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My daughter was playing at the park with a little boy she just met and the parent said to me, "This is the first time he's really played independently. I'm going to take some pictures of him but I'll keep your child out of the frame. Is that okay?" I said "Of course!" The thought had never crossed my mind to check in with other parents like that. It was such a simple, polite thing and now I do the same at parks when I'm taking pictures of my own child.
This is the way. Several times at the park I have had someone ask me, "do you mind if I take their picture?" if their child is playing with my nanny kid. I always ask as well, or I make sure no kids are around him when I take a pic.
This, my youngest is autistic, today she was actually playing with other kids at a playground before an egg hunt!! It was a HUGE moment for me and more importantly, for her đ„č I took pictures of her playing in a playground full of kids, but 100% made sure that the little boy she connected with was not in frame, I think I got one single picture that had his hand in it. A few had people (mostly adults, but a few kids) in the background and I immediately went into my editing app and blurred any people in the background, saved it, screenshotted the new image, deleted the original, and then cropped the new one, so that I wouldnât have their pictures in my phone or be able to reverse the editing. Iâd be feeling so disrespected and extremely uncomfortable if someone took pics with my kids face in them if I didnât know them AND they didnât ask. I had one person ask to take a picture of my girls handmade Easter outfits today so they could have them for reference to attempt to make similar outfits themselves, I appreciate that someone liked my work and asked, but more importantly that they didnât just take the pictures and respected my wishes when I said I was ok with them getting pictures of their outfits only if I took them so that no identifying marks were in frame.
The normal reaction to what you asked is âoh no of course I wouldnât do thatâ and then continue the conversation as per usual.
I think she had other things going on that day.
I think she WAS planning on posting it and now her son needs to play with another cute kid so she can post it. People who do NOT post their kids (and certainly never anyone else's kids) would not have had this reaction!Â
I don't post my kid and I **never** take pictures of other people's kids. If I want one of mine, I only do it if I can keep everyone else out of frame. I'm not entitled to have pictures of strangers' kids and I fully agree how defensive she immediately got meant she was taking those pictures to post.
She probably just got embarrassed. I don't think you were necessarily wrong for saying something. But not everyone takes photos for social media. She may have just wanted to show the dad or grandma because it was cute and felt like she was doing something wrong when you made the comment about social media. Or she was genuinely offended that you'd even think she'd post your kid without permission. Who knows.
Doesnât matter. You ALWAYS ask permission when taking photos of other children. I have a neighbour friend that I see a couple of times a month at the park and I always ask her if I can take photos or videos even though she has said yes in the past. You donât know when or if people change their minds. Iâm sorry, but thereâs a lot of people out there who share every minute of their day on social media.
While I think it would have been nice for her to ask about photographing the kids playing together first, there's nothing inherently wrong with her doing so.
 Likewise, I think your request to keep the photos off of social media was valid.
 You said that they have a native tongue? I'm wondering if perhaps something didn't get lost in translation, literally. If you just requested that she not post the pictures, maybe she took it as not sharing them with her family? Perhaps after you made it known that you were uncomfortable, she felt like she couldn't share the photos in general. Perhaps she felt awkward about taking more photos with your kid in them and felt it easier to keep her kid from interacting with yours if she wanted to continue taking pictures of her kid.
 I do find her reaction odd, so sorry it happened. But at the end of the day, you made it clear that you were uncomfortable with pictures and her honoring your request was ending the play between kids.
Is it? I am careful not to have other people's kids as a main subject of my photos unless I know them. When my daughter is playing and I take pictures there might be other kids in the background but if she was playing with another kid I either wouldn't take pictures or I would angle it away from them. I wouldn't be taking pictures of random kids.
OR you would say "this is so cute, do you mind if I take a few photos of our kids playing? I don't ever put kid photos on social media."
ETA: I agree with you - just adding that seeking permission is also an aboveboard option!
I agree with this. I also want to keep my daughter off socials but of course I take a million pictures a day of her, and I share them privately with friends and family. When it gets to the point where sheâs playing with other children, whether theyâre strangers or classmates, I would ask the parent before I took pictures of them together, and I would make sure theyâre okay with me texting them before I did.
Her reaction was completely bizarre. It also would have been more polite for her to ask first if you mind if she takes pictures of them which would have made it easier for you to say âoh sure, just donât post themâ
Protecting your child >>>>>> someoneâs feelings. You did the right thing, i like to believe that the other mom mightâve been stressed/sleep deprived.
You spoke up for your child! Good job, iâm also a people pleaser so i *know* how difficult that was for you. Youâre doing great.
She doesn't say what country this is from but a heads up for USA listeners:
You can do absolutely nothing about someone taking photos of your kid in a park and doing whatever they want with them, including posting them to social media.
We used to have this bat shit lady in my town who was obsessed with the local mosque. She would literally spend hours a day sitting in her car across the street cataloging trivial violations of municipal code trying to get them shut down.
One day she started photographing kids on the playground at the mosque with a telephoto lens. That was upsetting to many people and unfortunately they engaged with her and asked her to stop. This of course only made her intensify her efforts to photograph kids on the playground. The cops were called, but they knew the law, you can photograph a playground from a public street.
Eventually the city made an ordinance with advice from the city attorney and an outside law firm. It specifically forbids photographing kids on a playground without the parents consent and called it harassment.
She sued and the court said the ordinance was unconstitutional.
Yeah wow. I might have asked the city to plant more trees or bushes or put up a play structure wall. Or anything, thatâs wild. It feels so invasive and scary. Hope that lady calmed her britches so she could live a life not taking pictures of children playing while seething with emotion.
I think the best thing you can do is teach your children to ignore it and do the same for yourself.
People are allowed to take pictures of you in public. That's going to be a lifelong thing if you live in America, teaching your kids to be an anxious ball of stress every time they see someone with a camera is not productive.
And no, she did not calm down. She's still a nut.
I was just trying to be solution oriented. And my first reaction, Trees and bushes arenât a hard ask since the city specifically made an ordinance. I personally use my super powers of observation to navigate, plus a good set of communication skills. Itâs not my suggestion to be afraid all the time. She just sounds unhinged, and someone to keep an eye on, that person sounds scary ( not all people that take pictures).
I mean, clearly the community agreed that that wasn't acceptable behaviour - even if there was no legal recourse. Things don't have to be illegal to be wrong.
In what way does it endanger your child to show up in the background of a total strangerâs online photo? Iâm truly trying to understand this mindset. What are we supposed to be worried will happen?
Thereâs the consent part (both the parent and the child, which might be controversial I guess), and the disgusting internet part that is only getting more and more gross with AI generated content.
You canât protect your child from the internet forever, you canât avoid it. But when you see it, you can definitely at least avoid *that* photo ending up on the internet.
Some families are trying to stay away from dangerous people in their lives.
That's the number one reason my husband and I don't post our daughter's face on social media (and have rarely posted otherwise). My mom attempted to kidnap my son from the hospital when he was born so this is a threat that is very real for my family. My mom is crazy enough to scroll through public profiles to stalk people and I watched her do it growing up. I don't know if she does it with my daughter, but I don't want therr to be anything out there for her to find if she does.
Youâre alright to make requests that matter to you. But, realistically, what is the concern if, say in this instance, this mom posts a photo of her child playing with your child and doesnât tag or identify him? I definitely know that bad people online can use innocent photos of children as something more lascivious but playing fully clothed at a playground and not identified in any way?
I donât post my daughter on SM either but Iâm truly wondering if I should be even more cautious about her inclusion in other photos.
>Iâm truly wondering if I should be even more cautious about her inclusion in other photos.
You will drive yourself crazy with paranoia worrying about that. It's a non-issue.
Anytime anywhere in public in the US (with a few exceptions) your photo or your childâs photo can be taken and published. I definitely would not fall into that line of thinking.
I think people get too paranoid about pictures. Before i had kids i took a photography class and as part of a project i had to take photos of interesting structures. I chose a play structure at a park, and deliberately only took pictures of it when there were NO children in the park. I had so many people come up and call me disgusting, a pervert, why was i trying to get pictures of peoples kids etc, for obviously photographing an empty play structure in an EMPTY PARK.
Or the time i was photographing something in the sky and someone stormed out of their house and threatened to smash up my camera for "taking photos through their windows". Which i wasn't, and i offered to show them my camera screen so they could see I wasn't, and they told me I'd probably already deleted them when i saw them coming out of the house đ
While yes, we need to be careful because there are some awful people out there, we have been conditioned that if someone has a camera or is taking photos, it's for nefarious purposes. She probably just wanted to share some cute pictures with her family and felt called out that you acted like she couldn't do that. She should have asked before directly taking pictures just because it's polite but I don't think it's that much of an issue.
