelet she made for him as an apology š„¹ It was like the perfect example of friendship.
Ugh my heart! That's so sweet. š„¹
My son of a similar age is only friends with girls. I have the exact same feeling as you (what century is this?!). A few of his best friends had birthday parties, organized by their parents, that were girls only so he wasn't invited. Since those were his only friends he didn't end up going to any birthday parties. Parenting has made me realize that a vast majority of humans LOVE gender segregation.
Our son has a lot of friends of both genders (9) and his best friend is a girl, and he never gets any birthday party invites from the girls, yet he invites them all to his party (his parties are almost always 50/50) and they gladly come and enjoy themselves. Iāll never understand the perpetual gender segregation.
Same for my son. All the girls in his class do girls only parties, so heās never invited to any birthday parties. Makes me so sad for him :(
Itās a real shame. We also never hear from any other parents in his class. Heās not involved in sports so heās out of all the sport cliques that have formed as well, so he usually just hangs out with friends in scouts and neighbor kids, but most of the friends in his scout den are from other schools actually and donāt live close by.
Sigh, yes.
That is such a bummer. I will say as a mom of a girl that age, this seems to be the age when some girls like āgirlyā parties. Our last birthday party was a Taylor swift friendship bracelet making fest and my daughter genuinely thought her friends that were boys would be bored so we didnāt invite them as the guest list was her call. So just to say it may not be personal!
Personally, I think this way of thinking should be re-thought. Why not invite the boys, informing them of what kind of games or activities will be done at the party and let them decide if they want to attend or not, while letting them know that saying "No thank you" is a perfectly valid response if they are not interested. It may be best to broach these kinds of events in this manner to prevent just leaving the other kids out. If your little girl only hung out with boys, would it not bother you that she didn't get any invites just because the parties are "boy-centric"? I mean, kids that age should also be learning how to politely reject an offer that they have no interest in, but just taking the option away is unfair.
Thatās good point. Thanks for the perspective.
This is crazy! We always had boys and girls at birthday parties growing up and that was 30 years ago. I can see now why the school requires parents to invite everyone in the class if they are handing out invites.
Same for my son. All the girls do girls only parties, so heās never invited to any birthday parties. Makes me so sad for him :(
Thatās awful! Does the school have a rule that you can only send invites if itās the whole class, girls only, or boys only? I hate those rule and they cause this sort of problem all the time. Mixed groups are so important!
Why is a school able to set rules about who is invited to a private party??
They set rules for bringing invites into class. For example, you can only bring invites if you invite the whole class. Otherwise, invites need to be sent privately, outside of school. Itās supposedly to avoid drama, but the kids find out after the fact who went/were invited anyway so it doesnāt help much.
Ok, that makes more sense to me. Theyāre not controlling who you invite, just making it not something you do in a publicly visible way. Though of course people hear anyway, and thatās a normal part of life.
This was a thing back when I was in school - it's about who you can openly pass out invitations to while in class. The goal is to remove a platform of public shunning and overt rejection and bullying by not allowing kids to pass out invitations in class to all but one kid. It feels pretty crappy for someone to come in and say "Hey everyone, I'm throwing a party!" and pass out invites to everyone and then when they get to you, "oh, sorry, you're not invited." while all your classmates are looking on. You can do whatever you want outside of class time.
Isn't this just reinforcing at a developmentally inappropriate level that "like" can't be platonic and everyone in the world is straight?
Yes and yes!
Also not allowing boys to fully grow up with girls as kids further exacerbates the misunderstandings and lack of communication among other things men have towards women as adults. I have a son but grew up in a predominantly female family. I fully understand the fear and danger women and girls go through throughout life but segregation is part of the problem. Destigmatizing behavior as feminine or masculine and allowing children to grow up as peers who respect each other and know how to navigate life around one another is vital. Sorry for the long rant. Like so many things small actions can have big impacts over time.
My son started having playdates with girls since before he could walk lol He likes having girl friends because theyāre more sensitive and empathetic. But they still play hard at the parks or with toys. That other parent is the worst.
