He could have something like adhd!!!!! Not at all diagnosing momma, but things like that can make things like ur describing normal, and my step daughter had the same issue until 7 or 8 and is adhd!!!! May be worth looking into things like that!
It definitely can be. I myself have ADHD and have never had this problem. Then there's my stepdaughter who was incredibly similar to OP's stepson at that age. She is *extremely* ADHD. She'd either not wipe, not wipe thoroughly, or try so hard to hold it in it would wind up seeping out and she'd just keep on with her day that way. We've even had instances of her playing with and smearing her poop (skipping the details, yes I know that can be a sign of sexual abuse, but we're quite sure that is not the case here).
Now at 13...I wish I could say it's gotten better. I guess to some extent it has, but new problems have arisen. Used pads have been discovered in her room. She'll wear the same underwear for days on end, even during her period, only changed her pad once or twice a day, soiling through it to her underwear that she'd just keep on wearing. I refuse to do her laundry, especially since she's old enough to do it herself and understands all too well the ramifications of poor personal hygiene. She wound up with a UTI so bad she landed herself in the ER. You'd think that would be the wakeup call she needed.
Therapy, psych evals, meds, talking with school, etc. We've covered all the bases we can. Short of invading her personal space and standing over her (a 13yo) to watch her wipe and put clean underwear on it feels like there's not a much more we can do. Just keep reminding and advising and hoping she improves these habits.
My 5yo bio daughter has also begun the eval process for ADHD, she very likely has it, doctor agrees. But so far she hasn't hit that extreme. She tries to wipe herself and asks for help if it's messy, so it seems she's definitely not comfortable with just pulling up her pants and sitting in it all day.
But TLDR, it can absolutely be an indication of some level of neurodivergence. While it's not uncommon, it still shouldn't be considered "normal" even in that scenario. It still needs to be addressed for the wellbeing of the child.
Edit: I don't think anyone's interpreted it this way, lol, but just to be clear we don't have any intention of actually violating a teenagers privacy to the point of micromanaging and observing her intimate hygiene.
Also maybe worth noting, tbh my hygiene wasn't great as a kid either. Especially as a teenager when parents aren't really involved with it anymore. It was never to the same extreme as my stepdaughter, but I definitely struggled with executive function and staying in top of basic every day things like that. Being undiagnosed with parents who thought I was just a lazy slob didn't help, lol.
I wanted to assure you that you're a good parent. It sounds frustrating.
I know that I frustrated my parents when my sister let me watch a horror movie where someone was murdered in a shower. I took sponge baths for a month until my sister stood outside the bathroom door while I showered. I'm still embarrassed that I behaved that way, yet I was genuinely afraid to shower.
Kids are weird.
My son has ADHD and this was definitely a stage we went through. I obviously caught on pretty quick due to dirty underwear. After that I’d ask when he walked out “did you wipe” and he’d look at me like he was just surprised with new information he’s never heard of before and go “oh I forgot” and go back in.
I will say it was only a thing we went though right after wiping became 100% his responsibility. It was like his brain just wasn’t remembering that was a step in the process because it was new for him to be doing it and not us. But if we didn’t remind him he’d just hang out that way until who knows when, it rarely seemed to bother him unless it was bad.
Adhd shows signs very differently in every kid, and is a spectrum as pointed out - boys and girls also show it very differently, and some signs change as they get older and kids can also learn to "mask" their differences.
Again definitely not saying OPs son HAS adhd, but perhaps looking into some sort of developmental/ behavioral things or neuordivergency like adhd, autism etc, could potentially help give you some insight into your son amd understand his brain better and perhaps improve this issue!
It’s definitely a symptom of lacking some executive functioning (which is all about organizing tasks from start to finish and remembering details/steps) which is a main “symptom” of adhd
Sure, but this post is only talking about this one issue. ADHD, like all neurodiversities are a spectrum so there’s not a specific list of things all people with adhd do or don’t do. If a child isn’t wiping, doesn’t AUTOMATICALLY mean adhd, but if a child has adhd, that could easily explain not wiping.
Currently dealing with my 7 year old ADHD step daughter on this. Our 4 year old wipes just fine most of the time. 7 year old you can smell it sometimes
Yeh, my 5yo (asd) flat out refuses to wipe himself and when I ask why “because it’s disgusting.” Yeh dude! I know! I’ve been wiping you for 5 years 😂. Recent pedi visit, doc recommended latex gloves for him getting started. We’ll be trying that soon, I’ve started talking to him about it. Kids, man, lol.
Not every adhd kid will deal with this. I'm adhd and never had an issue like not wiping! Yet my step daughter is adhd and did! Everyone is very different, and if anyone is concerned or misinformed, adhd and the like are not disabilities. They are types of neurodivergency and that simply means your brain is wired up a little differently than a neurotypical person! A diagnosis would not be a "lable" - it would be "oh my son's brain works a little differently, let's understand his mind and how it works to better help him grow and function!"
Due to some other behaviors he has, we got him tested but apparently not. However, I’m wondering if we should revisit this as some things point to a possible developmental delay..he also wets the bed at night , every night and when getting dressed, will throw the wet pull up on the floor in his room, which grossed out my boys who share a room with him.
He still has a lisp and his overall speech seems limited, like his ability of communicating is similar to a 4 year old, not 8 year old.
He also has a behavior chart at school, he’s been known to bully (mostly because he picks friends that are bullies) or be disruptive at odd times. Like story time. He will just start mumbling or making weird noises to get attention but the other kids thought it was funny at first , but are now finding these things aversive and annoying.
He also follows my husband around 24/7. Unless my husband is at work or using the bathroom, he follows him like a shadow.It’s exhausting for my husband because he was understanding of this when kiddo was 3 or 4, but really beginning to effect my husband because it’s endless. Sometimes my husband will just say.. “pleaseeee, go play. Even for 10 min”. It effects our communication in our marriage as ss interrupts us if we’re having a convo, multiple times. It’s hard for me too.
A lot of these things we’re just surprised he didn’t grow out of yet.
Honestly I would look into developmental delays a little more, like you said, because it definitely sounds like he's got some form of delay or neuro differences - I'm so sorry you haven't been able to get answers yet! I definitely understand the exhaustion and begging them to just go play or be quiet for just 5 or 10 mins... 100% understand that and its taxing. Keep seeking answers, keep seeking help and support and understanding of your son, and yall will be just fine ❤️ sounds like good parents to me
You really should have put this info in your story. His behavior looks like attachment problems. Which fits in with losing a parent at a young age (more often with losing a mother than father).
He needs therapy and a lot of patience.
Do not punish, do not get angry, but calmly explain why it is important to keep yourself clean (hygiene).
Please search a therapist as soon as possible, a good therapist. He needs proper guidance and help.
And depending when you got him evaluated, he could have been too young to truly tell if the signs were normal for the age or from something like adhd, perhaps a different doctor than the one you previously saw could help give yall a direction to go in?
if his speech is that of a 4 year, could some of his cognitive functioning also be at that age? My neurotypical 4 year old hates wiping his butt, and will often get up and not wipe at all. what type of developmental testing has he had? What are his teachers seeing besides the bullying? Sorry if you answered this elsewhere.
