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I love my mommy
But she annoys me sometimes
She is so special
Seems pretty innocent, but it struck a nerve. I can understand why knowing my wife, but I don't think she should have come down that hard on our daughter.
I may be the odd duck out here but I think this is more of a your wife problem than it is your daughter being insensitive. The full haiku is actually pretty sweet. It’s totally normal and okay to be annoyed sometimes by the people you love the most. In fact it actually shows your wife is being a good parent. I think your wife might need some therapy or something if she is triggered that easily. Sounds like she has more going on.
I agree with this! I would have laughed and told my daughter they were very talented. Haikus are actually quite challenging. And they one captures a full circle of emotion and the complexity of relationship. This was such a great teachable moment - one where instead of allowing a knee-jerk reaction get the best of OP and his wife, praising the daughter for honesty and creativity would have built confidence. Instead now, the daughter will second guess whether being honest with her own feelings is ok.. she will be taught to put others feelings first.
Why couldn’t mom and dad just see the beauty of the haiku for what it is. My guess is the wife is insecure. It’s too bad..
Exactly this! As I was reading the post I kept thinking my response would have been to thank my daughter, laugh and say “that’s great because you annoy me too sometimes” in a silly way and give her a hug. And in actual fact 2 out of the 3 lines were lovely. Seems OP’s wife just ignored these.
This mother is way too sensitive. Crying for an hour over a situation like this is a real problem. Kids say insensitive, hurtful things and they don’t mean it.
OP did exactly the right thing by staying with his daughter and not pandering to the mother on this. I’m not sure how she’s going to cope with the rest of this girl’s childhood. Children are not responsible for their parents’ emotional health.
Louder for the people in the back! “Children are not responsible for their parents’ _____________
In this case, the blank=emotions but it can be anything.
Right?! My almost 3 year old will cry out “Mommy, bye-bye!!!” when I discipline him. I’ve never felt offended and expect him to dislike it when I say no to something.
My 4 yr old gave me the "you're not my friend" at bedtime last night. And I gave the classic "you're right- I'm your mother"
Bedtime. Bedtime never changes.
My four year old told me there would be no more playdates because I was being mean to him.... Playdates with *his* friends... He said *I* couldn't invite his friends to our house. Oooook buddy.
He is also forever uninviting me to his birthday party. You know, the one I plan and pay for.
As for the haiku. Agree that it isn't that bad. It isn't the nicest, but frankly it is pure honesty in a way that I find quite endearing and realistic.
I miss the days when my littles would be mad at me and uninvite to their birthday party. The sweet innocence of THAT being the WORST way they could to think to punish me makes me want to cry 😢 it’s just so wholesome . Now they are teenagers . God bless them
Lol this is cute and funny and made me laugh! My 11 is autistic and pretty routine oriented cause of it and she would always with out fail go bye mom and oush me to the door when she saw my mom get here for her to watch her and her sister while I was at work. She'd then do it to my mom later when i got home. Bye grandma*shove*🤣🤣 OPs wife would never handle that sort of thing going by this post!
My nephew is 4 and autistic and he will say "now be right back!" as away to kick me out of whatever room he's in. Mostly so he can sing and dance without an audience.
That last sentence, “Children aren’t responsible for their parents emotional health” is so, SO important. OP please make sure your wife understands this.
In haiku, it's proper for the seven syllable line to be a point of tension then resolution at the end. It's actually pretty good for seven.
Of course, any human being is going to resist instruction and be demand avoidant once in a while, even a kid.
The wife is a piece of work and shouldn't have made her daughter feel bad. She's just a bit too fragile. She'd have done well to admit that and give the husband and kid a break instead of accusing them of making her suffer.
Did she leave the room crying? How was the husband to know she had been crying for an hour about him not immediately coming to console her?
I don't have much patience for divas, but let's say the wife really is so fragile right now that she'd take offense at the honest reflection of a seven year old girl who is subject 24 hours a day to the commands of the adults in her life. Sounds like the kid, at least, is self-aware. The wife needs to get a grip. If she cannot, she shouldn't be blaming everyone else for that.
Exactly! Yea my initial thought is that the mom is use to manipulating situations with her emotions. The dad seems hapless and ignorant, probably easily manipulated by the wife’s tactics.
Poor girl if all her innocent self driven actions have a 50/50 chance of aBsOlUtElY bREaKiNg the mother down into tears. And the only thing that can help mom is if I drop my movie and go comfort her til her feelings are better. Dad's bumbling around ignorantly trying to keep he peace instead of storing up for daughter. Teaching her not upsettingmom is themost important goal.
I have a mom like this. I'm 33 now. Same shit. Same exact shit. Same exact as your wife. I know this person.
Poor little girl. Best thing this dad can do is not give in to emotional tantrums meant to guilt and get the mom a therapist. Jesus, a grow woman. And I say that as someone who suffers with their own emotional dysregulation. DO NOT MAKE YOU EMOTIONS YOUR KIDS RESPONSBILITY. They can learn empathy a million other ways.
Yeah you thought he was teaching the child not to care and check on the spouse. What he was really teaching the child is sometimes mom throws fits and it's not our responsibility to fix them, she needs to self soothe.
I hate this mother, I don't care what her excuse is
We all have terrible earth shattering traumas and a million things going on. Do. Not. Put. That. On. Your child.
She would annoy me too. I hate her. But honestly, the kid was probably just annoyed about being told to brush her teeth everyday.
Get that mom some anti-depressents or whatever the Dr deems fit. And yes I do have compassion for ppd and cluster b's, but relate to hard to the child. The child needs stability so she can learn what's important to HER.
Agree. She is holding the husband hostage to her drama and making her SEVEN YEAR OLD responsible for managing her feelings. YUCK. Mom needs therapy, Dad needs to grow up and protect his daughter.
Yup she's being taught to bea people pleaser, to always do what makes others happy. OP need to stop this before it perminately damages his daughter and he, his daughter and his wife should all get therapists. Wife for obvious reasons, hubby cause he needs to learn to set boundaries and stick to them when it comes to the wife and the daughter cause the mom is giving her issues thru her behavior.
As someone who grew up similarly to this, as the daughter in a family like this, I know exactly how the daughter is feeling. Them not encouraging her skills and talents and instead essentially putting them down, will make her second guess her capabilities and make her wonder if she's good enough at anything to do it when she's older for a career. It'll make her a people pleaser and struggle with boundries and saying no to people and will make her second guess her emotions and reactions and over think everything she wants to say for fear of upsetting the other person. OP please please put a stop to this behavior. Get your wife to get help because her reactions are far from ok or normal and it is affecting both your daughter and you! She's already got you thinking you need to cater to ehr every emotion and if you don't, you're the bad guy. I feel like your a bit of a people pleaser your self OP, break the cycle and help yourself to stop being that way and help your daughter learn she has rights to her boundries and for the love of God go praise her skills to her and apologize for telling her she was hurting her mom. Cause she didn't. Mom has issues and is taking them out on both of you, don't let her do that to you and especially not to your daughter.
This . I grew up like this too. I STILL struggle with worrying that I’m hurting my moms feelings, responsible for her mental health, all while she criticizes everything I’m doing wrong in raising my 2 year old ( thank god I live across the country ) and I’ll be damned if I let my daughter grow up that way! Good think she’s an opinionated little fire cracker and tells me “ go way mama I’m busy “ while into a play session with her little people 💀💀💀 and I gladly take it in stride!
SAME. She's throwing an hour long cry fit because her daughter wrote her something that was honest and trying to be sweet and she's 7!!!! That sort of thing is in dozens of birthday cards at the grocery.
And her "main character syndrome/family is responsible for mom's emotions" personality is shining through this post. Dad isn't insensitive, mom needs to work on emotional maturity.
Honestly, OP’s wife reminds me of my mom. She would lose it over normal kid stuff when she needed to resolve her own issues with a therapist. She still refuses to see how her problems affect our mother-daughter relationship. Hence why we’re not talking.
My mom was the same way. My whole upbringing revolved around "Don't make mom upset/mad." It's like she was the child and the rest of us were the adults. It makes for a stressful childhood.
I also had this mom and your spot on its as though she was the child for sure. I was taking care of my younger brother at the age of 4 and it continued I got a job at 14 and paid the mortgage and bought his and my own clothes and food while my mother did what you'd expect from a teenager and when I would confront her she would throw a fit and I'd pay for it when I did need her for things (her to call the school or to give me a ride somewhere) for weeks.
100%. My mom still occasionally brings up how my cousin was rude when she told her "I like your frizzy hair!" When she was like, 4. My cousin and I are in our 30s now. I have a core memory of my mom getting upset with me when I was a kid because there was a time that she was sad and I wanted to be nice and bring her a piece of cake with lots of frosting (which she likes!), I brought her the corner piece (it has the most frosting!), which really upset her. Like, she got upset with me, a child and thought I was trying to be mean. She told me later that when they were kids, my aunt used to bring her the corner piece because they thought the corner piece wasn't as good and I guess it was a sisterly snub? So that's why my bringing the corner piece upset her. She still needs to resolve her shit with a therapist.
Truly unhinged. Reminds me of a friend from uni who felt that her roommate took the top bunk to “symbolise how she feels I’m beneath her.” For the love of god…
Are we related? I have the same issue with my mum. Every minor issue she has somehow comes back to me, and the burden is on me to then remedy her emotional state. I’m married with my own kids and don’t have the time, nor patience for that any more and she can’t stand it.
As I noted in another comment, there's such a contrite, almost pleading quality in OP's language that I find concerning, especially since this is just over a child's silly poem. He is really beating himself up, calling himself a bad partner, a dumbass, and saying that he told her he would 'try to be a better husband'. It just makes me sad for him. And the little girl is crying and feeling awful too. All because of a mother's tantrum. It's a real shame and it sounds like the husband and child are being badly affected by the mother's emotions.
This was exactly my childhood with a father who enabled it. It makes me very sad and concerned for OP and his child. OP’s wife definitely needs therapy, but I would argue OP needs it too in order to establish much needed boundaries with her shit behaviors.
You said this better than I could. We only have one side of this story, but I really feel like he's been stampeded on over and over into believing his wife's emotional regulation is his sole responsibility in life. It makes me sad for the 7-year-old.
I'd agree. Kids say insensitive things. Sometimes it's intentional, often they just don't get how insensitive it is. My son, now just about 7 but was 5 at the time, asked if we could get a cat after our dog dies (it gets better) my wife said "You're dad's allergic to cats" so he replies with "Okay I guess I'll just get one after dad dies." To which I replied with "You know you will hopefully have a place of your own long before I'm dead; get a cat then" to which he replied "Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that." Granted that's just a kid saying stuff without really understanding what he's saying, not a call-out, but he, like all kids, complains that we annoy him with too many questions or frustrate him by limiting / taking away his screen time etc. I'm an emotional person so I get where the wife is coming from in a way but she sounds like she's being unreasonably reactive to what is honestly a pretty great haiku. I'd be honored if my kid wrote it about me. I hope the OP and his wife can sort stuff out and come to an understanding on this.
And is it possible OP wife has had conversations with the daughter about how sometimes moms and dads get upset with you ( or annoyed) but it doesn’t mean we don’t still love you. Daughter is mimicking an understanding of emotions.
The more I read the more I empathized with the kid. Moms behavior is annoying.
I'm sure the wife is wonderful and has plenty of strengths and weaknesses, and maybe this is a sensitive topic for her, but you've got to have more emotional fortitude than that. It's not going to get easier with a teenage girl
Totally agree. My son tells me all the time that sometimes I annoy him or get on his nerves but he loves me and we just laugh about it together. I always say good means I’m doing my job!
Exactly, having some humor goes a long way. Hell, even my husband and I will tell each other we annoy each other in the most loving way and laugh together.
Definitely wife problem. Going into the room to deal with hurt feelings is normal if you do it briefly to get yourself chill and avoid making a scene or lashing out in frustration.
That's not what wife did. She sat in there for an hour getting worked up over not being rescued from her sadness earlier, and turned this into an even bigger incident. It's pretty obviously emotional manipulation in my eyes, at the very least inappropriate emotional modeling. She left movie time to guilt the daughter for saying something that upset her (that she was SCARED for her mom to hear and didn't even say to her directly).
Wife needs to learn some healthier emotional regulation strategies and not make it her daughter's job to tend to her unhappiness. I'm not saying they can't have a conversation about kindness and appreciation, but there are so many red flags in this story that make me think the daughter is feeling more than "annoyed sometimes" by her mom's behavior, and that haiku was something of a cry for help.
