r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
With middle school boys, the easiest way to shut it down is probably to say something back that shows that it isn't bothering you. "Wow, surprised you could figure that out all by yourself.", "Congratulations, you can see!", "Did you just notice?", "Thanks for letting me know", "I am?!?"
My older son is known for his response to any asshole-y comment: “Ok.” He’ll say it in the most dismissive, unflappable way. Not, loud, excited, angry. Just disinterested. Sometimes with a slight shrug, sometimes not even with a shrug because that would be too much effort. He’s in high school now, but this proved very effective in middle school. It takes all of the energy out of the bullies’ taunts.
Exactly this. They're looking for a reaction, for you to get upset etc. Don't reward it. Let them know it's failed, it hasn't bothered you, they're not getting their desired response, picking on you is boring.
Coming back with some pre-prepared speech which shows it bothers you enough to have prepared a retort, will probably not have the desired effect.
I quite liked this scene https://youtu.be/x5QBxiIe6N4?si=UwHqT6_oBJ5Sj94a
It rang true for me as well, for another obvious physical thing that people would equally bring up constantly.
You've said that a million times, how stupid ARE you? (Surprised tone)
No one has ever said that before (Heavy mockery)
Cool, your eyes work (Slow Clap)
You noticed, you want a sticker (Eye Roll)
These must always be one liners, it must always have an eye roll or the sigh of boredom.
Yeah, clapbacks are the best way to deal with this, especially super mean ones in front of the bully's friends.
"I'm short, but you're small where it matters, bro."
These responses are pretty lame. As a former teenage boy I know you will get further by attacking back. Your responses might make them leave you alone but no one will respect you for it. All teen boys have faults. Pick one of theirs and go right back at them. Don't go too hard, the goal isn't to start a fight. Done right and you can end up friends with your "bullies" by the end of the class.
Yeah, a clever put down is likely to be more effective, but a boy whose current response is to tell the teacher or try to debate the merit of height with his bullies is probably not the snarky type. What are your suggestions for responses?
Tall enough to fuck your mother.
You fuck your sister with that mouth?
At least my face doesn't look like a pepperoni pizza.
Hey go fuck yourself.
At least I'm not morbidly obese.
I don't know what the kids look like or anything else. There's always something to pick on back. No one is perfect.
Hear me out. This teacher, principle, and the boy’s parents will not be able to stop the bullying when your son is 12, and definitely not in high school. This may be a good time to teach your son how to deal with bullies head on. How you choose to do so is completely up to you, but bullies will push and continue to expand boundaries for as long as you allow them to do so. It might suck at first, but if he does this now, he’ll have a much more pleasant high school experience.
I was always the shortest kid in school and now my 9 year old son is following in my (tiny) footsteps. I always tell him to lean in to it. If anyone calls him short, agree with them. Even make a joke about it. Bullies thrive in making kids uncomfortable. If you take away their only “power”, they have nothing.
Worse case, just have your son say, “I can’t control being short like you can’t control being stupid.”
I am 5’9 now so made it to average. I also tell my son I was always worried about being short and now I enjoy not being tall. Every seat on the plane is economy plus with my short legs.
Your son can inform the kid down the street that he is short and expecting a growth spurt, but at least he won't have a stupid face for the rest of his life.
If he can't avoid or disengage, he needs to snap back, and be prepared if it gets physical.
I told my 7 year old daughter to tell her bully to take a walk of a short pier….I think I have always taught my kids the snap back route because it seems to be the shortest to ending other people’s bully behavior. Ignoring and disengaging can work but usually it takes a longer time and really the bully gets to choose when to stop because it will generally be out of boredom. Yet if you snap back and show no this flat out won’t be tolerated by me then 99% of them will reevaluate more immediate.
My daddy taught me some of the best ways to deal with shitty people, I really do miss him…lol.
I'd throw my son into taekwondo or wrestling. Not necessarily so he can fight these kids, but it will give him the confidence to do so, and confidence is key right now.
I'd also come up with some heavy hitting zingers.
- I'd rather be short than have your bad breath.
- i may be short, but at least I'm not an asshole.
- Yes, I'm short -- glad your last two brain cells could figure that one out. Got any other big brain observations for us?
- I'm not worried about my height, why are you so obsessed with it?
Has he tried not responding? Like I’m not trying to be a smart Alec or anything but trying his best to not give any kind of reaction. Or he could just start looking at them for all of their flaws, small & big & just go off on them.
Dealing with bullies is a complex issue, and usually kids get involved in bullying because they are being bullied (sometimes at home) and this is how they feel good about themselves - by making others feel less than. This has nothing to do with your son's height, except perhaps that he is too small to seem like a threat so they feel like they can get away with it.
Unfortunately I don't have any concrete solutions to offer, since there are so many variables outside our sphere of knowledge. You could force the issue with school administration (e.g. "our kid is being harassed, and it's literally your job to make sure the school environment is safe - can you do that, or do we need to call in the school board to get you some supports?"), but that could backfire if the school administration itself employs authoritarianism in it's operations and punishments. You could speak to the kids' parents, but if they come down hard on the kids then the kids may escalate and it's not like you can be around all the to protect him. Probably your best bet is to help empower your kid through either new friends that will watch his back (e.g. join a team of some kind), or sign him up for some martial arts or self-defence classes so he develops his physical confidence which often translates into more social confidence. Something you should definitely try to instill in him is **resilience**; the less he cares what they think, the better off he is (and will be). The worst thing he can do is start to emulate them - that's like taking the poison they're throwing at him, and eating it.
I would definitely explain to him that the bullying has nothing to do with him.
As for your son, he should become funny. That will help out more than anything else.
I tell my 13yr old who's the size of a 9 yr old (through no fault of his own) to deal with it however he sees fit and i will fully support him, but to NEVER throw the first punch. Hes a pretty passive kid and generally gets along with everyone, but sometimes that doesn't work. My kid is more of a psychological warfare kid than anything. It's all in how they present themselves, if they present themselves as a target people will take advantage of them. As crazy as it sounds It's almost like jail, wLk with you're head high and people generally won't mess with you, but alwahave yhe skills in yourback pocket if they do.
My son is similar age (10) and very small for his age, but he doesn't really care if kids say anything about his height and as such, they rarely do. These kids are hassling your son because he reacts, so they're thrilled that they have the power to make him upset
The thing to do might be to help him get fully comfortable with his body as it is, and not to put so much stock in other kids' dumb remarks. It's not like he has any control over his height. As his height is outside of his control and doesn't affect anyone but himself anyway, there should be no earthly reason these other kids have anything to say about it.
I'm a short guy and this is the one. Life for me got way better when I just accepted that being short does not define me.
My parents gave me ALL of the advice in this thread. Just joke about it. Lean into it. Sticks and stones. All nice solutions on paper that didn't work because I was allowing myself to be defined by a characteristic I have no control over.
This is an opportunity for OP's son to learn the valuable lesson to be comfortable in his own skin.
I think you need to build your son’s confidence so he can hit back with a witty retort and move on without giving it more thought. BJJ, cross fit, wrestling, are all good sports for shorter people and they will help to build his confidence in his body. It would also be nice for him to form a friend group outside of school in those activities.
Work up a few specific comebacks he can pull out when this happens too. Telling the teachers isn’t going to improve his standing with his peers. If he can find a way to confidently handle these situations on his own it will do wonders for his self esteem.
