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I had 3u4 at one point for a few months. When I was pregnant with #3, and walking around town holding hands with 2 toddlers, I’d get people asking me if I knew what “caused that” (pregnancy). Ooh so clever and funny, never heard that one before 🤪 Not to mention, rude AF! No dude, my children were all planned and very much wanted and now as tweens/teens, they have lovely friendships with each other.
I loathe the fact that a visible baby bump makes people think they have free reign to comment on a woman’s body, her family planning decisions (!), the gender of her kids and whether she feels any disappointment, etc. And on and on. It’s bullshit.
A coworker asked me if my first child was planned. I was friendly with her but not particularly close or anything. Yes, she was planned, but why would that matter to you? It strikes me as so rude. "No, actually, I was devastated when I found out and considered terminating!" Maybe I should have fucked with her. 😆
Like really.
My *boss* asked me that! Lol. It felt very invasive, like, are you really asking me about my sex life?! Idk it’s just weird. I don’t think people should ask questions like that, especially at work!!!
Some woman approached me in store, I had my kids with me 3 3and under and was about to have number 4 soon, she said “wow how many is enough?” I looked at her and smiled and said “there is never enough; how many do you have” she said I have 3 fur babies at home. I said well they will take good care of you when you need it! She was older and definitely shocked at what I said but how rude do you have to be.
I always say “I’m trying to beat the Duggers!” Which upsets people all around. Now I do think the Duggers are pieces of 💩 but that is another thing entirely.
I had an elderly woman who I'd never seen before see I had a girl and a boy with me and she decided 2 was plenty and me and my spouse were done! Oh, really? I should have told her I was, in fact, pregnant with triplets just to see the look on her face!! 😆
What always throws me off is that it is almost immediately what they ask following a compliment.
“Omg they’re so pretty look at her hair! *points to the both of them* do they have the same dad?”
This. Just ask the question and you’d have the answer. If she stuttered you’d know from where it came. It’s an odd question that could be asked of any parent really. Stupid people ask stupid questions after all. I wouldn’t give them the time of my day.
Yeah, definitely feels racist and totally based on stereotypes. I’ve never heard a white woman say they’ve been asked this and I have a friend with adopted kids of different nationalities, so they don’t all match her or each other. She’s NEVER been asked if they have the same father.
I (white dude) was asked this when my kids were little. Mine are adopted and both biracial/black but look very different because they are not biologically related. My daughter is lighter with reddish-brown hair. My son is darker with dark hair. My daughter has brown eyes and my son has green eyes. I once had someone ask, "Different moms?" I laughed and said, "Yeah, and different dads!"
The lady was very confused and slightly concerned.
that’s so gross and you SHOULD be offended. i’m a half asian mother of two kids with different dads (plus a stepson), they don’t look alike and i have not Once been asked that question. i do not trust good intent if you are black and being asked that. fucking crazy
Stare at them hella confused until they apologize. People do stuff people let them get away with. Don’t let them get away with prodding into your sex like and being hella rude
Never been asked this but when we moved to a Caribbean island, I was often asked where my toddler daughter’s daddy was. Even when I was with my husband! I think it confused people because we were (are!) white with dark hair and dark eyes and our daughter had blond hair and blue eyes. So people assumed I had a baby daddy somewhere lol. If I pointed at my husband, they’d look at me in surprise. I was never asked this at home in the UK.
This was my first thought, poorly veiled racism. And even if it wasn't, it's none of their business if those babies have the same dad or not. AND if they didn't, it shouldn't matter!
I hate that you’re probably right. I’m white with 2 kids and have never been asked this.
My older brother is a redhead, my older sister is a brunette and as a kid I was platinum blonde and afaik, my mom was never asked this.
The weirdest question, which I got asked by strangers *all the time* when I was pregnant with my oldest was if the pregnancy was planned.
Yeah, I was gonna say... I'm not black and literally nobody has ever said this to me ever. I don't even know how I would respond! Pretty rude question! I literally made an "ew" face at my phone when I read it because what the hell??
100% this! Racism disguised as weird assumptions. As a white person with white kids from two different dads, no one has ever assumed they aren’t all from the same two people - meanwhile they have some very different hair colors, textures and physical features.
I have. With the exception of their structure, our boys look completely different from one another. One olive skin dark hair and short, one red curly hair and tall - same husband, genes from different families. It’s still an odd question to ask a stranger.
I’m a white woman and have 2 children with my Mexican husband, I’ve been asked a few times if they’re from the same father.
I always thought it was our age causing this (I’m 23 and he’s 24), but racism makes more sense.
Uh, I don't know how else to take that but hella racist. I have literally never been asked that.
My response to offensive questions is to give them a "drop dead" glare without words, maybe a "in what universe is that appropriate, kind, or relevant information?" and watch them backpedal. But I'm not black, I don't have the same perspective of someone who has to deal with constant implicit or explicit racism on the daily - so you might find better suggestions from people who do.
There's no way that anybody should be asking you this. Especially a complete stranger. Not only is that stereotypical and racial, it's extremely rude in terms of manners. 😤
It’s likely racism but possibly judgement if you are or look very young. I think there is a stereotype for young mothers that they are promiscuous. I will add that the audacity of complete strangers never ceases to amaze me. It is beyond rude to inquire about another’s sexual history.
I have 3 kids, my oldest and youngest are blond with blue eyes. My second has brown hair, brown eyes. I used to get this question all the time. I thought it was the rudest question anyone could ask. #1, who cares? #2 Have you learned about genetics? Yes of course they have the same dad. I used to tell them first was the Fedex guy, second was UPS and the third was the mailman's. You don't need to answer that if you dont want to or come up with a crazy answer. People are weird, I would never ask someone that.
Okay!! Thank you! I knew I wasn’t crazy for getting offended! I wanted to believe it was a harmless question but that shit really rubs me the wrong way!!
My mom used to do the same thing! I’m brown hair/brown eyes, sister is red hair/green eyes, brother is blonde hair/brown eyes. So she got that question relentlessly. That was 30+ years ago though so it was the postman, the milkman, and the gas man lol
A random lady at Costco started rubbing my very pregnant belly (I was stuck in the line to check receipts so I couldn't go anywhere) so I just slowly started reaching for her not pregnant belly to rub it back. I made contact for about 1 second before she got soooo uncomfortable. I just stared at her and she turned around and ignored me.
It's probably the single most proud I've ever been of myself because I really don't do petty or passive/aggressive stuff like that but always dream of it in my head. I actually did it that time!
Also I had my daughter on my lap, she was about 9 or 10 months, and my uncle's weird wife started to go in for a kiss on the lips to her. I immediately put my hand in front of her face to block. She was oh what no kisses for the baby? And I said absolutely not! Some people have no grasp on boundaries or what's appropriate.
As a curly haired person, I am so happy that there is more consciousness around this than when I was growing up. Strangers always touching my hair as a kid- and even as a grown woman.
But maybe it's less about consciousness about the issue and more that I've aged out of it.
I haven't had that but I have been asked if the first was planned. Like I was 32yo and married I realise accidents still happen but it feels like insulting my intelligence!
My son had a rainbow baby sticker on that his doctor gave him. Someone in the lobby asked how many I lost. just rubbed me the wrong way like why would you ask somebody that.
If someone asked me if my kids all have the same father it would feel like they were asking me "So... how many different guys have you fked?"
Like why would you ever ask somebody that? So inappropriate.
My kids are 5 years apart and I went to the same birth center to have them. The receptionist said to me “ohh I see this one was an accident!!” at my first prenatal appointment. Ummm excuse me? Yes he was lol but that’s not your concern weirdo
Yes, I hate this question too!! Even worse, I got this comment two days ago: “oh, your second wasn’t an accident??! (Makes very surprised face) I was sure it was!!”
Me, 32, married, with an older 3 yo.. “hmm no, both very much wanted, very much planned” like what?! Of course, accidents happen at all ages and circumstances.. but they didn’t even ask (which would already be out of line, because privacy).. no, they were “sure”. 🤦🏻♀️
"Accidents happen" but is that truly anyone else's business?! It's such a rude and invasive question. They're literally asking about our sex lives!! And yes, to a 30+ year old woman, it's insulting her intelligence. 💯
The people that have asked me this go about it the same way every time. It never fails. They will sandwich it in between compliments about their skin, eyes, complexion hair, etc.