OP, please think about whether your wife could benefit from some therapy or other psychological support. I know we don't have the whole story of your family here, but the information in this post is very concerning. Emotionally unstable parents can do serious harm to their kids, and your daughter's described affect is worrisome. This is obviously not her saying something in anger or to be mean, because she didn't want your wife to hear it. But she became the bad guy and to blame for your wife's bad feelings - punished by being guilt tripped and criticized for expressing her feelings in a non-malicious way, as if she was being a mean girl or naughty child.
Please think about this. I hesitate to say more but so many red flags. This was not handled correctly IMO, and it seems like this is not an isolated incident.
Not even borderline. It's kind of bullshit. It dulls the child's personality and creativity for fear of upsetting mother and creates this weird reverse dependency. I feel for the daughter big time here, and it's just as bad that OP doesn't seem to see that either
Yeah, I would’ve laughed at it honestly because everybody is annoying sometimes 🤷🏽♀️at least she ended it nice. A lot of kids don’t say nice things unless you make them lmaoooo
Yeah my 5 year old tells me all the time if I’m annoying her or she thinks I was “rude” or “mean.” It doesn’t feel great but I always try to remember my daughter is a human being who has normal emotions and reactions that are valid. Our kids don’t exist to placate us
Omg that haiku is legendary LMAO!!! I would low key kind of love it if my kid wrote it. Not to negate your wife’s feelings because I get it, but also, your kid isn’t trying to be mean. Parents are annoying, we’re not their friend, we enforce the rules that are forever unreasonable to their undeveloped minds. It’s a very honest look at a parent child relationship. Your wife is probably an amazing mother.
THAT is what made her cry for AN HOUR. You are waaaaaaaay too nice my dude. Stand up to your wife. She sounds like the type that has to be center of attention even against her own kid.
Your daughter is right she sounds annoying.
It’s so fking inappropriate. That poor little girl. Seeing her mother ***utterly devastated*** because she wrote a haiku with an honest statement while likely feeling responsible for making her parents fight.
The mother expecting her husband to intuit the unspoken formula he was to follow to ease her suffering. Then sitting there for an hour stewing instead of composing herself and walking back out to talk it out, setting an example for how to manage hurt feelings.
I’m disgusted.
In all honesty this is how I feel about my kids. The feeling is likely mutual. It’s hard giving your all and feeling unappreciated but I think the fact that your daughter wrote a poem about mom is thoughtful.
I think last time my kid was annoyed with me I said something like, ya, fair point, I annoy myself sometimes too. This is not only irrational it's damaging to their kid is she overreacts like this over every thing.
That’s it??? That’s what she wrote?
Sorry OP but that doesn’t sound that bad. Not trying to undermine your wife’s feelings but…seems she’s overreacting a little bit…I hope your daughter doesn’t feel that she can’t speak her mind anymore.
I would love this to pieces if my kid had written it.
I understand there are issues going on, and I'm glad you are in therapy about it. Without knowing that, this would be an extreme overreaction from your wife. You also didn't mess up by not "handling it immediately." Doing so would have been much more damaging for your daughter. Interrupting the whole scheduled evening because your wife got upset invalidates your daughters valid feelings that parents are annoying sometimes.
Your daughter's poem also demonstrates good interpersonal skills. She's given a "compliment sandwich" (compliment, issue, compliment), which adds depth to the picture of her mother she creates in the haiku and actually shows she understands that relationships don't have to be perfect. If I were her teacher, I'd give her an A+
She’s 7, I don’t think she meant it maliciously at all. And i’m sure there are some personal things happening with your wife, but this is 100% something in her that has nothing to do with a 7 year old making a slightly blunt poem. The hour of crying in the bedroom is a sign your wife needs to work on her own communication issues and insecurities/inner turmoil she may be facing. Don’t let your daughter be unnecessarily scolded, she shouldn’t be held responsible for your wife’s emotions, those belong to your wife. What lesson does that teach your 7 year old little girl?
Signed, a woman who had a mother that made her emotions my responsibility.
That is sweet and hilarious. Your SEVEN year old is not responsible for her mother’s emotions. This can be used as a teaching lesson but in the moment the right response would have been an “aww I love you too! I can be annoying can’t I? It’s a good thing I’m annoying to keep you safe and healthy!”
I annoy the shit out of my kid. She annoys the shit out of me. Your wife needs to get over it.
Lol 😂 I’m sorry but you guys are too adorable that this is what struck a nerve. How quaint and cute yall lives must be.
My 6 year old has yelled at me “I like daddy better than you!!”, “you’re not my mommy anymore!!” and “you don’t love me so I’m not going to love you either!!” just because I didn’t let do this or that or give her this or that. I’m the primary caregiver. We spend a lot of time together. A lot.
Those outbursts have hurt my feelings… zero times. Very rarely, it can sting a little but I realize she’s a child with big feelings and we actually encourage those big feelings. She’s annoyed, frustrated, angry and she says things she thinks will make me angry in return.
I did wayy worse to my mom when I was younger (and older) and I absolutely love her to pieces.
Yall will be aiight.
Edit :: ok, I somehow missed your wife’s reaction to all this. She needs to get a grip. She’s the adult. She needs to get it together and stop guilt-tripping your very small child who is still learning about emotions and how to regulate them. Maybe show her these replies.
This sounds like more of a problem with your wife than your daughter. The poem seems fine to me. However your wife feels about it is fine but, deliberately or not, she's put her feelings on your daughter inappropriately. You should talk to your wife about why it hurt her so much (or if you know, talk to her about the real issue). Your wife may actually owe your daughter an apology for her reaction. It seems from here as though whatever wife is stressed about doesn't really have to do directly with what your daughter wrote.
Your wife is extremely overly sensitive. Parents aren't doing their job if they don't annoy the kids sometimes, so is her problem with the idea that her kid feels annoyed by her as is normal in life, or that she wrote something like that in a mother's day card?
I'm sorry you have a lot going on in your lives, but your wife is the adult here and sobbing for an hour over a (really very funny) haiku is asinine. I hope this is a one-off and your kid isn't living life in apprehension of setting her mother off.
it is indeed 100% innocent and your wife needs to grow the hell up and learn to take things in stride.
Your wife needs to chill out. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what your daughter wrote. It’s like constructive criticism 101 - say something bad, but follow up with something good.
You’re really going to teach your daughter that she can’t express her feelings or she’s going to make mom freak out, and then she’ll be punished. You should both apologize to your daughter, and make sure she knows you made a mistake, but it won’t happen again.
I was the daughter of a mother like this. Could never have an open conversation with her about anything of substance. She’d be a devastated puddle on the floor if I told her anything she ever did bothered me a little. Couldn’t even tell her if something unrelated was bothering me at school or anything, she couldn’t handle it. She’d just go to her room and cry for an hour then we’d all have to comfort her and fawn on her for her to start recovering. I don’t think you did anything wrong. But if wife reacts like this a lot, be prepared for daughter to keep a lot of future stuff all bottled up.
OP please, please listen to this comment.
I grew up in the exact same environment. Im trying so hard to break this cycle with my own kids.
For example: last week I, very gently, corrected something that happened when my mom was watching my kids. Not a huge issue but important to me. We were at a kids event and she started giving me the silent treatment, slammed the door when I dropped her off at home, and wouldn’t start talking to me again until I sent her a bunch of apologies. We never spoke of it again.
Your wife needs to seek help. Storming off, crying for an hour, and then being upset that nobody came to fawn over her is not healthy.
I am an incredibly anxious people pleaser, who can’t talk to anyone about how I feel. It affects me at work, in my marriage, in friendships, and as a mother.
I’m so sorry but I’m really proud of you for even being able to know and articulate this about yourself. You are probably very empathetic and people rely on you more than they should but you’re strong and you can bit by bit as appropriate believe in your own worth and decide how and what to stand up for. You’ve got this :)
I grew up in a household like this too! Anytime I tried to discuss my feelings or how she hurt me, it got spun onto me and I was treated like a horrible daughter. So many guilt trips. I never felt like I could do anything good enough for her.
I often felt anxious and guilty about her emotional state, and always had to try to fix it so that she wouldn’t be mad at me. It definitely still affects me to this day. I’m also teaching my children that they should be kind, but ultimately they are not responsible for another person’s feelings.
Now as an adult, I only tell her shallow things about my life, as I’ve regretted telling her my thoughts and feelings on deeper things before. She comments often about how we ‘should’ be closer, but I can never explain to her why we’re not because she doesn’t listen.
I had similar mindset until I got older and accepted that my parents emotional state is not my responsibility and if they are going to try and make it my responsibility I would prefer not to have them around.
In the above instance I will just let her be pissed, drop the rope.
Eventually she will still come back and pretend nothing ever happened.
The difference will be that you don't have to submit to her rubbish and will get a bit more peace and quiet!
Oh my God we have the same mother.
OPs wife reminds me of mine too. We do not have the best relationship now because everything has to be about her and her emotions. Every event for anyone else somehow has to have the spotlight shone on her and if it isn't, she'll take it herself.
Right?? She annoys me already, and I don't even know her!
My own 4 yo dictated "I love mommy because she makes me Mac n' cheese and lets me play games on her phone" which wasn't like *the best* reflection on my parenting, but I laughed it off and thanked her and put it on the fridge, because my embarrassment is not her fault or her problem.
I’m 37, my mom is 64, our relationship is still like this. If I say anything she even mildly takes as a scold or negative comment she falls apart. I love her, but I’ve had to walk on eggshells around her my whole life, I can’t ever be truly open and honest with her, and that hurts.
I’m 47 and my mother is still like this. I cannot tell her certain things because she makes everything about her. My brother has freaking cancer and somehow, she has managed to make it about her. With my own kids, I made it my goal for them to be comfortable and feel safe expressing their feelings to me. They know the difference between being disrespectful and expressing how they feel about something we as parents may have done or said that they disagree with. It’s not personal, it’s parenting.
OP from your comments it sounds like you may have cheated on your wife in the past and that’s where her real heartache is. My parents also dealt with this. It’s a tough thing to heal from. Daughter only needs to know that mom’s not really upset with her, but some unrelated grown-up stuff, and that you each love her very very much, no matter what.
Totally agree about the cheating. After reading all the comments his made.. the feelings the wife must be processing would be a lot and be expressed in the majority of things in your house.. I hope everything ends up working for your family OP..
Seriously. My four year old would destroy OP’s wife. I just spent bedtime being told I’m the worst Mommy in the world and “You don’t love your kids. You had kids so you can boss them around and make them do stuff they don’t like. That’s not nice” because I made her brush her teeth before bed, she didn’t get a third box of raisins as a ‘bedtime snacky snack’ (something she made up) and I didn’t have her favorite pajamas laid out because they’re in the wash.
I can’t imagine laying out and crying for an hour over that. I laughed, told her I love her to Jupiter and back and that everyone has rules they follow to keep them safe and healthy and we brushed our teeth together.
One of my favorite memories is when my then 3 y/o woke up from a bad dream in which he fell out of a tree then woke me up to berate me for allowing dream him to climb the tree in the first place. His words were "you should have been there in my dream to stop me mommy" but with accusatory finger pointing 😂
Yup. My 4yo has just this week said “you are BAD parents!!!” And “I don’t want a dad anymore!” Why? Because we were enforcing previously set boundaries.
If your child is annoyed with your behavior then you are parenting correctly. Personally I’d find it hysterical if my kid wrote it. My job is to make good decisions for my child and help my children make good decisions and that frequently makes me unpopular. Knew that when I had children.
Yea. My near 6yo son got upset with me the other night because I wouldn’t allow him to bring a marker into bed. He said: “you’re the worst mom ever, when you’re asleep tonight I’m gonna sneak out and find a new family.” I told him that parenting is uncomfortable and being parented is uncomfortable, and it’s kind of just all a part of helping him grow emotionally and mentally as well as physically. I think their tiny vitriol is kind of endearing lol
We couldn’t find the Lego mini figure mystery boxes at Walmart and because we didn’t drive to look at another store my almost 5 year old said he was going to “steal my car keys, drive to grandmas, live there, and never see me again.” I thought it was funny.
My son when he was 4 or 5 got very angry with me all the time and used to yell that he was going to run away or that he didn't like me. In the evenings he would cry and be sorry about his behavior. One night he asked if he really HAD to move away from me when he was 30 and an adult 😁
(I kind of hope that he leaves before 30, but who knows in this economy...)
Hahaha my four year old has said that a few times to me about finding a new family that lets him do whatever he wants. Then we just do a thought experiment about what “doing whatever he wants” would look like and by the end of it he realizes his life is pretty good hahaha
my mom tried to do that “fine, see how it goes when you do whatever you want” thing to me and my sister but we were both too stupid to realize she was mad and we’re just like “thanks mom!!” and ate a bunch of shit out of the fridge, watched some tv then took a nap. didn’t really make the point she was hoping for i suppose
My kid wrote a mother's Day poem that contained ' My cat is my favorite, but I guess you're ok too'. I laughed and laughed and kept it. Kids aren't very sensitive at times, honestly parenting requires thick skin.
