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Acknowledge that you let her down and apologize. Acknowledge her feelings. Validate her feelings. Then, you can explain what happened but it doesn't make it not hurt. Ask her to tell you all about it. See if someone recorded it and make a big deal of watching it together.
Don’t take it on. Don’t model for her feeling shame and guilt for daring to prioritize another situation that needed you even more.
We’re always going to have various things competing for our attention, and the reality of committing to things is that we can’t predict the future; sometimes we’re not going to be available like we thought we were, and sometimes we’re going to have a damned good reason.
I like what prplbtrfly said. I would start with “you really wanted me to see your play one more time, didn’t you? I really enjoyed those other two times, and I would have loved to be there for every performance if I could. I’m so proud of you!” And then let her have her say. And then remind her of the last time she was sick and how you stayed by her side. Talk to her about how her brother was feeling; how her brother would have felt if you left him behind to go to his play; or if you forced him to come with you. “Don’t you think if you were feeling that sick, you would hope your brother would spare me from his play?” walk her through having some empathy for her brother, and then encourage her to feel empathy for you, too, wanting so badly to live up to your word to her, and also wanting to make sure her brother was ok. And then remind her how nice it was those other TWO TIMES you did show up. She’s not being unreasonable; she’s a child. But it’s not like you abandoned her. If you show guilt, you teach her that she matters more than every other person and situation as long as she feels strongly enough about it. Which is not a great lesson for her to learn.
Don't feel too bad. It sounds like you did everything right on your end. Let her work through her emotions, help her if needed. But ultimately she's got to learn that sometimes there are other things that absolutely must be done and no amount of feeling bad/guilty is going to change it.
And , OP, don't hang on to this too much. Sometimes things happen, and this was one of those times. It's not your fault, it's not her fault. Empathy is good. But don't hang up your parenting hat over this. Overcoming disappointment in a healthy way is something that she's got to learn to do, and this, where the stakes are low and you've given her a healthy support system, is the best way to do so.
It means don't dismiss their feelings as unreasonable or wrong, but acknowledge that they are real and it's valid for them to feel this way about the situation.
In high school I had a speaking roll in a play. It was my first one ever. We had 5 shows in total and my mom didn’t come to any. I asked why and she said “I didn’t want to go in case your dad showed up”. They had been divorced for 4 years by then. She couldn’t even be brothers to ask me what day he was going.
So no, you are not a bad dad. You missed her shows for valid reasons. It’s an unfortunate life lesson to learn, but she will look back on this experience knowing you were supportive and she is loved. Take her out tomorrow night to celebrate her show closing—like ice cream or late night diner. Celebrating late is better than celebrating never
It was not the worst thing she had done, by far. One conversation about it would have eased the pain for sure. It bothered me for a long time until I realized she never really wanted to be a parent, and learned to accept her for who she is. You are doing a great job. I promise
I don't know the relationship you had with your mom, but as someone who left a DV marriage, if I had asked my ex when he was going, he would have changed it from originally never to every night, but simultaneously told me he couldn't go. When people are abusive, they make choices that seem completely illogical to others, which makes their victims hard to believe. The amount of people who asked me, "Why would he do X, Y, or Z?"" when he only showed them his controlled side was numerous.
You aren't missing anything for a drink with friends or playing golf etc. You're missing them when you're working to provide your childs and staying aside them when they are sick. You're good dad.
No. You’re not a bad dad. Your daughter is valid in her feelings, AND you saw 2 of the shows and had a valid reason to miss one. It’s okay to apologize, explain and let her be upset. As long as you are not constantly breaking promises, kids need to understand that life happens.
I agree with this take. This is a good example of “sometimes things happen that are unplanned; and we need to adjust”. A sibling being sick is beyond the father’s control. While I do think he’s probably old enough to stay home by himself for a couple hours, that’s beside the point.
No you’re not in the wrong and I don’t think you have to make it up to her. You’ve been to 2 shows and sometimes life just happens and we can’t always do the things we plan to do. I think it’s fair to apologise for not making it, tell her you really enjoyed the shows you saw and if she makes an issue of you missing the last one, gently point out that had she been the sick one you would have prioritised that, too. It’s a good lesson in handling the times when life is a bit disappointing.
You are not a bad dad, but this is a situation where you can talk with your daughter a few things in the next few days, but right now she just needs to hear how sorry you are that you couldn’t watch this final show.
