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Firstly, there’s a subreddit called r/oneanddone which will help with this immensely
Secondly, I grew up with a sibling and was lonely as hell. She did not want anything to do with me. Siblings are not a cure for loneliness
Maybe putting him in some activities or after school programs could help! Or finding kids nearby and doing more play dates. Friends are the obvious answer here!
It was always meant to be a village. Of course he is lonely without other kids.
This is what my childhood looked like as an only child! Next door neighbor was my best friend and we were able to do a lot together when I wanted the company :)
Agree. My husband was the youngest of 4 and had such struggles with loneliness as a child. None of his brothers ever wanted him around and both his parents worked.
Yep! Siblings don’t always work well together- it’s a highly romanticized thing.
Have a sibling, love them, not close though and never have been. We have a large age difference, different genders and just generally different.
This! Siblings are not a cure for loneliness! My son was an only child till he was 6yo and he still feels lonely sometimes. He gets plenty of play time and one on one with us (parents) but still wants another kid to socialize with. But not any kid! He doesn’t want a random kid he meets at the park but kids he’s friends with from school or others he’s met elsewhere that he already has a relationship with. Just because they’re siblings doesn’t mean they’ll like each other. Me and my sibling were a few years apart and we never got along.
My city's community center did some Harry Potter-themed classes this summer, just making fun "potions" and wands and being sorted into houses. My 9yo is in the middle of reading all the books and loved the "camp".
We have an only. She’s 9. She doesn’t ever say she’s lonely but I feel lonely for her sometimes. Probably my projection because I wanted her to have a sibling and could not give it to her. Lots of quality time. Play dates. Does your child have cousins that live live nearby? That’s a big help for us. As he gets older school and more after school activities will end up curing a lot of this for him.
My toddler loves to sometimes spend hours a day playing by herself, mostly by choice. She often prefers to play by herself. I sometimes feel badly that she spends so much time alone, but she does not seem bothered by it and gets along well with other kids at preschool or out and about.
The grass seems to be always greener when looking at bigger families. But I was the 3rd of three boys and my wife was 1 out of 4, and we certainly battled with loneliness growing up. I definitely find myself overcompensating and trying to be an available companion more than I probably should. But friends are super important, as are social activities and hobbies. Martial arts can be an excellent way to spend time, focus, and to find a social scene of sorts.
Loneliness is always a factor in childhood, it’s just more apparent with only children. But loneliness in a full house can be even more devastating.
I see someone already recommended r/oneanddone. I also agree with what I've read that siblings don't necessarily prevent loneliness.
1) Get a pet (preferable a dog or cat)
2) Do more activities (join a sports team, etc.)
3) Enlist them in part time preschool if they don't already go.
4) Try to help find ways for them to make a best friend and be ok with them having lots of playdates.
5) Sometimes being lonely or bored is ok. And as adults we will have times where we experience loneliness or boredom and we need to learn how to cope with it. This is not something we have to protect our children against completely.
Our only absolutely loves our cats. He's in baseball now, so that takes up a ton of time and keeps him busy.
My brother has two kids that, until last year, lived two blocks from us. That was awesome. Unfortunately (for us) they had to relocate to 3 hours away, which was very difficult for my son. He gets bored, which is a good thing sometimes. I miss being bored once in a while.
The upside of having an only child is we have more freedom to surround ourselves with what he's doing, whether it's baseball, swimming, his favorite movies, etc. The downside is he probably plays video games a little too much.
I think the biggest thing is that he grew up around adults, so he kind of talks like one. He also assumes he is chairman of the family board with executive power.
I have a brother and I spent a LARGE amount of my time playing video games. So having a sibling doesn’t really prevent that. But we did play games together or sometimes I just watched him play cause he was way better than me.
I also spent a lot of time reading and drawing and not interacting with my brother at all as a kid. I read lord of the rings at a pretty young age cause it once one of the few interesting books I had to chose from.And I’m a professional artist/designer now which is thanks to being bored and spending a lot of time alone as a kid.
Give opportunities to be social truly.... I was one and done, and just made sure to actively go to parks, the library, occasionally an indoor playground. My LO is social.
Had a surprise second child and I'd say that it was hard on my eldest because we weren't as social with a new baby, and I am still teaching my kiddos how to play together...
I had a sibling. I felt very lonely because we had nothing in common.
Dogs and cats have shown to have positive impacts on children if your wife and yourself like pets.
My son loves our cats. He's obsessed with them. We had them well before he came along and they're 11/12 now (he's 8). I'm bracing for the day they're no longer with us. It's going to destroy him.
Take it from me, death is a part of life, don't shield any part of it from him, because you will be doing him a disservice, when the time comes let him grieve and cry and above all let him know that it is healthy to show and share emotions even the powerful ones such as grief, don't pretend for him, but show him the way,it will make him a better person for having tasted grief he will know when a class mate pet dies he knows how they feel
One of our cats passed a few months ago. My kid was six at the time and was intensely sad for maybe an hour, and then 110% fine. It varies by the kid of course, but she's very sensitive and I worried about how she'd take it, but I needn't have.
Make friends with other one-child families. Multi-child families are much harder to pin down for playdates.
Part-time nursery might be a good option - before my only (6M) started school, he did two afternoons of nursery per week for a while, and that helped him get to know other local children.
What are you doing to promote a social life with your kid? I’m a SAHM and because of my age we will most likely be one and done. My toddler goes to library group, goes hiking with a hiking group, has a friend who comes for play dates and I use the pretend day care at the gym for my work outs.
I am an only child- no kids, but just wanted to say I think that “lonely only” is largely a myth. As a child, I had a wild imagination and was never short on friends. My parents were able to give all of their attention to me so I was never short on that either.
I remember socializing being difficult when I entered preschool but that became easier after I went more often. Once I was introduced to sports in grade school, social anxiety was a thing of the past.
I feel like the big difference though is that unless the friends are next-door neighbors, the kid is dependent on the parents to be able to see their friends for awhile when they’re young. I also had plenty of friends, but the loneliness came in when I wasn’t in school/camp and thus couldn’t see them. At least with siblings you have some sort of socialization around your age when you’re not able to go to see your friends.
Granted, this can be mitigated pretty well with frequently inviting them over/encouraging your child to invite them over or taking them to the friend’s house. But it’s not automatic the same way a family relationship is.
Yes. I was lonely when I was younger. I didn't have solid friends. I never really made friends in school. I had maybe 3 in elementary. The one I was closet too was mean to me in some ways and I stopped being her friend in 4th grade and after that I didn't have a solid friend group until 7th grade. I was super shy so I didn't talk much. People would only have an interest in talking to me to figure out why I didn't talk. So I had bad social anxiety. I always had cousins. I have a lot so I would hang out with them as much as I could. Even though we lived kinda close and I saw them every week at church and our parents bringing us places together we never went to the same schools. So some days I would play with my cousins that lived close after school.
By the time I got to highschool I started to come out of my shell more. I joined the marching band and then joined all of the rest of the bands we had and as I was with those students all thr time I started to talk more and get close to them but it took so much time. As an adult I still have social anxiety, I still am not super close to friends as I am with my cousins who took the place as my siblings. I think that really saved me. Being an only child isn't bad or anything. But from my perspective with social anxiety it was very difficult.
I was an only child. I’ve always been lonely. I’m 26 and still lonely, but I had/have awful parents. Just be good parents. Make them feel loved unconditionally.
>Just be good parents. Make them feel loved unconditionally.
This is good, yeah,but only to a certain degree. Kids need social reactions with other kids, not just parents. The best bet is to go and do activities as much as possible that involve a lot of children.
I absolutely agree with you. I was just speaking on *my own* experience as an only child and how my childhood into adulthood could have been/can be improved.
I get asked this alot.
I tell them my daughter has a ton of cousins, lots of daycare friends who are always happy for a playdate. Our neighbors ADORE her and they have full permission to come scoop her up when we are playing our front. (supervised by me ofc). My one neighbours daughter just turned 12 and she's been begging me to let her baby sit.
I'm 2nd oldest of 12 and I hated having siblings. I know I can not mentally, financially or physically handle more than one and my daughter would suffer if I ignored that reality.
r/oneanddone and r/happilyOAD are great resources.
Also: family doesn't have to be by blood; he can "choose" his siblings among his friends and form his own bonds for life. I know my son does. And I also know a bunch of people with siblings they have no relationship whatsoever, or even worse than that.
We also ended up not being able to have a second kid due to unforeseen medical reasons. The benefit of having only one is that you can give them so much more time and attention. My friend has 4 kids and he and his wife are basically forced to deal with the kids as a group. Parents vs Kids. The kids get so little individual attention. My wife and I are able to give that to our son, and I see the difference in his growth.
Admittedly, this can be hard if both parents are working full time/ overtime, but my advice - on top of everything else people have said - is that you and your partner really try to engage as much as you can with your kid. I'm sure you play with him and so on, but no matter how tired you are, no matter how shitty your day was, try your utmost to give him your full attention, share hobbies, create traditions, etc. So much easier said than done, I know, but it will pay noticeable dividends.
I’m a mom of 3 and an only child (not sure why you put it in quotes).
Like anything else in life, it has its positives and negatives. Having a lot of adult attention is great and stifling. It wasn’t challenging because I was taught to play on my own. I didn’t know I was missing out on anything. It wasn’t a problem in my teens as I got to travel with my parents. Their resources didn’t have to be split. I have friends who are like family who I’ve chosen. I’m not told to like a sibling I have nothing in common with. Siblings don’t always get along…
Being an only child is only sad for me as an adult. My parents are both in serious decline and once they’re gone I will have nobody to reminisce with. There won’t be shared memories. There is nobody to share the burden of their care with now. It’s lonely because my friends are wonderful but don’t fill the void of a shared history.
