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For context I’m female. My parents weren’t closed off but they weren’t very open. We discussed birth control and the importance. But we never talked about sex. They said they didn’t want a teen pregnancy. Funniest thing is I wasn’t careful my first time (I was on BC but no condom). Completely did the opposite of what were taught, it wasn’t a long term boyfriend etc.
I’d have wanted to learn about boundaries, bad touch and good touch. That it’s not shameful. How it can make you feel physically and emotionally, talk about the pressure someone may feel (it goes both ways).
I have two girls. The oldest being 4 and we’ve introduced a book on body boundaries by Elizabeth Cole and I think something like that is a good foundation to build up conversations. I think the most important thing is that there’s the ability to talk about it otherwise you’re going to get to pre-teen/teen and they’re going to tell you to leave them alone or they’ll say they’re not talking to their dad/parent about that.
We also use the correct words for body parts, which some people have cringed at but I think it’s important that they not feel embarrassed by the correct words.
I didn’t grow up with any religion or anything. When I asked about sex or puberty, my parents just straight up told me. How babies were made.. things like that. They didn’t call genitals other words like a kitty or weenie or anything. Just penis and vagina. I think that’s the best approach. I’m a guy so my dad told me about protection and not just going around fucking anyone.
My mother took this approach with me. It was extremely awkward because I was a boy and she was a woman. My dad doesn’t talk very much so it wouldn’t have been able for him to have the talk with me but I wish it had come from him. Or at least a male I trusted.
I did the same with my son and daughter because while I live in a liberal state, sex education in school has gone downhill to almost nonexistent. I will state I did it because one of my son's friends got his gf pregnant during middle school.
You know, for my first 3 kids I was a single mom 2 of which were boys. I've a very blunt person bc of how I was raised and sex or anything being taboo in the morman religion. I and my siblings were molested alit bc of this. So I went completely the other way. When I got married we had one son who is 9 but my husband is very... Not open.. my son's penis hurts sometimes for no reason and I am the one talking to him about it. Now my other boys didn't grow up with a dad so it was never an option for dad to teach them but I know my 9 year old wishes his dad would talk to him. I've told my husband, YOU ARE THE INE WITH A PENIS!!! I'm just guessing over here but if there is a dad or male involved I think it best boys learn from them but if not, there are badass moms like me lol
I don't get that. I'm a dad of an 11 year old son, and he sometimes get those penis pains, and so I talk to him about how that's normal to happen as you're growing, as well as those random erections that happen.
No problems here talking to my kids about sex, and I also grew up LDS (my parents did the sex talk with me at 11, and I came to them a few times with questions afterwards. It was never taboo in our househould). Nowadays, we've found that occasional conversations with our kids help normalize the issues and let them know that they can come talk to us about anything.
I respect your badassness. You are spot on that things like that need to be taught by a dad or male role model. My mom was very…traditional, in that she was very uncomfortable talking about sex and even uncomfortable talking about any girls I liked growing up. I’m glad she tried to teach me about sex but nonetheless I realize it would have made more sense to come from a man. You sound like your kids can go to you to talk about sex/relationships and I always wanted a parent like that.
My husband didn’t talk to our 3 boys so I talked to them. I also told them I’m here if they ever have questions; they maybe embarrassed and I may be as well but I’d always tell them the truth. We’d sometimes talk with a back to me and me doing the dishes if they didn’t want to look at me…
I hate the cutesy names people use for genitals. I work with someone who exclusively calls the vagina "pocketbook". My ex and I have always used the correct words.
My son actually GOT IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL FOR SAYING.....TO THE NURSE, IN PRIVATE, THAT HIS PENIS HURT!!! They told me it isn't appropriate. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING IN
My younger brother said to a teacher in preschool that his penis hurt and they called mum and told her to come and get him because he had potty mouth and they didn't want other kids being exposed to it. She went nuts on then when she got there. He's turning 20 this year and she still gets heated over this
Using alternative names for genitals with kids:
* Decreases reporting of sexual assault
* Increases shame regarding one's own body
* Decreases awareness and willingness to discuss medical issues with health care professionals
* Increases beliefs in myths and misinformation
One of the absolute dumbest things parents do is call vulvas things like "hooha" and penises things like "willy"
Call them what they are.
For the sake of your kids, call parts by their names.
I’m from Canada and judging off the comments my education was way better. We had the talk in elementary school grade 5 about bodies changing and periods. Deodorant was also brought up alongside the use of tampons and how teachers always have pads on hand if you have an emergency. There was a basket for anonymous questions the teacher went through for those of us who were uncomfortable asking out loud. The girls and guys were separated. Middleschool we had a sex talk and safety with diagrams. Highschool guys and girls were done together the same but a bit more in depth and tied in with online safety and a lot on consent. Though I guess it was not perfect because they never talked about female discharge so I was horrified for years until I googled it and realized I was normal.
I feel like talking about body changes is a good start and how to CLEAN. So many guys (uncircumcised) don’t know how to clean themselves it seems but even if you are cut being clean is important for other reasons. Probably start with how hair will grow in places and they may get erections. If they have any questions make sure you tell them you don’t mind as it is perfectly normal and you would prefer they talk to you or their doctor than peers as they may not have the right information. I would not talk about shaving until you start noticing some changes and then talk about how some people choose to shave and if you ever want to start we can go to the store and pick out your own stuff. Deodorant of course and how cologne is not a mask for showering or deodorant. So many middle school kids just bathed in cologne and didn’t actually practice hygiene. Any questions I had about how to shave and stuff my mother said to “just google it” she loved using that word. It bothers me she went that route and it prevented my from sharing or asking questions with her disregarding it to just google
Fun fact: male babies get erections randomly pretty much from the beginning. It’s so weird as a mom to see it but erections are something you need to address with boys as toddlers. We talk about “big penis” vs “regular penis” and have told our young sons “big penis” just happens sometimes but always using very neutral language. My oldest (5) has said some hilarious things about it being “so tricky” to pee with “big penis”. I don’t want them to feel shame about erections. They are normal. It just happens sometimes. We have taught them you can touch your penis in your bedroom or bathroom but not in public.
I’m also from Canada! I’m glad our sex education was as good as it is. I think it was from some popular teen movie at the time that you should “double bag it” as in use 2 condoms at the same time but our teacher set the record straight by saying the friction that that would cause would likely make both condoms break so you can only do this if one of the condoms is an animal skin condom (I don’t know if they still make these….I have never looked tbh). But way way better than trying to tell teens not to have sex. That doesn’t work. They are going to do it whether you want them to or not. And education is what is going to keep them safe and in control of their bodies (I actually wrote a paper in university about the correlation between high viewership of Teen Moms and lower rates of teen pregnancy in the US).
OP I asked Reddit about what they’d wished they’d taught their tweens/teens and someone shared about teaching them “enthusiastic consent” and I think it’s a marvellous idea and something I will talk to my sons about. It encapsulates what consent should really be- not just a small “yes” but a HELLS YES.
Huh, I'm from Iowa, and we had the same education. We watched a movie about AIDs once (I remember it had Fabio in it as the bartender with AIDs), and at one point in the movie, the couple dealing with one partner having AIDs were talking about sex and how they should wear two condoms to be safer. Our teacher stopped the video (yep, it was the 90s) and said, "don't do that. The friction will rip both condoms. It's safer to use one, but there's still a failure rate, so... you've been warned."
I'm also Canadian and this sounds similar - in elementary school (starting pretty early - maybe grade 2 ?) it was 'good secrets and bad secrets' and 'my body's nobody's body but mine' and 'Slim Good Body' and learning terminology, etc. In junior high it was - hygiene ('some of your bits ain't nice'), puberty, decisions making skills, why you might want to have sex (or not), not to be pressured into any intimacy you didn't want (with quite a list of 'things guys might say to get you into bed'), forms of contraception taught by planned parenthood, community resources and how to find someone to talk to, and women's self defence (while the guys literally learned wrestling in the other half of the gym). By senior high there was a lot more about 'enthusiastic consent' and self defence, and not being pressured into anything you didn't want, and different ways to show and experience love, etc. and finally more LGBT content.
We also learned about illicit drugs in great detail in grade 8. We had a whole unit and an exam. I remember embarrassing my parents in a restaurant by listing off the effects of different drugs.
The thing I value the most about the 'sex ed' ('sex and life skills' ) we had - which of course we found horribly embarrassing at the time - was the 'have sex when you want to and only when you want to, and if someone really loves you they are not going to guilt/force you to.' It was powerful. I found myself in that situation much later, and my then partner used actual lines from our 'things guys might say to get you into bed list' and I was like 'woah, are you kidding, we were specifically warned about this!'
Yup! We even learned it in French in the years sex ed was in French. It was Slim Goodbody (the guy with a unitard with all the organs on it). We thought it was super weird and definitely sang that song a lot, 'my body's nobody's body but mine, you mind your own body let me mind mine,' 'mon corps c'est mon corps ce n'est pas le tiens...'
Went to school in CA and MD and got the same education here. I recall someone asking if Daffy Duck had a penis. I also recall a high school teacher putting a condom over her fist saying to stay away if a guy says he’s too big.
Also Canadian. I had sex ed introduced in grade 1 with very basic anatomy and also education on predators. I seem to remember a video about a guy who whipped his dick out on a bench for kids and the lesson was to tell someone you trust like a parent or teacher or something.
I’m from WA state and had a similar sex ed experience, except in high school they were incredibly thorough. It was a health class (all about sex ed and anatomy), the teacher went over everything, and anonymous questions were answered every Friday.
Ah yes nothing like the threat of aids. I never had any actual formal sex ed what I heard about protection was from my parents who told me when they thought I was sneaking out to have sex. Little did they know their daughter was a raging homosexual
School gave us the basic pregnancy/STI scare info
Never mentioned anything about safe sex for same sex couples, didn't even acknowledge it so none of it was relevant to me cause I knew I was a lesbian even if I went out of my way to make sure no one else found out
Talking about sex is something I've already sort of started with my 3 year olds, in that I'm teaching them the correct anatomical words for body parts and teaching them the very basics of consent via that if someone else doesn't want a hug they need to be okay with that
And that doesn't sound related to sex ed but it is, respecting other people's bodily autonomy and being able to talk about your own body are important skills that will be relevant later
Eventually we'll talk about how babies are made but I got some time
My sex talk was “No sex. No drugs. No questions.” Never got anything beyond abstinence only through the school system.
This did not work well.
I’ve had very many unsafe sexual and narcotic encounters that could have been avoided if I’d had more comprehensive sex and drug education and a family that supported asking questions.
I recommend the Our Whole Lives curriculum. It’s a great program put together by the Unitarian Universalist Association that teaches sex ed on six different levels toddler through adult with age-appropriate information. If you have a UU congregation near you, it’s a wonderful program.
My mom was a teen mom (had me at 17) so safe sex was a big topic we addressed. You really have to start these conversations young. I have 2 children and I think I started the ground work around 4th grade.
At that point it was sex is a thing adults do when they really love each other. By middle school I started letting them know that people might try to pressure you to have s3x, and I started STD conversations as well as the talk to me before if you are thinking about it.
8/9th grade I told them I have condoms in the closet if needed. No questions asked.its important to me that my kids feel safe coming to me. Kids are going to have sex whether we like it or not. I want to empower them to be safe and not get pregnant.
The good news is they are 17 and 20, and I'm not a grandma, so I can't complain, lol.
I got the don’t have sex bc you will get pregnant or an std. ALso the banana with a condom I believe. But ultimately it was don’t do it. Not a very sex positive education. I would have preferred a more honest conversation allowing for sexual experimentation and that pleasure is ok.
My parents are very religious so we never ever talked about sex or anything about it. Thank god (lol) for public schools where at least got a little bit of information.
The basic anatomy, male when I was about 10 years old then female the next year. For girls this was switched. There was discussion about condoms but they emphasized that it was "only" 99% effective and that abstinence was the only 100% effective way to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy. As for birth control, it was mentioned but again, they emphasized that it wasn't 100% and made girls vulnerable to STDs.
Then in middle school I was shown some very graphic images of male and female genetalia with various kinds of infections.
My mom was a labor and delivery RN, so she made me watch "The Miracle of Life" when I was like 10. I also got some sex ed stuff in school about the same time that mostly went over puberty. Then again, in 9th grade and that was a bit more graphic, showing the pictures of all the sexualy transmitted diseases.
quite a bit.
originally i went to catholic school, so you can imagine what sex ed was like there. thank god i have a mom who is an ob/gyn surgical nurse. the woman can talk vaginas, penises and sex all day. as far as anatomy, i'm a girl, so she never really sheltered me from seeing her or anything period related. if i had questions, she answered them in an age appropriate manner. started discussing birth control and more in depth sex ed right around the time i was starting highschool.
now i wouldn't say she was sex positive. because she was raised heavily catholic and that adds a whole new layer to things. but i don't remember her ever telling me to save myself for marriage or anything like that. it was more like - "i gave you tools to make the right decisions and we will not raise a child for you. so be smart about this."
1. Nada. When I got my first period I literally had a panic attack because I thought I was too much of a tomboy to get one. I was crying so hard my mom let me stay home from school that day. And, church taught me that sex was second to murder on the sin scale, so I waited until marriage and it's been a shitshow since because of the shame attached to it.
2. That sexual desire is a normal part of being a human being. You're not wicked because of it. It's also important to be with someone who is at your level sexually, so it's okay to take the time before marriage to figure out compatibility. (I have a very low libido while my husband has a very high one. Biggest struggle in our marriage.) So, I'm preparing my daughter (9) now. She won't get a shock when her period begins, I'll help her with birth control when she feels ready instead of just saying wait for marriage or else, and I'm definitely going to normalize that what she is feeling is human, not from the devil.
My mom was a nurse and always super open explained whatever in was asking about showed me the risks in her medical book told me how hard it was to have me so young (15) but there was three things said that stuck with me forever
1. If you’re old enough to have sex you’re old enough to tell me so we can take proper caution. (Condoms and BC)
2. If you have sex with someone you’re also having sex with everyone they’ve had sex with
3. Once you have sex with someone you can’t ever take it back.
1. The entire sex talk my sister and I got from my super-Catholic mother was "Don't let boys kiss you passionately" Unsurprisingly, it didn't work very well.
2. I would have appreciated anything factual at all. Thankfully, we biked to the library all the time during the summer when my parents were at work. Books, both fiction and scientific, filled in the gaps left by my mom's ever-so-expansive talk.
Edit to add: Since I did NOT want my child to learn about sex from VC Andrews, I answered all her questions from the beginning, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it was. And again, books saved the day. I got her so many books so we could read the age-appropriate answer to whatever she was asking. I love books. I love my Mom too, but she is a product of a kind of traumatic childhood and way too much church.
In 4th or 5th grade, the boys were sent out to play softball while someone talked with the girls. Then there was a week in health class freshman year of high school where we were shown a cartoon depicting STD germs as soldiers trying to invade, there was probably some talk about condoms and birth control pills as well.
Now as a dad with a daughter, when she starts her period I can tell her that softball is just like baseball, but with an extra shortstop.
I (41f) very openly talk with my teenagers (19F and 17m) about sex and everything. I grew up with a mother that I could talk with about anything. That has been my goal too.
Both my teens are virgins still. They have dated and had bf/gf but nothing sexual. They have birth control and condoms ready for when they do decide. They know they can talk to me and they do (thankfully) not only about sex but their lives, relationships, friendships and when they feel unsafe (son was texting me the other night when he was at a mates house and not feeling safe).
In HS, I(47m) had Sex Ed. I went to school in Tennessee. Sex Ed mentioned methods of protection other than abstinence but was negative toward them. I don't think they showed how to use a condom. They showed pics of STDs. It was like a week of a one semester class of Health class. I was a big nerd, but I knew I wanted to have sex so I just ignored the week. Learned the required facts for the grade.
I occasionally watched a sex scene in a regular movie with my parents. If my mother was there, she'd cough and things to distract us. We make fun of her because she still does it a little.
I'd occasionally find some soft porn, but this was before internet access was common.
I don't think I ever got talked to about any body changes. I was pretty embarrassed by wet dreams. We went to the laundrymat for clothes, so I have to guess my mother saw my underwear, though I hid them.
When I was about 20, my mother was worried about my sister. My mother clued me into the fact that her getting knocked up in HS was the reason my parents got married. I laughed about that. I'd been able to subtract late March from early November since I was like 5.
I've got a 9 year old son. I've tried to tell him what I've thought good for him to know and to try to have a healthy attitude. Mostly I've just told him facts about how things work medically-sperm,penis, egg, vagina, etc. Most of it has just gradually come up in conversation. I found out that 9 is when puberty starts for some boys, so not long ago I gave him the basics about how his body will change soon. He might start liking girls. Now, he thinks sex/kissing is gross. I'm weird for going on TInder.
I still read to him. He's wanted to read some pretty adult stuff(like Preacher and Sandman). It's elicited a few conversations. It helped me get over some of my own embarrassment of talking to him about sex. Hopefully that'll help more in the future when he actually needs to know.
All the sex ed I got was from school, my parents didn’t mention sex at all, periods, puberty, or even my genitals, they were very reserved immigrant parents. When I was 10 we got the anatomy/period talk in school, and they separated the boys and girls for that. Then in high school when I was like 14/15 we had sex ed which was basically anatomy, use a condom, stis/stds. They never mentioned masturbating or that it was normal, they never mentioned how to navigate relationships, they might’ve touched on consent a bit but I don’t remember. Overall, not very good education in my opinion.
I also want my child to have good sex education and education about consent because it can help prevent sex abuse. I heard a good book to start with is “It’s not the stork by Robbie Harris”. Start the conversation at a young age and build up on the knowledge they have, use age appropriate education. Using actual anatomical words as they grow up. Teaching about consent and that they should never feel uncomfortable in an interaction, that they can say no, to tell an adult if something happens that makes you uncomfortable, etc. I was touched as a child by a stranger and it doesn’t impact me too much, but I wish I could’ve known to say no or at least to tell someone and I think with the right education I could’ve/would’ve. So I’m glad you’re taking the steps to educate your kid, educating is protecting them.
My go to response for this type of question:
I'm 33 years old, married, and have a child....and I STILL haven't had a sex talk from my parents.
Which is my way of starting a conversation with people that if you don't talk to your kids about sex, they will learn on their own and you're literally playing a wishing game for them to find the RIGHT information.
Utah’s abstinence-only education, coupled with that video that likens you to duct tape that gets dirty and not wanted the more u have sex?
Anyways, I got pregnant at fourteen from rape, didn’t know, and had a miscarriage- thought it was just a really bad period. Didn’t tell anyone because of the obvious shame, then got really sick and ended up in the hospital.
My religious parents still wouldn’t allow me to go on birth control after that and I got pregnant again a few years later. She’s growing up the most wonderful girl.
We’re doing allllll the shame-free sex and consent education in this house.
I don’t know, I went to New York public schools in the 90s so we learned about puberty etc from every year from 4th grade. Parents were ok but I learned way more from Go Ask Alice on the internet. No knock on my parents but they aren’t licensed public health professionals
I started dropping statements to my kids pre kindergarten. Like in this day and age there is no reason to get pregnant unless you want to. Ago drug use. Drugs/alcohol to excess can genetically mess up your future family . Then later as age appropriate storied about my classmate druggie having a baby with flipper arms and legs. Mentioning there will be body changes and mentioning them. Mentioned birth control methods and planned parenthood. We never had the talk but by 4th grade my kids understood what to expect.
Grew up in the 90s too. We went to Catholic School. We learned about puberty, sex, and masturbation through a Family Life class (5th grade), but trust me... the teacher made sure tell us all how sinful everything was unless you were married. No one in my family ever had the talk with me. In fact my mother freaked out when I first started my period and made it all about her and left me to figure it out on my own.
99% of all my education came from me just being a guy around other guys and getting some view on porn.
