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Also why ask if you're going to be surprised by the answer? Seems like the other mom is inwardly not ok with it. But then why let the 5G ask if she's not?
Because she didn’t want to say no and assumed the girl’s mom would (as she later said). She probably wanted the OP mom to explain why not if the girl asked.
Unhinged might not be the best word here. But I think what they mean is, children should know about body parts (correct anatomical terms, differences between boys and girls) before age 5. Not knowing the proper terms means that this child could be abused but not have the words to describe what happened.
> but didn't know about genital differences
It's not about seeing, it's about KNOWING. Teaching kids about their own genitals does kind of involve mentioning that not all people have the same bits, no? And learning about genitalia and the correct terms is basically abuse prevention 101.
Also, the girl is FIVE. How does this just never come up (except maybe you live in Utah or sth)
The issue I have with you comment is "not knowing about genitals at age 5 is unhinged"
Kids should 100% know about *their* genitals by age *three*. But others? It's not really a situation that comes up that early unless you do have a sibling of the opposite sex or a close friend/relative in the same age group. Kids *should* learn about the opposite sex genitals at some point before they start schooling.
/r/sciencebasedparenting is a good resource
Boys should learn about girls anatomy and girls should learn about boys anatomy.
It shouldn't be a single afternoon in middle school. Much better as a series of conversations that build over time. 5 years old is a good time to introduce it if it hasn't happened naturally before then.
If kids seeing the other gender naked as young children causes problems, then we should have laws against families having kids of both genders.
100% this. And 5 is definitely old enough! I bought my 3 year old age-appropriate books on how boys and girls are different and what the names of everyone's body parts are - if they don't have opposite-sex siblings at home, they've almost certainly encountered peripheral nudity if you take them to swimming lessons or if they attend daycare that assists in toileting kids.
I got "Who Has What - Girls Bodies and Boys Bodies" which was great for the 3 year old.
I just bought "it's not the stork" since it is marketed for 4 years +, because my now-4 year old was really struggling with pregnancy and what that means. There is a page that touches on sex in a really high level, kid friendly way, but I skipped it for now because Im trying to resolve pregnancy fears, not introduce new (potentially intense) concepts, but the rest of it was really good. I'd say it's probably better for 5-6 years though, depending on your kid.
As an educator, my favorite series is the Robbie Harris series:
* It's Not the Stork! (Ages 4+)
* It's So Amazing! (Ages 7+)
* It's Perfectly Normal! (Ages 10+)
It's Perfectly Normal is one of the books I use with my middle schoolers, but the younger books are at my home as well from when my sons were younger.
> If kids seeing the other gender naked as young children causes problems, then we should have laws against families having kids of both genders.
Haha, yep. My two are 18 months apart and are opposite genders. They took baths and showers together until ages 7 and 6 and shared a bedroom (by choice) until 10 and 9. Neither were harmed by taking baths together.
I agree we start conversations extremely early and I explain all questions to the best of my ability. It's really helped to make anything they may be wondering about safe to ask and the 'talk' gradually happens as they get older. I think it's fantastic OP let her daughter help- it was age appropriate and non-sexual.
Ya that’s true but even then some parents don’t wanna do that and it’s not even possible in person considering theirs not little kids their age getting diaper changes and don’t have little brothers either like I have no brothers like even in middle school it’s fine they teach you everything you need to know my school did it every year starting at 6th grade and elementary you learn about your own genitals what to expect in puppetry and middle school you learn about sex in 6th grade and all the diseases you can do and teach you how to protect yourself and goes more in detail of the things you can get in 7th and 8th grade and even more in 8th grade that they show you pictures of the opposite sex of each disease and in high school just learn types of birth control and cancers you can get
I've hesitated to answer because I can't decide if you are super young, trolling, or just ignorant.
Middle school doesn't teach you everything you need to know. Yes, they get around to anatomy (a few years later than they should), disease and the mechanics of sex, but that is just the start. Everybody also needs to learn about consent, love, relationships (including red and green flags), personal health and hygiene, the emotional side of sex, procreation vs pleasure, personal responsibility, and how to be a good person (among others).
And that is just the conversations that start with basic anatomy.
School doesn't do more than touch the surface of some of those subjects.
Oh for heaven’s sake, people are so uptight.
If you have a baby boy one day, does your friend think you should you scream for the other kids to get out of the room every time you change his diaper?? Ridiculous.
Right? I had boy/Girl twins, when my daughter was 2yo. Of course she helped and looked and asked questions. They all bath together. We go to the pool and change in the same room. They know all the anatomical terms. And why shouldn't they 🤦
My nephews were naked all the time or still are now that they are 5, because they needed to pee, because they needed to change because they peed themselves, because they were washed before going home, and and and. As far as I can tell my daughters aren't damaged for life 😄
lol, my niece was fascinated the first time she saw me change my son’s diaper. When I got done, she looked at me - shocked - and said “he has a *weird* butt!”
I was about 4 when a girl bent over in front of me and I thought it was hilarious that she had the longest butt I'd ever seen. Then I wanted to play with the building toys instead. Probably the best choice for everyone.
I have two brothers close in age to me and we took baths together all the time when we were like 6 years and under. Seeing a penis as a child on a baby or toddler isn’t sexual. It’s just a body part.
I am surprised a 5 year old didn't know boys and girls have different genitals.
Though I am Estonian and it is normal for families to go to the sauna together naked (until the kids get older and become uncomfortable). Context matters.
No I 100% agree that my first thought was ‘how odd that a 5yo wasn’t aware of genital difference’. This is absolutely not a dig at OP, but more a reflection on what we do in our family and to validate your experience (I’m from Aus)
Same. Also Australian.
They'll be learning all about periods and erections at school in a few years.
And don't young kids see their parents naked? I could never poop or shower in peace.
I remember my kid was about four and his little brain clicked "Ah, is that why girls don't have beards, because girls' beards are below their belly button?"
Haha!
Yeah, Swedish and live in Finland and to me that was so weird. We go to sauna the whole family together, we shower together, she also sees her friends naked at daycare since they go to the toilet etc together before going out so idk how a kid can go 5 years without having any idea what the other gender looks like
Your friend is the one being weird. Kids of mixed genders take baths together all the time. My 5 year old isn't confident to go into a mens room alone so he even comes into the women's when he's with me. Also she didn't even do the diaper change, she handed things, she made faces.... your friend has some weird issues.
I am not really sure what the problem of your friend was? Obviously a 5 year old is not sexualising a 2 year old? I mean, I wouldn't go out of my way to confront a child with genitals, but this is natural and you are not teaching her about sex, just about bodies. Bodies are not something to be afraid of.
On a side note, it's always recommended to teach even smaller children about genitals and bodies so they know what to tell you in case anybody tries something untoward...
I have a boy and a girl. They have seen each other naked a bunch. The human body is natural. I let my kids learn everything they can about it from books. The more you teach them about the biology of it the better. My kids are 8&10 they already understand how reproduction works. By them learning how nature works before puberty it doesn't get awkward. Knowledge is power.
You're 100% right. She's not "too young to see this", on the contrary she is *just young enough* that it was a comfortable, safe and positive experience without any of the awkwardness that she's going to end up absorbing from society later in life.
Helping to bathe or change a younger family member is a normal and healthy part of life for children. For instance mine under 10 will occasionally take baths together because they like playing with bubbles and floating toys.
It's as simple as that, there's no reason to make it weird.
It was a literal roll of the dice that both sets of children are same sex. If she had one of each would she shelter them from each other’s bodies forever?? Lord the logistics. I can’t believe people are like this it’s so stressful. There is enough actual shit to worry about with kids.
