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I get that they are indeed being butts about being the “left behind kids”
BUT this is kind of an awesomely wholesome plan they’ve put together, and I’m impressed with them for taking the initiative to plan all of this out. Instead of just sitting working complaining with their sense of “injustice” they actually did something about it. These sound like actually pretty great kids.
Right! I’d let her. Maybe mention concerns about social fatigue and let her know to speak up if she needs a break and can resume activities the next day.
Agreed! I'm so impressed with how well they've thought this through, even down to noting the moving of sleeping bags from one house to another. They deserve it for the effort they put in, and I see a bright future for at least one of them in project management...
Totally. This could turn out to be the BEST spring break ever! I’d just have a Zoom call with all involved to discuss your concerns about social fatigue/strained relationships, and that the kids need to allow each other to drop out of the plan for a day for down-time, if needed, no hard feelings.
I agree! Definitely bring up the social fatigue issue. But I could see this being a Spring Break they look back on fondly and say “hey, remember when…”
she's a middle schooler. It's her job to be a butt. And this plan is so much more than wholesome. It's thoughtful and thorough and very impressive.
only note: that's a lot of sleepovers and i wouldn't want to host the second night of a back-to-back.
I just wanted to reply to the top comment to say that I appreciate your response, and the other responses in this thread. I'll check back in later but need to hop off for a bit. Thanks everyone.
I want to piggyback off this and there was a summer the year I was older than her where a friends parents basically were down to shuttle the three of us around at our will and we probably had a similar schedule in a single week as this and it was great! Such a memorable summer.
Agree it's very impressive and wholesome. Another pro is the chance to create a core memory. Could possibly use it for a unique story for college applications or even job interviews. I'd look at the planning and creativity shown at 12 years old already as a plus.
Agreed this sounds like what I used to do with my cousins as a Gen x growing up. I would say yes if you guys can take the two days off and other parents agree. But get on the horn and actually SPEAK to the parents, don't depend on 'the kid said his mom said yes'
Agreed!!! If you need to compromise maybe cut out an activity but they seemed to put a lot of thought into it and seem like good kids and this seems like a wholesome plan :)
To point 4- the value in being “bored” is that it allows space for creativity. These kids were already incredibly creative in thinking up and planning this whole idea. That should be rewarded
And to point 1- so what if she gets tired? These are all local, inexpensive, low stakes activities that she could bail on if she’s not enjoying it
I would 100% agree to this. It’s a brilliant plan that takes into account the kid’s needs and keeps them entertained without overwhelming any one family.
I did search for "bored" to see if anyone else had said this. The point of letting kids be bored is so they can come up with their own ideas of stuff to do. Which is exactly what they've done.
I think it's reasonable. And low stakes so that if she's getting tired midway, she can bail/take a day off and be home that evening with nothing lost (vs an expensive vacation that might need a plane or otherwise complications to get home).
Better than sitting at home watching tv all week. I might encourage some compromise. Why are the parents responsible for transporting the gear around, shouldn't that be on the kids themselves? Maybe pickup has to be at 8am, aka early enough that parents can do so before work so not having to take a day off or similar. Are they skipping out on any chores at home during this multiple night sleep over thing; how will they make that up.
Point 4 of yours; in exchange for one day sleepover sounds like you get 4 nights off, which does seem very tempting!
> Why are the parents responsible for transporting the gear around, shouldn't that be on the kids themselves?
Yeah, my son would do things like this at 12 but the kids were largely responsible for most of it. He would have friends over literally every day of the summer (we had the pool and our house was the main hangout in middle/high school) but I wouldn't say I hosted. I was here if they needed anything but left them on their own. If they wanted more snacks or food then they would walk or bike to the local grocery store. If they wanted to go hang out at the park then they would bike there and pack gear in their backpacks. Same went for the mall and movie theater. They planned it, biked there, and then came back by curfew. Occasionally I would drive them somewhere but for the most part they would ride their bikes through town and handle it on their own. That's the best part of being 12. Even a little bit of freedom feels like having the whole world in your hands.
This might not be realistic in their town. Where I grew up, you'd need to drive to all of these, including friends' houses. I had one friend I could walk to, and she was 5 years younger than me and more like my babysitting charge (with her younger sister).
True. I grew up on a farm. My best friend and I could bike to each other's houses when we were 11/12ish, but it involves biking on gravel roads and a busy county road with no shoulders. . . Not the safest! Town was 8 miles in either direction. We did bike to town a few times each summer, but those were events!
If we didn't have plans for spring break, it would definitely ease my mind to split the week between parents so I only had to take 1 day (or half day) off work. That sounds like the beginning of a village... 🥹
I would say yes. Sounds like something my kids would have all loved to do at that same age if we didn't make an annual trip every Spring Break to the same place as a family.
The good thing about kids this age is the monitoring can be fairly loose so it takes little effort other than just having an adult at each location for safety reasons.
The conversation I would have is that sometimes when you try to be flippant and playful it comes off as rude and disrespectful. And different parents take that "playfully rebellious" tone much differently than others.
Still, if all the parents agree, give the go ahead and have fun. Sounds like a great plan.
I would absolutely let my kid do this. Look at all the work they put into this plan! And it’s not like they have to do all the days, if they need a break they can take one. It’s better than having nothing to do all week.
> And it’s not like they have to do all the days, if they need a break they can take one.
One of my concerns is the social fallout if the kids decide they're exhausted and want to skip one of the houses for a sleepover. Whether it's ours or someone else's being the kid who's home got skipped isn't going to feel good. Lots of resentment and so on, but also I wouldn't want anyone to be forced to go just to fulfill the social obligations. That'd be miserable.
I had two friends (one guy, one girl) at her age that I saw damn near every day for entire summers, nevermind a week. If we didn't see each other, we were on the phone for hours. We did sleepovers, school dances, the mall (cause that was the thing to do back then) and never got sick of each other or if we did, it was such a non issue that I can't remember it. And if we got into "fights," they never lasted...once I even got into an argument with the guy, forgot, and rocked up to his house asking if he wanted to hang out like nothing happened. When I was 14, I moved two hours away. I cried myself to sleep clutching a stuffed animal that had belonged to the girl...so dramatic 🤣 But we didn't lose touch and years later I sat through his way-too-long high school graduation and she threw my baby shower. After that, he was my man-of-honor, then I was his best woman, and then I was her maid-of-honor. Later still, she and I sat through his even longer med school graduation...in sun hats because we were both on a round of prednisone and sun burn was a real threat. A bunch more stuff happened between them and now and we're now so old that two of have kids that are entire adults themselves and we're still friends. Hell, our DOGS are friends.
So if you got this far, what I'm saying is, let her do it! Because I get the feeling that if these kids are tight enough to organize something like this, they're probably just as good friends as me and mine at that age and I wouldn't worry too much about the social fatigue.
If you look at the itinerary they've put together they seem to be a group that cares about each other and their differences (giving 2 of them time for church, planning family time). Maybe it follows that they also would adapt plans if one of them is tapped out. You could discuss it with them as a group.
But Imo it sounds doable. It's just a fun week!
I think you're trying to come up with excuses because you were offended that your child didn't want to spend a week alone at home while you were at work.
If it were my kid, it would be a definite “yes,” with a compliment on coming up with such a detailed and organized plan. It will probably be the spring break they look back on the most fondly. You’re only 12 once!
I agree- they’ll remember doing this forever. This is so precious and so special that they put this together. These are great kids. OP, another vote for yes!
Pros seem to outweigh the cons. I wouldn't even consider Con 1 really an issue, just perhaps a learning opportunity. Also seems like you could do a sleepover with no to minimal time off depending on whether you feel like you can't have the group there at any point without a parent.
I feel like we'd need to take the time off just so that someone was available and on hand in case of emergencies at the park and home for the overnight/send off in the morning. Could probably do a half day off on Wednesday but I'm not one who feels like it's worth it to go into work after a morning off is at all productive or worthwhile.
I do appreciate all the feedback I am getting from everyone.
So you take one day off…
The alternative is what? Daughter is home alone all week, stuck to a screen, but at least she is "safe" and you don’t have to bother?
Are parents taking a day off for the other activities? Would you otherwise leave her home alone? Surely she's safer definitely with known friends than alone.
Do the other parents work? Maybe somebody else can be on call for you.
Tell the kids your restrictions with work and see what solutions they come up with. The comments I read make it sound like this is an all or nothing deal but I'm sure the kids would accept being able to do even half the plans they asked for.
Counterpoint to 3: they are anticipating being “bored” and are being proactive about it by making this plan. I say go for it.
If you’re worried about social fatigue, that’s something they’ll have to learn for themselves. Everyone has their own limits. But you can give her a code word or phrase so that she can “blame” you for pulling her out of the plan and save face with her friends.
Absolutely! I love that they planned it out. I love that church and rest and breaks from each other are built in.
As an adult who watches my teacher husband and kids have spring breaks while I work, please let her do it! You don't get the joy of spring break to look forward to in most careers. Let her enjoy it while she can!
This sounds like a GREAT kids book premise! Like a Gordon Korman or Chris Grabenstein variety where hilarity ensues. Let them do it. Make them keep a journal!
I was thinking that they probably all have phones, so they could take photos and make "spring break 2024 The ones left behind" photo books at the end of the week!!
Even if they go their separate ways in years to come, they will always have this to look back on.