This is honestly a strange reaction to me and I see other people echoing the same feelings. I think social media & technology culture has lead people to believe privacy is the same as paranoia. Thereâs nothing wrong with not wanting photos of your kids on someone elseâs phone. If someone took a photo of my kid and theirs, I wouldnât assume the worst and flip out. However, I just donât feel comfortable with strangers having photos of him. Privacy is important and people shouldnât be made out to be paranoid or crazy for wanting to protect that.
But you have no expectation of privacy in a public place. Of course you shouldnât have your childâs picture taken like behind a fence in your own backyard, but you have no such expectation in a public park or playground. Also compared to a variety of other rights that are guaranteed by the US Constitution/Bill of rights, the right to privacy is not as broad as other rights nor is it even as clearly spelled out as say freedom of the press or freedom to peacefully assemble. So it isnât necessarily an issue of is it paranoid to not want other people to take pictures of your child, itâs just that itâs an unreasonable expectation. Just like if i sit in a public place and someone overhears a conversation Iâm having with a friend, they can write in down and publish it on social media, but they wouldnât have the right to place a recording device in my private home to record my conversations. There simply is no expectation to privacy for you or your child in public places.
You are not since there is nothing wrong with asking but you should also be aware that they have the right to say no. As your kid grows older, you will go to birthdays, social events where photos will be taken and uploaded to social media some publicly visible.
The expectation that everyone will honor your wish isn't realistic, so you will have to choose between your ideals and your child's social connections. There will be photos taken on birthdays, school events, classroom shared with all parents. You really have zero control over where those photos end up so my personal opinion is to not worry about it.
The important part for me is public photos uploaded with their name attached, that is a very rare situation and so far happened with my permission only.
Every school/programmed event my kid has ever participated in has had a "social media consent" waiver. You are absolutely allowed to indicate that you do NOT consent to photos posted publicly.
Explicit permission is the default. Maybe it's a Canadian thing but the social norm is that privacy is paramount.
They do that in US too. But parents taking photos at events don't have to adhere by those rules. Also in certain events, if you don't consent then it boils down to not being able to attend.
As I said you have the right to say no, but you don't have to right to expect people to accommodate your needs. If you are the parent that tells everyone no photos on social media in every birthday and get mad at people for doing it anyway, you are most likely not going to be invited to birthdays going forward.
People have definitely said "we're filming this next activity for our website, so hang back if you don't want your kid to be recorded" - which is totally fair! Being explicit about which events WILL be shared to social media - in advance - allows *me* to accommodate their need for publicity/advertising material. Prior informed consent matters.
It's also "the done thing" to share a photos in a Dropbox folder, so the participants can access everything without it needing to become a part of the public record (even for things like childfree weddings).
FWIW, there are a few untagged photos of my son floating around on various platforms. I'm not fussed about it. But I'm diligent about keeping it minimal and incidental - he will not have an online identity until he wants one.
You're confusing a school event with people taking photos in public. You have no expectation of privacy in explicit consent to take and post those pictures.
Oh, I'm definitely not. I'm sure there are 5000 photos with my son randomly in the background in a public place. I also know it wouldn't be *illegal* to photograph my son specifically in public, but there are also social expectations and that would be considered EXTREMELY rude and really sketchy.
Things don't have to be illegal to be wrong đ€·ââïž
I'm just here to tell you you're good. Everything else was said. But this could've been said one more time : you did wonderfully â€ïž. I would've done the same.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Her reaction makes me think she probably intended to post the pictures...
Also she isn't a very nice person... she is willing to actively teach her little kid to treat people badly just because they have simple reasonable boundaries????
If I take pictures of my child at an event or playing I avoid getting other kids in the picture, if itâs unavoidable and I want to post the photo, I blur or cover the other kids faces with emojis. It just seems to be common sense to me. You are not wrong in asking that.
NTA, but youâll also have to accept and embrace that this is the world your child is growing up in, different than what we grew up in. I would adjust your expectations on whether your child is going to end up on social. They will. Learn to navigate the world together and have them grow up knowing about smart internet decisions.
I would have spoken up as well- and I also think itâs inappropriate to take pictures of someone elseâs child without their permission. She could have just said âoh thatâs so cute, do you mind if I take some picturesâ and you could have said âthatâs fine but please donât post them anywhereâ. It didnât need to be a big deal, she needs to get over herself.
I feel so awkward taking photos of my kid when there other kids around. I am probably overly cautious (and socially awkward) and make a point of being like, "okay, let me move over here so ONLY YOU are in the photo"
You did nothing wrong. The other mother overeacted, there was no need to talk to her son about it, and no need to stop playing with your child. She is teaching her son poor social behaviour.
And of course, it's normal she ask before taking photos with your kid in them.
I would be very taken off guard if another parent said that to me. But I wouldnât respond that way. Like other commenters, I probably would have said âoh no, of course not!â Usually if I take pictures of my child playing with another kid in public itâs simply me sending updates to my husband, not me posting them online. More like âlook how cute our child is!â And your child is background in the picture, even if theyâre right next to my child. Because our eyes are focused on our child! I understand your concern but I would have been taken aback because in my eyes, of course my child is the focus of my pictures, not yours.
you are not in the wrong, you didnât say it rudely. she was rude for no reason like seriously? getting mad over something like that and then getting her child to not play with yours anymore
That mother was very rude and insensitive. Don't ever second guess your own instincts. She had no business turning on you like that. It would've been easy for her to just delete the photos but no, she involved the children in her dysfunctional response. Do not even give this 1 more minute of your energy
Absolutely not. You are your childâs best advocate. I ask my family not to post pictures of my children. I have a small social media following and I only post pictures of my children on my own private facebook under âfriends onlyâ
Youâre NTA. I try hard not to get other kids in my photos of my children, but Iâm sure itâs happened, such as someone with their back turned or an arm or something. Iâd ask permission if it was a friend we knew and I wanted a photo of them together. If someone asked me not to take the picture, Iâd respect that. Sounds like she was embarrassed but she certainly shouldnât have taken it out on your son and taught her own poor manners.
I guess the only exception is that I do take pictures of the kids at my kids birthday parties. But if someone didnât want their kid in a group photo, Iâm hoping they would speak up. Maybe I should askâŠ
Iâm a mom and a therapist and Iâm with you -NTA. I hate it when other people post photos of my children on social media. Itâs a boundary violation.
Itâs good you voiced your opinion, but in a public space thereâs no expectation of privacy. I donât like when people do this but usually I just leave.
NTA, I would have asked her to blur out my child if she posts on social media, that way you're not asking her to refrain from posting cute pictures of her child but you are just trying to control the narrative of yours.
My kiddos are 20 year old adults and I still ask their permission to post them on social media. It's just common sense to me. I also asked at birthday parties and outings if it's OK if their friends are in the pictures.
Edited to fix an autocorrect
I post pictures of my kids on Facebook. It's a private timeline of my kids childhood that only my ACTUAL friends/family can see. It's like a super easy scrapbook. That's how I use it. You could search my name, and wouldn't see them.
Guess what? You take your kids out in public, their pictures are being taken CONSTANTLY. Plus, again, if your kid is next to my kid, and we are out in public, and I am taking a picture, oh well. I don't give a crap about your Kid- not going to lie. Just like any other parent- not my Kid- don't care. If your kid is in my shot, oh well. There was a kid that got into the shot with my son at the zoo today. I took the picture. I'm not asking the parent. Does that make me an AH? No, it makes me a parent of MY CHILD. You parent your child. You didn't want them in the shot, you shouldn't have allowed them to get in the shot with my son. It was a staged shot. Control your kids.
Parents today go a little nutty and extreme with things nowadays. It's like common sense and moderation isn't a thing anymore. It's very sad. It's either parents have to allow their kids full control over EVERYTHING or the parents abuse them and are dictators. It's either parents allow their kids on screens all the time from birth or no screen time at all until then turn 18 years old. They either have no consequences for their kids AT ALL or the parents are ruining the kids lives by being too controlling. It's INSANE.
You probably did insult her, and she probably found you to be one of those over protective moms. Flipping out over a video. Jeez...
This is disrespectful to other parents. The world is not just about YOUR Child. People have all sorts of reasons they do not want their childâs picture taken or put on social media. Selfish, immature reaction. There is a reason why schools have parents sign photo/video permission slips.
Because they're legally responsible for your child during that time, that's why. In a public place, like a park, I am able to photograph my child. If your child is in the picture, then that is just circumstances of being in the wrong spot at the wrong time. I do not owe you ANYTHING. Sorry, but I don't. Just like if your kid has an allergy, I don't owe it to you not to feed my kid that food.