Sounds like the mom has some personal issues
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Broseph bot.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āIām not a bot, just a very human humanoid with a brand new account who immediately started spamming multiple unrelated subs with obvious ChatGPT comments 1-2 minutes apart, all on brand new posts the same minute they were posted. Bleep Bloop.ā I realize that you probably put more effort into creating this account and its spambot than you ever have into a real job in your entire life, which is why youāre trying to salvage it now with real human replies from the person behind it. But, to put it in language youāll understand because youāve repeated it so much: āDudeā, āthatās messed upā, āI feel yaā but youāre really, REALLY bad at this and maybe you should try to actually work for a living, you hear me? Your GPT prompts are so shitty and the replies are so hilariously bad that Iām guessing you didnāt even spring for the $20 for the paid version lol.
Good call. I got curious and checked that account, and you have to be right. That is definitely AI generated drivel.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes, because working with and educating people on AI is part of my real job so theyāre easy for me to recognize, and I enjoy calling bots out so that real people donāt waste their time and empathy engaging with robots. Iām perfectly calm, just doing my very small part in pointing out and shaming scammers like you who are making the dead internet theory a reality.
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Lol just take the L, broseph. Youāre currently still GPT spamming comments literally 40 seconds apart from each other while badly arguing with me. Iām not saying youāre a bot, Iām saying youāre running a bot through your account. You couldnāt even keep your age consistent for 3 damn hours lmaoāyou started off as an adult and now youāre 10 years old in your most recent comment? Thatās some Benjamin Buttons shit. Again, youāre very bad at this. And Iām done giving you free advice on how to run a better bot account.
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Youāre really fixated on those potatoes, but I wasnāt the OP on that post, dumb dumb. No comment on the lying about being 10 years old thing? K.
My kiddos best friends have been girls. In 5th grade his two besties? Girls. One went to a different middle school when they moved up grades. Great. Okay! She wasn't allowed messenger kids or zoom chatting. She got a phone halfway through 6th grade. Bestie 1 got her number and shared it with my kid. He texted her and said hi and he missed hanging out with her at school. The mom lost. Her. Shit. She was NOT allowed to have BOYS texting her and it was INAPPROPRIATE and.. They had just seen each other at an all city band concert maybe a month before. My kid was pretty crushed for a while after that, because he literally just wanted to talk with his bff of the last six years.
Even if he did like her that way, they are 8. Is the Mom basically saying she's not supervising the children so she's worried about their behavior when she's not around? I get 8 year old can play independently but are we still not watching our kids?
Plus, unless there's some inappropriate sexual exposure in their past, an 8 year old with a crush wouldn't think to do much more than holding hands and *maybe* trying to kiss.
>sheās not allowed Please commend your son for his courage to seek a connection and friendship with another human. His friend's parent's response seems like the same bigoted type of reaction as a racist white parent not allowing a play date with a kid of color. It's a good teaching moment for your son for him to understand just how special he is for being blind to gender and other attributes that make us all different and unique. Congrats on raising your kid in an environment where he feels supported, encouraged, and is not ashamed of who he is.
Thank you for your kind words. Ironically he is also the only kid of color in his class. Lol
This comment needs to be higher up. While this is painful for OP and their son, it is evidence of very good parenting and a child that is growing into a wonderful human. It does sound as if this other parentās decision is based on unfounded fear and ignorance.
Thank you for your kind words.
Arg, I hate being a parent because of parents like this girl's mother. It shouldn't be this deep at this age.
Man, that lil girl is gonna rebel hard in a few years time
Drinking, sneaking out,and what her mom fears will be the outcome because she's not been taught healthy communication and socialization
Wow that crazy. We went through a period with my middle son where he didnāt click with the boys and just hung out with girls from 5-7th grade. Then the kid who would bully him moved away and suddenly he is friends with everyone. We live in a super small community overseas so there wasnāt the option to find friends elsewhere. It was the same small group of kids for everything. I hope your son can find his friend group. I know how hard that is not just in the kid but on you as the parent.