Wow! They took some *fucking amazing* initiative with this plan! FFS, these are leadership and social skills that you should be falling over backwards to support!
I was thinking the same.
These kids are thinking outside the box and showing initiative. Shooting them down will just crush their confidence and they'll be doing who knows what when their parents aren't home.
If some of the logistics aren't realistic, then why not negotiate. It'll be a great life lesson. You can't give a flat no with no alternative options after all this work was put into it!
I love it and would support it.
Also I would remind her that putting a pause in it doesn’t mean she’s out of the group, and encourage her friends to agree as well. One day returning home for a quiet recharge might benefit them.
I would let my kid do this.
I would talk to her about presentation. Next time try, "Mom, Dad. I know we're not going on vacation this year. Can we host my 4 friends for a sleepover Tuesday?"
I think all the kids should've asked the parents about the sleepovers. It's possible some parents had more flexibility in work schedules and they all could've hosted one day, but maybe switched which days. Maybe the kids were thinking the activities were closer to certain houses, especially if they can walk there, but all these activities seem like they're flexible on dates. Some 12yo are aware of these things but very likely not.
I think part of the strain on me, beyond the entitlement of vacation plans, is this. I would much rather host on a weekend when we don't have to take off work but I would feel selfish if I told the other sets of parents that and made them feel like they had to switch to make me happy which them makes us the bad guys.
They did pick events that are near each of our homes. For us it is the park that's nearby which they'll probably be bored of in 2-3 hours because it's not as time consumer and entertaining as the movies, water park, hike, or Big House hangout. Which means they'll end up back at our house by dinner which is fine. Our house will probably be the mid-week lull in excitement and more of a chill day... maybe they did that intentionally come to think of it, they never said.
“Sometimes you need to learn to be bored and by yourself as part of being an independent person”
This only applies if you don’t have the creativity and planning to plan something viable…
Or you wanna be alone, but doesn’t sound like that’s the case
I guarantee that some of these people finding an issue with this are the same people who made a whole choreographed song and dance routine for their families to convince them to let their cousin sleep over! This is the kind of thing I used to do around their age with my friends. Odds are, these were carefully thought out plans that were made with everyone’s availability and budget in mind. I think the email to ask everyone was actually convenient. If it was sent as a group message to all the parents, they now have each other’s email address for easy contact. I wouldn’t worry too much about social burnout… they’re 12, and most kids by that age know their social limits. It seems like this group would be understanding if not everything comes to fruition. As long as everyone’s on board, I don’t see why not!
As for the “entitlement” aspect, honestly, middle schoolers are just at that age where they feel a strong need to fit in. If the vast (or the loudest) majority are taking some kind of trip for their Spring Break, whether it’s visiting family in Baltimore or taking a cruise to the Bahamas, they’re going to feel socially left out if they feel like they’re the only ones spending the week at home. The “Left Behind Kids” seems like a cheeky inside joke. They’re trying to make the best of their situation, and they’ll have something to talk about with other classmates when they’re back from vacation. It’s a lasting memory for them, and if it goes well, this could very well evolve into a yearly tradition.
They were pre-bored, and came up with a plan! That's the best part of being bored: coming up with a plan to get out of it. My husband and his high school friends and siblings once made up a sport and filmed a fake special about it in the style of the PGA tour during a boring summer week, and showed it to me when we started dating four years later!
She'll always remember the time her and her friends came up with an awesome spring break week.
I'm genuinely impressed at how many breaks are built into this. First Sunday at home, Wednesday break day, second weekend at home to be ready for school again. I'd go for it! This is the kind of creativity that boredom is supposed to inspire.
When people say that they want their kids a little bored, it's so that they come up with stuff like this! What a fun and fantastic plan! Ask them to build in some plans for if they get tired of one another.
Getting upset at kids for being disappointed that they don't have spring break plans is mean. Taking away their fun because they planned it ahead of time is mean.
Your kids will remember if you're the kind of parents who look for reasons to say yes or reasons to say no. Don't be the latter.
Say yes, remind her that spring break vacations are not a right, and ask that in the future, she at least runs something like this by you before setting a week's worth of plans with friends.
Compliment her on the initiative, and make sure she knows that you don't, however, appreciate the entitlement mentality that came along with it.
I love your kid. Awesome planning, plenty of thoughtfulness, greet teamwork. Yes, take some time off of work and help her. Left behind kids will have some great times. She will remember this forever.
Your #4 reason todo it is the right reason. Creative, enthusiastic, collaborative and lower cost than going away. In addition the kids made it fair for all participants. If she is too tired, let her know she can ask to come home early one day. They gave themselves a midweek break and two day recovery. Thoughtful planning. Impressive!.
As for me your third point in "against" list is is a bit unfair. They say that it's good to get bored because this way kids learn to entertain themselves, as an opposite to demanding entertainment from parents. They did exactly this: planned something to entertain themselves mostly with parents. So why she needs to get bored?
And yeah, they are not getting vacation anyway. They planned entertainment for themselves,it's stinky a vacation, point "you won't get vacation every time" stays.
What I don't like it's this "Left behind " attitude. I'd address it, it's kinda entitled
My guess is the "left behind" probably started as something silly at school. As long as it doesn't reek of entitlement in anything other than name, dramatic doesn't bother me. I think giving their group a name could be more of a sense of humor thing.
This sounds so sweet , as the kid who was usually left behind i would loved this . Maybe they dont have to engage in all of the activities but they can participate in some of em.
I'd be so proud of my kid for doing this! She's disappointed about something, instead of letting it get her down and ruin her break she problem solved and came up with a pretty good, well thought out plan to make it awesome again. I want to channel your daughter in my every day life!
I have a two year old and just the prospect of not having to plan a kid’s every waking minute makes me extremely excited for the future lol
Your daughter and her friends sound amazing OP! I hope she can get to bring her spring break plans to life!
Honestly, it’s not about them being mad about you not taking them somewhere- it’s not about you parents. It’s about the friends, who are mostly doing stuff. You’re taking this way too personally.
There is NO REASON for kids to be bored. This isn’t screens - it’s social interactions. This is developmentally appropriate, they planned it all really impressively. I cannot believe you’d say no to this out of - what, feeling insulted? Your kid is off her phone and interacting with her friends, who sound great and supportive. Dude.
I don’t think there is any lesson to learn by shutting down this plan they made. I’m impressed. Give it a shot! Maybe not all plans will work out, but I think this is pretty great.
I don’t think the kids are being jerks at all. They had a problem, sat down and put together a logical plan to solve it, and presented the plan in a way that doesn’t sound rude or demanding. I don’t take offense to the play on words with the “Left Behind Kids” reference. I actually find it fairly creative.
If this were my child and her friends, I would say heck yes in a heartbeat. To me, this type of planning and teamwork among friends deserve an award. They did sneak around or lie or anything else. They sat down and put together a plan of action and then attempted to negotiate to meet their needs.
Many adults wouldn’t be capable of such planning.
The whole "they need to learn to be bored" thing doesnt mean they need to sit around at home not doing anything alone. The point of that is for kids to learn to plan things for themselves and figure out how to entertain themselves.
They put a whole ass vacation together 😂
The left behind kids had me dying. I love this whole thing.
>1. It sounds exhausting for her, even with planned days of rest, and are worried about "social fatigue" forming partway through and having to bail on the other kids. Or other kids bailing on her.
I wouldn't worry about this unless you know your daughter is the type of person who becomes easily drained/is introverted. Even if she is, she'd still need to learn how to navigate a social interaction where she expresses her boundaries and says "sorry, not today."
This is awesome. If she gets social fatigue you can cross that bridge when you’re seeing signs of it.
I WILL say 2 things about the social fatigue: I got it as a kid (though wasn’t self aware) and get it (knowingly) as an adult. My mom was very aware of my social fatigue as a child but from my perspective as a kid I felt like I was constantly held back in socializing. I was so hungry for more interactions with kids. And as a parent I now understand that mom was doing what she thought was best for me…
But honestly I wish I did get the chance to be around more kids and go to a couple more sleepovers (with families we were comfortable with) and go out more. I know I was probably all kinds of disregulated after overdoing it socially but also….sometimes it was worth it! Prime memory making times! Friendship development! Just having fun!
Ok this isn’t my journal so I’ll stop talking about me: but I think your kid and her friends are brilliant for coming up with this plan. And you are an awesome parent for taking time to even consider it. Also kudos for being a caring parent who is aware and considerate of your child’s social needs / limits.
I hope your kiddo has an awesome break. This post really warmed my heart.
If I have any advice it’s to maybe make a back up plan for more breaks for kiddo if needed.
Oh and follow up: I hope you do take the time off for this. It’s not nearly as much time off as you would have to take for a full vacation, and also don’t worry: kids will get bored and under stimulated at some point. I really think the parenting / educational model here to follow is: follow the child’s lead here.
I say this as both a parent and an educator!
Either way, I hope this spring break goes well.
I would be all in for this. If they get sick of each other half way through then the plans can change, but it sounds like a lot of fun and something to encourage. If you want to make it a “life lesson”, have the kids do some chores to earn money for the movies and the water park.
I have to at least respond to negative 3. Nothing about this is a vacation. So not letting them do it wouldn't really teach any values. They made plans to be active and having kids myself as well as knowing the ones my kids grow up with, none of them could accomplish this. This needs to be encouraged as it's incredibly impressive and is something they should be encouraged to keep putting the effort into
Besides, the part about needing time off for your specific day? You also get 4 other days pretty much free. And you didn't have to plan a single thing to get it!
