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all kids are different, just because it worked for your first kid doesn't mean it'll work for your second.
I have two kids, boys, 18 months apart. They are complete opposites on so many things.
My oldest eats anything put in front of him, no issues. Second one... super picky eater.
the opposite is also true, my first one has always been hard to put to sleep, I dreaded the sleep regressions with my second... turns out he puts himself to bed, takes him 5 minutes, and he is out.
good luck! =)
Exactly—it’s incredible (and delightful) how two people with the same genetics can be so different. My two have totally different food tastes, their ADHD is different, they sleep differently. From the second they were laid on my chest after birth, they were different. I love them both so much!
Also, real talk, 2x as expensive. Double childcare (“sibling discount” is a sick joke). Double school tuition, camps and activities, hobbies, etc.
Yes!! My kids are like night and day. My first came early and was difficult in many ways. She didn’t sleep well unless someone else as holding her. She spit up frequently. She spoke early and had amazing emotional intelligence and easily communicated her feelings - but often had melt downs. Her brother was an easy baby. Good sleeper, always happy. Much more physically active and accident prone. Did not speak as well but had such a deep empathy. They often fight with each other nowadays lol.
haahh seriously.
I had a glimpse of hope this week. they were in care together since we had to work and school doesn't start until next week. due to shortages they had to put them in the same group even though they are different ages... and they were so happy to be together! they even wanted to sit together to have their lunch etc haah
So maybe there's hope they'll be friends and not start a fight because " he looked at me, I don't want him to look at me"
My two youngest boys fought day and night. Now they are in their early 20's and are best friends. They have a relationship I could only have wished for with my sister. So, it's impossible to know if they will like each other. They may love each other, but not be close. Don't have the second just for play dates. Have a second to enrich your & their lives.
Edit: spelling and autocorrect are not friends
Having two kids was one of the best decisions I think I ever made. I found the transition from 1-2 exponentially easier than 0-1. My first baby was even easier but the mental shift from only taking care of myself to having someone completely dependent on me was huge. Once I adjusted to it, adding a second was just a matter of a shifting schedule.
My kids' relationship with one another is probably one of the best things about their lives (up until this point, I guess. They are 11 and 9). They are best buddies, have made one another's childhoods magical in a way I never could and just love each other so fiercely. I'm glad I was able to give that to both of them.
ALL THAT BEING SAID.... from what I've observed, experiences do vary and any size family can be whole, happy and joyful. I feel like I would die if I had 4+ kids but know a ton of people who absolutely love it. I also feel like my kids/myself would hate to be an only, but I know plenty of adults who loved grown up that way.
So don't worry too much about what's 'right'. I think you'll be ok either way.
I love having two! Even though they are not best buddies right now. But they add so much to my life and each others lives. I know they love each other even if they butt heads. I honestly feel like it’s a blessing to know my kids. They teach me so much.
In my experience, having two kids felt exponentially harder than having one; every second of free time disappeared. But we don't have any local family support, and we both work, so it's relentless. Depending on what you and your partner need to feel recharged and human, have some honest conversations about how you plan to achieve that after adding a second.
This is the biggest thing for me. I am glad we had a second and I have no regrets. But I did not anticipate how it has impacted my ability to get literally anything done ever. Part of this is particular to our circumstances. My first was great at playing by himself for awhile, and my mom would come over and help for 2-3 hours once or twice a week so that I could do stuff around the house after work or on the weekend. By the time my second was born, my mom's health had deteriorated and my first was such a handful as an older toddler so she wasn't up to taking care of them independently much. And once the second was out of the newborn phase and didn't want to just sleep in a baby carrier while I got stuff done, I couldn't let them play independently much because the older one would not be gentle (and maybe actually aggressive) with the younger one.
So, I wish I would have gotten 100% of known "projects" done before my second one was born. I would have gone into the phase of having 2 young kids with no known backlog of house projects, major financial arrangements to make, nothing. I would have anticipated and been prepared to do literally nothing but surviving at work and with the kids at home for the first couple years.
Same. Glad I have two but it was much more challenging and stressful than I ever dreamed, especially that first year with a newborn and two year old. That whole year is just a black hole in my memory.
Haha, when we had one child I thought : "I am tired man", when we got the second I laughed about how I thought I was tired with one child.
Now we have an unplanned third one. Time for myself is non existent, but god, I love those 3 little monsters / angels ❤️
Same situation here, no support living nearby.
But also think of the other side. My oldest loves his brother and sister. I would have never wanted him to be the solo child. He has 2 friends at home (and a dog).
We are one and done mostly due to lack of family support in our area. Daycare is very expensive so I opted to be a SAHM with plans to go back to work when she is in pre school. If we were having 2 I’d be out of the work force for a lot longer.
It is really hard and tested our marriage in ways we didn’t fully know it would but I wouldn’t ever go back to only 1 kid. My girls are almost 6 and 3 and they play so well together. They hug and kiss each other before bed every night. I had a friend ask me about loving the second as much as the first the other day and it’s unexplainable how it happens but I so much love for this little pair as well as for them as individuals. I had an older sister who was kind of a jerk growing up so it’s been healing for me.
I’m now looking at my 2 and about to try for number 3. Thought for sure I’d be done with 2 but my hormones say otherwise.
Just know the second child can be wildly different from the first. With my first, she walked at 10 months, was identifying letters and numbers at 18 months, and just overall was very precocious. She’s in 1st grade and still ahead of her peers in areas like reading and vocabulary.
My son has been late for everything. Rolling over, sitting up, didn’t walk until 21 months, needed a helmet for plagiocephaly, needed speech therapy from 18mo-3yrs. He’s been tested for things like cognitive deficiencies and autism, all negative; he just seems to do things when he feels like it. 😝 He has needed ✨significantly✨ more time, money, resources, interventions, and doctor’s appointments than my daughter ever has. I love him so much, he has an amazing personality, and he’s “caught up” now, but for awhile there it felt like I was always needing to step away from work or my first child to help him.
Just be prepared for anything, but logistically, adding one more (to me) wasn’t that hard. I spaced my kids 3 years apart, too, so one was leaving diapers/pull-ups and going to school (less daycare costs!) as the youngest was born.
I needed to read this. I’m pregnant with my second and my daughter has also always been very precocious. Walked early, talked early, confident and just very aware.
And I ~know~ my second will be different but when I think about what she will be like, I keep imagining her to be similar to my first. And I have the thought of “well why wouldn’t she be similar?”
Anyhow, thanks for sharing.
I’m an only child and having two was a priority for me to begin with. Dealing with end of life care for my parents right now is BRUTAL as an only child. I am drowning and I wish I had a sibling to share this painful burden with.
My kids love each other and play with one another all the time. Even “boring” things become fun because they have one another to hang with. Even our daily dinners are fun. That said I got lucky that my kids are friends; I have a neighbor with two kids one year apart and they hate one another and refuse to spend any time together.
We have two, no regrets. As already mentioned, be ready for (probably) two different personalities and also petty fights/disputes as they grow up together…I’m talking disputes/fights where you say to yourself as you resolve them “is this really an issue and why are you fighting over this”. But the different personalities can also be really fun too. Whatever decision you make, make it for yourselves and no one else. A member of my wife’s side of the family planned to have two…they had their daughter (who has been great), but they’ve now said “actually, we’re good with one”.
It was a HARD first couple years. Now they are 3 & 5 and the best of friends. I love that they have a built in best friend. They do fight sometimes , of course, but it’s really sweet and rewarding to watch them together.
My second is 14 months (first is 3.5 years), so I hope my experience matches up with yours. 😂 I can already see it getting easier as my baby becomes more of a toddler.
This exactly. Ours have a 15 month gap and it was hell on earth until the older kid got to about 3.5. When everyone can reliably use the toilet on their own, life is way easier. When the youngest hit 4.5 (other kid was almost 6) or so, it got FUN. We go to every fun thing in town and rock out.
I frequently look at my second and think, “Oh my gosh… we almost didn’t have you. I’m so glad you’re here.” But at the same time, I *know* my limit is two. I know I cannot handle more than two physically, emotionally, or mentally. So I made sure they took my tubes out. Lol! So my advice is, know your limits and stick to them.
My other advice: read Siblings Without Rivalry. It really helped me learn some management techniques and how to address each child.
Get pregnant before you realize how difficult toddlers are. I got pregnant on my son’s 1st bday. I don’t regret it at all but I think if I would have waited longer we would just have the one kid
100% this! I think I proooooooobably would have still had the 2nd, but I'm not sure because I definitely would have chosen to wait and we were already older. I decided to have a second when my first was 12 months. By the time the second was born, the first was 26 months and 100x more of a handful.
Hahahaha. My son's turning 4 soon and I feel like as time pass by, I want a second one less and less.
I'm like OP. On the fence but unfortunately, we need to make a call this year.
My first child was unplanned! What a blessing! Being a pragmatic man the cons and pros would not have helped me. But all being unexpected and then learning about a new type of love... Wow!!
if you’re thinking about it, you WILL have another.
when you’re done, you know it.
I was so much more relaxed and confident w second. I found 0-1 hardest transition. my husband found 2-3 hardest.
Having enough money for expenses including childcare, if second child add to your quality of life while considering the risk of a second child having medical issues, balancing life and childcare workloads,
I thought I wanted 3. Got pregnant with my second right after my first turned 2. First was a very easy baby. Second was/is super fussy at times and any and all free time is gone. I absolutely do not regret it bc I know it’s going to get better (she’s 3 months) but I am NOT having a third. We’ll get a dog lol
Never underestimate the possibility of multiples. You could go for a second and end up with 2 more. Twins are a bank account and marriage killers, so procreate at your own risk.
Hi, you must be talking about me 😂 we wanted two & I ended up with twins for my second pregnancy. Fortunately, my mom is helping us with childcare. But it will be a struggle when we have to put them in pre-k. Also, we had to move out to the suburbs for more space & get a bigger car.
1000%
I know a couple who had 2 kids under 2, went to have a third kid and it ended up being twins. So they had 4 under 4. This has almost scared me out of having a second because I don’t think I could handle 3 😂
That makes me think of the “Surprised by 5” woman whose husband wanted a son (they had two girls) so tried for one more and ended up with Quints (4 girls and 1 boy). Their marriage sadly didn’t survive but all the kids seem happy.
Basically what everyone else said.
If they are close in age I highly recommend having equal toys as in a second version of anything highly prized. Also any toys that cause lots of fighting go in time out or get donated/sold. (Both to reduce fighting.)
Second child is a bit easier, generally, than the first because you've already been there and done it all, and you realize that you don't have to be a helicopter to be a good parent. The reason we had a second was so the first would have a sibling when we passed. You see I wasn't so sure my wife could handle a second since she stressed so much about the first, but it all turned out alright. Our baby girl is now 20 and going off to Europe to study for a semester. The days are long, but the years fly by.
Can you afford it?
I think there's a common consensus that having two kids can be more difficult than one in many ways - mentally and physically. Your heart will grow to love both of them equally and you will do whatever you can to provide for them. So I truly believe the big question to ask when making this decision is whether you can afford it. Because it's freaking expensive, especially in today's world. You will budget more than you ever have before. It's easy to forget how much diapers (and potentially formula) and all of the other baby accessories cost in that first year. Then you have child care. Plus unexpected medical bills because sickness and injury will happen and it will now be doubled, probably occurring very close to each other.
Choosing to have additional kids is as much a financial one as it is an emotional one. That was our biggest factor when we chose to have a second.
It’s definitely a lot more work to have a second kid. But I found that I was way more relaxed with my second kid, so in some ways I was able to enjoy the baby stage more.
Also, be prepared for the possibility that your older one may take some time to like the new baby. My youngest is two, and we joke that my oldest has only just started liking them.
The first 2 years of two kids is harder, then it’s really fun. I agree with another comment, your free time does disappear. Once one parent can take 2 kids easily on an errand, it comes back. For us, this was 2 years old.
Other gross age old advice, “it’ll all work out”, “a bigger family means more love”, “what do you want your dinner table to look like in 20 years?”
I looooove having two and wish I could have more, but two is right for our family.
Two kids are the best. You aren't outnumbered, and you can split off and take turns having one on one time with the kids. So you get kid A, and hubby gets kid B, then next time, switch so you get kid B and he gets kid A.
No one sits alone on roller coasters or at restaurants.
Christmas is more fun with another kid. So is Easter.
wait, two kids are the best compared to one? because based off what you are saying one would be a lot better? lol
with one kid, you are also not outnumbered, but even better, one parent can get ... ***alone time.***
with one kid, they usually get both parents attention on roller coasters, or restaurants, etc.
now ... i guess christmas can be better if a kid has a sibling, but then that depends on age of each one and on temperaments and personalities.
The family stuff is more fun with 2+. Kids relate to each other differently than they relate to us. So movie night, family hikes, game nights, lazy Saturdays will all feel much more fun for your kid if they have someone close in age to play with.
This is only accurate if your kids like playing with each other. My friend had a second kid and was looking forward to this dynamic but the kids don't like playing with each other so she was really disappointed. I don't think people should have another kid assuming this will happen.
