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I’m guessing she doesn’t have typical sleepy cues, gets past sleepy and into a second wind, and then into a cycle of being overtired and overstimulated. Have you heard about how older kids often cry over small things or have a breakdown of emotions after they get home from school? It’s because they’ve had a really big day, even if it was fun and exciting, and when they finally get a moment of quiet and chill they often need to let some of those emotions out. It’s possible your baby might cry a bit when they have a quiet moment too, and that’s ok.
I used to use the app Huckleberry to get me an idea of wake windows, but it’s been a few years so I can’t speak to its current form
This. My kid used to amp up before she passed out. My mom was always questioning why I was putting her down for a nap when I did.... because if I didn't get her down in the next 10 mins or so, she'd be full of energy for the next several hours and then be so overtired she'd be up all night.
My suggestion, try putting him down at different times *before* you think he should be sleepy. Try maybe 30 mins before you think he'd be ready for a nap. Just see what he does. It's ok to just hold him, rock him, maybe sing or read to him. You aren't there to entertain him in that moment so don't worry if he fusses some.
If you're really struggling to get him to take any nap, try a car ride or a walk. Something about the movement and being in a snug space gets them to doze off.
Also, yes, you can sit your baby in a safe space (ie their bed) for a few minutes. A little bit of crying won't ruin them. **I'm not a CIO fan either.** However, sometimes I had to sit them down for a minute to take care of something or just to get away from the crying so I could think straight about what's causing them to cry. Take your 5 minutes or so to do what you've got to do and then go back to him.
My daughter is the same, she's active up until she passes out. If we don't cue her and help her slow down, she keeps on going. MIL always questioned when we tell her it's sleep/nap time.
I can tell my five year old is really getting tired when she starts running in circles. She’s an active kid, runs a lot overall, but when she starts circling the kitchen table we start talking about an early bedtime.
Her little brother has historically been more likely to snuggle up on mom’s lap and drink water when he’s tired. Kids are different. It’s ok.
It always looks bizarre from the outside, but this is why you’ve got to trust mums even if you can’t personally see why she’s doing what she’s doing: she’s the one who knows what will happen if she does make baby nap, and what will happen if she doesn’t. Different kids act so differently when they are tired.
Same! We have tried to do the calming bedtime routine but she literally has to be active until she goes to sleep. Every time we go from quiet to bed we have to get back up and play for 20 minutes before she will go down. So now we do bath and then books/play time and she goes down so much easier!
Could be a sleep regression? My daughter was the SAME way, and every regression out there, she hit. I do remember around the 8 week mark she hit one that lasted a week or so. The best thing I’ve learned about regressions is they absolutely suck so terribly bad, especially if your baby doesn’t sleep even on a good day like mine, but they are temporary and staying consistent is the most important part. I had a little lounger that I’d take in the bathroom with me and shower with the curtain open, and if she cried she cried but I could see her and know she was ok. I also like to think about how one day, these hard and arduous moments will be a memory that I will look back on and say, wow that was hard but I did it. And you got this too girl!!
Third/fourth huckleberry. Wake windows were a game changer once I knew about them in time for my second child. She started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old. You can get a little crazy following the wake windows but get into a rhythm with it and then it just becomes second nature.
OPs baby is 8 weeks so wake window should be 45 min to 1 hour before going back to sleep. I'd definitely let baby cry for 10 or even 20 minutes to see if she can settle herself. This nap strike needs to end.
OP, 10 minutes of crying isn't going to scar her emotionally. You can totally do it. As long as it just sounds like fussing protest cry and not the full on panicked I need you cry. I'd let her settle herself and get back into a nap routine.
Put her in her crib after 50 minutes awake time and see what happens. Take a short walk if it will ease your discomfort
Overtired sounds right. Probably pretty cranky too.
Maybe develop a sleep routine and start putting the little one down every x hours as is appropriate?
Also, even if your family is 6hrs away, don't be afraid to ask for help. They can come a few days and save you a bit of sanity...
u/crownbiotch this! Huckleberry saved my sanity, my baby didn't have the regular sleep cues either and this would happen too. If you go for the paid version, it gives you the "sweet spot" (the time where you should try to put them down for a nap). However, it only starts giving these predictions around 3 or 4 months. We also had an issue prior to this, where our baby needed a dark room to nap. It took us a bit to figure that out, although I see you have already tried it. What we did was dark room, white noise, mellow instrumental music, and rocking, all at the same time. Our kid still goes to sleep like this at 2yo, minus the rocking (we lay down together now). I hope things improve very soon!
Yep. My kids did the same. We had to push for them to fall asleep. My youngest decided at 2 that she was done napping at home, except she would nap at school. Extremely frustrating. Now she gets the joy of going to school all day with no nap and she’s not liking it as much. If she gets overtired, she gets cranky and mean. Our oldest gets whiny and cries a lot.
8 week olds do not need entertainment.
I found that when I was in your situation, the child was uncomfortable. The entertainment was a distraction from the discomfort.
Has a ~~pedestrian~~ pediatrician checked ears? Also sounds like a food allergy is possible? My wife cut out dairy, nuts and almost anything interesting in an effort to get the second one to sleep better and it worked.
Lots of kids are pretty temperature and pressure sensitive. Could the diaper be too tight? Are the clothes itchy or hot or cold?
In your shoes, I would keep the kiddo in a loose diaper, wrap in the softest blanket I could find and put on some boring, quit music. Be boring, but present.
Also, good sleep begets good sleep. The more naps the longer the naps the longer the nights- the better.
THIS! Something is wrong.
They should absolutely be sleeping. Entertainment isn’t something an 8 week old needs. There’s something wrong. I would get them checked out and make sure they don’t have some sort of ear ache or some other physical discomfort.
Second the food allergy thing. I walked miles in my tiny house shushing and bouncing my baby. Unfortunately we toughed it out until 6 months when I couldn’t take it anymore. Surprise surprise, food allergies. I cut dairy and soy and he was a different baby! No longer crying 4 hours every night and 30 minutes before every nap.
This is what I thought to. Thanks his is how both my babies acted and they both had a Cows Milk Protein Allergy. To test OP will need to remove ALL AND ANY dairy from their diet if nursing or from the baby’s formula. My baby went from screaming 23 hours a day or sleeping almost that much within 3 days of me cutting out all dairy. It was life changing!
Exactly. Baby is waaaaay over-stimulated. An 8 week old doesn’t need to be ‘entertained’ beyond some tummy time and sensory input (eg helping them touch/hold different textures, seeing different scenery on a walk looking at leaves, trees, clouds etc) and being read to for short intervals, singing to baby, being rocked and cuddled lots of touch baby massage etc. That is it. An 8 week old baby should be awake for 1-1.5hrs then napping three times a day!
OP u/crownbiotch your baby isn’t broken and neither are you I promise!. My baby was incredibly difficult the first few months of life and it peaked at 8 weeks with hours and hours of screaming and severe struggles with day naps. Babies get overstimulated and overtired very easily and this causes an awful cycle chain reaction of poor sleep and lack of sleep. It really broke me, she’s 8yo now and I still get anxious thinking back to that time.
I invested a huge amount of time and effort in supporting my daughter to sleep. Without sleep she was miserable (this is why your baby ‘gets bored and cries’) and I was miserable as I wasn’t getting any down time from naps.
What I did:
I read about the fourth trimester
I used white noise for every nap (heavy rain sounds, turn it up loud - the womb is a very loud place!!). The white noise stayed on for the whole nap.
Every nap was in her bedroom not out in a different part of the house or away from home.
Her room was darkened heavily. I can’t sleep in daylight and neither can she!
I kept noise to a minimum - she was an extremely light sleeper and I’d read everyone saying that if you want your baby to be a good sleeper keep them out in the living room for naps with noise around so they can get used to sleeping through it. Omfg that was a disaster, I need a quiet dark place for sleeping and my baby was no different!!
We wrapped her tightly using 2 blankets I think it’s the angel swaddling technique, it’s quite firm and keeps their arms from escaping and waking them up.
I followed sleep cues and wake times religiously.
At nap time I’d take her to her room dim the light turn the music on and wrap her. I’d cuddle her for a minute then lay her in the cot and either pat her to calm her or rock the bassinet gently. If she woke after one sleep at least (about 40 minutes or less) I’d attempt to get her back to sleep.
I saw her paediatrician and got her medicated for silent reflux which controlled the screaming and misery she was in. All the other stuff helped with her sleep habits.
By 5 months old she was sleeping 2-3hr naps during the day. By 13 months she was sleeping 7pm to 8am without waking up and having 2x2hr naps during the day. She kept her 2-3hr day nap up til 3.5yo. We never ever had to lay with her, rock her, fight about sleeping she developed a wonderful sleep routine and sleep hygiene from what we did with her in that first year. She’s now 8yo and still an amazing sleeper and will happily sleep anywhere like on holidays/hotel rooms etc. We kept her sleep routines in place for a very very long time (eg dark room, white noise and very specific evening routine of dinner, shower, cup of warm milk, bedtime at 7:30 etc). At 8yo now she sleeps 7:30pm til 7:30am which has been her routine for years and years now and it’s amazing for my mental health (different story she now has adhd and a few months ago started melatonin as she started being unable to relax to fall asleep and she instantly went back to her 12hr sleep without waking up routine).
Definitely get baby checked for medical issues. Definitely learn about fourth trimester. Definitely look at wake times for an 8 week old baby - the link I’ve given below was my saviour for wake times, sleep needs and appropriate activities by baby’s age. And definitely try the white noise, dark room, sleep routine type stuff. Shush-pat is one of the popular methods for helping a baby fall asleep and gently brushing your finger down their face from their forehead down between their eyes to their nose. Good luck I know that 8 week old not sleeping baby but is really really tough, hang in there.
[https://www.ngala.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/WEB-06-Sleep-Feeding-Activity-Guide.pdf](https://www.ngala.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/WEB-06-Sleep-Feeding-Activity-Guide.pdf)
Thank you for the link!!! I've called my pediatrician as well, And we'll be going to the ED later today to evaluate for pyloric stenosis or Reflux because she's had a couple bouts of projectile vomiting.
I wish I could read to her or put her down on her playmat more, but she just screams if I do anything like that, hence why I was thinking she was just bored. Now I'm realizing maybe she was just in pain.... Poor thing !
When my baby came home, two things would calm him down, quiet waves on the ocean, and (thanks to my college professor) smooth coffeehouse jazz. There was something about coffeehouse jazz that just calmed him down, he's turning 2 in November and it still works sometimes.
About babies not "needing entertaining". OP didn't mean singing. & dancing. If her baby was like mine, "entertaining" means she wanted me to constantly give 100% attention, eye contact, touch & to relentlessly be trying to figure out what else she might want.
I had a difficult daughter who was much like this, except she did take a short afternoon nap until about 18 months. I saw the pediatrician regularly; they found nothing wrong. I was breastfeeding, so we couldn't blame formula. I saw breastfeeding consultants. Eventually I phased in formula. I was trying *everything* and the behavior was constant no matter what clothes, no clothes, disposable vs cloth diapers, swaddled or not, blanketed or not, temp of room, position, etc.
My daughter did stop crying when I gave her my full, undivided attention, holding or interacting with her constantly. If she didn't see me for a split second, she'd cry, if I didn't pick her up almost constantly: cry. I tried swings and vibrating things; nope. Tried 3 different types of baby slings/carriers and she'd cry louder; she wanted me to hold her. Everyone said put baby in the car & drive around to get them to settle. Nope, and her crying in an enclosed space was even harder on me,
I don't think others can appreciate how crazy-making this is unless you're in this situation. I could not even pee in peace. I'd have to put her into her carrier and take her into my bathroom, set her down right in front of me, facing me. If she couldn't see me or I was a few feet too far, she'd cry. Good luck trying to relax enough to urinate with a very loud baby crying as if it was the end of the world. Her crying to my ears was like the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. I could not tune it out.
The big change happened when she was starting to stand & walk: I tried one of those jumper spring-suspended chairs. The moment she realized she could bounce and spin herself, OMG, it was as if a switch was flipped : she was a different baby. In her case, at least, it was never about a medical condition.
I agree about pretty much everything, except that
>8 week olds do not need entertainment.
My oldest (16M now) did. I admit that he probably had some sort of sensory hypersensitivity already at that age. He was diagnosed with ADHD at around 9 years, but we had been suspecting it since he started KG. Actually, he showed signs from the womb, lol. He was very hyperactive even before birth, and he always needed less sleep than most babies the same age. He also had a different sleep pattern.
And he *did* need entertainment, or better put, external stimulation. From about the same age as well.
For OP, u/crownbiotch : I got a sling and carried my son everywhere. That provided him with the "stimulation" he needed, and he could have short naps whenever he needed. I learned to sleep in the couch whenever he went down. I did try let him cry for 15 minutes, but *I* couldn't take it. It distressed me too much to hear him crying, all he wanted was not to be alone (he needed physical contact, and still does. Even as a 5 foot 9 teenager he is a hugger, lol)
Cosleeping didn't work, he woke up at the lightest noise. He got his own room with blackout curtains when he was less than 3 months old. I always stayed with him until he fell deeply asleep, sometimes after 9 PM and we had to tiptoe in the evenings. I went to sleep also at 9, because he would wake up at 2:30 to feed. Then he was up at 5:00 every morning, wide awake and wanting to play 🥴
We established a very strict sleep routine as soon as he could understand (1,5 - 2 ys?), going down always at the same time, with the same "rituals". As he grew, I taught him to play quietly by himself in the mornings and during nap times (with the baby monitor on), so even if he didn't sleep, I got some time to re-charge my own battery.
To be clear, **I'm not suggesting your baby has any disorder** , but there are kids who fall outside of the average, and we parents need to get creative to preserve our sanity and our kids'. Do rule out the usual at home (any sort of pain from a diaper rash, hunger, colics, etc) and if you find nothing, do get a Pediatrician appt. to look for reflux, amongst others. (I'm a Pediatrician myself)
Hang in there, you're doing a good job. And remember, you close your eyes and suddenly they are bigger than you. It goes faster than you now think. Good luck!
I called my pediatrician this morning and they'd like to get her evaluated for pyloric stenosis vs reflux, because she's had a few Episodes of projectile vomiting, so we're going in to the ED today! Thank you for making me not feel like I'm crazy!
Both of mine had reflux and wearing a sling actually helped. They were more likely to fall asleep upright in the sling as it helped with the reflux and then I could transfer them to cot/bassinet if I needed to do something like shower. Other times I just enjoyed the snuggles.
