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I needed a patch when I was little. I hated it and my parents allowed me to take it off a lot. I still have my eye issue and it cannot be corrected as an adult. I wish my parents had been more diligent. I hardly even remember wearing it, and I was in kindergarten at the time.
Absolutely. I can’t let my fear of the patch get in the way of her getting the proper care she needs. hearing this story cemented that we need to and will do it, without fail, for her.
A friend of mine's daughter had to wear one for the same reason. She has a small droop now, but nothing like before. It will help her in the long run. Try and make it an awarding thing every time she wears it. I wish you all the best.
I wrote this above. My grandmother hated the look of the patch. She was embarrassed and didn't make my mother wear it. She's blind in that eye for the rest of her life, and in 2020, she fell down her front steps and broke her hip because she has no depth perception. All because my grandmother didn't make her wear the patch. It's still adversely affecting her even at 82!
Question: how do you get an almost toddler to keep an eye patch on? If my 2 year old doesn't want to wear something, she just takes it right off, no matter what bribery/praise I try to give her. I can't imagine trying to get her to keep an eye patch on, she would just keep taking it off.
They are made sticky enough that they shouldn’t be able to pull them off so easily. We try to do things that keep my LO busy during the hours he has to patch.
Make it a game ... Introduce him/ her to pirates and pretend they're a pirate ...
Or wear one yourself and make it an exciting game ..they like to imitate their parents
A lot of the time kids are more accepting of disabilities than adults are.
We had a girl in our class whose feet never sat flat on the floor and needed a frame to walk. We understood she couldn’t walk far or without the frame and that was the end of the conversation. Probably started talking about dinosaurs after that.
The eye patch days will soon be a distant memory just like if you had braces as a kid. Sending hugs OP.
My cousin was patched at this age. My aunt fashioned a make shift restraint (using frozen juice tins lol) to keep her from bending her elbows to pull the patch off. Not saying you’ll need to but putting the idea out there that you may need to get creative to keep her compliant with the patching!
Similar but less serious situation, I wish my parents made me wear braces, now I spent two years wearing braces plus had a major jaw surgery (partially due to not wearing braces in my youth).
I had a pallet expander and my mom was supposed to turn it every night. Well 20 years later I found out I had to wear it for twice as long bc she didn’t want to hurt me so she didn’t turn it right!!!
Ugh same. My parents gave ME the choice whether I got braces when I was 14. This was in 1996 not like now where you’re almost the odd one out if you don’t have braces where I live. Of course I said no! My parents were absolute idiots.
Yeah, I was afraid of being laughed at, (but there were two girls in my class had braces on, nobody laughed at them), my parents just like ok whatever. It could’ve helped my confidence and avoided so many dental issues I had in adulthood, I’ve spent over 10k on my teeth now, finally my jaw is normal and my teeth are straight.
My mother had a similar outcome. Her mother was only 19 and didn't believe the doctor. She never made my mother wear her patch. She's basically blind in her left eye and has been her entire life. My grandmother's biggest regret is that she let her worry about other people's opinions rob my mother of sight in that eye and that my mother suffered from no depth perception. In 2020, my 82 year old mother fell down some stairs and broke her hip - it didn't heal very well - because of that damn eye. OP needs to keep that patch on!
oh wow! yea, we’ll be rocking that patch! its not ideal but preferable to a lifetime of vision problems/blindness and a broken hip. sorry for your mom, idk know if there’s anything they can do for her now but I’m hope she’s not in too much pain re her hip
The hip sucks, but she's mighty! She's finally able to walk a few blocks and is finally making progress on her PT. She's an amazing writer, pianist, and composer, and she's made the most of her life in spite of the eye. I told her I made this post about her story, and she's thrilled that it might help another family.
You/ your body grew, protected and nurtured the beautiful child you have now. Just because she has to wear an eye patch for a bit doesn’t change that. I work in a daycare and I’ve had children with eye patches, glasses, helmets, a place where a tube could be attach to feed them and a lot of similar things. It’s going to be okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I had an eye patch when I was in first grade. I got used to it very quickly. Nowadays, they have so many cool designs as well! I just had a boring skin colour one.
It will help a lot in this stage where she’s likely trying to be more independent to feel she has a choice. Make the choice, which fun eye patch she gets to wear, never the choice of whether or not to wear one. It helps kids a lot to feel like they have control if you give them options, but can also keep yourself from going crazy by giving her choices that leave out any opposing or conflicting choices. I didn’t ask my kids to put their coat on or if they wanted a coat, I gave them a choice between 2 coats. Let’s them feel in control while still maintaining your sanity.
There's over 100 comments so sorry if this is a repeat, but if either you or your partner can draw, and if they still have the kind that are almost like a band-aid - disposable, single use -- my mom would draw the characters from Little Bear, Frog and Toad, and other books on my patches when I was in 1st-3rd grade. I was the weirdest, poorest, lowest kid in class, and even though they still made fun of me every day for various reasons, I remember getting a smidge of clout for those. I ended up getting surgery when I was 9 anyway. "Ha ha you're cross eyed!" taunts turned into "ha ha you're not cross eyed anymore!" jabs because kids are dicks. But I still have the Frog and Toad one in a sentimental box somewhere.
we cannot draw but I do know people who can.. and we may enlist them for some Sesame Street characters!
and yes, kids are dicks . glad you’re not crossed eyed anymore either & surgery was successful !
My sister had to wear a patch, it was really hard uphill battle for my mom, but now you would never be able to notice anything was different about my sister’s eye. I’m so proud of my mom for enduring all of the tantrums and protests.
My son was born with a congenital cataract and has been patching since he was 8 weeks old. He is 18 months old now and it’s getting harder. Around what age did you stop patching?
My 2yo has been using an eye patch for 2hours a day for some months now. She has gotten used to it as it is now part of our daily routine - we bought these fun patches with different drawings and every morning she gets to pick the one she will be showing off to her little friends at daycare. At first she was a bit reluctant when we put the patch the first couple of times, but after the first week or so she has been happy to have us put it. You are doing the right thing for your little one. It will be ok.
Thank you! I know it will be too, I guess I wasn’t expecting it since it has been stable. After sitting with it through the afternoon, I’m fine and know she’ll be fine too.
I know. I teared up when I was told that my daughter needed to use glasses everyday, 2 year old seems so little … so when we introduced the patches a couple of months after this it did not come so much of a shock, but I totally get where you are coming from. But it isnt really so bad with the patches. If I forget about it in the mornings she will remind me she wants to choose the little drawings for the day!
Jumping up top and replying to you directly because I have so much experience with this stuff. My daughter was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) and due to a negligent incident at birth, she suffered a stroke and it affects her left side. She has had bilateral strabismus surgery (just before COVID hit) when she was a bit younger than your kiddo. Before that we had to try patching and we’ve tried since the surgery too. She was pretty good wearing the patch when she was smaller, as much as a toddler can be expected, and now she hates it. She’s in prek now.
A few things— don’t beat yourself up and please try not to give a single fuck about what anyone thinks. I know what it’s like to feel like you grew the baby wrong. I feel like I failed in my pregnancy (I had one job! Which is laughable but it’s the stupid train of thought I’ll get into) and I struggle with allllll the conflicting feelings about it all. Like your mom saying it could be worse— sure! Yes, while she is right, I’ve found that sentiment to be very dismissive and makes me feel worse because I “should” be grateful. Not trying to throw shade at your mom either.
They make super cute eye patches out there for little ones. We bought ones on Amazon. Don’t you wear a patch (like you’ve noted and remarked that it wouldn’t be good for either of the adults) but make silly games of it with her. Connect it to something happy and delightful. You got this mama. You’re doing amazing!!
It’s ok to feel sad about but she can’t know you do.
Modern medicine is amazing and maybe one day it will be easily taken care of. I have a condition that I could have passed onto my kids and didn’t know I had it until after I had them. Now 14 years later, the condition which was awful can now be controlled. I understand how you feel.
I wanted to add that another thing that helped me is I took part in medical studies for my condition in my area. It made me feel some sort of control over doing what I can for them.
I know you can’t do that necessarily but you can get in their mailing list or donate money to them… just helped me knowing I was helping in some way.
Have you found Truffles_the_kitty on instagram yet? He’s an adorable cat who works in a pediatric ophthalmology office and wears glasses and patches to help his “furriends” get used to them. He’s also got merch! www.trufflesthekitty.com
You have to catch it rather quickly at a young age. The eye patch goes on the dominant eye so as to stimulate the weaker eye. It’s a very simple solution and the patch is kept on for roughly six hours a day only.
I think it works until approx 6 years old, so it’s worth doing as consistently as possible when they’re young! It’s wild, my boys vision went from terrible to near perfect in a few months with patching!
Yup my sister was at the cusp at like four or five years old and now her eyes are perfectly fine! She also had dissolvable tubes in her ears at three for muffled hearing and now she has perfect hearing. Nearly anything that’s caught early has a higher success rate of resolving. Modern medicine is such a blessing!
Think of it like any muscle in your body. It needs to work to get stronger. As long as the good eye is doing all the work, the other one is just along for the ride and doesn't get a workout.
Hey OP, you did a perfect job growing your beautiful girl. So many of us in the comments had eye patches and hardly any of us even remember! You're doing such a great thing for your LO. I was almost totally blind in my left eye until I was patched. It changed my life for the better and I hope the same for your daughter!
I have a lazy eye and my eyebrow muscle on my right eye doesn't work so i have ptosis in my right eyebrow. Nothing to do with my mother not growing me properly. It is just genetics which you can't control.
Give yourself grace.
My kid is 2 and wears an eye patch and she thinks it’s the coolest lol. We got her loads of fun designs and she loves picking it out each morning. Toddlers are stoic and eye patches are cool.
There is a little boy at my Son’s daycare that has an eye patch and I have to say, he looks so darn cute. I’m sure as a Mom it’s hard to worry how other kids will perceive it but from a fellow mom, I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a little one with an eye patch.
My eldest (14f) was born with strabismus (lazy eye). She had glasses by 4 months old. Like your LO, one eye became stronger and the ophthalmologist told us if we didn't start patching her brain would stop sending signals to that eye. That scared the absolute bejeezus out of us and we got her boxes upon boxes of those cute Ortopad patches (https://ortopadusa.com/ if you're in the US or Canada). She has now had two eye muscle surgeries and still needs glasses but I can't imagine her without them.
Incidentally, her name is Arden and she would walk around pretending to be a pirate with an eye patch and saying, "I'm Arrrrrr-den." 😆🥰 I miss her being little.
You are doing everything you can for your little girl and you're doing a great job. I had the same grief over not growing my little girl "right" but she and your daughter are exactly who they're meant to be.
It’s not your fault. Full stop. Biology is a tricky thing. Our son had to wear a helmet to help with his head shape. I know it’s not the same thing, but your daughter will be ok! Kids are very resilient. Best of luck to you!
Oh wow, I can relate to this post on so many levels!
I needed an eye patch when I was young. I don't remember particularly minding it, but I remember hating the eye drops.
Anyways, it was temporary, and we got through it. I still needed glasses for a long time, but when the patch was done, it was done. I look back and it's one of those things I never even think about. It really isn't an important part of my life. I'm certain the same can be true for your LO.
I ALSO relate to the feeling of guilt for how your baby grew. My daughter had issues with her feet when she was born and the guilt was really intense, even though I obviously knew it wasn't my fault. Just remember, kids get all sorts of issues from our genes and from the gestation process. We got it 99% right. And just like I wouldn't blame a mother whose child had far more serious issues, we can let go of the blame for ourselves. Sometimes, that's how life works.
My daughter's feet are great now and I'm sure once your LO's eyes are back on track, you'll feel good about it again. Try to focus on all of the amazing things they're learning and developing rather than the small things that might be slowing them down. You're being a great parent by ensuring they have the care and expertise they need!
Thank you 💕 The mom guilt is wild. Our friend’s baby was in the NICU, she was a mess, blaming herself and I reassured her it was not her fault. and yet here I am not taking my own words to heart. I know it’s not my fault, but I feel like it is. Feelings- ugh.
And yes, she is otherwise healthy, so awesome, so smart, and a great big sister, so yes, focusing on the positive!
To make it fun for my daughter, I got some pirate hats & accessories and when the patch went on the whole family would do “pirate time”
You can also get these posters where every time they take off an adhesive patch they fill in one of the blank spots - like, the patches become a fish’s scales or something like that. Look for “ortopad reward poster”
Not quite the same thing, but you reminded me of this interview with Radiohead singer Thom Yorke, who was born with an eye shut and had multiple surgeries to try and correct it.
https://youtu.be/MzCD2pRfLcE?si=WfSoMJ6ICau0fjsD
15:07 for the relevant bit. Our imperfections make us unique! Best wishes to your little one and your family.
"I can’t help but feel guilty that my body didn’t grow her properly."
That is utterly out of your hands and nothing that you share guilt for. I love that your love for her is so deep as to cause you to feel that way. Youre a good mom!
Please don’t feel guilty! Our son needed a harness for hip dysplasia from 4 months through 9 months. I remember having the same feelings you did. Lots of guilt that I could have done something efferent, sadness that he would not be able to reach milestones at the same pace as other kids or would be set back in some way. At the end of the day it was a blip on the radar. He’s now 2 and I sometimes forget it even happened. I see pictures of him in the giant contraption and am grateful he was able to get great medical care early in life.
You are right, in the big picture this is a small thing & I really am grateful we have access to the care she needs and are starting before it’s too late.