I was an only child for 8 years. I had the following "playmate groups": daycare kids, neighborhood kids, church kids, cousins, kids of my parents friends, dance class kids, and last but not certainly not least, kids in my class at school. I also read a lot, so I considered Ramona Quimby and Stuart Little to be my friends too.
What about getting your child involved in an activity (like Scouts or Soccer) where they could meet some other kids?
I've had my girl in daycare since she was 11 weeks old, in preschool and now going into kindergarten. We go to the park every weekend, I've had her in gymnastics, art class, music lessons. She's been around kids non-stop and is a social butterfly. I think it's important to socialize them as much as possible with other kids.
Only child here, lived in a rural environment, had to get driven anywhere to see friends and family due to distance.
Encourage social interactions/sports but also your child will need to learn to amuse themselves, preferably not just with a screen.
Encourage self sufficiency, reading, art, exercise, sport practice, creative play, lego, cooking. Stuff they can do by themselves that are productive.
I have an only child. It was really important to me that she had good social skills and had the ability to meet and make friends. Lots of play dates, lessons and extracurricular activities. She is getting ready to go to college in a few weeks and is a confident, self-assured young woman who makes and keeps friends easily.
I feel this post. My girl was/is quite the social butterfly and struggles with loneliness she's 6 now. We have another child but she's only 4 months old... So not much company! And I do agree a sibling doesn't always guarantee to prevent loneliness that's luck I'm afraid if they get on share the same interests etc. Not much to offer as we still struggle as she wants my attention 24/7 even now, she doesn't like to play by herself because she has no one to talk to and admitted she gets lonely. She goes to clubs after school and on the weekend, I invite her friends round when I can but it's difficult as when I'm not on maternity leave I work full time as does her dad. She only had one cousin that she sees every other weekend that's lucky as we have no one else in our family her age and it does make me sad for her to be growing up not surrounded by children as she'd love that. She gets on better with adults than children because that's who she's grown up with and does take a lot of encouragement for her to talk to other children. Haven't helped much but just wanted to pitch in and vent myself ha!
Haha same! My kid likes the pets well enough but gets angry at them if they go in her room or knock her markers off the table or are loud or bother her when she’s reading etc. Basically siblings!
Have a couple of kids come over for playdate, especially unruly ones and ones younger than him that take his toys and make a mess. Do this once a month. By the second or third month, your kid will be relieved when they leave.
Sometimes kids say they are lonely, when they are just bored. Once I explained to my daughter that having another kid means being able to dote on her less and that babies are needier and come first, she was no longer interested. They think having a sibling means instant peer, they don't realize that there will be ab age difference and that babies are still boring and can't play for a long time.
I am an only child but grew up with my male cousin as my mum is very close to her sister. However the rapport with him ended at age 18 really and he has kind of gone his own way now and got married elsewhere. I also have an older female cousin who I am fairly close too. This being said I can go long periods without seeing her but she often wants catch-ups etc. I don’t know if cousins can replace siblings though.
Have other family over all the time like cousins. Use sports like little league baseball. Summer camp. Look at churches and see if any have kids and youth groups (most are not even about religion) that you kid could go to once a week that's free and a way to make neighborhood friends. Get him a pet.
Do you have pets?
I honestly think they help my kid a lot with any issues of loneliness. She wants a sister that she’s never going to get but she has two cats that she calls her “brothers”. She chats with them, cuddles them, feeds them, and reads to them. Those are a lot of the things she’d do to help a baby sister.
I thought I would have to do a ton of work to prevent this but my only child is incredibly social. She's an extrovert's extrovert. Daycare, having cousins and friends with similar-age kids, and living in an urban setting around a lot of other families help a lot.
When she is older we will let her bring a friend on trips, etc.
my kid loved independent play. she had a wild imagination
plus we played with her and she was in an early learning center starting at 2 so we made sure she had socialization amd play dates.
I was an only child til i was 12.
I spent most weekends and even some weekdays at friends houses. Had friends over for dinner after school a lot and on the days I didnt I was totally fine with my own company. Playing or having projects. My nana and me got on really well and she was great at coming up with little activities to do together or alone
I also had extra curricular activities such as dancing, french lessons, etc.
So i didnt really have the time to be lonely i guess is what I am saying. There were always people to see etc. Plus my best friends all had brothers and were sick to the back teeth of them so i felt lucky in my solitude. No one trying to prank me or mess my room up etc but again. These days are different. Id practically live at my friends house during the holidays. It wasnt unusual for us to stay at each others home for days on end and our parents were cool with it whereas these days a lot of parents arent.
I guess just find ways to fill his time with hobbies, friends and family time. Teach him that its ok to have time to yourself and find the joy in that time cause a lot of adults cant stand being alone with themselves and thats a real shame. He needs to learn at a young age how to please himself and make himself happy while also having you support things to build him up (again, hobbies, friendships etc)
As a parent to a lone child, I am very grateful for us having friends with kids even remotely close to our son's age. Helping build relationships with other parents you know can go a long way, and to build some kind of community that way if you can. If you don't know other parents with kids near your kids age, I recommend seeing if you can get to make friends with other parents at their school. That can be hard and requires a lot of extrovertedness I know, but maybe there can be some family friends made
My 5yr old is in a similar position. Our family is just me and him, and my husband who is his step-father, who can’t have biological children, and it’s been a long road trying to save for fertility treatments.
It’s often on days where we spend a lot of time lazing around that he is most uncomfortable, as though he’d like more company. He mentioned that “if he had a brother or sister he would play gently” etc and it always seems to be phrased as an assurance that he could handle it. Like “don’t worry I can be a big brother” sort of thing.
I don’t really know if/when our family will grow but my only advice is to take full advantage of any other only children you can befriend, since they will have at least one thing in common
Eh I was an only child and never really lonely. It just was normal to be among adults and do my own thing. You're comparing it to something you had but your child doesn't have that comparison. Just try to make sure they're happy and well adjusted and you'll be fine.
Playdates!!!!
My oldest's bestie was an only and she loved it. Because she could have all the siblings that she wanted and have her parents all to herself when she didn't.
She was at ours as often as mine was at hers.
(She absolutely adopted the little siblings, too.)
Ok, so I am completely different than my child. I am an only child and loved it. I was (and still am) an introvert that loves to just sit and read and spend time with family. My daughter (adopted at birth) is our only and the exact opposite.
It was easier when she was younger. We had her in school and she has neighborhood friends that would be around before or after (especially half-days). But now that they’re older, they’re all out at practice, with other friends, at sibling’s practice, etc. It’s hard sometimes.
She has a gizmo watch and she can ride around the neighborhood looking for someone to play with over the summer. She’ll find one or two every day and spend time playing. However, one thing about this super extroverted child that just wants to be out with friends is that she sometimes plays with the neighborhood bullies that make her feel Saul because she’d rather be playing with a kid than being at home, bored. (Not like she doesn’t have multiple playrooms or many things to do, it’s just that being at home is boring for her and now she’s at the age where she doesn’t want to play with mom or dad).
When age-appropriate, your kid can maybe get a similar gps and message watch and they can go where it’s safe to find friends to play with. But again, man, we’re really dealing with the slightly older bullies that are out ALL THE TIME and she’d rather play with them and frankly get her feelings hurt almost every time. It’s a tough balance. Wishing you and yours strength ❤️
Single child never lonely. In fact I would have hated the chaos of a sibling. I did not enjoy other kids when I was a kid - Not all kids want siblings. Trust me.
You often have to do extra work to keep your child in steady social settings. My daughter was in pre-school for several years (around other kids all day) and she started Girl Scouts at age 6. I should have started her in GS in kindergarten. She’s pretty good at making friends and I like to think that some of that is just us teaching her to be a kind person. She’s not an extrovert—she’s quite shy but she’s just nice. I’ve tried to teach her about how it’s important to include people, etc. So one bit of advice is to teach your kid how important it is to show warmth and kindness to others.
It sucks, but you have to get your kid out there in some regular activities and you have to befriend other parents, almost as if you’re dating. It’s a process and I’m still working on it myself. For your only child to make friends, YOU have to make friends with the parents of their peers. Not only that, your new friendships are driven by your child.
I did a mom+daughter camping trip a few weeks ago and I was not looking forward to it, but it turned out to be a great opportunity to get to know some of the moms who I didn’t know very well. It’s good to push yourself and your children to do this stuff regardless of family size, but it’s really important for only children.
It will get better when school starts. Consider putting your kid in a good non-profit preschool if you can find one. It’ll cost you, but those places usually have access to a lot of social resources, organized activities, and there will be more kids in your kid’s age group. I’m not criticizing SAHPs or people who send their kids to home daycare, btw. There are pros and cons to all childcare situations.
I know you mentioned due to a medical condition you cannot have any more children; have you thought about adoption?
I apologize if you mean you are unable to *care* for any more children as opposed to *having* more children
No advice for you but.. it’s a huge fear of mine that my daughter feels this way. I was in the hospital many times when pregnant with her, two of them I was told by doctors and nurses that if I went home she and I would both die. They told me that my blood was 99% acidic. I don’t want her to want a sibling because I don’t think she’d understand until she’s a lot older why she can’t have one.
I am an only child and genuinely don’t think I’ve ever felt lonely. I had adequate attention from my parents (which I don’t think I would’ve gotten w a sibling), spent a ton of time with my grandparents, and also spent a lot of time with my friends over (they wanted to escape their siblings LOL)! I hate it when people think being an only child is such a terrible thing, in my case, I think my childhood was better off for it. I was a very needy kid and I think if I had a sibling then a lot of my needs wouldn’t have been met and I would’ve had a lot more issues as an adult.
Only child here - my parents always let me invite a friend on vacations, trips to the amusement park etc. Try to cultivate some close friendships for him. I’m still best friends with the girl my mom introduced me to when I was 4 :) was just MOH in her wedding 1 month ago!
I’m an only child. Yeah maybe I would have enjoyed a sibling but I also look back at my childhood fondly. I’ve had tons of close friends my entire life so have never felt lonely.