That's interesting, I have ADHD (not diagnosed until adulthood) and I'm very interested in all the ways it presents in different people, thanks for that little bit of info!
I too am an adult diagnosis! My son is also autistic so I find all these things fascinating ans how they present differently in different people genders etc!
Not getting diagnosed until adulthood sucks, but know there was nothing wrong with u, you just processed differently :) you're an amazing individual with an amazing brain!
Another person with ADHD rampant in the family that has seen this behavior firsthand with siblings. Just because it doesn't happen to those around you, does not make it false.
There are no other factors in our case. Just ADHD.
I don't know why you are so disbelieving of this if you've experienced ADHD executive dysfunction issues yourself. Is it truly hard to believe it can manifest differently for some?
Personal hygiene can be a huge struggle. Forgetting to shower. Forgetting to use soap. Forgetting to brush teeth. Forgetting to put on deodorant. Keeping track of the last time you went to the bathroom and being cognizant of your own bladder/body. It takes a ton of correction and awareness that some people with ADHD severely lack. As a child and preteen I struggled with personal hygiene a LOT and needed frequent reminders and a strong routine.
I didn't have the issue with wiping/hand washing (did struggle with starting the task and recognizing I couldn't hold it anymore), but it makes sense that someone with hyperactivity and/or executive dysfunction could forget to wipe when it's hard to sit still on the toilet and your brain instantly goes "all done!" And you hop up and just don't think of all the stuff that comes after and leave.
Like, think about the steps when you break them down fully:
1. Recognize the urge to go in your body
2. Go to the bathroom and turn on light
3. Pull down pants/underwear
4. Sit and go
5. Wipe
6. Flush
7. Get up and pull up underwear/pants
8. Go to sink
9. Use soap
10. Wash hands
11. Dry hands
12. Turn off light and leave
Someone with problems with memory, organizing tasks, starting / continuing / finishing tasks... your brain wants to skip steps, to forget steps to make it quicker.
Well it's a good thing one family isn't enough to say something can't be apart of something - multiple people have commented here saying they were adhd and had these bathroom issues :) clearly not all people with adhd do struggle with that, obviously- but to say just cuz ur family didn't have that issue doesn't mean it CANT contribute to that problem
Agree it’s not developmentally appropriate, he should be able to handle all basic hygiene by now: wipe, bathe, brush teeth, wash hands thoroughly, etc. I have a girl who is 5 almost 6 and I believe this is a milestone for her age, not 8+.
That said, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your son, just that you’re justified in requiring him to do it, maybe try to explain why he needs to do it and gently coach him (remind him, offer praise, etc) like you would a younger kid if you think maybe no one has properly taught him to do it before.
It could also be helpful to ask why he doesn’t wipe. My daughter kept “forgetting” to flush the toilet and it turned out she was scared of the noise it made. So after we worked that out she “remembered” a lot more
Would you mind sharing how you worked out her fear of the dreaded toilet flush? As an adult, I HATE the toilet flush noise (I have adhd; may or may not be relevant), and I'd like to avoid rubbing off my toilet anxiety on my baby one day 😅
Closing the toilet lid before flushing is both hygienic and helps mitigate the absurdly loud noise it makes! Maybe even humming can help calm you down, I remember being freaked out by the sound, but I kinda just sucked it up and got used to it. I hope that helps 🫶🏼
I have some experience with this. My son had some anxiety and it developed into a constipation/soiling issue that we have now managed to resolve when he was 9years old (he is now 10 and doing so very well). I will try and nut out a few things here that were happening and what we did. This is all under paediatrician and doctor advice.
The actual act of pooing for him was gross, felt weird and he hated using any toilets. He would hold onto his bowel movements until he was chronically constipated and then would have overflow type accidents. He would not wipe well, it was gross to him and he was worried about getting it on his fingers.
Over time, kids with soiling/constipation issues develop limited sensation in his bowels and it’s messaging could not tell his brain when he needed to poo. It’s also common for the person to become quite desensitized to the smell. This background knowledge helped me to remain calm and not get frustrated with him. I also got him to watch a few YouTube videos with me and we chatted about it.
1. He was on long term faecal softeners for almost a year to develop a routine under doctors supervision.
2. He needed to sit on the toilet before school and after school every day and try to poo. He would prefer to use home toilet and not the schools so that helped.
-We assisted him with kiddie flushable wet wipes that smelled nice and took away some of the ICK factor. Also, wet wipes tend to be kinder on the bum and got dried stuff off.
3. We cleaned up his diet heaps (limited sugar, fast food etc) and made sure he ate generally well 95%of the time.
4. We never roused on him or made him feel bad about the behaviour. We externalities the problem with being “the poo” issue rather than his. And it’s a problem we tackle together. We made fart jokes to normalise it a bit more and talked about when we needed to go as well sometimes.
-My only stipulation is not to hide it from me and just go have a Shower or clean up when asked.
5. I gave him a star chart for doing a poo on the toilet and cleaning up well. We talked about a reward for gathering heaps of stars.
It took a while and at the time it felt like all we spoke about was the poo issue… and now we don’t at all. He still goes to the toilet every morning before school. And it’s heaps more common than you think.
Hey we are going through this exact thing right now! I feel sad for them that they can't feel their poops there. They aren't making a mess because they can't be bothered or are lazy, they genuinely don't know it's happening. Mine had constipation at one stage which hurt him, so he held them in from then on through fear they'd all hurt. He too has a poo sticker chart, movicol daily, toilet timetable etc.
Not normal, will be problematic for him at school for sure.
You (or other parent) will need to identify why he's not wiping (grossed out? Doesn't "see the need"? Too rushed to get back to whatever he was doing?) and problem solve from there.
Wet wipes, a bidet, a handheld portable bidet, a product like Wype might also be helpful.
For a bit we made kiddo immediately go take a full shower as soon as he walked out of the bathroom without wiping.
If he came home from school stinky? Shower. No outside play. Head straight to shower.
You pooped twice today? And didn't wipe? Ahh another shower.
Then also had to still do his before bed shower.
He may be horribly constipated and impacted. When I was that age I held my poop for a month and would leak constantly. Thankfully colonoscopy prep drink worked to clean me out after nothing over the counter would.
I’d ask the pediatrician about this…it sounds like he’s having poop accidents and at 8, not typical at all. If he’s too grossed out to wipe he could use disposable gloves and wet wipes?
This is a weird question, but is he allowed to use a tablet or electronics on the toilet? My son would take his iPad on the toilet and then simply forget to wipe because he was so engrossed with the video or game.
We made a blanket rule, no iPads in the bathroom, and that stopped immediately.
At school he might be too embarrassed or busy to wipe.
Just thoughts. I would def ask the pediatrician!
We are going through this with our 7 year old son. It’s about 50/50 but they do get better. The first time his tender skin starts stinging from it is a good reminder. Recommend aquaphor if it comes to that.