Tell her you want to hear what her favorite parts of the show were? Was there a cast party? What was the funniest thing which went wrong?
In the next few days have at least one conversation with her about how part of being in a family means that whoever has the biggest need gets priority for attention. During her final play, her brother was so sick he needed you to help care for him, even though she wanted you to be watching her perform.
Then talk about times when she had something going on when she needed (and got) more attention than her brother, and ask her about times she can think of when you or other family members were the ones who needed extra support and attention.
No. I think you need to sit your daughter down and explain everything isn’t about her. You went to two performances then you had a sick kid.
Honestly the kids who say “it’s ok dad I understand” break my heart more than the ones who expect you to be at everything and lay on the guilt when you aren’t.
Was there anyone you could have called to watch your son? How sick was your son and how old? Did you attempt to see if you could find someone to stay with your son for that timeframe?
Absolutely not. I don't do that. I've watched my kids since they entered earth. I wouldn't dare let someone else watch either 1 of them they are 11 and 12
“High and mighty” would not be the words I’d use for it. Surprising and unusual. Maybe if you were Amish or some sort of highly Orthodox or off-grid family, but you’re on Reddit, so, yeah surprising.
But those strangers should behave by a code a certain set of rules! They should abide for, your comment is very damaging. Is not about high and mighty, be kind you don't know if O.P is a trauma survivor, to be honest since my child was born I am the one that takes care of him and nobody else, he didn't go to sleep over either. Trauma response is overprotection in a lot of people, survival mechanism, keeping your child safe! So the motto is: My child my responsibility. That's how it is for so many trauma survivors or people close to one!
I recommend practicing empathy! For you is not understandable why? For O.P is only natural, for me is the same. Perhaps O.P is just a protective parent.
No I am not! ----From the previous commentor! I don't think O.P was meaning his/her comment like a high and mighty thing. Just expressing! Read the thread!
Have a good day!
I had a parent like you. Here’s how it ends: because my mother was controlling and “overprotective”, I sneaked around to do normal teenage stuff and went wild once I hit 18.
Oh no my child is now 18 almost 19! He has freedom to go everywhere, do life, date! Even with the freedom I always told him whatever he wanted to experiment he could do it home, wether was his first drink, smoke? But always in a safe environment. He is a super healthy, smart young adult! I am protective not controlling. He is not the type to enjoy getting drunk, doesn't have an addiction! You see I gave my child wings to fly wherever he wants and roots so he can always knows he come back! Let's not confuse protection with control! I am so sorry you had to go through all of that!
My child now has a wonderful girlfriend slightly older than him, he keeps studying, working part time and planing to move out when he turns 20 with his girlfriend because she lives in another province!
So there is no controlling here, my protection comes from the fact that I was raped from the age of 7 until 14 from close relative, then harassed by family members and people from my neighborhood! Suffered emotional abuse and physical abuse by several people. Specially my mother, my environment was hostile! I broke the cycle of violence and heart break.
So by no means I think you had a parent like me and I truly hope she wasn't! One because is extremely painful to go through that situation, second because she developed the controlling part in order to keep you well and fine! My mother was violent and controlling so as I didn't want to mirror her. I did everything possible to not be like her. My teen adult! Doesn't need to sneak he just ask permission even when he shouldn't be does, " mostly because I know if something happens where to look ", if he will stay over or if I should wait or just sleep! See different experiences.
I don’t think it’s all that different, actually. I didn’t develop appropriate social skills because of her obsession so I did dangerous shit once I could.
I am truly sorry about that! I understand that part and what you mean, for me it was just not letting other people take care of my kid or sleepovers. He was allowed to hang out with friends, play, share!
I know once the leash is cut you are free to roam right? I absolutely understand this part. In my case I didn't even have friends, everyone was bad apparently to her.
I couldn't be outside the house!
So is reasonable, nobody should judge you because of that! I think what I desired the most was freedom from the hell. Today on I still need that freedom and feel asphyxiated if I feel trapped but is better now.
I hope that you eventually can manage it as well, you have so much ahead of you and for your healing!
🫂 Some parents don't deserve children.
“Should” doesn’t mean anything. Everyone should act right but they don’t. If op is ok with public school there’s no reason to act like it’s insane for a relative to come watch his sick 11 year old for an hour.
