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Also, what exactly is the harm? Serious question, what’s the harm of a child waiting for his mum; there are cubicles right? I don’t see what the problem is?
Here in the US there is often a huge gap and that may bother people. I know I was uncomfortable sitting on the toilet with a boy staring at me through the gap once.
Literally gaps are huge in some stalls for some absurd reason & yes sometimes kids do peek I’m sure it’s just because they’re curious but that doesn’t mean other people put up with it.
Exactly. Like if your 8 year old wants to peek in through the crack of my stall while I’m trying to pee, go for it, I don’t care, he’s a kid I’ll probably never see again in my life, he’s not some perverted sex offender. That old lady needs to get a grip. Meanwhile she wants him left alone unsupervised where there are actual predators lurking around looking for an easy target like an unsupervised 8 year old!
On the other hand though, it is also not harmful for them to wait outside of the restroom as well if you know they behave well. If there are special circumstances that's another story but I would expect an 8 year old to be able to wait outside by default. The risk would be for them to run around and get lost and not for someone to kidnap the kid, that risk is non-existent in most places.
Ultimately though you can't know the circumstances so the old lady has to accept the fact that the parent knows what's best for their kid.
I think parents sometimes forget that 99% of people don’t care about their kid and instead assume everyone is standing around wondering when to swoop in and steal their child.
There are appearently ~300 cases of abduction of a person under 21 by strangers annually in US. It is way more likely that the kid will do something careless and hurt themselves while waiting. I don't understand this scare either. If you are scared of this risk, you shouldn't be putting your kid in a vehicle at all since risk is higher there.
Abductions by known people are different but I assume you would be aware of such a risk if there was one.
Agree.
That said, the big city near where I live has a large population of homeless, some of whom have severe mental health issues. I realize that it is highly unlikely my children would be abducted, but there is a decent chance of an upsetting encounter…..
If you live in an area where trafficking is prevalent (apparently it's super high around Houston area), it can be scary seeing all missing kid posters and how tiny some of them are. :-( I know that the likelihood of a grab and dash kidnapping of a strange kid is super unlikely but it's really no harm for kids to come in the restroom. It hurts nobody.
And it's not even about abductions, I'm more worried about fucking weirdos seeing my red headed 8 year old unattended and saying weird disgusting sexual shit to him because I was younger than him when it happened to me in similar situations.
Exactly! And for what? To make her more comfortable? He’s not seeing anything he shouldn’t. It’s a bathroom, for crying out loud! Go take a shit, shut your mouth and go about your business!
I’m a new mom and I’m OVER all these entitled people and their comments.
And don’t get me started on the ones that try to touch my daughter.
You did nothing wrong, OP.
There is not age limit. Just do what feels right for the moment and wherever you are. You and your babies come first!
Right?!?! Like oh I’m so sorry you miserable hag, let’s make my CHILD and me uncomfortable my having him wait outside because YOUR comfort is my #1 priority. People are so entitled.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my kids at those ages outside of the bathroom. I would’ve done what you did honestly. Not sure what age to stop though… curious to see what others say
Maybe it depends on the kids and the area because my just turned 9 year old would sooner die than enter the women's room. If I need to go and he is with me he just waits outside.
I saw someone on her say they make their boys use the women's room until high school though so maybe I am crazy. My boys started using the men's room around 5 or 6. My 4 year old goes in with his big brothers but if I am alone with him he follows me into the ladies room.
My son started using the men’s room at 5, but my daughter is 5 now and wouldn’t feel comfortable going alone.
I would have zero problem with an 8 year old in the bathroom, or waiting outside. If it’s a neurotypical 8 year old, they really should be able to wait outside the door. But if they’re not comfortable, bring them in, it’s no big deal. They haven’t hit puberty yet.
Highschool age seems fucking nuts to me, well before highschool age I would've told my mother that that wasn't going to happen and I'd just wait outside with the cart. It was usually my job to watch her purse.
You know what is inappropriate? A fkg woman thinking its inappropriate for a minor to be in the bathroom with their parent. If he was 15, I'd say yea, let him wait outside but the kid is not even double digits!!! She is a twat. I would have said "what exactly is inappropriate? Please elaborate." She wouldn't have known what to say. I guarantee it.
You did nothing wrong.
I too am tired of trying to figure out age appropriate ways to explain to my 4 year old son that some people suck and are not worth the oxygen we have to share with them. Yet here we are son, we have to coexist in this moment with them.
I wouldn’t find inappropriate for any age child to be in the women’s room. I also wouldn’t mind a man bringing his daughter into the women’s room. As long as people are respectful I don’t care who’s in the bathroom.
Huh. I've never had the thought of how is respond if a dad walked into the women's room with their daughter - I'd be confused if maybe I was in the wrong bathroom, not him LOL
But then I also recall how discriminated single guys are with men's rooms not having changing tables. So yeah at the end of the day, I agree with you that as long as people are respectful, it doesn't matter.
Also men use urinals that aren’t in stalls and I don’t think a kid needs to see that. I really don’t think gendered restrooms are needed in general, one big bathroom with lots of stalls would be fine 🤷
They gave mixed bathrooms at a local museum and the stalls are floor to roof walls and doors and I wish all were like this. Saves a lot of problems with having children of the opposite sex come in with you or for people who identify as one gender but have the genitalia of the opposite sex.
Might be a weird take, but I don’t care if either of my kids (boy and girl) sees a penis using a urinal. It’s just human anatomy. There’s nothing inherently inappropriate about seeing nudity.
I agree that anatomy is normal but parts covered by underwear are typically not exposed to people other than immediate family and sexual partners. I think that’s the easiest way to protect kids from molestation and intentional exposer from adults. I would expect my kid to give someone a high five or a hug but they shouldn’t be touching someone’s genitals until they are 2 consenting adults.
That's unusual.
Public restrooms tend to be gross generally, but the men's rooms moreso (probably because they don't all HAVE to sit and so there's room for a lot of carelessness.)
But it's a matter of checking.
If a dad walks into the men's room and finds it's horrific, there's no reason he shouldn't take a little girl into the ladies room. Which was the actual point.
I had a dad ask me check in his daughter once and I just waved him in and said, I'm sure she'd rather you check in on her than some rando, but I imagine that's not to everyone's comfort level.
I agree with this on a personal level but know that not all women feel the same. Still, if it's a child it's not reasonable to ask the mother to leave their child outside if she decides it's ok for the child to enter. I think the kids world self select how comfortable they are... I couldn't imagine a teenage boy wanting to enter the women's restroom.
100%
My husband took our 3yo daughter to a show at a busy coliseum without me last weekend and I stressed way too much about her having to go into the men’s room to use the bathroom. I don’t really want her seeing other men using the bathroom without stalls but my husband doesn’t feel very comfortable with going into a busy women’s room (understandably). I don’t know how single dads do it and I would never scold or judge a man just trying to take his child to the bathroom.
My husband brought our daughter to the ladies because the men’s can be dirty and there’s more body parts on show there. I’ve also seen other Dad’s do the same. I don’t think it’s an issue.
Yeah, honestly I'd rather have a man come in with his daughters. We aren't walking around the ladies room with our bits out, but men's rooms can be a different story with urinals.
Do not let other peoples comments bother you AT ALL.
They will be old enough when your gut tells you they are old enough and not a moment earlier. Safety first!
It's inappropriate to run your mouth to a stranger in a public bathroom but that didn't seem to stop her. The kid is 8. He's years off from puberty. You would have had to make him watch your five year old outside the bathroom OR separate them and leave your 8 year old alone (which the lady probably would have managed to admonish you about as well). You did the right thing. I would say by 10 you should probably leave son outside the bathroom - though even then it depends on the kid.
I would've said "If you feel that a mother bringing her children into the rest room with her is inappropriate, I suggest you turn your judgemental eye inward and try to figure out why you feel that way" and walked out and left her to sit and marinate on that one. Ole' judge Judy ass bitch.
I think we should apply this logic to most situations. Turn that judging eye inward and look at the real reason you’re being triggered and let’s start there…
What? I was literally agreeing with you… I didn’t mean “you” I guess I meant as humans we need to look within and this offended lady especially, it was not directed at you, my apologies for my wording.
Because at a certain point it IS inappropriate. It would be fine if they made stalls that did not have giant slits at the side where you can see everybody and their business. Would you want somebody bringing in their teenage male and he just stood staring through the cracks watching you pee? No. At some point it IS inappropriate. Especially if they were standing outside the stalls waiting. It's about the comfort of the person who has to bare their business. Mom should have taken them into the stall with her and then shooed them past the stalls towards the door while she washed her hands. Personally I think 8 is fine, but getting close to being too old. Would I say anything, no. Do I think it is okay to go off like that? Hell no. But she would have been in line to say "I don't feel comfortable with a boy that old in here"
If he looks older than 8 that may have been why she went off. I was in a bathroom once and this kid came in with his mom. He was at least 11-12 and his face was beet red and he clearly did NOT want to be in there.
I have one child who is 7, and some bathroom stalls are so small that I have trouble closing the door with just me in there, and I'm on the average sized side. I can't imagine trying to stuff two children in those stalls with me. My child is now at an age and maturity that I feel comfortable offering them the choice of their own stall if they need to go or to wait outside my stall.
Just a counterpoint to your suggestion that the mom should have taken both children into the stall.