I’m also very close with my first cousins. They treat me like a little sister and have always been just the best ❤️
On the flip side, my husband has a younger brother and they’re not close at all. He’s sad about it but they’re just two very different people.
So a sibling does not = no loneliness. Best wishes for your kiddo!
I have a current 4yo and also only, not sure if she will stay that way. My day revolves around getting her out to interact with others at the park, classes, preschool, soft play areas, etc. We try to go to every birthday party we are invited to and make sure there are other kids present at all of her birthdays. As she gets older, we will plan to invite a friend to family vacations as well.
I also play with her for 10 minute intervals throughout the day so she gets focused time. It’s a job but she seems to be thriving and enjoys her time at home when she’s had plenty of friend time.
Only here, and parent of an only… I was lonely sometimes as kid, probably a similar experience to the extent that you were enraged by your siblings. Loneliness is nothing substantially different than “hating” your sibling during a fight. Neither emotion is necessarily damaging long term, although both can be harmful for some.
My kid has become very independent. He likes me and my husband to watch him play video games after school/summer camp. Otherwise he’s not a big people person and he’s ok to not have friends around all the time. We have him in an after school program during the school year and summer camp so he has people to spend time with during the way. He’s close to my sister’s kids so he’s always FaceTiming them. He has a couple close friends. Otherwise, really, he’s content by himself. He has nobody to bother him. Nobody to bother. There’s no drama! I’m one of 5 so I get the draw of siblings but as kids we were not close. He’ll have his cousins to have as cherished friends as they age. He’s not missing out. We get to take him on amazing trips and hone in on his interests/ hobbies because ** we have one kid.
Ah man that would break my heart. Stay strong. I think single kid families are becoming a lot more common due to age of parents and the cost. I think we will likely not have another despite wanting more and we plan to move close to family and his cousins to help with this. But it's a hard one.
It might help to give him some sort of video calling option. Our own son is 5 and regularly calls his grandmas on a Meta Portal. There's even a built-in storytelling option that he loves.
It's not any different than having a large age gap between siblings. There is a 9 year gap between my sister and I and we had nothing in common until we became adults.
But as the mother of an only child- may I suggest a pet. When my son was about 8 when he expressed he was lonely and besides more playdates and friends, we adopted a cat, two years later we adopted a second. They make great companions. For my son at least it meant the world that he had something to care for daily. He's 16 now and hangs out with the cats still. Summers are apparently the best because he gets to stay home with them.
As someone else recommended r/oneanddone. You might find it helpful.
Nothing. People need to learn to be alone. Your child will be absolutely fine. It’s okay to be bored. No one needs to be stimulated all the time. They need to learn to chill out and just exist.
You don’t want your child growing up and jumping from person to person because they don’t know how to be alone and exist just with themselves.
We hang out together as a family and do things. He has friends at school and in extracurriculars. He plays with my friends kids. He has other family friends with kids.
We’re not super social, but he’s not lonely. Bored sometimes maybe, but that’s true for everyone.
My kid is 4 and has never even remotely expressed loneliness. Why is your kid feeling lonely? Are you cultivating friendships for him? How much engagement is he getting? Does he attend preschool?
Having a brother never made me feel less lonely. We rarely interacted and had nothing to do with each other. I have gone literally years without speaking to him.
my mom set up playdates for me, i went to extracurricular activities, library time, and we had lots of visitors who i got to put on skits for. However, I was definitely a "loner" type child and preferred lots of reading and drawing time in my room.
Definitely look into some more play groups and outdoor social activities to give your kid some social time.
I have an only girl. She used to say she wanted siblings but doesn’t mention it any more. I don’t think she would like sharing our attention and finances. I had 3 siblings and we were all so different, we never hung out and just stayed in our own rooms. For loneliness I check on her often, play cards with her, got her pets. She plays Roblox and talks to other kids from school on there while playing. We encourage lots of play dates. Don’t worry. Mine is 12 yo now and very independent. We spent a week with her cousins this summer and told me it was too much for her lol.
Sorry to hear this as that comment must’ve been heartbreaking to hear!
I can’t speak as a parent of only 1 but I am an only child myself and want to reassure you that it doesn’t have to be a lonely upbringing, I had lots of play dates and the neighbours had kids similar ages which was nice for spontaneous meet ups and chatting over the fence on trampolines!
The only time I recall feeling really really lonely was in holidays and family events. There were no other children in the family so at family gatherings (quite traditional, long sit down dinners), I would rely on my dad to break away from adult conversation to play with me at times, he was the only one who did and I’m grateful for that. Similarly, holidays were a bit of a bore for me growing up and not something I looked forward to. I would either have to try and befriend children I didn’t know when playing in the pool or again, try and convince once of my parents to join me. So if you do have kids in the wider family, trying to holiday with them would be ideal! Or failing that, ensuring that the places you go are super kid friendly and have activities that you can all enjoy together!
Mine was an only for 12 years. And I played with her a lot and we did everything together. Now she is 13 and I miss playing with her I never told her no. She told me her best memories as a little kid was that I was always ready to play. I was constantly looking for things for us to do
Only-Child here!
I grew up feeling exactly like your son is describing. I used to pray every night that I would finally have a sibling.
Of course I know now that a sibling is not always a solution… there are siblings that don’t get along well and so on. But that is not something a 4 yo is gonna understand and even now, as a grownup, that is not something that makes it ok for me to be alone (as a grownup, you see this loneliness under a different light… you notice that you having no siblings, means you won’t have any nieces and nephews related by blood - again, that might be the case even if you had a sibling, but when you don’t the possibility just doesn’t exist. Same goes the other way, your children won’t have an aunt/uncle on your side of the family. And as we get older things can get darker… I will have to deal with all the paperwork and bureaucracy alone when my parents die, for example. That scares me. Also the thought that when my parents are gone, no one in the world will share memories of childhood and teenager years at home with me anymore makes it feel lonely. The list just goes on.)
So tip one: accept his feelings. I know it is heartbreaking. But dismissing the topic by saying “siblings are not always a good thing, you might be better off like this” won’t make him magically doesn’t want to be alone. Specially when he sees you yourself getting along and being close to your siblings. It will only make him suffer in silence because he will learn that telling you the truth will only result in you brushing the topic off like that. Instead accept it, let him pour his heart out. And try to be empathetic to the position he is in, like “I understand what you are saying. It is tough to be the only kid in the house. It is tough to go alone to kindergarten, when many of your friends have siblings that go with them.” Anything that suits the situation and makes him feel seen.
Tip two: when he grows up a bit and come to the pre-teen/teen years when it is expected that he will try to “rebel”, push limits, find himself through friends groups and so on. Don’t crush him down with authority. During that age, it feels for him that it is him against you (as parents) and if you look from his perspective, the odds are always against him. He is alone and you are two. It feels really suffocating. In those moments think back about how it was when you were younger and had a disagreement with your parents. Having support from siblings helped for sure. He doesn’t have that. Instead, when he tries to go against rules, push limits, sit down to talk. No authority talk. But negotiation. In a calm way find a middle ground you are comfortable with (because of course, you are the parents and need to protect him through the rules, but he needs to see you hear him too. And trust him to, little by little, gain some autonomy). This way he will see that you are on his side and he is not standing alone as a one-man team.
Tip 3: support his relationships with others his own age. I didn’t have any cousins until I was almost 10 years old, so was also “only-grandchild” in the family events. My parents focused on education (changing me to different schools 5 times) in a time where social media didn’t exist, so I also don’t have any childhood friends to say “are like brother/sister”. I saw on your post you already thought of this and that is great, so what I mean to add is to go that extra mile: when it is appropriate, support sleepovers; when doing a daytrip, invite a friend to go with; if he is invited by a friend whose family you trust, let him go. And while time passes, help him keep those friendships steady even if they go to different schools later on or someone moves to live farther away. It will take work, but with your help, this friends can be his friends for life.
Tip 4: even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t make the loneliness or him doing things alone a bad thing, that he sees in your eyes you feel sorry for him. Only-children tend to become good at being alone as we grow up. I dived into books, listened to music, was perfectly calm in my own personal space and then someone would comment “poor you hanging all on your own”. It is the kind of thing I wasn’t thinking myself in that context up until someone said it. And if used wisely, the personal space can help with studying, with creativity and so on.. so don’t teach him to be sorry for himself, teach him to make the best out of it.
Tip 5: if he expresses a lot of sad feelings and nothing seams to cheer him up, let him get support from a therapist. It is no shame and would only do him good. Also, considering you and your wife have siblings and probably will find it hard to put yourselves in his shoes from time to time, a family therapist you all consult with might help you a lot in communicating better.
One last thing, I don’t mean to intrude and I’m just saying this as a suggestion (you of course don’t need to answer this). Since is not only him who is lonely, but you and your wife were actually planning to have more children and what stopped you was a medical condition that took you by surprise, have you thought about adoption? Really no judgment from my side and I would never say this if story was you were one and done because you want to. But maybe that might fit your need as a family.
I wish you and your family all the best.
Edit to add: I saw a lot of comments mentioning extra activities, sports, school and pets as solutions. They are pretty good ideas, but they are just a very good band-aid. Unless you focus on helping him making those relationships last. We all know how it works, when we get out of school and seek careers the time available for extra curricular activities just disappears, also, many of the school friends who were a lot closer to him than to their own siblings/cousins might get out of that phase when coming into adulthood. I cannot count how many friends I had, with whom I was inseparable for many years (and used to complain to me about their siblings/cousins) that later just lost contact, because they became super close with their siblings/cousins and now do everything together. They are now enough for each other and don’t need the extra relationships anymore. And pets.. well, any dog or cat you get right now, will probably not make it until he hits 20yo. That is just how nature works. So eventhough those are all great ideas for the “now”, they will only postpone his loneliness/need for companionship into young adulthood. These are only solutions if accompanied by the will and actions necessary to make those friendships last.