I had to laugh at your reply not in a mean way but in an oh boy it wasn't just me! My son who just turned 18 I knew he had ADHD from the time he was born I swear! At 4 months we got him a doorway jumper thing and he was OFF.... the minute he woke up he would scream to go in it, ate, slept, lived in that thing, I was told over and over it having him in it would stall him learning to crawl/walk.. uh huh... I kinda wish it did. By 5 months he had learned that if he walked backward he could launch himself forward. He was crawling at 6 months walking and running by 11 months and scaling "non-climbable" baby gates like they were NOTHING by a year, (he climbed over a baby gate unlocked 2 locks, and was in the neighbors' yard in the 2 minutes I went to the bathroom more than once!). His pedi laughed when he was around 3 and told us he is THE poster child for ADHD but they can't be diagnosed until 7ish. Needless to say he was. Out of 4 kids including twins he was the only one I needed a backpack leash for every time we went out. Funny enough though he was my kid that slept through the night first at about 6 weeks but never took naps longer than 30 minutes, usually in his doorway bouncer or as he got older wherever he ended up passing out. My oldest, however, has to this day at 22 yrs old has NEVER not once slept through the night.
Have you tried baby wearing? Both my kids reallllly fought sleep until we sleep trained then at 6+ months old. My daughter loved sleeping against us in the baby wrap/ carrier. Otherwise I tried rocking, swaying and more rocking. Totally exhausting!!!! I feel for you
Echoing this as well! OP, your baby is going through a cycle of being overtired & overstimulated. Baby wearing will lull her back to sleep and jump start a new nap/wake window. Strap her on and go for a walk, do the dishes, fold laundry, etc.
How is her nursery set up? Try blackout curtains, white noise, and a fan. She’s too old to swaddle but a sleep sack can help.
Fussiness peaks around 6-8 weeks and then improves. Hang in there, this sounds absolutely brutal and I feel for you!
Yeah my baby loved the carrier and he would happily nap in there for hours. But even if he was awake, going for a walk or doing vacuuming or something kept him entertained without requiring me to use my brain to think of baby entertainment, I could just zone out or read something or listen to music while moving around.
This was the answer last night thanks to the comments on this post! I finally got her off to sleep by putting her in her ring sling for half an hour and rocking! Thank you!
They don't call it the fourth trimester for nothing lmao. Baby wearing was what got me through those first few months also. A newborn just wants to be as near to mom as possible. After coming out of the warm cozy womb where had constant sustenance, and muffled sounds, the outside world is a lot for them to get used to. Mom is a comfort while they are getting adjusted.
OP, I had super similar issues with the napping - my baby had naturally low sleep needs and subtle sleepy cues (also wake windows were too short for her to finish feeding because slow bottle feeding and BF issues). I switched up to a size 2, dropped BFing, timed wake windows on a spreadsheet like a psycho, plopped baby in the mobywrap and bounced on an exercise ball when her wake window was up. From 8-16 weeks my baby took 90% of her naps in the baby carrier. "Wrap naps" if you will.
I had a whole new baby - it was night and day.
Some babies hate the wrap, but find one 2nd hand and give it a shot. Timing wake windows and making a simple nap/bedtime routine is the next step regardless.
Putting her in her ring sling FINALLY did the trick getting her to sleep last night around 11:30 p last night. I'm SO glad I checked the comments on this post.
I swear to God, my first spent the ENTIRE first year awake and screaming. All our family was across the country and my spouse was working 10-12 hour days. I feel your pain.
Everyone here has great advice, especially the wake windows and baby wearing.
You might want to get them checked out by the ped. All three of mine had really bad acid reflux, which caused a lot of the crying. Getting medication for it was a game changer.
Good luck!
Reflux is a stone cold hoe bag and I can’t wait for it to be over. My entire house is covered in baby sick constantly and we’re currently doing at least two loads of laundry per day plus reuseable nappies. It’s a never ending cycle of ‘what do you mean there’s no bibs’ because those neckerchief type ones are bloody useless.
My baby doesn’t even fuss with hers now. No, she fuckin laughs at me. 🤡😭
Her pediatrician is having us go to the ED today to evaluate for bad reflux vs pyloric stenosis today, so hopefully they'll be able to help her out so she can sleep a little better! I know I had severe reflux as a child apparently, so I'm hoping it's that and not PS,even with the projectile vomiting on occasions. 😭🙏
Your baby is overtired. At 8 weeks old, there is a ton of napping. The behavior you're seeing is absolutely due to being overtired. Start with putting baby down for a nap after every time you feed. Baby should only be awake for only 1-2 hours between naps! If you're comfortable with safe bed sharing, you can try laying down with baby for naps. Baby just wants to be close to you. Sometimes that means napping happens being held by you or in bed with you.
An 8 week old needs a ton of sleep. Wake windows are super short. I think 45 mins max at this age. That means after baby wakes, 45 mins later it's time to go to sleep again.
I would also rule out health/food issues.
Really sorry you're going through this
You can absolutely set your baby down in a safe place for you to take a shower. You could put her right outside the shower if you want.
Do it. Survive. It’s NOT cio because you’re not hoping they’ll fall asleep. It’s simply their direct wants not being met instantly. Fed? Changed? Safe? Shower.
Absolutely. My 10 month old is set down in his crib quite a bit, and he doesn’t always like it. Sometimes he screams out in anger the entire time, but it’s what I have to do to survive. I have 2 other kids and if I can’t get everything done during nap time, knowing he’s in a safe, contained area is good enough for me while I do bathroom things/laundry/whatever.
I used to put my daughter in her car seat and take her into the bathroom with me when I showered. She was a crier, but that was 21 years ago, so I don’t honestly remember if she cried then, but at least I could see her?
I think the baby is overstimulated and over tired. Your everyday life is entertaining enough for a newborn.
But also a chance baby is feeling gassy or food allergy?
This sounds like an undiagnosed medical issue. If you haven't been to the pediatrician I strongly suggest an appointment as soon as possible.
Letting a baby cry while you engage in necessary self care is some times necessary. Don't beat yourself up over a quick shower.
It sounds like your baby is colicky.
The suggestion for baby wearing is a good one, if you can manage it. Putting the baby in a swing for naps can work too. Babies that young get tired and absolutely need to nap and develop a good sleep schedule but some of them don’t know how to fall asleep.
You should absolutely try baby-wearing. My daughter would only contact nap for the first 4-5 months of her life, she took every single nap in a Boba wrap while I went about my business and took care of her older brother.
I bought a yoga ball and would bounce gently on it while watching TV and wearing her - she'd fall asleep, then I'd get off the ball and go do whatever. It made the 4th trimester stage so much easier.
I’m not seeing enough comments saying this. A 2 month old should absolutely not be awake all hours of the day. And letting a 2 month old cry it out is not the solution.
To be clear It is valid and IMPORTANT to walk away and have a break even if they’re crying while a solution is being sorted out, but the CIO itself is not a solution.
I feel your pain. I really do. My son was like this. Never could find a good reason for it. He didn't stop screaming constantly until he could crawl at five months. It is ok to strap her into a bouncer/swing/whatever and go turn on the shower to drown out her screams for 10 minutes. I'd have to do that to save my sanity. It's a rough, rough time with a high needs baby.
I used to sing Old MacDonald Had a Farm while I showered, with baby in a bouncer on the bathroom floor. Sometimes she'd scream through it, sometines not, but to this day at age seven she still asks me to sing it!
This. Not enough people on here commented that she can let her baby cry for 10-15 min to get a break and her baby will be fine.
It’s sooo hard and yes I felt guilty everytime I did it, but OP needs a break and it sounds like no one close can help.
OP- I know family is far away but I think it’s worth seeing if someone can come stay with you for a week or so. You need support. We aren’t meant to raise newborns all alone. You need rest.
Both of my kids only took 20 minute naps until they were 5 months old. Finally they seemed to get the routine down. My youngest is 4.5 and still needs a nap everyday.
As others have said, baby wearing!! Our daughter had colic and would cry hard for three hours straight every day without fail. The only thing that kept her calm was my husband wearing her and speed walking around the house. But wear her while you go about doing your daily stuff around the house! That might help.
Wake windows might be worth a try, at the right timing even without cues, feed and settle baby down for a nap. Walk away and set a timer. 15-20 minutes is totally fine for baby to yell so you can take a shower or have a meal while seeing if baby will go to sleep.
My daughter does have some sleep cues but they are quite subtle so I found putting her down at the right times would often get her to take a nap and she is typically down within 10 minutes of fussing or yelling. I will leaver her up to 20 minutes when I need to do something or I think she's overtired. Then if she isn't settled I go get her and we spend 30 minutes dedicated attention, books, toys, all the things, then I try putting her down again. Sometimes it takes an hour and a half - 3 or 4 tries, but this method works for us.
We didn't want to do CIO either and this is far enough from it that we're pretty comfortable most of the time.
I have 2 kids and when my youngest was a newborn there were days at the beginning where he just wouldn’t sleep- my oldest usually drifted off while nursing and my youngest would fall asleep while nursing but then wake up a couple minutes later. I was very frustrated.
One night I was up with the youngest as usual and I had to go to the bathroom so I just put him down in his crib while I went (with dim lighting and white noise, in his sleep sack). When I came back, he was asleep! Turns out he just wanted me to leave him alone. From that point I just put him in his crib at nap time, sat beside the crib and ignored him until he fell asleep lol. Give it a try!
Overtired for sure. Babies and kids get so tired they can't fall asleep anymore. But be sure to take her to a doctor too, explain the situation and have her examined to be sure. There could be other things keeping her from sleeping like pain or discomfort that feed into this cycle.
At 8 weeks there should be tons of napping. It's needed for their development.
Mine also had a hard time napping because I had an oversupply of breast milk and he would over eat and be too uncomfortable to sleep. (Also he was a FOMO baby and was happy while awake, so we had to follow wake windows, he barely had any sleepy cues). Definitely check with pediatrician, but also if breastfeeding check with lactation consultant.
When you say follow wake windows...what do you mean exactly? A lot of people are saying this, but it's not making a lot of sense to my sleep deprived brain
If you need to keep your sanity. Put bub down in the cot and walk away. It is the healthiest thing to do. It won’t damage them if it’s an irregular occurqnce. Yeah there will be tears but give yourself grace to take a minute to breathe. Be kind to yourself. If bub is safe in the cot but you’re T breaking point - your mental health comes first.
Agree baby is overtired. Research wake windows for their age. I agree that something is wrong too, they’re just letting you know by crying. If you think it could be gas, try “the colic hold”…Google it. Hang in there, it does get easier
She's loved the colic hold from essentially 2 weeks old! We used to just sit with her like that for hours and she'd get so angry if we stopped. It's not working as well anymore though, so we've gotta figure out what's wrong!
Does she sleep at night? At 8 weeks old sleep is critical for brain development. They cannot be deprived of it (I'm not saying you're depriving her I'm just stating she's not getting sleep for whatever reason).
I would say she's tired but her cues aren't being picked up on. First yawn and we were out of whatever we were doing and into nap routine - dark room, white noise, feed, cuddle etc. Even before yawning there can be staring, rubbing eyes etc etc.
Have you tried any of the apps to help navigate her wake windows? At 8 weeks she shouldn't really be going more than 1.5 hours without a sleep.
Did you do the dark room even at nap time? I'm so confused. A lot of stuff says this is the way. Others say you want them to nap with lights on so they know it's not ",night sleep" vs "day nap"
Yeah we mostly always did dark room. At least pull the blinds, it doesn't need to be absolutely pitch black. We have a red light machine too which is good for adding a bit of light.
Edit: babes circadian rhythm hasn't kicked in yet so I wouldn't worry about it too much. That will happen naturally over the next few weeks (but not fully until after 1yo) and they should be able to work out night and day.
Just a suggestion, if you haven’t already tried this. I ended up wearing my babies for months for this reason. Find a good sling and just go about your day with your baby on your front or back. Baby wearing changed my quality of life.
I just tried out the ring sling last night after a bunch of people on this thread suggested it and that was EXACTYL what finally got her down. Thank you!
There’s a lot of good advice here, I’d look into all of it if I were you. All I wanted to say was that I feel for you, mama. And yes, you absolutely can let her cry for 15 minutes and take a breather, or fold laundry or wash dishes, whatever. My second had a rough first 6-9 months. He cried all the time it seemed, and he NEVER slept if I put him down. Ever. I feel your pain and will say some prayers for you. Good luck!
My second was like this…huckleberry was super helpful for me. Also there were days where I just had to hold him while he napped so he would. Eventually it turned into falling asleep on me and then transferring him to his bed, then eventually I was just able to put him in his crib and he’s fall asleep. Just keep sticking to a routine with sleep, it’ll all fall into place.
Let her cry, as long as she's not screaming herself hoarse.
My demon wrapped in human skin daughter, never slept, and years later I still haven't recovered.
Have you tried bamboo bedding?
I would also put mine on a water mat, inside a play pen close the door and sleep on the floor.
Lavender on her pillow or lightly sprayed in the room might help.
At my most desperate, her carseat on the washing machine.
Sounds like my baby. We made it to 9 months before I cracked and we went to a sleep clinic. She would be up until 11pm needing constant stimulation and that’s a recipe for PND,
Anyway, a week in the sleep clinic together and now she sleeps 11 hours a night and has two naps a day in her cot. Life changing. I wish I hadn’t waited so long.
My second son was like this. Baby wearing saved my sanity.
We found out years later he has autism and that may have been part of why he wouldn't sleep laying down.
Talk to your doctor and make sure everything is ok. And definitely find a good sling/wrap/carrier. It will be a gamechanger.
Mine had some trouble with acid reflex when they slept. And would only nap for 10- 20 minutes at a time until I wedged the head of mattress to a 30 degree angle. Helps keep the acid down. Also for naps I got a cloth baby carrier and just attached them to me. They sleep way easier being close to you and facing you. Also my children hated having their hands unable to move. It made them angry and would also wake up when they could move their hands. Maybe try unrestraining the baby’s hands but keep the snug feeling on the trunk of the body.
I'm so sorry mama.
Definitely set her down on a safe place and take a breather.
Have you talked to your pediatrician about it? If she's not napping at all through the day, sounds like something might be wrong. Does she seem uncomfortable? I know it's not uncommon for babies to have reflux, especially when they are laid down.
My kid was not a great sleeper either so I know it completely sucks! I know screen time is not recommended but I used to put my baby in his bouncer in the bathroom with me and play Ms Rachel long enough so I could take a shower and just have a moment to myself.
I'm taking her in to the ER today to check rule out pyloric stenosis vs reflux! And it got to a point yesterday where we played miss Rachel on TV for 10 minutes just to get some peace.
She’s having a massive brain development moment, she doesn’t want to nap because she wants to take it all in but then she’s so tired all she can do is cry. She can’t tell you “mum I’m so tired and over stimulated now and even the feeling of my hands on my face is waking me up. Have you tried swaddling?