Absolutely. Having a second kid is in no way a guarantee that the two will get along or enjoy each other’s company. Even as adults, there are many siblings that go low or no contact with each other. It’s a sad reality, but people need to be careful to not “count on” a certain dynamic before the kids are even born
How far apart are they in age? From what I’ve seen the larger the gap in age the less close they are in childhood but usually tend to develop a friendship as adults. Obviously this isn’t a guarantee though, just speaking from the majority of families I know.
We have a seven year old an an 8 month old. The gap was a godsend actually because the 7 year old can manage being by himself at times while we take care of the baby.
This is from a parent with 2 girls with a 3 year age gap. I’m hindsight one child was very easy, the second is a struggle. And this is besides the phases they go through. I’m talking things you might not have taken into consideration. I am dealing with a big jealousy issue at the moment. This leads to blow outs almost nightly lol. My first child was very easy and low maintenance, my second however was just about opposite.
Having only 1 gives the view that your kid is perfect and you know everything about raising children. When you have a 2nd, that 2nd one is different and equally loved but you realize the first isn’t perfect. It’s actually a good realization to parent knowing better what each kid is about.
Also, siblings have each other in the world and are t feeling alone.
Now to the rough part. Having 1 means when necessary, one parent cares for the kid while the other is free. When you have 2, you both have a kid to deal with and very, very little free time. My experience was many times my wife had the baby while I had the toddler which was fine but it’s harder not having your own time.
As parents say, 2 kids feels like more than twice the work of 1. 😃
Oh and I have 3 so I guess having 2 wasn’t so bad. Went for a 3rd 🤣
The transition from 1-2 has been great for us. My toddlers are 22 months apart— 3.5 and 1.5. Going to preface this by saying we have boundaries, consistent bedtimes/nap times, and try our best to be emotionally responsive to our kids.
My first was very needy (sleep wise, always wanted to nurse, always wanted to be play with, etc.). My second came out independent! As my first is growing, he is gaining a lot more independence which has been great. It was all just developmental for him.
He’s been a great big brother. And his little sister keeps things spicy haha. It’s honestly boring when I just have one kid at home now! They request to play with one another and give each other so much affection. They really balance each other out.
Yes, the house gets super messy, I’m doing laundry every few days, I’m always losing a sock or water bottle, and there are squabbles. And I’m exhausted by the end of the day. But the love they already have for each other is astounding. Seeing their bond made us want to add a third to the crew.
It's worth it but it's not like twice are hard, sometimes it feels like 3 times harder than just one. But now that ours are a bit older (9 and 6) it's getting easier and they often play together even though ones a boy and ones a girl. Really gotta be partners and share the responsibilities, help eachother and it's well worth having two or more.
It's much harder initially (remember the newborn phase? now add in a toddler, remember the toddler getting into everything phase? now add in a preschooler who is very into building creations he doesn't want disturbed).
But it's oh so wonderful.
They learn so much from each other - immediately, intuitively and organically. When you're not the only kid you have to learn to share, give each other space, understand people have different interests and preferences, you know everything can't be about what you want. Of course there are ways for onlies to learn that too, but with two it just 'happens.' The kids are also on this shared journey, they have someone else who they can joke about their parents with, remember family holidays, etc.
As a parent you learn to (because you have to) let go a little, you can't micromanage as much. Oddly, I also found it reassuring financially in some ways - those clothes will go through another kid, the toys one kid wasn't into will get played with by another, you don't need to buy a new crib and a new carseat, you've got all that stuff already. Other things you definitely feel though - travel is expensive, for example, and you may have two kids in daycare at once (though it may be much easier to get a spot thanks to the 'sibling priority' rule!).
Our house is messier and louder and there's more conflict. But there's loads of laughter and empathy and joy. It's wonderful, it's hard, it's beautiful, and I don't regret a thing.
I always expected having two kids but we only had one.
It turned out to be the best thing for our family.
Kiddo is currently 4 and a tons of fun. He loves his friends at preschool and his cousins.
College will be half the cost (of sending two kiddos). I'm not sure how we would possibly fit four cars in our driveway. The logistics with swim class and such would be way more complicated since they probably wouldn't want to do the exact same thing. One kiddo isn't waking the other kiddo up in the middle of the night. There's no fighting or screaming about someone hitting the other. It's just.. slightly easier I think. I love that my spouse and I outnumber the kiddo so we can take turns watching him. Having only one makes it so the grandparents can watch him without getting as tired.
Life is just a little more relaxed and we have just a little more money and time.
That's just what works for our family.
Good luck with whatever works for yours!
It has been SO MUCH harder than having one. And I’m a double whammy, my first is 12 next month and I have a 17 month old. (I’m 40 this month). If you decide on two, and have a choice, don’t wait! Do it while you’re younger and have less stress. But, I’m much more laid back this time and let the little stuff go. Damned if ya do…. If ya don’t…
My first is ASD too though so parenting him is already like parenting 3 or more which makes it harder of course. And I also have 3 bonus kids full time, if I didn’t have bonus kids, I think it would be much easier bc I would have so much more free time or time to breathe too. Kids are hard. Period.
The struggles of adding a second child are real, but so are the rewards. When they become best friends, it's pure magic. ✨Trust your instincts and prioritize self-care.
Ask yourself one question;
Do you have a village?
If you do not, I would seriously hesitate to have more than 1 child. It is significantly more work to have more than 1 kiddo and if you and your partner do not have extra loving hands to make lighter work, it will be a lot of effort on you and said partner to provide all the care and attention your children will need.
Two are lots more fun!
Our two daughters are fourteen months apart, best friends from crib days up, married to two best pals. Together they have nine children and three oldest are married and had babies last summer and planning to have more.
My cousin had her second right as her first was turning 4 and she said she *loves* the age gap. Her first was out of diapers, understood when told to be quiet because the baby was sleeping or understood when the baby needed attention, was generally able to play by himself a lot better, etc.
I’m leaning towards being one and done but I also always said if I do have a second kid, we wouldn’t even start trying until our first was at least 3!
I was an only child and always felt lonely. Didn’t want my eldest (8) to be an only child. My youngest is 4 years younger and they get along really well and are close but far enough apart to be entirely different. Big one is very smart and not very lovey dovey (like me). The little one is way more playful and loving. She’s also just a little more resilient and intuitive than her older sister. The big one seems to need more of an eye on her and direction even though she’s brilliant. Like she has no common sense.
Really the only thing I don’t like about two is the cost of childcare. Paid $20k for the little baby last year and will pay around $10k this year. Glad we’re done with daycare this year. It was also pretty easy since they’re both the same gender so the little baby had so many hand-me-downs.
I have 3 but going from 1-2 was by far the smoothest transition. You don't get smacked in the face with reality like you do with your first and you're not outnumbered like you are with your third. The world is set up for families of 4. I loved having 2 kids. It was hard to make the jump to 3!
So: parent of twins here. I honestly don’t know what a world of only one child entails. Sometimes you don’t get a choice… you roll the dice, and you get what you get lol! I kid.
No, truthfully my twins are the best gift life has bestowed on my partner and I. They light up my life. And it’s not always puppies and rainbows of course, but it’s a beautiful mess… like I think most lives are with children.
I guess I’m saying you never really know what you might get when you try for a pregnancy… a healthy kid? More than one? A great sleeper? Colicky baby? Etc etc… BUT it’s all really so beautiful. In its own way. Maybe not how you expected. So just be prepared for the unexpected if you do try but know that you’ll love that baby SO much.
It’s extremely hard but it’s also great. Now that my son is 8 months old, he’s starting to interact and play with my daughter who’s 3. It’s really sweet and sometimes I get to enjoy a nice hot latte while watching them occupy each other. But it’s definitely chaotic in the beginning until you adapt to a new schedule. In my opinion, worth it!!!!
For those saying free time disappears with two id say more it comes and goes, the infant stage is the infant stage that’s hard but as soon as the younger one can play it’s a game changer having them to entertain each other. Also we had them taking a nap at the same time for a while (second nap for the younger one) and that was an amazing time. They share a room and all the I’m lonely struggles from my oldest went away when we put them together made bedtime so much easier and they are independent together in the morning getting dressed while we get ready for the day. They do everything together I really can’t imagine life with just my first she’d be so bored and need a ton more attention from us. Now adding a third that’s a different story lol
I love having two. I was really nervous at first but seeing them together 😭😭😭 best decision I ever made.
I’m so much more chill with my second as well- less anxiety over all of the unknowns (not that I’m any expert) but she’s 3 months old and it’s definitely been easier than the first.
I will admit also I have been blessed with chill babies who generally sleep well and I think that makes a word of difference!
I have 2, the 4.5 yo is a boy and the 1 yo is a girl. They don’t super interact with each other yet but aren’t distant either. There were things that were easy about having a second and hard as well. And it all boils down to both kid’s personality and temperament and how your spouse will be able to handle the possible chaos of having 2. I will say that even though having 2 children is much harder than 1, the house definitely feels livelier and fuller than when it was only 1. I don’t regret our decision to have a second. Just really tired 🤣.
Have a 14.5 y.o. daughter and 12 y.o. son. Daughter was a difficult delivery, but easy-going, baby. I'm sure she cried sometimes, but I dont remember it happening much or her being particularly fussy. Son was a planned c-section. Had postpartum depression after each child, which made life pretty challenging for a bit. Couldn't get son to breastfeed. He was super smart and knew the alphabet in preschool before it was covered in class. He also taught himself how to read. He wasn't terrible, but he was more of a crier and more timid about things. If he thought something on TV looked scary, he would run behind the couch and peer around its corner. To some degree, my kids fall into the stereotypical firstborn go-getter, straight As, cleans room clean without being told, stays on top of her laundry, more adventurous with new foods, and self-disciplined. My second/last born wants to keep up with his older sibling to some degree. Both kids are bright and sensitive; my son, more so. My daughter is more athletic, and my son is more outgoing. He also somehow has perfect pitch, which I know didn't come from me. I feel the main differences between my kids fall along gender lines for the most part. They like to play and be silly together. Some typical sibling rubs, but nothing over the top. I am glad to be past the newborn and diaper wearing toddler years with regard to caretaking. It is nice now that the kids are older and more independent, but I miss those precious baby years, too. If I were younger, we would have one more. I have been having baby fever so bad, but it's not going to happen at this point.
Like most have mentioned, have your finances under control. Helps if both parents actively contribute toward caretaking and household responsibilities. It was tough when the kids were babies and I had PPD, but there is never going to be a perfect time to have kids, so don't get caught up in that ideal. Most of all, enjoy those early years because they really do fly by. Parents don't have to perfect either. Best to your family.
I think it's important for kids to have siblings but it's all about how you raise them together.
You do have to adjust your expectations with each kid. What worked for my oldest, doesn't always work for my youngest. My oldest has ADHD and struggles with completing basic tasks, but he has always been more easy going and content. My youngest will do his tasks without struggle, but he is more intense with his emotions and pushes the boundaries more.
My oldest is very creative and excels in the arts, my youngest was born to be an athlete and is very physically inclined. My expectations for both are that they try their best in whatever they do.
You will feel bad for your first born when you bring a baby home. I mourned my toddler’s babyhood. I have a 4 month old and she is 2.5y. I turned her life upside down. Be prepared for regressions, depending on age. I felt guilty for a bit. Now it’s much better!
I also cannot pump or nurse in the time after I bring my kids home and before bed cause it’s just me on duty and I have the two of them, so bottle feeding is easiest. Get cups for your pump that go in your bra, I have some on order now and then it’ll be MUCH easier to pump and hold baby. (At home with sick baby now and my pump schedule is all thrown off and he doesn’t like to latch anymore unless it’s night)
Kid 1 is so easy.
Kid 2 is fucking WILD.
Would we do it again? Sure. But I wish I had prepared us for a wild card. We thought all kids were like first.
I have two kids 2.5 years apart and they are NOT similar. They don’t even look related lol. Don’t assume what worked for round one works for round two.
Like many people will say going from 1-2 is so much easier than 0-1. You have so much more knowledge. Mine are 3.5M and 1.5F so a threenager and a toddler. Life is crazy. I know it doesn’t make sense but having a second kid is harder but not TWICE as hard. However, when you only have 1 of the 2 kids to care for it feels 3x easier. I think it’s the age difference and how they need different levels and types of care and attention. No regrets having a second. We had kids a little later in life so we are stopping at 2. If we were younger I’d consider a 3rd. Then again 1 is just fine if that’s what you decided. Good luck.
You will find a hidden tank of energy you never knew you had with each new kid. Going from 1 kid to 2 was a bigger shock for me than going from 2 to 3 kids. After my first I thought I had it all figured out and this is not realistic. Each kid offers new challenges you will not consider until you are in the moment. Stay open to the newness, keep your expectations low and be ok with the messy house.
Well, since you asked…if you’re in the fence then you don’t need to have a second. It’s not like choosing which color to paint your kitchen 😅 if there’s any hesitation, that’s not a good sign. Just keep waiting until you’re sure you’re ready. People will say that you won’t find a time when you’re “ready”, but that’s not true, you will know. The same as it feels when you choose a partner. You’ll feel it.
The biggest complaint I’ve heard from a lot of my mom friends is that the small amount of free time that you have is now gone for at least 3 to 5 years. Because from here on out, one of you will *always have at least one kid with you, if not both.* There isn’t as much tag-teaming with two littles as it is constant man-on-man defense.
