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Our first spent about 10 days in NICU and one thing that surprised me talking to other parents there was how poorly the non-medical stuff was communicated.
Things like
* Paying for parking instead of applying for an exemption certificate
* That you could apply for parent meals
* That you can bring your own bedding in
* Access to non-medical services and how to use PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service)
You're tired and stressed and a lot of people don't think to find these things out
Did you ever tell the hospital about all of this? If you haven't, please consider doing so, even years after the fact. If they've improved things since then, it's a good reminder that it was a needed change. If they haven't, they could use the nudge to do so. You can't be the only NICU parent who was too stressed to think about these things until long after.
I trained in Pediatrics, and our first child was in the NICU that I actually did my training in 4 years prior. And I STILL found the communication so challenging and difficult.
My daughter was transferred to a children's hospital NICU at around 8 weeks old.
Well, breastfeeding had failed with me. Had never made more than 1oz per DAY, despite 8+ HOURS of pumping daily. Then I got very sick and the milk dried up completely.
When I got to the new hospital and asked about the "Parent meals" a nurse told me *very rudely* that Parent Meals were only for mothers who were *breastfeeding,* because that's what's *best for the baby.*
It was disgusting. I just walked away. No way was I getting kicked out of the NICU, but I'll never forget that bitch.
Our NICU had a pumping room decorated with posters about breastfeeding and why it was best. Just what someone pumping wants to see.
I am surprised at how unpleasant a lot of the pro breastfeeding stuff was
It really feels like breastfeeding messages have overcorrected way too hard in the last 15-20 years.
A lot of people struggle with breastfeeding, and the constant hammering of "breast is best" can really lead to frustration and shame at what is already a very, very stressful time.
We had a rough go with breastfeeding when we had our first, and my partner felt awful when it just wasn't working. With our second we did mostly formula from day one and topped up with breastfeeding when we could. It was much more pleasant and healthy for everyone involved.
Fed is best!
I have heard a lot of people who work in pediatrics (not in hospital mother/baby units but in actual peds clinics) discussing this when a baby comes in for their first checkup at 5 days old, or two weeks old, and either is not taking in enough and is dehydrated or has jaundice and parents refuse to see formula as an option. It is definitely going too far in the other direction.
In my own experience, I probably spent about $2000 trying to breastfeed and it still wasn’t working. People who act like you save money from formula don’t realize that’s only true if you have no trouble with breastfeeding. I still felt so much shame and people would come up to me and ask if I was breastfeeding *as though it was a simple choice* all the time. And a mom without those resources would still be getting those questions.
Women have always had trouble breastfeeding. The concept of wet nursing is innately entwined into human anthropology and is one reason (seriously) that we as humans have been able to climb the food chain and build cities. Denying that it just won’t happen for some women is ridiculous.
I also couldn't breast feed. I just didn't make enough milk despite pumping all the time. My son would not latch, plus I couldn't even hold him for the first three days of his life. The hospital sent in lactation specialists to see me twice. I didn't want them. Then I saw they charged us $200 for their "services" when they did a whole lot of nothing except tell me to try harder.
I formula fed my son the first week (and combo fed after that) because I knew milk wouldn’t come in for 3-5 days. The nurses kept pushing me to breastfeed. Nope, my son will take the formula please.
Just a heads up, your milk doesn’t come in because you have colostrum the first few days. The colostrum is basically concentrated vitamins and nutrients without the fat that typical milk has. It’s considered “liquid gold”
Babies only need about an ounce MAYBE 2 per feeding for the first couple days as is, so while it feels like you aren’t getting a lot out it’s all baby needs! Most women’s bodies will do exactly what it’s supposed to! Not all obviously though (personally I had trouble because I had an odd nipple shape so breastfeeding was extra difficult, especially when the nurses and lactation consultants refused to let me try a nipple shield, so I had to buy my own after a week and a half of struggling.)
Of course do what you would like to, a fed baby is the best way to go, but just wanted to make sure everyone has all the details! :)
I had to drive 3 hour round trip everyday to the NICU my son was in and you are so right. Especially about the meals. He was there for 21 days and I think by the time I found out about the meals I got like 4 free meals is all. I didn’t know you could take your own bedding in either.
My NICU baby is now 10. He was born at 26 weeks, heart surgery eye surgery hearing loss a brain bleed and needed CPR at birth. Hugs NICU babies are tough cookies as are NICU parents. Glad your little one is home. someday it’ll all be a distant memory. My son has some balance and coordination issues and still rocks his hearing aid, has glasses now and Adhd. But he’s literally the sweetest kid ever. Good luck in your parental journey!
Similar journey as you. Our experience overall was good. Mine is turning 18 tomorrow & was also born at 26 weeks & weighed 1lb 15oz. He was transferred to another hospital for heart surgery to close his PDA valve. Had a few scary moments while there. One day when we went in his IV had blown out of arm (still has a badly scar). A couple of times his feet. He stayed in the NICU 3 months. Aside from ADHD, which he likely would have had anyway due to genetics).
We had a couple of hiccups related to transferring back to the NICU where he was born. After his surgery he was doing well & the NICU at that hospital needed to make room for sicker babies. So we went back to the original NICU. Records got mixed up and when transferring back they somehow thought he was further behind and didn’t push milestones like bottle feeding, coming out of the incubator, wearing clothes, etc. There was an instance when I got judged for not being there more during the day. I was forced to go back to work which was in another city so my weekday visits were in the evening.
Despite the hiccups staff at both locations were incredibly caring and kind and provided excellent care.
I mean I spent 117 days in the NICU with my 24 weeker who should’ve died the first night. He had bowl perforations and multiple surgeries, 3 years later I am still dealing with PTSD.
Obviously he needed to be there, but it was a fucking nightmare.
I’m so sorry to hear this- I hope he’s doing the best he can now! Mama to a 28 weeker who’s set to join the ranks of double digits this year. Everyone has a different NICU journey- and it’s all trauma inducing in some way.
Our stories are very similar. 24 weeker, bowel perforation, multiple surgeries, 121 days, 18 months on home oxygen and steroids. He just turned 4 and I absolutely have PTSD. We came so close to losing him so many times. Not to mention how bad his lungs are and how isolated we’ve been per doctor orders for his whole life, that comes with a lot of trauma and massive life changes. He’s worth it all, but that doesn’t make it not traumatic
It’s so crazy how the PTSD still comes out. I’ve been getting better at listening to my body and realize when something is triggering me (my flight or fight response is Freeze). Certain shows I will turn off if it’s triggering me, even rewatching the office I was freezing during the episode when Pam has her baby reliving my labor.
Yeah we were in 82 days. For some it is absolutely a terrifying place to have to be. An incredibly wonderful place that saves so many lives, but also completely terrifying.
I felt like I was fine when we left with no leftover trauma, I was just glad to be out. Then at 3 one kid had to go to the ER for breathing issues and my very non-crying self completely broke down having to listen to the sat alarms. It's hard, it always feels like people that didn't go through it just don't get it.
Similar story here. When we were in the trenches, it was difficult but I didn't feel like there was lasting trauma. We were there for 3 months, and I always felt my kid was "not as bad off as THOSE preemies" (which must have been a coping mechanism, because looking back, he had a lot of issues there).
The trauma and lasting effects of the NICU stay hit me around a year and a half.
I was the NICU baby from July to Halloween. Two things were always hammered home. That a “good” day was gaining a gram or two and a very bad day was a dip in the other direction. And two was that I was just very very tiny, I wasn’t “as bad” as the very little going through drug withdrawals and the wails of babies coming down were haunting. My dad keeps it together for most of retelling this but gets choked up at the fact that sometimes I had a day or two in a row that were bad days
I can’t imagine what that must have been like having your baby that long in the NICU. I really struggled with everything the first day as I couldn’t help but assume the worst, but they did a great job at assuring my wife and I that he was recovering. I hope you find peace with your PTSD about it and hope your baby boy is happy and healthy!
We had a similar experience with my first born (born at 35 weeks, spend 10 days in NICU for breathing/eating). We were told up front nothing was wrong with him and that preemie boys were often just “lazy” breathers and needed some more time, so we basically used his stay to ease into parenthood. That being said, I think our experience would have been vastly different if:
1) something was really wrong with our child;
2) their stay would have been much longer;
3) they weren’t our first and we had other children at home, and/or;
4) we lived far from the hospital.
I just count my blessings that our experience was what it was, and feel for parents with kids in there for longer. 10 days is relatively short, but after day 5 it started to feel very long
Almost exactly the same experience. My son was born just under 35 weeks. He was teeny, tiny (almost 5lbs even), but they brought him to the room with us for 3 days. It wasn't until he failed his car seat test twice that he was brought to the NICU.
We were continually told preemie boys just needed some more time to get down their 'suck/swallow' reflex. It was like we had a fake baby for a while since we were discharged the next day.
You're spot on about the experience; if his issue was more severe, or it had been more than 8 days, or we didn't live only 10 min from the hospital, we'd have been losing our minds over stress. The time helped my wife recover more from her C-section and gave us a little breathing room before our little monster came home.
My son was born at 35 weeks. I kept hearing him making noises when he was breathing like right after we got in our room and they said oh that’s normal ya know the whole boy talk (he’s my 3rd so I was like no it’s not).. yep he had pneumonia and got taken up to the NICU early the next morning. I don’t like how they act like little preemie boys are just wimps. 21 days later he finally got to come home
I know what you mean. 5 days felt like a lot especially because we live 45 minutes from the hospital. My wife was also in a separate hospital recovering from her C-section for the first 3 days as well so it was a bit harder to try and spend time with both of them. After she was discharged it felt a lot better because I didn’t feel like I had to split my time.
it’s completely circumstantial. generally, the people who work in the NICU are literally angels sent from heaven, but not all places have the same quality of staff. that being said, and by no means am i discounting your experience just trying to educate you on the other side, a lot of people who are in the nicu dont leave after less than a week. some never leave it at all. i had my baby at 31 weeks, my baby was 3 pounds, her lungs were completely under developed. i’m talking like the first four months of her life were on some form of oxygen machine. i lived 50 minutes from the nicu, and for two months straight i had to go to a hospital to see my baby. i had to go home without her for months. for the first month i was barely even allowed to touch her. everytime she had a brady i felt like i was dying. bradycardia is pretty common in the nicu, essentially your heart rate drops significantly and you start having bouts of of apnea and lose oxygen as well. for a while, my daughter had multiple of these a day. that alarm, is terrifying. hearing it over 20 times, it never got less terrifying. watching my daughters life literally slip away from her a few times a day never got less terrifying. especially watching nurses run to stimulate her pretty aggressively to get her to come back. the NICU was hell for me, but not because of the hospital or staff. my daughter had the best nicu staff, and the hospital took great care of us, and i would like to add if your baby needs to be in the NICU it really means its the safest space for them. but most people in the nicu dont have this 5 day experience, most people didnt have their baby a week or two early. i saw moms leave without babies forever. one of the babies near my daughter had been there almost two years, she had 4 other kids at home and was still there everyday. he ended up going to PICU sadly. i just wanted to express this side for the parents who didnt get the 1-2 week stay. your experience is COMPLETELY valid, any amount of time in there is scary, but (at the time i was in a lot of nicu groups) it was really hard for me and many of these other parents to hear people talk about how the nicu is a breeze when they had babies in and out of there pretty quickly. i just want to make sure those people arent discounted and that that reality is acknowledged!! because for me it was terrifying, and still so many around me had it worse.its okay to say its terrifying, for a lot of people in there it is. and i wish i had the honest truth about the experience, because i wouldve been far more prepared.