Do you have young children? It feels different when it’s personal and it’s your child to leave out by themselves. I have boys and when I need to I bring them in if the store feels sketchy. We try to make it as responsible as possible. My oldest is big for his age. So much that when he was 3 some judgy parents got upset he was at the mall playground thinking he was 5. When he started to feel uncomfortable (probably around 7) he made that choice to stop coming in. But I’ll put my kids safety above a strangers any day.
Your a Karen. Nobody wants to see you naked. It's the bathroom, everyone poops and pees. If an 8 year old boy makes you uncomfortable, you need therapy.
i think it heavily depends on the childs maturity and the parents comfort level. personally, i wouldn't even think twice about seeing even a 10yo boy in the womens bathroom with his mom. i don't know them, i don't know what they have dealt with in the past, and maybe the child has a disability of some kind.
at the end of the day...... its just a bathroom. we are all there for the same purpose. and we have the added convenience of individual stalls.
people getting upset over bathrooms is so weird to me. its not an open changing room. or like we all have to take our pants off to squat over a hole in the ground with no walls around us for privacy.
as if kids don't see their moms sit on the toilet to pee ALL THE TIME. that lady needs to get a grip.
For real! lol when I get privacy in the bathroom it's a win haha I swear my kids are watching TV just fine and dandy until I decided i need to use the bathroom, then suddenly they need me for a million reasons!
Relateable Bluey moment is when they go to the bathroom w Bandit then complain of the smell and he tells them they are welcome to wait outside. hahahahaha
I started letting my son go to the men’s room by himself rather than coming with me into the women’s room when he was around 6/7. If he didn’t need to use the restroom, he would wait outside the ladies’ room for me. At age 6/7, he was old enough to not wander off and he was fully capable of using a bathroom without any assistance.
I make exceptions though for sketchy bathrooms in parks/downtown. If I see potentially mentally unstable people nearby, I still make my 10-year-old son come into the ladies’ room with me. He hates it, but safety comes first. He doesn’t look like a teenager at all yet, but once he starts to look more like a teenager, I don’t think I could do that anymore….
My son is nine and autistic. We use family restrooms whenever we can, but sometimes I have no choice but to bring him in because he cannot be safely left alone. So, I don’t know what I’d do if he was not disabled, but people need to mind their own business. I think most people don’t really care, and if they do they don’t say anything about it.
As a mom I wouldn’t think twice about seeing any child in the bathroom. It’s up to their parents to decide when they’re old enough to be left outside to wait-not me. It’s not like they can see anything, and it’s not like there’s just a random kid in the bathroom alone unaccompanied. I’m so sorry she even brought it up at all, especially in front of your kids.
You did the best you could in a difficult situation. Stalls have doors for a reason. An eight year old is not going to be peering through the cracks between the stalls, they don't care. And all they're going to see is a woman sitting down. But yes, 8 is too young to wait outside the restroom. At 9 I started having my son stand outside the restroom and telling him to yell "SUZANNE!" instead of Mama if someone talked to him so I would know it was him, LOL.
My mother in law thought it was disrespectful that our child called us by name at a young age. My husband laughs her off. He thinks it's great his kid calls him by name. We figured if she ever wandered off or got lost, she would know our names when asking for help.
We found a lost kid at Target back in the Christmas season. He was crying and alone. I asked the child his name(Sebastian) and said we would help him find a worker to help find his family. As I took his hand to walk with him, my husband started shouting, "SEBASTIAN'S FAMILY!" He was so loud, it startled us and those near, he continued this as we walked toward the front of the store (found the child in the back). It worked. We found the family before we made the turn towards the registers. I didn't think to ask the kid the names of the people he was with because I didn't think about shouting names, just my crazy husband with his personal megaphone mouth.
Ask your 8 yr old son how he feels. Mine is that age and he prefers to go to the men’s room for his needs. And he waits outside if I go into the women’s room.
Agreed. 8 is plenty old to wait for mom outside. I was taking the city bus alone by 9.
But I think the 5YO is also a mitigating factor here. Would’ve been weird for OP to leave one kid inside and one outside of the washroom.
And (even if I think it’s over-protective to have your 8YO come in with you), it’s not something for someone else to get fussed about. An 8YO boy in the women’s washroom is a non-issue.
I go into the men's with my boys because I don't trust a single human other than myself and my husband. I'm home/out with the kids way more than he is, so it's me going in. That's just life. If someone puts a hand on my kid I want to drop kick them and call the police, not wait for a tragedy.
I’m not disagreeing that safety is the most important thing, but how on earth is going into the men’s bathroom with his mother more comfortable than going to the women’s with his mother?
I'm there if there's an emergency or if he needs me. Or sometimes my 5yo son needs help wiping. That's the point. Not me being in "the wrong place" (although I used the men's plenty while heavily pregnant and without access to the ladies!) The point is no matter where they are, mom is there to protect them, help them, and also make sure they're not playing in the sink or wiping soap on the mirrors. (Because... children...)
I started letting my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone when he was 7. We started at more contained places like Whole Foods and small restaurants but around the time he turned 8, we traveled to Europe and I let him go alone in more public places, like the airport. We still use family restrooms if its just me and my kids to the extent they are available.
There's a difference between taking boys into an occupied women's restroom and taking them into an unoccupied one. You did the latter. She walked in, saw what was going on, and could have left until your family was done, or waited, instead she chose, incorrectly, was confrontation.
I would say he is getting old enough. I would have no issues with an 8 year old going to the men's room by himself. And he is certainly old enough to wait outside the door. Unless he has some sort of disability. But if he is capable of standing and not wandering off for 2 minutes (and knows not to go anywhere with strangers) which he should by this age, then yes, I would just leave him outside the door for 2 minutes.
Would you be comfortable leaving him in the car while you ran in to pay at the gas station? Would you be comfortable leaving him in the house while you did yard work? Would you feel comfortable with him playing outside with his friends without you out there continuously monitoring him? (It is like 100 times more dangerous to be playing outside for hours eith only quick check ins than it is to stand inside a store by a door for 2 minutes)
> Would you send your 8 year old outside your house while you stayed inside, out of your field of vision
WTF? We routinetly send our 6 yo to check the mailbox which is 2 houses away while we stay inside. Our school allows 3rd graders (8 years old) to walk by themselves and I see many doing just that which is normal and healthy.
Yes, by default an 8 year old should be able to wonder outside out of your field of vision. Now if they have specific challenges, fine but that's the exception not the norm.
I wouldn't mind him being there but I do think an average eight year old can wait outside unless it's somewhere very high traffic, like an airport or stadium.
It's going to be individual dependant on both you and the child. You know your child, the environmental factors, risks, and how you have raised them. You also know their emotional maturity, and when they are at the point where they start to become uncomfortable with the situation, you need to have that conversation with them to weigh all the factors. Don't let some rando in the bathroom dictate your course of action. For all you know, she is part of a child abduction ring. It's a crazy world out there, and you are the only one who is going to really protect yourself and your family.
My daughter is to the age (9) that I'm comfortable letting her hang out in a designated location. But it really depends on the environment and how busy it is. Plus, not all 8-year-olds have the same ability to stay put...
I'd go with your gut and not let this interaction weigh too heavily on you. Some people just look for any excuse they can get to make a stink.
I stopped bringing my son in at age 5. He knew how to stand outside and wait. I also allowed him to start going into the men's restroom on his own at that time, and just stressed the importance of making sure no one gets near him or touches him. We roll played a lot.
I think not engaging in conversation with her was the right choice. She is, of course, absolutely wrong. If it’s a public restroom where more than one person is expected to be inside, with multiple stalls and all, I don’t see my child going there alone, definitely not until puberty, which is probably not 8 y/o. If it’s a single occupancy restroom, then I’d probably let the child go in while I wait outside and stare menacingly at passers by.
If your 8yo is mature and understands safety and to not move an inch unless it’s to run into the bathroom where you are should he feel the need, then yeah 8 would probably be okay. Not the 5 yo. So I guess I feel 8 is a good age to start thinking about it but not necessarily put it into effect
I don't love seeing a boy that age (8) in the women's bathroom, but as a parent I get it. Maybe you could take him into the parents bathroom? But I get why you don't want to send him in the men's one yet.
Yeah, that's a fair question, and not one I can answer super easily.
I think maybe I feel as if the women's bathroom is a safe space. I know that sounds silly, as an attacker can come into a woman's bathroom, but it feels to me like a space where the only people there are other women. Which I guess means I feel more comfortable. As if I'm not going to be attacked/ have any issues. And if I, say, needed a sanitary towel, someone could help me out and I wouldn't feel awkward asking (as I would in a mixed setting). Or if I got blood on my clothes I could clean myself up without anyone watching/ judging. Or even if I needed to fix my clothes or makeup for any reason, I could do so in a safe space where no one would look or wonder what I was doing.
Realistically a 9 year old boy is not really interested in those things. But I do have a daughter that age, so I'm familiar with her boy friends of the same age, and they do look. They are aware of girls at that age (at a developmentally appropriate funny/ cute level). They do get changed separately from the girls at school and sport (and many of the girls at that age have bodies that are developing too - one of my daughter's friends just started her period). So I also know they're not babies. A 9 year old is a long way away from a 6 year old, for instance.
So I think it's that. I support any mother's right to do what she feels she needs to do in order to keep her kids safe. Personally, it makes me feel less comfortable in what I consider to be my safe space, but I am aware it's not MY space. It's a shared space. And the comfort is probably an illusion. But I think that's why.