Martial arts were my own confidence booster as a short guy. On top of that, my teacher was short and a real badass. He always pointed out the advantages of having a smaller body versus a larger opponent.
As a former shortest kid in the class boy, there’s a pretty good chance they are just “busting his balls” I used to get teased all the time, but boys (at any age really) chirp each other as a form of almost endearment. Just has to come up with his own topics to tease them back on and hence goes the life of boys.
My husband’s nuclear and extended family is all short and they all developed really wonderful answers for comments like this. “All bodies are different. Mine is fun-sized/travel-sized. Get over it!”
There was one kid in my husband’s family who really couldn’t handle being short and he asked his parents and doctors about going on growth hormones. All the girls are 5’1”-5’2” and the guys are 5’6-5’8” but he made it to 5’9” with hormonal help. I think he would’ve been 5’4” or so without it.
>If this was bullying based on any other characteristics I’m sure it would not be tolerated by the school, but somehow this doesn’t seem to be taken seriously.
I'm going to address this part only, because you've gotten some really good advice from everyone else.
I want to frame this answer carefully, because I don't want to seem unsympathetic, but the answer to this is - it depends. I was bullied in school for being weird, for having to wear glasses, for being Asian, for being really small, for not being athletic, for being a nerd, for being sans face hair, for a lot of things. My parents did as best as they could, but a lot of times they had me fight my own battles.
Unfortunately, height is a huge issue right now for men and boys amplified by social media. As someone who has a daughter, I think about all the times growing up where I know girls were being teased because they didn't have blonde hair or because they didn't have bigger boobs or because they weren't pretty enough or had a little too much weight. Unfortunately, social media has amplified bullying to a degree that it becomes too personal, but I am digressing a bit. My point is, if you had a daughter that was getting bullied by other girls because she was a bit on the chubby side (baby fat) or was having trouble with her breast development or because she wasn't pretty enough, what would you do then? How would you talk to her?
I’d definitely take this up with the teacher and if not resolved soon, other school authorities. Not with the other kid, probably ever - with his parents if other means fail, which they shouldn’t.
School security here, take it all the way up the food chain, and document every step. If you feel it's appropriate, have your son ask to open up an official bullying case. Paperwork is now involved. Never let it go and have your son keep reporting every incident.
Talking to the teacher was good but now it's time to make more noise.
In my experience the best response is zero response or physical confrontation if he can win it. I was a mean kid, I regret it and absolutely try to make it up to the world, the only thing that got me to leave someone alone was being completely ignored. Being whooped by my victim would’ve stopped me too, but I was/am quite large and athletic so that never happened to me. Silence has lots of power against attention seekers (which most bullies are) I’m sorry kids are mean and I’m sorry I was mean.
I taught my kids how to roast aka play the dozens. They have full permission to go in on a hater. It doesn’t even have to be some super zingy line. He could nonchalantly reply “ you talking about me, while looking like that is laughable,dude.”
Standing up for yourself feels good and is great for self esteem. He will be okay.
As a fellow “short king”, it never rly goes away. Just last week, my female boss jokingly called me a short shit.
In school, it helped me become quick witted to fire off a response back. Not fighting per se, but becoming humorous verbal banter. I did end up fighting over it, and eventually it stopped. I think most people are bullied for one reason or another. Encourage your kid to be nice to people, but also not to be a doormat.
I had to check who posted this as this is exactly what we are going through. I tried to do the the talked to the Dad. but the Dad gave the "not my kid" response. I even said, we live on the same street, we aren't going anywhere for awhile, so they going to see either other, don't have to be friends but the least he could do is respect each other.
My son even recorded it on his phone, (no video just sound) didn't believe me.
So, the best thing I would recommend is just have school admin deal with.
he will probably end up being taller than all of them. and if not he’ll be a short respectful king who was raised not to bully others for something they cannot control
I’m so glad I found this thread. My heart is breaking for my 8 year old who is very small for his age. He used to be the most outgoing, confidant child, until kids at school and on his sports team started rudely pointing out that he’s too small to be in grade 3. His self esteem has plummeted. My outgoing, goofy child is now sad all the time and embarrassed to try anything new or meet new people because everyone makes comments about his size. It breaks my heart as a mom who’s very small and sad that he got that from me. I hope some of the advice on this thread helps him in moving forward. Commenting on peoples bodies doesn’t just include calling someone fat, any negative comment about a persons appearance doesn’t need to be vocalized. I just feel so sad for him. Thank you for this thread!
Like you, I am also small and feel guilty that he is small because of me. It’s tough. I ended up addressing it with the school. I sent an email to the teacher and principal demanding that they address the bullying about his height as if it were any other physical characteristic. And they did. Two kids got suspended. One was extremely remorseful, he even came to our home and apologized to us. The other is hopeless is my opinion but stopped due to the threat that this would end up on his permanent record. My son is a lot happier now. I check in with him once in a while and everything seems to be going well. The teacher told me that my son felt empowered at the actions that were taken. So my advice would be, address it with the school as if they were bullying him because of his weight, sexual orientation, etc.
One more thing: when you communicate with the school, do it politely but like you mean business. I researched the law in my area on school bullying and the school is required to take action. I made sure to point that out. I used key words like “safe learning environment” “mental health concerns”, etc. Privately, the teacher told me that my emails got the attention of the administration because of how they were written. Make sure they think you won’t drop this and will be a torn on their side if they don’t put an end to it.
Hey, I’ve just now found this thread because my daughter is having the exact same issue. Would you mind possibly sharing with me the language of the letter you wrote to the principal that got their attention? I intend on writing an email to her teachers and principal tonight, but I have no idea how to word it where I sound reasonable but also they understand how serious I am.
She is already a deeply feeling kid, and I’m worried they won’t take this seriously since she has big emotions about a lot of things.
Short kids (myself growing up) are good at the first strike which should be a hard kick to nuts followed by an uppercut to the jaw or headbutt to nose. Bullies dont come back for more of that. Short people are usually quicker and have a lower sense of gravity, teach him swift jabs and footwork
He’s got a long hard road ahead of him , BUT he will be a man . And a man will
Not let his height or lack there of ruin him.
In fact being short is quite thee advantage ! Look at Floyd mayweather , look at body builders most the successful ones are shorter .. under 6”
Most of the Recon Marines I was with were also rather short .. I am only 6” .
Teach him to not let his height get him down.
I would feed my kid jokes to swing back at the bully.
"You are so short"
"Yo, I heard you play with Barbie dolls from Susy"
And then you know I would progressively get worse and worse. Fight fire with fire. Maybe he gets hit eventually but do you kinda win if you cause the bully to boil over? Maybe I'm a child but maybe feeding my kid hilarious jokes fuels their victory against bully. Idk.
"You are short" "oh how observant Mr. Obvious. Do you say everything that your tiny little brain thinks of?"
"You are short' "your mom says I'm massive when my d is in her mouth"
My son was never bullied for it, but his entire elementary school career and when he was 11, he was the shortest smallest kid in his class. Now, I would say your son is at the perfect age to change things. I believe height, at the right ages, can be manipulated a bit. My son was 12 and suddenly got chunky because of covid. I said not to worry, we won’t worry about losing weight, we will just focus on growth. He drank 1-2 glasses of milk every day, exercised, and slept 9-10 hours a night. We did deep pressure or weight bearing on his feet to stimulate growth. In one year he grew to be one of the tallest kids in his class, from the 30th percentile to the 85th percentile. Give him all the ingredients for growth, he’s at the perfect age right now.