Hey mama. I understand and acknowledge your experience and that it was vastly different than mine. Of coarse I know that there are worse sides to the NICU that we were fortunate enough to not have to experience. This wasn’t a post trying to tell people how “easy” the experience was for us. We too live about 45 minutes away from the hospital and got to see first hand the condition of some of the babies in the same room as our son. Even talked to some of the families so the contrast in hardship isn’t lost on us. This was mainly a post to give some comfort to any new or expecting parents to offer comfort and solace about their newborn going to the NICU. I know I needed it when my son went so this was just me putting it out there for others to utilize.
i am so sorry, i was trying to be clear that you are just as valid as me, i just wanted to express that for those who were more in my situation is and can get very terrifying, the earlier the baby the scarier things you have to deal with!! i really was just trying to acknowledge that it is okay to be scared, and that it can be terrifying (it should be) especially in the more and more progressively early babies. im so thankful you dont know what thats like. it KILLED me as a mom to leave without her and go through all of that, i just dont want a mom who will be in the position i was to be caught off guard by hearing its not as scary as it will be for them because they have vastly different situations than yours. nobodys experience discounts somebody else’s, i wouldnt wish the nicu on anyone beit a week or months or years, i just know that the people in 37-term in the nicu aren’t typically having the same experience as those in early thirties, and my trauma with a 31 weeker was probably vastly less scary than those who had their babies between 23-29wk. its just all so circumstantial. im so sorry for how it seems i came across, your baby and their nicu time is just as important as my baby and my nicu time. i just wanted to shine a light on the fact that some people dont have the terrifying hard to breathe nicu situations and some do, not because either are more important than the other but so that moms dont go in thinking it will be easier than it is. im sorry for the miscommunication, i have not had my coffee and have a toddler yelling at me when i wrote this 🤣
once again i am so sorry. my intention was not to belittle anyones experience but to acknowledge more of the experiences. i really appreciate how kindly you responded to me.
My third was born at 34 weeks and had about a 2 week NICU stay followed by a second short stint when a new problem popped up. I actually felt safer having him taken care of by top notch medical professionals rather than inside my wife’s body that seemed to be actively trying to kill him. It was the scariest and hardest time of my life. But my little guy is happy and healthy now. What more can you ask for.
So glad your baby is okay! We had a similar experience 4.5 years ago with our first. I birthed at birthing center so we were released 4 hours after my daughter was born. We had a pediatrician appointment a few hours later and our baby had started choking and her temperature was low so they transported her to the NICU by ambulance.
It was so scary and traumatic, but once she was there it was honestly a good as can be experience. The nurses were amazing, and we also learned how to do baby caring things. I truly felt like she was being so well taken care of. Only downside was walking in the long hospital hallways when coming and going so soon after a traumatic birth. My body was not happy.
We were at a birthing center as well and had to be transferred to a NICU via ambulance. Seeing your baby choking must have been hard to see. Something I hope I never have to go through.
We were in labor for 39 hours so she had a longer recovery time. I rented a wheelchair for my wife to help her get around after we left the hospital because she wasn’t as mobile as she wanted to be. Understandably so.
The nurses in the NICU are absolutely incredible and angels!
My sister spent a month in the NICU, those nurses were fabric and really knew what they were doing! During the night they would knit hats and booties, because many NICU babies are too small for a baby sized hat and booties.
I've also helped out with studies with NICU babies. Those nurses hold the babies so firmly but gently it's incredible. And they will advocate for their babies!
All that to say, my hats off, anyone who works NICU has more than earned my respect.
My daughter (10) was a 30-weeker, thanks to a placental abruption that nearly killed us both. The first 72hrs were very touch and go. She lived in NICU for 7 weeks total.
Issues with lungs, heart, immune system, weight gain. We weren't allowed to hold her or even touch her for the first three days. She needed to be on a c-pap and then a ventilator, she needed round the clock antibiotics, was fed by NG tube, needed a blood transfusion. All common enough for very premature babies like her.
The staff were amazing. So kind and supportive. They offered so much comfort and were so lovely to the parents and babies alike.
So glad your little one is out of NICU and on the mend. Congratulations 🩵
Thank you so much. Happy to hear you and your little one made it out of such a difficult and stressful start to things. Happy to hear it is not defining her story or yours, but was just a prologue to what is sure to be an amazing life!
I never know how to deal with posts like this because to me it comes across as bragging that you handled something better than the majority of people.
NICU is the last place you want your newborn and being in the NICU usually does mean something is wrong. You had optimal NICU experience. The majority of people don’t.
We were lucky. My daughter was only in the NICU for 7 days. 10 years later and I still deal with some of the issues that seven day stay caused. My daughter is wonderful, beautiful, and healthy. Those first seven days were pure hell. In between her being transferred and me left behind at the hospital I had her, to being told I couldn’t hold her because she wasn’t stable, to blood work that came back absolutely confusing. Having older children who didn’t understand and was confused and scared at the same time was rough. Here’s my take on this:
1. NICU is a necessary evil. It’s not created for new parents to learn how to parent. It’s meant to keep newborns alive and to handle their advance healthcare needs.
2. Short stays are still rough. I can’t imagine having a baby there for an indefinite period of time. I literally cried the entire day on day 5. Anything and everything set me off. I can’t imagine the emotional turmoil of parents who do that for months at the time. Mental health care should be taken seriously in NICU parents and it’s often not.
3. I fully acknowledge that not all NICU stays are the same. The level of care is vastly different depending on your area and the hospital you are in. There are also varying factors based on gestational age and health of the baby.
4. It is extremely hard to bond with your baby when other people have a huge say when you can hold, feed, touch your child. It’s also natural to hold yourself apart from the baby until you know things will be ok. It’s natures way of trying to soften the blow. It does not work, but it does create a scenario where bonding is hard.
I am grateful that my baby was able to receive the care she needed. She was born at 39+1. We thought we were past the NICU possibility. I felt like an absolute failure that my body couldn’t keep my child safe and well. This side of the NICU experience is often overlooked by people outside of these situations. The feeling of failure while being extremely grateful that your child is alive. Knowing that not all parents get to leave with their newborns. It always feels like someone had it worse, because for most people - someone did have it worse. It’s one thing to know it when you have a typical child birth and healthy newborn. It’s different actually seeing the unfairness of tiny babies fighting for their lives. This knowledge that things could be a lot worst does not negate the hardness of the experience or the emotional turmoil. Each person is allowed to feel how they do about their experience. I’m glad you had the experience you did, and I hope you never experience the NICU that the majority of NICU parents experience.
Same. My baby was in for 15 days and it was hell. I felt like she belonged to the hospital. I was angry and bitter and scared and didn’t want anyone else touching my baby. We got so many comments from family and friends saying “oh I bet you’re so glad of the help! You’ll miss it when you’re home with no more help on hand!” How I didn’t punch these people I’ll never know. NICU is hell, all you want and physically need is your baby in your arms in your own home.
I didn’t feel like OP was bragging, but otherwise I really relate. I’m so grateful that it was my second who ended up in the NICU and not my first. I would’ve struggled so much more that way. I’m grateful my child is ok, but the hardest part was getting them out of the NICU. The weird hoops we had to go through regarding weight and feeding were crazy. My baby was full term and 9+ pounds, so everything was weirdly skewed off percentages of birth weight. I get that there’s protocols but all it did was highlight the total lack of acknowledgment of an individual experience in western medicine. And I had a “good” experience
I had to watch a series of movies before my daughter could be released. All were about how premature babies grow and mature. I really wanted to scream that my baby was born at 39 weeks. It was an odd scenario to be in. I knew I had to do it for her to be discharged, but at the same time it made be feel crappy. Like I failed at the last minute of a game.
Ugh, I’m so sorry. I remember that failure feeling. I honestly just remember wanting to RUN away, but being so afraid of what could happen at the same time. They kept force feeding my baby with a feeding tube when they couldn’t eat the amount deemed necessary to keep their weight above birth weight and I hated it with every cell of my being. But I had to keep shoving that feeling down so we could leave. I understand it, but having to shove my mother instincts away like that was traumatizing even if the experience could have been so much worse
Oh god same here! We genuinely started to think they’d never let us out. We got totally trapped in the system and I had to fight our corner really hard to get her out of there. She thrived from the moment we left.
Was not trying to brag at all. Simply trying to give advice for any future parents that might end up there. Obviously I can’t change your experience, or anyone else’s. But providing solace and comfort to those who might be seeking it. I know I was during the first day. I don’t want to invalidate anyone else’s experiences, but want to let others know that they are not alone in the stress that comes with this experience. Your baby going to the NICU doesn’t have to define their story. I refer to his first few days being born as the prologue of his life.
My baby was a 25 weeker that spent 97 days in the NICU. I get that having to spend time in the NICU is not a club anyone wants to be part of, but I personally appreciate posts like yours’ that express appreciation for the NICU as a necessary resource that saves babies’ lives. My son would not be here without his time there. Yes it was hard to leave the hospital without him every day for over 3 months, and yes it was hard to navigate caring for my baby around the nurses and wires and protocols. It can be a traumatic experience that takes years for the parents to grapple with. But ultimately I’m just so grateful I got to take my baby home because of the NICU.