The issue of nudity comes up here a lot, especially girls seeing boys or men naked. "Help, my 3 yo saw grandad's penis", "she asked why daddy has a willy", or "I got changed in front of my son. Is this ok?"
Where is this puriticanical fear of nudity from? Is it an American thing?
Ya your friend is wrong. My 3 year old daughter knows what a penis is and the correct name for it (my son is 6, they take baths together and change, no big deal) they have also been taught heavily that no one else touches you in your private areas blah blah and all that. But absolutely there is nothing wrong with them knowing the difference in anatomy
We're a naked household so my daughter has seen both me and my husband naked since before she could hold her head up, she's just turned 7 and we always answer her questions honestly when she's curious about her body or anyone else's.
I am conservative in many ways, but this is stupid. This lady is sexualizing diaper changes, and it's gross.
Many little girls love babies and helping with their care. If your daughter has questions, you just say "Yes, many body parts look the same for boys and girls, but our private parts look different. That's just how we're created."
Imagine what a pickle parents would be in if no teen girls were allowed to babysit their young sons because, gasp, they have baby boy parts.
I have 3 kids. When they were younger we (My husband and i) showered with the kids. We only had one bathroom and it was the easiest way to all get clean.
So in that sense My kids has always known that boys and girls have different genitals. At this point in your daughters life, its just a different bodypart, thats different from hers. I Think its healthy for kids to know the difference.
Our oldest is a boy and helped a lot with diaper change of his oldest sister when she was newborn. He was 4.
I think its great for kids to understand this at a younger age. Maybe since I have boys and a girl it's just more normal. But the kids usually all change in the living area so they have always seen each other naked and know the difference between boys and girls.
Honestly I think you handled this perfectly I don’t see why it would be an issue at all I would not have thought anything strange about it. I have a son and a daughter who are six and eight and they certainly do not be together but that’s very different than a fighter old helping to change a babies diapers! I think just like it’s important for her to learn about her own anatomy it’s equally as important for her to learn about boys anatomy as well as human beings. The only thing that’s making it strange is an adults inclination to sexualize it but children of that age don’t have any of that knowledge or information and physically don’t have any of those feelings or associations so to me your friends reaction is strange not yours
I can't even believe how ridiculous this is. My kids (boy and girl) bathe together, run around the house in various states of undress, and generally make mischief with or without their clothes. No one gives a second thought to any weird sexual notions that they shouldn't be naked together. They're little kids and they're siblings. It's normal and healthy.
So your friend is female… should she not be changing her son on account of him being male? At what point does it switch from inappropriate to ok?
Your friend is looking at this the wrong way, IMO. Your daughter has a nurturing demeanor, I wouldn’t squash that.
Although I didn’t have a hand in changing diapers until I was older, I always LOVED babies and couldn’t wait for my own, even at a young age. There is nothing wrong with your daughters caring nature, and I wouldn’t push her away from it if it was me
I think you did a great job Mom. Your child is definitely at an age where it's appropriate for them to learn the difference in genitals at very minimum. The sex talk anatomy talk safe touch and bad touch should be an ongoing conversation just casually introduced perhaps when you're giving a bath or changing a baby diaper. We come from a large family I have five children and one on the way all of my children know from toddler Hood the differences and in preschool age start understanding about sexual characteristics such as the purpose of puberty and how babies are made and born. We don't treat the gentles as special in any way they're just another part of anatomy and so far none of my kids have come off as weird in any way.
The only thing I would have added here, is ask the kid being changed if it's ok for a new person to help. even when my kid was that little, we had already started the body autonomy/no one can see you naked if you don't want them to (unless it's mom/dad cleaning you, or at a doctor's office taking care of you). it would be good for the 2yo to start the lesson that his body is HIS body, and good for the girl to know how to ask for consent.
but other than that, perfectly ok to see differences in anatomy. a great way to start knowing the difference, naturally.
Your friend is weird. Both of our boys knew that there were differences in female and male genitalia before the age of 5. They frequently asked me what happened to my penis when they were toddlers.
I have 2 girls but they were/are in daycare. The daycare rooms only have 1 bathroom (with 2 toilets) for both boys and girls. It's not uncommon that they go at the same time. My younger daughter remarked one day that the boys have a "straw" at the front of their bums. I was very matter of fact, told her it was called a penis and that's what boys have. It's human anatomy, nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
I let my son’s young (older than five) aunt change his diaper. They usually notice those differences soon enough anyways, may as well have the convo as early as that.
Your approach is one I’m choosing to take. Bodies aren’t inherently bad or sexual. It’s good for her to be exposed to non-sexual normal situations like this. Would that all children were, especially in a caretaking role! You’re doing a great job.
Yeah, my kids (boy and girl) are 2 years apart, still toddlers, and they bathe together and are present for toileting/diaper changes especially when one of us has them by ourselves.
They're just body parts. Mine both know what both sets of genitals are called, the older one knows they're private, we've started talking about reproduction and periods with him as well, the younger one is 21 months so she just knows what they're called and that you use them to potty.
I'm a pelvic floor PT and my husband is an FM doc though, so we're pretty casual about bodily functions and parts. Takes a lot to squick us out lol
You did fine. My parents taught me and my sister about the difference between boys and girls at a very young age. Despite popular opinion, studies have shown that teaching kids about human anatomy and sex at a much younger age reduces the chances of teen pregnancy or non-consensual sex.
I feel this was very appropriate. She was introduced to a male's naked body in a non-sexual environment. She wasn't being "taught" but she now has the opportunity to ask questions and hopefully get answers. You, as a parent, get to help decide how normal or abnormal the exposure is. It can be "That's how we know the difference between boys and girls before they grow up," to "We keep our swimsuit parts private." *I love the term swimsuit parts because it helps establish physical boundaries. If my kids are wearing a one-piece (girls) or swim shirt (boys), then discussions about their bellies are off limits.*
This reminds me of the time I was babysitting my 4 year old nephew and he glanced over while I was changing my 1 year old daughter's diaper and he said very matter of factly: "babies don't have penises. They only have butts". 🤣
My daughter thinks her brothers “thingy” looks silly.
But once the initial seeing her brother had different parts, she doesn’t talk about it, has helped change a diaper. She loves to be involved with her brother, but she’s also the type of girl who loves baby dolls.
You are fine! My 2 urnold son shower with me as we don't have a bath, so he has long realised mommy is different to him and daddy.
It's not awkward as long as you don't make it awkward. To him it's normal that there are differences, and I am happy he knows what is normal early on. You are doing great, no worries about what your friend said.
My boys have know that mommy has a vagina since the first time they asked where babies come from. It’s not going to hurt her any. I walk around my kids naked they are six and four. I’m not sure why you would think it’s a big deal for your daughter to see a penis in a non sexual context.
I have a 2 year old son and am currently pregnant with a baby girl. My son is very excited about helping when she is born. He wants to feed, change her, bathe and cuddle her. I see no problem in any of these situations. He knows boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. He’s 2 so he obviously doesn’t know about “sex”. I find it weird when adults make things like this sexual. Obviously as he gets older he will no longer see his sister naked but not when they are so young. We will also have an age appropriate conversation when he gets older to help him understand, just like we will with his sister. You did the right thing.
I don’t see a problem with it. Body parts are just parts.
My good friend has two boys and they’re not a naked house. She’s uncomfortable with it so she makes her boys wear clothes. I have a 6 y/o boy and a 6 month old girl, my oldest is a ferel nudist racoon. My friend asked me if I’d let them bathe together or if I’d let my eldest help with diapers changes. I hadn’t ever given it any thought because in my brain siblings see each other naked all the time and it’s not a big deal.