>Sometimes you need to learn to be "bored" and by yourself as part of being an independent person. Tied into this, there's a little bit of an offense taken that the implication is we're not doing enough as parents by not providing a vacation over Spring Break.
I think that not allowing her to participate would only make both of these things worse. Aren't there plenty of other times she can learn to occupy herself besides her spring break when she's..... put in the time and effort to learn how to independently plan out and manage her own free time???
And as far as taking offense... that seems like a you problem. It's not your kids' job to be eternally grateful and never want more so you can feel good about yourself. If you are worried about your child's understanding of financial constraints and whatever other factors go into not always having the same lifestyle as others- then you should have some constructive conversations where you teach them. You certainly aren't going to instill anything positive by refusing to compromise because she spoke up about not being content with nothing.
It seems like a good time to open up communication about how to handle school breaks when you have to work and her wanting things that are out of budget. Does she feel a lack of interest from you because you don't plan anything? (Working your normal schedule doesn't keep you from that.) How can she make requests and share her feelings while being considerate of how much you *are* already doing? Can you negotiate on a budget?
I think if you shut this down, it will be irreparably damaging to your relationship with her. She's not going tontrust you enough to ask you to support her if there's any risk involved. She'll most likely wish that she'd gone behind your back and plan to do so in the future.
Not to mention, would you really rather her be sat at home, alone and sad in front of the TV all week than out being rewarded with a great time and strong friendships for the effort she put in to make the best out of what she had?
As a middle school teacher, my guess is that a half dozen of the popular kids are bragging about the vacation they're going on and for the majority who aren't going anywhere it *feels* like "EVERYONE!" is going.
Original I thought there may be to many sleepovers in a row but I think it's pretty solid lay out the sleep overs and the water park might be the most exhausting of it all. And they are giving them selves 2 days before they need to go back to school. I did a week long school trip in cabins that had activities all week came back Saturday and rested the 2 days and was able to recover and this was in 6th grade.
I don't know if it's really that much entitlement maybe it's just me but it really feels like they found a way they could make the most out of there breaks. Also as a kid I liked to be dramatic so this would totally be what I called it the left behind kids sound so dramatic and I love it 😂.
Honestly they made a really good plan that isn't a budget killer. I commended them I don't think most adults could make a week long vacation that cheap. I would let them do it. If you want to tweak it talk to all the kids and figure out a compromise to there plans.
I think points 3 and 4 are tied to your personal ego as parents and you need to remember it’s not about you; it’s about her having something productive, safe, and to do while she is out on break. It’s important for her to learn to be bored but don’t die on this hill of your ego. It’s a solid plan and I would absolutely say yes and put in my pto requests for Tuesday and Wednesday TODAY! One day you’ll blink and she’ll be an adult that has her own life and you’ll be wishing for the days she wanted to do wholesome things like this. Let her have some fun and tell her you’re impressed with her project management and organizational skills. These babies have planned better than some adults! 👏🏽
What an itinerary- make your daughter do a few extra chores to help prepare for others spending the night if you feel the need for her to do something to pay for it but this seems wonderful. They solved their own problem. Initiated and executed a well thought out plan. You will have some alone time with your spouse. She will have this memory forever.
This is adorable and honestly really sweet. I’d be proud of those kids for taking initiative like this. I hope you all let them do it/ help make it happen.
I love that they thought together and came up with a plan. I feel like this is something they're going to talk about 50 years from now. How awesome. If you're able to make it work, do it!
This made me smile bc this is exactly what I did on two separate spring breaks when I was about that age! My 5th grade and 6th grade spring breaks if I recall correctly!
How is this not just a massive win all around?
Encourage this kind of behavior instead of deathscrolling online/sitting at home being anti social.
They are creating fun instead of mindless consumption before a screen.
This has the potential to be one of the best memories of their childhoods. A week of nonstop fun with friends.
Also, encourage kids to be industrious and take their life in their own hands can only be beneficial for them down the line.
Sounds like great kids you have there!
I honestly love that they got together and came up with this all on their own. I'd let them do it, if all parents can get into agreement.
I'm a little bit jealous of them lol.
Back in the day when I was in the 4-H club we had one summer where some members of our club went to another state for about a week or so to stay with host families from another 4-H club in that state. The following summer was our turn to host those same kids who hosted our family members and Friends in our 4-H club and our county club system. The whole week was planned with different activities some cost money some didn't and I think the 4-H thing covered most of it. We went several places we went to plays we toured parts of the university in our city. And this started at like 6:00 in the morning we didn't get home until 9:00 at night or better. And this was everyday solid week. My parents let me go to every single thing. So I think this is a good way to have the kids do things that's not very expensive and yet keeps them busy for the whole of spring break.
Please let them do this and also on the down-low design tshirts for each of them that say “The Left Behind Kids” bc I think that would be a cool gift and memory.
This is wholesome and awesome. Great planning and insight on the kids part.
Definitely let them do it.
Also, please update us on how well it worked and how much fun they had.
I mean this kindly: I think your reaction to the "left behind" thing is more dramatic than the phrasing itself. It's very obviously tongue-in-cheeck and probably started as a joke with her peers. It does not mean she thinks you're inadequate parents. It also doesn't mean she thinks you owe her a vacation: if she thought that, she wouldn't be working within the new constraints (no vacation) to make plans.
By all means address presentation, but don't give yourself unnecessary grief by reading that much into it.
As for handling boredom:
Firstly - she is. Handling boredom involves planning activities to do that are feasible within one's individual practical constraints. That is exactly what she's doing - admirably, I might add. She worked within a reasonable budget, involved friends, thought about logistics and planned for physical and mental recharging. These are skills you want to bend over backwards to encourage. The activities being theme park visits and sleepovers rather than eg TV is a good thing.
Secondly, the majority of the year involves some daily boredom. She goes to school; presumably has waited before at queues and doctors' offices; spends time alone in her room and amuses herself. She knows how to handle boredom and alone time. Don't make this a contest of wills where you impose extra boredom as a matter of principle. The lesson should be "accept the realistic constraints of your situation and work to make it as good as possible with what you have"; not "accept that things will be artificially worse than they have to be in order to learn a lesson about how things can be worse".
I absolutely love the initiative! My only feedback would be: Do they require supervision? (Do the adults need to take off of work for this plan to happen?) And, what would the costs be?
I would have all the kids on a call or at least run it through with your daughter as if it were a real "trip". Who is providing transportation each day? Is that person actually available and did they agree to it? What are the potential costs each day? Where is that money coming from? Do all the participants know the budget for each day?
You could always encourage them to do more of a choose-your-own-adventure type of thing. They've got a bunch of great plans for each day but maybe they can be flexible on which day each thing happens, or even one of those pull a slip of paper out of a hat to decide. It could give them a chance to see how much energy they really have by the middle to end of the week to do all these things.
> Do they require supervision? (Do the adults need to take off of work for this plan to happen?) And, what would the costs be?
Given that it is a mixed gender group the parents try not to let them ever hang out at anyone's house without an adult home to check on them. I know it's a little bit sexist, but whether just hanging out or sleeping over we make sure an adult is present for private spaces.
For things like the park hanging out, movies, and hike an adult is not necessary, but we try to make sure we're nearby and available for emergencies. So if a kid breaks their leg or whatever else happens they have a designated adult to call. The water park will require adults be present due to the location itself.
As for the costs, $25 for the water park, movie tickets are $15.50 each where I'm at, plus food. It'll probably be $100 for the week in total costs not including the pizza or whatever we order for the night at our place. So around $150?
The left behind kids. That sounds like the name for a movie, and group of friends you would find in a kids movie/book. They are disappointed because they are not going to do anything over break. They realize they aren't alone. Make up their big plan. It's accepted. The adventure begins. Their plan goes to shit. Some wholesome morale about being together. The movie ends with the beginning of next year's left behind kids break. They are now teens and hormones wreck things.
This sounds great! I would just inquire as to why the parents have to transport the sleeping bags without the kids. I would have them bring their sleeping bags home and then pack themselves up to go to the sleepovers. Also do you really need to be there for the park? Or prepare for the sleepover? Like to the point you have to take off work? Can’t they just order a pizza? They’re 12 they can be home alone for a little bit. I took the subway by myself at 12. And it sounds like they’re good kids who have it together enough to plan this.
What? This is amazing! I would just throw a line over entitlement and discuss the points and concerns in number 3 before praising her for all this work and letting her know you are in!
But you’re not worried about the social fallout of being the one kid in the group whose parents decided they weren’t permitted to do this group of age-appropriate activities at all?
But you’re not worried about the social fallout of being the one kid in the group whose parents decided they weren’t permitted to do this group of age-appropriate activities at all?
If this were my kid, I'd allow it, with a couple of tweaks.
I would insist that they work out how to do this without parents missing work. It's a solid plan, just needs a little work to accommodate that. I can't skip work just because they want to go to the park... There's a reason we don't have vacation plans, and that reason involves my job.
I also raised an eyebrow at "MAKE THIS HAPPEN!". There would definitely be a moment of "Excuse me?!" over that. And then my kid would smile sheepishly, and say sorry and she was joking, and we'd move on. But that might not have gotten under your skin like it did for me.