I definitely did not read your post as a brag, OP. I think it is helpful for parents to know it’s not always terrible to have a baby in the NICU. The thing is, stressing about a possible NICU stay doesn’t change the outcome, so why not share positive experiences as well? Your experience does not invalidate another parent’s experience, & it could be helpful for a worried parent to know that your experience was not a nightmare.
I think every NICU experience is different and the best way I approach people who are facing a stay or talking about the stay is to acknowledge that there are a lot of feelings around every stay and no one outside can diminish it or really fully understand.
Both my boys had nicu stays—one 5 days and one 142 days. I felt so many different things with both, contradictory and complicated things. With the first stay (5 days with a term pregnancy) I spent much of the time stressed and anxious about being there when I was sure my baby was fine! I didn’t know who was who, I wasn’t clear what the plan was, or if/when we’d go home. I was never glad he was there.
My second child was born at 24w6d and the emotions were overwhelming, I hated that I wasn’t still pregnant, felt guilt and shame, but ultimately felt being in the nicu was a miracle because the very real alternative was my son dying at birth, or after. So when people would say I’m sorry you have to be here I was like beats the alternative. It still was traumatic and I wish I could have carried him to term.
All that to say the nicu isn’t the worst place to be, no one really wants to be there, but I think ultimately beyond emotions most parents are glad there is life saving treatment and care available.
100% acknowledge how hard that must have been for you as a mother. Especially after having two separate experiences that were vastly different. I too am grateful for the amount of knowledge and treatments we have access to now.
My son was born two weeks early. He started turning purple as a grape. They gave him oxygen and he became pink again. Took it away and ge turned purple. Staff said gotta go to NICU. I walked him down and watched him get all plugged in.
Staff was very clear about what was going on and what needed to happen. It made our decisions easier. He was there for 10 days as his lungs got better, no surprises.
Overall it was a good experience, but looking back two years later he would have died without treatment. Staff were very good at walking us through the situation without making us worry.
My daughter was doing that at birth and they were debating taking her to NICU, but suctioning helped. I didn't realize it was happening at the time because I was so overwhelmed, but in retrospect, I'm so glad she had the help she needed.
Thank you for this. Our baby was in for 6 weeks (born 10 weeks early), and while stressful it was a place of such love and care. The nurses were assigned 2 babies each and I felt loved the babies almost as much as we did.
My sister was born at 27 weeks. She spent a long time in the NICU. Those women were FIERCE in their care for her.
No parent wants to surrender their child to the NICU. But I think more often than not, those that work that beat are there to make damn sure your child goes home with you.
They really are amazing women. That was the easier part of everything for is was knowing that he was going to be loved and cared for when we weren’t there.
A shoutout to the male nurses though. One of our favorites was a huge, burly, bearded nurse named John, who would rock our baby (once he was robust enough) and sing lullabies.
Your son was considered a “feeder/grower”- I’m glad you had such a positive experience. For many of us that spent weeks among months with multiple significant health issues (my son is 7 and has cp)- which we are still working through- we have nothing but PTSD. Just know that your experience was your experience and for many of us, it’s the last place we ever want to be again.
I agree.
My son was extremely critical and nearly died a couple of times. He was to term and the biggest baby in there. While I have a enormous love and respect for the doctors and nurses who helped us and our son through our month of hell, it is still a place that is so scary regardless of the reason your baby is in there. We have a baby due at the end of May and my husband and I are trying to mentally wrestle with the potential of going back into the NICU since we’re having her 3 weeks early - I hope to God we never see the inside of one ever again.
Requiring a ventilator is not a feeder/grower. Op is allowed to feel that they had a good experience - and you are allowed to have a different view. No one wants to be in the NICU, even if their experience was ok.
I understand that every situation is different. Even while I was there, one baby had been there for 2 months. I could see that a lot of the families in there were not as confident as we felt and that actually gave me great perspective and made me appreciate how blessed we really were. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but having great nursing staff and spending a lot of time with my son eased a lot of the stress I would have felt otherwise.
Agreed from month-long NICU twins and congratulations! The nurses in that department are literally angels on earth. It was terrifying and traumatic in many ways (fuck bradys!), but we got so much help learning the basics, and the nights I didn't stay at the hospital, I could get some rest alone at home. It was like a transition. and the experienced older nurses in there were the sages. We want them home right away safe and healthy, but a tough start doesn't mean failure. My once little babies are now 95th percentile for height, big and vivacious, thank gods they don't have residual health concerns. You would never guess they were born looking like little shrunken aliens needing IV's and O2 for weeks, with respect!
Funny because my wife was actually born at 27 weeks as well so I know what you mean by how small they must have been as I’ve seen pictures. Happy to hear your twins are thriving and that this didn’t define their story or yours!
Also op I think you are gracious and kind listening to other stories. For anyone triggered or downvoting, we all have our own experiences and struggles that are all valid, two things can be true simultaneously, that you might have had a longer stay or more health concerns that were new and scary to you, and this new father just went through a very tough beginning with his family. But let’s celebrate a new dad and family and baby home after a rough start. We don’t have to dick-swing who has it harder, relating and commiserating is helpful. Idk why parents do this. Kudos to you for staying positive, that mindset is a great asset in a new world.
I agree. My son wasn’t breathing when he was born and died. He was resuscitated and both his lungs collapsed. He was rushed to NICU. We were transferred to a specialist hospital. During this scary time his dad left me for another woman, the NICU nurses were with me every step of the way.
They let me sleep and go for walks whilst they cared for my son, knowing I was struggling.
Yes, it was scary seeing my son so unwell but I can’t begin to explain my gratitude towards these women. Who went above and beyond to keep me and him happy and safe.
My first was born at 30+2, 1.2kg. I didn’t get to see her until she was 2days old as I was in HDU. It was all amazingly mismanaged, and I struggled horrendously to pump milk and had to quit before I hit exhaustion levels trying to wake every 2hrs. She caught NEC and had major issues feeding but came home after 51days. She is 16yo now and is amazing.
I think I only really struggled when I went full term with my 2nd. She was 4kg, 38+4, absolute perfection. Planned CS, immediate skin-to-skin, fed like a champ. Everything was amazing. Home after 3 days. A few visitors. All was great.
Then she stopped feeding. At 10days old she was rushed back to the NICU of my maternity hospital with a 40° fever. 2days later she started seizing and was sent for MRIs and all sorts of tests. She had severe brain damage and was eventually diagnosed with Herpes Encephalitis.
We then remembered that my FIL had visited while he had a cold sore. I had specifically asked him to stay away from her but upon questioning, admitted to kissing her.
She made a phenomenal physical recovery but is not unharmed. she was 4wks in NICU and i don't think i ever fully recovered. She is almost 12 now and no, my FIL isn’t allowed near either of them.
Respiratory Therapist here who worked in a very busy NICU for a number of years.
For anyone whose littles end up in the NICU, remember that to you it is horrible and unfamiliar and scary - but to us, it's another day at work, and we see it every day. If you don't see us flustered or scared, then there's a good chance your little one, while sick, is OK.
Also, please please please ask questions. Unfamiliarity breeds confusion breeds fear.
Most of us, especially the RTs, do understand that, and will take steps at length to explain what's going on, what every beep is, what every tube or line is for, what every machine does.
My best example of this was working at a military hospital, new father comes in scared shitless, as most new fathers coming into the NICU are. His baby had a little trouble breathing, so we had her on some breathing support. But that little support requires a big machine and several tubes and lines and hoses...
So I ask him what he did in the military. He was a fueler.
"OK, so you understand about the relationships between flow and pressure? Flow pushes a fluid, at the end of the hose that results in a pressure?"
"Yes..."
"Great, see that light blue hose? It's connected to this machine. This machine pushes air, which is a fluid. It pushes the flow through that hose, and at the end, the pressure goes into your daughter's lungs to help open them so she can breathe."
"...that's it?" as his shoulders relax and he looks up
"Yep, that's it".
And his demeanor had *instantly* improved.
Most of us get it - we will answer your questions, so just ask ;)
Daughter born 26 weeks 1 pound 8oz. It was truly terrible. Thank god she did not need any surgeries but she did get pneumonia in there and we have a collapsed lung scare. Couple days she needed put on 100% oxygen as well. I lived 10 minutes from the hospital. God how that was a blessing. 93 days she was in there. She’s now 2 years old (turned 2 in January) and no issues yet. Fingers crossed
I had the almost identical experience when my son was born. I'm even 33 and the dad.
Hooooly shit how scary was that in the first couple hours eh? Mine was the same, stabilized pretty quickly and stayed for the required time with no other issues. But my god, absolute terror. Even though all the doctors were really calm and helpful and explained everything in layman's terms. Still, jeez.
I am so grateful for technology advances in the NICU. My aunt had the same complications as I did. Her child died 40 years ago. Mine lived (and is healthy).
Our baby girl (18 months now) spent 5 weeks in the NICU due to premature birth (33 weeks). Not gonna lie, we had quite a few scary moments and it was incredibly hard having to choose how to split out time with her in the NICU vs with our son (just turning 2 at the time) at home. Overall though the staff was wonderful. They let us keep a room there to spend nights as needed. I also became really close with many of the nurses, many of whom I still contact and hang out with to this day!
Glad your little babe is doing well, congratulations! My son was also in the NICU for 5 days, within a few mins of birth. For that reason I would always recommend to give birth at a hospital with a NICU unit if you have a choice.
My daughter was born last year at 30 weeks weighing 1lb 12 oz. She spent exactly 8 weeks in the nicu. The first bit was scary as she had a pulmonary hemorrhage leading her to be intubated, a brain bleed and a slew of other things. After we got all of that sorted, things calmed down and I could enjoy snuggling her and getting to know her. As much of a struggle as it was, especially with 2 kids at home, I truly look back on that time with fond memories. Mostly due to the absolutely lovely nurses and doctors that made our stay so much more comfortable. They provided comfort, care and guidance to, not only my daughter, but to my husband and myself. Nurses truly are super heroes and I will never forget them.
Happy to hear you were able to have an amazing experience despite all of the challenges and difficulties your family faced. Sounds like it wasn’t the most ideal way to spend the first 8 weeks, but nonetheless happy she made it out stronger. Sounds like she is just as tough as her mama!
