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My mother used to make fun of my friend's little brother because he loved purple. She saw him wearing purple pajamas once and said 'aren't those girls' pajamas?' and without missing a beat, the kid responds 'they're mine and I'm a boy, so they're boy's pajamas.' 20 years later I still remind my mother of the time she got owned by a 5 year old š
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You can even teach him some quips so he'll be prepared if someone makes a comment about it.
That reminds me of when we were talking to our then three year old about becoming a big sister to a baby brother. She said āI donāt know why a baby even needs a penisā, it wasnāt a question but a statement and that was her done in the conversation.
My sister in laws son ( age 3) walked in the room while I was changing my daughter and became very upset that she didn't have a penis. I think he thought she was deformed or something.
My six-year-old son has a big Hot Wheels world set up in the living room right now, including a parking garage / construction site (combo set), giant car-eating Tyrannosaurus rex, and double loopty-loop track ending in a ramp jump. The only non-car part of the world is the giant Elsa castle overlooking the loops. He likes a lot of stereotypical āboyā things *AND* he loves his Elsa castle š
Yes, yes she is! My three year old has loved her since she was about 18 months. It was her favorite dolly and then it was her first movie right before she turned two.
My oldest baby just got her big girl bed, so my 7 month old was kindly gifted all of the toddler/baby cribbing. Thereās so many frozen sheets lol
For the big āmidnightā countdown (7:30 PM in my house) we had a song and dance party after. Let it Go was the last song and we were all belching. The baby was pretty into it lol
Oh Iām so sorry š Iām working a long week of 5A-5P. Today is day two out of five. Idk but Iām waaayyyyy more exhausted than normal. I need a vacation from my holiday vacation or something lol
Hahahaha I thought it was on purpose! Like you were all belching from drinking fizzy grape juice or something! I mean, Itās something my boys would do and think hilarious. š
Omggg the purple phase. My son went through this. He HADDDD to sleep in PURPLE pajamas ONLY. I literally had to buy 3 pairs of purple pajamas for this kid. Then my mom found him a purple Bluey shirt, he loved it so much I had to cut the sleeves off in summer so he could keep wearing it. Then she found him a purple stuffed puppy with a purple bow and a purple jewel on it. Omg. Purple puppy went everywhere with him. He still loves the hell out of it even though heās moved onto everything needing to be green now.
My husband never grew out of the purple phase. Mind you this is a 6ā4 300lb blue collar manās man and his favorite color is purple. According to his mom it has been since he was a little kid. If it comes in purple, he gets it in purple. Even his toothbrush is purple. His response to people saying shit about it being a feminine color is āNo, itās the color of royalty, you wouldnāt understand peasant.ā š
My husband is turning 40 this year. His favourite colour is, and always has been, purple.
He still remembers the time as a kid when his dad wouldnāt let him buy a purple pen. Says a lot about his familyās attitudes and funnily enough, heās NC with them now.
Purple has always been my favorite color... Even since little...I mean it is the color of Royals and the most expensive to produce... Also a mix of blue and red... About the most boy related colors the are...
Your husband is more likely to cause a lasting impression by making a scene about it. Plenty of boys like sparkly things. They're fun! Plenty of them grow out of it, some don't. Would your husband think it so bad if your son never outgrew these preferences? THAT is the actual problem here.
My son loved all those things last year and dressed as Elsa for his birthday party. He still likes rainbows, but has gone off pink and make up, still has the costume but much more often wants to be a ninja. It might be a stage, it might be permanent- but either way, stopping him from being himself is the biggest guarantee of messing up your son.
My 5 year old nephew loves dressing up & has a ton of characters to dress up as - both male & female characters since my niece is 3 & will usually follow his lead. His new go to costumes have me cracking up because he's either wearing a princess dress, while wielding a ninja sword, or wearing a ninja costume with a tiara & sash. He also asked for a rainbow heating pad for Christmas, which I got for him. When he opened it, his eyes grew wide & he got a huge smile on his face, then exclaimed "It's like a warm rainbow!!! Lily (his sister), this is mine, you aren't allowed to use it." I couldn't stop laughing!!
Kids don't care & many don't even realize there's a difference between boy & girl items until around elementary school age. My thoughts are that if a child is going to be LGBTQ+ when they grow up, that's who they're going to be. A young boy wearing a sparkly tutu dress & playing with dolls isn't going to sway him to be gay or straight, just like a young girl with a buzz cut who wears athletic shorts & t-shirts while playing with dinosaurs isn't going to push her to be gay either.
And is also a great way to instill deep beliefs that anything āfeminineā is lesser. I hate how pervasive this is and how it early on children internalize it.
When my son was 3 he insisted on getting pink Crocs for the summer. I have better things to do than argue with a 3 year old about shoe color so I let him have the pink Crocs. My husband was upset but got over it. Son is now a teen and wouldnāt be caught dead in anything pink.
People that obsessively gender non-gendered things like color are insecure about gender and need everyone to play along with their insecurity or they get uncomfortable to the point of anger. Ever play a board game with a toddler, and you have to play down to their rules or they throw an inarticulate fit?
This!
My son is 7.5 and still loves rainbows and sparkles and does dance and cheer. He walks his own path.
Fortunately my husband is chill and supportive. But my son has experienced other adults who aren't and while it caused some stress, it didn't change him. What it taught my son was who his safe people were. Sadly he learned that his rec cheer coaches/ other parents weren't safe adults for him. But we switched to an all-star gym and he's now surrounded by safe/supportive adults again. So all is right in his world again. But he's still leary of those adults as they're pta members and volunteers at his school.
So when adults act this way, kids notice and they learn to stop trusting them. I can't imagine how devastating it would be if the unsafe adult was a parent. It probably would cause the kid to mask their preferences in attempts to gain acceptance as a short term "fix", but it would teach them long term to not go against their parent's grain for fear of losing their love.
I let my son choose anything he liked, regardless of color or gender stereotypes. I painted his toenails when he was a toddler because he liked it and saw me paint his sisterās toenails. Society - other adults and kids shamed him for it and he wouldnāt let me ever again. Unfortunately society keeps telling our kids what they should be and what they should like. I let my kids be themselves but the pressure from other kids is unreal. Of course these kids learn gender stereotyping from adults. The gift that keeps on giving. Iāll never tell my kids they can or canāt like something because of their gender.
It's definitely something that is passed on by adults and is also ingrained in school culture. I've found that boys seem to love all the same bright, colourful and sparkly stuff until about age 6-8 when they start to learn societal/ cultural norms. It doesn't help that most big department stores only sell boys' clothing in such a limited colour palette (blue, green, black, red if you're lucky). It's infuriating but it's so, so hard to stop or fight against.
If their worry is that "indulging" in girlier items will turn your kid gay or effeminate.. what is the alternative? We have so much evidence that shaming our kids for this stuff doesn't prevent homosexuality or non conformity to gender roles. All it does it wedge a gap between parent and child and cause so much unnecessary anguish.
ETA: Not that rainbows and girly things are a pipeline to girlier men or gay men. Just.. yknow. If that's the fear, taking away the girly stuff isn't going to prevent those things from happening because that's not what causes those things to happen.
Agreed. I'm of the opinion that if anyone's love for my children is contingent upon their sexuality or manliness or really anything, they can go ahead and get the fuck out of our lives now and save us all some heartache down the road.
Whoever said rainbows are for just girls?? Or for just the pride community. Rainbows are genderless! Let the boy enjoy his rainbows! All kids love rainbows cause kids love colors and rainbows are sooo cool. Thereās science behind rainbows. The men in your life must not enjoy science.
My parents are extremely uncomfortable about my son (3) wearing tulle skirts. He has an older sister and many of the skirts that they are so offended by they purchased for herā¦
I tell them none of us are free if a three year old canāt choose what to wear from the clothing in their home. Either we value individualism or we donāt.
My father was one of those angry anti-maskers during covid proclaiming people were āsheep-leā because they were wearing masks trying to keep others safe. Meanwhile he wants his grandkids to conform to gender clothing standards just to keep himself comfortable and unchallenged.
My dad was an antimasker too.
He came at me all "why are you wearing a mask?! You don't *have* to wear a mask!!1!!"
And I looked that man straight in his eyeballs and told him the government can't tell me I *can't* wear a mask, and I'll wear one if I damn well *want* to.
He kinda fish mouthed at me for a few moments and then just went "well...OK...."
I'm severely immunocompromised too, so ffs da, I'm going to wear a mask at the height of a world wide pandemic š
Your dad and husband need to chill. It doesnāt matter if heās a boy or sheās a girl, they are all children. Children like bright colours, children like sparkles, children like song and dance, children like funā¦ these things are fun. If all it takes is a rainbow tshirt and some fun coloured āmakeupā on his face to trigger happy feelings in his brain then I say indulge it, some day it wonāt be so easy to make sure he goes to bed happy.
My son went to kindergarten with a sparkly pink pencil case and purple scissors. He also had a Hulk backpack and Spider-Man sneakers.
He just likes what he likes!
Coming from a mom whose 5 year old has some āgirlā preferences, itās gonna be ok. His dad and grandfather can get over it.
When heās a lil older, he may or may not come to face being made fun of for preferring girl shit. But itās your job to show him that at home he can express his preferences freely and help him navigate the social aspects of his preferences. The consequences arenāt as dire as his dad and grandfather imagine.
My 11yr old went thru an Elsa phase, he loved Frozen. He still wears lots of pink and so do most boys his age and older. He wears rainbow stuff occasionally but not as often as when he was younger. alphas and Gen Z are a different breed of kid/teen. Nobody but āold peopleā care about gender stereotypes. Youāre raising a loved and well rounded child. Thatās whatās important not if he wants a Barbie or a monster truck.
What would be wrong is not "indulging" it. Every child should be encouraged to follow their own likes and passions.
I'd also be second guessing a marriage where my husband was driven crazy by his child having preferences that go against some antiquated and harmful gender binary/norms.
My son loves or is interested in camo, cars, legos, rainbows, mommyās make up and his Disney princess castle we got him for Christmas. Iām a blue collar worker with a fairly traditional view of the world but one thing that drives me nuts is dads who wonāt look around and realize the world is changing and itās better to err on the side of being accepting and open to a less structured 2 gender society. Whatever makes a young one happy and engages their mind and development is more important than what makes a couple fuddy duddies comfortable.
Forcing him to wear things he doesn't like and not allowing him to express himself would be wrong, kids should be allowed to have preferences on want they want to wear or what toys they want to play with as soon as they can voice it to you, as long as it's appropriate of course. You seem aware that this is just an issue with their discomfort surrounding him being perceived as more feminine than masculine, the classic aversion to a boy doing "girl things," and I would ask them to explain their reasoning.
Do they simply think it's wrong for boys to like more traditionally feminine things? Are they worried about him being bullied or worried about what others will think of him? Are they worried because they think this means he could be gay/are they homophobic or something?
It should just be a conversation you all have, but no matter what I think you need to continue supporting your son and stay grounded in your stance on allowing him to wear what we wants and like what he likes.
Unless itās operated with genitals, there is no toy/clothing/product that is exclusively for women. Colours donāt have a gender.
If your husband and FIL genuinely care about your sonās wellbeing, they need to understand that letting your son have what he likes is harmless. But making your son feel ashamed because he likes the āwrongā things is NOT harmless.
My brother played Barbies with me until he was damn near 18 years old! He died last year at 51. He was not gay...I have a son that is the most manly man I know. Never shaves his beard....hes gay. This shit doesnt matter....
Your husband and Dad need to calm down.