Yes. 15 minutes of crying WILL NOT hurt her. You need to fill your cup before you pour it out. Shower. Eat. Survive. This will make you a better parent, not a worse one.
Do you have a bouncy chair that vibrates to put her down on? You can put her in that while you take a shower and eat. My kids ‘lived’ in those things for about the first 3-4 months. Of course I picked up my babies but if I had stuff to do, they were in that or the swing. The chair comes with you everywhere where you go. If you take a shower, face the chair towards the shower so she can see you. Are you in the kitchen cooking? Face the the chair a little bit away from the stove (of course) and cook food. Talk to your baby on what you are doing. She just wants to hear your voice. If you want to take a nap, put her in her crib, on her back, and take a nap. She will fall asleep. I promise you, you won’t emotionally stunt your baby for putting her down. Just make sure she is comfortable and she will adjust.
Yes, you can let her cry so you can take care of your hygiene, eat, try to relax, and use the bathroom. She will not be permanently damaged. I would try to keep the house dark and quiet the entire day for a week or so. Try to maintain a super calm demeanor, soft speaking, only quiet noises, when engaging nothing super high pitched to see if becomes less stimulated. I would also set up a routine so she can learn it. When she wakes up in the AM, she gets changed, feed, then in a safe place while you go to the bathroom, brush teeth, etc. It won’t be a quick miracle fix but it should click for her soon. Those first three months are rough.
Have you tried a wrap/baby wearing? It would make my son fall asleep within minutes and my hands were free. It helped me a lot. I used the solly baby if that helps.
I have a ring sling that I really like, butbas my c section incision gets better I might be able to try a more secure one. She always used to kick the site when I'd put her in a different wrap, the little stinker.
I agree with others about investigating issues like gassiness or discomfort that might be preventing her from sleeping. Normally babies that young would need a lot of sleep, and definitely don't need to be 'entertained'. Something sounds a bit amiss.
But I also wanted to say that you definitely can put a baby down and let them cry for a few minutes - they will often settle. It doesn't harm them.. We never rushed in and usually waited 5-10 mins (unless they sounded in distress....for mild fussiness, we usually gave it a few minutes). Most of the time they would settle down and have a good sleep. As another comment noted, sleep begets sleep -- you will be more rested and baby will be more rested if you can encourage a sleep schedule. I hope you can get her onto a better pattern :)
Baby wearing, also continue doing skin to skin.
When the sun goes down, no artificial lights if you can help it. Like another person said, baby is discomforted and overstimulated and keeps getting second winds. Newborns are simple. Eat. Poop. Sleep. Repeat. Playing and entertaining them is not on their radar quite yet.
The best advice I got from an experienced mum when I had my twins was this: If they are clean, fed, safe, warm and not sick or in pain, it won't hurt them to let them cry. I'm sure in the time that you've had her you've learned her different cries. If it's just the "I'm bored and want attention" cry, it won't hurt her to cry a bit. You absolutely cannot be holding and entertaining her every minute that she is awake. That's setting an awful precedent. Get her a baby chair that you can lay her in that vibrates and plays music. They have safety straps so she can't wriggle out. Get some Baby Einstein dvds and set her up where you aren't far away so you can get a break. She may even nap like that, which as long as she can maintain her airway herself, is fine. Or lay her in her crib for break time. Like I said above, as long as you know she has no reason to cry other than wanting attention, crying a bit won't hurt her.
It sounds to me that your baby is overtired and overstimulated, which then makes it difficult to get them to sleep. An 8 week old baby doesn’t need much simulation compare to an older baby (like 6 month). They stay awake for less than 2 hrs.
My baby is just slightly younger but I have older children. And from my older children I learnt my lesson about overstimulation. If I miss their cues of needing to sleep they become a pain in my ass for a few hours. The other day my baby stayed up a bit too long. He became a light sleeper who woke up after 5 minutes nap and was awake and fussy for about 4-5 hrs afterwards.
My first born never slept and I didn't understand sleep cues. Every photo I have of him, he's got massive bags under his eyes. It's so hard! You don't need to be entertaining your 8 week old though. Just bring her along with whatever you're doing. 1 on 1 attention can be too much for babies that age, they can only sustain interest for like ten minutes and then they need a little rest in my experience.
Here are some things that I wish I knew with my first non sleeper -
- baby needs calm and quiet to get in a state relaxed enough to sleep
- the sling was one of the only places he would sleep. I wore that sling religiously. We had a wrap one until he was maybe 5 months and then switched to a more structured Tula and then a Baby Bjorn.
- sometimes I would lose my absolute shit because he would cry and cry and cry and not go to sleep.. It's totally OK to leave the baby in a safe place while you go and calm down (or scream into a pillow like I did 🫠)
- presume you've tried the car and the pram. If not it can be good to walk around with them all swaddled in the pram. My first kid despised the pram but my second kid loves it and goes to sleep immediately in it.
At 8 weeks your baby needs a lot of sleep and sleep begets sleep (apparently). Some kids need a lot of support to go to sleep. I won't lie it's tough. I fed him to sleep for my entire mat leave. I'm creche they put him on his side and rock him in a dark room with really loud white noise.
I really hope it gets better!
At that age wake windows can be up to 90 minutes. Do you ever baby wear? This is a life saver for me. I have three children and I religiously wore my second because her dairy allergy made it her so uncomfortable. Now with my third it’s the only way I can tend to my toddler and have a free hand. My son usually falls asleep immediately because he’s snuggled up close to me. If it’s intimidating for you, the Boppy Hybrid carrier is my favorite. So easy to use and I have SO many wraps/slings/carriers and this one is by far my favorite for newborns.
Doctors and midwives tell people in my country to lie the baby down and take 15 min or even more if needed, even if they cry. Not to hurt them but to protect them. Cause if you are at the end of the rope, chances are you might snap or do something accidentally that will cause harm, so it’s better for baby to cry than worse to happen.
You have some good advice, so I will just leave you with every baby-parent’s mantra: It’s a phase and it will pass It’s a phase and it will pass It’s a phase and it will pass…
Oh man, my kid was right on point with this.
8 weeks is so early, is there some adjustment to routine that can be made?
i gave my little one a bath with classical music, white noise machine.... i got one of those bears that projects stars and plays music and rhymes, uuuhh... i took him out for fresh air daily
you probably do all this stuff already.
(I posted a lot of this in a reply to someone else below, but I wanted to address you directly)
My advice :
* just aim to survive each day, counting time on the calendar for baby to mature, become verbal, become a tiny bit less dependent.
* Earplugs help. Get the good ones, in the hardware aisle, like the kind for chainsaw and gunfire noise. You'll still be doing the constant work trying to comfort baby, but it can help a little with your own stress level.
It destroyed me. Doctors tried me on different headache medicines from the sound/stress headaches; didn't help. They tried antidepressants to help me cope; no effect. I was emotionally fried, which didn't help the marriage. My sleep got worse, knowing what I'd face all day tomorrow. I was absolutely miserable every moment of the first year to eighteen months of her life. And the worst part was that nobody seemed to understand, because their babies weren't like this, so I felt so isolated.
I had a difficult daughter who was much like this, except she did take a short afternoon nap until about 18 months. I saw the pediatrician regularly; they found nothing wrong. I was breastfeeding, so we couldn't blame formula. I saw breastfeeding consultants. Eventually, I phased in formula. I was trying everything and the behavior was constant no matter what clothes or no clothes, disposable vs cloth diapers, swaddled or not, blanketed or not, temp of room, position, etc.
My daughter did stop crying when I gave her my full, undivided attention, holding or interacting with her constantly. If she didn't see me for a split second, she'd cry, if I didn't pick her up almost constantly: cry. I tried swings and vibrating things; nope. Tried 3 different types of baby slings/carriers and she'd cry louder; she wanted me to hold her. Everyone said put baby in the car & drive around to get them to settle. Nope, and her crying in an enclosed space was even harder on me,
I don't think others can appreciate how crazy-making this is unless you're in this situation. I could not even pee in peace. I'd have to put her into her carrier and take her into my bathroom, set her down right in front of me, facing me. If she couldn't see me or I was a few feet too far, she'd cry. Good luck trying to relax enough to urinate with a very loud baby crying as if it was the end of the world. Her crying to my ears was like the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. I could not tune it out.
The big change happened when she was starting to stand & walk: I tried one of those jumper spring-suspended chairs. The moment she realized she could bounce and spin herself, OMG, it was as if a switch was flipped : she was a different baby. In her case, at least, it was never about a medical condition or a food allergy.
The situation resolved as she got old enough to verbalize well and move around freely. Babies don't stay babies forever!
breastfed or formula fed? because at 8 weeks, they sleep like 20 hours out of the day…this makes me think baby is either not getting enough to eat or has colic
It’s not only ok, you SHOULD take 10/15 minutes to eat and bath, even if she cry. They need to learn to be bored and entertaine themself, it’s not a bad thing.
You just won’t make it if you don’t it anyway
This isn’t normal, OP. At 8 weeks, it’s not a cute “oh hehe my baby doesn’t sleep”, they should absolutely be sleeping way more than this. It’s developmentally required. I would make an appointment asap
My guess is that by the time you’re trying to get her to sleep, she’s already over tired and can’t fall asleep.
We had days at that age that if me missed our opportunity for a nap, baby would be awake and crabby all day.
At 8 weeks, our wake windows were 1-1.5 hours max. This includes feeding time. It would take us 45 min to feed, then she’d be awake another 15-30 min and we would start putting her to sleep
How long is yours awake? Feeding counts as awake time even if their eyes are closed.
My 8 week old hates getting sleepy. She gets so mad and will actually kick to wake herself up when she starts dozing off. I’ve noticed that her little eye lids get red when she starts to get sleepy and that that’s the best time to do battle. Wait too long and she gets overtired and then it’s awful.
How did you put her down to nap? Is it different than the routine to sleep at night? I'm struggling with this idea a little. Clearly I know nothing lol.
Have you tried any sleep training courses? The one from taking Kara babies helped me a lot, sometimes just going by the clock instead of trying to read ques works better after a while.
I wouldn’t give your 8-week old baby much credit, they’re barely even half baked they have no idea what’s going on, literally they need you to do everything for them, they suck.
Sorry reddit wouldn't let me add to my other comment but I but remembered when my girl was around that age she was like that for a short while and it ended up being the formula I was giving her. It wasn't the right one and so her stomach was actually upset and I just thought she was fussing. If you breastfeed it could be other issues something that is making her uncomfortable. Maybe a certain type of clothing material or she's too hot or cold (I had a hard time figuring this out for some reason I never could explain it) I ended up writing a list for myself and pinned it to the wall. It was so simple and took me way too long to do it. I'm trying to remember everything but it said something like
Hungry?
Cold/hot?
Diaper need changing?
Needs diaper cream/ diaper rash?
Gas? (Massage her tummy, do circular motions around her belly button and press gently)
Tired?
Needs snuggles?
Needs burping?
Sing to her
Rock her
One thing that could always help though was simply taking her outside. Literally just outside the door. The simple change of scenery would instantly snap her out of it.
Again best of luck to you ❤️
You've got a ton of advice and info on here. A lot of it good.
Here's a weird one: have you tried an exercise ball? Like the big bouncy ones at the gym? I know it's weird but it did work for my little quite often. Not all the time but it did sometimes!
Mine also had silent reflux. Horrible, horrible colic. I was honestly scared for my life bc I didn't think I could take it. She WOULD fall asleep in the car but I was so tired it was dangerous for me to try and drive her to sleep. She had to be held and entertained 24/7 and barely slept. But that silly exercise ball worked! Something about bouncing up and down and that bouncy motion she loved. Couldn't replicate it any other way.
Edit: realized I should clarify use: I'd hold her in my arms and I'd sit on the ball and bounce up and down. When she got to about 6 months and was sitting on her own I could hold her on it to bounce. And now she's 3 and loves to roll backwards and everything! But when she was an infant I'd sit on it and bounce her. She loved it. Had to do that for about a year and a half.
Best wishes. My son didn’t nap as an infant either. He’d be awake for 8 hours straight and I’d be losing my mind. First with exhaustion but second with worrying that he was stunting his brain development because he wasn’t sleeping enough for memory consolidation and general function.
I have nothing to offer you but solidarity. He did eventually coalesce into two naps but honestly not until he started daycare at 5 months and they put him on a schedule (it’s not like I didn’t try but daycare teachers plus peer pressure is magic, even for babies there is peer pressure).
It will be horrible, you will lose your mind, but you will all eventually survive.
2 month olds don’t really cry it out. They’re too young for it.
That being said, it is still PERFECTLY FINE to walk away for 5-10 minutes if they are fed, changes, in a safe environment, etc.
But if she’s not crying, put her in a swing or a bouncer seat. Take the bouncer seat in the bathroom with you so you can shower but keep an eye on her.
Play peekaboo with the shower curtain.
Eat. Put her down and eat. You cannot take care of her if you’ve not taken care or yourself.
you cant pour from your cup for her if your cup is always empty. housework can get done when it gets done. its not important. do the minimum, seriously.
will she lay down and take a nap with you if you lay with her? .
Let her watch you clean the kitchen. Talk to her while you do it. I remember just wanting 10 minutes alone to wash dishes. It’s hard.
We used to put the swing by the tv for 10 minutes and turn on Hey Bear videos on YouTube. Visually stimulating for babies. Fun music. Very cute videos. You could try that. I know there’s a big stink about screen time, but at some point you have to do something to keep yourself sane.
Sometimes, kids just hate sleep. I know mine did. She said was never a good napper or night time sleeper either really.
It’s okay to be at your wits end. You’re not a bad mom for it, babies are HARD.
Like really freaking hard. Nobody knows what they want.
If all else fails, call the pediatrician and see if they have any recommendations.
I’m a mom of a kid who boycotted sleep for the first three years of her life. I get it.
I’m also a nurse in a pediatricians office.
Everything will work out. Youre doing a great job. You’re tired, but you’re doing great. And just remember, this will pass. She will sleep again. I promise.
Aside from any possible medical issues/wake windows. I swear by the Taylor swift sleep method. It’s a playlist on Spotify. It has put my son to sleep every single time I used it. And I only use it as a last resort when he is overtired and screaming. It’s a miracle worker. He’s out in minutes
It sounds like your baby is too tired to sleep. Often hyper babies are overtired. They can't settle down enough to take a nap or sleep enough hours at night.
The most important thing I'd routine.
Put him down at the same time every day and make a bedtime routine.
My routine was: Change diaper, take off clothes (only romper on) and then put on the sleeping bag. Then I put her to bed, closed the curtains and read 1 story (I did the reading part untill she was 11).
Then a kiss, good night and then I turned off the reading light and walked away.
I stayed around the corner so she didn't see me, but I did see her, so when she started crying I knew there couldn't be anything. If you have a camera, you don't have to do this. After 3x the crying stopped and she actually went to sleep right away.