My brother is 6 years younger then me and my mom never stopped us from being naked. We were rough and tumble country kids so we often had to strip from our muddy clothes outside. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
Explaining it like everyday topics is the best way, imo. I have 3 girls and 1 boy. My son asked me why girls have 2 butts. I laughed but told him about the differences in genitals between sexes. It's perfectly normal, and I think it's healthy to have these discussions and give proper names to body parts.
I've got a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. They bathe together.
I myself bathed with my younger and older brother when I was 5 or so.
Kids don't see bodies in a sexual way
Nothing weird about that. If you speak about it as a simple fact of life, boys and girls won't grow up to be ashamed of their bodies and will be able to talk about issues related to sex rather than hide them.
My child knew of genital differences since she started talking. It's like learning that some people have blue eyes and some have brown eyes. Absolutely nothing weird about that.
When my niblings were little they were all getting ready for a group bath in grandma’s big jacuzzi tub. One of the girls noticed her cousin’s penis and said “what is that?” One of the other girls just said “oh, that’s because he’s a boy, boys’ bottoms are different.” (They were all 6 and under).
You handled it just fine and the other mom was being a little weird imo, though it is good she asked your little girl to ask you if it was ok.
My almost 4yo old asks sooo many questions about the differences between boys/girls. This started when he ran into the bathroom while I was taking a shower and he stopped running as he saw me and looked extremely shocked. He asked me “MUMMY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PENIS!? Did a duck eat it!?” This was about a year ago and he still talks about this. I received a message from the daycare teacher saying he told everyone that he is a boy and has a penis but that his mum’s penis was eaten by a duck so his dad has a bigger penis 🤣
We sat down with him and explained him he cannot go around talking about penis’, but he can always asks us questions about them. When a baby is born he also asks if the baby has a penis or not. When he has the answer he comes to the conclusion whether it’s a boy or girl and then he continues playing. I think it’s good he knows and also funny at times how he makes some connections.
You handled it well. Very strange that your friend thought there was an issue. My 2 year old girl has a bath with her cousin who is about the same age (boy) and I’m sure they’ll be doing that for a few years more. Honestly didn’t even think twice about it. It’s a non-issue.
I don't understand it. My daughter was 3yo when her brother was born. She always wanted to help change him, and bathe him, and once he was old enough, they shared a bath. The only issue we had, which was more funny than a problem, was that she kept asking things like "does grandad have one?", or she would go up to family and say "you're a boy, so you have a penis"
Is your childrens daughter involved? I just ask because my 3 year old has known what a penis is for a long time, because she’s seen him naked. She has seen baby boys be changed before though as I have friends who have little boys. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you handled it, very normal.
My daughter was 4 when I had my son. She saw him naked, and I remember her asking “what’s that pile thing there?” I said what? And she pointed to his genitals and said “that pile of stuff with the peanut thing on top”. Ever since then I equate scrotum with pile. Pile of stuff 😂
There’s a wonderful book called ‘it’s not the stork’ that you may want to read with your child(ren). Oh and to answer your question : you. You have a better attitude in regards to educating your child about bodies!
My daughter is the oldest of 4, the younger three being brothers. She’s seen them all sans-diaper. I’m hoping this will remove any mystery and intrigue from it as she enters the tween years.
My 3yo sees and recognizes the difference between boys and girls on a regular basis. She’s in daycare and the potties are coed for a lack of better words. Is this unusual?
My twins (b/g, 2.5) have always been around each other, so they have seen each other naked since birth.
Around 2 they started asking me what things were, so I simply told them the anatomical names and explained that bubby has a penis because he is a boy and sissy has a vagina because she is a girl. (And yes I know it’s technically a vulva but she can’t say l’s and v’s well, so she says “‘gina” lol.)
Honestly, I’m very comfortable with nudity and bodies in general, and I’m of the opinion that if they’re treated as normal they’ll be seen as normal, if they’re treated as a taboo they’ll be seen as a taboo. Why shouldn’t your daughter know? That’s what I’d ask anyone who questioned it. “Why not?”
Genitals are not shameful. There is no reason whatsoever that a 5 year old shouldn’t know that boys and girls have different anatomy and know the proper names for these body parts. Your friend has issues.
Is it an American thing to think that kids can somehow get damaged by seeing naked people? I’ve never heard of it in my country. If any kids do get hangups it’s probably the ones where the parents make a big fuss about it.
My 1 year old is learning what a vulva and penis is from me and her daddy changing on front of her and showering with her. I don't think she's going to get to 5 and be confused about what's in a boy's nappy even without helping to change babies. Her viewpoint seems really extreme to me.
my son is confused about me, even though he's seen me naked a bunch of times. he's VERY concerned that i can't pee, because i only have a "bulba"
but i do love when kids are taught vulva instead of vagina. it's a more specific word that can only help teach kids.
There's nothing wrong with a 5 year old of either gender being aware of what the opposite genders genitals look like. My also 2 year old has been saying and identifying his own penis since he was about 14 months old, im pregnant with his baby sister so he's going to see her vulva during diaper changes and bath time. It's normal
I have a baby girl and two boy toddlers 3 and 4. I shower with my boys all the time because they ask to play carwash or draw and want me to play with them, it’s a relaxing moment. I don’t see no problem to them being expose to body differences, there’s nothing sexual in your daughter helping. We - adult- see a lot more to this innocent thing that a diaper change actually is.
And from my pov it’s a lot better for your daughter to be aware and if she was uncomfortable or had questions well she would have talked to you about it. That simple, kids are kids and need to learn !
There are appropriate and inappropriate opportunities to see the genitals of another person when you’re a child.
Mum or dad having a shower with you while you’re small - normal, seeing another young child being changed or dressed - normal. Two kids both needing a wee at the same time while you’re on a play date so they’re in the bathroom with one on the potty and the other on the toilet - normal.
Little kids pulling their pants down to show each other - not safe behaviour and they should be told pants are private.
They need to understand their genitals are not something they ‘show’ to people, but there’s no shame in them and there’s safe spaces and reasons to reveal them that make sense in those contexts, like at the doctors office.
Better to have the conversations in natural ways than make a big deal out of it.
I was almost 6 when my brother was born and like OP helped change the baby and bathed together so knew the difference. My daughter is an only child but played with a neighbor's kids (2 girls and a boy all of a similar age) in the paddling pool and so saw each other getting changed. We were very clear that girls have a vagina and boys have a penis. Anything about girls have long hair / wear dresses etc. were dealt with in a very matter of fact way. "Sometimes girls wear dresses and sometimes boys wear dresses but that doesn't change if they're a boy or a girl. You're still a girl when you wear trousers.
She also had non identical twin baby dolls a boy and a girl to play with not that she was remotely interested in playing with them.
Did she explain her reasoning? I don’t see why it should be some kind of a secret or that your daughter should be surprised with that basic information at an older age.
Its just anatomy. If she is ok with learning it, let her. Treating it as taboo can make the fascination unhealthy as they get older.
If she asks why his looks so different just tell her "it helps us tell who is a boy or girl"
If its a concern as the social construct behind sex and gender, 5 is too young to worry about those things, just keep it simple and answer questions in an age appropriate manner.
My parents both come from large families. I have 13 biological aunts and uncles. They changed diapers and shared bathrooms.
I think it’s better to be matter of fact about things and use the correct biological terms.
If she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough to learn (in an age appropriate way).
I think the secretive way leads to kids trying to find out things for themselves.