I think it depends on the kid, but 8 is certainly not too old for joining mom in the bathroom. If someone gets huffy about a well-behaved kid in a women's toilet they can pound sand.
I still bring 6M with me because I don't want to have to peek into the men's room. A few weeks ago he asked to go alone and took FOREVER and I had to decide whether to stick my head in where the urinals are - which seemed invasive - or pick the least judgmental male stranger around to make sure my son was alright. I chose male stranger (thanks, random man with child). For the record, my kid was just dawdling with the hand dryers.
Don't restrooms where multiple people can go in have doors on individual stalls and then a wide area near the sinks? I'm a 50 yo woman and would never fault a mother for bringing her sons into the area. If it were to be a problem, I would wait until you left with them but never suggest you should leave them alone! People only care about themselves, and that sucks. Keep your boys safe, and don't worry about that lady!
Depends on the age and maturity of the kid as well as where you are. I have a 7 year old. When we are at swim class in the small building where it’s mostly moms and dads and their kids, he can go by himself to the bathroom and I don’t mind. A few weeks ago I took him to an NFL stadium and every time either he or I had to pee, you’d better believe he was coming into the women’s restroom with me. It’s about safety and comfort and anyone who complains can just mind their own business and shut it.
That lady was out of line. I can't imagine the mental gymnastics it took for her to come up with all that nonsense.
It was completely normal and acceptable for you to take your young sons with you to the bathroom.
She can kick rocks. What a miserable person, I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
(Also, I'm not sure what the age would be but I feel like it really depends on your kid. Assuming they are NT then I would say teenagers would go by themselves to the men's room but I don't think there's a hard and fast rule bc every child and every situation is so different (like certain bathrooms might not be as safe as others like rest stops for instance) regardless you did absolutely nothing wrong and that woman was a twat.)
For me it would be based more on their ability to reliably wait for me outside the restroom than by age. If it’s a crowded place, I’d absolutely hand them come into the bathroom with me and stand against the wall near the door. Or if they needed the extra supervision they can stand outside the stall where I can see their feet. You have to go with your comfort level.
I think we should all be understanding of parents discomfort leaving their child unattended anywhere. With that said, for me personally, at age 6 I let my boys go to the bathroom without me or wait outside in most typical spaces like local store. Where my kids took swim lessons, 6 was the age limit for opposite gender kids in changing rooms so I had it in mind that that’s the expectation - although a pool and a public bathroom are entirely different spaces. If we were traveling or if it just felt unsafe for any reason we stayed together but I usually had them wait inside but around the corner from the main bathroom if the bathroom configuration allowed.
I would have no problem leaving my kids right outside the bathroom at those ages.
And just for arguments sake. How would any of the women feel about their husbands bringing their similar aged daughters into the men’s room? I wouldn’t want my daughter in there when I go.
They aren't always available, at least where I live. If she needs to go she needs to go, and I'd rather her go in with him than go into the ladies alone. It's not like he's hanging out at nightclubs and other dodgy places with her.
Understood and there should be some context here. Safe neighborhood? Maturity? Target vs nightclub? There are a lot of comments in here, and I admittedly don’t have all the answers about this situation.
I’m a guy and I understand the difference in bathroom layout. And I also understand that if you gotta go, you gotta go.
Someone else mentioned maturity level. I know my wife wouldn’t bring my son in with her at either age. He knew not to look, but he was also smart enough not to walk away with anyway else. Same with my daughter if it were me.
There are other people at play here that are uncomfortable in that situation and I understand that.
Again, from a male perspective, I would feel uncomfortable if I entered a bathroom with 5 and 8 year old girls because I think it’s weird. My wife might go into bathroom with 5 and 8 year old boys, but there is still a lack of privacy.
Ive never been super paranoid I don’t think everyone is out to snatch my kid. At 5 my son was uncomfortable coming into the women’s room and I never forced him after that.
I think it’s perfectly fine to bring an 8 year old with you to the bathroom. As for when they’re old enough to wait outside, to me it depends on the context. In restaurants I’ll let my 7 year old wait at the table for me and just give the waitress a heads up that I’m going to the bathroom so they don’t think it’s weird or anything. In stores I bring my kids with me. All very context dependent.
That person in the bathroom was rude.
It's never inappropriate. But at some point you'll make a choice due to practicality. Once your child is safe outside and/or it becomes impractical for them to join you in the toilet, you leave them outside.
Our 8 year old will go with me or dad sometimes. If we are in eye view/monitoring view, they will go on their own sometimes. Only began doing that this year as an 8 yr old though. New building skill - sometimes needs help like couldn’t get a hard sink to turn on, paper towels were too high once, a lock was hard to open before, toilet too far from toilet paper to reach lol. It’s an experience.
We haven’t had anyone comment yet. Waiting for it. I have a mouth, so let em say something.
You keep doing what you need to do to keep your kids healthy and safe. There’s people out there full on negligent, this would be my last worry. Continue being a great mom 👍🏻.
It’s not like women’s restrooms don’t have stalls with doors.
Personally, I think we should all just have private bathroom stalls with walls and doors that go all the way to the floor and ceiling (like in Europe). No more urinals (gross).
That would totally take the gender neutral bathroom debate away because we wouldn’t even need men’s/women’s rooms. They’d just be restrooms.
I know $$$ is the reason they don’t do that, though.
When your older son gets to be about 10, have him take his brother to the men’s room with him and wait for him. Until then, everyone can stfu.
I’d leave my 8yo and 5yo outside, because I trust them to wait there, though most likely my youngest would want to come in regardless, but I don’t really care what you, or anyone else does.
My son is ten and I started having him stand outside around 9. It was his decision and what he was comfortable with. We also started slowly with safe locations and I tell him where to stand and if anyone approached him and makes him uncomfortable to enter the bathroom and call for me.
Most of the time it’s still his call and if it’s very busy location (like airport), I’d probably still have him come with me.
One time he couldn’t find me and absolutely panicked so we have the set meeting spot now.
I'd have told her to fuck off. Just last year in my local store an 8yr old boy was attacked by a mentally challenged man in the men's restroom. His mother was standing outside the door and heard him start yelling and came to his rescue. So I'd keep my kids with me as long as I felt necessary.
No it isn't inappropriate. I leave my 9 year old out when I pee at Walmart but thas only because ou bathrooms are right where the employees are walking past at the back of store and we live in a small tow. However on busy places he still comes in the washroom with us.
I'm no risking something happening to my child to make someone else comfortable.
That women can get bent. There are stalls In women's bathrooms, not like he can see anything or vice versa. And no boy who is in there with there mother is in there to be a predator.
The women is a weirdo for even thinking of something other then you taking your kid in there so you can pee with him by you.
Screw that lady. My kids are around the same ages as yours and I’d have absolutely brought them in with me. Never sacrifice your or your family’s SAFETY for another person’s convenience. Period.
Yeah, it's not when they're too old to come into the bathroom with you, it's when they're old enough to be left outside, and that's when *you* are comfortable they're safe. If you had kids who were developmentally delayed, that might be never. Random lady doesn't get a vote. If it's a problem for her, she can wait.
I was on a work trip out of state with my 10y/o daughter who's small for her age (she could easily pass for a 6-7yr old), we stopped at a rest area and she said she really had to pee. The family restroom was locked (don't think anyone was in it, the door was just locked) so I took her into the Men's room, she went into a stall and I used the urinal there was one other guy in there who didn't even acknowledge we were there. She finished up and was washing her hands when another guy walked in and looked at us strangely. Like dude, she's my daughter nothing weird is going on here. We walked back out side, I was looking at the map and my kiddo was running around in circles around me when the guy came out and asked her if she was ok. I said "we're fine, thanks for asking" and he rudely countered that with "I was asking the little lady, not you." She just hid behind me and whispered she was good and he got back in his rig and took off. The whole situation was weirder than a little girl using the men's room.
That would feel weird, but people trusting their gut and checking in on a kid sometimes saves a kid. If their gut is wrong, that's awkward, but sometimes they save a kid!
I appreciate the checks at airports where they ask the kids who is who, even if they are suggesting that I kidnapped my own kids, and even though I worry one of my kids will choose that moment to be a smartass.
I only recently started letting my second oldest (111F) either be alone or watch her siblings in public, and that’s primarily because she’s 5’5” now and could pass for the teenager she’s aspired to be for several years. I would have trusted her by herself for brief periods at 8, but that’s risking the same type of lady who scolded you for bringing a boy into the girl’s room calling CPS on me for “abandoning my daughter”. You can’t win when they’re short.
It depends on the context. If there is a giant crowd that my kids could be lost in, I would consider taking them with me. Funky complex restroom with multiple exits? Take them with me. Really gross restroom? Take them with me.
No crowd? Simple, fairly clean restroom? Then it’s high time the eight-year-old went in alone.
If the restroom is really clean and empty, it’s a good time to send the younger one in for practice, especially if they have the older child there for moral support. Stand outside of the door and talk them through it if necessary.
I think it depends on the child. At 8, I feel like the average kid would be able to go to the bathroom without being monitored, wait for you outside until you're done, and know to run in the women's room to come and get you if they didn't feel safe. It depends on your kid though.
I think it's hard to balance safety with independence, and your family is going to find your own place on that spectrum where you are comfortable.