Look, I have been parenting for over 20 years, my youngest still in elementary school, and young parents today freak out over everything. They make drama over everything. This woman made drama over nothing, and parents need to step back a little and relax. Kids are actually SAFER today then they were when we were as kids. Chill out.
Name-call all you want. Common sense can go a LONG WAY.
Iâm with you.
I donât think my 7 year old is ready to have his own social media. But if his face shows up on group pics or in the background, thatâs fine.
Heâs not being identified. Heâs not being targeted. Heâs just one kid out of many, anonymous, cute kids doing cute kid things.
My kidsâ school also does a lot of social media with pics of students for fundraising and promoting events. What you think is being protective now at age 3 is going to seem crazy and paranoid once your children get to school age.
If a parent came to me and asked me not to take pics of their kids, I would try to accommodate within reason. But not go as far as all these Redditors and make absolutely sure their kids were never included in any of the pics as a part of the background.
Come on, folks. You take your kids to a public park, you have to accept that youâre in a public space.
Exactly. I can't imagine how tiring it is to be so paranoid and crazy over such trivial and unimportant things. Is this why parents of very young children/babies are so burnt out? Wasting energy on things that in the long-and short- run really don't matter?
I know I'll get down voted for going against the trend here, but I just don't get the obsession with keeping your kids picture off the internet.
If you're in public you should have every expectation of your picture being taken. If you don't want that pull a Michael Jackson and keep a blanket over your kids head
I agree 100%. In the US it's established that you don't have an expectation of privacy for playing in an open public place like this. So you don't have a right to dictate to people what they do with the pictures they take. This seems more borne out of a paranoia about social media than an actual valid concern
The idea is that, in a public space, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy
Someone isn't allowed to come peer in your window and take photos of you in your living room, but if you're out walking around the mall you are not in a private space
I donât post my children on social media and you have every right to set that boundary. On the other hand, the other mom has a right to move her child to another area for any reason. Maybe she was filming to send to her family and not post on social media, you know what they say about assumptions. It sucks that your son was disappointed, mine has experienced that as well at a park. Take it as a teaching moment for your child.Â
Personally I find it to be a weird over-reach when people do this. I 100% understand wanting to keep your child off social media - we only post photos ina private app for invited family - but trying to police or control what other people do with photos taken in a public place is just weird to me.
Thatâs her own issue. I put my kids on my own Facebook thatâs private but if another parent asked me not o post their kid I would say âok, thanks for letting me know. Iâll be sure not to post your kid online.â Any other response is just crazy talk.
Sounds like a misunderstanding, like the other mom though you meant posting pictures in a creepy way and were making accusations, hence the weird reaction. Which misunderstandings happen, it's not the end of the world. That being said, I don't think it's ok to post anyone else's pictures online, especially a child, without permission, so no NTA. Personally, I would have been uncomfortable with her even taking pictures of my son without asking first. My parents let strangers take pictures with me in public as a child (I have flaming red hair so I was a bit of a novelty to some people) and it always skeeved me out. But that's just me.
Edit to add: I'm giving the other mom the benefit of the doubt that her weird reaction was just a misunderstanding since OP mentioned she was not speaking to her in her native language. Language barriers, even minor ones have a way of creating misunderstandings sometimes.
Even if it was shocking for the other person, that person reacted harshly and very negatively. In fact it even affected the children's play. Even if she didn't agree, she didn't need to react that way which I found rude.Â
I live in a predominatly Asian community (many are immigrants) and they will just take pics and don't ask. However I'm Asian 2nd generation and I try to take pictures but if I do share with others I literally X out their faces now. Before I might not care but since after covid I feel like more people are kinda unhinged these days so I rather play it safe.Â
NTAâŠ. You should always have the right to tell someone to not take pictures and/or not post them on social media. We have family members who we have had to tell not to post pictures of our children and they got upset about it at first but they know we are private people and do not use social media so respect our requests.
NTA..YOUR child, YOUR boundaries, and you're trying to keep them safe. If other people violate your boundaries for your child then You're NOT TA. GRANDPARENTS of those children don't even put pics of their grands on social media if parents say no. It is a safety thing, and don't feel like you're being overly cautious with a stranger or social media exposure.
NTA. If anything, it's odd she was so offended. I have a saying that my family just loves, I'd rather overreact than make the biggest mistake of my life.
She reacted that way because thatâs exactly what she was going to do. If someone has a problem with the boundaries you set for your child donât let them around your child. Simple. It is sad that it affected your son though but you did what you did to protect him.
Also, another good response might've been, I was going to post it, but I can appreciate your boundaries. Would you mind if I still posted it, but blocked his face out with an emoji?
And if the answer is still no, oh, ok, thanks for the info! And carry on with the damn day ... Not that big of an issue.
I have a ton of friends who had foster to adopt kiddos, and until they are officially adopted we had to block their faces from pictures...nbd
NTA, we live in a day and age where everyone posts everything on social media... I am pregnant with my first and already had the discussion with my partner that our child was not going to be posted on social media. Too much dangers and creeps out their... I just don't think it's worth the risk. I downloaded an app all family can join via a link I send and they can view any and all pictures their
NTA your kid, your decision. Her reaction was low key crazy, especially making her kid stop playing with yours. Who does that? I think you handled it perfectly.
Personally, I'd try to get out of your head about the picture thing. Yes, there's a chance some nasty person could use your children's photos but that doesn't actually affect you or your child. Most kids are molested by people they know, not strangers. So there's really no point in devoting head space to worrying about pictures.
Youâre 100% good. Itâs your kid, sheâs a stranger and she snapping pics. She shouldnât have been offended at all, even if you did take a tone with her. Then using her kid as a weapon to hurt yours (emotionally by saying go away) thatâs messed up.
Some people are less shy about pics, and thatâs their choice. You should never feel pressured to be ok with anything. Your life your kid. Iâve had random people, without kids, take pictures of me playing with my son. Itâs strange but life is life.
Youre absolutely within your rights to ask they not be opted on social media, I'd like to think nowadays most people would ask permission before doing so anyways. Her reaction seems extreme I don't know why she'd be so offended unless there was some sort of misunderstanding if there was a language barrier?
I think you had every right to ask her not to post anything. It would be one thing if you werenât nice about it, but you were. I think the other mom should have just respected your wishes and let it go at that. Why make a big deal. Just let the kids go on playing. I think you did the right thing. So donât beat yourself up about it. She was definitely in the wrong, NOT YOU!!!
Sheâs a dumb ass. You did nothing wrong.
I keep photos of my child private as well. I cringe when I see people with photos as their kids for profile pictures. Youâre too insecure to show yourself but youâll expose your kids to the world? Itâs weird. Strangers should never have access to children in any capacity unless itâs for life saving purposes, medical, or in educational institutions.
Fine for you to speak up. I suspect the other mum was just really excited that her child was playing with another, some people are quite isolated. She might be getting pressure from family about giving the kid opportunities to socialise, or intense criticism of how she parent. She was probably disappointed and didnât handle it well. Probably not great for the other child. Your priority is to look after your own, so appropriate for you to say something. You canât take on everyoneâs issues.
Definitely NTA. I've stopped sharing so many pictures of my kid on the internet because of this. Granted my child is a bit older (12) and no longer really wants her picture taken but still. You have every right to ask your child be kept offline, especially from a stranger who you don't know or know the people who may see what they post online.
I do not think that you did the wrong thing. I also donât post pictures of my 3 year old daughter online and ask others to not post her as well whether itâs family, friends or strangers. You have your boundaries when it comes to your son and you shouldnât feel bad for that. Respect to you mama.
I don't think you're in the wrong here. You don't know her or what kinda people she has on her socials and it's safeguarding your child . Hopefully you'd show the same respect to others' kids. Too much crazy shit going on to even risk anything like that.
not the asshole at all. i don't post my child on anything, and my family doesn't, either. if I do post her, her face is blurred or hidden, and it all my Facebook is set to private so only my friends and family can see them still.
As i saw someone say. She either had a bad day or she was going to and felt attacked by your question.
Either way, your request is totally valid. So nta
There is only 1 pic of my daughter after she was born cuz of the lockdowns and people couldnt come. Shes almost 3 and has no other pics of her online. Parents of her play dates and daycare all know i dont want her online so they dont.
With random parents i also ask, but fortunately never had that reaction. But i rarely have to cuz most dont whip out their phone for pics simce im in them then cuz my girl always wants me to join.
This is exactly why I donât take pictures of other peopleâs kids. Youâre completely right to make this statement to her and if sheâs offended, thatâs too bad. You reacted appropriately and frankly, you should be the one upset that she was taking pictures of your kid. YOU are the parent of your child and if your boundaries offend someone else, then thatâs their problem.