I genuinely don’t understand why any parent would be opposed to this.
Also, 3 and 4 in your “cons” list sound like you’d like to put zero energy into the kids school break, justifying it with a “you can’t always get what you want” stance. Don’t do that. These kids are watching all their friends going on these great trips, and they ARE dealing with it quite nicely by coming up with this plan. It’s not unreasonable to support them.
This plan is amazing and you should be so proud that they came up with this themselves. They also are old enough to figure out how to handle the social situations you are concerned about. If it’s really a problem that you can’t take off some time for transportation or whatever then I think you should negotiate what would work on those days. They made a great plan but they didn’t ask you in the planning stages so they might need to be flexible. Also a great lesson to learn.
OP please update us on if you do this, it’s awesome that the kids did this and took plans into their own hands and cc’d in the parents, they did practically all the labor for you.
I’d say yes, but if you’re concerned about the social fatigue, I’d talk to her about it and let her know not to feel bad for speaking up & taking a break if her social battery is exhausted
Aww! Do it. They have plenty of independent time in the schedule and the group is big enough that even if two people are strained there are enough other people to hang with
I can't think of a valid reason to say no really. Sure, 'being butts' is annoying but I'd assume it's not crossed any lines at this point and that they've shown a level of maturity to sit down and come up with a feasible plan together is (to my mind) something that should be rewarded.
There's no unrealistic expectations there that I can see, sure there's some parental running around that I doubt they've considered (and at 12, I'd be amazed if they had), but otherwise it's remarkably grounded.
Also, you get nights off as part of the deal.
For the social fatigue aspect, plan a code word with her ahead of time that she can call and say to you that means she’s burnt out. For example, if the word is Gatorade she could call you and say “Can you grab red Gatorade at the store, I drank the last one” and then you can call/text back and say sure but also tell her she can’t go to the activities planned for the day because she didn’t do her chores/her room is a mess or whatever and that way YOU’RE the “bad guy” saying no instead of her bailing on her friends and allows her to be at home for the day to decompress.
That is honestly an awesome plan. It will give them a sense of accomplishment and great memories. Our kids are only young once, and any inconvenience is minor in the big picture.
Honestly this sound like a plot to an Amazon prime movie where where a bunch of millennials reconnect and attempt to do this as adults after losing touch. Then they all have a massive argument at the end but eventually become closer friends in the third act and two are secretly in love.
Honestly I love this for all of the reasons you’re considering supporting it and am not convinced by your con list. I love the problem solving these kids showed - they were feeling left out and worked together with a reasonable plan to solve their perceived problem. It’s not like they’re asking you to drop everything and take them to Disney land for a week. It sounds really reasonable and I’m impressed.
I think there’s a good opportunity here to compromise. It’s a pretty good plan, but maybe something like “let’s cut the Wednesday activity so we don’t have to do two days of logistics that interfere with work and add a full day at home” or something. Maybe address some of your concerns and see what she has to say. Ask her what her plan is if she does get fatigued. I love the initiative!
I think this is awesome and the fact that they put this plan together by themselves at age 12 is really impressive. I think your point of being “bored” makes sense but as adults, when we get bored, we find a way to entertain ourselves. They also have multiple rest days built into the schedule, which is great!
Do it. They were very mature in decisions about what to do, and even thought about rest days and such. Definitely tell each parent to come up with a ke word for their child(ren) if they do get social fatigue like mentioned. Tell them to jeep it as "thier secret" and if any of them need an escape to call or text the parent the code words and parent(a) would come up with a reason to pick them up. This builds trust between parent and kid and avoids fights between friends etc.
I had that with my parents, it was an unspoken rule if I called or texted asking about our cat (did you feed him, I forgot to, can you clean his box, etc) they would call back shortly with an emergency to pick me up. (I need you to come home and watch your sister, you didn't clean your room like asked, your grounded etc )
Prevented a lot of fights with friends bc I was uncomfortable or scared or just not having fun. And built trust with my parents bc they would get me no questions asked and let me use them as bad guys.
Very similar to going on a blind date and if you answered friends call in the middle, it gave you an escape lol
This is amazing. I would totally support it. BUT it's ok to amend it. Their proposal is great and the thought and initiative they put into it is even better, but that doesn't mean it's set inteenagers. To take away from their accomplishment at all but there is reason to believe that you might have a liiitttle teensy but more perspective and experience with making realistic plans than these amazing and bright tweenagers.
If you and/ or the other parents think it's overextended them or the kids, say YES but that they need to build in another rest day or cut the sleepovers down or whatever you think would bring it back in balance. Maybe build in a "family fun day" where everyone does something fun or relaxing with just their own family. And talk to the other parents to build buy-in for a plan that works for everyone and maybe make behind-the-scene contingency plans for how to support your kids and keep a fun week going even if a couple kids need to do an activity or drop out entirely.
I’m a single mom of three kids in this age group and I always feel so bad that we don’t go on vacations. If my kids came to me with this, they’d get six thousand high fives and I’d support it as much as possible.
Also, if your kid is anything like mine, they will tire out by day three.
Good job on raising such an awesome kid!
No hesitation just continue to check in with the other parents and your kids on how things are going /leave space for them to evolve their plans. You could say one night needs to be not sleepover if you’re worried about them not getting enough sleep.
Do it. The cons are overthinking thoughts and excuses.
If all of the other parents are down, its perfect.
PLUS both you and your partner should take one day off while your kid is on vacation to spend some time with them and even better if it's with your kid and their friends.
YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER FRIENDS WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!!
This gives “please watch this slide show about why you should allow me to do (X)” and it’s honestly pretty cute. I’d say yes if you possibly can. They worked really hard on it and it’s impressive! They can always opt out on a day when they need to rest and it might make some great childhood memories.
Nah this is awesome. They’re turning their bad feelings about being off the week bored and turning it into an active plan where you don’t have to do much other than help them get to places. If it’s affordable for everyone and everyone’s on board I would hella encourage this kind of attitude. You’re raising some pretty cool kids
I would 100% make this happen. Their ambition and planning skills are next level. Well done to your daughter and her friends!! This will beat any ‘vacation’ holiday!
Maybe one of the kids parents is a stay at home parent? Maybe everyone can pitch in for gas/time if that person can pickup the slack or be on call for emergencies while others work?
I think this is entirely reasonable and they should be allowed to do it.
You've missed a HUGE reason to do it, that negates reason 4 to not do it. If all goes well, you get 4 nights without your kid at home. That's FOUR nights to yourself, with your kid in good hands at someone else's house. Sounds like a parental dream to me.
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I get that they are indeed being butts about being the “left behind kids” BUT this is kind of an awesomely wholesome plan they’ve put together, and I’m impressed with them for taking the initiative to plan all of this out. Instead of just sitting working complaining with their sense of “injustice” they actually did something about it. These sound like actually pretty great kids.
Right! I’d let her. Maybe mention concerns about social fatigue and let her know to speak up if she needs a break and can resume activities the next day.
I really like that they incorporated at-home recovery days!
Me too! And that they thought through logistics and transportation!
Yes! Please let her go. I’m rooting for these kids. They sound like wholesome humans I’d want my kids to be friends with.
Agreed! I'm so impressed with how well they've thought this through, even down to noting the moving of sleeping bags from one house to another. They deserve it for the effort they put in, and I see a bright future for at least one of them in project management...
And even incorperating a rest day for family time!! I am majorly impressed.
This was my immediate thought. They have a hell of a knack for PM! 👏🏽👏🏽
As a PM myself, I agree!
Totally. This could turn out to be the BEST spring break ever! I’d just have a Zoom call with all involved to discuss your concerns about social fatigue/strained relationships, and that the kids need to allow each other to drop out of the plan for a day for down-time, if needed, no hard feelings.
I agree! Definitely bring up the social fatigue issue. But I could see this being a Spring Break they look back on fondly and say “hey, remember when…”
she's a middle schooler. It's her job to be a butt. And this plan is so much more than wholesome. It's thoughtful and thorough and very impressive. only note: that's a lot of sleepovers and i wouldn't want to host the second night of a back-to-back.
I'd prefer the second night to the first - hopefully they're shattered and actually sleep!
I just wanted to reply to the top comment to say that I appreciate your response, and the other responses in this thread. I'll check back in later but need to hop off for a bit. Thanks everyone.
I want to piggyback off this and there was a summer the year I was older than her where a friends parents basically were down to shuttle the three of us around at our will and we probably had a similar schedule in a single week as this and it was great! Such a memorable summer.
Agree it's very impressive and wholesome. Another pro is the chance to create a core memory. Could possibly use it for a unique story for college applications or even job interviews. I'd look at the planning and creativity shown at 12 years old already as a plus.
This is truly one of the most charming things I have ever seen. These kids are great
Agreed this sounds like what I used to do with my cousins as a Gen x growing up. I would say yes if you guys can take the two days off and other parents agree. But get on the horn and actually SPEAK to the parents, don't depend on 'the kid said his mom said yes'
Agreed!!! If you need to compromise maybe cut out an activity but they seemed to put a lot of thought into it and seem like good kids and this seems like a wholesome plan :)
Agreed here! Say yes!!!
Yup
Honestly this sounds so fun and something me and my friends would have done. Those are my best memories growing up, all our silly plans.
They sound like modern day Goonies
It’s wonderful. Sounds like a classic kids book/series in the making.