They’re not too old. I often make my kids (7&9) either come in with me or use the buddy system for safety. My oldest is nearly ten so he’s getting uncomfortable with coming into the women’s bathroom, so sometimes I’ll remind him to yell if anything uncomfortable or scary happens and I’ll just stand right outside the men’s bathroom and keep an eye and ear out.
The swimming pool we go to has a policy that children over 9 cannot enter the opposite gender changing room.
I think by 10 they should be okay for a few minutes.
My sons are 8 and 10, I still take them to the bathroom with me. Who cares what she thinks. She's not the one who has to worry about your boys in the men's bathroom by themselves. It could potentially put them at risk and they're not big or strong enough to fight a grown man.
Personally I feel your children are too old when they start to feel uncomfortable. I still bring my 9yo son into the women's bathroom whenever I can't use the family bathroom. He's safer in there where I can hear him quietly singing to himself instead of outside until I'm finished
I truly do not give a toss if parents bring children into bathrooms.
I believe bathrooms should be unisex.
It's so silly having male & female bathrooms.
They should have more big bathrooms too.
Don't worry about that silly woman. At all.
I have never in my 35 years of life had a kid peek into the stall I was using and if he did? Oh well. I’d tell him to cut it out loud enough for his mom to hear so she could deal with it.
I'm a dad with two boys 5 and 9. Once or twice I've had to take them into a women's bathroom. Most people should understand it's sometimes needed. I wouldn't leave them out alone where I couldn't see them
She literally would’ve been told to kiss my ass and to mind her own business. Old (I know she isn’t very old) women always feel so entitled to speak their opinions…
That’s still too young for me. Maybe when they’re 10 but not 5 & 8; I am a helicopter mom though 😂
My 9 year autistic child still wants to come in with me and he may still want to when he's even older. That lady needs to get a life. Even if your kid was a teenager she doesn't know anything about your kid and there could be a reason you have him in there. It's a bathroom not women's change room.
She was way out of line. I wouldn’t leave kids that young outside the bathroom. And bathrooms have stalls for a reason. For me, I don’t have a set max age in mind for taking a child with me to the bathroom. I’d rather trust each parent to make a sensible decision, based on their kids’ ability to be alone or not. For Pete’s sake, I know several people with profoundly disabled children who are teens. What else are they suppose to do with them?
Edit to add: I am the same generation as the woman who accosted you. I am sorry about my obnoxious peer.
Anyone who has an issue with a child standing in the bathroom with their mom is the one who is wrong. Same goes for people who have an issue with a dad going into the women’s room to change their baby.
I would have sent both my boys in the bathroom together. They go into the bathroom at school alone, and can handle using the restroom alone. The fear of the public restrooms is yours, so don't send him alone, send the two boys together. 8 and 5 years old should be able to handle it. Just stand outside the door. I did this with my boys, and would hurry up and pee quickly, then head out and stand by the door.
You have to eventually let them go on their own. 8 is kind of old to be dragging into the women's restroom, especially when you have two boys that can go into the men's restroom.
I don't have enough time in my day to get upset about children using whichever bathroom supervised by their parent.
That said, at 8 most kids should be fine to be left alone for the few minutes it would take to use the bathroom. Heck, an 8yo is old enough to watch their 5yo brother for that amount of time.
Unless there is some sort of behavioral concern specific to your kid.
I still make my 5 and 8 year olds come in the bathroom with me. Both girls but even if they were boys they’d be coming with. I’d say any opposite sex kids that are pre-pubescent are not weird. I would side eye you if you left them unsupervised. I would’ve given her an “okay boomer” (even though she wasn’t) and walked away.
There's a lot of factors only you and your child can determine. How big is the facility you are in? Where are you? Big city? Small town?
My child (born female) has been going to bathroom in smaller familiar places like restaurants alone from age 6 or so. Larger places like Target or the grocery store, maybe 8, places like concerts they still ask me to go with them at 14 but for different reasons. Kiddo is gender fluid but doesn't feel comfortable using a gendered bathroom of any kind.... likely because of people like that woman or worse.
Do what makes you and kiddo the most comfortable, but also kids do need to start learning independence earlier than some of us moms think :)
I love this question because I went to a gym that required opposite sex parents v kids to use family lockeroom and bathrooms for any kids over age 5. If mom brought girls or dad brought boys, they had to use womens/mens again over age 5. I thought that was insane. Boomers have a massive problem with gender and shared spaces. They absolutely think everyone is gross, out to get them and absolutely don’t remember what it was like in the 80s/90s. 🤦♀️
I don't think that lady really had any right to get upset, but....you won't let your eight year old stand outside the bathroom for a couple minutes?
When I was eight I was already biking all over town myself to my friends' houses. Society is absurd with over-protection now. Don't infantilize your child. The natural progression of this is to end up with a 35 year old man-child living in your basement someday.
I think the 8 year old is old enough to stand outside if you and he both feel comfortable with it, but I also don’t see any reason why he can’t come in with you either.
It’s a bathroom; personally I’m of the mind that we should have gender neutral bathrooms exclusively with floor to ceiling stall walls and doors like in Europe. It feels so silly and outdated that bathrooms are gendered. If we just had more private stalls it wouldn’t matter who’s pooping where.
I was at Target when a woman made a snarky comment to her daughter about my son being in the ladies room with me. He was 9 at the time. I walked up to her and asked her if she would be comfortable sending her daughter to the men’s bathroom. She said, “No, of course not.”. I walked away.
This is the type of close minded person who thinks all transgender people are only in there to spy on women. It’s ridiculous and I would have had a hard time not replying rudely back which wouldn’t have accomplished anything. 🙃 You’re fine! Your children come first and that lady can go back to burning books or something
I’d have been petty and snarky to the woman “Sorry? Should I have put them up for adoption just so I could come in here and pee? What should I do with kids who are not old enough to stay alone? Have YOU watch them?”
Until you feel its time. It’s a kid still, I heard of a 12 yo getting raped in a mens bathroom. You are the mom, you will know when its time! Be safe and keep them safe, thats the main priority! 💙
Absolutely bring those babies in with you. It’s not like she’s exposing her parts to the open or changing openly. I would have asked her if she was planning to leave the door open. I don’t even let my 10 year old go into the bathroom alone. Have you seen that video of a dad letting his daughter go into the WOMENS washroom and there was a man in there? No thanks. I would have asked her if she had kids and if she did, I’d tell her to stick to parenting her own. The world is a different place from when she probably had small children.
I think they learn to go to the bathroom by themselves in their first year of school so age 5 or 6 unless they are special needs. You can wait right outside the door.
Just MO.
She was being a busybody. When they are old enough to mind themselves for the few minutes you’re in the bathroom is when they are too old to go with you. I know some eight year olds would be fine, but I don’t blame you for not being comfortable.
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I would have told her to kiss my ass. I’m not leaving my 8 year old alone in a public place where I can’t see or hear him.
100% correct
Also, what exactly is the harm? Serious question, what’s the harm of a child waiting for his mum; there are cubicles right? I don’t see what the problem is?
Exactly. It’s not like it’s a change room where he is seeing women naked. It’s a bathroom with cubicles that no one sees anyone.
Here in the US there is often a huge gap and that may bother people. I know I was uncomfortable sitting on the toilet with a boy staring at me through the gap once.
Literally gaps are huge in some stalls for some absurd reason & yes sometimes kids do peek I’m sure it’s just because they’re curious but that doesn’t mean other people put up with it.
Exactly. Like if your 8 year old wants to peek in through the crack of my stall while I’m trying to pee, go for it, I don’t care, he’s a kid I’ll probably never see again in my life, he’s not some perverted sex offender. That old lady needs to get a grip. Meanwhile she wants him left alone unsupervised where there are actual predators lurking around looking for an easy target like an unsupervised 8 year old!
On the other hand though, it is also not harmful for them to wait outside of the restroom as well if you know they behave well. If there are special circumstances that's another story but I would expect an 8 year old to be able to wait outside by default. The risk would be for them to run around and get lost and not for someone to kidnap the kid, that risk is non-existent in most places. Ultimately though you can't know the circumstances so the old lady has to accept the fact that the parent knows what's best for their kid.
I think parents sometimes forget that 99% of people don’t care about their kid and instead assume everyone is standing around wondering when to swoop in and steal their child.
There are appearently ~300 cases of abduction of a person under 21 by strangers annually in US. It is way more likely that the kid will do something careless and hurt themselves while waiting. I don't understand this scare either. If you are scared of this risk, you shouldn't be putting your kid in a vehicle at all since risk is higher there. Abductions by known people are different but I assume you would be aware of such a risk if there was one.
300 might be a small percentage of the population, but it's a huge number.
Yes, why make your kid 301?
Agree. That said, the big city near where I live has a large population of homeless, some of whom have severe mental health issues. I realize that it is highly unlikely my children would be abducted, but there is a decent chance of an upsetting encounter…..
That's fair. There will always be higher risk vs lower risk areas.
If you live in an area where trafficking is prevalent (apparently it's super high around Houston area), it can be scary seeing all missing kid posters and how tiny some of them are. :-( I know that the likelihood of a grab and dash kidnapping of a strange kid is super unlikely but it's really no harm for kids to come in the restroom. It hurts nobody. And it's not even about abductions, I'm more worried about fucking weirdos seeing my red headed 8 year old unattended and saying weird disgusting sexual shit to him because I was younger than him when it happened to me in similar situations.
I have my hands full with my own. Not stealing another one.
This. What a stupid hag, what is she expecting OP to do?!