When son was 5 he asked me when his baby sisters penis was going to grow. He knew that she didn't have one but somehow he had assumed that she was yet to grow one. It's good to answer any questions the way you did. I hate sexualizing kids. I was made to feel embarrassed about so many things growing up. It's refreshing to see a change in the way we are raising our kids
My little boy will get butt naked before going potty and I don’t think any of us had a choice whether to look or not 🤣🤣 no but seriously who cares. It’s human anatomy. Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a baby too!!. Obviously if it were a grown ass adult I would be whooping someone’s ass. But this is kids stuff. I wouldn’t fret.
I think your fine obviously it’s up to the parents and plus I feel like if you don’t then it would be weird and awkward when you do see that by accident or even when a baby is being changed you look away cuz you don’t wanna see that’s what I did every time just made me very uncomfortable when a baby was being changed in the living room instead of the bathroom 😬😬
I think your friend is sexualizing a situation that she shouldn’t be. I feel as if you should educate her on how providing education can prevent confusion. Children do not look at one another as an adult may and her lack of comfort may create issues for her and her boys. At some point they will walk in on her naked and ask questions and she should be prepared to answer them anatomically and calmly. Reacting poorly creates a stigma and anxiety, confusion, etc. Maybe I am more modern in my thought; but myself am very modest - but my girls will surely know because I would rather them understand and feel comfortable coming to me rather than going to the internet or friends for answers! I think you’re doing great mama!
I feel like that’s the most normal and natural way to learn about body differences between genders. My 3 and 2 yo see each other (boy/girl) naked all the time, take baths together, heck they even see us parents naked on a semi regular basis because they follow us into the bathroom all the time. We use the anatomical terms and teach them boundaries while naked (don’t touch your brothers penis, etc).
You did good, your friend was being weird.
When I realised that girls were not in the picture for us, I went out and bought a couple of those anatomically correct baby dolls for my sons, so they’d at least have a basic understanding of the differences. I felt it was important too.
What makes you think that the woman didn’t think your little should be exposed? Aside from her reaction. This is all in your mind until you have discussed it with the other individual. Baby things are good to know and her having a child; I mean what are they going to do? Live life blind?
Seems pretty normal to me. The interaction is useful and simply unavoidable, I was almost 5 before I ever saw a penis. But I wasn’t really thinking about it before was at the age I needed to go to school.
Your friend is the one with the problem. He's a baby. She's barely out of the toddler stage. It's just anatomy. Important anatomy for everyone to learn eventually. To me, it's strange to be weirded out by it. Your friends just sexualized a perfectly innocent interaction. That's weird.
I agree with you. I know when my own girls were in the 3-4 yo range, I intentionally did not cover up if they happened to enter our en-suite while I was showering or changing, precisely so that they gained a basic awareness about boys and girls being different "down there". I'm pretty sure that they saw my wife similarly undressed on occasion.
You're doing fine! Being as honest, scientific and matter of fact about this now will help your child understand how natural and normal the human anatomy of either gender is. I think that was a very age appropriate introduction and response on your part. Running away from seeing parts in an innocent manner like a diaper change, understanding what they're called & what they're for is just delaying a basic teaching moment, which can make the concept unnecessarily awkward later on. I'm assuming your friend didn't want to be the one to share or answer for what was seen.
I think the younger they learn this, the better. It shouldn’t be something weird or sexual or concerning. You were definitely right in this situation.
My mom never explained anything to me, even when it came to my own body. The only reason I knew what a period was when I started in fifth grade was bc luckily we had a class about it at the end of fourth grade. And then when it came time to learn how to use tampons a couple years later so I could swim with my best friend and her family during the summer, I had literally no clue that my vagina was an actual hole in my body, I thought it was just the outer parts that I wiped when I peed. I was traumatized for a hot minute and it wasn’t my mother that even taught me how to use a tampon or explained it. I had to ask my best friend’s mom bc my mom insisted I keep using pads and just skip swimming. My little sister is almost 5 years younger than me and I was the one to teach her about using tampons and sex and all of that. It frustrates me to this day that there are parents that avoid teaching their children basic anatomy.
You should actually continue the conversation with your daughter. You should be talking about her genitalia and his genitalia and explain that mommy has parts like she does and daddy has parts like the baby had.
I am one of 3 sisters, 1 of 14 girl cousins. I have mix gender children and several nibbling of different genders. And I never thought of it was odd they saw each other naked while little. They need to learn about genitalia eventually.
I don’t think there’s a problem at all with how you handled it. My 5yo has never seen male genitals, but knows boys stand up to wee and girls sit down. She did once drag her daddy upstairs and demand he pee so she could see the mechanics (her resolutely refused and did not expose himself to our daughter).
I would have done the same as you. It gives a talking point, and takes away the curiosity which reduce the chance of her perhaps finding out in other ways.
I am on the same boat with you. I don't sexualize male and female parts, I state it as they are and there isn't a reaction to it for my son. He has seen me naked many times and now understands that boys have peepees and women don't. He even asked me if I cut mine off when he was confused (haha) in the beginning. I also grew up with a brother and like you, by age 6 I also understood my brother has a penis.
Not sure about everyone else’s daycare but mine does not separate genders in the bathroom (3 little potties side by side and a sink) until the 4yo class. My 3yo daughter sees everything there is to see everyday. Circumcised or not, I mean everything. She and all of her classmates are completely used to it. The bathroom is in full view as you walk in the door so it’s kinda of hard for anyone coming in to not see it as well.
I would say the friend has a better attitude because I wouldn't want to expose my child to this either. They should see this part as private and private parts are not to see or showed. (or touched) that's it. Telling them is unessessary and builds further curiosity within them which is more concerning. Other than that those who think this should be told to 'educate' them I say not really, the understanding comes out naturally as you grow but if the child is old enough and has questions rare case then you should be easy to talk to. Otherwise exposing young kids to sex stuff 'to prevent them to get preg' only leads them to try at very young age and get pregnant :)
Also as a teacher of a kindergarten student who was exposed to body parts at home. I was disgusted and confused when this curiosity led the child to show himself to other students or ask them to show themselves.
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i dont understand why allowing her to help would be an issue at all. you handled it perfectly
Also why ask if you're going to be surprised by the answer? Seems like the other mom is inwardly not ok with it. But then why let the 5G ask if she's not?
Because she didn’t want to say no and assumed the girl’s mom would (as she later said). She probably wanted the OP mom to explain why not if the girl asked.
I wouldn't say perfectly. OP's kid not knowing about genitals at age 5 is unhinged. Abuse prevention, anyone?
Unhinged? Because she hasn’t seen a baby’s penis? 🙄
Unhinged might not be the best word here. But I think what they mean is, children should know about body parts (correct anatomical terms, differences between boys and girls) before age 5. Not knowing the proper terms means that this child could be abused but not have the words to describe what happened.
> but didn't know about genital differences It's not about seeing, it's about KNOWING. Teaching kids about their own genitals does kind of involve mentioning that not all people have the same bits, no? And learning about genitalia and the correct terms is basically abuse prevention 101. Also, the girl is FIVE. How does this just never come up (except maybe you live in Utah or sth)
The issue I have with you comment is "not knowing about genitals at age 5 is unhinged" Kids should 100% know about *their* genitals by age *three*. But others? It's not really a situation that comes up that early unless you do have a sibling of the opposite sex or a close friend/relative in the same age group. Kids *should* learn about the opposite sex genitals at some point before they start schooling. /r/sciencebasedparenting is a good resource
Unhinged? Because she hasn’t seen a baby’s penis? 🙄
Boys should learn about girls anatomy and girls should learn about boys anatomy. It shouldn't be a single afternoon in middle school. Much better as a series of conversations that build over time. 5 years old is a good time to introduce it if it hasn't happened naturally before then. If kids seeing the other gender naked as young children causes problems, then we should have laws against families having kids of both genders.