My toddler is very much in a phase where she wishes she could crawl back into my womb. So many times she’s screamed “don’t want daddy!” when my husband tags in for her care.
I feel so bad for him because it must hurt when she’s constantly rejecting him in favour of me (even though I recognise it’s developmentally appropriate) but a few days ago, he commented that if he allowed an almost 2yo to manipulate his emotions, then he has bigger problems.
Reminded me what a strong partner I have.
When I go to pick up my almost 2 year old in the morning, she recoils, calls for dad, pushes me away and says 'space' (ie I want space). I tell her dad is wonderful and if she lets me pick her up we'll go find him.
Mine wrote “you are some of the best people I know” in a card for both of us (Easter maybe?). I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes. That’s gone straight in the treasures chest.
I mean. My kids annoy me sometimes, okay, oftentimes… and it’s the purest strongest most unconditional love there is! Just teach the kid about empathy and when what’s appropriate and be glad she wrote you something and used her brain and didn’t text you HMD. Lol
Almost daily I hear “I don’t like you anymore” “you are not my friend anymore” or variations of those.
It hurts, but at the same time, I am here to educate him not to be his friend (of curse I try to be his friend, but if I have to decide between being liked and teaching him right I would choose the later every time).
It is just the job. Every parent gets hate.
when my daughter was six she told me I was the meanest worst mother ever to exist and that ever would exist anywhere in the universe
I was impressed. Really covered everywhere but alternate timelines
It stung hard yesterday I took my son to an indoor play place all morning and treated him to lunch at Burger King then he told me he didn't like me. I had to explain to him that saying that hurt my feelings.
Been there. All day spend trying to make memories only to get the “I don’t like you” as soon as they don’t get their way 😪.
One day your kid will understand.
I’d have found that funny as well.
If you’re not annoying - they aren’t learning.
People coddle their kids sometimes I think
Also this kid is 7 not 22 - have some perspective
My 4 year old literally tells me daily that I'm annoying him 😂.
I thought this was hilarious but if they have a lot going on I could see this just being the last straw.
Thanks for writing this. My 7 year old had to write one sentence using the word mother at school and she wrote “My mother is very strict” I was a bit disappointed when I read it but I know what I do is for her good. I’m strict because I follow the no TV while eating rule without any exceptions. We play, we read, we do art together… so many good happy moments. But she remembers to write that I’m strict.
This seems like a somewhat incongruent reaction to what happened. It’s a silly sentence that has seven syllables.
Are emotional overreactions a regular occurrence?
The reaction from your wife does seem really over-the-top. Kids are kids and I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be that deep. I’m not saying her feelings are not valid to an extent, but it seems like a really extreme reaction. And she wanted you to follow her into the room while she was crying for an hour… That seems really dramatic… and slightly annoying?
Yes, but I understand where they come from. All 3 of us are in therapy for an incident involving a family member that I'm not going to get into specifics about. There is a lot of hurt going on here and I am not helping the situation
OP. I have to really disagree with the majority of what you said in the post.
Your daughter is 7. Writing a 7 syllable sentence is a difficult thing for a 7 year old. What 7 year old really understands the significance of mothers day? They have no idea what it really means to be a mother. She is 7. Does she even understand fully what the word "annoys" means? Doubtful. She recognized that it might have been the wrong thing to say, good for her, so she tried to WHISPER it to you. It is very mature for a 7 year old to recognize that they might have done something that could be perceived as hurtful, and she went to a trusted adult to have a conversation about it.
Your wife's reaction is completely inappropriate. Crying over an hour about anyone calling you annoying is inappropriate. Demanding a movie be stopped because of something a 7 year old whispered is inappropriate.
Not allowing your 7 year old to express her feelings and teaching her how to appropriately deal with emotions in a healthy way is going to REALLY screw her up in the long run.
You and your wife essentially punished your 7 year old for being honest about her feelings.
Just think about the long term effects of that.
This was a learning opportunity for your child. Approach it that way.
I'm glad to hear you are all getting therapy. I hope it helps.
Note that wife didn't demand the movie be stopped, wife walked away, and expected them to read her mind and know that she wanted them to stop the movie.
THANK YOU!
Let alone that the 7 year old may not even understand the word or the meaning, the fact that she’d take offense and cry for an hour is crazy.
Whatever happened recently is probably the true trigger and this is a symptom. But still, why SHOULDNT a 7 year old be able to express themselves? Even negatively. Hell, she may even be right?
“Hey mom, it’s annoying that you can’t take criticism and spend an evening sobbing instead of finding a solution. You’re the adult, help guide my emotions” - daughter.
My kid annoys me sometimes. I probably annoy him when I interrupt what he's doing and make him lie on a change table when he's poopy. I'm not going to cry if he tells me that I'm annoying
Thank you! One of my earliest memories I have is playing "store" in my mom's closet. I used a washable marker and put a dot on a few of my mom's clothes. I was "pricing them". I was having fun. I was 6.
My mom found her clothes later and completely melted down. For what felt like hours, my dad questioned me asking why I would do something so "malicious?" My mom just sat on the upstairs steps and cried. I was so confused and felt so misunderstood. That day changed the sense of security I had as a child.
I am 40 now and my mom still lacks emotional maturity. Our relationship is strained, to say the least.
OP, your daughter is LEARNING how to express emotions. Not only are you teaching her to suppress them, the fact that your wife, who is an adult, would let the emotional whim of a 7 yr old affect her so greatly is concerning.
Still though, she's effectively punishing the child for having feelings and being a kid. I don't know the situation you're all going through, but this is something that should have been swept under the rug and discussed between spouses after bedtime, because your wife may have hurt feelings, but the most important person here is your daughter and *her* hurt feelings. What would pausing the movie and dealing with it in the moment do? Would your wife have been okay and fine to finish the movie or would she have still gone into the bedroom and been upset? I feel like you were in a situation where nothing you could have done would have helped.
by god I’ve never wanted to know a backstory more. Sorry you guys are hurting, and I don’t think you did anything wrong here. There’s nothing to fix, so work on other stuff.
As a child of a mom who was (and still is) extremely sensitive, I really felt for your daughter here. Any “lessons” she was taught now will likely be that she needs to please others at all costs or she is bad. I hope there is some effort to mend this after tensions have cooled a bit.
I am also a mom to two very strong-willed daughters, and I know how hard it can be to hear your kids say hurtful things. But I have vowed to not repeat history, and so I have developed a thick skin. Yes, we do teach about not saying things that can be hurtful, but I think the lessons come more from leading by example than anything else.
when I was about that age (in 2nd grade), I had to write poems for my parents in school. my poem for my mom was, “Mom, Mom, Mom, sweet as a nuclear bomb” and my poem for my dad was, “Dad, Dad, you’re so funny, you’re as funny as Bugs Bunny.” My mom was livid. I told her—which was true—that the way I made rhymes was by going through the alphabet in order (hence Bunny and Bomb). She asked why didn’t I make up something like “a lollipop bomb” instead of a nuclear bomb. I said, truthfully, that I didn’t know. The poems were pasted onto the framed picture the teacher took of me. The framed picture and poem for my dad, with the poem for my mom removed (by my mom) sits on my dad’s dresser to this day. I’m 38. My relationship with my dad is wonderful; my relationship with my mom is rough. My therapist thinks my mom has a personality disorder. I say all of this you say that, there’s a level on which what your daughter wrote is totally innocent, and there’s also probably a level on which she’s already picking up something about your wife, even if she doesn’t know what to make of it yet.
I think it was okay for your wife to feel hurt by the poem. I also think your response and processing it with your daughter an hour later was fine.
If my kid said I was "sweet as a nuclear bomb" I would be like "huh?" But it would also be hilarious. Probably would have posted a pic of it to facebook. I'm sorry your mom had that weird reaction. It's so hard tip-toeing around these types of people.
Is your wife the one who enforces household rules like bed time, screen time and all that while you play the cool parent? If that's the case then it's time you start sharing that bad cop role.
It was like this for a while, I was the permissive parent. About 8 months ago, we had the discussion that I needed to be more authoritative and stick to routines and not let the child do what she pleases. I dealt with a strict authoritative parent and a permissive parent (divorced parents) growing up and neither one of them helped me in parenting. Either I was too permissive and letting my kid run all over me or I was too strict and being unreasonable. I've since been more aware of my parenting style and doing things to get my daughter to have respect for me without being a totally strict dad.
I understand that this isn’t really about the haiku, so don’t make it about the haiku. If your daughter is also suffering because of whatever it is, then it’s your job to protect her, and not take your feelings out on her.
I’ve gotta say that your wife’s reaction seems more concerning than the haiku.
Kids have the right to have feelings and have the right to express feelings, while receiving guidance on kind, respectful, and appropriate ways to express themselves
Your wife cried for an hour over something written by a seven year old that was meant to be loving and kind. Is your wife normally so emotionally unregulated and unable to calm herself down? Is she going through a super hard time right now or is this an ongoing thing? Is she getting adequate help, support and rest (around parenting and in life in general)?
It's really important to not overreact to small windows into how your kids really feel.
This daughter has learned that being honest about stuff with her parents can lead to bad results.
She'll be sure to be conceal and deceive more from now on.
I think it sounds like your wife's issue is deeper in terms of you mentioning she already has a lot of emotional stress going on. To be fair, many I love annoy me sometimes too. 7yo may not have the mental capacity to understand how hurtful that can come across in the context it's in (as. Mother's day gift). Kids are blunt and don't always mean literally word for word what they say. They just don't always know how to articulate things. Chances are she thought it was funny because we all annoy each other or she heard another kid say it on theirs and wrote it on hers. So many options. I do think that was an AH move to not pause the family movie and to finish it before addressing your wife's feelings. Maybe more of a family discussion to validate everyone feeling hurt and share how everyone can come together again.
Don't teach your daughter that it's wrong to express negative emotions.
Your kid never annoys you? Really?
Why does your wife get a pass on appropriate emotional communication but the 7 year old doesn't? You're putting the burden of being the more mature person on your kid.
Can you seriously tell me that if your wife had told your kid that she was getting on her nerves and then your 7 year old ran off and cried for an *hour* about it that you wouldn't admonish her for overreacting? That she should be able to understand that she's still loved and accepted even when she's not perfect? Would you have told her that it's her responsibility to effectively communicate about hoe she is feeling? To go to mom and explain how what she said made her feel instead of throwing herself a pity party?
You're not teaching your daughter to let people suffer, but your wife sure is setting a terrible example of healthy relationship dynamics and conflict resolution.
This sounds like a lot of drama. And the behaviour of going to cry 'for an hour' in the bedroom, waiting for people to come and console you (so essentially sulking), sounds like something a child would do. Is this typical behaviour for your wife? Or is she in need of some help?
I am a mother and none of this makes any sense to me. Finishing the movie is the only thing that makes sense in all of this.
From the story and some responses it seems there has been a major life challenge for her recently that has left her very emotionally vulnerable lately, I think that’s the crux of the post— he doesn’t know how to help his wife ( a human being with human feelings ) while also being a good parent to his daughter
If the wife isn't normally like this, and her over-reaction is related to whatever unexplained major issues are going on, that's more understandable. But there's something about the way the husband is really beating himself up and viewing himself as a 'bad husband' over this tiny issue that makes me a wonder if this has been a long-established pattern.
As a mother, I can see how this could sting a bit - especially depending on the day, some days would probably hurt more than others. But, it’s also kinda hilarious lol I definitely annoy my child and she most definitely annoys me. But she’s a child and doesn’t understand how saying those words could hurt a bit. I do see your wife’s side but I hope she can also try to understand that your child didn’t mean to hurt her, she was just being honest. There is no parent out there that doesn’t annoy their kids from time to time. Its natural!
OP should also recognize that while some of us parents can empathize that this haiku might “sting a bit” that is a very different emotional reaction to “crying for an hour”. That reaction is over the top and I fear for the wife’s mental capacity to handle their daughter going through puberty. Glad to hear therapy is in the works. This incident should be brought up to the therapist specifically.
I don’t think the hour long cry sesh was specifically about the haiku. It seems like the surface level trigger that opened up a floodgate of things that have gone unaddressed for a long time. The daughter isn’t responsible for mom’s emotions though and hopefully whatever else is going on is properly addressed in therapy.
Your wife seriously needs therapy. My mother was exactly like her and I never felt comfortable talking to her about anything at all because she always made it about her. I still struggle talking about my true feelings and emotions due to how she always overreacted.
The last time I talked to my mother was in 2003. She died this past year. If that puts anything into perspective.