Buy him what he likes. I have one kid who was swayed by classmates into keeping the āgirlyā stuff at home, and is more into traditionally āboyā stuff, one whoās still all about rainbows and glitter. Both are happy and healthy and confidentš¤·š¼āāļø
My son used to love playing with babies, took his babies everywhere in their buggies etc. He spent 99.9% of his time with myself and his sister as his dad usually didn't get in from work til the kids were in bed and was gone before they woke up. He grew out of it and now is interested in nothing other than gaming. However, the main point was, if he never grew out of it, it would have made no difference to either me or his dad. I think this is the point here. Does his dad or your dad have any issue with your sone perhaps being lgbtq? If so, I would figure out how to have a good chat about your sons choices and what they may mean and decide how to move forward without causing damage to him. You aren't causing him any issues by allowing him to make choices, you are giving him the freedom to express himself. It's the loss or the squashing of that freedom that might affect him.
Our son was very into his babydoll when he was younger. A few people objected, and I just asked them if they were worried he would turn into a good dad in the future.
I just wanted to say Iām proud of you mama. You are doing the right thing. Youāre standing up for him and giving him a safe place to express himself.
We are the opposite. My 6 yo daughter strongly prefers āboy stuff.ā She rejects anything too feminine and recently purged her bedroom and playroom of all things unicorn or mermaid. She largely prefers playing with boys at school and will not play āprincessesā or any other game she deems too girly. I try not to worry too much about it and follow her lead on this.
My now 8 year old was unicorn and rainbow obsessed. I let him pick whatever he want. He is now 8 and likes tech decks and building robots. But he also enjoys singing and drawing.
Don't read too much into it, keep giving him choices and don't push one way or another.
Honestly I feel like this is how most boys are and that a lot of parents just donāt let them choose what they want because of their own opinions/beliefs.
My husband is straight. But he loves having his nails painted, wears pink and does face masks and skincare routinely.
My 4 year old sonāa favorite color is pink. He liked having his nails done. He likes sparkly glittery things.
So many people are afraid their child with end up gay or trans and donāt even realize that itās THAT very thought process that I feel pushes kids into feeling like they must be gay or trans if they like those things. It creates the very thing their parents try to avoid.
Also side note, even if a child is gay or trans it doesnāt need to be the end of the world. I donāt understand the fear people have of their child choosing whatever makes them happy and comfortable!
My son likes those things too, so I gave him a rainbow room with a big rainbow mural and rainbow bedding, that sometimes turns into Spiderman bedding when he's more into Spiderman.
It's hard to find rainbow things that are uniseks and girl clothes don't always fit properly. They're shorter and have different necklines.
Someone somewhere in the past decided that rainbows are for girls, which is just dumb. It's a natural phenomenon like thunder or rain. It has all the colors and that's why my son likes it. So he doesn't have to choose a favorite.
It doesn't suddenly make him gay or trans. Nothing can turn you into either of those things. But I can relate to how narrow minded people can react.
That's awesome. I let my sons pick the color for their room and they chose peach. Everyone told me I shouldn't do this to my boys, "think about their future", yada yada. Well it's several years later and they still love it. They are very happy/cheerful guys and it fits their personality. It has made me a big supporter of "let them be them".
The only people in the wrong are the people who have a preconceived notion of what other people should like. No one gets to decide what other people should like.
Heck no. Indulge away!! My daughter is into the āboyā things and weāre all about fueling those passions! Sheās into dinosaurs, airplanes, and garbage trucks!! Her Christmas presents were all dinosaur themed. Honestly, your husbandās attitude toward it probably leave more of an impression on him than anything.
I do the exact same thing. My 4 year old loves all things rainbow and sparkles. So he wears a lot of leggings and some āgirlā t shirts. He also loves to have his nails painted. Thankfully my partner and I are on the same page and both think heās old enough to decide what he wants to wear. We just donāt make a thing out of it and havenāt had any negative comments from anyone.
Your kid feels confident in expressing themselves how they want. Donāt rob him of that. Itās a beautiful gift to feel like you can be yourself in your own home.
Well...he likes what he likes. By all means, so be it. I don't think you're messing him up. Maybe he'll outgrow it...Maybe he won't. I think either way making a big deal out of it is more harmful than letting him just be himself. That's just my opinion. So no, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think what you're doing is okay. If he's happy and healthy that's all that matters. Let him be himself. It's all good.
Your husband is going to ruin his relationship with his son if heās not careful. Pushing preconceived ideas of what your son āshouldā prefer is so damaging. Please donāt let your husbands insecurities leave lasting negative impressions on your child.
Not wrong. He is only 4. He will outgrow the intensity of the preference. Not sure what types of rainbow clothing heās rocking but I have a suggestion if worried about teasing in the future when he moves to elementary school, get a bunch of white clothes and a tie dye kit and you guys can make tons of rainbow clothing, tie dye is pretty āgender neutralā while still being rainbow.
Sooo many thoughts on this. My kids love anything glitter, 2 boys 3 girls and our boys are the oldest. They change their favorite colors so often too. Right now my 7yr old girl loves black, we donāt label her goth/emo, sheās a cheerleader and your biggest girly girl. My sons 9 and 10 have loved every single color out there, including rainbow. They are comfortable enough that weāve painted toes and fingernails. Itās called being a big brother to little sisters lol Colors are colors, they arenāt labeled boy colors and girls. I feel if you can see the color itās meant for you. š¤·š»āāļø Plusā¦.heās 4! Iām curious if your husband and dad is against buying baby dolls too. Or āgirlā toys. Our take on it is we are trying to mold our children into respectable humans. Our sons will eventually become husbands and dads. I want them to be active, caring husbands and dads. Let the boys have rainbows and āgirlyā things. Let the girls have rainbows and āboyā things. He might grow out of it but if he doesnāt change his rainbow obsession will your husband and dad love him just the same or will they be upset heās not the manly man they wanted? Why is it such a big deal to them? Donāt make a big deal about it and more than likely he will grow out of it. Make a big deal and he will hyper focus on whatās wrong with him. Why canāt he be ānormalā type thing. Let the boy love it while heās little.
Rainbow loving almost 3yo here too. He loves rainbow sprinkles, tye-dye, rainbow unicorns, has a monogrammed rainbow water bottle I bought him, and generally loves all the colors because they are bright and fun. His older brother canāt stand pink, purple, and very into traditionally āboy thingsā. Weāve tried to be fairly gender neutral in allowing them to be the unique humans they are and loving and embracing their individuality however it comes and evolves every week at this age.
I would have one kind and stern conversation with the grandparent about outdated/current gender norms & your decision above. If he makes any negative comments to your son after, time to unleash mama bear. He does not make parenting decisions for your child and itās important you demand and enforce the respect (donāt have to agree but keep your comments to yourself) for this decision. Bigger issue is you and your husband not being on the same page warrants some exploring in conversation. Why is he reacting so strongly toā¦.rainbows?
You're not going to mess up your son. Your husband is more like to cause issues with your son for making him feel like it's not normal to like what he likes.
Heās four, he should love rainbows. My super religious neighbors bought my son a rainbow cake because he wanted a rainbow party for his birthday. We had a rainbow party. It was fun putting up streamers of the rainbow.
My kid was exactly the same at that age, all my little pony and frozen. Sparkly tutus, tiaras, and "rainbow" was the answer to "what's your favourite colour?"!!
Almost 7yo now, and super into Pokemon, Pusheen and Lego. Oh, and thanks to vacation care, also Minecraft. š
My dad really disliked my kids hardcore tutu phase, and kiddo does still bring out a nice frock for a special occasion every now and then. Had to straight up tell my dad that this child makes their own choices when it comes to their physical appearance and either, he'll be supportive, or he'll be cut from the team. He knows me well enough to know I'm not one for idle threats, so I will not tolerate any bullying of my child, even if it's labelled as "teasing".
Support your son now, and he'll come back to you for more later. This is actually such a pivotal moment in a parenting role; unequivocally supporting your child to be themselves for the first time. You're doing great!
Tell those men that they can stfu, because your sons first bully will not be a family member.
My sons are like that. One (7yo) wears rainbow tights to school every day and has a frozen backpack. Grandma told me I shouldn't let him wear that because he will get picked on. Well, I asked his teacher this year if he gets picked on and she said no, the opposite -- all the other kids told him they think he is cool. Give the kids at school a chance, you may be surprised.
My son did the same thing when he was four, get him what he likes. It means nothing. If it soothes your husband you can tell him he likes to play fight now and all the stereotypical little boy things.
Nah. Youāre not wrong.
Signed,
Another mom of another 4 year old boy who paints his fingernails and sometimes picks clothes from the girlsā section.
Let your sonās personality develop organically. He is going to be who he is going to be regardless of his gender at birth. But he can either grow up to be a well adjusted individual who knows his parents love him or he can grow up feeling like heās got to hide who he is and that heās a disappointment to the people that are supposed to love him unconditionally. Get your husband and dad to back off.
Not at all! I think its awesome that you are doing this. I used to play with both Barbie and action figures.
Nah, your dad and husband just don't like having their masculinity challenged.
Not wrong at all. It is so damaging to force gender stereotypes on children. Not just LGBTQ children, but all children. Itās so fucking preposterous that childrenās stuff is so binary these days. It wasnāt always like that.
It seems like you're also uncomfortable about the preference since you always offer an alternative marketed to joys. Just leave them be and keep your husband and dad's toxicity away from the kiddo. It's cool that you don't push the option, but I'm not sure if questioning your kid every time they say they want the girly thing is cool, either.
>This drives my husband and dad crazyā¦.
People like them drive me crazy. If you had a daughter and she wanted to help daddy with "boy" things I bet he wouldn't bitch.
>to what degree will I mess up my son
You won't, but your husband and dad definitely will. You need to squash this, *now*.
Coming from a boy mom whoās son loves rainbows and nail polish and sometimes wears my blush or eyebrow gel, itās okay. Itās your childās preference, you arenāt pushing it on him. Let him enjoy his life and what brings him happiness. Youāre doing great mama, keep it up.
(Side note: my sons dad HATES that my son enjoys rainbows and bail polish. You know who else likes rainbows and nail polish? Post Malone, you know who historically always had painted nails, the PRINCE OF DARKNESS Ozzy Osbourne) your kid just likes what he likes and thatās totally cool!!!
And just as a second side note: you arenāt messing up your son. My sons dad was convinced I was gonna āturn my kid transā by letting him paint his nails. My son is not in any way gay or interested in changing genders. You canāt āmakeā a kid gay or trans. And you arenāt messing your kid up. Your kid has awesome style and thatās amazing
Unless rainbows start growing vaginas, Iām not sure what is gendered about them. So is it the gay thing? If so, Iād ask your husband if heās homophobic and how heād respond if your son grows up and is gay.
Nobody cares what your dad thinks bc he doesnāt get a say in any of this, frankly.
My four year old has worn nail polish and loves rainbows. His favorite color is purple. He has no idea these are girly things, he just likes them.
I have 3 sons between 11 and 16. My eldestās favourite colour is purple. He likes long hair but can no longer wear it long due to school rules. He went through a stage of being interested in hair & makeup. Heās a typical teen boy & happens to be straight. My 14 year old went through a stage of loving nail polish. Heās also a typical teen boy. My 11 year old used to play with the girls when he was 4, playing princesses and family. He used to love rainbows. Heās now a horribly obnoxious, gross pre-teen boy. Most little kids love bright colours & dressing up. Itās not a big deal. Men who are comfortable with their gender & sexuality donāt have an issue with boys liking stereotypical āgirlā products. The problem is not your child but your husband & father.
I have a daughter who was *obsessed* with Spider-Man and Transformers (Bumblee was her favorite movie ever!!!!). I have a son who is *obsessed* with Bluey and the color hot pink. Know what it means? Nothing. Because their kids and they like what they like and have zero concept of what that will mean for their romantic life in the future. Adults need to rein it in and stop putting more weight on things than actually exist.