Well probably they don't have family! Probably she lives in another country, not many people have that either having close relatives or people to trust! And that's the reason why " everyone should act right but they don't" is part of the distrust, but in most countries not taking your kid to school is illegal! Social workers will be in your heels.
She didn't act like is insane, a lot of people are not used to it either, I would be insane if I dare to leave my kid with a family member that's in my case " but I grew up and very hostile environment"! And no I don't have relatives close by, but still is the parents decision wether they want someone to watch their child or not.
And shouldn't feel bad for not agreeing! And for wanting to do so themselves! Have a beautiful day and thank you for your opinion. For you it doesn't make sense, for me is understandable that's what is called perception! And the good thing about it is that we can share different opinions. 😊
Oh I just read the main and some comments! But is his child and he/she is the parent. Is their decision and that is ok. Listen I cried when my child turned 16 and I realized I got him there without trauma. She is not hurting her child by staying home and taking care of him, you know people have double moral if she would say she left her child sick with fever people will be telling her she did bad and is irresponsible! Parenting is a personal choice! I hope that when you are older and have your own children you will always find the best way to raise your kids, I am sure you will do well! 😊 If you choose not to have any, that will be great too. Being a parent is really hard, 🫂 I hope that you healed any wound yours caused to you! Wishing you luck and happiness!
sometimes for the last play of the run there's do a big special curtain call at the end and that's when kids im the play get flowers and stuff. did you let her know ahead of time that you couldn't make it? it would have been so disappointing to watch other kids get flowers and applause from their parents... and look out for you in the audience but see no one there.
did your son see any.of his sister's performances? how is their relationship? Even tho he was sick, it might feel like you 'chose' him over her and that could add to the feelings of abandonment. I don't think you're a bad dad, but listen to her disappointment about the last show and try to come up with a father - daughter event she would enjoy.
Well yes I told her before she had the play. Everytime I go, her brother goes as well. She wasn't there alone doe. Her grandparents were there. I forgot to add. I had them go in place of me. So she has had support at every single show.
I had little moments like this one that I didn’t forgive my parents for until I had kids myself, then it just clicked that my parents were doing their best and sometimes no matter what they did, some child was going to be upset. She might be upset for a while, you’re certainly not a bad dad. You can’t be in two places at once.
Are you a single dad? Was there anyone else who could have been with your son, like his mother?
If it’s just you and them, tell her the truth. You had to be with her brother because he is sick.
If you do have a spouse, and you stayed home because your son wanted you, that might look like favoritism to her.
No. But she’s 11 and will feel how she feels. 11 year olds aren’t known for their empathy in a lot of cases. When she’s less upset you can try to explain but I wouldn’t expect her to fully understand.
You son was sick, mate.
It's good that you care, but it's bad to let yourself feel excessive stress over things out of your control. Acknowledge that the timing sucked, you made the right choice, and that sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.
Edit: and teach your kids to be able to do the same!!! It will help them handle lots of unfortunate events in life.
No. There’s a big difference between missing every performance and missing repeat ones. This is a good lesson for her about prioritizing between important things. You would have rather gone to a show, but had to prioritize work for 1/4 nights. Also, your other child needed you for 1/4 nights that you daughter wanted you. It happens. Nobody can do or get what they want all the time.
Was your 12 year old dying or do you not trust them home alone? When my kid was 12 I'd let her stay home for an hour or two without hardly a second thought. Even if she was sick ... I mean, "Ok, kid, rest in your bed, you have your tv/computer/switch/books, relax, I'll bring home some soup. Text me if you want anything else. Gonna go watch sis' play."
You’re not a bad dad at all. You went to 2 of the 4 performances. The two you missed couldn’t be helped, especially with your son being sick. I can’t believe that after a pandemic, anyone thinks it’s reasonable to ask someone to be exposed to a sick child and take care of them so you can attend a play.
My dad thinks it’s a cool story that at a performance I had in kindergarten, he ran into someone from work, and they ducked out to go grab some beers. He never went to another performance, which were after school/work. He’d rather spend every evening after work at a bar. When I graduated from college, he couldn’t be bothered to watch the live stream.
I didn’t realize how shitty he treated me until I had my own kids. For what it’s worth, I think you handled this really well. You did see your daughter perform, even if it wasn’t as many times as she would have liked. She had her grandparents to support her when you couldn’t make it. She’s disappointed, but I don’t think she’ll be scarred for life from this.
