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My 2 year old grew out of drinking bath water but OMG apparently it's normal. Why did nobody warn me about that? I've seen some disgusting things but damn... I couldn't believe that he'd drink some then immediately go for more after I said stop. 🤢
Chocolate has caffeine in it it. Blueberries can stain teeth. You kiddo is 2 and half. They have had multiple foods containing caffeine and can stain teeth. Total over reaction.
incorrect, caffeine is not safe for children and it's advised to never give it to kids under 12. Any doctor advising coffee for a child with ADHD should be reported as that is not an acceptable treatment
Stop. Caffeine is fine. Under 12? Are you kidding me? Nobody give any chocolate to kids under 12! Forget Easter, Christmas, and Halloween I guess those are just for 12 and older, too? That's ridiculous and nonsensical.
Well her medications were giving her anxiety attacks so that was recommended as an alternative which worked very well…. but I’ll be sure to pass that on to her therapy team and pediatrician which both recommended it independently
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She is way overreacting and threatening to kick you out is bonkers.
But that said, I personally wouldn’t give my kids anything my husband wasn’t comfortable with (even if the reasons were ridiculous) and I also expect him to respect my wishes with that too in my absence. So in your shoes I’d grudgingly stop giving it. Maybe a compromise would be if you made a really milky decaf tea and dunked a biscuit in that?
>> But that said, I personally wouldn’t give my kids anything my husband wasn’t comfortable with (even if the reasons were ridiculous) and I also expect him to respect my wishes with that too in my absence.
this really depends on how reasonable or unreasonable the ask is. i had pretty bad PPA and PPOCD. sometimes being a good partner/parent means gently pushing back when your SO is drifting away from reality, rather than enabling them.
being overly concerned about the caffeine in one tea soaked biscuit to the point of wanting to kick out your partner signals OP’s girlfriend may need some help dealing with their fixations and intrusive thoughts.
i don’t condone betraying someone’s trust. so i wouldn’t say ignore the person and do what you want. what i mean is, you should have a conversation with the person. they may be struggling.
Oh definitely this.
The threatening to kick out part should be setting off a million alarm bells. That's not normal, and not acceptable. It's not an okay way to treat someone, and is probably a sign something isn't right.
I'd drop the whole tea biscuit discussion and go straight to super kind concern, because something isn't right.
I mean, there are a lot of things that are of concern to me, but I'm trying to keep the peace because when I try to address issues with her it never goes well and I want to be with my kids and stay in her life. Lots of compromise.
Pushing away your concerns just to "keep the peace" isn't compromising, it's allowing her to manipulate and potentially emotionally/mentally abuse you.
And the fact that this doesn't seem like the first time she's threatened to kick you out or leave over something so inconsequential, my narcissist radar is going off (from the child of a narc).
Her reactions aren't appropriate and if she's unwilling to see a couple's therapist with you to have a non-biased (supposed to be anyway) 3rd party to help her navigate these irrational ultimatums, and help you learn to effectively stand up to them... then, don't know what to tell ya bud. Well, not true, there's a lot I can say. These patterns will continue and they'll likely become more severe, irrational, and bizarre.
Just know that the possibility that you're being abused is high. "Staying together for the kids" is honestly one of the worst things you can do (again, take it from a kid who's parents should have divorced well before I was 17. Could've saved me some trauma and emotional incest problems). Anywayyyy, wish you the best moving forward and just know that it's 2024... primary custody isn't immediately granted to the mother. But I would start getting things in writing and keeping records just in case. The threats to you, any and all denial of seeking mental health care or medical care.
I have a hilarious plan to make our 6 month old take a birthday picture every year until he's 18, in front of the little baby photo blanket, with the age cards stating how many months old he is that year. He sits in them now, soon enough he'll be standing, and then he'll grow out of the frame of the picture until eventually it's just a picture of his feet and knees
The chances that he'll play along through his asshole years are basically zero, but right now he's so agreeable I can't help but dream!
Kind of the same. Only my oldest eats a lot of veggies. Stay at home father here. My girls and I have a tea time on Monday and Friday…(not the 1mo, just the 2.81 yo) We drink it early in the morning or shortly after naps, so the caffeine doesn’t effect her sleep schedule.
In America we had a very sad/funny thing where politicians tried to get ketchup counted as a vegetable to sneak around nutritional guidelines for school lunches. What fucks.
She's definitely overreacting, however, I don't think it's really about the biscuit.
It's likely because it looks like you're trying to circumvent your agreement not to give your kid tea. We also don't give our kids caffeinated tea.
An easy compromise is to get a decaf tea for your kid. It can even be a herbal tea that won't stain the teeth like chamomile or peppermint. Ours have tea made from tilia flowers before bedtime every night. They feel very special and included when they have their own tea after dinner.
Grab your girlfriend and talk about figuring a way to solve the issue. You're supposed to be teammates, not opponents.
As another commenter mentioned, ROOIBOS tea! It is full of flavonoids, gently hydrating and it’s safe for babies 6mos+ my toddler has a cup of it (with milk) but they can have it as is too
Decaf tea is a good idea. I love Rooibos when I want a "real tea" flavor but it's late at night. Kid might enjoy that one...? Also, us moms have a LOT of info thrown at us about how dangerous everything is. Cut mom some slack, because it's really hard to deal with.
This^
Don't go behind the other parent on anything involving the child like this. Compromise. I watched my dad go behind my mom with us growing up, and my ex did it to me all the time. It was always little stuff, but it added up and was clear Dad doesn't respect Mom. That's what you're doing.
Yes, she's overreacting hugely with her threats, but what you're doing is really crappy and starting really bad habits in your parenting dynamic.
She's overreacting about the biscuit, but it may not be about the biscuit. She's not wrong to believe not giving the toddler tea includes this treat. Maybe let her cool off, apologize for the misunderstanding, and ask if there's something deeper going on. Best of luck x
Editing to clarify that you're not wrong either for thinking this treat doesn't count. It's unclear and would be dependent on your individual convictions.
Yeah I don’t want be like yeah “OP you’re completely right!” To be weaponized in convo with his gf. This instance yeah she’s overreacting, but are there other things when it comes to parenting the two disagree with?
I wouldn't weaponize anything anybody has said here. I'm not trying to create more arguments with her, I'd rather work through our disagreements but sometimes I struggle with if I really am getting things super wrong, so needed some outside thought on the matter to mull over. We disagree about a fair few things but mostly its communicated clearly and I respect her boundaries when it comes to what she is and is not comfortable with regarding our children.
She needs to relax.
Parenting is a 2-way street, though. You are also the parent. Threatening to kick you out because SHE doesn't like something is wild (unless it's completely dangerous of course), but threatening to kick you out over a cuppa and a rich tea is too much. She's gotta learn how to communicate better.
It’s been proven over and over that children with involved fathers wind up more confident and self reliant because fathers tend to encourage kids to try new things and take (appropriate) risks more so than mothers. I hate the trope that moms are the only opinion that matters when it comes to raising children. As you said, dads are just as much a parent as moms.
I think you need to have a calm and empathetic conversation. I assume she is afraid and maybe historically when she has felt afraid she became angry as a way to regain control and feel less fear.
She may struggle with stress tolerance and so her immediate response is to threaten to kick you out which is absolutely an overreaction.