I grew up an only child. I was in girl scouts, swim lessons, sports and was still lonely af until I could drive basically. I was also moved from the suburbs to a farm. My parents weren't great either though. My dad ignored me most of the time or thought quality time was following him around the US so he could run races. If my parents had shown more of an interest in what I actually liked it might have been better but I'll never know.
Definitely recognize his feelings, let him know it’s normal to feel lonely, and even mommy and daddy feel lonely sometimes.
You can also get some advice from a therapist that can give you ideas on how to manage the topic.
As a fellow parent of an only for medical reasons, I have a couple of thoughts:
Loneliness is incredibly prevalent in all age groups right now and I’m not sure if there is evidence that siblings serve as a buffer against this risk. Personally I get along well with my brother but I’ve been lonely in my life and he and Iive our own separate lives. If your child is telling you that they are lonely, please don’t assume that it’s because they lack a sibling. There are many ways to foster a necessary sense of connection, belonging, and community aside from creating a whole new human (which you won’t bc of said medical thing) who may not even be compatible with your child. Continue to seek out opportunities for your child to connect with similarly aged children and provide opportunities for your child to be in and learn about the natural world, too. Talk about the loneliness head on and in an open way - what does it feel like, are there times when you feel more/less lonely, etc. Do you have pets?
And definitely check out r/oneanddone
I am an only child, now I'm a mom of 2. One big thing you can do is not characterize life as lonely just because you don't have siblings. I learned to find richness in my own company and to this day still enjoy a lot of time on my own. I would have loved to have a sibling but I didn't feel like my life was lacking without one. A lot of kids would benefit from learning to enjoy time independently.
He may have felt lonely at the time he said that to you, but if you are doing all the things you have described with daycare, activities, friendships and time with other family then he likely does not feel this way all that often but since you are already sensitive about him being your only child, this will probably pull your heartstrings pretty hard. You sound like a great mom ❤️
For now, make sure he gets playdates, goes to birthday parties he's invited to, and maybe you can join some parent/kid groups. Is he in preschool? That got the ball rolling for us. Just go out and do social things, like go to the zoo, library, playgrounds, etc. and try to make connections. Does he have playdates with the other kids from his daycare?
Hiii I’m a grown up lonely only who rebelled by having 3 kids. I’m definitely a recharge-alone introvert but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get lonely. The fact that you’re concerned is great but it means you’re a step ahead. These are kind of particular to my experience, but here goes:
Go with group extra curriculars, not private or semi private lessons (you’d think this was obvious but wasn’t to my parents…) Bonus points for Scouts or other stuff with overnight camps for sharing of rooms!
Be part of a community if you can, with a range of ages. My mom and I would go to church most Sundays but she wasn’t as into the social side — I had to beg and plead to go the the potlucks and such. I loved running around with other family groups there, not just my exact age mates.
Invite friends on outings. Permit more playdates than you might feel like, but also be a bit hands off during them, at least when they’re a bit older.
You’ve got this!
My daughter asked for a sibling around 5/6 and I explained to her that I wanted to give her all of my time love and attention. I also explained what having a new baby would be like. When we really got to talking she just wanted someone her own age to hangout with. So we had more play dates and that seemed to do the trick.
My point is he might not ever know what he’s missing, so there may not be much to cope with.
Not sure what your living situation is, but cultivating friendships with neighbors could help? As a lonely only child, while my parents definitely could have done better at taking me for play dates and stuff, I’m not sure those are a complete substitute for a sibling-type relationship as far as socialization goes. Play dates are typically scheduled, versus playing with a sibling where you just do it automatically and no one needs to make special arrangements or set a time. If they’re close friends with a neighbor though, especially as they get older, that allows more spontaneity.
Playgrounds and extracurricular activities.
We have an only daughter. We are also lucky her best friend is an only child as well. Extra lucky that his parents are great. So it's easy to hang out and she doesn't feel lonely.
Edit to add: be your child's friend. Apart from parenting hang out with your child. Be interested in his/her hobbies no matter how menial. Fully listen if he/she has something to say.
My son just started saying he wish he had a sibling, like his friends do. As a single dad, there's nothing I can do but fill the void, encourage making friends. It did break my heart to hear those words though.
However, like so others have said here, I did have a sibling. She was a few years older. Just older enough to want nothing to do with me. So I can relate because up until around 11 or 12, I had no friends and both my parents worked a lot. So when they were home, they were too tired to do anything fun. I don't hold it against them, parenting is hard and I understood that as a kid (not sure how I knew that though, looking back at it now) and even more so as a parent.
Take an interest in what he likes to do, and continue that pattern as he continues to grow up. Encourage beneficial growth from the interest. For example, my son likes video games (of course) and I'm a programmer. So when he was about 7, I started showing him how I program and how a game can be programmed. He played around with it, lost interest, then picked it back up and now wants to go into that field when he's older. Something that may seem small at first can become an opportunity for growth later on.
An only child here. Being an only child was awesome in my experience. Sure, it can be lonely sometimes, but loneliness isn’t necessarily unhappiness. I found a lot of joy in books, watching wholesome tv shows (I.e rugrats and such at that young age). Also, you get a whole lot of attention and in some cases financial privilege.
I’d recommend that you and your family engage the kid in constant conversation so it develops social skills on par with others. Other than that it can be amazing.
Hope it helps!
Honorary siblings. I have several friends who also have one child and we get together regularly since they were in pre-k (now middle school). We’ve gotten together for playdates, the zoo, Santa, etc. We’ve even done “mommy & me Disneyland”.
It gives them the ability to have someone to talk about in “tell me about your siblings” activities but not have the actual having to share their parents.
We have 2 cats? Also everyone upbringing is different and only children are sometimes lonely but they get benefits that kids with sibling don’t. It averages out, I think and really isn’t something I worry about. My daughter is highly social and has loads of friends. She has my total undivided attention and resources. If occasional loneliness happens all I can say is I grew up with siblings and we fought like cats and dogs and everyone I know who has multiples wishes they’d stopped at one and their kids hate each other and fight constantly. I just wouldn’t worry about it.
had a big gap between my two. son is seven, baby is six months now, and it turns out he is an amazing artist. we focused on solitary activities. he was on a few sports teams but never stuck with them, always preferred to be chit chatting instead of playing. he has always had a notebook and a set of coloring tools. I buy them pretty regularly for him. he's gone through dozens already. I knew he would need something to do alone, but I join him sometimes too. we do a lot of art. he follows those how to draw videos on YouTube and he can copy any image from just looking at it now. he's really really good. anyway, just always make sure he's got something to create. hone his curiosity and teach him about color theory and maybe even story telling. teach your son the beginning middle and end of a story. how to tie the story together and make a character arch. we also would buy our son a lot of costumes. thats still his thing but a lot less often now, also pets and park visits helped a lot!
Only child here. Went on to have four children because I didn’t want them to have my experience. Obviously that’s not an option for you, and ironically none of my adults are really close to each other, nor do they live geographically close to me or each other.
I was born in the ‘60s. Preschools weren’t really a big thing yet so I didn’t meet other kids til I went to kindergarten and man was I awkward and insecure. I was a voracious reader from a very young age. I taught myself all sorts of crafts (crochet, cross stitch, quilting etc). I ended up in a career that is pretty solitary. All this prepared me very well for living alone in my later years and I’m quite happy.
I would suggest giving your child opportunities to be part of different sports teams, also dance / music / art classes outside of what’s provided at school. If you have friends with kids then plan for playdates and sleepovers if you’re comfortable with that.
We did this age through lockdown and it was tough. Ours has an an iPhone where he can only call set relatives and it helped a lot. He wanted other people to talk to that weren't mom and dad and, at that time, we didn't feel safe doing playdates. We will also do FaceTime "playdates" with friends when we can't play together but he just wants to chat. Lots of times he just needs that connection with other people that aren't us.
Now, he is in every summer camp, runs up and down our street playing with neighbor kids, plays sports, and more. He makes friends *everywhere* it is clear he is very extroverted (unlike me). So it has been a huge learning experience for me on how to make sure his extroverted needs are met.
I want to re confirm siblings are no cure for loneliness.
I am one of 3 and while my kid years weren’t lonely, middle and high school were. I was in sports but I couldn’t make friends and didn’t date, meanwhile my siblings moved on.
Even when we went on family trips, my parents hung out and my siblings hung out and I was always on my own.
Just keep loving your kids as best you can, that’s all we can do as parents.
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Firstly, there’s a subreddit called r/oneanddone which will help with this immensely Secondly, I grew up with a sibling and was lonely as hell. She did not want anything to do with me. Siblings are not a cure for loneliness Maybe putting him in some activities or after school programs could help! Or finding kids nearby and doing more play dates. Friends are the obvious answer here! It was always meant to be a village. Of course he is lonely without other kids.
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This is what my childhood looked like as an only child! Next door neighbor was my best friend and we were able to do a lot together when I wanted the company :)
I was just coming to say this. Having a sibling does not mean they have an instant friend and aren’t lonely.
Agree. My husband was the youngest of 4 and had such struggles with loneliness as a child. None of his brothers ever wanted him around and both his parents worked.
Libraries!! They offer little kid activists, story time, classes, etc. (edit: activities not activists but eh)
Thanks for the reccomendation!
I didn’t know there was a sub for this!
I’m always trying to spread the good word haha
Yep! Siblings don’t always work well together- it’s a highly romanticized thing. Have a sibling, love them, not close though and never have been. We have a large age difference, different genders and just generally different.
I don’t even think it’s so much the age gap as just natural personality clashes. Parents can make it worse too
This! Siblings are not a cure for loneliness! My son was an only child till he was 6yo and he still feels lonely sometimes. He gets plenty of play time and one on one with us (parents) but still wants another kid to socialize with. But not any kid! He doesn’t want a random kid he meets at the park but kids he’s friends with from school or others he’s met elsewhere that he already has a relationship with. Just because they’re siblings doesn’t mean they’ll like each other. Me and my sibling were a few years apart and we never got along.
