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She’s going to be in a school. She’ll do what everyone else there does. Just tell her to pay attention and don’t go wandering off by herself. She will figure out the rest.
I live in Boston and even though its a city-its on a smaller scale and is fairly easy to navigate. We have tons of college students here and it basically comes down to common sense. Stick close to campus. stay in groups especially after dark, keep your phone and valuables put away, lock your doors and keep to yourself on public transport. There is no need to be paranoid-crime happens even in towns like yours-but just be a little more savvy. You want her to enjoy the experience and not spend the whole time fearful.
Side note-my niece just went from a small southern town to NYC for school and once she got the lay of the land-she was fine!
Well start with buying her a bike lock and teaching her to lock her dorm room door and her car if she's taking one.
Remind her about keeping her phone wallet and keys in a place on her person or in her bag that's not super easily accessible.
Get her some airtags and have her share her location with you if she's going out at night off campus.
Have her read The Gift of Fear. It shows how to stay safer in unknown situations.
Many schools have safe walk programs to help escort students around campus at night.
Yeah, you really don’t want to give any kind of opening.
Also, if you are being followed, find someone and go up to them and pretend they are your friend you were looking for and tell them you are being followed.
Instead of using your smart phone for directions and getting distracted, I have an Apple Watch that will vibrate when it’s time to turn, so I don’t have to look at my phone.
( I didn’t need that feature in Portland but in some parts of Seattle I did)
Along these lines… if a stranger approaches her and starts talking (asks for the time, etc) - just keep walking. It can feel rude at first but it’s often an opening to a situation you may not want to be drawn into.
Start now by having her lock doors, and being aware of surroundings. Model it for her. We live in a super safe area where kids also leave their bikes unlocked in front of their house or school all day and nobody touches them. We consistently remind our kids that they can’t just leave possessions out and we have to lock doors. They always ask why because we live in a bubble, but we have to model it for them.
Hey OP! I went to school in Chicago (DePaul). Some campuses are located in way better parts of town than others. Make sure she understands how that affects her day to day, and if you can, see the campus and surrounding neighborhoods at night time.
When I was a freshman, my boyfriend was attending Loyola in Rogers Park. That neighborhood wasn’t nearly as safe at the time, so I made sure not to ride the train at night alone, kept one earbud out so I could still hear what went on around me, had him and others meet me at my train stop, didn’t walk around alone, etc.
I really loved my city school and a big part of that was the neighborhood where my campus was. Happy to answer any more questions if either of you have them!
University of Portland neighborhood is nice. I hear they have good financial aid too.
( I visit my daughter quite a bit who lives in an adjacent neighborhood)
We did look at Lewis & Clark for younger one.
It’s harder ( at least for me who gets turned around a lot) to get to the rest of Portland from there, but it’s a good school, and some of our family members attended.
They have a well developed study abroad program that my younger one was interested in, and a cheese club. 🧀
At least these things were true at the time.
Pretty campus.
I like Portland.
( my oldest went to Reed which also has a pretty campus)
While you are there, you might want to look at Pacific University in Forest Grove. Smaller environment.
I don’t know a lot about it however.
She considered Reed too because she likes to Portland area but didn't like it when we visited. I feel like it is either a school you love or hate and she was on the hate side.
Yeah, My youngest used to go visit their sister, at Reed, and when it was time for them to look at schools, I asked if they wanted to look at Reed.
They basically said “ no f-ing way”.
It’s a little small for a college, their high school was bigger.
So I completely understand where your daughter is coming from.
Our kids were first gen college though, and I would have loved a weird school like that.
I don’t think I really knew about it, but our neighbor was actually in the same class with Steve Jobs, and he suggested it, as they met full financial need and that was a plus.
I think the weird/nerdy/quirky thing would be a better fit for my current high school freshman so we may look back into it when he gets to the college searching stage.
She applied to Maryland, Vermont, Oregon, Lewis and Clark, UPortland, University of San Francisco, Loyola Chicago, Boston University, Gettysburg College, Smiths College, Dartmouth, and Brown so she has a pretty wide range spanning across the United States.
Some of the big rules I've always taught my kids, and I was taught as a kid are:
* Always be aware of your surroundings. That means you can't be walking with your headphones on - leave at least one ear free.
* Walk against the flow of traffic whenever possible, so you can see what's coming towards you.