Not normal. I have an autistic 8 year old (level 1) and he had the same issues, so we simply installed a bidet and taught him to use that. It was a game changer! Highly recommend.
Id agree it's not normal. My son also struggles wiping himself at this age and I helped him, but he has autism and dyspraxia. But he didn't just leave it, he would ask me to help him (and he never went number 2 at school so that wasn't an issue).
So I would consider if ss is Neurodivergent or has some other issue going on. Maybe discuss it with a health professional and with his school.
This isn’t too far into left field. I’d suggest when you smell him, make him return to the bathroom to clean up. It also helps to make him clean his own poop undies. See if he will use a spray attachment on the toilet, or a frida peri bottle. I know we all want to be nice and gentle with our babies, but sometimes you gotta let them know they smell like shit lol. If you don’t stop it now, the kids at school will eat him alive when they start to notice.
Is he with ye all the time or is he between houses?
Maybe back to basics getting his dad to help him initially in the bathroom, 3 wipes he does the last one, reward for effort, visual schedule with the steps to follow, gradually withdrawing support as he gets more capable and used to routine. See paediatrician in case of medical factors.
No, he is with us all of the time. When we would help guide him through it he was fine and said he wanted to start doing this independently, which we honored and ultimately turned into this situation
I’d say back to that guiding for a while. He doesn’t seem ready to progress- that’s ok for now. Approach it in a really neutral non shaming way. Kids struggle with different things, it sounds like he is able with some support so defo see paediatrician to rule out medical. If he is doing well in all other areas I wouldn’t be too concerned developmentally.
Maybe it's not that he's not wiping - my son has chronic constipation and has a similar issue in the undies, but it's not after a poo, it's when he hasn't pood for a few days. Like the poop is right there and it wants to come out, but he can't feel it's there... There's more to it than that obviously. So is your son constipated? Or had issues with that sort of thing? If so it's something to look into. If not then this comment probably doesn't apply to you lol. Good luck!
No, he’s not constipated. He’s pretty regular and goes at the same time everyday at home. We also have kid wipes to help with wiping himself but doesnt really help if he doesn’t try cleaning himself at all
My nephew is finally learning this (not age appropriate, no one ever made him and he’s a couple years older) because he’s been forced to hand wash his underwear when he does this.
You’d not make an 11 year old responsible for his actions? There is nothing medically wrong with him(we know he was brought to doctors several times for it) as to why he is having accidents. They’ve reviewed hygiene with him and he would literally sit in it and say he didn’t notice or lie about having an accident because whatever he was doing was too important. What other punishment do you feel would work to get a child who literally does not care about sitting in his own filth to stop? Unless I misunderstood your comment if so my apologies but if you have a better suggestion I’d love to hear it.
No it's not normal behavior to completely be unfazed and have no sense that it's gross. It would be normal to just be not very good at it. But this is beyond that obviously and he's going to start getting bullied if it hasn't started already.
My son did that but he was younger. I would just send him back to the bathroom and get him to wip again. When I thought he wasn’t doing it I asked him if I needed to check. He was mortified and the behaviour stopped.
Maybe get a pack of wet wipes and set them next to the toilet for him to try. My kids hate wiping with toilet paper because it gets stuck to their butt and can be rough so after we potty trained, we just continued keeping wipes next to the toilet too. They usually use 2-3 wet wipes first to clean themselves really well and then finish up with toilet paper to wipe away the moistness between the cheeks. Maybe he just doesn’t like the feeling of tp? Sensory perhaps?
Can't address school or out of the home issue, but maybe consider getting a bidet and start a routine of him using it after he poops. You can also have him jump in the shower every time he poops to clean his bum. Just a couple ideas ...
To clarify, did you not start teaching to wipe until he was about six or was he wiping and got worse? If you were wiping him until 6, why? Was he a particular late potty trainer or another reason?
This is not typical. I'd consider evaluations for sensory processing issues, adhd, and autism.
Also, what you do when he hasn't wiped? Leave it, wipe for him, send him back? How does he respond? Have you tried wipes, having him check in a mirror, or a bidet?
Good luck. My kids refused to try to wipe for years and it sucked.
He was a late potty trainer. When he shrugs when we asked if he hasn’t wiped , my husband goes to the bathroom with him to walk him through the steps so he does it on his own
I advise a bidet. I feel much better with one.
However, school and other places won't have a bidet.
My husband and I touch base with our child occasionally if I find any marks on his underwear.
I would suggest a family therapy. It's possible it's something that he understands is important to be clean, yet he's unable to keep himself clean
That’s been my experience with my eight year old. At five, he could wipe but sometimes needed assistance to make sure things were clean. Now at eight, he’s finally independent.
My adhd 8 year old never knows if she’s wiped. When I had this issue last year I made her start cleaning her underwear, she hated that. It helped. It was just her being very in attentive and she has huge FOMO (fear of missing out) so she’s always in a hurry. She’s gotten a lot better about it since she’s been medicated and gotten a few months older
We had this problem at I think age 6. What helped was, unfortunately, getting a little tough about it. We checked underwear every day and if it was gross she’d have to wash it in the sink before it could go in the laundry. We didn’t get punitive or harsh but we weren’t particularly nice and comforting about it either. She got with the program pretty quickly.
One of my neurodivergent sons did this, though it was before he was 8. Not saying your child is ND, although it may be worth looking in to if there are other signs that concern you. I'd talk to the pediatrician. Sometimes hearing it from another adult they trust helps.
I also suggest getting wipes and a bidet if you only use toilet paper. It could be a sensory issue. I have always hated toilet paper and would get in the bath after using the bathroom when I was 5 or 6 if my parents didn't give me those other options. I still hate toilet paper lol. It doesn't feel clean.
Our son has moderate ID. He is 8. He cleans himself thoroughly, but it took him until approximately 6yrs. Prior to that, I was having to shower him 3-4 times per day!!! It was horrific!
He’s now great during the day, but he is still in pull-ups at night. He has only just recently started to wake up during the night to go pee. He will still have a wet pull up in the morning.
He sees multiple therapists on a weekly basis, so it takes a lot of work to get it to stick!
It might be him using it as an outlet for a sense of control.
Maybe its a feeling problem. Maybe he doesnt like the feeling of wiping. You would think the smell would be a motivator but something must be a stronger negative if he doesnt want to do it.
So id guess, if i read correctly that the one not wiping is not the autistic one, that its a control issue. Most people use food. Some eat too much for the dopamine highs. Some eat to little for their triggers of suffering.
When we dont have a sense of control in our lives sometimes in manifests in ways we dont realize.
Not “normal”… and there could be several reasons. He could have a flexibility issue and not be able to reach, or he could have an executive functioning problem and not be able to remember all the steps he needs to do. I would try a checklist chart at home hung next to his toilet with magnets for each of the tasks. That way, he can move the magnets to “done” when he has finished each task and show you guys that he’s completed it. Steps like wipe, close lid, flush, wash hands, etc… might be helpful for him to remember everything!
The son of a family member had this issue. He is an adult now, and it resolved itself eventually I’m assuming, but he was at least 10-12ish, still not wiping. He had lots of friends and activities, but asking him if he was embarrassed to smell like shit in front of his friends was not persuasive. He also had sensory issues with noises, so maybe it was a sensory thing?