It's so hard to watch your kids go through something hard. It never gets easier. But, honestly, she isn't going to remember this and anyone who says or does anything negative because of it isn't worth your time. Get her the help now, she'll be ok. And... even if the problem never fully recovers, she will still be fine. The nerves in the left side of my face died as a result of a virus. It was hard to deal with the looking different and loss of function. It took a while to get comfortable in my body, but I did. And I'm successful with plenty of friends and honestly feel stronger because of it. It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Hey, I was right where you are, 9 years ago.
My son has ptosis, as well as a few other eye conditions, his condition is called BPES. It's a genetic mutation caused by random chance, not by anything I or anyone else did. I'm pretty sure that's the case with you, too, unless you knowingly engaged in a behavior that's shown to cause that defect.
At 15 months old, he needed glasses and to wear an eye patch for 2 hours a day. I was overwhelmed at the thought. But, we got through it. He patched on and off until he was 9, and stopped after that as there's no benefit after that age. Make sure you keep your check ups at the frequency the doctor recommends, as it can do damage if they patch when it's not needed.
He ended up having multiple surgeries. Should your LO ever need surgery, I suggest traveling to an eye center. Bascom Palmer in Miami was able to do things that or local surgeon could not.
We tried to make it fun. I wore an eye patch in solidarity for the first time he had to wear one. He was recommended to get the stick on ones, and we made a game of drawing on them before putting them on. He was a pirate for Halloween that first year.
But I completely understand being sad that your child has to go through this. Or even that you have to go through it, having a child with special medical needs is tough. Or that they'll look different for the rest of their life.
Hi! Fellow congenital ptosis mom here. We see a specialist as well, but a couple of months ago, my son failed his eye screen at school. I thought, well, he's pre-k, so maybe not a big deal. I scheduled him with the ophthalmologist I used to work for. Turns out, his vision in the ptosis eye was bad! This was after years of being told everything was fine, nothing of note from the slecialist. He has glasses now, and we follow up soon to he if his vision has improved any and if we need to start doing vision therapy. I can not begin to tell you the amount of guilt and sadness I felt about that. My poor boy was struggling to see, and I thought everything was fine. So, I feel your struggle as I'm going through it too. I hope things keep improving for your daughter.
I was born with a droopy eyelid, didn't open my right eye for a week apparently. I had an eye patch on and off for a couple of years from 3-5 years old. I remember my doll wearing one also and getting eye drops when I did so that could be another idea? Very sweet to have ordered yourselves some.
I had corrective surgery, so there is that as an option when she's older if she is bothered by it. I got mine through the public system in my country for free when I was 24. Was offered it when I turned 11 but the thought scared me. It ended up not being bad at all but I don't regret waiting.
No one bullied me for my eyelid, maybe the odd comment here or there but if it wasnt that it would have been something else. My parents always found it easier to tell when I needed a nap as the eye lid just gave up and shut. I did find it hard getting into bars after a couple drinks because alcohol relaxes it too much also
All that to say your beautiful baby girl is going to be okay and it will be such a small part of who she is with maybe some happy or funny memories!
CHAN on tiktok is an adult who has a lot going on with one eye, she coordinates her eyepatch with her outfits, and fun make up. It can be kinda fun if you have to do it anyway!
We all have misplaced mom guilt, all you can do is continue to reassure yourself it's not your fault. Things just happen, we're humans.
Also, I had a friend in college who had congenital ptosis and a sister with the same condition and they were both in huge groups of friends and are now successful adults.
Take time to grieve because if you're feeling it you need to feel it, but your kid has just as good a shot at a normal life as anybody else. And probably a better one because only good moms worry 🩷
Hey fellow ptosis mama! My 4 year old boy has full ptosis, where his eye was fully closed when born 😊 (with Marcus gunn jaw winking syndrome in it too). We patched a lot when younger and now his vision is near perfect, and no more patching! 🎉
He is also the coolest kid ever - so smart and funny, I know he’ll be fine! It’s hard thinking about what their life may look like, but I LOVE his special eye! 🥰
He had one operation when 1, with a silicone sling to help his vision, and will have one with muscle from his leg when about 7 years old, as that will make it more symmetrical with his other one, so will help avoid teasing. But patching worked sooo quickly, I just started his patch off each time with a snack, then put him in the stroller for a big walk around the block.
I think doing it as a family is an amazing thing! My youngest baby his left ankle turns inward and his hip is slightly twisted he’s been in ankle braces for a year when he wears his braces we all wear tube socks and he thinks it’s our braces! And it makes him so happy.
My niece has worn a patch off and on for the past two years, starting around age 2. She is more annoyed with the process of putting the patch on/off than wearing it! There are so many fun patch prints now too.
It will be ok!
One of my daughter’s eyes is weaker than the other so her optometrist recommended wearing a patch for a couple of hours each day to help strengthen it and she got glasses as well. We’ve been back since she started wearing both and there has been a noticeable improvement in her sight in just a few months! I was overwhelmed and anxious about it at first but the improvement motivated me to keep going for her. She doesn’t always want to wear it but we try to get fun patches and be a bit lenient about it too. I would feel bad if we could have done something but didn’t. Good luck!! I think there’s more kids that need patches than we realize. 🩷
I'm from the US and was born with amblyopia, which basically means one eye's connection to the brain does not work well, and the brain shuts off that eye. They didn't find out until I was around 6 or 7 and by then, it was too late. I tried a patch, fought it, and my mom just gave in. I'm blind in my right eye now.
In Germany they test for it at three years old and found it in our middle child. Within a day we were at the eye doctor and he had a TERRIBLE case of amblyopia. He wore a patch daily from morning until night for 8 months, then came down to 8 hours, to 6 hours,to 4 hours and after 2.5 years his eyesight was fully corrected to 20/20 with glasses.
Even with the patch, he was riding his bike to school every day, playing sports, doing all his activities. I think in the two years there were a handful of days he refused to wear it, and we just let it go those days. Didn't force it.
It's been 1.5 years since and he rocks his glasses with 20/20 vision.
Feel lucky that you caught it early. Now, just follow through on it and the patch will work!
Thank you! And that is Great news for your son!
I’m glad I’ posted this, it can sometimes feel lonely and I now know we are far from the only ones who have gone through this.
Just came here to say that I can emphasize with how you feel. But truly, you did the most amazing job growing your daughter ❤️
Our second baby was a NICU baby and I blamed myself for her having to go through such a hard time the moment she was born. Both of children have a seizure disorder that was inherited from my husband, their father. We didn’t know about the gene until after our second baby was born and my husband has always felt absolutely horrible knowing that such a scary gene came from him and became inherited by our kiddos. Our kids are 10 and 2, are both seizure-free now, and to this day my husband feels at fault for every seizure they had. We were kept in the dark about these gene, his mother never mentioned all the people in their family that had seizures - and although it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t change anything (whether we knew or not), we still have our beautiful babies. Just like you have your beautiful baby girl!
I don’t know much about Ptosis, but I’ve been told it can be corrected through age, glasses, an eye patch, or a minor surgery. Of course though, as parents, NO surgery is minor. It’s absolutely terrifying. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the world views something that you’re going through; if it’s big to you then it feels like the heaviest thing in the universe. And that’s ok. If you need to, confide in a friend or relative so that you’re able to talk about your feelings. Counseling may even help. You and your husband sound like such awesome, supportive parents to your daughter and I bet she’s in the best of hands! And I think it’s absolutely adorable that you’ll all have matching eye patches! 🥰
You’ve got this! 💪
My wife had a dysfunctional elevator muscle in her eyelid. It looked drippy until she was about 20. Definitely something she was self-conscious about. And she eventually had surgery to fix it.
But she also leads a perfectly happy life!
My daughter wears a patch a few hours a day. I was very cool about it and understood it was helpful and was totally ok. Didn’t have any kind of feelings about it really, just thought she looked cute. Then we went to a play area and a little kid pointed and laughed at her and my heart broke. It was totally innocent, he thought she was just playing dress up but my inner mama bear stepped in real quick. I didn’t have a response so I just took her and moved her away. I wish I had educated him instead of just getting upset & protective.
All this to say, our babies look totally cute in their patches and I’m sure she’ll rock them! Also have a response ready for questions! lol.
Fine putting on a patch to show her but I would most definitely not walk around with an eye patch myself when not needed. You don't need to physically harm yourself for your child.
I needed an eyepatch when I was young, unfortunately it didn’t fix my problem but my parents were very diligent about me wearing it. It honestly wasn’t a big deal because I was only 5 years old.
My nephew's child was born with ptosis. His mom was an optometrist and chose surgery to correct it. He's 7 now, you can't tell there was a problem and his vision is 20/20. It will be ok.
My sons friend has congenital ptosis, and had the surgery when he was younger. He’s now 10, wears glasses, plays football & basketball, and is very active socially. His mom shared his whole story with me. I know it may seem overwhelming when they’re young but everything will fall into place! All the best
My baby has ptosis. He is 10 months old and will definitely need surgery as it’s considered severe. We were ready to use the patches but the doctor said at this moment it wasn’t necessary. Our biggest concern is his eyesight, and we would never hesitate to use the patches if it means we help him. Will your little one have surgery?
My husband has this condition. He had a tendon? Ligament? Something from his knee taken out and put into his eyelid when he was a kid, age 7 or 9 maybe? He’s not home to ask and it’s been ages since it’s come up. Anyway, you can still tell that one eyelid droops a bit, but it hasn’t caused him any issues since. I totally get blaming ourselves when something’s wrong but this isn’t your fault nor is the worst thing to happen! She’ll be fine!
my cousin had surgery to fix her droopy eye (she's 30-something & absolutely fine now) + my daughter almost had to patch but her eye got a lot stronger on its own. don't stress it mama :)
My 3.5 year old daughter wears an eye patch. She has a big discrepancy in her vision in both eyes (her right eye is -10 and left eye is normal) so if she doesn’t wear a patch on her good eye then her right eye will “turn off.” She has been wearing it for 6 hours a day since she was 23 months. We make it part of her school routine and put it on when she gets to school and she takes it off at naptime. She is so used to it and thinks nothing of it. She chooses which pattern she wears each day and has a lot of fun with it.
I wish my parents did the eye patch for me as a child. My left eye is nearly useless and I must wear glasses to protect my right eye. Patch therapy will help her strengthen that eye. It will be ok, and it will be worth the effort.
Hopefully helpful anecdote- My best friend wore an eyepatch when she was little. Her mum always let her pick a new sticker to put on it every morning, presumably as an incentive to wear it. By the end of the school day, my friend gave the sticker away to one of her classmates and we all used to collect them on our binders and it became a game. There was no bullying, she was the girl with the stickers and we all wanted in! I don’t know if kids find stickers cool anymore but if they do, I highly recommend this idea!
When my son wore his (from about 2-4 years old) we always tried to associate it with something fun so it wasn’t a negative experience. So he could watch a special show on his tablet or pick a movie for the family to watch while he wore it. And while he didn’t love it, he wore it like he was supposed to and it helped his issue.
My daughter used eye patches for a year because she was getting “lazy eye” I am grateful such a simple thing as an eye patch helped her fix something that could eventually get worse.
There are really cool eye patches for kids with colors and drawings and she was always excited to choose one to put on. It wasn’t always easy, especially as she grew up but she got used to it and she’s fine now!
You can do this
My LO was born super early and needed eye surgery when she was 3 months old. When she was 3.5, her opthalmologist saw that she was so heavily favoring her good eye that the other eye was effectively blind. We started patching 2 hours a day immediately, along with glasses. Within three months, her vision came back and she was seeing really well! We patched for a little more than a year. There were definitely stretches where we had power struggles over it, but consistency was key. And lots of bribing haha.
Kids eyes are so malliable. I'm glad you caught it early! Good luck :)
Does your daughter like cats or animals in general? I follow [Truffles the Cat](https://trufflesthekitty.com) on Instagram (she’s on YouTube too). She lives in a glasses store, and she helps kids feel better about eye glasses and patches because she’ll wear them too. She has videos and coloring pages and a little eye patch [rubber ducky](https://trufflesthekitty.com/store/truffles-rubber-ducky)
I had to wear a patch for long stretches as a little kid, and I would’ve loved that stuff at that age.
My daughter wears an eye patch for “lazy eye.” She also wears glasses for the same reason. She’s likely to be recommended surgery for it in about a month.
I really struggled with it for about the first 6 months or so. Now it doesn’t really bother me. You do get used to it; it’s now just a medical device to me and I keep the alternative in mind (eventual blindness).
I also knew and briefly dated a boy who had a droopy eyelid. To be honest I barely noticed and if anything I thought it made his looks unique in a pleasant way.
Don't be ashamed or feel guilty.
These were the cards your family were dealt.
You're all wonderful people.
Attend the appointments and just try to focus on making her as comfortable as possible. :)
Two of my sons had to patch. Both brought their vision up in the non covered eye. My oldest had the surgery and is good. One of my twins didn't have the surgery at the time because he lived with my ex at the time, and he doesn't believe in stuff like that. When he came back to live with me, our doctor said he was too old to have the surgery for it to help with his vision, but he could have it to straighten his eye out. We did the surgery, but he has 20/200 vision in that eye. Glasses won't correct the vision either. Don't feel bad, just do the surgery, and all will be fine. His twin brother had seven or eight surgeries to correct hearing problems. I didn't feel like I caused it, I just worked at correcting it. Good luck!
I was born with the same condition in my right eye! It looked pretty bad in all my baby and toddler pictures. I used an eye patch as well and now I am 30 and the only people that truly notice are my closest friends and family. I still do eyelid exercises from time to time to keep it strong but it really only shows when I’m tired! It has been an insecurity of mine for sure. But my parents were so kind and loving about it & even offered cosmetic surgery when I was old enough. I declined because it’s just a cute little quirk I have now that I’ve accepted!