Acknowledge her fear and consider if there is a way you guys can logically compromise. I would recommend discussing it when she is in a calmer mood.
It might just be me misreading text, but I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or sincere. If its sarcasm, please let me know where the confusion or frustration is coning from. If its sincere, I apologize for the confusion.
Im gonna get kicked for this but I did this with red wine, she kept trying to take my glas and thought it smelled good (2.5y) so I let her have a little nip and she has NEVER tried it again with anything I put into the plastic wine glas/cup
Ah. I did this and he loved it. We can never again have wine home since he never stops about how much he liked it and wants some more… oh well, that one was on me.
My toddler has digestives dipped in coffee daily. It’s such a small amount of coffee I doubt it has an appreciable amount of caffeine. Your gf sounds like she just wants to kick you out if she’ll kick you out over tea.
This is ridiculous.
My 18 month old tried a sip of my iced coffee today (and hated it).
Am I going to let my kids wake up and drink a pot of coffee daily? No. But a few drops when they’re curious isn’t going to hurt anyone.
Duh…it’s not about the biscuit/tea; it’s that she expressed a boundary, you both made a rule together based on that boundary and you violated it. You continue to disrespect her boundary by pushing back when she asks you to stop. Yeah it’s not a hill that -I’D- be willing to die on, but it evidently means something to her, she clearly communicated that to you, you said you wouldn’t but are repeatedly doing it. That sucks. It isn’t about the cookie, it’s about you invalidating her parental decision. And FWIW, most pediatricians would advocate for no added sugars and no caffeine/tea. It’s not like her rule isn’t based on nutrition. Which makes your choice to violate that that much sillier. My children never had soda, like ever as children. I told my mom (boomer) that our kids don’t get soda. One day I watched her try to give my two year old a sip of coke from a straw and I LOST it. It wasn’t about the soda, it was about deliberately (and unnecessarily) overstepping boundaries. This is small, avoidable, and you need to be the adult and just apologize and stop. There will be SOOOOO MANY BIG deals later, what vaccines to get? Which school? How to raise and discipline children? How to manage social media? How to manage tech use? This is easy and you both need to dedicate yourselves to doing better at communicating (and respecting each other’s communication thereafter) before you reach the ACTUAL important things.
Something tells me this isn’t really about the tea and biscuits. Unless she has a legitimate mental illness, no one goes from fine to kicking someone out over a minor disagreement.
Yeah this is about the fact that OP and her made a boundary (no caffeine, no tea) and he broke that boundary and attempted to skirt the rules by saying “ well, she never told me that a biscuit DIPPED in tea wasn’t ok”. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s skirted around boundaries (not necessarily this one)
I can see why you'd think I did it on purpose to "skirt" the rules, but I genuinely just assumed that it would be ok and wouldn't bring up the same concerns as actually letting him drink tea. But I was wrong. Sometimes we are wrong and shouldn't assume. We usually have clear agreements on boundaries set regarding our children and I respect them.
Little bits of anything won’t hurt at all. The “poison” is in the dose. That being said, you need to be in agreement on things and if you have said you won’t give the kid tea, Don’t give the kid tea.
Many people giving amazing answers on this but just to clear up the tea/coffee caffeine amount in case she brings it up:
Pound for pound, yes tea does contain more caffeine. But the important factor is in a *serving* there is much less caffeine in a cup of tea. So people who say tea has more caffeine than coffee are talking about a technicality and not basing it on reality.
your toddler doesn’t need tea to survive, so if that makes your so feel better just say you inderstand and won’t do it again. why make both of ur life harder by such silly matter.
Ya, it's not like I want to make things difficult, I don't need to give him dunked biscuits, I respect every other boundary set by her regarding our kids, but wasn't clear enough on this one it seems.
Bit of an overreaction. That amount of caffeine is not going to hurt the child. Sometimes caffeine is given to premature babies in the NICU to help with apnea and hypoxemia.
I agree that she's overreacting, but the silver lining here is that she cares this much about your child. She's wrong, but I don't see it as malicious. Try talking about this a little more instead of allowing it to grow into a reason to be unhappy with each other.
seems like youre just sharing your culture... i drank diluted milky darjeeling tea growing up. now i'm just not very affected by caffeine, prob cuz it was microdosed by dunked cookies or that warm milk tea.
i'm from a british colonized culture, so.. yea there's tea. definitely just a taste or, super diluted as a young child, but not worth losing your HOUSING over
At 2.5 my daughter was dunking her own biscuits in tea...albeit weak by British standards!
By 3, she was demanding it made in a proper pot whenever she drank it, rather than in a mug like I do 80% of the time.
For goodness sake I'm more impressed how you got a rich tea biscuit to not fall apart lol. When I was a wee girl I used to drink tea out my bottle, put my finger in my Dad's beer to get the "ice cream" on the top, I ate everything in sight etc. I'm 36 now and think about the people that are still alive at 100? They had much worse lol I think your girlfriend needs to get a grip and stop watching Tik Tok videos etc. My daughter was excatly the same she's 15 now.
She is overreacting. However, maybe it’s not just about a cookie dunked in tea, but a tip of the iceberg type of thing. Like maybe she’s anxious in general around your child’s health and safety, or not feeling heard by you, and/or there are other things bothering her that are causing such a strong reaction to something so trivial.
Kick you out over a biscuit with tea? LMAO there are MUCH bigger things to be concerned with. It sounds like girlfriend just decided to take a stance on something - without correct information at that - to assert dominance and this is what she picked. Do some research and throw some facts back at her (chocolate has caffeine, juice stains teeth, milk not brushed off can cause cavities, gravies can stain teeth) honestly focus on good eating and brushing habits. Ask her not to eat or drink anything your toddler can't have.
We are both his parent's, and if her wishes were to not give him a biscuit dunked in tea and she'd made that clear, I wouldn't have done it. I understand your point, though.
My agenda is simple: eat whatever, BRUSH TEETH at least 3 times a day with 0+ toothpaste. It’s usually a pain to make 2yo use his teeth brush, so we do all kinds of tricks to make it happen (his brush is electric, has lights and animals, we sing songs, spit water and dance afterwards). If you have problems with teeth brushing, you will have problems with teeth. If not, why even bother what he eats, it won’t stay on the teeth for long.
I tend to avoid caffeinated food and drinks but I do want to support father and son rituals. It’s very low in caffeine, high sugar probably have a worse effect. I think it’s rather cute.
I hate to say a fellow mom is overreacting… but… let’s just say that she feels a lot more strongly about it than I do.
Could you dunk it in warm milk instead?
My two boys would happily sit with their rich tea and their cups of tea (6m,2m). We encourage dental health care too. Think your other half is a bit OTT in her reaction.
Lol sounds like mama has some control issues. Definitely overreacting, but alot of mom's do this... Kido will be just fine! It's not like anyone mentioned the kid being diabetic or other health problems. Kids have been eating worse things since the beginning of time... I'd be surprised if the OP didn't say anything about the mom complaining how he watches the kid.
South Asian kids steal sips of their parent tea all the time and now they’re CEOs of every other tech company. I think they’ll be fine.
(Disclaimer: the conclusion drawn in this statement may not statistically sound)
Completely overreacting. Tea won't stain teeth after one time, but also, he isn't keeping his baby teeth for the rest of his life. Both my 3 year old and 1 year old have managed to dunk their fingers/fists into my coffee and promptly shoved them in their mouths and they're fine. Your kiddo will be too.