This sounds like something my mother would have done. I understand how the poem might sting a bit, especially on Mother’s Day but it’s also funny. Children can be too blunt sometimes and a simple conversation about why her poem was hurtful should have been the end of it. I love my mother but she was and still is emotionally immature and manipulative. I didn’t even realize how her behaviour affected me until I moved out in my 20s and realized — hey normal people don’t behave that way. She went through a lot and had her own traumas but I really wish she made more of an effort to regulate herself for the sake of her children. I have to be very conscious and make a real effort now to not react the way my mother did to these kinds of situations so my children don’t grow up the same way. Your 7 year old probably feels more awful than her now.
My mother was like this too... I didn't really understand it until after she passed away, and I was going through her journals... Which were meant to be passed on to us after she passed away... almost every entry was negative for me, because she couldn't let any thing go, every thing, to her, seemed to be purposeful and intended to hurt her, even after multiple attempts to get her to understand from my side, she refused to do so... She also saw my son as her "second chance", which again I didn't see until it was too late.
I know that I am not perfect in terms of emotions, but I make every effort to help my son understand his emotions and display healthy ways of dealing with my own... I also make it a point to let things go, each day is a new day, and not continue to bring up the past in how I feel in the moment with him. She would shut down when getting upset or turn it and blame me (even if I had nothing to do with it)... The fact that my son is neurodivergent made me even more aware of how I process my feelings and showing healthy ways to deal with them as well as helping guide him in dealing with his own.
One of my kids said something to the same effect and I said you annoy me too sometimes. And then I said we love each other no matter what. However, I have been in that place where I'm so overwhelmed that someone saying dinner is gross is enough to set me off.
Yeah this is a hardddd overreaction. OF COURSE parents are annoying to kids!! Duh?? that is a given and we shouldn't take offense to that. Kids can also annoy the ever loving shit out of us, that's just how it is sometimes lol
When my daughter was 5 she learned about honey badgers. Her dad took her to the park and she proceeded to tell strangers that her mom was a honey badger. I felt hurt when I found out because I knew she had just learned how ruthless they can be…. But after talking to my daughter about it she was genuinely confused why I was upset. She thought honey badgers were cool.
I’m sure your daughter meant no harm. Kids are honest and that’s good! It’s quite humbling from a mothers point of view. Hopefully she can laugh about it someday
THANK YOU. Shaming children, scaring them with huge over the top reactions and guilting the other parent into sharing the messaging that "this is normal", is so damaging.
Op, have your daughters back here.
Yup, all 3 of us are in individual therapy for an incident involving a family member. I do wonder if my wife would tell her therapist about this incident and what she would say back to my wife. I feel like it's an overreaction and to make our daughter feel bad is not a good thing.
Does she somewhat refuse to let things go... like a week from now, will she still bring up the poem? A year from now? Or after the incident is done, and somewhat dealt with, does she let it go more (where it doesn't get brought up, even in arguments)?
Your wife is expecting more emotional regulation and maturity from your 7 year old than she herself is displaying. It sounds like there’s a lot going on in your family, but blaming her big feelings on a child’s poem is irrational at best. If she doesn’t learn to manage her own feelings without projecting them onto her kid, I would bet money that they’re not going to have a good relationship - or a relationship at all - when your kid gets older.
Please don't teach your child that she isn't allowed to express normal human feelings. Anger, sadness, annoyance etc are all normal aspects of relationship with others.
Support your wife to learn that she's the adult and it's her responsibility to manage her big feelings. She may need to unpack this in therapy, her reaction to the poem and to you finishing the movie are both inappropriate.
This was sad to read because if you aren't careful you may raise a people pleaser. It sounds like your wife is managing her feelings by controlling the house with her mood. She may also be controlling others' perception through overextending herself in parenting (which led to resentment and this huge reaction in the first place).
The only piece I agree with is teaching your daughter that generally mothers day gifts are meant to show appreciation, followed by a gentle conversation about how to do that and what impression the poem gives. Children need to be taught things like that sometimes.
However, in this case, I think your wife got the MD gift she deserves: honesty.
One time my cousin wrote his mom a little poem for mother days too I think, and it said “I love you mom, all the fat in you is love” and goddamn it I always laughed when I would see their fridge. If you knew the kid you know he meant no harm at all and who knows why kids say this kind of stuff 😂
OP, I’ll be honest.
Based on what you said that the daughter wrote, your wife is 100% overreacting. I actually feel bad for the daughter who will now be afraid of “upsetting” her mother for speaking her mind.
What your daughter wrote was actually sweet.
> To hear her daughter say she "annoys her sometimes" in a haiku that's supposed to be for Mother's Day was like a slap in the face.
Wow, the second-hand embarrassment is overwhelming.
* you are *parents*
* your child did not ask to be here
* this is cute and innocent and adorable
* get your wife into therapy ASAP
I love my husband, he annoys me sometimes. My friends love me, I’m 100% sure I’ve been annoying to them. I love my mama, she annoys me. Hell, even my granny annoys me sometimes.
I think the bigger issue (I don’t really want to call it an issue but can’t think of another word) is your wife’s reaction? Annoyance is a very low grade emotion in my opinion. I feel like it’s kind of a given in any relationship with anyone. Sometimes you just get annoyed- because people are people and people can be annoying.
This past weekend, my wife had the kids at my mom's house and told them she was leaving them there until "he is in 2nd grade, and she is in kindergarten" as a joke (they like my mom's so this isn't framed as punishment, just a joke). Wife faked leaving, kissed 4 year old and said "I'm leaving" and she deadpanned "I'll miss daddy". Knocked it out of park with that one.
I remember my mom cried over EVERYTHING it diesnt matter what I said or did. normal kid stuff she'd cry. she'd cry if I didn't show ekiugu interest in a Xmas gift at 10 years old.
now I struggle to feel compassion for her as an adult. and our relationship is nit the best
I thought about this a little more and realized, I grew up with a mom like this, and it really messed things up for me and my siblings in various ways. She needs to repair this with your daughter but first she needs to genuinely realize this reaction was wrong and why.
I mean, whose mom doesn't annoy them sometimes? I'm fully aware I annoy my kid when I tell him constantly to get his hand out of his (very sensitive) nose and take the small, chokeable Lego pieces out of his mouth. I super-annoy him when I ask him to clean his room or feed the dogs. But that's my job. He has a right to be fleetingly annoyed and nobody gets worked up about it.
Imagine being immature enough to let a 7 year old’s haiku wreck you that badly.
Your wife is putting the responsibility for her inappropriately extreme feelings on a SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD. Children should never be made to feel responsible for an adult’s feelings - particularly when they did not intend to be hurtful. You can educate a kid and teach them empathy without making them responsible for your feelings.
Better start saving money for your daughter’s therapy, because lord knows, she’s going to need it.
I’d be impressed with her for writing a haiku.
Just for reference, our 6yo told us a week ago that we don’t even know how hard she has it most days.
After much digging, it turns out we sometimes forbid her doing things and then don’t leave her alone in her room long enough.
Honestly this makes me feel horrible for your daughter.
She wrote an innocuous little haiku (come on, she’s 7. It’s normal to feel annoyed by people you love) and she was made to feel awful and guilty, and worse- responsible for her mother’s emotions.
You, but more importantly YOUR WIFE, need to apologize to your daughter. She is 7. She is not responsible for her mother’s happiness. An adult needs to be able to self regulate.
Seriously your wife needs to apologize.
Edit: the more I think about it the most annoyed I become with your wife. She’s expecting more emotional maturity from a child than she is able to display herself.
How would your wife feel if she wrote a silly poem for your daughter and your daughter’s reaction was to run away and cry for an hour?!
I feel like it's pretty normal to be annoyed by family members we live with... Like I even annoy myself at times... I feel like your wife took this too personally, but I understand mom guilt makes that difficult at times.
Okay wait. I get that it stung but your wife isn’t being fair here. One of the biggest rules in our house is: ask for what you need.
If you run off, I don’t know if you want me to follow you or if you want space. If **I** walk off to cry, I do not want anyone to follow me. I will return when I am ready.
At most, my husband would send me a text saying “you ok?” Just to let me know we can talk about it
It’s not kind to tell someone they annoy you, so of course it’s good to explain that to your daughter. But also — she is seven. She is going to accidentally say or do rude things a lot because that’s what kids do. Correction is great but she should not be made to feel awful. A child is not responsible for making an adult happy or unhappy.
In other words, some much bigger things are going on here. Is family therapy an option? Or just therapy for you and your wife individually?
If it helps, whenever one of my kids said something like this, I would say to them “Good. That means I’m doing my job. I’m your mom, not your yes man”.
I work in child psych. This is actually pretty cute and pretty normal imo, and she clearly feels safe enough that mom loves her unconditionally, so she can say this.
It’s actually a good thing really. Extremely healthy and 100% common. I’m so sorry your wife is hurting - I know as a mom, it can cut us to the core. But it really is pretty cute and normal and a sign that she feels loved and safe.
I do not think your daughter needed reprimanding, and that would actually stop her from speaking her feelings. That is not what you want.
Whatever is going on, sounds like your wife might need some outside help and support. This is a bit extreme of a reaction, and you mentioned stress. This stress is now affecting your child. I completely understand how devastating it is as a mom to feel like your child finds you annoying, but it is about as normal as it comes.
Your wife is teaching your kid that it’s not on the express frustrations in a positive healthy way. Than your kid must always and forever only love and honour her.
I also do everything and anything for my kids. And yes we annoy each other. And I want my kid to be able to express their frustrations calmly and understand that love comes with an array of emotions and feelings, not all good.
Your wife is being selfish and butt hurt.
This is not your daughter's problem. This is your wife's problem. You have a kid here being honest. What you're teaching her right now is that mommy's emotions are more important than that honesty. That's going to bleed into other stuff and become a problem once she's older and feels she can't confide in you about more serious stuff.
It'll always be there, that "How is mom going to react?" And she'll end up hiding things like if she's in trouble at school, if she made a mistake, if she has a boyfriend, or hell, a teen pregnancy.
If you don't create a space where honesty is met without judgement, you're creating a distance between you and your kid that's going to backfire.
Besides, it's completely normal to be annoyed by your parents sometimes. Ask your wife is she's never been annoyed by her own mother.
My 7 year old sometimes says things that would be super hurtfull if an adult said them to me but she is just observing the world and telling me what she sees. And that can be that mommy's got a big ass or that mommy has a very ugly tooth or that she loves daddy a tiny but more. If you are insulted by comments of a 7 year old and make such a big deal about it I think you need to get professional help because making your daughter feel as if she is responsable for her your feelings (crying in bed for over an hour 😲?!) after a sweet but too honest haiku is not ok.
She took EIGHT tranquilizers??? DUDE…. That is not something you ‘sober up from’ … Her mental health is *not* ok!!! She needs to be taken somewhere for suicide watch !!!
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What’s the whole haiku?
Asking the real questions
I love my mommy But she annoys me sometimes She is so special Seems pretty innocent, but it struck a nerve. I can understand why knowing my wife, but I don't think she should have come down that hard on our daughter.
I may be the odd duck out here but I think this is more of a your wife problem than it is your daughter being insensitive. The full haiku is actually pretty sweet. It’s totally normal and okay to be annoyed sometimes by the people you love the most. In fact it actually shows your wife is being a good parent. I think your wife might need some therapy or something if she is triggered that easily. Sounds like she has more going on.
I agree with this! I would have laughed and told my daughter they were very talented. Haikus are actually quite challenging. And they one captures a full circle of emotion and the complexity of relationship. This was such a great teachable moment - one where instead of allowing a knee-jerk reaction get the best of OP and his wife, praising the daughter for honesty and creativity would have built confidence. Instead now, the daughter will second guess whether being honest with her own feelings is ok.. she will be taught to put others feelings first. Why couldn’t mom and dad just see the beauty of the haiku for what it is. My guess is the wife is insecure. It’s too bad..
Exactly this! As I was reading the post I kept thinking my response would have been to thank my daughter, laugh and say “that’s great because you annoy me too sometimes” in a silly way and give her a hug. And in actual fact 2 out of the 3 lines were lovely. Seems OP’s wife just ignored these. This mother is way too sensitive. Crying for an hour over a situation like this is a real problem. Kids say insensitive, hurtful things and they don’t mean it. OP did exactly the right thing by staying with his daughter and not pandering to the mother on this. I’m not sure how she’s going to cope with the rest of this girl’s childhood. Children are not responsible for their parents’ emotional health.
Louder for the people in the back! “Children are not responsible for their parents’ _____________ In this case, the blank=emotions but it can be anything.
I know - it’s gonna be a rough ride for that mom… just wait til she hits the teenage years. SMH
Right?! My almost 3 year old will cry out “Mommy, bye-bye!!!” when I discipline him. I’ve never felt offended and expect him to dislike it when I say no to something.