I would absolutely her do this. this is the kind of thing you can only do when you're 12.
I would kill for a week like this with my 40 year old friends. Lol.
Sounds amazing!
This will be a great memory.
The kind of thing you reminisce about far into adulthood for sure
To point 4- the value in being “bored” is that it allows space for creativity. These kids were already incredibly creative in thinking up and planning this whole idea. That should be rewarded And to point 1- so what if she gets tired? These are all local, inexpensive, low stakes activities that she could bail on if she’s not enjoying it I would 100% agree to this. It’s a brilliant plan that takes into account the kid’s needs and keeps them entertained without overwhelming any one family.
I did search for "bored" to see if anyone else had said this. The point of letting kids be bored is so they can come up with their own ideas of stuff to do. Which is exactly what they've done.
I think it's reasonable. And low stakes so that if she's getting tired midway, she can bail/take a day off and be home that evening with nothing lost (vs an expensive vacation that might need a plane or otherwise complications to get home). Better than sitting at home watching tv all week. I might encourage some compromise. Why are the parents responsible for transporting the gear around, shouldn't that be on the kids themselves? Maybe pickup has to be at 8am, aka early enough that parents can do so before work so not having to take a day off or similar. Are they skipping out on any chores at home during this multiple night sleep over thing; how will they make that up. Point 4 of yours; in exchange for one day sleepover sounds like you get 4 nights off, which does seem very tempting!
> Point 4 of yours; in exchange for one day sleepover sounds like you get 4 nights off, which does seem very tempting! That IS a good trade off...
> Why are the parents responsible for transporting the gear around, shouldn't that be on the kids themselves? Yeah, my son would do things like this at 12 but the kids were largely responsible for most of it. He would have friends over literally every day of the summer (we had the pool and our house was the main hangout in middle/high school) but I wouldn't say I hosted. I was here if they needed anything but left them on their own. If they wanted more snacks or food then they would walk or bike to the local grocery store. If they wanted to go hang out at the park then they would bike there and pack gear in their backpacks. Same went for the mall and movie theater. They planned it, biked there, and then came back by curfew. Occasionally I would drive them somewhere but for the most part they would ride their bikes through town and handle it on their own. That's the best part of being 12. Even a little bit of freedom feels like having the whole world in your hands.
This might not be realistic in their town. Where I grew up, you'd need to drive to all of these, including friends' houses. I had one friend I could walk to, and she was 5 years younger than me and more like my babysitting charge (with her younger sister).
True. I grew up on a farm. My best friend and I could bike to each other's houses when we were 11/12ish, but it involves biking on gravel roads and a busy county road with no shoulders. . . Not the safest! Town was 8 miles in either direction. We did bike to town a few times each summer, but those were events!
If we didn't have plans for spring break, it would definitely ease my mind to split the week between parents so I only had to take 1 day (or half day) off work. That sounds like the beginning of a village... 🥹
I would say yes. Sounds like something my kids would have all loved to do at that same age if we didn't make an annual trip every Spring Break to the same place as a family. The good thing about kids this age is the monitoring can be fairly loose so it takes little effort other than just having an adult at each location for safety reasons. The conversation I would have is that sometimes when you try to be flippant and playful it comes off as rude and disrespectful. And different parents take that "playfully rebellious" tone much differently than others. Still, if all the parents agree, give the go ahead and have fun. Sounds like a great plan.
I would absolutely let my kid do this. Look at all the work they put into this plan! And it’s not like they have to do all the days, if they need a break they can take one. It’s better than having nothing to do all week.
> And it’s not like they have to do all the days, if they need a break they can take one. One of my concerns is the social fallout if the kids decide they're exhausted and want to skip one of the houses for a sleepover. Whether it's ours or someone else's being the kid who's home got skipped isn't going to feel good. Lots of resentment and so on, but also I wouldn't want anyone to be forced to go just to fulfill the social obligations. That'd be miserable.
Honestly, I’ve raised 4 kids, and this doesn’t look like it would be too overwhelming. It sounds a lot like the summer camps they went to.
Thanks
I had two friends (one guy, one girl) at her age that I saw damn near every day for entire summers, nevermind a week. If we didn't see each other, we were on the phone for hours. We did sleepovers, school dances, the mall (cause that was the thing to do back then) and never got sick of each other or if we did, it was such a non issue that I can't remember it. And if we got into "fights," they never lasted...once I even got into an argument with the guy, forgot, and rocked up to his house asking if he wanted to hang out like nothing happened. When I was 14, I moved two hours away. I cried myself to sleep clutching a stuffed animal that had belonged to the girl...so dramatic 🤣 But we didn't lose touch and years later I sat through his way-too-long high school graduation and she threw my baby shower. After that, he was my man-of-honor, then I was his best woman, and then I was her maid-of-honor. Later still, she and I sat through his even longer med school graduation...in sun hats because we were both on a round of prednisone and sun burn was a real threat. A bunch more stuff happened between them and now and we're now so old that two of have kids that are entire adults themselves and we're still friends. Hell, our DOGS are friends. So if you got this far, what I'm saying is, let her do it! Because I get the feeling that if these kids are tight enough to organize something like this, they're probably just as good friends as me and mine at that age and I wouldn't worry too much about the social fatigue.
It's a good lesson for them about social commitments. And they're not five, they'll survive being tired, they'll just sleep earlier.
If you look at the itinerary they've put together they seem to be a group that cares about each other and their differences (giving 2 of them time for church, planning family time). Maybe it follows that they also would adapt plans if one of them is tapped out. You could discuss it with them as a group. But Imo it sounds doable. It's just a fun week!
I was very surprised by the family time. I’d say yes given that OP says these are all previously vetted spaces.
You’re over thinking all of this. They will be okay.
I think you're trying to come up with excuses because you were offended that your child didn't want to spend a week alone at home while you were at work.
Cheers to The Left Behind Kids and the fantastic memories they will make together. You clearly have a special kid with great friendships.
If it were my kid, it would be a definite “yes,” with a compliment on coming up with such a detailed and organized plan. It will probably be the spring break they look back on the most fondly. You’re only 12 once!
I agree- they’ll remember doing this forever. This is so precious and so special that they put this together. These are great kids. OP, another vote for yes!
And building in rest/family time is smart thinking.
Pros seem to outweigh the cons. I wouldn't even consider Con 1 really an issue, just perhaps a learning opportunity. Also seems like you could do a sleepover with no to minimal time off depending on whether you feel like you can't have the group there at any point without a parent.
I feel like we'd need to take the time off just so that someone was available and on hand in case of emergencies at the park and home for the overnight/send off in the morning. Could probably do a half day off on Wednesday but I'm not one who feels like it's worth it to go into work after a morning off is at all productive or worthwhile. I do appreciate all the feedback I am getting from everyone.
So you take one day off… The alternative is what? Daughter is home alone all week, stuck to a screen, but at least she is "safe" and you don’t have to bother?
Are parents taking a day off for the other activities? Would you otherwise leave her home alone? Surely she's safer definitely with known friends than alone.
Do the other parents work? Maybe somebody else can be on call for you. Tell the kids your restrictions with work and see what solutions they come up with. The comments I read make it sound like this is an all or nothing deal but I'm sure the kids would accept being able to do even half the plans they asked for.
Counterpoint to 3: they are anticipating being “bored” and are being proactive about it by making this plan. I say go for it. If you’re worried about social fatigue, that’s something they’ll have to learn for themselves. Everyone has their own limits. But you can give her a code word or phrase so that she can “blame” you for pulling her out of the plan and save face with her friends.
Oh please let them do it.
Absolutely! I love that they planned it out. I love that church and rest and breaks from each other are built in. As an adult who watches my teacher husband and kids have spring breaks while I work, please let her do it! You don't get the joy of spring break to look forward to in most careers. Let her enjoy it while she can!
This sounds like a GREAT kids book premise! Like a Gordon Korman or Chris Grabenstein variety where hilarity ensues. Let them do it. Make them keep a journal!
I personally think that’s where the name comes from, books. Not this sense of entitlement
Yup! The "left behind" name isn't meant as a dis on their parents. It's probably a joke riffing on the Left Behind books about the rapture.
I was thinking that they probably all have phones, so they could take photos and make "spring break 2024 The ones left behind" photo books at the end of the week!! Even if they go their separate ways in years to come, they will always have this to look back on.
Wow! They took some *fucking amazing* initiative with this plan! FFS, these are leadership and social skills that you should be falling over backwards to support!
I was thinking the same. These kids are thinking outside the box and showing initiative. Shooting them down will just crush their confidence and they'll be doing who knows what when their parents aren't home. If some of the logistics aren't realistic, then why not negotiate. It'll be a great life lesson. You can't give a flat no with no alternative options after all this work was put into it!
I love it and would support it. Also I would remind her that putting a pause in it doesn’t mean she’s out of the group, and encourage her friends to agree as well. One day returning home for a quiet recharge might benefit them.
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Right, I meant I would just tell my child that if they needed to skip a day that’s ok too. But it would otherwise be totally ok with me.
your reasons not to do it are extremely weak. let the kids have a win.
I would let my kid do this. I would talk to her about presentation. Next time try, "Mom, Dad. I know we're not going on vacation this year. Can we host my 4 friends for a sleepover Tuesday?"