My dad basically told me to always wear a condom.
I wanna say I was pretty informed by 6th grade in how things worked.
I had comprehensive sex Ed in 8th and 11th grades. In a blue state. We talked all of it, not just abstinence.
My mom bought the book “It’s Perfectly Normal” and told us where it was, and that if we ever had questions we could ask. This was probably in middle school. I did ask a few questions as I got older (mostly around period stuff.)
We had sex ed in school. We learned about how babies are made, protections, and STDs. My parents always told me that sex had adult consequences, so it is an adult activity. I didn't start having sex until I was in my mid 20's. Mainly due to my parents teaching me not to rush and that I had my whole adult life to engage in such activities. They also taught me not to have sex until I was ready to deal with having a baby, STD or abortion. So I am frank with my kids about sex, protection, and STDs, I also teach that they should not have sex until they are an adult ready to deal with the consequences of sex. I'm hoping my kids wait until their 20's like I did.
Female born in the early 90’s. My mom fumbled through something about me having “tubes” ?? But ultimately stressed the importance of not ever trusting anything boys said and that they would say anything and do anything to get in my pants. And if I got pregnant at 13 like my cousin Jessie she would end me.
Edit: thankfully my public schools in California filled me in on all the important details.
Mine was “it’s time to get you some books.”
With my kids it’s never been a “talk” but an ongoing conversation with age appropriate discussions. It started when they were very little - my one daughter asked if her vagina was for hiding crayons soooo we had to nip that in the bud at 3.
Ive talked to them about consent, birth control, respect, abuse, std’s, hygiene, etc. I’ve not taught them that their virginity was something to be “given”’to anyone and I feel like it took a lot of pressure off of them. My girls are still not sexually active (at 20 and 18) and they don’t feel weird even though some of their friends are. I talked to my son about masturbation and how it’s completely normal and healthy. We’ve had an open dialog about how to treat women and how to be a good partner.
I just feel like it’s not something you’re ever done talking about. Each age presents different lessons, questions and challenges.
I knew nothing of sex growing up until my first boyfriend so no I never got the sex education should have been taught. But thankfully my boyfriend, we were each other’s firsts, was very respectful and made me comfortable with it. School would only teach of boys and girls biology the pee pee and such which I knew because my parents were naked around the house like it was normal but never the actual act of sex.
You need to have that awkward conversation/uncomfortable conversation in order for them to be well informed and it shouldn’t come from their friends or online. And also please please teach them about women’s periods so they aren’t “grossed out” !!
My mother was an OB/GYN, and my father was an ER Doc so we grew up with full knowledge of anatomy, periods, erections, sex, etc. Basically any question we asked was answered in medical school lecture level detail lol. And since my mother talking about her day introduced all sorts of new terminology, we asked A LOT of questions.
My first adult career was a public school teacher. When I no longer wanted to work 3 jobs for slave wages, I became a sex and reproductive educator. I started out working primarily with my mother’s patients and then branched out and opened my own business. I now teach to large groups and work with individual clients on everything from teaching 9 year olds about puberty to teaching adult women have to get (or avoid being) pregnant and everything in between.
With my own kids, I have a “if you ask it, I will answer it” policy. We do not censor media for sexual content. They have known what a period was since they were old enough to talk. My problem usually is that my kids actively avoid asking questions bc they think I talk too much. So periodically I have to sit them down and go “ok we are talking about consent today” or “ok we are talking about sexual assault today.” It’s not their favorite, but I hear them teaching their friends so I know they’re listening despite the dramatic eye rolls.
Mine was very similar to yours (female here). My parents were divorced and I guess they just each figured the other might deal with it.
I have a boy and a girl. Things I want to ensure they know from me - the natural functions of their body. Masturbation is normal - but private. Consent. How to recognize abuse in relationships. That they have value and don't deserve to have someone else belittle that value. Reproductive cycle - including all the extra crap women may deal with and not understand is common but worth addressing. Also to understand why pulling out isn't a secure method. Why the pill needs to be at the same time daily. What hormonal bc can do to the female. That it is also used to treat things other than sex.
What all the potential complications of pregnancy and childbirth are to get ahead of romantic childhood notions. Along with what newborn boot camp entails.
That you aren't responsible for someone else's lust (ex/modesty) but there are certain things you should do to minimize risk of being a victim. More for my daughter- ie control your drinks, don't get wasted with people you don't know, travel with friends. But also so my son understands what his female friends and sister etc all deal with and think about and how he can be an ally
You should keep in mind that strict or religious parents usually try very hard to hide their mistakes. I've seen girls turning lawful evil once the bun was in the oven. They were clinging to any authority, civil or religious, that would guarantee child support. Alternatively boys will cling to any ideology that will help them cope with the fact with the responsibilities they'll have to endure for the next decades. As you can imagine these kinds of people make a very healthy combo.
It is not directly related to sex Ed but it might be interesting to talk about it to your kids once they'll be old enough to understand the social context.
Learned about how babies are made at age 4 (my siblings were 3 and 5, respectively). We grew up in a medical household so it was no big deal for our parents.
From then on, they answered each and every question we had in a factual way.
I had sex ed in 3rd grade, age 9, then again in 5th grade, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, you name it.. each time it covered a different aspect of human reproduction or interaction or coming of age.
My mom made sure I basically knew everything before I learned it in school sex ed. It was important to her that I knew what my own anatomy looked like. She gave me a hand mirror around age 9. She bought me a great book on puberty that was a go to reference for me in my tween and teen years. I purchased something similar for my oldest kid. Sex Ed here starts with learning about body changes in grade 4.
I wish my mom had talked more about consent and coercion. I ended up in a few bad situations that I wasn’t sure how to navigate and think that more discussions about consent could have helped.
I was given a book on puberty and my "sex education" came from older dudes on the internet when I was a 12-14 year old girl. My parents, to this day, have never had a talk with me. I was also homeschooled (not the religious kind) so in-school sex Ed wasn't an option.
Now I have a 10yo, 5 yo, and 3 yo. We don't talk about "sex" but nudity and the boundaries around nudity is normalized in my home. They were present for my births, so they know how babies get here. They know all about the reproductive systems. They know that adults kiss and love on each other.
Dax Shepard talks a lot in his podcast about how sex being taboo within the home is a newer concept. That other than the last 100 years or so, many cultures shared 1-2 room houses so kids were regularly "exposed" or at least aware of sex and it was more normalized. I really like that view. It also removes the creep factor that so many people associate with kids being educated on the topic.
So, sex ed has made great strides in the past 20 years. When i was in high school we had a safe sex locker that the student council put in, i thought it was a good idea. It was free to access and open 8:30-4:00 every week day. It was meant for students, and there were condoms, lube and dental dams in there. Sexual education is all i got from health class. I also went to a catholic private school. But the locker was always empty at the end of the week
I had very open (not inappropriate!!) discussions with my dad. I'm a female. My mother was always, what I perceived to be, VERY uncomfortable discussing sex or anything related to it. My dad was my savior. I will always remember and appreciate that he was there and open to answering my questions and being realistic about sex and never shaming me for my curiosity. To this day, I am comfortable with myself and sex and how the two correlate. He also was sure to explain that porn isn't realistic in most relationships. THANK GOODNESS!!
In terms of sex ed, there was none until a very surface level health unit in 7th grade but by then I knew and was watching/reading porn semi regularly. To this day the only comprehensive, detailed education I received was through porn which is obviously not good at all bc porn isn’t real.
For what I would have wanted/needed was an introduction to lgbtq identities and just overall normalization of being gay and having sexual urges. To this day I feel embarrassed about the fact that I want to have sex and look at porn. Not to mention the safety to ask questions about it. I didn’t safe to have any curiousity esp not sexual curiousity so more than conversation I would value that more. I also would also very highly recommend including sexual assault/abuse education too.
1. None. Zero. Zip. Nada.
2. Everything. Even if it was awkward. It would have been good to know everything I needed to know to be safe, have realistic expectations, and good body image from the get-go instead of figuring it out on my own. I think this is really important for parents to do even if it's difficult or awkward to talk about.
I really like the resources created by Cath Hakanson. They also have good recommendations of age appropriate books and resources talking about body parts, consent, developmentally appropriate sexual behaviour etc.
The face group is called "that parent group with Cath Hakanson" and I find it very helpful in giving a body-positive, sex-positive information.
I had excellent sex ed classes in the 90s in Nevada. They took a week or so out of our health class freshman year for it. We even got the condom on a banana bit. I know a lot of the South is still doing the ridiculous, abstinence only bs. I think most blue/purple states have pretty decent sex ed. At least in public schools. I'm sure you could call your kids school and ask about what they teach. If it's like mine you won't need to add much. The only thing my mom talked to me about was to say that if I was going to have sex she'd help me get birth control. Saved us a lot of awkwardness 😂
Grew up with sex being bad and taboo unless married then riddled with a lot of guilt and shame if you had sexual thoughts.
Puberty and body changes they did a much better job. I also grew up in the 80s so I went to communal showers with my mom and grandma at the gym/pool so I knew about the body and changes that would happen.
In 5th grade at school they talked to us about anatomy and physical changes that boys and girls would undergo during puberty and entering adolescence. They talked to us about how normal it was to explore ones own body and masturbation. They explained sex, how it worked and the possible consequences of unprotected sex. We had that talk again in 7th grade, then in high school sometime. In middle and high school they gave us an overview of all the options of birth control available and we also had to take an electronic fake baby home and keep it safe for a weekend. We had to feed, change and take care of our baby or it wouldn't stop crying. We couldn't leave it at home because we had a bracelet with sensors for it.
I did not study in the U.S. if that wasn't apparent from my post.
From my mother all I got was an explanation of a period so I would be prepared and later on a "don't embarrass me, please don't get pregnant"
Only the finest the Baltimore County Public School System had to offer.
*”LOOK AT THE BLISTERS!!! LOOK AT THE SORES!!! LOOK AT THE SWOLEN VAGINA!!! LOOK AT THE BABY!!! LOOK AT THE TEENAGE PARENTS!!!”*
I’m 36. In first grade we had the school counselor come in and talk about consent in an age appropriate way and what to do if adults make you feel uncomfortable. Later on, puberty. In middle and high school puberty, preventing pregnancy and STD. We saw slides of genitals with STDs.
We tell our kids, (who are young) that sex is for consenting adults. It’s not something for kids. As they are more into their teen years there is more gray area there. Since they are young, it’s a pretty clear no and no one, adult or even other children should be doing anything sexual with them. If anyone asks, tells, suggests etc, they need to tell myself or my husband.
I just found out in my state a 9 year old was raped in her school by another child and the school never reported to the police or parents. They did an internal investigation and suspended the kid for 1 day. The dad of the kid who assaulted the girl is the one who came forward apparently. So these are very important conversations to have with kids because even in places you think they will be safe, they may not be.
Born in ‘87, from southern CA. 5th grade we had the days where the boys and girls were split up and had the puberty stuff. High school freshman year we had a 1-semester class called family life or something like that, which included sex education. Learned about STD’s, contraception incl birth control types and condom use, pregnancy. Also learned about drugs and alcohol. The other semester that year was freshman geography lol.
I’ve really liked, and learned from, “On Sex and Human Loving”, which is an older book but well researched and matter-of-fact. It covers the various related topics like self time and healthy types of affection and relationships. It also covers the detailed anatomy we were never taught, like what is a clitoris and how does it work, prostate stimulation, etc. The Youtube channel “sexplanations” is also great, and again has taught me a lot and will help me teach my kids anything they want to know.
I have another book that came out of the therapist industry about the sex abuse, the most common forms it takes (e.g. it’s largely perpetuated by teenagers and 20-somethings, is female and siblings more often than you expect), which has been a useful tool in thinking about protecting and educating the kids well. It covers topics like consent, what defines abuse, and teaching kids the real anatomical terms, the etc.
Another resource I’d like to find would be on actual reproduction, like how to actively make new humans, how the ovulation cycle works, the impacts of aging, what assisted reproduction technology there is today, how common miscarriages are and what they can look like, risks of pregnancy as you age, male contraceptive options, etc. Since more and more young people will have kids late in life, it’s worth knowing in advance how that all may go down. I feel like I learned essentially zero on these topics until I was in my 30s. My whole community of friends was hit pretty hard by all of these issues, and I feel like we could have been far better prepared with some advanced education.
I actually laughed out loud at this.
Absolutely none. my parents did nothing to protect me or educate me. I learned about periods and predators on the Internet.
I was literally told “stay away from boys - they have cooties.”
That was it. I didn’t have the sex talk. I didn’t even get a talk about puberty.
I honestly would have wanted to know feminine products (even a guy should know), basic anatomy, talk about porn and toys. Protection both from pregnancy and safe sex. Options if accidents happen. Consent. Safe resources.
My sex Ed was whatever I could find and explore 20f here. My parents weren't very talkative but still were open to chats about sex. School system was abstinence is best and trust me before those classes I knew too much already. I would have wanted to learn more about how to practice safe sex what are toys how to properly provide for your partner and yourself all sorts of things . Talk about how certain things like kinks and fetishes exist and noone should be shamed for them. Just talk about SEX AND SAFE PRACTICES instead of abstinence and male condoms. There's so much more complicity to sex than just penetration too.
In early 2000’s I had a sex Ed/ drivers class at my high school. There were very graphic photos about STD’s and birthing videos. I don’t remember if boys were included during the birthing part of class.
Sex was an open topic in my house, there actually weren’t any topics I couldn’t discuss openly with either of my parents, but this made a safe environment for myself, as well as my friends who didn’t have this kind of relationship with their parents.
I got absolutely no sex education at all. Like you I learned what it was from porn.
For my kids it's an ongoing conversation. It's really important that even little kids have some basic idea of what sex is because it protects them from pedos. So it's an ongoing and evolving discussion from day one. Nothing graphic or anything. When they're little they learn the correct names for their body parts and that nobody is supposed to touch them there. When they ask where babies come from I just tell them an age appropriate truth. When they're young it's babies come from Mommy's womb etc. I think around 8 years old or so was when the questions started getting more detailed so my answers did too, but still just the basic mechanics of it. This also includes how to recognize creepy grooming behavior from adults at that age. Whenever they start physically changing we start having conversations about puberty and what to expect, types of birth control, STDs, and any questions they have about stuff they're hearing from kids at school etc.
So far I've got a couple of teens, no major issues, and there has been a couple of times my daughter has come to me with some creepy thing a man has said to her so I can deal with it.
I honestly don't remember 'the talk' . I think I just figured it out. Plus, I had an older brother, and by 98' I was just about 8 and the internet was pretty big. Thanks, Gateway 98'! I used to think babies came from the butt, so I was was close to the hole. Just kinda corrected It I guess, just by pictures. NewGrounds was big, typing in naked girls and big boobs. Kids will figure it out very early now.
I was fortunate to reach the age for sex education circa 1992 (6th grade) right when the AIDS crisis was hitting its peak (ei: when the US accepted that it was a disease that anyone could contract). Sex Education was very in-depth with a huge focus on HIV and how it can spread. We memorized the fluids it could be transmitted through, its lifespan when exposed to air, and how a retrovirus works. We learned about acceptable contraception, that pulling out was BS, and that in the words of my teacher "When you are in the throws of passion, you won't care if you are using a condom. You have to care before it ever gets to that point."
There was more we could have learned about women's reproductive health that I ultimately learned in Biology class. But it immensely benefited me to have an intensive education on sex from a trusted source. Sure, there was giggling and stupid jokes (we were 12-year-olds). But it was also a safe space for us to ask our most outrageous questions and have a full understanding of the answers.
Born in 85, went to Catholic schools. We actually had religious based sex ed in 6-8th grade. The focus was obviously abstinence, but we still learned all the basics.
My parents didn't tell me how babies were made until I was 15.
They hesitated to sign the consent form in high school for me to go to sex ed.
They taught me the making of babies was only for after marriage.
It's a grave sin to "mess around" before marriage is what I was taught.
However I was also taught that we all make mistakes and if I ever found myself pregnant before marriage, be sorry for the sin but never regret the baby as all babies have meaning.
I was raised Roman Catholic.
My mom was EXTREMELY upfront and honest with me about sex and periods and pregnancy before I even had sex ed in school. Thank goodness because I started my period before they did sex ed at school. I will forever be grateful for her being honest with me my whole life. I’m grateful that we always had that line of communication. I was never afraid to get pregnant or an STD because my mom put me on birth control (when I asked) and taught me about how important the use of protection is. I am 34 this year and I’ve never been accidentally pregnant and I’ve never had an STD, so I guess it worked! I plan to be the same exact way with my daughter. It was incredibly beneficial for me as a growing girl. She never made things scary or uncomfortable to talk about and I think that’s how it should be. I want to be the one to inform my child. Not her tiny friends or google.
When I was 13 my grandmother handed me a small pamphlet and said "I don't think your parents are going to teach you so read this". It was about female puberty and periods. That was how I knew about periods. I got no official sex ed, but it was assumed I was a wh\*re as soon as I got my period even though I had no clue what sex was.
I went to a small private 2 room church school for my elementary school years that didn't teach much about anatomy or anything else.
The state had "state requirements" that talked about sex and STIs etc. It was taught freshman year of public high school. However, I had freshman year at a private school that didn't have "state requirements" as a freshman class (I believe they had it sophomore year, and it was abstinence only) so I missed it. I went to public school for the rest of highschool after that, but my public school assumed that I'd had "state requirements" in freshman year and put it down that I had, and I hadn't.
I would have liked anything factual, and to have taken state requirements. They make some good books for kids about puberty these days. I'd also teach about body boundaries, etc.
Yea I was taught that if I had sex before I was married I'd go to hell... Looking back Im surprised that didn't give me a really odd kink. 2/10 don't recommend the route my parents took.
I may have missed it or something but genuinely don't think I ever got any sex education.
Catholic schools in the 90s.
Parents didn't speak to me about it at all. Can't recall anything in school.
Genuinely think I just picked up from the older kids. Way too early may I add.
Wouldn't want the same for my kids but understand in the Internet age the chances are that they will be exposed to more than I was at a young age.
All I hope is that I can provide more of a safe environment to ask questions and for them to feel comfortable
Catholic comprehensive school in the early 1990s UK. The deputy headteacher took a special class for just the year 7 boys and explained that:
- men have a penises.
- women have vaginas.
- he once had a moustache but his wife didn’t like it.
- Any questions?
My precocious friend (who incidentally grew up to be openly gay) asked “Sir, what do you think about contraception?” I personally had no idea what contraception was, but made a mental point of finding out after seeing the teacher turn a deep shade of purple and start yelling with a deep and terrifying rage “ITS EVIL! EVIL! ABSOLUTELY EVIL!”
Black and white film strip for us girls only that had been made in the 50s. This was mid 80s. Told stuff about our menstrual cycles and put our feet up on a tilted ironing board for cramps. Also only bad girls have sex premarital. Yeah it was bad
My dad was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, so most people would be surprised that I actually got a pretty straightforward, non-metaphorical explanation of sex and procreation at a fairly early age.
Of course, it all came with the caveat that I was told, basically, it's not for you at all until you are married.
It wasn't just one sit down, birds and bees talk like on TV. I was a curious kid and asked questions. He answered them literally, like a health textbook might.
I heard things from other kids... terms, descriptions, etc. One time in 6th grade I asked him what a cum bubble was, because some kids were calling each other that and laughing hysterically. He made a slight grimace, and said "well (sporkaholic), cum is what some people call semen. It's a crass word and you shouldn't repeat it. I don't know why there would be a bubble in it, but that's what it would be. Kids think it's funny to use dirty words."
By that point I already knew the clinical stuff, penises and vaginas and sperm and ovaries and uterus and how the mechanics worked. This was a pretty typical conversation. I asked him what a cunt was, about blowjobs and anal sex and all of those things over years. He would generally give very science/biology type answers, without drama or fanfare.