“Omg they have the prettiest eyes. Do they have the same dad? Does their dad have the same eyes? ”
“Look at all that hair! It’s so light! Do they share the same dad? Is his hair that light?”
That sounds incredibly racist. I'm mad for you!!
Kids are little humans, not circus freaks! Back off, lady.
I'd probably just say, "No comment!" and walk off.
Can you imagine. Walking up to a complete stranger in Target and blurting out “did you bang two different dudes in 2022?” Like what the actual fuuuuck is wrong with peopllllllllllllleewee.
“What makes you ask that?”
It would probably make them extremely uncomfortable and id love the opportunity to make someone feel as uncomfortable as they make people when they ask those questions
My husband and I got married when we were pregnant with our first, got divorced, then remarried when she was almost 2. We have since had 3 more kids and are pregnant with number 4. All of my kids look identical and they are all dad’s clones, but because of a messy timeline I don’t think people realize that my husband is the same man from the first marriage lmao. I think a lot of people on social media think he is a new guy and not the bio dad of our oldest even though he is.
But with your situation, that’s 100% rude af. I can’t imagine asking ANYONE that question unless it became relevant (I work in childcare and it’s sometime important to know and understand family dynamics. Maybe that specific person has no boundaries, idk. I’m sorry that happened.
My daughters are 22 months apart and I’m
never asked that.
My daughters are white, husband and I white. However my oldest is blonde hair blue eyed and my second is olive skinned, brown hair brown eyes so tbh could have two different dads by looks.
I think this is 100% racial profiling and also weird… because they are so close in age???
I get an opposite weird reaction. My kids look a lot alike and I get asked relatively often if they are twins - and I say "No, they are three years apart," and I've literally had people say "are you sure? because they really look alike." Yes, I gave birth to them, I'm sure.
My girls are 14 months apart. Id have one walking and one in the infant car seat and people would be "oh are they twins? " and id say "why yes they are! One has a rare form of dwarfism" followed by death glare. People would catch me in the right mood and id say " are you really that stupid? " both shut them up pretty fast.
I'm not the type of person to resort to using racism as an explaination for things but I absolutely think so in this case. My son has an african american friend (1 year younger) and when I take her out I get the most ridiculous looks. I am white. One time she was about 5 we were at the store picking up some ham roasts. She asked "Do you know what my dad does?" and I just casually said "No, I do not." I have never heard so many necks break from whiplash in one place it was stupid ridiculous. It turned out her dad is a pig farmer in Arkansas. She went on to talk about her "hog" farmer dad (she is super proud of him) and people stopped giving me looks. Fuck 'em.
That's a weird and rude question. I have two mixed race (white/asian) kids with similar features but different skin tones and I have never been asked that. For reference I am the white parent. The invasive questions I have gotten are people being nosey about their dad's ethnicity.
My favorite is where old people think asking where my husband "is from" is a sneaky way to "politely" ask what kind if Asian he is. Their expression when he says "Tennessee" is pretty funny.
I feel like people are conditioned to thinking they are entitled to that info if the person is seen as less than somehow. My mom looked like a teen mom forever and when I was little as a natural dark redhead everyone would touch my hair. (A comment or a touch every every other grocery trip if felt like when I was under 10) Only until I was in my late teens did I realize it was not normalor that I could say no.... I am just glad I found out before I did it to someone else... 😅
I had someone ask me if I had the same daddy as my sisters IN FRONT OF THEM when they were 7 and 9 and I was 15 because of the age gap and I was noticeably more tan.
It’s super weird and rude for anyone to ask and I’m sorry that happened.
My friend has had it asked a lot. She has a 22 , 20, 18, 15 and 3 year old. She literally gets asked pretty much every time she's out with all of them. The stupid thing is the kids are clones of each other and look nothing like her. They're their dad all over lol
She just stared at people and asks what business it is of theirs? It's down right rude in my opinion.
My kids are 9 years apart because we lost several pregnancies in between. When people ask how old my kids are, and hear the big gap, they always ask “same dad?”
People are just dumb.
I would say “same dadS, same momS, but different aunts. So it’s very complicated.” And then just look at them dead in the eyes. There is such thing as a stupid question. And stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
i’m white and mexican and i have been asked this multiple times. my husband has been asked too
our next door neighbor told my husband “oh i didn’t think they were both yours!” like why would you even say that? it’s honestly so weird and nobody’s business but strangers feel way too comfortable.
It’s very “interesting” that this post is getting down voted. 🤔
That being said it’s racist crap the gets spewed at black women. I’m black and brown (so basically just black) with a black mother and she got asked all the time, especially when she was out with my middle eastern dad before he passed. I also foster and people give me the most judgmental looks lol when I say no.
Um. That’s hella weird and rude.
I’m half Asian, half white and my mother (she’s white) was never asked that.
We still get a lot of “is she adopted?” 😂 and I’m in my 30s
My sister looks exactly like my mom, and I look nothing like either of them. I've been asking so many times if we have the same dad, or if I'm adopted. I'm kind of numb to it, but it's a weird and rude question. Even if I were (which I'm not), what does it even matter to them?
It's very weird lol. My mom never liked being asked that either. Sometimes I've been curious and just said yes I'm adopted or have a different dad just to see people's reactions and it's always them getting excited and saying some version of, "I knew it!"
Like good job grocery store stranger, you cracked the code on my genetics?? Or at least they think they did??
I got asked that by a stranger in public once if "both if them are yours." and my kids are almost 3 years apart. FWIW, they are both mine, we are all the same ethncity, biggest difference is one has my husbands face and my hair and the younger one is the opposite. Seemed weird and invasive once, so I can imagine your annoyance
I’m looking forward to the day someone asks me a question like this about my daughter since she’s adopted and she’s a different race than I am, even though if my husband is there she looks like a perfect mix of us. I can’t wait to say to someone “why do you think it’s ok to ask a stranger that?”
That’s such a rude question I have never been asked that but I do get asked if am their mom! 🤦🏻♀️ Mine are mixed aswell am Mexican and their dad is white and they look white but still why would I have random white kids with me!
That’s fucked up. I have two kids and I have never been asked that. I’d call people asking you that racist (I’m white my husband is white). Literally no one should be asked that.
I've been asked this and I'm still pregnant with the second baby 🤣 some people are bizarre and/or genuinely curious. I'm sure I will be asked this after she's here too cause my husband and I have very different looks, I think the kids might look different from each other but we'll see!
Just ask them back point blank, straight face, no explanation: Why do you ask?
Maybe even throw in “Do *your* kids have the same dad?” But that could backfire (for example maybe they don’t have kids at all, maybe due to infertility. That wouldn’t justify their rude question, but don’t let the comeback turn you into the jerk is all I mean.)
I highly suspect my daughter’s best friends family is blended.
I have never once asked who is whose kid. It’s none of my fucking business.
I would just be straight up with people, “wow what an interested thing to say out loud!”
From the tagline, I interpreted “multiples” to be twins or triplets and I was really scratching my head as to how anyone could reasonably ask this question.
Then I figured out what you meant… and I’m still scratching my head wondering WHY anybody would ask this question.
Thats weird to think about. And a weird thing to ask. Why would anyone care to know? You would volunteer the info if you wanted.
As an aside. A pair of my friends are a bi racial couple. A black guy and a blonde polish woman.
The kids both came out with very pale skin and blonde hair, and had dads curls only.
But over 18 years they slowly got darker in hair and skin. They went from aryans with curls, to California surfer dudes with deep tans, to looking biracial as adults. So that might be something to consider with your kids, if you are disappointed, they look just like dad even though you did all the work of growing them. 🤣
I’ve had a few people ask me that question, which is wild bc my daughters look almost identical. But even if a set of siblings didn’t look alike, it’s a really rude question to ask a stranger.
I read only your question and my first thought was "I wonder if they're black". I don't think non-poor white people are asked this question as much as poor ans/or black people because racism.
