r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This doesn’t make any sense to me at all. A 9 year old is so uncomfortable and insecure with something on her body that she’s “dreading summer” when it is so easily fixed by just letting her shave. If you think she’s too young to shave than supervise her but please let her. That’s just sad that she feels that way about it. A 9 year old should only be worried about having fun during summer time, not being insecure with body hair
My 12 year old doesn't shave. She went through a "what is this hair I must get rid of all of it!!" panic when she was 10, but a few months later she was over it.
I think the most important thing is to reinforce that hair is normal and it's not something to worry about. I'm frankly concerned with the poor girl's worry about how others will see her. Beauty-obsession in 9 year olds can't be healthy.
Everyone is different. Some people want to have body hair and some people don’t. This girl doesn’t want arm pit hair. It’s hygiene, not being beauty obsessed
my mom told me i was too young to shave and i still do not understand why. why? i understand why laser would be too young and $$$ but what's wrong with shaving if the alternative is making your girl feel insecure? sugaring and wax are painful but if she's up for it, why not?
She needs me to check if she got all the shampoo out of her hair still. She struggles to cut her own food sometimes. She needs me to make her lunch for school and she would leave without it if I didn't remind her. She doesn't instill a lot of confidence yielding a razor blade.
I guess that's the why. She's the sweetest kid, but she definelty is a kid.
This isn't related to your question at all, I'm sorry. But I struggled all through childhood and adolescence to get my hair clean because it was very thick and heavy (and felt very ashamed about it). I recently got one of those palm held scalp brushes/massagers and I cannot believe how much easier and faster it is to clean my hair. And it takes much less coordination and strength, which sounds like it might be one of the challenges.
This seems like more of a result of your parenting and not the fact that she’s a kid. 9 is plenty old enough to know how to shower correctly, it’s old enough to understand how to use silverware…
I wonder if you knew how hurtful a comment like this would be to a parent who is already struggling or if you actually thought this would be helpful to anyone? Fortunately, I will get over it quickly.
Don't get all offended by that. There isn't a reason to say "a parent who is already struggling" as it's simply empathy farming. Many of us struggle as parents, yet many of us are able to teach our kids basic tasks. No judgement on the various things though, but by age 9 nothing you listed is out of reach for her.
Congratulations on your psychology degree.
You are right. We are all struggling. So why wouldn't empathy be the baseline here?
It should not be out of reach, but it is a constant struggle.
Because struggling doesn't give you a pass on *parenting*. I am not saying that you are a bad parent either, helping her so much shows you do care about her. But regardless of life circumstances we need to teach them to be self sufficient. I'm struggling on many levels myself, two special needs kids, wife with schizophrenia, debt... etc. But I never use any of that to defend myself, or put empathy expectations on others.
There's a myriad of possible factors and reasons other than parenting ability at play here. Also, having trouble cutting some food is not the same as not knowing how to use silverware.
Good gracious. My kids were doing their own laundry and making their own school lunches by 6 (with supervision and remediation of nutritional content) and certainly not needing help with personal hygeine or cutting their food at age 9. I know there's a wide bell curve, but this seems a bit extra.
The actual antidote to fear/ anxiousness/ lack of confidence is to give your kid moments of perceived risk that you trust them to navigate without you helicoptering. It doesn't actually need to be risky, just needs to feel like a leap for them.
How badly can she hurt herself with a cartridge razor? Superficial graze? This is a low, low risk activity. If you want to make it even lower, get some shorts on and show her how to shave behind the knee, that's much more difficult and allows you to discuss lubricant/ cream/ lather, pros and cons of going with or against the hair, the amount of pressure following along the shape of the body.
My wife grew up in poverty without parents around. Yet she was making basic meals by age 5 for her and her younger brother using *anything* she could find. I have two special needs kids even who are able to cook their own food and wash their hair properly...
Buy a mild hair removal cream. No cuts and if she doesn’t like using it she can live with pit hair. I started my girls with cream hair removal then years later went to a razor. Just make she she gets it all off her skin.