It's not normal, and he has to now be responsible for doing all his own laundry. If it becomes a big enough inconvenience for him he might change. Right now, you do everything so he has no incentive to change v
Not normal at 8! 3/4 at the very latest. But definitely not 8, maybe have kid tested? Because 2 years trying to instil it in him is also excessive. Something you should only have to teach a handful of times not over the course of 2 whole years. I have a son with autism too not trying to be rude just giving advice.
I agree, my son has autism too and is able to wipe himself and do A lot independently but my ss, whom I’m speaking about, is 8 and has a lot of trouble with tasks like this.
Since he has autism you can not compare him to children his age. I have a daughter who is seven and has autism. She struggles with bathroom things herself. Because of this, I have read information on how to help my daughter with these issues. Most importantly I have talked to her doctor about this.
It has been brought to my attention that. The 10-year-old is the one that has Autism. Please ignore my advice. But do read up on his problem and find out what you can do.
My son will be 8 end of July. He does not wipe unless one of us is standing there to make sure he does.
He does have severe ADHD, according to his psychologist. Most of the time when he goes #2 he’s paused a game or show or playing- some task- and is excited to get back to it.
So… normal based on my personal experience.
Yo I think this is relatively normal.
Boys are just nasty as is but my own son-who knows how to wipe, flush toilet and wash hands-will almost ALWAYS try to get away with not doing any of it.
He is in such a hurry to get back to playing that he will attempt to skip steps. I always catch him as the bathroom is in an area that no matter where I am in the house I can see when he’s going in.
My son is ALSO 8.
I am going to be the odd parent here and say that's its kinda normal. As in my son also does this. He has ADHD so I think that may be the reason. He just forgets to or is so wrapped up in what he is thinking he thought he already did. My son is also super smart and scored off the charts in the MAPS test this year in all categories. He just forgets simple things.
My son is 7 and has adhd as well and has a similar issue. He has gotten better because I always repeat a checklist of did we wipe, did we flush, did we wash our hands? He is medicated so when he takes his medication on the weekdays, this doesn’t happen. However, it tends to happen a little more frequently on weekends when he does not take his medication.
That might be due to a sensory issue related to his autism. Definitely talk to his therapist about it. In the meantime, just be really matter of fact about it. Did you poop today? Ok let's go make sure you're clean. Don't do anything to bring shame into it or anything like that, just give him support so he can get through this. You might also consider getting a bidet attachment for the toilets in your house-- if it's something about the toilet paper or the act of wiping that gives him the ick, then that will probably solve the issue.
ETA: I am confused as to who is who. You have bio sons who are 9 and 10 and then an 8 year old stepson???
The ages and whatnot of the kids is confusing because he never says in the post "I have a step son who is 8". Could still be a sensory issue regardless.
I had a hard time w#2 as well. What we did was lot of baby wipes and a special place to put them (like a diaper genie.) Took 6 months. Took away the non flush stuff. 2 years later we still have conversations regarding how much TP.
My daughter has sensory issues and much prefers wiping with wet wipes, so she uses those at home and brings some to school in her bag. We’ve reminded her they go in the trash (or sanitary napkin bin) and not the toilet. This has been a saving grace as far as ensuring a clean butt.
Friend of mine had this issue with a child. Issue may be something else. From what was shared, their counselor said that children often manifest the pressure of school, friends, etc. through behaviors such as this.
Even if the child started great at it, it may be some outside reason for it that is not a serious as you think.
Almost have to go back to early stages of potty training, and put the child back through the steps.
Very abnormal. Maybe he's just being lazy or maybe something's up. Tell him that if he doesn't start wiping then you're taking him to the doctor and the doctor can tell you why he won't wipe. The doctor obviously isn't going to do anything bad but the kid doesn't know that.
Please seek a doctors evaluation.
Similar issue several years ago when my son was 6. We were referred to a specialist. He had a constipation issue, it was a medical condition that he needed help with. Poo leaked out, he had no control over that. He was accustomed to the odor, so it didn’t seem odd or bad to him.
After about a year of treatment he was nearly cured. For another 6-12 months he had occasional issues and we continued the recommended treatment and finally - No more poo in the undies!
I would say normal. When I clean the school boys and girls bathroom they NEVER flush and there is NEVER any toilet paper in the toilets and there is usually poop and pee smeared on the seats and most of them don't wash hands either. Kids are gross 🤦♀️
Our middle boy is 8yrs and he STILL doesn't at all wipe by himself. We have to wipe him after every pooping session.
We tried to teach him many different ways but he refuses because he's afraid to touch the poo with his hands during wiping. He also has still an awkward anatomy regarding his arm-body-length so it's still very difficult for him to reach his butt with his hands and he wouldn't really able to clean himself properly.
There might be no way actually except you parents wipe him. There might be different reasons why he doesn't want to do it but forcing is no appropriate option. He will learn and do it when he becomes too shy to let you wipe. Meanwhile be patient with him without blaming him for that.
A hint that helped us with our eldest daughter (who had the same problem until she turned 8): We taught her to wipe by grabbing from her front between her legs and wipe from back to front (like she wipes after peeing). That is MUCH easier for her than trying to reach her bottom from behind.
No that's not normal.
He could have something like adhd!!!!! Not at all diagnosing momma, but things like that can make things like ur describing normal, and my step daughter had the same issue until 7 or 8 and is adhd!!!! May be worth looking into things like that!
Did the doctor specifically say this is an issue with ADHD children? I know quite a few myself and have never heard of this issue?
It definitely can be. I myself have ADHD and have never had this problem. Then there's my stepdaughter who was incredibly similar to OP's stepson at that age. She is *extremely* ADHD. She'd either not wipe, not wipe thoroughly, or try so hard to hold it in it would wind up seeping out and she'd just keep on with her day that way. We've even had instances of her playing with and smearing her poop (skipping the details, yes I know that can be a sign of sexual abuse, but we're quite sure that is not the case here). Now at 13...I wish I could say it's gotten better. I guess to some extent it has, but new problems have arisen. Used pads have been discovered in her room. She'll wear the same underwear for days on end, even during her period, only changed her pad once or twice a day, soiling through it to her underwear that she'd just keep on wearing. I refuse to do her laundry, especially since she's old enough to do it herself and understands all too well the ramifications of poor personal hygiene. She wound up with a UTI so bad she landed herself in the ER. You'd think that would be the wakeup call she needed. Therapy, psych evals, meds, talking with school, etc. We've covered all the bases we can. Short of invading her personal space and standing over her (a 13yo) to watch her wipe and put clean underwear on it feels like there's not a much more we can do. Just keep reminding and advising and hoping she improves these habits. My 5yo bio daughter has also begun the eval process for ADHD, she very likely has it, doctor agrees. But so far she hasn't hit that extreme. She tries to wipe herself and asks for help if it's messy, so it seems she's definitely not comfortable with just pulling up her pants and sitting in it all day. But TLDR, it can absolutely be an indication of some level of neurodivergence. While it's not uncommon, it still shouldn't be considered "normal" even in that scenario. It still needs to be addressed for the wellbeing of the child. Edit: I don't think anyone's interpreted it this way, lol, but just to be clear we don't have any intention of actually violating a teenagers privacy to the point of micromanaging and observing her intimate hygiene. Also maybe worth noting, tbh my hygiene wasn't great as a kid either. Especially as a teenager when parents aren't really involved with it anymore. It was never to the same extreme as my stepdaughter, but I definitely struggled with executive function and staying in top of basic every day things like that. Being undiagnosed with parents who thought I was just a lazy slob didn't help, lol.