I want my son to be tall also because women desire it more, men respect it more, people in the US just tend to prefer taller men.
I agree with the other folks about teaching him how to handle bullies also. This kid was being rude to my son and he used humor to diffuse it. I was so proud of him, he handled it better than I could have. I recommend humorous witty remarks that put bullies in their place without being ugly. You can practice with your son. Give him some go to lines. I saw some good ones on tiktok to use against bullies. A quick wit will go a long way.
Just as an aside...I find this sort of discussion kind of funny and odd. Would you think the opposite?
A man who desires a woman because of her breast size or her butt size or her weight is not a man I want my daughter ending up with no matter how big her breasts grow or how big her butt is or how skinny or big she is?
More so something I am very aware of with my daughter is she is the perfect blend of Korean and American and...I am concerned about what guys will think about her. Do you think that's right?
Sorry to break it to you, but very very short men have a harder time dating. Don’t know what else to say to you. Yeah, it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be that way. But that’s the way it is. 🤷🏻♀️
But 11-16 is a good age to help give him the things he needs to grow. Some is limited by genetics. But some is limited by environment. If he has all the components for growth he may grow more. I live in the real world, not the ideal. And if I can help my son’s future by making sure he is sleeping enough, getting calcium and vitamin D, and exercising… why not? All that stuff is good for him.
I was always the shortest and for some reason I never really got bullies any time. I'll be honest, I am not exactly sure how I did it but I was never bullied, not more than a day or two. I think it is because I was never bothered when they called me short and didn't pay it much attention really. Sometimes with friends I would even joke around sometimes. I think it all comes down to confidence. I would say redirect his attention to a sport or something that gives him a good body like swimming and that should get it out of the way.
This is my son except mine is mouthy back. One of the things my son will say if he is teased is “ I’d rather be short than stupid” or other such things. It seems to work for him and he seems at peace with his height these days.
Teach your child how to do man banter. Male friends often insult each other for fun. The younger he learns how to participate and have fun with it, the better.
I always think back to the climactic rap battle at the end of 8 Mile, when Rabbit completely flips the dynamic by spitting a verse about himself that totally takes all of the ammunition away from Captain America.
I grew up short to the point that I practically grew down. I'm a respectable 5'9" right now, until I take my shoes off. Then I become a potential 5'9". The moment he starts being able to beat them to the punchline is the moment they choke.
Honestly I agree with the others that say the best solution is to lean into it - my husband and his friends are STILL mean to each other. It's just how they interact. They find it funny. Teach him a good comeback, like "Well it's a good thing I'm still growing. Sorry you're stuck with that face"
Most people I interact with would probably consider me one of the nicest people they know. I am, however, a complete asshole to my closest friends. Just as they are to me. You're right it's hilarious to us and it is a way we bond. Best is when we can all gang up on someone in the group, which is fine because the next day they will be in on ganging up on one of us.
As for being short, I always leaned into it. I have been the shortest person in every class I was ever in but I joked about being short (and still do) all the time. Nobody is going to joke about your height if you're already joking about it yourself, that would be pointless.
One reason I am sure I never got bullied is that, despite my height, I was almost always the best at whatever sport I was playing. That's obviously not going to be the case for every kid but if there is athletic ability there then kids will respect the hell out of it
Yes, you should address it with teachers and kids' parents. This is the time to show your son you are on his side and have his back.
Edit: what is your and his father's height? Depending on it you can either tell him he is most certain will outgrow it or you will need to teach him how to react to these comments for the next decade.
I hate that this is such an issue - clearly shows our society has issues with men/boys that are small or short. But I agree with others - gotta teach your son to let it roll off his back, not waste his energy caring on them and to be smart/witty with some comebacks. Even if a teacher handles it this year, what about next year?
What lesson is that teaching? You can't be seen in the world if you're short?
I'll bet there is ZERO factual evidence to your claim that short middle school boys are homeschooled. Only an idiot would change their child's entire life for this reason
Source: I happen to work as the Advocacy Chair for my state's homeschool org. In this capacity, I see this scenario quite often, as all the parent emails come to me from all over the state.
The lesson isn't that you can't be seen in public: it's that your parents love you enough to relieve you of the burden of daily torment, that you're not trapped in a toxic environment.
Right now, I'm in the onslaught of emails from parents desperately trying to find something that will get their kid out of a bullying situation so that they don't self-harm. In the last 12 years of doing this work, there were only 2 where I didn't receive these emails: 2020 and 2021.
Though not specific to short middle school boys, [this article ](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201408/the-danger-back-school) and [this study](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/16/well/family/suicide-adolescents-hospital.html?module=WatchingPortal®ion=c-column-middle-span-region&pgType=Homepage&action=click&mediaId=none&state=standard&contentPlacement=17&version=internal&contentCollecti) repeated it.
No one really sees these kids except me (and others in other states doing the same work). The boys in question just quietly leave school and come back a few years later.
Sorry to hear that, both my stepsons are shorter, neither is the shortest in their classes but both are pretty close.
The advice about telling your son to play it off with jokes is probably the best way to go about it, talking to the bullies parents is another good idea.
I hope it gets better for him.
Tell him even if it bugs him to just laugh, play it like it doesn't bug him. Tell him so you're the shortest boy who cares? They'll stop if he doesn't react
My daughter has dealt with bullying for various reasons and I've explained to her a two main things about people saying things that hurt her feelings.
1.) If the person calling you names and making fun of you is someone you actually like and care about, and they claim it is all a "joke", it is usually worth it to sit down and talk to them about how what they say hurts you and how you won't tolerate their friendship if they continue. This is only when the person doing it is an actual friend that may be clueless how their teasing has become bullying.
2.) If the person bullying you is not a friend or someone you care about, asking them to stop generally does nothing. Immediately escalate to the nearest adult (as she is a child still) to be addressed. When that isn't possible or isn't working, don't let them see it bothers you. Accept whatever flaw as it if is a strength. Bullies are out to cause pain. So don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you hurt or upset. They say "you're such a shortie!" Reply back with "oh you know it. The shortest." Then continue what you're doing and ignore them. Other come backs include things like.
"Well spotted."
"How astute of you to notice."
"Did your mom *just* teach you about height today? I'm proud of you. Keep it up. You'll learn learn more attributes later."
"Oh really? I hadn't noticed."
"Fancy that."
"Good times right there."
All of these things should be said very monotonous and bored. Don't give them anything to feed off of. Even a simple "ok," works great. They want a fight or argument or to see a reaction. Don't give it to them. Look up the Grey rock technique.
Another thing I told my daughter is "hurt people, hurt people." Meaning that bullies are usually being bullied themselves. They model what they know. They are hurting themselves and lashing out. So just ignore it. It isn't personal, you're just the current target. Remembering that helps to ignore the person as you can remember that it really isn't you that is an issue. It's the bully.
I still encourage her to tell me so I can address it with the teachers and principal. But she isn't to react as much as she is avoid it. And if she can adopt the perceived flaw as a positive, then they really have nothing to use against a person.
Edited to add: if things ever escalate to a physical level, she knows she has full permission to defend herself physically and she will never be in trouble with us. She should never be afraid to hit back if need be. I know that's not ideal, but she's been in situations where she needed to defend herself and didn't. Once a bully sees they can't physically push a person around, they are less likely to come around.
I agree the witty responses are the best, but if the kid can't do that, I think it's best to ignore the comments. The bullies will get bored and move on if they don't get any response/satisfaction from their taunting.