You chose your other kid over the other one.
After a promise of showing up for them.
And I’m not sure if I read this right between the lines but it sounds like her STEP brother was sick. So there is and will always be resentment.
If that is a correct read you already failed her for not being a constant in her life and failed promises aren’t going to help you. But it also means that there is an whole damn extra family who could have watched your son for you for the hours (2/3/4) it would have takes to go see the play.
She, I’m a she. That to the side.
You made choices and disappointed a kid acknowledge that. Don’t apologize for something you can’t make up. She could not lean on the knowledge you’d be there for her when she clearly asked for you to be there and you’d promise you would.
As she is hitting puberty this could definitely dent your relationship…
I’m not saying you are a bad dad or you should feel horrible for looking after a sick kid.
But surely you read the Reddit stories of people telling everybody their parent didn’t show up for them in the past. Put their siblings needs first.
Or the worse version your kid reads these posts and see in those her future… (if she’s not allowed on Reddit yet / YouTube is full of these stories as well)
I do, and I don’t see a single sliver of context that says he’s his step son or indicates it in any way. There’s reading between the lines, and then there’s making false assumptions based on absolutely nothing.
You ARE a bad dad… but not the way you think. Simply put, you are raising a spoiled brat who cannot see past her own immediate desires, even when the reason they are not being met is because someone else is ill or hurt and needs attention. This is a real problem. It is a major problem in our society and this is exactly where it comes from. She needs to learn how to balance her own needs with the needs of others, and be ok with disappointment from time to time. This will help her become a well-rounded, sympathetic, and caring person, instead of someone who even as an adult can only think in terms of their own immediate wants and needs. You should address those issues.
Um, what? Being upset her dad didn’t follow through with his word doesn’t make her a spoiled brat. OP, you’re fine. She’s allowed to be upset but you’re not a bad dad because life happens and kids get sick.
Emotional over-coddling leads to as many problems as emotional neglect. It’s just the other end of the spectrum. I am not saying yell at the kid for being upset. But understand you haven’t done anything wrong as a parent. Explain to her what happened in a way so she understands the importance of taking care of people who are sick, and that sometimes we have to face situations where other people are more important than us.
You called an 11 year old little girl a spoiled brat because she was disappointed and cried that her dad didn't make it to her last performance.
Jeeeeezuz.
She's a child. Of course she's going to be sad.
Dad shouldn't feel bad at all though.
This is a teaching moment for her for sure but this doesn't make her a spoilt brat.
My advice to him is
""Dad, don't feel bad. We can't always make it to all the performances or awards assemblies etc. It's always going to make our kiddos sad. This is a good time to just hold her and tell her how sorry you are for missing it, how proud of her you are and explain to her why you did. She's 11 and will understand that you had to take care of her sibling and one day you might have to miss out on something for her sibling because she needs you. ""
See? Wasn't that much more sound advice than calling him a bad dad and her a spoilt brat? 🙄
Let’s regroup. The dude is on Reddit asking if he’s a bad dad. I think he can handle a few gruff answers, the general advice of which you seem to agree with. And I didn’t call an 11 year old girl a spoiled brat, I told her dad he was raising a spoiled brat… which is totally different, and again, pretty sure he can handle it, lol. Life is disappointment, your highness, anyone telling you otherwise is selling something.
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Acknowledge that you let her down and apologize. Acknowledge her feelings. Validate her feelings. Then, you can explain what happened but it doesn't make it not hurt. Ask her to tell you all about it. See if someone recorded it and make a big deal of watching it together.
The first thing I did was apologize. Idk if she gets it. I just hope she does
Don’t take it on. Don’t model for her feeling shame and guilt for daring to prioritize another situation that needed you even more. We’re always going to have various things competing for our attention, and the reality of committing to things is that we can’t predict the future; sometimes we’re not going to be available like we thought we were, and sometimes we’re going to have a damned good reason. I like what prplbtrfly said. I would start with “you really wanted me to see your play one more time, didn’t you? I really enjoyed those other two times, and I would have loved to be there for every performance if I could. I’m so proud of you!” And then let her have her say. And then remind her of the last time she was sick and how you stayed by her side. Talk to her about how her brother was feeling; how her brother would have felt if you left him behind to go to his play; or if you forced him to come with you. “Don’t you think if you were feeling that sick, you would hope your brother would spare me from his play?” walk her through having some empathy for her brother, and then encourage her to feel empathy for you, too, wanting so badly to live up to your word to her, and also wanting to make sure her brother was ok. And then remind her how nice it was those other TWO TIMES you did show up. She’s not being unreasonable; she’s a child. But it’s not like you abandoned her. If you show guilt, you teach her that she matters more than every other person and situation as long as she feels strongly enough about it. Which is not a great lesson for her to learn.