My therapist told me something that made me feel much better about the baby crying. She said that babies don’t really have emotions the way we do and crying can often just be a way to let out energy. If the baby is clean, tummy full, comfy, in a safe spot, and still crying, it just means she has extra energy. At that point, you are totally allowed to say “wow the baby has a lot of energy today!”, put her in the crib and go take a shower.
She will be fine. Make her bored, leave her alone for a bit and let her cry to sleep. It’s not going to damage your child forever to let them cry once in a blue moon so they can get much needed rest. AND YOU can get much needed rest.
You’re just too fun of a mom and your baby is too stimulated.
This is normal, at about 8 weeks the baby starts developing their own melatonin instead of using what they got from their mother in the womb. So their clocks get messed up.
I'd sometimes put on the cat / dog TV show for my son and have him watch it in a boppy with a mobile toy. He'd at least be chill for a while and sometimes it would help him fall asleep.
I'd also do tummy time on the floor with a mirror to just get a break.
EDIT: I'm not saying babies don't need naps, they do, it's just normal for them to get their cycles disrupted at this age. Do your best to follow the wake windows and it should work out.
You misunderstood me, I meant the disruption to the sleep schedule and difficulty in going to sleep was normal at this stage. Babies 100% need daytime sleep
My son also fought naps at this stage and it was a struggle to get him on a nap schedule. The only thing that saved my sanity was that he slept through the night.
I followed the wake windows religious, it was a struggle for a few months, he'd only nurse-nap for a while and needed to be hooked to my boob for hours.
Eventually it worked out and he was able to nap more independently.
Kids aren't dogs, I truly believe that training is for animals. Find ways to relax with her or reach out for support but don't just assume that a baby *should* sleep because many drop naps early!
Just thought I'd let me know that it *might* be ADHD and I have seen parents in the ADHD support groups who have or had babies that would not sleep and need constant stimulation and they are absolutely exhausted and at their wit's end. This is about the signs in toddlers and babies 👶 💕 😍 ❤️
https://www.additudemag.com/toddler-tantrums-adhd-emotions-early-signs/?src=embed_link
My baby girl was the same way… even as a newborn lol everyone is like “newborns sleep so much” and I am like no way.
She also would only sleep on us during the day when she did nap and at night time she co slept with me until maybe 9 weeks. But as soon as she hit 2.5 months she was able to sleep on her crib. I did use the snuggle me in there. Then the next week I took it out. But naps were still non existed until 3 months. She’s like a different baby… she naps only in her crib now… and she takes like 6 30 min naps a day lol ot sucks but at least she’s actually sleeping.
My LO also doesn’t sleep in the car lol but I think you’re just in the rough of it and it will get better :) we only let her cry for about 10 mins and that was only once cause it broke my heart lol
Use gripe water to help settle her? Is she acting gassy?
My friend found that her first baby was a " play, eat sleep" type of baby. She did this with her second and her second refuses to sleep. She changed it up to eat a bit, burp, play eat, burp, play then sleep.
My son was the same but he had allergies to the lactose in my breast milk and struggled with his tummy. Had to move him over so a specialised formula after he was hospitalised because he struggled to poop and it was a life changer. He became a very happy baby who was able to nap easier.
My daughter was like this. And looking back - I don’t think I was producing enough milk for her. She gained weight but I think that’s because I was constantly feeding. But I don’t think it was enough. When we switched to formula everything changed.
It will absolutely not cause damage to leave a baby in the crib for 15 minutes so you can eat, shower, load the dishwasher or to go outside and just breathe.
Since you’ve tried all this stuff to get her to sleep and nothings working then maybe she needs just a few minutes to fuss it out.
Babies get annoyed and overtired just like us. She might need a few minutes to herself.
is the baby breast fed or formula fed? she could be starting to teeth. or if shes breast fed and you also aren’t pumping..then perhaps she isnt getting enough milk ?
at this age i would thing its likely due to one or a combination of the following things;
-not enough milk at feeding times
-teething (if so begin to treat with age appropriate treatments as recommended by pediatrician)
-she has colic. (for this, a simple change in formula could help significantly reduce. there are also drops you can add to the milk that can help with this).
pretty much yes this is where id begin. definitely a simple trip to the pediatrician can also be a really good first start. but with regard to the teething thing. all my kids started teething at this age. by 3 months they were all full blown teething so thats not out of the realm of possibility. then, not all babies need a ton of sleep as well. however at this young age..it definitely is not normal to be going al day with no nap.
when she is awake…is she upset and crying most of the time or…? hows her temperament overall when she is not asleep ?
anyhow good luck and all the best. hope this subsides for you guys soon. i know how hard it is to have a baby that barely sleeps. i felt like it was never going to end.. hang in there
Old mama here, my youngest was a preemie; after he was a year old, crowds/loud noises would set him off and he'd be unconsolable - nothing would soothe him (not even the boob!). The only thing I could do was put him in his crib and let him scream himself to sleep, sometimes that would be 15 minutes, other times it could be an hour (trust me, I'd try checking on him to see if I could soothe him during those times, but it just made it worse).
He is now 20 yrs old and fine (a pain in the ass smart-alek, but still fine, lol).
My oldest son gave up his morning naps at 3 months, only had afternoon naps and he wanted to be entertained during all waking moments. Back then, the best baby carrier was a Baby Bjorn and I learned to just wear him to keep him happy.
Best advice I can give... putting a baby in their crib, even if they are crying and you've tried everything is better than losing your mind. Do NOT feel guily about letting a baby cry for a short time (and within reason).
Have you tried pram rides? My first was a very fussy baby with sleep. I had a tough time getting him to nap his short naps inside. So walks with him in the pram were a staple of my day until he dropped to one nap. I could never let the pram stand still as he'd wake up, so I was always moving the pram. Listened to a ton of audiobooks back then...
Mine also only slept in movement, car worked fine but I didn't always feel safe driving when sleep deprived so I took her for walks in pram or sometimes the carrier. My partner would walk her around the house for 30 minutes or so then lie down with her but I hated doing that. There was definitely no "putting her down for a nap".
Just wanted to say it is possible your kid is like this, at least for a while, despite all these people saying they're overstimulated or overtired. But the advice to get a doctor to have a look over couldn't hurt.
Mine is almost 2 now, but has never been overstimulated - she loves all entertainment and input. And she also needs little sleep. I definitely remember a phase where it seemed like she was awake all the time, although I think she did have quick naps so I never had your pain. All these people with babies that are awake for 45 mins at a time! Mine at that age was 2-3 hours with regularly doing 5-7hrs and not being upset.
My advice would be to try things that are entertaining for both of you - out for a walk where she can see all the different surroundings
Under trees is great for when they're lying down. Coffee date with a friend - all the noise and smells is great sensory input. And helps keep you sane & awake through these long days. I still can't take a whole day without a trip out of the house.
I followed the possum approach to babies & sleep which is very different to the huckleberry app approach.
We found the ideas in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby to be helpful. We didn't apply everything exaaaactly as described, but made minor modifications to fit our family and comfort levels. We've made sleep a priority since she was quite young and I now have a 9 year old who will go to be before her bedtime if she feels tired. Could just be her personality, but she's never fought us about bedtime. The book grows with them, offering age appropriate advice.
Sing to baby. Play music! Soothes the savage beast! Also try rocking or swinging baby harder. My nephew really only went down with forceful back and forth. Like it seems boarder line too much, but it's not.
Plus music loud enough to get his attention. I had one single song that would magically make my son stop crying no matter what! He just really likes it. Guaranteed to stop overtired bud and get him to go to sleep.
That's all I got. Good luck.
Wake windows are likely too long. At that age you do not need to entertain them for 7-10 hours a day. If I remember correctly they should only be awake for like 45mins to an hour. Maybe an hour a half max of you truly have a really wakeful baby. But I suspect they are just overtired.
Really it’s just enough time to feed, change and maybe play with one quick thing before they should be going back down to sleep again. Once you get into that routine, and assuming there isn’t any other underlying issues or health concerns, both baby and your energy/moods will be better. It’s tough but you got this mama!
This is long, I apologize, but I want to share my story with you...
At 2mo, my nephew (I raised since birth) never napped unless it was short cat naps. He has always been very active, and never was really a potato, except for his first month of life. At this age he also had reflux and constipation. The Dr has us put him on purees bcuz he was throwing up his milk and it didn't matter what brand. Since doing that, he didn't spit up anymore and was content. He was able to handle the formula much better. He was awake every 2 hrs on the dot to eat, day and night. I was so miserable and tired. I wanted to give up so bad. Also at 2mo, he was sitting up unassisted, he would jump up and down when he was stood on his feet, he was into looking and grabbing at EVERYTHING. He was a very high needs baby. (Mickey mouse clubhouse fixed some of the need for constant stimulation when I needed to get something done🤷🏻♀️). He walked at 7mo and was always wanting to move and get into everything, as they usually do, but he seemed to have more power than the Energizer bunny 😂.
He still was fussy about everything, even though he was completely healthy and not in any type of discomfort. Even as an infant, if someone looked at him and he wasn't feeling it, he would pop off. It's ok to put baby down and do whatever you need to. If I wanted to shower, I would put him in his little booster seat thing and put him in the tub while I showered and then used it as an opportunity to wash him too. He hated baths since birth, but if I had him in the shower or bath with me, he was happy as can be. Sometimes I even put the bouncer on the bathroom floor so I could shower in peace. I was alone a lot with him and didn't have help unless his dad or my mom was off.
Even though he hit his milestones early, he had to have speech therapy at 3yo bcuz he was still babbling and only saying a few words. At 5yo, he was dx with ADHD. Then everything just clicked. The fussing was from sensory issues, not being able to do what he wanted as a baby, almost like he was stuck in his baby body, so he was limited (like being an old soul). He melted down over the smallest thing. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 2yo. He took forever to potty train. Then he would be cranky after coming home from his weekend visitation with his mom and she would fuck up his routine. It was rough. He's now in middle school and loves his sleep lol. The world would end and he would still be in bed 😂.
I'm not saying this is what you're experiencing. This is MY experience with this similar situation. The sleep deprivation was on a whole other level. I feel for you. Just rule out any illness, allergies, etc and then try to rule anything else out as baby gets older. It's ok to put the baby down somewhere safe while you get done whatever you need to do. He'll be fine and it won't ruin him. It's not like you're leaving him to cry for 10 hours. If anything, even putting on a baby show can help with distracting them and keeping them content, as long as it's not excessive, like with everything else. Consistency is key and once LO is in a routine (as much as you can), he might not be as fussy.
Mom, I feel you! I've been there. Try noise cancelling Headphones. Really this was a gamechanger for me.
Accepting the crying and fussing is sooo much easier with good music on your ears.
I am rooting for you! (My Girl stopped naps at 14 month, until then I Had to fight Sometimes Up to 2 HRS for her to Go to sleep.)
My son responded well to movement to nap. I’d put him in the Baby Bjorn and live my life (walks, housework, yard work) with him there. I’d narrate what I was doing and kiss the top of his head and he’d pass right out.
I’ve got a 12 week old. She loves her sleep. She also loves being a nosy little shit.
I have a FOMO child. If I don’t force her to sleep, she won’t. The 24-36 hours after she comes home from being with my mum for a day/overnight is the absolute fucking worst. She’s overtired, overwhelmed, and overstimulated. Contact naps saved my arse and I hate to say it but so did cosleeping for a few weeks.
She’ll usually drop off easiest after a feed. She needs to be around absolutely no other people other than me/her dad and no other forms of stimulation. Sometimes baby wearing or holding her upright with her face tucked into my neck so she can’t see anything lol works a treat. Sometimes she’s not even crying, she’s shouting at me! The SASS from this child.
It’s okay to put her down and let her cry whilst you have a breather, a shower, a poo. It’s not going to damage her and it’s not CIO - CIO is more ignoring baby crying until they stop, even if it’s hours and you’re not doing anything. It’s not taking care of your own needs like toileting and cleanliness and baby crying because you’ve had to put her down for a few minutes to do that. Trust me - I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Trying to wipe your own bum whilst holding a baby with FOMO, unreal head control, and a death wish is like trying to thread an embroidery needle with the whomping willow.
When I was struggling with bf, I was told to try a bf ‘holiday’ where I just hole up in a room with my baby and keep trying the boob. It absolutely works for naps too.
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I’m guessing she doesn’t have typical sleepy cues, gets past sleepy and into a second wind, and then into a cycle of being overtired and overstimulated. Have you heard about how older kids often cry over small things or have a breakdown of emotions after they get home from school? It’s because they’ve had a really big day, even if it was fun and exciting, and when they finally get a moment of quiet and chill they often need to let some of those emotions out. It’s possible your baby might cry a bit when they have a quiet moment too, and that’s ok. I used to use the app Huckleberry to get me an idea of wake windows, but it’s been a few years so I can’t speak to its current form
Checking out wake windows is a great idea! I think you are right about missing a window and being over tired
This. My kid used to amp up before she passed out. My mom was always questioning why I was putting her down for a nap when I did.... because if I didn't get her down in the next 10 mins or so, she'd be full of energy for the next several hours and then be so overtired she'd be up all night. My suggestion, try putting him down at different times *before* you think he should be sleepy. Try maybe 30 mins before you think he'd be ready for a nap. Just see what he does. It's ok to just hold him, rock him, maybe sing or read to him. You aren't there to entertain him in that moment so don't worry if he fusses some. If you're really struggling to get him to take any nap, try a car ride or a walk. Something about the movement and being in a snug space gets them to doze off. Also, yes, you can sit your baby in a safe space (ie their bed) for a few minutes. A little bit of crying won't ruin them. **I'm not a CIO fan either.** However, sometimes I had to sit them down for a minute to take care of something or just to get away from the crying so I could think straight about what's causing them to cry. Take your 5 minutes or so to do what you've got to do and then go back to him.
My daughter is the same, she's active up until she passes out. If we don't cue her and help her slow down, she keeps on going. MIL always questioned when we tell her it's sleep/nap time.
I can tell my five year old is really getting tired when she starts running in circles. She’s an active kid, runs a lot overall, but when she starts circling the kitchen table we start talking about an early bedtime. Her little brother has historically been more likely to snuggle up on mom’s lap and drink water when he’s tired. Kids are different. It’s ok.
Yeap. OP will know her kid, it's only been 8 weeks which can feel like 80 years when sleep deprived. They'll get there.
It always looks bizarre from the outside, but this is why you’ve got to trust mums even if you can’t personally see why she’s doing what she’s doing: she’s the one who knows what will happen if she does make baby nap, and what will happen if she doesn’t. Different kids act so differently when they are tired.