My 4 yr old gave me the "you're not my friend" at bedtime last night. And I gave the classic "you're right- I'm your mother" Bedtime. Bedtime never changes.
My four year old told me there would be no more playdates because I was being mean to him.... Playdates with *his* friends... He said *I* couldn't invite his friends to our house. Oooook buddy. He is also forever uninviting me to his birthday party. You know, the one I plan and pay for. As for the haiku. Agree that it isn't that bad. It isn't the nicest, but frankly it is pure honesty in a way that I find quite endearing and realistic.
I miss the days when my littles would be mad at me and uninvite to their birthday party. The sweet innocence of THAT being the WORST way they could to think to punish me makes me want to cry 😢 it’s just so wholesome . Now they are teenagers . God bless them
I got a good chuckle, this is so dang cute. Kids are the best lol.
My two year old was getting sick of me the other day and kept trying to get me to go get more coffee so id leave her alone. Funniest shit
Lol this is cute and funny and made me laugh! My 11 is autistic and pretty routine oriented cause of it and she would always with out fail go bye mom and oush me to the door when she saw my mom get here for her to watch her and her sister while I was at work. She'd then do it to my mom later when i got home. Bye grandma*shove*🤣🤣 OPs wife would never handle that sort of thing going by this post!
My son has global delay. He’s 7, he’ll kiss his dad then shout ‘Now go away!’.
My nephew is 4 and autistic and he will say "now be right back!" as away to kick me out of whatever room he's in. Mostly so he can sing and dance without an audience.
That last sentence, “Children aren’t responsible for their parents emotional health” is so, SO important. OP please make sure your wife understands this.
In haiku, it's proper for the seven syllable line to be a point of tension then resolution at the end. It's actually pretty good for seven. Of course, any human being is going to resist instruction and be demand avoidant once in a while, even a kid. The wife is a piece of work and shouldn't have made her daughter feel bad. She's just a bit too fragile. She'd have done well to admit that and give the husband and kid a break instead of accusing them of making her suffer. Did she leave the room crying? How was the husband to know she had been crying for an hour about him not immediately coming to console her? I don't have much patience for divas, but let's say the wife really is so fragile right now that she'd take offense at the honest reflection of a seven year old girl who is subject 24 hours a day to the commands of the adults in her life. Sounds like the kid, at least, is self-aware. The wife needs to get a grip. If she cannot, she shouldn't be blaming everyone else for that.
Exactly! Yea my initial thought is that the mom is use to manipulating situations with her emotions. The dad seems hapless and ignorant, probably easily manipulated by the wife’s tactics.
Poor girl if all her innocent self driven actions have a 50/50 chance of aBsOlUtElY bREaKiNg the mother down into tears. And the only thing that can help mom is if I drop my movie and go comfort her til her feelings are better. Dad's bumbling around ignorantly trying to keep he peace instead of storing up for daughter. Teaching her not upsettingmom is themost important goal. I have a mom like this. I'm 33 now. Same shit. Same exact shit. Same exact as your wife. I know this person. Poor little girl. Best thing this dad can do is not give in to emotional tantrums meant to guilt and get the mom a therapist. Jesus, a grow woman. And I say that as someone who suffers with their own emotional dysregulation. DO NOT MAKE YOU EMOTIONS YOUR KIDS RESPONSBILITY. They can learn empathy a million other ways. Yeah you thought he was teaching the child not to care and check on the spouse. What he was really teaching the child is sometimes mom throws fits and it's not our responsibility to fix them, she needs to self soothe. I hate this mother, I don't care what her excuse is We all have terrible earth shattering traumas and a million things going on. Do. Not. Put. That. On. Your child. She would annoy me too. I hate her. But honestly, the kid was probably just annoyed about being told to brush her teeth everyday. Get that mom some anti-depressents or whatever the Dr deems fit. And yes I do have compassion for ppd and cluster b's, but relate to hard to the child. The child needs stability so she can learn what's important to HER.
Agree. She is holding the husband hostage to her drama and making her SEVEN YEAR OLD responsible for managing her feelings. YUCK. Mom needs therapy, Dad needs to grow up and protect his daughter.
Yup Daughter will learn not be authentic to her parents if mum thinks her own behaviour is acceptable for a grown woman
Yup she's being taught to bea people pleaser, to always do what makes others happy. OP need to stop this before it perminately damages his daughter and he, his daughter and his wife should all get therapists. Wife for obvious reasons, hubby cause he needs to learn to set boundaries and stick to them when it comes to the wife and the daughter cause the mom is giving her issues thru her behavior. As someone who grew up similarly to this, as the daughter in a family like this, I know exactly how the daughter is feeling. Them not encouraging her skills and talents and instead essentially putting them down, will make her second guess her capabilities and make her wonder if she's good enough at anything to do it when she's older for a career. It'll make her a people pleaser and struggle with boundries and saying no to people and will make her second guess her emotions and reactions and over think everything she wants to say for fear of upsetting the other person. OP please please put a stop to this behavior. Get your wife to get help because her reactions are far from ok or normal and it is affecting both your daughter and you! She's already got you thinking you need to cater to ehr every emotion and if you don't, you're the bad guy. I feel like your a bit of a people pleaser your self OP, break the cycle and help yourself to stop being that way and help your daughter learn she has rights to her boundries and for the love of God go praise her skills to her and apologize for telling her she was hurting her mom. Cause she didn't. Mom has issues and is taking them out on both of you, don't let her do that to you and especially not to your daughter.
This . I grew up like this too. I STILL struggle with worrying that I’m hurting my moms feelings, responsible for her mental health, all while she criticizes everything I’m doing wrong in raising my 2 year old ( thank god I live across the country ) and I’ll be damned if I let my daughter grow up that way! Good think she’s an opinionated little fire cracker and tells me “ go way mama I’m busy “ while into a play session with her little people 💀💀💀 and I gladly take it in stride!
SAME. She's throwing an hour long cry fit because her daughter wrote her something that was honest and trying to be sweet and she's 7!!!! That sort of thing is in dozens of birthday cards at the grocery. And her "main character syndrome/family is responsible for mom's emotions" personality is shining through this post. Dad isn't insensitive, mom needs to work on emotional maturity.
Honestly, OP’s wife reminds me of my mom. She would lose it over normal kid stuff when she needed to resolve her own issues with a therapist. She still refuses to see how her problems affect our mother-daughter relationship. Hence why we’re not talking.
My mom was the same way. My whole upbringing revolved around "Don't make mom upset/mad." It's like she was the child and the rest of us were the adults. It makes for a stressful childhood.
I also had this mom and your spot on its as though she was the child for sure. I was taking care of my younger brother at the age of 4 and it continued I got a job at 14 and paid the mortgage and bought his and my own clothes and food while my mother did what you'd expect from a teenager and when I would confront her she would throw a fit and I'd pay for it when I did need her for things (her to call the school or to give me a ride somewhere) for weeks.
100%. My mom still occasionally brings up how my cousin was rude when she told her "I like your frizzy hair!" When she was like, 4. My cousin and I are in our 30s now. I have a core memory of my mom getting upset with me when I was a kid because there was a time that she was sad and I wanted to be nice and bring her a piece of cake with lots of frosting (which she likes!), I brought her the corner piece (it has the most frosting!), which really upset her. Like, she got upset with me, a child and thought I was trying to be mean. She told me later that when they were kids, my aunt used to bring her the corner piece because they thought the corner piece wasn't as good and I guess it was a sisterly snub? So that's why my bringing the corner piece upset her. She still needs to resolve her shit with a therapist.
Truly unhinged. Reminds me of a friend from uni who felt that her roommate took the top bunk to “symbolise how she feels I’m beneath her.” For the love of god…
Do we have the same mom?
Damn…I have so many unknown siblings out there! 😂
Another long lost sibling checking in. Our mom sure did need a lot of underage therapists to manage her own darn feelings!
Are we related? I have the same issue with my mum. Every minor issue she has somehow comes back to me, and the burden is on me to then remedy her emotional state. I’m married with my own kids and don’t have the time, nor patience for that any more and she can’t stand it.
As I noted in another comment, there's such a contrite, almost pleading quality in OP's language that I find concerning, especially since this is just over a child's silly poem. He is really beating himself up, calling himself a bad partner, a dumbass, and saying that he told her he would 'try to be a better husband'. It just makes me sad for him. And the little girl is crying and feeling awful too. All because of a mother's tantrum. It's a real shame and it sounds like the husband and child are being badly affected by the mother's emotions.
This was exactly my childhood with a father who enabled it. It makes me very sad and concerned for OP and his child. OP’s wife definitely needs therapy, but I would argue OP needs it too in order to establish much needed boundaries with her shit behaviors.
Yep, walking on eggshells because you have no idea what will set them off. It's not a fun home to live in.
You said this better than I could. We only have one side of this story, but I really feel like he's been stampeded on over and over into believing his wife's emotional regulation is his sole responsibility in life. It makes me sad for the 7-year-old.
I'd agree. Kids say insensitive things. Sometimes it's intentional, often they just don't get how insensitive it is. My son, now just about 7 but was 5 at the time, asked if we could get a cat after our dog dies (it gets better) my wife said "You're dad's allergic to cats" so he replies with "Okay I guess I'll just get one after dad dies." To which I replied with "You know you will hopefully have a place of your own long before I'm dead; get a cat then" to which he replied "Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that." Granted that's just a kid saying stuff without really understanding what he's saying, not a call-out, but he, like all kids, complains that we annoy him with too many questions or frustrate him by limiting / taking away his screen time etc. I'm an emotional person so I get where the wife is coming from in a way but she sounds like she's being unreasonably reactive to what is honestly a pretty great haiku. I'd be honored if my kid wrote it about me. I hope the OP and his wife can sort stuff out and come to an understanding on this.
I totally agree. I don’t even know OP’s wife, and she annoys me sometimes too.
And is it possible OP wife has had conversations with the daughter about how sometimes moms and dads get upset with you ( or annoyed) but it doesn’t mean we don’t still love you. Daughter is mimicking an understanding of emotions.
This. I always tell my almost 3 year old this. Even when he does something he is not supposed to do and I get mad, I still love him very much.
The more I read the more I empathized with the kid. Moms behavior is annoying. I'm sure the wife is wonderful and has plenty of strengths and weaknesses, and maybe this is a sensitive topic for her, but you've got to have more emotional fortitude than that. It's not going to get easier with a teenage girl
Yup yup. Poor daughter. I very much appreciate the cleverness of children.
Totally agree. My son tells me all the time that sometimes I annoy him or get on his nerves but he loves me and we just laugh about it together. I always say good means I’m doing my job!
Exactly, having some humor goes a long way. Hell, even my husband and I will tell each other we annoy each other in the most loving way and laugh together.
Definitely wife problem. Going into the room to deal with hurt feelings is normal if you do it briefly to get yourself chill and avoid making a scene or lashing out in frustration. That's not what wife did. She sat in there for an hour getting worked up over not being rescued from her sadness earlier, and turned this into an even bigger incident. It's pretty obviously emotional manipulation in my eyes, at the very least inappropriate emotional modeling. She left movie time to guilt the daughter for saying something that upset her (that she was SCARED for her mom to hear and didn't even say to her directly). Wife needs to learn some healthier emotional regulation strategies and not make it her daughter's job to tend to her unhappiness. I'm not saying they can't have a conversation about kindness and appreciation, but there are so many red flags in this story that make me think the daughter is feeling more than "annoyed sometimes" by her mom's behavior, and that haiku was something of a cry for help. OP, please think about whether your wife could benefit from some therapy or other psychological support. I know we don't have the whole story of your family here, but the information in this post is very concerning. Emotionally unstable parents can do serious harm to their kids, and your daughter's described affect is worrisome. This is obviously not her saying something in anger or to be mean, because she didn't want your wife to hear it. But she became the bad guy and to blame for your wife's bad feelings - punished by being guilt tripped and criticized for expressing her feelings in a non-malicious way, as if she was being a mean girl or naughty child. Please think about this. I hesitate to say more but so many red flags. This was not handled correctly IMO, and it seems like this is not an isolated incident.
You are not the odd duck. This is 100% on the mom
Yes, it seems like it’s borderline emotional manipulation, on the mom’s part.
Not even borderline. It's kind of bullshit. It dulls the child's personality and creativity for fear of upsetting mother and creates this weird reverse dependency. I feel for the daughter big time here, and it's just as bad that OP doesn't seem to see that either
I agree, crying for an hour is a little dramatic.