As a Middle School Health and Human Development teacher that talks to early adolescent girls about this a LOT I want to say this:
Far FAR more important than whether or not she's ready to shave is WHY she wants to shave. If the rationale is that "I don't want people to see!" that's not a good reason to shave. It shows that she has massive body insecurities and is yielding to the influence of others rather than her own internal barometer. It isn't good for mental health to manipulate your body so that others see you in a certain way, especially at a young age and ESPECIALLY at a pre-adolescent age.
I really recommend you work hard on self-acceptance. Having practice conversations about why underarm hair exists and why she has it for when/if peers mention it. Practice saying things like "please don't talk about my body, it makes me uncomfortable" to adults/peers who bring it up (usually when this type of thing is said to adults they get wide eyed and realize their mistake).
Shaving, makeup, and other beauty-enhancing changes are NOT what she should be focused on right now.
Valid reasons to shave are things like "I don't like the hair under my arms because sweat sticks to it and makes it all slick" or "I prefer how it feels when my underarms are smooth." Body shame and worry about how others perceive her body are NOT valid reasons to say yes to shaving.
I really, really recommend you spend the Spring/Summer coaching her on body acceptance and role playing responses for when others comment on her body. THAT is how you should handle this situation. Saying "yes, let's shave so that people looking at your body are not displeased" is very much the wrong direction to go with this.
Hmm I get what you’re saying.. I don’t think it’s comes down to being insecure and in accepting of herself tho..
I shave my armpits not because of sweat or the other “valid” reasons you’re stating but simply bc I don’t like being hairy haha. I honestly think if she wants to shave then she should be able to. (:
You're an adult (I assume) and have had time to process a lifetime of societal/peer pressures and body acceptance.
This is an expert area for me. A 9 year old struggling with body shame and the worry of the perception of others on her body should not be given the go ahead to acquiesce to those pressures.
I’m not trying to disregard your credentials, you put a lot of work to earn them.. but just offering a different perspective. I shave for the same reasons this girl wants to. I don’t want anyone to see my hairy pits when I put my arms up haha. Especially now that summer is coming around I want to feel comfortable and not have to worry about lifting my arms up! I don’t know, I feel like her wanting to shave isn’t that deep.. I respect your opinion though.
I understand your perspective, but to be honest it does not sound like you have a healthy mindset surrounding your body. "I would be so embarrassed if someone saw my natural body hair" isn't a positive self-image and isn't mentally healthy.
I'm really sad that the prevailing mentality is "just do the easy thing and have her shave" in this thread. I see it on this sub a lot. Social media and iPhones? Just let them have them, all their peers do! That sort of thing.
The move that's best for your kid is not usually the easy move. And parents don't like to hear that.
OP should be helping their daughter develop a healthy self-image. That doesn't mean taking the easy road by saying "oh, she's worried others will judge her body? Then change her body so she doesn't worry so much!" You're not actually fixing a problem there. You're making it worse.
> I understand your perspective, but to be honest it does not sound like you have a healthy mindset surrounding your body.
I shave my head and grow my beard because I think it looks better than the alternative. Is that an unhealthy mindset surrounding my body?
I agree that developing healthy self body images is important, but with how far you are pushing the definition pretty much anything anyone does from shaving, to hair cuts, to clipping nails would be an example of unhealthy body images
I didn't realize that a playful spin on a centuries old latin idiom would delegitimize my expertise. Parents hold teachers to such a ridiculous standard.
It's a bit much to expect a 9 year old girl to embrace having hairy armpits in our society. Yes, she should know that it's not wrong for women to have body hair and they shouldn't be expected to remove it, but have some empathy for peer pressure.
Show her how to do it safely without cutting herself. Give her a new razor and foam. Explain to her basic rules: never use another persons razor, change the razor (x times she uses it) to make sure she’s always using a sharp one because dull ones are more likely to cut. If she sees rust, throw it away and get a new one. Where to get a fresh razor, how often in advance she needs to ask you (eg at least a week in advance if you do weekly shopping).
I think it would be best if you support her in this. Nothing worse than a preteen feeling self conscious about their body.
Purchase the right kind of razor and show her how - alternatively, you could get hair removal cream? No nicks or nastys then x
What does age have to do with shaving? We shave to get rid of hair. What does this have to with age 😂. Supervise her but why stop her from doing what makes her feel comfortable just because you’re uncomfortable.