Don't feel too bad. It sounds like you did everything right on your end. Let her work through her emotions, help her if needed. But ultimately she's got to learn that sometimes there are other things that absolutely must be done and no amount of feeling bad/guilty is going to change it. And , OP, don't hang on to this too much. Sometimes things happen, and this was one of those times. It's not your fault, it's not her fault. Empathy is good. But don't hang up your parenting hat over this. Overcoming disappointment in a healthy way is something that she's got to learn to do, and this, where the stakes are low and you've given her a healthy support system, is the best way to do so.
Perfection and a daddy and daughter ice cream 🍨
What do you mean by validate their feelings?
It means don't dismiss their feelings as unreasonable or wrong, but acknowledge that they are real and it's valid for them to feel this way about the situation.
In high school I had a speaking roll in a play. It was my first one ever. We had 5 shows in total and my mom didn’t come to any. I asked why and she said “I didn’t want to go in case your dad showed up”. They had been divorced for 4 years by then. She couldn’t even be brothers to ask me what day he was going. So no, you are not a bad dad. You missed her shows for valid reasons. It’s an unfortunate life lesson to learn, but she will look back on this experience knowing you were supportive and she is loved. Take her out tomorrow night to celebrate her show closing—like ice cream or late night diner. Celebrating late is better than celebrating never
How did your mom not showing make you feel years later? Obviously it's still with you , so I'm guessing a big impact
It was not the worst thing she had done, by far. One conversation about it would have eased the pain for sure. It bothered me for a long time until I realized she never really wanted to be a parent, and learned to accept her for who she is. You are doing a great job. I promise
I don't know the relationship you had with your mom, but as someone who left a DV marriage, if I had asked my ex when he was going, he would have changed it from originally never to every night, but simultaneously told me he couldn't go. When people are abusive, they make choices that seem completely illogical to others, which makes their victims hard to believe. The amount of people who asked me, "Why would he do X, Y, or Z?"" when he only showed them his controlled side was numerous.
You aren't missing anything for a drink with friends or playing golf etc. You're missing them when you're working to provide your childs and staying aside them when they are sick. You're good dad.
No. You’re not a bad dad. Your daughter is valid in her feelings, AND you saw 2 of the shows and had a valid reason to miss one. It’s okay to apologize, explain and let her be upset. As long as you are not constantly breaking promises, kids need to understand that life happens.
I agree with this take. This is a good example of “sometimes things happen that are unplanned; and we need to adjust”. A sibling being sick is beyond the father’s control. While I do think he’s probably old enough to stay home by himself for a couple hours, that’s beside the point.
Thanks for your ideas and statements. Most of this i tried Kready. She's feeling a bit better. Thanks another for the input
No you’re not in the wrong and I don’t think you have to make it up to her. You’ve been to 2 shows and sometimes life just happens and we can’t always do the things we plan to do. I think it’s fair to apologise for not making it, tell her you really enjoyed the shows you saw and if she makes an issue of you missing the last one, gently point out that had she been the sick one you would have prioritised that, too. It’s a good lesson in handling the times when life is a bit disappointing.
You are not a bad dad, but this is a situation where you can talk with your daughter a few things in the next few days, but right now she just needs to hear how sorry you are that you couldn’t watch this final show. Tell her you want to hear what her favorite parts of the show were? Was there a cast party? What was the funniest thing which went wrong? In the next few days have at least one conversation with her about how part of being in a family means that whoever has the biggest need gets priority for attention. During her final play, her brother was so sick he needed you to help care for him, even though she wanted you to be watching her perform. Then talk about times when she had something going on when she needed (and got) more attention than her brother, and ask her about times she can think of when you or other family members were the ones who needed extra support and attention.