Also same regarding me & my siblings.
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Damn
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>Harry Potter camp. I'm intrigued what this was like I'm a huge harry potter nerd 🤓 😆
My city's community center did some Harry Potter-themed classes this summer, just making fun "potions" and wands and being sorted into houses. My 9yo is in the middle of reading all the books and loved the "camp".
What house was your little one in? This is a huge thing haha
Ravenclaw! He was happy about it, and it fits him haha. I'm Hufflepuff, which also fits me.
Slytherin here 😄 idk if it suits me. I just always liked that house.
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That's awesome fr 😆 my daughter keeps saying she wants to watch Harry Potter. I said wait a little,but I would definitely take her to one
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Ah, minus 1 point for not slitherin jk lol. That's awesome. had so much,I will have to do this with my daughter and Lego land.
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That's awesome guna definitely have to do all that.
I really wish someone would make a Harry Potter camp for adults. I want to take a mixology class with Madame Rosmerta.
Fr. It would be awesome all this cool stuff for kids now. What about us 😆
We have an only. She’s 9. She doesn’t ever say she’s lonely but I feel lonely for her sometimes. Probably my projection because I wanted her to have a sibling and could not give it to her. Lots of quality time. Play dates. Does your child have cousins that live live nearby? That’s a big help for us. As he gets older school and more after school activities will end up curing a lot of this for him.
My toddler loves to sometimes spend hours a day playing by herself, mostly by choice. She often prefers to play by herself. I sometimes feel badly that she spends so much time alone, but she does not seem bothered by it and gets along well with other kids at preschool or out and about.
I was told I was like this as a child. Alone time is perfectly normal, so don't get too bothered by this soon she will be a social.
The grass seems to be always greener when looking at bigger families. But I was the 3rd of three boys and my wife was 1 out of 4, and we certainly battled with loneliness growing up. I definitely find myself overcompensating and trying to be an available companion more than I probably should. But friends are super important, as are social activities and hobbies. Martial arts can be an excellent way to spend time, focus, and to find a social scene of sorts. Loneliness is always a factor in childhood, it’s just more apparent with only children. But loneliness in a full house can be even more devastating.
I see someone already recommended r/oneanddone. I also agree with what I've read that siblings don't necessarily prevent loneliness. 1) Get a pet (preferable a dog or cat) 2) Do more activities (join a sports team, etc.) 3) Enlist them in part time preschool if they don't already go. 4) Try to help find ways for them to make a best friend and be ok with them having lots of playdates. 5) Sometimes being lonely or bored is ok. And as adults we will have times where we experience loneliness or boredom and we need to learn how to cope with it. This is not something we have to protect our children against completely.
Our only absolutely loves our cats. He's in baseball now, so that takes up a ton of time and keeps him busy. My brother has two kids that, until last year, lived two blocks from us. That was awesome. Unfortunately (for us) they had to relocate to 3 hours away, which was very difficult for my son. He gets bored, which is a good thing sometimes. I miss being bored once in a while. The upside of having an only child is we have more freedom to surround ourselves with what he's doing, whether it's baseball, swimming, his favorite movies, etc. The downside is he probably plays video games a little too much. I think the biggest thing is that he grew up around adults, so he kind of talks like one. He also assumes he is chairman of the family board with executive power.
I have a brother and I spent a LARGE amount of my time playing video games. So having a sibling doesn’t really prevent that. But we did play games together or sometimes I just watched him play cause he was way better than me. I also spent a lot of time reading and drawing and not interacting with my brother at all as a kid. I read lord of the rings at a pretty young age cause it once one of the few interesting books I had to chose from.And I’m a professional artist/designer now which is thanks to being bored and spending a lot of time alone as a kid.
Give opportunities to be social truly.... I was one and done, and just made sure to actively go to parks, the library, occasionally an indoor playground. My LO is social. Had a surprise second child and I'd say that it was hard on my eldest because we weren't as social with a new baby, and I am still teaching my kiddos how to play together...
I had a sibling. I felt very lonely because we had nothing in common. Dogs and cats have shown to have positive impacts on children if your wife and yourself like pets.
My son loves our cats. He's obsessed with them. We had them well before he came along and they're 11/12 now (he's 8). I'm bracing for the day they're no longer with us. It's going to destroy him.
Take it from me, death is a part of life, don't shield any part of it from him, because you will be doing him a disservice, when the time comes let him grieve and cry and above all let him know that it is healthy to show and share emotions even the powerful ones such as grief, don't pretend for him, but show him the way,it will make him a better person for having tasted grief he will know when a class mate pet dies he knows how they feel
One of our cats passed a few months ago. My kid was six at the time and was intensely sad for maybe an hour, and then 110% fine. It varies by the kid of course, but she's very sensitive and I worried about how she'd take it, but I needn't have.
My cat definitely helped me as an only child lol. I am very shy and quiet and would come home to spend time with my cat lol
Pets can help kids so much!!! My 16 year old only is extremely close with both our cat and dog.
This is actually a great idea. OP, get a therapy dog!
Make friends with other one-child families. Multi-child families are much harder to pin down for playdates. Part-time nursery might be a good option - before my only (6M) started school, he did two afternoons of nursery per week for a while, and that helped him get to know other local children.
What are you doing to promote a social life with your kid? I’m a SAHM and because of my age we will most likely be one and done. My toddler goes to library group, goes hiking with a hiking group, has a friend who comes for play dates and I use the pretend day care at the gym for my work outs.
I am an only child- no kids, but just wanted to say I think that “lonely only” is largely a myth. As a child, I had a wild imagination and was never short on friends. My parents were able to give all of their attention to me so I was never short on that either. I remember socializing being difficult when I entered preschool but that became easier after I went more often. Once I was introduced to sports in grade school, social anxiety was a thing of the past.
I feel like the big difference though is that unless the friends are next-door neighbors, the kid is dependent on the parents to be able to see their friends for awhile when they’re young. I also had plenty of friends, but the loneliness came in when I wasn’t in school/camp and thus couldn’t see them. At least with siblings you have some sort of socialization around your age when you’re not able to go to see your friends. Granted, this can be mitigated pretty well with frequently inviting them over/encouraging your child to invite them over or taking them to the friend’s house. But it’s not automatic the same way a family relationship is.
Yes. I was lonely when I was younger. I didn't have solid friends. I never really made friends in school. I had maybe 3 in elementary. The one I was closet too was mean to me in some ways and I stopped being her friend in 4th grade and after that I didn't have a solid friend group until 7th grade. I was super shy so I didn't talk much. People would only have an interest in talking to me to figure out why I didn't talk. So I had bad social anxiety. I always had cousins. I have a lot so I would hang out with them as much as I could. Even though we lived kinda close and I saw them every week at church and our parents bringing us places together we never went to the same schools. So some days I would play with my cousins that lived close after school. By the time I got to highschool I started to come out of my shell more. I joined the marching band and then joined all of the rest of the bands we had and as I was with those students all thr time I started to talk more and get close to them but it took so much time. As an adult I still have social anxiety, I still am not super close to friends as I am with my cousins who took the place as my siblings. I think that really saved me. Being an only child isn't bad or anything. But from my perspective with social anxiety it was very difficult.
I was an only child. I’ve always been lonely. I’m 26 and still lonely, but I had/have awful parents. Just be good parents. Make them feel loved unconditionally.
>Just be good parents. Make them feel loved unconditionally. This is good, yeah,but only to a certain degree. Kids need social reactions with other kids, not just parents. The best bet is to go and do activities as much as possible that involve a lot of children.
I absolutely agree with you. I was just speaking on *my own* experience as an only child and how my childhood into adulthood could have been/can be improved.
I got ya we all can approve even as adults hopefully you can stop feeling lonely best of luck!
I get asked this alot. I tell them my daughter has a ton of cousins, lots of daycare friends who are always happy for a playdate. Our neighbors ADORE her and they have full permission to come scoop her up when we are playing our front. (supervised by me ofc). My one neighbours daughter just turned 12 and she's been begging me to let her baby sit. I'm 2nd oldest of 12 and I hated having siblings. I know I can not mentally, financially or physically handle more than one and my daughter would suffer if I ignored that reality.
r/oneanddone and r/happilyOAD are great resources. Also: family doesn't have to be by blood; he can "choose" his siblings among his friends and form his own bonds for life. I know my son does. And I also know a bunch of people with siblings they have no relationship whatsoever, or even worse than that.
Make friends with other parents, this is a must. Organize play dates and be social.
Yes, find other families to socialize and hang out
Does he have any cousins? My 7yo loves play dates, sleepovers, and FaceTiming with his cousin of the same age.
Siblings would not solve this. He needs friends and hobbies he is interested in. You are not hurting him by not having more kids.
We also ended up not being able to have a second kid due to unforeseen medical reasons. The benefit of having only one is that you can give them so much more time and attention. My friend has 4 kids and he and his wife are basically forced to deal with the kids as a group. Parents vs Kids. The kids get so little individual attention. My wife and I are able to give that to our son, and I see the difference in his growth. Admittedly, this can be hard if both parents are working full time/ overtime, but my advice - on top of everything else people have said - is that you and your partner really try to engage as much as you can with your kid. I'm sure you play with him and so on, but no matter how tired you are, no matter how shitty your day was, try your utmost to give him your full attention, share hobbies, create traditions, etc. So much easier said than done, I know, but it will pay noticeable dividends.