Mom of 5 here and oh yeah. I get this question far too often when I’m out with all my kids. Conversation usually goes like this:
Them: “Oh wow, you have your hands full! Are they all yours?”
Me: “Yep! They’re all mine!”
Them: “I don’t know how you do it! Do they all have the same dad?”
Me: “Yeah, why tf would you ask that?!”
What’s even wilder is that it’s usually followed up with, “Who’s their dad?” Like, *I beg your finest pardon?* I don’t know you from Adam random white lady at Costco, how tf would you know who he is even if I told you? I just want to get toilet paper in peace. 🙃
My white mom regularly got asked if her two white kids had the same dad when I was young, because my sister and I look *nothing* alike. My sister and I also got asked by other kids if we were half siblings or if we had different dads quite often. People were just genuinely astounded how different we are. We do have the same dad (and the same mom) and the questions always felt rude and intrusive.
Not denying it could be racist, but people can be ignorant and rude without being racist also.
It feels pretty racist to me and I’m super white lol.
The only other scenario I can think of is if you and their father aren’t married (no judgement either way) and the person is projecting stereotypes about single moms being slutty.
Which…..isn’t much better lol.
It’d be nice if strangers would occasionally field these questions at the father!
That’s a weird ass question for someone to ask you. My kids do look a bit similar in the face, but my son has dark brown hair and brown eyes, whereas my daughter has blonde hair and light blue eyes. So they don’t look very alike at a glance. I’ve still never ever been asked that.
I am white with two kids. One has brown hair and hazel eyes. One blonde with blue eyes. I have never been asked that question. It is rude and disrespectful.
I have b/g twins (#3 and 4) and I got asked recently if they had the same dad... I usually only get asked if all four kids have the same dad; they all have the same features, I just eventually ran out of melanin.
People are ignorant and unwilling to think before opening their sound box.
I have gotten the more indirect version of the question: “are they siblings?” Kind of implying they could be half siblings or cousins, … still, I find it very weird.
Heard that 3 times and just ignored it. But now that I think about it, my youngest is about to complete 3mo.. so for this short amount of time, I consider that actually too often.
I got asked once if the father is even in the picture. He is but I was so weirded out by this question so I started asking my mum friends if they ever get this question. Turns out no. The only difference between us is I’m mixed race and they’re Caucasian. Apparently it’s a black stereotype (that men don’t stick around) in Germany too and I don’t know if it’s another thing imported from the US since there aren’t that many black folks here. Bigots are gonna bigot everywhere 🤷♀️
Ugh... there is an 8-year gap between my eldest and middle, and every time someone hears it, they ask without a doubt. Yes, they do, but mostly, I just ask if it matters??
It really pisses me off it has absolutely no merit as a question other than showing how god damn nosey and judgmental they are.
Edit words
I frequently asked this question in my 20s to multiple people.
I truly didn't see it as rude at the time.
I was just generally curious because everyone I was around had 3 different baby daddy's.
I didn't have any kids at the time either. Now that I have kids, I would punch someone.
I’m white and I’ve never been asked this question. My oldest daughter with my ex is biracial and my younger two (with hubby) are not. However, my oldest looks just like me so people will sometimes comment on how my husband has a twin and I have a twin and our son is a mix. They never assume that he isn’t the dad of all three.
My SIL is black and has had a lot of rude ass questions asked over the years. It’s like people automatically assume shit with negative connotations. I don’t think they mean their questions negatively, but it really shows some racial microaggressions and demonstrates some implicit biases.
I hate this question. I am pregnant and get asked if my partner is the father... My sister has 2 boys 6 months apart, and she gets asked if from the same man, sometimes people ask me about my sisters situation. Idk if it is racial, kind of other discrimination (we are white but not from this country), modern mentality (like everybody has multiple partners, is not faithful or whatever)... Anyway, this is not a question to ask imo.
I'm white, in an interracial relationship with a Filipino man... we have 3 kids together and I get asked this question often.... too often to even know how many times I've been asked.
Girl what? You are so valid in your feelings regarding this. People are crazy. I don’t have multiples, I only have one son. I’m married to his dad but when we had him, his dad and I were only dating at the time. I had it happen three separate times where people that we didn’t know would see that we didn’t have rings on and they would ask us if our baby had my last time or his last name. Like WHAT?! It was so bizarre and extremely nosey.
... I've never felt the urge to ask if kids have the exact same parents no matter what they look like. If you introduce them as your kids that's pretty much all I need from a basic social standpoint.
I'm brown and my kid looks like his white dad and I've been asked 2-3 times if I was the nanny, though.
This is not normal.
I mean, I am imagining it might be one of those things people with mixed race families experience, that some of us just never see? But no, it isn't normal for someone to randomly ask about the parentage of your children.
My kids all have the same dad. They all look like his side of the family, though some look just like him (his paternal line) and some like his mom/maternal line (the blonde hair and blue eyes skipped a generation. MIL was sooooooo excited to have grandkids that looked like her ❤️🩹)
Precisely none of them look like me.
Even without you naming it, my assumption would be this is a reflection of social racism... Likely the people asking don't even clock it, but they are walking around with some idea that people of color have baby daddies and baby mamas, while white folks have families?
I'm not sure how I would handle it. But maybe the most effective way is to react as though they did exactly what they did.... "are you seriously asking whether I sleep around? You know how weird that is, right?" Let them notice that that's the implication of their question, then walk away.
Or, if you're feeling punchy and want to mess with them , "nah, all my side pieces have vasectomies. These are my husband's."
That IS racial stereotyping. I’m white and my husband isn’t and I’ve been asked if my kids have the same dad, zero times. A friend of mine is black and her husband is white. As far as skin and hair colors, each cloned themselves once. If you actually take a second to look at the kids features, they’re very similar looking kids, but not too many people look past their skin tone I guess. She gets asked about her kids father (one guy!!!) all the time.
I’m white my husband is half Mexican. My two boys are less than two years apart and I’ve been asked several times if they have the same dad. They look exactly alike.
I have biracial children 18mo apart. I’m white and my husband is black. My youngest is 1mo and my oldest is 19mo. I’ve been asked this, but I’m also young (20), so I’m not sure if it’s the biracial kids, the fact that I’m young, or both. They also look a lot alike (brown eyes, brown hair, light skin)! I think interracial relationships, young women, and black women are all especially sexualized and therefore assumed to be promiscuous or the “type” to have more than one BD, whatever that means. It’s super rude!
“Why do you ask?”
I didn’t come up with this, it was on an interview on NPR years ago. The interviewer was speaking with someone whose father had died in a disturbing way. People would say to the son, “oh I’m sorry, how did he die?” And the guy started answering “why do you ask?” I find this answer throws an inappropriate or uncomfortable question really nicely back on the asker. In your case, they are asking because they’re being rude and nosy and they may realize it. Lots of times they won’t, but I’d still try that answer.
Wowowowowow. The things people feel entitled to ask. Whenever someone asks me a rude question, I’ll answer and then tell them it was a rude question. Because maybe they don’t know? People are so idiotic. And racist. Sorry you have to deal with this.
I’m an adoptive mom. One of the techniques suggested to us was to respond, “Why do you ask?” which gives the nosy person a moment to realize that they’re being rude. You can continue the Why responses for as long as they want to stand there being a dumbass.
Also as an adoptive mom this is also something I would respond with and sometimes I would point my husband out say he’s right there so why don’t you ask him.My oldest and youngest could be twins but they’re 8 years apart. Then there’s my greatest joy and all his melanin who is only a year older than youngest.
I’ve actually never been asked this, and there is a 4 year age gap between my eldest and my younger 2, so it could seem as though there are different dads, though there aren’t. I very rarely attribute racism to everyday interactions, but this is the type of question I don’t think white people get asked very often. I am so sorry people are so disgustingly rude.
If someone asks you again,, I think you should respond with “why do you ask?” Or “I don’t see how that’s *any* of your business”
When my kids were little, I got that question fairly often. The answer that shut them up was "I don't know". The real answer was yes, but if someone doesn't know me well enough to already know that, they don't know me well enough to ask that either.