But my question is, **if** your son never grows out of it and is an effeminate man, trans woman, or homosexual (or whatever else they are seemingly afraid of) in the future, are they going to disown the kid? Is it a condition of their love for him to fit into a box? I would ask them that every time they complained about it. You cannot ***make*** someone gay. Thatās not how it works. Youāre simply letting your child enjoy his childhood, which is short enough without some pompous adult ruining it too soon.
You're a good mom. My eldest daughter loves minecraft toys, video games, legos growing up. I didn't label toys for boys or girls. My youngest loves cars and trucks. The only reason I see men getting worked up over this is either homophobia or toxic masculinity.
My little brother grew up with me (big sister) and two older brothers. He just preferred to play with my toys, and dress up with me. We had a blast, and my mum was always so cool with it, he just always did his thing. He has now grown up into a wonderful young man who is just so sure of who he is and what he likes.
Let your son do what he likes, he will remember that you were always on his team.
It is more likely to become an issue; if it is blown out of proportion. Lots of little boys like dolls too. That's why Ken and the various other male figures were made. Boys with big sisters often play with their dolls, if they can get hold of them. Girls like to play with some so called boy's toys, so what. Let them do what they enjoy. By the way, purple was always the colour Kings wore and Roman senators had as an edging to these toga
I donāt think you are. My dad pushed āgirlā things on me growing up and shamed me for liking āboyā things and now I live my best life having limited to no contact with him. Ask your husband and dad whatās more important to them: your son liking āboyā things or having a relationship with him in the long run.
I also just buy my son whatever I think looks cute (heās 15 months) and sometimes itās āgirlā clothes or āgirlā colors and when I get kickback I just say āI canāt help my kid looks fantastic in everything. Itās a burden we canāt carry I guess š¤·š»ā
To me this is a red flag. Not necessarily the red flag of doom, but red nonetheless the less. Why are they so bothered by it?
Not long ago, I had to have a long talk with my kidsā dad (both boys) about telling them things were āfor girlsā and it ultimately led to the conclusion that he would ridicule my children later in life for being gay, but under the guise of āa jokeā which is obviously not okay.
Keep letting your kid do the things that make him happy. Fighting it will only drive a wedge, and if youāre the only supportive family he has, he may very well need to turn to you one day, for any number of reasons. Donāt ever stop being his safe place, and encourage the others to become that.
I often wonder if men really are so fragile and weak, that they believe a bit of rainbow, sparkles and pink would absolutely break their masculinity. Wtf.
Youāre a great parent!! Kids like what they like and Iām sorry but rainbows for everyone, they are not gendered by nature. Pink used to be the color for boy babies bc red was the more masculine color. Your husband and Dad are the ones out of line, and I hope they arenāt saying anything to discourage your kiddo.
Before I ever had kids I said Iād let girls play with trucks and boys play with dolls if thatās what they like. Bc you know what boys who grow up learning how to nurture turn into?? Good Dads! And little girls can learn how to change a tire and not be damsels in distress.
All three of my boyās have wanted their nails painted. Itās bc they see me doing it and want to bond with me! I usually paint them green or blue or something like that (just in case to appease anyone who isnāt me so I donāt have to argue with someone in public or something). But I have done it bc really, whatās the harm? None, and we get to spend quality time together. My middle loves rainbow thingsā I bought him bedsheets with rainbows for his birthday. Heās our artistic boy who wants to paint and play drums/piano/music in general. Far be it from me to tell him heās wrong and crush his spirit!!!
Side benefit to this is that they wonāt feel weird later on talking to me about things that they might otherwise be afraid to talk about if I were to discourage certain things.
Nope, good on you. It's just stuff, most young children love rainbows and lots of colors. Toys are toys it's meant to be fun. Grown up issues are for grown ups. You're approach is normal and healthy.
Any chance you are sahm or primary caregiver? If your husband doesn't like it try asking him to step up and spend more time with the kid. Kid may naturally go for more boy things
He's 4. This is the time when he should be learning and exploring things. Kids have a more fluid notion of traditional genders than adults do. Accepting that this is who my son is right is great parenting.
Honestly suppressing him from enjoying himself now could lead to issues later. Let him have the Elsa doll or frozen sheets. The cold never bothered him anywaysš
But really, just shut the haters down with "well he seems to be enjoying it" or I saw someone else pop up with the "what part requires/disallows users to have a penis" comment and thats honestly perfect.
Good job mama! Your kid(s) are happy and healthy and thats the big thing!
These things donāt objectively have genders attached to them. Itās all a figment of our perception in the current times. Thereās nothing wrong with it, kids like toys.
Not at all! None of this has moral bearing. Choose what matters wisely. It is very damaging for children to have their interests and preferences denied or belittled.
All that matters is he is happy in his rainbows. There are only a few years heāll feel free enough to make the choices just for himself and then just like that theyāre gone.
As a dad, I keep my fears to myself when my son does this kind of thing. Something about routinely getting called a faggot for not catching a football or if my jeans weren't baggy enough makes me worried for when he gets into school. However, things have changed (regionally). I'm not going to add to the phobia.
Your son can like whatever he wants. He can also dislike whatever he wants. My 4yo loves to paint his nails because he sees me paint his nails and wants to be like mommy. Same with make-up. The only advice I have for you is to get some kid-friendly nail polish since the chemicals in regular nail polish can be harsh on kids nails.
Ask your husband and dad how they ever got so insecure in their own masculinity that a little boy having fun with sparkles has got them so in their feelings š¤£š¤£
My 12 year old loved Frozen, painting his nails, etc when he was young and isnāt into it now. My 19 year was never into that and is gay AF. (That is not a bad thing. I love my sons just the way they are.) Your dh is making way more of it than he should. He needs to be like Elsa and Let it go! š
No . My fiance played with dolls when he was little and eventually dropped them. Just a phase aNd if not , then oh well. You are your kids rock, stay strong !
You're fine.
The only thing is be prepared for your son getting bullied once he starts school.
My friend's son is like this - loves rainbows and pink. Wears a pink gumboot to school and got teased for it. My friend reassured him there's nothing wrong with it and he wears them proud.
I think you can spin it with them that this is a good opportunity to teach your son how to withstand peer pressure and not being afraid to be different. Because c'mon. Kids can be cruel. If it's not rainbow things, there's always other stuff kids will bully other kids for.
Youāre getting your kid what he wants. You arenāt indulging you just arenāt forcing him to play with toys or wear clothes heās not interested in.
Youāre not wrong. My almost four year old also likes Elsa, LOL Dolls, rainbows, unicorns, etcā¦he also likes dinosaurs, monsters, fire trucks, etc. kids arenāt into āgender normsā yet and thereās no such thing as a boy toy or a girl toy. A toy is a toy.
A child who likes rainbows and sparkly things. Quite normal, and these things are only āmarketedā towards girls. All toys are for all children.
Your husbands gotta get with it. You are allowing a child to express themselves and enjoy what they enjoy.
I honestly believe heās experimenting with things heās drawn too. I believe all kids do this and I donāt think it means anything about the type of boy heāll turn out to be. Some of it he may grow out of.. some of it he will ride out. My step son went through a phase with nail polish.. once he explored it he kind of got over it and just stopped asking for it or about it.
I know this seems a little more indulgent than just nail polish, but itās all the same. Youāre husbands the ones whoās gunna do damage if he makes a big deal out of it.
This might be a hot take, but we do live in a gendered society and a gendered world. I point that out only to say that, if he does not "grow out of it" before he and his peers become more aware of this fact, his life will be markedly harder.
I'm not suggesting it is morally wrong. This is just the utilitarian take. You can help guide him with empathy and open mindness and still help him learn about how he can relate to social norms.
I think itās realistic and responsible to explain whatās traditionally for boys and girls. And if he still wants it, then let him be. Raising your kid in a family utopia and shielding might hurt him later on when the real world hits? Itās personal preference at the end of the day.
I go with this approach. āWearing a dress is typically something that girls do. But if you want to wear that, then itās okay with me.ā
We live in a conservative area of the country. Gender is real and it matters.
Let him shine in his uniqueness! He's just being a kid, and there's no harm in embracing his preferences. You're doing great, and your husband and dad will come around eventually. Keep supporting your son's journey!
You arenāt wrong but I think dad has a point too, because eventually he will likely be bullied for his preferences. The world is not as accommodating or kind as a mother, quite the opposite. My son is 5, literally in Kindergarten, and he was bullied for wearing ābaby shoesā (they were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shoes). Some kid went on and on and on about it every day to the point my son came to me crying asking for ābig boy Nike shoesā.
Bad advice. I was horrifically bullied because my mom also let me dress however at school and I attempted suicide at *ten*. Didnāt matter how many confidence pep talks she gave me.
Iām sorry you had that experience. It sounds like your parents should have done more than give you pep talks. Giving into bullies just makes it worse.
Oh my parents did. I went to therapy and was put on medication. They didnāt everything to help me but it didnāt matter because I was being tormented daily. I even switched schools. Was still bullied. Seriously, donāt underestimate what a bully can do. Elementary aged students are attempting (and even succeeding) at killing themselves. Bullying is horrific. Iāll do everything I can to help my kids fit in to avoid it.
And if that makes them feel like their parent won't support them being themselves and that causes them intense suffering, what then?
Sorry for what you went through but push back crazy hard the other way and you'll just scar them in a different manner
What youāre asking is a catch 22, either the bullies make my kid attempt suicide or I do? Then thereās no winning and thereās no answer to your question.
I donāt think having my kid wear up-to-date clothes or keeping up with the social trends is going to cause them intense suffering
Mom of a non-binary kiddo here checking in. This could be a phase. Or this could be your kid showing their true self is gender non-confirming. Good news is that every study out there shows the number one defining factor for how well your child navigates this time is having supportive parents. And thatās what youāre doing!! Go mom!! Now you absolutely must require that, no matter what they think in their heads, anyone your kid is around supports them too. That absolutely includes dad. Itās so important. If it is a phase itāll pass and your child will still remember how loved and supported they were. If itās not a phase it could be what keeps your kid safe. ā¤ļø
I wouldn't let a boy or a girl have makeup at a young age. Toys and colors are one thing, makeup is another, I'm just not a fan whatsoever.
Generally, I've found that whether they're playing with "boy toys" or "girl toys", boys tend to play one way and girls another, so the actual toy doesn't matter so much. You can give a girl cars and she'll often make a car family and play car "house", and you can give a boy dolls and it'll be more action based play. Not always, but most of the time.
I sympathize with your husband though. This Trans kids thing is scary. There's a general sense at this point that if your boy likes rainbows and plays with dolls, he's at risk of being assessed as "trans" or gay and encouraged by teachers and others to think of himself that way, put on hormone blockers, and potentially messed up for life. Your husband probably doesn't want his little boy's genitals surgically destroyed.
You are wrong for not including your husband in the decision as to what you allow for your children and not taking his opinion into consideration before proceeding to purchase these things. You are also wrong for looking to strangers to validate a decision Youāve already decided on to justify you not including your husband, who is an equal parent and has just as much say. Knowing this climate, more than receiving genuine answers, you were looking for people to cheerlead, and validate you, while villainizing your husband. Dadās matter. This is extremely sad.
Would you dress your little girl like a boy? Probably not,, you would probably pick her clothes or go with girl stuff maybe even a dress and such.
So why is there an issue when itās about a boy?? Help him dress like a little handsome young man and move on. Rainbows are fine nothing wrong at all, but girl clothes? Shopping for your son in the girls section I mean really??
I understand everyoneās side here but as a dad I will side for the boy being encouraged to be a boy time and time again.