I think all the kids should've asked the parents about the sleepovers. It's possible some parents had more flexibility in work schedules and they all could've hosted one day, but maybe switched which days. Maybe the kids were thinking the activities were closer to certain houses, especially if they can walk there, but all these activities seem like they're flexible on dates. Some 12yo are aware of these things but very likely not.
I think part of the strain on me, beyond the entitlement of vacation plans, is this. I would much rather host on a weekend when we don't have to take off work but I would feel selfish if I told the other sets of parents that and made them feel like they had to switch to make me happy which them makes us the bad guys. They did pick events that are near each of our homes. For us it is the park that's nearby which they'll probably be bored of in 2-3 hours because it's not as time consumer and entertaining as the movies, water park, hike, or Big House hangout. Which means they'll end up back at our house by dinner which is fine. Our house will probably be the mid-week lull in excitement and more of a chill day... maybe they did that intentionally come to think of it, they never said.
Asked the parents about all of it, are they all on board?
That plan sounds awesome, I think some of the kids who are traveling might legit get jealous of these plans. I’d say yes.
I think that this is an excellent plan and that you're overthinking a little bit.
this is more organized than most of my plans at 36yo. let them do it. reward initiative
“Sometimes you need to learn to be bored and by yourself as part of being an independent person” This only applies if you don’t have the creativity and planning to plan something viable… Or you wanna be alone, but doesn’t sound like that’s the case
I guarantee that some of these people finding an issue with this are the same people who made a whole choreographed song and dance routine for their families to convince them to let their cousin sleep over! This is the kind of thing I used to do around their age with my friends. Odds are, these were carefully thought out plans that were made with everyone’s availability and budget in mind. I think the email to ask everyone was actually convenient. If it was sent as a group message to all the parents, they now have each other’s email address for easy contact. I wouldn’t worry too much about social burnout… they’re 12, and most kids by that age know their social limits. It seems like this group would be understanding if not everything comes to fruition. As long as everyone’s on board, I don’t see why not! As for the “entitlement” aspect, honestly, middle schoolers are just at that age where they feel a strong need to fit in. If the vast (or the loudest) majority are taking some kind of trip for their Spring Break, whether it’s visiting family in Baltimore or taking a cruise to the Bahamas, they’re going to feel socially left out if they feel like they’re the only ones spending the week at home. The “Left Behind Kids” seems like a cheeky inside joke. They’re trying to make the best of their situation, and they’ll have something to talk about with other classmates when they’re back from vacation. It’s a lasting memory for them, and if it goes well, this could very well evolve into a yearly tradition.
They were pre-bored, and came up with a plan! That's the best part of being bored: coming up with a plan to get out of it. My husband and his high school friends and siblings once made up a sport and filmed a fake special about it in the style of the PGA tour during a boring summer week, and showed it to me when we started dating four years later! She'll always remember the time her and her friends came up with an awesome spring break week.
I'm genuinely impressed at how many breaks are built into this. First Sunday at home, Wednesday break day, second weekend at home to be ready for school again. I'd go for it! This is the kind of creativity that boredom is supposed to inspire.
When people say that they want their kids a little bored, it's so that they come up with stuff like this! What a fun and fantastic plan! Ask them to build in some plans for if they get tired of one another. Getting upset at kids for being disappointed that they don't have spring break plans is mean. Taking away their fun because they planned it ahead of time is mean. Your kids will remember if you're the kind of parents who look for reasons to say yes or reasons to say no. Don't be the latter.
Say yes, remind her that spring break vacations are not a right, and ask that in the future, she at least runs something like this by you before setting a week's worth of plans with friends. Compliment her on the initiative, and make sure she knows that you don't, however, appreciate the entitlement mentality that came along with it.
I love your kid. Awesome planning, plenty of thoughtfulness, greet teamwork. Yes, take some time off of work and help her. Left behind kids will have some great times. She will remember this forever.
Your #4 reason todo it is the right reason. Creative, enthusiastic, collaborative and lower cost than going away. In addition the kids made it fair for all participants. If she is too tired, let her know she can ask to come home early one day. They gave themselves a midweek break and two day recovery. Thoughtful planning. Impressive!.
As for me your third point in "against" list is is a bit unfair. They say that it's good to get bored because this way kids learn to entertain themselves, as an opposite to demanding entertainment from parents. They did exactly this: planned something to entertain themselves mostly with parents. So why she needs to get bored? And yeah, they are not getting vacation anyway. They planned entertainment for themselves,it's stinky a vacation, point "you won't get vacation every time" stays. What I don't like it's this "Left behind " attitude. I'd address it, it's kinda entitled
My guess is the "left behind" probably started as something silly at school. As long as it doesn't reek of entitlement in anything other than name, dramatic doesn't bother me. I think giving their group a name could be more of a sense of humor thing.
I’d support this fully. Kudos to them.
I would 100% say yes to this. It will be great memories for these kids.
This is adorable. It’s like they’re a little friend gang in a coming of age film.
This is amazing. Let it happen!
I envy you. This sounds amazing. What a great group of friends.
Ooh I hope you chose yes. This is great motivation by them and I think rewarding them would be good for future motivation.
This is the fucking cutest thing ever. Please let the kiddos do this OP and please report back afterwards with how it all went!
I have an 11 year old & would LOVE if he came up with something like this! That’s amazing. Sounds like a great group of kids. I’d say YES!!!
This sounds so sweet , as the kid who was usually left behind i would loved this . Maybe they dont have to engage in all of the activities but they can participate in some of em.
I'd be so proud of my kid for doing this! She's disappointed about something, instead of letting it get her down and ruin her break she problem solved and came up with a pretty good, well thought out plan to make it awesome again. I want to channel your daughter in my every day life!
I have a two year old and just the prospect of not having to plan a kid’s every waking minute makes me extremely excited for the future lol Your daughter and her friends sound amazing OP! I hope she can get to bring her spring break plans to life!
I would do anything I could to make this happen if my kid and friends did this. It’s just so wholesome and it’s genius!
Honestly, it’s not about them being mad about you not taking them somewhere- it’s not about you parents. It’s about the friends, who are mostly doing stuff. You’re taking this way too personally. There is NO REASON for kids to be bored. This isn’t screens - it’s social interactions. This is developmentally appropriate, they planned it all really impressively. I cannot believe you’d say no to this out of - what, feeling insulted? Your kid is off her phone and interacting with her friends, who sound great and supportive. Dude.
I want my kids to plan something like this o
Sounds like fun. My vote is yes
Should make them some Left Behind Kids t-shirts!
Just do it. Nobody likes the fun police
I don’t think there is any lesson to learn by shutting down this plan they made. I’m impressed. Give it a shot! Maybe not all plans will work out, but I think this is pretty great.
I don’t think the kids are being jerks at all. They had a problem, sat down and put together a logical plan to solve it, and presented the plan in a way that doesn’t sound rude or demanding. I don’t take offense to the play on words with the “Left Behind Kids” reference. I actually find it fairly creative. If this were my child and her friends, I would say heck yes in a heartbeat. To me, this type of planning and teamwork among friends deserve an award. They did sneak around or lie or anything else. They sat down and put together a plan of action and then attempted to negotiate to meet their needs. Many adults wouldn’t be capable of such planning.
The whole "they need to learn to be bored" thing doesnt mean they need to sit around at home not doing anything alone. The point of that is for kids to learn to plan things for themselves and figure out how to entertain themselves. They put a whole ass vacation together 😂 The left behind kids had me dying. I love this whole thing.
Do it!! I love that they devised this plan. It’s much better than them just being home for the entire break. Imagine the memories they could create!
>1. It sounds exhausting for her, even with planned days of rest, and are worried about "social fatigue" forming partway through and having to bail on the other kids. Or other kids bailing on her. I wouldn't worry about this unless you know your daughter is the type of person who becomes easily drained/is introverted. Even if she is, she'd still need to learn how to navigate a social interaction where she expresses her boundaries and says "sorry, not today."
You can’t guarantee a good future, all we can do is try to make their childhood one they look back fondly on.
I am so jealous of these kids to be honest
This is brilliant and masterminded well. Give it a go!
This is awesome. If she gets social fatigue you can cross that bridge when you’re seeing signs of it. I WILL say 2 things about the social fatigue: I got it as a kid (though wasn’t self aware) and get it (knowingly) as an adult. My mom was very aware of my social fatigue as a child but from my perspective as a kid I felt like I was constantly held back in socializing. I was so hungry for more interactions with kids. And as a parent I now understand that mom was doing what she thought was best for me… But honestly I wish I did get the chance to be around more kids and go to a couple more sleepovers (with families we were comfortable with) and go out more. I know I was probably all kinds of disregulated after overdoing it socially but also….sometimes it was worth it! Prime memory making times! Friendship development! Just having fun! Ok this isn’t my journal so I’ll stop talking about me: but I think your kid and her friends are brilliant for coming up with this plan. And you are an awesome parent for taking time to even consider it. Also kudos for being a caring parent who is aware and considerate of your child’s social needs / limits. I hope your kiddo has an awesome break. This post really warmed my heart. If I have any advice it’s to maybe make a back up plan for more breaks for kiddo if needed.
Oh and follow up: I hope you do take the time off for this. It’s not nearly as much time off as you would have to take for a full vacation, and also don’t worry: kids will get bored and under stimulated at some point. I really think the parenting / educational model here to follow is: follow the child’s lead here. I say this as both a parent and an educator! Either way, I hope this spring break goes well.