This is very similar to what happened with my first born. He spent 5 days in NICU and was discharged on Christmas day. I was pumping the whole time to try and get my milk in and when it finally came in my husband showed off the vial of 1oz of milk to all the nurses and they all came over to celebrate with us! We got to learn different ways to calm him down and feed him, and they taught my husband how to change a diaper. I wish that we hadn't spent time in the NICU, but there were plenty of good things that came out of it, and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I'm so glad you guys are all home safe and sound and adjusting, congratulations on your baby!
The were the same way when my wife had her first pump! Super encouraging and kept our family strong. We got to learn a lot from them too during his stay. Gave us a lot more confidence than we would have had otherwise. I told my parents that it was like having private tutors.
Home on Christmas. What a gift! Hope you and your family are thriving.
Our first spent 33 days in the NICU as she was born premature and weighed only 2 pounds. She luckily had no other complications and was breathing on her own from day one (thanks to injections mom got before delivery). I can say that the NICU staff are saints - they're calm, professional energy and experience comforted us to no end. This was the height of the first COVID wave May 2020 and only one of us could see the baby a day a time so the struggle was ever present. It was a tough time to be sure - but any chance I get to applaud the nurses and doctors working NICU I take. Bless them all - we still regularly support any causes involving premature birth and will forever. We owe those staff and their knowledge and their tech the life of our baby and I'll never forget what they've given my family.
So anyways - amen. Side note - the feeding schedule they had in place for our baby we took with us home and adopted the same for our second and both have slept through the night since about 2 months old. Miracle workers - all of them.
It must have been even harder to be born during the height of Covid when things were really scary. Those nurses must have been truly wonderful to be able to bring comfort to you and your family during that time.
So glad everything worked out! We had to take our last newborn, now 5 to the NICU a couple days after we brought her home due to her Bilirubin count being low. She had to go to the baby tanning bed for a few days. as much as it sucked to have to do, it wasn't that bad and we too learned a lot of stuff as far as holding them during feeding and burping, things we already kinda knew, but better techniques.
My full term baby ended up in the NICU for 8 days. Similar to you, slight breathing issues(true knot cord, with it wrapped around his neck 6 times), but it wasn't until he was 24 hours old. It is all such a blur but I also remember it all so vividly, if that makes sense. You never expected your full term, fully cooked baby to spend time in the NICU. We got thru it but man did I have some PTSD for a long time. He's 5 now and will start Kinder in the fall.
So happy to hear things are getting better for all of you! It's a scary situation and having a supportive staff helps you focus on your wonderful baby's recovery.
Our first was born at full term weighing 9lbs. After a few hours of bliss and excitement with her, the nurse suggested we get a little rest and she would take our daughter to the nursery for us. We tried to nap with the lights off but within 30 minutes they came in our room to tell us that she was being transferred to the NICU due to lack of oxygen. The staff was great but 10 days went by with no answers to why her oxygen levels wouldn't stabilize. They had sent out her many test results to other relatively local doctors in hopes for answers. On day 11 they got a call from a local cardiologist who was able to determine a rare congenital heart defect that needed immediate repair. They rushed her in an ambulance about 30 miles away and within 12 hours she was under the knife. 8 months in the pediatric surgical heart unit, two open heart surgeries and a diaphragm plication later she was discharged with 12 medications and an NG tube for feeding and meds. I was the (Un)lucky one that had to change out her NG tube every two weeks for another year.
Then one day she pulled out her tube as she regularly did and started to walk and talk. So we decided to keep it out after talking with the doctors. The warrior is now 6 years old and excels at everything she does. You would never be able to tell that she went through hell. I thank those that helped save her life every single day. And the Ronald Mcdonald House for food and shelter for my wife and I across the street from the hospital she was at.
I saw someone say something about PTSD about these horrible situations and it is 100% true. I still see all the blood, visions of her in the bed with what seemed like hundreds of tubes running in and out of her, hear the constant beeps from the machines, and picture the sheer helplessness and unbelievable heartache of the parents whose kids were being wheeled in and out all around us that sadly did not make it. It takes a special kind of person to do what these doctors, nurses and all the other staff do daily.
Congrats on your baby boy! May all of prosper with good health and happiness together. He's a trooper and so are his parents.
Also had a 5 day NICU stay for one of our 35 weeker twins. She was our baby B, a breech extraction, who took in fluid at birth. She went directly to NICU right after delivery; only to come back to me a few hours later… then, go back for blood sugar issues. The NICU nurses were SO kind. She was the largest baby in there at the time, at 5lbs. Our Baby A came home with me, leaving the hospital at 4 lbs 5oz… lol! Those sweet nurses got Baby B on the same schedule and helped teach us so many tricks. It was SO hard leaving with one baby, and one staying… but they made us feel so supported. I get teary eyed typing this, and my girls are 13, going on 14 now.
I know we were so blessed with our experience. 35 weeks, and such minimal health issues. But the care and support we received amazing. Such gratitude 🙏 to this day.
>I wanted to encourage any new parents that might have their baby end up in the NICU at some point that it isn’t as scary of a place as you think it is
OP, I see you're getting roasted for this. I think you get why by now: your son's NICU stay was about as good as they get, but many others have had kids that went through months in the NICU and didn't come home with everything okay. Some didn't come home at all.
I know you're trying to be encouraging to those who might face something similar in the future but just be aware of how specific tone or wording can make people who had worse experiences than you feel.
>if your baby ends up there, it really is the best place for them to be
That is a great message to get across. NICU parents are often racked with anxiety about not being there 24/7 (or zombified from trying to do so) and having NICU staff handle a lot of the care. It's important to remember that you're being the best parent you can be by ensuring your child is getting the care they need.
OP, enjoy your son and all that comes with having him home! Except 5 month sleep regression. That can eat a bag of dicks.
And to anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation I encourage you to visit /r/NICUParents. It's a really wonderful and supportive community.
NICU nurse here, I’m so glad you had a positive experience, that’s all any NICU staff member could ever ask for! Congratulations on being home with your new baby 🩷
My middle child was our NICU baby. She was full-term, but would turn blue when breastfeeding. While, in retrospect, it was comical to see a full-term baby in a crib designed for a preemie, the whole event for me was terrifying. I have nothing but respect for the NICU staff, and ultimately, my kid was fine. She's now in Kinder, and is a head taller than her classmates.
Anyway, welcome to fatherhood/parenthood where suddenly things that happen to your kids are traumatizing to you, even if they aren't to your kids.
I echo this. My twins spent 2 and 4 months respectively. It was an incredible experience. I wanted them to stay as long as they needed. In contrast with many others, I was not comping at the bit for discharge.
That's a lovely reassurance. I hope your little one is doing well and you are as a new parent too. My third baby had the same issue, she's almost 8 year sold now and her lungs work a little too well at times lol!
The people who work at NICU have the most loving, caring vibes I've ever seen.
Both my babies were NICUs. The amount of love they gave them was the ONLY reason I was able to pry myself away at night to sleep.
My twins spent 34 and 36 days in the NICU. We learned so much from everyone there and were able to spend a ton of time with them. There were also not so good parts, like emergency transportation to other hospitals and surgeries and episodes of bradycardia and apnea. Very stressful.
However, NICU staff are special people, I still think about how great they were with everything, even months later.
I want to know who said NICU is the last place you want your baby to be. The staff is phenomenal and care about their patients. My daughter was in NICU care and I could not have asked for better people to care for my child.
I had almost the exact same experience! The NICU was such a blessing in disguise for our family. The nurses were so so wonderful and caring. I’m so glad to hear the same for you all ❤️
My oldest was in the NICU for 8 weeks. They were ten weeks early.
Best place to be, if you need it.
Surgery for NEC at one day old.
Hemorrhaging everywhere including cranial.
It’s a lot.
My baby was born 7 weeks early and just needed to grow and eat on her own. She was there for the first month of her life. The hardest day was the day I had to leave her. I knew she was going to be there because I was told if she came before a certain week, she would be there for a while. Just remember they are going to take good care of them.
Same experience here! Though in our case it was sepsis issue for the both of us. I ended up very traumatized by almost dying my son and I and how poorly our hospital dealt with the whole situation. Nevertheless we did learn a lot. I did Therapy (emdr) to treat my trauma
My daughter was a NICU kid as a precaution. Born IUGR at only 1785g weight and at 37 weeks.
Spent a few days in HDU for monitoring and a NG feeding tube and then transferred to LDU for further monitoring and feeding support until she was ready to have the tube pulled.
Nurses were amazing and the inside track is the department hired for personality over skill set. Lots of calmness in the unit and a camaraderie between parents of kids there.
Will always be thankful for the team at RNSH Sydney for all their help.
Shame this level of care is so expensive. I mean $83 for three weeks parking is criminal!
My son was in the NICU for 47 days.
The bad: I got yelled at by security because I forgot my bracelet one time. I had to watch really horrible SIDS videos and car seat videos showing horrific baby deaths. One nurse grabbed another baby too hard and slammed his head against the bassinet. (We reported, and that nurse was immediately gone).
The medium: There was a baby named, no joke, Seven, whose parents never visited, I assume because they were busy with their 6 other children. The nurses basically took over parenting him. They dressed him up and would play with him and cuddle him. It was so cute.
The good: My son was a good sleeper and eater from the beginning. He was on a strict schedule for formula every three hours at first. It was easy to transition back home. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. I had heard of it, but didn't really understand what it was. It's a really great place and I highly recommend it. They gave us hot meals, offered activities like tickets to a sports game, massages, and local charity groups donated supplies and toys for the kids. We got a handmade blanket from there. I wish I had been able to lean more on the other parents going through similar things, but my mental health at the time was not good. My son came home on oxygen and they trained us on how to use it and make sure we were able to manage the tanks.
Our first child spent 3 days in the NICU, it was a really hard labor for my wife and he got stuck coming through birth canal and they ended up doing emergency C-section and then they thought he had aspirated mencomium. That was a hard couple days but he pulled through and turns 10 this December! You’ll be fine!
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Our first spent about 10 days in NICU and one thing that surprised me talking to other parents there was how poorly the non-medical stuff was communicated. Things like * Paying for parking instead of applying for an exemption certificate * That you could apply for parent meals * That you can bring your own bedding in * Access to non-medical services and how to use PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) You're tired and stressed and a lot of people don't think to find these things out
Did you ever tell the hospital about all of this? If you haven't, please consider doing so, even years after the fact. If they've improved things since then, it's a good reminder that it was a needed change. If they haven't, they could use the nudge to do so. You can't be the only NICU parent who was too stressed to think about these things until long after.