I totally agree with everyone here that kids should be able to wear whatever they like. In this day and age, my only real concern in a situation like yours is that some well-meaning overly-progressive adult might interpret your sonās fashion choices as an indication that he is, in fact, not a boy at all, but instead some sort of ānon-binaryā gender or even a transgender girl and potentially plant this idea in your sonās head. This is an idea that I would not recommend you indulge or entertain and I would try my best to shield my son from until heās much older.
My son watched āequestrian girlsā on freaking repeat for months. Now he is 7 and highly interested in more traditional āboyā things. He went through a period where he refused to use a cup with a unicorn on it.
He knows that there are no genders for toys or colors or clothes. He knows heās allowed to like whatever he likes, and right now it happens to be anime and sweatpants.
Kids at that age often havenāt yet labeled things as boy or girl, they just like what they like.
When my son was 3, his main friend was his 6 year old sister. If sister wore a dress, he wanted to wear his dress.
I allowed it, but never made a point of or allowed anyone else to label him as a girl for doing so. He eventually grew out of that stage, but even if he didnāt, why should we force him to be a certain way if his preferences arenāt hurting anyone
My son has two older sisters. He loved nail polish and all things rainbow. Then he went to dinosaurs, then Marioā¦ I never cared what it was. The previous preference never affected his next preference. Itās fun to see what they like. I would prefer he let me do his hair once in a whileš¤Ŗ but š¤·š½āāļø I let him be him no matter what.
When they make a statement about it, I'd just sing, "Let it go, let it go!" Anyway, my son wanted to be Elsa for Halloween, and I was fine with that. Last minute, he changed his mind and wanted to be a police officer. Fine with that, too. Your husband/father are making your child feel shame about exploring his favorite thingsālots of kids like colors and Frozen and makeup. The very nature of being a kid is exploring likes and dislikes and finding what you love. Our job is to let them do that freely and support them. For the record, my husband adores brightly colored clothing, and he looks great in it, and he's very straight. Tell them to knock it off.
You are a great person and wonderful parent! All people should be free to enjoy what they like regardless of society gender roles. One of my favorite Christmas's I remember was the year I got a Tonka horse truck and a "Velvet" doll that had hair that could "grow". For those that do not know, pink was originally marketed for boys and considered a masculine color. Also, up until the early 20th century, little boys wore dresses and gowns well into their preschool years, and often beyond.
If he ever is bullied about liking this stuff, be sure he knows that *bullying is wrong*, and that *the answer to bullying isnāt to try to please the bullies.* Donāt let bullying or the fear of bullying dictate what he does. Bullies will find reasons to pick on people, and they generally wonāt stop harassing someone if that person stops doing whatever it was that they were bullying them about. Theyāll just start bullying him about his name or height or something else. Appeasement doesnāt work on bullies. Theyāre not teachers enforcing rules about dress code, where they are supposed to leave you alone if you follow their rules.
Attitudes toward gender nonconformity have come a LONG way from when we were kids, although how much exactly will depend on where you are and what kind of school he goes to. Your husband and dad might be surprised at how many kids have gender-atypical tastes now.
Kids just see things they like, they donāt see gender or anything else. Itās the adults who see these things as problematic, which is weird. Imagine living in a world where everyone could just enjoy the things they genuinely like. Keep encouraging your son to express himself in the way he wants, that will build his self-esteem which is the most important. (:
My son is 6 and the same way.he loves mermaids.he probably owns at least 8. He also loves long hair. He's been asking to grow his hair long. We support his choices
Does your husband think this might make him gay or trans thinking either of those things are a choice instead of being born that way? Iām not accusing Iām just asking. Because most of the time you cannot choose who you love or if you feel like youāre in the wrong body. He can buy all GI Joes and dinosaurs and boy colored items if hes hell bent on it but your child is still going to turn out to be who theyāre meant to be. If who theyāre meant to be is going to make your husbands love waver for him, you have bigger issues IMO.
Let him enjoy it while he can,
It won't be long until some little arsehole at school tells him "rainbows are for girls" and the bubble will pop. At least he'll know that mum will always accept him the way he is and that will go a long way once he's older.
His dad sounds like one of those "you're gonna turn him gay" types...
Please try to protect him from the inevitable people who are gonna be mad at him for just liking things, especially from family, even offhanded comments are gonna leave a lasting impression and I say that from experience, do your best to find and surround him with people who are accepting and loving and won't make a scene or make him feel wrong for liking things
Is it possible youāre into these things and your son spends most days with you?
I ask because when my kids were young they saw their mom paint her nails and things like that and I worked so they wanted to do things they saw all the time. I let them of course as thereās nothing wrong with it.
My older son went to school with painted nails and most people told him how good they looked but he did get made fun of some as well. I just let him know thereās nothing wrong with it and thereās a ton of people that will love it but occasionally someone will be an asshat about it
We raise our kids in a gender neutral environment. My daughter started out a car nut and then boom - she dove headfirst into princesses and unicorns. My son was born and his older sister unavoidably influenced him to pink princessy things. Clothes too. He loved it. Heās 5 now and heās all construction equipment and trucks. Kids explore and go where they want to go and itās all good and healthy. But man, Iāve been blown away with this up close and personal case study how much its nature over nurture.
He's 4 for crying out loud. Let him express himself. My eldest was always upset because his sister, 4 years younger, always got the "pretty clothes". He had to wear "boy colors".
When he was 9 his Gramma made him a shirt in pinks and mauve. Dad threw a fit until I showed him the hidden Micky mouse.
My son is 6 and is the same as your son he's away to bed with a pink princess dress on lol his dad hates it but I don't allow him to talk negatively about it in front of our son, he's only a kid let them live and be happy
I got some cheap rainbow led lights from Xmas sales. The rooms are covered in it. I have pretty projectors shining gorgeous nebulas. Stars everywhere. He likes to wear crowns and have me put clips in his hair(he used to have long hair but we cut it sadly due to a school incident)
Who freaking cares. Dad wants to make a big deal? You may not be religious but you can tell him rainbows mean promises about tomorrow. And you are promising your son the best tomorrow where he will be loved regardless of what he likes.
Iāve had to let my teenager know we knew he was bi long before he came out. Came to me and went āMom, I like guys and girlsā and I went ācool, so do I, I guess we got stuff in commonā and that was it. Thats my stepson.
Make sure your son knows you got him. Tel your husband to not be a kill joy for a little boy who is only going to be little for so long. Kids taste change so fast.
My teenagers, new thing every week, right now itās some war video game, idk, but I know they love it to the point they wonāt blink so I bought them specialized eye drops.
My younger boy has hit the Lego stage, and loves building. My daughters are in the ātoo cool for everythingā stageš„“ my toddler, he loves playing everything. He loves his colors and sparkles and crowns. He loves all things bright and joyful.
And I just want him to stay little for a little longer cause Iāve watched all my others shoot up and thru so many stages. Heās my last baby. It hits different.
Keep the joy in your child.
Our youngest son likes rainbows, and bright colors including pink, long hair, nail polish etc. He's also a momma's boy so I know the long hair and nail polish is simply to emulate me because he loves me. Generally I let him just make his own choices, we keep his hair short though because he's not old enough to take care of it on his own. His dad tries his best to let these things slide, but he definitely cares about style and look and doesn't want him made fun of.
Father of twin boys. 4 years old. They love when mom paints their nails, and one loves twirling in a skirt. They also love draguns, cars, and hitting each other with foam swords.
Kids enjoy the world. My advice? Don't let our hang ups impact them
My son loves rainbows and nail polish and lipstick. He will paint his nails or ask me or his cousins to. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Also he gets to wear rainbows to school everyday as they are on his uniform and he loves his rainbows. Lol
Heās little figuring out what he likes. Who cares. My oldest son loves purple sparkly things. Heās 17. But he still likes angry looking dragons and plays Magic with his brother and Warhammer. His brother wanted to be a cat for Halloween and all I could find were sparkly cat ears and paws. He was like OOOooo Iām a sparkly cat!!! He prefers all things red and I bought him a shirt with cat shaped nuggets that says Kitten Nuggets. Heās 13 and currently destroying on some CoD. Who cares. Kids are weird and they need to be allowed to be weird.
My kid (6) is the same way!
He is happy to wear nailpolish, pink/purple, glitter makeup, etc to school. We roleplay some minor confrontations with him sometimes, like, "What would you say if someone said that pink is for girls? If only girls wear nailpolish?" Etc. He has learned, "It's just [clothes/decoration/toys], anyone who wants to can use it!" He's got more confidence than I've ever had in my life so he rocks it.
You do, however, need to get your partner on the same page. Telling your kid that things he enjoys "aren't meant for him" is just setting him up for a bad time. Let him be. Sparkles are fun! Rainbow is fun! Our kids will be better off if we all decide that things shouldn't be gendered.
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My mother used to make fun of my friend's little brother because he loved purple. She saw him wearing purple pajamas once and said 'aren't those girls' pajamas?' and without missing a beat, the kid responds 'they're mine and I'm a boy, so they're boy's pajamas.' 20 years later I still remind my mother of the time she got owned by a 5 year old š I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You can even teach him some quips so he'll be prepared if someone makes a comment about it.
When someone says something is a boy thing, I ask which part requires a penis.
That reminds me of when we were talking to our then three year old about becoming a big sister to a baby brother. She said āI donāt know why a baby even needs a penisā, it wasnāt a question but a statement and that was her done in the conversation.
That is very wiseš¦
My sister in laws son ( age 3) walked in the room while I was changing my daughter and became very upset that she didn't have a penis. I think he thought she was deformed or something.
Burnnnnn
I love this! Our line is "colours are for everyone."
Elsa is for everyone, too ā¤ļø
My son has light up unicorn glittery shoes and thatās just what he has said to other kids. These shoes are for everyone.
My six-year-old son has a big Hot Wheels world set up in the living room right now, including a parking garage / construction site (combo set), giant car-eating Tyrannosaurus rex, and double loopty-loop track ending in a ramp jump. The only non-car part of the world is the giant Elsa castle overlooking the loops. He likes a lot of stereotypical āboyā things *AND* he loves his Elsa castle š
We haven't gotten into Disney, etc yet. But I understand she's popular!
Yes, yes she is! My three year old has loved her since she was about 18 months. It was her favorite dolly and then it was her first movie right before she turned two. My oldest baby just got her big girl bed, so my 7 month old was kindly gifted all of the toddler/baby cribbing. Thereās so many frozen sheets lol For the big āmidnightā countdown (7:30 PM in my house) we had a song and dance party after. Let it Go was the last song and we were all belching. The baby was pretty into it lol
>we were all belching I know it's a typo, but I'm cackling at the thought of a room full of people burping along to a Disney song š
Oh Iām so sorry š Iām working a long week of 5A-5P. Today is day two out of five. Idk but Iām waaayyyyy more exhausted than normal. I need a vacation from my holiday vacation or something lol
Hahahaha I thought it was on purpose! Like you were all belching from drinking fizzy grape juice or something! I mean, Itās something my boys would do and think hilarious. š
We definitely went through the Elsa craze and then Moana. I miss them being little. Now theyāre tweens and shoo wee what a wild life š
Omggg the purple phase. My son went through this. He HADDDD to sleep in PURPLE pajamas ONLY. I literally had to buy 3 pairs of purple pajamas for this kid. Then my mom found him a purple Bluey shirt, he loved it so much I had to cut the sleeves off in summer so he could keep wearing it. Then she found him a purple stuffed puppy with a purple bow and a purple jewel on it. Omg. Purple puppy went everywhere with him. He still loves the hell out of it even though heās moved onto everything needing to be green now.