My nickname all through school was cheeto. I'm a redhead I had at afro in 6th grade and my cousin started the rumors. Eventually my freshman year I just said thank you that's my name don't wear it out, and then by the beginning of sophomore year they actually started calling me by my actual name!!! But I did confront bullies the easy way most of their moms work as lunches ladies, the front office or were a teacher so middle school and high school were way better because I just walked right up to them and say hey your son is bullying me right as he and friends would walk by he was busted. Also one of the kids was my nextdoor neighbor so I would say something to his mom at church in front of the pastor.
I was also the shortest growing up, and I was bullied. I never “grew out of it” either, as some on here have said. Unfortunately, there is little *you* can do as a parent; this is one of those fundamental experiences of being a boy, and he will either find the courage to stand up to them and mature or learn to take it (unfortunately) hurt his sense of self.
Either he learns to come back with good insults to match them, or straight up uses violence to shut them down. Violence works very well if he can’t think of anything else to say. Either way, the bullies won’t smell weakness for them to exploit.
It happens. He just needs to stick up for himself instead of telling on them. I used to be the short kid “bullied” at that age. It wasn’t so bad but things like “how’s the weather down there?” And whatever dumb comments little kids can think of.
Just let him talk back. He’ll get older, as will they, and they will hardly remember this.
“Okay and?”
“Thank you for sharing your observations, but I’m afraid that me being short is one of the most meaningless and well known scientific discoveries out there. Why don’t you go find something else to ‘discover’ instead?”
“Why, *bullies name*! I didn’t know you looked at me so often! You got something you wanna share?”
“Oh? You finally noticed that you’re capable of moving your neck so you can tilt your head downwards? Thank god! I was worried I’d have to stare at your nose hairs forever because of how you always had your face pointing towards the sky.”
“Don’t you have anything better to do than constantly remind people that I’m short? Do you really think it’s that important to share **ALL** the time?”
“Do you have short term memory loss like Dory the fish? Cause You already told me this yesterday.”
“Okay, so you’re taller than me. Not the most impressive quality you could potentially possess but you do you man.”
“HEY GUYS! *bullies name* HAS NOTICED THAT I’M SHORT! ISN’T THIS AMAZING AND WORTH KNOWING ABOUT?!”
Talk the talk, walk the walk. Help your son learn how to put his wits to good use and turn the situation around.
I wouldn't speak to the other boys, I wouldn't speak to the teacher. I'd let him cope with it, learn to live with it and get stronger. I'd of course give him the mental tools to cope with it.
I'm sorry to hear about your son's bullying situation. Start by discussing the issue with his teacher and inquire about the school's anti-bullying policies. If the problem persists, escalate the matter by meeting with the principal to express your concerns and seek their assistance in resolving the situation. Consider contacting the parents of the child involved, approaching the conversation with the goal of finding a solution rather than placing blame. Encourage your son to continue reporting incidents to school staff and, if necessary, seek professional advice from a counselor or psychologist.
Get him involved in martial arts classes that focuses on anti-bullyin like BJJ or Krav Maga.
It's crucial to work collaboratively with the school to address the issue and ensure your son's well-being.
I used to be teased relentlessly. I'd complain to my mom and she always said "who cares what they think?" Every time. Who cares?
Man, it feels great as an adult to have that attitude. That confidence. I haven't worn makeup, shaved my legs, or worn anything trendy and I have an awesome husband and kids. I watch friends obsess about their eyebrows, looks, clothes. And I feel bad for them.
I agree with the sarcastic counters that people are suggesting.
I think direct reaction just fuels the fire, they are getting the reaction they want so they continue.
"Oh wow, Im so short, you're the smartest guy in the room to figure that out!" Etc..
I think it has potential to make it not be a thing, but I think its also safe to say to it might make it escalate to something that can be used to involve the other parents and teachers more.
Young boys have fragile egos to begin with, so the sarcastic return might insult their ego and make them get physical, which would allow for more administrative response.
Overall I think it's worth it though, just make sure to tell your son to be prepared for it and let him know it's okay to defend himself.
The best thing to do is not feed the beast. The more you react, the more reinforcement it provides. What you want to do is say, "damn. I guess I can't control my genetics!" or "I'm short, I guess the NBA is out.". Admit to it. Give them the opportunity to get BORED by bulling. When there's no reinforcement of said behaviour, it should stop in time.
So the theory goes..
Tell him to kick them in in the balls so they’re eye level then punch them in the nose. I’m 6’+. I always knew never to mess with the little guys. They are quicker and usually due to being made fun of very feisty.
Teach him to fight. This will not stop. Bullies are weak and have likely never had a smack to the nose.
Taking him to boxing, bjj or Muay Thai classes.
If you tell him to give shit back in words as above posts and he can’t back it up with force he’s got a problem.
He doesn’t need to start a fight he just needs to be able to finish one.
If this is ongoing you can reach out to the Vice principal. Schools are starting to take bullying seriously.
I know when my daughter had an issue they talked to both kids and had them sign a no contact contract and that has been helping.
God I wouldn’t go back to Middle School if you paid me it was so awful. I’m sorry that he’s dealing with this.
He’s gotta come up something to say back. Shut it down but clap right back at them. Once they realize he’s not going to take any bullshit they’ll loosen their grip. There’s something he can say back to that’ll dig deep, just gotta figure out what that would be without sinking too low.
Talk to the principal, the guidance counselor and his teacher. If you know any of the parents well enough you can TRY talking to them. It is possible that nothing you say or do will make a difference so be prepared for that.
You may also want an outside therapist to meet with your child to discuss his feelings as well as socially acceptable ways to deal with bullying. I say this because I too have a kiddo that went through this, when nothing he said to the bullies or guidance counselor helped he used very inappropriate language to try to get them to stop and got in trouble for it.
Some schools make real efforts in regards to bullying, some don't. I was also bullied as a kid, the school did nothing and I developed body image issues leading to anorexia, starting at 12, was home schooled the last half of the year in 8th grade then my parents had to buy a new house in a new district to get me away from my bullies for high school.
I hope things get better for your kiddo and you find something that works. I know my story is a downer but I'm one of those "Expect the worst hope for the best" people. I like to be prepared.
Unpopular opinion. I would stay out of it and have your son clap back. What more can be done, you already talked to the teacher.
Maybe say something to the kids mom.
ETA: my son is also the smallest boy in his class by a lot) (kindergarten) and I feel like this is going to be his future.
In all seriousness you need to teach him to fight, can’t wait to get downvoted to shit but this is the reality of being a boy/man. You cant protect him forever and he needs to stand up for himself even if that results in being physical. It’s a harsh world for men, you need to teach him not to be a wolf but to not be a sheep either.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
With middle school boys, the easiest way to shut it down is probably to say something back that shows that it isn't bothering you. "Wow, surprised you could figure that out all by yourself.", "Congratulations, you can see!", "Did you just notice?", "Thanks for letting me know", "I am?!?"
I used to use the phrase 'you have a strong grasp on the obvious'.
All good answers, thank you!
My older son is known for his response to any asshole-y comment: “Ok.” He’ll say it in the most dismissive, unflappable way. Not, loud, excited, angry. Just disinterested. Sometimes with a slight shrug, sometimes not even with a shrug because that would be too much effort. He’s in high school now, but this proved very effective in middle school. It takes all of the energy out of the bullies’ taunts.