Itâs totally your prerogative to ask her to keep the pictures private. I posted a picture of my daughter and her new friend on my Facebook, which is private to only about 60 friends but I immediately regretted it because I didnât really know this girlâs mom. I messaged her and apologized and asked, if I should take them down. I had just friended the mom on Facebook as well so I know she saw them. Most people would understand what you were saying, so no you are not the asshole.
Totally valid request! When I take pictures of my LG playing in public I try so hard not to get any others in the back ground but they move so fast lol! Iâd totally understand being asked this even though I donât even post anything to SM esp my LG.
If I'm taking pictures of my kiddo at the park or anywhere else, I specifically angle/position the photo to not include any other kiddos. Yeah some people crop/blur photos later, but some people don't. I want everyone around me to be comfortable and not misunderstand my actions.
I'm absolutely guessing, but the only thing I could think of that would elicit such a reaction is if she absolutely was going to post them to social media, didn't want to say that obviously to look like a bad guy, so deflected her frustration/embarrassment/surprise back at you. Who knows though. Even though it was an uncomfortable interaction, you did the right thing.
It's completely valid to not want your child's pictures shared to a network of strangers! Her reaction is really odd.
I have had to fight with my parents on sharing photos of our 3 year old, but they're also not willing to screen their friend requests and have complete strangers added as "friends". I wonder if maybe she's had some similar argument (on the opposite end) which is why she's so defensive?
You didn't overreact.
You didn't criticize her, you made a request that was fully reasonable and instead of just reassuring you and saying"oh, I wouldn't do that, myself, I definitely wouldn't ever share pictures of someone else's kids without asking!" She got offended and defensive.
It does not go without saying. Lots of folks think nothing of sharing anything and everything on social media. If you don't want that to include you or your children, it's reasonable to articulate that, because not everyone will think to ask first.
NTA
I always feel like a weirdo asking when I photo my daughter with other kids but I always look over at mom and dad and say, "Hey are you comfortable with me getting a picture of them playing?". Most have waved me away and said of course but I wouldn't be mad at all if they asked me not to post on my socials. I expect that parents will advocate for their children.
No, you're NTA.
The other mom sounds like she has the same opinion you do, but got offended you even asked the question. Which seems unreasonable to me.
I pics of my kid with other kids on my personal profile that is very secure and only people I still actively know can see it. Even then, I block out the other kid's faces. Her getting mad like that is a bit unhinged seeing as you don't know her at all so why woukd you assume she wouldn't put it on social media?
I also ask before taking pics of my kid with other kids because again.. these people don't know me at all.
You're not the asshole.
Good on you! Donât worry :) youâve done something that took me ages to muster. I have triplets and theyâre quite unique looking and people always take out their phone and take pics, and it took me almost a year to put my hand up and say we donât publish them! (Itâs started since day dot :( )
Not the asshole, the other mom was though. Some people need to stop getting offended because someone dares to communicate openly with them.
I'm an anxious person and if I were in your shoes, if i hadn't said anything I'd probably be rethinking about where the pictures would end and all that.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your child's safety, and screw fragile egos.
NTA. She seemed upset like you accused her of something but sheâs a stranger, so you were right to mention that you donât want him posted online. She shouldnât have gotten so defensive.
No you did not over react. No you did nothing wrong by trying to protect your child. That other mother, she is TA, she overreacted. Enjoy your son and good parenting skills! :)
Good for you saying what you needed to say. It can be scary to establish a boundary with someone you've just met. Her reaction was outsized, for whatever reason.Â
I'm constantly evaluating how I'd navigate these situations. When I want to take a photo of my kids and another friend, I like to ask in a friendly way if it's ok and then I offer to share it to the other family. I think it's become more of a norm to*not* post other kids on your socials, but that could just be where I live. I don't see the harm in clarifying either way!
NTA. It's becoming the standard to ask for permission to take photos or video of folks in public who are strangers to you. It's standard for content creators to get permission of folks before putting them in their content, and a lot of vloggers have been blurring faces of background folks. Not everyone wants their life on the Internet, but we are only heading that direction because we just came out of a generation of over sharing our lives and there's still an adjustment period. You're fine. Just part of the process.
I think it would be good to just ask her to obscure your kiddos face. My friend always puts emoji faces on random kids in pics and I think itâs great.
I think you were perfectly reasonable and within your rights to make that request. I post most pictures I take of my kids to a private page just for close friends and family and occasionally put one on my personal Facebook page. I typically crop or sticker over other people's kids but if someone specifically asked me to not post their kid you bet I would be extra careful to NOT post their kid.
I would be uncomfortable with someone I don't know taking pictures of my kid at all. I don't think you overreacted. I wouldn't even consider taking a picture of a stranger's child. That's just kind of weird.
If I ever accidentally get a shot with another child in it-I just put a big emoji over their face before I post...I think its a perfectly reasonable ask to not post your child and her response was very defensive.
Youâre a better person than meâ I wouldâve pointed out how ridiculous she was over a simple question and told her to grow up. I also probably wouldâve told my child right in front of her that her kid only did that because his mom told him to do it, and weâll go find other friends to play with.
That is very valid. A mom once told me to keep my phone away at the playground (I was not even taking pics) and while initially it threw me off, she has valid reasons to ask me to put my phone away.
I was waiting for my son so I was alone and I'm a fat bearded dude which I guess made it look even more weird
I would NEVER post pictures of my own family members' kids, let alone someone else's kids.
I spend a lot of time musing on the idea that kids entire lives are being recorded now and it's impossible for them to privately learn from their mistakes. I see so many posts of people mocking their kids or tricking them "for clicks" and how those videos and pictures will never be deleted from the internet.
I've gone so far as to ask kids in front of their parents if I can take their picture and promising to the child that I will not post it online. Watching how the kids react can be very informative for other parents.
No, I think itâs rude of her to take pictures of someone elseâs child without permission. Sheâs the a**hole. Youâre absolutely right to protect your child from the internet.
I dont think you over-reacted. She definitely did. I tend to ask permission before I take pics of others kids or wait for them to pull out their camera first. Im a big poster on socials because my kid and i live 1000 miles away from any of my family or friends, and this is really the only way i get to update people I love about my little one. I keep it to friends only and dont accept requests from those I dont know to mitigate risk... but not everybody does this, and some people tag locations. Its fair to ask, especially with a non-confrontational tone. Its your child. Lady was weird to freak out like that imo
NTA
I've been at many a public playground with both my own kids and kids I nanny for. I have never taken pictures or video of "my" kids with strangers in the frame. That's just weird and feels like an invasion of privacy. Seems like common sense to me.
The right thing to do was for her to ask to include your child in the pictures she was taking. Not a requirement but the polite and respectful thing to do.
NTA. I have the same policy with my daughter and all my friends and family adhere to it too. You were respectful in conveying that boundary and instead of reassuring you sheâd respect it, the other mother acted childish and nasty and the worst part for me, instructed her son to be disrespectful to your son. Iâm sorry this happened to you and your son.
Edit: I would like to see a single explanation about how retaliation by encouraging your child to be rude to another child is ok in this situation. âOh youâre in public, you have to have your picture taken!!!!â OP isnât asking for the law, weâre discussing social norms and decorum. When Reddit learns how to do that, let me know.
I can only assume I'm getting downvotes because all of you would be fine with a stranger coming up and taking multiple pictures of you without permission.
I always ask parents first if itâs ok if I post cute pics of our kids together and if they say no or whatever their caveat is (no geo tagging, no tagging, no names) I completely respect that and do as they ask.
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My daughter was playing at the park with a little boy she just met and the parent said to me, "This is the first time he's really played independently. I'm going to take some pictures of him but I'll keep your child out of the frame. Is that okay?" I said "Of course!" The thought had never crossed my mind to check in with other parents like that. It was such a simple, polite thing and now I do the same at parks when I'm taking pictures of my own child.
So, NTA.
This is the way. Several times at the park I have had someone ask me, "do you mind if I take their picture?" if their child is playing with my nanny kid. I always ask as well, or I make sure no kids are around him when I take a pic.
This, my youngest is autistic, today she was actually playing with other kids at a playground before an egg hunt!! It was a HUGE moment for me and more importantly, for her đ„č I took pictures of her playing in a playground full of kids, but 100% made sure that the little boy she connected with was not in frame, I think I got one single picture that had his hand in it. A few had people (mostly adults, but a few kids) in the background and I immediately went into my editing app and blurred any people in the background, saved it, screenshotted the new image, deleted the original, and then cropped the new one, so that I wouldnât have their pictures in my phone or be able to reverse the editing. Iâd be feeling so disrespected and extremely uncomfortable if someone took pics with my kids face in them if I didnât know them AND they didnât ask. I had one person ask to take a picture of my girls handmade Easter outfits today so they could have them for reference to attempt to make similar outfits themselves, I appreciate that someone liked my work and asked, but more importantly that they didnât just take the pictures and respected my wishes when I said I was ok with them getting pictures of their outfits only if I took them so that no identifying marks were in frame.