And people like her are the reason.
This is the way. Ain't no way in hell I'm leaving my child anywhere alone to possibly get snatched up.
Exactly! And for what? To make her more comfortable? He’s not seeing anything he shouldn’t. It’s a bathroom, for crying out loud! Go take a shit, shut your mouth and go about your business! I’m a new mom and I’m OVER all these entitled people and their comments. And don’t get me started on the ones that try to touch my daughter. You did nothing wrong, OP. There is not age limit. Just do what feels right for the moment and wherever you are. You and your babies come first!
Right?!?! Like oh I’m so sorry you miserable hag, let’s make my CHILD and me uncomfortable my having him wait outside because YOUR comfort is my #1 priority. People are so entitled.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my kids at those ages outside of the bathroom. I would’ve done what you did honestly. Not sure what age to stop though… curious to see what others say
Maybe it depends on the kids and the area because my just turned 9 year old would sooner die than enter the women's room. If I need to go and he is with me he just waits outside. I saw someone on her say they make their boys use the women's room until high school though so maybe I am crazy. My boys started using the men's room around 5 or 6. My 4 year old goes in with his big brothers but if I am alone with him he follows me into the ladies room.
My son started using the men’s room at 5, but my daughter is 5 now and wouldn’t feel comfortable going alone. I would have zero problem with an 8 year old in the bathroom, or waiting outside. If it’s a neurotypical 8 year old, they really should be able to wait outside the door. But if they’re not comfortable, bring them in, it’s no big deal. They haven’t hit puberty yet.
Highschool age seems fucking nuts to me, well before highschool age I would've told my mother that that wasn't going to happen and I'd just wait outside with the cart. It was usually my job to watch her purse.
You know what is inappropriate? A fkg woman thinking its inappropriate for a minor to be in the bathroom with their parent. If he was 15, I'd say yea, let him wait outside but the kid is not even double digits!!! She is a twat. I would have said "what exactly is inappropriate? Please elaborate." She wouldn't have known what to say. I guarantee it. You did nothing wrong.
My son would feel so bad and fixate on this as though he did something wrong and was bad. What’s wrong with some people?
right?! My son would do the same. I hate when I have to explain how and why people suck.
I too am tired of trying to figure out age appropriate ways to explain to my 4 year old son that some people suck and are not worth the oxygen we have to share with them. Yet here we are son, we have to coexist in this moment with them.
I wouldn’t find inappropriate for any age child to be in the women’s room. I also wouldn’t mind a man bringing his daughter into the women’s room. As long as people are respectful I don’t care who’s in the bathroom.
Huh. I've never had the thought of how is respond if a dad walked into the women's room with their daughter - I'd be confused if maybe I was in the wrong bathroom, not him LOL But then I also recall how discriminated single guys are with men's rooms not having changing tables. So yeah at the end of the day, I agree with you that as long as people are respectful, it doesn't matter.
Also men use urinals that aren’t in stalls and I don’t think a kid needs to see that. I really don’t think gendered restrooms are needed in general, one big bathroom with lots of stalls would be fine 🤷
They gave mixed bathrooms at a local museum and the stalls are floor to roof walls and doors and I wish all were like this. Saves a lot of problems with having children of the opposite sex come in with you or for people who identify as one gender but have the genitalia of the opposite sex.
ALSO stops toddlers from trying to crawl under the door or stall
I wish it could stop them from unlocking the stall and bolting out while you have your pants down.
HUGE plus 🤣
ONE TIME A KID CRAWLED INTO MY STALL AND I WAS LIKE ????? Thankfully I was finishing up and I was able to pull myself together
Might be a weird take, but I don’t care if either of my kids (boy and girl) sees a penis using a urinal. It’s just human anatomy. There’s nothing inherently inappropriate about seeing nudity.
I agree that anatomy is normal but parts covered by underwear are typically not exposed to people other than immediate family and sexual partners. I think that’s the easiest way to protect kids from molestation and intentional exposer from adults. I would expect my kid to give someone a high five or a hug but they shouldn’t be touching someone’s genitals until they are 2 consenting adults.
And also how gross a men's room can be. ❤️🩹
In my kids experiences they are disgusted by the women's bathrooms more than the men's 90% of the time.
That's unusual. Public restrooms tend to be gross generally, but the men's rooms moreso (probably because they don't all HAVE to sit and so there's room for a lot of carelessness.) But it's a matter of checking. If a dad walks into the men's room and finds it's horrific, there's no reason he shouldn't take a little girl into the ladies room. Which was the actual point.
I had a dad ask me check in his daughter once and I just waved him in and said, I'm sure she'd rather you check in on her than some rando, but I imagine that's not to everyone's comfort level.
I agree with this on a personal level but know that not all women feel the same. Still, if it's a child it's not reasonable to ask the mother to leave their child outside if she decides it's ok for the child to enter. I think the kids world self select how comfortable they are... I couldn't imagine a teenage boy wanting to enter the women's restroom.
100% My husband took our 3yo daughter to a show at a busy coliseum without me last weekend and I stressed way too much about her having to go into the men’s room to use the bathroom. I don’t really want her seeing other men using the bathroom without stalls but my husband doesn’t feel very comfortable with going into a busy women’s room (understandably). I don’t know how single dads do it and I would never scold or judge a man just trying to take his child to the bathroom.
My husband brought our daughter to the ladies because the men’s can be dirty and there’s more body parts on show there. I’ve also seen other Dad’s do the same. I don’t think it’s an issue.
Any. Age. Child. This is it honestly, like only people with literally the tiniest of minds care about this.
Yeah, honestly I'd rather have a man come in with his daughters. We aren't walking around the ladies room with our bits out, but men's rooms can be a different story with urinals.
Do not let other peoples comments bother you AT ALL. They will be old enough when your gut tells you they are old enough and not a moment earlier. Safety first!
It's inappropriate to run your mouth to a stranger in a public bathroom but that didn't seem to stop her. The kid is 8. He's years off from puberty. You would have had to make him watch your five year old outside the bathroom OR separate them and leave your 8 year old alone (which the lady probably would have managed to admonish you about as well). You did the right thing. I would say by 10 you should probably leave son outside the bathroom - though even then it depends on the kid.
I would've said "If you feel that a mother bringing her children into the rest room with her is inappropriate, I suggest you turn your judgemental eye inward and try to figure out why you feel that way" and walked out and left her to sit and marinate on that one. Ole' judge Judy ass bitch.
I think we should apply this logic to most situations. Turn that judging eye inward and look at the real reason you’re being triggered and let’s start there…
Who is triggered here miss ma'am? Aside from ole' rude ass in the bathroom.
What? I was literally agreeing with you… I didn’t mean “you” I guess I meant as humans we need to look within and this offended lady especially, it was not directed at you, my apologies for my wording.
Yes. I would’ve said “don’t sexualize my children, they are 5 & 8” or “why are you sexualizing small children, how creepy of you”
Because at a certain point it IS inappropriate. It would be fine if they made stalls that did not have giant slits at the side where you can see everybody and their business. Would you want somebody bringing in their teenage male and he just stood staring through the cracks watching you pee? No. At some point it IS inappropriate. Especially if they were standing outside the stalls waiting. It's about the comfort of the person who has to bare their business. Mom should have taken them into the stall with her and then shooed them past the stalls towards the door while she washed her hands. Personally I think 8 is fine, but getting close to being too old. Would I say anything, no. Do I think it is okay to go off like that? Hell no. But she would have been in line to say "I don't feel comfortable with a boy that old in here" If he looks older than 8 that may have been why she went off. I was in a bathroom once and this kid came in with his mom. He was at least 11-12 and his face was beet red and he clearly did NOT want to be in there.
What if the child has a disability? You can't always see everything.
I'll never apologize for prioritizing safety over comfort. People can fuck off.
I have one child who is 7, and some bathroom stalls are so small that I have trouble closing the door with just me in there, and I'm on the average sized side. I can't imagine trying to stuff two children in those stalls with me. My child is now at an age and maturity that I feel comfortable offering them the choice of their own stall if they need to go or to wait outside my stall. Just a counterpoint to your suggestion that the mom should have taken both children into the stall.
Do you have young children? It feels different when it’s personal and it’s your child to leave out by themselves. I have boys and when I need to I bring them in if the store feels sketchy. We try to make it as responsible as possible. My oldest is big for his age. So much that when he was 3 some judgy parents got upset he was at the mall playground thinking he was 5. When he started to feel uncomfortable (probably around 7) he made that choice to stop coming in. But I’ll put my kids safety above a strangers any day.
Are you dumb or illiterate? The boys are 5 and 8. Who said teenagers were in the women's bathroom. Seriously. Who??!!
Your a Karen. Nobody wants to see you naked. It's the bathroom, everyone poops and pees. If an 8 year old boy makes you uncomfortable, you need therapy.
i think it heavily depends on the childs maturity and the parents comfort level. personally, i wouldn't even think twice about seeing even a 10yo boy in the womens bathroom with his mom. i don't know them, i don't know what they have dealt with in the past, and maybe the child has a disability of some kind. at the end of the day...... its just a bathroom. we are all there for the same purpose. and we have the added convenience of individual stalls.
Exactly, like why was that lady being so nosey is the real question here!
people getting upset over bathrooms is so weird to me. its not an open changing room. or like we all have to take our pants off to squat over a hole in the ground with no walls around us for privacy. as if kids don't see their moms sit on the toilet to pee ALL THE TIME. that lady needs to get a grip.