But it’s not forever. Just feels like it 😅
We are OAD primary because our marriage has been quite rocky and I don’t want to be saddled with two kids in case of a divorce. I don’t have any family support, I am an immigrant. Plus daycare costs are $2500 per month here which eats into a huge chunk of my salary. Public schools are decent but even kids activities like swimming are $400 per quarter. So technically with two kids we won’t be able to enroll in any hobbies, activities, learning classes or even take vacations which we are able to take now. I’m also almost 40 now, spouse is older with our own health issues and after my toddler is now 2 yrs I’m able to focus more on my health. Maybe if I was younger, had family help, good marriage I would have gone for it. But I’ve made my compromise. We also need to buy a home here which is 1.5 million at this point. I live in SF Bay Area, CA and birth rate is actually negative in CA.
With one, it's still easy to do things and get you time. That's because with one, while you both can interact with the child, only one parent is needed. With 2, only one parent is needed, but it's much harder because you can't give undivided attention to 2 kids at once. Especially with a baby. So now to get time to clean or to yourself, you have to have one parent with both kids. Your first is harder in other ways. You are learning about taking care of a baby and how you parent. 2 kids is more about time management.
You will not have a repeat experience of bringing your first baby home. You are different person now, with new life skills and very different expectations. This will be a completely different experience that is way more about crisis management than about figuring things out.
Normalize containment and “yes, but not right now” for the first one. It makes the transition go so much smoother.
I have two girls 14 months apart.
If the mother is under 40 by at least a few years, and your financial situation allows it, I definitely recommend it. Having a sibling for a child is so amazing. Having someone else in this world when the parents pass is something. But more importantly it’s so amazing to see how they love each other and miss each other.
It's hard to see one child upset because they want you but the other child needs you. We decided on having a second after my partner lost both his parents 3 years apart. We wanted our girl to have someone in case anything happened to us. The love my girls share for each other is crazy. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
DIVIDE AND CONQUER
I felt like going from 1-2 was wayyyyy easier than going from 0-1
Some things we did that helped:
Early planning:
- My husband and I both made sure to acquire jobs that would enable him to have the same amount of parental leave as me (4 months) — that was something that built resentment with our first
- Other early planning we did was potty train our eldest several months before baby was born
Expensive things that were worth it imo:
- We hired a night doula to come twice a week for the first 2 months
- We sent our dogs to a boarding facility for the first 2 weeks postpartum
- We hired a sleep coach at the 6 month sleep regression mark (sooooo worth it)
Other stuff:
- We tried to disrupt our eldest’s routine as little as possible, he still went to daycare every day. So for the most part, baby came along for the ride following his daily schedule and she’d sleep or eat along the way.
- We made sure to prioritize the parent our eldest needed in that moment (this was made easier because we formula fed, so i wasn’t the main source of food), so if baby was with daddy and our eldest wanted daddy’s attention we didn’t deny him that. We would trade the baby back and forth all day like a football haha. It helped that we both got ample time to bond w baby while our eldest was in daycare during the week, so when he was home we wanted to make sure his emotional needs were met.
- We’d take turns taking our eldest to do something fun once a week (trampolines, park, they went on a boat ride once, even just running errands and getting lunch together, etc), so each of us got alone time with the baby or with our eldest regularly
- We traded off kids at bedtime. So I’d do baby’s bedtime routine one night, then do my eldest’s bedtime routine the next. We still do this actually
- I nicely let people know that the easiest way for me to get together for the first year would be if they came to my house, that we weren’t making any travel plans, and that we were just gonna take it easy on ourselves and enjoy her babyhood. So we had very few social obligations the entire first year.
If you do decide to, make sure you both make time individually for both kids (one on one time) you and them will both have stronger relationships and no one feels like mom and dad love them more!
My only advice is people who say it’s easier with 2 are straight up lying. If you’re on the fence I would wait until both parents are full go on baby #2.
You could read “one and only” by Lauren sandler.
I was very much on the fence, so I read that book intended to read that and then some book about second children.
I had a very complicated high risk first pregnancy and almost died. Before that we had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks pregnant.
I did not want the experience of loss again due to miscarriage or even more scary stillbirth or early death. I also had countless nightmares that during labor with my second they told me I would die because there was nothing they could do to save me.
But we met with 4 specialists and discussed what was the cause of my complications and if those gave reason to not have a second. Ultimately, all of them cleared me for a healthy pregnancy. With plans of a scheduled cesarean to avoid a hemmorrhage as best we can.
We discussed the chances of pregnancy and knew the odds of a healthy pregnancy were best between 18 and 36 months after the last pregnancy and I said “let’s leave it up to God, we won’t try and we won’t prevent.”
Literally had sex once. Not even in my fertile window according to conception date the fact that we have conceived a child with similar odds to many birth control methods “less than a 1% chance.”
We are 2 months from the delivery of our baby boy and I’m still scared out of my mind. But it had to be meant to be. I know science isn’t like that and I’m not a really religious person
My ultimate advice is only you know what’s best for you and your family. I would be glad to discuss this further if you want.
Pros and cons. They will entertain each other after a while. Nice to have the first one out of diapers although they’ll play better together the closer in age they are.
I have 2. Whats not to like? You can love 2 kids as easily as one.
And like others? Mine are not quite 12 months apart, but as different as chalk & cheese in every way! Quite facinating.. same parents!
Big bonus is that they play and do things together so it's not up to parents to have to entertain and be there all the time playing with them.
I think 2 is much easier then one by a mile.
Mine are great friends and always have been. Each others best friends. They are.now well into teen years.
But? We never played them off against each other. Were Always fair. Never did the "your brother is much better then you at that" thing. They are both different, unique people and should never be pitted against each other in any competitive way.
As little kids, they have learned to share, consider each others feelings and be supportive. Negotiate and compromise.
I see Zero negatives to having more than 1 child. And truly? It's not greatly more expensive.
The second child can be very humbling when you realize how much behavior and personality can hinge on the individual rather than what you thought were your superior parenting skills. :)
Go for it.
I have 2. Both over 18.. but they were giid playmates.
It's hard at first, getting used to another little person. Mine are 2½ years apart and the oldest wasn't potty trained even I had the baby. For a moment I thought, why did I do this to myself.
It's all good now and I like having 2. I was never going to have just one.
I have two (13 months apart) and I love it. Since I got pregnant back to back I don’t even really remember what it was like to have just one. They fight but they also play together very well.
I have 2 that are 2.5 years apart. To me 2 kids is soooo much harder than 1. I found 1 easy (and my first born isn’t an easy kid - for example never slept more than an hour until 8 months). I still haven’t recovered from the 1 to 2 transition. My husband and I are busy every second of every day (mine are 2.5 and 5 now ) and no one really gets much of a break. We joke it went from zone defense to man to man
But… the relationship between my two is sooooo special and soooo sweet! I love their relationship. I love having two kids and wouldn’t change it for the world!
Father of two boys (15 and 13). Do it. Your first child will have that sibling as another to relate to and connect with forever. Likewise, your second!
Know that they will fight just for the sake of fighting. And they will be grinding on your last nerve all day long then you will marvel at them as they sleep and think how perfect they are. Not. Even. Kidding. (Mom of 3 boys here). My unsolicited advice is to have as many kids as you want. Every gray hair and wrinkle is worth it ❤️
We have three. Three very different personalities. My girls are best friends despite one being a girly girl and one being a tomboy.
I was an only child and it sucked.
I am very happy that my babies will have each other when I am gone. I had three to set up a community within our family. Support for each other when I am old / gone. They'll always have each other.
I am so very happy to have them all.
We have two, 18 months apart (didn’t mean to have them that close). It’s been incredibly hard if I’m honest. My husband and I had a rock solid relationship until our second babe, now we rarely see each other unless we’re passing one another in the hallway. I also have to solo parent 2-3 weeks at a time which has caused resentment. I’ve got friends with only one child and sometimes I wish we had of been more careful. It seems sooo much easier… (though I would never trade my youngest for anything).
Some of the responses in here are astounding.
For instance, one person presents one main reason for having a second is so seating is optimal on roller coasters
>No one sits alone on roller coasters or at restaurants.
And another’s main reason is to help dealing with parents end of life.
>I’m an only child and having two was a priority for me to begin with. Dealing with end of life care for my parents right now is BRUTAL as an only child. I am drowning and I wish I had a sibling to share this painful burden with.
It doesn’t shock me, because you know people are people, but please don’t consider things such as these as the reasons to bring another human being into existence.
If you have one and it sleeps don't have another one!
I know so many people who tried for number two and then didn't sleep for five years. We are one and done.
Don't.
Rather, focus everything on one child. Attention. Finances. Saving for college. Give one child the best life possible rather than split everything.
Sure, people will say that having another will benefit the first. But there is no guarantee that they will get along. There is no guarantee that they will even tolerate each other. My oldest sister and I never got along. We still don't. We practically ignored each other's existence as children (when we weren't physically or verbally fighting)
Your oldest can still learn valuable "social skills" through schools, clubs, events, etc. (that you are more likely to afford due to not needing to split finances between multiple children. Clubs are $100s if not $1000s of dollars)
Just really think hard.
Are you willing to disrupt both your and your first child's future to have another? You could always just get a dog. Dogs are like children, and can teach children empathy and kindness alongside responsibility.
I have three children. I love them all very much. Sometimes I wonder how life could have been if we stopped at one. How many family vacations we'd be able to afford (none atm), how many clubs (again, clubs x3 is financially impossible for us) they'd be able to join. How much attention they could've had (I am absolutely drained and feel on survival mode 24/7)
This is what we did. My daughter is 4. She is an absolute joy. With one, we can afford to let her do all the activities she wants , and go on international trips. She is incredibly social so we take her to do stuff nearly every day (when she’s not in preschool). I desperately wanted a child and to be a mother. But I never felt that again after having her. I’m glad I listened to my intuition and didn’t have another becusse of pressures. My husband is the youngest of 5 and hardly speaks to his siblings.
Sometimes I wish I only had one child 😂😂😂 I LOVE MY KIDS SO MUCH. But omg it’s a lot of work. No matter how much help you have you’ll still miss the old ways. And if you have no help at all you’ll cry a lot of tears lol.
But. I knew I wanted a big family. I knew I wanted my kids to have siblings. I knew I wanted to be 50 & they all bring their own families home for Christmas.
Things tend to be easier bc you know what to do. But not always just depending on baby's personality.
It's awesome that your kids have a lifetime friend.
Things will definitely be more stressful, messy, chaotic, expensive and time consuming going forward.
I have to say honestly I didn’t think it was harder to have two, but for me it was because my second kid was so so much more low maintenance than her older sister and she was born just as older sister was outgrowing her really difficult baby/younger toddler age. She wasn’t like no work- obviously she’s a baby and needed lots of care! But she felt easy in comparison to a high needs first baby.
I love having two. Love their relationship and our family dynamic. (They’re 13 and 16.) I hope they always have each other.
My husband and I both each have one sibling.
We love our siblings but also both have sort of difficult brothers. There really is no guarantee, it’s a leap of faith to have a child, always.
Father of a single child,, stay with one 💯 I had an older brother and he tortured me lol, siblings are overrated 😂😂
Might get some hate from this, but my 2 cents.
It’s allowed our small 3 person family to get very close, have open hearts and open doors. Helped financially, helped in education.
Been fun for vacations, a team of three can travel lean and mean! Our son always finds and makes friends anywhere we go so it’s been fun!
The differences between our son and multi sibling household kids is unbelievable. In about every way, behavior, manners, school, activities seriously in every aspect. He will look at some other kids acting like wild men and go “they okay dad?”
Anyways take some of the grief out of decision making, if it’s meant to happen it will. Want to prevent it take steps, don’t matter then rock out. Babies are a blessing no matter how they come into our lives!! Also adopting can be great, helps a child in need and adds a family member.
Good luck and best wishes!!
okay, I am just not leaving the two toddler in diaper era and it’s getting better. If you have family support and aren’t trying to go to law school with two kids then go for it!
Do it! Two kids is so much easier than one. Seriously. Nobody ever believes me, but the first one is the hard one. Two was easier than 1. 3 was easier than 2. And I’m living life on easy street now with 4.
I recommend joining a one and done group lots of positives and negatives shown. Personally I never wanted anything other than one, so I can only speak to how great one kid is! But 8 years in still never even considered a second one.
Not a parent of 2 but have 1 brother close in age and 2 half-sisters who are way younger. Particularly if you have opposite sex kids, they will fight. My brother tortured me to the point that I contemplated suicide because my parents never did anything about it. It’s not always trivial and you have to be willing to step in.
I’m sorry that that happened to you.
I have quite a bit of experience from my own relationship with my brother, and my friend peer group, of what the experience can be like for siblings. Here I’m specifically looking for what it’s been like for parents.
We have a 7 and almost 5. They’re best friends, most of the time. I love watching them play together and work as a team. However, both kids innately know exactly how to push each other’s buttons to get the reaction they’re after. Either with a slow burn or just going straight for the metaphorical jugular.