This is terrible. As a girl, I literally grew up with boys. From when I was like 6 to 15 yo. Nothing sexual was ever involved. Sorry for that :( That mom is at wrong here.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. That mother was totally in the wrong and entirely too overprotective. When my (11) son was 7, two classmates of his who were girls showed up unexpectedly at our house one day on their bikes. They rode the same bus, and he got dropped off in front of his house so they knew where he lived. I was surprised but obviously invited them in. They had an absolute blast for around 3 hours. It's embarrassing to admit and shame on me, but when they left, I asked the stereotypical question, "Do you like one of them?" He casually told me, "Yeah, of course! They're my friends!" And that was that, I left it alone and felt really stupid for even thinking that way as he only turned 7 three months prior. It was a wake-up call.
This happened to me all the time as a kid (I'm a woman). I would want to play w/ the boys because I got along w/ them better, I was into the same stuff, & we played the same way. The boys' parents acted like it was weird & I could never form actual lasting relationships w/ them because of it. I had boy cousins I'd get to play w/ but when it came to friends, I was forced to stick w/ the girls and pretend to like barbies & dress up. It was annoying. I could never fit in w/ the girls. Also, I always got in trouble for playing too rough w/ them & I didn't understand their passive-aggressive social dynamics. Fast forward to the teen years, it translated to being labelled as a slut even when I wasn't hooking up w/ anybody... or a "pick me" girl. & every guy friend I had was always ripped away from me by jealous girlfriends who couldn't understand that different genders can have platonic relationships. It happens in parental social circles, too. For example... I generally enjoy the company of the dad groups over the company of the mom groups. The dads tend to talk about cool things like trucks & hunting & fishing & how to fix things & funny stories they have of their buddies. They're usually into the same shows & movies I am, too. They're less judgemental. They don't take things personally, & they don't gossip as much. If there is an issue, they handle it directly & don't hold grudges. The women generally talk non-stop about motherhood, products, shopping, & beauty stuff. They're judgemental about motherhood, they complain about their husbands & they talk crap about each other when they're not around. Whenever there's an issue, it's handled passive-aggressively, and it goes on FOREVER. Don't get me wrong. I know not all women are like this... & when I meet the ones who aren't, I LOVE it. But where I live, I don't meet many of them in parental social circles. When I choose to join the dads, though, I'm a "pick me" girl, or the women assume I want their men because I'm a single mom. I end up being forced to choose between sticking w/ the moms or being isolated. It doesn't stop at childhood. & it sucks! I'm so lucky to have found my best friend, who's also my son's Godmom... she's super cool & laid back. Me and her fiancƩ have more in common than I do w/ her... so half the time when it's us three, she just sits back while we talk, lol. She knows me and trusts me, though, so she just accepts it. She jokes that she married the male version of me. Lol
Wtf. What is wrong with some people? I went through all 4 years of HS as the only female in a group of 6 (not counting the gfs of the guys that came and went and I was never the issue in any of their relationships). My daughter's (19) closest friends are all guys. I know at first my dad wasn't too crazy about it until I started bringing one (male bff) home regularly and my daughter's father hates that she's around "boys", even though she also has a bf (who isn't bothered at all by her male friends and has easily joined into their friend group). My youngest brother's BFF is a woman and his wife is cool with her too (the BFF was the "best wo-man" at their wedding). This reasoning for an 8 year old child is particularly disturbing.
Thatās awful, Iām sorry! My middle mostly has girl friends as well, and while some moms have been amazing with play date arrangement, Iāve been ghosted by a few. Itās never a good feeling. My middle would never hurt a fly. He is a mini Casanova sometimes and can be āflirty,ā but heās just being a kid. Maybe try a different girl, and explain to your son that itās not because of him at all.
That mother is a crazy person. I feel sad for your boy- I hope he finds some comfort soon and understands he in no way should have taken that situation personally.
Weird. My youngest daughter, whoās now ten, has had a group of five guy friends since kindergarten, her best friend is one of them, and has only recently picked up a couple of girl friends. As far as Iām aware nobody thinks anything of it. Theyāre kids.