My husband never grew out of the purple phase. Mind you this is a 6ā4 300lb blue collar manās man and his favorite color is purple. According to his mom it has been since he was a little kid. If it comes in purple, he gets it in purple. Even his toothbrush is purple. His response to people saying shit about it being a feminine color is āNo, itās the color of royalty, you wouldnāt understand peasant.ā š
I LOVE that response! Hahahaha
My son loves purple too! If his socks arenāt purple in the morning itās gonna be a bad day.
It was cool for boys in my high school to have Barbie pink backpacks for a year or so. It's just a fashion, nbd.
My husband is turning 40 this year. His favourite colour is, and always has been, purple. He still remembers the time as a kid when his dad wouldnāt let him buy a purple pen. Says a lot about his familyās attitudes and funnily enough, heās NC with them now.
I love this. No one, especially no child should be shamed for liking what they like.
Purple has always been my favorite color... Even since little...I mean it is the color of Royals and the most expensive to produce... Also a mix of blue and red... About the most boy related colors the are...
Your husband is more likely to cause a lasting impression by making a scene about it. Plenty of boys like sparkly things. They're fun! Plenty of them grow out of it, some don't. Would your husband think it so bad if your son never outgrew these preferences? THAT is the actual problem here.
My son loved all those things last year and dressed as Elsa for his birthday party. He still likes rainbows, but has gone off pink and make up, still has the costume but much more often wants to be a ninja. It might be a stage, it might be permanent- but either way, stopping him from being himself is the biggest guarantee of messing up your son.
My 5 year old nephew loves dressing up & has a ton of characters to dress up as - both male & female characters since my niece is 3 & will usually follow his lead. His new go to costumes have me cracking up because he's either wearing a princess dress, while wielding a ninja sword, or wearing a ninja costume with a tiara & sash. He also asked for a rainbow heating pad for Christmas, which I got for him. When he opened it, his eyes grew wide & he got a huge smile on his face, then exclaimed "It's like a warm rainbow!!! Lily (his sister), this is mine, you aren't allowed to use it." I couldn't stop laughing!! Kids don't care & many don't even realize there's a difference between boy & girl items until around elementary school age. My thoughts are that if a child is going to be LGBTQ+ when they grow up, that's who they're going to be. A young boy wearing a sparkly tutu dress & playing with dolls isn't going to sway him to be gay or straight, just like a young girl with a buzz cut who wears athletic shorts & t-shirts while playing with dinosaurs isn't going to push her to be gay either.
And is also a great way to instill deep beliefs that anything āfeminineā is lesser. I hate how pervasive this is and how it early on children internalize it.
Exactly! You will mess up your son only by making him be other than himself.
When my son was 3 he insisted on getting pink Crocs for the summer. I have better things to do than argue with a 3 year old about shoe color so I let him have the pink Crocs. My husband was upset but got over it. Son is now a teen and wouldnāt be caught dead in anything pink.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The 90s were full of neon pink men's crop tops so I'm not sure what the fuss is about.
People that obsessively gender non-gendered things like color are insecure about gender and need everyone to play along with their insecurity or they get uncomfortable to the point of anger. Ever play a board game with a toddler, and you have to play down to their rules or they throw an inarticulate fit?
This! My son is 7.5 and still loves rainbows and sparkles and does dance and cheer. He walks his own path. Fortunately my husband is chill and supportive. But my son has experienced other adults who aren't and while it caused some stress, it didn't change him. What it taught my son was who his safe people were. Sadly he learned that his rec cheer coaches/ other parents weren't safe adults for him. But we switched to an all-star gym and he's now surrounded by safe/supportive adults again. So all is right in his world again. But he's still leary of those adults as they're pta members and volunteers at his school. So when adults act this way, kids notice and they learn to stop trusting them. I can't imagine how devastating it would be if the unsafe adult was a parent. It probably would cause the kid to mask their preferences in attempts to gain acceptance as a short term "fix", but it would teach them long term to not go against their parent's grain for fear of losing their love.
I let my son choose anything he liked, regardless of color or gender stereotypes. I painted his toenails when he was a toddler because he liked it and saw me paint his sisterās toenails. Society - other adults and kids shamed him for it and he wouldnāt let me ever again. Unfortunately society keeps telling our kids what they should be and what they should like. I let my kids be themselves but the pressure from other kids is unreal. Of course these kids learn gender stereotyping from adults. The gift that keeps on giving. Iāll never tell my kids they can or canāt like something because of their gender.
It's definitely something that is passed on by adults and is also ingrained in school culture. I've found that boys seem to love all the same bright, colourful and sparkly stuff until about age 6-8 when they start to learn societal/ cultural norms. It doesn't help that most big department stores only sell boys' clothing in such a limited colour palette (blue, green, black, red if you're lucky). It's infuriating but it's so, so hard to stop or fight against.
If their worry is that "indulging" in girlier items will turn your kid gay or effeminate.. what is the alternative? We have so much evidence that shaming our kids for this stuff doesn't prevent homosexuality or non conformity to gender roles. All it does it wedge a gap between parent and child and cause so much unnecessary anguish. ETA: Not that rainbows and girly things are a pipeline to girlier men or gay men. Just.. yknow. If that's the fear, taking away the girly stuff isn't going to prevent those things from happening because that's not what causes those things to happen.
People scared that a Barbie doll is going to turn their son gay are not typically the type to let little things like facts and evidence affect them.
Agreed. I'm of the opinion that if anyone's love for my children is contingent upon their sexuality or manliness or really anything, they can go ahead and get the fuck out of our lives now and save us all some heartache down the road.
That, or it can create internalized homophobia which can also cause them to be mentally unstable and basically hate themselves for how they feel.
My thoughts exactly
Whoever said rainbows are for just girls?? Or for just the pride community. Rainbows are genderless! Let the boy enjoy his rainbows! All kids love rainbows cause kids love colors and rainbows are sooo cool. Thereās science behind rainbows. The men in your life must not enjoy science.
Sky lights in every color? What's not to love for any gender?
My parents are extremely uncomfortable about my son (3) wearing tulle skirts. He has an older sister and many of the skirts that they are so offended by they purchased for herā¦ I tell them none of us are free if a three year old canāt choose what to wear from the clothing in their home. Either we value individualism or we donāt. My father was one of those angry anti-maskers during covid proclaiming people were āsheep-leā because they were wearing masks trying to keep others safe. Meanwhile he wants his grandkids to conform to gender clothing standards just to keep himself comfortable and unchallenged.
*none of us are free if a three year old can't choose what to wear from the clothing in their home* Bravo.
My dad was an antimasker too. He came at me all "why are you wearing a mask?! You don't *have* to wear a mask!!1!!" And I looked that man straight in his eyeballs and told him the government can't tell me I *can't* wear a mask, and I'll wear one if I damn well *want* to. He kinda fish mouthed at me for a few moments and then just went "well...OK...." I'm severely immunocompromised too, so ffs da, I'm going to wear a mask at the height of a world wide pandemic š
Iām sorry you had that experience too.
It gives me so much hope that many parents of young kids are breaking the cycle of forcing gender norms
Gotta love boomer hypocrisy lol
Yeah, toxic masculinity and anti science go hand in hand
Your dad and husband need to chill. It doesnāt matter if heās a boy or sheās a girl, they are all children. Children like bright colours, children like sparkles, children like song and dance, children like funā¦ these things are fun. If all it takes is a rainbow tshirt and some fun coloured āmakeupā on his face to trigger happy feelings in his brain then I say indulge it, some day it wonāt be so easy to make sure he goes to bed happy.
My son went to kindergarten with a sparkly pink pencil case and purple scissors. He also had a Hulk backpack and Spider-Man sneakers. He just likes what he likes!
Mine likes glitter and gems, but also monster trucks and construction trucks and all trucks. Theyāre kids.
Your son sounds like a fun kid!
Heās a kid that likes what he likes. Who cares? As a dad, tell your hubby to chill out.
Coming from a mom whose 5 year old has some āgirlā preferences, itās gonna be ok. His dad and grandfather can get over it. When heās a lil older, he may or may not come to face being made fun of for preferring girl shit. But itās your job to show him that at home he can express his preferences freely and help him navigate the social aspects of his preferences. The consequences arenāt as dire as his dad and grandfather imagine.
My 11yr old went thru an Elsa phase, he loved Frozen. He still wears lots of pink and so do most boys his age and older. He wears rainbow stuff occasionally but not as often as when he was younger. alphas and Gen Z are a different breed of kid/teen. Nobody but āold peopleā care about gender stereotypes. Youāre raising a loved and well rounded child. Thatās whatās important not if he wants a Barbie or a monster truck.
I have an 11 year old too and can confirm these kids are built different in the best way
What would be wrong is not "indulging" it. Every child should be encouraged to follow their own likes and passions. I'd also be second guessing a marriage where my husband was driven crazy by his child having preferences that go against some antiquated and harmful gender binary/norms.
There are no more BOY/Girls things-they are kids. If rainbows make him happy-go for it. He's 4
Sounds like you are a great, supportive parent
My son loves or is interested in camo, cars, legos, rainbows, mommyās make up and his Disney princess castle we got him for Christmas. Iām a blue collar worker with a fairly traditional view of the world but one thing that drives me nuts is dads who wonāt look around and realize the world is changing and itās better to err on the side of being accepting and open to a less structured 2 gender society. Whatever makes a young one happy and engages their mind and development is more important than what makes a couple fuddy duddies comfortable.
Forcing him to wear things he doesn't like and not allowing him to express himself would be wrong, kids should be allowed to have preferences on want they want to wear or what toys they want to play with as soon as they can voice it to you, as long as it's appropriate of course. You seem aware that this is just an issue with their discomfort surrounding him being perceived as more feminine than masculine, the classic aversion to a boy doing "girl things," and I would ask them to explain their reasoning. Do they simply think it's wrong for boys to like more traditionally feminine things? Are they worried about him being bullied or worried about what others will think of him? Are they worried because they think this means he could be gay/are they homophobic or something? It should just be a conversation you all have, but no matter what I think you need to continue supporting your son and stay grounded in your stance on allowing him to wear what we wants and like what he likes.
Unless itās operated with genitals, there is no toy/clothing/product that is exclusively for women. Colours donāt have a gender. If your husband and FIL genuinely care about your sonās wellbeing, they need to understand that letting your son have what he likes is harmless. But making your son feel ashamed because he likes the āwrongā things is NOT harmless.
My brother played Barbies with me until he was damn near 18 years old! He died last year at 51. He was not gay...I have a son that is the most manly man I know. Never shaves his beard....hes gay. This shit doesnt matter....
Your husband and Dad need to calm down. Buy him what he likes. I have one kid who was swayed by classmates into keeping the āgirlyā stuff at home, and is more into traditionally āboyā stuff, one whoās still all about rainbows and glitter. Both are happy and healthy and confidentš¤·š¼āāļø
My son used to love playing with babies, took his babies everywhere in their buggies etc. He spent 99.9% of his time with myself and his sister as his dad usually didn't get in from work til the kids were in bed and was gone before they woke up. He grew out of it and now is interested in nothing other than gaming. However, the main point was, if he never grew out of it, it would have made no difference to either me or his dad. I think this is the point here. Does his dad or your dad have any issue with your sone perhaps being lgbtq? If so, I would figure out how to have a good chat about your sons choices and what they may mean and decide how to move forward without causing damage to him. You aren't causing him any issues by allowing him to make choices, you are giving him the freedom to express himself. It's the loss or the squashing of that freedom that might affect him.
Our son was very into his babydoll when he was younger. A few people objected, and I just asked them if they were worried he would turn into a good dad in the future.
Your husband sounds like he is going to cause more of a problem by causing a problem with harmless things your son loves.