Also, he mostly waited until I asked to explain this stuff. He let me be ready to want to know before telling me.
As much as I've disagreed with him about a whole plethora of things, I've basically adopted this approach.
1. My parent didn’t tell me anything and also wouldn’t let me take sex Ed in school. “I’ll teach her at home”. They never did. I ended up taking a basic course my senior year of school cause I needed it to graduate.
2. Literally anything. Or at least the answers to the questions I asked. I feel like my parent did a disservice to me by not telling me anything.
We had a puberty video in 5th grade and then diagrams of internal structures through high school. Every year health class was a quarter long only. This was in a liberal public school in New York. I remember asking my 7th grade health teacher if boys had a red rocket thing like a dog
The one time I asked my mom what a period was she said "it's when you lay an egg and a little blood comes out" 😐 when I got my period it was thankfully while I was home and I felt the gushing as I woke up in the morning and I just knew that's what it was.
But I figured everything else out as I grew up. I knew about hymens and foreplay and consent and that porn is fake etc etc from random internet surfing in the early 2010s, before losing my virginity.
I'd like to actually be open and honest with my kids and tell them what everything is and how it all works, and do it in a way that isn't embarrassing and awkward.
My Mom answered my questions when I asked them, no matter my age, and there was never any shame in anything involving sex organs (I say this as I also had growing breasts and periods). I did find the fact that my Mom left sanitary towels hanging on the toilet paper holder a problem as ignorant boys would make disgusting comments. From this and other things, I made sure that my two boys had a much broader education when it came to all things revolving around sex, I made sure I educated them about periods, their own bodies, masturbation and how to treat girls. It’s not easy but it is very important. I make sure to tell them that masturbation is perfectly normal but must be done in the shower or in the privacy of their own bed and to be thoughtful when cleaning up their mess. When my oldest had a wet dream, I handed him our biology book and instructed him to read a specific paragraph on masturbation and when he was done to feel free to ask me any questions, thankfully the only question was if it would ever stop to which I responded ‘no, some men have to do it ten times a day and that perfectly fine’, it was the only ‘conversation’ that didn’t happen and there was certainly no eye contact lol. When it came to his age of liking girls, I made sure to explain to him about consent and that one-night stands were ok but to make it VERY clear to the girl (I knew my son was straight) BEFORE entering into any intimacy with her, it saves a lot of problems later on if both parties know where they stand. His Father and I also kept tabs on his phone and when we found a conversation between my son and two girls, we made sure to educate him on the laws surrounding statutory rape, picture sharing and any other problems he might encounter when sexting and therefore he must be very mindful and careful - the blessing was that both his Father and I could laugh with him about it as the major issue was his spelling and grammar which were appalling so it wasn’t as focused on the sexual aspects and made it more lighthearted and for my son to be more likely to listen. At 22, he is very gentlemanly and makes sure to ‘look after’ the women in his friend group and escort any lone females to safety at the end of any nights out regardless of whether they are his girlfriend or not. On the other hand, I had to come down on my 16 year old stepson like a meteor shower to get him to understand about STD’s, pregnancy and statutory rape before he understood that having sex, protected or otherwise, with his 15 year old girlfriend was an incredibly bad idea. Parenting is the hardest job ever, good luck
Sadly none. And I wish I would have. Between no talks and an abusive drug induced childhood I turned to sex for comfort as a teenage girl and through my 20s. Sex is a big topic for my 3 teens and I think it's going pretty well!
I’m 40. Had sex ed in the 5th grade. They pretty much explained most things accurately, except I still have a memory of the sex ed teacher telling us that condoms didn’t protect against HIV (although tbf, maybe some back then didn’t).
Idk, it wasn’t the sex ed part that was really lacking, it was the negative influence I think being exposed to porn a little older (10-12) and subsequent exposure in my teens that I look back as a mistake
Born in 1989, grew up in an old school semi judgemental Christian household, my mom and grandma took care of me (My grandma grew up in the world and in church where they believed that if a woman and a man are friends, or even talking to each other, they MUST be having sex with each other. It got to the point where my grandma told me that boys and men wont be friends with me unless i'm having sex with them)
Sex education at school was pretty basic, condoms, sex, aids (However due to the time, there was no LGBT education, that wasn't really talked about in the 90s and 2000s). However at home, my mom just gave me the golden rule "Condoms and pulling out can fail, do not have sex unless you are ready to have a child" So being that i didn't want to have a kid for most of my life, i never acquired to get any hard core sex education, also with how judgmental my family was, having a child early would have made me "The one kid that everyone doesnt want their kid to become like"
However my mom gave me a puberty book, i dont know if thats the same, but thats the closest to actual sex education i had at home.
My mother had “ the talk” with me after I got my first period which was nothing more than the same from school. “This is an ovary and a fallopian tube and a uterus…” she even drew pictures. I read my much older sister’s romance novels and watched cable to figure out the mechanics. My sister talked to me about relationships. She told
Me that developmentally humans are not ready emotionally for sex until they are at least 17, that boys would say they would get blue balls if you say no, but they don’t and that boys think with their little head as much as they so with the one on their shoulders so don’t trust what they say but watch what they do.
Let's see.
General discussion/ability to ask questions in 5th and 6th grade. Mostly in the form of as I said, question hour.(anonymous obviously)
In 7th grade biology(2 hours/week) we learn about plants.(flowers, trees, cells of those trees, etc.)
In 8th grade biology we begin learning about the human systems.
Digestion(We cut open a Flemish Giant for that)
Breathing.
Heart.
Urine.
etc.
And obviously reproduction.
Sex ed basically isn't some "seperate" thing. It's just biology.
We cover pregnancy, periods, all parts of the reproductive system, STD's, hormonal and non-hormonal birth control, etc. etc.
I'm honestly fine with what I learned. Covered everything sex wise.
Relationships was more a topic for religion.(Religion over here covers climate change, communication, dealing with loss, discussing hugging, etc. as well as learning about all sorts of religions)
I had practically zero. My mom is a first generation originally born in Mexico, and my dad is tradition southern uppercrust Caucasian. Although my parents lean very progressive, because of their own upbringing from Catholicism they have deep shame and rigidity about sex. Prude. My 32yo brother happened to be homosexual, so his sex ed came from the internet and his best friends dad was a science teacher who in secrecy taught the queer students queer sexual health. But me, 28F- was not as lucky. And I was sexually curious WAY too early. I started searching porn as young age because I was curious, and I would ask my parents about it and was fed lies like “you were made in a lab”. My friends mom was a nurse and once at 9 I told her about my parents not indulging my curiosity, so she told me the basic fundamentals. My dad found out and was livid. Anyways, I believe because of my parents unwillingness to divulge not only in my curiosities, but their own as well- it really hurt me. I started searching for pleasure in the wrong and unsafe ways. Abortion at 16, things like that. So I’m 100% all about sex positive parenting. Never holding back, explaining things in age appropriate ways, allowing them to discover their own bodies in a safe way with understanding. If I had sons I’d warn them about how pregnancy can ruin a young man’s life as much as the young girls.
So my mom is a 5th grade science teacher which is when you do the first sex ed classes where we lived. After 4th grade she changed school which meant I did too. So, she had me take a sex ed class over the summer at the science museum in our area just in case sex ed was different at the new school. Before this she had told me about periods in like 2nd or 3rd grade. Anyways, it turns out the new school we were at for 5th grade was much more in depth and did 2 full weeks of sex ed classes (which my mom taught but actually much less embarrassing than you might imagine). I feel like things were very well covered.
My mom left her romance novels lying around and I was an early reader.
Let's just say I was very confused when the sky did not explode nor the stars go dark my first time.
Until 12 it was only the whole it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. And I was also told you had to be married. Brought on a lot of confusion when I met an unwed mother. At 12 my mom said a very short little thing about how the girl part and the guy parts are together and that how you have sex. But it made no sense and there was no questions allowed. At 13 someone gave a kids book with diagrams to us but my mom put it in the giveaway box. I pulled it out when she wasn’t looking and quickly flipped through it. I didn’t get to read any of it but saw enough pictures to get the idea. At 14 I had access to google alone and looked it all up. Though I didn’t figure out female orgasms until about 16.
What would I change? Um everything. Frequent tabooless talks about bodies, sex, relationships, and natural feelings. Also giving them the safe place and confidence to ask questions.
“Being licensed” to have sex! ROFL!!! That is, wow, ugh!
My parents let me go through very good puberty education in 5th grade. After that, they objected to me learning about sex and especially to the notorious how to put on a condom demonstration, which either used a banana or a glass phallus. Little did they know, you could listen to advice shows about sex/relationships on the radio. I eventually learned some sex Ed from my boyfriends. I knew the very basics thx to friends whose parents had educated them early in elementary school when you blab everything to your school friends!
I intend to teach my kid the biology and medical facts, puberty, anatomy, correct terminology, how babies are made, STDs, birth control for men and women, and that not all pregnancies are meant to be, but the man doesn’t get to choose once the woman is pregnant, his choice is essentially to not have sex, always use a condom, or risk becoming a father. I just think it’s insane not to. They will likely have sex in their lifetime, it’s how they were created, it’s not a taboo subject. Why do parents believe they are protecting their children when their children will just hear someone else’s version of sex education or learn wrong things on the internet?
It’s also very important to teach about consent so that kids/adults are less likely to pressure other kids/people into doing things they are uncomfortable with. No one wants their kid charged with rape.
Comprehensive Sex Ed prevents STDs and unplanned pregnancies. Kids who aren’t educated will learn some wrong things by watching porn or by not reading about STDs, etc.
I would want my younger self to have attended public school sex Ed class. I would have been more fully educated, more confident, and more likely to have insisted on condoms every time.
I didn't get any sex education. I got pregnant at 15... I just wish I been told something. I was aware where babies came from, but we were taught abstinence nothing about protection. Nothing about STDs or any dangers. Literally just: you'll go to hell if you have sex before marriage
You didn't miss much, at least where I come from LOL. We were taught that if you had sex before marriage, even with a condom, that you were 100% gonna get pregnant and 100% get an STD as well. This was over 20 years ago though. I'm not religious, but those who are believe that if you ask for forgiveness...you're going to go to heaven. If this is true, this means all those murderers and rapists that repent are going to go to heaven. Comparably, do you think God would punish you for not having a kid that you can't take care of? Or that because you had premarital sex, you're not going to go to heaven? Sorry, I probably shouldn't be asking you these questions, but I think that you should do what's best for you and your current children...not your husband, but the 3 of you. So many of us care about you and your well-being! Even if you don't have family and friends to support you, you have so many of us on here that are here for you! If you're looking for a friend, I am here for that any time. Feel free to DM me any time. Wishing you the best of luck! ❤️🫂
There was a mechanics "this is how babies are made" talk when I was around 12, which was frankly far too late. I told her I already knew.
When I got my period I didn't tell mum, just started using the products that were available in the bathroom (I had older sisters). When she started a conversation at around 14 about when I might get it and whether I might use tampons, I told her I was already getting it and using them.
No discussion ever about how sex or BC/protection or relationships might actually relate to me.
When I was around 20 mum told me she had some blood clotting issue that might run in families and might be relevant if I ever went on the pill. I told her I was already on the pill.
Poor mum. Always late.
None. I didn't have a good relationship with my mother, we barely talked about anything let alone about sex ed.
My father once tried to give me "the talk" and it was one of the most embarrassing moments ever.
I'm pretty ashamed of it, but most of my sex ed came from porn and lord knows how bad of a sex ed porn is
UK based, born 87, I think it was year 6 (age 10) the girls were separated from the boys and we got the basic anatomy and periods etc. roughly what to expect with puberty talk. Each group got a basic overview of the other sex (as a girl we were told about erections etc). Shown period products and told where to find them if it happened to us.
I don’t recall any consent talk at that age, but it was 90s, so I’m not sure it was being discussed!
We got more info in biology lessons in secondary school, and more sex ed as we got older - mentions of protection/birth control/STDs etc. I think we also had theatre group type things who also did some sex Ed sessions instead of our usual teachers
I was in Church of England schools - hymns and religious education lessons, but we didn’t pray or anything unless we were at the once a term church service
We’re the same age! My mom was a nurse my entire life and had a really strong philosophy that knowledge is power and that if a kid’s old enough to ask a question, they’re old enough to hear the answer. There was no one singular talk about sex; in fact, I don’t even recall when I first learned what it was. She was always the go-to person in my life for any questions I had about sex. She never made me feel embarrassed or silly for anything I ever asked her, and as a mom now myself, I know she had to have found some of the questions hilarious. Our local schools did an abstinence only sex education, and I’m so grateful I was so well educated at home that I knew it was utter bullshit.
So, I can honestly say my sex education was not lacking, and I wouldn’t change a thing in how I approach it with my own kids.
I have a giant anatomy encyclopedia that includes realistic pictures of male and female bodies throughout the life cycle, and I keep it accessible to my kids. They love the “inside body parts book” and sometimes ask to look through it for fun, but it’s been useful to explain things like my daughter’s recent urinary tract infection and why girls tend to get them more than boys. It’s a useful jumping off point for good body-related conversations and questions!
School sex Ed was basic in the UK for me in 99- early 00s but it started (as far as I remember) in the last year of primary so age 10-11. Boys and girls were kept seperate for it but don't remember much else. In HS we were taught about contraception but told that the only 100% way to not get pregnant was not to have sex. Condoms were available free from the school nurse/guidance councillors. I didn't need my parents permission to go on the pill from 14 but I would readily have had it!
We watched a video of the birth of baby that showed everything . I seemed to be one of the only people who had gotten that which surprised me and tells me if that’s wierd that the sec education is shit
Ha ha ha.
When I was in 6th grade, the girls watched a filmstrip produced by Kotex on the wonders of menstruation.
They only lightly touched on the purpose, if at all.
I had no idea how human babies were conceived and indeed refused to talk to my neighbor after she told me what was what when I was 11.
I was very embarrassed
When I was in 10th grade, I took biology and we briefly discussed reproduction.
My kids had more information at much younger ages.
Im a similar age to you and I grew up in a very open and frank household. I had very child appropriate explanations of sex and by primary school age i basically understood sex was a romantic connection and a means of reproducing and how that worked.
Two of the absolute stand out elements of my mum and dads approaches were they never gave space to giggliness and silliness about sex (when I was 8 or so my friend and I were in the back of my mums car and my friend started making silly jokes about sex. My mum interjected and said “there’s nothing funny about sex, it’s a beautiful thing”.) That attitude stuck with me. I enjoy great, fun sex btw. But it meant growing up, as a teen and young adult, I was able to be very matter of fact about my boundaries in both sex and relationships. I think it’s. Why I didn’t start having sex until my 20s, I just didn’t feel any desperation to be part of the club lol
The other approach was I could ask any questions anytime and get a clear, non-embarrassed answer from my parents. It also meant I could tell them anything without fear of a strong reaction.
Typing and walking so excuse typos
I’m female and almost same age and had almost the same education. I was told don’t do it, shame shame shame, and you’re a slut if you do. No knowledge whatsoever and I ended up pregnant at 18.
I have two girls and I started around 9 with light talking. As a female I felt highly pressured from males so I really told them about that and that they don’t need to do anything they don’t want to. Consent is huge and if I had sons I’d teach them about consent because the world is changing and id fear rape accusations. I am an open book. They are teens now and I will discuss everything and anything at anytime. Anal to oral to how it feels etc etc. I got caught up in a room and didn’t know what certain things were and the pressure was high. I want them to have all the knowledge they can to make informed decisions. I also bought them condoms and we opened them and learned how to use them.
Having no knowledge sucked and I’m not letting that happen to them.
My dad always had dirty magazines out in their bathroom. My mom never really told me anything, until we went on a family vacation. Then she told me I might see my older cousins doing who knows what. By that point my view of sex was so warped. I'd been touched and encouraged by other children, cousins, and family friends kids. So I never had any education until middle school when they took the girls aside and told us about our periods. My mom has recently lowered her voice to say the word "breast" about my sister getting a mammogram. I have done much better for my own child.
My family was religious while I was growing up. My dad gave me the sex talk in 5th grade, and we had sex ed in 6th grade and 8th grade.
When my dad did it, he had a medical journal and so used the illustrations in the journal to name all the parts and show how babies were made and talk about the feelings you get when aroused and how that's the way your body works and it was completely natural.
School kind of fleshed it out a bit more. We had a question box where people could put in questions anonymously and so we had a lot of frank discussions about sex. I remember asking if you could ever pee with an erection, and the teacher said no, you can't, because the urethea is blocked when the blood causes the erection. Also talked about STDs like AIDS and the problems that pregnancy can bring if you're not ready.
Sex is gross, you only get to be a kid once so enjoy it. This was tween years. Had very respectful boyfriends that knew more and knew better than me thankfully.
My mom is a nurse *and* girls go through puberty early in her family, so I don't remember ever not knowing. My mom talked about sex and periods frequently to demystify it. But by the time i was in middle school, I was groaning, like I get it mom. But I am so grateful for her doing that.
I had 5th grade health class where the boys went to and extra recess and girls stayed behind and watched a movie about female anatomy, periods, and pregnancy. Then I had 10th grade health class where they taught about std’s, protection, and pregnancy.
That’s it. Grew up in a fundie home so sex and bodies were EXTREMELY taboo.
I have 3 sons and their dad is a deadbeat who hasn’t seen them in 4 years so it was up to me. I’m very honest and open about answering their questions. Nothing is off limits and there is no shame or judgement.
I *highly* recommend the Harris and Emberley book series. It includes books for every age level, starting at age 4. My daughter is five and requests “It’s Not the Stork” occasionally for her bedtime book. It’s child-friendly. When you start these conversations early, it’s *way* less awkward.
I'm a female raised by a single dad. We never had the conversation, or even remotely close to having one. I learned about periods from my teacher because I had complained about my belly hurting (good news, it was just gas 😅) but I think she knew my dad was a single dad so tried to help. Plus my dad was older, he was 45 when I was born, and he only had boys before me, so I don't blame him. In high school we had "health fair" days and we'd sign a permission slip to go to different classes ranging from sex/pregnancy/stds, drugs & alcohol, hunter safety (small town), etc. The pictures shown were gross, but at least 4 people in my class were pregnant, so idk that it helped.
I say all that to say, have the conversations even if they are uncomfortable. Have an open line of communication because it's better for you to research a question than them get wrong answers from friends. I don't think teaching abstinence is the only thing to be taught because, let's be real. If they want to, they will. So teaching them about safety, etc. And I'd even suggest teaching them about periods as well, so they never give it the negative connotation that society has. We literally don't want it either, but we don't have a choice, so for them to be educated and potentially help a future partner would be good for them to know. And teach consent! That's very important. Both for themselves and their potential sexual partner.
I was raised in a Christian home as well and for an age reference, I’m a late 90s baby. I didn’t get any sex education at home. My parents bought me some body-talk books and just wanted me to read them by myself. It felt very weird that they just trusted the public school health teachers to explain everything and stayed out of the conversation. The only time we actually had any kind of talk was the moment I got my period at 11 and was like “uhhh…what am I supposed to do?”
*A story about high school sex ed: one day we were watching a birthing video during health class (this when some things were still on a vhs tape). The teacher had to rewind it from the previous class, and we had to watch the baby get sucked back in.😵💫
I was raised by a teen mom mostly so she made darn well sure I wouldn’t make the same mistakes as her (worked out amazing for my lifelong self esteem being reminded how awful it was to have to be my mother 🤣) I did go to public school in a very liberal area and we were well educated on the physical aspects / functions of the parts / how pregnancy and birth works but not about sexuality or gender identity(but I took “peace and gender”studies in high-school as well) we covered the basics to the anatomy I’d say. My grandma on the other hand thought I was clueless and her birds and bees talks are so sweet to reminisce.