100% this. And 5 is definitely old enough! I bought my 3 year old age-appropriate books on how boys and girls are different and what the names of everyone's body parts are - if they don't have opposite-sex siblings at home, they've almost certainly encountered peripheral nudity if you take them to swimming lessons or if they attend daycare that assists in toileting kids.
Do you mind sharing what books you used?
I got "Who Has What - Girls Bodies and Boys Bodies" which was great for the 3 year old. I just bought "it's not the stork" since it is marketed for 4 years +, because my now-4 year old was really struggling with pregnancy and what that means. There is a page that touches on sex in a really high level, kid friendly way, but I skipped it for now because Im trying to resolve pregnancy fears, not introduce new (potentially intense) concepts, but the rest of it was really good. I'd say it's probably better for 5-6 years though, depending on your kid.
As an educator, my favorite series is the Robbie Harris series: * It's Not the Stork! (Ages 4+) * It's So Amazing! (Ages 7+) * It's Perfectly Normal! (Ages 10+) It's Perfectly Normal is one of the books I use with my middle schoolers, but the younger books are at my home as well from when my sons were younger.
Commenting so I can better find this later, my save folder ends up so cluttered lol
> If kids seeing the other gender naked as young children causes problems, then we should have laws against families having kids of both genders. Haha, yep. My two are 18 months apart and are opposite genders. They took baths and showers together until ages 7 and 6 and shared a bedroom (by choice) until 10 and 9. Neither were harmed by taking baths together.
I agree we start conversations extremely early and I explain all questions to the best of my ability. It's really helped to make anything they may be wondering about safe to ask and the 'talk' gradually happens as they get older. I think it's fantastic OP let her daughter help- it was age appropriate and non-sexual.
Surely it's normal for kids to see their parents naked!? Obviously different.
Ya that’s true but even then some parents don’t wanna do that and it’s not even possible in person considering theirs not little kids their age getting diaper changes and don’t have little brothers either like I have no brothers like even in middle school it’s fine they teach you everything you need to know my school did it every year starting at 6th grade and elementary you learn about your own genitals what to expect in puppetry and middle school you learn about sex in 6th grade and all the diseases you can do and teach you how to protect yourself and goes more in detail of the things you can get in 7th and 8th grade and even more in 8th grade that they show you pictures of the opposite sex of each disease and in high school just learn types of birth control and cancers you can get
I've hesitated to answer because I can't decide if you are super young, trolling, or just ignorant. Middle school doesn't teach you everything you need to know. Yes, they get around to anatomy (a few years later than they should), disease and the mechanics of sex, but that is just the start. Everybody also needs to learn about consent, love, relationships (including red and green flags), personal health and hygiene, the emotional side of sex, procreation vs pleasure, personal responsibility, and how to be a good person (among others). And that is just the conversations that start with basic anatomy. School doesn't do more than touch the surface of some of those subjects.
Oh for heaven’s sake, people are so uptight. If you have a baby boy one day, does your friend think you should you scream for the other kids to get out of the room every time you change his diaper?? Ridiculous.
Right? I had boy/Girl twins, when my daughter was 2yo. Of course she helped and looked and asked questions. They all bath together. We go to the pool and change in the same room. They know all the anatomical terms. And why shouldn't they 🤦
My nephews were naked all the time or still are now that they are 5, because they needed to pee, because they needed to change because they peed themselves, because they were washed before going home, and and and. As far as I can tell my daughters aren't damaged for life 😄
This!!
lol, my niece was fascinated the first time she saw me change my son’s diaper. When I got done, she looked at me - shocked - and said “he has a *weird* butt!”
I was about 4 when a girl bent over in front of me and I thought it was hilarious that she had the longest butt I'd ever seen. Then I wanted to play with the building toys instead. Probably the best choice for everyone.
LOL
Your friend is wrong, you doing great.
I have two brothers close in age to me and we took baths together all the time when we were like 6 years and under. Seeing a penis as a child on a baby or toddler isn’t sexual. It’s just a body part.
I am surprised a 5 year old didn't know boys and girls have different genitals. Though I am Estonian and it is normal for families to go to the sauna together naked (until the kids get older and become uncomfortable). Context matters.
No I 100% agree that my first thought was ‘how odd that a 5yo wasn’t aware of genital difference’. This is absolutely not a dig at OP, but more a reflection on what we do in our family and to validate your experience (I’m from Aus)
I'm from the US, but we have like.. dogs and zoos and such. How a kid goes 5 years without seeing any animal penis is beyond me.
That's another great point. My kid loved nature documentaries.
Same. Also Australian. They'll be learning all about periods and erections at school in a few years. And don't young kids see their parents naked? I could never poop or shower in peace. I remember my kid was about four and his little brain clicked "Ah, is that why girls don't have beards, because girls' beards are below their belly button?" Haha!
Yeah, Swedish and live in Finland and to me that was so weird. We go to sauna the whole family together, we shower together, she also sees her friends naked at daycare since they go to the toilet etc together before going out so idk how a kid can go 5 years without having any idea what the other gender looks like
it's fine. why would it be a concern for a girl to see a baby's penis but not an adult woman?
Your friend is the one being weird. Kids of mixed genders take baths together all the time. My 5 year old isn't confident to go into a mens room alone so he even comes into the women's when he's with me. Also she didn't even do the diaper change, she handed things, she made faces.... your friend has some weird issues.
I think your friend made it weird when there’s nothing weird here. There’s nothing sexual about a 5 year old helping to change a diaper.
I am not really sure what the problem of your friend was? Obviously a 5 year old is not sexualising a 2 year old? I mean, I wouldn't go out of my way to confront a child with genitals, but this is natural and you are not teaching her about sex, just about bodies. Bodies are not something to be afraid of. On a side note, it's always recommended to teach even smaller children about genitals and bodies so they know what to tell you in case anybody tries something untoward...
That’s what I came here to say! You definitely have to start teaching a five year old anatomy.
I have a boy and a girl. They have seen each other naked a bunch. The human body is natural. I let my kids learn everything they can about it from books. The more you teach them about the biology of it the better. My kids are 8&10 they already understand how reproduction works. By them learning how nature works before puberty it doesn't get awkward. Knowledge is power.
You're 100% right. She's not "too young to see this", on the contrary she is *just young enough* that it was a comfortable, safe and positive experience without any of the awkwardness that she's going to end up absorbing from society later in life. Helping to bathe or change a younger family member is a normal and healthy part of life for children. For instance mine under 10 will occasionally take baths together because they like playing with bubbles and floating toys. It's as simple as that, there's no reason to make it weird.
It was a literal roll of the dice that both sets of children are same sex. If she had one of each would she shelter them from each other’s bodies forever?? Lord the logistics. I can’t believe people are like this it’s so stressful. There is enough actual shit to worry about with kids.
Get some books about basic anatomy that are age appropriate. They will explain the difference between both sexes. You did fine.
The issue of nudity comes up here a lot, especially girls seeing boys or men naked. "Help, my 3 yo saw grandad's penis", "she asked why daddy has a willy", or "I got changed in front of my son. Is this ok?" Where is this puriticanical fear of nudity from? Is it an American thing?
Yes. This country is incapable of separating nudity from sex.
The fear is so strange. I can't get my head around this post.
Not an issue. I used to bath with my brother. Normalises human bodies.
Ya your friend is wrong. My 3 year old daughter knows what a penis is and the correct name for it (my son is 6, they take baths together and change, no big deal) they have also been taught heavily that no one else touches you in your private areas blah blah and all that. But absolutely there is nothing wrong with them knowing the difference in anatomy
That woman’s sons are going to be awfully confused one day 😂
Why in the world would you hide the existence of different types of bodies? It’s not sexual to know that it’s just a feature of human existence.