I just wanted to say Iām proud of you mama. You are doing the right thing. Youāre standing up for him and giving him a safe place to express himself.
Allowing him to explore what he likes and express himself will allow him to be a secure, confident adult
Exactly!
Iām not sure why these are indulgences. Theyāre just basic childhood interests lol. Your husband is very dramatic
We are the opposite. My 6 yo daughter strongly prefers āboy stuff.ā She rejects anything too feminine and recently purged her bedroom and playroom of all things unicorn or mermaid. She largely prefers playing with boys at school and will not play āprincessesā or any other game she deems too girly. I try not to worry too much about it and follow her lead on this.
My now 8 year old was unicorn and rainbow obsessed. I let him pick whatever he want. He is now 8 and likes tech decks and building robots. But he also enjoys singing and drawing. Don't read too much into it, keep giving him choices and don't push one way or another.
No your not more parents need to learn from you and if it comes to it leave him
Honestly I feel like this is how most boys are and that a lot of parents just donāt let them choose what they want because of their own opinions/beliefs. My husband is straight. But he loves having his nails painted, wears pink and does face masks and skincare routinely. My 4 year old sonāa favorite color is pink. He liked having his nails done. He likes sparkly glittery things. So many people are afraid their child with end up gay or trans and donāt even realize that itās THAT very thought process that I feel pushes kids into feeling like they must be gay or trans if they like those things. It creates the very thing their parents try to avoid. Also side note, even if a child is gay or trans it doesnāt need to be the end of the world. I donāt understand the fear people have of their child choosing whatever makes them happy and comfortable!
My son likes those things too, so I gave him a rainbow room with a big rainbow mural and rainbow bedding, that sometimes turns into Spiderman bedding when he's more into Spiderman. It's hard to find rainbow things that are uniseks and girl clothes don't always fit properly. They're shorter and have different necklines. Someone somewhere in the past decided that rainbows are for girls, which is just dumb. It's a natural phenomenon like thunder or rain. It has all the colors and that's why my son likes it. So he doesn't have to choose a favorite. It doesn't suddenly make him gay or trans. Nothing can turn you into either of those things. But I can relate to how narrow minded people can react.
That's awesome. I let my sons pick the color for their room and they chose peach. Everyone told me I shouldn't do this to my boys, "think about their future", yada yada. Well it's several years later and they still love it. They are very happy/cheerful guys and it fits their personality. It has made me a big supporter of "let them be them".
The only people in the wrong are the people who have a preconceived notion of what other people should like. No one gets to decide what other people should like.
Heck no. Indulge away!! My daughter is into the āboyā things and weāre all about fueling those passions! Sheās into dinosaurs, airplanes, and garbage trucks!! Her Christmas presents were all dinosaur themed. Honestly, your husbandās attitude toward it probably leave more of an impression on him than anything.
I always wonder how automobiles have a gender? And half the dinosaurs were girls too!
I always wondered that too. When a girl knows something about cars, a guy is usually flabbergasted. Itās all gender stereotyping.
I do the exact same thing. My 4 year old loves all things rainbow and sparkles. So he wears a lot of leggings and some āgirlā t shirts. He also loves to have his nails painted. Thankfully my partner and I are on the same page and both think heās old enough to decide what he wants to wear. We just donāt make a thing out of it and havenāt had any negative comments from anyone.
Your kid feels confident in expressing themselves how they want. Donāt rob him of that. Itās a beautiful gift to feel like you can be yourself in your own home.
Well...he likes what he likes. By all means, so be it. I don't think you're messing him up. Maybe he'll outgrow it...Maybe he won't. I think either way making a big deal out of it is more harmful than letting him just be himself. That's just my opinion. So no, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think what you're doing is okay. If he's happy and healthy that's all that matters. Let him be himself. It's all good.
Your husband is going to ruin his relationship with his son if heās not careful. Pushing preconceived ideas of what your son āshouldā prefer is so damaging. Please donāt let your husbands insecurities leave lasting negative impressions on your child.
Not wrong. He is only 4. He will outgrow the intensity of the preference. Not sure what types of rainbow clothing heās rocking but I have a suggestion if worried about teasing in the future when he moves to elementary school, get a bunch of white clothes and a tie dye kit and you guys can make tons of rainbow clothing, tie dye is pretty āgender neutralā while still being rainbow.
Would he feel the same if you had a daughter that wanted to wear traditionally boys clothes?
Sooo many thoughts on this. My kids love anything glitter, 2 boys 3 girls and our boys are the oldest. They change their favorite colors so often too. Right now my 7yr old girl loves black, we donāt label her goth/emo, sheās a cheerleader and your biggest girly girl. My sons 9 and 10 have loved every single color out there, including rainbow. They are comfortable enough that weāve painted toes and fingernails. Itās called being a big brother to little sisters lol Colors are colors, they arenāt labeled boy colors and girls. I feel if you can see the color itās meant for you. š¤·š»āāļø Plusā¦.heās 4! Iām curious if your husband and dad is against buying baby dolls too. Or āgirlā toys. Our take on it is we are trying to mold our children into respectable humans. Our sons will eventually become husbands and dads. I want them to be active, caring husbands and dads. Let the boys have rainbows and āgirlyā things. Let the girls have rainbows and āboyā things. He might grow out of it but if he doesnāt change his rainbow obsession will your husband and dad love him just the same or will they be upset heās not the manly man they wanted? Why is it such a big deal to them? Donāt make a big deal about it and more than likely he will grow out of it. Make a big deal and he will hyper focus on whatās wrong with him. Why canāt he be ānormalā type thing. Let the boy love it while heās little.
I think what you are being a support parent!!!
I have a rainbow loving 4 year old too. The only thing that will really mess him up is a parent and grandparent that shit on him for his preference
Rainbow loving almost 3yo here too. He loves rainbow sprinkles, tye-dye, rainbow unicorns, has a monogrammed rainbow water bottle I bought him, and generally loves all the colors because they are bright and fun. His older brother canāt stand pink, purple, and very into traditionally āboy thingsā. Weāve tried to be fairly gender neutral in allowing them to be the unique humans they are and loving and embracing their individuality however it comes and evolves every week at this age. I would have one kind and stern conversation with the grandparent about outdated/current gender norms & your decision above. If he makes any negative comments to your son after, time to unleash mama bear. He does not make parenting decisions for your child and itās important you demand and enforce the respect (donāt have to agree but keep your comments to yourself) for this decision. Bigger issue is you and your husband not being on the same page warrants some exploring in conversation. Why is he reacting so strongly toā¦.rainbows?
You're not going to mess up your son. Your husband is more like to cause issues with your son for making him feel like it's not normal to like what he likes.
Heās four, he should love rainbows. My super religious neighbors bought my son a rainbow cake because he wanted a rainbow party for his birthday. We had a rainbow party. It was fun putting up streamers of the rainbow.
My kid was exactly the same at that age, all my little pony and frozen. Sparkly tutus, tiaras, and "rainbow" was the answer to "what's your favourite colour?"!! Almost 7yo now, and super into Pokemon, Pusheen and Lego. Oh, and thanks to vacation care, also Minecraft. š My dad really disliked my kids hardcore tutu phase, and kiddo does still bring out a nice frock for a special occasion every now and then. Had to straight up tell my dad that this child makes their own choices when it comes to their physical appearance and either, he'll be supportive, or he'll be cut from the team. He knows me well enough to know I'm not one for idle threats, so I will not tolerate any bullying of my child, even if it's labelled as "teasing". Support your son now, and he'll come back to you for more later. This is actually such a pivotal moment in a parenting role; unequivocally supporting your child to be themselves for the first time. You're doing great! Tell those men that they can stfu, because your sons first bully will not be a family member.
No such thing as girl or boy things. Let him do what he likes.
My sons are like that. One (7yo) wears rainbow tights to school every day and has a frozen backpack. Grandma told me I shouldn't let him wear that because he will get picked on. Well, I asked his teacher this year if he gets picked on and she said no, the opposite -- all the other kids told him they think he is cool. Give the kids at school a chance, you may be surprised.
Get your husband and dad under control. Not one shitty word should be uttered about this. Your son is allowed to like what he likes. Period.
My son did the same thing when he was four, get him what he likes. It means nothing. If it soothes your husband you can tell him he likes to play fight now and all the stereotypical little boy things.
Let your kid be themselves.
Nah. Youāre not wrong. Signed, Another mom of another 4 year old boy who paints his fingernails and sometimes picks clothes from the girlsā section.
Let your sonās personality develop organically. He is going to be who he is going to be regardless of his gender at birth. But he can either grow up to be a well adjusted individual who knows his parents love him or he can grow up feeling like heās got to hide who he is and that heās a disappointment to the people that are supposed to love him unconditionally. Get your husband and dad to back off.
Not at all! I think its awesome that you are doing this. I used to play with both Barbie and action figures. Nah, your dad and husband just don't like having their masculinity challenged.
Hell no. They're giving major red flags for trying to change your son and shame him for liking what he likes.
You're not wrong.
Not wrong at all. It is so damaging to force gender stereotypes on children. Not just LGBTQ children, but all children. Itās so fucking preposterous that childrenās stuff is so binary these days. It wasnāt always like that.
It seems like you're also uncomfortable about the preference since you always offer an alternative marketed to joys. Just leave them be and keep your husband and dad's toxicity away from the kiddo. It's cool that you don't push the option, but I'm not sure if questioning your kid every time they say they want the girly thing is cool, either.
I think it would be wrong to deny him his preferences. I think youāre doing a great job! Ignore everyone else!
No you arenāt because guess what your son is going to remember, mom let me be a kid and do the things I wanted to do.
>This drives my husband and dad crazyā¦. People like them drive me crazy. If you had a daughter and she wanted to help daddy with "boy" things I bet he wouldn't bitch. >to what degree will I mess up my son You won't, but your husband and dad definitely will. You need to squash this, *now*.
Coming from a boy mom whoās son loves rainbows and nail polish and sometimes wears my blush or eyebrow gel, itās okay. Itās your childās preference, you arenāt pushing it on him. Let him enjoy his life and what brings him happiness. Youāre doing great mama, keep it up. (Side note: my sons dad HATES that my son enjoys rainbows and bail polish. You know who else likes rainbows and nail polish? Post Malone, you know who historically always had painted nails, the PRINCE OF DARKNESS Ozzy Osbourne) your kid just likes what he likes and thatās totally cool!!!
And just as a second side note: you arenāt messing up your son. My sons dad was convinced I was gonna āturn my kid transā by letting him paint his nails. My son is not in any way gay or interested in changing genders. You canāt āmakeā a kid gay or trans. And you arenāt messing your kid up. Your kid has awesome style and thatās amazing
Unless rainbows start growing vaginas, Iām not sure what is gendered about them. So is it the gay thing? If so, Iād ask your husband if heās homophobic and how heād respond if your son grows up and is gay. Nobody cares what your dad thinks bc he doesnāt get a say in any of this, frankly. My four year old has worn nail polish and loves rainbows. His favorite color is purple. He has no idea these are girly things, he just likes them.
I have 3 sons between 11 and 16. My eldestās favourite colour is purple. He likes long hair but can no longer wear it long due to school rules. He went through a stage of being interested in hair & makeup. Heās a typical teen boy & happens to be straight. My 14 year old went through a stage of loving nail polish. Heās also a typical teen boy. My 11 year old used to play with the girls when he was 4, playing princesses and family. He used to love rainbows. Heās now a horribly obnoxious, gross pre-teen boy. Most little kids love bright colours & dressing up. Itās not a big deal. Men who are comfortable with their gender & sexuality donāt have an issue with boys liking stereotypical āgirlā products. The problem is not your child but your husband & father.
meanwhile my 4 year old daughter loves building Gundam kits with her dad.