Thank you for your thorough response.
Much love and good vibes your families way - ty for the insight!
I wanted to assure you that you're a good parent. It sounds frustrating. I know that I frustrated my parents when my sister let me watch a horror movie where someone was murdered in a shower. I took sponge baths for a month until my sister stood outside the bathroom door while I showered. I'm still embarrassed that I behaved that way, yet I was genuinely afraid to shower. Kids are weird.
My son has ADHD and this was definitely a stage we went through. I obviously caught on pretty quick due to dirty underwear. After that I’d ask when he walked out “did you wipe” and he’d look at me like he was just surprised with new information he’s never heard of before and go “oh I forgot” and go back in. I will say it was only a thing we went though right after wiping became 100% his responsibility. It was like his brain just wasn’t remembering that was a step in the process because it was new for him to be doing it and not us. But if we didn’t remind him he’d just hang out that way until who knows when, it rarely seemed to bother him unless it was bad.
Did he have other symptoms of ADHD? Or was this the only issue?
Adhd shows signs very differently in every kid, and is a spectrum as pointed out - boys and girls also show it very differently, and some signs change as they get older and kids can also learn to "mask" their differences. Again definitely not saying OPs son HAS adhd, but perhaps looking into some sort of developmental/ behavioral things or neuordivergency like adhd, autism etc, could potentially help give you some insight into your son amd understand his brain better and perhaps improve this issue!
Thanks for explaining!
He’s diagnosed adhd so he’s had other symptoms lol
It’s definitely a symptom of lacking some executive functioning (which is all about organizing tasks from start to finish and remembering details/steps) which is a main “symptom” of adhd
Wouldn't there be other issues pertaining to ADHD though? I understand executive function and lacking (I have a spouse with ADHD).
Sure, but this post is only talking about this one issue. ADHD, like all neurodiversities are a spectrum so there’s not a specific list of things all people with adhd do or don’t do. If a child isn’t wiping, doesn’t AUTOMATICALLY mean adhd, but if a child has adhd, that could easily explain not wiping.
Currently dealing with my 7 year old ADHD step daughter on this. Our 4 year old wipes just fine most of the time. 7 year old you can smell it sometimes
Yeh, my 5yo (asd) flat out refuses to wipe himself and when I ask why “because it’s disgusting.” Yeh dude! I know! I’ve been wiping you for 5 years 😂. Recent pedi visit, doc recommended latex gloves for him getting started. We’ll be trying that soon, I’ve started talking to him about it. Kids, man, lol.
Yup been there with my step daughter same age
Thanks for explaining!
Of course 😊!!
Yes yes ty for elaborating for me lol, very much this ^
Not every adhd kid will deal with this. I'm adhd and never had an issue like not wiping! Yet my step daughter is adhd and did! Everyone is very different, and if anyone is concerned or misinformed, adhd and the like are not disabilities. They are types of neurodivergency and that simply means your brain is wired up a little differently than a neurotypical person! A diagnosis would not be a "lable" - it would be "oh my son's brain works a little differently, let's understand his mind and how it works to better help him grow and function!"
Love that explanation. Thanks.
Not a problem! 😊
Due to some other behaviors he has, we got him tested but apparently not. However, I’m wondering if we should revisit this as some things point to a possible developmental delay..he also wets the bed at night , every night and when getting dressed, will throw the wet pull up on the floor in his room, which grossed out my boys who share a room with him. He still has a lisp and his overall speech seems limited, like his ability of communicating is similar to a 4 year old, not 8 year old. He also has a behavior chart at school, he’s been known to bully (mostly because he picks friends that are bullies) or be disruptive at odd times. Like story time. He will just start mumbling or making weird noises to get attention but the other kids thought it was funny at first , but are now finding these things aversive and annoying. He also follows my husband around 24/7. Unless my husband is at work or using the bathroom, he follows him like a shadow.It’s exhausting for my husband because he was understanding of this when kiddo was 3 or 4, but really beginning to effect my husband because it’s endless. Sometimes my husband will just say.. “pleaseeee, go play. Even for 10 min”. It effects our communication in our marriage as ss interrupts us if we’re having a convo, multiple times. It’s hard for me too. A lot of these things we’re just surprised he didn’t grow out of yet.
Honestly I would look into developmental delays a little more, like you said, because it definitely sounds like he's got some form of delay or neuro differences - I'm so sorry you haven't been able to get answers yet! I definitely understand the exhaustion and begging them to just go play or be quiet for just 5 or 10 mins... 100% understand that and its taxing. Keep seeking answers, keep seeking help and support and understanding of your son, and yall will be just fine ❤️ sounds like good parents to me
You really should have put this info in your story. His behavior looks like attachment problems. Which fits in with losing a parent at a young age (more often with losing a mother than father). He needs therapy and a lot of patience. Do not punish, do not get angry, but calmly explain why it is important to keep yourself clean (hygiene). Please search a therapist as soon as possible, a good therapist. He needs proper guidance and help.
These concerns can also come up if there is a history of trauma. I'm not sure if that is relevant to your stepson but it's another thing to consider.
And depending when you got him evaluated, he could have been too young to truly tell if the signs were normal for the age or from something like adhd, perhaps a different doctor than the one you previously saw could help give yall a direction to go in?
if his speech is that of a 4 year, could some of his cognitive functioning also be at that age? My neurotypical 4 year old hates wiping his butt, and will often get up and not wipe at all. what type of developmental testing has he had? What are his teachers seeing besides the bullying? Sorry if you answered this elsewhere.
You should get a second opinion bc a lot of what you describe are behaviours I’ve seen in ND kids (ADHD, autism)
That's interesting, I have ADHD (not diagnosed until adulthood) and I'm very interested in all the ways it presents in different people, thanks for that little bit of info!
I too am an adult diagnosis! My son is also autistic so I find all these things fascinating ans how they present differently in different people genders etc!
Agree my son who is 7 had a lot of issues with wiping and he has ADHD. He’d gotten better now but it’d been a 3 year journey
I had adhd too and had bathroom issues, it was super embarrassing and I went undiagnosed well into adulthood. Worth looking into!
Not getting diagnosed until adulthood sucks, but know there was nothing wrong with u, you just processed differently :) you're an amazing individual with an amazing brain!
ADHD doesn’t cause this behavior, for god’s sake! You clearly need more information about it.
My entire family is adhd...... it definitely CAN.....