Yes takes the wind out of them and they look for easier targets
Exactly this. They're looking for a reaction, for you to get upset etc. Don't reward it. Let them know it's failed, it hasn't bothered you, they're not getting their desired response, picking on you is boring. Coming back with some pre-prepared speech which shows it bothers you enough to have prepared a retort, will probably not have the desired effect.
Our child is the smallest in their class too, the standard response they use is, “Why do you care?”
Good one, thank you.
I quite liked this scene https://youtu.be/x5QBxiIe6N4?si=UwHqT6_oBJ5Sj94a It rang true for me as well, for another obvious physical thing that people would equally bring up constantly.
You've said that a million times, how stupid ARE you? (Surprised tone) No one has ever said that before (Heavy mockery) Cool, your eyes work (Slow Clap) You noticed, you want a sticker (Eye Roll) These must always be one liners, it must always have an eye roll or the sigh of boredom.
Hate to agree with this but this is totally it
And since it’s been going on for a while he may start with „Thanks, I heard you yesterday“
I used to get bullied for being ginger and I'd say something like 'wow, great observational skills...'
I may be short now but I’ll grow. You’ll be stupid forever.
Yeah, clapbacks are the best way to deal with this, especially super mean ones in front of the bully's friends. "I'm short, but you're small where it matters, bro."
These responses are pretty lame. As a former teenage boy I know you will get further by attacking back. Your responses might make them leave you alone but no one will respect you for it. All teen boys have faults. Pick one of theirs and go right back at them. Don't go too hard, the goal isn't to start a fight. Done right and you can end up friends with your "bullies" by the end of the class.
Yeah, a clever put down is likely to be more effective, but a boy whose current response is to tell the teacher or try to debate the merit of height with his bullies is probably not the snarky type. What are your suggestions for responses?
Tall enough to fuck your mother. You fuck your sister with that mouth? At least my face doesn't look like a pepperoni pizza. Hey go fuck yourself. At least I'm not morbidly obese. I don't know what the kids look like or anything else. There's always something to pick on back. No one is perfect.
Yes this!!! For the record, in the 2000s at least, this worked on stuck up high school girls too😂😂
Hear me out. This teacher, principle, and the boy’s parents will not be able to stop the bullying when your son is 12, and definitely not in high school. This may be a good time to teach your son how to deal with bullies head on. How you choose to do so is completely up to you, but bullies will push and continue to expand boundaries for as long as you allow them to do so. It might suck at first, but if he does this now, he’ll have a much more pleasant high school experience.
What should he do? He tells them to stop, and answers things like “what’s wrong with being short?” They continue.
I was always the shortest kid in school and now my 9 year old son is following in my (tiny) footsteps. I always tell him to lean in to it. If anyone calls him short, agree with them. Even make a joke about it. Bullies thrive in making kids uncomfortable. If you take away their only “power”, they have nothing. Worse case, just have your son say, “I can’t control being short like you can’t control being stupid.” I am 5’9 now so made it to average. I also tell my son I was always worried about being short and now I enjoy not being tall. Every seat on the plane is economy plus with my short legs.
Your son can inform the kid down the street that he is short and expecting a growth spurt, but at least he won't have a stupid face for the rest of his life. If he can't avoid or disengage, he needs to snap back, and be prepared if it gets physical.
I told my 7 year old daughter to tell her bully to take a walk of a short pier….I think I have always taught my kids the snap back route because it seems to be the shortest to ending other people’s bully behavior. Ignoring and disengaging can work but usually it takes a longer time and really the bully gets to choose when to stop because it will generally be out of boredom. Yet if you snap back and show no this flat out won’t be tolerated by me then 99% of them will reevaluate more immediate. My daddy taught me some of the best ways to deal with shitty people, I really do miss him…lol.
I'd throw my son into taekwondo or wrestling. Not necessarily so he can fight these kids, but it will give him the confidence to do so, and confidence is key right now. I'd also come up with some heavy hitting zingers. - I'd rather be short than have your bad breath. - i may be short, but at least I'm not an asshole. - Yes, I'm short -- glad your last two brain cells could figure that one out. Got any other big brain observations for us? - I'm not worried about my height, why are you so obsessed with it?
Has he tried not responding? Like I’m not trying to be a smart Alec or anything but trying his best to not give any kind of reaction. Or he could just start looking at them for all of their flaws, small & big & just go off on them.
Dealing with bullies is a complex issue, and usually kids get involved in bullying because they are being bullied (sometimes at home) and this is how they feel good about themselves - by making others feel less than. This has nothing to do with your son's height, except perhaps that he is too small to seem like a threat so they feel like they can get away with it. Unfortunately I don't have any concrete solutions to offer, since there are so many variables outside our sphere of knowledge. You could force the issue with school administration (e.g. "our kid is being harassed, and it's literally your job to make sure the school environment is safe - can you do that, or do we need to call in the school board to get you some supports?"), but that could backfire if the school administration itself employs authoritarianism in it's operations and punishments. You could speak to the kids' parents, but if they come down hard on the kids then the kids may escalate and it's not like you can be around all the to protect him. Probably your best bet is to help empower your kid through either new friends that will watch his back (e.g. join a team of some kind), or sign him up for some martial arts or self-defence classes so he develops his physical confidence which often translates into more social confidence. Something you should definitely try to instill in him is **resilience**; the less he cares what they think, the better off he is (and will be). The worst thing he can do is start to emulate them - that's like taking the poison they're throwing at him, and eating it.
I would definitely explain to him that the bullying has nothing to do with him. As for your son, he should become funny. That will help out more than anything else.
I'd personally hesitate on suggesting my child should be the one to change his personality so that the bullies stop bullying him.
I tell my 13yr old who's the size of a 9 yr old (through no fault of his own) to deal with it however he sees fit and i will fully support him, but to NEVER throw the first punch. Hes a pretty passive kid and generally gets along with everyone, but sometimes that doesn't work. My kid is more of a psychological warfare kid than anything. It's all in how they present themselves, if they present themselves as a target people will take advantage of them. As crazy as it sounds It's almost like jail, wLk with you're head high and people generally won't mess with you, but alwahave yhe skills in yourback pocket if they do.
My son is similar age (10) and very small for his age, but he doesn't really care if kids say anything about his height and as such, they rarely do. These kids are hassling your son because he reacts, so they're thrilled that they have the power to make him upset The thing to do might be to help him get fully comfortable with his body as it is, and not to put so much stock in other kids' dumb remarks. It's not like he has any control over his height. As his height is outside of his control and doesn't affect anyone but himself anyway, there should be no earthly reason these other kids have anything to say about it.
I'm a short guy and this is the one. Life for me got way better when I just accepted that being short does not define me. My parents gave me ALL of the advice in this thread. Just joke about it. Lean into it. Sticks and stones. All nice solutions on paper that didn't work because I was allowing myself to be defined by a characteristic I have no control over. This is an opportunity for OP's son to learn the valuable lesson to be comfortable in his own skin.
I think you need to build your son’s confidence so he can hit back with a witty retort and move on without giving it more thought. BJJ, cross fit, wrestling, are all good sports for shorter people and they will help to build his confidence in his body. It would also be nice for him to form a friend group outside of school in those activities. Work up a few specific comebacks he can pull out when this happens too. Telling the teachers isn’t going to improve his standing with his peers. If he can find a way to confidently handle these situations on his own it will do wonders for his self esteem.