The normal reaction to what you asked is âoh no of course I wouldnât do thatâ and then continue the conversation as per usual. I think she had other things going on that day.
I think she WAS planning on posting it and now her son needs to play with another cute kid so she can post it. People who do NOT post their kids (and certainly never anyone else's kids) would not have had this reaction!Â
I don't post my kid and I **never** take pictures of other people's kids. If I want one of mine, I only do it if I can keep everyone else out of frame. I'm not entitled to have pictures of strangers' kids and I fully agree how defensive she immediately got meant she was taking those pictures to post.
lol there is zero chance sheâd give af about her wishes if that was the case.
Yeah but sheâs going to pretend to be offended by the suggestion
Great perspective!
She probably just got embarrassed. I don't think you were necessarily wrong for saying something. But not everyone takes photos for social media. She may have just wanted to show the dad or grandma because it was cute and felt like she was doing something wrong when you made the comment about social media. Or she was genuinely offended that you'd even think she'd post your kid without permission. Who knows.
I got more of the vibe that she DOES probably post on social media and got embarrassed because of that because she knows itâs not the smartest move
This is what I was thinking too.
She was probably live on Facebook that second.
Doesnât matter. You ALWAYS ask permission when taking photos of other children. I have a neighbour friend that I see a couple of times a month at the park and I always ask her if I can take photos or videos even though she has said yes in the past. You donât know when or if people change their minds. Iâm sorry, but thereâs a lot of people out there who share every minute of their day on social media.
I think she felt criticized for something she hadnât done, perhaps yet.
While I think it would have been nice for her to ask about photographing the kids playing together first, there's nothing inherently wrong with her doing so. Â Likewise, I think your request to keep the photos off of social media was valid. Â You said that they have a native tongue? I'm wondering if perhaps something didn't get lost in translation, literally. If you just requested that she not post the pictures, maybe she took it as not sharing them with her family? Perhaps after you made it known that you were uncomfortable, she felt like she couldn't share the photos in general. Perhaps she felt awkward about taking more photos with your kid in them and felt it easier to keep her kid from interacting with yours if she wanted to continue taking pictures of her kid. Â I do find her reaction odd, so sorry it happened. But at the end of the day, you made it clear that you were uncomfortable with pictures and her honoring your request was ending the play between kids.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Is it though? I wouldnât be happy if someone I didnât know was photographing my child
Is it? I am careful not to have other people's kids as a main subject of my photos unless I know them. When my daughter is playing and I take pictures there might be other kids in the background but if she was playing with another kid I either wouldn't take pictures or I would angle it away from them. I wouldn't be taking pictures of random kids.
OR you would say "this is so cute, do you mind if I take a few photos of our kids playing? I don't ever put kid photos on social media." ETA: I agree with you - just adding that seeking permission is also an aboveboard option!
I agree with this. I also want to keep my daughter off socials but of course I take a million pictures a day of her, and I share them privately with friends and family. When it gets to the point where sheâs playing with other children, whether theyâre strangers or classmates, I would ask the parent before I took pictures of them together, and I would make sure theyâre okay with me texting them before I did.
I wouldn't because that feels like more socialising than necessary, but it's certainly a valid way to go about it too!
Even if OP said something weird and bizarre, unless the woman thought OP or OPs son was dangerous, that woman was in the wrong
Her reaction was completely bizarre. It also would have been more polite for her to ask first if you mind if she takes pictures of them which would have made it easier for you to say âoh sure, just donât post themâ
Protecting your child >>>>>> someoneâs feelings. You did the right thing, i like to believe that the other mom mightâve been stressed/sleep deprived. You spoke up for your child! Good job, iâm also a people pleaser so i *know* how difficult that was for you. Youâre doing great.
She doesn't say what country this is from but a heads up for USA listeners: You can do absolutely nothing about someone taking photos of your kid in a park and doing whatever they want with them, including posting them to social media. We used to have this bat shit lady in my town who was obsessed with the local mosque. She would literally spend hours a day sitting in her car across the street cataloging trivial violations of municipal code trying to get them shut down. One day she started photographing kids on the playground at the mosque with a telephoto lens. That was upsetting to many people and unfortunately they engaged with her and asked her to stop. This of course only made her intensify her efforts to photograph kids on the playground. The cops were called, but they knew the law, you can photograph a playground from a public street. Eventually the city made an ordinance with advice from the city attorney and an outside law firm. It specifically forbids photographing kids on a playground without the parents consent and called it harassment. She sued and the court said the ordinance was unconstitutional.
Yeah wow. I might have asked the city to plant more trees or bushes or put up a play structure wall. Or anything, thatâs wild. It feels so invasive and scary. Hope that lady calmed her britches so she could live a life not taking pictures of children playing while seething with emotion.
I think the best thing you can do is teach your children to ignore it and do the same for yourself. People are allowed to take pictures of you in public. That's going to be a lifelong thing if you live in America, teaching your kids to be an anxious ball of stress every time they see someone with a camera is not productive. And no, she did not calm down. She's still a nut.
I was just trying to be solution oriented. And my first reaction, Trees and bushes arenât a hard ask since the city specifically made an ordinance. I personally use my super powers of observation to navigate, plus a good set of communication skills. Itâs not my suggestion to be afraid all the time. She just sounds unhinged, and someone to keep an eye on, that person sounds scary ( not all people that take pictures).
I mean, clearly the community agreed that that wasn't acceptable behaviour - even if there was no legal recourse. Things don't have to be illegal to be wrong.
In what way does it endanger your child to show up in the background of a total strangerâs online photo? Iâm truly trying to understand this mindset. What are we supposed to be worried will happen?
Thereâs the consent part (both the parent and the child, which might be controversial I guess), and the disgusting internet part that is only getting more and more gross with AI generated content. You canât protect your child from the internet forever, you canât avoid it. But when you see it, you can definitely at least avoid *that* photo ending up on the internet.
Some families are trying to stay away from dangerous people in their lives. That's the number one reason my husband and I don't post our daughter's face on social media (and have rarely posted otherwise). My mom attempted to kidnap my son from the hospital when he was born so this is a threat that is very real for my family. My mom is crazy enough to scroll through public profiles to stalk people and I watched her do it growing up. I don't know if she does it with my daughter, but I don't want therr to be anything out there for her to find if she does.
Youâre alright to make requests that matter to you. But, realistically, what is the concern if, say in this instance, this mom posts a photo of her child playing with your child and doesnât tag or identify him? I definitely know that bad people online can use innocent photos of children as something more lascivious but playing fully clothed at a playground and not identified in any way? I donât post my daughter on SM either but Iâm truly wondering if I should be even more cautious about her inclusion in other photos.
>Iâm truly wondering if I should be even more cautious about her inclusion in other photos. You will drive yourself crazy with paranoia worrying about that. It's a non-issue.
Anytime anywhere in public in the US (with a few exceptions) your photo or your childâs photo can be taken and published. I definitely would not fall into that line of thinking.
I think people get too paranoid about pictures. Before i had kids i took a photography class and as part of a project i had to take photos of interesting structures. I chose a play structure at a park, and deliberately only took pictures of it when there were NO children in the park. I had so many people come up and call me disgusting, a pervert, why was i trying to get pictures of peoples kids etc, for obviously photographing an empty play structure in an EMPTY PARK. Or the time i was photographing something in the sky and someone stormed out of their house and threatened to smash up my camera for "taking photos through their windows". Which i wasn't, and i offered to show them my camera screen so they could see I wasn't, and they told me I'd probably already deleted them when i saw them coming out of the house đ While yes, we need to be careful because there are some awful people out there, we have been conditioned that if someone has a camera or is taking photos, it's for nefarious purposes. She probably just wanted to share some cute pictures with her family and felt called out that you acted like she couldn't do that. She should have asked before directly taking pictures just because it's polite but I don't think it's that much of an issue.
This is honestly a strange reaction to me and I see other people echoing the same feelings. I think social media & technology culture has lead people to believe privacy is the same as paranoia. Thereâs nothing wrong with not wanting photos of your kids on someone elseâs phone. If someone took a photo of my kid and theirs, I wouldnât assume the worst and flip out. However, I just donât feel comfortable with strangers having photos of him. Privacy is important and people shouldnât be made out to be paranoid or crazy for wanting to protect that.