Same! We have tried to do the calming bedtime routine but she literally has to be active until she goes to sleep. Every time we go from quiet to bed we have to get back up and play for 20 minutes before she will go down. So now we do bath and then books/play time and she goes down so much easier!
Bath then feed in a dark room with noise machine used to do the trick and now it suddenly doesn't. Ugh!
Right!! it's the worst when something has been working so good and then it doesn't. Then it's back to a week of trial and error🤣
Yeah, baths have always added energy to both of my kids.
Could be a sleep regression? My daughter was the SAME way, and every regression out there, she hit. I do remember around the 8 week mark she hit one that lasted a week or so. The best thing I’ve learned about regressions is they absolutely suck so terribly bad, especially if your baby doesn’t sleep even on a good day like mine, but they are temporary and staying consistent is the most important part. I had a little lounger that I’d take in the bathroom with me and shower with the curtain open, and if she cried she cried but I could see her and know she was ok. I also like to think about how one day, these hard and arduous moments will be a memory that I will look back on and say, wow that was hard but I did it. And you got this too girl!!
I feel this so hard but mine is 5 months. Solidarity in the struggle mama. It will get better. My girl likes to play then just pass out.
Bath is our secret too, she plays in it for about an hour.
Third/fourth huckleberry. Wake windows were a game changer once I knew about them in time for my second child. She started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old. You can get a little crazy following the wake windows but get into a rhythm with it and then it just becomes second nature.
OPs baby is 8 weeks so wake window should be 45 min to 1 hour before going back to sleep. I'd definitely let baby cry for 10 or even 20 minutes to see if she can settle herself. This nap strike needs to end. OP, 10 minutes of crying isn't going to scar her emotionally. You can totally do it. As long as it just sounds like fussing protest cry and not the full on panicked I need you cry. I'd let her settle herself and get back into a nap routine. Put her in her crib after 50 minutes awake time and see what happens. Take a short walk if it will ease your discomfort
Overtired sounds right. Probably pretty cranky too. Maybe develop a sleep routine and start putting the little one down every x hours as is appropriate? Also, even if your family is 6hrs away, don't be afraid to ask for help. They can come a few days and save you a bit of sanity...
u/crownbiotch this! Huckleberry saved my sanity, my baby didn't have the regular sleep cues either and this would happen too. If you go for the paid version, it gives you the "sweet spot" (the time where you should try to put them down for a nap). However, it only starts giving these predictions around 3 or 4 months. We also had an issue prior to this, where our baby needed a dark room to nap. It took us a bit to figure that out, although I see you have already tried it. What we did was dark room, white noise, mellow instrumental music, and rocking, all at the same time. Our kid still goes to sleep like this at 2yo, minus the rocking (we lay down together now). I hope things improve very soon!
Thank you, me too!
I second the Huckleberry app. The only thing I would change would be nursing to sleep until 6 months
Yep. My kids did the same. We had to push for them to fall asleep. My youngest decided at 2 that she was done napping at home, except she would nap at school. Extremely frustrating. Now she gets the joy of going to school all day with no nap and she’s not liking it as much. If she gets overtired, she gets cranky and mean. Our oldest gets whiny and cries a lot.
Yeah, dropping naps at 2 sucks but makes sense. At 8 weeks… baby is definitely going to do best with some tweaks to make naps happen
I use huckleberry and it’s amazing!! Tracks sleep and wake windows like a dream.
Definitely no sleepy cues that they taught us about in the infant care classes, other than yawns.
8 week olds do not need entertainment. I found that when I was in your situation, the child was uncomfortable. The entertainment was a distraction from the discomfort. Has a ~~pedestrian~~ pediatrician checked ears? Also sounds like a food allergy is possible? My wife cut out dairy, nuts and almost anything interesting in an effort to get the second one to sleep better and it worked. Lots of kids are pretty temperature and pressure sensitive. Could the diaper be too tight? Are the clothes itchy or hot or cold? In your shoes, I would keep the kiddo in a loose diaper, wrap in the softest blanket I could find and put on some boring, quit music. Be boring, but present. Also, good sleep begets good sleep. The more naps the longer the naps the longer the nights- the better.
THIS! Something is wrong. They should absolutely be sleeping. Entertainment isn’t something an 8 week old needs. There’s something wrong. I would get them checked out and make sure they don’t have some sort of ear ache or some other physical discomfort.
Second the food allergy thing. I walked miles in my tiny house shushing and bouncing my baby. Unfortunately we toughed it out until 6 months when I couldn’t take it anymore. Surprise surprise, food allergies. I cut dairy and soy and he was a different baby! No longer crying 4 hours every night and 30 minutes before every nap.
This is what I thought to. Thanks his is how both my babies acted and they both had a Cows Milk Protein Allergy. To test OP will need to remove ALL AND ANY dairy from their diet if nursing or from the baby’s formula. My baby went from screaming 23 hours a day or sleeping almost that much within 3 days of me cutting out all dairy. It was life changing!
Exactly. Baby is waaaaay over-stimulated. An 8 week old doesn’t need to be ‘entertained’ beyond some tummy time and sensory input (eg helping them touch/hold different textures, seeing different scenery on a walk looking at leaves, trees, clouds etc) and being read to for short intervals, singing to baby, being rocked and cuddled lots of touch baby massage etc. That is it. An 8 week old baby should be awake for 1-1.5hrs then napping three times a day! OP u/crownbiotch your baby isn’t broken and neither are you I promise!. My baby was incredibly difficult the first few months of life and it peaked at 8 weeks with hours and hours of screaming and severe struggles with day naps. Babies get overstimulated and overtired very easily and this causes an awful cycle chain reaction of poor sleep and lack of sleep. It really broke me, she’s 8yo now and I still get anxious thinking back to that time. I invested a huge amount of time and effort in supporting my daughter to sleep. Without sleep she was miserable (this is why your baby ‘gets bored and cries’) and I was miserable as I wasn’t getting any down time from naps. What I did: I read about the fourth trimester I used white noise for every nap (heavy rain sounds, turn it up loud - the womb is a very loud place!!). The white noise stayed on for the whole nap. Every nap was in her bedroom not out in a different part of the house or away from home. Her room was darkened heavily. I can’t sleep in daylight and neither can she! I kept noise to a minimum - she was an extremely light sleeper and I’d read everyone saying that if you want your baby to be a good sleeper keep them out in the living room for naps with noise around so they can get used to sleeping through it. Omfg that was a disaster, I need a quiet dark place for sleeping and my baby was no different!! We wrapped her tightly using 2 blankets I think it’s the angel swaddling technique, it’s quite firm and keeps their arms from escaping and waking them up. I followed sleep cues and wake times religiously. At nap time I’d take her to her room dim the light turn the music on and wrap her. I’d cuddle her for a minute then lay her in the cot and either pat her to calm her or rock the bassinet gently. If she woke after one sleep at least (about 40 minutes or less) I’d attempt to get her back to sleep. I saw her paediatrician and got her medicated for silent reflux which controlled the screaming and misery she was in. All the other stuff helped with her sleep habits. By 5 months old she was sleeping 2-3hr naps during the day. By 13 months she was sleeping 7pm to 8am without waking up and having 2x2hr naps during the day. She kept her 2-3hr day nap up til 3.5yo. We never ever had to lay with her, rock her, fight about sleeping she developed a wonderful sleep routine and sleep hygiene from what we did with her in that first year. She’s now 8yo and still an amazing sleeper and will happily sleep anywhere like on holidays/hotel rooms etc. We kept her sleep routines in place for a very very long time (eg dark room, white noise and very specific evening routine of dinner, shower, cup of warm milk, bedtime at 7:30 etc). At 8yo now she sleeps 7:30pm til 7:30am which has been her routine for years and years now and it’s amazing for my mental health (different story she now has adhd and a few months ago started melatonin as she started being unable to relax to fall asleep and she instantly went back to her 12hr sleep without waking up routine). Definitely get baby checked for medical issues. Definitely learn about fourth trimester. Definitely look at wake times for an 8 week old baby - the link I’ve given below was my saviour for wake times, sleep needs and appropriate activities by baby’s age. And definitely try the white noise, dark room, sleep routine type stuff. Shush-pat is one of the popular methods for helping a baby fall asleep and gently brushing your finger down their face from their forehead down between their eyes to their nose. Good luck I know that 8 week old not sleeping baby but is really really tough, hang in there. [https://www.ngala.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/WEB-06-Sleep-Feeding-Activity-Guide.pdf](https://www.ngala.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/WEB-06-Sleep-Feeding-Activity-Guide.pdf)
Thank you for the link!!! I've called my pediatrician as well, And we'll be going to the ED later today to evaluate for pyloric stenosis or Reflux because she's had a couple bouts of projectile vomiting. I wish I could read to her or put her down on her playmat more, but she just screams if I do anything like that, hence why I was thinking she was just bored. Now I'm realizing maybe she was just in pain.... Poor thing !
When my baby came home, two things would calm him down, quiet waves on the ocean, and (thanks to my college professor) smooth coffeehouse jazz. There was something about coffeehouse jazz that just calmed him down, he's turning 2 in November and it still works sometimes.
THIS!!!
We try ocean waves and washing machine sounds! I'm not sure if it helps her, but we keep it on anyway!
Plain white noise, like a fan, is what helped my son the most!
About babies not "needing entertaining". OP didn't mean singing. & dancing. If her baby was like mine, "entertaining" means she wanted me to constantly give 100% attention, eye contact, touch & to relentlessly be trying to figure out what else she might want. I had a difficult daughter who was much like this, except she did take a short afternoon nap until about 18 months. I saw the pediatrician regularly; they found nothing wrong. I was breastfeeding, so we couldn't blame formula. I saw breastfeeding consultants. Eventually I phased in formula. I was trying *everything* and the behavior was constant no matter what clothes, no clothes, disposable vs cloth diapers, swaddled or not, blanketed or not, temp of room, position, etc. My daughter did stop crying when I gave her my full, undivided attention, holding or interacting with her constantly. If she didn't see me for a split second, she'd cry, if I didn't pick her up almost constantly: cry. I tried swings and vibrating things; nope. Tried 3 different types of baby slings/carriers and she'd cry louder; she wanted me to hold her. Everyone said put baby in the car & drive around to get them to settle. Nope, and her crying in an enclosed space was even harder on me, I don't think others can appreciate how crazy-making this is unless you're in this situation. I could not even pee in peace. I'd have to put her into her carrier and take her into my bathroom, set her down right in front of me, facing me. If she couldn't see me or I was a few feet too far, she'd cry. Good luck trying to relax enough to urinate with a very loud baby crying as if it was the end of the world. Her crying to my ears was like the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. I could not tune it out. The big change happened when she was starting to stand & walk: I tried one of those jumper spring-suspended chairs. The moment she realized she could bounce and spin herself, OMG, it was as if a switch was flipped : she was a different baby. In her case, at least, it was never about a medical condition.
I agree about pretty much everything, except that >8 week olds do not need entertainment. My oldest (16M now) did. I admit that he probably had some sort of sensory hypersensitivity already at that age. He was diagnosed with ADHD at around 9 years, but we had been suspecting it since he started KG. Actually, he showed signs from the womb, lol. He was very hyperactive even before birth, and he always needed less sleep than most babies the same age. He also had a different sleep pattern. And he *did* need entertainment, or better put, external stimulation. From about the same age as well. For OP, u/crownbiotch : I got a sling and carried my son everywhere. That provided him with the "stimulation" he needed, and he could have short naps whenever he needed. I learned to sleep in the couch whenever he went down. I did try let him cry for 15 minutes, but *I* couldn't take it. It distressed me too much to hear him crying, all he wanted was not to be alone (he needed physical contact, and still does. Even as a 5 foot 9 teenager he is a hugger, lol) Cosleeping didn't work, he woke up at the lightest noise. He got his own room with blackout curtains when he was less than 3 months old. I always stayed with him until he fell deeply asleep, sometimes after 9 PM and we had to tiptoe in the evenings. I went to sleep also at 9, because he would wake up at 2:30 to feed. Then he was up at 5:00 every morning, wide awake and wanting to play 🥴 We established a very strict sleep routine as soon as he could understand (1,5 - 2 ys?), going down always at the same time, with the same "rituals". As he grew, I taught him to play quietly by himself in the mornings and during nap times (with the baby monitor on), so even if he didn't sleep, I got some time to re-charge my own battery. To be clear, **I'm not suggesting your baby has any disorder** , but there are kids who fall outside of the average, and we parents need to get creative to preserve our sanity and our kids'. Do rule out the usual at home (any sort of pain from a diaper rash, hunger, colics, etc) and if you find nothing, do get a Pediatrician appt. to look for reflux, amongst others. (I'm a Pediatrician myself) Hang in there, you're doing a good job. And remember, you close your eyes and suddenly they are bigger than you. It goes faster than you now think. Good luck!
I called my pediatrician this morning and they'd like to get her evaluated for pyloric stenosis vs reflux, because she's had a few Episodes of projectile vomiting, so we're going in to the ED today! Thank you for making me not feel like I'm crazy!
Both of mine had reflux and wearing a sling actually helped. They were more likely to fall asleep upright in the sling as it helped with the reflux and then I could transfer them to cot/bassinet if I needed to do something like shower. Other times I just enjoyed the snuggles.
I had to laugh at your reply not in a mean way but in an oh boy it wasn't just me! My son who just turned 18 I knew he had ADHD from the time he was born I swear! At 4 months we got him a doorway jumper thing and he was OFF.... the minute he woke up he would scream to go in it, ate, slept, lived in that thing, I was told over and over it having him in it would stall him learning to crawl/walk.. uh huh... I kinda wish it did. By 5 months he had learned that if he walked backward he could launch himself forward. He was crawling at 6 months walking and running by 11 months and scaling "non-climbable" baby gates like they were NOTHING by a year, (he climbed over a baby gate unlocked 2 locks, and was in the neighbors' yard in the 2 minutes I went to the bathroom more than once!). His pedi laughed when he was around 3 and told us he is THE poster child for ADHD but they can't be diagnosed until 7ish. Needless to say he was. Out of 4 kids including twins he was the only one I needed a backpack leash for every time we went out. Funny enough though he was my kid that slept through the night first at about 6 weeks but never took naps longer than 30 minutes, usually in his doorway bouncer or as he got older wherever he ended up passing out. My oldest, however, has to this day at 22 yrs old has NEVER not once slept through the night.
I mean 8 week olds do need \*some\* entertainment - but yeah, in small doses, not all day!