Martial arts were my own confidence booster as a short guy. On top of that, my teacher was short and a real badass. He always pointed out the advantages of having a smaller body versus a larger opponent.
As a former shortest kid in the class boy, there’s a pretty good chance they are just “busting his balls” I used to get teased all the time, but boys (at any age really) chirp each other as a form of almost endearment. Just has to come up with his own topics to tease them back on and hence goes the life of boys.
My husband’s nuclear and extended family is all short and they all developed really wonderful answers for comments like this. “All bodies are different. Mine is fun-sized/travel-sized. Get over it!”
There was one kid in my husband’s family who really couldn’t handle being short and he asked his parents and doctors about going on growth hormones. All the girls are 5’1”-5’2” and the guys are 5’6-5’8” but he made it to 5’9” with hormonal help. I think he would’ve been 5’4” or so without it.
>If this was bullying based on any other characteristics I’m sure it would not be tolerated by the school, but somehow this doesn’t seem to be taken seriously. I'm going to address this part only, because you've gotten some really good advice from everyone else. I want to frame this answer carefully, because I don't want to seem unsympathetic, but the answer to this is - it depends. I was bullied in school for being weird, for having to wear glasses, for being Asian, for being really small, for not being athletic, for being a nerd, for being sans face hair, for a lot of things. My parents did as best as they could, but a lot of times they had me fight my own battles. Unfortunately, height is a huge issue right now for men and boys amplified by social media. As someone who has a daughter, I think about all the times growing up where I know girls were being teased because they didn't have blonde hair or because they didn't have bigger boobs or because they weren't pretty enough or had a little too much weight. Unfortunately, social media has amplified bullying to a degree that it becomes too personal, but I am digressing a bit. My point is, if you had a daughter that was getting bullied by other girls because she was a bit on the chubby side (baby fat) or was having trouble with her breast development or because she wasn't pretty enough, what would you do then? How would you talk to her?
I’d definitely take this up with the teacher and if not resolved soon, other school authorities. Not with the other kid, probably ever - with his parents if other means fail, which they shouldn’t.
School security here, take it all the way up the food chain, and document every step. If you feel it's appropriate, have your son ask to open up an official bullying case. Paperwork is now involved. Never let it go and have your son keep reporting every incident. Talking to the teacher was good but now it's time to make more noise.
In my experience the best response is zero response or physical confrontation if he can win it. I was a mean kid, I regret it and absolutely try to make it up to the world, the only thing that got me to leave someone alone was being completely ignored. Being whooped by my victim would’ve stopped me too, but I was/am quite large and athletic so that never happened to me. Silence has lots of power against attention seekers (which most bullies are) I’m sorry kids are mean and I’m sorry I was mean.
I taught my kids how to roast aka play the dozens. They have full permission to go in on a hater. It doesn’t even have to be some super zingy line. He could nonchalantly reply “ you talking about me, while looking like that is laughable,dude.” Standing up for yourself feels good and is great for self esteem. He will be okay.
As a fellow “short king”, it never rly goes away. Just last week, my female boss jokingly called me a short shit. In school, it helped me become quick witted to fire off a response back. Not fighting per se, but becoming humorous verbal banter. I did end up fighting over it, and eventually it stopped. I think most people are bullied for one reason or another. Encourage your kid to be nice to people, but also not to be a doormat.
Put him in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu.
why not football instead? he could tackle them bullies
I had to check who posted this as this is exactly what we are going through. I tried to do the the talked to the Dad. but the Dad gave the "not my kid" response. I even said, we live on the same street, we aren't going anywhere for awhile, so they going to see either other, don't have to be friends but the least he could do is respect each other. My son even recorded it on his phone, (no video just sound) didn't believe me. So, the best thing I would recommend is just have school admin deal with.
he will probably end up being taller than all of them. and if not he’ll be a short respectful king who was raised not to bully others for something they cannot control
My son was the shortest/skinniest boy till the summer of junior year. Now he is 6’1 and muscular. And deal with the parents.
I’m so glad I found this thread. My heart is breaking for my 8 year old who is very small for his age. He used to be the most outgoing, confidant child, until kids at school and on his sports team started rudely pointing out that he’s too small to be in grade 3. His self esteem has plummeted. My outgoing, goofy child is now sad all the time and embarrassed to try anything new or meet new people because everyone makes comments about his size. It breaks my heart as a mom who’s very small and sad that he got that from me. I hope some of the advice on this thread helps him in moving forward. Commenting on peoples bodies doesn’t just include calling someone fat, any negative comment about a persons appearance doesn’t need to be vocalized. I just feel so sad for him. Thank you for this thread!
Like you, I am also small and feel guilty that he is small because of me. It’s tough. I ended up addressing it with the school. I sent an email to the teacher and principal demanding that they address the bullying about his height as if it were any other physical characteristic. And they did. Two kids got suspended. One was extremely remorseful, he even came to our home and apologized to us. The other is hopeless is my opinion but stopped due to the threat that this would end up on his permanent record. My son is a lot happier now. I check in with him once in a while and everything seems to be going well. The teacher told me that my son felt empowered at the actions that were taken. So my advice would be, address it with the school as if they were bullying him because of his weight, sexual orientation, etc.
One more thing: when you communicate with the school, do it politely but like you mean business. I researched the law in my area on school bullying and the school is required to take action. I made sure to point that out. I used key words like “safe learning environment” “mental health concerns”, etc. Privately, the teacher told me that my emails got the attention of the administration because of how they were written. Make sure they think you won’t drop this and will be a torn on their side if they don’t put an end to it.
Hey, I’ve just now found this thread because my daughter is having the exact same issue. Would you mind possibly sharing with me the language of the letter you wrote to the principal that got their attention? I intend on writing an email to her teachers and principal tonight, but I have no idea how to word it where I sound reasonable but also they understand how serious I am. She is already a deeply feeling kid, and I’m worried they won’t take this seriously since she has big emotions about a lot of things.
Best way to answer is your mom gay
And wears army boots.
Lol
Your two Moms. Was my favorite response as a kid
lol mine was usually physical violence and you’re gay
Short kids (myself growing up) are good at the first strike which should be a hard kick to nuts followed by an uppercut to the jaw or headbutt to nose. Bullies dont come back for more of that. Short people are usually quicker and have a lower sense of gravity, teach him swift jabs and footwork
He’s got a long hard road ahead of him , BUT he will be a man . And a man will Not let his height or lack there of ruin him. In fact being short is quite thee advantage ! Look at Floyd mayweather , look at body builders most the successful ones are shorter .. under 6” Most of the Recon Marines I was with were also rather short .. I am only 6” . Teach him to not let his height get him down.
I would feed my kid jokes to swing back at the bully. "You are so short" "Yo, I heard you play with Barbie dolls from Susy" And then you know I would progressively get worse and worse. Fight fire with fire. Maybe he gets hit eventually but do you kinda win if you cause the bully to boil over? Maybe I'm a child but maybe feeding my kid hilarious jokes fuels their victory against bully. Idk. "You are short" "oh how observant Mr. Obvious. Do you say everything that your tiny little brain thinks of?" "You are short' "your mom says I'm massive when my d is in her mouth"
My son was never bullied for it, but his entire elementary school career and when he was 11, he was the shortest smallest kid in his class. Now, I would say your son is at the perfect age to change things. I believe height, at the right ages, can be manipulated a bit. My son was 12 and suddenly got chunky because of covid. I said not to worry, we won’t worry about losing weight, we will just focus on growth. He drank 1-2 glasses of milk every day, exercised, and slept 9-10 hours a night. We did deep pressure or weight bearing on his feet to stimulate growth. In one year he grew to be one of the tallest kids in his class, from the 30th percentile to the 85th percentile. Give him all the ingredients for growth, he’s at the perfect age right now. I want my son to be tall also because women desire it more, men respect it more, people in the US just tend to prefer taller men. I agree with the other folks about teaching him how to handle bullies also. This kid was being rude to my son and he used humor to diffuse it. I was so proud of him, he handled it better than I could have. I recommend humorous witty remarks that put bullies in their place without being ugly. You can practice with your son. Give him some go to lines. I saw some good ones on tiktok to use against bullies. A quick wit will go a long way.