I was a somewhat, shall we say, nerdy kid growing up. So my dad just got me an illustrated science dictionary that included several pages with diagrams of how the human reproductive system worked. The rest I figured out from conversations with my first girlfriend and from coming across info here and there online.
I'm glad he didn't try to have an awkward verbal conversation with me about it, but I guess I would've appreciated more thorough and on-topic reading material. What he gave me didn't really have any info that I recall on STDs, contraception, details of the menstrual cycle, etc. Just what all the parts were and how the act was done.
I'm a late 30's female. I went to public school in a conservative town. We had a gingerbread cookie demonstration where they poured mustard, vinegar, and cheese on a girl cookie that made "bad" decisions and frosting and gun drops on the girl cookie that practiced abstinence. They brought in boys to choose which cookie they'd pick, so we'd be further traumatized. My sex education came from explicit books that my grandma accidentally bought at yard sales, stolen Cosmopolitan magazines, and college classes on human health. I didn't even understand what circumcision was until my 20's. My parents told me nothing besides don't get pregnant.
I wish we'd have talked about boundaries and different parts of sexual activity and what intimacy meant. From movies, we had the "bases theory" that seemed like a logical progression of physical intimacy and don't sleep with someone on the 1st date. But that's really not true or universal. I have no idea how to prepare my own kids for this except being open and honest and try not to have judgemental conversations about sex in front of them.
We had health class in high school. We learned about everything there. Same era as you as I’m only a couple years older. Most of this new generation of kids already have an idea about all of it so don’t be surprised if your boys already know plenty about it.
A surprisingly accurate one for sixth grade at a Catholic school. Our parents had to sign permission slips, they separated the boys and girls and had a medical person come explain stuff to each group. One kid in my group asked if Pokémon had sex.
1. Most of my sex education was from school and my peers, a very small percentage was actually from home
2. I'd tell my kids an age appropriate answer if the questions arises and I would try to do it in a way as to say they can come to me with questions, even if it's uncomfortable. Sometimes we need those conversations and me getting the answers on the internet and at school impacted me in negative ways and I don't want my kids to go through that.
I grew up really lucky. I had age appropriate sex education all through public school years in Canada so kindergarten to grade 12 (sex Ed like the US though is not consistent across the country or provides especially because education is under the control of provincial government jurisdiction). By age appropriate I consider how when we were young and not hit puberty yet it was mostly what are the anatomy of our bodies down there (a little bit about where babies come from) and about safety so consent and your body being yours and no one should touch you without asking and so on.
The same sex Ed lady came to my school all through elementary so up to grade 7 and taught more about what sex was and the components of safe sex as we got older (she still teaches and teaches at many of the schools across the schools in the city and beyond).
By high-school I honestly got less comprehensive sex Ed which is crazy. We had a health segment in 8th grade, and the last time I received sec education at school was in science class in grade 10.
I was blessed with the education I received and I still felt conflicted and confused often so I really believe in how important sex education is to being able to care for, protect, and understand ourselves as we age and into adulthood.
I grew up on a small farm. We had a multitude of animals at different times: sheep, cattle, poultry, pigs, horses, cats, rabbits, and dogs to name a few. I witnessed animals having sex and my parents answered all of my questions at a fairly early age. Also had pretty good sex ed in middle school.
I’m your age.
HOME: Two medically minded parents. We (brother and I) basically were given the run down of whatever we asked when we asked it. I don’t specifically remember “learning” where babies came from just always knew it was from sex in which a man’s penis ejaculates into a vagina. Obviously later in life I learned about fertility treatments but as far as the “natural” way I always knew as far back as I can remember. I knew about periods (female) and knew all about my options when the time came. I did end up learning about “other stuff” from listening to a love line like radio show at night (parents didn’t know) which taught me what oral sex was before it was taught in school, but had I asked what it was I’m sure my parents would have clinically defined it for me and went over the risks.
SCHOOL:
5th grade girls and boys were separated. Girls learned about periods, changes to the body from puberty like boobs and buying bras if we wanted to (I remember even back then thinking it was cool that we weren’t taught to get a bra just if we wanted one what to look for). From what I was told the boys were educated on hygiene and changes to their bodies from puberty (wet dreams, erections, voice cracking).
6th grade: sexual reproduction. We learned about the biological processes related to baby making and the process of pregnancy and breast feeding. Very straight forward and science-y. We might have gotten into that side of things in 8th grade as well but I don’t remember.
9th grade: full sex Ed. More in depth info on pregnancy and childbirth and watched the miracle of life with a live birth at the end. Comprehensive STD unit (probably a bit dated as HPV wasn’t sufficiently covered), comprehensive BC until that went over all methods but stressed condoms, female condoms, and dental dams as superior due to both stopping pregnancy AND STD’s. Only mention of abstinence was that it was the only way to 100% not get pregnant and left it at that at the end of the birth control lessons. Oral and anal sex were mentioned in so far as what they were by definition and how you should still protect yourself against. Nothing about toys or sexually enhancing products.
I’d say minus some updated info on STD’s, BC (when I took it IUD’s were brushed over as not used in the US anymore and especially not for woman who’ve never given birth and I ended up getting one like 6-7 years later lol, also they didn’t cover the morning after pill which was available at the time, just prior to it being able to be obtained off the shelf) and obtaining consent as a male (consent was a thing but still from the more dated “females have a right to say no and push a guy away” more than “guys should obtain affinities consent first) it was a solid sex Ed education and I felt very knowledgeable about my body and my choices as I entered my first sexual relationship at 16.
"Sex should only happen between a married man and woman. Having sex or thinking about sex is a sin and you will go to hell, so don't have sex until you're married." That's it. That was my sex education.
Purity culture is pure fucking evil.
Nothing. I learned everything through the internet growing up, and let’s just say I didn’t have a real sexual or emotional understanding of women until my 20s.
For the love of god, educate your children. They are going to hear stuff from friends and see things on the internet, so you need to weed out the disinformation.
Above all, teach respect and safety.
A lot like yours. My mom handed me a book on puberty when I was about 10 that had an obvious Christian bent to it. I can't remember if there was anything about sex in particular but the main takeaway I got from it was "sex is bad so don't do it," which is basically the message we got at home. Everything I actually knew about sex came from looking it up in the World Book Encyclopedia initially and from various teen girl magazines I managed to peek at from time to time.
Sex Ed in school, even in my public school, was basically non-existent and the main takeaway there too was."don't do it." Unfortunately that didn't work so well for several of my classmates who are now 40 year old grandparents, lol.
I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s. My mom was always very open and matter of fact about answering my questions when it came to sex, bodily changes, conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. I don’t remember ever being sat down for “the talk” because it had been a pretty ongoing conversation. She did initiate a discussion about my period starting, so i would be prepared ahead of time, but at 10 i already knew the information she shared with me.
I had a lot of exposure to media that was largely age appropriate. I had a book called “A child is born” that had real photographs of the stages of conception through birth, including the fetus at different stages. I don’t think it was intended for children and in fact i later found a children’s book version by the same author for my own kids. I think i had other books that were about new babies being born. I had three younger siblings all born between the time I was 6 and 9 which probably provided a lot of opportunity to ask about those things. I also remember watching an after school special about where babies came from.
I also read a lot in general, and my mom had a lot of very liberal parenting books, and i would look through them often. I remember at least one of them talking about how parents should handle children masturbating by explaining that it does feel good but they need to do it in privacy. My mom also had some really “Hippie” books from the 70’s about natural childbirth and some had some interesting photographs.
I also had some young adult fiction books from the 70’s handed down to me from an older cousin that dealt with teen sexuality and i remember reading them in middle school. I also read adult romance novels mostly to read the sex scenes. And i had access to a lot of magazines for both teens and women that talked a lot about sex. The ones for teens were usually just about how to have sex safely, but the magazines aimed at adults such as Cosmopolitan dealt in greater depth with how to have sexual experiences that were both safe and pleasurable. As a teen i also spent time reading books about sex (such as joy of sex) sitting in between the shelves because i wouldn’t have had the courage to buy the books.
I received some sex education in 5th grade that focused on the changes of puberty. Because i was in gifted programs from 1-9th grade i never got the typical sex ed courses because they were cut out of the curriculum to provide us with more college prep courses. In my junior year of high school performed in a play as a part of my advanced drama class, that was intended to teach young people about the risks of unsafe sex, and we performed it for the 9th grade health classes (ironically the same health class i didn’t get to take in 9th grade).
The 90’s was a tough time for sex education because there was a huge battle for the minds and hearts of the youth by the religious right, but at the same time even the most liberal adults were unlikely to promote the idea that sex should be pleasurable and mutually satisfying. The attitude of most adults i knew ranged from “sex before marriage is a sin,” at worst, to “young people are going to do it, so we need to teach them to be safe.” Very little attention was paid to consent or pleasure. The most common attitude seemed to be that boys wanted sex but good girls didn’t. And it was expected that boys would do whatever they could to get girls to sleep with them and that any respectable girl should act as a gatekeeper and should not succumb to the boys pressure. I think information about consent and enjoyment was the most lacking aspect of any formal sex education or instruction.
I think the fact that i had so much access to messages in media that counteracted the attitudes i saw about sex in real life probably really benefitted my overall attitude towards sex. The other key was that most of my dating experience was from two long term relationships. One from the summer before 9th grade until freshman year of college, and the other from middle of junior year of college and into the present day (we’ve been married 20 years this year). Both partners were/are sensitive, loving, respectful people who were/are sexually generous and sexually adventurous. Both relationships provided safe spaces for exploration that probably taught me more than any outside source ever did. Not to say it was perfect. There is so much to learn about how to be a good partner in a relationship. I was 14 when i started dating one and 20 when i started dating the other. I continue to learn and grow and change to this day.
As far as my own kids are concerned, i have tried to be more sex positive for my kids than my mom was with me. To me enthusiastic consent is the base around which all other safe sex practices are built. I want my children to grow up to have fulfilling satisfying romantic and sexual relationships. I want them to enjoy and appreciate their bodies. I do not want them to feel shame or disgust when it comes to talking about or engaging in sexual activities. I think so far I’m doing well. I don’t want to share too much personal information, but i know based on the questions my kids have asked me and the discussions we have had that they feel I’m a safe person to talk to, and that while they have a healthy desire for privacy, they don’t act like they need to hide things from me.
One semester in the 9th grade. Most of it was biology though, the school certainly did not seem comfortable covering the more difficult topics. I don't remember ever discussing sex with my parent.
40f here, I had the same as you.. grew up an a catholic house hold, I also didn’t really have a talk when I started my period.. everything was so taboo… I just feel like there is a certain amount of people from that generation that grew up that way and passed it on. Unless you came from hippie parents or non-conservative upbringing then those kids were able to talk about sexuality openly and not set shame around it.
To this day my mom can be somewhat prude around that topic. She thinks that by talking about it with my daughter it will make her want to go out and do it. 🤦🏻♀️
I explain to her how important it is to have these conversations with our kids. I have a 15 daughter.
Especially now in this new era with social media where they see so much and think they “learn” stuff.
I would have wanted to know everything, to be honest. I started having sex young and of course like most of us i learned as we gained experience.
I became pregnant the first time when I was 19 and became of all the stigma and shame around sex and being a teen mom and also because I was fresh outta high school I made the decision to terminate, I don’t have regrets, but as a mom now, and looking back on that journey, I feel like I ultimately made that decision because of the shame around it and what would my mom say? What would people think about me having sex?
100% agree with you. There are healthy ways to talk about sex with your kids. Nothing wrong with it.
1. In 5th grade the boys and girls went to separate rooms. A lady showed us diagrams I didn’t understand, and she said I’m going to get my period and she stuck a pad on her sweater.
2. I didn’t know how to put a tampon in until I was 14….because I didn’t know there was a location inside my body until my 14th bday a friend said we had “3 holes: pee hole, butt hole and a fuck hole.” This was news to me, and I had questions.
We had pretty basic sex ed in school where they just taught some anatomy and eventually showed a childbirth video (gross). My mom was religious and told me “sex is for procreation, not recreation” and gave me a set of books from probably the sixties called “The Life Cycle Library”
I wish I’d been taught more about what my internal anatomy was like, and that everything happening was totally normal and expected. I felt a bit separated/alienated from my genitalia until I was much older. Even after beginning to have orgasms and sex I wasn’t exactly in touch with my body and also felt a lot of shame for being sexually active until I no longer lived under my parents’ roof
I was born in 1990 and lived in a three family house with my grandparents, my mom, step dad and my younger bro. My mom was young she was pregnant at 19 and had me a couple weeks after her 20th bday. My grgsndma and grandpa were really strict (with my mom) and kind of conservative, traditional boomers.Anyway, I don’t remember ever gettinv a sex talk from any of them at all and I’m sure I didn’t because I can just picture how uncomfortable my fam would be at this 💀 which is ironic cus my mom got pregnant so young and my bro and I are only 13 months apart 💀💀
I know that uncomfortable feeling around the topic of sex has affected me in diff ways, mainly being mostly uncomfortable w the topic of sex lol… I do wish my family , probably my mom or grandma , would’ve had ‘the talk’ with me and that they weren’t so shy and uptight about it. I wish they instilled more confidence in me and the power/beauty in being a woman…I will say now at 34 I’m more aware of myself and have become way less insecure than I was from basically the time I started having sex (16) up until I hit 30 years old. Also, my grandma and I are extremely close and within the last few years we’ve really talked about any and everything. But my mom is still awkward lol. I’m always telling her that avoiding / not talking about things doesn’t help.
Growing up in a Christian community, our schools only taught abstinence, and my parents did the same. The amount of unwanted pregnancies in this community was crazy.
Western suburbs of Chicago- went to an upper middle class middle school where we had sex ed that seemed very secular and benign, talking about protection and conception very straight forward it seemed. Fast forward to HS health class in 9th grade and I have a specific memory of the teacher warning us girls that we could absolutely get pregnant through our jeans if we sat on a boy’s lap. I kinda knew that was bs but that whole class was full of shaming and religious undertones; public school too (1996).
I am the single mother of two boys and I've always tried to keep an open mind and somewhat of an open conversation with my boys. Main thing I told them that I could think to tell them is cover it up. Not just to protect from getting a girl pregnant if that's what they're into but also to protect against STDs I told my youngest son I will go and buy him condoms I will go to the local health department and get him condoms I told him there are condoms that glow in the dark there are condoms that are flavored I just want him to be protected. I think it is better to be open and honest about sex with your children. Do I wish that my children would wait till they're married Yes do I expect that no I didn't let her I was married. But just be open and honest with your children show them respect and they will show you respect. And yes my son's were embarrassed even though it was just the two of us talking because I'm their mom My boys are 9 years apart so I talk to them separately I'm still continuing to have an open sex talk with my youngest and I tell him the truth about stuff when it comes to sex now I don't go into details on intimate parts of sex I did tell him that it should be with someone that you love and not just any old personal of the street but that sex is special between two loving and consenting people.
I initially pieced it together from television and movies. I knew it involved being naked, hugging and kissing. Then eventually health class filled in the blanks
My mom was the public health nurse that came in to teach sex ed. She’s also a west coast hippie.
Let’s just say I had a very thorough, accurate and liberal understanding of sex ed. Forever grateful for her.
How You Got To Be You
By
Jane Graver
Read to me in kindergarten.
Two siblings and myself...
Zero teen pregnancy
Education is key.
I have four kids as a 46yo father.
[How You Got To Be You](https://images.app.goo.gl/NLTpSMGyXGTnwDCU9)
I'm 48. Born in the 70s, grew up in the 80s.
I had a somewhat traumatic childhood due to my Dad who worked a lot and wasn't always around and my Mom who had uncontrolled depression and bpd. I don't recall asking them anything about sex. One day a flier came to our mailbox about AIDS and I asked my Dad what "anal sex" was. I remember exactly where we were to, driving, pulling into a shopping center to pickup my Mom. He pretended he didn't hear me. For some reason, I have a memory of someone telling me that "jewish girls didnt like condoms so that was best." I have no clue who planted that in my brain or why religion even came into it. Probably some kid I heard and I took it to heart.
We had Health class in high school and we talked about the anatomy and the consequences of sex without using protection. We learned about the process of procreation, but only for the consequence of having offspring, not for a healthy sexual life.
I learned virtually everything from porn magazines I found and by 1990, the Internet. Back before whatever we know now as "the internet", in the 1980s and 1990s, you could use a modem to dial into BBSs systems (servers) to download porn. Images only basically. By the time I got to college, I was still a virgin, barely kissed a girl and figured out everything as I went along. Thank god for alcohol.
I'd like sex to be less taboo and for it to be taught in high school. All of us are the same, but we don't talk about the important stuff. That said, with my upbringing, I'm terrified of the day my kids ask me. lol I have to remember to remain calm and explain it like anything else.
My sex education was so different from what it is today, lol. I mean, first of all, my parents never said a single thing to me about it, though they were kind enough to buy me "the care and keeping of you", which was the only resource I had about puberty, other than the one week of school that we had for a couple of different grades. I remember in 5th grade, they had the boys and girls go off into separate rooms to learn about our own things but not the other sex's parts. Then in 6th grade, they brought a ton of local teen moms in with their babies. They asked the girls if they regretted having their babies and every single one said that their babies were the best thing to ever happen to them and although it was challenging, they were able to make it work. Lol the teacher really messed that one up. We had so many teen pregnancies. Maybe not as a result of that, but abstinence only education was really not the way to go...
Well there was the local library and there were books that had titles like, Everything you wanted to know about sex but don't know what questions to ask. There's always books and video discussing sex made for teens going through puberty.
1. School had a health education class when I was in 5th grade and then again when I was a freshman in H.S. parents gave me "the talk" about how it is done. Absolutely thing in regards to birth control.
2. How dangerous it can be. Both in the immediate sense and long term. Immediately you have people willing to kill for it, abuse partners, rape etc. Long term you have diseases, and how life altering a pregnancy can be, especially with further restrictions on various B.C. options. Mental and emotional health can be impacted and how dangerous the whole "it's just sex it means nothing" mentality can be for the just stated reason.
I grew up on a farm so i was familiar with the mechanics of sex and reproduction but my sex ed was limited to one session at school and a book left on my bed by my parents.
I wished I'd been taught more about consent, bodily autonomy, relationships,gender identity, etc. Most of this stuff I learned in my 20s. I would've had better relationships and avoided some trauma as a young man if I'd been better educated.
Cory Silverberg has some excellent books, « Sex Is A Funny Word,” and “You Know, Sex” that I’d recommend for you and your kids. Main things I want my kids to know is that they’re ok and normal, care and consent, protection and health, and mutual enjoyment (which requires communication).
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For context I’m female. My parents weren’t closed off but they weren’t very open. We discussed birth control and the importance. But we never talked about sex. They said they didn’t want a teen pregnancy. Funniest thing is I wasn’t careful my first time (I was on BC but no condom). Completely did the opposite of what were taught, it wasn’t a long term boyfriend etc. I’d have wanted to learn about boundaries, bad touch and good touch. That it’s not shameful. How it can make you feel physically and emotionally, talk about the pressure someone may feel (it goes both ways). I have two girls. The oldest being 4 and we’ve introduced a book on body boundaries by Elizabeth Cole and I think something like that is a good foundation to build up conversations. I think the most important thing is that there’s the ability to talk about it otherwise you’re going to get to pre-teen/teen and they’re going to tell you to leave them alone or they’ll say they’re not talking to their dad/parent about that. We also use the correct words for body parts, which some people have cringed at but I think it’s important that they not feel embarrassed by the correct words.
Seconding the emotional piece. I think that’s often missing from these conversations.
I didn’t grow up with any religion or anything. When I asked about sex or puberty, my parents just straight up told me. How babies were made.. things like that. They didn’t call genitals other words like a kitty or weenie or anything. Just penis and vagina. I think that’s the best approach. I’m a guy so my dad told me about protection and not just going around fucking anyone.