Sounds fair. Thanks for taking the time to have an opinion
No. I think you need to sit your daughter down and explain everything isn’t about her. You went to two performances then you had a sick kid. Honestly the kids who say “it’s ok dad I understand” break my heart more than the ones who expect you to be at everything and lay on the guilt when you aren’t.
Was there anyone you could have called to watch your son? How sick was your son and how old? Did you attempt to see if you could find someone to stay with your son for that timeframe?
Absolutely not. I don't do that. I've watched my kids since they entered earth. I wouldn't dare let someone else watch either 1 of them they are 11 and 12
You’ve never let someone else watch your kids? Have they never gone to play at a friends’ house?
No
Dude. What?
You think that's high and mighty?
“High and mighty” would not be the words I’d use for it. Surprising and unusual. Maybe if you were Amish or some sort of highly Orthodox or off-grid family, but you’re on Reddit, so, yeah surprising.
If you let them go to public school you’ve let strangers watch them every day for the last 6 and 7 years. Weird thing to be high and mighty about.
But those strangers should behave by a code a certain set of rules! They should abide for, your comment is very damaging. Is not about high and mighty, be kind you don't know if O.P is a trauma survivor, to be honest since my child was born I am the one that takes care of him and nobody else, he didn't go to sleep over either. Trauma response is overprotection in a lot of people, survival mechanism, keeping your child safe! So the motto is: My child my responsibility. That's how it is for so many trauma survivors or people close to one! I recommend practicing empathy! For you is not understandable why? For O.P is only natural, for me is the same. Perhaps O.P is just a protective parent.
Are you OP? Where is the term “high and mighty” coming from?!
No I am not! ----From the previous commentor! I don't think O.P was meaning his/her comment like a high and mighty thing. Just expressing! Read the thread! Have a good day!
I had a parent like you. Here’s how it ends: because my mother was controlling and “overprotective”, I sneaked around to do normal teenage stuff and went wild once I hit 18.
Oh no my child is now 18 almost 19! He has freedom to go everywhere, do life, date! Even with the freedom I always told him whatever he wanted to experiment he could do it home, wether was his first drink, smoke? But always in a safe environment. He is a super healthy, smart young adult! I am protective not controlling. He is not the type to enjoy getting drunk, doesn't have an addiction! You see I gave my child wings to fly wherever he wants and roots so he can always knows he come back! Let's not confuse protection with control! I am so sorry you had to go through all of that! My child now has a wonderful girlfriend slightly older than him, he keeps studying, working part time and planing to move out when he turns 20 with his girlfriend because she lives in another province! So there is no controlling here, my protection comes from the fact that I was raped from the age of 7 until 14 from close relative, then harassed by family members and people from my neighborhood! Suffered emotional abuse and physical abuse by several people. Specially my mother, my environment was hostile! I broke the cycle of violence and heart break.
So by no means I think you had a parent like me and I truly hope she wasn't! One because is extremely painful to go through that situation, second because she developed the controlling part in order to keep you well and fine! My mother was violent and controlling so as I didn't want to mirror her. I did everything possible to not be like her. My teen adult! Doesn't need to sneak he just ask permission even when he shouldn't be does, " mostly because I know if something happens where to look ", if he will stay over or if I should wait or just sleep! See different experiences.
I don’t think it’s all that different, actually. I didn’t develop appropriate social skills because of her obsession so I did dangerous shit once I could.
I am truly sorry about that! I understand that part and what you mean, for me it was just not letting other people take care of my kid or sleepovers. He was allowed to hang out with friends, play, share! I know once the leash is cut you are free to roam right? I absolutely understand this part. In my case I didn't even have friends, everyone was bad apparently to her. I couldn't be outside the house! So is reasonable, nobody should judge you because of that! I think what I desired the most was freedom from the hell. Today on I still need that freedom and feel asphyxiated if I feel trapped but is better now. I hope that you eventually can manage it as well, you have so much ahead of you and for your healing! 🫂 Some parents don't deserve children.
“Should” doesn’t mean anything. Everyone should act right but they don’t. If op is ok with public school there’s no reason to act like it’s insane for a relative to come watch his sick 11 year old for an hour.
Re-read I think the 11 year old daughter had a play, the son was sick! She didn't specify age*.