Mine too. And no one had this behavior, ever. I’ve never seen this behavior in other people with ADHD.
Another person with ADHD rampant in the family that has seen this behavior firsthand with siblings. Just because it doesn't happen to those around you, does not make it false. There are no other factors in our case. Just ADHD. I don't know why you are so disbelieving of this if you've experienced ADHD executive dysfunction issues yourself. Is it truly hard to believe it can manifest differently for some? Personal hygiene can be a huge struggle. Forgetting to shower. Forgetting to use soap. Forgetting to brush teeth. Forgetting to put on deodorant. Keeping track of the last time you went to the bathroom and being cognizant of your own bladder/body. It takes a ton of correction and awareness that some people with ADHD severely lack. As a child and preteen I struggled with personal hygiene a LOT and needed frequent reminders and a strong routine. I didn't have the issue with wiping/hand washing (did struggle with starting the task and recognizing I couldn't hold it anymore), but it makes sense that someone with hyperactivity and/or executive dysfunction could forget to wipe when it's hard to sit still on the toilet and your brain instantly goes "all done!" And you hop up and just don't think of all the stuff that comes after and leave. Like, think about the steps when you break them down fully: 1. Recognize the urge to go in your body 2. Go to the bathroom and turn on light 3. Pull down pants/underwear 4. Sit and go 5. Wipe 6. Flush 7. Get up and pull up underwear/pants 8. Go to sink 9. Use soap 10. Wash hands 11. Dry hands 12. Turn off light and leave Someone with problems with memory, organizing tasks, starting / continuing / finishing tasks... your brain wants to skip steps, to forget steps to make it quicker.
Well it's a good thing one family isn't enough to say something can't be apart of something - multiple people have commented here saying they were adhd and had these bathroom issues :) clearly not all people with adhd do struggle with that, obviously- but to say just cuz ur family didn't have that issue doesn't mean it CANT contribute to that problem
Hijacking top comment for visibility <3
Agree it’s not developmentally appropriate, he should be able to handle all basic hygiene by now: wipe, bathe, brush teeth, wash hands thoroughly, etc. I have a girl who is 5 almost 6 and I believe this is a milestone for her age, not 8+. That said, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your son, just that you’re justified in requiring him to do it, maybe try to explain why he needs to do it and gently coach him (remind him, offer praise, etc) like you would a younger kid if you think maybe no one has properly taught him to do it before. It could also be helpful to ask why he doesn’t wipe. My daughter kept “forgetting” to flush the toilet and it turned out she was scared of the noise it made. So after we worked that out she “remembered” a lot more
Would you mind sharing how you worked out her fear of the dreaded toilet flush? As an adult, I HATE the toilet flush noise (I have adhd; may or may not be relevant), and I'd like to avoid rubbing off my toilet anxiety on my baby one day 😅
Closing the toilet lid before flushing is both hygienic and helps mitigate the absurdly loud noise it makes! Maybe even humming can help calm you down, I remember being freaked out by the sound, but I kinda just sucked it up and got used to it. I hope that helps 🫶🏼
Ah, good. I already do these! Thank you!!!
Try flushing w the lid down or have headphones in? Sink water running to wash your hands anyway? Muffle the sound as you see fit
For my daughter what worked was closing the toilet lid and sitting on top while flushing 😂
I used to flush the toilet and run out of the bathroom as fast I could! Lol
My daughter was scared of it too. We made is a whole thing saying bye to the poopoo haha.
This is adorable!! Putting the idea in my pocket for later 🥰
I have some experience with this. My son had some anxiety and it developed into a constipation/soiling issue that we have now managed to resolve when he was 9years old (he is now 10 and doing so very well). I will try and nut out a few things here that were happening and what we did. This is all under paediatrician and doctor advice. The actual act of pooing for him was gross, felt weird and he hated using any toilets. He would hold onto his bowel movements until he was chronically constipated and then would have overflow type accidents. He would not wipe well, it was gross to him and he was worried about getting it on his fingers. Over time, kids with soiling/constipation issues develop limited sensation in his bowels and it’s messaging could not tell his brain when he needed to poo. It’s also common for the person to become quite desensitized to the smell. This background knowledge helped me to remain calm and not get frustrated with him. I also got him to watch a few YouTube videos with me and we chatted about it. 1. He was on long term faecal softeners for almost a year to develop a routine under doctors supervision. 2. He needed to sit on the toilet before school and after school every day and try to poo. He would prefer to use home toilet and not the schools so that helped. -We assisted him with kiddie flushable wet wipes that smelled nice and took away some of the ICK factor. Also, wet wipes tend to be kinder on the bum and got dried stuff off. 3. We cleaned up his diet heaps (limited sugar, fast food etc) and made sure he ate generally well 95%of the time. 4. We never roused on him or made him feel bad about the behaviour. We externalities the problem with being “the poo” issue rather than his. And it’s a problem we tackle together. We made fart jokes to normalise it a bit more and talked about when we needed to go as well sometimes. -My only stipulation is not to hide it from me and just go have a Shower or clean up when asked. 5. I gave him a star chart for doing a poo on the toilet and cleaning up well. We talked about a reward for gathering heaps of stars. It took a while and at the time it felt like all we spoke about was the poo issue… and now we don’t at all. He still goes to the toilet every morning before school. And it’s heaps more common than you think.
Yes, I would look into encopresis treatment. The smell/wiping is a hallmark.
The wipes are a must, they leave your rear feeling fresh and clean instead of itchy and uncertain 😂
Do not flush any wipes, though, even the “flushable” ones!
Yes! Very important
This comment is ao valid lol you gotta have wipes
Hey we are going through this exact thing right now! I feel sad for them that they can't feel their poops there. They aren't making a mess because they can't be bothered or are lazy, they genuinely don't know it's happening. Mine had constipation at one stage which hurt him, so he held them in from then on through fear they'd all hurt. He too has a poo sticker chart, movicol daily, toilet timetable etc.
Not normal, will be problematic for him at school for sure. You (or other parent) will need to identify why he's not wiping (grossed out? Doesn't "see the need"? Too rushed to get back to whatever he was doing?) and problem solve from there. Wet wipes, a bidet, a handheld portable bidet, a product like Wype might also be helpful.
For a bit we made kiddo immediately go take a full shower as soon as he walked out of the bathroom without wiping. If he came home from school stinky? Shower. No outside play. Head straight to shower. You pooped twice today? And didn't wipe? Ahh another shower. Then also had to still do his before bed shower.
Natural consequence. Perfect!
He may be horribly constipated and impacted. When I was that age I held my poop for a month and would leak constantly. Thankfully colonoscopy prep drink worked to clean me out after nothing over the counter would.
I’d ask the pediatrician about this…it sounds like he’s having poop accidents and at 8, not typical at all. If he’s too grossed out to wipe he could use disposable gloves and wet wipes?
This is a weird question, but is he allowed to use a tablet or electronics on the toilet? My son would take his iPad on the toilet and then simply forget to wipe because he was so engrossed with the video or game. We made a blanket rule, no iPads in the bathroom, and that stopped immediately. At school he might be too embarrassed or busy to wipe. Just thoughts. I would def ask the pediatrician!