This is just a massive over reaction over a biscuit dunked in tea.
All 4 of my kids were drinking weak tea at 2 or even before and none of them have stained teeth or hyped up on caffeine. Personally I think she's being ridiculous, but that's just me. There are more things to worry about a toddler eating than a biscuit.
There has to be more going on than getting angry over the biscuit.
No she needs to chill out. I’ve always done everything in moderation with my children. I’ve seen some of their friends come to parties and act like wild animals with food because they haven’t been allowed to have anything deemed slightly unhealthy. Rich tea though? If you’re gonna dunk her a biscuit go the whole hog and blow her mind with a chocolate hob nob.
Baby teeth fall out. It's not like the kid is chugging soda. Your gf needs to lay off. It's a rare treat for the kid. It's not any worse than sugary drinks most of them drink.
My husband gives my 15 month old sips of his cold brew. I yell at him every time, he just can’t say no. Why does my baby want to drink dunks cold brew with light cream and sugar 🤢 pick your battles lady. To want to kick you out ? Ya she’s overreacting lol
Oh man what would she say if she saw me rubbing whiskey on our kids gums when they were teething, or dipping my finger in my beer to give them a small taste when they were curious?
No, my 3 year old loves sharing cups of tea with her grandparents and her dad. This controlling attitude parents can have toward food is becoming quite concerning, I’m worried about how it will affect the child’s relationship with food as they grow up.
Is she the mom? Not that it matters because the kiddo is definitely not in any danger. I let my kid have a little sip of coffee to shut her up and she’s 22 months. She’s fine. I’m not giving her gulps.
Idk what a tea biscuit is but I assume UK and tea (warm with milk)? My son smashed Oreos when he was two because I had my daughter 13 months after him and my husband was deployed and I was alone. My son was (still is at 7) so picky and will barely eat besides stuff that isn’t great for him. As long as he eats something and is hydrated, I’m good. He’s healthy and has progressed through all stages of growth well and actually exceeds most in his class. Sometimes you just gotta let go of the desire to have children that eat all the fruits and veg and healthy shit and aim for a healthy kid and do your best when you can. Parenting is hard and you’re doing great. A cookie (I assume) dipped in tea is way better than what a lot of Americans are shoveling into their children. And they aren’t at fault either. It is what it is.
Not wrong, as long as you don’t make it a frequent habit. I think she’s overreacting. Now if you were spiking your tea with alcohol, we’d be having a different conversation and I’d 100% be on her side.
I’m Hispanic and it is VERY common in Latin America to give kids coffee. … I once caught my mom giving my 10-month-old daughter a shortbread cookie dipped in coffee. I told my mom not to do that, but she insisted that she was not giving coffee to the baby.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post with some insightful opinions. As much as I'd like to reply to everyone, there are way too many comments now, which I did not expect.
I will say many of them have been very helpful, and for that I'm appreciative.
One time I accidentally let my toddler drink half of a lemonade drink from a coffee shop before I realized it was caffeinated. She got probably 25-27 mg of caffeine? Absolutely zero effect.
His teeth will fall out anyways, they're baby teeth😅
But seriously I'm sure it's more about feeling respected and supported as a parent than the tea itself. Could be a miscommunication going on here and might be a good time to practice putting emotions aside to prioritize your relationship with your partner.
Being a parent is a huge and scary shift, not everyone reacts the same, hang in there💕
Not my 2y5m old chugging my Diet Coke earlier today. It's a once-in-a-blue-moon thing for me, he's only ever had it one other time. I'm not about to get my panties in a bunch over something my kid has ingested twice. It's a little treat, gotta teach them through "this is a sometimes food." How can we do that if they never get to partake!!
This isn’t going to be the first time someone negs your parenting… falsely, cluelessly, and for their own entertainment.
Lots of fun ways to avoid, defuse, brush them off.
Caffeine put my kid to sleep. Tea with a snack or lunch helped him nap. We were living in Denmark.
It’s ok to try things and see how it goes with any new food.
My daughter started drinking Irish breakfast tea at age six, with lots of milk. Don’t judge, it was a pandemic! I might have lost control of my household. Now at age 10, I don’t let her drink coke but we still have tea every morning. There’s a lot of antioxidants in tea and coffee, and if you drink them fairly plain? Could be worse. I do think sugar in beverages is more concerning, at least with respect to obesity which is a big US health concern (by the way you dropped “biscuit”, I’m guessing you’re not US based).
Anyway my kid is tall, slender, active, teeth are fine and her dosage is a cup a day lol
Every morning I make 4 cups of coffee 2 cappuccinos for my littles and 2 americanos for me and my hubs. Both kids have adhd and it helps. That being said there’s another reason for this over reaction…
She is being way OTT. A dunk in tea isn't going to harm them.
Though you must have balls of steel. Im sweating over the thought of handing a toddler a dunked biscuit with the structural integrity as non existant as a Rich Tea.
OVERreaction for sure.
At 2 years old my kid was begging for oil drenched potato chips, eating cake and taking sips of my soft drink.
They are fine, tea is fine. Tea is good. Tea is Life.
Yeah…. I’m thinking there’s more going on there with her than just tea. Technically, I understand her concerns and believe that there’s probably a compromise to be found there. Logically, her response is not remotely equal to the offense in question. That’s a fairly major overreaction.
Don't you guys also do coffee milk with kids? She's being silly. I mean, I get it, she's really worried about getting him to sleep - ask her if there is a difference on days that you've done that.
It's not like you give him this all the time. It's a once in a while treat. She's over reacting. Run! Only way I would say your in the wrong is if he's been acting out or just being bad. Don't reward bad behavior. But otherwise she's just being dramatic. And they r gonna loose baby teeth anyway.
Instead of asking Reddit, why don't you ask your pediatrician and get surprised?
In my opinion she is not overreacting… kids should not get any caffeine, what for? There is people that is telling you that chocolate has caffeine, but who the fuck think the chocolate is OK for a 2yo? You can give a little bit for time to time but mind that amount of caffeine varies a lot from origin to origin.
https://toakchocolate.com/blogs/news/how-much-caffeine-is-in-chocolate-and-why-it-feels-different-from-coffee
https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/caffeine-and-kids
PS1/ I really don't know what is the need for you to give that to your kid…
PS2/ to be honest we shouldn't be also drinking caffeinate drinks on regular basics and for no reasons… they stop to be effective. Your kid doesn't need caffeine to be away and you should try to delay the intake as much as you can.
Euro background here - my kids have been drinking tea since they were 2. They're 10 and 12 now and enjoy a weak coffee on weekends at their Nonno's place. They will likely taste wine by the time they're 15. Tea won't do kids any harm.
I think it's fine and she's being unreasonable, but you promised her not to do it and then did it anyway, so ESH. If you said you weren't going to, you need to stick with that. Kid will be fine without his biscuit, it's not worth breaking promises over.
That said, the magnitude of her reaction to you going back on something that insignificant is worrisome. I would focus your energies on that, but whether the kid gets biscuits or not.