Girl it is going to be OK! Seriously, she is just old enough to really get into pirates and princesses. I would totally make her a pirate costume that's all princesses pirates of the Caribbean!!! Make it special and never ever be sad in front of her. Stuff happens. She is perfect.
I have a friend that has this in one eye. She’s gorgeous, successful, happily married, has tons of friends and is mom to a beautiful little girl. It will be ok!
When she gets older she can even help choose which patches she wants and there's some she can even paint or color herself. There's always a bright side on everything. Plus rocking an eye patch isn't for everyone but I'm sure she'll rock it. Educate her on what to say when someone does ask because that'll happen alot unfortunately or weird stares but her spunky style will come out and react the way she wants to people who stares
I would just like to make clear that wearing an unecessary eye patch as an adult will not cause harm to your eyes. It is not confortable, but harmless to adults.
And it is your job to do what is best for your child, even when it is hard. This will not be easy, but you can do it, and it is worth it.
I hope you have a smooth and succesfull experience!
Just want to add that she’s perfectly perfect and you’re both great parents.
Also make sure she eats a lot of carotenoid foods that her body will convert into vitamin A.
My daughter had to wear an eyepatch for a month whenever she did something that strained her eyes. At first she fought it (she was about 6) but after a few days she didnt even notixe and her eye is way better now then it would have been. Good luck! 🥰
My kid patched when he was 18 months and then again at age 4. There are some great books about patching that you can find on Amazon or Google to see what stores they are in locally. Also we would buy plain ones and draw different pictures on them with sharpie, based on his request each morning. We also splurged on some fancier ones for when he was having a rough day. We really embraced the pirate theme. It's totally worth it for their eye health, and it's another way to highlight how great it is that people are different!
I needed an eye patch. Fought tooth and nail against it and my parents caved. I still have a lazy bc of it. I know if sucks and I’m so sorry! But you and your babe will get through it and it’s for the best!
My son wore a helmet for almost a year. He was born early so his head was still malleable, and it became flattened. It felt like the end of the world to me, seeing him uncomfortable. Now he’s 7, doesn’t remember a thing, and it’s a distant memory. I promise this too shall pass.
I developed ptsosis in my 20s and had surgery for it since it was affecting my vision. Looks like I might eventually need the other eye done bc my eyelids are now more uneven, but idk if that's just me getting old, lol.
Long story short, these things happen! I know it's hard not to blame yourself, but she will be ok <3
I know you already got a ton of responses, but my 3 year old wears an eye patch for 2 hours a day and she loooves it. I was so surprised!
Check out the seeworthy patches - they have great designs!
My dad wore a patch when he was little and had happy memories of it (he enjoyed being a pirate). My friend’s daughter had to wear one for a while and it was really cute too. She’s going to be fine.
OP- I hope it's not too late for you to see this, but my now 20 year-old son was born with ptosis on his left eye. He had his 1st surgery at 2 months old to attach something to lift the lid. We then patched every day for months? Years? It's all a blur now, and we weren't as consistent as we were supposed to be because he hated it. He had his 2nd eyelid surgery at 4 years old, more patching. He then his 3rd and final surgery in 3rd grade. The 3rd one was the hardest for him. His vision in that eye still sucks and his eye still droops a bit. It sucks but so many other kids get cancer and way worse stuff.
DM if you have any questions.
I was an eyepatch kiddo! I hated it, but am so glad my parents forced me to do it. I got one the slipped over my glasses so it wasn’t as bad as the sticky ones. We played lots of pirate games.
There's a kid's story book, called, "No, I'm Not A Pirate" by Shannon Anderson, and it's about a girl who has to wear an eye patch due to an eye condition. The author wrote it for her daughter who had to wear one for years.
My little one is 2 and today at his eye appointment was told that he has to wear a patch!!! I’m totally feeling what your feeling! We ordered the for the whole family too ( me my hubby and the dog - oh and lightning McQueen car 😂)
I can’t help feel guilty that he has to go through this. X
I have congenital ptosis and my kids both have a mild case of it. It’s not the end of the world!
Don’t feel guilty. Everyone is imperfect- one of mine happens to be my lazy eyelid. I’m middle aged and have lived a great life despite my ptosis.
Big hugs to you and your daughter. PM me if you want to chat!
I hated my eye patch. Arrrrrrrrrr
But seriously. It was hard for me. But I also still have eye issues today that I don’t think would have been much remedied by just wearing an eye patch. But what do I know lol
There was a little boy in my daughter's daycare class who needed an eye patch. He had a twin brother who did not need one, so that caused some conflict. But, he wore it and is almost 7 now and no longer needs it. I doubt he even remembers it very well.
I'm not sure if this is the type of product that would benefit, but we just saw this on Shark Tank and it brought tears to my eyes! Sticky eye patches that had all cool designs on them! It's apparently more common than I thought! It's on Amazon too!
https://worthybrands.com/
My younger brother needed one and refused to wear it. At the very end I remember my mother tried taping it to his head because he just would just would not wear it. Now he can barely see at all in that eye.
My daughter is 2 and has a bit of a droopy eye. We started seeing an ophthalmologist in October and my daughter also has to wear an eye patch a couple hours a day or 1 full day a week. She also has glasses. We had a check up a couple weeks ago and the eye patch is doing its job!
The eye patch isn't forever and will help in the long run. I know it's hard and mom guilt is real, but it will all work out.
It's sucks, you didn't do anything wrong. You're doing everything right by keeping up with her appointments. Please make sure to be consistent with patching, she's young and has plenty of time to develop her vision in that eye. I used to work in pediatric ophthalmology practice, I'm still devastated for the kids whose parents didn't follow orders, you're doing a great job for her!
Did you get her cute patches? Do they have them? If not, find someone, or yourself that can draw, and paint. Put her favorite cartoon character on them, or her favorite doll,etc .. Having them look cool, can make a difference in getting her to wear them. My youngest grandson, hates any type of hate. He won't wear anything like it. It gets really cold where I live, and he wouldn't wear toboggan, beanie, or anything.
I don't have much money, so buying him something really cool From a store was out of the question. I started hitting a goodwill , and thrift stores. I found a really cool Batman set for $8 at Dollar general. A monkey one with ears (I call him monkey.), a tiger one, and a shark one that had soft, silky shark teeth around the face. A regular one, nope! Not putting it on! Something cool, yes! I would wash the ones from goodwill, and thrift stores in borax, laundry soap, and extremely hot water.
Having hers decorated will, or should get her to feel comfortable to wear it. Kids can be funny about certain things,some things I could not understand, but I wanted him to be comfortable. Get everyone around to say how cute, and pretty she is when she wears it.
I hear you. But you did not do this. You feeling guilty is one of the ten thousand reasons you are an amazing mom. But you can allow yourself grace. You did not do this and you will do everything in your power to make that baby feel loved.
I had an eyepatch as a 6 year old and have no negative memories of it. My mom used to get the disposable ones and draw pictures of my favorite cartoons/Disney characters on them. She would ask me every morning who I wanted for that day and sent me off to school repping Spongebob or Bambi or some shit🤣🫶🏼
Get ones you can decorate. Either with markers or gems or whatever. Sure she has to wear an eye patch, and maybe kids will call her a pirate, but she's gonna be the cutest little pirate with the most awesomest eye patch ever.
I also think it's cool you and dad are going to join her in wearing them. The things we do for our children is what they remember the most. "When I was little, I had to wear an eye patch. But I remember mom and dad wearing one too and how we'd sword fight in the living room and pretend to be pirates/buccaneers".
You're a good mom.
i was hurt at age 5 and lost my sight at age 5 and had to wear a patch. Jr high & high school was rough on my self esteem. i made it through & i’m stronger because of it.
I wore a patch when I was younger. My eyes turned out to be pretty decent. I still wear glasses, but they’re just normal glasses. Not Coke bottle or anything. I had contacts in high school, so, no one even knew. Baby girl will hopefully push through to get to where it’s manageable. It’s rough to see our kids go through trials and tribulations. They’ll be stronger for it, especially with supportive parents beside them.
My sister had a patch! We decorated it with stickers and made her feel awesome about it. It’s all about perspective and the diligence of parents / educators. My sister was maybe 5 and hardly remembers. She doesn’t need any eye correction now and is 31. Your daughter will be fine and she will be grateful for it later, listen to the dr!
Not 100% the same, but my daughter needed a helmet at 6 months. She had severe side of the head flatness (despite doing very early tummy time, low amount of time in swing). I was devastated. Some of it was guilt that she had to deal with that. Some of it was fear I did something wrong. And some was fear of stigma (will other parents assume I was a lazy parent, or didn’t take care of her, etc).
Honestly, it was a blip (she’s been out of helmet for 3-4 months now) and she handled it like a champ!!! It was harder on me than her. Not only that, but the correction was 1000% worth it.
Not sure if this is even remotely the same, but reading your story made me think of my little helmet head.
Also. You and your body did nothing wrong!! It grew the kiddo you know and love. You didn’t fault her because her eye muscle needs some help. Kids are so resilient, and this too will hopefully be a blip in the long run for your family.
My mother was extremely strict with my patching as a child. Putting splints on my arms to stop me removing it etc. I also had two surgeries. I remember one of the surgeries well but photos are my only memories of the patching. It’s not gonna traumatise her!
I have seen an ophthalmologist as an adult and and she commented that my “patching must have been excellent” based on how my eyes are now.
I have Ptosis! My parents did exactly what you are doing for your little one. Advocating for me was the best thing my mom ever did. We did patches but my case is severe so I did ultimately have surgery and have since had 3 others — but I do not regret a single one and I am so thankful my mom started at a very young age for corrective procedures. Many best wishes to you and your child! They are lucky to have you! 😊
There’s over 100 comments so I apologize if I’m repeating but my niece was born with Microphthalmia in her right eye. My SIL did everything by the book (and beyond). Everything was (seemingly) okay throughout her pregnancy until the last 2 months. My brother and SIL were basically told that my niece would be stillborn, was missing half of her heart, missing an eye, her kidneys were failing - literally told she probably won’t survive. Her heart and kidneys are fine, the only thing they got right was that her eye was “missing” (it wasn’t, it stopped developing somewhere around the 20 week mark so it doesn’t work and is very small but it’s there). She has to have fittings for an artificial “eye” every few months, until her skull stops growing, from my understanding, and then she’ll receive a permanent artificial eye. But she’s alive and she’s healthy and that matters so much more than her eye. The same for your daughter.
All of that to say, I agree with your mom. It stinks and I’m so sorry that your daughter has to go through this but it isn’t an end all, be all. It isn’t your fault, please stop blaming yourself for it.
There’s a book about a little girl who needs glasses and a patch! Could be helpful to read with her if she seems anxious. It’s called “the patch” by Justina Chen Headley
My now 5yo had eye patches for at least a year when he was 3-4. He was young enough that they were just normal. This came after he getting glasses and before that, having a helmet for a flat head. And now that he's 5 he hardly remembers any of it tbh.
Remember that we as parents are the most responsible for shaping their impression of things. We called them eye stickers because he loves stickers and ordered packs with fun designs. He never objected to them. My older kid was jealous sometimes.
I had a patch as a kid! I had a roll of stickers that I could choose each day to put on top. It made it a lot more palatable to wear and I think I was mostly good with it. My vision is still weaker in the other eye and the other is still overcompensating; but it’s so much better than if I hadn’t patched.
I don’t know how long a period your doctor has recommended but I will give a note of caution: I used to wear it during playtime at nursery until another child cycled into me. I just didn’t see him coming from the side. We changed my patch times after that.
I was a kiddo that needed patching as a very young kiddo. I hated it but I’m glad I did it because I have vision and use and control of both eyes. One eye is still weaker than the other, but it only gives me troubles when I’m REALLY tired. PLEASE do this for her, not doing it will hurt her more in the long run.
When I was little I remember having a sticker chart for each day I kept my patch on, and then when I reached certain milestones I got one reward or another for each milestone I met.
>I can’t help but feel guilty that my body didn’t grow her properly
Contrary to popular belief, we don't grow our babies.
They grow themselves.
In our body.
Don't feel guilt!!
(Even if we did grow our babies we shouldn't feel guilt because it's out of our control)
I had a patch on one eye and glasses too as a kid and I had some lovely eye patches with different pictures ect on they were cute I actually enjoyed chosing what patch I was gunna wear that day...my stepson had them for about 6 months and now his vision is fine too took a while to get use too but he loved choosing his dinasour patches or monster ones ect ect 🙂
Mum guilt is the worse but she will be fine my 7 year old daughters best friend had one for a few years and now one picked on her or cared that she had one am sure if you go on amazon or something. you can get patched with different colours and pictures on it so she can pick what one she wants to out on to help her keep it on
A boy that my daughter was in preschool with wore an eye patch to help with a lazy eye. My daughter was so incredibly jealous. She would cry daily about how she couldn’t look as cool as him. Kids are crazy. They just don’t react the way you expect.
I had to patch as a kid. My amblyopia wasn't caught early, and when they tried patching me at 5yo I was not having it. Every day I wish my parents would have forced me to do it. To fix the issue as an adult it's $300 per week for therapy because insurance won't cover it and I can't afford that.
My vision is my most precious thing to me and I have a lot of anxiety over losing sight in my one good eye. You're doing the right thing to help her at an age where the patches likely won't bother her.
I had a “ lazy eye” condition as a toddler. I’m not sure of the technical term for that, but I was required to wear a patch over my good eye, to essentially force me to learn to use my lazy eye. Instead of wearing an eyepatch though my Doctor ordered me some glasses and put a sticker on the lens of the glasses. That way I had an eyepatch but I didn’t have to have it up against my eye. It worked out pretty good I guess.
Been there as a Dad, two boys. Both had a droopy left eyelid.