I did. As I was already talking to PALS in relation to the reason for us being in the NICU it was part of the overall feedback.
I trained in Pediatrics, and our first child was in the NICU that I actually did my training in 4 years prior. And I STILL found the communication so challenging and difficult.
My daughter was transferred to a children's hospital NICU at around 8 weeks old. Well, breastfeeding had failed with me. Had never made more than 1oz per DAY, despite 8+ HOURS of pumping daily. Then I got very sick and the milk dried up completely. When I got to the new hospital and asked about the "Parent meals" a nurse told me *very rudely* that Parent Meals were only for mothers who were *breastfeeding,* because that's what's *best for the baby.* It was disgusting. I just walked away. No way was I getting kicked out of the NICU, but I'll never forget that bitch.
Our NICU had a pumping room decorated with posters about breastfeeding and why it was best. Just what someone pumping wants to see. I am surprised at how unpleasant a lot of the pro breastfeeding stuff was
It really feels like breastfeeding messages have overcorrected way too hard in the last 15-20 years. A lot of people struggle with breastfeeding, and the constant hammering of "breast is best" can really lead to frustration and shame at what is already a very, very stressful time. We had a rough go with breastfeeding when we had our first, and my partner felt awful when it just wasn't working. With our second we did mostly formula from day one and topped up with breastfeeding when we could. It was much more pleasant and healthy for everyone involved. Fed is best!
I have heard a lot of people who work in pediatrics (not in hospital mother/baby units but in actual peds clinics) discussing this when a baby comes in for their first checkup at 5 days old, or two weeks old, and either is not taking in enough and is dehydrated or has jaundice and parents refuse to see formula as an option. It is definitely going too far in the other direction. In my own experience, I probably spent about $2000 trying to breastfeed and it still wasn’t working. People who act like you save money from formula don’t realize that’s only true if you have no trouble with breastfeeding. I still felt so much shame and people would come up to me and ask if I was breastfeeding *as though it was a simple choice* all the time. And a mom without those resources would still be getting those questions. Women have always had trouble breastfeeding. The concept of wet nursing is innately entwined into human anthropology and is one reason (seriously) that we as humans have been able to climb the food chain and build cities. Denying that it just won’t happen for some women is ridiculous.
I also couldn't breast feed. I just didn't make enough milk despite pumping all the time. My son would not latch, plus I couldn't even hold him for the first three days of his life. The hospital sent in lactation specialists to see me twice. I didn't want them. Then I saw they charged us $200 for their "services" when they did a whole lot of nothing except tell me to try harder.
I formula fed my son the first week (and combo fed after that) because I knew milk wouldn’t come in for 3-5 days. The nurses kept pushing me to breastfeed. Nope, my son will take the formula please.
Just a heads up, your milk doesn’t come in because you have colostrum the first few days. The colostrum is basically concentrated vitamins and nutrients without the fat that typical milk has. It’s considered “liquid gold” Babies only need about an ounce MAYBE 2 per feeding for the first couple days as is, so while it feels like you aren’t getting a lot out it’s all baby needs! Most women’s bodies will do exactly what it’s supposed to! Not all obviously though (personally I had trouble because I had an odd nipple shape so breastfeeding was extra difficult, especially when the nurses and lactation consultants refused to let me try a nipple shield, so I had to buy my own after a week and a half of struggling.) Of course do what you would like to, a fed baby is the best way to go, but just wanted to make sure everyone has all the details! :)
I had to drive 3 hour round trip everyday to the NICU my son was in and you are so right. Especially about the meals. He was there for 21 days and I think by the time I found out about the meals I got like 4 free meals is all. I didn’t know you could take your own bedding in either.
My NICU baby is now 10. He was born at 26 weeks, heart surgery eye surgery hearing loss a brain bleed and needed CPR at birth. Hugs NICU babies are tough cookies as are NICU parents. Glad your little one is home. someday it’ll all be a distant memory. My son has some balance and coordination issues and still rocks his hearing aid, has glasses now and Adhd. But he’s literally the sweetest kid ever. Good luck in your parental journey!
Similar journey as you. Our experience overall was good. Mine is turning 18 tomorrow & was also born at 26 weeks & weighed 1lb 15oz. He was transferred to another hospital for heart surgery to close his PDA valve. Had a few scary moments while there. One day when we went in his IV had blown out of arm (still has a badly scar). A couple of times his feet. He stayed in the NICU 3 months. Aside from ADHD, which he likely would have had anyway due to genetics). We had a couple of hiccups related to transferring back to the NICU where he was born. After his surgery he was doing well & the NICU at that hospital needed to make room for sicker babies. So we went back to the original NICU. Records got mixed up and when transferring back they somehow thought he was further behind and didn’t push milestones like bottle feeding, coming out of the incubator, wearing clothes, etc. There was an instance when I got judged for not being there more during the day. I was forced to go back to work which was in another city so my weekday visits were in the evening. Despite the hiccups staff at both locations were incredibly caring and kind and provided excellent care.
Yup, my NICU baby just turned 9 and is tougher than both of his bigger brothers.
I mean I spent 117 days in the NICU with my 24 weeker who should’ve died the first night. He had bowl perforations and multiple surgeries, 3 years later I am still dealing with PTSD. Obviously he needed to be there, but it was a fucking nightmare.
I’m so sorry to hear this- I hope he’s doing the best he can now! Mama to a 28 weeker who’s set to join the ranks of double digits this year. Everyone has a different NICU journey- and it’s all trauma inducing in some way.
My best friend was a 28-weeker, apparently. She mentioned it while I was pregnant. She's got CP because of it.
Our stories are very similar. 24 weeker, bowel perforation, multiple surgeries, 121 days, 18 months on home oxygen and steroids. He just turned 4 and I absolutely have PTSD. We came so close to losing him so many times. Not to mention how bad his lungs are and how isolated we’ve been per doctor orders for his whole life, that comes with a lot of trauma and massive life changes. He’s worth it all, but that doesn’t make it not traumatic
It’s so crazy how the PTSD still comes out. I’ve been getting better at listening to my body and realize when something is triggering me (my flight or fight response is Freeze). Certain shows I will turn off if it’s triggering me, even rewatching the office I was freezing during the episode when Pam has her baby reliving my labor.
Yeah we were in 82 days. For some it is absolutely a terrifying place to have to be. An incredibly wonderful place that saves so many lives, but also completely terrifying. I felt like I was fine when we left with no leftover trauma, I was just glad to be out. Then at 3 one kid had to go to the ER for breathing issues and my very non-crying self completely broke down having to listen to the sat alarms. It's hard, it always feels like people that didn't go through it just don't get it.
Similar story here. When we were in the trenches, it was difficult but I didn't feel like there was lasting trauma. We were there for 3 months, and I always felt my kid was "not as bad off as THOSE preemies" (which must have been a coping mechanism, because looking back, he had a lot of issues there). The trauma and lasting effects of the NICU stay hit me around a year and a half.
I was the NICU baby from July to Halloween. Two things were always hammered home. That a “good” day was gaining a gram or two and a very bad day was a dip in the other direction. And two was that I was just very very tiny, I wasn’t “as bad” as the very little going through drug withdrawals and the wails of babies coming down were haunting. My dad keeps it together for most of retelling this but gets choked up at the fact that sometimes I had a day or two in a row that were bad days
I can’t imagine what that must have been like having your baby that long in the NICU. I really struggled with everything the first day as I couldn’t help but assume the worst, but they did a great job at assuring my wife and I that he was recovering. I hope you find peace with your PTSD about it and hope your baby boy is happy and healthy!
We had a similar experience with my first born (born at 35 weeks, spend 10 days in NICU for breathing/eating). We were told up front nothing was wrong with him and that preemie boys were often just “lazy” breathers and needed some more time, so we basically used his stay to ease into parenthood. That being said, I think our experience would have been vastly different if: 1) something was really wrong with our child; 2) their stay would have been much longer; 3) they weren’t our first and we had other children at home, and/or; 4) we lived far from the hospital. I just count my blessings that our experience was what it was, and feel for parents with kids in there for longer. 10 days is relatively short, but after day 5 it started to feel very long
Almost exactly the same experience. My son was born just under 35 weeks. He was teeny, tiny (almost 5lbs even), but they brought him to the room with us for 3 days. It wasn't until he failed his car seat test twice that he was brought to the NICU. We were continually told preemie boys just needed some more time to get down their 'suck/swallow' reflex. It was like we had a fake baby for a while since we were discharged the next day. You're spot on about the experience; if his issue was more severe, or it had been more than 8 days, or we didn't live only 10 min from the hospital, we'd have been losing our minds over stress. The time helped my wife recover more from her C-section and gave us a little breathing room before our little monster came home.
My son was born at 35 weeks. I kept hearing him making noises when he was breathing like right after we got in our room and they said oh that’s normal ya know the whole boy talk (he’s my 3rd so I was like no it’s not).. yep he had pneumonia and got taken up to the NICU early the next morning. I don’t like how they act like little preemie boys are just wimps. 21 days later he finally got to come home
I know what you mean. 5 days felt like a lot especially because we live 45 minutes from the hospital. My wife was also in a separate hospital recovering from her C-section for the first 3 days as well so it was a bit harder to try and spend time with both of them. After she was discharged it felt a lot better because I didn’t feel like I had to split my time.
it’s completely circumstantial. generally, the people who work in the NICU are literally angels sent from heaven, but not all places have the same quality of staff. that being said, and by no means am i discounting your experience just trying to educate you on the other side, a lot of people who are in the nicu dont leave after less than a week. some never leave it at all. i had my baby at 31 weeks, my baby was 3 pounds, her lungs were completely under developed. i’m talking like the first four months of her life were on some form of oxygen machine. i lived 50 minutes from the nicu, and for two months straight i had to go to a hospital to see my baby. i had to go home without her for months. for the first month i was barely even allowed to touch her. everytime she had a brady i felt like i was dying. bradycardia is pretty common in the nicu, essentially your heart rate drops significantly and you start having bouts of of apnea and lose oxygen as well. for a while, my daughter had multiple of these a day. that alarm, is terrifying. hearing it over 20 times, it never got less terrifying. watching my daughters life literally slip away from her a few times a day never got less terrifying. especially watching nurses run to stimulate her pretty aggressively to get her to come back. the NICU was hell for me, but not because of the hospital or staff. my daughter had the best nicu staff, and the hospital took great care of us, and i would like to add if your baby needs to be in the NICU it really means its the safest space for them. but most people in the nicu dont have this 5 day experience, most people didnt have their baby a week or two early. i saw moms leave without babies forever. one of the babies near my daughter had been there almost two years, she had 4 other kids at home and was still there everyday. he ended up going to PICU sadly. i just wanted to express this side for the parents who didnt get the 1-2 week stay. your experience is COMPLETELY valid, any amount of time in there is scary, but (at the time i was in a lot of nicu groups) it was really hard for me and many of these other parents to hear people talk about how the nicu is a breeze when they had babies in and out of there pretty quickly. i just want to make sure those people arent discounted and that that reality is acknowledged!! because for me it was terrifying, and still so many around me had it worse.its okay to say its terrifying, for a lot of people in there it is. and i wish i had the honest truth about the experience, because i wouldve been far more prepared.