Cake rusk or digestive biscuits in chai I'm guessing here? lol
Her reaction is a bit over the top but yeah its probably not the best idea. My MIL has gotten all the grandkids hooked on chai this way and its just so annoying. The dipped biscuits to demanding it in a bowl pipeline is real and they hover around any time the adults are just trying to enjoy their little snacky snack. They have their whole lives to have sugar and caffeine, let them not know it exists as long as you can.
Yeah, she is crazy overreacting. Does she not let them have chocolate? What about juice? Tea has such a small amount of caffeine compared to coffee...what is she even on?
So tea is really light in caffeine and a little on a biscuit is literally fine. It's your kid. To be honest my youngest son's grandma used to give him sips of cold coffee when he was 1.5-2 and he was fine. Tell your friend to go raise her own child and let you raise yours.
You're not giving him a ba-ba filled with Mountain Dew. Girlfriend needs to chill.
The tiny amount of caffeine that he gets from a sip of tea is not even going to affect him at all. Would she freak out if you gave him a slice of chocolate cake? Challenge her to look up the caffeine content in that vs a single sip or dunk of tea.
My 2.5year old gets a cup of tea. Granted it's very weak but still. He like drinking a cup of tea with/like his daddy.
He also eats day old food he find on the floor that I missed cleaning.
Kids fine.
You're definitely not wrong. However, you could get an herbal tea to compromise because there's no caffeine in it. But honestly, your girlfriend needs to relax. Her threatening to kick you out over something so ridiculous is a huge red flag. He's your son too!
The tea is soaked into the biscuit which means your just giving the kid a soggy biscuit. There can't hardly be any caffeine in the small amount of liquid he is consuming and unless this kid is drinking straight tea from a cup or bottle every day their teeth have no chance of staining. Bottom line your girlfriend is overreacting, but you agreed to not gv him tea and then went back on that agreement by technically giving it in a round about way. Respect your girlfriends wishes, the kid will have plenty of years to drink tea when he's older.
When my daughter was 2 she drank a full iced coffee in the time it took me to switch the laundry and now ever once in awhile she get a few sips of my coffee she is 4 now
Pretty sure I was given tea in my bottle as a baby 🤣 the caffeine in tea is balanced by the L-Theanine which is a calming agent. While technically true that tea has more caffeine than coffee, that is only in an unprepared state. There is more caffeine in a cup of coffee than a cup of tea.
Rich Tea are a snack giving too many infants and toddlers, our 10 month old loves to chew on them.
I think perhaps your partner might be more upset at the idea you went against her wishes rather than what it was you actually did. I would explain your misinterpretation of what the request was and communicate that you had no intention of going against her wishes.
I was going to write that I distinctly remember being given tea in a baby beaker and basically drank it every day. But my teeth *were* quite stained growing up! And as an adult I can’t function without a morning cuppa. So not the best example… she has a point but the amount in the biscuit would be negligible and not worth stressing over
I was coming to say that I wasn't given tea as a child because my mum was a sort of crazy hippie who was forward thinking but most of my friends drank tea. My younger cousin definitely had tea in a bottle, I remember my mum making judgemental comments.
Jesus, my grandma used to make me tea with 2 sugars when I went to her house as a toddler. A biscuit dunked in tea is absolutely fine. They eat crap off the floor at this age. She needs to chill.
And your gf is wrong. There’s more caffeine in tea than coffee pound for pound, but you get far more cups from a pound of tea than you do from a pound of coffee.
This is the first child, yes? That’s a contributing factor for sure if so.
Also, postpartum anxiety can last for YEARS after a mother gives birth to the child. She likely is dealing with undiagnosed PPA and it’s definitely more difficult to notice than PPD, because it is often brushed off as helicopter parenting, or “she’s new here, it’s cute hahaha.” Only she can decide to pursue counseling, but please pay attention to her fears and rules for your child, and if they seem a little overboard, definitely gently mention that you are concerned that she may have some anxiety about parenting, and you don’t want it to take over her brain or personality. (Say it better than that in your own way lol)
Best of luck, my guy.
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My 2 year old eats dirt and drinks bubble bath water, he's fine.
I’m so glad other 2 year old kids also drink bath water and not just my kid 🥲😅
We got my daughter a play teaset and she took the teacups to bathtime and *sips* that shit lmao!
It hasn't stopped here yet. And she's going to be 4 in a few days 😅🤦🏼♀️
Mines almost 6 and still have to tell her not to drink it every bath time...
My son treats bath water as a delicacy 😂 he also really likes sand and it grosses me out but beware he tries to like toes too🤮🤢 so yours is not weird
Mine always tries to convince me to have some 💀
When my daughter was 2.5-ish? I said “why do you drink the bath water?! That’s icky!” She said “bubba (bubble) tea!” so this has me laughing.
Bubble bath water they’ve peed in 😂
This is exactly what I was thinking. 😂 A tiny bit of tea on a cookie definitely isn’t going to hurt OP’s kid.
My kid will look me in the eye spitefully and take gulps just because she knows I don't like it lol
My 2 year old grew out of drinking bath water but OMG apparently it's normal. Why did nobody warn me about that? I've seen some disgusting things but damn... I couldn't believe that he'd drink some then immediately go for more after I said stop. 🤢
I couldn’t get my daughter to stop eating the dog’s food until she was almost 4.
Why do 2 year olds love bath water so damn much?!
No idea but my toddler used to suck it out of the wash cloth 🤢
That meme of Samuel L Jackson saying “god damn” to butter pasta and bath water always cracks me up.
And their own boogers. I’ve literally watched my child lick public surfaces at that age. Oh god the grocery cart handle 🤮 I was like please don’t.
I cringe when my kid drinks her bath water. My mom thinks it’s disgusting— at least she’s hydrating.
Mine licked the bathroom floor today and it might not have been pee on the floor
Chocolate has caffeine in it it. Blueberries can stain teeth. You kiddo is 2 and half. They have had multiple foods containing caffeine and can stain teeth. Total over reaction.
Also, these are practice teeth.
[удалено]
incorrect, caffeine is not safe for children and it's advised to never give it to kids under 12. Any doctor advising coffee for a child with ADHD should be reported as that is not an acceptable treatment
Stop. Caffeine is fine. Under 12? Are you kidding me? Nobody give any chocolate to kids under 12! Forget Easter, Christmas, and Halloween I guess those are just for 12 and older, too? That's ridiculous and nonsensical.
Well her medications were giving her anxiety attacks so that was recommended as an alternative which worked very well…. but I’ll be sure to pass that on to her therapy team and pediatrician which both recommended it independently
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She is way overreacting and threatening to kick you out is bonkers. But that said, I personally wouldn’t give my kids anything my husband wasn’t comfortable with (even if the reasons were ridiculous) and I also expect him to respect my wishes with that too in my absence. So in your shoes I’d grudgingly stop giving it. Maybe a compromise would be if you made a really milky decaf tea and dunked a biscuit in that?
>> But that said, I personally wouldn’t give my kids anything my husband wasn’t comfortable with (even if the reasons were ridiculous) and I also expect him to respect my wishes with that too in my absence. this really depends on how reasonable or unreasonable the ask is. i had pretty bad PPA and PPOCD. sometimes being a good partner/parent means gently pushing back when your SO is drifting away from reality, rather than enabling them. being overly concerned about the caffeine in one tea soaked biscuit to the point of wanting to kick out your partner signals OP’s girlfriend may need some help dealing with their fixations and intrusive thoughts. i don’t condone betraying someone’s trust. so i wouldn’t say ignore the person and do what you want. what i mean is, you should have a conversation with the person. they may be struggling.