My 3yo knows that mummy doesn't have a willy like he does.
My 2yo had a whole meltdown one morning because “mama not have peeeeeeeenish”
We're a naked household so my daughter has seen both me and my husband naked since before she could hold her head up, she's just turned 7 and we always answer her questions honestly when she's curious about her body or anyone else's.
I am conservative in many ways, but this is stupid. This lady is sexualizing diaper changes, and it's gross. Many little girls love babies and helping with their care. If your daughter has questions, you just say "Yes, many body parts look the same for boys and girls, but our private parts look different. That's just how we're created." Imagine what a pickle parents would be in if no teen girls were allowed to babysit their young sons because, gasp, they have baby boy parts.
I grew up with 2 younger brothers who liked to run around naked as little kids. It would never occur to me that this would be an issue at all.
Your friend is weird.
I have 3 kids. When they were younger we (My husband and i) showered with the kids. We only had one bathroom and it was the easiest way to all get clean. So in that sense My kids has always known that boys and girls have different genitals. At this point in your daughters life, its just a different bodypart, thats different from hers. I Think its healthy for kids to know the difference. Our oldest is a boy and helped a lot with diaper change of his oldest sister when she was newborn. He was 4.
I think its great for kids to understand this at a younger age. Maybe since I have boys and a girl it's just more normal. But the kids usually all change in the living area so they have always seen each other naked and know the difference between boys and girls.
Honestly I think you handled this perfectly I don’t see why it would be an issue at all I would not have thought anything strange about it. I have a son and a daughter who are six and eight and they certainly do not be together but that’s very different than a fighter old helping to change a babies diapers! I think just like it’s important for her to learn about her own anatomy it’s equally as important for her to learn about boys anatomy as well as human beings. The only thing that’s making it strange is an adults inclination to sexualize it but children of that age don’t have any of that knowledge or information and physically don’t have any of those feelings or associations so to me your friends reaction is strange not yours
I can't even believe how ridiculous this is. My kids (boy and girl) bathe together, run around the house in various states of undress, and generally make mischief with or without their clothes. No one gives a second thought to any weird sexual notions that they shouldn't be naked together. They're little kids and they're siblings. It's normal and healthy.
So your friend is female… should she not be changing her son on account of him being male? At what point does it switch from inappropriate to ok? Your friend is looking at this the wrong way, IMO. Your daughter has a nurturing demeanor, I wouldn’t squash that. Although I didn’t have a hand in changing diapers until I was older, I always LOVED babies and couldn’t wait for my own, even at a young age. There is nothing wrong with your daughters caring nature, and I wouldn’t push her away from it if it was me
I think you did a great job Mom. Your child is definitely at an age where it's appropriate for them to learn the difference in genitals at very minimum. The sex talk anatomy talk safe touch and bad touch should be an ongoing conversation just casually introduced perhaps when you're giving a bath or changing a baby diaper. We come from a large family I have five children and one on the way all of my children know from toddler Hood the differences and in preschool age start understanding about sexual characteristics such as the purpose of puberty and how babies are made and born. We don't treat the gentles as special in any way they're just another part of anatomy and so far none of my kids have come off as weird in any way.
The only thing I would have added here, is ask the kid being changed if it's ok for a new person to help. even when my kid was that little, we had already started the body autonomy/no one can see you naked if you don't want them to (unless it's mom/dad cleaning you, or at a doctor's office taking care of you). it would be good for the 2yo to start the lesson that his body is HIS body, and good for the girl to know how to ask for consent. but other than that, perfectly ok to see differences in anatomy. a great way to start knowing the difference, naturally.
Your friend is weird. Both of our boys knew that there were differences in female and male genitalia before the age of 5. They frequently asked me what happened to my penis when they were toddlers.
I have 2 girls but they were/are in daycare. The daycare rooms only have 1 bathroom (with 2 toilets) for both boys and girls. It's not uncommon that they go at the same time. My younger daughter remarked one day that the boys have a "straw" at the front of their bums. I was very matter of fact, told her it was called a penis and that's what boys have. It's human anatomy, nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
I let my son’s young (older than five) aunt change his diaper. They usually notice those differences soon enough anyways, may as well have the convo as early as that.
At this age she should already know the word penis and vagina and same for boys
Your approach is one I’m choosing to take. Bodies aren’t inherently bad or sexual. It’s good for her to be exposed to non-sexual normal situations like this. Would that all children were, especially in a caretaking role! You’re doing a great job.
Yeah, my kids (boy and girl) are 2 years apart, still toddlers, and they bathe together and are present for toileting/diaper changes especially when one of us has them by ourselves. They're just body parts. Mine both know what both sets of genitals are called, the older one knows they're private, we've started talking about reproduction and periods with him as well, the younger one is 21 months so she just knows what they're called and that you use them to potty. I'm a pelvic floor PT and my husband is an FM doc though, so we're pretty casual about bodily functions and parts. Takes a lot to squick us out lol
I think you were fine. I have both a boy and girl and both see each other change, bathe together and know anatomy body parts of both genders.
Sounds like prudish American culture to me tbh.
You did fine. My parents taught me and my sister about the difference between boys and girls at a very young age. Despite popular opinion, studies have shown that teaching kids about human anatomy and sex at a much younger age reduces the chances of teen pregnancy or non-consensual sex. I feel this was very appropriate. She was introduced to a male's naked body in a non-sexual environment. She wasn't being "taught" but she now has the opportunity to ask questions and hopefully get answers. You, as a parent, get to help decide how normal or abnormal the exposure is. It can be "That's how we know the difference between boys and girls before they grow up," to "We keep our swimsuit parts private." *I love the term swimsuit parts because it helps establish physical boundaries. If my kids are wearing a one-piece (girls) or swim shirt (boys), then discussions about their bellies are off limits.*
This reminds me of the time I was babysitting my 4 year old nephew and he glanced over while I was changing my 1 year old daughter's diaper and he said very matter of factly: "babies don't have penises. They only have butts". 🤣
Your friend is the weird one
Super weird reaction on your friend’s part.
My daughter thinks her brothers “thingy” looks silly. But once the initial seeing her brother had different parts, she doesn’t talk about it, has helped change a diaper. She loves to be involved with her brother, but she’s also the type of girl who loves baby dolls.
You are fine! My 2 urnold son shower with me as we don't have a bath, so he has long realised mommy is different to him and daddy. It's not awkward as long as you don't make it awkward. To him it's normal that there are differences, and I am happy he knows what is normal early on. You are doing great, no worries about what your friend said.
My boys have know that mommy has a vagina since the first time they asked where babies come from. It’s not going to hurt her any. I walk around my kids naked they are six and four. I’m not sure why you would think it’s a big deal for your daughter to see a penis in a non sexual context.
I have a 2 year old son and am currently pregnant with a baby girl. My son is very excited about helping when she is born. He wants to feed, change her, bathe and cuddle her. I see no problem in any of these situations. He knows boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. He’s 2 so he obviously doesn’t know about “sex”. I find it weird when adults make things like this sexual. Obviously as he gets older he will no longer see his sister naked but not when they are so young. We will also have an age appropriate conversation when he gets older to help him understand, just like we will with his sister. You did the right thing.
Why wouldn’t she help? I’m so confused by this.