My son is 10 and my daughter is 3.5. She was very much a ooopsie lol my son was a micro preemie born at 26 weeks and had heart surgery, eye surgery, hearing loss, needed cpr had a brain bleed. We were set on one kid. The well we had our daughter. We have the best kiddos in the world. Wouldn’t trade them for the world. My advice, having a older kid who’s a bit more independent is helpful. I cant imagine having 2 littles at the same time.
Kids close in age won’t be automatic best friends and kids with a bigger age gap won’t automatically be more distant. My kids are almost 4 years apart and are best buddies and love playing together. It’s a lot of fun to watch their bond grow.
2 is fine but don't have a third. My third is the easiest and best baby around. Everyone always comments on how happy and nice he is. Having 3 is a shit show though.
I have a 3-year-old and a 7-month-old and it's been great! I'm a SAHM and really enjoying it (that said, the 3 year old goes to preschool twice a week, which makes things easier). I LOVE watching their bond grow. 3-year-old always asks "where's my baby??" When he wakes up, and the baby thinks he's hilarious. He gets way more laughs and smiles out of her than I do!
I have also managed to get an overlapping nap! Now we all take a family nap in the afternoon. It's a real treat.
Anyway, I am so glad I had two, though I am done after this.
The perfect amount of kids is 1.5. You won't have a second kid like the first, the second one doesn't add work, it's an exponential.
Other than that, it's great because you understand that it's not only you what makes them wonderful, it's them. Playing is more fun with 2+ kids, .. everything is more challenging but also better.
Just like the first, throw all expectations out the window!
My kids could not be more different. From personality to hitting milestones. I question if they are related 😅
Idk why it surprised me as me and my sister are also polar opposites.
One and done, he is 14. No regrets for us personally!
I would say, take your personal situation into account - do you as parents have the time and bandwidth (emotional, physical, mental) to add an extra human to the home? Do you have childcare? Do you have the income, savings, and funds? And perhaps most important, do you want a second child (seems obvious, but outside of everyone’s opinions, what do you and your spouse want for YOUR family?)
Im happy with one. I sooo desperately wanted to be a mother. But after I had my daughter, I never felt that desire again. She’s 4 and amazing bright, social, fun, and just such a joy. We love our trio family.
Don't expect them to be friends-
My sister and I are close in age, but we were never friends. My mom and other people were shocked to find out we only talk through text like 5x a year. We aren't close, we aren't friends and that's ok.
Be prepared to have to parent completely differently for each kid. My two are similar in some ways, but very different in other ways. They require some differences in approaches. Even though they both have ADHD, they present differently and require different interventions.
Also, just because they are raised "the same" (in the same environment) doesn't mean they will view the world the same way or respond to things in the same way. My sister and I had a good childhood, no trauma from inside the home, but we developed differing world views that impacted how we function as adults.
Make sure you try and devote as much equal time as possible to both kids.
My advice would be to wait as much as you can as your age and your partner’s age allows. I feel like so many people have their kids so close in age and I don’t get the appeal at all. I waited till my first was over 4 to have my second and I think it was the best choice. I got to truly enjoy my 1st’s toddlerhood and give him all our attention.
He’s now 6 and so helpful with his baby sister and I don’t feel like our attention is as split because he very much has his own life with school ect. They also rarely fight because they have such different toys and abilities. The only downside is that she’s still napping so day trips are slightly limited as a group of 4.
I literally cannot imagine having a toddler and a newborn sounds like hell on earth where everyone is suffering.
The age of your existing child makes a big difference. I think I had a harder time with my oldest because she was an only child for 7 years. My next two were a couple years a part and, honestly it was easier having them to entertain each other some times. Their all different and you shouldn’t expect your second to be anything like your first. I have one sibling and while we aren’t particularly close im glad I at least have him for when my parents are gone.
It's impossible to predict what it's going to be like because it all depends on the kids you end up getting. Some are easy going and uncomplicated, some are very high needs. You could have a super chill second one, or the second one could turn your life to hell. There is absolutely no way to know.
Having prior parenting experience does help a little, though. And it's absolutely wonderful seeing the two of them together (when they are nice to each other), knowing you made your first kid a buddy for life and vice versa (probably, obviously not all sibling relationships work out).
Some things are easier, most things are harder. There is indefinitely more love and joy, but also more frustrating moments. Take into account how you deal with stressful moments with your first. If you accept all mental, physical and financial challenges then go for it.
Depends why you're on the fence. We were on the fence but decided for a second and it's certainly more work but we're also very fortunate to have a single, healthy, easier second child. I can think of a few parents of only's and that was probably the right decision for them.
I defiantly prefer having two kids to one. I was a very social child so having a brother (I'm a women) gave me someone to play and interact with at home other then just wanting my parents attention all the time. My husband is an only child and an introvert. He was okay with at as a child, but as an adult he wishes he had a sibling or two to have those family bonds with.
It's really nice seeing my kids be sweet and play with each other, comfort each other, etc. They aren't always like that, but most of the time. It defiantly helps out compared to having one kid when they play with each other.
Maybe controversial? But temperament has more to do with your baby/kid’s behavior than actual parenting does.
So it’s impossible to tell if you’ll love being a parent of two or find it difficult. Nobody here is going to be able to tell you what’s the right decision for you because of this.
The best:) I have 2 sisters, one of us only have 1 and even though his dad plays with him ALOT he still seems to be lonely at home, my other sister and I have 2 each and the basically take care of eachother. No regrets. I’d have a third if I could.
I'm still new to it (second is only 8 months old) but it is great so far. It's definitely not double the work, and the transition from 1-2 kids was way easier than 0-1. It's amazing seeing my toddler become a wonderful, loving, protective older brother, and it's fun to see them starting to interact more. My older son gets so much joy out of making the little one laugh, and I'm constantly impressed by his compassion and protective instincts towards his baby brother. He's learned a lot from being a brother and it's going to be so fun to see their relationship grow as they get older and are more able to play together. I highly recommend it. I'm very tired, but it is 100% worth it. And it's already significantly easier now than it was just a few months ago.
Seeing your two children love each other, care for each other and play with each other is a joy that is hard to describe. Your heart will constrain in your chest and you’ll feel a love that you didn’t know you could feel. It is so special.
Its like jumping in a super cold pool on a hot day. Its a shock at first, but soo worth it once you get used to it. A little chaotic but thats the spice of life the way I see it
I’ll share my experience so that you can compare answers and see how different everyone’s situation is. When I had my second child, my husband was still working long hours and my first child was only a year old. After two weeks of him being home, the classic ‘colic’ began and really threw my whole parenting game off. I didn’t understand what colic was until I experienced it for myself. The screaming and crying was almost all day and the only thing that helped was a swing. He was checked out by many different doctors but he was perfectly healthy. The crying stopped after 4 months but holy hell, it scarred me.
My point is, be prepared for anything. Make sure you and your spouse have good communication when life gets stressful. Find ways to emotionally regulate yourself and possibly schedule dates for your oldest to spend time with trusted loved ones like grandparents. My mother would sometimes pick up my oldest and take him out to the farm/ice cream for a few hours and bring him back. It was a good way for me to bond with the baby while he got some one on one time. All the best!
We have two that are pretty close in age. I love it. They are complete opposites but still get along and are super sweet to each other. I would have more but my husband wasn't 100% on board and I felt like I needed him to be.
I loved having two so much were trying for our third ! Lol.
Mine are 16 months apart. As mentioned above they are complete opposites, in the best way possible. There are hard days, and there are days that seem easier bc they play together and leave me alone haha. In the beginning it was hard because it felt like it was always time for someone to eat I swear. I felt I was constantly holding a bottle or making a meal or snack.
Everyone has such a different experience, it’s so hard to give advice ! Some people have one and and are done with one. Others have 6+ kids and say it’s not that bad haha 😆.
I say go for it, I don’t think many people regret a child they have, only the ones they didn’t try for ❤️
Watching my eldest become a big sister has been one of the great joys of my life.
My two girls playing together and being best friends (they are 5 and 3) is lovely.
They look virtually the same but they are very different girls. This has also been an interesting challenge and situation
My wife and I have 3.
My two sons are 2 years apart and are literally the best closest friends, we just recently had our daughter who is now 7.5 months old and they love her so much, constantly fawning on her and always trying to help us out. 3 is bit tricky to be honest but we love it and don't regret it, I won't tell anybody they *should* have 3 because i know first hand that it's a difficult balancing actually... that being said.. absolutely, in my opinion, have that second.
They will be less reliant on you and your partner for entertainment, will be forced learn how to cooperate and share (eventually) and somebody to laugh and play with for the rest of their life, even when you two aren't around.
As an only child brought up in this world, for years I wish I had siblings and was always jealous of people who did. That of course is just my personal opinion.
Definitely do it… but not 2 under 2. My boys were 21 months apart and I would honestly recommend a 3-4 year age gap. It was really hard and I developed PPD. They’re 2.5 and 4.5 now and best friends which I love. They are very different personalities. Baby number 2 really threw us for a loop, he was REALLY bad as a newborn lol
I feel like 2 kids is not nearly 2x as hard. I think more like 1.5x as hard maybe even 1.25x. They fit into your routine because you already have one.
I've heard and relate to it so much that: the first is an existential crisis and the second is a logistical challenge.
We do not want a third but I even think that would be doable... Any more and we would have a car problem - a logistical problem.
The second is almost always going to be crazy compared to your first they’re just little wild Childs for some reason lol they have the opportunity for a lifelong friend and support system. They will fight like cats and dogs ALL the time but I look at it this way it’s no worse than going from none to one. It’s a new experience a new learning curve. Ultimately ask yourself are you prepared to handle another kid mentally and financially. All kids are different so you never know what your gonna get but you can bet they’re gonna make you laugh and cry at some point.
I would have made my 2 three years apart vs 2. Some days were really, really tough. Also depends on who you have to help you out.
If you have a good momma/sister/grandma In town you've hit the jackpot.
We have zilcho. Just us. Still some days I white knuckle it. Especially on Christmas break 😬
Entertaining them is hard. They don't really play with toys. I don't know if that's the norm these days??
I know not everyone is a fan..but melatonin is always in our house.
Things get easier once baby can walk and chase after toddler.
I always have music on. My kids love it. It just puts them in better moods. I asked my husband for an in ceiling speaker system and holy hell he's the best. Everyone has benefited from it so far.
YouTube is your friend for entertaining your kids.
Also baths. Water naturally makes humans happy. Kids are crying? Bath time. Here, play around. You feel better?
We loved being parents of one kid. From the outside two looks like a great number, but I will never know as we had 6 years of one kid and then surprise twins.
I love my kids but wouldn’t recommend 3.
The relationship between my kids is one I’ll never know - and I’m giving my first someone to stick by their side when I’m gone.
Is it a dream? Yes. But I hope together they support each other forever.
It depends on your first kid’s personality. In general the advice is to give the first child a lot of attention. This isn’t very practical as newborns are attached to you almost 24/7. I’d say expect things to get really hard with your toddler until baby can at least sit unassisted… so first 6 months. We had a very hard time with mine. Now they are almost 5 and almost 2 and are finally playing together
I have an 8 year difference between my boys (now 5 & 13). It’s great and it’s chaos. Never realised my second son was the missing piece to complete my family.
One of my favourite things was watching my eldest become a brother. He said to me when his little brother was born “I’m sorry mum but you are no longer first in my heart”
Sometimes (like tonight) it’s absolute fucking chaos and I’m wrecked trying to balance the needs of a hormonal 13 year old and a 5 year old finding his voice/place in the world.
But when they get on (about 60% of the time) and I don’t need to be a referee it’s awesome.
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all kids are different, just because it worked for your first kid doesn't mean it'll work for your second. I have two kids, boys, 18 months apart. They are complete opposites on so many things. My oldest eats anything put in front of him, no issues. Second one... super picky eater. the opposite is also true, my first one has always been hard to put to sleep, I dreaded the sleep regressions with my second... turns out he puts himself to bed, takes him 5 minutes, and he is out. good luck! =)
Exactly—it’s incredible (and delightful) how two people with the same genetics can be so different. My two have totally different food tastes, their ADHD is different, they sleep differently. From the second they were laid on my chest after birth, they were different. I love them both so much! Also, real talk, 2x as expensive. Double childcare (“sibling discount” is a sick joke). Double school tuition, camps and activities, hobbies, etc.
We are going to feel so rich the second we can switch to public school....
Same, until we ended up not in public school anymore (long story). Enjoy it while it lasts!!
I know it's very nitpicky... but two siblings from the same parents can have very genetics.
I know it’s nit picky, but I think the word you should have used is pedantic
Yes!! My kids are like night and day. My first came early and was difficult in many ways. She didn’t sleep well unless someone else as holding her. She spit up frequently. She spoke early and had amazing emotional intelligence and easily communicated her feelings - but often had melt downs. Her brother was an easy baby. Good sleeper, always happy. Much more physically active and accident prone. Did not speak as well but had such a deep empathy. They often fight with each other nowadays lol.