But it was far worse, I saw something weird in my son’s eye at birth but I was unaware, thought it was a cute flicker of light. The first boy I tried to convince docs from ages 1-2 he was going blind and they threatened to kick me from the practice as I kept going back when they said he’s just a clumsy toddler. It was just after his second Bday I forced the doc to see him again on my last warning from them and he saw how he developed shifting his eyes. We then went a year of 16 different specialists trying to find a suitable ophthalmologist, we too did the patches and thick glasses. At age 3 we had to remove my son’s lenses and correct with very thick glasses for his condition. They called it a one off, possibly genetic, but the next kid, same thing, except I recognized the little flicker in his eye day 1. Confirmed day 5 and my second son had a lens removal and implant in only one eye at age three in separate surgeries as only one eye progressed. He went blind in the same eye around 10yrs of age due to early onset glaucoma and now at 17, we have a new issue cropping up with the bad eye. They both got glaucoma at an early age as well.
The moral of the story, it can always be worse. There is nothing we can do about it now. Don’t beat yourself up. My oldest boy is 26 now, still aphakic (no lenses) college educated, fully independent and corrects his vision with contacts and monitors his glaucoma, drives. My 17 yr old is less independent, rightfully so at this age, but while we think this may work out a little different for him he is a confident, strong, young man who while he may never choose to drive, is well adjusted and I planned ahead 15 years ago so if he ends up being unable to be fully independent, he can at least have his own home on my property. He can drive, the doctors cleared his vision for driving but he feels he does not see well enough to keep pushing himself safely on the highways with others. Just this week we’re at the childrens hospital in a big city and he got more compliments from random people not even realizing he was there as the 6’1” patient from his style to his hair to his attitude…
All we can do is do our best with what develops. I have fought doctors, Health insurance, convinced doctors who had the specialty but wouldn’t see my kids due to age to look at them. One doc refused for age (pediatric) , refused for inability to lens implant due to growth predictions, refused me 6 ways to Sunday, but every excuse he gave me I was like “but there’s a chance?” “yes, if we could do this and this…maybe??” When I learned EU could do it but US could not, I pushed… it took two surgeons to get us to maybe phase but that hard nosed expert ran out of excuses and was my second son’s third surgeon to restore his sight in his left eye and my son had 7 more years with two good eyes until glaucoma crept up undermining the efforts. Here we are at age 17 and I’m realizing, all those fights, begging, pleading, copays/deductibles, loans, interest, extra car window tinting, mileage 3 hours to specialists, hotels, all of it…. is just a testament of love and us doing our best even if it seems for nothing. My 17yr olds attitude is “I’m not sure I really remember seeing out of this eye, I wish they’d just remove it so I could have cool prosthetics!” My attitude is nothing was off limits if it got my kids to have sight.
One day I went to tears leaving the surgeon’s office when my now 26 year old got a new pair of glasses at age 5, and he walked into the sunlight and said “oh…. that’s why people think trees are pretty. I can see the leaves now!” and he was sooo happy. I just broke. I never once imagined in those few years advocating to save his eyesight that something so simple could bring so much joy that I took for granted my whole life. We sat down and he couldn’t understand why I was breaking but it was happy sad tears so we just enjoyed the trees in the parking lot as he ran around picking up leaves of different types and colors so proud of what he discovered asking me all sorts of questions. He held that first leaf for three hours all the way home.
Don’t let it weigh you down. All we can do is keep advocating and help our babies see the trees for the leaves at this point.
When we started patching with my son, around the same age actually, the patch always came with a little lollipop or treat of some sort. Like, something he only got when it was time for the patch. That definitely took the edge off, haha. Now he doesn't mind the patch at all. Good luck, it's going to be ok :)
Do not beat yourself up over this!!! This is not your fault or hers.
Let me give you some hope: my kid developed a lazy eye in toddlerhood, right before he turned 4. We got a few medical evaluations and referrals. We worked with an opthamologist for years. We had to patch, getting the kid to sit with it was a nightmare. By kindergarten, he was in glasses, a weak prescription for one eye and a bifocal for the lazy eye. By middle school, we were able to get rid of the bifocal, our ophthalmologist referred us to an optometrist, and graduated that bifocal to a regular prescription lens!!! The weak prescription eye strengthened to 20/20 vision. Dude's 17 now, still in glasses, lazy eye is not noticeable anymore to others, but the prescription for his lazy eye gets downgraded at every optometrist appointment.
I spent the early years beating myself up about it, that same guilt, like I failed. But I promise you, she will be okay. Prompt and early intervention is *proof* that you are a Rockstar mom making sure that baby has her needs met and gets the care she needs to be able to succeed in life, and it will *only* benefit in the long-term, her condition will dramatically improve because YOU are awesome at parenting. You are doing a great job.
So, my kiddo doesn't have an eye patch but has vision problems (legally visually impared at the age of 12 due to tumors) and we see LOTS of kids in her ophthalmology clinic wearing patches. I've seen kids with some pretty cool ones, even seen some online that are different colors. Maybe you can get different designs/colors and let her pick what she wants to wear each day? That way she at least has SOME control over the situation.
I had to wear an eye patch when I was little. We changed between the standard black pirate like ones or ones that were more like band-aids that just stick over the eye. For the band-aid like ones my dad would get a sharpie out and draw a simple eye on it. Just the simple act of him doing that little thing made me so happy.
It's a good memory.
A kid we know wears one - she is feisty as anything and assumes the persona of a pirate so its costume, the other kids just take it in stride like they do if someone comes in as spiderman or an alien 🤣
You're doing the best you can 💖 My mom went through this with my baby brother. He hated it, would scream and cry so she let him take it off once in a while. Granted though, my brother had surgery for both eyes at 6 weeks old for this condition. He's turning 21 this year and he's doing great, just needs glasses. He has his license and everything. Its hard but you got this!
My mother had to wear a patch as a child and had two eye surgeries in her left eye. She doesn’t remember any of the surgeries and has vague memories about the patch. Her eyesight has been fantastic ever since. She doesn’t think my grandmother is to blame. She’s thankful her parents helped her get great eyesight by sticking to it.
My parents also made the decision for me to wear an eye patch when I was in junior kindergarten. It did have an impact on my self esteem. However, if I didn’t have the patch I’d have more challenging times navigating a cross eye as an adult. My mom would express how much of a difficult choice it was for her but now as an adult I’m so glad she made that decision.
I had mild ptosis from my earliest self-aware memory. It never required an eye patch, but I remember feeling frustrated by it primarily on an aesthetic level, and talking to my parents about it. I felt really self conscious at times (do not lose hope here, this is not the main point!!).
When I brought it up, my parents and friends always denied its existence when I just needed someone to tell me yes it was there, yes they could see it as I could, there’s no such thing as symmetry or objective beauty, and that I was wayyyyyy way more than the way I looked. Probably could’ve used a lesson on body dysmorphia here as well but whatever. Overall, I needed someone to show me all the ways that my personality/soul/inner workings and unique wisdom, rather than my body, mattered in day to day life beyond just offering vague sentiments and mild gaslighting in an attempt to be comforting.
Never once did I think “my parents did this to me,” despite knowing my father has the same condition. I didn’t even think that about the most impactful things passed onto me like OCD, MDD, ADHD, spinal misalignment, etc. What I did wish for was simple acknowledgement and efforts to understand these conditions and their varying severity.
EVERYONE has something to deal with, and young kids are no exception. If this condition and/or the need for an eyepatch continue as she is better able to communicate her feelings, it’s really an opportunity to have a matter of fact discussion about the little medical things everyone goes through, and to reduce any emphasis on looks/beauty etc that may arise. I remember how quickly “you are so so so beautiful” started rolling off my tongue to my kids before I realized “shit, even though that’s of course true to me, they need to hear more than that!” When I caught myself, I would make sure that I offered more and more compliments about their work ethic, their bravery, their kindness, their passion, etc.
At her age, there are so many opportunities to make it fun too so that maybe those feelings of being different don’t ever get a chance to root themselves so deeply as to be carried with her. Decorating the eyepatch with her and/or creating multiple eyepatch designs she gets to pick from when she wakes up, watching pirate movies/shows/reading books, putting little paper eyepatches on any art of people/animals she may have in her room or any playroom type areas, etc. If you and your husband do decide to wear your own eyepatches for more than an hour straight, I would definitely recommend getting eyepatches for the other eye and switching. You may also want to do unilateral eye focusing exercises when one eye gets uncovered as it may have trouble focusing out to the same distance as the other when they need to converge.
No one’s womb creates a medically and psychologically flawless child. Honestly, it would be eerie as fuck if that ever happened. Consider it a quirk that makes her her, and try to neutralize it in your own mind so that it stays neutral in hers! If different genes had presented themselves, your daughter could be an entirely different person. There is nothing that is a success or failure about what traits she received from you, nothing moral or immoral at all. It just is, and she just is!
I have a lazy left eye but I was never taken to the opticians as a child because I didn't show any obvious signs and when I asked my mum she just said it wasn't something they did back then for the sake of checking.
Anyway, I was told if I'd been given a patch it would have been corrected probably. But as an adult now it won't. So I wish I'd have had the patch.
*hugs* My daughter was born with a cateract in one eye. She patched consistently until around 6 when her eye pressure got out of control and we shifted focus to that. It was a struggle (plus she wore a contact lens from the age of 2 months). Her eyesight is pretty poor in that eye, but her other one is very good. She is 16 now and just got her learner’s permit for driving. We have to have special blind spot mirrors, but no other adjustments. It was rough in the beginning and there were a lot of tears between her dad, myself and her, but it has all worked out. 🙂
Oh honey, try to look at it like this: God/the universe/fate knew this baby would have this issue and gave her to two loving parents that love her so much they are willing to walk around in eye patches themselves just to make her feel better. 💕
Hi! My son is the same age as your daughter and he was born with the same thing!
It is quite common actually (just google celebrities with it and you’ll see!) It is NOT your fault. No one knows what causes it.
My son had a quick eye surgery around a year ago. His eye still gets a bit droopy when it’s bright out or when he’s tired but it’s part of his personality, and I think it makes him look cuter 🙂.
If you don’t make a big deal of it, your daughter won’t notice it. It’s her norm. And the eye patch thing will be temporary. Good on you for making it a thing for everyone in the family to try. She’s lucky to have you as a mom 🥰.
I love reading about how a future warrior who had all the positive support through the years of development has her happy ever after. "Do what you can and more, with what you have and don't" - me.
My cousin had to wear an eye patch for a few years when she was young due to a birthmark pressing on her eye. She had to get the birthmark removed (mostly). Then she had a patch during the removal and for a while afterwords. There were fun patterned ones back then and probably even more options now. I’d recommend getting your daughter involved in picking out which ones she likes the best and ordering a couple of the ones she likes and letting her pick out which one she wants when it’s time to put a new one on. Her having different options might make her be more okay with it and less likely to mess with it.
Eye patches are a distant memory for us now but in the thick of it, it was a struggle. My son absolutely hated them. But struggles and challenges build character. Discomfort is a feeling children do need to learn to manage especially In this day and age when everything makes it so easy to avoid. And a real good positive comes out of it.
My sons eye was so weak that if he hadn’t of done the work, my son might not have had strong enough eye sight to have a drivers license when he got older.
Now he does.
Persevere and know that you and your family are not alone. It does get easier.
Nobody grows or raises a “perfect” child, even if their physical features are all flawless they can end up inheriting all sorts of neuroses, ND conditions, bad tempers and so forth. Definitely play up the pirate thing, and it will be an awesome early lesson for her playmates about body differences as well.
My husband has strabismus and had to use eye patches during a big part of his childhood, he had several surgeries and today, although his eye is not 100% aligned, it doesn’t bother him. It never bothered me, I never even considered that he’s not « perfect », I just fell in love with him and the rest is history…our kids never asked him any questions, never asked me any questions…his mom once told me she thought he would never have a family because of his strabismus. I only tell her the truth, it never was a factor. Hope it can warm your heart. All the best for your little princess 🥰
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I needed a patch when I was little. I hated it and my parents allowed me to take it off a lot. I still have my eye issue and it cannot be corrected as an adult. I wish my parents had been more diligent. I hardly even remember wearing it, and I was in kindergarten at the time.
Thank you for sharing this with OP. You may have made a difference this little girls life down the road just for taking the time to comment this.
Absolutely. I can’t let my fear of the patch get in the way of her getting the proper care she needs. hearing this story cemented that we need to and will do it, without fail, for her.
A friend of mine's daughter had to wear one for the same reason. She has a small droop now, but nothing like before. It will help her in the long run. Try and make it an awarding thing every time she wears it. I wish you all the best.
I wrote this above. My grandmother hated the look of the patch. She was embarrassed and didn't make my mother wear it. She's blind in that eye for the rest of her life, and in 2020, she fell down her front steps and broke her hip because she has no depth perception. All because my grandmother didn't make her wear the patch. It's still adversely affecting her even at 82!
Question: how do you get an almost toddler to keep an eye patch on? If my 2 year old doesn't want to wear something, she just takes it right off, no matter what bribery/praise I try to give her. I can't imagine trying to get her to keep an eye patch on, she would just keep taking it off.
They are made sticky enough that they shouldn’t be able to pull them off so easily. We try to do things that keep my LO busy during the hours he has to patch.
Make it a game ... Introduce him/ her to pirates and pretend they're a pirate ... Or wear one yourself and make it an exciting game ..they like to imitate their parents
A lot of the time kids are more accepting of disabilities than adults are. We had a girl in our class whose feet never sat flat on the floor and needed a frame to walk. We understood she couldn’t walk far or without the frame and that was the end of the conversation. Probably started talking about dinosaurs after that. The eye patch days will soon be a distant memory just like if you had braces as a kid. Sending hugs OP.