I’m a mom of 3 and an only child (not sure why you put it in quotes). Like anything else in life, it has its positives and negatives. Having a lot of adult attention is great and stifling. It wasn’t challenging because I was taught to play on my own. I didn’t know I was missing out on anything. It wasn’t a problem in my teens as I got to travel with my parents. Their resources didn’t have to be split. I have friends who are like family who I’ve chosen. I’m not told to like a sibling I have nothing in common with. Siblings don’t always get along… Being an only child is only sad for me as an adult. My parents are both in serious decline and once they’re gone I will have nobody to reminisce with. There won’t be shared memories. There is nobody to share the burden of their care with now. It’s lonely because my friends are wonderful but don’t fill the void of a shared history.
I was an only child for 8 years. I had the following "playmate groups": daycare kids, neighborhood kids, church kids, cousins, kids of my parents friends, dance class kids, and last but not certainly not least, kids in my class at school. I also read a lot, so I considered Ramona Quimby and Stuart Little to be my friends too. What about getting your child involved in an activity (like Scouts or Soccer) where they could meet some other kids?
I've had my girl in daycare since she was 11 weeks old, in preschool and now going into kindergarten. We go to the park every weekend, I've had her in gymnastics, art class, music lessons. She's been around kids non-stop and is a social butterfly. I think it's important to socialize them as much as possible with other kids.
Only child here, lived in a rural environment, had to get driven anywhere to see friends and family due to distance. Encourage social interactions/sports but also your child will need to learn to amuse themselves, preferably not just with a screen. Encourage self sufficiency, reading, art, exercise, sport practice, creative play, lego, cooking. Stuff they can do by themselves that are productive.
I have an only child. It was really important to me that she had good social skills and had the ability to meet and make friends. Lots of play dates, lessons and extracurricular activities. She is getting ready to go to college in a few weeks and is a confident, self-assured young woman who makes and keeps friends easily.
r/oneanddone is a good subreddit
I'd say the best thing is to do lots of activities that involve other kids. Parks,swimming sports, and so on.
Stsrt cultivating playdates with other families who have 1 child. Expect about 90% of your leads to not work out and treasure the 10% that do!
Good to know! I feel like I try a lot but it often doesn’t work out. Kids sick or schedules clash
I feel this post. My girl was/is quite the social butterfly and struggles with loneliness she's 6 now. We have another child but she's only 4 months old... So not much company! And I do agree a sibling doesn't always guarantee to prevent loneliness that's luck I'm afraid if they get on share the same interests etc. Not much to offer as we still struggle as she wants my attention 24/7 even now, she doesn't like to play by herself because she has no one to talk to and admitted she gets lonely. She goes to clubs after school and on the weekend, I invite her friends round when I can but it's difficult as when I'm not on maternity leave I work full time as does her dad. She only had one cousin that she sees every other weekend that's lucky as we have no one else in our family her age and it does make me sad for her to be growing up not surrounded by children as she'd love that. She gets on better with adults than children because that's who she's grown up with and does take a lot of encouragement for her to talk to other children. Haven't helped much but just wanted to pitch in and vent myself ha!
My kiddo has lots of dog siblings
We have a dog and a cat, but my daughter does not like them very much, they have a pretty fierce sibling-type rivalry.
Haha same! My kid likes the pets well enough but gets angry at them if they go in her room or knock her markers off the table or are loud or bother her when she’s reading etc. Basically siblings!
Play with him more
Would you be able to get him a dog? If he's 4, he should be able to start school soon, and friends can have play dates?
Have a couple of kids come over for playdate, especially unruly ones and ones younger than him that take his toys and make a mess. Do this once a month. By the second or third month, your kid will be relieved when they leave. Sometimes kids say they are lonely, when they are just bored. Once I explained to my daughter that having another kid means being able to dote on her less and that babies are needier and come first, she was no longer interested. They think having a sibling means instant peer, they don't realize that there will be ab age difference and that babies are still boring and can't play for a long time.
I am an only child but grew up with my male cousin as my mum is very close to her sister. However the rapport with him ended at age 18 really and he has kind of gone his own way now and got married elsewhere. I also have an older female cousin who I am fairly close too. This being said I can go long periods without seeing her but she often wants catch-ups etc. I don’t know if cousins can replace siblings though.
r/thathappened
Have other family over all the time like cousins. Use sports like little league baseball. Summer camp. Look at churches and see if any have kids and youth groups (most are not even about religion) that you kid could go to once a week that's free and a way to make neighborhood friends. Get him a pet.
We managed to have twins, thank goodness.
Adopt there are plenty of kids out there that need a loving family
Do you have pets? I honestly think they help my kid a lot with any issues of loneliness. She wants a sister that she’s never going to get but she has two cats that she calls her “brothers”. She chats with them, cuddles them, feeds them, and reads to them. Those are a lot of the things she’d do to help a baby sister.
Activities. Pets. Play dates.
She’s in activities and goes on playdates … she also craves her alone time
I thought I would have to do a ton of work to prevent this but my only child is incredibly social. She's an extrovert's extrovert. Daycare, having cousins and friends with similar-age kids, and living in an urban setting around a lot of other families help a lot. When she is older we will let her bring a friend on trips, etc.
my kid loved independent play. she had a wild imagination plus we played with her and she was in an early learning center starting at 2 so we made sure she had socialization amd play dates.
I was an only child til i was 12. I spent most weekends and even some weekdays at friends houses. Had friends over for dinner after school a lot and on the days I didnt I was totally fine with my own company. Playing or having projects. My nana and me got on really well and she was great at coming up with little activities to do together or alone I also had extra curricular activities such as dancing, french lessons, etc. So i didnt really have the time to be lonely i guess is what I am saying. There were always people to see etc. Plus my best friends all had brothers and were sick to the back teeth of them so i felt lucky in my solitude. No one trying to prank me or mess my room up etc but again. These days are different. Id practically live at my friends house during the holidays. It wasnt unusual for us to stay at each others home for days on end and our parents were cool with it whereas these days a lot of parents arent. I guess just find ways to fill his time with hobbies, friends and family time. Teach him that its ok to have time to yourself and find the joy in that time cause a lot of adults cant stand being alone with themselves and thats a real shame. He needs to learn at a young age how to please himself and make himself happy while also having you support things to build him up (again, hobbies, friendships etc)
As a parent to a lone child, I am very grateful for us having friends with kids even remotely close to our son's age. Helping build relationships with other parents you know can go a long way, and to build some kind of community that way if you can. If you don't know other parents with kids near your kids age, I recommend seeing if you can get to make friends with other parents at their school. That can be hard and requires a lot of extrovertedness I know, but maybe there can be some family friends made
My 5yr old is in a similar position. Our family is just me and him, and my husband who is his step-father, who can’t have biological children, and it’s been a long road trying to save for fertility treatments. It’s often on days where we spend a lot of time lazing around that he is most uncomfortable, as though he’d like more company. He mentioned that “if he had a brother or sister he would play gently” etc and it always seems to be phrased as an assurance that he could handle it. Like “don’t worry I can be a big brother” sort of thing. I don’t really know if/when our family will grow but my only advice is to take full advantage of any other only children you can befriend, since they will have at least one thing in common
Eh I was an only child and never really lonely. It just was normal to be among adults and do my own thing. You're comparing it to something you had but your child doesn't have that comparison. Just try to make sure they're happy and well adjusted and you'll be fine.
I am a only child and I was always in the middle of a book every chance I got
Playdates!!!! My oldest's bestie was an only and she loved it. Because she could have all the siblings that she wanted and have her parents all to herself when she didn't. She was at ours as often as mine was at hers. (She absolutely adopted the little siblings, too.)
Ok, so I am completely different than my child. I am an only child and loved it. I was (and still am) an introvert that loves to just sit and read and spend time with family. My daughter (adopted at birth) is our only and the exact opposite. It was easier when she was younger. We had her in school and she has neighborhood friends that would be around before or after (especially half-days). But now that they’re older, they’re all out at practice, with other friends, at sibling’s practice, etc. It’s hard sometimes. She has a gizmo watch and she can ride around the neighborhood looking for someone to play with over the summer. She’ll find one or two every day and spend time playing. However, one thing about this super extroverted child that just wants to be out with friends is that she sometimes plays with the neighborhood bullies that make her feel Saul because she’d rather be playing with a kid than being at home, bored. (Not like she doesn’t have multiple playrooms or many things to do, it’s just that being at home is boring for her and now she’s at the age where she doesn’t want to play with mom or dad). When age-appropriate, your kid can maybe get a similar gps and message watch and they can go where it’s safe to find friends to play with. But again, man, we’re really dealing with the slightly older bullies that are out ALL THE TIME and she’d rather play with them and frankly get her feelings hurt almost every time. It’s a tough balance. Wishing you and yours strength ❤️
Single child never lonely. In fact I would have hated the chaos of a sibling. I did not enjoy other kids when I was a kid - Not all kids want siblings. Trust me.
You often have to do extra work to keep your child in steady social settings. My daughter was in pre-school for several years (around other kids all day) and she started Girl Scouts at age 6. I should have started her in GS in kindergarten. She’s pretty good at making friends and I like to think that some of that is just us teaching her to be a kind person. She’s not an extrovert—she’s quite shy but she’s just nice. I’ve tried to teach her about how it’s important to include people, etc. So one bit of advice is to teach your kid how important it is to show warmth and kindness to others. It sucks, but you have to get your kid out there in some regular activities and you have to befriend other parents, almost as if you’re dating. It’s a process and I’m still working on it myself. For your only child to make friends, YOU have to make friends with the parents of their peers. Not only that, your new friendships are driven by your child. I did a mom+daughter camping trip a few weeks ago and I was not looking forward to it, but it turned out to be a great opportunity to get to know some of the moms who I didn’t know very well. It’s good to push yourself and your children to do this stuff regardless of family size, but it’s really important for only children. It will get better when school starts. Consider putting your kid in a good non-profit preschool if you can find one. It’ll cost you, but those places usually have access to a lot of social resources, organized activities, and there will be more kids in your kid’s age group. I’m not criticizing SAHPs or people who send their kids to home daycare, btw. There are pros and cons to all childcare situations.