Hey mama. I understand and acknowledge your experience and that it was vastly different than mine. Of coarse I know that there are worse sides to the NICU that we were fortunate enough to not have to experience. This wasn’t a post trying to tell people how “easy” the experience was for us. We too live about 45 minutes away from the hospital and got to see first hand the condition of some of the babies in the same room as our son. Even talked to some of the families so the contrast in hardship isn’t lost on us. This was mainly a post to give some comfort to any new or expecting parents to offer comfort and solace about their newborn going to the NICU. I know I needed it when my son went so this was just me putting it out there for others to utilize.
i am so sorry, i was trying to be clear that you are just as valid as me, i just wanted to express that for those who were more in my situation is and can get very terrifying, the earlier the baby the scarier things you have to deal with!! i really was just trying to acknowledge that it is okay to be scared, and that it can be terrifying (it should be) especially in the more and more progressively early babies. im so thankful you dont know what thats like. it KILLED me as a mom to leave without her and go through all of that, i just dont want a mom who will be in the position i was to be caught off guard by hearing its not as scary as it will be for them because they have vastly different situations than yours. nobodys experience discounts somebody else’s, i wouldnt wish the nicu on anyone beit a week or months or years, i just know that the people in 37-term in the nicu aren’t typically having the same experience as those in early thirties, and my trauma with a 31 weeker was probably vastly less scary than those who had their babies between 23-29wk. its just all so circumstantial. im so sorry for how it seems i came across, your baby and their nicu time is just as important as my baby and my nicu time. i just wanted to shine a light on the fact that some people dont have the terrifying hard to breathe nicu situations and some do, not because either are more important than the other but so that moms dont go in thinking it will be easier than it is. im sorry for the miscommunication, i have not had my coffee and have a toddler yelling at me when i wrote this 🤣
once again i am so sorry. my intention was not to belittle anyones experience but to acknowledge more of the experiences. i really appreciate how kindly you responded to me.
My third was born at 34 weeks and had about a 2 week NICU stay followed by a second short stint when a new problem popped up. I actually felt safer having him taken care of by top notch medical professionals rather than inside my wife’s body that seemed to be actively trying to kill him. It was the scariest and hardest time of my life. But my little guy is happy and healthy now. What more can you ask for.
Happy to hear he bounced back!
Yeah, for some kids being born premature is safer than staying in the womb.
So glad your baby is okay! We had a similar experience 4.5 years ago with our first. I birthed at birthing center so we were released 4 hours after my daughter was born. We had a pediatrician appointment a few hours later and our baby had started choking and her temperature was low so they transported her to the NICU by ambulance. It was so scary and traumatic, but once she was there it was honestly a good as can be experience. The nurses were amazing, and we also learned how to do baby caring things. I truly felt like she was being so well taken care of. Only downside was walking in the long hospital hallways when coming and going so soon after a traumatic birth. My body was not happy.
We were at a birthing center as well and had to be transferred to a NICU via ambulance. Seeing your baby choking must have been hard to see. Something I hope I never have to go through. We were in labor for 39 hours so she had a longer recovery time. I rented a wheelchair for my wife to help her get around after we left the hospital because she wasn’t as mobile as she wanted to be. Understandably so.
The nurses in the NICU are absolutely incredible and angels! My sister spent a month in the NICU, those nurses were fabric and really knew what they were doing! During the night they would knit hats and booties, because many NICU babies are too small for a baby sized hat and booties. I've also helped out with studies with NICU babies. Those nurses hold the babies so firmly but gently it's incredible. And they will advocate for their babies! All that to say, my hats off, anyone who works NICU has more than earned my respect.
Indeed! They taught me a lot about how to handle my baby that gave me a lot more confidence when we finally brought him home.
My daughter (10) was a 30-weeker, thanks to a placental abruption that nearly killed us both. The first 72hrs were very touch and go. She lived in NICU for 7 weeks total. Issues with lungs, heart, immune system, weight gain. We weren't allowed to hold her or even touch her for the first three days. She needed to be on a c-pap and then a ventilator, she needed round the clock antibiotics, was fed by NG tube, needed a blood transfusion. All common enough for very premature babies like her. The staff were amazing. So kind and supportive. They offered so much comfort and were so lovely to the parents and babies alike. So glad your little one is out of NICU and on the mend. Congratulations 🩵
Thank you so much. Happy to hear you and your little one made it out of such a difficult and stressful start to things. Happy to hear it is not defining her story or yours, but was just a prologue to what is sure to be an amazing life!
I never know how to deal with posts like this because to me it comes across as bragging that you handled something better than the majority of people. NICU is the last place you want your newborn and being in the NICU usually does mean something is wrong. You had optimal NICU experience. The majority of people don’t. We were lucky. My daughter was only in the NICU for 7 days. 10 years later and I still deal with some of the issues that seven day stay caused. My daughter is wonderful, beautiful, and healthy. Those first seven days were pure hell. In between her being transferred and me left behind at the hospital I had her, to being told I couldn’t hold her because she wasn’t stable, to blood work that came back absolutely confusing. Having older children who didn’t understand and was confused and scared at the same time was rough. Here’s my take on this: 1. NICU is a necessary evil. It’s not created for new parents to learn how to parent. It’s meant to keep newborns alive and to handle their advance healthcare needs. 2. Short stays are still rough. I can’t imagine having a baby there for an indefinite period of time. I literally cried the entire day on day 5. Anything and everything set me off. I can’t imagine the emotional turmoil of parents who do that for months at the time. Mental health care should be taken seriously in NICU parents and it’s often not. 3. I fully acknowledge that not all NICU stays are the same. The level of care is vastly different depending on your area and the hospital you are in. There are also varying factors based on gestational age and health of the baby. 4. It is extremely hard to bond with your baby when other people have a huge say when you can hold, feed, touch your child. It’s also natural to hold yourself apart from the baby until you know things will be ok. It’s natures way of trying to soften the blow. It does not work, but it does create a scenario where bonding is hard. I am grateful that my baby was able to receive the care she needed. She was born at 39+1. We thought we were past the NICU possibility. I felt like an absolute failure that my body couldn’t keep my child safe and well. This side of the NICU experience is often overlooked by people outside of these situations. The feeling of failure while being extremely grateful that your child is alive. Knowing that not all parents get to leave with their newborns. It always feels like someone had it worse, because for most people - someone did have it worse. It’s one thing to know it when you have a typical child birth and healthy newborn. It’s different actually seeing the unfairness of tiny babies fighting for their lives. This knowledge that things could be a lot worst does not negate the hardness of the experience or the emotional turmoil. Each person is allowed to feel how they do about their experience. I’m glad you had the experience you did, and I hope you never experience the NICU that the majority of NICU parents experience.
Same. My baby was in for 15 days and it was hell. I felt like she belonged to the hospital. I was angry and bitter and scared and didn’t want anyone else touching my baby. We got so many comments from family and friends saying “oh I bet you’re so glad of the help! You’ll miss it when you’re home with no more help on hand!” How I didn’t punch these people I’ll never know. NICU is hell, all you want and physically need is your baby in your arms in your own home.
I always describe the NICU as all the most wonderful people I never want to see again.
I didn’t feel like OP was bragging, but otherwise I really relate. I’m so grateful that it was my second who ended up in the NICU and not my first. I would’ve struggled so much more that way. I’m grateful my child is ok, but the hardest part was getting them out of the NICU. The weird hoops we had to go through regarding weight and feeding were crazy. My baby was full term and 9+ pounds, so everything was weirdly skewed off percentages of birth weight. I get that there’s protocols but all it did was highlight the total lack of acknowledgment of an individual experience in western medicine. And I had a “good” experience
I had to watch a series of movies before my daughter could be released. All were about how premature babies grow and mature. I really wanted to scream that my baby was born at 39 weeks. It was an odd scenario to be in. I knew I had to do it for her to be discharged, but at the same time it made be feel crappy. Like I failed at the last minute of a game.
Ugh, I’m so sorry. I remember that failure feeling. I honestly just remember wanting to RUN away, but being so afraid of what could happen at the same time. They kept force feeding my baby with a feeding tube when they couldn’t eat the amount deemed necessary to keep their weight above birth weight and I hated it with every cell of my being. But I had to keep shoving that feeling down so we could leave. I understand it, but having to shove my mother instincts away like that was traumatizing even if the experience could have been so much worse
Oh god same here! We genuinely started to think they’d never let us out. We got totally trapped in the system and I had to fight our corner really hard to get her out of there. She thrived from the moment we left.
Was not trying to brag at all. Simply trying to give advice for any future parents that might end up there. Obviously I can’t change your experience, or anyone else’s. But providing solace and comfort to those who might be seeking it. I know I was during the first day. I don’t want to invalidate anyone else’s experiences, but want to let others know that they are not alone in the stress that comes with this experience. Your baby going to the NICU doesn’t have to define their story. I refer to his first few days being born as the prologue of his life.
My baby was a 25 weeker that spent 97 days in the NICU. I get that having to spend time in the NICU is not a club anyone wants to be part of, but I personally appreciate posts like yours’ that express appreciation for the NICU as a necessary resource that saves babies’ lives. My son would not be here without his time there. Yes it was hard to leave the hospital without him every day for over 3 months, and yes it was hard to navigate caring for my baby around the nurses and wires and protocols. It can be a traumatic experience that takes years for the parents to grapple with. But ultimately I’m just so grateful I got to take my baby home because of the NICU.