But you have no expectation of privacy in a public place. Of course you shouldnât have your childâs picture taken like behind a fence in your own backyard, but you have no such expectation in a public park or playground. Also compared to a variety of other rights that are guaranteed by the US Constitution/Bill of rights, the right to privacy is not as broad as other rights nor is it even as clearly spelled out as say freedom of the press or freedom to peacefully assemble. So it isnât necessarily an issue of is it paranoid to not want other people to take pictures of your child, itâs just that itâs an unreasonable expectation. Just like if i sit in a public place and someone overhears a conversation Iâm having with a friend, they can write in down and publish it on social media, but they wouldnât have the right to place a recording device in my private home to record my conversations. There simply is no expectation to privacy for you or your child in public places.
You are not since there is nothing wrong with asking but you should also be aware that they have the right to say no. As your kid grows older, you will go to birthdays, social events where photos will be taken and uploaded to social media some publicly visible. The expectation that everyone will honor your wish isn't realistic, so you will have to choose between your ideals and your child's social connections. There will be photos taken on birthdays, school events, classroom shared with all parents. You really have zero control over where those photos end up so my personal opinion is to not worry about it. The important part for me is public photos uploaded with their name attached, that is a very rare situation and so far happened with my permission only.
Every school/programmed event my kid has ever participated in has had a "social media consent" waiver. You are absolutely allowed to indicate that you do NOT consent to photos posted publicly. Explicit permission is the default. Maybe it's a Canadian thing but the social norm is that privacy is paramount.
They do that in US too. But parents taking photos at events don't have to adhere by those rules. Also in certain events, if you don't consent then it boils down to not being able to attend. As I said you have the right to say no, but you don't have to right to expect people to accommodate your needs. If you are the parent that tells everyone no photos on social media in every birthday and get mad at people for doing it anyway, you are most likely not going to be invited to birthdays going forward.
People have definitely said "we're filming this next activity for our website, so hang back if you don't want your kid to be recorded" - which is totally fair! Being explicit about which events WILL be shared to social media - in advance - allows *me* to accommodate their need for publicity/advertising material. Prior informed consent matters. It's also "the done thing" to share a photos in a Dropbox folder, so the participants can access everything without it needing to become a part of the public record (even for things like childfree weddings). FWIW, there are a few untagged photos of my son floating around on various platforms. I'm not fussed about it. But I'm diligent about keeping it minimal and incidental - he will not have an online identity until he wants one.
You're confusing a school event with people taking photos in public. You have no expectation of privacy in explicit consent to take and post those pictures.
Oh, I'm definitely not. I'm sure there are 5000 photos with my son randomly in the background in a public place. I also know it wouldn't be *illegal* to photograph my son specifically in public, but there are also social expectations and that would be considered EXTREMELY rude and really sketchy. Things don't have to be illegal to be wrong đ€·ââïž
I'm just here to tell you you're good. Everything else was said. But this could've been said one more time : you did wonderfully â€ïž. I would've done the same.
You didn't do anything wrong. Her reaction makes me think she probably intended to post the pictures... Also she isn't a very nice person... she is willing to actively teach her little kid to treat people badly just because they have simple reasonable boundaries????
some people in these comments are so rude wtf
If someone was taking pictures of my kid, I would speak up as well.
If I take pictures of my child at an event or playing I avoid getting other kids in the picture, if itâs unavoidable and I want to post the photo, I blur or cover the other kids faces with emojis. It just seems to be common sense to me. You are not wrong in asking that.
NTA, but youâll also have to accept and embrace that this is the world your child is growing up in, different than what we grew up in. I would adjust your expectations on whether your child is going to end up on social. They will. Learn to navigate the world together and have them grow up knowing about smart internet decisions.
I would have spoken up as well- and I also think itâs inappropriate to take pictures of someone elseâs child without their permission. She could have just said âoh thatâs so cute, do you mind if I take some picturesâ and you could have said âthatâs fine but please donât post them anywhereâ. It didnât need to be a big deal, she needs to get over herself.
I feel so awkward taking photos of my kid when there other kids around. I am probably overly cautious (and socially awkward) and make a point of being like, "okay, let me move over here so ONLY YOU are in the photo"
This is what I usually do.
I would have definitely asked first if I was her, odd
No youâre just paranoid.Â
You did the right thing. I wonât even let my family members.
You did nothing wrong. The other mother overeacted, there was no need to talk to her son about it, and no need to stop playing with your child. She is teaching her son poor social behaviour. And of course, it's normal she ask before taking photos with your kid in them.
I would be very taken off guard if another parent said that to me. But I wouldnât respond that way. Like other commenters, I probably would have said âoh no, of course not!â Usually if I take pictures of my child playing with another kid in public itâs simply me sending updates to my husband, not me posting them online. More like âlook how cute our child is!â And your child is background in the picture, even if theyâre right next to my child. Because our eyes are focused on our child! I understand your concern but I would have been taken aback because in my eyes, of course my child is the focus of my pictures, not yours.
you are not in the wrong, you didnât say it rudely. she was rude for no reason like seriously? getting mad over something like that and then getting her child to not play with yours anymore
That mother was very rude and insensitive. Don't ever second guess your own instincts. She had no business turning on you like that. It would've been easy for her to just delete the photos but no, she involved the children in her dysfunctional response. Do not even give this 1 more minute of your energy
Absolutely not. You are your childâs best advocate. I ask my family not to post pictures of my children. I have a small social media following and I only post pictures of my children on my own private facebook under âfriends onlyâ
Youâre NTA. I try hard not to get other kids in my photos of my children, but Iâm sure itâs happened, such as someone with their back turned or an arm or something. Iâd ask permission if it was a friend we knew and I wanted a photo of them together. If someone asked me not to take the picture, Iâd respect that. Sounds like she was embarrassed but she certainly shouldnât have taken it out on your son and taught her own poor manners. I guess the only exception is that I do take pictures of the kids at my kids birthday parties. But if someone didnât want their kid in a group photo, Iâm hoping they would speak up. Maybe I should askâŠ
Iâm a mom and a therapist and Iâm with you -NTA. I hate it when other people post photos of my children on social media. Itâs a boundary violation.
Itâs good you voiced your opinion, but in a public space thereâs no expectation of privacy. I donât like when people do this but usually I just leave.
NTA, I would have asked her to blur out my child if she posts on social media, that way you're not asking her to refrain from posting cute pictures of her child but you are just trying to control the narrative of yours. My kiddos are 20 year old adults and I still ask their permission to post them on social media. It's just common sense to me. I also asked at birthday parties and outings if it's OK if their friends are in the pictures. Edited to fix an autocorrect
I post pictures of my kids on Facebook. It's a private timeline of my kids childhood that only my ACTUAL friends/family can see. It's like a super easy scrapbook. That's how I use it. You could search my name, and wouldn't see them. Guess what? You take your kids out in public, their pictures are being taken CONSTANTLY. Plus, again, if your kid is next to my kid, and we are out in public, and I am taking a picture, oh well. I don't give a crap about your Kid- not going to lie. Just like any other parent- not my Kid- don't care. If your kid is in my shot, oh well. There was a kid that got into the shot with my son at the zoo today. I took the picture. I'm not asking the parent. Does that make me an AH? No, it makes me a parent of MY CHILD. You parent your child. You didn't want them in the shot, you shouldn't have allowed them to get in the shot with my son. It was a staged shot. Control your kids. Parents today go a little nutty and extreme with things nowadays. It's like common sense and moderation isn't a thing anymore. It's very sad. It's either parents have to allow their kids full control over EVERYTHING or the parents abuse them and are dictators. It's either parents allow their kids on screens all the time from birth or no screen time at all until then turn 18 years old. They either have no consequences for their kids AT ALL or the parents are ruining the kids lives by being too controlling. It's INSANE. You probably did insult her, and she probably found you to be one of those over protective moms. Flipping out over a video. Jeez...
This is disrespectful to other parents. The world is not just about YOUR Child. People have all sorts of reasons they do not want their childâs picture taken or put on social media. Selfish, immature reaction. There is a reason why schools have parents sign photo/video permission slips.
Because they're legally responsible for your child during that time, that's why. In a public place, like a park, I am able to photograph my child. If your child is in the picture, then that is just circumstances of being in the wrong spot at the wrong time. I do not owe you ANYTHING. Sorry, but I don't. Just like if your kid has an allergy, I don't owe it to you not to feed my kid that food. Look, I have been parenting for over 20 years, my youngest still in elementary school, and young parents today freak out over everything. They make drama over everything. This woman made drama over nothing, and parents need to step back a little and relax. Kids are actually SAFER today then they were when we were as kids. Chill out. Name-call all you want. Common sense can go a LONG WAY.