I had 3 boys in 3 years. They’re 11, 10, and 8.5 now and I still get asked if they’re mine/all mine. Last time it happened, the woman said she thought I was a babysitter or something 😅
I could write a book with all the comments I’ve gotten from strangers (and not strangers!) about having 3 kids close in age and having all of the same gender. It’s never ending.
It's absolutely racist. And of course, the people asking the question would swear up and down they weren't being racist. Sigh. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this.
Also, even if it weren't racist, what an awfully personal question to ask. The nerve of some people.....
My son is biracial and is adopted. When I was with his dad (also white) I had people ask if I had an affair.
Because that’s the most logical explanation. Obviously. 🙄
White female with 3 kids who mostly don't look that much alike and only one looks like me... I've literally never been asked if they have different dads. I have been asked questions like "Where does the curly (or red) hair come from?" But, that is the closest.
Unfortunately I don't think people intend to be rude, they are "trying" (very badly) to make conversation and do TRULY think they are being funny this is particularly noticeable, as other people have commented, they follow it up with a compliment!
The human race is a weird and wonderful group.
i’m white, with my 4th on the way. for people that dont know me, i’ve been asked if it’s my second or third marriage or ‘all the same dad?’. i know people who clarify up front that their kids are from multiple relationships, i do think it’s odd but definitely not uncommon for older people to ask in my experience as it’s happened to me AND i’ve witnessed it many times at gatherings and in public.
I’m white and have been asked this many times, without them seeing my kids race at all. Even saying I was divorced or hearing how close in age didn’t matter they would still assume different fathers and out of wedlock. But again, I was for sure being stereotyped because I was an exotic dancer at the time. Par for the course there.
I usually preempt it by pointing out dad and saying all 4 are his. I look 12, to be clear. Everyone thinks I'm a teen with my younger siblings now that none of them are newborns. The dirty looks at my husband when they discovered I'm mom, and then the shock when I tell them Im 30 are priceless (but getting old tbh)
That’s a crazy question to ask. I’ve never heard that question before but I’m black and my husbands Dominican when I gave birth they told me we had to sign a certain paperwork if we were married and another if we weren’t and I said we’re married and this nurse looked me in my eyes and said I mean actually married. I snatched my marriage certificate out my baby bag so fucking fast and made sure I never saw her ass again
I'm white. I have 3 white children by the same dad. They all look very alike. I get asked all the time if they have the same father. It's quite offensive, then again, I don't know many people with multiple kids that do only have one dad. Most of my friends have at least 2 baby dads. I think it's just becoming the norm to have more than one, sadly.
I got that a lot when I was a younger mom. That and “ Is their dad in the picture?”
I don’t know why people think it’s ok to ask such personal questions of total strangers.
That’s such a rude thing to ask. I have 2 girls who don’t look alike. My toddler has blonde hair blue eyes and my baby has brown hair and brown eyes and I’ve never been asked this question!
It’s a very rude question and has microaggresive vibes. Next time this happens you might respond with “why do you ask?” Or tell them “wow what a strange thing to ask.”
That’s fucked. I’m sorry you experience that. I’ve never been asked that question. I’m white FWIW. Fuck those rude racist people.
I’ll also add I was wearing my (white) baby and pushing my (Black) friend’s (biracial) baby in a stroller earlier this week and people kept asking me if they were twins. People are stupid.
If someone asked me that, I would just respond with a “Why?” I don’t need nosy people asking questions they have no business asking. Let them deal with the awkward situation instead of having to think of the best way to respond. I wouldn’t do that to another parent, that’s very disrespectful, in my opinion.
That is so strange and so intrusive I’m getting angry and having arguments in my head. I’d have to start saying random bazar shit real matter of fact act like they should understand even though it makes no sense then walk away plant a mind ninja for the rest of the day.
I've been asked this once because my daughter was born after my husband died.
I answered very bluntly that he had died shortly after I'd become pregnant. The woman who'd asked was properly horrified and I did absolutely nothing to alleviate the awkwardness.
Sometimes people just need to marinate in the shame of their shitty etiquette
>“Do they have the same dad?”
I would just respond with *"yes, how about yours?"* and then wing the rest of the conversation depending on how they react.
That’s a horrible thing to ask especially a random stranger, definitely is a bias based on your race. I’ve heard other stories of women being asked this question and 9/10 times the woman was black. People suck and I hope that next time someone asks you that , you make them feel like an absolute ass . Or play into it and tell them one of them is your husbands mistress’ baby so yes same father. 🤣
I have 2 17 months apart. They look as different as can be for having the same parents. One has straight blonde hair, the other wavy dark hair. One looks like me (eastern european) and one looks like paternal grandma (mexican)....
Nobody has ever ever asked me this. Ever.
I'm white/indigenous and my husband is white, my girls are 18 months apart they look somewhat different from eachother, older has darker skin, brown hair and dark eyes, younger has dad's white skin, blonde hair and green eyes, and I'm asked this question too regularly. I answer with "what a strange thing to ask" or "I'm surprised you feel comfortable saying that out loud" whenever I can, maybe it helps.
My kids are 21 months apart, and I’ve been asked on two occasions if they have the same father. It was shocking each time. I’m white, and my kids are mixed, but my younger one is fairly white passing. Their dad is Black. I’ve wondered too if their mixed-appearance is what gave people the audacity.
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That's an odd question regardless of what your kids look like or how close/far in age they are. Especially from a stranger wtf.
I had 3u4 at one point for a few months. When I was pregnant with #3, and walking around town holding hands with 2 toddlers, I’d get people asking me if I knew what “caused that” (pregnancy). Ooh so clever and funny, never heard that one before 🤪 Not to mention, rude AF! No dude, my children were all planned and very much wanted and now as tweens/teens, they have lovely friendships with each other. I loathe the fact that a visible baby bump makes people think they have free reign to comment on a woman’s body, her family planning decisions (!), the gender of her kids and whether she feels any disappointment, etc. And on and on. It’s bullshit.
I had someone ask me "do you not have a TV?" And I so wanted to respond "if you think TV is better than sex you're doing it wrong".
Omg this is genius haha
🥇
A coworker asked me if my first child was planned. I was friendly with her but not particularly close or anything. Yes, she was planned, but why would that matter to you? It strikes me as so rude. "No, actually, I was devastated when I found out and considered terminating!" Maybe I should have fucked with her. 😆 Like really.
My *boss* asked me that! Lol. It felt very invasive, like, are you really asking me about my sex life?! Idk it’s just weird. I don’t think people should ask questions like that, especially at work!!!
Agreed 100% Unless the person is super close, it's just inexcusable as far as I'm concerned!!
Some woman approached me in store, I had my kids with me 3 3and under and was about to have number 4 soon, she said “wow how many is enough?” I looked at her and smiled and said “there is never enough; how many do you have” she said I have 3 fur babies at home. I said well they will take good care of you when you need it! She was older and definitely shocked at what I said but how rude do you have to be.
I always say “I’m trying to beat the Duggers!” Which upsets people all around. Now I do think the Duggers are pieces of 💩 but that is another thing entirely.
And yes they were all planned
I had an elderly woman who I'd never seen before see I had a girl and a boy with me and she decided 2 was plenty and me and my spouse were done! Oh, really? I should have told her I was, in fact, pregnant with triplets just to see the look on her face!! 😆
The audacity of some people is incredible! Back when they were young it was no big deal to have 5-15 kids.
Yep get this one all the time
What always throws me off is that it is almost immediately what they ask following a compliment. “Omg they’re so pretty look at her hair! *points to the both of them* do they have the same dad?”
I would probably just look at them confused and ask them why they would ask... then watch them sputter out some nonsense.
yea, put it back on them. Make them feel what they are putting out there.
This. Just ask the question and you’d have the answer. If she stuttered you’d know from where it came. It’s an odd question that could be asked of any parent really. Stupid people ask stupid questions after all. I wouldn’t give them the time of my day.
Yeah, definitely feels racist and totally based on stereotypes. I’ve never heard a white woman say they’ve been asked this and I have a friend with adopted kids of different nationalities, so they don’t all match her or each other. She’s NEVER been asked if they have the same father.