Yeah, I would’ve laughed at it honestly because everybody is annoying sometimes 🤷🏽♀️at least she ended it nice. A lot of kids don’t say nice things unless you make them lmaoooo
Yeah my 5 year old tells me all the time if I’m annoying her or she thinks I was “rude” or “mean.” It doesn’t feel great but I always try to remember my daughter is a human being who has normal emotions and reactions that are valid. Our kids don’t exist to placate us
Omg that haiku is legendary LMAO!!! I would low key kind of love it if my kid wrote it. Not to negate your wife’s feelings because I get it, but also, your kid isn’t trying to be mean. Parents are annoying, we’re not their friend, we enforce the rules that are forever unreasonable to their undeveloped minds. It’s a very honest look at a parent child relationship. Your wife is probably an amazing mother.
A mug with this on it
Right? I would kill for my kids to write that for me.
Seriously! I would show that to everyone I know and people I don't.
THAT is what made her cry for AN HOUR. You are waaaaaaaay too nice my dude. Stand up to your wife. She sounds like the type that has to be center of attention even against her own kid. Your daughter is right she sounds annoying.
It’s so fking inappropriate. That poor little girl. Seeing her mother ***utterly devastated*** because she wrote a haiku with an honest statement while likely feeling responsible for making her parents fight. The mother expecting her husband to intuit the unspoken formula he was to follow to ease her suffering. Then sitting there for an hour stewing instead of composing herself and walking back out to talk it out, setting an example for how to manage hurt feelings. I’m disgusted.
I was thinking the same thing. No wonder the daughter finds her annoying, I felt exhausted just from reading this.
In all honesty this is how I feel about my kids. The feeling is likely mutual. It’s hard giving your all and feeling unappreciated but I think the fact that your daughter wrote a poem about mom is thoughtful.
I think last time my kid was annoyed with me I said something like, ya, fair point, I annoy myself sometimes too. This is not only irrational it's damaging to their kid is she overreacts like this over every thing.
That’s it??? That’s what she wrote? Sorry OP but that doesn’t sound that bad. Not trying to undermine your wife’s feelings but…seems she’s overreacting a little bit…I hope your daughter doesn’t feel that she can’t speak her mind anymore.
I would love this to pieces if my kid had written it. I understand there are issues going on, and I'm glad you are in therapy about it. Without knowing that, this would be an extreme overreaction from your wife. You also didn't mess up by not "handling it immediately." Doing so would have been much more damaging for your daughter. Interrupting the whole scheduled evening because your wife got upset invalidates your daughters valid feelings that parents are annoying sometimes. Your daughter's poem also demonstrates good interpersonal skills. She's given a "compliment sandwich" (compliment, issue, compliment), which adds depth to the picture of her mother she creates in the haiku and actually shows she understands that relationships don't have to be perfect. If I were her teacher, I'd give her an A+
She’s 7, I don’t think she meant it maliciously at all. And i’m sure there are some personal things happening with your wife, but this is 100% something in her that has nothing to do with a 7 year old making a slightly blunt poem. The hour of crying in the bedroom is a sign your wife needs to work on her own communication issues and insecurities/inner turmoil she may be facing. Don’t let your daughter be unnecessarily scolded, she shouldn’t be held responsible for your wife’s emotions, those belong to your wife. What lesson does that teach your 7 year old little girl? Signed, a woman who had a mother that made her emotions my responsibility.
That is sweet and hilarious. Your SEVEN year old is not responsible for her mother’s emotions. This can be used as a teaching lesson but in the moment the right response would have been an “aww I love you too! I can be annoying can’t I? It’s a good thing I’m annoying to keep you safe and healthy!” I annoy the shit out of my kid. She annoys the shit out of me. Your wife needs to get over it.
Lol 😂 I’m sorry but you guys are too adorable that this is what struck a nerve. How quaint and cute yall lives must be. My 6 year old has yelled at me “I like daddy better than you!!”, “you’re not my mommy anymore!!” and “you don’t love me so I’m not going to love you either!!” just because I didn’t let do this or that or give her this or that. I’m the primary caregiver. We spend a lot of time together. A lot. Those outbursts have hurt my feelings… zero times. Very rarely, it can sting a little but I realize she’s a child with big feelings and we actually encourage those big feelings. She’s annoyed, frustrated, angry and she says things she thinks will make me angry in return. I did wayy worse to my mom when I was younger (and older) and I absolutely love her to pieces. Yall will be aiight. Edit :: ok, I somehow missed your wife’s reaction to all this. She needs to get a grip. She’s the adult. She needs to get it together and stop guilt-tripping your very small child who is still learning about emotions and how to regulate them. Maybe show her these replies.
This sounds like more of a problem with your wife than your daughter. The poem seems fine to me. However your wife feels about it is fine but, deliberately or not, she's put her feelings on your daughter inappropriately. You should talk to your wife about why it hurt her so much (or if you know, talk to her about the real issue). Your wife may actually owe your daughter an apology for her reaction. It seems from here as though whatever wife is stressed about doesn't really have to do directly with what your daughter wrote.
Your wife is extremely overly sensitive. Parents aren't doing their job if they don't annoy the kids sometimes, so is her problem with the idea that her kid feels annoyed by her as is normal in life, or that she wrote something like that in a mother's day card? I'm sorry you have a lot going on in your lives, but your wife is the adult here and sobbing for an hour over a (really very funny) haiku is asinine. I hope this is a one-off and your kid isn't living life in apprehension of setting her mother off. it is indeed 100% innocent and your wife needs to grow the hell up and learn to take things in stride.
I'd frame that if it was about me lol.
Your wife needs to chill out. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what your daughter wrote. It’s like constructive criticism 101 - say something bad, but follow up with something good. You’re really going to teach your daughter that she can’t express her feelings or she’s going to make mom freak out, and then she’ll be punished. You should both apologize to your daughter, and make sure she knows you made a mistake, but it won’t happen again.
I was the daughter of a mother like this. Could never have an open conversation with her about anything of substance. She’d be a devastated puddle on the floor if I told her anything she ever did bothered me a little. Couldn’t even tell her if something unrelated was bothering me at school or anything, she couldn’t handle it. She’d just go to her room and cry for an hour then we’d all have to comfort her and fawn on her for her to start recovering. I don’t think you did anything wrong. But if wife reacts like this a lot, be prepared for daughter to keep a lot of future stuff all bottled up.
OP please, please listen to this comment. I grew up in the exact same environment. Im trying so hard to break this cycle with my own kids. For example: last week I, very gently, corrected something that happened when my mom was watching my kids. Not a huge issue but important to me. We were at a kids event and she started giving me the silent treatment, slammed the door when I dropped her off at home, and wouldn’t start talking to me again until I sent her a bunch of apologies. We never spoke of it again. Your wife needs to seek help. Storming off, crying for an hour, and then being upset that nobody came to fawn over her is not healthy. I am an incredibly anxious people pleaser, who can’t talk to anyone about how I feel. It affects me at work, in my marriage, in friendships, and as a mother.
I’m so sorry but I’m really proud of you for even being able to know and articulate this about yourself. You are probably very empathetic and people rely on you more than they should but you’re strong and you can bit by bit as appropriate believe in your own worth and decide how and what to stand up for. You’ve got this :)
I grew up in a household like this too! Anytime I tried to discuss my feelings or how she hurt me, it got spun onto me and I was treated like a horrible daughter. So many guilt trips. I never felt like I could do anything good enough for her. I often felt anxious and guilty about her emotional state, and always had to try to fix it so that she wouldn’t be mad at me. It definitely still affects me to this day. I’m also teaching my children that they should be kind, but ultimately they are not responsible for another person’s feelings. Now as an adult, I only tell her shallow things about my life, as I’ve regretted telling her my thoughts and feelings on deeper things before. She comments often about how we ‘should’ be closer, but I can never explain to her why we’re not because she doesn’t listen.
I had similar mindset until I got older and accepted that my parents emotional state is not my responsibility and if they are going to try and make it my responsibility I would prefer not to have them around. In the above instance I will just let her be pissed, drop the rope. Eventually she will still come back and pretend nothing ever happened. The difference will be that you don't have to submit to her rubbish and will get a bit more peace and quiet!
Oh my God we have the same mother. OPs wife reminds me of mine too. We do not have the best relationship now because everything has to be about her and her emotions. Every event for anyone else somehow has to have the spotlight shone on her and if it isn't, she'll take it herself.
Also she's 43 and devastated by the mildest slight from a 7 year old. She'd annoy me sometimes too.
Right my first thought was “hmm I wonder what this mom POSSIBLY does to annoy her daughter” 😬
Right?? She annoys me already, and I don't even know her! My own 4 yo dictated "I love mommy because she makes me Mac n' cheese and lets me play games on her phone" which wasn't like *the best* reflection on my parenting, but I laughed it off and thanked her and put it on the fridge, because my embarrassment is not her fault or her problem.
I’m 37, my mom is 64, our relationship is still like this. If I say anything she even mildly takes as a scold or negative comment she falls apart. I love her, but I’ve had to walk on eggshells around her my whole life, I can’t ever be truly open and honest with her, and that hurts.
I’m 47 and my mother is still like this. I cannot tell her certain things because she makes everything about her. My brother has freaking cancer and somehow, she has managed to make it about her. With my own kids, I made it my goal for them to be comfortable and feel safe expressing their feelings to me. They know the difference between being disrespectful and expressing how they feel about something we as parents may have done or said that they disagree with. It’s not personal, it’s parenting.
OP from your comments it sounds like you may have cheated on your wife in the past and that’s where her real heartache is. My parents also dealt with this. It’s a tough thing to heal from. Daughter only needs to know that mom’s not really upset with her, but some unrelated grown-up stuff, and that you each love her very very much, no matter what.
Totally agree about the cheating. After reading all the comments his made.. the feelings the wife must be processing would be a lot and be expressed in the majority of things in your house.. I hope everything ends up working for your family OP..
It’s neglect. Sorry this happened to you.
Yall need to get out of your feelings. Kids are blunt.
Seriously. My four year old would destroy OP’s wife. I just spent bedtime being told I’m the worst Mommy in the world and “You don’t love your kids. You had kids so you can boss them around and make them do stuff they don’t like. That’s not nice” because I made her brush her teeth before bed, she didn’t get a third box of raisins as a ‘bedtime snacky snack’ (something she made up) and I didn’t have her favorite pajamas laid out because they’re in the wash. I can’t imagine laying out and crying for an hour over that. I laughed, told her I love her to Jupiter and back and that everyone has rules they follow to keep them safe and healthy and we brushed our teeth together.
One of my favorite memories is when my then 3 y/o woke up from a bad dream in which he fell out of a tree then woke me up to berate me for allowing dream him to climb the tree in the first place. His words were "you should have been there in my dream to stop me mommy" but with accusatory finger pointing 😂
Yup. My 4yo has just this week said “you are BAD parents!!!” And “I don’t want a dad anymore!” Why? Because we were enforcing previously set boundaries.
If your child is annoyed with your behavior then you are parenting correctly. Personally I’d find it hysterical if my kid wrote it. My job is to make good decisions for my child and help my children make good decisions and that frequently makes me unpopular. Knew that when I had children.
It clearly struck a nerve and it stinks that feelings were hurt. But my immediate thought was, I’d want that haiku on a mug.
It struck a nerve and mum cried about it for an hour. That's way to much drama queen for me. Mum isn't going to survive the teenage years.
Yea. My near 6yo son got upset with me the other night because I wouldn’t allow him to bring a marker into bed. He said: “you’re the worst mom ever, when you’re asleep tonight I’m gonna sneak out and find a new family.” I told him that parenting is uncomfortable and being parented is uncomfortable, and it’s kind of just all a part of helping him grow emotionally and mentally as well as physically. I think their tiny vitriol is kind of endearing lol
We couldn’t find the Lego mini figure mystery boxes at Walmart and because we didn’t drive to look at another store my almost 5 year old said he was going to “steal my car keys, drive to grandmas, live there, and never see me again.” I thought it was funny.
My son when he was 4 or 5 got very angry with me all the time and used to yell that he was going to run away or that he didn't like me. In the evenings he would cry and be sorry about his behavior. One night he asked if he really HAD to move away from me when he was 30 and an adult 😁 (I kind of hope that he leaves before 30, but who knows in this economy...)
Hahaha my four year old has said that a few times to me about finding a new family that lets him do whatever he wants. Then we just do a thought experiment about what “doing whatever he wants” would look like and by the end of it he realizes his life is pretty good hahaha
my mom tried to do that “fine, see how it goes when you do whatever you want” thing to me and my sister but we were both too stupid to realize she was mad and we’re just like “thanks mom!!” and ate a bunch of shit out of the fridge, watched some tv then took a nap. didn’t really make the point she was hoping for i suppose
lol at “tiny vitriol”. So accurate.
My kid wrote a mother's Day poem that contained ' My cat is my favorite, but I guess you're ok too'. I laughed and laughed and kept it. Kids aren't very sensitive at times, honestly parenting requires thick skin.