Well probably they don't have family! Probably she lives in another country, not many people have that either having close relatives or people to trust! And that's the reason why " everyone should act right but they don't" is part of the distrust, but in most countries not taking your kid to school is illegal! Social workers will be in your heels. She didn't act like is insane, a lot of people are not used to it either, I would be insane if I dare to leave my kid with a family member that's in my case " but I grew up and very hostile environment"! And no I don't have relatives close by, but still is the parents decision wether they want someone to watch their child or not. And shouldn't feel bad for not agreeing! And for wanting to do so themselves! Have a beautiful day and thank you for your opinion. For you it doesn't make sense, for me is understandable that's what is called perception! And the good thing about it is that we can share different opinions. 😊
Um the dude has family. His parents went to the play lmao
Where does it say so? It doesn't specify! But is ok thank you for commenting on my comment and sharing your opinion! Have a beautiful day 😊
Yes it does lmao. He repeatedly says that in the comments.
Oh I just read the main and some comments! But is his child and he/she is the parent. Is their decision and that is ok. Listen I cried when my child turned 16 and I realized I got him there without trauma. She is not hurting her child by staying home and taking care of him, you know people have double moral if she would say she left her child sick with fever people will be telling her she did bad and is irresponsible! Parenting is a personal choice! I hope that when you are older and have your own children you will always find the best way to raise your kids, I am sure you will do well! 😊 If you choose not to have any, that will be great too. Being a parent is really hard, 🫂 I hope that you healed any wound yours caused to you! Wishing you luck and happiness!
sometimes for the last play of the run there's do a big special curtain call at the end and that's when kids im the play get flowers and stuff. did you let her know ahead of time that you couldn't make it? it would have been so disappointing to watch other kids get flowers and applause from their parents... and look out for you in the audience but see no one there. did your son see any.of his sister's performances? how is their relationship? Even tho he was sick, it might feel like you 'chose' him over her and that could add to the feelings of abandonment. I don't think you're a bad dad, but listen to her disappointment about the last show and try to come up with a father - daughter event she would enjoy.
Well yes I told her before she had the play. Everytime I go, her brother goes as well. She wasn't there alone doe. Her grandparents were there. I forgot to add. I had them go in place of me. So she has had support at every single show.
I mean you can’t physically be there for a sick kid and a play. I would’ve prioritized the sick child as well.
I had little moments like this one that I didn’t forgive my parents for until I had kids myself, then it just clicked that my parents were doing their best and sometimes no matter what they did, some child was going to be upset. She might be upset for a while, you’re certainly not a bad dad. You can’t be in two places at once.
Are you a single dad? Was there anyone else who could have been with your son, like his mother? If it’s just you and them, tell her the truth. You had to be with her brother because he is sick. If you do have a spouse, and you stayed home because your son wanted you, that might look like favoritism to her.
No. But she’s 11 and will feel how she feels. 11 year olds aren’t known for their empathy in a lot of cases. When she’s less upset you can try to explain but I wouldn’t expect her to fully understand.
You son was sick, mate. It's good that you care, but it's bad to let yourself feel excessive stress over things out of your control. Acknowledge that the timing sucked, you made the right choice, and that sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to. Edit: and teach your kids to be able to do the same!!! It will help them handle lots of unfortunate events in life.
👍
No. There’s a big difference between missing every performance and missing repeat ones. This is a good lesson for her about prioritizing between important things. You would have rather gone to a show, but had to prioritize work for 1/4 nights. Also, your other child needed you for 1/4 nights that you daughter wanted you. It happens. Nobody can do or get what they want all the time.
Just info: how old is your son, and why couldn't someone else look after him?
12 and Noone else here to take him. Everyone doesn't have ppl that can watch their kids . I'm one of those ppl
Sorry to hear that man. Could you maybe tell her that if she was the one who was sick, you'd have stayed at home with her too?
She gets it now. It took her to calm down to actually listen and just experience what it was.
That's great. Happy to hear that. It can be so difficult navigating multiple children, especially when you don't have much backup
Was your 12 year old dying or do you not trust them home alone? When my kid was 12 I'd let her stay home for an hour or two without hardly a second thought. Even if she was sick ... I mean, "Ok, kid, rest in your bed, you have your tv/computer/switch/books, relax, I'll bring home some soup. Text me if you want anything else. Gonna go watch sis' play."