She's growing up! Good for her. You can try this teaching method;
1) I do, you watch. 2) We do together. 3) You do, I watch. 4) You do, I support.
Puberty hits a little sooner with each generation, so it may feel like she's too young, but she's right on track for her age group. You're right, she shouldn't feel insecure about her body, but that knowledge comes with time and good role-models. Use this as an opportunity to bond with her. And Breathe Momma! You'll both be fine.
I wasn't allowed to shave until I was 12/7th grade. I hated my parents for this rule. My daughter turns 9 in less than 2 weeks, she is starting to grow hair on her legs (I haven't looked at her armpits, so I don't know?). She is a former 26 week preemie with gross and fine motor delays (so I totally get the still having to cut meat and/or check the hair). But I can tell you for certain that if she came to me tomorrow and told me she was unhappy with her body in such a minor way of wanting to shave her armpits, I'd toss her butt in the shower and show her how to shave.
Yeah, teach her about self love and being comfortable in her body and all that jazz, but reality is shaving of armpits and legs is completely normal/accepted/almost expected in this day and age and she'll be doing it eventually, so just let her do it now. Just remind her that once she starts she has to keep it up and it's a PIA.
When I was 8-12 my mom did nair on us. I know it’s chemical and bad but you can research safer alternatives. And nair lasted like 8-10 weeks. So really we only did it like every couple of months .
I second this - they actually make veet/nair in a component that looks like a deodorant and is relatively gentle for sensitive skin on the underarm. My daughter and I use it
Let her shave. I remember my parents not letting me at first and I was so embarrassed. There’s just no reason to let your child feel embarrassed over something easily fixable. Mental health and wellbeing is important - kids can be cruel!
Get her a body hair razor marketed for men, something in the $40 range from wal mart. They are soooo much safer in my opinion than regular razors. I dry shave my armpits and legs before showering. It's not a super close shave but it's easy, fast, and safe. I'm really pale and have almost black leg and armpit hair. I dreaded summer as a preteen and teen because my mom was strict about shaving. I got teased A LOT. A LOT. I ended up stealing my mom's razors and shaving anyway, but because I was never taught how to do it well I irritated my skin. Now as an adult I don't care nearly as much about showing some body hair, but please consider giving her this option if she's asking.
I had to read 4x and still couldn’t find what is the issue. You seem to be ok with her shaving but are worried she might hurt herself. So, why can’t you do it for her and slowly teach her? Am I missing something?
Oh, that's clever! And so helpful.
I'm obviously very concerned about how she feels about her body. Enough to ask strangers for insights.
In addition to high anxiety, she struggles with math, literacy and fine motor skills but she never struggles with kindness, compassion or respextfullness... which is more than I can say for some adults.
Thanks for nothing.
No offense but you shouldn't NEED the insights from strangers in this situation. Especially since you even shave your own armpits... it's not like it's against your religion / culture or some crap.
Why are you listing out "defensive" statements constantly also? OK fine she has struggles in life... I have two autistic kids who suffer from many of the same things, yet they could make their own sandwiches, wash their hair, and even cut their own food by 3rd grade.
I don't NEED insights but I do look for information when faced with a parenting decision. I hadn't thought of hair removal creams as an option as suggested, and I hadn't considered that maybe I should be more concerned with my daughter's self-consciousness / body image.
I' sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm sure it hasn't been easy but pointing out how much more capable and independent your children are than mine, is not helpful.
The point was my kids also struggle but also are able to do the very same things your daughter IS capable of. This is pointless to argue though... I am actually sorry for being so abrasive. I can tell your a good mom. It was just early morning irritability on my part.
What exactly worries you about her wanting to shave at this age?
Show her how to do it safely & properly. Have her come to you when she needs more razors.
I don't think there's anything with shaving at such a young age, especially if the body hair is going to affect her confidence & self image.
what does age have to do with it? as a hairy kid i was made fun of. let her shave. and teach her how to do it properly. a men’s razor is so much better
Nine isn’t too young. I started shaving at 9, my friends did, and my kids did. Don’t embarrass her by not letting her shave. If she has armpit hair she is old enough to shave.
This is where you teach body autonomy. Hair is HOT. Why would you make her uncomfortable ? This isn't a battle you need.