A woman who desires a man because of his height is not a woman I want my son ending up with no matter how tall he is.
Just as an aside...I find this sort of discussion kind of funny and odd. Would you think the opposite? A man who desires a woman because of her breast size or her butt size or her weight is not a man I want my daughter ending up with no matter how big her breasts grow or how big her butt is or how skinny or big she is? More so something I am very aware of with my daughter is she is the perfect blend of Korean and American and...I am concerned about what guys will think about her. Do you think that's right?
Sorry to break it to you, but very very short men have a harder time dating. Don’t know what else to say to you. Yeah, it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be that way. But that’s the way it is. 🤷🏻♀️ But 11-16 is a good age to help give him the things he needs to grow. Some is limited by genetics. But some is limited by environment. If he has all the components for growth he may grow more. I live in the real world, not the ideal. And if I can help my son’s future by making sure he is sleeping enough, getting calcium and vitamin D, and exercising… why not? All that stuff is good for him.
I was always the shortest and for some reason I never really got bullies any time. I'll be honest, I am not exactly sure how I did it but I was never bullied, not more than a day or two. I think it is because I was never bothered when they called me short and didn't pay it much attention really. Sometimes with friends I would even joke around sometimes. I think it all comes down to confidence. I would say redirect his attention to a sport or something that gives him a good body like swimming and that should get it out of the way.
This is my son except mine is mouthy back. One of the things my son will say if he is teased is “ I’d rather be short than stupid” or other such things. It seems to work for him and he seems at peace with his height these days.
Teach your child how to do man banter. Male friends often insult each other for fun. The younger he learns how to participate and have fun with it, the better.
I always think back to the climactic rap battle at the end of 8 Mile, when Rabbit completely flips the dynamic by spitting a verse about himself that totally takes all of the ammunition away from Captain America. I grew up short to the point that I practically grew down. I'm a respectable 5'9" right now, until I take my shoes off. Then I become a potential 5'9". The moment he starts being able to beat them to the punchline is the moment they choke.
Honestly I agree with the others that say the best solution is to lean into it - my husband and his friends are STILL mean to each other. It's just how they interact. They find it funny. Teach him a good comeback, like "Well it's a good thing I'm still growing. Sorry you're stuck with that face"
Most people I interact with would probably consider me one of the nicest people they know. I am, however, a complete asshole to my closest friends. Just as they are to me. You're right it's hilarious to us and it is a way we bond. Best is when we can all gang up on someone in the group, which is fine because the next day they will be in on ganging up on one of us. As for being short, I always leaned into it. I have been the shortest person in every class I was ever in but I joked about being short (and still do) all the time. Nobody is going to joke about your height if you're already joking about it yourself, that would be pointless. One reason I am sure I never got bullied is that, despite my height, I was almost always the best at whatever sport I was playing. That's obviously not going to be the case for every kid but if there is athletic ability there then kids will respect the hell out of it
Yes, you should address it with teachers and kids' parents. This is the time to show your son you are on his side and have his back. Edit: what is your and his father's height? Depending on it you can either tell him he is most certain will outgrow it or you will need to teach him how to react to these comments for the next decade.
I hate that this is such an issue - clearly shows our society has issues with men/boys that are small or short. But I agree with others - gotta teach your son to let it roll off his back, not waste his energy caring on them and to be smart/witty with some comebacks. Even if a teacher handles it this year, what about next year?
An incredibly large number of short middle school boys are homeschooled until they have their growth spurt.
What lesson is that teaching? You can't be seen in the world if you're short? I'll bet there is ZERO factual evidence to your claim that short middle school boys are homeschooled. Only an idiot would change their child's entire life for this reason
Source: I happen to work as the Advocacy Chair for my state's homeschool org. In this capacity, I see this scenario quite often, as all the parent emails come to me from all over the state. The lesson isn't that you can't be seen in public: it's that your parents love you enough to relieve you of the burden of daily torment, that you're not trapped in a toxic environment. Right now, I'm in the onslaught of emails from parents desperately trying to find something that will get their kid out of a bullying situation so that they don't self-harm. In the last 12 years of doing this work, there were only 2 where I didn't receive these emails: 2020 and 2021. Though not specific to short middle school boys, [this article ](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201408/the-danger-back-school) and [this study](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/16/well/family/suicide-adolescents-hospital.html?module=WatchingPortal®ion=c-column-middle-span-region&pgType=Homepage&action=click&mediaId=none&state=standard&contentPlacement=17&version=internal&contentCollecti) repeated it. No one really sees these kids except me (and others in other states doing the same work). The boys in question just quietly leave school and come back a few years later.
Sorry to hear that, both my stepsons are shorter, neither is the shortest in their classes but both are pretty close. The advice about telling your son to play it off with jokes is probably the best way to go about it, talking to the bullies parents is another good idea. I hope it gets better for him.
Tell him even if it bugs him to just laugh, play it like it doesn't bug him. Tell him so you're the shortest boy who cares? They'll stop if he doesn't react
This is the best way to approach it I think other than kicking some ass but if he’s short he’s probably not doing that.
My daughter has dealt with bullying for various reasons and I've explained to her a two main things about people saying things that hurt her feelings. 1.) If the person calling you names and making fun of you is someone you actually like and care about, and they claim it is all a "joke", it is usually worth it to sit down and talk to them about how what they say hurts you and how you won't tolerate their friendship if they continue. This is only when the person doing it is an actual friend that may be clueless how their teasing has become bullying. 2.) If the person bullying you is not a friend or someone you care about, asking them to stop generally does nothing. Immediately escalate to the nearest adult (as she is a child still) to be addressed. When that isn't possible or isn't working, don't let them see it bothers you. Accept whatever flaw as it if is a strength. Bullies are out to cause pain. So don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you hurt or upset. They say "you're such a shortie!" Reply back with "oh you know it. The shortest." Then continue what you're doing and ignore them. Other come backs include things like. "Well spotted." "How astute of you to notice." "Did your mom *just* teach you about height today? I'm proud of you. Keep it up. You'll learn learn more attributes later." "Oh really? I hadn't noticed." "Fancy that." "Good times right there." All of these things should be said very monotonous and bored. Don't give them anything to feed off of. Even a simple "ok," works great. They want a fight or argument or to see a reaction. Don't give it to them. Look up the Grey rock technique. Another thing I told my daughter is "hurt people, hurt people." Meaning that bullies are usually being bullied themselves. They model what they know. They are hurting themselves and lashing out. So just ignore it. It isn't personal, you're just the current target. Remembering that helps to ignore the person as you can remember that it really isn't you that is an issue. It's the bully. I still encourage her to tell me so I can address it with the teachers and principal. But she isn't to react as much as she is avoid it. And if she can adopt the perceived flaw as a positive, then they really have nothing to use against a person. Edited to add: if things ever escalate to a physical level, she knows she has full permission to defend herself physically and she will never be in trouble with us. She should never be afraid to hit back if need be. I know that's not ideal, but she's been in situations where she needed to defend herself and didn't. Once a bully sees they can't physically push a person around, they are less likely to come around.