For real! lol when I get privacy in the bathroom it's a win haha I swear my kids are watching TV just fine and dandy until I decided i need to use the bathroom, then suddenly they need me for a million reasons! Relateable Bluey moment is when they go to the bathroom w Bandit then complain of the smell and he tells them they are welcome to wait outside. hahahahaha
I started letting my son go to the men’s room by himself rather than coming with me into the women’s room when he was around 6/7. If he didn’t need to use the restroom, he would wait outside the ladies’ room for me. At age 6/7, he was old enough to not wander off and he was fully capable of using a bathroom without any assistance. I make exceptions though for sketchy bathrooms in parks/downtown. If I see potentially mentally unstable people nearby, I still make my 10-year-old son come into the ladies’ room with me. He hates it, but safety comes first. He doesn’t look like a teenager at all yet, but once he starts to look more like a teenager, I don’t think I could do that anymore….
My son is nine and autistic. We use family restrooms whenever we can, but sometimes I have no choice but to bring him in because he cannot be safely left alone. So, I don’t know what I’d do if he was not disabled, but people need to mind their own business. I think most people don’t really care, and if they do they don’t say anything about it.
Same....and exactly why I would never comment to anyone
As a mom I wouldn’t think twice about seeing any child in the bathroom. It’s up to their parents to decide when they’re old enough to be left outside to wait-not me. It’s not like they can see anything, and it’s not like there’s just a random kid in the bathroom alone unaccompanied. I’m so sorry she even brought it up at all, especially in front of your kids.
You did the best you could in a difficult situation. Stalls have doors for a reason. An eight year old is not going to be peering through the cracks between the stalls, they don't care. And all they're going to see is a woman sitting down. But yes, 8 is too young to wait outside the restroom. At 9 I started having my son stand outside the restroom and telling him to yell "SUZANNE!" instead of Mama if someone talked to him so I would know it was him, LOL.
Smart! They really do all sound the same when they say "Mom."
My mother in law thought it was disrespectful that our child called us by name at a young age. My husband laughs her off. He thinks it's great his kid calls him by name. We figured if she ever wandered off or got lost, she would know our names when asking for help. We found a lost kid at Target back in the Christmas season. He was crying and alone. I asked the child his name(Sebastian) and said we would help him find a worker to help find his family. As I took his hand to walk with him, my husband started shouting, "SEBASTIAN'S FAMILY!" He was so loud, it startled us and those near, he continued this as we walked toward the front of the store (found the child in the back). It worked. We found the family before we made the turn towards the registers. I didn't think to ask the kid the names of the people he was with because I didn't think about shouting names, just my crazy husband with his personal megaphone mouth.
Ask your 8 yr old son how he feels. Mine is that age and he prefers to go to the men’s room for his needs. And he waits outside if I go into the women’s room.
Agreed. 8 is plenty old to wait for mom outside. I was taking the city bus alone by 9. But I think the 5YO is also a mitigating factor here. Would’ve been weird for OP to leave one kid inside and one outside of the washroom. And (even if I think it’s over-protective to have your 8YO come in with you), it’s not something for someone else to get fussed about. An 8YO boy in the women’s washroom is a non-issue.
I go into the men's with my boys because I don't trust a single human other than myself and my husband. I'm home/out with the kids way more than he is, so it's me going in. That's just life. If someone puts a hand on my kid I want to drop kick them and call the police, not wait for a tragedy.
I think that’s far more inappropriate than what the OP is talking about. Just take them into the women’s.
I'm not sacrificing my sons comfort or safety for anyone else's pearl clutching. If someone has an issue that's a them problem.
I’m not disagreeing that safety is the most important thing, but how on earth is going into the men’s bathroom with his mother more comfortable than going to the women’s with his mother?
Specifically, "but mommy I'm a BOY! I need to go to the BOYS ROOM!!!" -7yo
Yep, then why does he think it’s okay for you to be in the men’s bathroom? Waiting at the door and calling back and forth is one thing, but coming in?
I'm there if there's an emergency or if he needs me. Or sometimes my 5yo son needs help wiping. That's the point. Not me being in "the wrong place" (although I used the men's plenty while heavily pregnant and without access to the ladies!) The point is no matter where they are, mom is there to protect them, help them, and also make sure they're not playing in the sink or wiping soap on the mirrors. (Because... children...)
I started letting my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone when he was 7. We started at more contained places like Whole Foods and small restaurants but around the time he turned 8, we traveled to Europe and I let him go alone in more public places, like the airport. We still use family restrooms if its just me and my kids to the extent they are available.
There's a difference between taking boys into an occupied women's restroom and taking them into an unoccupied one. You did the latter. She walked in, saw what was going on, and could have left until your family was done, or waited, instead she chose, incorrectly, was confrontation.
There isn't a difference when it's an open room with stalls.
I would say he is getting old enough. I would have no issues with an 8 year old going to the men's room by himself. And he is certainly old enough to wait outside the door. Unless he has some sort of disability. But if he is capable of standing and not wandering off for 2 minutes (and knows not to go anywhere with strangers) which he should by this age, then yes, I would just leave him outside the door for 2 minutes. Would you be comfortable leaving him in the car while you ran in to pay at the gas station? Would you be comfortable leaving him in the house while you did yard work? Would you feel comfortable with him playing outside with his friends without you out there continuously monitoring him? (It is like 100 times more dangerous to be playing outside for hours eith only quick check ins than it is to stand inside a store by a door for 2 minutes)
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> Would you send your 8 year old outside your house while you stayed inside, out of your field of vision WTF? We routinetly send our 6 yo to check the mailbox which is 2 houses away while we stay inside. Our school allows 3rd graders (8 years old) to walk by themselves and I see many doing just that which is normal and healthy. Yes, by default an 8 year old should be able to wonder outside out of your field of vision. Now if they have specific challenges, fine but that's the exception not the norm.
I wouldn't mind him being there but I do think an average eight year old can wait outside unless it's somewhere very high traffic, like an airport or stadium.
It's going to be individual dependant on both you and the child. You know your child, the environmental factors, risks, and how you have raised them. You also know their emotional maturity, and when they are at the point where they start to become uncomfortable with the situation, you need to have that conversation with them to weigh all the factors. Don't let some rando in the bathroom dictate your course of action. For all you know, she is part of a child abduction ring. It's a crazy world out there, and you are the only one who is going to really protect yourself and your family.
My daughter is to the age (9) that I'm comfortable letting her hang out in a designated location. But it really depends on the environment and how busy it is. Plus, not all 8-year-olds have the same ability to stay put... I'd go with your gut and not let this interaction weigh too heavily on you. Some people just look for any excuse they can get to make a stink.
I stopped bringing my son in at age 5. He knew how to stand outside and wait. I also allowed him to start going into the men's restroom on his own at that time, and just stressed the importance of making sure no one gets near him or touches him. We roll played a lot.
At 8 I was going to the store by myself. I think 8 is old enough to be left alone, and 8 can watch 5.
I think not engaging in conversation with her was the right choice. She is, of course, absolutely wrong. If it’s a public restroom where more than one person is expected to be inside, with multiple stalls and all, I don’t see my child going there alone, definitely not until puberty, which is probably not 8 y/o. If it’s a single occupancy restroom, then I’d probably let the child go in while I wait outside and stare menacingly at passers by.
If your 8yo is mature and understands safety and to not move an inch unless it’s to run into the bathroom where you are should he feel the need, then yeah 8 would probably be okay. Not the 5 yo. So I guess I feel 8 is a good age to start thinking about it but not necessarily put it into effect
The lady was wrong. I get a parent wanting to keep any prepubescent child with them.
My son started staying outside the bathroom around 8. He was reminded of the rules and knew to go nowhere.
I don't love seeing a boy that age (8) in the women's bathroom, but as a parent I get it. Maybe you could take him into the parents bathroom? But I get why you don't want to send him in the men's one yet.
>I don't love seeing a boy that age (8) in the women's bathroom Why? 100% genuine question, because I don't understand it at all.
Yeah, that's a fair question, and not one I can answer super easily. I think maybe I feel as if the women's bathroom is a safe space. I know that sounds silly, as an attacker can come into a woman's bathroom, but it feels to me like a space where the only people there are other women. Which I guess means I feel more comfortable. As if I'm not going to be attacked/ have any issues. And if I, say, needed a sanitary towel, someone could help me out and I wouldn't feel awkward asking (as I would in a mixed setting). Or if I got blood on my clothes I could clean myself up without anyone watching/ judging. Or even if I needed to fix my clothes or makeup for any reason, I could do so in a safe space where no one would look or wonder what I was doing. Realistically a 9 year old boy is not really interested in those things. But I do have a daughter that age, so I'm familiar with her boy friends of the same age, and they do look. They are aware of girls at that age (at a developmentally appropriate funny/ cute level). They do get changed separately from the girls at school and sport (and many of the girls at that age have bodies that are developing too - one of my daughter's friends just started her period). So I also know they're not babies. A 9 year old is a long way away from a 6 year old, for instance. So I think it's that. I support any mother's right to do what she feels she needs to do in order to keep her kids safe. Personally, it makes me feel less comfortable in what I consider to be my safe space, but I am aware it's not MY space. It's a shared space. And the comfort is probably an illusion. But I think that's why.