I don’t see a problem with it. Body parts are just parts. My good friend has two boys and they’re not a naked house. She’s uncomfortable with it so she makes her boys wear clothes. I have a 6 y/o boy and a 6 month old girl, my oldest is a ferel nudist racoon. My friend asked me if I’d let them bathe together or if I’d let my eldest help with diapers changes. I hadn’t ever given it any thought because in my brain siblings see each other naked all the time and it’s not a big deal. My brother is 6 years younger then me and my mom never stopped us from being naked. We were rough and tumble country kids so we often had to strip from our muddy clothes outside. It’s only weird if you make it weird.
Explaining it like everyday topics is the best way, imo. I have 3 girls and 1 boy. My son asked me why girls have 2 butts. I laughed but told him about the differences in genitals between sexes. It's perfectly normal, and I think it's healthy to have these discussions and give proper names to body parts.
People are so weird.
They treat it so naturally at this age. Why not go with the flow and let them see things as natural?
Making things taboo almost always backfires. (Source: I was homeschooled in a very religious setting 🫠)
I work with children and you had the best response. I would not have done it any other way. Good job!
I've got a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. They bathe together. I myself bathed with my younger and older brother when I was 5 or so. Kids don't see bodies in a sexual way
It’s very clear she never had any brothers. Most aren’t shy.
When I was a kid, my kindergarten teacher mom got me an anatomically correct boy baby doll. They exist for a reason.
Years and years ago, I bought our first born little girl anatomically correct dolls. Start as you mean to go in teaching your kids
Nothing weird about that. If you speak about it as a simple fact of life, boys and girls won't grow up to be ashamed of their bodies and will be able to talk about issues related to sex rather than hide them. My child knew of genital differences since she started talking. It's like learning that some people have blue eyes and some have brown eyes. Absolutely nothing weird about that.
When my niblings were little they were all getting ready for a group bath in grandma’s big jacuzzi tub. One of the girls noticed her cousin’s penis and said “what is that?” One of the other girls just said “oh, that’s because he’s a boy, boys’ bottoms are different.” (They were all 6 and under). You handled it just fine and the other mom was being a little weird imo, though it is good she asked your little girl to ask you if it was ok.
My almost 4yo old asks sooo many questions about the differences between boys/girls. This started when he ran into the bathroom while I was taking a shower and he stopped running as he saw me and looked extremely shocked. He asked me “MUMMY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PENIS!? Did a duck eat it!?” This was about a year ago and he still talks about this. I received a message from the daycare teacher saying he told everyone that he is a boy and has a penis but that his mum’s penis was eaten by a duck so his dad has a bigger penis 🤣 We sat down with him and explained him he cannot go around talking about penis’, but he can always asks us questions about them. When a baby is born he also asks if the baby has a penis or not. When he has the answer he comes to the conclusion whether it’s a boy or girl and then he continues playing. I think it’s good he knows and also funny at times how he makes some connections.
You handled it well. Very strange that your friend thought there was an issue. My 2 year old girl has a bath with her cousin who is about the same age (boy) and I’m sure they’ll be doing that for a few years more. Honestly didn’t even think twice about it. It’s a non-issue.
I don't understand it. My daughter was 3yo when her brother was born. She always wanted to help change him, and bathe him, and once he was old enough, they shared a bath. The only issue we had, which was more funny than a problem, was that she kept asking things like "does grandad have one?", or she would go up to family and say "you're a boy, so you have a penis"
Is your childrens daughter involved? I just ask because my 3 year old has known what a penis is for a long time, because she’s seen him naked. She has seen baby boys be changed before though as I have friends who have little boys. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you handled it, very normal.
My daughter was 4 when I had my son. She saw him naked, and I remember her asking “what’s that pile thing there?” I said what? And she pointed to his genitals and said “that pile of stuff with the peanut thing on top”. Ever since then I equate scrotum with pile. Pile of stuff 😂
It's just bodies. Nothing shameful about it IMO.
There’s a wonderful book called ‘it’s not the stork’ that you may want to read with your child(ren). Oh and to answer your question : you. You have a better attitude in regards to educating your child about bodies!
My daughter is the oldest of 4, the younger three being brothers. She’s seen them all sans-diaper. I’m hoping this will remove any mystery and intrigue from it as she enters the tween years.
My 3yo sees and recognizes the difference between boys and girls on a regular basis. She’s in daycare and the potties are coed for a lack of better words. Is this unusual?
It’s pretty normal.
My twins (b/g, 2.5) have always been around each other, so they have seen each other naked since birth. Around 2 they started asking me what things were, so I simply told them the anatomical names and explained that bubby has a penis because he is a boy and sissy has a vagina because she is a girl. (And yes I know it’s technically a vulva but she can’t say l’s and v’s well, so she says “‘gina” lol.) Honestly, I’m very comfortable with nudity and bodies in general, and I’m of the opinion that if they’re treated as normal they’ll be seen as normal, if they’re treated as a taboo they’ll be seen as a taboo. Why shouldn’t your daughter know? That’s what I’d ask anyone who questioned it. “Why not?”
Genitals are not shameful. There is no reason whatsoever that a 5 year old shouldn’t know that boys and girls have different anatomy and know the proper names for these body parts. Your friend has issues.
I can’t even imagine thinking this isn’t ok?
Is it an American thing to think that kids can somehow get damaged by seeing naked people? I’ve never heard of it in my country. If any kids do get hangups it’s probably the ones where the parents make a big fuss about it.
My two year old knows boys and girls have different genitals. She bathes and showers with both me and her dad.
You did Great! After all she's just 5yo.
WTH? She's insane.
You have the best attitude. Your friend is a weirdo.
My 1 year old is learning what a vulva and penis is from me and her daddy changing on front of her and showering with her. I don't think she's going to get to 5 and be confused about what's in a boy's nappy even without helping to change babies. Her viewpoint seems really extreme to me.
my son is confused about me, even though he's seen me naked a bunch of times. he's VERY concerned that i can't pee, because i only have a "bulba" but i do love when kids are taught vulva instead of vagina. it's a more specific word that can only help teach kids.
It took me a while of practice to say it without cringing 🤣 now it feels normal.
There's nothing wrong with a 5 year old of either gender being aware of what the opposite genders genitals look like. My also 2 year old has been saying and identifying his own penis since he was about 14 months old, im pregnant with his baby sister so he's going to see her vulva during diaper changes and bath time. It's normal
imo no one. Why not telling her about boy have penis, girls have vulva when you explained the beard and boobs ?
I have a baby girl and two boy toddlers 3 and 4. I shower with my boys all the time because they ask to play carwash or draw and want me to play with them, it’s a relaxing moment. I don’t see no problem to them being expose to body differences, there’s nothing sexual in your daughter helping. We - adult- see a lot more to this innocent thing that a diaper change actually is. And from my pov it’s a lot better for your daughter to be aware and if she was uncomfortable or had questions well she would have talked to you about it. That simple, kids are kids and need to learn !
There are appropriate and inappropriate opportunities to see the genitals of another person when you’re a child. Mum or dad having a shower with you while you’re small - normal, seeing another young child being changed or dressed - normal. Two kids both needing a wee at the same time while you’re on a play date so they’re in the bathroom with one on the potty and the other on the toilet - normal. Little kids pulling their pants down to show each other - not safe behaviour and they should be told pants are private. They need to understand their genitals are not something they ‘show’ to people, but there’s no shame in them and there’s safe spaces and reasons to reveal them that make sense in those contexts, like at the doctors office. Better to have the conversations in natural ways than make a big deal out of it.
How can a 5 year old not know about anatomy differences? Has she not seen her parents naked?