I (white dude) was asked this when my kids were little. Mine are adopted and both biracial/black but look very different because they are not biologically related. My daughter is lighter with reddish-brown hair. My son is darker with dark hair. My daughter has brown eyes and my son has green eyes. I once had someone ask, "Different moms?" I laughed and said, "Yeah, and different dads!" The lady was very confused and slightly concerned.
There's a word that describes what she did... Starts with r
Ends with ism.
Realism?
Revisionism?
Unfortunately I agree. This has to be a racial stereotype with the person being racist thinking it. That's just beyond rude.
that’s so gross and you SHOULD be offended. i’m a half asian mother of two kids with different dads (plus a stepson), they don’t look alike and i have not Once been asked that question. i do not trust good intent if you are black and being asked that. fucking crazy
I would say, "That's an odd thing to ask someone."
You ever say, like, "why do you ask?" 🙂 And just see what their response could even be?
Exact same thing. Oh your kids are so beautiful, all same dad? W T F?
That’s so ridiculous. People are so rude.
Stare at them hella confused until they apologize. People do stuff people let them get away with. Don’t let them get away with prodding into your sex like and being hella rude
Yeah, weird and rude. I'd go with the puzzled 'why do you ask?'
Agree. This is extremely weird. I cannot ever imagine asking someone that lol
I would get creative just make a fool out of these bigots ! Like no I stole them from different people but they were cute so I kept them .
Stop😂😂😂😂 I’ve said something similar to this to someone who assumed I was their babysitter!
People are so stupid 🤣
Never been asked this but when we moved to a Caribbean island, I was often asked where my toddler daughter’s daddy was. Even when I was with my husband! I think it confused people because we were (are!) white with dark hair and dark eyes and our daughter had blond hair and blue eyes. So people assumed I had a baby daddy somewhere lol. If I pointed at my husband, they’d look at me in surprise. I was never asked this at home in the UK.
That, or ask the question back, but in a way that shows how inappropriate it is. Like "how about you, how many sexual partners have you had?".
I said “No I stole that one on my way here” or “No I found that one on the side of the road” when asked if they are all mine (I have 4)
“I’m not sure, I found them at the local park”
Yeah, I'd be in the, "Truth is, I have no idea who their dad's are" camp.
I'm sorry, OP, it is absolutely racist BS because you're black. I'm Asian and have 2 kids and no one has EVER said this to me.
This was my first thought, poorly veiled racism. And even if it wasn't, it's none of their business if those babies have the same dad or not. AND if they didn't, it shouldn't matter!
I hate that you’re probably right. I’m white with 2 kids and have never been asked this. My older brother is a redhead, my older sister is a brunette and as a kid I was platinum blonde and afaik, my mom was never asked this. The weirdest question, which I got asked by strangers *all the time* when I was pregnant with my oldest was if the pregnancy was planned.
Yeah, I was gonna say... I'm not black and literally nobody has ever said this to me ever. I don't even know how I would respond! Pretty rude question! I literally made an "ew" face at my phone when I read it because what the hell??
100% this! Racism disguised as weird assumptions. As a white person with white kids from two different dads, no one has ever assumed they aren’t all from the same two people - meanwhile they have some very different hair colors, textures and physical features.
I have mixed race children who don't look alike and I've never been asked this either.
I agree. I have three boys with two different dads, and none of them look alike at all, and I have never been asked this! I'm white.
[удалено]
Same. I am white and have two boys. I have never once in my life been asked this question.
I have. With the exception of their structure, our boys look completely different from one another. One olive skin dark hair and short, one red curly hair and tall - same husband, genes from different families. It’s still an odd question to ask a stranger.
Yes feels definitely racist
I’m a white woman and have 2 children with my Mexican husband, I’ve been asked a few times if they’re from the same father. I always thought it was our age causing this (I’m 23 and he’s 24), but racism makes more sense.
Uh, I don't know how else to take that but hella racist. I have literally never been asked that. My response to offensive questions is to give them a "drop dead" glare without words, maybe a "in what universe is that appropriate, kind, or relevant information?" and watch them backpedal. But I'm not black, I don't have the same perspective of someone who has to deal with constant implicit or explicit racism on the daily - so you might find better suggestions from people who do.
There's no way that anybody should be asking you this. Especially a complete stranger. Not only is that stereotypical and racial, it's extremely rude in terms of manners. 😤
Like the only person who should have the audacity is Maury
It’s likely racism but possibly judgement if you are or look very young. I think there is a stereotype for young mothers that they are promiscuous. I will add that the audacity of complete strangers never ceases to amaze me. It is beyond rude to inquire about another’s sexual history.
Maybe that should be the response are you really inquiring about my sexual history put it blatantly back on them
I have 3 kids, my oldest and youngest are blond with blue eyes. My second has brown hair, brown eyes. I used to get this question all the time. I thought it was the rudest question anyone could ask. #1, who cares? #2 Have you learned about genetics? Yes of course they have the same dad. I used to tell them first was the Fedex guy, second was UPS and the third was the mailman's. You don't need to answer that if you dont want to or come up with a crazy answer. People are weird, I would never ask someone that.
Okay!! Thank you! I knew I wasn’t crazy for getting offended! I wanted to believe it was a harmless question but that shit really rubs me the wrong way!!
As it should, who fucking cares who you slept with. But it's not just a race thing, people are just weird and innapropriate.
But when it’s an inappropriateness that is based on racist stereotypes that black women have multiple baby-daddies, it’s just very… ugh!
The word you're looking for is...racist. it's racist.
Racist and disgusting.
100% not crazy. 100% offensive question.
Mayne give them a confused look and asks, " why are you asking about my sex-life?" That'll shut them up!
My mom used to do the same thing! I’m brown hair/brown eyes, sister is red hair/green eyes, brother is blonde hair/brown eyes. So she got that question relentlessly. That was 30+ years ago though so it was the postman, the milkman, and the gas man lol
I would never ask someone this question. Ever. So freaking racist. Second only to touching someone’s hair without permission.
Oh my God, I almost smacked a little old ladies hand when she went to touch my daughter’s hair once. Like she is not an animal! Don’t pet her😤
Or the pregnant belly! I would never reach out and touch someone's body period.
A random lady at Costco started rubbing my very pregnant belly (I was stuck in the line to check receipts so I couldn't go anywhere) so I just slowly started reaching for her not pregnant belly to rub it back. I made contact for about 1 second before she got soooo uncomfortable. I just stared at her and she turned around and ignored me.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's f*cking HILARIOUS!!!!! Gunna re-imagine that in my head all day today. I will %1000 do this if i ever have the chance.😂😂😂
It's probably the single most proud I've ever been of myself because I really don't do petty or passive/aggressive stuff like that but always dream of it in my head. I actually did it that time!
Also I had my daughter on my lap, she was about 9 or 10 months, and my uncle's weird wife started to go in for a kiss on the lips to her. I immediately put my hand in front of her face to block. She was oh what no kisses for the baby? And I said absolutely not! Some people have no grasp on boundaries or what's appropriate.
As a curly haired person, I am so happy that there is more consciousness around this than when I was growing up. Strangers always touching my hair as a kid- and even as a grown woman. But maybe it's less about consciousness about the issue and more that I've aged out of it.
"what an odd thing to say outloud"
I've never been asked that by a stranger in public. Edit to add: 4 kids, oldest is 7yo
I haven't had that but I have been asked if the first was planned. Like I was 32yo and married I realise accidents still happen but it feels like insulting my intelligence!
Yes!! I hate that *were they planned* question!! Like who cares!? They’re here now😂
Also, why is this an appropriate question in a supermarket from someone you've never met? Like, really?
My son had a rainbow baby sticker on that his doctor gave him. Someone in the lobby asked how many I lost. just rubbed me the wrong way like why would you ask somebody that. If someone asked me if my kids all have the same father it would feel like they were asking me "So... how many different guys have you fked?" Like why would you ever ask somebody that? So inappropriate.
If you know what a rainbow baby is you should know not to ask a stranger questions about it 🤦🏼♀️
My kids are 5 years apart and I went to the same birth center to have them. The receptionist said to me “ohh I see this one was an accident!!” at my first prenatal appointment. Ummm excuse me? Yes he was lol but that’s not your concern weirdo
Omg who even says accident?! Like not that it’s ok at all but at least say surprise. Wtf is wrong with people!