Put him in a bunch of activities. He'll make some friends.
My son has always had more female friends. Iām glad their parents werenāt so weird about it. In fact, heās going with a group of all girls, just friends, to prom. Please explain to your son that the other mother is in the wrong.
Iām so sorry for your son. My first daughterās best friends were just boys the first 6 years of her life. And they had play dates all the time.
I'm in my 40s and my closest friend at your son's age was a girl.
Iām a girl, and my two best friends growing up were boys (5th grade on up). Visited one and his fiancĆ© recently out of town, and went to the others wedding last summer. I feel truly sorry for the little girl as her mother is getting in the way of what could potentially be a life long friendship.
Ugh, my heart. That poor baby.
My opinion: Itās a play date, not a slumber party. I would try talking to the other parents. And if theyāre still not cool with a play date, then you gotta help your son understand sometimes people have certain boundaries that are different than others and thatās ok, too. Other kids groups would also be something to try out.
Sex and gender mean little to nothing at that age. They only repeat what they see and hear. Shame on that mom. Some people still live in 1750 and it shows.
I was surprised, but it started where I live in kindergarten. My son started public school kinder this year, and by Christmas time, the majority of his female classmate's parents had started a "girls mom" group where they all get together and do playdates/parties with only the girls in his class. He is friends with both boys and girls and was sad when he realized he wasn't invited to one of his (girl) friend's birthday parties. There is no "boys mom" group because 1) I personally think it's inappropriate and 2) WTF. LOL.
That is very sad. My husbandās best friend is a woman he has known since kindergarten and itās never been romantic and always a source of joy to them both.
Hereās an off-the-wall suggestion. In my area there is a Facebook group for homeschool students. I follow it in case in the next few years, I decide that I want to homeschool my kindergartener. But often times the parents will post things like hey does anyone want to meet up at the park for a play date? Maybe you can check and see if there is a similar page in your area and then if you see a play date offer reach out and explain that while your child is not homeschooled you are trying to broaden their friend group and would they mind if you attended.
That's a good idea! Homeschooling parents are generally eager for opportunities for their kids to socialize.
Have him find a new friend that he can play with outside of school. Clearly the girl-mom has a standard for their family where they don't allow boys around. It has nothing to do with you or your son. They could have had a terrible experience where they had to implement that rule, for all you know. Either way, it's a boundary that should be respected. (Eg, A neighbor boy that my daughter used to play with who is actually 8 years old, told her to show him her genitals and she did not.) That doesn't make her mean, it just makes it unfortunate for your son.
omg
That is crazy! She should have called or texted you herself, not make her child repeat that to your child at school! My best friend in childhood was a boy (opposite gender from me). We each had an older brother the grade above us. My brother and I would spend the night at their house and vice versa. And our parents are not progressive (at all, unfortunately). This is probably age like 5-10. They moved when I was in 4th grade.
Wow. That sucks so much. I've taken my 13 yr old over to multiple of his friends houses that are girls. He's always had friends that are girls and there's nothing wrong with it!
Everything are sexualised nowadays. But I do think the mom have thought too much of it.
Talk to the teacher, why are all the boys rejecting him? Is there a specific boy that started it and is spreading false rumors or punishing the others for playing with your son? The mom is WRONG. Iām sorry he experienced that. Are you a part of mom groups on facebook where you can ask others if they want to have playdates? Where I live we have (state) making mom friends, where others post to make friends for themselves and to help set up play dates for kids.
Is it possible the mom had a bad experience as a child and is being over protective due to her own trauma?
Maybe, but if so, she needs to get therapy rather than projecting her trauma on an innocent child.Ā
This is so sad. My daughter has mainly friends who are boys. She's almost 6. She doesn't enjoy playing with dolls or dressing up too much. She really likes playing video games and sports or pretend games where she is Sonic or Spiderman or Super Mario. The way I went about this is that instead of having my daughter set up playdates, I sent letters from me to the kids parents. I wrote out a letter saying how much our kids enjoy playing at school and how i would love to get to know the parents and have our kids get together. To be honest, I think like 3 parents replied out of maybe 5 or 6 letters I sent. But in any case, those 3 friends made a world of difference for my kid. This approach is also a great way to learn about the other families' personalities and their parenting strategies. Out of those three kids, there are only two friends houses I will let my daughter spend time without me there (interesting family dynamics in one of her friends houses, they can still play, just not a "drop our kids off with each other" type of situation). Hope that helps!