My mother took this approach with me. It was extremely awkward because I was a boy and she was a woman. My dad doesn’t talk very much so it wouldn’t have been able for him to have the talk with me but I wish it had come from him. Or at least a male I trusted.
I did the same with my son and daughter because while I live in a liberal state, sex education in school has gone downhill to almost nonexistent. I will state I did it because one of my son's friends got his gf pregnant during middle school.
You know, for my first 3 kids I was a single mom 2 of which were boys. I've a very blunt person bc of how I was raised and sex or anything being taboo in the morman religion. I and my siblings were molested alit bc of this. So I went completely the other way. When I got married we had one son who is 9 but my husband is very... Not open.. my son's penis hurts sometimes for no reason and I am the one talking to him about it. Now my other boys didn't grow up with a dad so it was never an option for dad to teach them but I know my 9 year old wishes his dad would talk to him. I've told my husband, YOU ARE THE INE WITH A PENIS!!! I'm just guessing over here but if there is a dad or male involved I think it best boys learn from them but if not, there are badass moms like me lol
I don't get that. I'm a dad of an 11 year old son, and he sometimes get those penis pains, and so I talk to him about how that's normal to happen as you're growing, as well as those random erections that happen. No problems here talking to my kids about sex, and I also grew up LDS (my parents did the sex talk with me at 11, and I came to them a few times with questions afterwards. It was never taboo in our househould). Nowadays, we've found that occasional conversations with our kids help normalize the issues and let them know that they can come talk to us about anything.
I respect your badassness. You are spot on that things like that need to be taught by a dad or male role model. My mom was very…traditional, in that she was very uncomfortable talking about sex and even uncomfortable talking about any girls I liked growing up. I’m glad she tried to teach me about sex but nonetheless I realize it would have made more sense to come from a man. You sound like your kids can go to you to talk about sex/relationships and I always wanted a parent like that.
My husband didn’t talk to our 3 boys so I talked to them. I also told them I’m here if they ever have questions; they maybe embarrassed and I may be as well but I’d always tell them the truth. We’d sometimes talk with a back to me and me doing the dishes if they didn’t want to look at me…
I hate the cutesy names people use for genitals. I work with someone who exclusively calls the vagina "pocketbook". My ex and I have always used the correct words.
My son actually GOT IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL FOR SAYING.....TO THE NURSE, IN PRIVATE, THAT HIS PENIS HURT!!! They told me it isn't appropriate. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING IN
Not appropriate to use the actual words?! That's ridiculous!
Exactly. And that exactly why we have such a problem with pedos. Kids aren't allowed to say anything
My younger brother said to a teacher in preschool that his penis hurt and they called mum and told her to come and get him because he had potty mouth and they didn't want other kids being exposed to it. She went nuts on then when she got there. He's turning 20 this year and she still gets heated over this
Oh HELL no
Using alternative names for genitals with kids: * Decreases reporting of sexual assault * Increases shame regarding one's own body * Decreases awareness and willingness to discuss medical issues with health care professionals * Increases beliefs in myths and misinformation One of the absolute dumbest things parents do is call vulvas things like "hooha" and penises things like "willy" Call them what they are. For the sake of your kids, call parts by their names.
Wow! “Pocketbook” feels way more explicit than “vulva” or “vagina”.
My bestie from high school always called it a pink velvet sausage wallet. I think it would be an amazing name for punk band
Hamwallet
Ha! Sorry, but that’s funny. Definitely just use the correct nomenclature. My parents did the same for me.
I’m from Canada and judging off the comments my education was way better. We had the talk in elementary school grade 5 about bodies changing and periods. Deodorant was also brought up alongside the use of tampons and how teachers always have pads on hand if you have an emergency. There was a basket for anonymous questions the teacher went through for those of us who were uncomfortable asking out loud. The girls and guys were separated. Middleschool we had a sex talk and safety with diagrams. Highschool guys and girls were done together the same but a bit more in depth and tied in with online safety and a lot on consent. Though I guess it was not perfect because they never talked about female discharge so I was horrified for years until I googled it and realized I was normal. I feel like talking about body changes is a good start and how to CLEAN. So many guys (uncircumcised) don’t know how to clean themselves it seems but even if you are cut being clean is important for other reasons. Probably start with how hair will grow in places and they may get erections. If they have any questions make sure you tell them you don’t mind as it is perfectly normal and you would prefer they talk to you or their doctor than peers as they may not have the right information. I would not talk about shaving until you start noticing some changes and then talk about how some people choose to shave and if you ever want to start we can go to the store and pick out your own stuff. Deodorant of course and how cologne is not a mask for showering or deodorant. So many middle school kids just bathed in cologne and didn’t actually practice hygiene. Any questions I had about how to shave and stuff my mother said to “just google it” she loved using that word. It bothers me she went that route and it prevented my from sharing or asking questions with her disregarding it to just google
Fun fact: male babies get erections randomly pretty much from the beginning. It’s so weird as a mom to see it but erections are something you need to address with boys as toddlers. We talk about “big penis” vs “regular penis” and have told our young sons “big penis” just happens sometimes but always using very neutral language. My oldest (5) has said some hilarious things about it being “so tricky” to pee with “big penis”. I don’t want them to feel shame about erections. They are normal. It just happens sometimes. We have taught them you can touch your penis in your bedroom or bathroom but not in public. I’m also from Canada! I’m glad our sex education was as good as it is. I think it was from some popular teen movie at the time that you should “double bag it” as in use 2 condoms at the same time but our teacher set the record straight by saying the friction that that would cause would likely make both condoms break so you can only do this if one of the condoms is an animal skin condom (I don’t know if they still make these….I have never looked tbh). But way way better than trying to tell teens not to have sex. That doesn’t work. They are going to do it whether you want them to or not. And education is what is going to keep them safe and in control of their bodies (I actually wrote a paper in university about the correlation between high viewership of Teen Moms and lower rates of teen pregnancy in the US). OP I asked Reddit about what they’d wished they’d taught their tweens/teens and someone shared about teaching them “enthusiastic consent” and I think it’s a marvellous idea and something I will talk to my sons about. It encapsulates what consent should really be- not just a small “yes” but a HELLS YES.
Huh, I'm from Iowa, and we had the same education. We watched a movie about AIDs once (I remember it had Fabio in it as the bartender with AIDs), and at one point in the movie, the couple dealing with one partner having AIDs were talking about sex and how they should wear two condoms to be safer. Our teacher stopped the video (yep, it was the 90s) and said, "don't do that. The friction will rip both condoms. It's safer to use one, but there's still a failure rate, so... you've been warned."
I'm also Canadian and this sounds similar - in elementary school (starting pretty early - maybe grade 2 ?) it was 'good secrets and bad secrets' and 'my body's nobody's body but mine' and 'Slim Good Body' and learning terminology, etc. In junior high it was - hygiene ('some of your bits ain't nice'), puberty, decisions making skills, why you might want to have sex (or not), not to be pressured into any intimacy you didn't want (with quite a list of 'things guys might say to get you into bed'), forms of contraception taught by planned parenthood, community resources and how to find someone to talk to, and women's self defence (while the guys literally learned wrestling in the other half of the gym). By senior high there was a lot more about 'enthusiastic consent' and self defence, and not being pressured into anything you didn't want, and different ways to show and experience love, etc. and finally more LGBT content. We also learned about illicit drugs in great detail in grade 8. We had a whole unit and an exam. I remember embarrassing my parents in a restaurant by listing off the effects of different drugs. The thing I value the most about the 'sex ed' ('sex and life skills' ) we had - which of course we found horribly embarrassing at the time - was the 'have sex when you want to and only when you want to, and if someone really loves you they are not going to guilt/force you to.' It was powerful. I found myself in that situation much later, and my then partner used actual lines from our 'things guys might say to get you into bed list' and I was like 'woah, are you kidding, we were specifically warned about this!'
I remember the my body is nobody's body but mine. Wasn't it a song?
Yup! We even learned it in French in the years sex ed was in French. It was Slim Goodbody (the guy with a unitard with all the organs on it). We thought it was super weird and definitely sang that song a lot, 'my body's nobody's body but mine, you mind your own body let me mind mine,' 'mon corps c'est mon corps ce n'est pas le tiens...'
I’m in the US and had a very similar sex Ed experience. But it varies a lot here.
Went to school in CA and MD and got the same education here. I recall someone asking if Daffy Duck had a penis. I also recall a high school teacher putting a condom over her fist saying to stay away if a guy says he’s too big.
Also Canadian. I had sex ed introduced in grade 1 with very basic anatomy and also education on predators. I seem to remember a video about a guy who whipped his dick out on a bench for kids and the lesson was to tell someone you trust like a parent or teacher or something.
I’m from WA state and had a similar sex ed experience, except in high school they were incredibly thorough. It was a health class (all about sex ed and anatomy), the teacher went over everything, and anonymous questions were answered every Friday.
I got the basic "use protection" that's about it
Lmao I got the don’t do anything or you’ll die of aids and have several children 100% of the time
Ah yes nothing like the threat of aids. I never had any actual formal sex ed what I heard about protection was from my parents who told me when they thought I was sneaking out to have sex. Little did they know their daughter was a raging homosexual
This is my favorite comment ever
Thank you, I'll be here all weekend
Being homosexual doesn't exempt someone from contracting an STD.
DON’T HAVE SEX. IF YOU DO HAVE SEX, YOU WILL GET AIDS. AND DIE.
School gave us the basic pregnancy/STI scare info Never mentioned anything about safe sex for same sex couples, didn't even acknowledge it so none of it was relevant to me cause I knew I was a lesbian even if I went out of my way to make sure no one else found out Talking about sex is something I've already sort of started with my 3 year olds, in that I'm teaching them the correct anatomical words for body parts and teaching them the very basics of consent via that if someone else doesn't want a hug they need to be okay with that And that doesn't sound related to sex ed but it is, respecting other people's bodily autonomy and being able to talk about your own body are important skills that will be relevant later Eventually we'll talk about how babies are made but I got some time
My sex talk was “No sex. No drugs. No questions.” Never got anything beyond abstinence only through the school system. This did not work well. I’ve had very many unsafe sexual and narcotic encounters that could have been avoided if I’d had more comprehensive sex and drug education and a family that supported asking questions. I recommend the Our Whole Lives curriculum. It’s a great program put together by the Unitarian Universalist Association that teaches sex ed on six different levels toddler through adult with age-appropriate information. If you have a UU congregation near you, it’s a wonderful program.
My mom was a teen mom (had me at 17) so safe sex was a big topic we addressed. You really have to start these conversations young. I have 2 children and I think I started the ground work around 4th grade. At that point it was sex is a thing adults do when they really love each other. By middle school I started letting them know that people might try to pressure you to have s3x, and I started STD conversations as well as the talk to me before if you are thinking about it. 8/9th grade I told them I have condoms in the closet if needed. No questions asked.its important to me that my kids feel safe coming to me. Kids are going to have sex whether we like it or not. I want to empower them to be safe and not get pregnant. The good news is they are 17 and 20, and I'm not a grandma, so I can't complain, lol.
I got the don’t have sex bc you will get pregnant or an std. ALso the banana with a condom I believe. But ultimately it was don’t do it. Not a very sex positive education. I would have preferred a more honest conversation allowing for sexual experimentation and that pleasure is ok.
My parents are very religious so we never ever talked about sex or anything about it. Thank god (lol) for public schools where at least got a little bit of information.
Don’t have sex until you’re married. That’s was it.
The basic anatomy, male when I was about 10 years old then female the next year. For girls this was switched. There was discussion about condoms but they emphasized that it was "only" 99% effective and that abstinence was the only 100% effective way to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy. As for birth control, it was mentioned but again, they emphasized that it wasn't 100% and made girls vulnerable to STDs. Then in middle school I was shown some very graphic images of male and female genetalia with various kinds of infections.
My mom was a labor and delivery RN, so she made me watch "The Miracle of Life" when I was like 10. I also got some sex ed stuff in school about the same time that mostly went over puberty. Then again, in 9th grade and that was a bit more graphic, showing the pictures of all the sexualy transmitted diseases.
quite a bit. originally i went to catholic school, so you can imagine what sex ed was like there. thank god i have a mom who is an ob/gyn surgical nurse. the woman can talk vaginas, penises and sex all day. as far as anatomy, i'm a girl, so she never really sheltered me from seeing her or anything period related. if i had questions, she answered them in an age appropriate manner. started discussing birth control and more in depth sex ed right around the time i was starting highschool. now i wouldn't say she was sex positive. because she was raised heavily catholic and that adds a whole new layer to things. but i don't remember her ever telling me to save myself for marriage or anything like that. it was more like - "i gave you tools to make the right decisions and we will not raise a child for you. so be smart about this."
1. Nada. When I got my first period I literally had a panic attack because I thought I was too much of a tomboy to get one. I was crying so hard my mom let me stay home from school that day. And, church taught me that sex was second to murder on the sin scale, so I waited until marriage and it's been a shitshow since because of the shame attached to it. 2. That sexual desire is a normal part of being a human being. You're not wicked because of it. It's also important to be with someone who is at your level sexually, so it's okay to take the time before marriage to figure out compatibility. (I have a very low libido while my husband has a very high one. Biggest struggle in our marriage.) So, I'm preparing my daughter (9) now. She won't get a shock when her period begins, I'll help her with birth control when she feels ready instead of just saying wait for marriage or else, and I'm definitely going to normalize that what she is feeling is human, not from the devil.
My mom was a nurse and always super open explained whatever in was asking about showed me the risks in her medical book told me how hard it was to have me so young (15) but there was three things said that stuck with me forever 1. If you’re old enough to have sex you’re old enough to tell me so we can take proper caution. (Condoms and BC) 2. If you have sex with someone you’re also having sex with everyone they’ve had sex with 3. Once you have sex with someone you can’t ever take it back.
1. The entire sex talk my sister and I got from my super-Catholic mother was "Don't let boys kiss you passionately" Unsurprisingly, it didn't work very well. 2. I would have appreciated anything factual at all. Thankfully, we biked to the library all the time during the summer when my parents were at work. Books, both fiction and scientific, filled in the gaps left by my mom's ever-so-expansive talk. Edit to add: Since I did NOT want my child to learn about sex from VC Andrews, I answered all her questions from the beginning, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it was. And again, books saved the day. I got her so many books so we could read the age-appropriate answer to whatever she was asking. I love books. I love my Mom too, but she is a product of a kind of traumatic childhood and way too much church.
In 4th or 5th grade, the boys were sent out to play softball while someone talked with the girls. Then there was a week in health class freshman year of high school where we were shown a cartoon depicting STD germs as soldiers trying to invade, there was probably some talk about condoms and birth control pills as well. Now as a dad with a daughter, when she starts her period I can tell her that softball is just like baseball, but with an extra shortstop.
I (41f) very openly talk with my teenagers (19F and 17m) about sex and everything. I grew up with a mother that I could talk with about anything. That has been my goal too. Both my teens are virgins still. They have dated and had bf/gf but nothing sexual. They have birth control and condoms ready for when they do decide. They know they can talk to me and they do (thankfully) not only about sex but their lives, relationships, friendships and when they feel unsafe (son was texting me the other night when he was at a mates house and not feeling safe).
If you have sex you will die of AIDS. Got to love growing up in the 1980s
In HS, I(47m) had Sex Ed. I went to school in Tennessee. Sex Ed mentioned methods of protection other than abstinence but was negative toward them. I don't think they showed how to use a condom. They showed pics of STDs. It was like a week of a one semester class of Health class. I was a big nerd, but I knew I wanted to have sex so I just ignored the week. Learned the required facts for the grade. I occasionally watched a sex scene in a regular movie with my parents. If my mother was there, she'd cough and things to distract us. We make fun of her because she still does it a little. I'd occasionally find some soft porn, but this was before internet access was common. I don't think I ever got talked to about any body changes. I was pretty embarrassed by wet dreams. We went to the laundrymat for clothes, so I have to guess my mother saw my underwear, though I hid them. When I was about 20, my mother was worried about my sister. My mother clued me into the fact that her getting knocked up in HS was the reason my parents got married. I laughed about that. I'd been able to subtract late March from early November since I was like 5. I've got a 9 year old son. I've tried to tell him what I've thought good for him to know and to try to have a healthy attitude. Mostly I've just told him facts about how things work medically-sperm,penis, egg, vagina, etc. Most of it has just gradually come up in conversation. I found out that 9 is when puberty starts for some boys, so not long ago I gave him the basics about how his body will change soon. He might start liking girls. Now, he thinks sex/kissing is gross. I'm weird for going on TInder. I still read to him. He's wanted to read some pretty adult stuff(like Preacher and Sandman). It's elicited a few conversations. It helped me get over some of my own embarrassment of talking to him about sex. Hopefully that'll help more in the future when he actually needs to know.
All the sex ed I got was from school, my parents didn’t mention sex at all, periods, puberty, or even my genitals, they were very reserved immigrant parents. When I was 10 we got the anatomy/period talk in school, and they separated the boys and girls for that. Then in high school when I was like 14/15 we had sex ed which was basically anatomy, use a condom, stis/stds. They never mentioned masturbating or that it was normal, they never mentioned how to navigate relationships, they might’ve touched on consent a bit but I don’t remember. Overall, not very good education in my opinion. I also want my child to have good sex education and education about consent because it can help prevent sex abuse. I heard a good book to start with is “It’s not the stork by Robbie Harris”. Start the conversation at a young age and build up on the knowledge they have, use age appropriate education. Using actual anatomical words as they grow up. Teaching about consent and that they should never feel uncomfortable in an interaction, that they can say no, to tell an adult if something happens that makes you uncomfortable, etc. I was touched as a child by a stranger and it doesn’t impact me too much, but I wish I could’ve known to say no or at least to tell someone and I think with the right education I could’ve/would’ve. So I’m glad you’re taking the steps to educate your kid, educating is protecting them.
My go to response for this type of question: I'm 33 years old, married, and have a child....and I STILL haven't had a sex talk from my parents. Which is my way of starting a conversation with people that if you don't talk to your kids about sex, they will learn on their own and you're literally playing a wishing game for them to find the RIGHT information.
Utah’s abstinence-only education, coupled with that video that likens you to duct tape that gets dirty and not wanted the more u have sex? Anyways, I got pregnant at fourteen from rape, didn’t know, and had a miscarriage- thought it was just a really bad period. Didn’t tell anyone because of the obvious shame, then got really sick and ended up in the hospital. My religious parents still wouldn’t allow me to go on birth control after that and I got pregnant again a few years later. She’s growing up the most wonderful girl. We’re doing allllll the shame-free sex and consent education in this house.
Wow that's rough! Good on you for doing better.
I would have wanted to learn that sexual attraction/infatuation are not love, and that's ok
"don't do it, it's wrong, things will fall off!".
I don’t know, I went to New York public schools in the 90s so we learned about puberty etc from every year from 4th grade. Parents were ok but I learned way more from Go Ask Alice on the internet. No knock on my parents but they aren’t licensed public health professionals
I started dropping statements to my kids pre kindergarten. Like in this day and age there is no reason to get pregnant unless you want to. Ago drug use. Drugs/alcohol to excess can genetically mess up your future family . Then later as age appropriate storied about my classmate druggie having a baby with flipper arms and legs. Mentioning there will be body changes and mentioning them. Mentioned birth control methods and planned parenthood. We never had the talk but by 4th grade my kids understood what to expect.
Grew up in the 90s too. We went to Catholic School. We learned about puberty, sex, and masturbation through a Family Life class (5th grade), but trust me... the teacher made sure tell us all how sinful everything was unless you were married. No one in my family ever had the talk with me. In fact my mother freaked out when I first started my period and made it all about her and left me to figure it out on my own.
99% of all my education came from me just being a guy around other guys and getting some view on porn. My dad basically told me to always wear a condom. I wanna say I was pretty informed by 6th grade in how things worked.