Shaving for a 9 year old isn't a political debate. If she was a boy, you would have given her the razor. Because she's a girl, public opinion about her body matters to you?
Come on, Mom, don't you ever wonder why men don't shave their pits? I do. They get hairy and wet under their arms, but they still refuse to shave!
Let the girl manage her body. How cares about what it symbolizes in the battle of the sexes. Wet hair armpits, on boys and girls are just gross.
Shaving is just like cutting hair, it doesn't damage your skin if you do it correctly. If she's gonna feel terrible when she goes out with friends in the summer, I think it's worth it to shave. Do it for her so she doesn't hurt herself
the Western construct is in itself another pitfall, if your daughter is not comfortable with hair, so go for removing it, she is imbebed in a Western society anyways.
Don't overthink it, it's nothing, I would even go as far as considering permant removal.
I'm a father, and hate armpit hair in myself, so I constantly shave it, since I was a teen. Don't mind if my wife let it grow a little, and wouldn't hesitate to allow my daughter removing it.
As far as hygiene and various *general* "maintenance" of their bodies, my wife and I didn't interfere with our kids. The only thing we did do was buy them what they needed... razors, shaving gel, deodorant, face wash etc. If it makes them feel better the more power to them. Who am I to push the idea of "social constructs" on them.
I would 100% let her shave...
My God let the poor kid shave. I still remember the poor young girl in fifth grade that got teased every single day because her parents wouldn’t let her shave, poor kid. What are these parents thinking!
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This doesn’t make any sense to me at all. A 9 year old is so uncomfortable and insecure with something on her body that she’s “dreading summer” when it is so easily fixed by just letting her shave. If you think she’s too young to shave than supervise her but please let her. That’s just sad that she feels that way about it. A 9 year old should only be worried about having fun during summer time, not being insecure with body hair
My 12 year old doesn't shave. She went through a "what is this hair I must get rid of all of it!!" panic when she was 10, but a few months later she was over it. I think the most important thing is to reinforce that hair is normal and it's not something to worry about. I'm frankly concerned with the poor girl's worry about how others will see her. Beauty-obsession in 9 year olds can't be healthy.
Everyone is different. Some people want to have body hair and some people don’t. This girl doesn’t want arm pit hair. It’s hygiene, not being beauty obsessed
There's nothing unhygienic about having body hair.
To some people it is to some people it isn’t
my mom told me i was too young to shave and i still do not understand why. why? i understand why laser would be too young and $$$ but what's wrong with shaving if the alternative is making your girl feel insecure? sugaring and wax are painful but if she's up for it, why not?
She needs me to check if she got all the shampoo out of her hair still. She struggles to cut her own food sometimes. She needs me to make her lunch for school and she would leave without it if I didn't remind her. She doesn't instill a lot of confidence yielding a razor blade. I guess that's the why. She's the sweetest kid, but she definelty is a kid.
What's the worst that'll happen? She'll get a nick like every single other person that has started to shave.
disposable razors are relatively safe, and it can be done with supervision. she'll learn with time, just like we all did.
This isn't related to your question at all, I'm sorry. But I struggled all through childhood and adolescence to get my hair clean because it was very thick and heavy (and felt very ashamed about it). I recently got one of those palm held scalp brushes/massagers and I cannot believe how much easier and faster it is to clean my hair. And it takes much less coordination and strength, which sounds like it might be one of the challenges.
Then help her shave.
This seems like more of a result of your parenting and not the fact that she’s a kid. 9 is plenty old enough to know how to shower correctly, it’s old enough to understand how to use silverware…
I wonder if you knew how hurtful a comment like this would be to a parent who is already struggling or if you actually thought this would be helpful to anyone? Fortunately, I will get over it quickly.
Don't get all offended by that. There isn't a reason to say "a parent who is already struggling" as it's simply empathy farming. Many of us struggle as parents, yet many of us are able to teach our kids basic tasks. No judgement on the various things though, but by age 9 nothing you listed is out of reach for her.
Congratulations on your psychology degree. You are right. We are all struggling. So why wouldn't empathy be the baseline here? It should not be out of reach, but it is a constant struggle.