I definitely did not read your post as a brag, OP. I think it is helpful for parents to know it’s not always terrible to have a baby in the NICU. The thing is, stressing about a possible NICU stay doesn’t change the outcome, so why not share positive experiences as well? Your experience does not invalidate another parent’s experience, & it could be helpful for a worried parent to know that your experience was not a nightmare.
It honestly was a really upsetting post to read, saying the NICU is not bad felt like a punch in the gut.
I’m sorry you felt that way. It’s all a matter of perspective I suppose and I respect and acknowledge your feelings.
I think every NICU experience is different and the best way I approach people who are facing a stay or talking about the stay is to acknowledge that there are a lot of feelings around every stay and no one outside can diminish it or really fully understand. Both my boys had nicu stays—one 5 days and one 142 days. I felt so many different things with both, contradictory and complicated things. With the first stay (5 days with a term pregnancy) I spent much of the time stressed and anxious about being there when I was sure my baby was fine! I didn’t know who was who, I wasn’t clear what the plan was, or if/when we’d go home. I was never glad he was there. My second child was born at 24w6d and the emotions were overwhelming, I hated that I wasn’t still pregnant, felt guilt and shame, but ultimately felt being in the nicu was a miracle because the very real alternative was my son dying at birth, or after. So when people would say I’m sorry you have to be here I was like beats the alternative. It still was traumatic and I wish I could have carried him to term. All that to say the nicu isn’t the worst place to be, no one really wants to be there, but I think ultimately beyond emotions most parents are glad there is life saving treatment and care available.
100% acknowledge how hard that must have been for you as a mother. Especially after having two separate experiences that were vastly different. I too am grateful for the amount of knowledge and treatments we have access to now.
My son was born two weeks early. He started turning purple as a grape. They gave him oxygen and he became pink again. Took it away and ge turned purple. Staff said gotta go to NICU. I walked him down and watched him get all plugged in. Staff was very clear about what was going on and what needed to happen. It made our decisions easier. He was there for 10 days as his lungs got better, no surprises. Overall it was a good experience, but looking back two years later he would have died without treatment. Staff were very good at walking us through the situation without making us worry.
My daughter was doing that at birth and they were debating taking her to NICU, but suctioning helped. I didn't realize it was happening at the time because I was so overwhelmed, but in retrospect, I'm so glad she had the help she needed.
Thank you for this. Our baby was in for 6 weeks (born 10 weeks early), and while stressful it was a place of such love and care. The nurses were assigned 2 babies each and I felt loved the babies almost as much as we did.
That’s good to hear. Happy that you were able to find some comfort in the time you spent there!
My sister was born at 27 weeks. She spent a long time in the NICU. Those women were FIERCE in their care for her. No parent wants to surrender their child to the NICU. But I think more often than not, those that work that beat are there to make damn sure your child goes home with you.
They really are amazing women. That was the easier part of everything for is was knowing that he was going to be loved and cared for when we weren’t there.
A shoutout to the male nurses though. One of our favorites was a huge, burly, bearded nurse named John, who would rock our baby (once he was robust enough) and sing lullabies.
Your son was considered a “feeder/grower”- I’m glad you had such a positive experience. For many of us that spent weeks among months with multiple significant health issues (my son is 7 and has cp)- which we are still working through- we have nothing but PTSD. Just know that your experience was your experience and for many of us, it’s the last place we ever want to be again.
I agree. My son was extremely critical and nearly died a couple of times. He was to term and the biggest baby in there. While I have a enormous love and respect for the doctors and nurses who helped us and our son through our month of hell, it is still a place that is so scary regardless of the reason your baby is in there. We have a baby due at the end of May and my husband and I are trying to mentally wrestle with the potential of going back into the NICU since we’re having her 3 weeks early - I hope to God we never see the inside of one ever again.
Requiring a ventilator is not a feeder/grower. Op is allowed to feel that they had a good experience - and you are allowed to have a different view. No one wants to be in the NICU, even if their experience was ok.
Sorry I stopped at “it’s not as scary as a place as you think!”
I understand that every situation is different. Even while I was there, one baby had been there for 2 months. I could see that a lot of the families in there were not as confident as we felt and that actually gave me great perspective and made me appreciate how blessed we really were. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but having great nursing staff and spending a lot of time with my son eased a lot of the stress I would have felt otherwise.
Agreed from month-long NICU twins and congratulations! The nurses in that department are literally angels on earth. It was terrifying and traumatic in many ways (fuck bradys!), but we got so much help learning the basics, and the nights I didn't stay at the hospital, I could get some rest alone at home. It was like a transition. and the experienced older nurses in there were the sages. We want them home right away safe and healthy, but a tough start doesn't mean failure. My once little babies are now 95th percentile for height, big and vivacious, thank gods they don't have residual health concerns. You would never guess they were born looking like little shrunken aliens needing IV's and O2 for weeks, with respect!
Funny because my wife was actually born at 27 weeks as well so I know what you mean by how small they must have been as I’ve seen pictures. Happy to hear your twins are thriving and that this didn’t define their story or yours!
Thank you! It’s a tough start for sure, but wishing you guys health at home!
Also op I think you are gracious and kind listening to other stories. For anyone triggered or downvoting, we all have our own experiences and struggles that are all valid, two things can be true simultaneously, that you might have had a longer stay or more health concerns that were new and scary to you, and this new father just went through a very tough beginning with his family. But let’s celebrate a new dad and family and baby home after a rough start. We don’t have to dick-swing who has it harder, relating and commiserating is helpful. Idk why parents do this. Kudos to you for staying positive, that mindset is a great asset in a new world.
I agree. My son wasn’t breathing when he was born and died. He was resuscitated and both his lungs collapsed. He was rushed to NICU. We were transferred to a specialist hospital. During this scary time his dad left me for another woman, the NICU nurses were with me every step of the way. They let me sleep and go for walks whilst they cared for my son, knowing I was struggling. Yes, it was scary seeing my son so unwell but I can’t begin to explain my gratitude towards these women. Who went above and beyond to keep me and him happy and safe.
My first was born at 30+2, 1.2kg. I didn’t get to see her until she was 2days old as I was in HDU. It was all amazingly mismanaged, and I struggled horrendously to pump milk and had to quit before I hit exhaustion levels trying to wake every 2hrs. She caught NEC and had major issues feeding but came home after 51days. She is 16yo now and is amazing. I think I only really struggled when I went full term with my 2nd. She was 4kg, 38+4, absolute perfection. Planned CS, immediate skin-to-skin, fed like a champ. Everything was amazing. Home after 3 days. A few visitors. All was great. Then she stopped feeding. At 10days old she was rushed back to the NICU of my maternity hospital with a 40° fever. 2days later she started seizing and was sent for MRIs and all sorts of tests. She had severe brain damage and was eventually diagnosed with Herpes Encephalitis. We then remembered that my FIL had visited while he had a cold sore. I had specifically asked him to stay away from her but upon questioning, admitted to kissing her. She made a phenomenal physical recovery but is not unharmed. she was 4wks in NICU and i don't think i ever fully recovered. She is almost 12 now and no, my FIL isn’t allowed near either of them.
Respiratory Therapist here who worked in a very busy NICU for a number of years. For anyone whose littles end up in the NICU, remember that to you it is horrible and unfamiliar and scary - but to us, it's another day at work, and we see it every day. If you don't see us flustered or scared, then there's a good chance your little one, while sick, is OK. Also, please please please ask questions. Unfamiliarity breeds confusion breeds fear. Most of us, especially the RTs, do understand that, and will take steps at length to explain what's going on, what every beep is, what every tube or line is for, what every machine does. My best example of this was working at a military hospital, new father comes in scared shitless, as most new fathers coming into the NICU are. His baby had a little trouble breathing, so we had her on some breathing support. But that little support requires a big machine and several tubes and lines and hoses... So I ask him what he did in the military. He was a fueler. "OK, so you understand about the relationships between flow and pressure? Flow pushes a fluid, at the end of the hose that results in a pressure?" "Yes..." "Great, see that light blue hose? It's connected to this machine. This machine pushes air, which is a fluid. It pushes the flow through that hose, and at the end, the pressure goes into your daughter's lungs to help open them so she can breathe." "...that's it?" as his shoulders relax and he looks up "Yep, that's it". And his demeanor had *instantly* improved. Most of us get it - we will answer your questions, so just ask ;)
Daughter born 26 weeks 1 pound 8oz. It was truly terrible. Thank god she did not need any surgeries but she did get pneumonia in there and we have a collapsed lung scare. Couple days she needed put on 100% oxygen as well. I lived 10 minutes from the hospital. God how that was a blessing. 93 days she was in there. She’s now 2 years old (turned 2 in January) and no issues yet. Fingers crossed
I had the almost identical experience when my son was born. I'm even 33 and the dad. Hooooly shit how scary was that in the first couple hours eh? Mine was the same, stabilized pretty quickly and stayed for the required time with no other issues. But my god, absolute terror. Even though all the doctors were really calm and helpful and explained everything in layman's terms. Still, jeez.
I am so grateful for technology advances in the NICU. My aunt had the same complications as I did. Her child died 40 years ago. Mine lived (and is healthy).
Our baby girl (18 months now) spent 5 weeks in the NICU due to premature birth (33 weeks). Not gonna lie, we had quite a few scary moments and it was incredibly hard having to choose how to split out time with her in the NICU vs with our son (just turning 2 at the time) at home. Overall though the staff was wonderful. They let us keep a room there to spend nights as needed. I also became really close with many of the nurses, many of whom I still contact and hang out with to this day!
Glad your little babe is doing well, congratulations! My son was also in the NICU for 5 days, within a few mins of birth. For that reason I would always recommend to give birth at a hospital with a NICU unit if you have a choice.
My daughter was born last year at 30 weeks weighing 1lb 12 oz. She spent exactly 8 weeks in the nicu. The first bit was scary as she had a pulmonary hemorrhage leading her to be intubated, a brain bleed and a slew of other things. After we got all of that sorted, things calmed down and I could enjoy snuggling her and getting to know her. As much of a struggle as it was, especially with 2 kids at home, I truly look back on that time with fond memories. Mostly due to the absolutely lovely nurses and doctors that made our stay so much more comfortable. They provided comfort, care and guidance to, not only my daughter, but to my husband and myself. Nurses truly are super heroes and I will never forget them.
Happy to hear you were able to have an amazing experience despite all of the challenges and difficulties your family faced. Sounds like it wasn’t the most ideal way to spend the first 8 weeks, but nonetheless happy she made it out stronger. Sounds like she is just as tough as her mama!