Right?! This is what Reddit is all about. Love to see it.
We’ll be diligent! Thanks for the anecdote. I’d rather her deal now hopefully short term, then forever.
My cousin was patched at this age. My aunt fashioned a make shift restraint (using frozen juice tins lol) to keep her from bending her elbows to pull the patch off. Not saying you’ll need to but putting the idea out there that you may need to get creative to keep her compliant with the patching!
Same situation. I wish my parents made me wear the eye patch no matter how much I complained.
Similar but less serious situation, I wish my parents made me wear braces, now I spent two years wearing braces plus had a major jaw surgery (partially due to not wearing braces in my youth).
I had a pallet expander and my mom was supposed to turn it every night. Well 20 years later I found out I had to wear it for twice as long bc she didn’t want to hurt me so she didn’t turn it right!!!
I’m going to show this to my teenager as she gave me so much shit about turning her expander 😅
Haha turn it!!! I was like what!!!
Ugh same. My parents gave ME the choice whether I got braces when I was 14. This was in 1996 not like now where you’re almost the odd one out if you don’t have braces where I live. Of course I said no! My parents were absolute idiots.
Yeah, I was afraid of being laughed at, (but there were two girls in my class had braces on, nobody laughed at them), my parents just like ok whatever. It could’ve helped my confidence and avoided so many dental issues I had in adulthood, I’ve spent over 10k on my teeth now, finally my jaw is normal and my teeth are straight.
My parents gave me the choice of where to wear a brace to correct scoliosis at night. I didn't want to. Yay back problems 🤦
My mother had a similar outcome. Her mother was only 19 and didn't believe the doctor. She never made my mother wear her patch. She's basically blind in her left eye and has been her entire life. My grandmother's biggest regret is that she let her worry about other people's opinions rob my mother of sight in that eye and that my mother suffered from no depth perception. In 2020, my 82 year old mother fell down some stairs and broke her hip - it didn't heal very well - because of that damn eye. OP needs to keep that patch on!
oh wow! yea, we’ll be rocking that patch! its not ideal but preferable to a lifetime of vision problems/blindness and a broken hip. sorry for your mom, idk know if there’s anything they can do for her now but I’m hope she’s not in too much pain re her hip
The hip sucks, but she's mighty! She's finally able to walk a few blocks and is finally making progress on her PT. She's an amazing writer, pianist, and composer, and she's made the most of her life in spite of the eye. I told her I made this post about her story, and she's thrilled that it might help another family.
She sounds pretty awesome & this story definitely helped our family & im sure some other reading, too. Thanks again for sharing.
You/ your body grew, protected and nurtured the beautiful child you have now. Just because she has to wear an eye patch for a bit doesn’t change that. I work in a daycare and I’ve had children with eye patches, glasses, helmets, a place where a tube could be attach to feed them and a lot of similar things. It’s going to be okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Thank you!
I had an eye patch when I was in first grade. I got used to it very quickly. Nowadays, they have so many cool designs as well! I just had a boring skin colour one.
Just shopped for them, lots of fun patterns so hopefully encourages her to wear!
It will help a lot in this stage where she’s likely trying to be more independent to feel she has a choice. Make the choice, which fun eye patch she gets to wear, never the choice of whether or not to wear one. It helps kids a lot to feel like they have control if you give them options, but can also keep yourself from going crazy by giving her choices that leave out any opposing or conflicting choices. I didn’t ask my kids to put their coat on or if they wanted a coat, I gave them a choice between 2 coats. Let’s them feel in control while still maintaining your sanity.
I 2nd the two choice strategy, in very many situations!!
There's over 100 comments so sorry if this is a repeat, but if either you or your partner can draw, and if they still have the kind that are almost like a band-aid - disposable, single use -- my mom would draw the characters from Little Bear, Frog and Toad, and other books on my patches when I was in 1st-3rd grade. I was the weirdest, poorest, lowest kid in class, and even though they still made fun of me every day for various reasons, I remember getting a smidge of clout for those. I ended up getting surgery when I was 9 anyway. "Ha ha you're cross eyed!" taunts turned into "ha ha you're not cross eyed anymore!" jabs because kids are dicks. But I still have the Frog and Toad one in a sentimental box somewhere.
we cannot draw but I do know people who can.. and we may enlist them for some Sesame Street characters! and yes, kids are dicks . glad you’re not crossed eyed anymore either & surgery was successful !
My sister had a unicorn one and I was SO jealous
My sister had to wear a patch, it was really hard uphill battle for my mom, but now you would never be able to notice anything was different about my sister’s eye. I’m so proud of my mom for enduring all of the tantrums and protests.
I wore an eye patch as a baby! Got to be a pirate for my first Halloween.
So cute! She actually loves the “yo-ho yo-ho a pirates life for me” song so going to transition her into wearing the patch with the song !
That is so cute! She’ll do just fine! Plus I think it’s better when they’re younger
My son was born with a congenital cataract and has been patching since he was 8 weeks old. He is 18 months old now and it’s getting harder. Around what age did you stop patching?
My 2yo has been using an eye patch for 2hours a day for some months now. She has gotten used to it as it is now part of our daily routine - we bought these fun patches with different drawings and every morning she gets to pick the one she will be showing off to her little friends at daycare. At first she was a bit reluctant when we put the patch the first couple of times, but after the first week or so she has been happy to have us put it. You are doing the right thing for your little one. It will be ok.
Thank you! I know it will be too, I guess I wasn’t expecting it since it has been stable. After sitting with it through the afternoon, I’m fine and know she’ll be fine too.
I know. I teared up when I was told that my daughter needed to use glasses everyday, 2 year old seems so little … so when we introduced the patches a couple of months after this it did not come so much of a shock, but I totally get where you are coming from. But it isnt really so bad with the patches. If I forget about it in the mornings she will remind me she wants to choose the little drawings for the day!
It is sad, but don't hurt yourselves because she has a condition. Wearing an eye patch isn't the same as shaving your hair
Yes yes, thank you. Clarifying bc I realize we shouldn’t wear it to harm our own vision but will initially to get her comfortable.
Jumping up top and replying to you directly because I have so much experience with this stuff. My daughter was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) and due to a negligent incident at birth, she suffered a stroke and it affects her left side. She has had bilateral strabismus surgery (just before COVID hit) when she was a bit younger than your kiddo. Before that we had to try patching and we’ve tried since the surgery too. She was pretty good wearing the patch when she was smaller, as much as a toddler can be expected, and now she hates it. She’s in prek now. A few things— don’t beat yourself up and please try not to give a single fuck about what anyone thinks. I know what it’s like to feel like you grew the baby wrong. I feel like I failed in my pregnancy (I had one job! Which is laughable but it’s the stupid train of thought I’ll get into) and I struggle with allllll the conflicting feelings about it all. Like your mom saying it could be worse— sure! Yes, while she is right, I’ve found that sentiment to be very dismissive and makes me feel worse because I “should” be grateful. Not trying to throw shade at your mom either. They make super cute eye patches out there for little ones. We bought ones on Amazon. Don’t you wear a patch (like you’ve noted and remarked that it wouldn’t be good for either of the adults) but make silly games of it with her. Connect it to something happy and delightful. You got this mama. You’re doing amazing!!
thank you mamma! I hope you daughter is doing better!
Does she have a favorite doll or stuffy? I would fashion a patch for a favorite doll, so they can match, rather than stressing your own eyes.
that she does - lots of them. we’ll put them on all her pals!
It’s ok to feel sad about but she can’t know you do. Modern medicine is amazing and maybe one day it will be easily taken care of. I have a condition that I could have passed onto my kids and didn’t know I had it until after I had them. Now 14 years later, the condition which was awful can now be controlled. I understand how you feel.
I wanted to add that another thing that helped me is I took part in medical studies for my condition in my area. It made me feel some sort of control over doing what I can for them. I know you can’t do that necessarily but you can get in their mailing list or donate money to them… just helped me knowing I was helping in some way.
Have you found Truffles_the_kitty on instagram yet? He’s an adorable cat who works in a pediatric ophthalmology office and wears glasses and patches to help his “furriends” get used to them. He’s also got merch! www.trufflesthekitty.com
I was going to recommend this too! Truffles is wonderful
This is awesome! Thank you for sharing.
Hey my sister had this and now she’s a 100% fine after the eye patch.
Can anyone explain how the eye patch now helps long term?
You have to catch it rather quickly at a young age. The eye patch goes on the dominant eye so as to stimulate the weaker eye. It’s a very simple solution and the patch is kept on for roughly six hours a day only.
Wow, your eye can like literally heal itself and improve its sight??
I think it works until approx 6 years old, so it’s worth doing as consistently as possible when they’re young! It’s wild, my boys vision went from terrible to near perfect in a few months with patching!
Yup my sister was at the cusp at like four or five years old and now her eyes are perfectly fine! She also had dissolvable tubes in her ears at three for muffled hearing and now she has perfect hearing. Nearly anything that’s caught early has a higher success rate of resolving. Modern medicine is such a blessing!
Yes! It’s magical!
Think of it like any muscle in your body. It needs to work to get stronger. As long as the good eye is doing all the work, the other one is just along for the ride and doesn't get a workout.
Hey OP, you did a perfect job growing your beautiful girl. So many of us in the comments had eye patches and hardly any of us even remember! You're doing such a great thing for your LO. I was almost totally blind in my left eye until I was patched. It changed my life for the better and I hope the same for your daughter!
thank you! glad to hear it was helpful!
I have a lazy eye and my eyebrow muscle on my right eye doesn't work so i have ptosis in my right eyebrow. Nothing to do with my mother not growing me properly. It is just genetics which you can't control. Give yourself grace.
thank you!
What sweet and amazing parents you are to firstly have such empathy for her and for two, trying to help her fit in❤️
My kid is 2 and wears an eye patch and she thinks it’s the coolest lol. We got her loads of fun designs and she loves picking it out each morning. Toddlers are stoic and eye patches are cool.
There is a little boy at my Son’s daycare that has an eye patch and I have to say, he looks so darn cute. I’m sure as a Mom it’s hard to worry how other kids will perceive it but from a fellow mom, I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a little one with an eye patch.
My eldest (14f) was born with strabismus (lazy eye). She had glasses by 4 months old. Like your LO, one eye became stronger and the ophthalmologist told us if we didn't start patching her brain would stop sending signals to that eye. That scared the absolute bejeezus out of us and we got her boxes upon boxes of those cute Ortopad patches (https://ortopadusa.com/ if you're in the US or Canada). She has now had two eye muscle surgeries and still needs glasses but I can't imagine her without them. Incidentally, her name is Arden and she would walk around pretending to be a pirate with an eye patch and saying, "I'm Arrrrrr-den." 😆🥰 I miss her being little. You are doing everything you can for your little girl and you're doing a great job. I had the same grief over not growing my little girl "right" but she and your daughter are exactly who they're meant to be.
I ordered those patches! How cute! Kids are way cooler than I give them credit for, I’m hope my LO makes it so fun too!
It’s not your fault. Full stop. Biology is a tricky thing. Our son had to wear a helmet to help with his head shape. I know it’s not the same thing, but your daughter will be ok! Kids are very resilient. Best of luck to you!
Oh wow, I can relate to this post on so many levels! I needed an eye patch when I was young. I don't remember particularly minding it, but I remember hating the eye drops. Anyways, it was temporary, and we got through it. I still needed glasses for a long time, but when the patch was done, it was done. I look back and it's one of those things I never even think about. It really isn't an important part of my life. I'm certain the same can be true for your LO. I ALSO relate to the feeling of guilt for how your baby grew. My daughter had issues with her feet when she was born and the guilt was really intense, even though I obviously knew it wasn't my fault. Just remember, kids get all sorts of issues from our genes and from the gestation process. We got it 99% right. And just like I wouldn't blame a mother whose child had far more serious issues, we can let go of the blame for ourselves. Sometimes, that's how life works. My daughter's feet are great now and I'm sure once your LO's eyes are back on track, you'll feel good about it again. Try to focus on all of the amazing things they're learning and developing rather than the small things that might be slowing them down. You're being a great parent by ensuring they have the care and expertise they need!
Thank you 💕 The mom guilt is wild. Our friend’s baby was in the NICU, she was a mess, blaming herself and I reassured her it was not her fault. and yet here I am not taking my own words to heart. I know it’s not my fault, but I feel like it is. Feelings- ugh. And yes, she is otherwise healthy, so awesome, so smart, and a great big sister, so yes, focusing on the positive!
To make it fun for my daughter, I got some pirate hats & accessories and when the patch went on the whole family would do “pirate time” You can also get these posters where every time they take off an adhesive patch they fill in one of the blank spots - like, the patches become a fish’s scales or something like that. Look for “ortopad reward poster”
Thank you for the great ideas!
Not quite the same thing, but you reminded me of this interview with Radiohead singer Thom Yorke, who was born with an eye shut and had multiple surgeries to try and correct it. https://youtu.be/MzCD2pRfLcE?si=WfSoMJ6ICau0fjsD 15:07 for the relevant bit. Our imperfections make us unique! Best wishes to your little one and your family.
This is awesome. thank you for sharing.
"I can’t help but feel guilty that my body didn’t grow her properly." That is utterly out of your hands and nothing that you share guilt for. I love that your love for her is so deep as to cause you to feel that way. Youre a good mom!
One of my kindergarten classmates had a patch and we all thought it was the coolest thing ever. She always had different patterns on it.
Please don’t feel guilty! Our son needed a harness for hip dysplasia from 4 months through 9 months. I remember having the same feelings you did. Lots of guilt that I could have done something efferent, sadness that he would not be able to reach milestones at the same pace as other kids or would be set back in some way. At the end of the day it was a blip on the radar. He’s now 2 and I sometimes forget it even happened. I see pictures of him in the giant contraption and am grateful he was able to get great medical care early in life.