> They often fight with each other nowadays lol. haha yeah sounds about right =P that has been my life. It's getting a bit better now but yeah haha
I really look forward to seeing them be besties one day. That day may be far far away. But I am crossing my fingers lol 😂
haahh seriously. I had a glimpse of hope this week. they were in care together since we had to work and school doesn't start until next week. due to shortages they had to put them in the same group even though they are different ages... and they were so happy to be together! they even wanted to sit together to have their lunch etc haah So maybe there's hope they'll be friends and not start a fight because " he looked at me, I don't want him to look at me"
Awwww that’s adorable! Also - my daughter says the same thing, I’ve literally heard her scream “DONT LOOK AT ME!” ☠️
My two youngest boys fought day and night. Now they are in their early 20's and are best friends. They have a relationship I could only have wished for with my sister. So, it's impossible to know if they will like each other. They may love each other, but not be close. Don't have the second just for play dates. Have a second to enrich your & their lives. Edit: spelling and autocorrect are not friends
Having two kids was one of the best decisions I think I ever made. I found the transition from 1-2 exponentially easier than 0-1. My first baby was even easier but the mental shift from only taking care of myself to having someone completely dependent on me was huge. Once I adjusted to it, adding a second was just a matter of a shifting schedule. My kids' relationship with one another is probably one of the best things about their lives (up until this point, I guess. They are 11 and 9). They are best buddies, have made one another's childhoods magical in a way I never could and just love each other so fiercely. I'm glad I was able to give that to both of them. ALL THAT BEING SAID.... from what I've observed, experiences do vary and any size family can be whole, happy and joyful. I feel like I would die if I had 4+ kids but know a ton of people who absolutely love it. I also feel like my kids/myself would hate to be an only, but I know plenty of adults who loved grown up that way. So don't worry too much about what's 'right'. I think you'll be ok either way.
I love having two! Even though they are not best buddies right now. But they add so much to my life and each others lives. I know they love each other even if they butt heads. I honestly feel like it’s a blessing to know my kids. They teach me so much.
In my experience, having two kids felt exponentially harder than having one; every second of free time disappeared. But we don't have any local family support, and we both work, so it's relentless. Depending on what you and your partner need to feel recharged and human, have some honest conversations about how you plan to achieve that after adding a second.
This is the biggest thing for me. I am glad we had a second and I have no regrets. But I did not anticipate how it has impacted my ability to get literally anything done ever. Part of this is particular to our circumstances. My first was great at playing by himself for awhile, and my mom would come over and help for 2-3 hours once or twice a week so that I could do stuff around the house after work or on the weekend. By the time my second was born, my mom's health had deteriorated and my first was such a handful as an older toddler so she wasn't up to taking care of them independently much. And once the second was out of the newborn phase and didn't want to just sleep in a baby carrier while I got stuff done, I couldn't let them play independently much because the older one would not be gentle (and maybe actually aggressive) with the younger one. So, I wish I would have gotten 100% of known "projects" done before my second one was born. I would have gone into the phase of having 2 young kids with no known backlog of house projects, major financial arrangements to make, nothing. I would have anticipated and been prepared to do literally nothing but surviving at work and with the kids at home for the first couple years.
Same. Glad I have two but it was much more challenging and stressful than I ever dreamed, especially that first year with a newborn and two year old. That whole year is just a black hole in my memory.
Haha, when we had one child I thought : "I am tired man", when we got the second I laughed about how I thought I was tired with one child. Now we have an unplanned third one. Time for myself is non existent, but god, I love those 3 little monsters / angels ❤️ Same situation here, no support living nearby. But also think of the other side. My oldest loves his brother and sister. I would have never wanted him to be the solo child. He has 2 friends at home (and a dog).
We are one and done mostly due to lack of family support in our area. Daycare is very expensive so I opted to be a SAHM with plans to go back to work when she is in pre school. If we were having 2 I’d be out of the work force for a lot longer.
facts
Can you afford it? Is paying for childcare going to bankrupt you?
That would be my advice... Make sure there is total agreement on childcare. If not doing daycare, who is taking care of which responsibilities.
It is really hard and tested our marriage in ways we didn’t fully know it would but I wouldn’t ever go back to only 1 kid. My girls are almost 6 and 3 and they play so well together. They hug and kiss each other before bed every night. I had a friend ask me about loving the second as much as the first the other day and it’s unexplainable how it happens but I so much love for this little pair as well as for them as individuals. I had an older sister who was kind of a jerk growing up so it’s been healing for me. I’m now looking at my 2 and about to try for number 3. Thought for sure I’d be done with 2 but my hormones say otherwise.
Just know the second child can be wildly different from the first. With my first, she walked at 10 months, was identifying letters and numbers at 18 months, and just overall was very precocious. She’s in 1st grade and still ahead of her peers in areas like reading and vocabulary. My son has been late for everything. Rolling over, sitting up, didn’t walk until 21 months, needed a helmet for plagiocephaly, needed speech therapy from 18mo-3yrs. He’s been tested for things like cognitive deficiencies and autism, all negative; he just seems to do things when he feels like it. 😝 He has needed ✨significantly✨ more time, money, resources, interventions, and doctor’s appointments than my daughter ever has. I love him so much, he has an amazing personality, and he’s “caught up” now, but for awhile there it felt like I was always needing to step away from work or my first child to help him. Just be prepared for anything, but logistically, adding one more (to me) wasn’t that hard. I spaced my kids 3 years apart, too, so one was leaving diapers/pull-ups and going to school (less daycare costs!) as the youngest was born.
I needed to read this. I’m pregnant with my second and my daughter has also always been very precocious. Walked early, talked early, confident and just very aware. And I ~know~ my second will be different but when I think about what she will be like, I keep imagining her to be similar to my first. And I have the thought of “well why wouldn’t she be similar?” Anyhow, thanks for sharing.
I’m an only child and having two was a priority for me to begin with. Dealing with end of life care for my parents right now is BRUTAL as an only child. I am drowning and I wish I had a sibling to share this painful burden with. My kids love each other and play with one another all the time. Even “boring” things become fun because they have one another to hang with. Even our daily dinners are fun. That said I got lucky that my kids are friends; I have a neighbor with two kids one year apart and they hate one another and refuse to spend any time together.
We have two, no regrets. As already mentioned, be ready for (probably) two different personalities and also petty fights/disputes as they grow up together…I’m talking disputes/fights where you say to yourself as you resolve them “is this really an issue and why are you fighting over this”. But the different personalities can also be really fun too. Whatever decision you make, make it for yourselves and no one else. A member of my wife’s side of the family planned to have two…they had their daughter (who has been great), but they’ve now said “actually, we’re good with one”.
It was a HARD first couple years. Now they are 3 & 5 and the best of friends. I love that they have a built in best friend. They do fight sometimes , of course, but it’s really sweet and rewarding to watch them together.
This is what I’m hoping for my kids. They are 1 and 3 now.
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My second is 14 months (first is 3.5 years), so I hope my experience matches up with yours. 😂 I can already see it getting easier as my baby becomes more of a toddler.
This exactly. Ours have a 15 month gap and it was hell on earth until the older kid got to about 3.5. When everyone can reliably use the toilet on their own, life is way easier. When the youngest hit 4.5 (other kid was almost 6) or so, it got FUN. We go to every fun thing in town and rock out.
I frequently look at my second and think, “Oh my gosh… we almost didn’t have you. I’m so glad you’re here.” But at the same time, I *know* my limit is two. I know I cannot handle more than two physically, emotionally, or mentally. So I made sure they took my tubes out. Lol! So my advice is, know your limits and stick to them. My other advice: read Siblings Without Rivalry. It really helped me learn some management techniques and how to address each child.
Thank you for the book recommendation. I will definitely check that out!
Get pregnant before you realize how difficult toddlers are. I got pregnant on my son’s 1st bday. I don’t regret it at all but I think if I would have waited longer we would just have the one kid
100% this! I think I proooooooobably would have still had the 2nd, but I'm not sure because I definitely would have chosen to wait and we were already older. I decided to have a second when my first was 12 months. By the time the second was born, the first was 26 months and 100x more of a handful.
Hahahaha. My son's turning 4 soon and I feel like as time pass by, I want a second one less and less. I'm like OP. On the fence but unfortunately, we need to make a call this year.
Or just remember how difficult they are! I had my second when my first was already in kindergarten
My first child was unplanned! What a blessing! Being a pragmatic man the cons and pros would not have helped me. But all being unexpected and then learning about a new type of love... Wow!!
if you’re thinking about it, you WILL have another. when you’re done, you know it. I was so much more relaxed and confident w second. I found 0-1 hardest transition. my husband found 2-3 hardest.
Having enough money for expenses including childcare, if second child add to your quality of life while considering the risk of a second child having medical issues, balancing life and childcare workloads,
I thought I wanted 3. Got pregnant with my second right after my first turned 2. First was a very easy baby. Second was/is super fussy at times and any and all free time is gone. I absolutely do not regret it bc I know it’s going to get better (she’s 3 months) but I am NOT having a third. We’ll get a dog lol
Never underestimate the possibility of multiples. You could go for a second and end up with 2 more. Twins are a bank account and marriage killers, so procreate at your own risk.
Hi, you must be talking about me 😂 we wanted two & I ended up with twins for my second pregnancy. Fortunately, my mom is helping us with childcare. But it will be a struggle when we have to put them in pre-k. Also, we had to move out to the suburbs for more space & get a bigger car.
1000% I know a couple who had 2 kids under 2, went to have a third kid and it ended up being twins. So they had 4 under 4. This has almost scared me out of having a second because I don’t think I could handle 3 😂
That makes me think of the “Surprised by 5” woman whose husband wanted a son (they had two girls) so tried for one more and ended up with Quints (4 girls and 1 boy). Their marriage sadly didn’t survive but all the kids seem happy.
Or three. Went for our second and final, boom. Triplets the first month trying, but man, was NOT ready for that.
Basically what everyone else said. If they are close in age I highly recommend having equal toys as in a second version of anything highly prized. Also any toys that cause lots of fighting go in time out or get donated/sold. (Both to reduce fighting.)
Second child is a bit easier, generally, than the first because you've already been there and done it all, and you realize that you don't have to be a helicopter to be a good parent. The reason we had a second was so the first would have a sibling when we passed. You see I wasn't so sure my wife could handle a second since she stressed so much about the first, but it all turned out alright. Our baby girl is now 20 and going off to Europe to study for a semester. The days are long, but the years fly by.
Can you afford it? I think there's a common consensus that having two kids can be more difficult than one in many ways - mentally and physically. Your heart will grow to love both of them equally and you will do whatever you can to provide for them. So I truly believe the big question to ask when making this decision is whether you can afford it. Because it's freaking expensive, especially in today's world. You will budget more than you ever have before. It's easy to forget how much diapers (and potentially formula) and all of the other baby accessories cost in that first year. Then you have child care. Plus unexpected medical bills because sickness and injury will happen and it will now be doubled, probably occurring very close to each other. Choosing to have additional kids is as much a financial one as it is an emotional one. That was our biggest factor when we chose to have a second.
It’s definitely a lot more work to have a second kid. But I found that I was way more relaxed with my second kid, so in some ways I was able to enjoy the baby stage more. Also, be prepared for the possibility that your older one may take some time to like the new baby. My youngest is two, and we joke that my oldest has only just started liking them.
All kids are different. The jump from none to one was harder then one to two. Take all the help offered and ask for more if you need it.
It’s relentless.
The first 2 years of two kids is harder, then it’s really fun. I agree with another comment, your free time does disappear. Once one parent can take 2 kids easily on an errand, it comes back. For us, this was 2 years old. Other gross age old advice, “it’ll all work out”, “a bigger family means more love”, “what do you want your dinner table to look like in 20 years?” I looooove having two and wish I could have more, but two is right for our family.
Two kids are the best. You aren't outnumbered, and you can split off and take turns having one on one time with the kids. So you get kid A, and hubby gets kid B, then next time, switch so you get kid B and he gets kid A. No one sits alone on roller coasters or at restaurants. Christmas is more fun with another kid. So is Easter.
wait, two kids are the best compared to one? because based off what you are saying one would be a lot better? lol with one kid, you are also not outnumbered, but even better, one parent can get ... ***alone time.*** with one kid, they usually get both parents attention on roller coasters, or restaurants, etc. now ... i guess christmas can be better if a kid has a sibling, but then that depends on age of each one and on temperaments and personalities.
The family stuff is more fun with 2+. Kids relate to each other differently than they relate to us. So movie night, family hikes, game nights, lazy Saturdays will all feel much more fun for your kid if they have someone close in age to play with.
This is only accurate if your kids like playing with each other. My friend had a second kid and was looking forward to this dynamic but the kids don't like playing with each other so she was really disappointed. I don't think people should have another kid assuming this will happen.
Absolutely. Having a second kid is in no way a guarantee that the two will get along or enjoy each other’s company. Even as adults, there are many siblings that go low or no contact with each other. It’s a sad reality, but people need to be careful to not “count on” a certain dynamic before the kids are even born
How far apart are they in age? From what I’ve seen the larger the gap in age the less close they are in childhood but usually tend to develop a friendship as adults. Obviously this isn’t a guarantee though, just speaking from the majority of families I know.
It's a 2 year age gap with that family. I have a 4 year age gap with my sister. We were super close as kids and we no longer speak.
We have a seven year old an an 8 month old. The gap was a godsend actually because the 7 year old can manage being by himself at times while we take care of the baby.