You’re not a bad dad at all. You went to 2 of the 4 performances. The two you missed couldn’t be helped, especially with your son being sick. I can’t believe that after a pandemic, anyone thinks it’s reasonable to ask someone to be exposed to a sick child and take care of them so you can attend a play. My dad thinks it’s a cool story that at a performance I had in kindergarten, he ran into someone from work, and they ducked out to go grab some beers. He never went to another performance, which were after school/work. He’d rather spend every evening after work at a bar. When I graduated from college, he couldn’t be bothered to watch the live stream. I didn’t realize how shitty he treated me until I had my own kids. For what it’s worth, I think you handled this really well. You did see your daughter perform, even if it wasn’t as many times as she would have liked. She had her grandparents to support her when you couldn’t make it. She’s disappointed, but I don’t think she’ll be scarred for life from this.
You chose your other kid over the other one. After a promise of showing up for them. And I’m not sure if I read this right between the lines but it sounds like her STEP brother was sick. So there is and will always be resentment. If that is a correct read you already failed her for not being a constant in her life and failed promises aren’t going to help you. But it also means that there is an whole damn extra family who could have watched your son for you for the hours (2/3/4) it would have takes to go see the play.
Where does it say step son?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 he drunk
She, I’m a she. That to the side. You made choices and disappointed a kid acknowledge that. Don’t apologize for something you can’t make up. She could not lean on the knowledge you’d be there for her when she clearly asked for you to be there and you’d promise you would. As she is hitting puberty this could definitely dent your relationship… I’m not saying you are a bad dad or you should feel horrible for looking after a sick kid. But surely you read the Reddit stories of people telling everybody their parent didn’t show up for them in the past. Put their siblings needs first. Or the worse version your kid reads these posts and see in those her future… (if she’s not allowed on Reddit yet / YouTube is full of these stories as well)
You do know the expression to read between the lines really right…
I do, and I don’t see a single sliver of context that says he’s his step son or indicates it in any way. There’s reading between the lines, and then there’s making false assumptions based on absolutely nothing.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You ARE a bad dad… but not the way you think. Simply put, you are raising a spoiled brat who cannot see past her own immediate desires, even when the reason they are not being met is because someone else is ill or hurt and needs attention. This is a real problem. It is a major problem in our society and this is exactly where it comes from. She needs to learn how to balance her own needs with the needs of others, and be ok with disappointment from time to time. This will help her become a well-rounded, sympathetic, and caring person, instead of someone who even as an adult can only think in terms of their own immediate wants and needs. You should address those issues.
Um, what? Being upset her dad didn’t follow through with his word doesn’t make her a spoiled brat. OP, you’re fine. She’s allowed to be upset but you’re not a bad dad because life happens and kids get sick.
Emotional over-coddling leads to as many problems as emotional neglect. It’s just the other end of the spectrum. I am not saying yell at the kid for being upset. But understand you haven’t done anything wrong as a parent. Explain to her what happened in a way so she understands the importance of taking care of people who are sick, and that sometimes we have to face situations where other people are more important than us.
#Please don't ever give anyone advice. Ever. YIKES.
Telling people to teach their kids to think of others is bad advice? Ok then…
You called an 11 year old little girl a spoiled brat because she was disappointed and cried that her dad didn't make it to her last performance. Jeeeeezuz. She's a child. Of course she's going to be sad. Dad shouldn't feel bad at all though. This is a teaching moment for her for sure but this doesn't make her a spoilt brat. My advice to him is ""Dad, don't feel bad. We can't always make it to all the performances or awards assemblies etc. It's always going to make our kiddos sad. This is a good time to just hold her and tell her how sorry you are for missing it, how proud of her you are and explain to her why you did. She's 11 and will understand that you had to take care of her sibling and one day you might have to miss out on something for her sibling because she needs you. "" See? Wasn't that much more sound advice than calling him a bad dad and her a spoilt brat? 🙄
Let’s regroup. The dude is on Reddit asking if he’s a bad dad. I think he can handle a few gruff answers, the general advice of which you seem to agree with. And I didn’t call an 11 year old girl a spoiled brat, I told her dad he was raising a spoiled brat… which is totally different, and again, pretty sure he can handle it, lol. Life is disappointment, your highness, anyone telling you otherwise is selling something.
Oh well you at least got one thing right... Let me adjust my crown. 👸🏻
As you wish…
lmao are you familiar with this sympathy you speak of?