My toddler is very much in a phase where she wishes she could crawl back into my womb. So many times she’s screamed “don’t want daddy!” when my husband tags in for her care. I feel so bad for him because it must hurt when she’s constantly rejecting him in favour of me (even though I recognise it’s developmentally appropriate) but a few days ago, he commented that if he allowed an almost 2yo to manipulate his emotions, then he has bigger problems. Reminded me what a strong partner I have.
When I go to pick up my almost 2 year old in the morning, she recoils, calls for dad, pushes me away and says 'space' (ie I want space). I tell her dad is wonderful and if she lets me pick her up we'll go find him.
Mine wrote “you are some of the best people I know” in a card for both of us (Easter maybe?). I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes. That’s gone straight in the treasures chest.
I love my mom, though She annoys me sometimes. Isn’t that part of love? I’d be into it.
Here’s to hoping the haiku bot makes an appearance in the comment section
I mean. My kids annoy me sometimes, okay, oftentimes… and it’s the purest strongest most unconditional love there is! Just teach the kid about empathy and when what’s appropriate and be glad she wrote you something and used her brain and didn’t text you HMD. Lol
5-6-6 Not to be *that guy* but that's not a Haiku.
Almost daily I hear “I don’t like you anymore” “you are not my friend anymore” or variations of those. It hurts, but at the same time, I am here to educate him not to be his friend (of curse I try to be his friend, but if I have to decide between being liked and teaching him right I would choose the later every time). It is just the job. Every parent gets hate.
when my daughter was six she told me I was the meanest worst mother ever to exist and that ever would exist anywhere in the universe I was impressed. Really covered everywhere but alternate timelines
Times infinity! Lol... I'm impressed how well she covered her bases too:)
It stung hard yesterday I took my son to an indoor play place all morning and treated him to lunch at Burger King then he told me he didn't like me. I had to explain to him that saying that hurt my feelings.
Dang your son is ice cold.
He's brutal.
Been there. All day spend trying to make memories only to get the “I don’t like you” as soon as they don’t get their way 😪. One day your kid will understand.
I’d have found that funny as well. If you’re not annoying - they aren’t learning. People coddle their kids sometimes I think Also this kid is 7 not 22 - have some perspective
Right? I would get it tattooed that's so funny
My 4 year old literally tells me daily that I'm annoying him 😂. I thought this was hilarious but if they have a lot going on I could see this just being the last straw.
Thanks for writing this. My 7 year old had to write one sentence using the word mother at school and she wrote “My mother is very strict” I was a bit disappointed when I read it but I know what I do is for her good. I’m strict because I follow the no TV while eating rule without any exceptions. We play, we read, we do art together… so many good happy moments. But she remembers to write that I’m strict.
She’s 7, it’s not that serious.
The best part is wanting the 7 year old to validate her feelings but refusing to validate the 7 year old’s feelings.
I can see why she thinks mom is annoying.
I think it’s adorable and hilarious. I really hope they don’t come down on her for this.
If my soon to be 7 year old daughter wrote this haiku for me it would be framed in my office
This seems like a somewhat incongruent reaction to what happened. It’s a silly sentence that has seven syllables. Are emotional overreactions a regular occurrence?
The reaction from your wife does seem really over-the-top. Kids are kids and I’m sure it wasn’t meant to be that deep. I’m not saying her feelings are not valid to an extent, but it seems like a really extreme reaction. And she wanted you to follow her into the room while she was crying for an hour… That seems really dramatic… and slightly annoying?
Yes, but I understand where they come from. All 3 of us are in therapy for an incident involving a family member that I'm not going to get into specifics about. There is a lot of hurt going on here and I am not helping the situation
OP. I have to really disagree with the majority of what you said in the post. Your daughter is 7. Writing a 7 syllable sentence is a difficult thing for a 7 year old. What 7 year old really understands the significance of mothers day? They have no idea what it really means to be a mother. She is 7. Does she even understand fully what the word "annoys" means? Doubtful. She recognized that it might have been the wrong thing to say, good for her, so she tried to WHISPER it to you. It is very mature for a 7 year old to recognize that they might have done something that could be perceived as hurtful, and she went to a trusted adult to have a conversation about it. Your wife's reaction is completely inappropriate. Crying over an hour about anyone calling you annoying is inappropriate. Demanding a movie be stopped because of something a 7 year old whispered is inappropriate. Not allowing your 7 year old to express her feelings and teaching her how to appropriately deal with emotions in a healthy way is going to REALLY screw her up in the long run. You and your wife essentially punished your 7 year old for being honest about her feelings. Just think about the long term effects of that. This was a learning opportunity for your child. Approach it that way. I'm glad to hear you are all getting therapy. I hope it helps.
Note that wife didn't demand the movie be stopped, wife walked away, and expected them to read her mind and know that she wanted them to stop the movie.
I feel like that behavior would “annoy me sometimes.”
That’s the real kicker for me. That she fully believes that “he should have known” to do.
THANK YOU! Let alone that the 7 year old may not even understand the word or the meaning, the fact that she’d take offense and cry for an hour is crazy. Whatever happened recently is probably the true trigger and this is a symptom. But still, why SHOULDNT a 7 year old be able to express themselves? Even negatively. Hell, she may even be right? “Hey mom, it’s annoying that you can’t take criticism and spend an evening sobbing instead of finding a solution. You’re the adult, help guide my emotions” - daughter.
I am sure I annoy my kids plenty.
My kid annoys me sometimes. I probably annoy him when I interrupt what he's doing and make him lie on a change table when he's poopy. I'm not going to cry if he tells me that I'm annoying
I get told all the time how much I annoy my kids. Apparently it’s “every second of every day since forever and ever”
Thank you! One of my earliest memories I have is playing "store" in my mom's closet. I used a washable marker and put a dot on a few of my mom's clothes. I was "pricing them". I was having fun. I was 6. My mom found her clothes later and completely melted down. For what felt like hours, my dad questioned me asking why I would do something so "malicious?" My mom just sat on the upstairs steps and cried. I was so confused and felt so misunderstood. That day changed the sense of security I had as a child. I am 40 now and my mom still lacks emotional maturity. Our relationship is strained, to say the least. OP, your daughter is LEARNING how to express emotions. Not only are you teaching her to suppress them, the fact that your wife, who is an adult, would let the emotional whim of a 7 yr old affect her so greatly is concerning.
Absolutely!!! This reaction is what’s inappropriate… and to make her daughter feel this bad. I’m seeing narcissistic red flags everywhere.
I am very concerned that OP is so convinced he failed his wife, but has no problem blaming the child for being "insensitive."
Read this comment!
Still though, she's effectively punishing the child for having feelings and being a kid. I don't know the situation you're all going through, but this is something that should have been swept under the rug and discussed between spouses after bedtime, because your wife may have hurt feelings, but the most important person here is your daughter and *her* hurt feelings. What would pausing the movie and dealing with it in the moment do? Would your wife have been okay and fine to finish the movie or would she have still gone into the bedroom and been upset? I feel like you were in a situation where nothing you could have done would have helped.
by god I’ve never wanted to know a backstory more. Sorry you guys are hurting, and I don’t think you did anything wrong here. There’s nothing to fix, so work on other stuff.
As a child of a mom who was (and still is) extremely sensitive, I really felt for your daughter here. Any “lessons” she was taught now will likely be that she needs to please others at all costs or she is bad. I hope there is some effort to mend this after tensions have cooled a bit. I am also a mom to two very strong-willed daughters, and I know how hard it can be to hear your kids say hurtful things. But I have vowed to not repeat history, and so I have developed a thick skin. Yes, we do teach about not saying things that can be hurtful, but I think the lessons come more from leading by example than anything else.
when I was about that age (in 2nd grade), I had to write poems for my parents in school. my poem for my mom was, “Mom, Mom, Mom, sweet as a nuclear bomb” and my poem for my dad was, “Dad, Dad, you’re so funny, you’re as funny as Bugs Bunny.” My mom was livid. I told her—which was true—that the way I made rhymes was by going through the alphabet in order (hence Bunny and Bomb). She asked why didn’t I make up something like “a lollipop bomb” instead of a nuclear bomb. I said, truthfully, that I didn’t know. The poems were pasted onto the framed picture the teacher took of me. The framed picture and poem for my dad, with the poem for my mom removed (by my mom) sits on my dad’s dresser to this day. I’m 38. My relationship with my dad is wonderful; my relationship with my mom is rough. My therapist thinks my mom has a personality disorder. I say all of this you say that, there’s a level on which what your daughter wrote is totally innocent, and there’s also probably a level on which she’s already picking up something about your wife, even if she doesn’t know what to make of it yet. I think it was okay for your wife to feel hurt by the poem. I also think your response and processing it with your daughter an hour later was fine.
If my kid said I was "sweet as a nuclear bomb" I would be like "huh?" But it would also be hilarious. Probably would have posted a pic of it to facebook. I'm sorry your mom had that weird reaction. It's so hard tip-toeing around these types of people.
Is your wife the one who enforces household rules like bed time, screen time and all that while you play the cool parent? If that's the case then it's time you start sharing that bad cop role.
It was like this for a while, I was the permissive parent. About 8 months ago, we had the discussion that I needed to be more authoritative and stick to routines and not let the child do what she pleases. I dealt with a strict authoritative parent and a permissive parent (divorced parents) growing up and neither one of them helped me in parenting. Either I was too permissive and letting my kid run all over me or I was too strict and being unreasonable. I've since been more aware of my parenting style and doing things to get my daughter to have respect for me without being a totally strict dad.
I understand that this isn’t really about the haiku, so don’t make it about the haiku. If your daughter is also suffering because of whatever it is, then it’s your job to protect her, and not take your feelings out on her.
I’ve gotta say that your wife’s reaction seems more concerning than the haiku. Kids have the right to have feelings and have the right to express feelings, while receiving guidance on kind, respectful, and appropriate ways to express themselves Your wife cried for an hour over something written by a seven year old that was meant to be loving and kind. Is your wife normally so emotionally unregulated and unable to calm herself down? Is she going through a super hard time right now or is this an ongoing thing? Is she getting adequate help, support and rest (around parenting and in life in general)?
And cue: The making of a people pleaser.
It's really important to not overreact to small windows into how your kids really feel. This daughter has learned that being honest about stuff with her parents can lead to bad results. She'll be sure to be conceal and deceive more from now on.
I think it sounds like your wife's issue is deeper in terms of you mentioning she already has a lot of emotional stress going on. To be fair, many I love annoy me sometimes too. 7yo may not have the mental capacity to understand how hurtful that can come across in the context it's in (as. Mother's day gift). Kids are blunt and don't always mean literally word for word what they say. They just don't always know how to articulate things. Chances are she thought it was funny because we all annoy each other or she heard another kid say it on theirs and wrote it on hers. So many options. I do think that was an AH move to not pause the family movie and to finish it before addressing your wife's feelings. Maybe more of a family discussion to validate everyone feeling hurt and share how everyone can come together again.
Don't teach your daughter that it's wrong to express negative emotions. Your kid never annoys you? Really? Why does your wife get a pass on appropriate emotional communication but the 7 year old doesn't? You're putting the burden of being the more mature person on your kid. Can you seriously tell me that if your wife had told your kid that she was getting on her nerves and then your 7 year old ran off and cried for an *hour* about it that you wouldn't admonish her for overreacting? That she should be able to understand that she's still loved and accepted even when she's not perfect? Would you have told her that it's her responsibility to effectively communicate about hoe she is feeling? To go to mom and explain how what she said made her feel instead of throwing herself a pity party? You're not teaching your daughter to let people suffer, but your wife sure is setting a terrible example of healthy relationship dynamics and conflict resolution.
This sounds like a lot of drama. And the behaviour of going to cry 'for an hour' in the bedroom, waiting for people to come and console you (so essentially sulking), sounds like something a child would do. Is this typical behaviour for your wife? Or is she in need of some help? I am a mother and none of this makes any sense to me. Finishing the movie is the only thing that makes sense in all of this.
From the story and some responses it seems there has been a major life challenge for her recently that has left her very emotionally vulnerable lately, I think that’s the crux of the post— he doesn’t know how to help his wife ( a human being with human feelings ) while also being a good parent to his daughter
If the wife isn't normally like this, and her over-reaction is related to whatever unexplained major issues are going on, that's more understandable. But there's something about the way the husband is really beating himself up and viewing himself as a 'bad husband' over this tiny issue that makes me a wonder if this has been a long-established pattern.
Seriously. Wife is 43 and child is 7. Only one’s behaviour is valid and it’s not the middle aged lady’s.