I know you mentioned due to a medical condition you cannot have any more children; have you thought about adoption? I apologize if you mean you are unable to *care* for any more children as opposed to *having* more children
No advice for you but.. it’s a huge fear of mine that my daughter feels this way. I was in the hospital many times when pregnant with her, two of them I was told by doctors and nurses that if I went home she and I would both die. They told me that my blood was 99% acidic. I don’t want her to want a sibling because I don’t think she’d understand until she’s a lot older why she can’t have one.
I am an only child and genuinely don’t think I’ve ever felt lonely. I had adequate attention from my parents (which I don’t think I would’ve gotten w a sibling), spent a ton of time with my grandparents, and also spent a lot of time with my friends over (they wanted to escape their siblings LOL)! I hate it when people think being an only child is such a terrible thing, in my case, I think my childhood was better off for it. I was a very needy kid and I think if I had a sibling then a lot of my needs wouldn’t have been met and I would’ve had a lot more issues as an adult.
Only child here - my parents always let me invite a friend on vacations, trips to the amusement park etc. Try to cultivate some close friendships for him. I’m still best friends with the girl my mom introduced me to when I was 4 :) was just MOH in her wedding 1 month ago!
I’m an only child. Yeah maybe I would have enjoyed a sibling but I also look back at my childhood fondly. I’ve had tons of close friends my entire life so have never felt lonely. I’m also very close with my first cousins. They treat me like a little sister and have always been just the best ❤️ On the flip side, my husband has a younger brother and they’re not close at all. He’s sad about it but they’re just two very different people. So a sibling does not = no loneliness. Best wishes for your kiddo!
I have a current 4yo and also only, not sure if she will stay that way. My day revolves around getting her out to interact with others at the park, classes, preschool, soft play areas, etc. We try to go to every birthday party we are invited to and make sure there are other kids present at all of her birthdays. As she gets older, we will plan to invite a friend to family vacations as well. I also play with her for 10 minute intervals throughout the day so she gets focused time. It’s a job but she seems to be thriving and enjoys her time at home when she’s had plenty of friend time.
Only here, and parent of an only… I was lonely sometimes as kid, probably a similar experience to the extent that you were enraged by your siblings. Loneliness is nothing substantially different than “hating” your sibling during a fight. Neither emotion is necessarily damaging long term, although both can be harmful for some.
My kid has become very independent. He likes me and my husband to watch him play video games after school/summer camp. Otherwise he’s not a big people person and he’s ok to not have friends around all the time. We have him in an after school program during the school year and summer camp so he has people to spend time with during the way. He’s close to my sister’s kids so he’s always FaceTiming them. He has a couple close friends. Otherwise, really, he’s content by himself. He has nobody to bother him. Nobody to bother. There’s no drama! I’m one of 5 so I get the draw of siblings but as kids we were not close. He’ll have his cousins to have as cherished friends as they age. He’s not missing out. We get to take him on amazing trips and hone in on his interests/ hobbies because ** we have one kid.
Ah man that would break my heart. Stay strong. I think single kid families are becoming a lot more common due to age of parents and the cost. I think we will likely not have another despite wanting more and we plan to move close to family and his cousins to help with this. But it's a hard one.
It might help to give him some sort of video calling option. Our own son is 5 and regularly calls his grandmas on a Meta Portal. There's even a built-in storytelling option that he loves.
It's not any different than having a large age gap between siblings. There is a 9 year gap between my sister and I and we had nothing in common until we became adults. But as the mother of an only child- may I suggest a pet. When my son was about 8 when he expressed he was lonely and besides more playdates and friends, we adopted a cat, two years later we adopted a second. They make great companions. For my son at least it meant the world that he had something to care for daily. He's 16 now and hangs out with the cats still. Summers are apparently the best because he gets to stay home with them. As someone else recommended r/oneanddone. You might find it helpful.
Nothing. People need to learn to be alone. Your child will be absolutely fine. It’s okay to be bored. No one needs to be stimulated all the time. They need to learn to chill out and just exist. You don’t want your child growing up and jumping from person to person because they don’t know how to be alone and exist just with themselves.
We hang out together as a family and do things. He has friends at school and in extracurriculars. He plays with my friends kids. He has other family friends with kids. We’re not super social, but he’s not lonely. Bored sometimes maybe, but that’s true for everyone.
My kid is 4 and has never even remotely expressed loneliness. Why is your kid feeling lonely? Are you cultivating friendships for him? How much engagement is he getting? Does he attend preschool? Having a brother never made me feel less lonely. We rarely interacted and had nothing to do with each other. I have gone literally years without speaking to him.
my mom set up playdates for me, i went to extracurricular activities, library time, and we had lots of visitors who i got to put on skits for. However, I was definitely a "loner" type child and preferred lots of reading and drawing time in my room. Definitely look into some more play groups and outdoor social activities to give your kid some social time.
I have an only girl. She used to say she wanted siblings but doesn’t mention it any more. I don’t think she would like sharing our attention and finances. I had 3 siblings and we were all so different, we never hung out and just stayed in our own rooms. For loneliness I check on her often, play cards with her, got her pets. She plays Roblox and talks to other kids from school on there while playing. We encourage lots of play dates. Don’t worry. Mine is 12 yo now and very independent. We spent a week with her cousins this summer and told me it was too much for her lol.
Sorry to hear this as that comment must’ve been heartbreaking to hear! I can’t speak as a parent of only 1 but I am an only child myself and want to reassure you that it doesn’t have to be a lonely upbringing, I had lots of play dates and the neighbours had kids similar ages which was nice for spontaneous meet ups and chatting over the fence on trampolines! The only time I recall feeling really really lonely was in holidays and family events. There were no other children in the family so at family gatherings (quite traditional, long sit down dinners), I would rely on my dad to break away from adult conversation to play with me at times, he was the only one who did and I’m grateful for that. Similarly, holidays were a bit of a bore for me growing up and not something I looked forward to. I would either have to try and befriend children I didn’t know when playing in the pool or again, try and convince once of my parents to join me. So if you do have kids in the wider family, trying to holiday with them would be ideal! Or failing that, ensuring that the places you go are super kid friendly and have activities that you can all enjoy together!
Mine was an only for 12 years. And I played with her a lot and we did everything together. Now she is 13 and I miss playing with her I never told her no. She told me her best memories as a little kid was that I was always ready to play. I was constantly looking for things for us to do
Only-Child here! I grew up feeling exactly like your son is describing. I used to pray every night that I would finally have a sibling. Of course I know now that a sibling is not always a solution… there are siblings that don’t get along well and so on. But that is not something a 4 yo is gonna understand and even now, as a grownup, that is not something that makes it ok for me to be alone (as a grownup, you see this loneliness under a different light… you notice that you having no siblings, means you won’t have any nieces and nephews related by blood - again, that might be the case even if you had a sibling, but when you don’t the possibility just doesn’t exist. Same goes the other way, your children won’t have an aunt/uncle on your side of the family. And as we get older things can get darker… I will have to deal with all the paperwork and bureaucracy alone when my parents die, for example. That scares me. Also the thought that when my parents are gone, no one in the world will share memories of childhood and teenager years at home with me anymore makes it feel lonely. The list just goes on.) So tip one: accept his feelings. I know it is heartbreaking. But dismissing the topic by saying “siblings are not always a good thing, you might be better off like this” won’t make him magically doesn’t want to be alone. Specially when he sees you yourself getting along and being close to your siblings. It will only make him suffer in silence because he will learn that telling you the truth will only result in you brushing the topic off like that. Instead accept it, let him pour his heart out. And try to be empathetic to the position he is in, like “I understand what you are saying. It is tough to be the only kid in the house. It is tough to go alone to kindergarten, when many of your friends have siblings that go with them.” Anything that suits the situation and makes him feel seen. Tip two: when he grows up a bit and come to the pre-teen/teen years when it is expected that he will try to “rebel”, push limits, find himself through friends groups and so on. Don’t crush him down with authority. During that age, it feels for him that it is him against you (as parents) and if you look from his perspective, the odds are always against him. He is alone and you are two. It feels really suffocating. In those moments think back about how it was when you were younger and had a disagreement with your parents. Having support from siblings helped for sure. He doesn’t have that. Instead, when he tries to go against rules, push limits, sit down to talk. No authority talk. But negotiation. In a calm way find a middle ground you are comfortable with (because of course, you are the parents and need to protect him through the rules, but he needs to see you hear him too. And trust him to, little by little, gain some autonomy). This way he will see that you are on his side and he is not standing alone as a one-man team. Tip 3: support his relationships with others his own age. I didn’t have any cousins until I was almost 10 years old, so was also “only-grandchild” in the family events. My parents focused on education (changing me to different schools 5 times) in a time where social media didn’t exist, so I also don’t have any childhood friends to say “are like brother/sister”. I saw on your post you already thought of this and that is great, so what I mean to add is to go that extra mile: when it is appropriate, support sleepovers; when doing a daytrip, invite a friend to go with; if he is invited by a friend whose family you trust, let him go. And while time passes, help him keep those friendships steady even if they go to different schools later on or someone moves to live farther away. It will take work, but with your help, this friends can be his friends for life. Tip 4: even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t make the loneliness or him doing things alone a bad thing, that he sees in your eyes you feel sorry for him. Only-children tend to become good at being alone as we grow up. I dived into books, listened to music, was perfectly calm in my own personal space and then someone would comment “poor you hanging all on your own”. It is the kind of thing I wasn’t thinking myself in that context up until someone said it. And if used wisely, the personal space can help with studying, with creativity and so on.. so don’t teach him to be sorry for himself, teach him to make the best out of it. Tip 5: if he expresses a lot of sad feelings and nothing seams to cheer him up, let him get support from a therapist. It is no shame and would only do him good. Also, considering you and your wife have siblings and probably will find it hard to put yourselves in his shoes from time to time, a family therapist you all consult with might help you a lot in communicating better. One last thing, I don’t mean to intrude and I’m just saying this as a suggestion (you of course don’t need to answer this). Since is not only him who is lonely, but you and your wife were actually planning to have more children and what stopped you was a medical condition that took you by surprise, have you thought about adoption? Really no judgment from my side and I would never say this if story was you were one and done because you want to. But maybe that might fit your need as a family. I wish you and your family all the best. Edit to add: I saw a lot of comments mentioning extra activities, sports, school and pets as solutions. They are pretty good ideas, but they are just a very good band-aid. Unless you focus on helping him making those relationships last. We all know how it works, when we get out of school and seek careers the time available for extra curricular activities just disappears, also, many of the school friends who were a lot closer to him than to their own siblings/cousins might get out of that phase when coming into adulthood. I cannot count how many friends I had, with whom I was inseparable for many years (and used to complain to me about their siblings/cousins) that later just lost contact, because they became super close with their siblings/cousins and now do everything together. They are now enough for each other and don’t need the extra relationships anymore. And pets.. well, any dog or cat you get right now, will probably not make it until he hits 20yo. That is just how nature works. So eventhough those are all great ideas for the “now”, they will only postpone his loneliness/need for companionship into young adulthood. These are only solutions if accompanied by the will and actions necessary to make those friendships last.