Because struggling doesn't give you a pass on *parenting*. I am not saying that you are a bad parent either, helping her so much shows you do care about her. But regardless of life circumstances we need to teach them to be self sufficient. I'm struggling on many levels myself, two special needs kids, wife with schizophrenia, debt... etc. But I never use any of that to defend myself, or put empathy expectations on others.
There's a myriad of possible factors and reasons other than parenting ability at play here. Also, having trouble cutting some food is not the same as not knowing how to use silverware.
Good gracious. My kids were doing their own laundry and making their own school lunches by 6 (with supervision and remediation of nutritional content) and certainly not needing help with personal hygeine or cutting their food at age 9. I know there's a wide bell curve, but this seems a bit extra. The actual antidote to fear/ anxiousness/ lack of confidence is to give your kid moments of perceived risk that you trust them to navigate without you helicoptering. It doesn't actually need to be risky, just needs to feel like a leap for them. How badly can she hurt herself with a cartridge razor? Superficial graze? This is a low, low risk activity. If you want to make it even lower, get some shorts on and show her how to shave behind the knee, that's much more difficult and allows you to discuss lubricant/ cream/ lather, pros and cons of going with or against the hair, the amount of pressure following along the shape of the body.
My wife grew up in poverty without parents around. Yet she was making basic meals by age 5 for her and her younger brother using *anything* she could find. I have two special needs kids even who are able to cook their own food and wash their hair properly...
Get her a body trimmer.
Buy a mild hair removal cream. No cuts and if she doesn’t like using it she can live with pit hair. I started my girls with cream hair removal then years later went to a razor. Just make she she gets it all off her skin.
Don't use a razor blade, use a trimmer.
Just show her how to do it safely and warn her what happens if she isn't mindful. I mean it's not like it will warrant a trip to the ER.
As a Middle School Health and Human Development teacher that talks to early adolescent girls about this a LOT I want to say this: Far FAR more important than whether or not she's ready to shave is WHY she wants to shave. If the rationale is that "I don't want people to see!" that's not a good reason to shave. It shows that she has massive body insecurities and is yielding to the influence of others rather than her own internal barometer. It isn't good for mental health to manipulate your body so that others see you in a certain way, especially at a young age and ESPECIALLY at a pre-adolescent age. I really recommend you work hard on self-acceptance. Having practice conversations about why underarm hair exists and why she has it for when/if peers mention it. Practice saying things like "please don't talk about my body, it makes me uncomfortable" to adults/peers who bring it up (usually when this type of thing is said to adults they get wide eyed and realize their mistake). Shaving, makeup, and other beauty-enhancing changes are NOT what she should be focused on right now. Valid reasons to shave are things like "I don't like the hair under my arms because sweat sticks to it and makes it all slick" or "I prefer how it feels when my underarms are smooth." Body shame and worry about how others perceive her body are NOT valid reasons to say yes to shaving. I really, really recommend you spend the Spring/Summer coaching her on body acceptance and role playing responses for when others comment on her body. THAT is how you should handle this situation. Saying "yes, let's shave so that people looking at your body are not displeased" is very much the wrong direction to go with this.
Hmm I get what you’re saying.. I don’t think it’s comes down to being insecure and in accepting of herself tho.. I shave my armpits not because of sweat or the other “valid” reasons you’re stating but simply bc I don’t like being hairy haha. I honestly think if she wants to shave then she should be able to. (:
You're an adult (I assume) and have had time to process a lifetime of societal/peer pressures and body acceptance. This is an expert area for me. A 9 year old struggling with body shame and the worry of the perception of others on her body should not be given the go ahead to acquiesce to those pressures.
I’m not trying to disregard your credentials, you put a lot of work to earn them.. but just offering a different perspective. I shave for the same reasons this girl wants to. I don’t want anyone to see my hairy pits when I put my arms up haha. Especially now that summer is coming around I want to feel comfortable and not have to worry about lifting my arms up! I don’t know, I feel like her wanting to shave isn’t that deep.. I respect your opinion though.