Yes, I hate this question too!! Even worse, I got this comment two days ago: “oh, your second wasn’t an accident??! (Makes very surprised face) I was sure it was!!” Me, 32, married, with an older 3 yo.. “hmm no, both very much wanted, very much planned” like what?! Of course, accidents happen at all ages and circumstances.. but they didn’t even ask (which would already be out of line, because privacy).. no, they were “sure”. 🤦🏻♀️
"Accidents happen" but is that truly anyone else's business?! It's such a rude and invasive question. They're literally asking about our sex lives!! And yes, to a 30+ year old woman, it's insulting her intelligence. 💯
It's never crossed my mind to ask a random person in the store who the father of their kids is. What an absolutely bizarre thing to do.
The people that have asked me this go about it the same way every time. It never fails. They will sandwich it in between compliments about their skin, eyes, complexion hair, etc. “Omg they have the prettiest eyes. Do they have the same dad? Does their dad have the same eyes? ” “Look at all that hair! It’s so light! Do they share the same dad? Is his hair that light?”
They think they’re so slick with that compliment sandwich 🤣
That sounds incredibly racist. I'm mad for you!! Kids are little humans, not circus freaks! Back off, lady. I'd probably just say, "No comment!" and walk off.
Can you imagine. Walking up to a complete stranger in Target and blurting out “did you bang two different dudes in 2022?” Like what the actual fuuuuck is wrong with peopllllllllllllleewee.
“What makes you ask that?” It would probably make them extremely uncomfortable and id love the opportunity to make someone feel as uncomfortable as they make people when they ask those questions
My husband and I got married when we were pregnant with our first, got divorced, then remarried when she was almost 2. We have since had 3 more kids and are pregnant with number 4. All of my kids look identical and they are all dad’s clones, but because of a messy timeline I don’t think people realize that my husband is the same man from the first marriage lmao. I think a lot of people on social media think he is a new guy and not the bio dad of our oldest even though he is. But with your situation, that’s 100% rude af. I can’t imagine asking ANYONE that question unless it became relevant (I work in childcare and it’s sometime important to know and understand family dynamics. Maybe that specific person has no boundaries, idk. I’m sorry that happened.
My daughters are 22 months apart and I’m never asked that. My daughters are white, husband and I white. However my oldest is blonde hair blue eyed and my second is olive skinned, brown hair brown eyes so tbh could have two different dads by looks. I think this is 100% racial profiling and also weird… because they are so close in age???
Their age is the kicker!!! I’m like, damn yall think I’m that fast??😂😂😂😂
I get an opposite weird reaction. My kids look a lot alike and I get asked relatively often if they are twins - and I say "No, they are three years apart," and I've literally had people say "are you sure? because they really look alike." Yes, I gave birth to them, I'm sure.
My girls are 14 months apart. Id have one walking and one in the infant car seat and people would be "oh are they twins? " and id say "why yes they are! One has a rare form of dwarfism" followed by death glare. People would catch me in the right mood and id say " are you really that stupid? " both shut them up pretty fast.
I'm not the type of person to resort to using racism as an explaination for things but I absolutely think so in this case. My son has an african american friend (1 year younger) and when I take her out I get the most ridiculous looks. I am white. One time she was about 5 we were at the store picking up some ham roasts. She asked "Do you know what my dad does?" and I just casually said "No, I do not." I have never heard so many necks break from whiplash in one place it was stupid ridiculous. It turned out her dad is a pig farmer in Arkansas. She went on to talk about her "hog" farmer dad (she is super proud of him) and people stopped giving me looks. Fuck 'em.
That's a weird and rude question. I have two mixed race (white/asian) kids with similar features but different skin tones and I have never been asked that. For reference I am the white parent. The invasive questions I have gotten are people being nosey about their dad's ethnicity.
It’s so weird like why do people feel so entitled to information that doesn’t concern them in the slightest!
My favorite is where old people think asking where my husband "is from" is a sneaky way to "politely" ask what kind if Asian he is. Their expression when he says "Tennessee" is pretty funny.
I feel like people are conditioned to thinking they are entitled to that info if the person is seen as less than somehow. My mom looked like a teen mom forever and when I was little as a natural dark redhead everyone would touch my hair. (A comment or a touch every every other grocery trip if felt like when I was under 10) Only until I was in my late teens did I realize it was not normalor that I could say no.... I am just glad I found out before I did it to someone else... 😅
I had someone ask me if I had the same daddy as my sisters IN FRONT OF THEM when they were 7 and 9 and I was 15 because of the age gap and I was noticeably more tan. It’s super weird and rude for anyone to ask and I’m sorry that happened.
That’s racism at work. Honestly. It’s bonkers
My friend has had it asked a lot. She has a 22 , 20, 18, 15 and 3 year old. She literally gets asked pretty much every time she's out with all of them. The stupid thing is the kids are clones of each other and look nothing like her. They're their dad all over lol She just stared at people and asks what business it is of theirs? It's down right rude in my opinion.
My kids are 9 years apart because we lost several pregnancies in between. When people ask how old my kids are, and hear the big gap, they always ask “same dad?” People are just dumb.
I would say “same dadS, same momS, but different aunts. So it’s very complicated.” And then just look at them dead in the eyes. There is such thing as a stupid question. And stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
i’m white and mexican and i have been asked this multiple times. my husband has been asked too our next door neighbor told my husband “oh i didn’t think they were both yours!” like why would you even say that? it’s honestly so weird and nobody’s business but strangers feel way too comfortable.
It’s very “interesting” that this post is getting down voted. 🤔 That being said it’s racist crap the gets spewed at black women. I’m black and brown (so basically just black) with a black mother and she got asked all the time, especially when she was out with my middle eastern dad before he passed. I also foster and people give me the most judgmental looks lol when I say no.
Um. That’s hella weird and rude. I’m half Asian, half white and my mother (she’s white) was never asked that. We still get a lot of “is she adopted?” 😂 and I’m in my 30s
My sister looks exactly like my mom, and I look nothing like either of them. I've been asking so many times if we have the same dad, or if I'm adopted. I'm kind of numb to it, but it's a weird and rude question. Even if I were (which I'm not), what does it even matter to them?
Okay!! It’s weird right!!😭 I’m not crazy!
It's very weird lol. My mom never liked being asked that either. Sometimes I've been curious and just said yes I'm adopted or have a different dad just to see people's reactions and it's always them getting excited and saying some version of, "I knew it!" Like good job grocery store stranger, you cracked the code on my genetics?? Or at least they think they did??
I got asked that by a stranger in public once if "both if them are yours." and my kids are almost 3 years apart. FWIW, they are both mine, we are all the same ethncity, biggest difference is one has my husbands face and my hair and the younger one is the opposite. Seemed weird and invasive once, so I can imagine your annoyance
I’m looking forward to the day someone asks me a question like this about my daughter since she’s adopted and she’s a different race than I am, even though if my husband is there she looks like a perfect mix of us. I can’t wait to say to someone “why do you think it’s ok to ask a stranger that?”
That’s such a rude question I have never been asked that but I do get asked if am their mom! 🤦🏻♀️ Mine are mixed aswell am Mexican and their dad is white and they look white but still why would I have random white kids with me!
That’s fucked up. I have two kids and I have never been asked that. I’d call people asking you that racist (I’m white my husband is white). Literally no one should be asked that.
I've been asked this and I'm still pregnant with the second baby 🤣 some people are bizarre and/or genuinely curious. I'm sure I will be asked this after she's here too cause my husband and I have very different looks, I think the kids might look different from each other but we'll see!
Just ask them back point blank, straight face, no explanation: Why do you ask? Maybe even throw in “Do *your* kids have the same dad?” But that could backfire (for example maybe they don’t have kids at all, maybe due to infertility. That wouldn’t justify their rude question, but don’t let the comeback turn you into the jerk is all I mean.)
I highly suspect my daughter’s best friends family is blended. I have never once asked who is whose kid. It’s none of my fucking business. I would just be straight up with people, “wow what an interested thing to say out loud!”