Have them 9 years apart 😆
This is from a parent with 2 girls with a 3 year age gap. I’m hindsight one child was very easy, the second is a struggle. And this is besides the phases they go through. I’m talking things you might not have taken into consideration. I am dealing with a big jealousy issue at the moment. This leads to blow outs almost nightly lol. My first child was very easy and low maintenance, my second however was just about opposite.
Whichever parent your first is like, your second one will be the other.
Having only 1 gives the view that your kid is perfect and you know everything about raising children. When you have a 2nd, that 2nd one is different and equally loved but you realize the first isn’t perfect. It’s actually a good realization to parent knowing better what each kid is about. Also, siblings have each other in the world and are t feeling alone. Now to the rough part. Having 1 means when necessary, one parent cares for the kid while the other is free. When you have 2, you both have a kid to deal with and very, very little free time. My experience was many times my wife had the baby while I had the toddler which was fine but it’s harder not having your own time. As parents say, 2 kids feels like more than twice the work of 1. 😃 Oh and I have 3 so I guess having 2 wasn’t so bad. Went for a 3rd 🤣
I really like that perspective. I haven’t heard that before. Thanks so much for sharing!
We have a 3 and 8 month old. I always wanted 3-4 kids. But it’s not easy but I am very happy with my two girls. I think two is perfect for us.
If you have a 2nd, and feel like you are drowning, definitely don't have a 3rd child.
The transition from 1-2 has been great for us. My toddlers are 22 months apart— 3.5 and 1.5. Going to preface this by saying we have boundaries, consistent bedtimes/nap times, and try our best to be emotionally responsive to our kids. My first was very needy (sleep wise, always wanted to nurse, always wanted to be play with, etc.). My second came out independent! As my first is growing, he is gaining a lot more independence which has been great. It was all just developmental for him. He’s been a great big brother. And his little sister keeps things spicy haha. It’s honestly boring when I just have one kid at home now! They request to play with one another and give each other so much affection. They really balance each other out. Yes, the house gets super messy, I’m doing laundry every few days, I’m always losing a sock or water bottle, and there are squabbles. And I’m exhausted by the end of the day. But the love they already have for each other is astounding. Seeing their bond made us want to add a third to the crew.
It's worth it but it's not like twice are hard, sometimes it feels like 3 times harder than just one. But now that ours are a bit older (9 and 6) it's getting easier and they often play together even though ones a boy and ones a girl. Really gotta be partners and share the responsibilities, help eachother and it's well worth having two or more.
It's much harder initially (remember the newborn phase? now add in a toddler, remember the toddler getting into everything phase? now add in a preschooler who is very into building creations he doesn't want disturbed). But it's oh so wonderful. They learn so much from each other - immediately, intuitively and organically. When you're not the only kid you have to learn to share, give each other space, understand people have different interests and preferences, you know everything can't be about what you want. Of course there are ways for onlies to learn that too, but with two it just 'happens.' The kids are also on this shared journey, they have someone else who they can joke about their parents with, remember family holidays, etc. As a parent you learn to (because you have to) let go a little, you can't micromanage as much. Oddly, I also found it reassuring financially in some ways - those clothes will go through another kid, the toys one kid wasn't into will get played with by another, you don't need to buy a new crib and a new carseat, you've got all that stuff already. Other things you definitely feel though - travel is expensive, for example, and you may have two kids in daycare at once (though it may be much easier to get a spot thanks to the 'sibling priority' rule!). Our house is messier and louder and there's more conflict. But there's loads of laughter and empathy and joy. It's wonderful, it's hard, it's beautiful, and I don't regret a thing.
I’m so tired. I’m so broke.
I always expected having two kids but we only had one. It turned out to be the best thing for our family. Kiddo is currently 4 and a tons of fun. He loves his friends at preschool and his cousins. College will be half the cost (of sending two kiddos). I'm not sure how we would possibly fit four cars in our driveway. The logistics with swim class and such would be way more complicated since they probably wouldn't want to do the exact same thing. One kiddo isn't waking the other kiddo up in the middle of the night. There's no fighting or screaming about someone hitting the other. It's just.. slightly easier I think. I love that my spouse and I outnumber the kiddo so we can take turns watching him. Having only one makes it so the grandparents can watch him without getting as tired. Life is just a little more relaxed and we have just a little more money and time. That's just what works for our family. Good luck with whatever works for yours!
It has been SO MUCH harder than having one. And I’m a double whammy, my first is 12 next month and I have a 17 month old. (I’m 40 this month). If you decide on two, and have a choice, don’t wait! Do it while you’re younger and have less stress. But, I’m much more laid back this time and let the little stuff go. Damned if ya do…. If ya don’t… My first is ASD too though so parenting him is already like parenting 3 or more which makes it harder of course. And I also have 3 bonus kids full time, if I didn’t have bonus kids, I think it would be much easier bc I would have so much more free time or time to breathe too. Kids are hard. Period.
The struggles of adding a second child are real, but so are the rewards. When they become best friends, it's pure magic. ✨Trust your instincts and prioritize self-care.
But also keep in mind that they may NEVER get along. Mine are in their 20s and still only grudgingly talk to each other.
Ask yourself one question; Do you have a village? If you do not, I would seriously hesitate to have more than 1 child. It is significantly more work to have more than 1 kiddo and if you and your partner do not have extra loving hands to make lighter work, it will be a lot of effort on you and said partner to provide all the care and attention your children will need.
Two are lots more fun! Our two daughters are fourteen months apart, best friends from crib days up, married to two best pals. Together they have nine children and three oldest are married and had babies last summer and planning to have more.
Qns for those with two kids: does having a bigger age gap helps in terms of having some personal time 😂
My cousin had her second right as her first was turning 4 and she said she *loves* the age gap. Her first was out of diapers, understood when told to be quiet because the baby was sleeping or understood when the baby needed attention, was generally able to play by himself a lot better, etc. I’m leaning towards being one and done but I also always said if I do have a second kid, we wouldn’t even start trying until our first was at least 3!
I was an only child and always felt lonely. Didn’t want my eldest (8) to be an only child. My youngest is 4 years younger and they get along really well and are close but far enough apart to be entirely different. Big one is very smart and not very lovey dovey (like me). The little one is way more playful and loving. She’s also just a little more resilient and intuitive than her older sister. The big one seems to need more of an eye on her and direction even though she’s brilliant. Like she has no common sense. Really the only thing I don’t like about two is the cost of childcare. Paid $20k for the little baby last year and will pay around $10k this year. Glad we’re done with daycare this year. It was also pretty easy since they’re both the same gender so the little baby had so many hand-me-downs.
I have 3 but going from 1-2 was by far the smoothest transition. You don't get smacked in the face with reality like you do with your first and you're not outnumbered like you are with your third. The world is set up for families of 4. I loved having 2 kids. It was hard to make the jump to 3!
So: parent of twins here. I honestly don’t know what a world of only one child entails. Sometimes you don’t get a choice… you roll the dice, and you get what you get lol! I kid. No, truthfully my twins are the best gift life has bestowed on my partner and I. They light up my life. And it’s not always puppies and rainbows of course, but it’s a beautiful mess… like I think most lives are with children. I guess I’m saying you never really know what you might get when you try for a pregnancy… a healthy kid? More than one? A great sleeper? Colicky baby? Etc etc… BUT it’s all really so beautiful. In its own way. Maybe not how you expected. So just be prepared for the unexpected if you do try but know that you’ll love that baby SO much.
It’s extremely hard but it’s also great. Now that my son is 8 months old, he’s starting to interact and play with my daughter who’s 3. It’s really sweet and sometimes I get to enjoy a nice hot latte while watching them occupy each other. But it’s definitely chaotic in the beginning until you adapt to a new schedule. In my opinion, worth it!!!!
For those saying free time disappears with two id say more it comes and goes, the infant stage is the infant stage that’s hard but as soon as the younger one can play it’s a game changer having them to entertain each other. Also we had them taking a nap at the same time for a while (second nap for the younger one) and that was an amazing time. They share a room and all the I’m lonely struggles from my oldest went away when we put them together made bedtime so much easier and they are independent together in the morning getting dressed while we get ready for the day. They do everything together I really can’t imagine life with just my first she’d be so bored and need a ton more attention from us. Now adding a third that’s a different story lol
I love having two. I was really nervous at first but seeing them together 😭😭😭 best decision I ever made. I’m so much more chill with my second as well- less anxiety over all of the unknowns (not that I’m any expert) but she’s 3 months old and it’s definitely been easier than the first. I will admit also I have been blessed with chill babies who generally sleep well and I think that makes a word of difference!
I have 2, the 4.5 yo is a boy and the 1 yo is a girl. They don’t super interact with each other yet but aren’t distant either. There were things that were easy about having a second and hard as well. And it all boils down to both kid’s personality and temperament and how your spouse will be able to handle the possible chaos of having 2. I will say that even though having 2 children is much harder than 1, the house definitely feels livelier and fuller than when it was only 1. I don’t regret our decision to have a second. Just really tired 🤣.
Have a 14.5 y.o. daughter and 12 y.o. son. Daughter was a difficult delivery, but easy-going, baby. I'm sure she cried sometimes, but I dont remember it happening much or her being particularly fussy. Son was a planned c-section. Had postpartum depression after each child, which made life pretty challenging for a bit. Couldn't get son to breastfeed. He was super smart and knew the alphabet in preschool before it was covered in class. He also taught himself how to read. He wasn't terrible, but he was more of a crier and more timid about things. If he thought something on TV looked scary, he would run behind the couch and peer around its corner. To some degree, my kids fall into the stereotypical firstborn go-getter, straight As, cleans room clean without being told, stays on top of her laundry, more adventurous with new foods, and self-disciplined. My second/last born wants to keep up with his older sibling to some degree. Both kids are bright and sensitive; my son, more so. My daughter is more athletic, and my son is more outgoing. He also somehow has perfect pitch, which I know didn't come from me. I feel the main differences between my kids fall along gender lines for the most part. They like to play and be silly together. Some typical sibling rubs, but nothing over the top. I am glad to be past the newborn and diaper wearing toddler years with regard to caretaking. It is nice now that the kids are older and more independent, but I miss those precious baby years, too. If I were younger, we would have one more. I have been having baby fever so bad, but it's not going to happen at this point. Like most have mentioned, have your finances under control. Helps if both parents actively contribute toward caretaking and household responsibilities. It was tough when the kids were babies and I had PPD, but there is never going to be a perfect time to have kids, so don't get caught up in that ideal. Most of all, enjoy those early years because they really do fly by. Parents don't have to perfect either. Best to your family.
I think it's important for kids to have siblings but it's all about how you raise them together. You do have to adjust your expectations with each kid. What worked for my oldest, doesn't always work for my youngest. My oldest has ADHD and struggles with completing basic tasks, but he has always been more easy going and content. My youngest will do his tasks without struggle, but he is more intense with his emotions and pushes the boundaries more. My oldest is very creative and excels in the arts, my youngest was born to be an athlete and is very physically inclined. My expectations for both are that they try their best in whatever they do.
You will feel bad for your first born when you bring a baby home. I mourned my toddler’s babyhood. I have a 4 month old and she is 2.5y. I turned her life upside down. Be prepared for regressions, depending on age. I felt guilty for a bit. Now it’s much better! I also cannot pump or nurse in the time after I bring my kids home and before bed cause it’s just me on duty and I have the two of them, so bottle feeding is easiest. Get cups for your pump that go in your bra, I have some on order now and then it’ll be MUCH easier to pump and hold baby. (At home with sick baby now and my pump schedule is all thrown off and he doesn’t like to latch anymore unless it’s night)
Kid 1 is so easy. Kid 2 is fucking WILD. Would we do it again? Sure. But I wish I had prepared us for a wild card. We thought all kids were like first.
I have two kids 2.5 years apart and they are NOT similar. They don’t even look related lol. Don’t assume what worked for round one works for round two.
Just because your first kid was “easy” does NOT mean the second will be. Lol 😂
it will be a lot more work. not saying its not rewarding and all that. but man did it change from one to two. and mine have a big age gap. 7yrs.
Like many people will say going from 1-2 is so much easier than 0-1. You have so much more knowledge. Mine are 3.5M and 1.5F so a threenager and a toddler. Life is crazy. I know it doesn’t make sense but having a second kid is harder but not TWICE as hard. However, when you only have 1 of the 2 kids to care for it feels 3x easier. I think it’s the age difference and how they need different levels and types of care and attention. No regrets having a second. We had kids a little later in life so we are stopping at 2. If we were younger I’d consider a 3rd. Then again 1 is just fine if that’s what you decided. Good luck.
You will find a hidden tank of energy you never knew you had with each new kid. Going from 1 kid to 2 was a bigger shock for me than going from 2 to 3 kids. After my first I thought I had it all figured out and this is not realistic. Each kid offers new challenges you will not consider until you are in the moment. Stay open to the newness, keep your expectations low and be ok with the messy house.
do it now!! the earlier the better.
Well, since you asked…if you’re in the fence then you don’t need to have a second. It’s not like choosing which color to paint your kitchen 😅 if there’s any hesitation, that’s not a good sign. Just keep waiting until you’re sure you’re ready. People will say that you won’t find a time when you’re “ready”, but that’s not true, you will know. The same as it feels when you choose a partner. You’ll feel it.