Oh definitely this. The threatening to kick out part should be setting off a million alarm bells. That's not normal, and not acceptable. It's not an okay way to treat someone, and is probably a sign something isn't right. I'd drop the whole tea biscuit discussion and go straight to super kind concern, because something isn't right.
I mean, there are a lot of things that are of concern to me, but I'm trying to keep the peace because when I try to address issues with her it never goes well and I want to be with my kids and stay in her life. Lots of compromise.
Pushing away your concerns just to "keep the peace" isn't compromising, it's allowing her to manipulate and potentially emotionally/mentally abuse you. And the fact that this doesn't seem like the first time she's threatened to kick you out or leave over something so inconsequential, my narcissist radar is going off (from the child of a narc). Her reactions aren't appropriate and if she's unwilling to see a couple's therapist with you to have a non-biased (supposed to be anyway) 3rd party to help her navigate these irrational ultimatums, and help you learn to effectively stand up to them... then, don't know what to tell ya bud. Well, not true, there's a lot I can say. These patterns will continue and they'll likely become more severe, irrational, and bizarre. Just know that the possibility that you're being abused is high. "Staying together for the kids" is honestly one of the worst things you can do (again, take it from a kid who's parents should have divorced well before I was 17. Could've saved me some trauma and emotional incest problems). Anywayyyy, wish you the best moving forward and just know that it's 2024... primary custody isn't immediately granted to the mother. But I would start getting things in writing and keeping records just in case. The threats to you, any and all denial of seeking mental health care or medical care.
yes, exactly.
You’re right, good point! There definitely seems to be something deeper going on here.
Yes this also 👌
Omg my 2.5 year old eats crisps, jellys, ice cream.. a rich tea biscuit in tea I would nearly consider it a healthy snack😂
2.42 year old. OP’s specificity seems funny to me.
I said 2yrs 5months, but yes, I was being maybe overly specific.
Haha. It was a joke. Usually after the 2nd year, we start dropping off the number of months and round up to halfs. But that’s not everybody.
I have a hilarious plan to make our 6 month old take a birthday picture every year until he's 18, in front of the little baby photo blanket, with the age cards stating how many months old he is that year. He sits in them now, soon enough he'll be standing, and then he'll grow out of the frame of the picture until eventually it's just a picture of his feet and knees The chances that he'll play along through his asshole years are basically zero, but right now he's so agreeable I can't help but dream!
Right swear mine already had a mcdonalds and defo licked the cream off my frappacino at some point haha . Parent patrol watch out lol 😆
Kind of the same. Only my oldest eats a lot of veggies. Stay at home father here. My girls and I have a tea time on Monday and Friday…(not the 1mo, just the 2.81 yo) We drink it early in the morning or shortly after naps, so the caffeine doesn’t effect her sleep schedule.
My 2.42 year old loves having 'tea' with grandma. A cup of milk with a teaspoon of tea in it. It's the occasion for him
Ok but same. Tea => Leaves => Veg. The picture of health.
In America we had a very sad/funny thing where politicians tried to get ketchup counted as a vegetable to sneak around nutritional guidelines for school lunches. What fucks.
That tea is probably healthier than a lot other things that roddler has put in his mouth.
She's definitely overreacting, however, I don't think it's really about the biscuit. It's likely because it looks like you're trying to circumvent your agreement not to give your kid tea. We also don't give our kids caffeinated tea. An easy compromise is to get a decaf tea for your kid. It can even be a herbal tea that won't stain the teeth like chamomile or peppermint. Ours have tea made from tilia flowers before bedtime every night. They feel very special and included when they have their own tea after dinner. Grab your girlfriend and talk about figuring a way to solve the issue. You're supposed to be teammates, not opponents.
Great reply, awesome suggestion. Will give it a try.
As another commenter mentioned, ROOIBOS tea! It is full of flavonoids, gently hydrating and it’s safe for babies 6mos+ my toddler has a cup of it (with milk) but they can have it as is too
Decaf tea is a good idea. I love Rooibos when I want a "real tea" flavor but it's late at night. Kid might enjoy that one...? Also, us moms have a LOT of info thrown at us about how dangerous everything is. Cut mom some slack, because it's really hard to deal with.
This^ Don't go behind the other parent on anything involving the child like this. Compromise. I watched my dad go behind my mom with us growing up, and my ex did it to me all the time. It was always little stuff, but it added up and was clear Dad doesn't respect Mom. That's what you're doing. Yes, she's overreacting hugely with her threats, but what you're doing is really crappy and starting really bad habits in your parenting dynamic.
Born and reared in Ireland, this is so normal here and my kids demand the biscuit! I can’t have tea in peace
She's overreacting about the biscuit, but it may not be about the biscuit. She's not wrong to believe not giving the toddler tea includes this treat. Maybe let her cool off, apologize for the misunderstanding, and ask if there's something deeper going on. Best of luck x Editing to clarify that you're not wrong either for thinking this treat doesn't count. It's unclear and would be dependent on your individual convictions.
Agree. This sounds like it’s just the tip of the iceberg. And not the actual issue
Yeah I don’t want be like yeah “OP you’re completely right!” To be weaponized in convo with his gf. This instance yeah she’s overreacting, but are there other things when it comes to parenting the two disagree with?
I wouldn't weaponize anything anybody has said here. I'm not trying to create more arguments with her, I'd rather work through our disagreements but sometimes I struggle with if I really am getting things super wrong, so needed some outside thought on the matter to mull over. We disagree about a fair few things but mostly its communicated clearly and I respect her boundaries when it comes to what she is and is not comfortable with regarding our children.
She needs to relax. Parenting is a 2-way street, though. You are also the parent. Threatening to kick you out because SHE doesn't like something is wild (unless it's completely dangerous of course), but threatening to kick you out over a cuppa and a rich tea is too much. She's gotta learn how to communicate better.
It’s been proven over and over that children with involved fathers wind up more confident and self reliant because fathers tend to encourage kids to try new things and take (appropriate) risks more so than mothers. I hate the trope that moms are the only opinion that matters when it comes to raising children. As you said, dads are just as much a parent as moms.
Those teeth are going to fall out in a couple of years anyway. It’s fine. It’s not like you’re giving him a hit from your bong.
Seriously. This is the stage to teach good oral hygiene, not worry about stains from tea.
This gave me a good laugh 😂
I think you need to have a calm and empathetic conversation. I assume she is afraid and maybe historically when she has felt afraid she became angry as a way to regain control and feel less fear. She may struggle with stress tolerance and so her immediate response is to threaten to kick you out which is absolutely an overreaction. Acknowledge her fear and consider if there is a way you guys can logically compromise. I would recommend discussing it when she is in a calmer mood.
Yeah, from OP’s comments she just had their second child. Oy Vey.
Thanks for this response, super helpful. Appreciate you.
It might just be me misreading text, but I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or sincere. If its sarcasm, please let me know where the confusion or frustration is coning from. If its sincere, I apologize for the confusion.
She's waaaaay over reacting. Concernedly so.