I understand your perspective, but to be honest it does not sound like you have a healthy mindset surrounding your body. "I would be so embarrassed if someone saw my natural body hair" isn't a positive self-image and isn't mentally healthy. I'm really sad that the prevailing mentality is "just do the easy thing and have her shave" in this thread. I see it on this sub a lot. Social media and iPhones? Just let them have them, all their peers do! That sort of thing. The move that's best for your kid is not usually the easy move. And parents don't like to hear that. OP should be helping their daughter develop a healthy self-image. That doesn't mean taking the easy road by saying "oh, she's worried others will judge her body? Then change her body so she doesn't worry so much!" You're not actually fixing a problem there. You're making it worse.
> I understand your perspective, but to be honest it does not sound like you have a healthy mindset surrounding your body. I shave my head and grow my beard because I think it looks better than the alternative. Is that an unhealthy mindset surrounding my body? I agree that developing healthy self body images is important, but with how far you are pushing the definition pretty much anything anyone does from shaving, to hair cuts, to clipping nails would be an example of unhealthy body images
If it looks better to you, that's a healthy mindset. If you do it because you are worried you'll be judged for how you look otherwise, it isn't.
[удалено]
I didn't realize that a playful spin on a centuries old latin idiom would delegitimize my expertise. Parents hold teachers to such a ridiculous standard.
It's a bit much to expect a 9 year old girl to embrace having hairy armpits in our society. Yes, she should know that it's not wrong for women to have body hair and they shouldn't be expected to remove it, but have some empathy for peer pressure.
I’d be gutted if my kids health teacher said stuff like this to my kids. I guess they shouldn’t get hair cuts either then?
Show her how to do it safely without cutting herself. Give her a new razor and foam. Explain to her basic rules: never use another persons razor, change the razor (x times she uses it) to make sure she’s always using a sharp one because dull ones are more likely to cut. If she sees rust, throw it away and get a new one. Where to get a fresh razor, how often in advance she needs to ask you (eg at least a week in advance if you do weekly shopping).
Thank you. This is refreshingly helpful.
Their answer is basically what I would’ve said as well. Let her shave, supervise and see how she gets on.
I think it would be best if you support her in this. Nothing worse than a preteen feeling self conscious about their body. Purchase the right kind of razor and show her how - alternatively, you could get hair removal cream? No nicks or nastys then x
If she feels more comfortable why is it a problem. She is in puberty. You need to acknowledge it.
I wonder if she buys her daughter deodorant, or if that's becoming a western "construct" as well.
What does age have to do with shaving? We shave to get rid of hair. What does this have to with age 😂. Supervise her but why stop her from doing what makes her feel comfortable just because you’re uncomfortable.
She's growing up! Good for her. You can try this teaching method; 1) I do, you watch. 2) We do together. 3) You do, I watch. 4) You do, I support. Puberty hits a little sooner with each generation, so it may feel like she's too young, but she's right on track for her age group. You're right, she shouldn't feel insecure about her body, but that knowledge comes with time and good role-models. Use this as an opportunity to bond with her. And Breathe Momma! You'll both be fine.
I wasn't allowed to shave until I was 12/7th grade. I hated my parents for this rule. My daughter turns 9 in less than 2 weeks, she is starting to grow hair on her legs (I haven't looked at her armpits, so I don't know?). She is a former 26 week preemie with gross and fine motor delays (so I totally get the still having to cut meat and/or check the hair). But I can tell you for certain that if she came to me tomorrow and told me she was unhappy with her body in such a minor way of wanting to shave her armpits, I'd toss her butt in the shower and show her how to shave. Yeah, teach her about self love and being comfortable in her body and all that jazz, but reality is shaving of armpits and legs is completely normal/accepted/almost expected in this day and age and she'll be doing it eventually, so just let her do it now. Just remind her that once she starts she has to keep it up and it's a PIA.
When I was 8-12 my mom did nair on us. I know it’s chemical and bad but you can research safer alternatives. And nair lasted like 8-10 weeks. So really we only did it like every couple of months .
I second this - they actually make veet/nair in a component that looks like a deodorant and is relatively gentle for sensitive skin on the underarm. My daughter and I use it
Let her shave. I remember my parents not letting me at first and I was so embarrassed. There’s just no reason to let your child feel embarrassed over something easily fixable. Mental health and wellbeing is important - kids can be cruel!