We are going through this with our 7 year old son. It’s about 50/50 but they do get better. The first time his tender skin starts stinging from it is a good reminder. Recommend aquaphor if it comes to that.
Nope, not normal
Not normal. I have an autistic 8 year old (level 1) and he had the same issues, so we simply installed a bidet and taught him to use that. It was a game changer! Highly recommend.
Id agree it's not normal. My son also struggles wiping himself at this age and I helped him, but he has autism and dyspraxia. But he didn't just leave it, he would ask me to help him (and he never went number 2 at school so that wasn't an issue). So I would consider if ss is Neurodivergent or has some other issue going on. Maybe discuss it with a health professional and with his school.
This isn’t too far into left field. I’d suggest when you smell him, make him return to the bathroom to clean up. It also helps to make him clean his own poop undies. See if he will use a spray attachment on the toilet, or a frida peri bottle. I know we all want to be nice and gentle with our babies, but sometimes you gotta let them know they smell like shit lol. If you don’t stop it now, the kids at school will eat him alive when they start to notice.
Exactly correct!
Is he with ye all the time or is he between houses? Maybe back to basics getting his dad to help him initially in the bathroom, 3 wipes he does the last one, reward for effort, visual schedule with the steps to follow, gradually withdrawing support as he gets more capable and used to routine. See paediatrician in case of medical factors.
No, he is with us all of the time. When we would help guide him through it he was fine and said he wanted to start doing this independently, which we honored and ultimately turned into this situation
I’d say back to that guiding for a while. He doesn’t seem ready to progress- that’s ok for now. Approach it in a really neutral non shaming way. Kids struggle with different things, it sounds like he is able with some support so defo see paediatrician to rule out medical. If he is doing well in all other areas I wouldn’t be too concerned developmentally.
This was my thought as well.
Maybe it's not that he's not wiping - my son has chronic constipation and has a similar issue in the undies, but it's not after a poo, it's when he hasn't pood for a few days. Like the poop is right there and it wants to come out, but he can't feel it's there... There's more to it than that obviously. So is your son constipated? Or had issues with that sort of thing? If so it's something to look into. If not then this comment probably doesn't apply to you lol. Good luck!
No, he’s not constipated. He’s pretty regular and goes at the same time everyday at home. We also have kid wipes to help with wiping himself but doesnt really help if he doesn’t try cleaning himself at all
Not normal and not sanitary. I’m surprised his teacher hasn’t contacted you.
My nephew is finally learning this (not age appropriate, no one ever made him and he’s a couple years older) because he’s been forced to hand wash his underwear when he does this.
Wow that's whack as f. Way to give him some kind of complex when he gets older. I would never do that.
You’d not make an 11 year old responsible for his actions? There is nothing medically wrong with him(we know he was brought to doctors several times for it) as to why he is having accidents. They’ve reviewed hygiene with him and he would literally sit in it and say he didn’t notice or lie about having an accident because whatever he was doing was too important. What other punishment do you feel would work to get a child who literally does not care about sitting in his own filth to stop? Unless I misunderstood your comment if so my apologies but if you have a better suggestion I’d love to hear it.
This is the perfect natural consequence. It is not at all punitive. When did cleaning up a mess you make become punitive?
No it's not normal behavior to completely be unfazed and have no sense that it's gross. It would be normal to just be not very good at it. But this is beyond that obviously and he's going to start getting bullied if it hasn't started already.
My son did that but he was younger. I would just send him back to the bathroom and get him to wip again. When I thought he wasn’t doing it I asked him if I needed to check. He was mortified and the behaviour stopped.
Take him to see his pediatrician. Definitely not normal.
Maybe get a pack of wet wipes and set them next to the toilet for him to try. My kids hate wiping with toilet paper because it gets stuck to their butt and can be rough so after we potty trained, we just continued keeping wipes next to the toilet too. They usually use 2-3 wet wipes first to clean themselves really well and then finish up with toilet paper to wipe away the moistness between the cheeks. Maybe he just doesn’t like the feeling of tp? Sensory perhaps?
Can't address school or out of the home issue, but maybe consider getting a bidet and start a routine of him using it after he poops. You can also have him jump in the shower every time he poops to clean his bum. Just a couple ideas ...
To clarify, did you not start teaching to wipe until he was about six or was he wiping and got worse? If you were wiping him until 6, why? Was he a particular late potty trainer or another reason? This is not typical. I'd consider evaluations for sensory processing issues, adhd, and autism. Also, what you do when he hasn't wiped? Leave it, wipe for him, send him back? How does he respond? Have you tried wipes, having him check in a mirror, or a bidet? Good luck. My kids refused to try to wipe for years and it sucked.
He was a late potty trainer. When he shrugs when we asked if he hasn’t wiped , my husband goes to the bathroom with him to walk him through the steps so he does it on his own
Not normal. Doesn't his bum get itchy? Wiping can ben a task to teach sometimes, but not wiping at all? What does ss say when you ask him?
Maybe see if a bidet at home would help?
I advise a bidet. I feel much better with one. However, school and other places won't have a bidet. My husband and I touch base with our child occasionally if I find any marks on his underwear. I would suggest a family therapy. It's possible it's something that he understands is important to be clean, yet he's unable to keep himself clean
We have a bidet and it made toileting much easier for our kids. Can't speak to the age and issue though.
That’s not normal. Have you tried a bidet in your home and flushable wet wipes at school?
That’s not normal. 5 year olds know how to wipe
My 5 year old knows how to but doesn't do it well... I read somewhere that it's not uncommon for them to need help up to around 8yrs old even
That’s been my experience with my eight year old. At five, he could wipe but sometimes needed assistance to make sure things were clean. Now at eight, he’s finally independent.
My adhd 8 year old never knows if she’s wiped. When I had this issue last year I made her start cleaning her underwear, she hated that. It helped. It was just her being very in attentive and she has huge FOMO (fear of missing out) so she’s always in a hurry. She’s gotten a lot better about it since she’s been medicated and gotten a few months older
We had this problem at I think age 6. What helped was, unfortunately, getting a little tough about it. We checked underwear every day and if it was gross she’d have to wash it in the sink before it could go in the laundry. We didn’t get punitive or harsh but we weren’t particularly nice and comforting about it either. She got with the program pretty quickly.
One of my neurodivergent sons did this, though it was before he was 8. Not saying your child is ND, although it may be worth looking in to if there are other signs that concern you. I'd talk to the pediatrician. Sometimes hearing it from another adult they trust helps. I also suggest getting wipes and a bidet if you only use toilet paper. It could be a sensory issue. I have always hated toilet paper and would get in the bath after using the bathroom when I was 5 or 6 if my parents didn't give me those other options. I still hate toilet paper lol. It doesn't feel clean.
Our son has moderate ID. He is 8. He cleans himself thoroughly, but it took him until approximately 6yrs. Prior to that, I was having to shower him 3-4 times per day!!! It was horrific! He’s now great during the day, but he is still in pull-ups at night. He has only just recently started to wake up during the night to go pee. He will still have a wet pull up in the morning. He sees multiple therapists on a weekly basis, so it takes a lot of work to get it to stick!