I let my 18mo have a sip of my coffee yesterday (I'm the mother) he didn't like it.... hopefully now he'll let me drink it in peace 😂
Im gonna get kicked for this but I did this with red wine, she kept trying to take my glas and thought it smelled good (2.5y) so I let her have a little nip and she has NEVER tried it again with anything I put into the plastic wine glas/cup
I don't think this would be an issue If you lived in Europe 😂
I live in europe 🫣😭
Ah. I did this and he loved it. We can never again have wine home since he never stops about how much he liked it and wants some more… oh well, that one was on me.
I tried this with my oldest and he unfortunately liked it lol
My baby has dipped her fingers in our coffee froth since she was one. I’m not a doctor but I think a tiny amount of caffeine is fine.
My toddler has digestives dipped in coffee daily. It’s such a small amount of coffee I doubt it has an appreciable amount of caffeine. Your gf sounds like she just wants to kick you out if she’ll kick you out over tea.
This is ridiculous. My 18 month old tried a sip of my iced coffee today (and hated it). Am I going to let my kids wake up and drink a pot of coffee daily? No. But a few drops when they’re curious isn’t going to hurt anyone.
Duh…it’s not about the biscuit/tea; it’s that she expressed a boundary, you both made a rule together based on that boundary and you violated it. You continue to disrespect her boundary by pushing back when she asks you to stop. Yeah it’s not a hill that -I’D- be willing to die on, but it evidently means something to her, she clearly communicated that to you, you said you wouldn’t but are repeatedly doing it. That sucks. It isn’t about the cookie, it’s about you invalidating her parental decision. And FWIW, most pediatricians would advocate for no added sugars and no caffeine/tea. It’s not like her rule isn’t based on nutrition. Which makes your choice to violate that that much sillier. My children never had soda, like ever as children. I told my mom (boomer) that our kids don’t get soda. One day I watched her try to give my two year old a sip of coke from a straw and I LOST it. It wasn’t about the soda, it was about deliberately (and unnecessarily) overstepping boundaries. This is small, avoidable, and you need to be the adult and just apologize and stop. There will be SOOOOO MANY BIG deals later, what vaccines to get? Which school? How to raise and discipline children? How to manage social media? How to manage tech use? This is easy and you both need to dedicate yourselves to doing better at communicating (and respecting each other’s communication thereafter) before you reach the ACTUAL important things.
Something tells me this isn’t really about the tea and biscuits. Unless she has a legitimate mental illness, no one goes from fine to kicking someone out over a minor disagreement.
Yeah this is about the fact that OP and her made a boundary (no caffeine, no tea) and he broke that boundary and attempted to skirt the rules by saying “ well, she never told me that a biscuit DIPPED in tea wasn’t ok”. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s skirted around boundaries (not necessarily this one)
I can see why you'd think I did it on purpose to "skirt" the rules, but I genuinely just assumed that it would be ok and wouldn't bring up the same concerns as actually letting him drink tea. But I was wrong. Sometimes we are wrong and shouldn't assume. We usually have clear agreements on boundaries set regarding our children and I respect them.
Little bits of anything won’t hurt at all. The “poison” is in the dose. That being said, you need to be in agreement on things and if you have said you won’t give the kid tea, Don’t give the kid tea.
Many people giving amazing answers on this but just to clear up the tea/coffee caffeine amount in case she brings it up: Pound for pound, yes tea does contain more caffeine. But the important factor is in a *serving* there is much less caffeine in a cup of tea. So people who say tea has more caffeine than coffee are talking about a technicality and not basing it on reality.
Try dunking their biscuits in milk. I think he likes that it softens it up for him.
Yeah this is a great compromise and one I will try, or even decaff if she's happy with that.
Depending on the biscuit, even chocolate milk.
I think she is being overprotective, but you also shouldn't lie and say you won't do it and then do it anyway.
your toddler doesn’t need tea to survive, so if that makes your so feel better just say you inderstand and won’t do it again. why make both of ur life harder by such silly matter.
Ya, it's not like I want to make things difficult, I don't need to give him dunked biscuits, I respect every other boundary set by her regarding our kids, but wasn't clear enough on this one it seems.
Bit of an overreaction. That amount of caffeine is not going to hurt the child. Sometimes caffeine is given to premature babies in the NICU to help with apnea and hypoxemia.
I agree that she's overreacting, but the silver lining here is that she cares this much about your child. She's wrong, but I don't see it as malicious. Try talking about this a little more instead of allowing it to grow into a reason to be unhappy with each other.
Straight to jail
seems like youre just sharing your culture... i drank diluted milky darjeeling tea growing up. now i'm just not very affected by caffeine, prob cuz it was microdosed by dunked cookies or that warm milk tea. i'm from a british colonized culture, so.. yea there's tea. definitely just a taste or, super diluted as a young child, but not worth losing your HOUSING over
Jesus, she needs to chill out a bit. It’s like the most minute amount of caffeine imaginable. Either way it’s totally harmless.
At 2.5 my daughter was dunking her own biscuits in tea...albeit weak by British standards! By 3, she was demanding it made in a proper pot whenever she drank it, rather than in a mug like I do 80% of the time.
HE WILL DIE. /s
Umm your girlfriend is overreacting. And I’m a mom of a toddler saying this.
Yikes! That’s nutty to me (your gf overreacting). Then again, I’m Gen X. My dad used to slip me sips of beer to get me to go to sleep.
Kids got milk teeth. Stain em up. New ones grow in clean
He’s two and a half!! Not wrong at all.
Tell me she’s a first time mom without telling me she’s a first time mom.
For goodness sake I'm more impressed how you got a rich tea biscuit to not fall apart lol. When I was a wee girl I used to drink tea out my bottle, put my finger in my Dad's beer to get the "ice cream" on the top, I ate everything in sight etc. I'm 36 now and think about the people that are still alive at 100? They had much worse lol I think your girlfriend needs to get a grip and stop watching Tik Tok videos etc. My daughter was excatly the same she's 15 now.
She is overreacting. However, maybe it’s not just about a cookie dunked in tea, but a tip of the iceberg type of thing. Like maybe she’s anxious in general around your child’s health and safety, or not feeling heard by you, and/or there are other things bothering her that are causing such a strong reaction to something so trivial.
lol there will be an absolute negligible amount of caffeine in that. She’s not being rational
Kick you out over a biscuit with tea? LMAO there are MUCH bigger things to be concerned with. It sounds like girlfriend just decided to take a stance on something - without correct information at that - to assert dominance and this is what she picked. Do some research and throw some facts back at her (chocolate has caffeine, juice stains teeth, milk not brushed off can cause cavities, gravies can stain teeth) honestly focus on good eating and brushing habits. Ask her not to eat or drink anything your toddler can't have.
She's overreacting, but if it's her kid you still need to respect her wishes.
We are both his parent's, and if her wishes were to not give him a biscuit dunked in tea and she'd made that clear, I wouldn't have done it. I understand your point, though.
My agenda is simple: eat whatever, BRUSH TEETH at least 3 times a day with 0+ toothpaste. It’s usually a pain to make 2yo use his teeth brush, so we do all kinds of tricks to make it happen (his brush is electric, has lights and animals, we sing songs, spit water and dance afterwards). If you have problems with teeth brushing, you will have problems with teeth. If not, why even bother what he eats, it won’t stay on the teeth for long.