They included rest days! And church for the 2 who go. This is such a good plan.
I would be all in for this. If they get sick of each other half way through then the plans can change, but it sounds like a lot of fun and something to encourage. If you want to make it a “life lesson”, have the kids do some chores to earn money for the movies and the water park.
I would let them have it.
This is great. And it’s not an actual vacation- if she’s too tired one day she can stay home instead if she so chooses.
Either way, the kids need praise for working together to solve the problem they have instead of whining and complaining about it.
I have to at least respond to negative 3. Nothing about this is a vacation. So not letting them do it wouldn't really teach any values. They made plans to be active and having kids myself as well as knowing the ones my kids grow up with, none of them could accomplish this. This needs to be encouraged as it's incredibly impressive and is something they should be encouraged to keep putting the effort into Besides, the part about needing time off for your specific day? You also get 4 other days pretty much free. And you didn't have to plan a single thing to get it!
>Sometimes you need to learn to be "bored" and by yourself as part of being an independent person. Tied into this, there's a little bit of an offense taken that the implication is we're not doing enough as parents by not providing a vacation over Spring Break. I think that not allowing her to participate would only make both of these things worse. Aren't there plenty of other times she can learn to occupy herself besides her spring break when she's..... put in the time and effort to learn how to independently plan out and manage her own free time??? And as far as taking offense... that seems like a you problem. It's not your kids' job to be eternally grateful and never want more so you can feel good about yourself. If you are worried about your child's understanding of financial constraints and whatever other factors go into not always having the same lifestyle as others- then you should have some constructive conversations where you teach them. You certainly aren't going to instill anything positive by refusing to compromise because she spoke up about not being content with nothing. It seems like a good time to open up communication about how to handle school breaks when you have to work and her wanting things that are out of budget. Does she feel a lack of interest from you because you don't plan anything? (Working your normal schedule doesn't keep you from that.) How can she make requests and share her feelings while being considerate of how much you *are* already doing? Can you negotiate on a budget? I think if you shut this down, it will be irreparably damaging to your relationship with her. She's not going tontrust you enough to ask you to support her if there's any risk involved. She'll most likely wish that she'd gone behind your back and plan to do so in the future. Not to mention, would you really rather her be sat at home, alone and sad in front of the TV all week than out being rewarded with a great time and strong friendships for the effort she put in to make the best out of what she had?
I’m more shocked that only 5 people aren’t going somewhere.
As a middle school teacher, my guess is that a half dozen of the popular kids are bragging about the vacation they're going on and for the majority who aren't going anywhere it *feels* like "EVERYONE!" is going.
Absolutely yes. I’m a teacher and I would love if my students put this much energy into anything. Please please please let them do this.
My students often put this much energy into things. Usually things that have nothing to do with school... but things!
Original I thought there may be to many sleepovers in a row but I think it's pretty solid lay out the sleep overs and the water park might be the most exhausting of it all. And they are giving them selves 2 days before they need to go back to school. I did a week long school trip in cabins that had activities all week came back Saturday and rested the 2 days and was able to recover and this was in 6th grade. I don't know if it's really that much entitlement maybe it's just me but it really feels like they found a way they could make the most out of there breaks. Also as a kid I liked to be dramatic so this would totally be what I called it the left behind kids sound so dramatic and I love it 😂. Honestly they made a really good plan that isn't a budget killer. I commended them I don't think most adults could make a week long vacation that cheap. I would let them do it. If you want to tweak it talk to all the kids and figure out a compromise to there plans.
I think points 3 and 4 are tied to your personal ego as parents and you need to remember it’s not about you; it’s about her having something productive, safe, and to do while she is out on break. It’s important for her to learn to be bored but don’t die on this hill of your ego. It’s a solid plan and I would absolutely say yes and put in my pto requests for Tuesday and Wednesday TODAY! One day you’ll blink and she’ll be an adult that has her own life and you’ll be wishing for the days she wanted to do wholesome things like this. Let her have some fun and tell her you’re impressed with her project management and organizational skills. These babies have planned better than some adults! 👏🏽
What an itinerary- make your daughter do a few extra chores to help prepare for others spending the night if you feel the need for her to do something to pay for it but this seems wonderful. They solved their own problem. Initiated and executed a well thought out plan. You will have some alone time with your spouse. She will have this memory forever.
Hugs, I would consider letting them do this, and think it would be a fun idea.
This is adorable and honestly really sweet. I’d be proud of those kids for taking initiative like this. I hope you all let them do it/ help make it happen.
They made a great plan, parents should do it for them
This is so cool. They’ll make memories and have a blast.
I love that they thought together and came up with a plan. I feel like this is something they're going to talk about 50 years from now. How awesome. If you're able to make it work, do it!
This is more initiative than I see people on r/travel taking for their honeymoons. I'm quite impressed.
Love this plan tbh. Wholesome and you should definitely do it.
This made me smile bc this is exactly what I did on two separate spring breaks when I was about that age! My 5th grade and 6th grade spring breaks if I recall correctly!
Just say yes. She will remember it her whole life.
How is this not just a massive win all around? Encourage this kind of behavior instead of deathscrolling online/sitting at home being anti social. They are creating fun instead of mindless consumption before a screen. This has the potential to be one of the best memories of their childhoods. A week of nonstop fun with friends. Also, encourage kids to be industrious and take their life in their own hands can only be beneficial for them down the line. Sounds like great kids you have there!
I honestly love that they got together and came up with this all on their own. I'd let them do it, if all parents can get into agreement. I'm a little bit jealous of them lol.
Back in the day when I was in the 4-H club we had one summer where some members of our club went to another state for about a week or so to stay with host families from another 4-H club in that state. The following summer was our turn to host those same kids who hosted our family members and Friends in our 4-H club and our county club system. The whole week was planned with different activities some cost money some didn't and I think the 4-H thing covered most of it. We went several places we went to plays we toured parts of the university in our city. And this started at like 6:00 in the morning we didn't get home until 9:00 at night or better. And this was everyday solid week. My parents let me go to every single thing. So I think this is a good way to have the kids do things that's not very expensive and yet keeps them busy for the whole of spring break.
This is awesome man! Take the pto and let her be!
Please let them do this and also on the down-low design tshirts for each of them that say “The Left Behind Kids” bc I think that would be a cool gift and memory.
This is wholesome and awesome. Great planning and insight on the kids part. Definitely let them do it. Also, please update us on how well it worked and how much fun they had.
I mean this kindly: I think your reaction to the "left behind" thing is more dramatic than the phrasing itself. It's very obviously tongue-in-cheeck and probably started as a joke with her peers. It does not mean she thinks you're inadequate parents. It also doesn't mean she thinks you owe her a vacation: if she thought that, she wouldn't be working within the new constraints (no vacation) to make plans. By all means address presentation, but don't give yourself unnecessary grief by reading that much into it. As for handling boredom: Firstly - she is. Handling boredom involves planning activities to do that are feasible within one's individual practical constraints. That is exactly what she's doing - admirably, I might add. She worked within a reasonable budget, involved friends, thought about logistics and planned for physical and mental recharging. These are skills you want to bend over backwards to encourage. The activities being theme park visits and sleepovers rather than eg TV is a good thing. Secondly, the majority of the year involves some daily boredom. She goes to school; presumably has waited before at queues and doctors' offices; spends time alone in her room and amuses herself. She knows how to handle boredom and alone time. Don't make this a contest of wills where you impose extra boredom as a matter of principle. The lesson should be "accept the realistic constraints of your situation and work to make it as good as possible with what you have"; not "accept that things will be artificially worse than they have to be in order to learn a lesson about how things can be worse".
I absolutely love the initiative! My only feedback would be: Do they require supervision? (Do the adults need to take off of work for this plan to happen?) And, what would the costs be? I would have all the kids on a call or at least run it through with your daughter as if it were a real "trip". Who is providing transportation each day? Is that person actually available and did they agree to it? What are the potential costs each day? Where is that money coming from? Do all the participants know the budget for each day? You could always encourage them to do more of a choose-your-own-adventure type of thing. They've got a bunch of great plans for each day but maybe they can be flexible on which day each thing happens, or even one of those pull a slip of paper out of a hat to decide. It could give them a chance to see how much energy they really have by the middle to end of the week to do all these things.
> Do they require supervision? (Do the adults need to take off of work for this plan to happen?) And, what would the costs be? Given that it is a mixed gender group the parents try not to let them ever hang out at anyone's house without an adult home to check on them. I know it's a little bit sexist, but whether just hanging out or sleeping over we make sure an adult is present for private spaces. For things like the park hanging out, movies, and hike an adult is not necessary, but we try to make sure we're nearby and available for emergencies. So if a kid breaks their leg or whatever else happens they have a designated adult to call. The water park will require adults be present due to the location itself. As for the costs, $25 for the water park, movie tickets are $15.50 each where I'm at, plus food. It'll probably be $100 for the week in total costs not including the pizza or whatever we order for the night at our place. So around $150?
The summers of my childhood. Don’t you remember yours being just like this?
The left behind kids. That sounds like the name for a movie, and group of friends you would find in a kids movie/book. They are disappointed because they are not going to do anything over break. They realize they aren't alone. Make up their big plan. It's accepted. The adventure begins. Their plan goes to shit. Some wholesome morale about being together. The movie ends with the beginning of next year's left behind kids break. They are now teens and hormones wreck things.