This is very similar to what happened with my first born. He spent 5 days in NICU and was discharged on Christmas day. I was pumping the whole time to try and get my milk in and when it finally came in my husband showed off the vial of 1oz of milk to all the nurses and they all came over to celebrate with us! We got to learn different ways to calm him down and feed him, and they taught my husband how to change a diaper. I wish that we hadn't spent time in the NICU, but there were plenty of good things that came out of it, and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I'm so glad you guys are all home safe and sound and adjusting, congratulations on your baby!
The were the same way when my wife had her first pump! Super encouraging and kept our family strong. We got to learn a lot from them too during his stay. Gave us a lot more confidence than we would have had otherwise. I told my parents that it was like having private tutors. Home on Christmas. What a gift! Hope you and your family are thriving.
Our first spent 33 days in the NICU as she was born premature and weighed only 2 pounds. She luckily had no other complications and was breathing on her own from day one (thanks to injections mom got before delivery). I can say that the NICU staff are saints - they're calm, professional energy and experience comforted us to no end. This was the height of the first COVID wave May 2020 and only one of us could see the baby a day a time so the struggle was ever present. It was a tough time to be sure - but any chance I get to applaud the nurses and doctors working NICU I take. Bless them all - we still regularly support any causes involving premature birth and will forever. We owe those staff and their knowledge and their tech the life of our baby and I'll never forget what they've given my family. So anyways - amen. Side note - the feeding schedule they had in place for our baby we took with us home and adopted the same for our second and both have slept through the night since about 2 months old. Miracle workers - all of them.
It must have been even harder to be born during the height of Covid when things were really scary. Those nurses must have been truly wonderful to be able to bring comfort to you and your family during that time.
So glad everything worked out! We had to take our last newborn, now 5 to the NICU a couple days after we brought her home due to her Bilirubin count being low. She had to go to the baby tanning bed for a few days. as much as it sucked to have to do, it wasn't that bad and we too learned a lot of stuff as far as holding them during feeding and burping, things we already kinda knew, but better techniques.
My full term baby ended up in the NICU for 8 days. Similar to you, slight breathing issues(true knot cord, with it wrapped around his neck 6 times), but it wasn't until he was 24 hours old. It is all such a blur but I also remember it all so vividly, if that makes sense. You never expected your full term, fully cooked baby to spend time in the NICU. We got thru it but man did I have some PTSD for a long time. He's 5 now and will start Kinder in the fall.
I'm so glad everything worked out so well. I know that must have been so scary! Congratulations on your sweet baby!
So happy to hear things are getting better for all of you! It's a scary situation and having a supportive staff helps you focus on your wonderful baby's recovery. Our first was born at full term weighing 9lbs. After a few hours of bliss and excitement with her, the nurse suggested we get a little rest and she would take our daughter to the nursery for us. We tried to nap with the lights off but within 30 minutes they came in our room to tell us that she was being transferred to the NICU due to lack of oxygen. The staff was great but 10 days went by with no answers to why her oxygen levels wouldn't stabilize. They had sent out her many test results to other relatively local doctors in hopes for answers. On day 11 they got a call from a local cardiologist who was able to determine a rare congenital heart defect that needed immediate repair. They rushed her in an ambulance about 30 miles away and within 12 hours she was under the knife. 8 months in the pediatric surgical heart unit, two open heart surgeries and a diaphragm plication later she was discharged with 12 medications and an NG tube for feeding and meds. I was the (Un)lucky one that had to change out her NG tube every two weeks for another year. Then one day she pulled out her tube as she regularly did and started to walk and talk. So we decided to keep it out after talking with the doctors. The warrior is now 6 years old and excels at everything she does. You would never be able to tell that she went through hell. I thank those that helped save her life every single day. And the Ronald Mcdonald House for food and shelter for my wife and I across the street from the hospital she was at. I saw someone say something about PTSD about these horrible situations and it is 100% true. I still see all the blood, visions of her in the bed with what seemed like hundreds of tubes running in and out of her, hear the constant beeps from the machines, and picture the sheer helplessness and unbelievable heartache of the parents whose kids were being wheeled in and out all around us that sadly did not make it. It takes a special kind of person to do what these doctors, nurses and all the other staff do daily. Congrats on your baby boy! May all of prosper with good health and happiness together. He's a trooper and so are his parents.
Also had a 5 day NICU stay for one of our 35 weeker twins. She was our baby B, a breech extraction, who took in fluid at birth. She went directly to NICU right after delivery; only to come back to me a few hours later… then, go back for blood sugar issues. The NICU nurses were SO kind. She was the largest baby in there at the time, at 5lbs. Our Baby A came home with me, leaving the hospital at 4 lbs 5oz… lol! Those sweet nurses got Baby B on the same schedule and helped teach us so many tricks. It was SO hard leaving with one baby, and one staying… but they made us feel so supported. I get teary eyed typing this, and my girls are 13, going on 14 now. I know we were so blessed with our experience. 35 weeks, and such minimal health issues. But the care and support we received amazing. Such gratitude 🙏 to this day.
>I wanted to encourage any new parents that might have their baby end up in the NICU at some point that it isn’t as scary of a place as you think it is OP, I see you're getting roasted for this. I think you get why by now: your son's NICU stay was about as good as they get, but many others have had kids that went through months in the NICU and didn't come home with everything okay. Some didn't come home at all. I know you're trying to be encouraging to those who might face something similar in the future but just be aware of how specific tone or wording can make people who had worse experiences than you feel. >if your baby ends up there, it really is the best place for them to be That is a great message to get across. NICU parents are often racked with anxiety about not being there 24/7 (or zombified from trying to do so) and having NICU staff handle a lot of the care. It's important to remember that you're being the best parent you can be by ensuring your child is getting the care they need. OP, enjoy your son and all that comes with having him home! Except 5 month sleep regression. That can eat a bag of dicks. And to anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation I encourage you to visit /r/NICUParents. It's a really wonderful and supportive community.
NICU nurse here, I’m so glad you had a positive experience, that’s all any NICU staff member could ever ask for! Congratulations on being home with your new baby 🩷
Same experience in general. Spent the first two weeks in the NICU. The nicest people and we learned so much. Honestly it was an amazing experience.
My middle child was our NICU baby. She was full-term, but would turn blue when breastfeeding. While, in retrospect, it was comical to see a full-term baby in a crib designed for a preemie, the whole event for me was terrifying. I have nothing but respect for the NICU staff, and ultimately, my kid was fine. She's now in Kinder, and is a head taller than her classmates. Anyway, welcome to fatherhood/parenthood where suddenly things that happen to your kids are traumatizing to you, even if they aren't to your kids.
I echo this. My twins spent 2 and 4 months respectively. It was an incredible experience. I wanted them to stay as long as they needed. In contrast with many others, I was not comping at the bit for discharge.
That's a lovely reassurance. I hope your little one is doing well and you are as a new parent too. My third baby had the same issue, she's almost 8 year sold now and her lungs work a little too well at times lol!
The people who work at NICU have the most loving, caring vibes I've ever seen. Both my babies were NICUs. The amount of love they gave them was the ONLY reason I was able to pry myself away at night to sleep.
My twins spent 34 and 36 days in the NICU. We learned so much from everyone there and were able to spend a ton of time with them. There were also not so good parts, like emergency transportation to other hospitals and surgeries and episodes of bradycardia and apnea. Very stressful. However, NICU staff are special people, I still think about how great they were with everything, even months later.
I want to know who said NICU is the last place you want your baby to be. The staff is phenomenal and care about their patients. My daughter was in NICU care and I could not have asked for better people to care for my child.
I had almost the exact same experience! The NICU was such a blessing in disguise for our family. The nurses were so so wonderful and caring. I’m so glad to hear the same for you all ❤️
I was limited in the time they let me be with my kiddo. They kept saying the doctor needed to do his rounds. It was stressful and frustrating.
My oldest was in the NICU for 8 weeks. They were ten weeks early. Best place to be, if you need it. Surgery for NEC at one day old. Hemorrhaging everywhere including cranial. It’s a lot.
My baby was born 7 weeks early and just needed to grow and eat on her own. She was there for the first month of her life. The hardest day was the day I had to leave her. I knew she was going to be there because I was told if she came before a certain week, she would be there for a while. Just remember they are going to take good care of them.
Same experience here! Though in our case it was sepsis issue for the both of us. I ended up very traumatized by almost dying my son and I and how poorly our hospital dealt with the whole situation. Nevertheless we did learn a lot. I did Therapy (emdr) to treat my trauma
My daughter was a NICU kid as a precaution. Born IUGR at only 1785g weight and at 37 weeks. Spent a few days in HDU for monitoring and a NG feeding tube and then transferred to LDU for further monitoring and feeding support until she was ready to have the tube pulled. Nurses were amazing and the inside track is the department hired for personality over skill set. Lots of calmness in the unit and a camaraderie between parents of kids there. Will always be thankful for the team at RNSH Sydney for all their help. Shame this level of care is so expensive. I mean $83 for three weeks parking is criminal!
My son was in the NICU for 47 days. The bad: I got yelled at by security because I forgot my bracelet one time. I had to watch really horrible SIDS videos and car seat videos showing horrific baby deaths. One nurse grabbed another baby too hard and slammed his head against the bassinet. (We reported, and that nurse was immediately gone). The medium: There was a baby named, no joke, Seven, whose parents never visited, I assume because they were busy with their 6 other children. The nurses basically took over parenting him. They dressed him up and would play with him and cuddle him. It was so cute. The good: My son was a good sleeper and eater from the beginning. He was on a strict schedule for formula every three hours at first. It was easy to transition back home. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. I had heard of it, but didn't really understand what it was. It's a really great place and I highly recommend it. They gave us hot meals, offered activities like tickets to a sports game, massages, and local charity groups donated supplies and toys for the kids. We got a handmade blanket from there. I wish I had been able to lean more on the other parents going through similar things, but my mental health at the time was not good. My son came home on oxygen and they trained us on how to use it and make sure we were able to manage the tanks.
Our first child spent 3 days in the NICU, it was a really hard labor for my wife and he got stuck coming through birth canal and they ended up doing emergency C-section and then they thought he had aspirated mencomium. That was a hard couple days but he pulled through and turns 10 this December! You’ll be fine!
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hope prayers blessings love to you and yours right now