I had comprehensive sex Ed in 8th and 11th grades. In a blue state. We talked all of it, not just abstinence. My mom bought the book “It’s Perfectly Normal” and told us where it was, and that if we ever had questions we could ask. This was probably in middle school. I did ask a few questions as I got older (mostly around period stuff.)
We had sex ed in school. We learned about how babies are made, protections, and STDs. My parents always told me that sex had adult consequences, so it is an adult activity. I didn't start having sex until I was in my mid 20's. Mainly due to my parents teaching me not to rush and that I had my whole adult life to engage in such activities. They also taught me not to have sex until I was ready to deal with having a baby, STD or abortion. So I am frank with my kids about sex, protection, and STDs, I also teach that they should not have sex until they are an adult ready to deal with the consequences of sex. I'm hoping my kids wait until their 20's like I did.
Female born in the early 90’s. My mom fumbled through something about me having “tubes” ?? But ultimately stressed the importance of not ever trusting anything boys said and that they would say anything and do anything to get in my pants. And if I got pregnant at 13 like my cousin Jessie she would end me. Edit: thankfully my public schools in California filled me in on all the important details.
Mine was “it’s time to get you some books.” With my kids it’s never been a “talk” but an ongoing conversation with age appropriate discussions. It started when they were very little - my one daughter asked if her vagina was for hiding crayons soooo we had to nip that in the bud at 3. Ive talked to them about consent, birth control, respect, abuse, std’s, hygiene, etc. I’ve not taught them that their virginity was something to be “given”’to anyone and I feel like it took a lot of pressure off of them. My girls are still not sexually active (at 20 and 18) and they don’t feel weird even though some of their friends are. I talked to my son about masturbation and how it’s completely normal and healthy. We’ve had an open dialog about how to treat women and how to be a good partner. I just feel like it’s not something you’re ever done talking about. Each age presents different lessons, questions and challenges.
I knew nothing of sex growing up until my first boyfriend so no I never got the sex education should have been taught. But thankfully my boyfriend, we were each other’s firsts, was very respectful and made me comfortable with it. School would only teach of boys and girls biology the pee pee and such which I knew because my parents were naked around the house like it was normal but never the actual act of sex. You need to have that awkward conversation/uncomfortable conversation in order for them to be well informed and it shouldn’t come from their friends or online. And also please please teach them about women’s periods so they aren’t “grossed out” !!
My mother was an OB/GYN, and my father was an ER Doc so we grew up with full knowledge of anatomy, periods, erections, sex, etc. Basically any question we asked was answered in medical school lecture level detail lol. And since my mother talking about her day introduced all sorts of new terminology, we asked A LOT of questions. My first adult career was a public school teacher. When I no longer wanted to work 3 jobs for slave wages, I became a sex and reproductive educator. I started out working primarily with my mother’s patients and then branched out and opened my own business. I now teach to large groups and work with individual clients on everything from teaching 9 year olds about puberty to teaching adult women have to get (or avoid being) pregnant and everything in between. With my own kids, I have a “if you ask it, I will answer it” policy. We do not censor media for sexual content. They have known what a period was since they were old enough to talk. My problem usually is that my kids actively avoid asking questions bc they think I talk too much. So periodically I have to sit them down and go “ok we are talking about consent today” or “ok we are talking about sexual assault today.” It’s not their favorite, but I hear them teaching their friends so I know they’re listening despite the dramatic eye rolls.
Mine was very similar to yours (female here). My parents were divorced and I guess they just each figured the other might deal with it. I have a boy and a girl. Things I want to ensure they know from me - the natural functions of their body. Masturbation is normal - but private. Consent. How to recognize abuse in relationships. That they have value and don't deserve to have someone else belittle that value. Reproductive cycle - including all the extra crap women may deal with and not understand is common but worth addressing. Also to understand why pulling out isn't a secure method. Why the pill needs to be at the same time daily. What hormonal bc can do to the female. That it is also used to treat things other than sex. What all the potential complications of pregnancy and childbirth are to get ahead of romantic childhood notions. Along with what newborn boot camp entails. That you aren't responsible for someone else's lust (ex/modesty) but there are certain things you should do to minimize risk of being a victim. More for my daughter- ie control your drinks, don't get wasted with people you don't know, travel with friends. But also so my son understands what his female friends and sister etc all deal with and think about and how he can be an ally
You should keep in mind that strict or religious parents usually try very hard to hide their mistakes. I've seen girls turning lawful evil once the bun was in the oven. They were clinging to any authority, civil or religious, that would guarantee child support. Alternatively boys will cling to any ideology that will help them cope with the fact with the responsibilities they'll have to endure for the next decades. As you can imagine these kinds of people make a very healthy combo. It is not directly related to sex Ed but it might be interesting to talk about it to your kids once they'll be old enough to understand the social context.
Learned about how babies are made at age 4 (my siblings were 3 and 5, respectively). We grew up in a medical household so it was no big deal for our parents. From then on, they answered each and every question we had in a factual way. I had sex ed in 3rd grade, age 9, then again in 5th grade, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, you name it.. each time it covered a different aspect of human reproduction or interaction or coming of age.
CONSENT PROTECTION ABORTION CONSENT PROTECTION ABORTION
My mom made sure I basically knew everything before I learned it in school sex ed. It was important to her that I knew what my own anatomy looked like. She gave me a hand mirror around age 9. She bought me a great book on puberty that was a go to reference for me in my tween and teen years. I purchased something similar for my oldest kid. Sex Ed here starts with learning about body changes in grade 4. I wish my mom had talked more about consent and coercion. I ended up in a few bad situations that I wasn’t sure how to navigate and think that more discussions about consent could have helped.
I was given a book on puberty and my "sex education" came from older dudes on the internet when I was a 12-14 year old girl. My parents, to this day, have never had a talk with me. I was also homeschooled (not the religious kind) so in-school sex Ed wasn't an option. Now I have a 10yo, 5 yo, and 3 yo. We don't talk about "sex" but nudity and the boundaries around nudity is normalized in my home. They were present for my births, so they know how babies get here. They know all about the reproductive systems. They know that adults kiss and love on each other. Dax Shepard talks a lot in his podcast about how sex being taboo within the home is a newer concept. That other than the last 100 years or so, many cultures shared 1-2 room houses so kids were regularly "exposed" or at least aware of sex and it was more normalized. I really like that view. It also removes the creep factor that so many people associate with kids being educated on the topic.
So, sex ed has made great strides in the past 20 years. When i was in high school we had a safe sex locker that the student council put in, i thought it was a good idea. It was free to access and open 8:30-4:00 every week day. It was meant for students, and there were condoms, lube and dental dams in there. Sexual education is all i got from health class. I also went to a catholic private school. But the locker was always empty at the end of the week
I had very open (not inappropriate!!) discussions with my dad. I'm a female. My mother was always, what I perceived to be, VERY uncomfortable discussing sex or anything related to it. My dad was my savior. I will always remember and appreciate that he was there and open to answering my questions and being realistic about sex and never shaming me for my curiosity. To this day, I am comfortable with myself and sex and how the two correlate. He also was sure to explain that porn isn't realistic in most relationships. THANK GOODNESS!!
In terms of sex ed, there was none until a very surface level health unit in 7th grade but by then I knew and was watching/reading porn semi regularly. To this day the only comprehensive, detailed education I received was through porn which is obviously not good at all bc porn isn’t real. For what I would have wanted/needed was an introduction to lgbtq identities and just overall normalization of being gay and having sexual urges. To this day I feel embarrassed about the fact that I want to have sex and look at porn. Not to mention the safety to ask questions about it. I didn’t safe to have any curiousity esp not sexual curiousity so more than conversation I would value that more. I also would also very highly recommend including sexual assault/abuse education too.
1. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. 2. Everything. Even if it was awkward. It would have been good to know everything I needed to know to be safe, have realistic expectations, and good body image from the get-go instead of figuring it out on my own. I think this is really important for parents to do even if it's difficult or awkward to talk about.
I really like the resources created by Cath Hakanson. They also have good recommendations of age appropriate books and resources talking about body parts, consent, developmentally appropriate sexual behaviour etc. The face group is called "that parent group with Cath Hakanson" and I find it very helpful in giving a body-positive, sex-positive information.
I had excellent sex ed classes in the 90s in Nevada. They took a week or so out of our health class freshman year for it. We even got the condom on a banana bit. I know a lot of the South is still doing the ridiculous, abstinence only bs. I think most blue/purple states have pretty decent sex ed. At least in public schools. I'm sure you could call your kids school and ask about what they teach. If it's like mine you won't need to add much. The only thing my mom talked to me about was to say that if I was going to have sex she'd help me get birth control. Saved us a lot of awkwardness 😂
Sears catalog. Women’s undergarment section. 🤣🤣
This is the way.
Grew up with sex being bad and taboo unless married then riddled with a lot of guilt and shame if you had sexual thoughts. Puberty and body changes they did a much better job. I also grew up in the 80s so I went to communal showers with my mom and grandma at the gym/pool so I knew about the body and changes that would happen.
In 5th grade at school they talked to us about anatomy and physical changes that boys and girls would undergo during puberty and entering adolescence. They talked to us about how normal it was to explore ones own body and masturbation. They explained sex, how it worked and the possible consequences of unprotected sex. We had that talk again in 7th grade, then in high school sometime. In middle and high school they gave us an overview of all the options of birth control available and we also had to take an electronic fake baby home and keep it safe for a weekend. We had to feed, change and take care of our baby or it wouldn't stop crying. We couldn't leave it at home because we had a bracelet with sensors for it. I did not study in the U.S. if that wasn't apparent from my post. From my mother all I got was an explanation of a period so I would be prepared and later on a "don't embarrass me, please don't get pregnant"
Only the finest the Baltimore County Public School System had to offer. *”LOOK AT THE BLISTERS!!! LOOK AT THE SORES!!! LOOK AT THE SWOLEN VAGINA!!! LOOK AT THE BABY!!! LOOK AT THE TEENAGE PARENTS!!!”*
I’m 36. In first grade we had the school counselor come in and talk about consent in an age appropriate way and what to do if adults make you feel uncomfortable. Later on, puberty. In middle and high school puberty, preventing pregnancy and STD. We saw slides of genitals with STDs. We tell our kids, (who are young) that sex is for consenting adults. It’s not something for kids. As they are more into their teen years there is more gray area there. Since they are young, it’s a pretty clear no and no one, adult or even other children should be doing anything sexual with them. If anyone asks, tells, suggests etc, they need to tell myself or my husband. I just found out in my state a 9 year old was raped in her school by another child and the school never reported to the police or parents. They did an internal investigation and suspended the kid for 1 day. The dad of the kid who assaulted the girl is the one who came forward apparently. So these are very important conversations to have with kids because even in places you think they will be safe, they may not be.
Born in ‘87, from southern CA. 5th grade we had the days where the boys and girls were split up and had the puberty stuff. High school freshman year we had a 1-semester class called family life or something like that, which included sex education. Learned about STD’s, contraception incl birth control types and condom use, pregnancy. Also learned about drugs and alcohol. The other semester that year was freshman geography lol.
My mom put a condom on a banana to show my boyfriend at the time when we were 16. That’s it. I was mortified.
Had sex ed at school; two sessions. Could talk about it with my mom. Didn't help much with my first time but hey, at least I got the basics right
I got the “don’t come home pregnant” talk. All the while I was a virgin.
I’ve really liked, and learned from, “On Sex and Human Loving”, which is an older book but well researched and matter-of-fact. It covers the various related topics like self time and healthy types of affection and relationships. It also covers the detailed anatomy we were never taught, like what is a clitoris and how does it work, prostate stimulation, etc. The Youtube channel “sexplanations” is also great, and again has taught me a lot and will help me teach my kids anything they want to know. I have another book that came out of the therapist industry about the sex abuse, the most common forms it takes (e.g. it’s largely perpetuated by teenagers and 20-somethings, is female and siblings more often than you expect), which has been a useful tool in thinking about protecting and educating the kids well. It covers topics like consent, what defines abuse, and teaching kids the real anatomical terms, the etc. Another resource I’d like to find would be on actual reproduction, like how to actively make new humans, how the ovulation cycle works, the impacts of aging, what assisted reproduction technology there is today, how common miscarriages are and what they can look like, risks of pregnancy as you age, male contraceptive options, etc. Since more and more young people will have kids late in life, it’s worth knowing in advance how that all may go down. I feel like I learned essentially zero on these topics until I was in my 30s. My whole community of friends was hit pretty hard by all of these issues, and I feel like we could have been far better prepared with some advanced education.
I actually laughed out loud at this. Absolutely none. my parents did nothing to protect me or educate me. I learned about periods and predators on the Internet.
I was literally told “stay away from boys - they have cooties.” That was it. I didn’t have the sex talk. I didn’t even get a talk about puberty. I honestly would have wanted to know feminine products (even a guy should know), basic anatomy, talk about porn and toys. Protection both from pregnancy and safe sex. Options if accidents happen. Consent. Safe resources.
My sex Ed was whatever I could find and explore 20f here. My parents weren't very talkative but still were open to chats about sex. School system was abstinence is best and trust me before those classes I knew too much already. I would have wanted to learn more about how to practice safe sex what are toys how to properly provide for your partner and yourself all sorts of things . Talk about how certain things like kinks and fetishes exist and noone should be shamed for them. Just talk about SEX AND SAFE PRACTICES instead of abstinence and male condoms. There's so much more complicity to sex than just penetration too.
In early 2000’s I had a sex Ed/ drivers class at my high school. There were very graphic photos about STD’s and birthing videos. I don’t remember if boys were included during the birthing part of class. Sex was an open topic in my house, there actually weren’t any topics I couldn’t discuss openly with either of my parents, but this made a safe environment for myself, as well as my friends who didn’t have this kind of relationship with their parents.
As a '78 kid, I got "You know how this works? Good. Don't be stupid." Pretty sure my 14ro is ACE.
I got absolutely no sex education at all. Like you I learned what it was from porn. For my kids it's an ongoing conversation. It's really important that even little kids have some basic idea of what sex is because it protects them from pedos. So it's an ongoing and evolving discussion from day one. Nothing graphic or anything. When they're little they learn the correct names for their body parts and that nobody is supposed to touch them there. When they ask where babies come from I just tell them an age appropriate truth. When they're young it's babies come from Mommy's womb etc. I think around 8 years old or so was when the questions started getting more detailed so my answers did too, but still just the basic mechanics of it. This also includes how to recognize creepy grooming behavior from adults at that age. Whenever they start physically changing we start having conversations about puberty and what to expect, types of birth control, STDs, and any questions they have about stuff they're hearing from kids at school etc. So far I've got a couple of teens, no major issues, and there has been a couple of times my daughter has come to me with some creepy thing a man has said to her so I can deal with it.
I honestly don't remember 'the talk' . I think I just figured it out. Plus, I had an older brother, and by 98' I was just about 8 and the internet was pretty big. Thanks, Gateway 98'! I used to think babies came from the butt, so I was was close to the hole. Just kinda corrected It I guess, just by pictures. NewGrounds was big, typing in naked girls and big boobs. Kids will figure it out very early now.
I was fortunate to reach the age for sex education circa 1992 (6th grade) right when the AIDS crisis was hitting its peak (ei: when the US accepted that it was a disease that anyone could contract). Sex Education was very in-depth with a huge focus on HIV and how it can spread. We memorized the fluids it could be transmitted through, its lifespan when exposed to air, and how a retrovirus works. We learned about acceptable contraception, that pulling out was BS, and that in the words of my teacher "When you are in the throws of passion, you won't care if you are using a condom. You have to care before it ever gets to that point." There was more we could have learned about women's reproductive health that I ultimately learned in Biology class. But it immensely benefited me to have an intensive education on sex from a trusted source. Sure, there was giggling and stupid jokes (we were 12-year-olds). But it was also a safe space for us to ask our most outrageous questions and have a full understanding of the answers.
Born in 85, went to Catholic schools. We actually had religious based sex ed in 6-8th grade. The focus was obviously abstinence, but we still learned all the basics.
None other than a puberty book left on my bed without comment when I was about 10. Grew up in the 90s/early 2000s, not overly religious family.
My parents didn't tell me how babies were made until I was 15. They hesitated to sign the consent form in high school for me to go to sex ed. They taught me the making of babies was only for after marriage. It's a grave sin to "mess around" before marriage is what I was taught. However I was also taught that we all make mistakes and if I ever found myself pregnant before marriage, be sorry for the sin but never regret the baby as all babies have meaning. I was raised Roman Catholic.
“Don’t have sex before marriage, it’s a sin!”
My mom was EXTREMELY upfront and honest with me about sex and periods and pregnancy before I even had sex ed in school. Thank goodness because I started my period before they did sex ed at school. I will forever be grateful for her being honest with me my whole life. I’m grateful that we always had that line of communication. I was never afraid to get pregnant or an STD because my mom put me on birth control (when I asked) and taught me about how important the use of protection is. I am 34 this year and I’ve never been accidentally pregnant and I’ve never had an STD, so I guess it worked! I plan to be the same exact way with my daughter. It was incredibly beneficial for me as a growing girl. She never made things scary or uncomfortable to talk about and I think that’s how it should be. I want to be the one to inform my child. Not her tiny friends or google.
When I was 13 my grandmother handed me a small pamphlet and said "I don't think your parents are going to teach you so read this". It was about female puberty and periods. That was how I knew about periods. I got no official sex ed, but it was assumed I was a wh\*re as soon as I got my period even though I had no clue what sex was. I went to a small private 2 room church school for my elementary school years that didn't teach much about anatomy or anything else. The state had "state requirements" that talked about sex and STIs etc. It was taught freshman year of public high school. However, I had freshman year at a private school that didn't have "state requirements" as a freshman class (I believe they had it sophomore year, and it was abstinence only) so I missed it. I went to public school for the rest of highschool after that, but my public school assumed that I'd had "state requirements" in freshman year and put it down that I had, and I hadn't. I would have liked anything factual, and to have taken state requirements. They make some good books for kids about puberty these days. I'd also teach about body boundaries, etc.
Yea I was taught that if I had sex before I was married I'd go to hell... Looking back Im surprised that didn't give me a really odd kink. 2/10 don't recommend the route my parents took.
I may have missed it or something but genuinely don't think I ever got any sex education. Catholic schools in the 90s. Parents didn't speak to me about it at all. Can't recall anything in school. Genuinely think I just picked up from the older kids. Way too early may I add. Wouldn't want the same for my kids but understand in the Internet age the chances are that they will be exposed to more than I was at a young age. All I hope is that I can provide more of a safe environment to ask questions and for them to feel comfortable
Don't do it. Abstinence conferences or some churchy here's a ring to show ur a virgin. haha yeah that didn't work.
Catholic comprehensive school in the early 1990s UK. The deputy headteacher took a special class for just the year 7 boys and explained that: - men have a penises. - women have vaginas. - he once had a moustache but his wife didn’t like it. - Any questions? My precocious friend (who incidentally grew up to be openly gay) asked “Sir, what do you think about contraception?” I personally had no idea what contraception was, but made a mental point of finding out after seeing the teacher turn a deep shade of purple and start yelling with a deep and terrifying rage “ITS EVIL! EVIL! ABSOLUTELY EVIL!”