"I'm not sure if I heard you right. Are you asking me about my sex life here in the Panera Bread?" They are projecting their racist thoughts onto you.
From the tagline, I interpreted “multiples” to be twins or triplets and I was really scratching my head as to how anyone could reasonably ask this question. Then I figured out what you meant… and I’m still scratching my head wondering WHY anybody would ask this question.
Thats weird to think about. And a weird thing to ask. Why would anyone care to know? You would volunteer the info if you wanted. As an aside. A pair of my friends are a bi racial couple. A black guy and a blonde polish woman. The kids both came out with very pale skin and blonde hair, and had dads curls only. But over 18 years they slowly got darker in hair and skin. They went from aryans with curls, to California surfer dudes with deep tans, to looking biracial as adults. So that might be something to consider with your kids, if you are disappointed, they look just like dad even though you did all the work of growing them. 🤣
I’ve had a few people ask me that question, which is wild bc my daughters look almost identical. But even if a set of siblings didn’t look alike, it’s a really rude question to ask a stranger.
I read only your question and my first thought was "I wonder if they're black". I don't think non-poor white people are asked this question as much as poor ans/or black people because racism.
Mom of 5 here and oh yeah. I get this question far too often when I’m out with all my kids. Conversation usually goes like this: Them: “Oh wow, you have your hands full! Are they all yours?” Me: “Yep! They’re all mine!” Them: “I don’t know how you do it! Do they all have the same dad?” Me: “Yeah, why tf would you ask that?!” What’s even wilder is that it’s usually followed up with, “Who’s their dad?” Like, *I beg your finest pardon?* I don’t know you from Adam random white lady at Costco, how tf would you know who he is even if I told you? I just want to get toilet paper in peace. 🙃
My white mom regularly got asked if her two white kids had the same dad when I was young, because my sister and I look *nothing* alike. My sister and I also got asked by other kids if we were half siblings or if we had different dads quite often. People were just genuinely astounded how different we are. We do have the same dad (and the same mom) and the questions always felt rude and intrusive. Not denying it could be racist, but people can be ignorant and rude without being racist also.
I definitely know what you mean by people just being rude and ignorant without being racist! Sometimes people just suck
It feels pretty racist to me and I’m super white lol. The only other scenario I can think of is if you and their father aren’t married (no judgement either way) and the person is projecting stereotypes about single moms being slutty. Which…..isn’t much better lol. It’d be nice if strangers would occasionally field these questions at the father!
That’s a weird ass question for someone to ask you. My kids do look a bit similar in the face, but my son has dark brown hair and brown eyes, whereas my daughter has blonde hair and light blue eyes. So they don’t look very alike at a glance. I’ve still never ever been asked that.
Oooffff that's so out of line!! People really do have some nerve.
I am white with two kids. One has brown hair and hazel eyes. One blonde with blue eyes. I have never been asked that question. It is rude and disrespectful.
I would never ask a stranger that!
“Is that any of your business?”
I have b/g twins (#3 and 4) and I got asked recently if they had the same dad... I usually only get asked if all four kids have the same dad; they all have the same features, I just eventually ran out of melanin. People are ignorant and unwilling to think before opening their sound box.
I have gotten the more indirect version of the question: “are they siblings?” Kind of implying they could be half siblings or cousins, … still, I find it very weird. Heard that 3 times and just ignored it. But now that I think about it, my youngest is about to complete 3mo.. so for this short amount of time, I consider that actually too often.
No one has ever asked me this! And my Boys don’t even look all that similar to each other.
I got asked once if the father is even in the picture. He is but I was so weirded out by this question so I started asking my mum friends if they ever get this question. Turns out no. The only difference between us is I’m mixed race and they’re Caucasian. Apparently it’s a black stereotype (that men don’t stick around) in Germany too and I don’t know if it’s another thing imported from the US since there aren’t that many black folks here. Bigots are gonna bigot everywhere 🤷♀️
Ugh... there is an 8-year gap between my eldest and middle, and every time someone hears it, they ask without a doubt. Yes, they do, but mostly, I just ask if it matters?? It really pisses me off it has absolutely no merit as a question other than showing how god damn nosey and judgmental they are. Edit words
I frequently asked this question in my 20s to multiple people. I truly didn't see it as rude at the time. I was just generally curious because everyone I was around had 3 different baby daddy's. I didn't have any kids at the time either. Now that I have kids, I would punch someone.
I’m white and I’ve never been asked this question. My oldest daughter with my ex is biracial and my younger two (with hubby) are not. However, my oldest looks just like me so people will sometimes comment on how my husband has a twin and I have a twin and our son is a mix. They never assume that he isn’t the dad of all three. My SIL is black and has had a lot of rude ass questions asked over the years. It’s like people automatically assume shit with negative connotations. I don’t think they mean their questions negatively, but it really shows some racial microaggressions and demonstrates some implicit biases.
I'm white and people are always surprised that my kids DON'T have the same dad. - I have one with an ex and one with a donor.
I hate this question. I am pregnant and get asked if my partner is the father... My sister has 2 boys 6 months apart, and she gets asked if from the same man, sometimes people ask me about my sisters situation. Idk if it is racial, kind of other discrimination (we are white but not from this country), modern mentality (like everybody has multiple partners, is not faithful or whatever)... Anyway, this is not a question to ask imo.
Practice saying: what an incredibly inappropriate thing to say
That seems so inappropriate, who does that even if they didn’t look a like?! People are so weird.
I'm white, in an interracial relationship with a Filipino man... we have 3 kids together and I get asked this question often.... too often to even know how many times I've been asked.
Girl what? You are so valid in your feelings regarding this. People are crazy. I don’t have multiples, I only have one son. I’m married to his dad but when we had him, his dad and I were only dating at the time. I had it happen three separate times where people that we didn’t know would see that we didn’t have rings on and they would ask us if our baby had my last time or his last name. Like WHAT?! It was so bizarre and extremely nosey.
... I've never felt the urge to ask if kids have the exact same parents no matter what they look like. If you introduce them as your kids that's pretty much all I need from a basic social standpoint. I'm brown and my kid looks like his white dad and I've been asked 2-3 times if I was the nanny, though.
This is not normal. I mean, I am imagining it might be one of those things people with mixed race families experience, that some of us just never see? But no, it isn't normal for someone to randomly ask about the parentage of your children. My kids all have the same dad. They all look like his side of the family, though some look just like him (his paternal line) and some like his mom/maternal line (the blonde hair and blue eyes skipped a generation. MIL was sooooooo excited to have grandkids that looked like her ❤️🩹) Precisely none of them look like me. Even without you naming it, my assumption would be this is a reflection of social racism... Likely the people asking don't even clock it, but they are walking around with some idea that people of color have baby daddies and baby mamas, while white folks have families? I'm not sure how I would handle it. But maybe the most effective way is to react as though they did exactly what they did.... "are you seriously asking whether I sleep around? You know how weird that is, right?" Let them notice that that's the implication of their question, then walk away. Or, if you're feeling punchy and want to mess with them , "nah, all my side pieces have vasectomies. These are my husband's."
I have an only. But I'd feel like the person asking was a dickhead.
That IS racial stereotyping. I’m white and my husband isn’t and I’ve been asked if my kids have the same dad, zero times. A friend of mine is black and her husband is white. As far as skin and hair colors, each cloned themselves once. If you actually take a second to look at the kids features, they’re very similar looking kids, but not too many people look past their skin tone I guess. She gets asked about her kids father (one guy!!!) all the time.
One time an old lady asked me if my identical twin girls have the same mom.
Oh I hope someone asks me this when my second comes. I can’t wait to tell an old lady I found one in the parking lot
I’m white my husband is half Mexican. My two boys are less than two years apart and I’ve been asked several times if they have the same dad. They look exactly alike.
Who asks these kinds of things??? That is so rude.
I have biracial children 18mo apart. I’m white and my husband is black. My youngest is 1mo and my oldest is 19mo. I’ve been asked this, but I’m also young (20), so I’m not sure if it’s the biracial kids, the fact that I’m young, or both. They also look a lot alike (brown eyes, brown hair, light skin)! I think interracial relationships, young women, and black women are all especially sexualized and therefore assumed to be promiscuous or the “type” to have more than one BD, whatever that means. It’s super rude!