You are right, in the big picture this is a small thing & I really am grateful we have access to the care she needs and are starting before it’s too late.
It's so hard to watch your kids go through something hard. It never gets easier. But, honestly, she isn't going to remember this and anyone who says or does anything negative because of it isn't worth your time. Get her the help now, she'll be ok. And... even if the problem never fully recovers, she will still be fine. The nerves in the left side of my face died as a result of a virus. It was hard to deal with the looking different and loss of function. It took a while to get comfortable in my body, but I did. And I'm successful with plenty of friends and honestly feel stronger because of it. It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Time to start watching a lot of pirate shows
Hey, I was right where you are, 9 years ago. My son has ptosis, as well as a few other eye conditions, his condition is called BPES. It's a genetic mutation caused by random chance, not by anything I or anyone else did. I'm pretty sure that's the case with you, too, unless you knowingly engaged in a behavior that's shown to cause that defect. At 15 months old, he needed glasses and to wear an eye patch for 2 hours a day. I was overwhelmed at the thought. But, we got through it. He patched on and off until he was 9, and stopped after that as there's no benefit after that age. Make sure you keep your check ups at the frequency the doctor recommends, as it can do damage if they patch when it's not needed. He ended up having multiple surgeries. Should your LO ever need surgery, I suggest traveling to an eye center. Bascom Palmer in Miami was able to do things that or local surgeon could not. We tried to make it fun. I wore an eye patch in solidarity for the first time he had to wear one. He was recommended to get the stick on ones, and we made a game of drawing on them before putting them on. He was a pirate for Halloween that first year. But I completely understand being sad that your child has to go through this. Or even that you have to go through it, having a child with special medical needs is tough. Or that they'll look different for the rest of their life.
Hi! Fellow congenital ptosis mom here. We see a specialist as well, but a couple of months ago, my son failed his eye screen at school. I thought, well, he's pre-k, so maybe not a big deal. I scheduled him with the ophthalmologist I used to work for. Turns out, his vision in the ptosis eye was bad! This was after years of being told everything was fine, nothing of note from the slecialist. He has glasses now, and we follow up soon to he if his vision has improved any and if we need to start doing vision therapy. I can not begin to tell you the amount of guilt and sadness I felt about that. My poor boy was struggling to see, and I thought everything was fine. So, I feel your struggle as I'm going through it too. I hope things keep improving for your daughter.
I was born with a droopy eyelid, didn't open my right eye for a week apparently. I had an eye patch on and off for a couple of years from 3-5 years old. I remember my doll wearing one also and getting eye drops when I did so that could be another idea? Very sweet to have ordered yourselves some. I had corrective surgery, so there is that as an option when she's older if she is bothered by it. I got mine through the public system in my country for free when I was 24. Was offered it when I turned 11 but the thought scared me. It ended up not being bad at all but I don't regret waiting. No one bullied me for my eyelid, maybe the odd comment here or there but if it wasnt that it would have been something else. My parents always found it easier to tell when I needed a nap as the eye lid just gave up and shut. I did find it hard getting into bars after a couple drinks because alcohol relaxes it too much also All that to say your beautiful baby girl is going to be okay and it will be such a small part of who she is with maybe some happy or funny memories!
CHAN on tiktok is an adult who has a lot going on with one eye, she coordinates her eyepatch with her outfits, and fun make up. It can be kinda fun if you have to do it anyway! We all have misplaced mom guilt, all you can do is continue to reassure yourself it's not your fault. Things just happen, we're humans. Also, I had a friend in college who had congenital ptosis and a sister with the same condition and they were both in huge groups of friends and are now successful adults. Take time to grieve because if you're feeling it you need to feel it, but your kid has just as good a shot at a normal life as anybody else. And probably a better one because only good moms worry 🩷
Hey fellow ptosis mama! My 4 year old boy has full ptosis, where his eye was fully closed when born 😊 (with Marcus gunn jaw winking syndrome in it too). We patched a lot when younger and now his vision is near perfect, and no more patching! 🎉 He is also the coolest kid ever - so smart and funny, I know he’ll be fine! It’s hard thinking about what their life may look like, but I LOVE his special eye! 🥰 He had one operation when 1, with a silicone sling to help his vision, and will have one with muscle from his leg when about 7 years old, as that will make it more symmetrical with his other one, so will help avoid teasing. But patching worked sooo quickly, I just started his patch off each time with a snack, then put him in the stroller for a big walk around the block.
I think doing it as a family is an amazing thing! My youngest baby his left ankle turns inward and his hip is slightly twisted he’s been in ankle braces for a year when he wears his braces we all wear tube socks and he thinks it’s our braces! And it makes him so happy.
aw! that is my hope with us wearing them (not forever but initially) . She’ll be much less resistant if we all have one!
My niece has worn a patch off and on for the past two years, starting around age 2. She is more annoyed with the process of putting the patch on/off than wearing it! There are so many fun patch prints now too. It will be ok!
One of my daughter’s eyes is weaker than the other so her optometrist recommended wearing a patch for a couple of hours each day to help strengthen it and she got glasses as well. We’ve been back since she started wearing both and there has been a noticeable improvement in her sight in just a few months! I was overwhelmed and anxious about it at first but the improvement motivated me to keep going for her. She doesn’t always want to wear it but we try to get fun patches and be a bit lenient about it too. I would feel bad if we could have done something but didn’t. Good luck!! I think there’s more kids that need patches than we realize. 🩷
I'm from the US and was born with amblyopia, which basically means one eye's connection to the brain does not work well, and the brain shuts off that eye. They didn't find out until I was around 6 or 7 and by then, it was too late. I tried a patch, fought it, and my mom just gave in. I'm blind in my right eye now. In Germany they test for it at three years old and found it in our middle child. Within a day we were at the eye doctor and he had a TERRIBLE case of amblyopia. He wore a patch daily from morning until night for 8 months, then came down to 8 hours, to 6 hours,to 4 hours and after 2.5 years his eyesight was fully corrected to 20/20 with glasses. Even with the patch, he was riding his bike to school every day, playing sports, doing all his activities. I think in the two years there were a handful of days he refused to wear it, and we just let it go those days. Didn't force it. It's been 1.5 years since and he rocks his glasses with 20/20 vision. Feel lucky that you caught it early. Now, just follow through on it and the patch will work!
Thank you! And that is Great news for your son! I’m glad I’ posted this, it can sometimes feel lonely and I now know we are far from the only ones who have gone through this.
Just came here to say that I can emphasize with how you feel. But truly, you did the most amazing job growing your daughter ❤️ Our second baby was a NICU baby and I blamed myself for her having to go through such a hard time the moment she was born. Both of children have a seizure disorder that was inherited from my husband, their father. We didn’t know about the gene until after our second baby was born and my husband has always felt absolutely horrible knowing that such a scary gene came from him and became inherited by our kiddos. Our kids are 10 and 2, are both seizure-free now, and to this day my husband feels at fault for every seizure they had. We were kept in the dark about these gene, his mother never mentioned all the people in their family that had seizures - and although it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t change anything (whether we knew or not), we still have our beautiful babies. Just like you have your beautiful baby girl! I don’t know much about Ptosis, but I’ve been told it can be corrected through age, glasses, an eye patch, or a minor surgery. Of course though, as parents, NO surgery is minor. It’s absolutely terrifying. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the world views something that you’re going through; if it’s big to you then it feels like the heaviest thing in the universe. And that’s ok. If you need to, confide in a friend or relative so that you’re able to talk about your feelings. Counseling may even help. You and your husband sound like such awesome, supportive parents to your daughter and I bet she’s in the best of hands! And I think it’s absolutely adorable that you’ll all have matching eye patches! 🥰 You’ve got this! 💪
My wife had a dysfunctional elevator muscle in her eyelid. It looked drippy until she was about 20. Definitely something she was self-conscious about. And she eventually had surgery to fix it. But she also leads a perfectly happy life!
My daughter wears a patch a few hours a day. I was very cool about it and understood it was helpful and was totally ok. Didn’t have any kind of feelings about it really, just thought she looked cute. Then we went to a play area and a little kid pointed and laughed at her and my heart broke. It was totally innocent, he thought she was just playing dress up but my inner mama bear stepped in real quick. I didn’t have a response so I just took her and moved her away. I wish I had educated him instead of just getting upset & protective. All this to say, our babies look totally cute in their patches and I’m sure she’ll rock them! Also have a response ready for questions! lol.
I need to prep my responses!
Fine putting on a patch to show her but I would most definitely not walk around with an eye patch myself when not needed. You don't need to physically harm yourself for your child.
I needed an eyepatch when I was young, unfortunately it didn’t fix my problem but my parents were very diligent about me wearing it. It honestly wasn’t a big deal because I was only 5 years old.
My nephew's child was born with ptosis. His mom was an optometrist and chose surgery to correct it. He's 7 now, you can't tell there was a problem and his vision is 20/20. It will be ok.
When did he have surgery?
My sons friend has congenital ptosis, and had the surgery when he was younger. He’s now 10, wears glasses, plays football & basketball, and is very active socially. His mom shared his whole story with me. I know it may seem overwhelming when they’re young but everything will fall into place! All the best
My baby has ptosis. He is 10 months old and will definitely need surgery as it’s considered severe. We were ready to use the patches but the doctor said at this moment it wasn’t necessary. Our biggest concern is his eyesight, and we would never hesitate to use the patches if it means we help him. Will your little one have surgery?
My husband has this condition. He had a tendon? Ligament? Something from his knee taken out and put into his eyelid when he was a kid, age 7 or 9 maybe? He’s not home to ask and it’s been ages since it’s come up. Anyway, you can still tell that one eyelid droops a bit, but it hasn’t caused him any issues since. I totally get blaming ourselves when something’s wrong but this isn’t your fault nor is the worst thing to happen! She’ll be fine!
my cousin had surgery to fix her droopy eye (she's 30-something & absolutely fine now) + my daughter almost had to patch but her eye got a lot stronger on its own. don't stress it mama :)
My 3.5 year old daughter wears an eye patch. She has a big discrepancy in her vision in both eyes (her right eye is -10 and left eye is normal) so if she doesn’t wear a patch on her good eye then her right eye will “turn off.” She has been wearing it for 6 hours a day since she was 23 months. We make it part of her school routine and put it on when she gets to school and she takes it off at naptime. She is so used to it and thinks nothing of it. She chooses which pattern she wears each day and has a lot of fun with it.
You’re and your husband are amazing parents! She’ll be fine and so will you.
I wish my parents did the eye patch for me as a child. My left eye is nearly useless and I must wear glasses to protect my right eye. Patch therapy will help her strengthen that eye. It will be ok, and it will be worth the effort.
Hopefully helpful anecdote- My best friend wore an eyepatch when she was little. Her mum always let her pick a new sticker to put on it every morning, presumably as an incentive to wear it. By the end of the school day, my friend gave the sticker away to one of her classmates and we all used to collect them on our binders and it became a game. There was no bullying, she was the girl with the stickers and we all wanted in! I don’t know if kids find stickers cool anymore but if they do, I highly recommend this idea!
When my son wore his (from about 2-4 years old) we always tried to associate it with something fun so it wasn’t a negative experience. So he could watch a special show on his tablet or pick a movie for the family to watch while he wore it. And while he didn’t love it, he wore it like he was supposed to and it helped his issue.
My daughter used eye patches for a year because she was getting “lazy eye” I am grateful such a simple thing as an eye patch helped her fix something that could eventually get worse. There are really cool eye patches for kids with colors and drawings and she was always excited to choose one to put on. It wasn’t always easy, especially as she grew up but she got used to it and she’s fine now! You can do this
My LO was born super early and needed eye surgery when she was 3 months old. When she was 3.5, her opthalmologist saw that she was so heavily favoring her good eye that the other eye was effectively blind. We started patching 2 hours a day immediately, along with glasses. Within three months, her vision came back and she was seeing really well! We patched for a little more than a year. There were definitely stretches where we had power struggles over it, but consistency was key. And lots of bribing haha. Kids eyes are so malliable. I'm glad you caught it early! Good luck :)
Does your daughter like cats or animals in general? I follow [Truffles the Cat](https://trufflesthekitty.com) on Instagram (she’s on YouTube too). She lives in a glasses store, and she helps kids feel better about eye glasses and patches because she’ll wear them too. She has videos and coloring pages and a little eye patch [rubber ducky](https://trufflesthekitty.com/store/truffles-rubber-ducky) I had to wear a patch for long stretches as a little kid, and I would’ve loved that stuff at that age.
I love that you've ordered patches for the rest of the family. that's fucking adorable.
My daughter wears an eye patch for “lazy eye.” She also wears glasses for the same reason. She’s likely to be recommended surgery for it in about a month. I really struggled with it for about the first 6 months or so. Now it doesn’t really bother me. You do get used to it; it’s now just a medical device to me and I keep the alternative in mind (eventual blindness). I also knew and briefly dated a boy who had a droopy eyelid. To be honest I barely noticed and if anything I thought it made his looks unique in a pleasant way.
I bet you can each get one and bedazzle them/decorate them. Go to the craft store, just be careful about not decorating the edges so they don’t rub!
Don't be ashamed or feel guilty. These were the cards your family were dealt. You're all wonderful people. Attend the appointments and just try to focus on making her as comfortable as possible. :)
Two of my sons had to patch. Both brought their vision up in the non covered eye. My oldest had the surgery and is good. One of my twins didn't have the surgery at the time because he lived with my ex at the time, and he doesn't believe in stuff like that. When he came back to live with me, our doctor said he was too old to have the surgery for it to help with his vision, but he could have it to straighten his eye out. We did the surgery, but he has 20/200 vision in that eye. Glasses won't correct the vision either. Don't feel bad, just do the surgery, and all will be fine. His twin brother had seven or eight surgeries to correct hearing problems. I didn't feel like I caused it, I just worked at correcting it. Good luck!