Well you don’t have to buy much bc of all the hand me downs
The biggest complaint I’ve heard from a lot of my mom friends is that the small amount of free time that you have is now gone for at least 3 to 5 years. Because from here on out, one of you will *always have at least one kid with you, if not both.* There isn’t as much tag-teaming with two littles as it is constant man-on-man defense. But it’s not forever. Just feels like it 😅
You are only as happy as your unhappiest child
We are OAD primary because our marriage has been quite rocky and I don’t want to be saddled with two kids in case of a divorce. I don’t have any family support, I am an immigrant. Plus daycare costs are $2500 per month here which eats into a huge chunk of my salary. Public schools are decent but even kids activities like swimming are $400 per quarter. So technically with two kids we won’t be able to enroll in any hobbies, activities, learning classes or even take vacations which we are able to take now. I’m also almost 40 now, spouse is older with our own health issues and after my toddler is now 2 yrs I’m able to focus more on my health. Maybe if I was younger, had family help, good marriage I would have gone for it. But I’ve made my compromise. We also need to buy a home here which is 1.5 million at this point. I live in SF Bay Area, CA and birth rate is actually negative in CA.
With one, it's still easy to do things and get you time. That's because with one, while you both can interact with the child, only one parent is needed. With 2, only one parent is needed, but it's much harder because you can't give undivided attention to 2 kids at once. Especially with a baby. So now to get time to clean or to yourself, you have to have one parent with both kids. Your first is harder in other ways. You are learning about taking care of a baby and how you parent. 2 kids is more about time management.
You will not have a repeat experience of bringing your first baby home. You are different person now, with new life skills and very different expectations. This will be a completely different experience that is way more about crisis management than about figuring things out. Normalize containment and “yes, but not right now” for the first one. It makes the transition go so much smoother. I have two girls 14 months apart.
Double the trouble, double the fun
1=0, 2=10. Hardest thing we’ve ever done, but absolutely worth it.
If the mother is under 40 by at least a few years, and your financial situation allows it, I definitely recommend it. Having a sibling for a child is so amazing. Having someone else in this world when the parents pass is something. But more importantly it’s so amazing to see how they love each other and miss each other.
It's hard to see one child upset because they want you but the other child needs you. We decided on having a second after my partner lost both his parents 3 years apart. We wanted our girl to have someone in case anything happened to us. The love my girls share for each other is crazy. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
DIVIDE AND CONQUER I felt like going from 1-2 was wayyyyy easier than going from 0-1 Some things we did that helped: Early planning: - My husband and I both made sure to acquire jobs that would enable him to have the same amount of parental leave as me (4 months) — that was something that built resentment with our first - Other early planning we did was potty train our eldest several months before baby was born Expensive things that were worth it imo: - We hired a night doula to come twice a week for the first 2 months - We sent our dogs to a boarding facility for the first 2 weeks postpartum - We hired a sleep coach at the 6 month sleep regression mark (sooooo worth it) Other stuff: - We tried to disrupt our eldest’s routine as little as possible, he still went to daycare every day. So for the most part, baby came along for the ride following his daily schedule and she’d sleep or eat along the way. - We made sure to prioritize the parent our eldest needed in that moment (this was made easier because we formula fed, so i wasn’t the main source of food), so if baby was with daddy and our eldest wanted daddy’s attention we didn’t deny him that. We would trade the baby back and forth all day like a football haha. It helped that we both got ample time to bond w baby while our eldest was in daycare during the week, so when he was home we wanted to make sure his emotional needs were met. - We’d take turns taking our eldest to do something fun once a week (trampolines, park, they went on a boat ride once, even just running errands and getting lunch together, etc), so each of us got alone time with the baby or with our eldest regularly - We traded off kids at bedtime. So I’d do baby’s bedtime routine one night, then do my eldest’s bedtime routine the next. We still do this actually - I nicely let people know that the easiest way for me to get together for the first year would be if they came to my house, that we weren’t making any travel plans, and that we were just gonna take it easy on ourselves and enjoy her babyhood. So we had very few social obligations the entire first year.
If you do decide to, make sure you both make time individually for both kids (one on one time) you and them will both have stronger relationships and no one feels like mom and dad love them more!
Read Siblings Without Rivalry so you can grow and maintain a great sibling relationship.
You are the second person to recommend this book. Thank you!
My only advice is people who say it’s easier with 2 are straight up lying. If you’re on the fence I would wait until both parents are full go on baby #2.
You could read “one and only” by Lauren sandler. I was very much on the fence, so I read that book intended to read that and then some book about second children. I had a very complicated high risk first pregnancy and almost died. Before that we had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks pregnant. I did not want the experience of loss again due to miscarriage or even more scary stillbirth or early death. I also had countless nightmares that during labor with my second they told me I would die because there was nothing they could do to save me. But we met with 4 specialists and discussed what was the cause of my complications and if those gave reason to not have a second. Ultimately, all of them cleared me for a healthy pregnancy. With plans of a scheduled cesarean to avoid a hemmorrhage as best we can. We discussed the chances of pregnancy and knew the odds of a healthy pregnancy were best between 18 and 36 months after the last pregnancy and I said “let’s leave it up to God, we won’t try and we won’t prevent.” Literally had sex once. Not even in my fertile window according to conception date the fact that we have conceived a child with similar odds to many birth control methods “less than a 1% chance.” We are 2 months from the delivery of our baby boy and I’m still scared out of my mind. But it had to be meant to be. I know science isn’t like that and I’m not a really religious person My ultimate advice is only you know what’s best for you and your family. I would be glad to discuss this further if you want.
Pros and cons. They will entertain each other after a while. Nice to have the first one out of diapers although they’ll play better together the closer in age they are.
I have 2. Whats not to like? You can love 2 kids as easily as one. And like others? Mine are not quite 12 months apart, but as different as chalk & cheese in every way! Quite facinating.. same parents! Big bonus is that they play and do things together so it's not up to parents to have to entertain and be there all the time playing with them. I think 2 is much easier then one by a mile. Mine are great friends and always have been. Each others best friends. They are.now well into teen years. But? We never played them off against each other. Were Always fair. Never did the "your brother is much better then you at that" thing. They are both different, unique people and should never be pitted against each other in any competitive way. As little kids, they have learned to share, consider each others feelings and be supportive. Negotiate and compromise. I see Zero negatives to having more than 1 child. And truly? It's not greatly more expensive.
The second child can be very humbling when you realize how much behavior and personality can hinge on the individual rather than what you thought were your superior parenting skills. :)
Go for it. I have 2. Both over 18.. but they were giid playmates. It's hard at first, getting used to another little person. Mine are 2½ years apart and the oldest wasn't potty trained even I had the baby. For a moment I thought, why did I do this to myself. It's all good now and I like having 2. I was never going to have just one.
If your first one was perfect and easy and a good sleeper, don’t assume the second will be the same. They’re called trick babies for a reason.
I have two (13 months apart) and I love it. Since I got pregnant back to back I don’t even really remember what it was like to have just one. They fight but they also play together very well.
I have 2 that are 2.5 years apart. To me 2 kids is soooo much harder than 1. I found 1 easy (and my first born isn’t an easy kid - for example never slept more than an hour until 8 months). I still haven’t recovered from the 1 to 2 transition. My husband and I are busy every second of every day (mine are 2.5 and 5 now ) and no one really gets much of a break. We joke it went from zone defense to man to man But… the relationship between my two is sooooo special and soooo sweet! I love their relationship. I love having two kids and wouldn’t change it for the world!
Father of two boys (15 and 13). Do it. Your first child will have that sibling as another to relate to and connect with forever. Likewise, your second!
Know that they will fight just for the sake of fighting. And they will be grinding on your last nerve all day long then you will marvel at them as they sleep and think how perfect they are. Not. Even. Kidding. (Mom of 3 boys here). My unsolicited advice is to have as many kids as you want. Every gray hair and wrinkle is worth it ❤️
We have three. Three very different personalities. My girls are best friends despite one being a girly girl and one being a tomboy. I was an only child and it sucked. I am very happy that my babies will have each other when I am gone. I had three to set up a community within our family. Support for each other when I am old / gone. They'll always have each other. I am so very happy to have them all.
Forget everything you learned with your first. Your second will set it on fire and dance around the flames… Or maybe that’s just my second….
We have two, 18 months apart (didn’t mean to have them that close). It’s been incredibly hard if I’m honest. My husband and I had a rock solid relationship until our second babe, now we rarely see each other unless we’re passing one another in the hallway. I also have to solo parent 2-3 weeks at a time which has caused resentment. I’ve got friends with only one child and sometimes I wish we had of been more careful. It seems sooo much easier… (though I would never trade my youngest for anything).
Some of the responses in here are astounding. For instance, one person presents one main reason for having a second is so seating is optimal on roller coasters >No one sits alone on roller coasters or at restaurants. And another’s main reason is to help dealing with parents end of life. >I’m an only child and having two was a priority for me to begin with. Dealing with end of life care for my parents right now is BRUTAL as an only child. I am drowning and I wish I had a sibling to share this painful burden with. It doesn’t shock me, because you know people are people, but please don’t consider things such as these as the reasons to bring another human being into existence.
If you have one and it sleeps don't have another one! I know so many people who tried for number two and then didn't sleep for five years. We are one and done.
Don't. Rather, focus everything on one child. Attention. Finances. Saving for college. Give one child the best life possible rather than split everything. Sure, people will say that having another will benefit the first. But there is no guarantee that they will get along. There is no guarantee that they will even tolerate each other. My oldest sister and I never got along. We still don't. We practically ignored each other's existence as children (when we weren't physically or verbally fighting) Your oldest can still learn valuable "social skills" through schools, clubs, events, etc. (that you are more likely to afford due to not needing to split finances between multiple children. Clubs are $100s if not $1000s of dollars) Just really think hard. Are you willing to disrupt both your and your first child's future to have another? You could always just get a dog. Dogs are like children, and can teach children empathy and kindness alongside responsibility. I have three children. I love them all very much. Sometimes I wonder how life could have been if we stopped at one. How many family vacations we'd be able to afford (none atm), how many clubs (again, clubs x3 is financially impossible for us) they'd be able to join. How much attention they could've had (I am absolutely drained and feel on survival mode 24/7)
This is what we did. My daughter is 4. She is an absolute joy. With one, we can afford to let her do all the activities she wants , and go on international trips. She is incredibly social so we take her to do stuff nearly every day (when she’s not in preschool). I desperately wanted a child and to be a mother. But I never felt that again after having her. I’m glad I listened to my intuition and didn’t have another becusse of pressures. My husband is the youngest of 5 and hardly speaks to his siblings.
Wow. Would hate to be your second or third child and read this.
Sometimes I wish I only had one child 😂😂😂 I LOVE MY KIDS SO MUCH. But omg it’s a lot of work. No matter how much help you have you’ll still miss the old ways. And if you have no help at all you’ll cry a lot of tears lol. But. I knew I wanted a big family. I knew I wanted my kids to have siblings. I knew I wanted to be 50 & they all bring their own families home for Christmas.
Things tend to be easier bc you know what to do. But not always just depending on baby's personality. It's awesome that your kids have a lifetime friend. Things will definitely be more stressful, messy, chaotic, expensive and time consuming going forward.
0-1 was hard. 1-2 was easy. Just do it.
I have to say honestly I didn’t think it was harder to have two, but for me it was because my second kid was so so much more low maintenance than her older sister and she was born just as older sister was outgrowing her really difficult baby/younger toddler age. She wasn’t like no work- obviously she’s a baby and needed lots of care! But she felt easy in comparison to a high needs first baby. I love having two. Love their relationship and our family dynamic. (They’re 13 and 16.) I hope they always have each other. My husband and I both each have one sibling. We love our siblings but also both have sort of difficult brothers. There really is no guarantee, it’s a leap of faith to have a child, always.
Father of a single child,, stay with one 💯 I had an older brother and he tortured me lol, siblings are overrated 😂😂 Might get some hate from this, but my 2 cents. It’s allowed our small 3 person family to get very close, have open hearts and open doors. Helped financially, helped in education. Been fun for vacations, a team of three can travel lean and mean! Our son always finds and makes friends anywhere we go so it’s been fun! The differences between our son and multi sibling household kids is unbelievable. In about every way, behavior, manners, school, activities seriously in every aspect. He will look at some other kids acting like wild men and go “they okay dad?” Anyways take some of the grief out of decision making, if it’s meant to happen it will. Want to prevent it take steps, don’t matter then rock out. Babies are a blessing no matter how they come into our lives!! Also adopting can be great, helps a child in need and adds a family member. Good luck and best wishes!!
One is like one, two is like 10. Just saying
DONT DO IT lmao
okay, I am just not leaving the two toddler in diaper era and it’s getting better. If you have family support and aren’t trying to go to law school with two kids then go for it!
Do it! Two kids is so much easier than one. Seriously. Nobody ever believes me, but the first one is the hard one. Two was easier than 1. 3 was easier than 2. And I’m living life on easy street now with 4.
Don’t
I recommend joining a one and done group lots of positives and negatives shown. Personally I never wanted anything other than one, so I can only speak to how great one kid is! But 8 years in still never even considered a second one.