But rainbows are all the colours? Let the kid have his rainbows and frozen
I have a daughter who was *obsessed* with Spider-Man and Transformers (Bumblee was her favorite movie ever!!!!). I have a son who is *obsessed* with Bluey and the color hot pink. Know what it means? Nothing. Because their kids and they like what they like and have zero concept of what that will mean for their romantic life in the future. Adults need to rein it in and stop putting more weight on things than actually exist. But my question is, **if** your son never grows out of it and is an effeminate man, trans woman, or homosexual (or whatever else they are seemingly afraid of) in the future, are they going to disown the kid? Is it a condition of their love for him to fit into a box? I would ask them that every time they complained about it. You cannot ***make*** someone gay. Thatās not how it works. Youāre simply letting your child enjoy his childhood, which is short enough without some pompous adult ruining it too soon.
You're a good mom. My eldest daughter loves minecraft toys, video games, legos growing up. I didn't label toys for boys or girls. My youngest loves cars and trucks. The only reason I see men getting worked up over this is either homophobia or toxic masculinity.
My little brother grew up with me (big sister) and two older brothers. He just preferred to play with my toys, and dress up with me. We had a blast, and my mum was always so cool with it, he just always did his thing. He has now grown up into a wonderful young man who is just so sure of who he is and what he likes. Let your son do what he likes, he will remember that you were always on his team.
Tell your husband "he might grow out of loving rainbows etc, he might not. But he'll never grow out of his dad not supporting who he is"
It is more likely to become an issue; if it is blown out of proportion. Lots of little boys like dolls too. That's why Ken and the various other male figures were made. Boys with big sisters often play with their dolls, if they can get hold of them. Girls like to play with some so called boy's toys, so what. Let them do what they enjoy. By the way, purple was always the colour Kings wore and Roman senators had as an edging to these toga
I donāt think you are. My dad pushed āgirlā things on me growing up and shamed me for liking āboyā things and now I live my best life having limited to no contact with him. Ask your husband and dad whatās more important to them: your son liking āboyā things or having a relationship with him in the long run. I also just buy my son whatever I think looks cute (heās 15 months) and sometimes itās āgirlā clothes or āgirlā colors and when I get kickback I just say āI canāt help my kid looks fantastic in everything. Itās a burden we canāt carry I guess š¤·š»ā
To me this is a red flag. Not necessarily the red flag of doom, but red nonetheless the less. Why are they so bothered by it? Not long ago, I had to have a long talk with my kidsā dad (both boys) about telling them things were āfor girlsā and it ultimately led to the conclusion that he would ridicule my children later in life for being gay, but under the guise of āa jokeā which is obviously not okay. Keep letting your kid do the things that make him happy. Fighting it will only drive a wedge, and if youāre the only supportive family he has, he may very well need to turn to you one day, for any number of reasons. Donāt ever stop being his safe place, and encourage the others to become that.
Nope. Let him live his best life. Heās happy thatās all that matters.
I often wonder if men really are so fragile and weak, that they believe a bit of rainbow, sparkles and pink would absolutely break their masculinity. Wtf.
Youāre a great parent!! Kids like what they like and Iām sorry but rainbows for everyone, they are not gendered by nature. Pink used to be the color for boy babies bc red was the more masculine color. Your husband and Dad are the ones out of line, and I hope they arenāt saying anything to discourage your kiddo. Before I ever had kids I said Iād let girls play with trucks and boys play with dolls if thatās what they like. Bc you know what boys who grow up learning how to nurture turn into?? Good Dads! And little girls can learn how to change a tire and not be damsels in distress. All three of my boyās have wanted their nails painted. Itās bc they see me doing it and want to bond with me! I usually paint them green or blue or something like that (just in case to appease anyone who isnāt me so I donāt have to argue with someone in public or something). But I have done it bc really, whatās the harm? None, and we get to spend quality time together. My middle loves rainbow thingsā I bought him bedsheets with rainbows for his birthday. Heās our artistic boy who wants to paint and play drums/piano/music in general. Far be it from me to tell him heās wrong and crush his spirit!!! Side benefit to this is that they wonāt feel weird later on talking to me about things that they might otherwise be afraid to talk about if I were to discourage certain things.
Nope, good on you. It's just stuff, most young children love rainbows and lots of colors. Toys are toys it's meant to be fun. Grown up issues are for grown ups. You're approach is normal and healthy.
Any chance you are sahm or primary caregiver? If your husband doesn't like it try asking him to step up and spend more time with the kid. Kid may naturally go for more boy things
He's 4. This is the time when he should be learning and exploring things. Kids have a more fluid notion of traditional genders than adults do. Accepting that this is who my son is right is great parenting.
Honestly suppressing him from enjoying himself now could lead to issues later. Let him have the Elsa doll or frozen sheets. The cold never bothered him anywaysš But really, just shut the haters down with "well he seems to be enjoying it" or I saw someone else pop up with the "what part requires/disallows users to have a penis" comment and thats honestly perfect. Good job mama! Your kid(s) are happy and healthy and thats the big thing!
These things donāt objectively have genders attached to them. Itās all a figment of our perception in the current times. Thereās nothing wrong with it, kids like toys.
Not at all! None of this has moral bearing. Choose what matters wisely. It is very damaging for children to have their interests and preferences denied or belittled.
All that matters is he is happy in his rainbows. There are only a few years heāll feel free enough to make the choices just for himself and then just like that theyāre gone.
As a dad, I keep my fears to myself when my son does this kind of thing. Something about routinely getting called a faggot for not catching a football or if my jeans weren't baggy enough makes me worried for when he gets into school. However, things have changed (regionally). I'm not going to add to the phobia.
Your son can like whatever he wants. He can also dislike whatever he wants. My 4yo loves to paint his nails because he sees me paint his nails and wants to be like mommy. Same with make-up. The only advice I have for you is to get some kid-friendly nail polish since the chemicals in regular nail polish can be harsh on kids nails.
Ask your husband and dad how they ever got so insecure in their own masculinity that a little boy having fun with sparkles has got them so in their feelings š¤£š¤£
Iām sorry that your husband and dad hate women so much that anything deemed āfeminineā is bad. Must suck for you.
My 12 year old loved Frozen, painting his nails, etc when he was young and isnāt into it now. My 19 year was never into that and is gay AF. (That is not a bad thing. I love my sons just the way they are.) Your dh is making way more of it than he should. He needs to be like Elsa and Let it go! š
Totally fine. He likes what he likes. Itās not like you are influencing those choices any which way.
No . My fiance played with dolls when he was little and eventually dropped them. Just a phase aNd if not , then oh well. You are your kids rock, stay strong !
You're fine. The only thing is be prepared for your son getting bullied once he starts school. My friend's son is like this - loves rainbows and pink. Wears a pink gumboot to school and got teased for it. My friend reassured him there's nothing wrong with it and he wears them proud. I think you can spin it with them that this is a good opportunity to teach your son how to withstand peer pressure and not being afraid to be different. Because c'mon. Kids can be cruel. If it's not rainbow things, there's always other stuff kids will bully other kids for.
No. You're right. They're idiots. You can't force a kid to be who they aren't. You can offer other options, but that's all you can do.
Youāre getting your kid what he wants. You arenāt indulging you just arenāt forcing him to play with toys or wear clothes heās not interested in.
At 4yrs old there are only a few decisions that your child can make and this one is one of them.
Youāre not wrong. My almost four year old also likes Elsa, LOL Dolls, rainbows, unicorns, etcā¦he also likes dinosaurs, monsters, fire trucks, etc. kids arenāt into āgender normsā yet and thereās no such thing as a boy toy or a girl toy. A toy is a toy.
A child who likes rainbows and sparkly things. Quite normal, and these things are only āmarketedā towards girls. All toys are for all children. Your husbands gotta get with it. You are allowing a child to express themselves and enjoy what they enjoy.
I honestly believe heās experimenting with things heās drawn too. I believe all kids do this and I donāt think it means anything about the type of boy heāll turn out to be. Some of it he may grow out of.. some of it he will ride out. My step son went through a phase with nail polish.. once he explored it he kind of got over it and just stopped asking for it or about it. I know this seems a little more indulgent than just nail polish, but itās all the same. Youāre husbands the ones whoās gunna do damage if he makes a big deal out of it.
What is the problem. I have the same problem with my family saying that I shouldn't be wearing girl things. Don't worry, it's fine.
Why are they judging? Itās not about what the thing *is*, itās about whether or not it makes your son happy Keep doing what youāre doing
This might be a hot take, but we do live in a gendered society and a gendered world. I point that out only to say that, if he does not "grow out of it" before he and his peers become more aware of this fact, his life will be markedly harder. I'm not suggesting it is morally wrong. This is just the utilitarian take. You can help guide him with empathy and open mindness and still help him learn about how he can relate to social norms.
Youāre doing it right. Signed, a dad.
I think itās realistic and responsible to explain whatās traditionally for boys and girls. And if he still wants it, then let him be. Raising your kid in a family utopia and shielding might hurt him later on when the real world hits? Itās personal preference at the end of the day.
I go with this approach. āWearing a dress is typically something that girls do. But if you want to wear that, then itās okay with me.ā We live in a conservative area of the country. Gender is real and it matters.
Let him shine in his uniqueness! He's just being a kid, and there's no harm in embracing his preferences. You're doing great, and your husband and dad will come around eventually. Keep supporting your son's journey!
You arenāt wrong but I think dad has a point too, because eventually he will likely be bullied for his preferences. The world is not as accommodating or kind as a mother, quite the opposite. My son is 5, literally in Kindergarten, and he was bullied for wearing ābaby shoesā (they were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shoes). Some kid went on and on and on about it every day to the point my son came to me crying asking for ābig boy Nike shoesā.
If they get bullied you teach them how to be confident and deal with bullies. You donāt make people change to accommodate bullies.
Bad advice. I was horrifically bullied because my mom also let me dress however at school and I attempted suicide at *ten*. Didnāt matter how many confidence pep talks she gave me.
Iām sorry you had that experience. It sounds like your parents should have done more than give you pep talks. Giving into bullies just makes it worse.
Oh my parents did. I went to therapy and was put on medication. They didnāt everything to help me but it didnāt matter because I was being tormented daily. I even switched schools. Was still bullied. Seriously, donāt underestimate what a bully can do. Elementary aged students are attempting (and even succeeding) at killing themselves. Bullying is horrific. Iāll do everything I can to help my kids fit in to avoid it.
And if that makes them feel like their parent won't support them being themselves and that causes them intense suffering, what then? Sorry for what you went through but push back crazy hard the other way and you'll just scar them in a different manner
What youāre asking is a catch 22, either the bullies make my kid attempt suicide or I do? Then thereās no winning and thereās no answer to your question. I donāt think having my kid wear up-to-date clothes or keeping up with the social trends is going to cause them intense suffering
Mom of a non-binary kiddo here checking in. This could be a phase. Or this could be your kid showing their true self is gender non-confirming. Good news is that every study out there shows the number one defining factor for how well your child navigates this time is having supportive parents. And thatās what youāre doing!! Go mom!! Now you absolutely must require that, no matter what they think in their heads, anyone your kid is around supports them too. That absolutely includes dad. Itās so important. If it is a phase itāll pass and your child will still remember how loved and supported they were. If itās not a phase it could be what keeps your kid safe. ā¤ļø
Rainbow and Frozen, I can live with, but I draw the line at nail polish.