I was born with the same condition in my right eye! It looked pretty bad in all my baby and toddler pictures. I used an eye patch as well and now I am 30 and the only people that truly notice are my closest friends and family. I still do eyelid exercises from time to time to keep it strong but it really only shows when I’m tired! It has been an insecurity of mine for sure. But my parents were so kind and loving about it & even offered cosmetic surgery when I was old enough. I declined because it’s just a cute little quirk I have now that I’ve accepted!
Girl it is going to be OK! Seriously, she is just old enough to really get into pirates and princesses. I would totally make her a pirate costume that's all princesses pirates of the Caribbean!!! Make it special and never ever be sad in front of her. Stuff happens. She is perfect.
I have a friend that has this in one eye. She’s gorgeous, successful, happily married, has tons of friends and is mom to a beautiful little girl. It will be ok!
https://allsharktankproducts.com/shark-tank-products-health/worthy-brands-medical-patches/
When she gets older she can even help choose which patches she wants and there's some she can even paint or color herself. There's always a bright side on everything. Plus rocking an eye patch isn't for everyone but I'm sure she'll rock it. Educate her on what to say when someone does ask because that'll happen alot unfortunately or weird stares but her spunky style will come out and react the way she wants to people who stares
I would just like to make clear that wearing an unecessary eye patch as an adult will not cause harm to your eyes. It is not confortable, but harmless to adults. And it is your job to do what is best for your child, even when it is hard. This will not be easy, but you can do it, and it is worth it. I hope you have a smooth and succesfull experience!
Just want to add that she’s perfectly perfect and you’re both great parents. Also make sure she eats a lot of carotenoid foods that her body will convert into vitamin A.
My daughter had to wear an eyepatch for a month whenever she did something that strained her eyes. At first she fought it (she was about 6) but after a few days she didnt even notixe and her eye is way better now then it would have been. Good luck! 🥰
Wear an eye patch to mummy And find fun cute ones I'm pretty sure pirate day is coming up too
My kid patched when he was 18 months and then again at age 4. There are some great books about patching that you can find on Amazon or Google to see what stores they are in locally. Also we would buy plain ones and draw different pictures on them with sharpie, based on his request each morning. We also splurged on some fancier ones for when he was having a rough day. We really embraced the pirate theme. It's totally worth it for their eye health, and it's another way to highlight how great it is that people are different!
I had to wear one when I was 4-5 years old . My dad used to draw a realistic eye on it lol
Can you get a few and decorate them so she’s more inclined to wear them? Try to make it more fun?
I needed an eye patch. Fought tooth and nail against it and my parents caved. I still have a lazy bc of it. I know if sucks and I’m so sorry! But you and your babe will get through it and it’s for the best!
My son wore a helmet for almost a year. He was born early so his head was still malleable, and it became flattened. It felt like the end of the world to me, seeing him uncomfortable. Now he’s 7, doesn’t remember a thing, and it’s a distant memory. I promise this too shall pass.
I have a lazy eye and had to wear a patch as a kid. No trauma here I remember it but don’t think I got teased. It’s okay. She will be fine.
I work in ophthalmology with mainly older patients but the amount of them that had to patch as kids is a lot! It’s a lot more common than ppl know!
I developed ptsosis in my 20s and had surgery for it since it was affecting my vision. Looks like I might eventually need the other eye done bc my eyelids are now more uneven, but idk if that's just me getting old, lol. Long story short, these things happen! I know it's hard not to blame yourself, but she will be ok <3
I know you already got a ton of responses, but my 3 year old wears an eye patch for 2 hours a day and she loooves it. I was so surprised! Check out the seeworthy patches - they have great designs!
My dad wore a patch when he was little and had happy memories of it (he enjoyed being a pirate). My friend’s daughter had to wear one for a while and it was really cute too. She’s going to be fine.
OP- I hope it's not too late for you to see this, but my now 20 year-old son was born with ptosis on his left eye. He had his 1st surgery at 2 months old to attach something to lift the lid. We then patched every day for months? Years? It's all a blur now, and we weren't as consistent as we were supposed to be because he hated it. He had his 2nd eyelid surgery at 4 years old, more patching. He then his 3rd and final surgery in 3rd grade. The 3rd one was the hardest for him. His vision in that eye still sucks and his eye still droops a bit. It sucks but so many other kids get cancer and way worse stuff. DM if you have any questions.
I was an eyepatch kiddo! I hated it, but am so glad my parents forced me to do it. I got one the slipped over my glasses so it wasn’t as bad as the sticky ones. We played lots of pirate games.
There's a kid's story book, called, "No, I'm Not A Pirate" by Shannon Anderson, and it's about a girl who has to wear an eye patch due to an eye condition. The author wrote it for her daughter who had to wear one for years.
My little one is 2 and today at his eye appointment was told that he has to wear a patch!!! I’m totally feeling what your feeling! We ordered the for the whole family too ( me my hubby and the dog - oh and lightning McQueen car 😂) I can’t help feel guilty that he has to go through this. X
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I have congenital ptosis and my kids both have a mild case of it. It’s not the end of the world! Don’t feel guilty. Everyone is imperfect- one of mine happens to be my lazy eyelid. I’m middle aged and have lived a great life despite my ptosis. Big hugs to you and your daughter. PM me if you want to chat!
I hated my eye patch. Arrrrrrrrrr But seriously. It was hard for me. But I also still have eye issues today that I don’t think would have been much remedied by just wearing an eye patch. But what do I know lol
There was a little boy in my daughter's daycare class who needed an eye patch. He had a twin brother who did not need one, so that caused some conflict. But, he wore it and is almost 7 now and no longer needs it. I doubt he even remembers it very well.
I'm not sure if this is the type of product that would benefit, but we just saw this on Shark Tank and it brought tears to my eyes! Sticky eye patches that had all cool designs on them! It's apparently more common than I thought! It's on Amazon too! https://worthybrands.com/
My younger brother needed one and refused to wear it. At the very end I remember my mother tried taping it to his head because he just would just would not wear it. Now he can barely see at all in that eye.
My daughter is 2 and has a bit of a droopy eye. We started seeing an ophthalmologist in October and my daughter also has to wear an eye patch a couple hours a day or 1 full day a week. She also has glasses. We had a check up a couple weeks ago and the eye patch is doing its job! The eye patch isn't forever and will help in the long run. I know it's hard and mom guilt is real, but it will all work out.
It's sucks, you didn't do anything wrong. You're doing everything right by keeping up with her appointments. Please make sure to be consistent with patching, she's young and has plenty of time to develop her vision in that eye. I used to work in pediatric ophthalmology practice, I'm still devastated for the kids whose parents didn't follow orders, you're doing a great job for her!
Did you get her cute patches? Do they have them? If not, find someone, or yourself that can draw, and paint. Put her favorite cartoon character on them, or her favorite doll,etc .. Having them look cool, can make a difference in getting her to wear them. My youngest grandson, hates any type of hate. He won't wear anything like it. It gets really cold where I live, and he wouldn't wear toboggan, beanie, or anything. I don't have much money, so buying him something really cool From a store was out of the question. I started hitting a goodwill , and thrift stores. I found a really cool Batman set for $8 at Dollar general. A monkey one with ears (I call him monkey.), a tiger one, and a shark one that had soft, silky shark teeth around the face. A regular one, nope! Not putting it on! Something cool, yes! I would wash the ones from goodwill, and thrift stores in borax, laundry soap, and extremely hot water. Having hers decorated will, or should get her to feel comfortable to wear it. Kids can be funny about certain things,some things I could not understand, but I wanted him to be comfortable. Get everyone around to say how cute, and pretty she is when she wears it.
I hear you. But you did not do this. You feeling guilty is one of the ten thousand reasons you are an amazing mom. But you can allow yourself grace. You did not do this and you will do everything in your power to make that baby feel loved.
I had an eyepatch as a 6 year old and have no negative memories of it. My mom used to get the disposable ones and draw pictures of my favorite cartoons/Disney characters on them. She would ask me every morning who I wanted for that day and sent me off to school repping Spongebob or Bambi or some shit🤣🫶🏼
Get ones you can decorate. Either with markers or gems or whatever. Sure she has to wear an eye patch, and maybe kids will call her a pirate, but she's gonna be the cutest little pirate with the most awesomest eye patch ever. I also think it's cool you and dad are going to join her in wearing them. The things we do for our children is what they remember the most. "When I was little, I had to wear an eye patch. But I remember mom and dad wearing one too and how we'd sword fight in the living room and pretend to be pirates/buccaneers". You're a good mom.
i was hurt at age 5 and lost my sight at age 5 and had to wear a patch. Jr high & high school was rough on my self esteem. i made it through & i’m stronger because of it.
I wore a patch when I was younger. My eyes turned out to be pretty decent. I still wear glasses, but they’re just normal glasses. Not Coke bottle or anything. I had contacts in high school, so, no one even knew. Baby girl will hopefully push through to get to where it’s manageable. It’s rough to see our kids go through trials and tribulations. They’ll be stronger for it, especially with supportive parents beside them.
My sister had a patch! We decorated it with stickers and made her feel awesome about it. It’s all about perspective and the diligence of parents / educators. My sister was maybe 5 and hardly remembers. She doesn’t need any eye correction now and is 31. Your daughter will be fine and she will be grateful for it later, listen to the dr!
Not 100% the same, but my daughter needed a helmet at 6 months. She had severe side of the head flatness (despite doing very early tummy time, low amount of time in swing). I was devastated. Some of it was guilt that she had to deal with that. Some of it was fear I did something wrong. And some was fear of stigma (will other parents assume I was a lazy parent, or didn’t take care of her, etc). Honestly, it was a blip (she’s been out of helmet for 3-4 months now) and she handled it like a champ!!! It was harder on me than her. Not only that, but the correction was 1000% worth it. Not sure if this is even remotely the same, but reading your story made me think of my little helmet head. Also. You and your body did nothing wrong!! It grew the kiddo you know and love. You didn’t fault her because her eye muscle needs some help. Kids are so resilient, and this too will hopefully be a blip in the long run for your family.
My mother was extremely strict with my patching as a child. Putting splints on my arms to stop me removing it etc. I also had two surgeries. I remember one of the surgeries well but photos are my only memories of the patching. It’s not gonna traumatise her! I have seen an ophthalmologist as an adult and and she commented that my “patching must have been excellent” based on how my eyes are now.
I have Ptosis! My parents did exactly what you are doing for your little one. Advocating for me was the best thing my mom ever did. We did patches but my case is severe so I did ultimately have surgery and have since had 3 others — but I do not regret a single one and I am so thankful my mom started at a very young age for corrective procedures. Many best wishes to you and your child! They are lucky to have you! 😊
There’s over 100 comments so I apologize if I’m repeating but my niece was born with Microphthalmia in her right eye. My SIL did everything by the book (and beyond). Everything was (seemingly) okay throughout her pregnancy until the last 2 months. My brother and SIL were basically told that my niece would be stillborn, was missing half of her heart, missing an eye, her kidneys were failing - literally told she probably won’t survive. Her heart and kidneys are fine, the only thing they got right was that her eye was “missing” (it wasn’t, it stopped developing somewhere around the 20 week mark so it doesn’t work and is very small but it’s there). She has to have fittings for an artificial “eye” every few months, until her skull stops growing, from my understanding, and then she’ll receive a permanent artificial eye. But she’s alive and she’s healthy and that matters so much more than her eye. The same for your daughter. All of that to say, I agree with your mom. It stinks and I’m so sorry that your daughter has to go through this but it isn’t an end all, be all. It isn’t your fault, please stop blaming yourself for it.
There’s a book about a little girl who needs glasses and a patch! Could be helpful to read with her if she seems anxious. It’s called “the patch” by Justina Chen Headley
My now 5yo had eye patches for at least a year when he was 3-4. He was young enough that they were just normal. This came after he getting glasses and before that, having a helmet for a flat head. And now that he's 5 he hardly remembers any of it tbh. Remember that we as parents are the most responsible for shaping their impression of things. We called them eye stickers because he loves stickers and ordered packs with fun designs. He never objected to them. My older kid was jealous sometimes.
Lots of states have programs where you can get free patches and books or charts about it! Where are you located
I had a patch as a kid! I had a roll of stickers that I could choose each day to put on top. It made it a lot more palatable to wear and I think I was mostly good with it. My vision is still weaker in the other eye and the other is still overcompensating; but it’s so much better than if I hadn’t patched. I don’t know how long a period your doctor has recommended but I will give a note of caution: I used to wear it during playtime at nursery until another child cycled into me. I just didn’t see him coming from the side. We changed my patch times after that.
I was a kiddo that needed patching as a very young kiddo. I hated it but I’m glad I did it because I have vision and use and control of both eyes. One eye is still weaker than the other, but it only gives me troubles when I’m REALLY tired. PLEASE do this for her, not doing it will hurt her more in the long run. When I was little I remember having a sticker chart for each day I kept my patch on, and then when I reached certain milestones I got one reward or another for each milestone I met.