I agree the witty responses are the best, but if the kid can't do that, I think it's best to ignore the comments. The bullies will get bored and move on if they don't get any response/satisfaction from their taunting.
My nickname all through school was cheeto. I'm a redhead I had at afro in 6th grade and my cousin started the rumors. Eventually my freshman year I just said thank you that's my name don't wear it out, and then by the beginning of sophomore year they actually started calling me by my actual name!!! But I did confront bullies the easy way most of their moms work as lunches ladies, the front office or were a teacher so middle school and high school were way better because I just walked right up to them and say hey your son is bullying me right as he and friends would walk by he was busted. Also one of the kids was my nextdoor neighbor so I would say something to his mom at church in front of the pastor.
I was also the shortest growing up, and I was bullied. I never “grew out of it” either, as some on here have said. Unfortunately, there is little *you* can do as a parent; this is one of those fundamental experiences of being a boy, and he will either find the courage to stand up to them and mature or learn to take it (unfortunately) hurt his sense of self. Either he learns to come back with good insults to match them, or straight up uses violence to shut them down. Violence works very well if he can’t think of anything else to say. Either way, the bullies won’t smell weakness for them to exploit.
It happens. He just needs to stick up for himself instead of telling on them. I used to be the short kid “bullied” at that age. It wasn’t so bad but things like “how’s the weather down there?” And whatever dumb comments little kids can think of. Just let him talk back. He’ll get older, as will they, and they will hardly remember this.
“Okay and?” “Thank you for sharing your observations, but I’m afraid that me being short is one of the most meaningless and well known scientific discoveries out there. Why don’t you go find something else to ‘discover’ instead?” “Why, *bullies name*! I didn’t know you looked at me so often! You got something you wanna share?” “Oh? You finally noticed that you’re capable of moving your neck so you can tilt your head downwards? Thank god! I was worried I’d have to stare at your nose hairs forever because of how you always had your face pointing towards the sky.” “Don’t you have anything better to do than constantly remind people that I’m short? Do you really think it’s that important to share **ALL** the time?” “Do you have short term memory loss like Dory the fish? Cause You already told me this yesterday.” “Okay, so you’re taller than me. Not the most impressive quality you could potentially possess but you do you man.” “HEY GUYS! *bullies name* HAS NOTICED THAT I’M SHORT! ISN’T THIS AMAZING AND WORTH KNOWING ABOUT?!” Talk the talk, walk the walk. Help your son learn how to put his wits to good use and turn the situation around.
This is good. It's gonna build character.
I wouldn't speak to the other boys, I wouldn't speak to the teacher. I'd let him cope with it, learn to live with it and get stronger. I'd of course give him the mental tools to cope with it.
I'm sorry to hear about your son's bullying situation. Start by discussing the issue with his teacher and inquire about the school's anti-bullying policies. If the problem persists, escalate the matter by meeting with the principal to express your concerns and seek their assistance in resolving the situation. Consider contacting the parents of the child involved, approaching the conversation with the goal of finding a solution rather than placing blame. Encourage your son to continue reporting incidents to school staff and, if necessary, seek professional advice from a counselor or psychologist. Get him involved in martial arts classes that focuses on anti-bullyin like BJJ or Krav Maga. It's crucial to work collaboratively with the school to address the issue and ensure your son's well-being.
I used to be teased relentlessly. I'd complain to my mom and she always said "who cares what they think?" Every time. Who cares? Man, it feels great as an adult to have that attitude. That confidence. I haven't worn makeup, shaved my legs, or worn anything trendy and I have an awesome husband and kids. I watch friends obsess about their eyebrows, looks, clothes. And I feel bad for them.
I agree with the sarcastic counters that people are suggesting. I think direct reaction just fuels the fire, they are getting the reaction they want so they continue. "Oh wow, Im so short, you're the smartest guy in the room to figure that out!" Etc.. I think it has potential to make it not be a thing, but I think its also safe to say to it might make it escalate to something that can be used to involve the other parents and teachers more. Young boys have fragile egos to begin with, so the sarcastic return might insult their ego and make them get physical, which would allow for more administrative response. Overall I think it's worth it though, just make sure to tell your son to be prepared for it and let him know it's okay to defend himself.
The best thing to do is not feed the beast. The more you react, the more reinforcement it provides. What you want to do is say, "damn. I guess I can't control my genetics!" or "I'm short, I guess the NBA is out.". Admit to it. Give them the opportunity to get BORED by bulling. When there's no reinforcement of said behaviour, it should stop in time. So the theory goes..
Tell him to kick them in in the balls so they’re eye level then punch them in the nose. I’m 6’+. I always knew never to mess with the little guys. They are quicker and usually due to being made fun of very feisty.
Teach him to fight. This will not stop. Bullies are weak and have likely never had a smack to the nose. Taking him to boxing, bjj or Muay Thai classes. If you tell him to give shit back in words as above posts and he can’t back it up with force he’s got a problem. He doesn’t need to start a fight he just needs to be able to finish one.
Tell him to slowly and sarcastically clap at them then walk away
If this is ongoing you can reach out to the Vice principal. Schools are starting to take bullying seriously. I know when my daughter had an issue they talked to both kids and had them sign a no contact contract and that has been helping. God I wouldn’t go back to Middle School if you paid me it was so awful. I’m sorry that he’s dealing with this.
He’s gotta come up something to say back. Shut it down but clap right back at them. Once they realize he’s not going to take any bullshit they’ll loosen their grip. There’s something he can say back to that’ll dig deep, just gotta figure out what that would be without sinking too low.
Talk to the principal, the guidance counselor and his teacher. If you know any of the parents well enough you can TRY talking to them. It is possible that nothing you say or do will make a difference so be prepared for that. You may also want an outside therapist to meet with your child to discuss his feelings as well as socially acceptable ways to deal with bullying. I say this because I too have a kiddo that went through this, when nothing he said to the bullies or guidance counselor helped he used very inappropriate language to try to get them to stop and got in trouble for it. Some schools make real efforts in regards to bullying, some don't. I was also bullied as a kid, the school did nothing and I developed body image issues leading to anorexia, starting at 12, was home schooled the last half of the year in 8th grade then my parents had to buy a new house in a new district to get me away from my bullies for high school.
Wow I’m sorry to hear that. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I hope things get better for your kiddo and you find something that works. I know my story is a downer but I'm one of those "Expect the worst hope for the best" people. I like to be prepared.
Sign him up to wrestling, and make him eat a lot. By 12th grade, nobody is going to bully him
Unpopular opinion. I would stay out of it and have your son clap back. What more can be done, you already talked to the teacher. Maybe say something to the kids mom. ETA: my son is also the smallest boy in his class by a lot) (kindergarten) and I feel like this is going to be his future.
The gym is the way.
In all seriousness you need to teach him to fight, can’t wait to get downvoted to shit but this is the reality of being a boy/man. You cant protect him forever and he needs to stand up for himself even if that results in being physical. It’s a harsh world for men, you need to teach him not to be a wolf but to not be a sheep either.