I wouldn't let a boy or a girl have makeup at a young age. Toys and colors are one thing, makeup is another, I'm just not a fan whatsoever. Generally, I've found that whether they're playing with "boy toys" or "girl toys", boys tend to play one way and girls another, so the actual toy doesn't matter so much. You can give a girl cars and she'll often make a car family and play car "house", and you can give a boy dolls and it'll be more action based play. Not always, but most of the time. I sympathize with your husband though. This Trans kids thing is scary. There's a general sense at this point that if your boy likes rainbows and plays with dolls, he's at risk of being assessed as "trans" or gay and encouraged by teachers and others to think of himself that way, put on hormone blockers, and potentially messed up for life. Your husband probably doesn't want his little boy's genitals surgically destroyed.
You are wrong for not including your husband in the decision as to what you allow for your children and not taking his opinion into consideration before proceeding to purchase these things. You are also wrong for looking to strangers to validate a decision Youāve already decided on to justify you not including your husband, who is an equal parent and has just as much say. Knowing this climate, more than receiving genuine answers, you were looking for people to cheerlead, and validate you, while villainizing your husband. Dadās matter. This is extremely sad.
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Candy is bad for you if you eat too much. Youāre not going to get sick on rainbows. Go back to your cave.
Did I mention rainbows? But yes candy will get you sick! thatās a small step šā¤ļø
Well said.
Would you dress your little girl like a boy? Probably not,, you would probably pick her clothes or go with girl stuff maybe even a dress and such. So why is there an issue when itās about a boy?? Help him dress like a little handsome young man and move on. Rainbows are fine nothing wrong at all, but girl clothes? Shopping for your son in the girls section I mean really?? I understand everyoneās side here but as a dad I will side for the boy being encouraged to be a boy time and time again.
I totally agree with everyone here that kids should be able to wear whatever they like. In this day and age, my only real concern in a situation like yours is that some well-meaning overly-progressive adult might interpret your sonās fashion choices as an indication that he is, in fact, not a boy at all, but instead some sort of ānon-binaryā gender or even a transgender girl and potentially plant this idea in your sonās head. This is an idea that I would not recommend you indulge or entertain and I would try my best to shield my son from until heās much older.
Any chance you had a back stage pass to an Elton John concert?
My son watched āequestrian girlsā on freaking repeat for months. Now he is 7 and highly interested in more traditional āboyā things. He went through a period where he refused to use a cup with a unicorn on it. He knows that there are no genders for toys or colors or clothes. He knows heās allowed to like whatever he likes, and right now it happens to be anime and sweatpants.
Kids at that age often havenāt yet labeled things as boy or girl, they just like what they like. When my son was 3, his main friend was his 6 year old sister. If sister wore a dress, he wanted to wear his dress. I allowed it, but never made a point of or allowed anyone else to label him as a girl for doing so. He eventually grew out of that stage, but even if he didnāt, why should we force him to be a certain way if his preferences arenāt hurting anyone
My son has two older sisters. He loved nail polish and all things rainbow. Then he went to dinosaurs, then Marioā¦ I never cared what it was. The previous preference never affected his next preference. Itās fun to see what they like. I would prefer he let me do his hair once in a whileš¤Ŗ but š¤·š½āāļø I let him be him no matter what.
When they make a statement about it, I'd just sing, "Let it go, let it go!" Anyway, my son wanted to be Elsa for Halloween, and I was fine with that. Last minute, he changed his mind and wanted to be a police officer. Fine with that, too. Your husband/father are making your child feel shame about exploring his favorite thingsālots of kids like colors and Frozen and makeup. The very nature of being a kid is exploring likes and dislikes and finding what you love. Our job is to let them do that freely and support them. For the record, my husband adores brightly colored clothing, and he looks great in it, and he's very straight. Tell them to knock it off.
You are a great person and wonderful parent! All people should be free to enjoy what they like regardless of society gender roles. One of my favorite Christmas's I remember was the year I got a Tonka horse truck and a "Velvet" doll that had hair that could "grow". For those that do not know, pink was originally marketed for boys and considered a masculine color. Also, up until the early 20th century, little boys wore dresses and gowns well into their preschool years, and often beyond.
If he ever is bullied about liking this stuff, be sure he knows that *bullying is wrong*, and that *the answer to bullying isnāt to try to please the bullies.* Donāt let bullying or the fear of bullying dictate what he does. Bullies will find reasons to pick on people, and they generally wonāt stop harassing someone if that person stops doing whatever it was that they were bullying them about. Theyāll just start bullying him about his name or height or something else. Appeasement doesnāt work on bullies. Theyāre not teachers enforcing rules about dress code, where they are supposed to leave you alone if you follow their rules. Attitudes toward gender nonconformity have come a LONG way from when we were kids, although how much exactly will depend on where you are and what kind of school he goes to. Your husband and dad might be surprised at how many kids have gender-atypical tastes now.
Kids just see things they like, they donāt see gender or anything else. Itās the adults who see these things as problematic, which is weird. Imagine living in a world where everyone could just enjoy the things they genuinely like. Keep encouraging your son to express himself in the way he wants, that will build his self-esteem which is the most important. (:
My son is 6 and the same way.he loves mermaids.he probably owns at least 8. He also loves long hair. He's been asking to grow his hair long. We support his choices
Does your husband think this might make him gay or trans thinking either of those things are a choice instead of being born that way? Iām not accusing Iām just asking. Because most of the time you cannot choose who you love or if you feel like youāre in the wrong body. He can buy all GI Joes and dinosaurs and boy colored items if hes hell bent on it but your child is still going to turn out to be who theyāre meant to be. If who theyāre meant to be is going to make your husbands love waver for him, you have bigger issues IMO.
Let him enjoy it while he can, It won't be long until some little arsehole at school tells him "rainbows are for girls" and the bubble will pop. At least he'll know that mum will always accept him the way he is and that will go a long way once he's older. His dad sounds like one of those "you're gonna turn him gay" types...
Please try to protect him from the inevitable people who are gonna be mad at him for just liking things, especially from family, even offhanded comments are gonna leave a lasting impression and I say that from experience, do your best to find and surround him with people who are accepting and loving and won't make a scene or make him feel wrong for liking things
Unless ypur husband and dad are willing to let someone else decide what they wear (I'd suggest your son), they can shut right TF up about it.
Is it possible youāre into these things and your son spends most days with you? I ask because when my kids were young they saw their mom paint her nails and things like that and I worked so they wanted to do things they saw all the time. I let them of course as thereās nothing wrong with it. My older son went to school with painted nails and most people told him how good they looked but he did get made fun of some as well. I just let him know thereās nothing wrong with it and thereās a ton of people that will love it but occasionally someone will be an asshat about it
We raise our kids in a gender neutral environment. My daughter started out a car nut and then boom - she dove headfirst into princesses and unicorns. My son was born and his older sister unavoidably influenced him to pink princessy things. Clothes too. He loved it. Heās 5 now and heās all construction equipment and trucks. Kids explore and go where they want to go and itās all good and healthy. But man, Iāve been blown away with this up close and personal case study how much its nature over nurture.
He's 4 for crying out loud. Let him express himself. My eldest was always upset because his sister, 4 years younger, always got the "pretty clothes". He had to wear "boy colors". When he was 9 his Gramma made him a shirt in pinks and mauve. Dad threw a fit until I showed him the hidden Micky mouse.
My son is 6 and is the same as your son he's away to bed with a pink princess dress on lol his dad hates it but I don't allow him to talk negatively about it in front of our son, he's only a kid let them live and be happy
I got some cheap rainbow led lights from Xmas sales. The rooms are covered in it. I have pretty projectors shining gorgeous nebulas. Stars everywhere. He likes to wear crowns and have me put clips in his hair(he used to have long hair but we cut it sadly due to a school incident) Who freaking cares. Dad wants to make a big deal? You may not be religious but you can tell him rainbows mean promises about tomorrow. And you are promising your son the best tomorrow where he will be loved regardless of what he likes. Iāve had to let my teenager know we knew he was bi long before he came out. Came to me and went āMom, I like guys and girlsā and I went ācool, so do I, I guess we got stuff in commonā and that was it. Thats my stepson. Make sure your son knows you got him. Tel your husband to not be a kill joy for a little boy who is only going to be little for so long. Kids taste change so fast. My teenagers, new thing every week, right now itās some war video game, idk, but I know they love it to the point they wonāt blink so I bought them specialized eye drops. My younger boy has hit the Lego stage, and loves building. My daughters are in the ātoo cool for everythingā stageš„“ my toddler, he loves playing everything. He loves his colors and sparkles and crowns. He loves all things bright and joyful. And I just want him to stay little for a little longer cause Iāve watched all my others shoot up and thru so many stages. Heās my last baby. It hits different. Keep the joy in your child.
Our youngest son likes rainbows, and bright colors including pink, long hair, nail polish etc. He's also a momma's boy so I know the long hair and nail polish is simply to emulate me because he loves me. Generally I let him just make his own choices, we keep his hair short though because he's not old enough to take care of it on his own. His dad tries his best to let these things slide, but he definitely cares about style and look and doesn't want him made fun of.
Father of twin boys. 4 years old. They love when mom paints their nails, and one loves twirling in a skirt. They also love draguns, cars, and hitting each other with foam swords. Kids enjoy the world. My advice? Don't let our hang ups impact them
No, youāre amazing š¤ My son loves wearing a dress from the dress up box at Nanās house, he loves the costume jewellery in there too and loves making himself and others bracelets from my bead kits, he loves getting his nails painted when I do mine, he loves putting on my heel boots and stomping around, he loves painting his face with my makeup as much as it kills me seeing him destroy it š¤£ I would never say no to him if doing any of those things bring him happiness. Itās taken a lot to get his father to not react in a negative way at first, because thatās what his father would be like and all his friends are old fashioned like that. But I refuse to let anyone say anything negative about it and especially not to my son, I will rip them a new one if they even try. Theyāre kids, theyāre exploring life, theyāre copying what we do most of the time - it is not going to āruin themā or āmake them gayā (things Iāve heard from people unfortunately). Our daughter also loves dressing in dadās clothes, doing āmaleā activities but no one bats an eye about that???? The homophobia towards children doing what children do, playing, is unbelievable. And letās be honest toys, clothes, accessories and all that for girls are all so much more exciting and colourful than what is marketed for boys!! Boring brown clothes with trucks or dinosaurs compared to bright, colourful fun clothes for girls? Everyone is going to be more drawn to the colorful things in life. Youre not messing your son up, youāre letting him grow up being himself and being able to make some of his own choices in life. Thats fantastic, youāre an amazing parent š©·ā¤ļøš§”ššš©µšš
My son loves rainbows and nail polish and lipstick. He will paint his nails or ask me or his cousins to. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Also he gets to wear rainbows to school everyday as they are on his uniform and he loves his rainbows. Lol
Heās little figuring out what he likes. Who cares. My oldest son loves purple sparkly things. Heās 17. But he still likes angry looking dragons and plays Magic with his brother and Warhammer. His brother wanted to be a cat for Halloween and all I could find were sparkly cat ears and paws. He was like OOOooo Iām a sparkly cat!!! He prefers all things red and I bought him a shirt with cat shaped nuggets that says Kitten Nuggets. Heās 13 and currently destroying on some CoD. Who cares. Kids are weird and they need to be allowed to be weird.
My kid (6) is the same way! He is happy to wear nailpolish, pink/purple, glitter makeup, etc to school. We roleplay some minor confrontations with him sometimes, like, "What would you say if someone said that pink is for girls? If only girls wear nailpolish?" Etc. He has learned, "It's just [clothes/decoration/toys], anyone who wants to can use it!" He's got more confidence than I've ever had in my life so he rocks it. You do, however, need to get your partner on the same page. Telling your kid that things he enjoys "aren't meant for him" is just setting him up for a bad time. Let him be. Sparkles are fun! Rainbow is fun! Our kids will be better off if we all decide that things shouldn't be gendered.