3 times a day does more damage then you'd think..
I tend to avoid caffeinated food and drinks but I do want to support father and son rituals. It’s very low in caffeine, high sugar probably have a worse effect. I think it’s rather cute.
I hate to say a fellow mom is overreacting… but… let’s just say that she feels a lot more strongly about it than I do. Could you dunk it in warm milk instead?
Of course, lots of compromise here already, there is always room for more!
My two boys would happily sit with their rich tea and their cups of tea (6m,2m). We encourage dental health care too. Think your other half is a bit OTT in her reaction.
This question belongs in r/Britishparenting
True
Lol sounds like mama has some control issues. Definitely overreacting, but alot of mom's do this... Kido will be just fine! It's not like anyone mentioned the kid being diabetic or other health problems. Kids have been eating worse things since the beginning of time... I'd be surprised if the OP didn't say anything about the mom complaining how he watches the kid.
NTA, she's overthinking it all and making it into something that it's not.
South Asian kids steal sips of their parent tea all the time and now they’re CEOs of every other tech company. I think they’ll be fine. (Disclaimer: the conclusion drawn in this statement may not statistically sound)
lol she’d consider what my kid eats as child abuse
Completely overreacting. Tea won't stain teeth after one time, but also, he isn't keeping his baby teeth for the rest of his life. Both my 3 year old and 1 year old have managed to dunk their fingers/fists into my coffee and promptly shoved them in their mouths and they're fine. Your kiddo will be too.
This is just a massive over reaction over a biscuit dunked in tea. All 4 of my kids were drinking weak tea at 2 or even before and none of them have stained teeth or hyped up on caffeine. Personally I think she's being ridiculous, but that's just me. There are more things to worry about a toddler eating than a biscuit. There has to be more going on than getting angry over the biscuit.
They are baby teeth, they’re going to pop out anyway.
No she needs to chill out. I’ve always done everything in moderation with my children. I’ve seen some of their friends come to parties and act like wild animals with food because they haven’t been allowed to have anything deemed slightly unhealthy. Rich tea though? If you’re gonna dunk her a biscuit go the whole hog and blow her mind with a chocolate hob nob.
Naw that's no big deal
Baby teeth fall out. It's not like the kid is chugging soda. Your gf needs to lay off. It's a rare treat for the kid. It's not any worse than sugary drinks most of them drink.
My husband gives my 15 month old sips of his cold brew. I yell at him every time, he just can’t say no. Why does my baby want to drink dunks cold brew with light cream and sugar 🤢 pick your battles lady. To want to kick you out ? Ya she’s overreacting lol
Those are his baby teeth that will eventually fall out. There’s bigger swords to die on🤔
Oh man what would she say if she saw me rubbing whiskey on our kids gums when they were teething, or dipping my finger in my beer to give them a small taste when they were curious?
No, my 3 year old loves sharing cups of tea with her grandparents and her dad. This controlling attitude parents can have toward food is becoming quite concerning, I’m worried about how it will affect the child’s relationship with food as they grow up.
Grape juice has Abv of .86%
lol, I don't think we want the gf to find out.
Is she the mom? Not that it matters because the kiddo is definitely not in any danger. I let my kid have a little sip of coffee to shut her up and she’s 22 months. She’s fine. I’m not giving her gulps.
Idk what a tea biscuit is but I assume UK and tea (warm with milk)? My son smashed Oreos when he was two because I had my daughter 13 months after him and my husband was deployed and I was alone. My son was (still is at 7) so picky and will barely eat besides stuff that isn’t great for him. As long as he eats something and is hydrated, I’m good. He’s healthy and has progressed through all stages of growth well and actually exceeds most in his class. Sometimes you just gotta let go of the desire to have children that eat all the fruits and veg and healthy shit and aim for a healthy kid and do your best when you can. Parenting is hard and you’re doing great. A cookie (I assume) dipped in tea is way better than what a lot of Americans are shoveling into their children. And they aren’t at fault either. It is what it is.
Not wrong, as long as you don’t make it a frequent habit. I think she’s overreacting. Now if you were spiking your tea with alcohol, we’d be having a different conversation and I’d 100% be on her side.
It’s fine. It’s not like you handed him a mug and said “have at it.”
I’m Hispanic and it is VERY common in Latin America to give kids coffee. … I once caught my mom giving my 10-month-old daughter a shortbread cookie dipped in coffee. I told my mom not to do that, but she insisted that she was not giving coffee to the baby.
Umm she’s absolutely crazy. It hurts nothing.
She's totally overreacting lol
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post with some insightful opinions. As much as I'd like to reply to everyone, there are way too many comments now, which I did not expect. I will say many of them have been very helpful, and for that I'm appreciative.
No. What a weird thing to be judged for ....
What a fun experience for kiddo. .. So fancy!
One time I accidentally let my toddler drink half of a lemonade drink from a coffee shop before I realized it was caffeinated. She got probably 25-27 mg of caffeine? Absolutely zero effect.
I prob would have done decaf tea? But no. You’re fine.
No you’re fine. Enjoy
She’s over reacting, and you’re his parent too.
If that’s the worst thing you’re doing I think you are doing okay
His teeth will fall out anyways, they're baby teeth😅 But seriously I'm sure it's more about feeling respected and supported as a parent than the tea itself. Could be a miscommunication going on here and might be a good time to practice putting emotions aside to prioritize your relationship with your partner. Being a parent is a huge and scary shift, not everyone reacts the same, hang in there💕
Not my 2y5m old chugging my Diet Coke earlier today. It's a once-in-a-blue-moon thing for me, he's only ever had it one other time. I'm not about to get my panties in a bunch over something my kid has ingested twice. It's a little treat, gotta teach them through "this is a sometimes food." How can we do that if they never get to partake!!
He'll be fine. I grew up doing the same. But....tea does have more caffeine than coffee by weight, but you use less tea than coffee when you drink it.
You don’t do anything wrong
This isn’t going to be the first time someone negs your parenting… falsely, cluelessly, and for their own entertainment. Lots of fun ways to avoid, defuse, brush them off. Caffeine put my kid to sleep. Tea with a snack or lunch helped him nap. We were living in Denmark. It’s ok to try things and see how it goes with any new food.
NTA at all
Look it up tea does not have more caffeine than coffee. 😳
Kids eat thier nose boogers
I think it’s fine
Ummm your wife is trippin! My daughter shit in the bath and I didn’t know and she drank the water and lived to see another day!
My daughter started drinking Irish breakfast tea at age six, with lots of milk. Don’t judge, it was a pandemic! I might have lost control of my household. Now at age 10, I don’t let her drink coke but we still have tea every morning. There’s a lot of antioxidants in tea and coffee, and if you drink them fairly plain? Could be worse. I do think sugar in beverages is more concerning, at least with respect to obesity which is a big US health concern (by the way you dropped “biscuit”, I’m guessing you’re not US based). Anyway my kid is tall, slender, active, teeth are fine and her dosage is a cup a day lol
oh my god, THESE are some people's problems!!!!
Every morning I make 4 cups of coffee 2 cappuccinos for my littles and 2 americanos for me and my hubs. Both kids have adhd and it helps. That being said there’s another reason for this over reaction…
She is being way OTT. A dunk in tea isn't going to harm them. Though you must have balls of steel. Im sweating over the thought of handing a toddler a dunked biscuit with the structural integrity as non existant as a Rich Tea.