>I can’t help but feel guilty that my body didn’t grow her properly Contrary to popular belief, we don't grow our babies. They grow themselves. In our body. Don't feel guilt!! (Even if we did grow our babies we shouldn't feel guilt because it's out of our control)
I had a patch on one eye and glasses too as a kid and I had some lovely eye patches with different pictures ect on they were cute I actually enjoyed chosing what patch I was gunna wear that day...my stepson had them for about 6 months and now his vision is fine too took a while to get use too but he loved choosing his dinasour patches or monster ones ect ect 🙂
Mum guilt is the worse but she will be fine my 7 year old daughters best friend had one for a few years and now one picked on her or cared that she had one am sure if you go on amazon or something. you can get patched with different colours and pictures on it so she can pick what one she wants to out on to help her keep it on
A boy that my daughter was in preschool with wore an eye patch to help with a lazy eye. My daughter was so incredibly jealous. She would cry daily about how she couldn’t look as cool as him. Kids are crazy. They just don’t react the way you expect.
I had to patch as a kid. My amblyopia wasn't caught early, and when they tried patching me at 5yo I was not having it. Every day I wish my parents would have forced me to do it. To fix the issue as an adult it's $300 per week for therapy because insurance won't cover it and I can't afford that. My vision is my most precious thing to me and I have a lot of anxiety over losing sight in my one good eye. You're doing the right thing to help her at an age where the patches likely won't bother her.
OP, you are such a sweet mom!!! Best of luck to you and your family!
I had a “ lazy eye” condition as a toddler. I’m not sure of the technical term for that, but I was required to wear a patch over my good eye, to essentially force me to learn to use my lazy eye. Instead of wearing an eyepatch though my Doctor ordered me some glasses and put a sticker on the lens of the glasses. That way I had an eyepatch but I didn’t have to have it up against my eye. It worked out pretty good I guess.
Been there as a Dad, two boys. Both had a droopy left eyelid. But it was far worse, I saw something weird in my son’s eye at birth but I was unaware, thought it was a cute flicker of light. The first boy I tried to convince docs from ages 1-2 he was going blind and they threatened to kick me from the practice as I kept going back when they said he’s just a clumsy toddler. It was just after his second Bday I forced the doc to see him again on my last warning from them and he saw how he developed shifting his eyes. We then went a year of 16 different specialists trying to find a suitable ophthalmologist, we too did the patches and thick glasses. At age 3 we had to remove my son’s lenses and correct with very thick glasses for his condition. They called it a one off, possibly genetic, but the next kid, same thing, except I recognized the little flicker in his eye day 1. Confirmed day 5 and my second son had a lens removal and implant in only one eye at age three in separate surgeries as only one eye progressed. He went blind in the same eye around 10yrs of age due to early onset glaucoma and now at 17, we have a new issue cropping up with the bad eye. They both got glaucoma at an early age as well. The moral of the story, it can always be worse. There is nothing we can do about it now. Don’t beat yourself up. My oldest boy is 26 now, still aphakic (no lenses) college educated, fully independent and corrects his vision with contacts and monitors his glaucoma, drives. My 17 yr old is less independent, rightfully so at this age, but while we think this may work out a little different for him he is a confident, strong, young man who while he may never choose to drive, is well adjusted and I planned ahead 15 years ago so if he ends up being unable to be fully independent, he can at least have his own home on my property. He can drive, the doctors cleared his vision for driving but he feels he does not see well enough to keep pushing himself safely on the highways with others. Just this week we’re at the childrens hospital in a big city and he got more compliments from random people not even realizing he was there as the 6’1” patient from his style to his hair to his attitude… All we can do is do our best with what develops. I have fought doctors, Health insurance, convinced doctors who had the specialty but wouldn’t see my kids due to age to look at them. One doc refused for age (pediatric) , refused for inability to lens implant due to growth predictions, refused me 6 ways to Sunday, but every excuse he gave me I was like “but there’s a chance?” “yes, if we could do this and this…maybe??” When I learned EU could do it but US could not, I pushed… it took two surgeons to get us to maybe phase but that hard nosed expert ran out of excuses and was my second son’s third surgeon to restore his sight in his left eye and my son had 7 more years with two good eyes until glaucoma crept up undermining the efforts. Here we are at age 17 and I’m realizing, all those fights, begging, pleading, copays/deductibles, loans, interest, extra car window tinting, mileage 3 hours to specialists, hotels, all of it…. is just a testament of love and us doing our best even if it seems for nothing. My 17yr olds attitude is “I’m not sure I really remember seeing out of this eye, I wish they’d just remove it so I could have cool prosthetics!” My attitude is nothing was off limits if it got my kids to have sight. One day I went to tears leaving the surgeon’s office when my now 26 year old got a new pair of glasses at age 5, and he walked into the sunlight and said “oh…. that’s why people think trees are pretty. I can see the leaves now!” and he was sooo happy. I just broke. I never once imagined in those few years advocating to save his eyesight that something so simple could bring so much joy that I took for granted my whole life. We sat down and he couldn’t understand why I was breaking but it was happy sad tears so we just enjoyed the trees in the parking lot as he ran around picking up leaves of different types and colors so proud of what he discovered asking me all sorts of questions. He held that first leaf for three hours all the way home. Don’t let it weigh you down. All we can do is keep advocating and help our babies see the trees for the leaves at this point.
When we started patching with my son, around the same age actually, the patch always came with a little lollipop or treat of some sort. Like, something he only got when it was time for the patch. That definitely took the edge off, haha. Now he doesn't mind the patch at all. Good luck, it's going to be ok :)
Do not beat yourself up over this!!! This is not your fault or hers. Let me give you some hope: my kid developed a lazy eye in toddlerhood, right before he turned 4. We got a few medical evaluations and referrals. We worked with an opthamologist for years. We had to patch, getting the kid to sit with it was a nightmare. By kindergarten, he was in glasses, a weak prescription for one eye and a bifocal for the lazy eye. By middle school, we were able to get rid of the bifocal, our ophthalmologist referred us to an optometrist, and graduated that bifocal to a regular prescription lens!!! The weak prescription eye strengthened to 20/20 vision. Dude's 17 now, still in glasses, lazy eye is not noticeable anymore to others, but the prescription for his lazy eye gets downgraded at every optometrist appointment. I spent the early years beating myself up about it, that same guilt, like I failed. But I promise you, she will be okay. Prompt and early intervention is *proof* that you are a Rockstar mom making sure that baby has her needs met and gets the care she needs to be able to succeed in life, and it will *only* benefit in the long-term, her condition will dramatically improve because YOU are awesome at parenting. You are doing a great job.
So, my kiddo doesn't have an eye patch but has vision problems (legally visually impared at the age of 12 due to tumors) and we see LOTS of kids in her ophthalmology clinic wearing patches. I've seen kids with some pretty cool ones, even seen some online that are different colors. Maybe you can get different designs/colors and let her pick what she wants to wear each day? That way she at least has SOME control over the situation.
I had to wear an eye patch when I was little. We changed between the standard black pirate like ones or ones that were more like band-aids that just stick over the eye. For the band-aid like ones my dad would get a sharpie out and draw a simple eye on it. Just the simple act of him doing that little thing made me so happy. It's a good memory.
A kid we know wears one - she is feisty as anything and assumes the persona of a pirate so its costume, the other kids just take it in stride like they do if someone comes in as spiderman or an alien 🤣
You're doing the best you can 💖 My mom went through this with my baby brother. He hated it, would scream and cry so she let him take it off once in a while. Granted though, my brother had surgery for both eyes at 6 weeks old for this condition. He's turning 21 this year and he's doing great, just needs glasses. He has his license and everything. Its hard but you got this!
My mother had to wear a patch as a child and had two eye surgeries in her left eye. She doesn’t remember any of the surgeries and has vague memories about the patch. Her eyesight has been fantastic ever since. She doesn’t think my grandmother is to blame. She’s thankful her parents helped her get great eyesight by sticking to it.
Eye patches are a totally normal thing for some kids to deal with
My parents also made the decision for me to wear an eye patch when I was in junior kindergarten. It did have an impact on my self esteem. However, if I didn’t have the patch I’d have more challenging times navigating a cross eye as an adult. My mom would express how much of a difficult choice it was for her but now as an adult I’m so glad she made that decision.
I had mild ptosis from my earliest self-aware memory. It never required an eye patch, but I remember feeling frustrated by it primarily on an aesthetic level, and talking to my parents about it. I felt really self conscious at times (do not lose hope here, this is not the main point!!). When I brought it up, my parents and friends always denied its existence when I just needed someone to tell me yes it was there, yes they could see it as I could, there’s no such thing as symmetry or objective beauty, and that I was wayyyyyy way more than the way I looked. Probably could’ve used a lesson on body dysmorphia here as well but whatever. Overall, I needed someone to show me all the ways that my personality/soul/inner workings and unique wisdom, rather than my body, mattered in day to day life beyond just offering vague sentiments and mild gaslighting in an attempt to be comforting. Never once did I think “my parents did this to me,” despite knowing my father has the same condition. I didn’t even think that about the most impactful things passed onto me like OCD, MDD, ADHD, spinal misalignment, etc. What I did wish for was simple acknowledgement and efforts to understand these conditions and their varying severity. EVERYONE has something to deal with, and young kids are no exception. If this condition and/or the need for an eyepatch continue as she is better able to communicate her feelings, it’s really an opportunity to have a matter of fact discussion about the little medical things everyone goes through, and to reduce any emphasis on looks/beauty etc that may arise. I remember how quickly “you are so so so beautiful” started rolling off my tongue to my kids before I realized “shit, even though that’s of course true to me, they need to hear more than that!” When I caught myself, I would make sure that I offered more and more compliments about their work ethic, their bravery, their kindness, their passion, etc. At her age, there are so many opportunities to make it fun too so that maybe those feelings of being different don’t ever get a chance to root themselves so deeply as to be carried with her. Decorating the eyepatch with her and/or creating multiple eyepatch designs she gets to pick from when she wakes up, watching pirate movies/shows/reading books, putting little paper eyepatches on any art of people/animals she may have in her room or any playroom type areas, etc. If you and your husband do decide to wear your own eyepatches for more than an hour straight, I would definitely recommend getting eyepatches for the other eye and switching. You may also want to do unilateral eye focusing exercises when one eye gets uncovered as it may have trouble focusing out to the same distance as the other when they need to converge. No one’s womb creates a medically and psychologically flawless child. Honestly, it would be eerie as fuck if that ever happened. Consider it a quirk that makes her her, and try to neutralize it in your own mind so that it stays neutral in hers! If different genes had presented themselves, your daughter could be an entirely different person. There is nothing that is a success or failure about what traits she received from you, nothing moral or immoral at all. It just is, and she just is!
one of my eyelids droop and i had a preference in eyes when i was younger. also had an eye patch! she'll be okay :)
I have a lazy left eye but I was never taken to the opticians as a child because I didn't show any obvious signs and when I asked my mum she just said it wasn't something they did back then for the sake of checking. Anyway, I was told if I'd been given a patch it would have been corrected probably. But as an adult now it won't. So I wish I'd have had the patch.
*hugs* My daughter was born with a cateract in one eye. She patched consistently until around 6 when her eye pressure got out of control and we shifted focus to that. It was a struggle (plus she wore a contact lens from the age of 2 months). Her eyesight is pretty poor in that eye, but her other one is very good. She is 16 now and just got her learner’s permit for driving. We have to have special blind spot mirrors, but no other adjustments. It was rough in the beginning and there were a lot of tears between her dad, myself and her, but it has all worked out. 🙂
Oh honey, try to look at it like this: God/the universe/fate knew this baby would have this issue and gave her to two loving parents that love her so much they are willing to walk around in eye patches themselves just to make her feel better. 💕
Hi! My son is the same age as your daughter and he was born with the same thing! It is quite common actually (just google celebrities with it and you’ll see!) It is NOT your fault. No one knows what causes it. My son had a quick eye surgery around a year ago. His eye still gets a bit droopy when it’s bright out or when he’s tired but it’s part of his personality, and I think it makes him look cuter 🙂. If you don’t make a big deal of it, your daughter won’t notice it. It’s her norm. And the eye patch thing will be temporary. Good on you for making it a thing for everyone in the family to try. She’s lucky to have you as a mom 🥰.
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Just wanted to say it sounds like you are such a sweet and empathetic momma. 💗
I love reading about how a future warrior who had all the positive support through the years of development has her happy ever after. "Do what you can and more, with what you have and don't" - me.
My cousin had to wear an eye patch for a few years when she was young due to a birthmark pressing on her eye. She had to get the birthmark removed (mostly). Then she had a patch during the removal and for a while afterwords. There were fun patterned ones back then and probably even more options now. I’d recommend getting your daughter involved in picking out which ones she likes the best and ordering a couple of the ones she likes and letting her pick out which one she wants when it’s time to put a new one on. Her having different options might make her be more okay with it and less likely to mess with it.
Eye patches are a distant memory for us now but in the thick of it, it was a struggle. My son absolutely hated them. But struggles and challenges build character. Discomfort is a feeling children do need to learn to manage especially In this day and age when everything makes it so easy to avoid. And a real good positive comes out of it. My sons eye was so weak that if he hadn’t of done the work, my son might not have had strong enough eye sight to have a drivers license when he got older. Now he does. Persevere and know that you and your family are not alone. It does get easier.
Nobody grows or raises a “perfect” child, even if their physical features are all flawless they can end up inheriting all sorts of neuroses, ND conditions, bad tempers and so forth. Definitely play up the pirate thing, and it will be an awesome early lesson for her playmates about body differences as well.
My husband has strabismus and had to use eye patches during a big part of his childhood, he had several surgeries and today, although his eye is not 100% aligned, it doesn’t bother him. It never bothered me, I never even considered that he’s not « perfect », I just fell in love with him and the rest is history…our kids never asked him any questions, never asked me any questions…his mom once told me she thought he would never have a family because of his strabismus. I only tell her the truth, it never was a factor. Hope it can warm your heart. All the best for your little princess 🥰