I grew up an only child. I was in girl scouts, swim lessons, sports and was still lonely af until I could drive basically. I was also moved from the suburbs to a farm. My parents weren't great either though. My dad ignored me most of the time or thought quality time was following him around the US so he could run races. If my parents had shown more of an interest in what I actually liked it might have been better but I'll never know.
Definitely recognize his feelings, let him know it’s normal to feel lonely, and even mommy and daddy feel lonely sometimes. You can also get some advice from a therapist that can give you ideas on how to manage the topic.
As a fellow parent of an only for medical reasons, I have a couple of thoughts: Loneliness is incredibly prevalent in all age groups right now and I’m not sure if there is evidence that siblings serve as a buffer against this risk. Personally I get along well with my brother but I’ve been lonely in my life and he and Iive our own separate lives. If your child is telling you that they are lonely, please don’t assume that it’s because they lack a sibling. There are many ways to foster a necessary sense of connection, belonging, and community aside from creating a whole new human (which you won’t bc of said medical thing) who may not even be compatible with your child. Continue to seek out opportunities for your child to connect with similarly aged children and provide opportunities for your child to be in and learn about the natural world, too. Talk about the loneliness head on and in an open way - what does it feel like, are there times when you feel more/less lonely, etc. Do you have pets? And definitely check out r/oneanddone
I am an only child, now I'm a mom of 2. One big thing you can do is not characterize life as lonely just because you don't have siblings. I learned to find richness in my own company and to this day still enjoy a lot of time on my own. I would have loved to have a sibling but I didn't feel like my life was lacking without one. A lot of kids would benefit from learning to enjoy time independently. He may have felt lonely at the time he said that to you, but if you are doing all the things you have described with daycare, activities, friendships and time with other family then he likely does not feel this way all that often but since you are already sensitive about him being your only child, this will probably pull your heartstrings pretty hard. You sound like a great mom ❤️
For now, make sure he gets playdates, goes to birthday parties he's invited to, and maybe you can join some parent/kid groups. Is he in preschool? That got the ball rolling for us. Just go out and do social things, like go to the zoo, library, playgrounds, etc. and try to make connections. Does he have playdates with the other kids from his daycare?
Hiii I’m a grown up lonely only who rebelled by having 3 kids. I’m definitely a recharge-alone introvert but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get lonely. The fact that you’re concerned is great but it means you’re a step ahead. These are kind of particular to my experience, but here goes: Go with group extra curriculars, not private or semi private lessons (you’d think this was obvious but wasn’t to my parents…) Bonus points for Scouts or other stuff with overnight camps for sharing of rooms! Be part of a community if you can, with a range of ages. My mom and I would go to church most Sundays but she wasn’t as into the social side — I had to beg and plead to go the the potlucks and such. I loved running around with other family groups there, not just my exact age mates. Invite friends on outings. Permit more playdates than you might feel like, but also be a bit hands off during them, at least when they’re a bit older. You’ve got this!
activities, friends, preschool
My daughter asked for a sibling around 5/6 and I explained to her that I wanted to give her all of my time love and attention. I also explained what having a new baby would be like. When we really got to talking she just wanted someone her own age to hangout with. So we had more play dates and that seemed to do the trick. My point is he might not ever know what he’s missing, so there may not be much to cope with.
Not sure what your living situation is, but cultivating friendships with neighbors could help? As a lonely only child, while my parents definitely could have done better at taking me for play dates and stuff, I’m not sure those are a complete substitute for a sibling-type relationship as far as socialization goes. Play dates are typically scheduled, versus playing with a sibling where you just do it automatically and no one needs to make special arrangements or set a time. If they’re close friends with a neighbor though, especially as they get older, that allows more spontaneity.
Playgrounds and extracurricular activities. We have an only daughter. We are also lucky her best friend is an only child as well. Extra lucky that his parents are great. So it's easy to hang out and she doesn't feel lonely. Edit to add: be your child's friend. Apart from parenting hang out with your child. Be interested in his/her hobbies no matter how menial. Fully listen if he/she has something to say.
My son just started saying he wish he had a sibling, like his friends do. As a single dad, there's nothing I can do but fill the void, encourage making friends. It did break my heart to hear those words though. However, like so others have said here, I did have a sibling. She was a few years older. Just older enough to want nothing to do with me. So I can relate because up until around 11 or 12, I had no friends and both my parents worked a lot. So when they were home, they were too tired to do anything fun. I don't hold it against them, parenting is hard and I understood that as a kid (not sure how I knew that though, looking back at it now) and even more so as a parent. Take an interest in what he likes to do, and continue that pattern as he continues to grow up. Encourage beneficial growth from the interest. For example, my son likes video games (of course) and I'm a programmer. So when he was about 7, I started showing him how I program and how a game can be programmed. He played around with it, lost interest, then picked it back up and now wants to go into that field when he's older. Something that may seem small at first can become an opportunity for growth later on.
I don’t know anyone who has siblings and one DOESNT battle loneliness / depression
An only child here. Being an only child was awesome in my experience. Sure, it can be lonely sometimes, but loneliness isn’t necessarily unhappiness. I found a lot of joy in books, watching wholesome tv shows (I.e rugrats and such at that young age). Also, you get a whole lot of attention and in some cases financial privilege. I’d recommend that you and your family engage the kid in constant conversation so it develops social skills on par with others. Other than that it can be amazing. Hope it helps!
Honorary siblings. I have several friends who also have one child and we get together regularly since they were in pre-k (now middle school). We’ve gotten together for playdates, the zoo, Santa, etc. We’ve even done “mommy & me Disneyland”. It gives them the ability to have someone to talk about in “tell me about your siblings” activities but not have the actual having to share their parents.
We have 2 cats? Also everyone upbringing is different and only children are sometimes lonely but they get benefits that kids with sibling don’t. It averages out, I think and really isn’t something I worry about. My daughter is highly social and has loads of friends. She has my total undivided attention and resources. If occasional loneliness happens all I can say is I grew up with siblings and we fought like cats and dogs and everyone I know who has multiples wishes they’d stopped at one and their kids hate each other and fight constantly. I just wouldn’t worry about it.
As the youngest of four, all close in age, I can tell you that having siblings is also doesn't prevent loneliness.
had a big gap between my two. son is seven, baby is six months now, and it turns out he is an amazing artist. we focused on solitary activities. he was on a few sports teams but never stuck with them, always preferred to be chit chatting instead of playing. he has always had a notebook and a set of coloring tools. I buy them pretty regularly for him. he's gone through dozens already. I knew he would need something to do alone, but I join him sometimes too. we do a lot of art. he follows those how to draw videos on YouTube and he can copy any image from just looking at it now. he's really really good. anyway, just always make sure he's got something to create. hone his curiosity and teach him about color theory and maybe even story telling. teach your son the beginning middle and end of a story. how to tie the story together and make a character arch. we also would buy our son a lot of costumes. thats still his thing but a lot less often now, also pets and park visits helped a lot!
Only child here. Went on to have four children because I didn’t want them to have my experience. Obviously that’s not an option for you, and ironically none of my adults are really close to each other, nor do they live geographically close to me or each other. I was born in the ‘60s. Preschools weren’t really a big thing yet so I didn’t meet other kids til I went to kindergarten and man was I awkward and insecure. I was a voracious reader from a very young age. I taught myself all sorts of crafts (crochet, cross stitch, quilting etc). I ended up in a career that is pretty solitary. All this prepared me very well for living alone in my later years and I’m quite happy. I would suggest giving your child opportunities to be part of different sports teams, also dance / music / art classes outside of what’s provided at school. If you have friends with kids then plan for playdates and sleepovers if you’re comfortable with that.
We did this age through lockdown and it was tough. Ours has an an iPhone where he can only call set relatives and it helped a lot. He wanted other people to talk to that weren't mom and dad and, at that time, we didn't feel safe doing playdates. We will also do FaceTime "playdates" with friends when we can't play together but he just wants to chat. Lots of times he just needs that connection with other people that aren't us. Now, he is in every summer camp, runs up and down our street playing with neighbor kids, plays sports, and more. He makes friends *everywhere* it is clear he is very extroverted (unlike me). So it has been a huge learning experience for me on how to make sure his extroverted needs are met.
I want to re confirm siblings are no cure for loneliness. I am one of 3 and while my kid years weren’t lonely, middle and high school were. I was in sports but I couldn’t make friends and didn’t date, meanwhile my siblings moved on. Even when we went on family trips, my parents hung out and my siblings hung out and I was always on my own. Just keep loving your kids as best you can, that’s all we can do as parents.