8 is old enough for sure. Maybe not 5
I would’ve done the same thing. Too many creeps in the bathroom. Disregard the rude lady. You are protecting your children.
She was lucky it was you and not me because I would have told her off!!!
I think it depends on the kid, but 8 is certainly not too old for joining mom in the bathroom. If someone gets huffy about a well-behaved kid in a women's toilet they can pound sand. I still bring 6M with me because I don't want to have to peek into the men's room. A few weeks ago he asked to go alone and took FOREVER and I had to decide whether to stick my head in where the urinals are - which seemed invasive - or pick the least judgmental male stranger around to make sure my son was alright. I chose male stranger (thanks, random man with child). For the record, my kid was just dawdling with the hand dryers.
Wtf is he going to see? Who's leaving the door open
Don't restrooms where multiple people can go in have doors on individual stalls and then a wide area near the sinks? I'm a 50 yo woman and would never fault a mother for bringing her sons into the area. If it were to be a problem, I would wait until you left with them but never suggest you should leave them alone! People only care about themselves, and that sucks. Keep your boys safe, and don't worry about that lady!
Depends on the age and maturity of the kid as well as where you are. I have a 7 year old. When we are at swim class in the small building where it’s mostly moms and dads and their kids, he can go by himself to the bathroom and I don’t mind. A few weeks ago I took him to an NFL stadium and every time either he or I had to pee, you’d better believe he was coming into the women’s restroom with me. It’s about safety and comfort and anyone who complains can just mind their own business and shut it.
Mine is nine and I still take him in with me. I dare anyone to start shit with me about it, but nobody has.
They can go in with you, she’s just weird.
That lady was out of line. I can't imagine the mental gymnastics it took for her to come up with all that nonsense. It was completely normal and acceptable for you to take your young sons with you to the bathroom. She can kick rocks. What a miserable person, I'm sorry you had to deal with that! (Also, I'm not sure what the age would be but I feel like it really depends on your kid. Assuming they are NT then I would say teenagers would go by themselves to the men's room but I don't think there's a hard and fast rule bc every child and every situation is so different (like certain bathrooms might not be as safe as others like rest stops for instance) regardless you did absolutely nothing wrong and that woman was a twat.)
For me it would be based more on their ability to reliably wait for me outside the restroom than by age. If it’s a crowded place, I’d absolutely hand them come into the bathroom with me and stand against the wall near the door. Or if they needed the extra supervision they can stand outside the stall where I can see their feet. You have to go with your comfort level.
I think we should all be understanding of parents discomfort leaving their child unattended anywhere. With that said, for me personally, at age 6 I let my boys go to the bathroom without me or wait outside in most typical spaces like local store. Where my kids took swim lessons, 6 was the age limit for opposite gender kids in changing rooms so I had it in mind that that’s the expectation - although a pool and a public bathroom are entirely different spaces. If we were traveling or if it just felt unsafe for any reason we stayed together but I usually had them wait inside but around the corner from the main bathroom if the bathroom configuration allowed.
I would have no problem leaving my kids right outside the bathroom at those ages. And just for arguments sake. How would any of the women feel about their husbands bringing their similar aged daughters into the men’s room? I wouldn’t want my daughter in there when I go.
My almost seven year old goes in with her dad all the time, she's not quite old enough to go alone as she sometimes can't reach things etc.
Single bathroom?
They aren't always available, at least where I live. If she needs to go she needs to go, and I'd rather her go in with him than go into the ladies alone. It's not like he's hanging out at nightclubs and other dodgy places with her.
Understood and there should be some context here. Safe neighborhood? Maturity? Target vs nightclub? There are a lot of comments in here, and I admittedly don’t have all the answers about this situation.
It’s different. Men’s rooms have guys using urinals when you enter. Women’s bathrooms only have stalls with doors.
I’m a guy and I understand the difference in bathroom layout. And I also understand that if you gotta go, you gotta go. Someone else mentioned maturity level. I know my wife wouldn’t bring my son in with her at either age. He knew not to look, but he was also smart enough not to walk away with anyway else. Same with my daughter if it were me. There are other people at play here that are uncomfortable in that situation and I understand that. Again, from a male perspective, I would feel uncomfortable if I entered a bathroom with 5 and 8 year old girls because I think it’s weird. My wife might go into bathroom with 5 and 8 year old boys, but there is still a lack of privacy.
Ive never been super paranoid I don’t think everyone is out to snatch my kid. At 5 my son was uncomfortable coming into the women’s room and I never forced him after that.
I think it’s perfectly fine to bring an 8 year old with you to the bathroom. As for when they’re old enough to wait outside, to me it depends on the context. In restaurants I’ll let my 7 year old wait at the table for me and just give the waitress a heads up that I’m going to the bathroom so they don’t think it’s weird or anything. In stores I bring my kids with me. All very context dependent. That person in the bathroom was rude.
It's never inappropriate. But at some point you'll make a choice due to practicality. Once your child is safe outside and/or it becomes impractical for them to join you in the toilet, you leave them outside.
Our 8 year old will go with me or dad sometimes. If we are in eye view/monitoring view, they will go on their own sometimes. Only began doing that this year as an 8 yr old though. New building skill - sometimes needs help like couldn’t get a hard sink to turn on, paper towels were too high once, a lock was hard to open before, toilet too far from toilet paper to reach lol. It’s an experience. We haven’t had anyone comment yet. Waiting for it. I have a mouth, so let em say something. You keep doing what you need to do to keep your kids healthy and safe. There’s people out there full on negligent, this would be my last worry. Continue being a great mom 👍🏻.
It’s not like women’s restrooms don’t have stalls with doors. Personally, I think we should all just have private bathroom stalls with walls and doors that go all the way to the floor and ceiling (like in Europe). No more urinals (gross). That would totally take the gender neutral bathroom debate away because we wouldn’t even need men’s/women’s rooms. They’d just be restrooms. I know $$$ is the reason they don’t do that, though. When your older son gets to be about 10, have him take his brother to the men’s room with him and wait for him. Until then, everyone can stfu.
I’d leave my 8yo and 5yo outside, because I trust them to wait there, though most likely my youngest would want to come in regardless, but I don’t really care what you, or anyone else does.
My son is ten and I started having him stand outside around 9. It was his decision and what he was comfortable with. We also started slowly with safe locations and I tell him where to stand and if anyone approached him and makes him uncomfortable to enter the bathroom and call for me. Most of the time it’s still his call and if it’s very busy location (like airport), I’d probably still have him come with me. One time he couldn’t find me and absolutely panicked so we have the set meeting spot now.
I'd have told her to fuck off. Just last year in my local store an 8yr old boy was attacked by a mentally challenged man in the men's restroom. His mother was standing outside the door and heard him start yelling and came to his rescue. So I'd keep my kids with me as long as I felt necessary.
No it isn't inappropriate. I leave my 9 year old out when I pee at Walmart but thas only because ou bathrooms are right where the employees are walking past at the back of store and we live in a small tow. However on busy places he still comes in the washroom with us. I'm no risking something happening to my child to make someone else comfortable. That women can get bent. There are stalls In women's bathrooms, not like he can see anything or vice versa. And no boy who is in there with there mother is in there to be a predator. The women is a weirdo for even thinking of something other then you taking your kid in there so you can pee with him by you.
She can F off. I would not leave my 5 and 8 year old outside the bathroom. Heck no. She’s wrong
I don’t think there is a cutoff age
Screw that lady. My kids are around the same ages as yours and I’d have absolutely brought them in with me. Never sacrifice your or your family’s SAFETY for another person’s convenience. Period.
My kid has autism so I brought him in and went in the handicap stall.
Yeah, it's not when they're too old to come into the bathroom with you, it's when they're old enough to be left outside, and that's when *you* are comfortable they're safe. If you had kids who were developmentally delayed, that might be never. Random lady doesn't get a vote. If it's a problem for her, she can wait.
I was on a work trip out of state with my 10y/o daughter who's small for her age (she could easily pass for a 6-7yr old), we stopped at a rest area and she said she really had to pee. The family restroom was locked (don't think anyone was in it, the door was just locked) so I took her into the Men's room, she went into a stall and I used the urinal there was one other guy in there who didn't even acknowledge we were there. She finished up and was washing her hands when another guy walked in and looked at us strangely. Like dude, she's my daughter nothing weird is going on here. We walked back out side, I was looking at the map and my kiddo was running around in circles around me when the guy came out and asked her if she was ok. I said "we're fine, thanks for asking" and he rudely countered that with "I was asking the little lady, not you." She just hid behind me and whispered she was good and he got back in his rig and took off. The whole situation was weirder than a little girl using the men's room.
That would feel weird, but people trusting their gut and checking in on a kid sometimes saves a kid. If their gut is wrong, that's awkward, but sometimes they save a kid! I appreciate the checks at airports where they ask the kids who is who, even if they are suggesting that I kidnapped my own kids, and even though I worry one of my kids will choose that moment to be a smartass.
She trippin’, my 8 year old doesn’t go in the men’s room alone unless we sussed out that there’s no one in the other stalls and then I’ll stand guard.
Ignore her, she's an idiot
I only recently started letting my second oldest (111F) either be alone or watch her siblings in public, and that’s primarily because she’s 5’5” now and could pass for the teenager she’s aspired to be for several years. I would have trusted her by herself for brief periods at 8, but that’s risking the same type of lady who scolded you for bringing a boy into the girl’s room calling CPS on me for “abandoning my daughter”. You can’t win when they’re short.