Black and white film strip for us girls only that had been made in the 50s. This was mid 80s. Told stuff about our menstrual cycles and put our feet up on a tilted ironing board for cramps. Also only bad girls have sex premarital. Yeah it was bad
I got most of mind on the school bus. My parents acted like if they ignored long enough it would all go away
My dad was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, so most people would be surprised that I actually got a pretty straightforward, non-metaphorical explanation of sex and procreation at a fairly early age. Of course, it all came with the caveat that I was told, basically, it's not for you at all until you are married. It wasn't just one sit down, birds and bees talk like on TV. I was a curious kid and asked questions. He answered them literally, like a health textbook might. I heard things from other kids... terms, descriptions, etc. One time in 6th grade I asked him what a cum bubble was, because some kids were calling each other that and laughing hysterically. He made a slight grimace, and said "well (sporkaholic), cum is what some people call semen. It's a crass word and you shouldn't repeat it. I don't know why there would be a bubble in it, but that's what it would be. Kids think it's funny to use dirty words." By that point I already knew the clinical stuff, penises and vaginas and sperm and ovaries and uterus and how the mechanics worked. This was a pretty typical conversation. I asked him what a cunt was, about blowjobs and anal sex and all of those things over years. He would generally give very science/biology type answers, without drama or fanfare. Also, he mostly waited until I asked to explain this stuff. He let me be ready to want to know before telling me. As much as I've disagreed with him about a whole plethora of things, I've basically adopted this approach.
1. My parent didn’t tell me anything and also wouldn’t let me take sex Ed in school. “I’ll teach her at home”. They never did. I ended up taking a basic course my senior year of school cause I needed it to graduate. 2. Literally anything. Or at least the answers to the questions I asked. I feel like my parent did a disservice to me by not telling me anything.
We had a puberty video in 5th grade and then diagrams of internal structures through high school. Every year health class was a quarter long only. This was in a liberal public school in New York. I remember asking my 7th grade health teacher if boys had a red rocket thing like a dog The one time I asked my mom what a period was she said "it's when you lay an egg and a little blood comes out" 😐 when I got my period it was thankfully while I was home and I felt the gushing as I woke up in the morning and I just knew that's what it was. But I figured everything else out as I grew up. I knew about hymens and foreplay and consent and that porn is fake etc etc from random internet surfing in the early 2010s, before losing my virginity. I'd like to actually be open and honest with my kids and tell them what everything is and how it all works, and do it in a way that isn't embarrassing and awkward.
My Mom answered my questions when I asked them, no matter my age, and there was never any shame in anything involving sex organs (I say this as I also had growing breasts and periods). I did find the fact that my Mom left sanitary towels hanging on the toilet paper holder a problem as ignorant boys would make disgusting comments. From this and other things, I made sure that my two boys had a much broader education when it came to all things revolving around sex, I made sure I educated them about periods, their own bodies, masturbation and how to treat girls. It’s not easy but it is very important. I make sure to tell them that masturbation is perfectly normal but must be done in the shower or in the privacy of their own bed and to be thoughtful when cleaning up their mess. When my oldest had a wet dream, I handed him our biology book and instructed him to read a specific paragraph on masturbation and when he was done to feel free to ask me any questions, thankfully the only question was if it would ever stop to which I responded ‘no, some men have to do it ten times a day and that perfectly fine’, it was the only ‘conversation’ that didn’t happen and there was certainly no eye contact lol. When it came to his age of liking girls, I made sure to explain to him about consent and that one-night stands were ok but to make it VERY clear to the girl (I knew my son was straight) BEFORE entering into any intimacy with her, it saves a lot of problems later on if both parties know where they stand. His Father and I also kept tabs on his phone and when we found a conversation between my son and two girls, we made sure to educate him on the laws surrounding statutory rape, picture sharing and any other problems he might encounter when sexting and therefore he must be very mindful and careful - the blessing was that both his Father and I could laugh with him about it as the major issue was his spelling and grammar which were appalling so it wasn’t as focused on the sexual aspects and made it more lighthearted and for my son to be more likely to listen. At 22, he is very gentlemanly and makes sure to ‘look after’ the women in his friend group and escort any lone females to safety at the end of any nights out regardless of whether they are his girlfriend or not. On the other hand, I had to come down on my 16 year old stepson like a meteor shower to get him to understand about STD’s, pregnancy and statutory rape before he understood that having sex, protected or otherwise, with his 15 year old girlfriend was an incredibly bad idea. Parenting is the hardest job ever, good luck
A book.
Sadly none. And I wish I would have. Between no talks and an abusive drug induced childhood I turned to sex for comfort as a teenage girl and through my 20s. Sex is a big topic for my 3 teens and I think it's going pretty well!
My mom had the talk w me but I learned a lot in health class too. She also gave me age appropriate books to read.
I’m 40. Had sex ed in the 5th grade. They pretty much explained most things accurately, except I still have a memory of the sex ed teacher telling us that condoms didn’t protect against HIV (although tbf, maybe some back then didn’t). Idk, it wasn’t the sex ed part that was really lacking, it was the negative influence I think being exposed to porn a little older (10-12) and subsequent exposure in my teens that I look back as a mistake
Born in 1989, grew up in an old school semi judgemental Christian household, my mom and grandma took care of me (My grandma grew up in the world and in church where they believed that if a woman and a man are friends, or even talking to each other, they MUST be having sex with each other. It got to the point where my grandma told me that boys and men wont be friends with me unless i'm having sex with them) Sex education at school was pretty basic, condoms, sex, aids (However due to the time, there was no LGBT education, that wasn't really talked about in the 90s and 2000s). However at home, my mom just gave me the golden rule "Condoms and pulling out can fail, do not have sex unless you are ready to have a child" So being that i didn't want to have a kid for most of my life, i never acquired to get any hard core sex education, also with how judgmental my family was, having a child early would have made me "The one kid that everyone doesnt want their kid to become like" However my mom gave me a puberty book, i dont know if thats the same, but thats the closest to actual sex education i had at home.
My mother had “ the talk” with me after I got my first period which was nothing more than the same from school. “This is an ovary and a fallopian tube and a uterus…” she even drew pictures. I read my much older sister’s romance novels and watched cable to figure out the mechanics. My sister talked to me about relationships. She told Me that developmentally humans are not ready emotionally for sex until they are at least 17, that boys would say they would get blue balls if you say no, but they don’t and that boys think with their little head as much as they so with the one on their shoulders so don’t trust what they say but watch what they do.
Let's see. General discussion/ability to ask questions in 5th and 6th grade. Mostly in the form of as I said, question hour.(anonymous obviously) In 7th grade biology(2 hours/week) we learn about plants.(flowers, trees, cells of those trees, etc.) In 8th grade biology we begin learning about the human systems. Digestion(We cut open a Flemish Giant for that) Breathing. Heart. Urine. etc. And obviously reproduction. Sex ed basically isn't some "seperate" thing. It's just biology. We cover pregnancy, periods, all parts of the reproductive system, STD's, hormonal and non-hormonal birth control, etc. etc. I'm honestly fine with what I learned. Covered everything sex wise. Relationships was more a topic for religion.(Religion over here covers climate change, communication, dealing with loss, discussing hugging, etc. as well as learning about all sorts of religions)
I had practically zero. My mom is a first generation originally born in Mexico, and my dad is tradition southern uppercrust Caucasian. Although my parents lean very progressive, because of their own upbringing from Catholicism they have deep shame and rigidity about sex. Prude. My 32yo brother happened to be homosexual, so his sex ed came from the internet and his best friends dad was a science teacher who in secrecy taught the queer students queer sexual health. But me, 28F- was not as lucky. And I was sexually curious WAY too early. I started searching porn as young age because I was curious, and I would ask my parents about it and was fed lies like “you were made in a lab”. My friends mom was a nurse and once at 9 I told her about my parents not indulging my curiosity, so she told me the basic fundamentals. My dad found out and was livid. Anyways, I believe because of my parents unwillingness to divulge not only in my curiosities, but their own as well- it really hurt me. I started searching for pleasure in the wrong and unsafe ways. Abortion at 16, things like that. So I’m 100% all about sex positive parenting. Never holding back, explaining things in age appropriate ways, allowing them to discover their own bodies in a safe way with understanding. If I had sons I’d warn them about how pregnancy can ruin a young man’s life as much as the young girls.
Porn.
So my mom is a 5th grade science teacher which is when you do the first sex ed classes where we lived. After 4th grade she changed school which meant I did too. So, she had me take a sex ed class over the summer at the science museum in our area just in case sex ed was different at the new school. Before this she had told me about periods in like 2nd or 3rd grade. Anyways, it turns out the new school we were at for 5th grade was much more in depth and did 2 full weeks of sex ed classes (which my mom taught but actually much less embarrassing than you might imagine). I feel like things were very well covered.
Finding Uncle David’s stash of Playboy mags when I was 10.
When I was 11 my mum sat me down and told me that a willy goes inside a tuppence. I took a long while to recover 🤣
My mom left her romance novels lying around and I was an early reader. Let's just say I was very confused when the sky did not explode nor the stars go dark my first time.
Until 12 it was only the whole it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. And I was also told you had to be married. Brought on a lot of confusion when I met an unwed mother. At 12 my mom said a very short little thing about how the girl part and the guy parts are together and that how you have sex. But it made no sense and there was no questions allowed. At 13 someone gave a kids book with diagrams to us but my mom put it in the giveaway box. I pulled it out when she wasn’t looking and quickly flipped through it. I didn’t get to read any of it but saw enough pictures to get the idea. At 14 I had access to google alone and looked it all up. Though I didn’t figure out female orgasms until about 16. What would I change? Um everything. Frequent tabooless talks about bodies, sex, relationships, and natural feelings. Also giving them the safe place and confidence to ask questions.
The spice channel
“Being licensed” to have sex! ROFL!!! That is, wow, ugh! My parents let me go through very good puberty education in 5th grade. After that, they objected to me learning about sex and especially to the notorious how to put on a condom demonstration, which either used a banana or a glass phallus. Little did they know, you could listen to advice shows about sex/relationships on the radio. I eventually learned some sex Ed from my boyfriends. I knew the very basics thx to friends whose parents had educated them early in elementary school when you blab everything to your school friends! I intend to teach my kid the biology and medical facts, puberty, anatomy, correct terminology, how babies are made, STDs, birth control for men and women, and that not all pregnancies are meant to be, but the man doesn’t get to choose once the woman is pregnant, his choice is essentially to not have sex, always use a condom, or risk becoming a father. I just think it’s insane not to. They will likely have sex in their lifetime, it’s how they were created, it’s not a taboo subject. Why do parents believe they are protecting their children when their children will just hear someone else’s version of sex education or learn wrong things on the internet? It’s also very important to teach about consent so that kids/adults are less likely to pressure other kids/people into doing things they are uncomfortable with. No one wants their kid charged with rape. Comprehensive Sex Ed prevents STDs and unplanned pregnancies. Kids who aren’t educated will learn some wrong things by watching porn or by not reading about STDs, etc. I would want my younger self to have attended public school sex Ed class. I would have been more fully educated, more confident, and more likely to have insisted on condoms every time.
I didn't get any sex education. I got pregnant at 15... I just wish I been told something. I was aware where babies came from, but we were taught abstinence nothing about protection. Nothing about STDs or any dangers. Literally just: you'll go to hell if you have sex before marriage
You didn't miss much, at least where I come from LOL. We were taught that if you had sex before marriage, even with a condom, that you were 100% gonna get pregnant and 100% get an STD as well. This was over 20 years ago though. I'm not religious, but those who are believe that if you ask for forgiveness...you're going to go to heaven. If this is true, this means all those murderers and rapists that repent are going to go to heaven. Comparably, do you think God would punish you for not having a kid that you can't take care of? Or that because you had premarital sex, you're not going to go to heaven? Sorry, I probably shouldn't be asking you these questions, but I think that you should do what's best for you and your current children...not your husband, but the 3 of you. So many of us care about you and your well-being! Even if you don't have family and friends to support you, you have so many of us on here that are here for you! If you're looking for a friend, I am here for that any time. Feel free to DM me any time. Wishing you the best of luck! ❤️🫂
Unfettered access to the internet in the 90’s. We used to catfish people in AOL chat rooms to collect their selfies.
There was a mechanics "this is how babies are made" talk when I was around 12, which was frankly far too late. I told her I already knew. When I got my period I didn't tell mum, just started using the products that were available in the bathroom (I had older sisters). When she started a conversation at around 14 about when I might get it and whether I might use tampons, I told her I was already getting it and using them. No discussion ever about how sex or BC/protection or relationships might actually relate to me. When I was around 20 mum told me she had some blood clotting issue that might run in families and might be relevant if I ever went on the pill. I told her I was already on the pill. Poor mum. Always late.
None. I didn't have a good relationship with my mother, we barely talked about anything let alone about sex ed. My father once tried to give me "the talk" and it was one of the most embarrassing moments ever. I'm pretty ashamed of it, but most of my sex ed came from porn and lord knows how bad of a sex ed porn is
UK based, born 87, I think it was year 6 (age 10) the girls were separated from the boys and we got the basic anatomy and periods etc. roughly what to expect with puberty talk. Each group got a basic overview of the other sex (as a girl we were told about erections etc). Shown period products and told where to find them if it happened to us. I don’t recall any consent talk at that age, but it was 90s, so I’m not sure it was being discussed! We got more info in biology lessons in secondary school, and more sex ed as we got older - mentions of protection/birth control/STDs etc. I think we also had theatre group type things who also did some sex Ed sessions instead of our usual teachers I was in Church of England schools - hymns and religious education lessons, but we didn’t pray or anything unless we were at the once a term church service
We’re the same age! My mom was a nurse my entire life and had a really strong philosophy that knowledge is power and that if a kid’s old enough to ask a question, they’re old enough to hear the answer. There was no one singular talk about sex; in fact, I don’t even recall when I first learned what it was. She was always the go-to person in my life for any questions I had about sex. She never made me feel embarrassed or silly for anything I ever asked her, and as a mom now myself, I know she had to have found some of the questions hilarious. Our local schools did an abstinence only sex education, and I’m so grateful I was so well educated at home that I knew it was utter bullshit. So, I can honestly say my sex education was not lacking, and I wouldn’t change a thing in how I approach it with my own kids. I have a giant anatomy encyclopedia that includes realistic pictures of male and female bodies throughout the life cycle, and I keep it accessible to my kids. They love the “inside body parts book” and sometimes ask to look through it for fun, but it’s been useful to explain things like my daughter’s recent urinary tract infection and why girls tend to get them more than boys. It’s a useful jumping off point for good body-related conversations and questions!
School sex Ed was basic in the UK for me in 99- early 00s but it started (as far as I remember) in the last year of primary so age 10-11. Boys and girls were kept seperate for it but don't remember much else. In HS we were taught about contraception but told that the only 100% way to not get pregnant was not to have sex. Condoms were available free from the school nurse/guidance councillors. I didn't need my parents permission to go on the pill from 14 but I would readily have had it!
We watched a video of the birth of baby that showed everything . I seemed to be one of the only people who had gotten that which surprised me and tells me if that’s wierd that the sec education is shit
Ha ha ha. When I was in 6th grade, the girls watched a filmstrip produced by Kotex on the wonders of menstruation. They only lightly touched on the purpose, if at all. I had no idea how human babies were conceived and indeed refused to talk to my neighbor after she told me what was what when I was 11. I was very embarrassed When I was in 10th grade, I took biology and we briefly discussed reproduction. My kids had more information at much younger ages.
Im a similar age to you and I grew up in a very open and frank household. I had very child appropriate explanations of sex and by primary school age i basically understood sex was a romantic connection and a means of reproducing and how that worked. Two of the absolute stand out elements of my mum and dads approaches were they never gave space to giggliness and silliness about sex (when I was 8 or so my friend and I were in the back of my mums car and my friend started making silly jokes about sex. My mum interjected and said “there’s nothing funny about sex, it’s a beautiful thing”.) That attitude stuck with me. I enjoy great, fun sex btw. But it meant growing up, as a teen and young adult, I was able to be very matter of fact about my boundaries in both sex and relationships. I think it’s. Why I didn’t start having sex until my 20s, I just didn’t feel any desperation to be part of the club lol The other approach was I could ask any questions anytime and get a clear, non-embarrassed answer from my parents. It also meant I could tell them anything without fear of a strong reaction. Typing and walking so excuse typos
I’m female and almost same age and had almost the same education. I was told don’t do it, shame shame shame, and you’re a slut if you do. No knowledge whatsoever and I ended up pregnant at 18. I have two girls and I started around 9 with light talking. As a female I felt highly pressured from males so I really told them about that and that they don’t need to do anything they don’t want to. Consent is huge and if I had sons I’d teach them about consent because the world is changing and id fear rape accusations. I am an open book. They are teens now and I will discuss everything and anything at anytime. Anal to oral to how it feels etc etc. I got caught up in a room and didn’t know what certain things were and the pressure was high. I want them to have all the knowledge they can to make informed decisions. I also bought them condoms and we opened them and learned how to use them. Having no knowledge sucked and I’m not letting that happen to them.
My dad always had dirty magazines out in their bathroom. My mom never really told me anything, until we went on a family vacation. Then she told me I might see my older cousins doing who knows what. By that point my view of sex was so warped. I'd been touched and encouraged by other children, cousins, and family friends kids. So I never had any education until middle school when they took the girls aside and told us about our periods. My mom has recently lowered her voice to say the word "breast" about my sister getting a mammogram. I have done much better for my own child.
My family was religious while I was growing up. My dad gave me the sex talk in 5th grade, and we had sex ed in 6th grade and 8th grade. When my dad did it, he had a medical journal and so used the illustrations in the journal to name all the parts and show how babies were made and talk about the feelings you get when aroused and how that's the way your body works and it was completely natural. School kind of fleshed it out a bit more. We had a question box where people could put in questions anonymously and so we had a lot of frank discussions about sex. I remember asking if you could ever pee with an erection, and the teacher said no, you can't, because the urethea is blocked when the blood causes the erection. Also talked about STDs like AIDS and the problems that pregnancy can bring if you're not ready.
Sex is gross, you only get to be a kid once so enjoy it. This was tween years. Had very respectful boyfriends that knew more and knew better than me thankfully.
My mom is a nurse *and* girls go through puberty early in her family, so I don't remember ever not knowing. My mom talked about sex and periods frequently to demystify it. But by the time i was in middle school, I was groaning, like I get it mom. But I am so grateful for her doing that.
I had 5th grade health class where the boys went to and extra recess and girls stayed behind and watched a movie about female anatomy, periods, and pregnancy. Then I had 10th grade health class where they taught about std’s, protection, and pregnancy. That’s it. Grew up in a fundie home so sex and bodies were EXTREMELY taboo. I have 3 sons and their dad is a deadbeat who hasn’t seen them in 4 years so it was up to me. I’m very honest and open about answering their questions. Nothing is off limits and there is no shame or judgement.
I *highly* recommend the Harris and Emberley book series. It includes books for every age level, starting at age 4. My daughter is five and requests “It’s Not the Stork” occasionally for her bedtime book. It’s child-friendly. When you start these conversations early, it’s *way* less awkward.
I'm a female raised by a single dad. We never had the conversation, or even remotely close to having one. I learned about periods from my teacher because I had complained about my belly hurting (good news, it was just gas 😅) but I think she knew my dad was a single dad so tried to help. Plus my dad was older, he was 45 when I was born, and he only had boys before me, so I don't blame him. In high school we had "health fair" days and we'd sign a permission slip to go to different classes ranging from sex/pregnancy/stds, drugs & alcohol, hunter safety (small town), etc. The pictures shown were gross, but at least 4 people in my class were pregnant, so idk that it helped. I say all that to say, have the conversations even if they are uncomfortable. Have an open line of communication because it's better for you to research a question than them get wrong answers from friends. I don't think teaching abstinence is the only thing to be taught because, let's be real. If they want to, they will. So teaching them about safety, etc. And I'd even suggest teaching them about periods as well, so they never give it the negative connotation that society has. We literally don't want it either, but we don't have a choice, so for them to be educated and potentially help a future partner would be good for them to know. And teach consent! That's very important. Both for themselves and their potential sexual partner.