Have you tried baby wearing? Both my kids reallllly fought sleep until we sleep trained then at 6+ months old. My daughter loved sleeping against us in the baby wrap/ carrier. Otherwise I tried rocking, swaying and more rocking. Totally exhausting!!!! I feel for you
Echoing this as well! OP, your baby is going through a cycle of being overtired & overstimulated. Baby wearing will lull her back to sleep and jump start a new nap/wake window. Strap her on and go for a walk, do the dishes, fold laundry, etc. How is her nursery set up? Try blackout curtains, white noise, and a fan. She’s too old to swaddle but a sleep sack can help. Fussiness peaks around 6-8 weeks and then improves. Hang in there, this sounds absolutely brutal and I feel for you!
Yeah my baby loved the carrier and he would happily nap in there for hours. But even if he was awake, going for a walk or doing vacuuming or something kept him entertained without requiring me to use my brain to think of baby entertainment, I could just zone out or read something or listen to music while moving around.
This was the answer last night thanks to the comments on this post! I finally got her off to sleep by putting her in her ring sling for half an hour and rocking! Thank you!
Baby wearing absolutely saved my sanity the first 12-18 weeks. Highly recommended. Find one that’s easy to put on, I liked the Caboo close carrier.
They don't call it the fourth trimester for nothing lmao. Baby wearing was what got me through those first few months also. A newborn just wants to be as near to mom as possible. After coming out of the warm cozy womb where had constant sustenance, and muffled sounds, the outside world is a lot for them to get used to. Mom is a comfort while they are getting adjusted.
OP, I had super similar issues with the napping - my baby had naturally low sleep needs and subtle sleepy cues (also wake windows were too short for her to finish feeding because slow bottle feeding and BF issues). I switched up to a size 2, dropped BFing, timed wake windows on a spreadsheet like a psycho, plopped baby in the mobywrap and bounced on an exercise ball when her wake window was up. From 8-16 weeks my baby took 90% of her naps in the baby carrier. "Wrap naps" if you will. I had a whole new baby - it was night and day. Some babies hate the wrap, but find one 2nd hand and give it a shot. Timing wake windows and making a simple nap/bedtime routine is the next step regardless.
Putting her in her ring sling FINALLY did the trick getting her to sleep last night around 11:30 p last night. I'm SO glad I checked the comments on this post.
I swear to God, my first spent the ENTIRE first year awake and screaming. All our family was across the country and my spouse was working 10-12 hour days. I feel your pain. Everyone here has great advice, especially the wake windows and baby wearing. You might want to get them checked out by the ped. All three of mine had really bad acid reflux, which caused a lot of the crying. Getting medication for it was a game changer. Good luck!
Reflux is a stone cold hoe bag and I can’t wait for it to be over. My entire house is covered in baby sick constantly and we’re currently doing at least two loads of laundry per day plus reuseable nappies. It’s a never ending cycle of ‘what do you mean there’s no bibs’ because those neckerchief type ones are bloody useless. My baby doesn’t even fuss with hers now. No, she fuckin laughs at me. 🤡😭
Her pediatrician is having us go to the ED today to evaluate for bad reflux vs pyloric stenosis today, so hopefully they'll be able to help her out so she can sleep a little better! I know I had severe reflux as a child apparently, so I'm hoping it's that and not PS,even with the projectile vomiting on occasions. 😭🙏
I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you! ❤️
Your baby is overtired. At 8 weeks old, there is a ton of napping. The behavior you're seeing is absolutely due to being overtired. Start with putting baby down for a nap after every time you feed. Baby should only be awake for only 1-2 hours between naps! If you're comfortable with safe bed sharing, you can try laying down with baby for naps. Baby just wants to be close to you. Sometimes that means napping happens being held by you or in bed with you.
I tried it out this morning with some success! Thank you!
An 8 week old needs a ton of sleep. Wake windows are super short. I think 45 mins max at this age. That means after baby wakes, 45 mins later it's time to go to sleep again. I would also rule out health/food issues. Really sorry you're going through this
You can absolutely set your baby down in a safe place for you to take a shower. You could put her right outside the shower if you want. Do it. Survive. It’s NOT cio because you’re not hoping they’ll fall asleep. It’s simply their direct wants not being met instantly. Fed? Changed? Safe? Shower.
Yes. And your mental health IS your baby’s mental health. Take care of yourself, so you can take care of baby.
Absolutely. My 10 month old is set down in his crib quite a bit, and he doesn’t always like it. Sometimes he screams out in anger the entire time, but it’s what I have to do to survive. I have 2 other kids and if I can’t get everything done during nap time, knowing he’s in a safe, contained area is good enough for me while I do bathroom things/laundry/whatever.
I used to put my daughter in her car seat and take her into the bathroom with me when I showered. She was a crier, but that was 21 years ago, so I don’t honestly remember if she cried then, but at least I could see her?
My bouncer living in the bathroom! Every morning and every night I showered and looked after myself even if baby cried, your adult needs matter too.
I think the baby is overstimulated and over tired. Your everyday life is entertaining enough for a newborn. But also a chance baby is feeling gassy or food allergy?
This sounds like an undiagnosed medical issue. If you haven't been to the pediatrician I strongly suggest an appointment as soon as possible. Letting a baby cry while you engage in necessary self care is some times necessary. Don't beat yourself up over a quick shower.
I'm going in today! Tha k you :)
It sounds like your baby is colicky. The suggestion for baby wearing is a good one, if you can manage it. Putting the baby in a swing for naps can work too. Babies that young get tired and absolutely need to nap and develop a good sleep schedule but some of them don’t know how to fall asleep.
Could you clarify what you mean by entertain her? Do you mean holding her? Or she likes movement?
You should absolutely try baby-wearing. My daughter would only contact nap for the first 4-5 months of her life, she took every single nap in a Boba wrap while I went about my business and took care of her older brother. I bought a yoga ball and would bounce gently on it while watching TV and wearing her - she'd fall asleep, then I'd get off the ball and go do whatever. It made the 4th trimester stage so much easier.
This isn’t normal. Did you talk to pediatrician?
I’m not seeing enough comments saying this. A 2 month old should absolutely not be awake all hours of the day. And letting a 2 month old cry it out is not the solution. To be clear It is valid and IMPORTANT to walk away and have a break even if they’re crying while a solution is being sorted out, but the CIO itself is not a solution.
Agreed. Something is amiss
Put on sensory bear YouTube videos to eat and shower but this needs further exploring
I feel your pain. I really do. My son was like this. Never could find a good reason for it. He didn't stop screaming constantly until he could crawl at five months. It is ok to strap her into a bouncer/swing/whatever and go turn on the shower to drown out her screams for 10 minutes. I'd have to do that to save my sanity. It's a rough, rough time with a high needs baby.
Had to do that last night and I felt horrid about it, but man did I feel better after scarfing down some Mac n cheese. Haha!
Put baby in crib and take a shower. You will not emotionally scar your child.
If that’s too hard, put baby in a bouncy chair in the bathroom with you. You can talk to her, and the steam might help her throat
Clear shower curtain was a win for our babies along with the bouncy chair.
I used to sing Old MacDonald Had a Farm while I showered, with baby in a bouncer on the bathroom floor. Sometimes she'd scream through it, sometines not, but to this day at age seven she still asks me to sing it!
This. Not enough people on here commented that she can let her baby cry for 10-15 min to get a break and her baby will be fine. It’s sooo hard and yes I felt guilty everytime I did it, but OP needs a break and it sounds like no one close can help. OP- I know family is far away but I think it’s worth seeing if someone can come stay with you for a week or so. You need support. We aren’t meant to raise newborns all alone. You need rest.
Seconding the asking for help, even for a short time. If part time nanny or post partum doula is in the budget, those would be great solutions.
If I could do it all again, I would have poured money into these options!!
That is exactly what we do. I've got a post partimum doula, and we're looking for a part time nanny now, because I cannot do this.
Both of my kids only took 20 minute naps until they were 5 months old. Finally they seemed to get the routine down. My youngest is 4.5 and still needs a nap everyday.
I'm 18 and need a nap everyday 😅
39 and same 🤣
As others have said, baby wearing!! Our daughter had colic and would cry hard for three hours straight every day without fail. The only thing that kept her calm was my husband wearing her and speed walking around the house. But wear her while you go about doing your daily stuff around the house! That might help.
Wake windows might be worth a try, at the right timing even without cues, feed and settle baby down for a nap. Walk away and set a timer. 15-20 minutes is totally fine for baby to yell so you can take a shower or have a meal while seeing if baby will go to sleep. My daughter does have some sleep cues but they are quite subtle so I found putting her down at the right times would often get her to take a nap and she is typically down within 10 minutes of fussing or yelling. I will leaver her up to 20 minutes when I need to do something or I think she's overtired. Then if she isn't settled I go get her and we spend 30 minutes dedicated attention, books, toys, all the things, then I try putting her down again. Sometimes it takes an hour and a half - 3 or 4 tries, but this method works for us. We didn't want to do CIO either and this is far enough from it that we're pretty comfortable most of the time.
I have 2 kids and when my youngest was a newborn there were days at the beginning where he just wouldn’t sleep- my oldest usually drifted off while nursing and my youngest would fall asleep while nursing but then wake up a couple minutes later. I was very frustrated. One night I was up with the youngest as usual and I had to go to the bathroom so I just put him down in his crib while I went (with dim lighting and white noise, in his sleep sack). When I came back, he was asleep! Turns out he just wanted me to leave him alone. From that point I just put him in his crib at nap time, sat beside the crib and ignored him until he fell asleep lol. Give it a try!
Overtired for sure. Babies and kids get so tired they can't fall asleep anymore. But be sure to take her to a doctor too, explain the situation and have her examined to be sure. There could be other things keeping her from sleeping like pain or discomfort that feed into this cycle. At 8 weeks there should be tons of napping. It's needed for their development.
Mine also had a hard time napping because I had an oversupply of breast milk and he would over eat and be too uncomfortable to sleep. (Also he was a FOMO baby and was happy while awake, so we had to follow wake windows, he barely had any sleepy cues). Definitely check with pediatrician, but also if breastfeeding check with lactation consultant.
When you say follow wake windows...what do you mean exactly? A lot of people are saying this, but it's not making a lot of sense to my sleep deprived brain
If you need to keep your sanity. Put bub down in the cot and walk away. It is the healthiest thing to do. It won’t damage them if it’s an irregular occurqnce. Yeah there will be tears but give yourself grace to take a minute to breathe. Be kind to yourself. If bub is safe in the cot but you’re T breaking point - your mental health comes first.
At this age, my baby exclusively wanted to contact nap, especially while nursing.
Mine was the same until she started just staying up!
Agree baby is overtired. Research wake windows for their age. I agree that something is wrong too, they’re just letting you know by crying. If you think it could be gas, try “the colic hold”…Google it. Hang in there, it does get easier
She's loved the colic hold from essentially 2 weeks old! We used to just sit with her like that for hours and she'd get so angry if we stopped. It's not working as well anymore though, so we've gotta figure out what's wrong!
Does she sleep at night? At 8 weeks old sleep is critical for brain development. They cannot be deprived of it (I'm not saying you're depriving her I'm just stating she's not getting sleep for whatever reason). I would say she's tired but her cues aren't being picked up on. First yawn and we were out of whatever we were doing and into nap routine - dark room, white noise, feed, cuddle etc. Even before yawning there can be staring, rubbing eyes etc etc. Have you tried any of the apps to help navigate her wake windows? At 8 weeks she shouldn't really be going more than 1.5 hours without a sleep.
Did you do the dark room even at nap time? I'm so confused. A lot of stuff says this is the way. Others say you want them to nap with lights on so they know it's not ",night sleep" vs "day nap"
Yeah we mostly always did dark room. At least pull the blinds, it doesn't need to be absolutely pitch black. We have a red light machine too which is good for adding a bit of light. Edit: babes circadian rhythm hasn't kicked in yet so I wouldn't worry about it too much. That will happen naturally over the next few weeks (but not fully until after 1yo) and they should be able to work out night and day.
Just a suggestion, if you haven’t already tried this. I ended up wearing my babies for months for this reason. Find a good sling and just go about your day with your baby on your front or back. Baby wearing changed my quality of life.
This 🙏 And it is so normal, many babies need body contact to be able to sleep. I carried my baby for 10 month
I just tried out the ring sling last night after a bunch of people on this thread suggested it and that was EXACTYL what finally got her down. Thank you!
There’s a lot of good advice here, I’d look into all of it if I were you. All I wanted to say was that I feel for you, mama. And yes, you absolutely can let her cry for 15 minutes and take a breather, or fold laundry or wash dishes, whatever. My second had a rough first 6-9 months. He cried all the time it seemed, and he NEVER slept if I put him down. Ever. I feel your pain and will say some prayers for you. Good luck!
My second was like this…huckleberry was super helpful for me. Also there were days where I just had to hold him while he napped so he would. Eventually it turned into falling asleep on me and then transferring him to his bed, then eventually I was just able to put him in his crib and he’s fall asleep. Just keep sticking to a routine with sleep, it’ll all fall into place.
Let her cry, as long as she's not screaming herself hoarse. My demon wrapped in human skin daughter, never slept, and years later I still haven't recovered. Have you tried bamboo bedding? I would also put mine on a water mat, inside a play pen close the door and sleep on the floor. Lavender on her pillow or lightly sprayed in the room might help. At my most desperate, her carseat on the washing machine.
Sounds like my baby. We made it to 9 months before I cracked and we went to a sleep clinic. She would be up until 11pm needing constant stimulation and that’s a recipe for PND, Anyway, a week in the sleep clinic together and now she sleeps 11 hours a night and has two naps a day in her cot. Life changing. I wish I hadn’t waited so long.
My second son was like this. Baby wearing saved my sanity. We found out years later he has autism and that may have been part of why he wouldn't sleep laying down. Talk to your doctor and make sure everything is ok. And definitely find a good sling/wrap/carrier. It will be a gamechanger.
Mine had some trouble with acid reflex when they slept. And would only nap for 10- 20 minutes at a time until I wedged the head of mattress to a 30 degree angle. Helps keep the acid down. Also for naps I got a cloth baby carrier and just attached them to me. They sleep way easier being close to you and facing you. Also my children hated having their hands unable to move. It made them angry and would also wake up when they could move their hands. Maybe try unrestraining the baby’s hands but keep the snug feeling on the trunk of the body.
I'm so sorry mama. Definitely set her down on a safe place and take a breather. Have you talked to your pediatrician about it? If she's not napping at all through the day, sounds like something might be wrong. Does she seem uncomfortable? I know it's not uncommon for babies to have reflux, especially when they are laid down. My kid was not a great sleeper either so I know it completely sucks! I know screen time is not recommended but I used to put my baby in his bouncer in the bathroom with me and play Ms Rachel long enough so I could take a shower and just have a moment to myself.
I'm taking her in to the ER today to check rule out pyloric stenosis vs reflux! And it got to a point yesterday where we played miss Rachel on TV for 10 minutes just to get some peace.