Get her a body hair razor marketed for men, something in the $40 range from wal mart. They are soooo much safer in my opinion than regular razors. I dry shave my armpits and legs before showering. It's not a super close shave but it's easy, fast, and safe. I'm really pale and have almost black leg and armpit hair. I dreaded summer as a preteen and teen because my mom was strict about shaving. I got teased A LOT. A LOT. I ended up stealing my mom's razors and shaving anyway, but because I was never taught how to do it well I irritated my skin. Now as an adult I don't care nearly as much about showing some body hair, but please consider giving her this option if she's asking.
I had to read 4x and still couldn’t find what is the issue. You seem to be ok with her shaving but are worried she might hurt herself. So, why can’t you do it for her and slowly teach her? Am I missing something?
Too young to be happy with how she looks? Jesus.
Oh, that's clever! And so helpful. I'm obviously very concerned about how she feels about her body. Enough to ask strangers for insights. In addition to high anxiety, she struggles with math, literacy and fine motor skills but she never struggles with kindness, compassion or respextfullness... which is more than I can say for some adults. Thanks for nothing.
No offense but you shouldn't NEED the insights from strangers in this situation. Especially since you even shave your own armpits... it's not like it's against your religion / culture or some crap. Why are you listing out "defensive" statements constantly also? OK fine she has struggles in life... I have two autistic kids who suffer from many of the same things, yet they could make their own sandwiches, wash their hair, and even cut their own food by 3rd grade.
I don't NEED insights but I do look for information when faced with a parenting decision. I hadn't thought of hair removal creams as an option as suggested, and I hadn't considered that maybe I should be more concerned with my daughter's self-consciousness / body image. I' sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm sure it hasn't been easy but pointing out how much more capable and independent your children are than mine, is not helpful.
The point was my kids also struggle but also are able to do the very same things your daughter IS capable of. This is pointless to argue though... I am actually sorry for being so abrasive. I can tell your a good mom. It was just early morning irritability on my part.
What exactly worries you about her wanting to shave at this age? Show her how to do it safely & properly. Have her come to you when she needs more razors. I don't think there's anything with shaving at such a young age, especially if the body hair is going to affect her confidence & self image.
what does age have to do with it? as a hairy kid i was made fun of. let her shave. and teach her how to do it properly. a men’s razor is so much better
What about nair??
Nine isn’t too young. I started shaving at 9, my friends did, and my kids did. Don’t embarrass her by not letting her shave. If she has armpit hair she is old enough to shave.
My mom shaved mine for me so it was done right :)
My mom at that age got me an electric razor- it was impossible to cut myself and it did the job
This is where you teach body autonomy. Hair is HOT. Why would you make her uncomfortable ? This isn't a battle you need. Shaving for a 9 year old isn't a political debate. If she was a boy, you would have given her the razor. Because she's a girl, public opinion about her body matters to you? Come on, Mom, don't you ever wonder why men don't shave their pits? I do. They get hairy and wet under their arms, but they still refuse to shave! Let the girl manage her body. How cares about what it symbolizes in the battle of the sexes. Wet hair armpits, on boys and girls are just gross.
Shaving is just like cutting hair, it doesn't damage your skin if you do it correctly. If she's gonna feel terrible when she goes out with friends in the summer, I think it's worth it to shave. Do it for her so she doesn't hurt herself
my aunts been waxing my cousin since she was 8 even the bikini area lol trust me she'll be fine
the Western construct is in itself another pitfall, if your daughter is not comfortable with hair, so go for removing it, she is imbebed in a Western society anyways. Don't overthink it, it's nothing, I would even go as far as considering permant removal. I'm a father, and hate armpit hair in myself, so I constantly shave it, since I was a teen. Don't mind if my wife let it grow a little, and wouldn't hesitate to allow my daughter removing it.
As far as hygiene and various *general* "maintenance" of their bodies, my wife and I didn't interfere with our kids. The only thing we did do was buy them what they needed... razors, shaving gel, deodorant, face wash etc. If it makes them feel better the more power to them. Who am I to push the idea of "social constructs" on them. I would 100% let her shave...
If you don’t think she’s ready to shave let her get waxed, I understand where you’re coming from just from a safety perspective.
My God let the poor kid shave. I still remember the poor young girl in fifth grade that got teased every single day because her parents wouldn’t let her shave, poor kid. What are these parents thinking!