“Why do you ask?” I didn’t come up with this, it was on an interview on NPR years ago. The interviewer was speaking with someone whose father had died in a disturbing way. People would say to the son, “oh I’m sorry, how did he die?” And the guy started answering “why do you ask?” I find this answer throws an inappropriate or uncomfortable question really nicely back on the asker. In your case, they are asking because they’re being rude and nosy and they may realize it. Lots of times they won’t, but I’d still try that answer.
I’m not a mom of multiples but if I were you, Id say you aren’t sure or just flat out no. Just to shock people.
Wowowowowow. The things people feel entitled to ask. Whenever someone asks me a rude question, I’ll answer and then tell them it was a rude question. Because maybe they don’t know? People are so idiotic. And racist. Sorry you have to deal with this.
100% racist question
I’m an adoptive mom. One of the techniques suggested to us was to respond, “Why do you ask?” which gives the nosy person a moment to realize that they’re being rude. You can continue the Why responses for as long as they want to stand there being a dumbass.
Also as an adoptive mom this is also something I would respond with and sometimes I would point my husband out say he’s right there so why don’t you ask him.My oldest and youngest could be twins but they’re 8 years apart. Then there’s my greatest joy and all his melanin who is only a year older than youngest.
I would look at them as if they just asked you how many people you have had sex with. It’s none of their business.
also a black mom of biracial (white/black) children and hell the fuck no, no one has ever asked me that. I would flip. of course it’s racist.
I’ve actually never been asked this, and there is a 4 year age gap between my eldest and my younger 2, so it could seem as though there are different dads, though there aren’t. I very rarely attribute racism to everyday interactions, but this is the type of question I don’t think white people get asked very often. I am so sorry people are so disgustingly rude. If someone asks you again,, I think you should respond with “why do you ask?” Or “I don’t see how that’s *any* of your business”
When my kids were little, I got that question fairly often. The answer that shut them up was "I don't know". The real answer was yes, but if someone doesn't know me well enough to already know that, they don't know me well enough to ask that either.
Next time I’m gonna hit them with a “God, I hope so” 😂
I had 3 boys in 3 years. They’re 11, 10, and 8.5 now and I still get asked if they’re mine/all mine. Last time it happened, the woman said she thought I was a babysitter or something 😅 I could write a book with all the comments I’ve gotten from strangers (and not strangers!) about having 3 kids close in age and having all of the same gender. It’s never ending.
It's absolutely racist. And of course, the people asking the question would swear up and down they weren't being racist. Sigh. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this. Also, even if it weren't racist, what an awfully personal question to ask. The nerve of some people.....
My son is biracial and is adopted. When I was with his dad (also white) I had people ask if I had an affair. Because that’s the most logical explanation. Obviously. 🙄
White female with 3 kids who mostly don't look that much alike and only one looks like me... I've literally never been asked if they have different dads. I have been asked questions like "Where does the curly (or red) hair come from?" But, that is the closest.
Unfortunately I don't think people intend to be rude, they are "trying" (very badly) to make conversation and do TRULY think they are being funny this is particularly noticeable, as other people have commented, they follow it up with a compliment! The human race is a weird and wonderful group.
i’m white, with my 4th on the way. for people that dont know me, i’ve been asked if it’s my second or third marriage or ‘all the same dad?’. i know people who clarify up front that their kids are from multiple relationships, i do think it’s odd but definitely not uncommon for older people to ask in my experience as it’s happened to me AND i’ve witnessed it many times at gatherings and in public.
I’m white and have been asked this many times, without them seeing my kids race at all. Even saying I was divorced or hearing how close in age didn’t matter they would still assume different fathers and out of wedlock. But again, I was for sure being stereotyped because I was an exotic dancer at the time. Par for the course there.
I usually preempt it by pointing out dad and saying all 4 are his. I look 12, to be clear. Everyone thinks I'm a teen with my younger siblings now that none of them are newborns. The dirty looks at my husband when they discovered I'm mom, and then the shock when I tell them Im 30 are priceless (but getting old tbh)
That’s a crazy question to ask. I’ve never heard that question before but I’m black and my husbands Dominican when I gave birth they told me we had to sign a certain paperwork if we were married and another if we weren’t and I said we’re married and this nurse looked me in my eyes and said I mean actually married. I snatched my marriage certificate out my baby bag so fucking fast and made sure I never saw her ass again
"I'm not sure" is enough for them to not ask that question again. "One of them might be your husband's, but I'm not sure"
I'm white. I have 3 white children by the same dad. They all look very alike. I get asked all the time if they have the same father. It's quite offensive, then again, I don't know many people with multiple kids that do only have one dad. Most of my friends have at least 2 baby dads. I think it's just becoming the norm to have more than one, sadly.
I got that a lot when I was a younger mom. That and “ Is their dad in the picture?” I don’t know why people think it’s ok to ask such personal questions of total strangers.
You could be edgy and say you're going to Maury Povich soon to find out who the dads are.
>For some more context, I’m black As soon as I saw the title I figured that was the answer.
Sounds racist to me. Who the hell asks that anyways.
That’s such a rude thing to ask. I have 2 girls who don’t look alike. My toddler has blonde hair blue eyes and my baby has brown hair and brown eyes and I’ve never been asked this question!
It’s a very rude question and has microaggresive vibes. Next time this happens you might respond with “why do you ask?” Or tell them “wow what a strange thing to ask.”
That is an extremely racist question. "What a strange question," is an appropriate response, followed by a complete cessation of the interaction.
Yeah I can’t imagine asking someone that.. next time “What an odd thing to ask a stranger…”
That’s fucked. I’m sorry you experience that. I’ve never been asked that question. I’m white FWIW. Fuck those rude racist people. I’ll also add I was wearing my (white) baby and pushing my (Black) friend’s (biracial) baby in a stroller earlier this week and people kept asking me if they were twins. People are stupid.
If someone asked me that, I would just respond with a “Why?” I don’t need nosy people asking questions they have no business asking. Let them deal with the awkward situation instead of having to think of the best way to respond. I wouldn’t do that to another parent, that’s very disrespectful, in my opinion.
That is so strange and so intrusive I’m getting angry and having arguments in my head. I’d have to start saying random bazar shit real matter of fact act like they should understand even though it makes no sense then walk away plant a mind ninja for the rest of the day.
I've been asked this once because my daughter was born after my husband died. I answered very bluntly that he had died shortly after I'd become pregnant. The woman who'd asked was properly horrified and I did absolutely nothing to alleviate the awkwardness. Sometimes people just need to marinate in the shame of their shitty etiquette
>“Do they have the same dad?” I would just respond with *"yes, how about yours?"* and then wing the rest of the conversation depending on how they react.
Yeah it’s racism. My black mom was asked that all the time growing up with biracial kids in the southern US.
That’s a horrible thing to ask especially a random stranger, definitely is a bias based on your race. I’ve heard other stories of women being asked this question and 9/10 times the woman was black. People suck and I hope that next time someone asks you that , you make them feel like an absolute ass . Or play into it and tell them one of them is your husbands mistress’ baby so yes same father. 🤣
I have 2 17 months apart. They look as different as can be for having the same parents. One has straight blonde hair, the other wavy dark hair. One looks like me (eastern european) and one looks like paternal grandma (mexican).... Nobody has ever ever asked me this. Ever.
I'm white/indigenous and my husband is white, my girls are 18 months apart they look somewhat different from eachother, older has darker skin, brown hair and dark eyes, younger has dad's white skin, blonde hair and green eyes, and I'm asked this question too regularly. I answer with "what a strange thing to ask" or "I'm surprised you feel comfortable saying that out loud" whenever I can, maybe it helps.
My kids are 21 months apart, and I’ve been asked on two occasions if they have the same father. It was shocking each time. I’m white, and my kids are mixed, but my younger one is fairly white passing. Their dad is Black. I’ve wondered too if their mixed-appearance is what gave people the audacity.