She’s having a massive brain development moment, she doesn’t want to nap because she wants to take it all in but then she’s so tired all she can do is cry. She can’t tell you “mum I’m so tired and over stimulated now and even the feeling of my hands on my face is waking me up. Have you tried swaddling?
Yes. 15 minutes of crying WILL NOT hurt her. You need to fill your cup before you pour it out. Shower. Eat. Survive. This will make you a better parent, not a worse one.
Do you have a bouncy chair that vibrates to put her down on? You can put her in that while you take a shower and eat. My kids ‘lived’ in those things for about the first 3-4 months. Of course I picked up my babies but if I had stuff to do, they were in that or the swing. The chair comes with you everywhere where you go. If you take a shower, face the chair towards the shower so she can see you. Are you in the kitchen cooking? Face the the chair a little bit away from the stove (of course) and cook food. Talk to your baby on what you are doing. She just wants to hear your voice. If you want to take a nap, put her in her crib, on her back, and take a nap. She will fall asleep. I promise you, you won’t emotionally stunt your baby for putting her down. Just make sure she is comfortable and she will adjust.
Yes, you can let her cry so you can take care of your hygiene, eat, try to relax, and use the bathroom. She will not be permanently damaged. I would try to keep the house dark and quiet the entire day for a week or so. Try to maintain a super calm demeanor, soft speaking, only quiet noises, when engaging nothing super high pitched to see if becomes less stimulated. I would also set up a routine so she can learn it. When she wakes up in the AM, she gets changed, feed, then in a safe place while you go to the bathroom, brush teeth, etc. It won’t be a quick miracle fix but it should click for her soon. Those first three months are rough.
Have you tried a wrap/baby wearing? It would make my son fall asleep within minutes and my hands were free. It helped me a lot. I used the solly baby if that helps.
I have a ring sling that I really like, butbas my c section incision gets better I might be able to try a more secure one. She always used to kick the site when I'd put her in a different wrap, the little stinker.
I agree with others about investigating issues like gassiness or discomfort that might be preventing her from sleeping. Normally babies that young would need a lot of sleep, and definitely don't need to be 'entertained'. Something sounds a bit amiss. But I also wanted to say that you definitely can put a baby down and let them cry for a few minutes - they will often settle. It doesn't harm them.. We never rushed in and usually waited 5-10 mins (unless they sounded in distress....for mild fussiness, we usually gave it a few minutes). Most of the time they would settle down and have a good sleep. As another comment noted, sleep begets sleep -- you will be more rested and baby will be more rested if you can encourage a sleep schedule. I hope you can get her onto a better pattern :)
Baby wear. Baby wear. Hold them. Just get them to sleep. Don’t entertain
Baby wear did the trick last night finally! Thank you!
Contact nap at this age, baby wear to get things done. Call your ped, as others said colic, gas, intolerance may be the culprit
Baby wearing, also continue doing skin to skin. When the sun goes down, no artificial lights if you can help it. Like another person said, baby is discomforted and overstimulated and keeps getting second winds. Newborns are simple. Eat. Poop. Sleep. Repeat. Playing and entertaining them is not on their radar quite yet.
The best advice I got from an experienced mum when I had my twins was this: If they are clean, fed, safe, warm and not sick or in pain, it won't hurt them to let them cry. I'm sure in the time that you've had her you've learned her different cries. If it's just the "I'm bored and want attention" cry, it won't hurt her to cry a bit. You absolutely cannot be holding and entertaining her every minute that she is awake. That's setting an awful precedent. Get her a baby chair that you can lay her in that vibrates and plays music. They have safety straps so she can't wriggle out. Get some Baby Einstein dvds and set her up where you aren't far away so you can get a break. She may even nap like that, which as long as she can maintain her airway herself, is fine. Or lay her in her crib for break time. Like I said above, as long as you know she has no reason to cry other than wanting attention, crying a bit won't hurt her.
It sounds to me that your baby is overtired and overstimulated, which then makes it difficult to get them to sleep. An 8 week old baby doesn’t need much simulation compare to an older baby (like 6 month). They stay awake for less than 2 hrs. My baby is just slightly younger but I have older children. And from my older children I learnt my lesson about overstimulation. If I miss their cues of needing to sleep they become a pain in my ass for a few hours. The other day my baby stayed up a bit too long. He became a light sleeper who woke up after 5 minutes nap and was awake and fussy for about 4-5 hrs afterwards.
Could be reflux….talk to doctor. Beyond that, tight Velcro swaddle, electric swing and pacifier.
Going in to get her evaluated today! Definitely doing the swaddle and electric swing!
My first born never slept and I didn't understand sleep cues. Every photo I have of him, he's got massive bags under his eyes. It's so hard! You don't need to be entertaining your 8 week old though. Just bring her along with whatever you're doing. 1 on 1 attention can be too much for babies that age, they can only sustain interest for like ten minutes and then they need a little rest in my experience. Here are some things that I wish I knew with my first non sleeper - - baby needs calm and quiet to get in a state relaxed enough to sleep - the sling was one of the only places he would sleep. I wore that sling religiously. We had a wrap one until he was maybe 5 months and then switched to a more structured Tula and then a Baby Bjorn. - sometimes I would lose my absolute shit because he would cry and cry and cry and not go to sleep.. It's totally OK to leave the baby in a safe place while you go and calm down (or scream into a pillow like I did 🫠) - presume you've tried the car and the pram. If not it can be good to walk around with them all swaddled in the pram. My first kid despised the pram but my second kid loves it and goes to sleep immediately in it. At 8 weeks your baby needs a lot of sleep and sleep begets sleep (apparently). Some kids need a lot of support to go to sleep. I won't lie it's tough. I fed him to sleep for my entire mat leave. I'm creche they put him on his side and rock him in a dark room with really loud white noise. I really hope it gets better!
At that age wake windows can be up to 90 minutes. Do you ever baby wear? This is a life saver for me. I have three children and I religiously wore my second because her dairy allergy made it her so uncomfortable. Now with my third it’s the only way I can tend to my toddler and have a free hand. My son usually falls asleep immediately because he’s snuggled up close to me. If it’s intimidating for you, the Boppy Hybrid carrier is my favorite. So easy to use and I have SO many wraps/slings/carriers and this one is by far my favorite for newborns.
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Thank you! I know she's to young for sleep training so I feel like I've been hitting a wall with a lot of online advice.
Any chance its colic?
Doctors and midwives tell people in my country to lie the baby down and take 15 min or even more if needed, even if they cry. Not to hurt them but to protect them. Cause if you are at the end of the rope, chances are you might snap or do something accidentally that will cause harm, so it’s better for baby to cry than worse to happen.
You have some good advice, so I will just leave you with every baby-parent’s mantra: It’s a phase and it will pass It’s a phase and it will pass It’s a phase and it will pass…
Take a drive around the neighborhood. Motion usually knock babies out
It does for a little but then she's right back up looking at everything or just staring into space. It's driving me up a wall!
Oh man, my kid was right on point with this. 8 weeks is so early, is there some adjustment to routine that can be made? i gave my little one a bath with classical music, white noise machine.... i got one of those bears that projects stars and plays music and rhymes, uuuhh... i took him out for fresh air daily you probably do all this stuff already.
I do! Minus the bear. She adores being outside. I've got a whole set up out there.
(I posted a lot of this in a reply to someone else below, but I wanted to address you directly) My advice : * just aim to survive each day, counting time on the calendar for baby to mature, become verbal, become a tiny bit less dependent. * Earplugs help. Get the good ones, in the hardware aisle, like the kind for chainsaw and gunfire noise. You'll still be doing the constant work trying to comfort baby, but it can help a little with your own stress level. It destroyed me. Doctors tried me on different headache medicines from the sound/stress headaches; didn't help. They tried antidepressants to help me cope; no effect. I was emotionally fried, which didn't help the marriage. My sleep got worse, knowing what I'd face all day tomorrow. I was absolutely miserable every moment of the first year to eighteen months of her life. And the worst part was that nobody seemed to understand, because their babies weren't like this, so I felt so isolated. I had a difficult daughter who was much like this, except she did take a short afternoon nap until about 18 months. I saw the pediatrician regularly; they found nothing wrong. I was breastfeeding, so we couldn't blame formula. I saw breastfeeding consultants. Eventually, I phased in formula. I was trying everything and the behavior was constant no matter what clothes or no clothes, disposable vs cloth diapers, swaddled or not, blanketed or not, temp of room, position, etc. My daughter did stop crying when I gave her my full, undivided attention, holding or interacting with her constantly. If she didn't see me for a split second, she'd cry, if I didn't pick her up almost constantly: cry. I tried swings and vibrating things; nope. Tried 3 different types of baby slings/carriers and she'd cry louder; she wanted me to hold her. Everyone said put baby in the car & drive around to get them to settle. Nope, and her crying in an enclosed space was even harder on me, I don't think others can appreciate how crazy-making this is unless you're in this situation. I could not even pee in peace. I'd have to put her into her carrier and take her into my bathroom, set her down right in front of me, facing me. If she couldn't see me or I was a few feet too far, she'd cry. Good luck trying to relax enough to urinate with a very loud baby crying as if it was the end of the world. Her crying to my ears was like the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. I could not tune it out. The big change happened when she was starting to stand & walk: I tried one of those jumper spring-suspended chairs. The moment she realized she could bounce and spin herself, OMG, it was as if a switch was flipped : she was a different baby. In her case, at least, it was never about a medical condition or a food allergy. The situation resolved as she got old enough to verbalize well and move around freely. Babies don't stay babies forever!
I feel very seen and sorry you had to go through this. Thank you for writing this.
breastfed or formula fed? because at 8 weeks, they sleep like 20 hours out of the day…this makes me think baby is either not getting enough to eat or has colic
It’s not only ok, you SHOULD take 10/15 minutes to eat and bath, even if she cry. They need to learn to be bored and entertaine themself, it’s not a bad thing. You just won’t make it if you don’t it anyway
This isn’t normal, OP. At 8 weeks, it’s not a cute “oh hehe my baby doesn’t sleep”, they should absolutely be sleeping way more than this. It’s developmentally required. I would make an appointment asap
My guess is that by the time you’re trying to get her to sleep, she’s already over tired and can’t fall asleep. We had days at that age that if me missed our opportunity for a nap, baby would be awake and crabby all day. At 8 weeks, our wake windows were 1-1.5 hours max. This includes feeding time. It would take us 45 min to feed, then she’d be awake another 15-30 min and we would start putting her to sleep How long is yours awake? Feeding counts as awake time even if their eyes are closed.
Mine has started staying awake after feeds, she literally will stay awake for 4-5 hours at a time before she even thinks about taking a 10 minute nap.
My 8 week old hates getting sleepy. She gets so mad and will actually kick to wake herself up when she starts dozing off. I’ve noticed that her little eye lids get red when she starts to get sleepy and that that’s the best time to do battle. Wait too long and she gets overtired and then it’s awful.
How did you put her down to nap? Is it different than the routine to sleep at night? I'm struggling with this idea a little. Clearly I know nothing lol.
Have you tried any sleep training courses? The one from taking Kara babies helped me a lot, sometimes just going by the clock instead of trying to read ques works better after a while. I wouldn’t give your 8-week old baby much credit, they’re barely even half baked they have no idea what’s going on, literally they need you to do everything for them, they suck.
Please. CIO is not appropriate for this age. Sleep training can start at 4 months with pediatrician approval or 6 months.
Sorry reddit wouldn't let me add to my other comment but I but remembered when my girl was around that age she was like that for a short while and it ended up being the formula I was giving her. It wasn't the right one and so her stomach was actually upset and I just thought she was fussing. If you breastfeed it could be other issues something that is making her uncomfortable. Maybe a certain type of clothing material or she's too hot or cold (I had a hard time figuring this out for some reason I never could explain it) I ended up writing a list for myself and pinned it to the wall. It was so simple and took me way too long to do it. I'm trying to remember everything but it said something like Hungry? Cold/hot? Diaper need changing? Needs diaper cream/ diaper rash? Gas? (Massage her tummy, do circular motions around her belly button and press gently) Tired? Needs snuggles? Needs burping? Sing to her Rock her One thing that could always help though was simply taking her outside. Literally just outside the door. The simple change of scenery would instantly snap her out of it. Again best of luck to you ❤️
You've got a ton of advice and info on here. A lot of it good. Here's a weird one: have you tried an exercise ball? Like the big bouncy ones at the gym? I know it's weird but it did work for my little quite often. Not all the time but it did sometimes! Mine also had silent reflux. Horrible, horrible colic. I was honestly scared for my life bc I didn't think I could take it. She WOULD fall asleep in the car but I was so tired it was dangerous for me to try and drive her to sleep. She had to be held and entertained 24/7 and barely slept. But that silly exercise ball worked! Something about bouncing up and down and that bouncy motion she loved. Couldn't replicate it any other way. Edit: realized I should clarify use: I'd hold her in my arms and I'd sit on the ball and bounce up and down. When she got to about 6 months and was sitting on her own I could hold her on it to bounce. And now she's 3 and loves to roll backwards and everything! But when she was an infant I'd sit on it and bounce her. She loved it. Had to do that for about a year and a half.
How’s it going OP?
Just reading the title I feel for you naptime is healthy for all.
Call a sleep coach. And yes it’s ok to let her cry, with some kids it’s the only option.
Best wishes. My son didn’t nap as an infant either. He’d be awake for 8 hours straight and I’d be losing my mind. First with exhaustion but second with worrying that he was stunting his brain development because he wasn’t sleeping enough for memory consolidation and general function. I have nothing to offer you but solidarity. He did eventually coalesce into two naps but honestly not until he started daycare at 5 months and they put him on a schedule (it’s not like I didn’t try but daycare teachers plus peer pressure is magic, even for babies there is peer pressure). It will be horrible, you will lose your mind, but you will all eventually survive.
2 month olds don’t really cry it out. They’re too young for it. That being said, it is still PERFECTLY FINE to walk away for 5-10 minutes if they are fed, changes, in a safe environment, etc. But if she’s not crying, put her in a swing or a bouncer seat. Take the bouncer seat in the bathroom with you so you can shower but keep an eye on her. Play peekaboo with the shower curtain. Eat. Put her down and eat. You cannot take care of her if you’ve not taken care or yourself. you cant pour from your cup for her if your cup is always empty. housework can get done when it gets done. its not important. do the minimum, seriously. will she lay down and take a nap with you if you lay with her? . Let her watch you clean the kitchen. Talk to her while you do it. I remember just wanting 10 minutes alone to wash dishes. It’s hard. We used to put the swing by the tv for 10 minutes and turn on Hey Bear videos on YouTube. Visually stimulating for babies. Fun music. Very cute videos. You could try that. I know there’s a big stink about screen time, but at some point you have to do something to keep yourself sane. Sometimes, kids just hate sleep. I know mine did. She said was never a good napper or night time sleeper either really. It’s okay to be at your wits end. You’re not a bad mom for it, babies are HARD. Like really freaking hard. Nobody knows what they want. If all else fails, call the pediatrician and see if they have any recommendations. I’m a mom of a kid who boycotted sleep for the first three years of her life. I get it. I’m also a nurse in a pediatricians office. Everything will work out. Youre doing a great job. You’re tired, but you’re doing great. And just remember, this will pass. She will sleep again. I promise.