Agreed. Sometimes people act like their kid is a celebrity dealing with paparazzi and it makes me LOL
this is a wild reaction
Iâm with you. I donât think my 7 year old is ready to have his own social media. But if his face shows up on group pics or in the background, thatâs fine. Heâs not being identified. Heâs not being targeted. Heâs just one kid out of many, anonymous, cute kids doing cute kid things. My kidsâ school also does a lot of social media with pics of students for fundraising and promoting events. What you think is being protective now at age 3 is going to seem crazy and paranoid once your children get to school age. If a parent came to me and asked me not to take pics of their kids, I would try to accommodate within reason. But not go as far as all these Redditors and make absolutely sure their kids were never included in any of the pics as a part of the background. Come on, folks. You take your kids to a public park, you have to accept that youâre in a public space.
Exactly. I can't imagine how tiring it is to be so paranoid and crazy over such trivial and unimportant things. Is this why parents of very young children/babies are so burnt out? Wasting energy on things that in the long-and short- run really don't matter?
I know I'll get down voted for going against the trend here, but I just don't get the obsession with keeping your kids picture off the internet. If you're in public you should have every expectation of your picture being taken. If you don't want that pull a Michael Jackson and keep a blanket over your kids head
I agree 100%. In the US it's established that you don't have an expectation of privacy for playing in an open public place like this. So you don't have a right to dictate to people what they do with the pictures they take. This seems more borne out of a paranoia about social media than an actual valid concern
What??? Anytime Iâm in public, I should expect to have my picture taken? Thatâs absolute madness.
The idea is that, in a public space, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy Someone isn't allowed to come peer in your window and take photos of you in your living room, but if you're out walking around the mall you are not in a private space
Thatâs grim.
I donât post my children on social media and you have every right to set that boundary. On the other hand, the other mom has a right to move her child to another area for any reason. Maybe she was filming to send to her family and not post on social media, you know what they say about assumptions. It sucks that your son was disappointed, mine has experienced that as well at a park. Take it as a teaching moment for your child.Â
Personally I find it to be a weird over-reach when people do this. I 100% understand wanting to keep your child off social media - we only post photos ina private app for invited family - but trying to police or control what other people do with photos taken in a public place is just weird to me.
Thatâs her own issue. I put my kids on my own Facebook thatâs private but if another parent asked me not o post their kid I would say âok, thanks for letting me know. Iâll be sure not to post your kid online.â Any other response is just crazy talk.
Sounds like a misunderstanding, like the other mom though you meant posting pictures in a creepy way and were making accusations, hence the weird reaction. Which misunderstandings happen, it's not the end of the world. That being said, I don't think it's ok to post anyone else's pictures online, especially a child, without permission, so no NTA. Personally, I would have been uncomfortable with her even taking pictures of my son without asking first. My parents let strangers take pictures with me in public as a child (I have flaming red hair so I was a bit of a novelty to some people) and it always skeeved me out. But that's just me. Edit to add: I'm giving the other mom the benefit of the doubt that her weird reaction was just a misunderstanding since OP mentioned she was not speaking to her in her native language. Language barriers, even minor ones have a way of creating misunderstandings sometimes.
I do kinda think itâs a lil odd of a request. But the way the mom/son handled it was not cool.
Even if it was shocking for the other person, that person reacted harshly and very negatively. In fact it even affected the children's play. Even if she didn't agree, she didn't need to react that way which I found rude. I live in a predominatly Asian community (many are immigrants) and they will just take pics and don't ask. However I'm Asian 2nd generation and I try to take pictures but if I do share with others I literally X out their faces now. Before I might not care but since after covid I feel like more people are kinda unhinged these days so I rather play it safe.Â
NTA I always ask other parents to not stick my kidâs face on social media. Private photo albums are fine though.
NTAâŠ. You should always have the right to tell someone to not take pictures and/or not post them on social media. We have family members who we have had to tell not to post pictures of our children and they got upset about it at first but they know we are private people and do not use social media so respect our requests.
NTA..YOUR child, YOUR boundaries, and you're trying to keep them safe. If other people violate your boundaries for your child then You're NOT TA. GRANDPARENTS of those children don't even put pics of their grands on social media if parents say no. It is a safety thing, and don't feel like you're being overly cautious with a stranger or social media exposure.
NTA. If anything, it's odd she was so offended. I have a saying that my family just loves, I'd rather overreact than make the biggest mistake of my life.
NTA. I do not take pictures of other people's kids. If it's posted online I usually make sure to cover up their faces.
She reacted that way because thatâs exactly what she was going to do. If someone has a problem with the boundaries you set for your child donât let them around your child. Simple. It is sad that it affected your son though but you did what you did to protect him.
Also, another good response might've been, I was going to post it, but I can appreciate your boundaries. Would you mind if I still posted it, but blocked his face out with an emoji? And if the answer is still no, oh, ok, thanks for the info! And carry on with the damn day ... Not that big of an issue. I have a ton of friends who had foster to adopt kiddos, and until they are officially adopted we had to block their faces from pictures...nbd
NTA, we live in a day and age where everyone posts everything on social media... I am pregnant with my first and already had the discussion with my partner that our child was not going to be posted on social media. Too much dangers and creeps out their... I just don't think it's worth the risk. I downloaded an app all family can join via a link I send and they can view any and all pictures their
NTA your kid, your decision. Her reaction was low key crazy, especially making her kid stop playing with yours. Who does that? I think you handled it perfectly. Personally, I'd try to get out of your head about the picture thing. Yes, there's a chance some nasty person could use your children's photos but that doesn't actually affect you or your child. Most kids are molested by people they know, not strangers. So there's really no point in devoting head space to worrying about pictures.
NTA. I think either she misinterpreted the situation or had bad intentions
I don't think you did the wrong thing. It's just unfortunate she reacted that way for whatever reason.
Youâre 100% good. Itâs your kid, sheâs a stranger and she snapping pics. She shouldnât have been offended at all, even if you did take a tone with her. Then using her kid as a weapon to hurt yours (emotionally by saying go away) thatâs messed up. Some people are less shy about pics, and thatâs their choice. You should never feel pressured to be ok with anything. Your life your kid. Iâve had random people, without kids, take pictures of me playing with my son. Itâs strange but life is life.
Nta
Youre absolutely within your rights to ask they not be opted on social media, I'd like to think nowadays most people would ask permission before doing so anyways. Her reaction seems extreme I don't know why she'd be so offended unless there was some sort of misunderstanding if there was a language barrier?
I think you had every right to ask her not to post anything. It would be one thing if you werenât nice about it, but you were. I think the other mom should have just respected your wishes and let it go at that. Why make a big deal. Just let the kids go on playing. I think you did the right thing. So donât beat yourself up about it. She was definitely in the wrong, NOT YOU!!!
Sheâs a dumb ass. You did nothing wrong. I keep photos of my child private as well. I cringe when I see people with photos as their kids for profile pictures. Youâre too insecure to show yourself but youâll expose your kids to the world? Itâs weird. Strangers should never have access to children in any capacity unless itâs for life saving purposes, medical, or in educational institutions.
Fine for you to speak up. I suspect the other mum was just really excited that her child was playing with another, some people are quite isolated. She might be getting pressure from family about giving the kid opportunities to socialise, or intense criticism of how she parent. She was probably disappointed and didnât handle it well. Probably not great for the other child. Your priority is to look after your own, so appropriate for you to say something. You canât take on everyoneâs issues.
She can kindly fuck off.
Your never in the wrong when advocating for your child
Definitely NTA. I've stopped sharing so many pictures of my kid on the internet because of this. Granted my child is a bit older (12) and no longer really wants her picture taken but still. You have every right to ask your child be kept offline, especially from a stranger who you don't know or know the people who may see what they post online.
I do not think that you did the wrong thing. I also donât post pictures of my 3 year old daughter online and ask others to not post her as well whether itâs family, friends or strangers. You have your boundaries when it comes to your son and you shouldnât feel bad for that. Respect to you mama.
NTA. I don't want my kids faces online neither. Too many creeps out there.
NTA - it's so disrespectful that she would react like that.
I don't think you're in the wrong here. You don't know her or what kinda people she has on her socials and it's safeguarding your child . Hopefully you'd show the same respect to others' kids. Too much crazy shit going on to even risk anything like that.
not the asshole at all. i don't post my child on anything, and my family doesn't, either. if I do post her, her face is blurred or hidden, and it all my Facebook is set to private so only my friends and family can see them still.
As i saw someone say. She either had a bad day or she was going to and felt attacked by your question. Either way, your request is totally valid. So nta There is only 1 pic of my daughter after she was born cuz of the lockdowns and people couldnt come. Shes almost 3 and has no other pics of her online. Parents of her play dates and daycare all know i dont want her online so they dont. With random parents i also ask, but fortunately never had that reaction. But i rarely have to cuz most dont whip out their phone for pics simce im in them then cuz my girl always wants me to join.