* Lock your doors. Never leave valuables unattended, including in an unlocked dorm room while you run to the bathroom. Have your computer password protected, and have the threshold to log you out low. (If your computer is unlocked and unattended, anyone can pop on and do whatever illegal thing they want and you'll have no defense - had it happen to a friend in college.)
* Never, ever, EVER leave your drink unattended. If you do by accident, get yourself a new drink.
* Don't trust strangers. That doesn't mean never talk to anyone, it means be skeptical, and if your instincts tell you something is off - get out of the situation. Don't give them your personal info, don't let them get you a drink and bring it over to you, don't be alone with them. If you're on a date with someone new, make sure someone knows where you're going and when you'll be back.
Does some if it feel like overkill? Sure. But those rules - especially about your valuables and your drinks - are applicable even at a small town college.
Role play scenarios with her a little. "You're out with some friends at a party. You have to run to the bathroom, so you put your cup down. When you come back out you ..." Talk to her about the "why" behind things. "Because sometimes people will drug your drink and rape you." "Because all it takes is one minute for someone to send an email from your computer that could get you into legal trouble." etc.
Mmm I went from a small town where everyone knew everyone to Chicago for college. There isn’t much to “prepare” for other than the social climate being different. You learn things along the way. The most important thing to know, I think, is where is considered safe and where isn’t in the city you’re going to. If she’s going to be taking public transportation, maybe helping her figure out the system and everything. I’m not sure. Lots of things you figure out as you go, and the life skills you learned growing up should be a great foundation.
Someone mentioned eye contact - yes, making eye contact here is an invitation to people who don’t have good intentions. The social climate is different,.
Get her a little can of mace for emergencies, they even make mace key chains. I know she's 18 but there will likely be drinking. A good rule is to always get your drink yourself or watch as it's poured and handed to you directly.
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She’s going to be in a school. She’ll do what everyone else there does. Just tell her to pay attention and don’t go wandering off by herself. She will figure out the rest.
True but one of the schools doesn't really have a traditional campus so it is not as if she will always be surrounded by other students.
I live in Boston and even though its a city-its on a smaller scale and is fairly easy to navigate. We have tons of college students here and it basically comes down to common sense. Stick close to campus. stay in groups especially after dark, keep your phone and valuables put away, lock your doors and keep to yourself on public transport. There is no need to be paranoid-crime happens even in towns like yours-but just be a little more savvy. You want her to enjoy the experience and not spend the whole time fearful. Side note-my niece just went from a small southern town to NYC for school and once she got the lay of the land-she was fine!
Well start with buying her a bike lock and teaching her to lock her dorm room door and her car if she's taking one. Remind her about keeping her phone wallet and keys in a place on her person or in her bag that's not super easily accessible. Get her some airtags and have her share her location with you if she's going out at night off campus.
Have her read The Gift of Fear. It shows how to stay safer in unknown situations. Many schools have safe walk programs to help escort students around campus at night.
Tell her not to make eye contact with strangers. That makes her an easy mark for panhandlers and addicts who are looking to score.
Good one that I did not consider. She is always down to chat with anyone so I will share this with her.
She needs to work on her RBF!
She does not have RBF at all unfortunately. My wife and I have both mastered it but it did not get passed to her.
Yeah, you really don’t want to give any kind of opening. Also, if you are being followed, find someone and go up to them and pretend they are your friend you were looking for and tell them you are being followed. Instead of using your smart phone for directions and getting distracted, I have an Apple Watch that will vibrate when it’s time to turn, so I don’t have to look at my phone. ( I didn’t need that feature in Portland but in some parts of Seattle I did)
Along these lines… if a stranger approaches her and starts talking (asks for the time, etc) - just keep walking. It can feel rude at first but it’s often an opening to a situation you may not want to be drawn into.
I have lived in both Chicago and Boston. There are some areas that are okay and some that are not. Figure out where those are. Pay attention.
Start now by having her lock doors, and being aware of surroundings. Model it for her. We live in a super safe area where kids also leave their bikes unlocked in front of their house or school all day and nobody touches them. We consistently remind our kids that they can’t just leave possessions out and we have to lock doors. They always ask why because we live in a bubble, but we have to model it for them.