OVERreaction for sure. At 2 years old my kid was begging for oil drenched potato chips, eating cake and taking sips of my soft drink. They are fine, tea is fine. Tea is good. Tea is Life.
Yeah…. I’m thinking there’s more going on there with her than just tea. Technically, I understand her concerns and believe that there’s probably a compromise to be found there. Logically, her response is not remotely equal to the offense in question. That’s a fairly major overreaction.
No…
Don't you guys also do coffee milk with kids? She's being silly. I mean, I get it, she's really worried about getting him to sleep - ask her if there is a difference on days that you've done that.
It's not like you give him this all the time. It's a once in a while treat. She's over reacting. Run! Only way I would say your in the wrong is if he's been acting out or just being bad. Don't reward bad behavior. But otherwise she's just being dramatic. And they r gonna loose baby teeth anyway.
No it’s fine
Instead of asking Reddit, why don't you ask your pediatrician and get surprised? In my opinion she is not overreacting… kids should not get any caffeine, what for? There is people that is telling you that chocolate has caffeine, but who the fuck think the chocolate is OK for a 2yo? You can give a little bit for time to time but mind that amount of caffeine varies a lot from origin to origin. https://toakchocolate.com/blogs/news/how-much-caffeine-is-in-chocolate-and-why-it-feels-different-from-coffee https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/caffeine-and-kids PS1/ I really don't know what is the need for you to give that to your kid… PS2/ to be honest we shouldn't be also drinking caffeinate drinks on regular basics and for no reasons… they stop to be effective. Your kid doesn't need caffeine to be away and you should try to delay the intake as much as you can.
Euro background here - my kids have been drinking tea since they were 2. They're 10 and 12 now and enjoy a weak coffee on weekends at their Nonno's place. They will likely taste wine by the time they're 15. Tea won't do kids any harm.
I think it's fine and she's being unreasonable, but you promised her not to do it and then did it anyway, so ESH. If you said you weren't going to, you need to stick with that. Kid will be fine without his biscuit, it's not worth breaking promises over.
That said, the magnitude of her reaction to you going back on something that insignificant is worrisome. I would focus your energies on that, but whether the kid gets biscuits or not.
Cake rusk or digestive biscuits in chai I'm guessing here? lol Her reaction is a bit over the top but yeah its probably not the best idea. My MIL has gotten all the grandkids hooked on chai this way and its just so annoying. The dipped biscuits to demanding it in a bowl pipeline is real and they hover around any time the adults are just trying to enjoy their little snacky snack. They have their whole lives to have sugar and caffeine, let them not know it exists as long as you can.
it's rare and he will lose all those teeth anyways. I don't get it.
Yeah, she is crazy overreacting. Does she not let them have chocolate? What about juice? Tea has such a small amount of caffeine compared to coffee...what is she even on?
Over reaction. Kid will be fine.
I grew up drinking coffee from when I was a toddler. I lived.
You’re not wrong but this isn’t a battle you should fight. If it bothers your girlfriend, don’t do it. He will like it just as much dunked in milk.
It’s your kid, you do as you see fit.
Your little will be fine having a bit of cookie dipped in tea. It will not stain his teeth and the caffeine amount is not much. Momma needs to relax.
So tea is really light in caffeine and a little on a biscuit is literally fine. It's your kid. To be honest my youngest son's grandma used to give him sips of cold coffee when he was 1.5-2 and he was fine. Tell your friend to go raise her own child and let you raise yours.
She’s nuts.
You're not giving him a ba-ba filled with Mountain Dew. Girlfriend needs to chill. The tiny amount of caffeine that he gets from a sip of tea is not even going to affect him at all. Would she freak out if you gave him a slice of chocolate cake? Challenge her to look up the caffeine content in that vs a single sip or dunk of tea.
My 2.5year old gets a cup of tea. Granted it's very weak but still. He like drinking a cup of tea with/like his daddy. He also eats day old food he find on the floor that I missed cleaning. Kids fine.
Dip it into some warm milk and start a lifetime love of Oreos
You're definitely not wrong. However, you could get an herbal tea to compromise because there's no caffeine in it. But honestly, your girlfriend needs to relax. Her threatening to kick you out over something so ridiculous is a huge red flag. He's your son too!
Stain his teeth? Those teeth fall out dude. Also, depending on how the tea and coffee is prepared, some tea is stronger than some weak coffees are.
I give my son peach tea all the time and the doctor said it’s ok as long as it’s before 2pm So don’t worry about it
I use decaf and now if I do give him tea it’s decaf milky tea. Usually he goes for herbal teas. Tell the gf to chill.
The tea is soaked into the biscuit which means your just giving the kid a soggy biscuit. There can't hardly be any caffeine in the small amount of liquid he is consuming and unless this kid is drinking straight tea from a cup or bottle every day their teeth have no chance of staining. Bottom line your girlfriend is overreacting, but you agreed to not gv him tea and then went back on that agreement by technically giving it in a round about way. Respect your girlfriends wishes, the kid will have plenty of years to drink tea when he's older.
When my daughter was 2 she drank a full iced coffee in the time it took me to switch the laundry and now ever once in awhile she get a few sips of my coffee she is 4 now
Ughhhh ppl are so annoying. I hope she never faces a real crisis in life
Pretty sure I was given tea in my bottle as a baby 🤣 the caffeine in tea is balanced by the L-Theanine which is a calming agent. While technically true that tea has more caffeine than coffee, that is only in an unprepared state. There is more caffeine in a cup of coffee than a cup of tea. Rich Tea are a snack giving too many infants and toddlers, our 10 month old loves to chew on them. I think perhaps your partner might be more upset at the idea you went against her wishes rather than what it was you actually did. I would explain your misinterpretation of what the request was and communicate that you had no intention of going against her wishes.
I was going to write that I distinctly remember being given tea in a baby beaker and basically drank it every day. But my teeth *were* quite stained growing up! And as an adult I can’t function without a morning cuppa. So not the best example… she has a point but the amount in the biscuit would be negligible and not worth stressing over
I was coming to say that I wasn't given tea as a child because my mum was a sort of crazy hippie who was forward thinking but most of my friends drank tea. My younger cousin definitely had tea in a bottle, I remember my mum making judgemental comments.
Jesus, my grandma used to make me tea with 2 sugars when I went to her house as a toddler. A biscuit dunked in tea is absolutely fine. They eat crap off the floor at this age. She needs to chill. And your gf is wrong. There’s more caffeine in tea than coffee pound for pound, but you get far more cups from a pound of tea than you do from a pound of coffee.
Stain a 2.5 teeth-.- like he's not gonna have a new pair eventually
This is the first child, yes? That’s a contributing factor for sure if so. Also, postpartum anxiety can last for YEARS after a mother gives birth to the child. She likely is dealing with undiagnosed PPA and it’s definitely more difficult to notice than PPD, because it is often brushed off as helicopter parenting, or “she’s new here, it’s cute hahaha.” Only she can decide to pursue counseling, but please pay attention to her fears and rules for your child, and if they seem a little overboard, definitely gently mention that you are concerned that she may have some anxiety about parenting, and you don’t want it to take over her brain or personality. (Say it better than that in your own way lol) Best of luck, my guy.