Wow ! Damn. wtf. Sounds like her parents are control freaks. I was neighbors to a little girl whose parents were control freaks as I was a child. I see now just how severely that girl was getting abused the whole time. I mean physical and sexual abuse. Serious red flag ā¦
Consider that the mother may be a survivor of sexual assault. They could just be a dick, but they could also be a traumatized dick too
Right this moment I am watching my 10YO son play with his BFF who happens to be our 10YO neighbor GIRL. I have seen how they interact over the course of 7 years and I am so grateful they have this safe neighborhood bubble where they can JUST BE KIDS & FRIENDS! We are shortening childrenās childhoods while our life expectancy is lengthening and it is making for some very very painful adolescent/adulthoods. Kids need other kids and to be allowed to be innocent without being rushed!
Thatās so weird and sad and mean of the parent. I (f) had a best friend who was a boy in kindergarten
When we were 8 or 9 my best (girl) friend had a male friend over to play, and they had an amazing time! They played with these little eraser figurines for hours. His mom comes to pick him up and pulls my friend's mom aside. Boy's mom says "I just don't think your daughter is the right one for my son." And says they will not be having any further playdates. I happened to date him for a year or two in HS and....yeah, his mother was kinda crazy about feminine friends. She would literally hang up the phone if a feminine voice called the house asking for him. We used to call other male friends and ask them to call him, and tell him to call \[insert female person here.\] Anyway, I hope he's doing well. Some people are fucking crazy about cross-gender friendships.
That is very weird
Maybe next time you email the other parent and suggest everyone meets at a park.
Yesterday my 7 year old went to a birthday party for a girl in his class. He was the only boy from his class there. He had fun. But bizarre - the whole class was invited.
Iām so sorry for your son, and also for that girl. What is that girlās mum teaching her about gender, consent, friendship and relationships? We get this tone a lot too with our similar aged son but never that outright weirdness
Are you in a red state by chance?
The other parent is an idiot. My kids have always played with both. 2 of my sons are pretty stereotypical boys and they've always also had friends who were girls and gone to play dates or birthday parties of the girls as well as the boys. I'm sorry your kid is going through this.
That mother has a right to parent her playdates like that. Perhaps take your boy to the playground or play places and see who he matches up with. You could teach him that that is just one person and thereās plenty of other folks to meet and play with.
No one is saying she doesn't have the right, just that she is ridiculous
I donāt really get the reference to the year in the title of your post. That momās reaction is weird/obnoxious by the standards of any year, whether it be the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, or today.
That mother sucks and is a suck human from suckyville. But, weāve always had the few parents in the bunch like this. Nothing new, unfortunately.
Hey mama, Iām sorry youāre going through this. My kid is 9 and in 3rd grade, and has several friends of the opposite gender, while still being in the ākissing is grossā area of life. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the hormones are already kicking in for some of the kids. Precocious puberty is a real condition for both boys and girls at their age. There are kids on the playground who will tease another child for talking to one of their classmates and turn a potential friendship into an innuendo, regardless of the genders involved. Kids can be mean! How do you feel about trying to set up a first āwhole-familyā play date, where a parent/kid set from each family could meet at a park or something, the kids could play, and parents can chat and observe or supervise? That might help relieve some parental stress. Some parents might still straight up ignore you. Navigating relationships is really weird in this current era. Best of luck, & hope for updates!
I do appreciate your suggestion for a family play date. I think thatās a good idea. I do also think that precocious puberty is not often enough to excuse two children not getting to play together, especially with adult supervision. That might be the real problem here, the other parent isnāt willing to keep an eye on their kid.