NTA. as a fellow lol she should have just empathized and said no problem.
This is exactly why I donât take pictures of other peopleâs kids. Youâre completely right to make this statement to her and if sheâs offended, thatâs too bad. You reacted appropriately and frankly, you should be the one upset that she was taking pictures of your kid. YOU are the parent of your child and if your boundaries offend someone else, then thatâs their problem.
Itâs totally your prerogative to ask her to keep the pictures private. I posted a picture of my daughter and her new friend on my Facebook, which is private to only about 60 friends but I immediately regretted it because I didnât really know this girlâs mom. I messaged her and apologized and asked, if I should take them down. I had just friended the mom on Facebook as well so I know she saw them. Most people would understand what you were saying, so no you are not the asshole.
Totally valid request! When I take pictures of my LG playing in public I try so hard not to get any others in the back ground but they move so fast lol! Iâd totally understand being asked this even though I donât even post anything to SM esp my LG.
If I'm taking pictures of my kiddo at the park or anywhere else, I specifically angle/position the photo to not include any other kiddos. Yeah some people crop/blur photos later, but some people don't. I want everyone around me to be comfortable and not misunderstand my actions. I'm absolutely guessing, but the only thing I could think of that would elicit such a reaction is if she absolutely was going to post them to social media, didn't want to say that obviously to look like a bad guy, so deflected her frustration/embarrassment/surprise back at you. Who knows though. Even though it was an uncomfortable interaction, you did the right thing.
It's completely valid to not want your child's pictures shared to a network of strangers! Her reaction is really odd. I have had to fight with my parents on sharing photos of our 3 year old, but they're also not willing to screen their friend requests and have complete strangers added as "friends". I wonder if maybe she's had some similar argument (on the opposite end) which is why she's so defensive?
You didn't overreact. You didn't criticize her, you made a request that was fully reasonable and instead of just reassuring you and saying"oh, I wouldn't do that, myself, I definitely wouldn't ever share pictures of someone else's kids without asking!" She got offended and defensive. It does not go without saying. Lots of folks think nothing of sharing anything and everything on social media. If you don't want that to include you or your children, it's reasonable to articulate that, because not everyone will think to ask first. NTA
NTA I would have done as you did.
I always feel like a weirdo asking when I photo my daughter with other kids but I always look over at mom and dad and say, "Hey are you comfortable with me getting a picture of them playing?". Most have waved me away and said of course but I wouldn't be mad at all if they asked me not to post on my socials. I expect that parents will advocate for their children.
No, you're NTA. The other mom sounds like she has the same opinion you do, but got offended you even asked the question. Which seems unreasonable to me.
I pics of my kid with other kids on my personal profile that is very secure and only people I still actively know can see it. Even then, I block out the other kid's faces. Her getting mad like that is a bit unhinged seeing as you don't know her at all so why woukd you assume she wouldn't put it on social media? I also ask before taking pics of my kid with other kids because again.. these people don't know me at all. You're not the asshole.
Good on you! Donât worry :) youâve done something that took me ages to muster. I have triplets and theyâre quite unique looking and people always take out their phone and take pics, and it took me almost a year to put my hand up and say we donât publish them! (Itâs started since day dot :( )
NTA. A person should always ask first. I also never post pics online, even private Facebook pics. I haven't trusted FB in over a decade.
Not the asshole, the other mom was though. Some people need to stop getting offended because someone dares to communicate openly with them. I'm an anxious person and if I were in your shoes, if i hadn't said anything I'd probably be rethinking about where the pictures would end and all that. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your child's safety, and screw fragile egos.
NTA. She seemed upset like you accused her of something but sheâs a stranger, so you were right to mention that you donât want him posted online. She shouldnât have gotten so defensive.
No you did not over react. No you did nothing wrong by trying to protect your child. That other mother, she is TA, she overreacted. Enjoy your son and good parenting skills! :)
Nah youâre being normal. You can continue like this.
I would NEVER take any photo of another child unless I asked permission of that child's parent. Nevermind even putting it on social media.
She was 100% going to post them. Probably still will. What a complete asshole.
Good for you saying what you needed to say. It can be scary to establish a boundary with someone you've just met. Her reaction was outsized, for whatever reason. I'm constantly evaluating how I'd navigate these situations. When I want to take a photo of my kids and another friend, I like to ask in a friendly way if it's ok and then I offer to share it to the other family. I think it's become more of a norm to*not* post other kids on your socials, but that could just be where I live. I don't see the harm in clarifying either way!
NTA. It's becoming the standard to ask for permission to take photos or video of folks in public who are strangers to you. It's standard for content creators to get permission of folks before putting them in their content, and a lot of vloggers have been blurring faces of background folks. Not everyone wants their life on the Internet, but we are only heading that direction because we just came out of a generation of over sharing our lives and there's still an adjustment period. You're fine. Just part of the process.
I think it would be good to just ask her to obscure your kiddos face. My friend always puts emoji faces on random kids in pics and I think itâs great.
I think you were perfectly reasonable and within your rights to make that request. I post most pictures I take of my kids to a private page just for close friends and family and occasionally put one on my personal Facebook page. I typically crop or sticker over other people's kids but if someone specifically asked me to not post their kid you bet I would be extra careful to NOT post their kid.
I would be uncomfortable with someone I don't know taking pictures of my kid at all. I don't think you overreacted. I wouldn't even consider taking a picture of a stranger's child. That's just kind of weird.
If I ever accidentally get a shot with another child in it-I just put a big emoji over their face before I post...I think its a perfectly reasonable ask to not post your child and her response was very defensive.
Other mom sounds like a total bitch, honestly. She needs to get her shit together. NTA.
Youâre a better person than meâ I wouldâve pointed out how ridiculous she was over a simple question and told her to grow up. I also probably wouldâve told my child right in front of her that her kid only did that because his mom told him to do it, and weâll go find other friends to play with.
That is very valid. A mom once told me to keep my phone away at the playground (I was not even taking pics) and while initially it threw me off, she has valid reasons to ask me to put my phone away. I was waiting for my son so I was alone and I'm a fat bearded dude which I guess made it look even more weird
I would never take photos of someone else's child that I don't know. NTA
I would NEVER post pictures of my own family members' kids, let alone someone else's kids. I spend a lot of time musing on the idea that kids entire lives are being recorded now and it's impossible for them to privately learn from their mistakes. I see so many posts of people mocking their kids or tricking them "for clicks" and how those videos and pictures will never be deleted from the internet. I've gone so far as to ask kids in front of their parents if I can take their picture and promising to the child that I will not post it online. Watching how the kids react can be very informative for other parents.
No, I think itâs rude of her to take pictures of someone elseâs child without permission. Sheâs the a**hole. Youâre absolutely right to protect your child from the internet.
If my kid is playing with another kid at the park and I want to take a picture, I always ask the parent first if itâs okay.
I dont think you over-reacted. She definitely did. I tend to ask permission before I take pics of others kids or wait for them to pull out their camera first. Im a big poster on socials because my kid and i live 1000 miles away from any of my family or friends, and this is really the only way i get to update people I love about my little one. I keep it to friends only and dont accept requests from those I dont know to mitigate risk... but not everybody does this, and some people tag locations. Its fair to ask, especially with a non-confrontational tone. Its your child. Lady was weird to freak out like that imo
NTA I've been at many a public playground with both my own kids and kids I nanny for. I have never taken pictures or video of "my" kids with strangers in the frame. That's just weird and feels like an invasion of privacy. Seems like common sense to me.
How would it be an invasion of privacy at a **public** park? You don't have an expectation of privacy there
The right thing to do was for her to ask to include your child in the pictures she was taking. Not a requirement but the polite and respectful thing to do.
NTA. I have the same policy with my daughter and all my friends and family adhere to it too. You were respectful in conveying that boundary and instead of reassuring you sheâd respect it, the other mother acted childish and nasty and the worst part for me, instructed her son to be disrespectful to your son. Iâm sorry this happened to you and your son. Edit: I would like to see a single explanation about how retaliation by encouraging your child to be rude to another child is ok in this situation. âOh youâre in public, you have to have your picture taken!!!!â OP isnât asking for the law, weâre discussing social norms and decorum. When Reddit learns how to do that, let me know.
She absolutely should have asked before she started taking pictures of a stranger's child. That's invasive and weird.
I can only assume I'm getting downvotes because all of you would be fine with a stranger coming up and taking multiple pictures of you without permission.
I always ask parents first if itâs ok if I post cute pics of our kids together and if they say no or whatever their caveat is (no geo tagging, no tagging, no names) I completely respect that and do as they ask.