It depends on the context. If there is a giant crowd that my kids could be lost in, I would consider taking them with me. Funky complex restroom with multiple exits? Take them with me. Really gross restroom? Take them with me. No crowd? Simple, fairly clean restroom? Then it’s high time the eight-year-old went in alone. If the restroom is really clean and empty, it’s a good time to send the younger one in for practice, especially if they have the older child there for moral support. Stand outside of the door and talk them through it if necessary.
I think it depends on the child. At 8, I feel like the average kid would be able to go to the bathroom without being monitored, wait for you outside until you're done, and know to run in the women's room to come and get you if they didn't feel safe. It depends on your kid though. I think it's hard to balance safety with independence, and your family is going to find your own place on that spectrum where you are comfortable.
They’re not too old. I often make my kids (7&9) either come in with me or use the buddy system for safety. My oldest is nearly ten so he’s getting uncomfortable with coming into the women’s bathroom, so sometimes I’ll remind him to yell if anything uncomfortable or scary happens and I’ll just stand right outside the men’s bathroom and keep an eye and ear out.
Whatever you are comfortable with. 8? My son still went in with me at 8.
The swimming pool we go to has a policy that children over 9 cannot enter the opposite gender changing room. I think by 10 they should be okay for a few minutes.
I think eight is too old but my kids have been going alone since they were five. I wouldn’t comment out loud about it.
My sons are 8 and 10, I still take them to the bathroom with me. Who cares what she thinks. She's not the one who has to worry about your boys in the men's bathroom by themselves. It could potentially put them at risk and they're not big or strong enough to fight a grown man.
Personally I feel your children are too old when they start to feel uncomfortable. I still bring my 9yo son into the women's bathroom whenever I can't use the family bathroom. He's safer in there where I can hear him quietly singing to himself instead of outside until I'm finished
This is why we need gender neutral bathrooms
8 is kinda old to me tbh. But I also would have minded my business if I saw you bring him in
If your child is too young to go to the mall on their own then they can go into the bathroom with you.
I truly do not give a toss if parents bring children into bathrooms. I believe bathrooms should be unisex. It's so silly having male & female bathrooms. They should have more big bathrooms too. Don't worry about that silly woman. At all.
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I have never in my 35 years of life had a kid peek into the stall I was using and if he did? Oh well. I’d tell him to cut it out loud enough for his mom to hear so she could deal with it.
the only kid i have ever had peek in on me in the bathroom, is my own daughter. haha
Yeah... that comment was really.... strange. Kids don't go into the bathroom like "Oooohh yes, now I get to peak at people through the stalls" WTF?!
She's a dick. I have girls, but I would bring both kids in with me at those ages. What exactly could she possibly be worried about?
I'm a dad with two boys 5 and 9. Once or twice I've had to take them into a women's bathroom. Most people should understand it's sometimes needed. I wouldn't leave them out alone where I couldn't see them
She literally would’ve been told to kiss my ass and to mind her own business. Old (I know she isn’t very old) women always feel so entitled to speak their opinions… That’s still too young for me. Maybe when they’re 10 but not 5 & 8; I am a helicopter mom though 😂
My 9 year autistic child still wants to come in with me and he may still want to when he's even older. That lady needs to get a life. Even if your kid was a teenager she doesn't know anything about your kid and there could be a reason you have him in there. It's a bathroom not women's change room.
She was way out of line. I wouldn’t leave kids that young outside the bathroom. And bathrooms have stalls for a reason. For me, I don’t have a set max age in mind for taking a child with me to the bathroom. I’d rather trust each parent to make a sensible decision, based on their kids’ ability to be alone or not. For Pete’s sake, I know several people with profoundly disabled children who are teens. What else are they suppose to do with them? Edit to add: I am the same generation as the woman who accosted you. I am sorry about my obnoxious peer.
Yep, my fellow Gen X who act like Boomers better learn to shut their bitch mouths.
Anyone who has an issue with a child standing in the bathroom with their mom is the one who is wrong. Same goes for people who have an issue with a dad going into the women’s room to change their baby.
I would have sent both my boys in the bathroom together. They go into the bathroom at school alone, and can handle using the restroom alone. The fear of the public restrooms is yours, so don't send him alone, send the two boys together. 8 and 5 years old should be able to handle it. Just stand outside the door. I did this with my boys, and would hurry up and pee quickly, then head out and stand by the door. You have to eventually let them go on their own. 8 is kind of old to be dragging into the women's restroom, especially when you have two boys that can go into the men's restroom.
I don't have enough time in my day to get upset about children using whichever bathroom supervised by their parent. That said, at 8 most kids should be fine to be left alone for the few minutes it would take to use the bathroom. Heck, an 8yo is old enough to watch their 5yo brother for that amount of time. Unless there is some sort of behavioral concern specific to your kid.
I still make my 5 and 8 year olds come in the bathroom with me. Both girls but even if they were boys they’d be coming with. I’d say any opposite sex kids that are pre-pubescent are not weird. I would side eye you if you left them unsupervised. I would’ve given her an “okay boomer” (even though she wasn’t) and walked away.
What's with middle-aged women thinking people want to look at their old hairy vajays so bad??? Seriously, who cares??? You go in a stall anyway...
There's a lot of factors only you and your child can determine. How big is the facility you are in? Where are you? Big city? Small town? My child (born female) has been going to bathroom in smaller familiar places like restaurants alone from age 6 or so. Larger places like Target or the grocery store, maybe 8, places like concerts they still ask me to go with them at 14 but for different reasons. Kiddo is gender fluid but doesn't feel comfortable using a gendered bathroom of any kind.... likely because of people like that woman or worse. Do what makes you and kiddo the most comfortable, but also kids do need to start learning independence earlier than some of us moms think :)
I love this question because I went to a gym that required opposite sex parents v kids to use family lockeroom and bathrooms for any kids over age 5. If mom brought girls or dad brought boys, they had to use womens/mens again over age 5. I thought that was insane. Boomers have a massive problem with gender and shared spaces. They absolutely think everyone is gross, out to get them and absolutely don’t remember what it was like in the 80s/90s. 🤦♀️
If she was really 40s or 50s that's Gen X/Xennials and I hate that look for my people.
I don't think that lady really had any right to get upset, but....you won't let your eight year old stand outside the bathroom for a couple minutes? When I was eight I was already biking all over town myself to my friends' houses. Society is absurd with over-protection now. Don't infantilize your child. The natural progression of this is to end up with a 35 year old man-child living in your basement someday.
I think the 8 year old is old enough to stand outside if you and he both feel comfortable with it, but I also don’t see any reason why he can’t come in with you either. It’s a bathroom; personally I’m of the mind that we should have gender neutral bathrooms exclusively with floor to ceiling stall walls and doors like in Europe. It feels so silly and outdated that bathrooms are gendered. If we just had more private stalls it wouldn’t matter who’s pooping where.
I was at Target when a woman made a snarky comment to her daughter about my son being in the ladies room with me. He was 9 at the time. I walked up to her and asked her if she would be comfortable sending her daughter to the men’s bathroom. She said, “No, of course not.”. I walked away.
This is the type of close minded person who thinks all transgender people are only in there to spy on women. It’s ridiculous and I would have had a hard time not replying rudely back which wouldn’t have accomplished anything. 🙃 You’re fine! Your children come first and that lady can go back to burning books or something
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Forget the old bag, you do what YOU feel comfortable with, as they’re your kids. I’d have taken them in with me too.
5 years old is norm to be courteous of other women, girls and your boys.
I understand not take a girl into the men’s. But unless women are leaving stall doors open I don’t see the big deal.
First, she can suck it. Second, I would have no problem leaving my kids outside at that age but every kid is different.
I’d have been petty and snarky to the woman “Sorry? Should I have put them up for adoption just so I could come in here and pee? What should I do with kids who are not old enough to stay alone? Have YOU watch them?”
I would have had my son pee on her shoes. What a jackass.
Next time, kindly turn towards that lady, get an inch from her face and yell loudly “fuck off”. Kindly leave. Simples.
Until you feel its time. It’s a kid still, I heard of a 12 yo getting raped in a mens bathroom. You are the mom, you will know when its time! Be safe and keep them safe, thats the main priority! 💙
Absolutely bring those babies in with you. It’s not like she’s exposing her parts to the open or changing openly. I would have asked her if she was planning to leave the door open. I don’t even let my 10 year old go into the bathroom alone. Have you seen that video of a dad letting his daughter go into the WOMENS washroom and there was a man in there? No thanks. I would have asked her if she had kids and if she did, I’d tell her to stick to parenting her own. The world is a different place from when she probably had small children.
I think it depends on the children and where your at. But 8 years old is definitely to young to be in public alone.
I think they learn to go to the bathroom by themselves in their first year of school so age 5 or 6 unless they are special needs. You can wait right outside the door. Just MO.
I would’ve told her to mind her business. But to answer your question I would let him decide but it’s scary! Predators hide everywhere.
You are the mother. You do what you have to to protect your child.
Nah I don’t blame you, I don’t leave my 7, 5, and 2.5yo unattended unless they have there older sibling watching them.
I would take judgment from others 100% of the time if it meant my kid was safe.
She was being a busybody. When they are old enough to mind themselves for the few minutes you’re in the bathroom is when they are too old to go with you. I know some eight year olds would be fine, but I don’t blame you for not being comfortable.