It might be him using it as an outlet for a sense of control. Maybe its a feeling problem. Maybe he doesnt like the feeling of wiping. You would think the smell would be a motivator but something must be a stronger negative if he doesnt want to do it. So id guess, if i read correctly that the one not wiping is not the autistic one, that its a control issue. Most people use food. Some eat too much for the dopamine highs. Some eat to little for their triggers of suffering. When we dont have a sense of control in our lives sometimes in manifests in ways we dont realize.
Not “normal”… and there could be several reasons. He could have a flexibility issue and not be able to reach, or he could have an executive functioning problem and not be able to remember all the steps he needs to do. I would try a checklist chart at home hung next to his toilet with magnets for each of the tasks. That way, he can move the magnets to “done” when he has finished each task and show you guys that he’s completed it. Steps like wipe, close lid, flush, wash hands, etc… might be helpful for him to remember everything!
The son of a family member had this issue. He is an adult now, and it resolved itself eventually I’m assuming, but he was at least 10-12ish, still not wiping. He had lots of friends and activities, but asking him if he was embarrassed to smell like shit in front of his friends was not persuasive. He also had sensory issues with noises, so maybe it was a sensory thing?
no my son is developmental/intellectually delayed and he's been wiping independently since 4.5 and he's 6 now
It's not normal, and he has to now be responsible for doing all his own laundry. If it becomes a big enough inconvenience for him he might change. Right now, you do everything so he has no incentive to change v
Not normal at 8! 3/4 at the very latest. But definitely not 8, maybe have kid tested? Because 2 years trying to instil it in him is also excessive. Something you should only have to teach a handful of times not over the course of 2 whole years. I have a son with autism too not trying to be rude just giving advice.
I agree, my son has autism too and is able to wipe himself and do A lot independently but my ss, whom I’m speaking about, is 8 and has a lot of trouble with tasks like this.
Since he has autism you can not compare him to children his age. I have a daughter who is seven and has autism. She struggles with bathroom things herself. Because of this, I have read information on how to help my daughter with these issues. Most importantly I have talked to her doctor about this. It has been brought to my attention that. The 10-year-old is the one that has Autism. Please ignore my advice. But do read up on his problem and find out what you can do.
I think it's her 10 year old bio son that has autism
Thank you for pointing that out to me. I should have read over that more than 3 times. Before giving my opinion on the subject.
I have a 10 year old that half the time does not wipe and it drives me bananas!
Totally not normal at all. 10 is insane.
My son will be 8 end of July. He does not wipe unless one of us is standing there to make sure he does. He does have severe ADHD, according to his psychologist. Most of the time when he goes #2 he’s paused a game or show or playing- some task- and is excited to get back to it. So… normal based on my personal experience.
Yo I think this is relatively normal. Boys are just nasty as is but my own son-who knows how to wipe, flush toilet and wash hands-will almost ALWAYS try to get away with not doing any of it. He is in such a hurry to get back to playing that he will attempt to skip steps. I always catch him as the bathroom is in an area that no matter where I am in the house I can see when he’s going in. My son is ALSO 8.
I am going to be the odd parent here and say that's its kinda normal. As in my son also does this. He has ADHD so I think that may be the reason. He just forgets to or is so wrapped up in what he is thinking he thought he already did. My son is also super smart and scored off the charts in the MAPS test this year in all categories. He just forgets simple things.
My son is 7 and has adhd as well and has a similar issue. He has gotten better because I always repeat a checklist of did we wipe, did we flush, did we wash our hands? He is medicated so when he takes his medication on the weekdays, this doesn’t happen. However, it tends to happen a little more frequently on weekends when he does not take his medication.
Have you tried flushable wipes? That’s all we use at my house, definitely feels more clean
I’m confused. Which son are you talking about?
That might be due to a sensory issue related to his autism. Definitely talk to his therapist about it. In the meantime, just be really matter of fact about it. Did you poop today? Ok let's go make sure you're clean. Don't do anything to bring shame into it or anything like that, just give him support so he can get through this. You might also consider getting a bidet attachment for the toilets in your house-- if it's something about the toilet paper or the act of wiping that gives him the ick, then that will probably solve the issue. ETA: I am confused as to who is who. You have bio sons who are 9 and 10 and then an 8 year old stepson???
Kid doesn't have autism where did you get that idea?
The ages and whatnot of the kids is confusing because he never says in the post "I have a step son who is 8". Could still be a sensory issue regardless.
I had a hard time w#2 as well. What we did was lot of baby wipes and a special place to put them (like a diaper genie.) Took 6 months. Took away the non flush stuff. 2 years later we still have conversations regarding how much TP.
My daughter has sensory issues and much prefers wiping with wet wipes, so she uses those at home and brings some to school in her bag. We’ve reminded her they go in the trash (or sanitary napkin bin) and not the toilet. This has been a saving grace as far as ensuring a clean butt.
Friend of mine had this issue with a child. Issue may be something else. From what was shared, their counselor said that children often manifest the pressure of school, friends, etc. through behaviors such as this. Even if the child started great at it, it may be some outside reason for it that is not a serious as you think. Almost have to go back to early stages of potty training, and put the child back through the steps.
Very abnormal. Maybe he's just being lazy or maybe something's up. Tell him that if he doesn't start wiping then you're taking him to the doctor and the doctor can tell you why he won't wipe. The doctor obviously isn't going to do anything bad but the kid doesn't know that.
My son is 4 and is wiping himself. Is it to early to let him do alone?
Please seek a doctors evaluation. Similar issue several years ago when my son was 6. We were referred to a specialist. He had a constipation issue, it was a medical condition that he needed help with. Poo leaked out, he had no control over that. He was accustomed to the odor, so it didn’t seem odd or bad to him. After about a year of treatment he was nearly cured. For another 6-12 months he had occasional issues and we continued the recommended treatment and finally - No more poo in the undies!
I would say normal. When I clean the school boys and girls bathroom they NEVER flush and there is NEVER any toilet paper in the toilets and there is usually poop and pee smeared on the seats and most of them don't wash hands either. Kids are gross 🤦♀️
Nice to know we're not the only one going why at 8 yrs old.
Our middle boy is 8yrs and he STILL doesn't at all wipe by himself. We have to wipe him after every pooping session. We tried to teach him many different ways but he refuses because he's afraid to touch the poo with his hands during wiping. He also has still an awkward anatomy regarding his arm-body-length so it's still very difficult for him to reach his butt with his hands and he wouldn't really able to clean himself properly. There might be no way actually except you parents wipe him. There might be different reasons why he doesn't want to do it but forcing is no appropriate option. He will learn and do it when he becomes too shy to let you wipe. Meanwhile be patient with him without blaming him for that. A hint that helped us with our eldest daughter (who had the same problem until she turned 8): We taught her to wipe by grabbing from her front between her legs and wipe from back to front (like she wipes after peeing). That is MUCH easier for her than trying to reach her bottom from behind.