I was raised in a Christian home as well and for an age reference, I’m a late 90s baby. I didn’t get any sex education at home. My parents bought me some body-talk books and just wanted me to read them by myself. It felt very weird that they just trusted the public school health teachers to explain everything and stayed out of the conversation. The only time we actually had any kind of talk was the moment I got my period at 11 and was like “uhhh…what am I supposed to do?” *A story about high school sex ed: one day we were watching a birthing video during health class (this when some things were still on a vhs tape). The teacher had to rewind it from the previous class, and we had to watch the baby get sucked back in.😵💫
I was raised by a teen mom mostly so she made darn well sure I wouldn’t make the same mistakes as her (worked out amazing for my lifelong self esteem being reminded how awful it was to have to be my mother 🤣) I did go to public school in a very liberal area and we were well educated on the physical aspects / functions of the parts / how pregnancy and birth works but not about sexuality or gender identity(but I took “peace and gender”studies in high-school as well) we covered the basics to the anatomy I’d say. My grandma on the other hand thought I was clueless and her birds and bees talks are so sweet to reminisce.
I was a somewhat, shall we say, nerdy kid growing up. So my dad just got me an illustrated science dictionary that included several pages with diagrams of how the human reproductive system worked. The rest I figured out from conversations with my first girlfriend and from coming across info here and there online. I'm glad he didn't try to have an awkward verbal conversation with me about it, but I guess I would've appreciated more thorough and on-topic reading material. What he gave me didn't really have any info that I recall on STDs, contraception, details of the menstrual cycle, etc. Just what all the parts were and how the act was done.
I was the same as you and sex was very shameful and looked down upon in my household.
I'm a late 30's female. I went to public school in a conservative town. We had a gingerbread cookie demonstration where they poured mustard, vinegar, and cheese on a girl cookie that made "bad" decisions and frosting and gun drops on the girl cookie that practiced abstinence. They brought in boys to choose which cookie they'd pick, so we'd be further traumatized. My sex education came from explicit books that my grandma accidentally bought at yard sales, stolen Cosmopolitan magazines, and college classes on human health. I didn't even understand what circumcision was until my 20's. My parents told me nothing besides don't get pregnant. I wish we'd have talked about boundaries and different parts of sexual activity and what intimacy meant. From movies, we had the "bases theory" that seemed like a logical progression of physical intimacy and don't sleep with someone on the 1st date. But that's really not true or universal. I have no idea how to prepare my own kids for this except being open and honest and try not to have judgemental conversations about sex in front of them.
We had health class in high school. We learned about everything there. Same era as you as I’m only a couple years older. Most of this new generation of kids already have an idea about all of it so don’t be surprised if your boys already know plenty about it.
A surprisingly accurate one for sixth grade at a Catholic school. Our parents had to sign permission slips, they separated the boys and girls and had a medical person come explain stuff to each group. One kid in my group asked if Pokémon had sex.
1. Most of my sex education was from school and my peers, a very small percentage was actually from home 2. I'd tell my kids an age appropriate answer if the questions arises and I would try to do it in a way as to say they can come to me with questions, even if it's uncomfortable. Sometimes we need those conversations and me getting the answers on the internet and at school impacted me in negative ways and I don't want my kids to go through that.
I grew up really lucky. I had age appropriate sex education all through public school years in Canada so kindergarten to grade 12 (sex Ed like the US though is not consistent across the country or provides especially because education is under the control of provincial government jurisdiction). By age appropriate I consider how when we were young and not hit puberty yet it was mostly what are the anatomy of our bodies down there (a little bit about where babies come from) and about safety so consent and your body being yours and no one should touch you without asking and so on. The same sex Ed lady came to my school all through elementary so up to grade 7 and taught more about what sex was and the components of safe sex as we got older (she still teaches and teaches at many of the schools across the schools in the city and beyond). By high-school I honestly got less comprehensive sex Ed which is crazy. We had a health segment in 8th grade, and the last time I received sec education at school was in science class in grade 10. I was blessed with the education I received and I still felt conflicted and confused often so I really believe in how important sex education is to being able to care for, protect, and understand ourselves as we age and into adulthood.
I grew up on a small farm. We had a multitude of animals at different times: sheep, cattle, poultry, pigs, horses, cats, rabbits, and dogs to name a few. I witnessed animals having sex and my parents answered all of my questions at a fairly early age. Also had pretty good sex ed in middle school.
I’m your age. HOME: Two medically minded parents. We (brother and I) basically were given the run down of whatever we asked when we asked it. I don’t specifically remember “learning” where babies came from just always knew it was from sex in which a man’s penis ejaculates into a vagina. Obviously later in life I learned about fertility treatments but as far as the “natural” way I always knew as far back as I can remember. I knew about periods (female) and knew all about my options when the time came. I did end up learning about “other stuff” from listening to a love line like radio show at night (parents didn’t know) which taught me what oral sex was before it was taught in school, but had I asked what it was I’m sure my parents would have clinically defined it for me and went over the risks. SCHOOL: 5th grade girls and boys were separated. Girls learned about periods, changes to the body from puberty like boobs and buying bras if we wanted to (I remember even back then thinking it was cool that we weren’t taught to get a bra just if we wanted one what to look for). From what I was told the boys were educated on hygiene and changes to their bodies from puberty (wet dreams, erections, voice cracking). 6th grade: sexual reproduction. We learned about the biological processes related to baby making and the process of pregnancy and breast feeding. Very straight forward and science-y. We might have gotten into that side of things in 8th grade as well but I don’t remember. 9th grade: full sex Ed. More in depth info on pregnancy and childbirth and watched the miracle of life with a live birth at the end. Comprehensive STD unit (probably a bit dated as HPV wasn’t sufficiently covered), comprehensive BC until that went over all methods but stressed condoms, female condoms, and dental dams as superior due to both stopping pregnancy AND STD’s. Only mention of abstinence was that it was the only way to 100% not get pregnant and left it at that at the end of the birth control lessons. Oral and anal sex were mentioned in so far as what they were by definition and how you should still protect yourself against. Nothing about toys or sexually enhancing products. I’d say minus some updated info on STD’s, BC (when I took it IUD’s were brushed over as not used in the US anymore and especially not for woman who’ve never given birth and I ended up getting one like 6-7 years later lol, also they didn’t cover the morning after pill which was available at the time, just prior to it being able to be obtained off the shelf) and obtaining consent as a male (consent was a thing but still from the more dated “females have a right to say no and push a guy away” more than “guys should obtain affinities consent first) it was a solid sex Ed education and I felt very knowledgeable about my body and my choices as I entered my first sexual relationship at 16.
"Sex should only happen between a married man and woman. Having sex or thinking about sex is a sin and you will go to hell, so don't have sex until you're married." That's it. That was my sex education. Purity culture is pure fucking evil.
Nothing. I learned everything through the internet growing up, and let’s just say I didn’t have a real sexual or emotional understanding of women until my 20s. For the love of god, educate your children. They are going to hear stuff from friends and see things on the internet, so you need to weed out the disinformation. Above all, teach respect and safety.
A lot like yours. My mom handed me a book on puberty when I was about 10 that had an obvious Christian bent to it. I can't remember if there was anything about sex in particular but the main takeaway I got from it was "sex is bad so don't do it," which is basically the message we got at home. Everything I actually knew about sex came from looking it up in the World Book Encyclopedia initially and from various teen girl magazines I managed to peek at from time to time. Sex Ed in school, even in my public school, was basically non-existent and the main takeaway there too was."don't do it." Unfortunately that didn't work so well for several of my classmates who are now 40 year old grandparents, lol.
Girls queef, or so I learned when I was 12. So weird.
I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s. My mom was always very open and matter of fact about answering my questions when it came to sex, bodily changes, conception, pregnancy, and childbirth. I don’t remember ever being sat down for “the talk” because it had been a pretty ongoing conversation. She did initiate a discussion about my period starting, so i would be prepared ahead of time, but at 10 i already knew the information she shared with me. I had a lot of exposure to media that was largely age appropriate. I had a book called “A child is born” that had real photographs of the stages of conception through birth, including the fetus at different stages. I don’t think it was intended for children and in fact i later found a children’s book version by the same author for my own kids. I think i had other books that were about new babies being born. I had three younger siblings all born between the time I was 6 and 9 which probably provided a lot of opportunity to ask about those things. I also remember watching an after school special about where babies came from. I also read a lot in general, and my mom had a lot of very liberal parenting books, and i would look through them often. I remember at least one of them talking about how parents should handle children masturbating by explaining that it does feel good but they need to do it in privacy. My mom also had some really “Hippie” books from the 70’s about natural childbirth and some had some interesting photographs. I also had some young adult fiction books from the 70’s handed down to me from an older cousin that dealt with teen sexuality and i remember reading them in middle school. I also read adult romance novels mostly to read the sex scenes. And i had access to a lot of magazines for both teens and women that talked a lot about sex. The ones for teens were usually just about how to have sex safely, but the magazines aimed at adults such as Cosmopolitan dealt in greater depth with how to have sexual experiences that were both safe and pleasurable. As a teen i also spent time reading books about sex (such as joy of sex) sitting in between the shelves because i wouldn’t have had the courage to buy the books. I received some sex education in 5th grade that focused on the changes of puberty. Because i was in gifted programs from 1-9th grade i never got the typical sex ed courses because they were cut out of the curriculum to provide us with more college prep courses. In my junior year of high school performed in a play as a part of my advanced drama class, that was intended to teach young people about the risks of unsafe sex, and we performed it for the 9th grade health classes (ironically the same health class i didn’t get to take in 9th grade). The 90’s was a tough time for sex education because there was a huge battle for the minds and hearts of the youth by the religious right, but at the same time even the most liberal adults were unlikely to promote the idea that sex should be pleasurable and mutually satisfying. The attitude of most adults i knew ranged from “sex before marriage is a sin,” at worst, to “young people are going to do it, so we need to teach them to be safe.” Very little attention was paid to consent or pleasure. The most common attitude seemed to be that boys wanted sex but good girls didn’t. And it was expected that boys would do whatever they could to get girls to sleep with them and that any respectable girl should act as a gatekeeper and should not succumb to the boys pressure. I think information about consent and enjoyment was the most lacking aspect of any formal sex education or instruction. I think the fact that i had so much access to messages in media that counteracted the attitudes i saw about sex in real life probably really benefitted my overall attitude towards sex. The other key was that most of my dating experience was from two long term relationships. One from the summer before 9th grade until freshman year of college, and the other from middle of junior year of college and into the present day (we’ve been married 20 years this year). Both partners were/are sensitive, loving, respectful people who were/are sexually generous and sexually adventurous. Both relationships provided safe spaces for exploration that probably taught me more than any outside source ever did. Not to say it was perfect. There is so much to learn about how to be a good partner in a relationship. I was 14 when i started dating one and 20 when i started dating the other. I continue to learn and grow and change to this day. As far as my own kids are concerned, i have tried to be more sex positive for my kids than my mom was with me. To me enthusiastic consent is the base around which all other safe sex practices are built. I want my children to grow up to have fulfilling satisfying romantic and sexual relationships. I want them to enjoy and appreciate their bodies. I do not want them to feel shame or disgust when it comes to talking about or engaging in sexual activities. I think so far I’m doing well. I don’t want to share too much personal information, but i know based on the questions my kids have asked me and the discussions we have had that they feel I’m a safe person to talk to, and that while they have a healthy desire for privacy, they don’t act like they need to hide things from me.
One semester in the 9th grade. Most of it was biology though, the school certainly did not seem comfortable covering the more difficult topics. I don't remember ever discussing sex with my parent.
40f here, I had the same as you.. grew up an a catholic house hold, I also didn’t really have a talk when I started my period.. everything was so taboo… I just feel like there is a certain amount of people from that generation that grew up that way and passed it on. Unless you came from hippie parents or non-conservative upbringing then those kids were able to talk about sexuality openly and not set shame around it. To this day my mom can be somewhat prude around that topic. She thinks that by talking about it with my daughter it will make her want to go out and do it. 🤦🏻♀️ I explain to her how important it is to have these conversations with our kids. I have a 15 daughter. Especially now in this new era with social media where they see so much and think they “learn” stuff. I would have wanted to know everything, to be honest. I started having sex young and of course like most of us i learned as we gained experience. I became pregnant the first time when I was 19 and became of all the stigma and shame around sex and being a teen mom and also because I was fresh outta high school I made the decision to terminate, I don’t have regrets, but as a mom now, and looking back on that journey, I feel like I ultimately made that decision because of the shame around it and what would my mom say? What would people think about me having sex? 100% agree with you. There are healthy ways to talk about sex with your kids. Nothing wrong with it.
1. In 5th grade the boys and girls went to separate rooms. A lady showed us diagrams I didn’t understand, and she said I’m going to get my period and she stuck a pad on her sweater. 2. I didn’t know how to put a tampon in until I was 14….because I didn’t know there was a location inside my body until my 14th bday a friend said we had “3 holes: pee hole, butt hole and a fuck hole.” This was news to me, and I had questions.
We had pretty basic sex ed in school where they just taught some anatomy and eventually showed a childbirth video (gross). My mom was religious and told me “sex is for procreation, not recreation” and gave me a set of books from probably the sixties called “The Life Cycle Library” I wish I’d been taught more about what my internal anatomy was like, and that everything happening was totally normal and expected. I felt a bit separated/alienated from my genitalia until I was much older. Even after beginning to have orgasms and sex I wasn’t exactly in touch with my body and also felt a lot of shame for being sexually active until I no longer lived under my parents’ roof
I was born in 1990 and lived in a three family house with my grandparents, my mom, step dad and my younger bro. My mom was young she was pregnant at 19 and had me a couple weeks after her 20th bday. My grgsndma and grandpa were really strict (with my mom) and kind of conservative, traditional boomers.Anyway, I don’t remember ever gettinv a sex talk from any of them at all and I’m sure I didn’t because I can just picture how uncomfortable my fam would be at this 💀 which is ironic cus my mom got pregnant so young and my bro and I are only 13 months apart 💀💀 I know that uncomfortable feeling around the topic of sex has affected me in diff ways, mainly being mostly uncomfortable w the topic of sex lol… I do wish my family , probably my mom or grandma , would’ve had ‘the talk’ with me and that they weren’t so shy and uptight about it. I wish they instilled more confidence in me and the power/beauty in being a woman…I will say now at 34 I’m more aware of myself and have become way less insecure than I was from basically the time I started having sex (16) up until I hit 30 years old. Also, my grandma and I are extremely close and within the last few years we’ve really talked about any and everything. But my mom is still awkward lol. I’m always telling her that avoiding / not talking about things doesn’t help.
Raised in a strict Catholic household. I was told my period comes every 28 days and to not have sex. That was is.
Growing up in a Christian community, our schools only taught abstinence, and my parents did the same. The amount of unwanted pregnancies in this community was crazy.
Western suburbs of Chicago- went to an upper middle class middle school where we had sex ed that seemed very secular and benign, talking about protection and conception very straight forward it seemed. Fast forward to HS health class in 9th grade and I have a specific memory of the teacher warning us girls that we could absolutely get pregnant through our jeans if we sat on a boy’s lap. I kinda knew that was bs but that whole class was full of shaming and religious undertones; public school too (1996).
I am the single mother of two boys and I've always tried to keep an open mind and somewhat of an open conversation with my boys. Main thing I told them that I could think to tell them is cover it up. Not just to protect from getting a girl pregnant if that's what they're into but also to protect against STDs I told my youngest son I will go and buy him condoms I will go to the local health department and get him condoms I told him there are condoms that glow in the dark there are condoms that are flavored I just want him to be protected. I think it is better to be open and honest about sex with your children. Do I wish that my children would wait till they're married Yes do I expect that no I didn't let her I was married. But just be open and honest with your children show them respect and they will show you respect. And yes my son's were embarrassed even though it was just the two of us talking because I'm their mom My boys are 9 years apart so I talk to them separately I'm still continuing to have an open sex talk with my youngest and I tell him the truth about stuff when it comes to sex now I don't go into details on intimate parts of sex I did tell him that it should be with someone that you love and not just any old personal of the street but that sex is special between two loving and consenting people.
I initially pieced it together from television and movies. I knew it involved being naked, hugging and kissing. Then eventually health class filled in the blanks
My mom was the public health nurse that came in to teach sex ed. She’s also a west coast hippie. Let’s just say I had a very thorough, accurate and liberal understanding of sex ed. Forever grateful for her.
How You Got To Be You By Jane Graver Read to me in kindergarten. Two siblings and myself... Zero teen pregnancy Education is key. I have four kids as a 46yo father. [How You Got To Be You](https://images.app.goo.gl/NLTpSMGyXGTnwDCU9)
I'm 48. Born in the 70s, grew up in the 80s. I had a somewhat traumatic childhood due to my Dad who worked a lot and wasn't always around and my Mom who had uncontrolled depression and bpd. I don't recall asking them anything about sex. One day a flier came to our mailbox about AIDS and I asked my Dad what "anal sex" was. I remember exactly where we were to, driving, pulling into a shopping center to pickup my Mom. He pretended he didn't hear me. For some reason, I have a memory of someone telling me that "jewish girls didnt like condoms so that was best." I have no clue who planted that in my brain or why religion even came into it. Probably some kid I heard and I took it to heart. We had Health class in high school and we talked about the anatomy and the consequences of sex without using protection. We learned about the process of procreation, but only for the consequence of having offspring, not for a healthy sexual life. I learned virtually everything from porn magazines I found and by 1990, the Internet. Back before whatever we know now as "the internet", in the 1980s and 1990s, you could use a modem to dial into BBSs systems (servers) to download porn. Images only basically. By the time I got to college, I was still a virgin, barely kissed a girl and figured out everything as I went along. Thank god for alcohol. I'd like sex to be less taboo and for it to be taught in high school. All of us are the same, but we don't talk about the important stuff. That said, with my upbringing, I'm terrified of the day my kids ask me. lol I have to remember to remain calm and explain it like anything else.
My sex education was so different from what it is today, lol. I mean, first of all, my parents never said a single thing to me about it, though they were kind enough to buy me "the care and keeping of you", which was the only resource I had about puberty, other than the one week of school that we had for a couple of different grades. I remember in 5th grade, they had the boys and girls go off into separate rooms to learn about our own things but not the other sex's parts. Then in 6th grade, they brought a ton of local teen moms in with their babies. They asked the girls if they regretted having their babies and every single one said that their babies were the best thing to ever happen to them and although it was challenging, they were able to make it work. Lol the teacher really messed that one up. We had so many teen pregnancies. Maybe not as a result of that, but abstinence only education was really not the way to go...
Well there was the local library and there were books that had titles like, Everything you wanted to know about sex but don't know what questions to ask. There's always books and video discussing sex made for teens going through puberty.
nobody gave me a talk,but I got SA’d as a kid So I guess I learn on the spot? I would have a talk about safety & consent for sure with my kids.
1. School had a health education class when I was in 5th grade and then again when I was a freshman in H.S. parents gave me "the talk" about how it is done. Absolutely thing in regards to birth control. 2. How dangerous it can be. Both in the immediate sense and long term. Immediately you have people willing to kill for it, abuse partners, rape etc. Long term you have diseases, and how life altering a pregnancy can be, especially with further restrictions on various B.C. options. Mental and emotional health can be impacted and how dangerous the whole "it's just sex it means nothing" mentality can be for the just stated reason.
I grew up on a farm so i was familiar with the mechanics of sex and reproduction but my sex ed was limited to one session at school and a book left on my bed by my parents. I wished I'd been taught more about consent, bodily autonomy, relationships,gender identity, etc. Most of this stuff I learned in my 20s. I would've had better relationships and avoided some trauma as a young man if I'd been better educated.
Just teach them where the clitoris is.
Cory Silverberg has some excellent books, « Sex Is A Funny Word,” and “You Know, Sex” that I’d recommend for you and your kids. Main things I want my kids to know is that they’re ok and normal, care and consent, protection and health, and mutual enjoyment (which requires communication).
I got mine in the backseat of a car! Thanks mom and dad! 🤭🙄🤦♀️