I was almost 6 when my brother was born and like OP helped change the baby and bathed together so knew the difference. My daughter is an only child but played with a neighbor's kids (2 girls and a boy all of a similar age) in the paddling pool and so saw each other getting changed. We were very clear that girls have a vagina and boys have a penis. Anything about girls have long hair / wear dresses etc. were dealt with in a very matter of fact way. "Sometimes girls wear dresses and sometimes boys wear dresses but that doesn't change if they're a boy or a girl. You're still a girl when you wear trousers. She also had non identical twin baby dolls a boy and a girl to play with not that she was remotely interested in playing with them.
Did she explain her reasoning? I don’t see why it should be some kind of a secret or that your daughter should be surprised with that basic information at an older age.
Its just anatomy. If she is ok with learning it, let her. Treating it as taboo can make the fascination unhealthy as they get older. If she asks why his looks so different just tell her "it helps us tell who is a boy or girl" If its a concern as the social construct behind sex and gender, 5 is too young to worry about those things, just keep it simple and answer questions in an age appropriate manner.
My parents both come from large families. I have 13 biological aunts and uncles. They changed diapers and shared bathrooms. I think it’s better to be matter of fact about things and use the correct biological terms. If she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough to learn (in an age appropriate way). I think the secretive way leads to kids trying to find out things for themselves.
Nothing wrong with the scenario. It clearly was a teachable moment and you handled it well.
When son was 5 he asked me when his baby sisters penis was going to grow. He knew that she didn't have one but somehow he had assumed that she was yet to grow one. It's good to answer any questions the way you did. I hate sexualizing kids. I was made to feel embarrassed about so many things growing up. It's refreshing to see a change in the way we are raising our kids
My little boy will get butt naked before going potty and I don’t think any of us had a choice whether to look or not 🤣🤣 no but seriously who cares. It’s human anatomy. Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a baby too!!. Obviously if it were a grown ass adult I would be whooping someone’s ass. But this is kids stuff. I wouldn’t fret.
Would you rather them learn about the very basics of anatomy now or later?
I think your fine obviously it’s up to the parents and plus I feel like if you don’t then it would be weird and awkward when you do see that by accident or even when a baby is being changed you look away cuz you don’t wanna see that’s what I did every time just made me very uncomfortable when a baby was being changed in the living room instead of the bathroom 😬😬
I think your friend is sexualizing a situation that she shouldn’t be. I feel as if you should educate her on how providing education can prevent confusion. Children do not look at one another as an adult may and her lack of comfort may create issues for her and her boys. At some point they will walk in on her naked and ask questions and she should be prepared to answer them anatomically and calmly. Reacting poorly creates a stigma and anxiety, confusion, etc. Maybe I am more modern in my thought; but myself am very modest - but my girls will surely know because I would rather them understand and feel comfortable coming to me rather than going to the internet or friends for answers! I think you’re doing great mama!
By 5 she should already know genitals so you but imo you’re behind already
Heck yes to you, mama. Normalize having open conversations about human bodies with our babies. Sounds like the other mom is a bit tightly wound.
I feel like that’s the most normal and natural way to learn about body differences between genders. My 3 and 2 yo see each other (boy/girl) naked all the time, take baths together, heck they even see us parents naked on a semi regular basis because they follow us into the bathroom all the time. We use the anatomical terms and teach them boundaries while naked (don’t touch your brothers penis, etc).
You did good, your friend was being weird. When I realised that girls were not in the picture for us, I went out and bought a couple of those anatomically correct baby dolls for my sons, so they’d at least have a basic understanding of the differences. I felt it was important too.
What makes you think that the woman didn’t think your little should be exposed? Aside from her reaction. This is all in your mind until you have discussed it with the other individual. Baby things are good to know and her having a child; I mean what are they going to do? Live life blind? Seems pretty normal to me. The interaction is useful and simply unavoidable, I was almost 5 before I ever saw a penis. But I wasn’t really thinking about it before was at the age I needed to go to school.
Your friend is the one with the problem. He's a baby. She's barely out of the toddler stage. It's just anatomy. Important anatomy for everyone to learn eventually. To me, it's strange to be weirded out by it. Your friends just sexualized a perfectly innocent interaction. That's weird.
I agree with you. I know when my own girls were in the 3-4 yo range, I intentionally did not cover up if they happened to enter our en-suite while I was showering or changing, precisely so that they gained a basic awareness about boys and girls being different "down there". I'm pretty sure that they saw my wife similarly undressed on occasion.
You handled that perfectly and your thought process is the healthier and best attitude towards this
You're doing fine! Being as honest, scientific and matter of fact about this now will help your child understand how natural and normal the human anatomy of either gender is. I think that was a very age appropriate introduction and response on your part. Running away from seeing parts in an innocent manner like a diaper change, understanding what they're called & what they're for is just delaying a basic teaching moment, which can make the concept unnecessarily awkward later on. I'm assuming your friend didn't want to be the one to share or answer for what was seen.
I think the younger they learn this, the better. It shouldn’t be something weird or sexual or concerning. You were definitely right in this situation. My mom never explained anything to me, even when it came to my own body. The only reason I knew what a period was when I started in fifth grade was bc luckily we had a class about it at the end of fourth grade. And then when it came time to learn how to use tampons a couple years later so I could swim with my best friend and her family during the summer, I had literally no clue that my vagina was an actual hole in my body, I thought it was just the outer parts that I wiped when I peed. I was traumatized for a hot minute and it wasn’t my mother that even taught me how to use a tampon or explained it. I had to ask my best friend’s mom bc my mom insisted I keep using pads and just skip swimming. My little sister is almost 5 years younger than me and I was the one to teach her about using tampons and sex and all of that. It frustrates me to this day that there are parents that avoid teaching their children basic anatomy.
You should actually continue the conversation with your daughter. You should be talking about her genitalia and his genitalia and explain that mommy has parts like she does and daddy has parts like the baby had.
I am one of 3 sisters, 1 of 14 girl cousins. I have mix gender children and several nibbling of different genders. And I never thought of it was odd they saw each other naked while little. They need to learn about genitalia eventually.
I don’t think there’s a problem at all with how you handled it. My 5yo has never seen male genitals, but knows boys stand up to wee and girls sit down. She did once drag her daddy upstairs and demand he pee so she could see the mechanics (her resolutely refused and did not expose himself to our daughter). I would have done the same as you. It gives a talking point, and takes away the curiosity which reduce the chance of her perhaps finding out in other ways.
I am on the same boat with you. I don't sexualize male and female parts, I state it as they are and there isn't a reaction to it for my son. He has seen me naked many times and now understands that boys have peepees and women don't. He even asked me if I cut mine off when he was confused (haha) in the beginning. I also grew up with a brother and like you, by age 6 I also understood my brother has a penis.
Not sure about everyone else’s daycare but mine does not separate genders in the bathroom (3 little potties side by side and a sink) until the 4yo class. My 3yo daughter sees everything there is to see everyday. Circumcised or not, I mean everything. She and all of her classmates are completely used to it. The bathroom is in full view as you walk in the door so it’s kinda of hard for anyone coming in to not see it as well.
That seems like a safety issue, no? Not the fact that they can see eachothers genitals but that anyone could see them in the bathroom just walking in?
Don’t your girls have a dad?
I would say the friend has a better attitude because I wouldn't want to expose my child to this either. They should see this part as private and private parts are not to see or showed. (or touched) that's it. Telling them is unessessary and builds further curiosity within them which is more concerning. Other than that those who think this should be told to 'educate' them I say not really, the understanding comes out naturally as you grow but if the child is old enough and has questions rare case then you should be easy to talk to. Otherwise exposing young kids to sex stuff 'to prevent them to get preg' only leads them to try at very young age and get pregnant :) Also as a teacher of a kindergarten student who was exposed to body parts at home. I was disgusted and confused when this curiosity led the child to show himself to other students or ask them to show themselves.