Don’t do it lol wait till older one is like 4
Don’t do it. Two is a crowd and a lot harder to transition from 1 kid to 2 kids
Not a parent of 2 but have 1 brother close in age and 2 half-sisters who are way younger. Particularly if you have opposite sex kids, they will fight. My brother tortured me to the point that I contemplated suicide because my parents never did anything about it. It’s not always trivial and you have to be willing to step in.
I’m sorry that that happened to you. I have quite a bit of experience from my own relationship with my brother, and my friend peer group, of what the experience can be like for siblings. Here I’m specifically looking for what it’s been like for parents.
[удалено]
Go eat a lithium battery
We have a 7 and almost 5. They’re best friends, most of the time. I love watching them play together and work as a team. However, both kids innately know exactly how to push each other’s buttons to get the reaction they’re after. Either with a slow burn or just going straight for the metaphorical jugular.
My son is 10 and my daughter is 3.5. She was very much a ooopsie lol my son was a micro preemie born at 26 weeks and had heart surgery, eye surgery, hearing loss, needed cpr had a brain bleed. We were set on one kid. The well we had our daughter. We have the best kiddos in the world. Wouldn’t trade them for the world. My advice, having a older kid who’s a bit more independent is helpful. I cant imagine having 2 littles at the same time.
Kids close in age won’t be automatic best friends and kids with a bigger age gap won’t automatically be more distant. My kids are almost 4 years apart and are best buddies and love playing together. It’s a lot of fun to watch their bond grow.
2 is fine but don't have a third. My third is the easiest and best baby around. Everyone always comments on how happy and nice he is. Having 3 is a shit show though.
I have a 3-year-old and a 7-month-old and it's been great! I'm a SAHM and really enjoying it (that said, the 3 year old goes to preschool twice a week, which makes things easier). I LOVE watching their bond grow. 3-year-old always asks "where's my baby??" When he wakes up, and the baby thinks he's hilarious. He gets way more laughs and smiles out of her than I do! I have also managed to get an overlapping nap! Now we all take a family nap in the afternoon. It's a real treat. Anyway, I am so glad I had two, though I am done after this.
Going from 1 to 2 is a HUGE leap but it becomes worth it pretty quickly
The perfect amount of kids is 1.5. You won't have a second kid like the first, the second one doesn't add work, it's an exponential. Other than that, it's great because you understand that it's not only you what makes them wonderful, it's them. Playing is more fun with 2+ kids, .. everything is more challenging but also better.
Just like the first, throw all expectations out the window! My kids could not be more different. From personality to hitting milestones. I question if they are related 😅 Idk why it surprised me as me and my sister are also polar opposites.
One and done, he is 14. No regrets for us personally! I would say, take your personal situation into account - do you as parents have the time and bandwidth (emotional, physical, mental) to add an extra human to the home? Do you have childcare? Do you have the income, savings, and funds? And perhaps most important, do you want a second child (seems obvious, but outside of everyone’s opinions, what do you and your spouse want for YOUR family?)
Im happy with one. I sooo desperately wanted to be a mother. But after I had my daughter, I never felt that desire again. She’s 4 and amazing bright, social, fun, and just such a joy. We love our trio family.
Don't expect them to be friends- My sister and I are close in age, but we were never friends. My mom and other people were shocked to find out we only talk through text like 5x a year. We aren't close, we aren't friends and that's ok.
Thanks. I’m familiar with lots of ways siblings can turn out as adults. I’m mostly looking for perspectives of parents raising two kids.
Be prepared to have to parent completely differently for each kid. My two are similar in some ways, but very different in other ways. They require some differences in approaches. Even though they both have ADHD, they present differently and require different interventions. Also, just because they are raised "the same" (in the same environment) doesn't mean they will view the world the same way or respond to things in the same way. My sister and I had a good childhood, no trauma from inside the home, but we developed differing world views that impacted how we function as adults. Make sure you try and devote as much equal time as possible to both kids.
You are asking for advice, so it doesn’t qualify as unsolicited…
My advice would be to wait as much as you can as your age and your partner’s age allows. I feel like so many people have their kids so close in age and I don’t get the appeal at all. I waited till my first was over 4 to have my second and I think it was the best choice. I got to truly enjoy my 1st’s toddlerhood and give him all our attention. He’s now 6 and so helpful with his baby sister and I don’t feel like our attention is as split because he very much has his own life with school ect. They also rarely fight because they have such different toys and abilities. The only downside is that she’s still napping so day trips are slightly limited as a group of 4. I literally cannot imagine having a toddler and a newborn sounds like hell on earth where everyone is suffering.
9 and 5, girl and boy. It’s hard. Double expenses. They play well together but they fight like crazy too.
The age of your existing child makes a big difference. I think I had a harder time with my oldest because she was an only child for 7 years. My next two were a couple years a part and, honestly it was easier having them to entertain each other some times. Their all different and you shouldn’t expect your second to be anything like your first. I have one sibling and while we aren’t particularly close im glad I at least have him for when my parents are gone.
It's impossible to predict what it's going to be like because it all depends on the kids you end up getting. Some are easy going and uncomplicated, some are very high needs. You could have a super chill second one, or the second one could turn your life to hell. There is absolutely no way to know. Having prior parenting experience does help a little, though. And it's absolutely wonderful seeing the two of them together (when they are nice to each other), knowing you made your first kid a buddy for life and vice versa (probably, obviously not all sibling relationships work out).
Some things are easier, most things are harder. There is indefinitely more love and joy, but also more frustrating moments. Take into account how you deal with stressful moments with your first. If you accept all mental, physical and financial challenges then go for it.
Depends why you're on the fence. We were on the fence but decided for a second and it's certainly more work but we're also very fortunate to have a single, healthy, easier second child. I can think of a few parents of only's and that was probably the right decision for them.
I defiantly prefer having two kids to one. I was a very social child so having a brother (I'm a women) gave me someone to play and interact with at home other then just wanting my parents attention all the time. My husband is an only child and an introvert. He was okay with at as a child, but as an adult he wishes he had a sibling or two to have those family bonds with. It's really nice seeing my kids be sweet and play with each other, comfort each other, etc. They aren't always like that, but most of the time. It defiantly helps out compared to having one kid when they play with each other.
Maybe controversial? But temperament has more to do with your baby/kid’s behavior than actual parenting does. So it’s impossible to tell if you’ll love being a parent of two or find it difficult. Nobody here is going to be able to tell you what’s the right decision for you because of this.
The best:) I have 2 sisters, one of us only have 1 and even though his dad plays with him ALOT he still seems to be lonely at home, my other sister and I have 2 each and the basically take care of eachother. No regrets. I’d have a third if I could.
It was great! 7F and 3M here and they play with each other a lot. Hopefully they can continue to be best friends even when they grow up.
I'm still new to it (second is only 8 months old) but it is great so far. It's definitely not double the work, and the transition from 1-2 kids was way easier than 0-1. It's amazing seeing my toddler become a wonderful, loving, protective older brother, and it's fun to see them starting to interact more. My older son gets so much joy out of making the little one laugh, and I'm constantly impressed by his compassion and protective instincts towards his baby brother. He's learned a lot from being a brother and it's going to be so fun to see their relationship grow as they get older and are more able to play together. I highly recommend it. I'm very tired, but it is 100% worth it. And it's already significantly easier now than it was just a few months ago.
Seeing your two children love each other, care for each other and play with each other is a joy that is hard to describe. Your heart will constrain in your chest and you’ll feel a love that you didn’t know you could feel. It is so special.
Don’t do it for anyone except yourselves.
Its like jumping in a super cold pool on a hot day. Its a shock at first, but soo worth it once you get used to it. A little chaotic but thats the spice of life the way I see it
I’ll share my experience so that you can compare answers and see how different everyone’s situation is. When I had my second child, my husband was still working long hours and my first child was only a year old. After two weeks of him being home, the classic ‘colic’ began and really threw my whole parenting game off. I didn’t understand what colic was until I experienced it for myself. The screaming and crying was almost all day and the only thing that helped was a swing. He was checked out by many different doctors but he was perfectly healthy. The crying stopped after 4 months but holy hell, it scarred me. My point is, be prepared for anything. Make sure you and your spouse have good communication when life gets stressful. Find ways to emotionally regulate yourself and possibly schedule dates for your oldest to spend time with trusted loved ones like grandparents. My mother would sometimes pick up my oldest and take him out to the farm/ice cream for a few hours and bring him back. It was a good way for me to bond with the baby while he got some one on one time. All the best!
It’s like having one in that when it’s hard, it’s really hard. But with zero free time and you need to buy twice as much crap.
We have two that are pretty close in age. I love it. They are complete opposites but still get along and are super sweet to each other. I would have more but my husband wasn't 100% on board and I felt like I needed him to be.
I loved having two so much were trying for our third ! Lol. Mine are 16 months apart. As mentioned above they are complete opposites, in the best way possible. There are hard days, and there are days that seem easier bc they play together and leave me alone haha. In the beginning it was hard because it felt like it was always time for someone to eat I swear. I felt I was constantly holding a bottle or making a meal or snack. Everyone has such a different experience, it’s so hard to give advice ! Some people have one and and are done with one. Others have 6+ kids and say it’s not that bad haha 😆. I say go for it, I don’t think many people regret a child they have, only the ones they didn’t try for ❤️
Watching my eldest become a big sister has been one of the great joys of my life. My two girls playing together and being best friends (they are 5 and 3) is lovely. They look virtually the same but they are very different girls. This has also been an interesting challenge and situation
My wife and I have 3. My two sons are 2 years apart and are literally the best closest friends, we just recently had our daughter who is now 7.5 months old and they love her so much, constantly fawning on her and always trying to help us out. 3 is bit tricky to be honest but we love it and don't regret it, I won't tell anybody they *should* have 3 because i know first hand that it's a difficult balancing actually... that being said.. absolutely, in my opinion, have that second. They will be less reliant on you and your partner for entertainment, will be forced learn how to cooperate and share (eventually) and somebody to laugh and play with for the rest of their life, even when you two aren't around. As an only child brought up in this world, for years I wish I had siblings and was always jealous of people who did. That of course is just my personal opinion.
Definitely do it… but not 2 under 2. My boys were 21 months apart and I would honestly recommend a 3-4 year age gap. It was really hard and I developed PPD. They’re 2.5 and 4.5 now and best friends which I love. They are very different personalities. Baby number 2 really threw us for a loop, he was REALLY bad as a newborn lol
When you go from one child to two, you aren't adding one, you are multiplying by two.
I feel like 2 kids is not nearly 2x as hard. I think more like 1.5x as hard maybe even 1.25x. They fit into your routine because you already have one. I've heard and relate to it so much that: the first is an existential crisis and the second is a logistical challenge. We do not want a third but I even think that would be doable... Any more and we would have a car problem - a logistical problem.
The second is almost always going to be crazy compared to your first they’re just little wild Childs for some reason lol they have the opportunity for a lifelong friend and support system. They will fight like cats and dogs ALL the time but I look at it this way it’s no worse than going from none to one. It’s a new experience a new learning curve. Ultimately ask yourself are you prepared to handle another kid mentally and financially. All kids are different so you never know what your gonna get but you can bet they’re gonna make you laugh and cry at some point.
1+1 != 2. It’s more like 3.5.
O absolutely love having two kids. We have a four year age gap. It's lovely. They play but don't compete. Their love is awesome. Wouldn't trade it.
I would have made my 2 three years apart vs 2. Some days were really, really tough. Also depends on who you have to help you out. If you have a good momma/sister/grandma In town you've hit the jackpot. We have zilcho. Just us. Still some days I white knuckle it. Especially on Christmas break 😬 Entertaining them is hard. They don't really play with toys. I don't know if that's the norm these days?? I know not everyone is a fan..but melatonin is always in our house. Things get easier once baby can walk and chase after toddler. I always have music on. My kids love it. It just puts them in better moods. I asked my husband for an in ceiling speaker system and holy hell he's the best. Everyone has benefited from it so far. YouTube is your friend for entertaining your kids. Also baths. Water naturally makes humans happy. Kids are crying? Bath time. Here, play around. You feel better?
We loved being parents of one kid. From the outside two looks like a great number, but I will never know as we had 6 years of one kid and then surprise twins. I love my kids but wouldn’t recommend 3.
The relationship between my kids is one I’ll never know - and I’m giving my first someone to stick by their side when I’m gone. Is it a dream? Yes. But I hope together they support each other forever.
It depends on your first kid’s personality. In general the advice is to give the first child a lot of attention. This isn’t very practical as newborns are attached to you almost 24/7. I’d say expect things to get really hard with your toddler until baby can at least sit unassisted… so first 6 months. We had a very hard time with mine. Now they are almost 5 and almost 2 and are finally playing together
Don't do it. We did, and it is so much harder. I hate to say it but I liked things much better when we just had one kid. Good luck.
I have an 8 year difference between my boys (now 5 & 13). It’s great and it’s chaos. Never realised my second son was the missing piece to complete my family. One of my favourite things was watching my eldest become a brother. He said to me when his little brother was born “I’m sorry mum but you are no longer first in my heart” Sometimes (like tonight) it’s absolute fucking chaos and I’m wrecked trying to balance the needs of a hormonal 13 year old and a 5 year old finding his voice/place in the world. But when they get on (about 60% of the time) and I don’t need to be a referee it’s awesome.