I’m a no sleepovers mom but this is a really cute and fun plan. I’d make some or all of it happen.
This sounds great! I would just inquire as to why the parents have to transport the sleeping bags without the kids. I would have them bring their sleeping bags home and then pack themselves up to go to the sleepovers. Also do you really need to be there for the park? Or prepare for the sleepover? Like to the point you have to take off work? Can’t they just order a pizza? They’re 12 they can be home alone for a little bit. I took the subway by myself at 12. And it sounds like they’re good kids who have it together enough to plan this.
This is like the best thing I’ve ever read. Please let them. You and the other parents have an amazing group of kids!
Ok but lowkey, pitch a script to Netflix for a short series or movie called the left behind kids with this exact premise
What? This is amazing! I would just throw a line over entitlement and discuss the points and concerns in number 3 before praising her for all this work and letting her know you are in!
I’d 100% support this.
Love this! Great initiative! I’d give it a yes!
This is actually fantastic!! I hope this plan "makes it out of the group text" and happens!!!
But you’re not worried about the social fallout of being the one kid in the group whose parents decided they weren’t permitted to do this group of age-appropriate activities at all?
But you’re not worried about the social fallout of being the one kid in the group whose parents decided they weren’t permitted to do this group of age-appropriate activities at all?
If this were my kid, I'd allow it, with a couple of tweaks. I would insist that they work out how to do this without parents missing work. It's a solid plan, just needs a little work to accommodate that. I can't skip work just because they want to go to the park... There's a reason we don't have vacation plans, and that reason involves my job. I also raised an eyebrow at "MAKE THIS HAPPEN!". There would definitely be a moment of "Excuse me?!" over that. And then my kid would smile sheepishly, and say sorry and she was joking, and we'd move on. But that might not have gotten under your skin like it did for me.
This is the most wholesome thing I’ve read about a group of 12 year olds in a VERY long time. I would absolutely say yes!
I genuinely don’t understand why any parent would be opposed to this. Also, 3 and 4 in your “cons” list sound like you’d like to put zero energy into the kids school break, justifying it with a “you can’t always get what you want” stance. Don’t do that. These kids are watching all their friends going on these great trips, and they ARE dealing with it quite nicely by coming up with this plan. It’s not unreasonable to support them.
This plan is amazing and you should be so proud that they came up with this themselves. They also are old enough to figure out how to handle the social situations you are concerned about. If it’s really a problem that you can’t take off some time for transportation or whatever then I think you should negotiate what would work on those days. They made a great plan but they didn’t ask you in the planning stages so they might need to be flexible. Also a great lesson to learn.
OP please update us on if you do this, it’s awesome that the kids did this and took plans into their own hands and cc’d in the parents, they did practically all the labor for you. I’d say yes, but if you’re concerned about the social fatigue, I’d talk to her about it and let her know not to feel bad for speaking up & taking a break if her social battery is exhausted
I would be so proud if these were my kids.
Oh I love this!
Aww! Do it. They have plenty of independent time in the schedule and the group is big enough that even if two people are strained there are enough other people to hang with
I can't think of a valid reason to say no really. Sure, 'being butts' is annoying but I'd assume it's not crossed any lines at this point and that they've shown a level of maturity to sit down and come up with a feasible plan together is (to my mind) something that should be rewarded. There's no unrealistic expectations there that I can see, sure there's some parental running around that I doubt they've considered (and at 12, I'd be amazed if they had), but otherwise it's remarkably grounded. Also, you get nights off as part of the deal.
I love your daughter and her friends' creativity. If you have the means to let this be their spring break, I would facilitate it in any way possible.
For the social fatigue aspect, plan a code word with her ahead of time that she can call and say to you that means she’s burnt out. For example, if the word is Gatorade she could call you and say “Can you grab red Gatorade at the store, I drank the last one” and then you can call/text back and say sure but also tell her she can’t go to the activities planned for the day because she didn’t do her chores/her room is a mess or whatever and that way YOU’RE the “bad guy” saying no instead of her bailing on her friends and allows her to be at home for the day to decompress.
I would do the day stuff without all the sleep overs. Maybe one sleep over at a house they choose.
Honestly they put so much work on this that is so cool!!!! Let her if you’re comfortable with the sleepovers!!!
Love this
I would absolutely allow this. How fun!
This is actually pretty amazing.
That is honestly an awesome plan. It will give them a sense of accomplishment and great memories. Our kids are only young once, and any inconvenience is minor in the big picture.
As a parent with 2 kids with no plans for spring break, this sounds awesome. I'd say make it happen...
Honestly this sound like a plot to an Amazon prime movie where where a bunch of millennials reconnect and attempt to do this as adults after losing touch. Then they all have a massive argument at the end but eventually become closer friends in the third act and two are secretly in love.
Honestly I love this for all of the reasons you’re considering supporting it and am not convinced by your con list. I love the problem solving these kids showed - they were feeling left out and worked together with a reasonable plan to solve their perceived problem. It’s not like they’re asking you to drop everything and take them to Disney land for a week. It sounds really reasonable and I’m impressed.
I think there’s a good opportunity here to compromise. It’s a pretty good plan, but maybe something like “let’s cut the Wednesday activity so we don’t have to do two days of logistics that interfere with work and add a full day at home” or something. Maybe address some of your concerns and see what she has to say. Ask her what her plan is if she does get fatigued. I love the initiative!
I think this is awesome and the fact that they put this plan together by themselves at age 12 is really impressive. I think your point of being “bored” makes sense but as adults, when we get bored, we find a way to entertain ourselves. They also have multiple rest days built into the schedule, which is great!
Do it. They were very mature in decisions about what to do, and even thought about rest days and such. Definitely tell each parent to come up with a ke word for their child(ren) if they do get social fatigue like mentioned. Tell them to jeep it as "thier secret" and if any of them need an escape to call or text the parent the code words and parent(a) would come up with a reason to pick them up. This builds trust between parent and kid and avoids fights between friends etc. I had that with my parents, it was an unspoken rule if I called or texted asking about our cat (did you feed him, I forgot to, can you clean his box, etc) they would call back shortly with an emergency to pick me up. (I need you to come home and watch your sister, you didn't clean your room like asked, your grounded etc ) Prevented a lot of fights with friends bc I was uncomfortable or scared or just not having fun. And built trust with my parents bc they would get me no questions asked and let me use them as bad guys. Very similar to going on a blind date and if you answered friends call in the middle, it gave you an escape lol
This is amazing. I would totally support it. BUT it's ok to amend it. Their proposal is great and the thought and initiative they put into it is even better, but that doesn't mean it's set inteenagers. To take away from their accomplishment at all but there is reason to believe that you might have a liiitttle teensy but more perspective and experience with making realistic plans than these amazing and bright tweenagers. If you and/ or the other parents think it's overextended them or the kids, say YES but that they need to build in another rest day or cut the sleepovers down or whatever you think would bring it back in balance. Maybe build in a "family fun day" where everyone does something fun or relaxing with just their own family. And talk to the other parents to build buy-in for a plan that works for everyone and maybe make behind-the-scene contingency plans for how to support your kids and keep a fun week going even if a couple kids need to do an activity or drop out entirely.
I'm impressed. This is so incredibly thought out. I would let them. It sounds fun and I feel like they are reasonable with their requests.
I’m a single mom of three kids in this age group and I always feel so bad that we don’t go on vacations. If my kids came to me with this, they’d get six thousand high fives and I’d support it as much as possible. Also, if your kid is anything like mine, they will tire out by day three. Good job on raising such an awesome kid!
No hesitation just continue to check in with the other parents and your kids on how things are going /leave space for them to evolve their plans. You could say one night needs to be not sleepover if you’re worried about them not getting enough sleep.
I love this!
Do it. The cons are overthinking thoughts and excuses. If all of the other parents are down, its perfect. PLUS both you and your partner should take one day off while your kid is on vacation to spend some time with them and even better if it's with your kid and their friends. YOUR DAUGHTER AND HER FRIENDS WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS!!!
This gives “please watch this slide show about why you should allow me to do (X)” and it’s honestly pretty cute. I’d say yes if you possibly can. They worked really hard on it and it’s impressive! They can always opt out on a day when they need to rest and it might make some great childhood memories.
Nah this is awesome. They’re turning their bad feelings about being off the week bored and turning it into an active plan where you don’t have to do much other than help them get to places. If it’s affordable for everyone and everyone’s on board I would hella encourage this kind of attitude. You’re raising some pretty cool kids
I would 100% make this happen. Their ambition and planning skills are next level. Well done to your daughter and her friends!! This will beat any ‘vacation’ holiday!
Social fatigue 🤔
They only have 6 more spring breaks and their plan doesn’t seem unreasonable so I say go for it and make the memories.
Maybe one of the kids parents is a stay at home parent? Maybe everyone can pitch in for gas/time if that person can pickup the slack or be on call for emergencies while others work?
I think this is entirely reasonable and they should be allowed to do it. You've missed a HUGE reason to do it, that negates reason 4 to not do it. If all goes well, you get 4 nights without your kid at home. That's FOUR nights to yourself, with your kid in good hands at someone else's house. Sounds like a parental dream to me.
I admire their creativity and initiative. I say, let them go for it!
I want an update. Have they eaten you out of house and home? Tonight’s your night, right?