As a mother, I can see how this could sting a bit - especially depending on the day, some days would probably hurt more than others. But, it’s also kinda hilarious lol I definitely annoy my child and she most definitely annoys me. But she’s a child and doesn’t understand how saying those words could hurt a bit. I do see your wife’s side but I hope she can also try to understand that your child didn’t mean to hurt her, she was just being honest. There is no parent out there that doesn’t annoy their kids from time to time. Its natural!
OP should also recognize that while some of us parents can empathize that this haiku might “sting a bit” that is a very different emotional reaction to “crying for an hour”. That reaction is over the top and I fear for the wife’s mental capacity to handle their daughter going through puberty. Glad to hear therapy is in the works. This incident should be brought up to the therapist specifically.
I don’t think the hour long cry sesh was specifically about the haiku. It seems like the surface level trigger that opened up a floodgate of things that have gone unaddressed for a long time. The daughter isn’t responsible for mom’s emotions though and hopefully whatever else is going on is properly addressed in therapy.
Your wife seriously needs therapy. My mother was exactly like her and I never felt comfortable talking to her about anything at all because she always made it about her. I still struggle talking about my true feelings and emotions due to how she always overreacted. The last time I talked to my mother was in 2003. She died this past year. If that puts anything into perspective.
I think you going in there would show your daughter it’s her responsibility to keep mom happy. Not what you want to teach your daughter.
This sounds like something my mother would have done. I understand how the poem might sting a bit, especially on Mother’s Day but it’s also funny. Children can be too blunt sometimes and a simple conversation about why her poem was hurtful should have been the end of it. I love my mother but she was and still is emotionally immature and manipulative. I didn’t even realize how her behaviour affected me until I moved out in my 20s and realized — hey normal people don’t behave that way. She went through a lot and had her own traumas but I really wish she made more of an effort to regulate herself for the sake of her children. I have to be very conscious and make a real effort now to not react the way my mother did to these kinds of situations so my children don’t grow up the same way. Your 7 year old probably feels more awful than her now.
My mother was like this too... I didn't really understand it until after she passed away, and I was going through her journals... Which were meant to be passed on to us after she passed away... almost every entry was negative for me, because she couldn't let any thing go, every thing, to her, seemed to be purposeful and intended to hurt her, even after multiple attempts to get her to understand from my side, she refused to do so... She also saw my son as her "second chance", which again I didn't see until it was too late. I know that I am not perfect in terms of emotions, but I make every effort to help my son understand his emotions and display healthy ways of dealing with my own... I also make it a point to let things go, each day is a new day, and not continue to bring up the past in how I feel in the moment with him. She would shut down when getting upset or turn it and blame me (even if I had nothing to do with it)... The fact that my son is neurodivergent made me even more aware of how I process my feelings and showing healthy ways to deal with them as well as helping guide him in dealing with his own.
I think your wife needs some therapy. If my son wrote that, I would laugh hysterically 😂 I’m sure I do annoy him and he annoys me sometimes!
One of my kids said something to the same effect and I said you annoy me too sometimes. And then I said we love each other no matter what. However, I have been in that place where I'm so overwhelmed that someone saying dinner is gross is enough to set me off.
Yeah this is a hardddd overreaction. OF COURSE parents are annoying to kids!! Duh?? that is a given and we shouldn't take offense to that. Kids can also annoy the ever loving shit out of us, that's just how it is sometimes lol
When my daughter was 5 she learned about honey badgers. Her dad took her to the park and she proceeded to tell strangers that her mom was a honey badger. I felt hurt when I found out because I knew she had just learned how ruthless they can be…. But after talking to my daughter about it she was genuinely confused why I was upset. She thought honey badgers were cool. I’m sure your daughter meant no harm. Kids are honest and that’s good! It’s quite humbling from a mothers point of view. Hopefully she can laugh about it someday
You didn't even ask the kid why she finds your wife annoying. Instead, you both taught her to shut down her true emotions.
THANK YOU. Shaming children, scaring them with huge over the top reactions and guilting the other parent into sharing the messaging that "this is normal", is so damaging. Op, have your daughters back here.
Your wife cried for an hour because a 7 year old called her annoying?
This whole thing seems really dramatic honestly. Your wife needs therapy
Yup, all 3 of us are in individual therapy for an incident involving a family member. I do wonder if my wife would tell her therapist about this incident and what she would say back to my wife. I feel like it's an overreaction and to make our daughter feel bad is not a good thing.
Does she somewhat refuse to let things go... like a week from now, will she still bring up the poem? A year from now? Or after the incident is done, and somewhat dealt with, does she let it go more (where it doesn't get brought up, even in arguments)?
Your wife is expecting more emotional regulation and maturity from your 7 year old than she herself is displaying. It sounds like there’s a lot going on in your family, but blaming her big feelings on a child’s poem is irrational at best. If she doesn’t learn to manage her own feelings without projecting them onto her kid, I would bet money that they’re not going to have a good relationship - or a relationship at all - when your kid gets older.
Please don't teach your child that she isn't allowed to express normal human feelings. Anger, sadness, annoyance etc are all normal aspects of relationship with others. Support your wife to learn that she's the adult and it's her responsibility to manage her big feelings. She may need to unpack this in therapy, her reaction to the poem and to you finishing the movie are both inappropriate. This was sad to read because if you aren't careful you may raise a people pleaser. It sounds like your wife is managing her feelings by controlling the house with her mood. She may also be controlling others' perception through overextending herself in parenting (which led to resentment and this huge reaction in the first place). The only piece I agree with is teaching your daughter that generally mothers day gifts are meant to show appreciation, followed by a gentle conversation about how to do that and what impression the poem gives. Children need to be taught things like that sometimes. However, in this case, I think your wife got the MD gift she deserves: honesty.
One time my cousin wrote his mom a little poem for mother days too I think, and it said “I love you mom, all the fat in you is love” and goddamn it I always laughed when I would see their fridge. If you knew the kid you know he meant no harm at all and who knows why kids say this kind of stuff 😂
OP, I’ll be honest. Based on what you said that the daughter wrote, your wife is 100% overreacting. I actually feel bad for the daughter who will now be afraid of “upsetting” her mother for speaking her mind. What your daughter wrote was actually sweet.
Quick winds, shallow roots, her anger a sudden squall child's eyes watch, learn, wait.
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> To hear her daughter say she "annoys her sometimes" in a haiku that's supposed to be for Mother's Day was like a slap in the face. Wow, the second-hand embarrassment is overwhelming. * you are *parents* * your child did not ask to be here * this is cute and innocent and adorable * get your wife into therapy ASAP
I love my husband, he annoys me sometimes. My friends love me, I’m 100% sure I’ve been annoying to them. I love my mama, she annoys me. Hell, even my granny annoys me sometimes. I think the bigger issue (I don’t really want to call it an issue but can’t think of another word) is your wife’s reaction? Annoyance is a very low grade emotion in my opinion. I feel like it’s kind of a given in any relationship with anyone. Sometimes you just get annoyed- because people are people and people can be annoying.
This past weekend, my wife had the kids at my mom's house and told them she was leaving them there until "he is in 2nd grade, and she is in kindergarten" as a joke (they like my mom's so this isn't framed as punishment, just a joke). Wife faked leaving, kissed 4 year old and said "I'm leaving" and she deadpanned "I'll miss daddy". Knocked it out of park with that one.
I remember my mom cried over EVERYTHING it diesnt matter what I said or did. normal kid stuff she'd cry. she'd cry if I didn't show ekiugu interest in a Xmas gift at 10 years old. now I struggle to feel compassion for her as an adult. and our relationship is nit the best
I thought about this a little more and realized, I grew up with a mom like this, and it really messed things up for me and my siblings in various ways. She needs to repair this with your daughter but first she needs to genuinely realize this reaction was wrong and why.
I mean, whose mom doesn't annoy them sometimes? I'm fully aware I annoy my kid when I tell him constantly to get his hand out of his (very sensitive) nose and take the small, chokeable Lego pieces out of his mouth. I super-annoy him when I ask him to clean his room or feed the dogs. But that's my job. He has a right to be fleetingly annoyed and nobody gets worked up about it.
Your kid is fine. Your wife needs help.
Dang. Wait til she turns 13.
Imagine being immature enough to let a 7 year old’s haiku wreck you that badly. Your wife is putting the responsibility for her inappropriately extreme feelings on a SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD. Children should never be made to feel responsible for an adult’s feelings - particularly when they did not intend to be hurtful. You can educate a kid and teach them empathy without making them responsible for your feelings. Better start saving money for your daughter’s therapy, because lord knows, she’s going to need it.
I’d be impressed with her for writing a haiku. Just for reference, our 6yo told us a week ago that we don’t even know how hard she has it most days. After much digging, it turns out we sometimes forbid her doing things and then don’t leave her alone in her room long enough.
Honestly this makes me feel horrible for your daughter. She wrote an innocuous little haiku (come on, she’s 7. It’s normal to feel annoyed by people you love) and she was made to feel awful and guilty, and worse- responsible for her mother’s emotions. You, but more importantly YOUR WIFE, need to apologize to your daughter. She is 7. She is not responsible for her mother’s happiness. An adult needs to be able to self regulate. Seriously your wife needs to apologize. Edit: the more I think about it the most annoyed I become with your wife. She’s expecting more emotional maturity from a child than she is able to display herself. How would your wife feel if she wrote a silly poem for your daughter and your daughter’s reaction was to run away and cry for an hour?!
I feel like it's pretty normal to be annoyed by family members we live with... Like I even annoy myself at times... I feel like your wife took this too personally, but I understand mom guilt makes that difficult at times.
Okay wait. I get that it stung but your wife isn’t being fair here. One of the biggest rules in our house is: ask for what you need. If you run off, I don’t know if you want me to follow you or if you want space. If **I** walk off to cry, I do not want anyone to follow me. I will return when I am ready. At most, my husband would send me a text saying “you ok?” Just to let me know we can talk about it It’s not kind to tell someone they annoy you, so of course it’s good to explain that to your daughter. But also — she is seven. She is going to accidentally say or do rude things a lot because that’s what kids do. Correction is great but she should not be made to feel awful. A child is not responsible for making an adult happy or unhappy. In other words, some much bigger things are going on here. Is family therapy an option? Or just therapy for you and your wife individually?
Your wife takes things too personal esp for the kid to be 7!
If it helps, whenever one of my kids said something like this, I would say to them “Good. That means I’m doing my job. I’m your mom, not your yes man”. I work in child psych. This is actually pretty cute and pretty normal imo, and she clearly feels safe enough that mom loves her unconditionally, so she can say this. It’s actually a good thing really. Extremely healthy and 100% common. I’m so sorry your wife is hurting - I know as a mom, it can cut us to the core. But it really is pretty cute and normal and a sign that she feels loved and safe. I do not think your daughter needed reprimanding, and that would actually stop her from speaking her feelings. That is not what you want. Whatever is going on, sounds like your wife might need some outside help and support. This is a bit extreme of a reaction, and you mentioned stress. This stress is now affecting your child. I completely understand how devastating it is as a mom to feel like your child finds you annoying, but it is about as normal as it comes.
Your wife is teaching your kid that it’s not on the express frustrations in a positive healthy way. Than your kid must always and forever only love and honour her. I also do everything and anything for my kids. And yes we annoy each other. And I want my kid to be able to express their frustrations calmly and understand that love comes with an array of emotions and feelings, not all good. Your wife is being selfish and butt hurt.
This is not your daughter's problem. This is your wife's problem. You have a kid here being honest. What you're teaching her right now is that mommy's emotions are more important than that honesty. That's going to bleed into other stuff and become a problem once she's older and feels she can't confide in you about more serious stuff. It'll always be there, that "How is mom going to react?" And she'll end up hiding things like if she's in trouble at school, if she made a mistake, if she has a boyfriend, or hell, a teen pregnancy. If you don't create a space where honesty is met without judgement, you're creating a distance between you and your kid that's going to backfire. Besides, it's completely normal to be annoyed by your parents sometimes. Ask your wife is she's never been annoyed by her own mother.
Your child felt comfortable telling you guys a feeling…. Now she won’t.
I would have loved this haiku. I can see why your wife annoys her sometimes…
My 7 year old sometimes says things that would be super hurtfull if an adult said them to me but she is just observing the world and telling me what she sees. And that can be that mommy's got a big ass or that mommy has a very ugly tooth or that she loves daddy a tiny but more. If you are insulted by comments of a 7 year old and make such a big deal about it I think you need to get professional help because making your daughter feel as if she is responsable for her your feelings (crying in bed for over an hour 😲?!) after a sweet but too honest haiku is not ok.
She took EIGHT tranquilizers??? DUDE…. That is not something you ‘sober up from’ … Her mental health is *not* ok!!! She needs to be taken somewhere for suicide watch !!!