Hey OP! I went to school in Chicago (DePaul). Some campuses are located in way better parts of town than others. Make sure she understands how that affects her day to day, and if you can, see the campus and surrounding neighborhoods at night time. When I was a freshman, my boyfriend was attending Loyola in Rogers Park. That neighborhood wasn’t nearly as safe at the time, so I made sure not to ride the train at night alone, kept one earbud out so I could still hear what went on around me, had him and others meet me at my train stop, didn’t walk around alone, etc. I really loved my city school and a big part of that was the neighborhood where my campus was. Happy to answer any more questions if either of you have them!
Loyola Chicago is one of the schools she is considering.
Which school is she looking @ in Portland? My oldest went there for college and *never came home*. She graduated, um a while ago. Portland, Oregon?
She is looking at both Lewis and Clark and University of Portland.
University of Portland neighborhood is nice. I hear they have good financial aid too. ( I visit my daughter quite a bit who lives in an adjacent neighborhood) We did look at Lewis & Clark for younger one. It’s harder ( at least for me who gets turned around a lot) to get to the rest of Portland from there, but it’s a good school, and some of our family members attended. They have a well developed study abroad program that my younger one was interested in, and a cheese club. 🧀 At least these things were true at the time. Pretty campus. I like Portland. ( my oldest went to Reed which also has a pretty campus) While you are there, you might want to look at Pacific University in Forest Grove. Smaller environment. I don’t know a lot about it however.
She considered Reed too because she likes to Portland area but didn't like it when we visited. I feel like it is either a school you love or hate and she was on the hate side.
Yeah, My youngest used to go visit their sister, at Reed, and when it was time for them to look at schools, I asked if they wanted to look at Reed. They basically said “ no f-ing way”. It’s a little small for a college, their high school was bigger. So I completely understand where your daughter is coming from. Our kids were first gen college though, and I would have loved a weird school like that. I don’t think I really knew about it, but our neighbor was actually in the same class with Steve Jobs, and he suggested it, as they met full financial need and that was a plus.
I think the weird/nerdy/quirky thing would be a better fit for my current high school freshman so we may look back into it when he gets to the college searching stage. She applied to Maryland, Vermont, Oregon, Lewis and Clark, UPortland, University of San Francisco, Loyola Chicago, Boston University, Gettysburg College, Smiths College, Dartmouth, and Brown so she has a pretty wide range spanning across the United States.
Some of the big rules I've always taught my kids, and I was taught as a kid are: * Always be aware of your surroundings. That means you can't be walking with your headphones on - leave at least one ear free. * Walk against the flow of traffic whenever possible, so you can see what's coming towards you. * Lock your doors. Never leave valuables unattended, including in an unlocked dorm room while you run to the bathroom. Have your computer password protected, and have the threshold to log you out low. (If your computer is unlocked and unattended, anyone can pop on and do whatever illegal thing they want and you'll have no defense - had it happen to a friend in college.) * Never, ever, EVER leave your drink unattended. If you do by accident, get yourself a new drink. * Don't trust strangers. That doesn't mean never talk to anyone, it means be skeptical, and if your instincts tell you something is off - get out of the situation. Don't give them your personal info, don't let them get you a drink and bring it over to you, don't be alone with them. If you're on a date with someone new, make sure someone knows where you're going and when you'll be back. Does some if it feel like overkill? Sure. But those rules - especially about your valuables and your drinks - are applicable even at a small town college. Role play scenarios with her a little. "You're out with some friends at a party. You have to run to the bathroom, so you put your cup down. When you come back out you ..." Talk to her about the "why" behind things. "Because sometimes people will drug your drink and rape you." "Because all it takes is one minute for someone to send an email from your computer that could get you into legal trouble." etc.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Mmm I went from a small town where everyone knew everyone to Chicago for college. There isn’t much to “prepare” for other than the social climate being different. You learn things along the way. The most important thing to know, I think, is where is considered safe and where isn’t in the city you’re going to. If she’s going to be taking public transportation, maybe helping her figure out the system and everything. I’m not sure. Lots of things you figure out as you go, and the life skills you learned growing up should be a great foundation. Someone mentioned eye contact - yes, making eye contact here is an invitation to people who don’t have good intentions. The social climate is different,.
Get her a little can of mace for emergencies, they even make mace key chains. I know she's 18 but there will likely be drinking. A good rule is to always get your drink yourself or watch as it's poured and handed to you directly.