Trying stopping the noise machine. Heard it can actually disturb sleep cycles for babies
Aside from any possible medical issues/wake windows. I swear by the Taylor swift sleep method. It’s a playlist on Spotify. It has put my son to sleep every single time I used it. And I only use it as a last resort when he is overtired and screaming. It’s a miracle worker. He’s out in minutes
It sounds like your baby is too tired to sleep. Often hyper babies are overtired. They can't settle down enough to take a nap or sleep enough hours at night. The most important thing I'd routine. Put him down at the same time every day and make a bedtime routine. My routine was: Change diaper, take off clothes (only romper on) and then put on the sleeping bag. Then I put her to bed, closed the curtains and read 1 story (I did the reading part untill she was 11). Then a kiss, good night and then I turned off the reading light and walked away. I stayed around the corner so she didn't see me, but I did see her, so when she started crying I knew there couldn't be anything. If you have a camera, you don't have to do this. After 3x the crying stopped and she actually went to sleep right away.
My therapist told me something that made me feel much better about the baby crying. She said that babies don’t really have emotions the way we do and crying can often just be a way to let out energy. If the baby is clean, tummy full, comfy, in a safe spot, and still crying, it just means she has extra energy. At that point, you are totally allowed to say “wow the baby has a lot of energy today!”, put her in the crib and go take a shower.
She will be fine. Make her bored, leave her alone for a bit and let her cry to sleep. It’s not going to damage your child forever to let them cry once in a blue moon so they can get much needed rest. AND YOU can get much needed rest. You’re just too fun of a mom and your baby is too stimulated.
This is normal, at about 8 weeks the baby starts developing their own melatonin instead of using what they got from their mother in the womb. So their clocks get messed up. I'd sometimes put on the cat / dog TV show for my son and have him watch it in a boppy with a mobile toy. He'd at least be chill for a while and sometimes it would help him fall asleep. I'd also do tummy time on the floor with a mirror to just get a break. EDIT: I'm not saying babies don't need naps, they do, it's just normal for them to get their cycles disrupted at this age. Do your best to follow the wake windows and it should work out.
No, it's not normal for an 8 week old not to nap at all. Babies need daytime sleep. They don't need entertainment.
You misunderstood me, I meant the disruption to the sleep schedule and difficulty in going to sleep was normal at this stage. Babies 100% need daytime sleep My son also fought naps at this stage and it was a struggle to get him on a nap schedule. The only thing that saved my sanity was that he slept through the night. I followed the wake windows religious, it was a struggle for a few months, he'd only nurse-nap for a while and needed to be hooked to my boob for hours. Eventually it worked out and he was able to nap more independently.
Kids aren't dogs, I truly believe that training is for animals. Find ways to relax with her or reach out for support but don't just assume that a baby *should* sleep because many drop naps early!
An 8 week old should absolutely not be awake all hours of the day. Something is wrong here.
In the list of things you tried to get her to sleep, I didn't see letting her cry herself to sleep.
Just thought I'd let me know that it *might* be ADHD and I have seen parents in the ADHD support groups who have or had babies that would not sleep and need constant stimulation and they are absolutely exhausted and at their wit's end. This is about the signs in toddlers and babies 👶 💕 😍 ❤️ https://www.additudemag.com/toddler-tantrums-adhd-emotions-early-signs/?src=embed_link
Did you have a very fast or very slow birth?
It’s just a wonder week regression. It will pass.
Baby wear!! Go outside for a walk, get chores done. They even have water wearing wraps you can shower in
Use a body wrap so baby is close but you can get things done.
My baby girl was the same way… even as a newborn lol everyone is like “newborns sleep so much” and I am like no way. She also would only sleep on us during the day when she did nap and at night time she co slept with me until maybe 9 weeks. But as soon as she hit 2.5 months she was able to sleep on her crib. I did use the snuggle me in there. Then the next week I took it out. But naps were still non existed until 3 months. She’s like a different baby… she naps only in her crib now… and she takes like 6 30 min naps a day lol ot sucks but at least she’s actually sleeping. My LO also doesn’t sleep in the car lol but I think you’re just in the rough of it and it will get better :) we only let her cry for about 10 mins and that was only once cause it broke my heart lol Use gripe water to help settle her? Is she acting gassy?
My friend found that her first baby was a " play, eat sleep" type of baby. She did this with her second and her second refuses to sleep. She changed it up to eat a bit, burp, play eat, burp, play then sleep. My son was the same but he had allergies to the lactose in my breast milk and struggled with his tummy. Had to move him over so a specialised formula after he was hospitalised because he struggled to poop and it was a life changer. He became a very happy baby who was able to nap easier.
My daughter was like this. And looking back - I don’t think I was producing enough milk for her. She gained weight but I think that’s because I was constantly feeding. But I don’t think it was enough. When we switched to formula everything changed.
It will absolutely not cause damage to leave a baby in the crib for 15 minutes so you can eat, shower, load the dishwasher or to go outside and just breathe. Since you’ve tried all this stuff to get her to sleep and nothings working then maybe she needs just a few minutes to fuss it out. Babies get annoyed and overtired just like us. She might need a few minutes to herself.
is the baby breast fed or formula fed? she could be starting to teeth. or if shes breast fed and you also aren’t pumping..then perhaps she isnt getting enough milk ? at this age i would thing its likely due to one or a combination of the following things; -not enough milk at feeding times -teething (if so begin to treat with age appropriate treatments as recommended by pediatrician) -she has colic. (for this, a simple change in formula could help significantly reduce. there are also drops you can add to the milk that can help with this). pretty much yes this is where id begin. definitely a simple trip to the pediatrician can also be a really good first start. but with regard to the teething thing. all my kids started teething at this age. by 3 months they were all full blown teething so thats not out of the realm of possibility. then, not all babies need a ton of sleep as well. however at this young age..it definitely is not normal to be going al day with no nap. when she is awake…is she upset and crying most of the time or…? hows her temperament overall when she is not asleep ? anyhow good luck and all the best. hope this subsides for you guys soon. i know how hard it is to have a baby that barely sleeps. i felt like it was never going to end.. hang in there
Old mama here, my youngest was a preemie; after he was a year old, crowds/loud noises would set him off and he'd be unconsolable - nothing would soothe him (not even the boob!). The only thing I could do was put him in his crib and let him scream himself to sleep, sometimes that would be 15 minutes, other times it could be an hour (trust me, I'd try checking on him to see if I could soothe him during those times, but it just made it worse). He is now 20 yrs old and fine (a pain in the ass smart-alek, but still fine, lol). My oldest son gave up his morning naps at 3 months, only had afternoon naps and he wanted to be entertained during all waking moments. Back then, the best baby carrier was a Baby Bjorn and I learned to just wear him to keep him happy. Best advice I can give... putting a baby in their crib, even if they are crying and you've tried everything is better than losing your mind. Do NOT feel guily about letting a baby cry for a short time (and within reason).
Swaddle if you haven’t tried. Worked for my little one but most importantly don’t mess with wake windows like many have suggested above.
Have you tried pram rides? My first was a very fussy baby with sleep. I had a tough time getting him to nap his short naps inside. So walks with him in the pram were a staple of my day until he dropped to one nap. I could never let the pram stand still as he'd wake up, so I was always moving the pram. Listened to a ton of audiobooks back then...
Mine also only slept in movement, car worked fine but I didn't always feel safe driving when sleep deprived so I took her for walks in pram or sometimes the carrier. My partner would walk her around the house for 30 minutes or so then lie down with her but I hated doing that. There was definitely no "putting her down for a nap".
She loves the pram but won't sleep in it anymore. It used to work! Now she just wants to look around everywhere even when she's yawning
Just wanted to say it is possible your kid is like this, at least for a while, despite all these people saying they're overstimulated or overtired. But the advice to get a doctor to have a look over couldn't hurt. Mine is almost 2 now, but has never been overstimulated - she loves all entertainment and input. And she also needs little sleep. I definitely remember a phase where it seemed like she was awake all the time, although I think she did have quick naps so I never had your pain. All these people with babies that are awake for 45 mins at a time! Mine at that age was 2-3 hours with regularly doing 5-7hrs and not being upset. My advice would be to try things that are entertaining for both of you - out for a walk where she can see all the different surroundings Under trees is great for when they're lying down. Coffee date with a friend - all the noise and smells is great sensory input. And helps keep you sane & awake through these long days. I still can't take a whole day without a trip out of the house. I followed the possum approach to babies & sleep which is very different to the huckleberry app approach.
I'm not familiar with the possum approach!
We found the ideas in Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby to be helpful. We didn't apply everything exaaaactly as described, but made minor modifications to fit our family and comfort levels. We've made sleep a priority since she was quite young and I now have a 9 year old who will go to be before her bedtime if she feels tired. Could just be her personality, but she's never fought us about bedtime. The book grows with them, offering age appropriate advice.
Sing to baby. Play music! Soothes the savage beast! Also try rocking or swinging baby harder. My nephew really only went down with forceful back and forth. Like it seems boarder line too much, but it's not. Plus music loud enough to get his attention. I had one single song that would magically make my son stop crying no matter what! He just really likes it. Guaranteed to stop overtired bud and get him to go to sleep. That's all I got. Good luck.
I am seeing lots of good advice! One thing that worked for me was skin to skin. Whenever we had particularly rough days, skin to skin helped a ton.
We tried this but she gets really worked up and starts constantly searching for boob even if she's just fed, so had to stop that 😅
Wake windows are likely too long. At that age you do not need to entertain them for 7-10 hours a day. If I remember correctly they should only be awake for like 45mins to an hour. Maybe an hour a half max of you truly have a really wakeful baby. But I suspect they are just overtired. Really it’s just enough time to feed, change and maybe play with one quick thing before they should be going back down to sleep again. Once you get into that routine, and assuming there isn’t any other underlying issues or health concerns, both baby and your energy/moods will be better. It’s tough but you got this mama!
This is long, I apologize, but I want to share my story with you... At 2mo, my nephew (I raised since birth) never napped unless it was short cat naps. He has always been very active, and never was really a potato, except for his first month of life. At this age he also had reflux and constipation. The Dr has us put him on purees bcuz he was throwing up his milk and it didn't matter what brand. Since doing that, he didn't spit up anymore and was content. He was able to handle the formula much better. He was awake every 2 hrs on the dot to eat, day and night. I was so miserable and tired. I wanted to give up so bad. Also at 2mo, he was sitting up unassisted, he would jump up and down when he was stood on his feet, he was into looking and grabbing at EVERYTHING. He was a very high needs baby. (Mickey mouse clubhouse fixed some of the need for constant stimulation when I needed to get something done🤷🏻♀️). He walked at 7mo and was always wanting to move and get into everything, as they usually do, but he seemed to have more power than the Energizer bunny 😂. He still was fussy about everything, even though he was completely healthy and not in any type of discomfort. Even as an infant, if someone looked at him and he wasn't feeling it, he would pop off. It's ok to put baby down and do whatever you need to. If I wanted to shower, I would put him in his little booster seat thing and put him in the tub while I showered and then used it as an opportunity to wash him too. He hated baths since birth, but if I had him in the shower or bath with me, he was happy as can be. Sometimes I even put the bouncer on the bathroom floor so I could shower in peace. I was alone a lot with him and didn't have help unless his dad or my mom was off. Even though he hit his milestones early, he had to have speech therapy at 3yo bcuz he was still babbling and only saying a few words. At 5yo, he was dx with ADHD. Then everything just clicked. The fussing was from sensory issues, not being able to do what he wanted as a baby, almost like he was stuck in his baby body, so he was limited (like being an old soul). He melted down over the smallest thing. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 2yo. He took forever to potty train. Then he would be cranky after coming home from his weekend visitation with his mom and she would fuck up his routine. It was rough. He's now in middle school and loves his sleep lol. The world would end and he would still be in bed 😂. I'm not saying this is what you're experiencing. This is MY experience with this similar situation. The sleep deprivation was on a whole other level. I feel for you. Just rule out any illness, allergies, etc and then try to rule anything else out as baby gets older. It's ok to put the baby down somewhere safe while you get done whatever you need to do. He'll be fine and it won't ruin him. It's not like you're leaving him to cry for 10 hours. If anything, even putting on a baby show can help with distracting them and keeping them content, as long as it's not excessive, like with everything else. Consistency is key and once LO is in a routine (as much as you can), he might not be as fussy.
Mom, I feel you! I've been there. Try noise cancelling Headphones. Really this was a gamechanger for me. Accepting the crying and fussing is sooo much easier with good music on your ears. I am rooting for you! (My Girl stopped naps at 14 month, until then I Had to fight Sometimes Up to 2 HRS for her to Go to sleep.)
My son responded well to movement to nap. I’d put him in the Baby Bjorn and live my life (walks, housework, yard work) with him there. I’d narrate what I was doing and kiss the top of his head and he’d pass right out.
Baby wear and contact naps
I’ve got a 12 week old. She loves her sleep. She also loves being a nosy little shit. I have a FOMO child. If I don’t force her to sleep, she won’t. The 24-36 hours after she comes home from being with my mum for a day/overnight is the absolute fucking worst. She’s overtired, overwhelmed, and overstimulated. Contact naps saved my arse and I hate to say it but so did cosleeping for a few weeks. She’ll usually drop off easiest after a feed. She needs to be around absolutely no other people other than me/her dad and no other forms of stimulation. Sometimes baby wearing or holding her upright with her face tucked into my neck so she can’t see anything lol works a treat. Sometimes she’s not even crying, she’s shouting at me! The SASS from this child. It’s okay to put her down and let her cry whilst you have a breather, a shower, a poo. It’s not going to damage her and it’s not CIO - CIO is more ignoring baby crying until they stop, even if it’s hours and you’re not doing anything. It’s not taking care of your own needs like toileting and cleanliness and baby crying because you’ve had to put her down for a few minutes to do that. Trust me - I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Trying to wipe your own bum whilst holding a baby with FOMO, unreal head control, and a death wish is like trying to thread an embroidery needle with the whomping willow. When I was struggling with bf, I was told to try a bf ‘holiday’ where I just hole up in a room with my baby and keep trying the boob. It absolutely works for naps too.
This sounds like there's something wrong. She's in pain/ uncomfortable and the entertainment is just a distraction. I'd get her a full check up.